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A Voice of Compassion

The purpose of life is to be happy,the Dalai Lama says. The keyto happiness is compassion. “If you wish to be happy,demonstrate compassion. If you wantothers to be happy, demonstratecompassion,” the 78-year-old Tibetanspiritual leader tells a packed audienceat Santa Clara University in the heart of California’s Silicon Valley.On thisday in late February, he recounts a storyfrom his early childhood in Tibet. Helived in a farming community and his mother would carry him on her back asshe went about her work. But he, too,had places he wanted to go and he wouldtry to manipulate her movements by pulling on one of her ears to turn right,the other to turn left. The memoryleaves the recipient of the 1989 NobelPeace Prize laughing out loud. Hismother’s love, he says, was the seedfrom which his own compassion grew.We are all born with that seed ofcompassion, he says, but in a worldwhere too many people are self-centered and materialistic, focusedon their own immediate gratification,true concern for the wellbeing of others often fails to take root.Growing the seedOnly recently, he says, he was in a carpassing through a neighborhood inDelhi, India. People were hurrying from one place to another, and throughthe swarm of moving figures, he caughtsight of a disabled girl trying to walk, notwith crutches, but with two large sticksshe had found. He noticed her sunkeneyes, two orbs full of hopelessness. Noone was paying any attention to her,just sidestepping her briskly. It madehim sad, he says, and it supportedhis sincere belief that compassionmust be taught in society, must bepart of the educational curriculum.“Education, from kindergarten upto the university level, must include theteaching of compassion, the teachingof warmheartedness,” he says.And how do you teach someoneto have more regard for others?Exercising the compassion muscleJust as one can develop a strongphysical constitution, he says, onecan also train one’s mind and heartto be more aware of others.It’s a topic he addresses in An Open Heart: Practicing Compassion in Everyday Life.He writes, “Initially, the positiveemotions derived from cultivating ourhigher natures may be weak, but wecan enhance them through constantfamiliarity, making our experiences ofhappiness and inner contentment farmore powerful than a life abandonedto purely impulsive emotions.”People typically think of thecompassion they feel or act on assomething that is good for the recipient,not necessarily something that benefits them. But being compassionate isactually good for the giver, bothphysically and mentally. “Compassionbrings mental peace, mental comfort,”the Dalai Lama says. “If you justtend to oneself, you suffer more.”A more self-centered attitude leads tomore anxiety, more stress, he adds.In his 2007 book, How to See Yourself As You Really Arethe Dalai Lama writesthat the compassionate person is the “one who benefits most directly sincecompassion immediately instills in you asense of calm inner strength, and a deepconfidence and satisfaction ... Love andcompassion open our own inner life,reducing stress, distrust and loneliness.”Positive attractionAs long as we live in this world, he says, we are bound to encounter difficulties, but we can use these as opportunitiesto grow and improve our minds. How?By realizing our own suffering and paindon’t make us different or set us apartfrom others. Everyone suffers and facesproblems; everyone wants happinessand contentment.The understandingthat we are all in this together canhelp us develop empathy for others and a desire to remove their pain. Theresult, he says, is an increase in ourown serenity and inner strength.That sort of compassion takes a firm commitment, he says. It meansbeing compassionate toward people,even if they behave in ways that arenegative or disruptive. Whetherpeople are rich or poor, mean ornice, ultimately, they are all humanbeings who have a right to overcomesuffering and be happy. Having thisuniversal sense of altruism is noteasy, but by recognizing we are allequal in our desires, we can beginto feel responsibility for othersand help them actively overcometheir problems, he says.A garden of thought and actionWhen we engage in ordinaryconversations in our daily lives, wehave a tendency to steer away fromthose who speak harshly or withoutempathy, he says. But if a personspeaks with affection and respect,we are drawn to him or her,evenif the topic is unimportant.“We are living beings. Somepeople say even flowers grow betterunder positive words,” he says witha smile. “That I don’t know!”In The Art of Happiness,the DalaiLama writes that the best use of ourlimited time here on this planet is toserve other people and if not, to atleast refrain from harming them. “The purpose of our life needs tobe positive,” he writes. “We weren’tborn with the purpose of causingtrouble, harming others. For ourlife to be of value, I think we mustdevelop basic good human qualities warmth, kindness, compassion.Then our life becomes meaningfuland more peaceful—happier.”

