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Become More Resilient in 9 Simple Steps

We may take time to think about how to be healthier, but we don’t often spend a lot of time thinking about how to become more resilient. Resilience is mental toughness. With it, you can bounce back from setbacks more quickly and find the positive in challenging circumstances. In his book, The Resiliency Advantage, the late Al Siebert, Ph.D., contends that highly resilient people are more flexible, adapt to new circumstances more quickly and "thrive in constant change.” If you want to begin to build up your resilience muscle, here are nine things you can do: 1. Change your self-talk Pay attention to the thoughts that pop up into your head. If they are critical or negative, replace them with a positive thought or two. According to positive psychology pioneer Martin Seligman, Ph.D., you can give yourself a cognitive intervention and counter negative thinking with an optimistic attitude. Treating yourself with self-compassion sometimes takes work, but when you are kind to yourself it increases your resilience because you have your own back. Treat yourself like you would a best friend. 2. Celebrate your wins If you don’t think you can do something, or your self-confidence is flagging, think of a time when you succeeded. List your wins—those times when you achieved something you didn’t think you could do. Recalling your wins restores your belief in yourself. Psychologist and author Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., says we need a three-to-one ratio of positive to negative experiences to build our resilience and flourish in life. 3. Be solid in how you see yourself One of the easiest ways to boost your self-image is to make decisions that make you feel good about who you are, according to psychologist and Ohio University professor Gary Sarver, Ph.D. With a positive self-perception, you won’t let the moods and opinions of others knock you off course. You will realize that the opinion that matters most is your own opinion of yourself. 4. Give yourself a pep talk If you repeatedly tell yourself you are strong, not only will you begin to believe it, but you also will look for ways to prove that it’s true. Most of us are a lot stronger than we think; we just have to believe it first in order to see it in our own lives. 5. Push outside your comfort zone It’s hard to believe in our fortitude if we hide within a comfort zone. Do the things that scare you a bit and watch your resilience build up. Afraid of public speaking? Try talking to a small group first. Nervous to change jobs? Just start interviewing. Afraid to have a difficult conversation? Write out what you want to say first. Fear dissipates with action. Make up your own mantra. Try … Let’s do this. Be bold. Keep moving forward. Or, forget fear. Power up big with a tiny sentence. 6. Cultivate your relationships Resilient people tend to have strong support systems with family, or they cultivate strong, supportive relationships with friends and mentors. Knowing you have people you can turn to when times get tough makes you a little tougher. 7. Boost your energy Running on empty is a quick way to deplete the positive way you feel about yourself and leave you feeling like you’ve run out of resources. What activities recharge you? Is it exercise? A day on the golf course? A coffee shop and a good book? Seeing a good movie? A hike in the woods? When you feel your best, your mental resilience stays strong. 8. Brood less If you find yourself ruminating over problems or having anxious moments, try to take a 20,000-feet perspective and realize that a lot of what we dwell on never happens or won’t matter a week from now. Try letting go of more things so you can spend your brain power thinking empowering thoughts and taking positive action steps. In Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel Goleman writes that self-awareness is "the building block of the next fundamental emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood.” 9. Sleep more Sleep makes everything better, including our resilience. When you are sleep-deprived, it’s easier to get stressed out, be more reactive, make poor decisions and feel mentally drained. Sufficient sleep (that’s about eight hours a night) boosts your mental brain power, restores mental clarity and is more likely to contribute to a positive outlook. Read more about the importance of sleep for well-being. When you feel mentally tough, you can relax into your life and pursue the life you want without limitations. You aren’t afraid of adversity or change because you know you will adapt. Resilient people are more likely to look for the positive and share the love with others.

