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Death Becomes Us

Nearly all of the world’s wisdom traditions agree on a surprising point: Thinking about death can be good for your happiness.Plato, for example, understood the goal of philosophy as the pursuit of lasting happiness (eudaimonia), but also described philosophy as a “meditation on death.” Or think of the Buddha, who aimed to free human beings from their self-imposed suffering so that they could cultivate genuine happiness, yet insisted that we keep the end forever in mind. “Of all mindfulness meditations,” he emphasized, “that on death is supreme.” Dust to dustJews were no less open to such wisdom. “All are fromthe dust, and to dust all return,” the Book of Ecclesiastes observes in a pointed line. It was intended as a message to remember. Nor could Christians easily ignore it. The central symbol of their faith—the cross—is a memento mori. Lest they forget this, many Christians to this day receive ashes on their brows on Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, just after the fun of Mardi Gras has come to an end. “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return,” the priest declares. What a way to end a party.I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens. —Woody AllenDenial of deathAll of this may seem a little morbid in today’s world—even for the religious or the philosophically inclined. Tales of saints and hermits staring at skulls freak us out. Death in the early 21st century is something we prefer to avoid. When friends and family get sick, for example, we usually send them away—to a hospital or hospice—rather than let them die in plain sight. The poet and historian Jennifer Michael Hecht, who has written insightfully on the subject of happiness and death in her book The Happiness Myth, points out that “Most people [today] have not seen someone die, whereas, in past centuries, even young children were brought to deathbeds to witness a period of sometimes agonized dying, and then the much-respected moment of transformation. This moment was as sacred and revered as the modern-day birth.” We hide death from our children these days and opt for youth and vitality over old age. And when our soldiers fall in combat, the cameras are barred from even showing the body bags when they return.The modern cult of youth could be hindering our happinessSurely this avoidance is also a little extreme? At the very least it may be worth asking in our death-averse society—with its cult of youth and good cheer—just what the benefits of thinking of the end might be. Why have all those wise men and sages counseled us to remember death? They may have had some good reasons.It turns out that modern psychologists, no less than ancient sages, have something to say on the matter. They point out, for example, that confronting our mortality may trigger what the psychologist Dan Gilbert calls a kind of “psychological autoimmune response,” or what Social Psychology professors Nathan DeWall and Roy Baumeister describe as a “terror management” system that allows us to deal with existential threats. Thinking about death, in other words, triggers offsetting feelings of happiness, allowing us to manage our terror of death. Just as the immune system of the body fights off pathogens, this immune system of the mind apparently helps us process threatening thoughts such as death.That may be one explanation for why the curved graph of happiness over a lifetime looks like a smiley face. (According to Gallup studies, our happiness starts high, dips in our 40s and 50s, and then makes an upswing right up to the end.) In one of life’s little compensations for our receding hairlines and expanding waistlines, men and women tend to get happier as they get older, after bottoming out in middle age.Strangely, it may actually be the increasing proximity of death that gives us an off-setting boost of happiness via this same autoimmune response.We appreciate life when we think about its finality and fragilityOr it may just be, as the sages have often said, that to recall our mortality is to force us to take the measure of what we have—the gift of life—and to weigh its importance and put it into perspective. The frustrations of the day-to-day tend to disappear or turn to dust when measured against eternity. And to prepare for a good death is necessarily to undertake to live in a way that would make that possible.There is even evidence to suggest that cultures that think about death regularly in open and constructive ways are happier than those that don’t. As the writer Eric Weiner discovered in his quest to discover the happiest places in the world, which he chronicles inThe Geography of Bliss, the subject of death came up surprisingly often when he went looking for happiness. “You need to think about death for five minutes a day,” one man in the tiny mountain kingdom of Bhutan told him. It was, in this case, a specifically Buddhist insight. But the advice is backed up by wisdom, ancient and modern, that can make a claim to universality.Intimations of mortalityIf it is true, as the writer Thomas Mann said in his great novel, The Magic Mountain, that “for the sake of goodness and love, man should not let death rule his thoughts,” it is equally true that to ignore death entirely is counterproductive. That is a risk in the early 21st century. For the sake of our happiness, we could all stand to cultivate a little philosophy.

relationships

Teen Angst or Teen Anguish?