Well-Being

QUIZ: Do You Love Your Body?

Body image is such a loaded, complicated subject—especially for women. How we view our bodies is tied up inextricably with how we were raised, how our culture and community view women’s bodies, control issues and of course, self-esteem. Research shows that between 70 and 90 percent of women dislike their bodies. (In my own experience talking to women over the last 20 years, I am inclined to believe that it is closer to 90 percent.)On top of that, few of us realize how damaging a critical body image can be. If you are unhappy with your body or appearance, it can lead to eating disorders, excessive weight loss or gain, and it can impact how you feel emotionally, psychologically and even spiritually, leading to feelings of depression, hopelessness and anxiety.Spurred by cultural pressure and unattainable images of perfection in the media, most of us are either unappreciative, critical or downright unrealistic about our bodies. This quiz has been designed to help you assess whether you have a harshly critical view of your body; a loving, accepting image; or if you walk the line in between.1. You’ve walked out of the shower and realize that you didn’t grab a towel in advance. Your partner is in the next room. Do you…A. Quickly figure out a way to dry yourself without asking him for a towel, because you don’t want him to see you fully naked.B. Hide behind the shower curtain or do your best to cover up your “less attractive areas,” and ask him to please bring a towel to you.C. Call out to him to please bring you a towel and wait patiently in all of your naked glory for him to come into the room.2. You run into a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and she says, “You look great!”Do you…A. Feel uncomfortable and say something like, “Oh no, I look terrible,” or “You need new glasses!”B. Thank her for the compliment, but then say you think you look tired, your outfit is old, or that it’s only because you’re wearingSpanx.C. Appreciate her for being so complimentary, take it in as positive feedback and move forward with your day knowing you’re looking good.3. When you walk up to a full length mirror, do you…A. Immediately notice all of your faults and begin to pick yourself apart.B. Acknowledge both the good and the bad that you see in front of you.C. Immediately notice something positive or good about yourself.4. You’ve been invited to a dressy event such as a wedding or banquet, and you need to buy a new dress. Do you…A. Think you are fat and dread going shopping because everything will look awful.B. Have some concerns that, due to your imperfections, shopping will be challenging, but expect you will find something.C. Know that you will find something flattering that will make you happy.5. It’s time for your annual doctor’s visit and the nurse has asked you to get on the scale. Do you…A. Panic, look away and tell her not to tell you what your weight is.B. Get on reluctantly, and hope for the best.C. Get on the scale knowing that whatever the number on the scale is what it is, and it doesn’t change how you feel about yourself.6. Someone you were dating casually has stopped calling. Do you…A. Immediately think it’s because something is wrong with the way you look.B. Wonder if it is because of your appearance and also think of the other reasons it could be.C. Assume that it has nothing to do with how you look.7. How often are you in a bad mood or depressed about your appearance?A. Daily or most of the week.B. Whenever appearance-related things are brought to your attention.C. Rarely. You feel pretty good about your appearance overall.8. A friend has joined a gym and asks you if you want to join with her and go together. Do you…A. Think: “Wow, she must think I am out of shape.”B. Wonder if she has been judging your body, but appreciate the concern.C.Be glad she is trying to be healthier and exercise, and appreciate that she is interested in spending time with you.9. When you are thinking about your body and your appearance, do you…A .Find yourself being critical, judgmental and downright mean.B. Spend some time picking yourself apart while trying to find the positives as well.C. Know that you aren’t perfect, but try to think of the things you actually do like and appreciate about yourself.Results:If most of your answers are “A”:You are way too hard on yourself when it comes to your weight and overall appearance. Being this critical can lead to depression, anxiety and even an eating disorder. It is important that you work on how you see yourself so you can find the positive in who you are and how you look. If you feel truly stuck in this negative cycle, seek counseling or other professional guidance.If most of your answers are “B”:You walk the line between being hard on yourself and emotionally well-adjusted when it comes to your body image. If you have more A’s and B’s and not enough C’s, you are in danger of becoming too self-critical and hurting your self-esteem. Pat yourself on the back for the areas where you are accepting of yourself, and note that you need to focus a bit more on the positive so that you can have a more kind and loving view of your physical self.If most of your answers are “C”:Congratulations! You are comfortable and accepting of your physical self. This will benefit your confidence and wellbeing on a larger scale. Take a moment to read through the answers where you may have chosen “B” or “A” so that you can work on being more positive in those specific areas.The goal of this quiz is to cause you to think about how you might be sabotaging your self-esteem by being overly critical of your body and appearance. If you came up with a lot of A’s, I encourage you to work on your self-image and retake this test again in a week and then again in a month to see if the view of yourself has improved. No one is perfect and few people likeallparts of their physical selves.When working toward being emotionally healthy and having a positive sense of self, it is imperative that we be as kind and accepting as possible. After all, you are with yourself 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. If you are constantly criticizing yourself and obsessing over flaws, it’s almost a form of self-abuse. Be as kind and loving to your body as possible. Try to be grateful and appreciative of all the things your body does for you!