Self-Care

The Whole 30 Is a Whole New Take on Nutrition

I love a good makeover, and I love books. Two in one? I’m in heaven. The best-selling book, The Whole 30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedomby Melissa Hartwig and Dallas Hartwig is a cookbook and personal transformation guide. Like any good makeover, you can expect a change in your body, and a shift in the way you think. A new way of thinking about food Whole30 offers a 30-day meal plan designed to reset your health, habits and relationship with food so you can overcome cravings and addictions. The science behind Whole30 is covered in the authors’ first book, It Starts With Food. The plan focuses on the quality of food (“real” food) and omits processed foods and sugar, as well as grains and legumes. You will have to say goodbye to cheese, and even hummus (made from legumes) but you can keep your morning coffee if you drink it black or with almond milk. The Whole30 offers a way of eating that is intended to transform your relationship with food. The plan is designed to quash cravings for sugar and empty carbohydrates and encourage foods that meet the four “good food” standards, which are: Promote a healthy psychological response. Promote a healthy hormonal response. Support a healthy gut. Support immune function and minimizes inflammation. The authors, both nutritionists, claim that their approach to eating will lead to weight loss, better health and improvements in sleep, energy and mood. The approach is based on “the accumulation of more than five years of experience with hundreds of thousands of Whole30 participants, several focus groups and dozens of community surveys.” The recipes As someone who already cooks with whole and unprocessed foods, I loved the recipes I tried, such as Grilled Coconut Curry Chicken and Cauliflower Mash. The recipes are easy to follow and look quite elegant on your plate. Another recipe that makes it look like you slaved over dinner (but didn’t) is the Halibut With Citrus-Ginger Glaze. The delicious touch of ginger makes you forget this is from any kind of “diet” at all. Delicious. More of what you will take away from Whole 30. Improve your digestion The body wants real food in order to operate properly. Eat colorful recipes co-created with Culinary Institute of America-trained chef Richard Bradford that are alive with flavor and good for your body. Break unhealthy habits Eating dishes like Melissa’s Chicken Hash (chicken, walnuts, apple and arugula) and the more than 100 recipes included in the book are designed to quiet those urges to run to the pantry for a nighttime snack. Aspire toward food freedom If you want to feel in control of what you eat and say goodbye to emotional eating once and for all, this meal plan is designed to bust cravings and achieve what the authors call “food freedom.” The authors give extra tips like “distracting yourself” when you crave something off the plan. Take a walk around your office or drink a glass of water. Learn to savor Slow down and be mindful when you are eating. Taste the flavors of your food and enjoy eating meals supporting the health of your body. Build your kitchen confidence One of the founding principles of Whole30 is you don’t have to cook complicated meals from fancy recipes—all you need are fresh ingredient and basic kitchen techniques. The book includes a guide for sautéing every vegetable you can think of, kitchen gadget fundamentals, a glossary of knife cuts, and instructions on how to cook the perfect boiled egg. Get ready to become a whiz in the kitchen with its step-by-step tips. Get some cool extras Whole30 also includes lots of fun extras like a grocery shopping list, what to eat while traveling, how to handle dining out, success stories/testimonials, tips on how to get your kids to eat healthy and a supportive website community where people go for tips and support. For even more information, go to the website Whole30.com.

News & Trends

Norman the Therapy Pig Hams It Up

Bleary-eyed college students are hunched over their laptops in the library at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, cramming for final exams. Several lift their heads when they hear a loudspeaker announcement: “Norman the therapy pig is in the lobby for a study break." Laptops snap shut as students crowd the lobby to stroke the pig, snap selfies and grin at the first therapy pig in North Texas. Norman entertained the crowd by honking a horn, riding a skateboard, tossing a ball in a miniature basketball hoop, completing a three-piece shape puzzle and giving his handler, Misty Carter, a sloppy pig kiss. But mostly he good-naturedly accepted the students’ attention until they returned to their studies. Animal attraction “Animals are a really good source of de-stressing, especially a pig,” said SMU freshman music therapy and psychology major Caitlyn Etter. “Bringing a therapy pig to campus is a really good idea.” When Norman joined Shane and Misty Carter’s household last year, he fulfilled Misty’s longtime dream for a pet pig. He joined a growing menagerie of dogs and chickens at the couple’s comfortable log home in rural East Texas. The Carters soon realized, however, that Norman was no ordinary pig. He quickly learned to respond to commands and took his place as an inside pet with the family’s four dogs. On a leash at local festivals, the 70-pound Juliana pig charmed neighbors wagging his tail and wearing a custom-made ball cap. “He just makes people happy,” Misty said. A good and humble pig Last January, Misty discoveredPet Partners, a national pet therapy organization that accepts rabbits, donkeys, horses and pigs. She trained to become a therapy pet handler, then trained Norman to remain nonplussed around wheelchairs, walkers, crutches, unexpected noises and large groups of people. “He already knew the typical dog commands of ‘come,’ ‘stay’ and ‘leave it,’” Misty said. Norman passed the pet therapy certification test on his first attempt. Since then Misty has taken him to visit nursing homes, assisted living centers, children’s hospitals and schools, particularly when Charlotte's Web is on the reading list. Her work with Norman is voluntary and often takes place on her vacation days. The importance of animals The importance of viewing nature, especially animals, appears to be deeply imbedded in the human psyche, says Alan M. Beck, director of the Center for the Human-Animal Bond at the College of Veterinary Medicine at Purdue University. Companion animals can help people feel less lonely, find comfort with touch and find reasons to laugh, he said. Alan doesn’t expect pigs to replace the most popular therapy pet–dogs. But he sees a role for unusual therapy animals like pigs and even llamas. “They can play an important role in schools and other places where they are a novelty and pull upon children’s natural interest in animals.” For Shane Carter, who compares life with Norman to living with a celebrity, Norman’s popularity is simple, “It’s just a feel-good thing.” Nancy Lowell George is a freelance writer living in North Texas.

