Moving Toward Happiness

The Restless Pursuit of Something Better

No one likes moving, and yet Americans like it more (or hate it less) than most. The average American relocates 11.7 times over the course of a lifetime. And although that figure is slightly down over previous decades, the fact remains that the United States is still one of the most mobile societies in the world.In addition to the bodily aches and bruises that come with putting your life in a box, psychologists point to increased levels of anxiety and stress, disorientation and loss. In some cases, moving can induce panic attacks in the face of the uncertainties that lie ahead; in others, a sense of mourning and regret for what is left behind. Why do we put ourselves through this pain? In pursuit of pleasure and happiness, of course!Always on the moveWe are, after all, a nation of immigrants. Pulling up roots in search of a better life is part our national DNA. One of the most astute observers of the young United States, the Frenchman Alexis de Tocqueville, pointed this out long ago. In a famous passage in his Democracy in America (1835–1840), he observed:In the United States a man builds a house in which to spend his old age, and he sells it before the roof is on; he plants a garden and lets [rents] it just as the trees are coming into bearing; he brings a field into tillage and leaves other men to gather the crops; he embraces a profession and gives it up; he settles in a place, which he soon afterwards leaves to carry his changeable longings elsewhere."In Tocqueville’s view, Americans’ restless pursuit of the “shortest cut to happiness” actually led them astray, causing them to focus on imaginary futures at the expense of good lives just under their noses.How well do we know what we want?Contemporary psychologists warn us that when it comes to moving, we are often poor predictors of how happy we’ll be when we get to our new homes.The reason for this has to do with what the Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert calls “impact bias,” an inherent human tendency to exaggerate the emotional “impact” or effect of future events. Human beings, it turns out, are surprisingly bad at what Dan calls “affective forecasting”—that is, predicting how they will feel down the road.For evolutionary reasons, our brains seem to have developed in such a way as to exaggerate the emotional consequences of later events—either to motivate us by the enticing prospect of future pleasure, or to scare us so that we’ll stay out of harm’s way.The good news about all this is that negative events also seldom affect us as much as we fear. But the bad news, as Dan explains, is that “the good things that happen to us don't feel as good or last as long as we think they will.” When it comes to relocating, the Nobel Prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman puts it this way: “Moving to California Won’t Make You Happier.”Sometimes the grass really is greenerHowever, recent research suggests that our immigrant ancestors—and those in our own time setting out from the underdeveloped world in search of greater freedom, prosperity, and happiness—were and are often right to get up and go. They are happier for it. From better schools to better jobs to a bigger backyard or closer proximity to family, there are all kinds of good reasons to pack your bags.The trick, as Dan explains, is to talk to as many people in advance who have actually made the move that you want to make. We may be bad at predicting how happy we’ll be in the future ourselves, but those who are already there don’t suffer from impact bias: they can tell it like it is. Other peoples’ experiences, in other words, can help you calibrate for the distortion of your own fantasies and figure out whether or not it makes sense to stay put.
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7 Tips for Improving Your Daily Commute