Self-Care

Clap Along

For proof of how contagious music can be, we need look no further than Pharrell Williams’ current hit song, “Happy." The upbeat, infectious track from the 2013 movie Despicable Me 2 (and the lead single from Pharrell’s 2014 album G I R L) has not only topped the charts and prompted millions of downloads in multiple countries, but also has spawned hundreds of tribute videos on YouTube. Everyone seems to be singing (and dancing) along; the “Happy” music is as contagious as its message. The song’s effect is no fluke; studies show that our brains are hardwired to react to music. Brigham Young University psychology professor Ross Flom, Ph.D., found that babies as young as five months old reacted positively to happy, upbeat tunes; by nine months, they also responded to sad songs. And as our brains develop, the psychological effect of music only intensifies. Music as therapy Today, doctors know that music provides much more than ear candy; it’s been used to boost patients’ immune systems following surgery, to lower blood pressure and heart rates in cardiac patients and to reduce stress in pregnant women. Cal State Sacramento researchers discovered that children are happier during music therapy than during play therapy, and music therapy also is a proven treatment for anxiety, depression and loneliness in the elderly. So what is it about music that makes us so happy? For one, it’s the rhythm and tempo itself. Songs with a fast tempo written in a major key bring about physical changes that are associated with happiness, such as breathing faster. Neuroimaging studies show that, like language, music stimulates many areas of the brain and helps spark imagination. Songs with lyrics fire up the part of the brain that processes language, while the visual cortex works on creating a visual image. Meanwhile, the motor cortex wants to get in on the act, too, and makes us start tapping our feet. The cerebellum ends up playing traffic cop, using previously heard songs as a way of trying to figure out where the music is going next; and the medial prefrontal cortex—our memory bank —is lighting up with nostalgia. In short, the pieces of our brain work together like a scientific symphony to decipher this music. And the result? Imaging studies show that it releases dopamine and gives us the same kind of pleasurable feeling we get from chocolate or sex. Radio on That’s good news for people who need a quick boost of happiness. While more conventional methods of developing happiness – like practicing gratitude or exercising a signature character strength – are touted as ways to build long-term wellbeing, results from a pair of studies published last year in The Journal of Positive Psychology showed that listening to music could elevate happiness levels almost immediately. Both studies found that people who consciously tried to feel happier while listening to music reported a more positive feeling afterwards than those who simply focused on listening to the music. In other words, intentions matter. While merely listening to upbeat music will help put us in a good mood, researchers found that listening to upbeat music with the specific goal of boosting our mood can turbo-charge the effect. Sad songs, too Surprisingly, it’s not just those feel-good ditties that can boost your mood—Elton John had it right when he sang, “Sad Songs Say So Much.” A Japanese study published last year in Frontiers in Emotion Science found that people who listened to sad songs felt happier than expected when they listened to sad songs. One explanation? If we expect a song to make us feel sad, we actually feel happy when that expectation is met. So, in essence, it’s feeling sad that makes us happy – a complex emotional response that Ohio State University researcher and author David Huron calls “sweet anticipation.” What’s more, researchers from the UK found that listeners who focus on the beauty of sad songs found it to be an effective way to alleviate sadness. Their study, which was published in the journal Psychology of Music, also found that people who listened to sad songs that they felt related to their own personal experiences actually felt happier afterwards. Tunes from the past, meanwhile, can create feelings of connectedness, which boosts self-esteem and leads to a happier more optimistic outlook, according to a recent study from the University of Southampton. Studies show that, happy or sad, music can alter our mood and lift our sense of wellbeing. So go ahead: clap your hands, and check out our own Live Happy Playlist on Grooveshark.