3 Practices for Developing Your Mindful Parenting Superpower

relationships

Mindful Parenting 101

Sometimes it feels like it takes more than a village to raise a child—it takes a superhero. On any given day, we have work, commitments, emails and, of course, people (big and little) fighting for our attention. The problem is, we’re not superheroes. We can’t fly, we don’t have super-speed, nor can we be in several places at once. And unfortunately for us, we don’t have eyes in the back of our heads (what a handy parenting super-power that would be!). What is mindful parenting? There is, however, one superpower we can all have, if we develop it: mindfulness, which can easily and usefully be applied to parenting. Simply put,mindful parenting is when we pay attention and listen to what our children are saying, become aware of their emotions, are compassionate toward our children (and ourselves) and accept them for who they are, without judgment. When we add elements of mindfulness to parenting, our relationships with our children are strengthened by the warmth, trust and sharing. And, as an added bonus, our own stress tends to ease and is replaced by a sense of calmness. With that in mind, here are three easy ways to implement mindful parenting into our daily lives—no super-human strength required: 1.Self-Regulate When your little one doesn’t clean his room or when the wall becomes the canvas for artwork, “pay attention to what you’re feeling, but don’t act on it,” advises Laura Markham, Ph.D. The Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids author says our first responsibility as parents is to be mindful of our own inner state, particularly during challenges. “Mindfulness is the opposite of losing your temper.” Instead, imagine the world, and how you appear and sound, from your child’s perspective, say Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., and his wife, Myla, the authors of Everyday Blessings. Doing this allows you to use self-talk to think about how you carry yourself in your body and the words you use, and modify them as needed. 2.Practice Gratitude One of the best ways to foster mindfulness in children (and ourselves) is by encouraging them to identify the good thoughts and feelings they experienced throughout in the course of the day, as well as and who or what brought them about. Kristen Race, Ph.D., author of Mindful Parenting, suggests creating a gratitude jar for family members to write or draw pictures of who or what they’re grateful for and then reviewing the jar together each week. Or, make sharing gratitude a daily event by encouraging family members to acknowledge three things they’re grateful for each night during dinner or before bedtime. “In order for our children to be grateful, they must first slow down enough to recognize all of the blessings in their lives,” say Jeffrey Froh, PsyD, and Giacomo Bono, Ph.D. “Being mindful does just this.” 3. Disconnect to Connect To create moments for connection daily, whether it’s snuggling before bedtime, engaging in active listening and conversation, taking a walk together outside or immersing ourselves in child-led playtime, we have to disconnect from technology, tasks and thoughts of other responsibilities. “The trick here is to notice when our attention has wandered, and then gently bring it back to our child,” says Carla Naumburg, Ph.D., in her book, Parenting in the Present Moment. “Imagine that a specific event is the last time you’ll ever experience it.” Because while we don’t move as quickly as the Flash, time can feel like it does. Little moments with our children are more significant than all the other things that seem so important. After all, our kids deserve our mindfulness superpower, and so do we. Dr. Colleen Georges is a nationally certified psychologist, licensed professional counselor, certified positive psychology coach, Rutgers University lecturer and mom who lives her purpose of helping others to see the good in themselves. Colleen authors the positive psychology blogSeeing All The Good, blogs for the Huffington Post, and is a co-author in the award-winning Contagious Optimism,as well as 10 Habits of Truly Optimistic People,101 Great Ways to Enhance Your Career, and The Book of Success.