7 Ideas to Reboot Your Commute

Ideally, we would wake up each morning and take a leisurely stroll to the office, with no need to worry about traffic jams, packed trains, or late buses. In reality, most of us have to travel some distance to work (even those who work from home often have to commute to meetings), and commuting can have a negative impact on the mind and body. A 2012 American Journal of Preventive Medicine study linked longer commutes with poor cardiovascular and metabolic health, and a 2014 World Leisure Journal study showed people with the longest commutes as having the lowest overall satisfaction with life. Clearly, commuting isn’t great for living a happy life, but it’s often unavoidable. The U.S. Department of Transportation estimates (PDF file) the average commute is 12 miles and takes 24 minutes, each way. Here are many things you can do to make the most of the time spent traveling to and from work, including: 1. Avoid peak traffic time Mornings can be tough, but if you adjust your schedule so you’re leaving before or after the average commuter, you’ll likely have to contend with less traffic (and stress!). In some places, even a matter of minutes can make a difference. Want to really cut down on the commute time? Ask your boss if you can work odd hours (like 10am-7pm). 2. Switch up commute route Another way to make a commute bearable is by varying your route. Taking new routes—or taking a different route to and from work—can make driving more enjoyable, allowing you to experience new scenery. And, because a new route requires more attention, it can also help you stay more present, which is a great way to cut down on stress. 3. Carpool with a coworker Not only is carpooling better for the environment, it can positively impact your mental state. Carpooling keeps you accountable for timely arrival, which can set the tone for the day. In addition, sharing the car ride can make the driving experience more enjoyable, as you’re able to have conversations and share observations. 4. Treat yourself on the road Your commute can be a great opportunity to treat yourself while on the road. For example, if you love coffee or tea, prepare your favorite blend before you hop in the car. Or, if you’re a chocolate lover, keep your favorite bar in your desk and break off a bit for the ride home as a reward for facing the daunting task of traveling in traffic. 5. Listen to a book or podcast Make your commute more appealing by indulging in a captivating audio book or podcast. Audio books and podcasts have come a long way in recent years, and there are tons of options for quality (and often free!) content. Consider using the time spent commuting to catch up on classic novels, learn a new language, or educate yourself on an unfamiliar topic. Download our new podcast on the science of well-being, Live Happy Now. 6. Use a calming scent Consider using a car freshener with scents of lavender or jasmine or bring some tea with chamomile or vanilla. On the bus or train, consider dabbing a tiny bit of essential oil on your wrist in a soothing scent like sandalwood or rose. When you start to feel stressed, you can inhale and receive an instant bit of calm. 7. Soothe yourself with sound Music has the ability to change the way we feel in a matter of seconds. To ease the stress of the daily commute, fill your music player or phone with soothing tunes. Not big on music and don’t know what would calm you? Consider listening to one of the 10 most scientifically relaxing songs. If music really isn’t your thing, consider downloading a white noise app, which can also have a soothing impact. Dani DiPirro is an author, blogger, and designer living in a suburb of Washington, D.C. In 2009, she launched the website PositivelyPresent.com with the intention of sharing her insights about living a positive and present life. Dani is the author of Stay Positive, The Positively Present Guide to Life, and a variety of e-books. She is also the founder of Twenty3, a design studio focused on promoting positive, modern graphic design and illustration.
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Go Viral

Go Viral by Sharing Smart

The following is an excerpt from the book Broadcasting Happiness: The Science of Igniting and Sustaining Positive Changeby Live Happy columnist Michelle Gielan—available online and at stores near you.You are a broadcaster, whether you realize it or not. And the messages you choose to broadcast as a parent, colleague, manager or friend change how others see their potential to overcome challenges and create positive change. Broadcasting stresses, hassles and complaints limits the human brain’s potential. Focusing on the meaning in the work we do, things we are grateful for, and recent success fuels us and those round us to be even happier and more motivated. And if we activate others to spread those positive messages, we deepen our network and our influence. The key is to pick the right messages and get them to continue to spread in a ripple effect—to go viral.The most viral stories raise the status of the broadcaster who shares them. Everyone secretly wants to be in the club: The more intelligent, knowledgeable, or socially connected someone is perceived to be, often the more valuable the person is within his or her network. Therefore, the information broadcasters share is not only a reflection on them—it also builds or decreases their social capital with others.Status in "the tribe"If you give people in your network top-quality, useful information to share, you’ll not only be highly regarded by the people in your tribe—you’ll give them the material needed to enhance their status with their audience as well.Provide your network with smart, unique stories that help raise their status as being people “in the know.” It makes them experts—with high social capital—as they share information with their networks. And the best part is the cycle will continue as the people they share your message with, in turn, share the news with others, making them experts in their own right.Therefore, putting your high-value stories in the hands of other potential broadcasters not only makes you and them look good, it gets your story out. The key is to include information that makes your activated broadcasters look smart. Find a story no one has heard before and share it with people who curate and broadcast to move it forward.Passing the story alongWhile consulting on a project for the Zappos’ Downtown Project Think Tank on Education, I worked alongside a school administrator who armed her teachers with smart data to share each week with students. She believes that when students start their day off learning something new and positive about the world, their minds are better primed to learn.Every Monday morning she gave her teachers a positive message to broadcast to students in writing—preferably with pictures. She always tried to make the teachers look like rock stars in front of their classes by finding cool stories for them to share. Examples included: fun facts about the brain, a story about kids in India cleaning up their community using graffiti art, and the ways teens had become amazing at a sport or skill.The stories were all positive and told in a fun way. But here is how the idea was really genius: The administrator, via the teachers, encouraged the students to then broadcast the story to a parent or caregiver that night. Parents were asked to sign a sheet with the story highlights to confirm the students had passed on the story.Primed for positivityThe administrator’s strategy was brilliant for many reasons. First, it primed the students for positivity first thing in the morning. Second, students had the opportunity to be broadcasters by sharing positive information and practicing their presentation skills. And third, it gave students a story that put them “in the know” and gave them a forum around the dinner table as everyone else quieted down to listen to it. What started as positive stories that caught the attention of one administrator ended up going viral around her school and the wider community.Creators, curators and consumersBoth online and off, there are three types of people who deal in the currency of content: creators, curators, and consumers. Whether it’s on social media or around the watercooler, most individuals are predominantly one of the three. During this stage in my life as an author, I spend most of my time as a creator as I write this book and other articles and conduct research studies.For a shorter part of my day, I am a curator, as I collect what I perceive as valuable content to share on social media, and I am definitely a consumer as I peruse news sites in the morning and my Facebook feed at night.Typically people spend the majority of their time as consumers. The way you turn consumers into curators (and therefore broadcasters to spread your message) is by creating content for them to share with their networks. And the content that will spread the farthest and fastest is smart content that’s fresh and new.Strengthen your networkThe best part is that if you raise someone’s status by providing something smart or valuable to share, you boost that person’s signal as an effective curator or, as Malcolm Gladwell calls them, mavens. People will usually keep coming back to hear what mavens say, which effectively deepens and strengthens your own network. Therefore, one of the best ways to get your messages to go viral is to make other people look good when sharing them.MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and how to use it to fuel success. She holds a master’s degree in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, and is co-founder of the happiness research and consulting groupGoodthink Inc.This essay is an excerpt from her new book,Broadcasting Happiness,published by BenBellaBooks.
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Upping Your Downtime