My friend Lydia recently asked if I could recommend a therapist for her 14-year-old daughter, Helen, who’d left a note for her mom that read, “I’m really sad. I think I need to talk to somebody.” Lydia came to me for advice because she knew that my own daughter (a pal of her child’s since nursery school) was recovering from an eating disorder, and that over the past year we’d tried several treatment approaches before finding one that worked. She figured I’d have some insight about child-focused therapists in our area, which I did and was happy to pass along. Lydia was concerned, but not panicked, about Helen’s down-tick in mood. “We’d just had a bad family holiday,” she told me, “and many of her friends are dealing with all sorts of mental and emotional problems; one girl has so much anxiety she’s being home-schooled. I think Helen’s worried she might have a problem too, or at least thinks she couldhave. At one point she told me, ‘I feel bad when I’m happy because all my friends are sad.’ ” The age of anxiety—and more It’s not surprising that Helen was encountering so much emotional mayhem among her friends. Adolescence can be a period of physical and emotional hell. And for many kids, the challenges run deeper than acne breakouts and romantic breakups. According to a landmark study supported by the National Institute of Mental Health, half of all lifetime cases of mental illness start at age 14. What’s more, the research found, mental disorders among teens and young adults often go undiagnosed for 10 years or more, which can be devastating: The longer a mental illness is untreated, the worse it can become and the more likely it is that a co-occurring disorder will develop. But teen behavior can be deceptive. It’s often tough to tell the difference between age-appropriate ennui and a true psychiatric disorder. “As teens gain independence, they’re more likely to share what they’re going through with peers than with parents,” says Darcy Gruttadaro, director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Child & Adolescent Action Center. “And parents can easily write off mood shifts as due to social or academic pressure or hormones.” It’s important to note that “one of the most powerful myths surrounding adolescence is that raging hormones cause teenagers to ‘go mad’ or ‘lose their minds.’ That’s simply false,” writes Daniel J. Siegel. M.D., in Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. “Hormones do increase during this period, but it is not the hormones that determine what goes on in adolescence. We now know that what adolescents experience is primarily the result of changes in the development in the brain.” Judy Moody and the eating disorder I can relate. I had no idea my child was in trouble until three of her friends reported to the guidance counselor that she never ate lunch, she seemed really unhappy and they were worried about her. Sure, I’d noticed she was slimming down, but I chalked it up to the fact that she was also growing taller. Likewise I mistook her tendency to hole up in her bedroom to be a typical teen’s preference for keeping to herself. And her listless, gloomy, Eeyore-ness seemed perfectly normal: Aren’t all teenage girls moody? Even after speaking to the guidance counselor I couldn’t quite believe my daughter was ill. But when I took her to the pediatrician, the extent of the problem was right there on her growth chart: Since birth her weight had increased perfectly in step with her height, but this time, when the doctor plotted the two measurements, the line connecting her weight from the year before to her current one plummeted sharply down and away from the height line. This, plus other symptoms, confirmed that she was anorexic. It turned out that she was also depressed. Why so sad? “Teens can be genetically predisposed to mood disorders, which certain circumstances can activate,” says Phoebe Farber, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in Montclair, N.J., who sees a lot of kids and teenagers. (This was likely the case for my daughter. My father was bipolar, and I’ve struggled with depression, too.) Even when there’s no family history of mental illness, adolescence is rife with factors that put teens at special risk for all shades of the blues, from garden-variety glumness to downright depression. A big one is the “struggle to become independent and autonomous, and the desire for freedom and experimentation while still having to abide by parents’ rules,” says Phoebe. “This clash of expectations is like planets colliding and has always been a huge source of angst for teens.” Other common triggers for teen torpor are personality traits like shyness that make it tough to navigate relationships, school pressure and sexual identity issues. A 2008 survey by the Human Rights Campaign of 10,000 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) kids ages 13 to 17 revealed that while 67 percent of straight teens consider themselves happy, only 37 percent of LGBT teens do. “Among the overriding feelings many teens have across these spheres are alienation and isolation, the belief that ‘no one understands me and there’s no one I can talk to,’ ” says Phoebe. On the other hand, teenagers are greatly influenced by their peers, and even fundamentally happy and healthy kids may feel the pull of peer pressure while evaluating how they compare to and fit in with their friends, as Helen did. Luckily, after three therapy sessions, she realized she was OK and told her mom she didn’t need to continue; the therapist agreed. But other kids can take copycat behavior much further. My daughter told me, “I see it all the time—people who most likely don’t have a real issue but who see eating disorders and self-harm and other mental illness as tragically beautiful and mysterious.” She said one friend drew lines on her arm with a red lip liner to make it look like she’d been cutting herself. Adds Phoebe: “The power of the group is strong; the gravitational force is toward belonging, not separating.” Depressed, or just down in the dumps? Given how complicated it can be to decipher a teenager’s moodiness, it’s important for parents to watch out for the hallmarks of depression, which can be very different for a kid than for an adult.According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, if a teenager develops one or more of these symptoms, it’s time to seek help: · Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying · Decreased interest in activities or inability to enjoy previously favorite activities · Hopelessness · Persistent boredom; low energy · Social isolation, poor communication · Low self-esteem and guilt · Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure · Increased irritability, anger or hostility · Difficulty with relationships · Frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as headaches and stomachaches · Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school · Poor concentration · A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns · Talk of or efforts to run away from home · Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self-destructive behavior “If you see your child behaving in a way that’s different than usual, it’s a red flag,” adds Phoebe. “Be aware of a pattern of changes in behavior or appearance over a period of time, not just a bad day or an isolated bad mood.” Ease into the discussion And then what do you do? “Tread lightly,” says Phoebe. “Don’t try to find out what’s going on during the heat of an argument. Bring up your concerns when you’re both calm and feeling connected. Even then, don’t be too direct; say something like, ‘I’ve noticed you’re spending a lot of time in your room.’ Then see what you get. Above all, don’t switch into lecture mode; this is something my adolescent clients complain about all the time.” Awareness is also important. “We give kids tools for how to say no to alcohol and drugs; we teach them about STDs and smoking and the dangers of texting while driving. But we don’t talk about mental illness, even though of the more than 4,000 teens we lose to suicide each year, 90 percent have a diagnosable and treatable disorder,” says Darcy. She believes the message should come from all directions, that parents should be talking about mental illness at home, primary care doctors should be bringing it up during checkups and schools should be offering educational programs like NAMI’s Ending the Silence (50-minute presentations to high school students by folks who’ve experienced mental illness). A strong foundation Above all, build a strong bond with your child before she dives into the murkiness of adolescence, adds Phoebe. Show her that you’re listening and not always talking at her. Curb the criticism; don’t be judgmental. Developing rituals often helps. “My daughter loves Grey’s Anatomy, so I watch it with her,” says Phoebe. Now that my own child is healing from her eating disorder and receptive to spending time with me, we poke around in vintage clothing stores together. I like combing through racks of old clothes in search of wearable treasure, but even if I didn’t, it would be worth it just to spend the time with my daughter. If you know a teenager who is suffering or needs help, here is a list of resources: Teen Lineis a 24-hour hotline staffed by other teens. Teen Health and Wellness is a hotline as well as online resource. Teen Mental Health lists more than a dozen useful resources for parents and teens.