Gossip: bad habit or good for the group?

relationships

Go Ahead and Gossip

Reading gossip magazines is the highlight of many visits to the doctor’s office or hair salon. The private lives of others compel us. But we are often embarrassed to admit we subscribe to InTouch or visit PerezHilton.com daily. Society largely views gossip as a negative and immoral pastime. Colonial America punished gossips by forcing them to wear helmets that resembled iron cages with metal prods that jutted into the tongue. And in Jewish tradition, gossip (lashon hara) is considered a serious sin. But new research reveals that gossip can sometimes be a good thing. And it may be an integral part of how we cooperate. For the good of the group Economists and social scientists study why people work together in groups and pool resources even when they might benefit more if they acted selfishly. They have discovered that the possibility of being the target of gossip and consequently shunned from the group may motivate people to act in a more selfless, prosocial way. A team of Stanford University researchers, including Matthew Feinberg, Ph.D., who is now an Assistant Professor at the University of Toronto,tested the theory by asking students to play an online game where different players contributed to a community pot. The students were given the opportunity to gossip about other players, and could even choose to shun a player based on the gossip reports. If a player was stingy in one round of the game and her fellow players gossiped about her and shunned her, she became much more generous in subsequent rounds. She cooperated. No one wants to be the pariah “When people were ostracized, they learned their lesson,” Feinberg said. The ability to kick people out of the next rounds of the game had the largest effect, spurring the most generosity. When kicking a player out of the game was a possibility, players gave much more freely. In some cases, Feinberg says, it seems that gossiping is a good thing for the group. “Sometimes we gossip out of real concern for our friends. We want to warn them of bad actors and immoral characters so they won’t be victimized.” Gossip is good? Sharing this kind of information promotes the good of the community around us. So at least in this case, gossip is considered prosocial. It’s a good thing. Prosocial gossip has a potential added bonus. It not only serves to report the facts of an event, but it also conveys what the gossiper thinks is morally correct. It communicates her moral code. If my coworker tells me that the boss takes his wife out every Friday on the company credit card, she’s not only telling me what happened, but she also implies that she disagrees with it. She believes that to be crossing an ethical line in the workplace. Feinberg and his colleagues are working on studies documenting gossip’s role in communicating morality. The darker side But, as we all know, there is another side to gossip. Tabloid magazines don’t add much to the collective morality of our communities. “If we’re spreading information within a moral domain, that’s one thing. But if we’re talking about looks or something a person can’t control that’s really a form of bullying,” Feinberg said. According to Feinberg, his study is not a permission to speak ill of others. He warns, even if we gossip for the right, prosocial reasons, it’s highly likely the target of that gossip might not like it. “Gossip is probably in the eye of the beholder.” Do you gossip among friends? Let us know what you think in the comments section, below! Meredith Knight is a science journalist based in Austin, Texas.

work

6 Quick Tips for a Job Happiness Makeover

With approximately one-third of our waking hours spent at work—and another third presumably spent thinking about it—there’s no question that where, how and with whom we work plays a significant role in our overall well-being. “Being happy at work is key to being happy in life,” notes Shane Lopez, Ph.D., Gallup senior scientist and research director at Clifton Strengths Institute. “Lots of different domains in our life hinge on it. If that work domino doesn’t fall into place, it’s hard to make the most of your relationships or be your best self. So you have to make sure you’re as happy as possible at work.” Gallup’s numbers show that only 30 percent of U.S. workers are truly engaged and like their jobs. Of those, a mere 1 percent claim to love their jobs. Of the other 70 percent, about 40 percent say they are not engaged at work, and 30 percent are actively disengaged. Maybe you used to love your job, but the thrill is gone. Or maybe you never felt much love for it to begin with. Regardless, there are many ways to improve things. Kerry Hannon, author of the new book, Love Your Job: The New Rules for Career Happiness, columnist for The New York Times and AARP’s Job Expert, offers the following tips: Take a moment; take a breath Mindfulness and other forms of meditation have been found to be extremely effective in helping relieve stress and can change the way you feel about your situation. Read about the new movement in workplace wellness. Remove the toxins Avoid engaging in negative conversations, gossip and backbiting. Volunteer Doing something for someone else will make you more grateful for your own situation. Many companies offer volunteer opportunities, or you can look for a cause you feel particularly passionate about. Learn Keeping your brain stimulated can help improve your feelings about your job. Don’t have time for a class after work? Set Google alerts for your area of work so you can keep up with industry trends. It may give you new ideas for innovating on the job. Focus on the positive Keep a work journal, and each day write down one thing you did well or that went right. It will make for great reading on days when you’re feeling down. Laugh Gallup polls show that people who laugh and smile are more engaged at work. Read about how coworkers at Hallmark let loose and have fun together.