Upping Your Downtime

We’ve all been there: We spend weeks and even months anticipating that dream vacation, only to return to work afterward feeling like we need a few days off. Even our weekends, which are supposed to help us relax and rejuvenate, often leave us feeling exhausted. So if downtime is supposed to make us happier and healthier, then why do so many of us feel depleted by it? “People today are doing more with less, and there are tremendous levels of burnout,” says Jamie Gruman, Ph.D., associate professor of organizational behavior at University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada. “People really need to figure out how to decompress in their leisure time”. Cut the cord One way to make better use of time away from the office is to actually leave it behind. People who leave work at work tend to be more satisfied with their lives and experience fewer symptoms of psychological strain than those who bring it home. What’s more, a study published in Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology found that “psychological detachment” during the weekend may even improve our job performance during the workweek. Read More: How to Be Present Still plugged in “It’s not enough to just physically leave the office,” Jamie says. “You have to mentally leave the office. Very few people do this.” Sure, you might be sitting by the pool, but your mind might still be parked at your desk. “If you’re checking your email every half hour, if you’re not turning off your head and allowing yourself to enjoy the moment, you’re psychologically attached to your obligations,” he says. Technology has made it easier than ever to check in with work, which in turn has made it that much harder to check out mentally. Jamie recommends giving high-tech the heave-ho as much as possible. That could mean turning off email notifications on your cell phone or creating an out-of-office auto-reply so you don’t feel the need to respond immediately. Even better, have two cell phones—one for work and another for personal use—allowing you to turn off the work phone on nights, weekends and vacations. Read More: Unplugged Learn to detach Of course, turning off devices is easier than turning off thoughts. If you’re the type who broods about what happened at work or worries about what might happen, you may need to change how you spend your free time. A study by Sabine Sonnentag, Ph.D., called “Psychological Detachment from Work During Leisure Time: The Benefits of Mentally Disengaging from Work,” published in Current Directions in Psychological Science, found that meaningful activities like volunteering and mindfulness practices such as meditation can help us detach from work. You’ll stand a better chance of detaching if you bring tasks to completion before clocking out, notes Sabine, a leading researcher in organizational psychology and a professor at University of Mannheim in Germany. She’s published a number of studies showing that a heavy workload and high time pressure are the strongest predictors of low detachment from work. That’s why it’s wise to take vacations during slow periods at work or on the heels of a big deadline. And, if you absolutely must do some work on evenings, weekends or a vacation, set aside a specific time for it—and don’t allow yourself to dwell on it before or afterward. Read More: 6 Steps to Mindful Meditation How long is enough? No matter how well-timed the vacation, work will likely pile up in your absence. That’s just one of the reasons Jamie and other experts recommend taking frequent short vacations instead of infrequent long ones. Less time away means less catch-up and stress when you return; shorter vacations also require less preparation, which reduces stress in the days beforehand. “It’s not the [amount of] time but the quality of the time that matters,” Jamie says. “Research shows that three-day weekends can be as replenishing as longer vacations.” In his study “Vacationers Happier, but Most Not Happier after a Vacation,” published in the journal Applied Research in Quality of Life, Jeroen Nawijn, Ph.D., found that vacation length does not affect post-vacation happiness and confirmed previous findings that a vacation’s positive effects are short-lived. However, we can prolong our getaways’ positive effects by looking at photos, telling friends about the trip and otherwise keeping vacation memories alive, says Jeroen, a lecturer at NHTV Breda University of Applied Sciences in the Netherlands. Both he and Jamie advise building in some “recovery time” between time off and returning to work. Read More: 5 Tips for an Energy Boosting Vacation Cut down on lag time “People think the way to get the most out of their vacation is to spend the most time away. It’s logical, but it’s a mistake,” Jamie says. Instead, leave time for laundry, grocery shopping and even recovering from jetlag when you return home, he says. And rather than getting home late Sunday night and going back to work Monday morning, consider coming home Saturday night—or at least early in the day on Sunday—to give yourself time to re-enter your world. Do downtime differently While relaxation is important to well-being, the way we relax could be keeping us from optimal happiness. “We’re not very creative in our downtime,” Jamie says. “We just do whatever is our habit.” He advises taking time to assess the effects of your habits. Does TV time relax you and improve your mood? If you go for a walk before you sit down to watch TV, do you feel better? Do the people you spend time with bring out the best in you? Ask yourself if there’s something you used to love doing that you aren’t doing anymore, and then start doing it again. “Doing something you enjoy is key to getting a boost out of downtime,” Jamie says. “We play a role in how happy we’re going to feel.” Read More: Tripped Up
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Dalai Lama at Southern Methodist University