Positive Psychology

The Promise of Positive Education

A 2011 University of Pennsylvania study followed 300 students through a year of middle school, measuring their good and bad feelings (depression, positiveemotion, life satisfaction) and how teachers rated their classroom behavior.The study found negative emotions (depression and anxiety) did not predict academic achievement, but positive emotions actually did. Students in the positive group had higher grades thatkept increasing the next year.In particular, researchers concluded, character strengths are the “mostpromising lever for increasing academic achievement.”The most promising leverNot your GPA. Not whether you can ace standardized tests. Not your IQ.Not whether you come from a two-parent home, listened to Baby Mozartas an infant and spent your Saturdays at museums. Not how many homes youbuilt for Habitat for Humanity or hoursyou practiced basketball on an actualcourt instead of in front of an Xbox.Now, let’s not ignore those typicalmeasures, as some of them may beindicative of character strengths. If youare in the top 5 percent of your class,scored a 2100 on your SAT, or are thestar player on your basketball teambecause you get up at 6 a.m. every dayto practice, it’s likely you are resilient…or “gritty” as researchers say.Grit is just one of many characterstrengths positive psychologyresearchers are focused on these days,but it seems to be the one gaining themost headlines.It owes much of its newfound fame toAngela Duckworth, Ph.D., an associateprofessor of psychology at Penn Stateand a 2013 recipient of the MacArthurFoundation “genius” grant for herresearch on grit and self-control as traitsthat predict success.Angela is co-developer of the “GritSurvey,” a 22-statement evaluationthat is quite predictive of futuresuccess with questions like “I do notalways finish what I begin” and “I amdoggedly persistent.” The test measuresperseverance for long-term goals andcan predict grade success at selectiveuniversities, retention at elite military academies (better than the U.S. MilitaryAcademy at West Point’s own tests) andranking in a national spelling bee.Angela’s mentor is Martin E.P.Seligman, Ph.D., who took psychologyin a completely different directionas the founder of “positive psychology,”studying what makes people happyinstead of what makes them need Prozac.“[Angela’s] notion of grit seems toencompass—to varying degrees—thecharacter of perseverance, self-regulation,zest, curiosity and hope,” says MarkLinkins, consultant for educationalpractices at the Values in Action Instituteon Character in Cincinnati. “It seemsthat grit is the nearest thing we have to a‘secret sauce’ for success. When we lookat the list of those who have achieved great success… in their respective fields, it is evidence that talent alone doesn’texplain much.“Grit is what sustains dedication to atask across time. Without that sustaineddedication, we may have bursts ofinspiration and creativity, but such shortbursts only rarely create anything oflasting value.”Grit researchJane Gillham, Ph.D., co-director of thePenn Resiliency Project, contributeda chapter on resilience to the Oxford Handbook of Happinessreleased inJanuary2013. She reports thatAngela and Martin’s research in2005 found that self-discipline wasa stronger predictor of adolescents’grades than their IQ. She also notes that research from 2009 by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health ServicesAdministration showed programs thatteach coping, problem-solving skillsand social competence also improvedspecific academic cognitive skills,grades, standardized testing scoresand graduation rates.In addition, she found that two-thirds of U.S. adults thinkschools should educate studentson their social, emotional andbehavioral needs.“When people think about resilience,”Jane writes, “major adversities typicallycome to mind. For example, the childwho performs well in school and whodevelops close connections to others, despite enduring years of abuse andneglect. The process of resilience isalso reflected in positive adaptation in response to everyday stresses (conflicts with peers, low marks in school) andcommon life transitions (the birth of asibling, the break-up of a relationshipduring adolescence).”Jane advocates integrating lessonson grit and resiliency in schools—notjust as a by-the-way mention by a well intentionedteacher, but explicitly as partof the curriculum.Gregory Park, a post-doctoral fellowstudying positive psychology at theUniversity of Pennsylvania, recentlypublished a white paper on wellbeingand achievement that draws heavily fromthe research by Martin and Angela.Gregory discusses the perseverancepiece of the predictive puzzle: “Inparticular, the strengths of self controland perseverance are powerfulpredictors of many of the desired outcomes from students, inside andoutside of the classroom. These nonintellectualstrengths are related tothe capacity to delay gratification andsustain effort through difficult tasks.”Martin and Angela’s researchshows self-control and perseverancepredict grades, absences, at-homestudy habits, classroom conduct andhomework completion.So why isn’t resiliency a class just likegeometry? Some schools are workingon that.Austin ISDLast Halloween, a huge section ofAustin, Texas, was flooded. Five peopledied; 8,500 homes lost power; morethan 500 homes were damaged; and Perez Elementary School closed fortwo days.When the school reopened Mondaymorning, counselors were on-siteto help the kids process what hadhappened. The district’s Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) coach wasthere, too.Sherrie Raven, director of thedistrict’s SEL department, remembersthe students telling stories about howthey waited on top of their houses forboats to rescue them.“The kids were able to say, ‘I was really scared but I used my deep breathsto calm down’ or ‘I used my self-talk to say I’m going to be OK, I can staycalm,’ ” Sherrie says. “It’s one of thebest examples I’ve seen of the resiliencethat we’ve helped build in these kids.They had the grit and self-awareness tosay, ‘I’m going to be OK. I’m not goingto panic.’ These are little guys, and theyhave that language.”Now, language isn’t better grades.But this is evidence to Sherrie thather program is on the right track.And research looking at 213 SEL programs (250,000 students) agrees.Gregory writes that when resilience is taught in the classroom, grades and standardized testscores increased by 11 percent.Positive social behaviors and attitudesabout school, self and others increased9 percent. Andadolescent depression, anxiety andconduct problems decreased by 9 percent.Research from SEL and the PennResiliency Program (a school-basedintervention that is an offshoot of theuniversity’s resiliency research) has shown that“school-based interventions can havereal, lasting effects on student wellbeing,”Gregory writes.SEL centers on five guiding principles:self-awareness, self-management,social awareness, relationship skills andresponsible decision-making.From elementary through high schoolAustin ISD, the academic home to87,000 students, is among the first publicschool districts in the nation to bringSEL into the school day. The departmentopened in July 2011 and beganintroducing SEL into its vertical teamstructures (elementary schools that feedinto middle schools, which feed intohigh schools). The five vertical teamsleft will be included within the next twoschool years.The first two high schools tointegrate the SEL curriculum in Austinhad a very clear reason why: One had11 deaths on its campus within a year—some natural, some accidental, somesuicides. The other had seen promisingstudents drop out of college aftergraduation because they didn’t havethe grit to continue, “the ability to say,‘That really sucked but I can move on,’ ” as Sherrie describes it.Rudolph “Keeth” Matheny is anSEL instructional coach at one of thoseschools, Austin High School. Here’s one of his grit lessons: Take a piece of paperand draw a big square. Divide that intoquarters. Divide those into quarters.How many squares to you have?“The non-gritty say 16 and put theirheads down,” Keeth says. “Kids who aregritty see the whole thing is a square,so 17. And I guess each of the boxes is asquare, so 21. Then there’s a square inthe middle, so 22. Then each side hasfour more, so 26. There are three-by-three squares, four of those, so thereare 30.“I give a prize to the kid who findsthe 30 squares.Was it intelligence that enabled this student to see how many squares there were? Was it that he knew the answer? No. What caused him to accomplish this task differently than everybody else in the room? The answer is he persevered. He was willing to challenge himself to push through to find more squares. That’s what grit is.” More than 200 teachers have visited Austin ISD’s SEL program in the past year, observing what teachers like Keeth are doing. SELs don’t call such lessons “character,” as Martin, Angela and other researchers do. But the life lessons are quite similar.“We have a lesson in kindergartenon how we feel feelings in our bodies.Anger feels different than embarrassed,”Sherrie says. “In middle school, we havelessons about whether bullying can everbe an accident. In high school, we talkabout setting goals and making plans.All along the way, you have lessons inmanaging your own emotions. How do you handle anger, disappointment?How do you keep going? How do you joina group on the playground? How do youuse self-talk to keep going on somethingthat’s hard?”That’s where the grit comes in.“Your classroom teacher can say inmath class, ‘When I get to a problemthat makes me really want to give up, I really have to use some self-talk to say:‘I know how to do this. I can do this,’ ”Sherrie says. “Having the classroomteachers introduce the curriculumreally lets us work on that integration of learning throughout the school.”Austin’s goal is to eventually have“self-talk” on the day’s agenda, just likefractions. For now, though, the skills are woven into traditional academic lessonsas they are written by theSELteam.For example, while working on a scienceexperiment, students are instructed towork on making sure everybody gets aturn to talk. At the end of the lesson,students are asked to rate themselves ona scale of 1 to 5 on how they did withletting everyone talk and are asked torate their groups.“We make it visible,” Sherrie says.Resilience at KIPPTrinity Mann is in her second year at theKIPPInfinityMiddle School in New York City. The sixth-grade student struggledat her previous magnet school, so much sothat her confidencewas shaken, says hermom, Nicole.“If she would take a test and felt she gotone wrong, she was defeated,” Nicole says.“And for the rest of the test, even if sheknew the material, she’d already given up.”Nicole called it Trinity’s need to “snapback.” The Knowledge Is Power Program(KIPP) calls it her grit.Dave Levin and Mike Feinberg foundedKIPPin a Houston public school classroomof 47 kids in 1994. Today,KIPPis a publiccharter school with 141 campuses nationwide,serving 50,000 students in 20 states andWashington, D.C.KIPProlled out a morestructured character strength program inNew York City in 2009.KIPPfocuses on the seven characterstrengths Dave developed with Angelaand Chris Peterson, Ph.D.: grit,zest, self-control, social intelligence,gratitude, optimism and curiosity.Trinity has lessons in grit onTuesdays and Thursdays. But she usesthose lessons every day, according toher mother, who says she’s seen an 80to 90 percent improvement in Trinity’sability to snap back since she startedattendingKIPPInfinity. She shows gritin everything from math to dance.When Trinity was in the fifthgrade,she told her nonfictionteacher atKIPP she didn’t feel confident about her classwork. “He pushed me to dobetter, and I actually made a goodgrade,” she says. “And that wasmy goal.”Why is grit important to her?Because she wants to get into a topcollege, not just a college. That’s just what Dave had in mind back when hecreated the character program.“We always said our mission wascharacter and academic skills for collegeand life,” Dave says. “Anyone who spendsany time teaching or with kids knowsthat issues like self-control and grit andgratitude are important things to talk tokids about. Yet, we really didn’t know thescience behind it.”That was until Dave met Martinand Angela. “We’re working on goingbeyond the language of grit and lookingat the actual behaviors associated with it….I think that reallyclarifiesfor people what grit really means,” Dave says.KIPP focuses on fivegrit-specific behaviors: finishwhat you begin,stick with an activity for more than afew weeks, try hard after failure, staycommitted to goals and keep workinghard, even when you feel like quitting.“What you’re really trying to get kids to do is understand that there are repeatable behaviors that they can do to be gritty,” he says. “You’re alsotrying to work with teachers on how to structure your classroom and yourschools to create situations where kidsget to do these repeatable behaviors.For example, do students haveenough structure to sustain rigorous,independent practice in class—timeby themselves or with another student,working independent of a teacher—tokeep going?”Specific to Angela’s research,KIPPschools are asking teachers to increasethe amount of independent practicewithin their lessons and to work onbuilding stamina for reading.“That requires workingindependently with focus, not givingup when you get frustrated,” Daveexplains. “We’re intentionally teachingkids strategies to build their stamina,while, as the kids get older, we’reteaching them short- and long-termgoal-setting. When kids receive theirtests back in, say, math class, some ofour teachers are having kids creategoals for the next week: ‘How am Igoing to study for next week’s test?What am I going to do differently?’"VIA Institute onCharacterMartin’s work with VIA resultedin the classification of 24 characterstrengths.KIPP narrowed the 24 down to the ones with the strongest correlation toacademic achievement. VIA’s approach is similar, but focuses on the concept of “signature strengths.” “Each of us has a unique constellation of strengths,” VIA consultant Mark explains. “How can we help each student and teacher understand their own strengths profile? How do they use that profile to learn, achieve, connect with others? Ourapproach is respecting the individualcontent of each person’s character andshining a light on that.”The Newark Boys Chorus School,Shanghai American School and BellaVista Elementary School have usedVIA’s character strength approach.Jennifer Fisher, who taught first grade at Shanghai’s American Schoolwhen the school introduced VIAcharacter strengths into the curriculum,started the conversation during readingtime, highlighting strengths in thepicture book’s characters: “A word like‘perseverance,’ it’s a very big word. Butif you explain it to them and that itmeans you keep trying and you don’t give up, they’ll remember theword—‘perseverance.’ ”Mark doesn’t necessarily thinkgrit is more important for academicachievement today than it was 50 years ago. Students today facedifferent challenges. “While I think the ‘grit formula’ hasalways been in play, it may have greaterrelevance for students today simplybecause the opportunities to make one’smark seem to be somewhat more limitedthan they were at one time, due totechnology, a shrinking workforce, etc.,”he says. “When competition increases,perhaps grit becomes a more valuablecommodity. From an evolutionarystandpoint, this certainly makes sense.”Can You Make KidsMore—or Less—Gritty?Resilience education, as taught throughthe Penn Resiliency Program, focuseson six strengths: emotional competence,self-control, problem-solving anddecision-making, social awareness,social competence, self-efficacy andrealistic optimism.Gregory’s research indicates resiliencyis at least malleable, “making it a primetarget for interventions.”“The breadth of places where grit hasproved impactful is really incredible,”Dave says. “There are differentchallenges faced at different ages inpeople of different backgrounds, butsome of these character skills remain thesame. The frustrations and challengesaffluent kids or low-income kids facemay look different from time to time,yet both sets of kids need to be ableto get over their frustrations, to workindependently and focus. I think that’swhy Angela’s research is so powerfuland why so many people are so into itright now.”Are overly involved “helicopterparents” parenting in a way that’s counterproductive to the importance of developing grit in their kids? Maybe.“One way to think about it thatI share with parents and teachers isthat it is always safe to fail around thework kids are doing,” Dave says. “It isalways safe for kids to make mistakesin the essay they’re writing or the mathproject they’re doing or when learning to play the piano or violin. Mistakes areactually there for learning.”Sherrie agrees: “It is critical we teachthe kids, ‘You can do this yourself.’ ”In April, Austin ISD’s Keethspoke at a congressional hearing inWashington, D.C., hosted by theCommittee for Children on the topic ofteaching character strengths like grit inschool. His goal was not for parents towish their kids were in his classroom,but that his lessons were in everystudent’s classroom.“Everybody is all about the commoncore, math scores, biology scores,” hesays. “They don’t realize that it’s lessonslike this—like grit and mindset—thatmake all of those things better. Whenyou teach a kid to persevere, that you’renot born with math skills, that kidachieves way more. And that’s whenscores go up.”