Lifestyle

5 Expert Tips for a Stress-Free Wedding Day

Weddings are joyful affairs, but especially for brides, stress often comes with the territory. Fortunately, staying on a positive track can be simple if you plan strategically and avoid all-too-common anxiety triggers. Consult this list to stay cool under pressure, and be fully present and fabulously full of life for every moment the special day holds. 1. Make it an easy morning Perhaps the most important piece of advice is to get some sleep the night before, which means resisting the urge to join friends who might be grabbing late-night drinks after the rehearsal dinner. Have a delicious breakfast, preferably without too many nerve-jangling cups of coffee. Spend time with people who make you happy. (If your aunt tends to transfer her stress onto others, for example, make sure she only stops by for a very quick visit.) Don’t manically rush through the start of the day—save that energy for the reception dance floor! Budget a few extra minutes for hair and makeup so it’s fine if the session runs a bit long; feeling like you’re in a time crunch can set off an unnecessary spiral of worry. Make a calming playlist that you can listen to throughout the day as you go about getting ready. Not only will it get you to relax, but it will become an emotion-filled memento for you to listen to later. 2. Don’t impersonate a wedding planner As the time of the ceremony approaches, brides often fall into a trap of worrying about logistics. Will the caterer remember to use the monogrammed napkins? Will everyone in the wedding party show up on time for the photos? While such nagging worries are understandable given that brides are usually deeply involved in planning, this is the time to put it all aside. You can’t stay sane if you’re fretting about the small stuff. Relaxing on the day of is the exact reason you’ve made so many endless preparations! Take a mindful moment to release whatever anxieties you might be holding onto. Then step back and let everyone else do their job. Take care of yourself, and the rest will fall into place. 3. Treat yourself like an athlete When you’re in the swirl of excitement, it’s incredibly easy to dispense with drinking water and neglect to eat a few small meals. But any wedding day is a long haul, and requires true endurance. Be sure to hydrate, especially in between glasses of champagne or wine, and snack throughout the day. Gatorade and a protein bar before you get into your gown? Good idea. Gear is another essential: For the reception, consider changing into something more comfortable, like platform heels or even flats, especially if you’ll be sporting gorgeous four-inch-high spikes with your wedding gown. Remember a wrap in case you’re chilled after dancing, sun protection if you’ll be outside—stay physically comfortable and you will stay energized! 4. Rely on your friends Weddings, like holidays, wouldn’t be true celebrations without a little bad behavior. Whether it’s chaos caused by the token heavy drinker or acrimonious insults hurled by a recently divorced couple, there’s always potential for mayhem. What’s a bride to do? Face the truth: You can’t be responsible for how every guest decides to act. If you can pinpoint in advance where trouble might crop up, ask a bridesmaid or groomsman to keep an eye out and cheerfully intervene if necessary. But the bottom line is for you to stay focused on the thrill of the nuptials. Nearly everyone will bring their best possible selves to your wedding, and if you don’t let yourself get distracted by unnecessary worries, you will, too. 5. Roll with the joy Even with the best-laid plans, last minute surprises can crop up. If there’s a bump or two, don’t let it rattle you, just keep your sense of humor and play along. DJ starts playing the wrong first song? Start dancing anyway, and laugh knowingly with your brand-new spouse. Unexpected rain at your outdoor wedding? Don’t worry! Your Maid of Honor can shield you with an umbrella. If you can stay relaxed and stress-free, so will your guests. No matter what unexpected mishaps come your way, the incredible memories you’ll have of this day will endure as you celebrate marrying the love of your life surrounded by friends and family. Kate Chynoweth is the author of The Bridesmaid Guide: Modern Advice on Etiquette, Parties, and Being Fabulous. Her expert advice for brides and wedding parties has been featured in numerous magazines and podcasts. She lives in Berkeley, California.