Happy Birthday, Dalai Lama

Hundreds of white balloons fell from the ceiling of Moody Coliseum at Southern Methodist University in Dallas last week as the audience stood to sing “Happy Birthday” to His Holiness the Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama grinned and bowed. “Every day should be happy day,” he said. Compassion and love The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet and spiritual leader visited Dallas as part of a tour celebrating his 80th birthday and inspired the sold-out audience with his message of compassion, happiness and love. Speaking without notes, His Holiness touched on each human’s capacity for destruction, anger and fear, but always returned to his central theme of the importance and power of compassion and love. “A lot of problems we are facing are of our own creation,” he said. “But the basic human nature is always compassion.” Wearing an SMU baseball cap with his crimson and gold robe, the Dalai Lama peppered his talk with smiles and his infectious laugh, tilting his head after making a strong point. “The best laugh” “This was my second time to see the Dalai Lama and he has a great message of love and empathy,” said Jason Wright of Dallas. “But the best thing, in my opinion, is just to hear him laugh. It’s the best laugh I’ve ever heard and it makes me happy.” His Holiness had simple advice for making the world a better place by recommending more friendships based on taking care of one another, teaching warm-heartedness in schools and more women in leadership. “If females took on more roles in leadership, perhaps the world would be more peaceful.” Read about the book the Dalai Lama is writing with Desmond Tutu. The history The Dalai Lama has received high honors for his devotion to peace, including the 1989 Nobel Peace Prize. He became the 14th Dalai Lama at age 2 and began his monastic studies at age 6. He assumed political power over Tibet in 1950, but following the 1959 Tibet uprising, fled to India where he has remained in exile. He served as head of state of the Tibet government-in-exile until his retirement in 2011. At the end of the day, we are all the same I’m just one out of 7 billion human beings,” he said. “All human beings—emotionally, mentally and physically—we are the same. We all have the same right to achieve a happy life.” After His Holiness left the stage, ABC news correspondent and moderator Cokie Roberts stepped to the lectern to close the event. But before she could speak, the Dalai Lama poked his head through the curtain and gave the audience just one more smile.
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No-Regrets-sized.jpg