People

Happy Exception

Williams was just 15 whenshe and three friends formed theband Paramore in Franklin, Tennessee.Although she had signed a production deal at 14 and was writing pop tunes withsongwriters in Nashville, she still had no way of predicting the whirlwind ride thatshe was about to embark on.The release of Paramore’s debutalbum in 2005 not only launched a musiccareer but also turned a tremendous amount of attention on Hayley, theband’s vivacious lead singer andsongwriter. Today, Paramore hasreleased four studio and two live albums, as well as live EPs, and the three-timeGrammy-nominated Hayley is living herdream—but also managing to keep herfeet firmly planted on the ground.Keeping the hope alive“At the end of the day, no matter howhard it is to do, everyone wants to beable to hope,” she explains. “That truthis the heartbeat of who we are as a band.We inject that [hope] into every song,and if people sense it and connect to it,then it’s a bonus.”Her songs are an anomaly in today’smusical environment. Absent ofquestionable language or references to sex and drugs, her songs dwell on moreuplifting themes. Songs like “The OnlyException” and “Still Into You” showher optimism toward love without feeling gooey, and even when she’swriting about human hurts andshortcomings, she always seems to find a thread of hope. In “Now,” the first single from the band’s latest album, sheadmits that life isn’t always perfect, butit’s always worthwhile:Wish I could find a crystal ballFor the days I feel completely worthlessYou know I’d use it all for goodI would not take it for grantedInstead I have some memories for thedays I don’t feel anythingAt the least they will remind me not tomake the same mistakes again"That kind of heartfelt honesty is adirect reflection of how Hayley lives herlife. In an era where pop stars are morelikely to get press for their misdeeds thantheir good deeds, Hayley goes against the grain. While many of her peers arerecognized for being sarcastic or cooland unreachable, Hayley is oftensingled out for being what she refers toas “the dorky, happy girl at the party.”“I think it’s kind of cool to be knownfor that,” she says. “But I’m not alwayshappy. There’s no secret to living yourlife and never feeling sad or anxious or worrying.”Attitude of GratitudeFor Hayley, happiness is not about theabsence of stress or pressure, but ratherabout focusing on the presence oflife’s gifts.“When I leave the house today andrun my errands and eat lunch with myfriends, I am going to be thankful thatI was given another day to live,” she says.“Society tries telling us that the more weget or gain, the happier we will be. Butwhat I’ve learned is that sometimeshappiness comes from letting go ofthings, of some people, of some habits—and just being humble about it.”While some may say it’s easier to behappy when you’ve found suchwidespread success and have become anadored pop star, Hayley says she believessuccess actually came as a result of herown personal happiness—not as aprecursor to it.“Success, to me, has nothing to dowith my career anymore,” she says.“It has to do with balance....I think[happiness] is about the balance betweentrying to do things you can be proud ofin your life and then knowing that you’renot always going to be perfect.”Each day, she makes a conscious choice to make good decisions, which,she says, ultimately determines ourhappiness. “I’ve made a lot of baddecisions in my life, and I’ve learned mylessons well,” she says. “It’s moreimportant to me as I get older that I tryhard and do something daily that I canbe proud of.”