Reading

10 Life-Changing Books That Stay With You

There are books that entertain, books that inform ... books that speak to the brain, the mind, the intellect and the emotions. And then there are books that seem to speak directly to the soul—life-changing books that make you question your core beliefs, staying with you long after you've finished reading. These 10 masterpieces fall into the second category. Each is a pleasure to read, a treasure to ponder, and ultimately changes something deep inside of you - just for having experienced it. 1. The Alchemist By: Paulo Coelho Year: 1988 Synopsis: Originally published in Portuguese, this inspiring tale of self-discovery follows Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who yearns to travel in search of a worldly treasure. But his quest takes him in a different - and far more satisfying - direction, to learn how to listen to his heart and follow his dreams. That something special: Easy to read and highly descriptive, this masterpiece will inspire you to brave the path to pursuing your dreams - just like Santiago. 2. The Artist's Way By: Julia Cameron Year: 1992 Synopsis: Essentially a self-help workbook on creativity, this life-changing book coaxes readers along a spiritual, rtistic path. With tasks to complete at the end of each chapter, reading this book is a dynamic affair. That special something: Deep and yet simple, this book has the power to flip the creativity switch in anyone - from accountants to athletes and everywhere in between. 3. Life of Pi By: Yann Martel Year: 2001 Synopsis: Pi Patel is the son of a zookeeper, with an encyclopedic knowledge of animals and a taste for philosophy. While immigrating to North America from India with his family, their ship sinks - and Pi finds himself alone in a lifeboat with a hyena, an orangutan, a wounded zebra, and Richard Parker, a 450-pound Bengal tiger - or does he? What follows is a fantastical tale of intrigue and adventure. That special something: While this is not a book about religion, it does tell a tale about the importance of believing in something - be it God, Mother Nature, or your own strength. 4. The Road Less Traveled By: M.Scott Peck Year: 1978 Synopsis: A cross of psychology and spirituality, this non-fiction book is packed with insight and wisdom about the attributes that make for a fulfilled person. With an eloquent examination of complex, human concepts such as discipline and love, Peck theorizes four distinct stages of human spiritual development along the path to self-realization. That special something: This quote says it all: Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and wisdom. 5. The History of Love By: Nicole Kraus Year: 2005 Synopsis: This beautiful book-within-a-book tells the story of Leo Gursky and the love of his life, Alma. With an adventure across oceans and decades, the novel is fueled by the thrill of mystery and joy of connection. That special something: This book will leave you thinking about Leo and Alma nonstop for days after you finish it - and while the story will fade from the front of your mind, it will never really leave you. 6. Conversations with God By: Neil Donald Walsch Year: 1995 Synopsis: The full name of this trilogy of books is Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue and it is indeed an uncommon dialogue. The entire series is a captivating back and forth conversation between the author and - on topics ranging from religion and spirituality to education, love and politics. That special something: Regardless of your beliefs, these inspired and inspirational books will challenge you to think about the world around you and your own existence. 7. The Giving Tree By: Shel Silverstein Year: 1964 Synopsis: The Giving Tree is the beautiful, poignant story of a tree who loved a little boy. The tree loves the boy and does anything she can for him as he grows older - without regard for what she’s getting in return. That something special: Ostensibly a children’s book, this parable has a clear message for readers of all ages - about the gift of giving, and accepting different the ways in with others return affection. 8. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience By: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi Year: 2013 Synopsis: Csikszentmihalyi studies over the past two decades have revealed that is what makes life experiences genuinely satisfying—a feel of deep concentration, immersion and absorption. This classic work on happiness touches on contemporary psychology, delving into issues such as family, art and sport to ultimately answer the question - how do we make our lives meaningful? That special something: This life-changing book will help you to identify when you’re really happy—and channel the to maximize those good vibes. 9. Sophie's World By: Jostein Gaarder Year: 1991. Synopsis: A novel and a philosophical work in one, this life-changing book tells the story of Sophie Amundsen, a teenage girl living in Norway, and Alberto Knox, the middle-aged philosopher who introduces her to philosophy. That special something: Who are you? and Where does the world come from? are the two cardinal questions that Sophie has to answer. You’ll ponder them too. 10: The Red Tent By: Anita Diamant Year: 1997 Synopsis: This novel imagines the compelling story of Dinah - daughter of Leah and Jacob and sister of Joseph. Building on hints in the Book of Genesis, the author writes about the lives of women in biblical times, touching on mothers and daughters, midwifery, love, and living in a foreign land. That special something: Strongly feminist and deeply touching, this story will change the way you think of biblical times.