Lifestyle

Tripped Up?

When people are stressed, youoften hear them say, “I needa vacation.” But could a less stressful trip result in higher happiness and energy at work? Is there a vacationfrom work that is scientifically proven to lead to greater levels of productivity,higher energy and lower stress?In December 2013, we set outto find the answer. More than 400people took our 34-question survey,and the results proved travel does notlower happiness when you return towork—travel stress does. Poorly plannedand stressful vacations eliminatedthe positive benefit of time away.In other words, most of the happinessgleaned from a vacation is dependentupon the stress level of the vacation. The less stress you have on yourtrip, the more likely you will be toexperience a positive benefit from thetime off.How to leave the stress at homeA well-managed vacation canmake you happier and less stressedand send you back to work with moreenergy and meaning in your life.Our findings aren’t radical. A 2010study published in the journal of AppliedResearch in Quality of Life by Dutchresearchers had similar results. Likeus, they found that of the 1,543 adultsthey questioned, most reported no change in their happiness before andafter a vacation if there were moderate tohigh levels of travel-related stress. Thisincludes stress involved with managingtransportation, dealing with detailswhile on the trip, unfamiliarity withthe location and not feeling safe.All contributed to travelers feelingless happy, more stressed and lessenergized when they returned to work.So why spend all the time,money and energy if there’s achance your vacations won’t makeyou happier? Because positive, low-stress vacations do have significant effects on our energy and stress.In our study, 94 percent had asmuch or more energy after comingback after a good trip. In fact, onlow-stress trips, 55 percent returnedto work with even higher levels ofenergy than before the trip.More vacation time, better vacation timeAnd top companies, includingMattress Firm, are starting to realizethat positive vacations can decreasestress and create what we call the“happiness advantage,” which includesraising sales by 37 percent, improvingproductivity by 31 percent, triplingcreativity and increasing the likelihood of a promotion by nearly 40 percent.The Houston-based company justannounced a new initiative this springthrough which employees who havemore than eight years’ seniority withMattress Firm will receive eight extravacation days. The goal is to createthe happiness advantage at work.“Ultimately, we understand the needfor our associates to love what theydo, who they do it with, and mostimportantly, why they do it,” says CoryLudens, vice president of learningand development. “Our purpose isto improve lives one night at a time,and that goes for our associates justas much as it does our guests.”In short, when you’re happy andwell-vacationed, your work, your company and you benefit. So, makeyour next vacation one that makes youfeel like you actually took a vacation.A positive, low-stress experience cansend you home recharged, refreshedand ready to get back to the real world,but a ho-hum or just average one canleave you feeling as if you never left.Bon voyage!ShawnAchoris theNew York Times best-selling author of The Happiness AdvantageandBefore Happiness.Shawn recently sat down with Oprah Winfrey to discuss his steps for achieving happiness on OWN’sSuper Soul Sunday.MichelleGielanis an expert on the science of positive communication and how to use it to fuel success.She formerly served as a national news anchor for CBS News, and is the founder of the Institute for Applied Positive Research, which works with companies and schools toraise employee engagement, productivity and happiness at work.