Woman holding up a painting of the Eiffel Tower

Self-Care

Create Outside the Lines

Katrina Lewis makes a living painting images with words.But when the marketing writerwalked into a local art studio to celebrate a family member’s birthday, she foundherself trading in her adjectives for anapron, a canvas and a palette of paint.“Once I got over the initial, ‘I’mnot an artist,’ I realized that none ofus were; we were all starting with ablank canvas—literally,” Katrina says. “We began painting, joking aroundand mixing colors, and I began to seemy own individualityreflectedin mymasterpiece. It was funny how we wereall essentially painting the same thing,but everyone’s looked so different.That’s when I realized this wasn’tabout painting at all; it was about beingcreative and expressing ourselves.”Katrina’s experience echoes what manypeople are finding. Instead of hitting thenightlife scene, friends, family and evenco-workers are gathering at local “art asentertainment” studios and rediscoveringcreativity they’d thought was lost. Allthat’s needed is a small fee for supplies,an open mind and a couple of hours,and the studio’s staff will supply the rest,including step-by-step instructions.Find a non-judgmental environmentIt’s a comfortable,there-are-nomistakesenvironment, says ChristyStindham, who owns a Dallas-areafranchise of paint-your-own-potterystudio Color Me Mine. “You’re safe—nobody’s going to laugh at you...You don’t have to know how to painta straight line or a brushstroke, andif you make a mistake, we can showyou how to turn it into somethingthat looks intentional, or you can justwipe off the paint and start again.”It’s that sense of safety andencouragement that allows weeknightartists like Katrina to relax and be inthe moment. Psychologists have drawnconnections between creativity andhappiness for years, but the relationshipbetween the two is on full display whenyou visit a studio on a busy Fridaynight. Whether it’s painting a pictureof the Eiffel Tower or a colorful bowl,the laughs come easy, the mood islight—it’s hard not to be happy.Let yourself go“People lose track of time,” Christysays. “They become so involved inwhat they’re doing that they look upand it’s been three hours, and theydidn’t even realize it because theywere having such a great time.”As Katrina and other modern-dayartists are realizing, what they gainfrom their night in the studio lastslong after the paint dries, they take offtheir paint-spattered aprons and returnto work.“Every time I look at thatpainting hanging in my home’s livingarea, I think of that night, of the fun Ihad,” Katrina says. “It’s my personalreminder that sometimes I have to taketime out of my schedule to be creativein a very real, very tangible way.”Find your own way to express your creativityDo as the ancients did, andtransform molten glass into art.Enjoy a fun evening out with friends atColorMe Mineor a mom-and-pop“art as entertainment” studioin your area.Gather the family, get a set ofwatercolors and some whitepaper and paint portraits of each other.Get your hands dirty—reallydirty—andtake a spin on the pottery wheel.Put creativity on your schedule and take an art class at alocal community college.

Giving

9 Gifts for Mom on May 11

With so many holidays to remember each year, it’s no wonder that the occasional celebration escapes our notice. But of all holidays—religious, secular or totallymade-up—theone you least want to forget is Mother’s Day. So before May 11 arrives, we are giving you a subtle heads-up that you might want to start thinking about a gift. Here are some ideas that are sure to make her happy.Make a giftFirst and foremost, if you have a talent for crafting, knitting or creating bits and baubles, this is a great time to put it to use. Moms don’t stop loving our creations because we got older. The fact that you went to the trouble to make something yourself still counts for a lot.Have someone else make a giftIf crafting isn’t your thing, you can still get your mothersomething with artisanal charm fromEtsy.They carry pretty much everything, from jewelry to artwork to clothing, all made by hand.Feed your momIt’s hard to imagine a mom that would not appreciate a nice home-cooked meal. If you aren't the master chef type, taking her out to dinner is always a safe option.Give her a breakMany moms would appreciate the opportunity to enjoy a relaxing day either alone or with someone she loves and cares about. It could be a spa visit, a trip to a museum or just someplace you know she really loves.Give to a good causeWhat do you get for the mom who has everything? If your mother already has all thechotchkesshe can handle, consider donating a small sum to one of her favorite organizations.Keeping it simpleMother’s Day CardIf you are going for just a card only this year, make sure if it personal and beautiful (of funny and silly, depending on your mother’s personality). Write something that conveys your appreciation for all she does.Gift CardHere's a safe bet. If you aren’t sure what to get, but know where she likes to shop, give mom the opportunity to pick out her own gift and get exactly what she wants.A mug for momYou get the idea.If all else failsFlowers.