work

Know Your Pace

What makes people happy at work? Many things: a friend down the hall, a good boss, meaningful tasks, snazzy office supplies.We’re also affected by whether we feel in harmony with the speed and timing of work. People generally fall into two very different categories when it comes to thriving at work. I call these two categories “Marathoners” and “Sprinters.”Slow and steady workersMarathoners like to work steadily and slowly, over a longer period of time, and they dislike working against a deadline. I know this category well, because I’m a Marathoner myself. We Marathoners feel that working on projects at a steady pace ignites our creativity and keeps our productivity high. We get frustrated and uneasy without plenty of lead time.Find out about 8 Ways to Be Happier at Work.A rush of energyBy contrast, Sprinters prefer to work in bursts of intense effort, and they deliberately wait for the pressure of a deadline to sharpen their thinking. They love the adrenaline rush. A Sprinter told me, “I never prepare a speech until the people are in their seats, and I’m heading to the podium. It drives my staff crazy, but that’s when I get my ideas.”There’s no right way—each approach works well for that type of person. It’s a question of what works for you. Problems arise, however, when Marathoners and Sprinters must work together. Marathoners are driven nuts by the Sprinters’ reluctance to start working on a project. Sprinters are irritated when Marathoners want to tackle tasks before the hour is ripe.Read more about the new science of workplace well-being.Procrastinator—that's a different storyWhen we understand that people have different work styles, we can show more patience toward each other. Here’s something important to remember, however: A Sprinter is different from a Procrastinator. True, Procrastinators resemble Sprinters—like Sprinters, they finish in a rush, at the last possible minute. But they’re actually quite different.Procrastinators wish they could force themselves to start earlier. Also, unlike Sprinters, Procrastinators often agonize about work they’re not yet doing. Before they start, they’re not working, but they’re not having fun, either. Sprinters and Marathoners usually like their work style, but Procrastinators don’t. They’re happier when they change their work habits so they can work more steadily.Learn how to increase your productivity by tricking yourself into getting started.Find the pace that works for youFor all of us, we’re happier at work—and we’re more productive and creative—when we’re comfortable with the environment and pace. It can be surprisingly hard to put your finger on what feels right or wrong about a situation. So, if you find yourself clashing with other people about when and how a task should be completed, or you feel that the work pace is uncomfortable, consider the Marathoner and Sprinter distinction. That difference in work style might be at the heart of the conflict.What's your work pace? Let us know in the Comments section, below.Gretchen Rubin is the bestselling author ofThe Happiness Project,Happier at Home,andBetter than Before.She is considered one of the most influential writers on happiness today, and has become an in-demand speaker and keynoter.You can read about Gretchen's adventures atGretchenRubin.com.