3 Steps to a Regret-Free Life

Why did I eat that cake? I wish I’d taken that job. I never should’ve dated that guy. Have you ever had thoughts like that? Probably. It’s your brain’s way of telling you to rethink your choices. But sometimes, your brain gets stuck. What Do People Regret? I just discovered Bonnie Ware, an Australian writer who spent several years caring for dying people. She asked those nearing death if they had any regrets, and these are the top 3 they shared: I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself I wish I didn’t work so hard I wish I was brave enough to express my feelings That got me to thinking about the idea of regrets. Is there anything good about them? The good news It’s true, regrets can bring sadness or anger, but if you know how to get unstuck from those feelings, regret can actually inspire you to change and grow in positive ways. That’s what happened for actress and singer Pearl Bailey, a high school dropout, who became a college freshman at the age of 60. Pearl recalls, “I got up at the dinner table in Los Angeles and said, ‘Let me go to college. There’s one up the street.’” She began at Pierce College and later graduated from Georgetown University with a BA in Theology at the age of 67. From there, Pearl went on to write six books. I’ll have the chicken You see, if you’re lucky enough to have lots of choices in your life, then there are also lots of opportunities to regret things. Imagine if a waiter said to you, “The only food on the menu tonight is chicken, and I’ve already ordered it for you.” You wouldn’t regret your dinner selection because you had no choices. But most of us have the freedom to decide on things. Lots of things. Will you go to this college or that? Will you take this job or that? Will you stay with this lover or not? And at some point, you might wish you’d made a different decision. The question is: How can you turn your regret into motivation? Even inspiration? 3 steps to living regret-free 1. Reframe your story Instead of criticizing yourself for “that stupid thing I did,” remember that you did the best you could with the information and perspective you had at the time. It’s easy to judge yourself now that you have the benefit of hindsight or experience, but you didn’t have either of those when you decided to live on donuts and coffee, date the wrong person or pick your college major. As author Maya Angelou famously said, “When you know better, you do better.” 2. Retell your story To transform your regret into wisdom, here’s the biggest question to ask yourself: “What did I learn from this?” Allow every experience to become your teacher. Did you pursue a career you never wanted? Were you loyal to a boss that laid you off? What did you learn from that? Maybe you’ve discovered a growth-spot. Have you been too afraid to speak up, too willing to settle? Or maybe you learned that your most wonderful qualities, such as creativity or dedication, are best shared with those who value them. Then again, maybe you learned that no matter who you are, sometimes stuff just happens. 3. Rewrite your story You can’t change what’s happened in the past, but you can change the way you live today. Take your big, fat lesson and make it more than insight—make it a catalyst for transformation. What can you start doing today to redesign your present and your future, even if it’s only a shift of attitude? Maybe you’ll start trusting yourself more or stop trying to be perfect. Maybe you’ll get more sleep or look for a new job. The story is yours to write. It turns out regret has a good side. Although you can’t change the past, you can use it to motivate and inspire you toward a better future, just like Pearl Bailey did. For me, when I feel stuck, I follow the three steps above. Give it a try and see how you feel. You won’t regret it. Let us know how you've dealt with regret in life in the Comments section, below. This blog was originally posted on darlenemininni.com. DarleneMininniPh.D., MPH is the author of The Emotional Toolkit: Seven Power-Skills to Nail Your Bad Feelingsand creator of the UCLA undergraduate well-being courseLifeSkills.Tune in to hear Darlene speak about "The Science of Resilience" on our free podcast,Live Happy Now.
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Live Happy Now

Discover your happiness in life, at work and at home with our weekly podcast that brings you the best of positive psychology and the science of well-being through powerful insights, relatable stories and expert advice. A new episode is posted every Tuesday.Tune in Tuesday, September 1 for a conversation with Shani RobinsYou will learn:What is wisdom?Howwisdom can be gained sooner rather than laterThe benefits of wisdom therapy
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Amy Van Dyken: A Potrait of Resilience