Volunteering

Adventures on Two Wheels

Before going on a bike ride with Trips for Kids, many of trip leader Michael Rogers' young riders had never been to the ocean.These are teens and tweens from Oakland, Calif., a city located directly on the Pacific Ocean, mind you. Some of them have views of the San Francisco Bay right from their bedroom windows. But they'd never seen it in person: dazzling sand, vivid blue water, waves foaming and breaking in a way that that's far more immense and awe-inspiring than it looks on TV or a movie screen."Talk about something that can transform you," says Michael, a perpetually smiling man with a head of springy blond curls. "No one ever thought to take them there. They never thought to walk there or take the bus. But once we take them on a bike, they know there's something amazing practically in their own backyards that they can go to any time."Biking for changeTrips for Kids is an international nonprofit with more than 80 chapters in the U.S., Canada, Israel and Sierra Leone that leads mountain biking trips for at-risk kids. The most active chapter is the Marin/Bay Area location, where Marilyn Price kicked the program off in 1988. Marilyn estimates the Marin chapter takes 1,600 kids ages 9 to 17 a year on rides. They are referred to the organization by schools and social service agencies who are trying to keep these young people on the right track.Michael, an intrepid bicyclist who leads trips five days a week, says something magic happens when he coaches a group of teens through hair-raising trails."When I'm working with older kids, I want them to explore the boundaries of physical exhaustion and where it meets with euphoria," says Michael. "When you push yourself to do something dangerous you've never done before, it makes you feel things you haven't felt before."Nature is nurturingHarvard Medical School professor of psychiatry Dr. John Ratey, author of Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brainand forthcoming book Go Wild, tends to agree.He says that exercise in any form increases the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain, activates endorphins, and encourages the production of BDNF, an important protein that John calls "Miracle-Gro for the brain." BDNF is also intimately bound up with depression: The less your brain has to work with, the more likely you are to be depressed."And then when you're cycling, particularly mountain biking, you're using your sense of balance, and alertness, you're varying your speed, you're watching what's ahead, what's on your side," says Dr. Ratey. "It all leads to a very active brain. And when the brain is active, it releases all those chemicals that make you smile."The group that rides together, confides togetherYes, there is that, Michael agrees. But there's something else, too. The riders are facing the (mild) danger of their rides together, screaming out encouragement, high-fiving when they all make it to the bottom of the hill together."If a kid falls they might laugh, but if someone's having trouble getting up a hill, everyone claps and says 'Go, go, go! You can do it!' And they always do! Having that kind of support, being with a group of people, working hard on something, and then making it happen -- I can't think of a better metaphor for life: You put in the hard work of getting to the top, and then there's the long, amazing ride down."The teens and tweens talk about things on the rides, too, says Michael. Personal things. Things they may not be able to tell the kids they know at school, or their parents. They connect, and learn that many of them share the same problems."It's all very natural; the kids don't even realize they're getting fed information about making better choices," says Michael.Open your psycheParents who have noticed they have great conversations with the kids while driving would agree: There's something special about talking with other people while you're not staring each other in the eye. When you're both engaged in something taking part of your concentration, the pressure's off to fill awkward silence. Interesting things emerge."And so the Trips for Kids riders befriend each other in this easy, simple way, while at the same time connecting with nature as well as their own psyches.And these bike riding bonding experiences can be monumental and even life-changingevents for adult as well as kids. As Barb Chamberlain, the executive director of Spokane bike advocacy organization Washington Bikes, wrote in a recent series about how cycling every day changed her life:"Adults don’t have many playgrounds: Places in which to hang out with a stranger side by side, testing the same new experience or challenge, and starting to talk with each other or help each other out, thus easing into a new relationship. In grade school that swing set or tetherball encounter might launch a lifelong friendship simply through the shared activity that gives you time to talk and get to know each other.""When you're on a bike, you're free. Not just free, but unbound," says Michael, a faraway look in his eye. "There's nothing between you and the wind and the air. It's exhilarating. It's like nothing else."Interested in volunteering or learning more about biking for fitness, friendship or philanthropy? Trips for Kids has chapters all over the country. And many metropolitan areas have community-based cycling organizations, such asAtlanta's Beltline Bike Shop or Seattle's Bike Works.Joyce Slatonis a freelance writer who lives in San Francisco. She blogs regularly for Babycenter.com.

Self-Care

Clap Along

For proof of how contagious music can be, we need look no further than Pharrell Williams’ current hit song, “Happy." The upbeat, infectious track from the 2013 movie Despicable Me 2 (and the lead single from Pharrell’s 2014 album G I R L) has not only topped the charts and prompted millions of downloads in multiple countries, but also has spawned hundreds of tribute videos on YouTube. Everyone seems to be singing (and dancing) along; the “Happy” music is as contagious as its message. The song’s effect is no fluke; studies show that our brains are hardwired to react to music. Brigham Young University psychology professor Ross Flom, Ph.D., found that babies as young as five months old reacted positively to happy, upbeat tunes; by nine months, they also responded to sad songs. And as our brains develop, the psychological effect of music only intensifies. Music as therapy Today, doctors know that music provides much more than ear candy; it’s been used to boost patients’ immune systems following surgery, to lower blood pressure and heart rates in cardiac patients and to reduce stress in pregnant women. Cal State Sacramento researchers discovered that children are happier during music therapy than during play therapy, and music therapy also is a proven treatment for anxiety, depression and loneliness in the elderly. So what is it about music that makes us so happy? For one, it’s the rhythm and tempo itself. Songs with a fast tempo written in a major key bring about physical changes that are associated with happiness, such as breathing faster. Neuroimaging studies show that, like language, music stimulates many areas of the brain and helps spark imagination. Songs with lyrics fire up the part of the brain that processes language, while the visual cortex works on creating a visual image. Meanwhile, the motor cortex wants to get in on the act, too, and makes us start tapping our feet. The cerebellum ends up playing traffic cop, using previously heard songs as a way of trying to figure out where the music is going next; and the medial prefrontal cortex—our memory bank —is lighting up with nostalgia. In short, the pieces of our brain work together like a scientific symphony to decipher this music. And the result? Imaging studies show that it releases dopamine and gives us the same kind of pleasurable feeling we get from chocolate or sex. Radio on That’s good news for people who need a quick boost of happiness. While more conventional methods of developing happiness – like practicing gratitude or exercising a signature character strength – are touted as ways to build long-term wellbeing, results from a pair of studies published last year in The Journal of Positive Psychology showed that listening to music could elevate happiness levels almost immediately. Both studies found that people who consciously tried to feel happier while listening to music reported a more positive feeling afterwards than those who simply focused on listening to the music. In other words, intentions matter. While merely listening to upbeat music will help put us in a good mood, researchers found that listening to upbeat music with the specific goal of boosting our mood can turbo-charge the effect. Sad songs, too Surprisingly, it’s not just those feel-good ditties that can boost your mood—Elton John had it right when he sang, “Sad Songs Say So Much.” A Japanese study published last year in Frontiers in Emotion Science found that people who listened to sad songs felt happier than expected when they listened to sad songs. One explanation? If we expect a song to make us feel sad, we actually feel happy when that expectation is met. So, in essence, it’s feeling sad that makes us happy – a complex emotional response that Ohio State University researcher and author David Huron calls “sweet anticipation.” What’s more, researchers from the UK found that listeners who focus on the beauty of sad songs found it to be an effective way to alleviate sadness. Their study, which was published in the journal Psychology of Music, also found that people who listened to sad songs that they felt related to their own personal experiences actually felt happier afterwards. Tunes from the past, meanwhile, can create feelings of connectedness, which boosts self-esteem and leads to a happier more optimistic outlook, according to a recent study from the University of Southampton. Studies show that, happy or sad, music can alter our mood and lift our sense of wellbeing. So go ahead: clap your hands, and check out our own Live Happy Playlist on Grooveshark.