Caitlyn Jenner's transformation will pave the way for others

Self-Care

Transformation Can Bring Happiness

"I'm so happy after such a long struggle to be living my true self. Welcome to the world Caitlyn. Can't wait for you to get to know her/me," Caitlyn Jenner tweeted while revealing her Vanity Fair July cover photo by famed photographer Annie Leibovitz. When Fran Fried read of the Olympian's transgender transition, she thought it sounded similar to another story—her own. Eight years earlier, Fran began what turned out to be a depression-lifting transition, experiencing a life-changing epiphany that “he” was in fact a “she” at age 46, while working as a newspaper editor in Fresno, CA. Everyone's experience is different, but both Fran and Caitlyn say they are happier after coming out as transgender to friends, family and eventually the world. "My smiles now are a hell of a lot more genuine; even my smiles looked sad before," Fran told Live Happy. Fran's story According to Fran, her transition added a new dimension to her life. "You feel much more the self you really are," she said. It's evident in talking to parents and friends. "I didn't trade in all my boy cards. Now I can talk to them about shoesandfootball." After years of struggling to hide that she felt like one of the girls despite being born a man, Fran began her transition in 2008 by coming out to close friends. In 2009, the newspaper where she worked laid her off in a staff reduction unrelated to her transition. After five months living full-time as a woman, she started therapy. In 2010, after undergoing psychological tests, a doctor gave Fran her first hormone treatment. "Two days later, my depression was gone," she said. Today, she says, she walks more confidently in heels, figuratively and literally. Now that Fran is well through her transformation, she describes herself as an "accidental human rights activist." "Just living is a political act sometimes. Just living out in the everyday world is my own little victory and my own little blow for civil rights. It took all the strength and the acceptance of people around me to help me become happier. You realize why were you hiding all these years. It's not a thunderclap." Tough transitions Psychologists and counselors say transitions are tough, but they usually have positive results despite challenges that remain. A study led by two University of Kentucky professors, Sharon Rostosky, Ph.D., and Ellen Riggle, Ph.D., revealed eight positive outcomes from identifying as transgender: Congruency of self Enhanced interpersonal relationships Personal growth and resiliency Increased empathy A unique perspective on both sexes Living beyond the sex binary Increased activism Connection toLGBTQcommunities "LGBTQ people clearly use their identities as opportunity to create positive meaning," Rostosky and Riggle wrote in their book, A Positive View of LGBTQ: Embracing Identity and Cultivating Well-Being. "Transgender people are happier in the sense they have less anxiety, less dysphoria and they feel better in their own skin," said Ami Kaplan, a New York-based licensed clinical social worker who counsels people about transition. How happy they are depends on how their transitions went, Ami says. People entering a stigmatized group face many land mines that could blow up relationships with family, friends and work, she said. "People come out pretty much as they were before, only in a new gender." Liberation, and discrimination "Coming out helps individuals reconcile conflicts and ambiguity," said JoAnne Keately, MSW, director of the Center of Excellence For Transgender Health at the University of California, San Francisco. "People not able to do that end up dealing with a lot of dysphoria and anguish and fear they will be found out. Coming out publicly is "liberating" because the "process eliminates fear of disclosure." Still, the process is fraught with danger. Regardless of socio-economic status, most trans people will experience stigma, bias and discrimination, JoAnne cautioned. Even Caitlyn, despite mostly friendly media coverage of her transition, has seen less-than-favorable responses, attempts at mockery and pushback on pronoun usage. "As celebrated an athlete as Caitlyn was before transition, as big a public figure as she's been, Caitlyn is not immune to bias many experience on a daily basis," JoAnne said. "However, Caitlyn's coming out won't hinder her ability to earn income," she said. "A lot of other trans people, if they are lucky enough to be employed, to come out would put them in danger of losing their employment." The more transgendered people rgar come out, the more likely acceptance and the waning of discrimination are to follow, JoAnne said. "Living in a closet builds a lot of self-doubt and lowers self-esteem. It eats at you if you can't be who you feel you are authentically. Living as your authentic self is a good thing for us all," she said. JoAnne credited Caitlyn with planning to use her position of privilege and her upcoming E! reality show to shed light on the conditions in which many of America's estimated 700,000 to 3 million transgendered live and on issues such as suicide. Getting a clear picture Transgender people are pretty common, Ami said, "We shouldn't think of it as people 'out there,' Hollywood celebrities or on society's fringe. "These are people in our lives, in our workplaces, who are gender variant. And never assume. Not everyone who is gender variant looks gender variant." Vanessa Fabbre, Ph.D., LCSW, professor at Brown School of Social Work at Washington University in St. Louis, focuses on late-life transitioners. "To really understand the experience, the magnitude and the implications of transitioning, you have to understand the social context of people making the decisions," Vanessa said. "We all have gender identity, a common connector. We all have gender expression." Her 2014 study, "Gender Transitions in Later Life: A Queer Perspective on Successful Aging," shows how transgender older adults experience challenges to their gender identities that put their emotional and physical well-being at risk. In the end, experts and people who have been through it all agree—transitions are incredible difficult. It may feel easier to sit it out and not rock the boat. But in the end, if you do not embrace who you really are, you may have trouble finding true, authentic happiness. Jim Gold is a veteran journalist who splits his time between Seattle and the Bay Area.

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