The Bounce-Back Effect

Challenges pop up every day, and you must figure out ways to go around or over them,” says Olympic swimming champion Amy Van Dyken. “You have to be a creative problem solver who looks three steps ahead.”Everything changedEverything changed for the six-time gold medalist on June 6, 2014. While driving her all-terrain vehicle (ATV), Amy tumbled over an embankment. The accident left her with a severed spinal cord and brain injuries. She made it through a potentially fatal emergency surgery but was left paralyzed from the waist down. Yet, true to form, her trademark positive spirit and humor never wavered.“I’ve always been funny,” she says. “The person you see now is the person I’ve always been. Even after my accident and major back surgery with multiple blood transfusions, I awoke talking and laughing. The doctor said jokingly, ‘I must be in the wrong room.’”Amy’s can-do attitude drove her to extraordinary success in her swimming career. It is also what motivated her to go from reclining in bed to sitting in a matter of days—a feat that can challenge the balance of some paralysis patients for weeks. She now drives around in her modified Camaro SS, which stands for “super-sexy,” she says. Her ability to focus on the positive in the face of trauma is far from extraordinary, experts say. Rather, resiliency is something we’re all born with—we simply have to develop it.No ‘ordinary magic’Cincinnati’s VIA Institute on Character says each and every person possesses 24 character strengths, the building blocks of resilience, to some degree. But it’s our “signature strengths” that form the cornerstone of our personal storehouses of resilience, says Ryan Niemiec, Psy.D, a psychologist and the institute’s education director.For example, people endowed with lots of perseverance “generally don’t see obstacles as obstacles,” he says. “They see these as opportunities…to learn…to rise to the occasion or…make the end goal that much more sweet.” And where some people prefer to rely on hope as they focus on the future and remain optimistic through the difficult times, others draw on bravery or depend on their creativity to brainstorm solutions to challenges.Resilience = Positive adaptationBecause of the complexity of its interaction with our other personality traits, Ryan prefers to call resilience “positive adaptation.” “This means that when a stressor occurs, [people] don’t cower away,” he says. “They also don’t turn to alcohol and drugs to avoid it, and they don’t spend time getting emotionally upset. Instead, they adapt in a way that is constructive and beneficial.”Ann S. Masten, Ph.D., has dubbed this type of adaptation “ordinary magic.” The University of Minnesota professor studied youth growing up in disadvantaged environments and concluded that most, despite the obstacles they face, turn out f ne. Her unexpected findings convinced her and other experts that resilience is the practical ability to combine skills such as problem-solving and self-control with caring relationships and social resourcesto recover from setbacks.Post-traumatic growthThat can lead us to achieve what experts call “post-traumatic growth.” Case in point: Drs. Steven M. Southwick and Dennis S. Charney found that 93 percent of the 30 former Vietnam prisoners of war they studied attributed their greater appreciation of life to being imprisoned. The authors of Resilience:The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges discovered that the POWs took a painful experience and made it meaningful by using it to readjust their priorities and self-perceptions. By doing this, they had internalized the belief that “I’ve been through the absolute worst, and though I’m vulnerable, I’m also much stronger than I ever imagined.”Read more about The Science of Post-Traumtic Growth.Learning through failureThe Vietnam POWs aren’t alone. Shannon Polly, MAPP, who has facilitated resilience training for more than a thousand U.S. Army sergeants, says, “Soldiers in World War II felt that surviving combat made them more resilient. Resilience is believing you can learn through failure.”Mark D. Seery, Ph.D., an associate psychology professor at the University of Buffalo, says research suggests that experiencing adversity “may have an upside—a silver lining—in that it may help foster resilience.”Amy is living proof of this. Despiteher upbeat attitude, she has mourned the loss of her mobility and still has tough days. “Every day she suffers from physical pain that she calls a ‘blanket of fire,’ ” says Elisa Persi, Amy’s close friend of 12 years. “She has some bad days, but still remains positive.”“It’s a big, huge deal—for me and my husband,” Amy says. “But I allow myself to have moments when I’m sad or angry, and then I move on.”The road to resilienceLike Amy, our personal journeys toward developing resiliency are as defined by our signature strengths as they are by our lifestyle choices. In fact, improving the quality of our overall health—through exercise, sleep, diet and relaxation—can help us rebound after a traumatic life event.“Research shows if you work with a trainer in a gym for three months, you have a better bounce-back from stress,” says Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., a George Mason University professor and researcher. “You build up willpower, stamina; your mind is better able to respond in a sophisticated way to challenges, and you’re more likely to have a white space between what happens and your response.”Repairing the brain, and the soulIn part, this is due to the brain’s lifetime neuroplasticity or cognitive flexibility, but studies also indicate exercise can repair damaged neurons, says Arun Krishnan, Ph.D., an associate professor at the University of New South Wales, Sydney.“Before the accident I was doing a lot of lower body work—squats, lunges,” Amy says. “Now I’m lifting weights and working harder than I did before the Olympics. It was hard just learning how to sit.”We also cope better when we don’t go it alone, Todd says. “[My friends] don’t let me mope,” Amy says. “They’ll come over and say, ‘Let’s go to the mall.’ They’re amazing.”Reaching out to othersAmy says she regularly reaches out to her network of friends and health professionals and is active on Instagram and other social media sites. And in January, she returned to her broadcasting career, calling a swim meet for Olympic hopefuls. “Seeking out others—being physically near and touching someone—is beneficial,” Todd says. “Military comrades say they feel a sense of love and contagious bravery.”However, Steven and Dennis caution that we’re not all on a level playing field when it comes to resiliency. As always, our genetics and environment affect who we are—and how resilient we can be.“People with social anxiety disorder, for example, don’t differ from [resilient people] in their number of stressful interactions,” Todd says. “[What differs is] they are unable to be in contact with their anxious thoughts. But we can train them to distance their thoughts…and function. Moving through fear is one way of being flexible.When you interview snipers, martial artists, actors and athletes, they all talk about feeling fearless. But they experience fear and are aware of it. They just know how to channel it.” And while our personal brand of resiliency may not manifest itself in the same form as Amy’s, experts say moving forward in the face of everyday setbacks, such as job loss or making mistakes, provides us with protection from depression and negative emotions.Bouncing forwardToday, nearly a year after the ATV accident that changed her life, Amy is grateful to be alive and to be a high-functioning paraplegic. She’s also discovered the lesson learned by so many others: Altruism can buttress resilience.For Amy, that means touring the country on behalf of the Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation promoting spinal cord research. It has also meant founding her own nonprofit, the Amy Van Dyken Foundation, which provides patients with spinal cord injuries needed medical supplies not covered by insurance. Her appearance as the grand marshal in the 2014 Fiesta Bowl Parade alone raised $10,000 for her charity. Now, she has her eyes set on a new personal goal: to become an inspirational role model like fellow paraplegic Christopher Reeve.“He dealt with his injury with great dignity, and that’s what I want to do,” she says. And today, Elisa says Amy treats every day as a gift. “She doesn’t take things for granted anymore, and when things get rough, she uses perspective to realize that things could be worse.”“I truly believe I’m here for a reason,” Amy says. “I should be dead. Someone’s not done with me.”Janice Arenofsky is a freelance writer based in Scottsdale, AZ.
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Become More Resilient in 9 Simple Steps