Self-Care

New Issue of Live Hapy Magazine Reveals How Compassion Can Improve Wellbeing

Dallas, TX – May 6, 2014 – Considered one of the greatest virtues, compassion – the feeling of empathy for others – is the theme of Live Happy magazine’s May/June 2014 issue that hits stands today. Live Happy is the first ever lifestyle magazine to balance the science of positive psychology with the art of application, and as the new issue reveals, recent studies and scientific research confirm that people who practice compassion receive an array of benefits that go beyond simply feeling good.While Live Happy has offered in-depth celebrity interviews in its previous issues, this month marks its first celebrity feature cover with actor Chris O’Donnell. In “I am Happy,” O’Donnell, considered one of the nicest guys in show business, shares how he maintains his happiness throughout his life’s hectic journey, even with the demands of his large family and booming career.“May and June are the two months we celebrate mothers and fathers each year, and strong personal relationships between parents and children are a key ingredient to happiness,” adds Nickell. “Because of this, Live Happy not only share Chris’ insights on parenting, but also ways to thank parents and those in our lives – with something even as simple as giving a hug.”As always, Live Happy offers the “Live Happy Now” section and this month’s “Top Ten” article features the Top 10 American Summer Destinations. In addition, this issue’s “Profile” features the Dalai Lama on why he believes happiness, love, and compassion go hand in hand. Continuing its mission to make 2014 the “year of happiness” and empowering its readers to achieve authentic happiness by helping to incorporate practical tools into their lives, this issue of Live Happy also features 31 ways to “Be More Compassionate in May,” and readers can go to livehappy.com for 30 ideas on how to make June a month of giving as well.The May/June issue also marks bestselling author Gretchen Rubin as a regular Live Happy columnist. In her first column, the happiness expert shares her six tips for “Nurturing a Happy Family,” all of which personally help her be the parent she strives to be – from getting enough sleep, to living by the “one-minute” rule, to remembering to cherish each day.In addition, with summer vacations right around the corner, this year, instead of returning more stressed than when one left, columnists Michelle Gielan and positive psychology expert Shawn Achor share their tips for an energy-boosting vacation in “Tripped Up.” Being happy and well-vacationed should lead to a positive outcome, which will in turn benefit one’s work, company, and ultimately him or herself. In addition to his contribution to Live Happy’s current issue, Shawn also sits down with Oprah Winfrey on OWN’s Super Soul Sunday for a 2-part interview on May 25th and June 2nd to discuss his steps for achieving happiness.This issue’s feature article “Listening with Your Heart” explores new scientific studies and data regarding compassion: what it is, what it triggers in the human body, and how it affects each of us both physically and emotionally. The article also examines existing evidence that through breathing and meditation, individuals can actually change the brain’s biology to increase the acts of kindness that it triggers.The May/June issue of Live Happy features a myriad of other inspiring articles and features that reflect the theme of compassion as well, including:“The Promise of Positive Education” reveals evidence that character strengths such as grit, perseverance, and resilience have actually proven to be stronger predicators of success than IQ or the type of home someone grows up in.“Changing Lives” explores the mutual benefit of mentoring. Individuals, young and old alike, that have a caring mentor in their world usually do better in life, and having access to such an individual provides opportunities for mentees to achieve their goals and interests, and help them flourish.Not only can a quick siesta enhance one’s mood, but as “Nap Your Way Happy” reveals, a little daytime downtime can offer tremendous health benefits as well. From improving memory, to reducing stress, to strengthening the immune system, this article is a must-read for anyone who doesn’t want to feel guilty about briefly curling up on the couch.In “Embrace Your You,” regular columnist, psychotherapist, and relationship expert Stacy Kaiser offers a few easy steps that can help readers rid negative thoughts to embrace and nourish a more positive and accepting image of their own bodies.As every article in the May/June 2014 issue of Live Happy reveals, practicing self-compassion and kindness towards others are among life’s most important and rewarding experiences, and will profoundly help readers in their ever-evolving pursuit of happiness.# # #About Live HappyLive Happy LLC is dedicated to promoting and sharing authentic happiness through education, integrity, gratitude, and community awareness. Headquartered in Dallas, Texas, its mission is to impact the world by bringing the happiness movement to a personal level and inspiring people to engage in living purpose-driven, healthy, meaningful lives.Media Inquiries:Rachel AlbertKrupp Kommunicationsralbert@kruppnyc.com(212) 886-6704

Self-Care

More Fun, More Fitness

I nearly skipped my exercise class the other day. No real reason—I wasn’t ill, my workout clothes weren’t in the laundry, I wasn’t trapped in one of those three-hour windows during which the cable guy might show up. I was just a little cranky, and antsy about a looming deadline. It was freezing outside—a cruel slip of the mercury after a sundress-and-sandal-worthy weekend. Going AWOL from my workout meant I could spend the morning working in the toasty warmth of my house, feeling productive, cozy, content.Except I knew I would be anything but content if I blew off class. I wouldn’t feel guilty about neglecting my cardio health, or worry that skipping a workout would be a death sentence for my waistline. I doubted my frugal self would fret about the fact that I’d already paid. It just so happens that this particular exercise class—a hip-hop dance class that I take three times a week—is also one of the richest sources of happiness in my life.The un-hedonic treadmillNow, if you consider your fitness routine to be a chore, a bore, (or worse—it hurts, you hate it), you may find it hard to understand how I could derive flat-out elation from muscle-challenging, sweat-inducing physical exertion. Cynics may even sniff, “Of course you feel good after class: It’s the endorphins, stupid.” True, plenty of research shows that exercise triggers the release of mood-lifting brain chemicals. I feel pretty darn good after a workout with a trainer, too, even though I wince every time he makes me do something like hop from side-to-side over a block of wood. But the effect on my mood, both during and after, doesn’t come close to my beloved dance class.My emotions are affected in a vastly different way by the two mainstays of my fitness regimen: One leaves me feeling good afterwards, even if I don’t always enjoy it; the other has me pumped from the minute I step onto the floor until hours later, when I crank up whatever song we’re working on and dance it out in the kitchen (causing my kids to run screaming from the room!). I wondered what it is about hip-hop that brings me such glee, and how those things might be helpful for anyone in search of fitness bliss. Here’s what I came up with:The fun factorI’ve always gravitated toward dance-y activities: ballet in college; in my twenties, an addictive aerobics class on the Upper West side of Manhattan that had me prancing around in Reeboks and leg-warmers like a Rockette; highly choreographed step classes after having my first kid. I’m not alone: Zumba is the largest fitness brand in the world, according to BusinessInsider.com. WERQ (dance workouts that, like Zumba, are taught by certified pros) are popping up in health clubs and other fitness facilities nationwide. (There’s even a class in Manhattan that teaches Beyonce routines!)Studies have found that when you find an activity enjoyable, you’re more likely to commit to it, so the fact that I straight-up love moving to music has lots to do with my commitment to hip-hop. “The first thing I talk about with women who want to start an exercise program is finding something they want to do,” says Jennifer Huberty, Ph.D., an associate professor of exercise and wellness at Arizona State University and founder of FitMinded, a woman’s book club designed to promote physical activity. “I suggest approaching it like speed-dating: Try as many things as you can until you find something that clicks.”My hip-hop familyI’ve been in class with many of the same people for five years. We have a Facebook page, meet up for drinks, swap recipes and send flowers when a member loses a loved one. Looking forward to seeing folks I’ve grown fond of definitely motivates me. “Social support is a key facilitator of physical activity,” agrees Huberty. That doesn’t mean your exercise mates need to be your best friends. Even if you’re in a room full of strangers, you can draw on their energy and enthusiasm. You may even get a better workout, depending on who you sweat with: A recent study published in the Journal of Social Sciences found that when people exercised with someone they considered more fit than themselves, they worked harder.An amazing teacherMy class wouldn’t exist without our teacher, Angel Williams. Angel’s approach to teaching is to treat us like professional dancers rehearsing for a big performance. Her verbal flair and ability to evoke mental images helps us understand how we should move our bodies. And finally, she has an incredibly compelling personal story: Angel was seriously overweight when she began teaching hip-hop at our local YMCA in 2004; in that time she’s overcome a lot of prejudice about her size, has gone from a size 26 to a 10 (and is fast approaching her 6-to-8 goal), and is now in business for herself. Because Angel inspires us so much, we want to do our best for her. If you’re into group exercise, an instructor who inspires and entertains can definitely make the workout more enjoyable.It’s empowering In class, Angel demands that we check our everyday identities and inhibitions at the door, and forget that we have desk jobs and families, problems and responsibilities. It’s a liberating mindset. I’m thrilled to find that I can make my body move in ways that I would never have thought possible. As a white mom of four living in the suburbs, I hardly have a natural knack for urban dance! It’s an exhilarating accomplishment to master the intricate choreography that Angel dreams up. My friend Deb summed it up perfectly: “It’s like therapy. On the dance floor I’m no longer a mom, a wife, a creative director—I’m a woman. I can appreciate and challenge my body rather than nitpick and notice the flaws. I don’t even notice it’s exercise—it’s joy, power, sexuality, childhood, anger, freedom, storytelling. The fact that it’s a damn good workout is secondary.”