Giving

New Issue of Live Hapy Magazine Reveals How Compassion Can Improve Wellbeing

Dallas, TX – May 6, 2014 – Considered one of the greatest virtues, compassion – the feeling of empathy for others – is the theme of Live Happy magazine’s May/June 2014 issue that hits stands today. Live Happy is the first ever lifestyle magazine to balance the science of positive psychology with the art of application, and as the new issue reveals, recent studies and scientific research confirm that people who practice compassion receive an array of benefits that go beyond simply feeling good.While Live Happy has offered in-depth celebrity interviews in its previous issues, this month marks its first celebrity feature cover with actor Chris O’Donnell. In “I am Happy,” O’Donnell, considered one of the nicest guys in show business, shares how he maintains his happiness throughout his life’s hectic journey, even with the demands of his large family and booming career.“May and June are the two months we celebrate mothers and fathers each year, and strong personal relationships between parents and children are a key ingredient to happiness,” adds Nickell. “Because of this, Live Happy not only share Chris’ insights on parenting, but also ways to thank parents and those in our lives – with something even as simple as giving a hug.”As always, Live Happy offers the “Live Happy Now” section and this month’s “Top Ten” article features the Top 10 American Summer Destinations. In addition, this issue’s “Profile” features the Dalai Lama on why he believes happiness, love, and compassion go hand in hand. Continuing its mission to make 2014 the “year of happiness” and empowering its readers to achieve authentic happiness by helping to incorporate practical tools into their lives, this issue of Live Happy also features 31 ways to “Be More Compassionate in May,” and readers can go to livehappy.com for 30 ideas on how to make June a month of giving as well.The May/June issue also marks bestselling author Gretchen Rubin as a regular Live Happy columnist. In her first column, the happiness expert shares her six tips for “Nurturing a Happy Family,” all of which personally help her be the parent she strives to be – from getting enough sleep, to living by the “one-minute” rule, to remembering to cherish each day.In addition, with summer vacations right around the corner, this year, instead of returning more stressed than when one left, columnists Michelle Gielan and positive psychology expert Shawn Achor share their tips for an energy-boosting vacation in “Tripped Up.” Being happy and well-vacationed should lead to a positive outcome, which will in turn benefit one’s work, company, and ultimately him or herself. In addition to his contribution to Live Happy’s current issue, Shawn also sits down with Oprah Winfrey on OWN’s Super Soul Sunday for a 2-part interview on May 25th and June 2nd to discuss his steps for achieving happiness.This issue’s feature article “Listening with Your Heart” explores new scientific studies and data regarding compassion: what it is, what it triggers in the human body, and how it affects each of us both physically and emotionally. The article also examines existing evidence that through breathing and meditation, individuals can actually change the brain’s biology to increase the acts of kindness that it triggers.The May/June issue of Live Happy features a myriad of other inspiring articles and features that reflect the theme of compassion as well, including:“The Promise of Positive Education” reveals evidence that character strengths such as grit, perseverance, and resilience have actually proven to be stronger predicators of success than IQ or the type of home someone grows up in.“Changing Lives” explores the mutual benefit of mentoring. Individuals, young and old alike, that have a caring mentor in their world usually do better in life, and having access to such an individual provides opportunities for mentees to achieve their goals and interests, and help them flourish.Not only can a quick siesta enhance one’s mood, but as “Nap Your Way Happy” reveals, a little daytime downtime can offer tremendous health benefits as well. From improving memory, to reducing stress, to strengthening the immune system, this article is a must-read for anyone who doesn’t want to feel guilty about briefly curling up on the couch.In “Embrace Your You,” regular columnist, psychotherapist, and relationship expert Stacy Kaiser offers a few easy steps that can help readers rid negative thoughts to embrace and nourish a more positive and accepting image of their own bodies.As every article in the May/June 2014 issue of Live Happy reveals, practicing self-compassion and kindness towards others are among life’s most important and rewarding experiences, and will profoundly help readers in their ever-evolving pursuit of happiness.# # #About Live HappyLive Happy LLC is dedicated to promoting and sharing authentic happiness through education, integrity, gratitude, and community awareness. Headquartered in Dallas, Texas, its mission is to impact the world by bringing the happiness movement to a personal level and inspiring people to engage in living purpose-driven, healthy, meaningful lives.Media Inquiries:Rachel AlbertKrupp Kommunicationsralbert@kruppnyc.com(212) 886-6704