We may take time to think about how to be healthier, but we don’t often spend a lot of time thinking about how to become more resilient. Resilience is mental toughness. With it, you can bounce back from setbacks more quickly and find the positive in challenging circumstances. In his book, The Resiliency Advantage, the late Al Siebert, Ph.D., contends that highly resilient people are more flexible, adapt to new circumstances more quickly and "thrive in constant change.” If you want to begin to build up your resilience muscle, here are nine things you can do: 1. Change your self-talk Pay attention to the thoughts that pop up into your head. If they are critical or negative, replace them with a positive thought or two. According to positive psychology pioneer Martin Seligman, Ph.D., you can give yourself a cognitive intervention and counter negative thinking with an optimistic attitude. Treating yourself with self-compassion sometimes takes work, but when you are kind to yourself it increases your resilience because you have your own back. Treat yourself like you would a best friend. 2. Celebrate your wins If you don’t think you can do something, or your self-confidence is flagging, think of a time when you succeeded. List your wins—those times when you achieved something you didn’t think you could do. Recalling your wins restores your belief in yourself. Psychologist and author Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., says we need a three-to-one ratio of positive to negative experiences to build our resilience and flourish in life. 3. Be solid in how you see yourself One of the easiest ways to boost your self-image is to make decisions that make you feel good about who you are, according to psychologist and Ohio University professor Gary Sarver, Ph.D. With a positive self-perception, you won’t let the moods and opinions of others knock you off course. You will realize that the opinion that matters most is your own opinion of yourself. 4. Give yourself a pep talk If you repeatedly tell yourself you are strong, not only will you begin to believe it, but you also will look for ways to prove that it’s true. Most of us are a lot stronger than we think; we just have to believe it first in order to see it in our own lives. 5. Push outside your comfort zone It’s hard to believe in our fortitude if we hide within a comfort zone. Do the things that scare you a bit and watch your resilience build up. Afraid of public speaking? Try talking to a small group first. Nervous to change jobs? Just start interviewing. Afraid to have a difficult conversation? Write out what you want to say first. Fear dissipates with action. Make up your own mantra. Try … Let’s do this. Be bold. Keep moving forward. Or, forget fear. Power up big with a tiny sentence. 6. Cultivate your relationships Resilient people tend to have strong support systems with family, or they cultivate strong, supportive relationships with friends and mentors. Knowing you have people you can turn to when times get tough makes you a little tougher. 7. Boost your energy Running on empty is a quick way to deplete the positive way you feel about yourself and leave you feeling like you’ve run out of resources. What activities recharge you? Is it exercise? A day on the golf course? A coffee shop and a good book? Seeing a good movie? A hike in the woods? When you feel your best, your mental resilience stays strong. 8. Brood less If you find yourself ruminating over problems or having anxious moments, try to take a 20,000-feet perspective and realize that a lot of what we dwell on never happens or won’t matter a week from now. Try letting go of more things so you can spend your brain power thinking empowering thoughts and taking positive action steps. In Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel Goleman writes that self-awareness is "the building block of the next fundamental emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood.” 9. Sleep more Sleep makes everything better, including our resilience. When you are sleep-deprived, it’s easier to get stressed out, be more reactive, make poor decisions and feel mentally drained. Sufficient sleep (that’s about eight hours a night) boosts your mental brain power, restores mental clarity and is more likely to contribute to a positive outlook. Read more about the importance of sleep for well-being. When you feel mentally tough, you can relax into your life and pursue the life you want without limitations. You aren’t afraid of adversity or change because you know you will adapt. Resilient people are more likely to look for the positive and share the love with others.
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The Whole 30 Is a Whole New Take on Nutrition