Self-Care

Fit for Happiness

As a fitness instructor, motivational speaker and lifestyle coach, Chalene Johnson has heard it hundreds of times: “If I can just lose 20 pounds, I’ll be happy.” Or, “I’ll be happy once I getback in shape.” The problem is, she says, it doesn’t work that way.“Most people assume that if they can achieve their physical goals, they’ll be happy. So they go to extreme measures, and either they fail because the goal was too big, or they succeed at their goal, but find out it doesn’t change how they feelabout themselves—so they still perceivethemselves as failing.”While setting personal health and fitness goals is important, believing thathappiness will come from reaching thosegoals can set someone up for failure. “Happiness never comes from theoutside,” Chalene says. “It comes froma combination of all areas of our lives.Certainly, a lot of people start from theoutside, but it is the other changes theymake in their lives along the way thattruly make them happy.”She says working on fitness goals mayhelp put other areas of life in balance. Forexample, people may work fewer hours orspend less time in front of the television;they might start eating healthier mealsand make better choices. As all of those different areas of their lifebegin aligning, they are less likelyto self-medicate with food oralcohol—and as a result, theyfeel happier overall.Chalene’s observations, whichcome from more than 20 years of fitness and lifestyle coaching, havegrowing scientific evidence toback them up. Tim Sharp,Ph.D., executive coach,clinical psychologistand adjunct professorat the University of Technology, Sydney, Business School and RMIT University & School of Health Sciences, is alsofounder of The Happiness Institute,based in Sydney. His research theory, called “The Primacy of Positivity,”proposes that practicing the principlesof positive psychology and doing what isnecessary to create a happy life must bethe first step—not the end result.Taking such an approach “will boostmotivation and energize a person tothen do more of what they need to do,such as live a healthy life,” he says. “Allof these principles are very possible before goal attainment.”Delaying HappinessThe belief that happiness comes from reaching goals can actually have a negative effect on people, creating what Tim calls “the tyranny of when.” “[This] is the phenomenon resulting from a group of related thoughts and beliefs associated with imagined and seemingly desirable, but currently unreached, goals,” he explains. “For example, ‘I’ll be happy when…I have more money, a bigger house or a better job.’”In a paper published in theMarch 2011 edition of Coaching: AnInternational Journal of Theory, Researchand Practice, Tim explains how “thetyranny of when” can thwart goals andlead to a range of problems, includingnegative and self-defeating emotions.When someone is operating under“the tyranny of when” and fails toreach a goal, they may have already talked themselves out of being happy.As a result, any success or progressthey might have made on the way toreaching that goal is discounted. Forexample, instead of being happy aboutlosing eight pounds and celebrating thataccomplishment, someone might bedisappointed because they didn’t losethe 10 pounds they had intended.As a countermeasure, Tim isamong those who propose a newapproach that challenges the traditionof working toward goals. He arguesthat achievement and success are moreattainable if happiness and positivity arecreated first.“So even if happiness is not anexplicit goal in and of itself, it shouldstill be seen as a highly useful means toa desired end.”Reversing theThought ProcessShawn Achor, author of the books Before Happiness and The Happiness Advantage says the practice of attaching happiness to a goal or accomplishment is “scientifically broken" and believesit interferes not only with our overallhappiness, but with our outcomesand success.“Every time you record a victory,your brain changes the goal post of whatsuccess looks like,” he notes, addingthat it means we will always need a newaccomplishment to continue feelingsuccessful. However, research Shawnhas conducted at Harvard Universityindicates that the level of happinesscreated by the success doesn’t change orincrease with each success; it remainsthe same.In other words, greatersuccess does not, by itself, translate togreater levels of happiness.“But flip around the formula,prioritize creating a positive brain inthe present, and suddenly, every singlebusiness and educational outcomerises,” he says. “Raise happiness levelsin the present and your success raterises dramatically.”Successfully reaching personalweight and fitness goals requiresbecoming realistic about what one wantsto accomplish, and about the result thatreaching that goal will have.“Part of the frustration that canoftentimes come from trying to speedtoward certain goals is that sometimesthose goals are irrational,” he says.“Start with a realistic assessment ofwhere you are, but maintain the beliefthat your behavior matters in thepresent: ‘Can I work out today?’ ”That’s a simpler and more attainablegoal than vowing to exercise six days aweek.Looking at the goal in smaller,bite-size pieces makes it moremanageable, and creates more victoriesto celebrate. It also helps us stay positiveand makes us less likely to berateourselves if we have an “off” day,knowing it can be compensated for thenext day. Becoming more realistic andstaying committed while not makinghappiness contingent upon the outcomeare important shifts in thinking thatallow us to accept ourselves morereadily—and be able to celebrate theaccomplishment of simply takingbetter care of ourselves. And, bestof all, pursuing a healthier and more fitlifestyle will automatically supporteach individual’s personal questfor happiness.Which Comes First?Dr. John Ratey, an associate professorof psychiatry at Harvard and the authorof the book Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain explains that exercise and happinessgo hand-in-hand. The challenge liesin getting people to recognize its many benefits and stop looking at it merely as a tool for physical attractiveness.“There’s a feeling among many people that exercise is work, and that’s a problem,” he says. “They see it as a chore or as work instead of seeing it assomething that has tremendous benefits to them. We are such a push-button,immediate digitalized response world that we demand change immediately,and that’s our downfall when it comes to exercise. If people are using thisto improve their outward physicalappearance, they know it’s going to takesome time.”However, he says anyone whoexercises can enjoy immediate benefits,even though they aren’t necessarily the kind of results that will show up on thescale in the morning.“People talk a lot about endorphinsthat are released through exercise,but that is just part of it,” John says.“When we begin exercising, we almost immediately begin releasing dopamine,norepinephrine and serotonin. Thoseare all neurotransmitters that deal with feelings of reward, alertness,contentment and feelings of wellbeing.”Even more importantly, the brain begins to secrete something known as “brain-derived neurotrophic factor,” or BDNF, a protein that is associated with the growth and development of neurons within the brain. John calls BDNF “brain fertilizer,” noting that it has been proven effective in combating both depression and anxiety, and even has been successful in fighting substance abuse issues.Exercise: The Stress Killer“In general, it allows us to combatstress hormones directly within thebody, but also to combat outsidestresses overall. And all of those thingscontribute to our feelings of happiness.”John says the key to enjoying a fitnessregimen—and therefore, increasing theodds of staying with it—is to understandthe immediate benefits it creates andbegin appreciating what it can do in theshort term rather than focusing on long-termbenefits.“People know that it’s going to havelong-term effects; it can fight depressionand Alzheimer’s and help them loseweight,” he says. “But we’ve become tooaccustomed to only placing an emphasison the physical. There are tremendousimmediate emotional and cognitiveeffects to exercise.”Maintaining a commitment to fitness can create a sense of mastery and pride in accomplishment—while at the same time, triggering a series of positive neural responses within the brain. It can lower blood pressure and blood sugar levels in just a few minutes, and it improves mood and enhances the quality of sleep. John says it doesn’t matter what the activity is; regardless of whether it’s yoga, CrossFit, weightlifting or Zumba, any exercise that stresses and challenges the brain will engage it immediately and set the benefits in motion. In fact, he notes that the brain is more engaged during exercise than it is during any other activity—including studying.“The thing that people need to thinkabout is that they are doing somethingto make them feel better today,” Johnsays. “When you exercise and increaseyour overall feeling of wellbeing fortoday, you’re going to feel better abouteverything that happens that day. You’regoing to feel happier overall.”A 2013 study by Katherine M.Appleton of Queen’s University inBelfast, U.K., published in the Journalof Health Psychology further illustratesJohn’s point. Her study showed thatregular exercise helped people feelbetter about themselves and theirappearance—even when there wereno obvious outward physical changes.Participants were divided into twocontrol groups; one group spent 40minutes reading six days a week, theother group spent that same amount oftime exercising. Neither group showedchanges in their appearance, but at theend of the study, the exercise groupshowed marked improvement in theirbody image, while the reading groupshowed no change in their body image.Katherine wrote that her study“confirm(ed) current theories of bodyimage, where changes in body imageare mediated by body perceptions asopposed to actual body indices.” Whatshe saw firsthand was that exercisecan help improve body image and mindset, even if no weight was lost or ifmeasurable improvements were made inthe shapes of their bodies.Katherine’s findings are similar tothose being made by other psychologistsand scientists around the globe.Many experts today believe that thelink between physical activity andhappiness is inextricably linked,and that exercise is a way to unleashhappiness—something that could play apivotal role in helping people reach theirpersonal health and fitness goals.Reaching Realistic GoalsHarvard psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., who teaches a course on positive psychology, frequently preaches a gospel of exercise to induce and maintain happiness. “Physical exercise, three times a week, is equivalent to some of our most powerful psychiatric drugs in terms of its effect on depression and anxiety,” he said during the PBS television program, Life (Part 2).He has frequently been quoted as saying avoiding exercise is the equivalent to taking depressants. And Niyc Pidgeon, a U.K.-based positive psychologist specializing in physical activity, sport and exercise, has created a performance pyramid similar to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to illustrate the formula for reaching optimal performance in life. Her model places “mindsets and optimism” as the essential foundation for building other necessary characteristics such as self-awareness, positive emotions and emotional intelligence.“Choosing an [optimistic] mindset can be fundamental in developing, enhancing and maintaining performance,” she says. “Optimism is associated with more positive and authentic relationships, better physical health and a longer lifespan.”What emerges is a sort of chicken-and-the-egg question between exercise andhappiness. Exercise is proven successful in releasing stress, unleashing feel-good chemicals in the brain, and enhancing mood and motivation. At the same time, those who see the results of exercise as thepath to their happiness may find themselves disappointed, disillusioned—and ultimately unsuccessful at both finding happiness and reaching their goals.“If you solely focus on your physiqueand that outcome, you’re going to bedisappointed,” concludes Chalene.“You have to find what makes you trulyhappy in life first. You have to create thatbalance in your life. Otherwise, you willstay on this hamster wheel of trying to behappy forever.”