Well-Being

Step-by-Step Guide to Compassion Meditation

Below is a step-by-step set of instructions on how to practice compassion meditation, from members of the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism training team. For more about Compassion Meditation, see our companion article with audio, as well as the June 2014 issue of Live Happy magazine.1. Create a spaceIt might be a small room in your home or an outdoor garden where you won’t be disturbed, or anywhere you can find a few moments of quiet. If you have a regular practice space, make it beautiful—bring in images, smells and sounds that are meaningful to you.2. CommitBegin by committing to 5 to 10 minutes of meditation once a day, and plan to expand it to 20 minutes once you feel comfortable slipping into meditation. Studies show that the more time you spend in meditation, the more compassionate you become.3. Feel your natural rhythmFind a comfortable place to sit and take a posture that is straight but not overly rigid. Take a few deep breaths, then let your breath settle into its own natural rhythm. Take a minute or two to settle into your body, lightly focusing your attention on the physical sensations of the breathing process.4. Think about the people in your lifeOnce you are settled, think about all the people in your life who love and support you. Now, think about the ways in which you, too, play a supportive role in the lives of countless others. Let your mind abide in this awareness of interconnectedness for a little while.If you are doing a self-guided compassion meditation, you might think of someone with whom you are irritated or frustrated. Picture the person in your mind if you are a visual thinker, or just focus on your sense of that specific person. Consider that this person has a desire for a life imbued with purpose, work that is meaningful, relationships that are supportive. Consider this person’s web of social connections—the people they are important to, and how much these people care about them. Think of their rich, textured life experiences, including their disappointments and successes.5. Listen to your bodyNotice how focusing your attention on this person shows up in your body. Take note of the kind of physical sensations you are experiencing. What is the emotional undertone?Turn your attention toward your own inner experience with a sense of curiosity. Perhaps your reflections are enhancing a sense of connection to the person or perhaps the opposite. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Simply notice, with curiosity. You can stay with this exploration for as long as it feels comfortable for you. If you are a new meditator, this could be three to five minutes; if you are experienced, you might stay longer.6. Feel your connection with othersAs your meditation practice draws to a close, let your heart and mind be touched by the feeling of common humanity and connection with others, and rest your attention on the natural rhythm of your breath.7. Extend your awareness back into the worldWhen you sense you’re nearing the end of the time you’ve set aside, take a few minutes to make a conscious transition into the space you’re in, sensing the temperature of the air on your skin, feeling the floor beneath you. Take your time and experiment with seeing how you can carry the continuity of your awareness forward into the activities that you move into next.8. Tinker and find your wayOnce you’re comfortable with the basics of a compassion meditation, think about how you might personalize it. Adapting practices to fit your values, your language and your inclinations is important.With time, this kind of practice should help us learn how to reach past that moment of discomfort in which we turn away from those who need our help.Do you have a specific method to your meditation? Tell us about it in the comments, below.

Well-Being

31 Days of Compassion

Do, see, read and think about the ideas on our list, and then share your favorites!1. Read Tuesdays with Morrieby Mitch Albom.2. Watch Forrest Gump.3. Mentor someone.4. “We are each made for goodness, love and compassion. Our lives are transformed as much as the world is when we live with these truths.” —Desmond Tutu5. Listen to your children.6. Watch Soul Surfer.7. Read How to Heal a Broken Wingby Bob Graham.8. Visit a retirement home and spend time with the residents.9. “The dew of compassion is a tear.” —Lord Byron10. Volunteer to read books for children at the library.11. Listen to your wife.12. Walk the animals at a shelter.13. Read The Toothby Avi Slodovnick.14. Donate blood.15. “The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.” —Albert Schweitzer16. Do one thing your spouse frequently asks you to do (before they ask).17. Watch Patch Adams.18. Read Compassion Haiku: Daily insights and practices for developing compassion for yourself and for othersby Karl Grass.19. Bake a cake for an elderly neighbor, even if you don't know them well.20. “I believe we're all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose....When you connect with that love and that compassion, that's when everything unfolds.” —Ellen DeGeneres21. Send a handwritten note of encouragement to someone who's going through a difficult time.22. Read The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Areby Brene Brown.23. Listen to your husband.24. “Our human compassion binds us the one to the other—not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future.” —Nelson Mandela25. Watch Gandhi.26. Tell a veteran thank you.27. Read Cultivate Compassion: A Buddhist Perspective by Jeffrey Hopkins, Ph.D.28. Donate food to a food pantry or shelter.29. Watch Schindler’s List.30. Read The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challengesby Paul Gilbert, Ph.D.31. Volunteer at a local Literacy Center.