The Whole 30 Is a Whole New Take on Nutrition

I love a good makeover, and I love books. Two in one? I’m in heaven. The best-selling book, The Whole 30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedomby Melissa Hartwig and Dallas Hartwig is a cookbook and personal transformation guide. Like any good makeover, you can expect a change in your body, and a shift in the way you think. A new way of thinking about food Whole30 offers a 30-day meal plan designed to reset your health, habits and relationship with food so you can overcome cravings and addictions. The science behind Whole30 is covered in the authors’ first book, It Starts With Food. The plan focuses on the quality of food (“real” food) and omits processed foods and sugar, as well as grains and legumes. You will have to say goodbye to cheese, and even hummus (made from legumes) but you can keep your morning coffee if you drink it black or with almond milk. The Whole30 offers a way of eating that is intended to transform your relationship with food. The plan is designed to quash cravings for sugar and empty carbohydrates and encourage foods that meet the four “good food” standards, which are: Promote a healthy psychological response. Promote a healthy hormonal response. Support a healthy gut. Support immune function and minimizes inflammation. The authors, both nutritionists, claim that their approach to eating will lead to weight loss, better health and improvements in sleep, energy and mood. The approach is based on “the accumulation of more than five years of experience with hundreds of thousands of Whole30 participants, several focus groups and dozens of community surveys.” The recipes As someone who already cooks with whole and unprocessed foods, I loved the recipes I tried, such as Grilled Coconut Curry Chicken and Cauliflower Mash. The recipes are easy to follow and look quite elegant on your plate. Another recipe that makes it look like you slaved over dinner (but didn’t) is the Halibut With Citrus-Ginger Glaze. The delicious touch of ginger makes you forget this is from any kind of “diet” at all. Delicious. More of what you will take away from Whole 30. Improve your digestion The body wants real food in order to operate properly. Eat colorful recipes co-created with Culinary Institute of America-trained chef Richard Bradford that are alive with flavor and good for your body. Break unhealthy habits Eating dishes like Melissa’s Chicken Hash (chicken, walnuts, apple and arugula) and the more than 100 recipes included in the book are designed to quiet those urges to run to the pantry for a nighttime snack. Aspire toward food freedom If you want to feel in control of what you eat and say goodbye to emotional eating once and for all, this meal plan is designed to bust cravings and achieve what the authors call “food freedom.” The authors give extra tips like “distracting yourself” when you crave something off the plan. Take a walk around your office or drink a glass of water. Learn to savor Slow down and be mindful when you are eating. Taste the flavors of your food and enjoy eating meals supporting the health of your body. Build your kitchen confidence One of the founding principles of Whole30 is you don’t have to cook complicated meals from fancy recipes—all you need are fresh ingredient and basic kitchen techniques. The book includes a guide for sautéing every vegetable you can think of, kitchen gadget fundamentals, a glossary of knife cuts, and instructions on how to cook the perfect boiled egg. Get ready to become a whiz in the kitchen with its step-by-step tips. Get some cool extras Whole30 also includes lots of fun extras like a grocery shopping list, what to eat while traveling, how to handle dining out, success stories/testimonials, tips on how to get your kids to eat healthy and a supportive website community where people go for tips and support. For even more information, go to the website Whole30.com.
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