Self-Care

A Happiness Backlash?

Is the "happiness movement" creating a league of shallow people and overindulged kids? Lately, there has been an explosion in both the science and celebration of happiness, as well as a focus on the tools we can use to help ourselves and those around us gain a better sense of wellbeing. You might say that happiness is in the air: In best-selling books, loads of articles and even our own magazine and website. And, of course, it is now also stuck in everyone’s heads, thanks toPharrell'subiquitous song. It's not surprising then that this critical mass surrounding positivity and an emphasis on happiness at home and in the workplace is producing something of a backlash. After all, a focus on happiness can come across as saccharine and shallow. But boiling down the tenets of happiness to a search for hedonistic pleasure would be a huge misreading of the movement. Happy overload Last week columnist David Brooks came out with a piece in The New York Times suggesting that instead of seeking to avoid suffering by being “happy,” we should embrace it as an opportunity for growth. While beautifully written and cogently argued, I think it misses the point. “Over the past few weeks,” he says, “I’ve found myself in a bunch of conversations in which the unspoken assumption was that the main goal of life is to maximize happiness.” But with all this focus on happiness, says Brooks, we are missing out on the true growth that occurs when we embrace, instead of avoid, suffering. Being happy does not mean avoiding suffering “Happiness wants you to think about maximizing your benefits,” Brooks says, whereas “difficulty and suffering sends you on a different course….Suffering drags you deeper into yourself” and “gives people a more accurate sense of their own limitations.” He gives a mocking example of what he imagines a happiness expert might advise someone who is suffering: “Well, I’m feeling a lot of pain over the loss of my child. I should try to balance my hedonic account by going to a lot of parties and whooping it up.” But finding or embracing happiness does not mean whooping it up to forget our sorrows. Divorce, death, illness, injury—we will all experience suffering. What's important is not to arrange your life so that you never take risks or keep away from those under the weight of suffering or tragedy. What's important is how you bounce back, grow and help others recover and rebound after going through a turbulent time. The tools of positive psychology—gratitude, compassion, resilience, optimism—are indispensable when it comes to recovering from trauma. Raising ‘happy’ kids On April 16, an article on The Huffington Post by Richard Weissbourd, a lecturer at the Harvard School of Education, and associate professor Stephanie Jones offered a similar critique, this time suggesting that “behind this relentless focus on happiness is an intense focus on the self” and that “happiness doesn't automatically lead to goodness.” Exactly. In fact, happiness research has shown that it is the other way around—that being kind, compassionate and giving to others actually makes us happy. “With parents and kids, this focus on happiness and the self has real consequences,” the article continues. “Kids are allowed to skip out on obligations to teams and groups because participation no longer makes them happy; they are free to (or even encouraged to) drop friends who are annoying, weird or just not fun; and they sometimes treat the adults in their lives like staff or as invisible—neglecting to thank them or show appreciation.” Again, I would argue that the authors have it backward. An increasing number of studies show that raising happy, well-adjusted kids requires a focus on responsibility and respect, among other attributes, which then leads to wellbeing and happiness. Responsibility and respect build self-esteem In fact, the authors echo many happiness experts and the themes of our own Acts of Happiness campaign when they write that we need to model behavior for our children by “contributing to our communities, taking action against injustice, making even small sacrifices regularly for friends and neighbors.” They continue by saying “the data suggest that moral and caring kids tend to be happier kids and adults” with a link to the author’s own research and book. But that same conclusion has also come out of the positive psychology camp, with its emphasis on “The Meaningful Life” as the most important attribute of happy people. According to leading positive psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman, in a meaningful life, “Meaning is increased through our connections to others, future generations or causes that transcend the self. From a positive psychology perspective, meaning consists of knowing what your highest strengths are, and then using them to belong to and serve something you believe is larger than the self.” Look beyond the smiley face I understand the temptation to recoil and play devil’s advocate in the face of all this glowing positivity, giving rise to books like Barbara Ehrenreich’s Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining Americaand Oliver Burkeman’s The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking. After all, we are critically thinking, doubting, sometimes-suffering people who could do without a bunch of easy, cheesy homilies and “Kumbaya” drum circles to tell us how to feel. But don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. A focus on how we can make ourselves and others happier, including science-based recommendations for increasing our wellbeing, does not entail steering clear of suffering, nor does it mean going to more parties or letting your kids do whatever they want. The critics have a point in the sense that a singular focus on happiness can seem to gloss over some of the deeper and more painful aspects of our personalities. But they need to read further than the titles of articles and, according to Brooks, the “more than 1,000 books released on Amazon on that subject [happiness]” in one three-month period. The pursuit of happiness is easy to poke fun at, but if we think less about ourselves and more about our connections to others in the community and the world, the closer we’ll get to that goal.

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