Lifestyle

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Last weekend I took my children to Disney World, the self-described “Happiest Place on Earth.” If that is true, then I may be in trouble. Don’t get me wrong. My kids loved the experience. But even my 6-year-old son began to bridle after a while at all that contrived “fun.” Waiting in long lines and battling crowds in the heat prompted his mocking refrain, “Have a magical day.” It is the phrase that all Disney employees are apparently required to utter whenever they interact with the clientele. They are professionals, and they sell it well. But both as a promise and as a measure of our expectations, magical fun tells us something about just where we are in history. Let the fun begin Those who could afford the luxury have been paying for entertainment since ancient times. Yet the rise of places like Disney—amusement parks whose sole purpose is to amuse, providing ordinary people with “fun”—is a much more recent development. We can trace the origins by tracing the word. “Fun” came into English usage in the late 17th century, likely as a derivation of the medieval fonne or fool, a nod to the court jesters whose job it was to entertain the king. But “fun” was also likely related to the Renaissance verb fon, meaning to hoax or cheat, and it retained that connotation for some time. Francis Grose’s Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue in 1785 included the example, “Do you think to fun [cheat] me out of it?” And of course we still use the phrase “to make fun of” in a way that suggests this older usage. Yet by that point, in the Age of Enlightenment, in Western Europe and its colonies in the New World, to have “fun” was increasingly thought of as innocent amusement. Whereas men and women in previous ages had often looked at pleasure as a slippery slope to sin, those in the expanding “middling” classes in the 18th century set about proclaiming pleasure’s virtues, treating gaiety as an end in itself. To dance, sing, enjoy our food, revel in our bodies and the company of others—in short, to delight in a world of our own making—was not to defy God’s will but to live as nature intended. And to be happy, as the English poet Alexander Pope put it in a celebrated line, was “our being’s end and aim!” Early pleasure gardens Given this new sensibility, it’s not at all surprising that the 18th century gave rise to the world’s first amusement parks or “pleasure gardens,” as they were known, places where men and women went simply to enjoy themselves and to be amused. In Paris at the Palais Royal, in Vienna at the Prater, at Vauxhall or the Ranelagh Gardens near London, or at the former's namesake, the VauxhallGardens in the Bowery in New York, ordinary men and women gathered for no other reason than to have fun. Flush with the disposable income of expanding commercial economies, they would while away an afternoon or evening promenading, drinking coffee and tea, wine and beer, or eating ice cream and sweets. There were music, costumes, fancy dress, and entertainers of all sorts—jugglers, actors, puppeteers and mimes. These pleasure gardens attracted crowds with unusual and sometimes exotic attractions, such as a Chinese Pavilion at the Ranelagh Gardens in London. Many other pleasures were at hand. The Palais Royal—which still stands, a stone’s throw from the Louvre—boasted countless shops, cafés, and restaurants—themselves new-fangled innovations where one could “restore oneself (restaurer) in order to go have more fun. (Not all pleasures were innocent in Paris, however. Prostitution and gambling were also rife at the Palais Royal.) The road to Disney These founding pleasure gardens were the ancestors of the great circuses and amusements parks of the 19th century: Tivoli Gardens, Blackpool, Coney Island, Barnum & Baileyand other mass attractions that offered a bounty of pleasure, amusement and entertainment. These places were not meant just for the upper or middling classes, but for workers and day laborers, who flocked to the penny arcades to have their bit of fun. And these attractions in turn laid the foundations of the sprawling entertainment industry of the present day. Today, one need not go to a specific “place” to have fun. We have our smartphones, tablets, and “entertainment centers” right in our homes that allow us to enjoy music, film, video games and other sedentary amusements. But people are wired to gather and enjoy things in a communal setting. Instead of Vauxhall Gardens, we promenade in the mall or on a popular shopping street. Locales specifically dedicated to fun have proliferated and morphed into fun parks, such as Busch Gardens, Dollywood, Six Flags and of course Disneyland and Disney World. They may not always be the happiest places on earth—especially when they leave you sunburned and standing in line, placating a tired toddler. But in their aspiration to deliver total entertainment—and in the expectation they foster that we are entitled to such entertainment—they are legacies of a long-standing vision of happiness and having fun.

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31 Days of Compassion

Are We Having Fun Yet?

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