You searched for science | Page 53 of 70

A Visit With Pope Francis

Walking slowly, elbow-to-elbow with thousands down the Parkway in Philadelphia to make our way to an outdoor Mass with Pope Francis during his September visit, I could barely see in front of me. My eyes welled with tears at the profound sense of connection and joy I had walking with hundreds of thousands of pilgrims from across the world. My companions came as far away as Ethiopia, Mexico and China. And though we had been mere strangers moments ago, the power of the common experience—which also made me feel closer with my own family—soon made them feel like cherished friends. I feel incredibly blessed to have attended all three public events of Pope Francis during his weekend visit to Philadelphia. Each time, joyful tears trickled down my face when I saw him, listened to his words, and watched him graciously interact with the crowd. Many responded similarly and appeared deeply moved as well. What exactly was going on? The elevation effect Jonathan Haidt, social psychologist at NYU and author of The Happiness Hypothesis, would say we were experiencing “elevation,” which he defines as “an emotional response to witnessing moral beauty in others.” “When people see acts of moral beauty—things like generosity, loyalty, courage—they have emotional feelings, often become choked up, and cry,” he says. Further, Jonathan found that people report feeling motivated to be more virtuous—a better version of themselves when they are in the midst of feeling elevated. Indeed, when I was seeing the pope, I noticed the crowd was incredibly peaceful and that we all seemed to be versions of our best selves, whether it was sharing our sandwich with a stranger, helping to lift a stroller or wheelchair over a street blockade or thoughtfully giving away water bottles to the crowd. Listen to our podcast with Jonathan Haidt Along with thousands of others, I watched Pope Francis ride in the open-air popemobile, reach out to bless people, kiss babies and comfort the sick. In addition, mesmerizing media images of the pope meeting with the homeless, washing the feet of prisoners and hugging the outcasts of society abounded during the weekend he was here, capturing his boundless kindness and humility. Read more: Find the Sacred in Everyday Life Elation versus elevation Despite Pope Francis’s “rock-star” status, the feeling at these events differed starkly from the rock concerts I flocked to in my youth. The hyper-frenetic energy common at concerts, which often results in injuries from moshing and mad dashes to the stage, was nonexistent. Instead, the palpable papal enthusiasm was tempered and internally uplifting—the kind that doesn’t cause you to jump up and down in a frenzy but rather hold your loved ones close. At one point, as I ran after the popemobile in an attempt to snap a close-up picture, I recall thinking that I could easily be trampled by the enormous crowd. However, it was just the opposite. Someone accidentally grazed my arm, immediately apologized, and checked to make sure I was OK. Oxytocin, the love drug The response of the crowd can, again, be explained by the science of moral emotions. “Elevation gives feelings of warmth and love and involves oxytocin, which is a sedative bond,” says Jonathan. It makes people feel calm, rather than causing them to spring to action. However, people often confuse elevation with elation. Read more: Love Well to Live Well Some people think of happiness as an exuberant, jumping-up-and down feeling and others see it more as a serene and blissful state. While neither notion of happiness is wrong, and both types of emotions feel good in the moment, they are very different. I found that elation appears to be somewhat superficial and fleeting whereas elevation deeper and longer lasting. While jumping for joy (as I have done at countless concerts) in a pure state of elation provides momentary pleasure, I’ll opt for holding my loved ones close as we get to see one of the world’s great spiritual leaders any day of the week. Listen to our podcast with Suzann and James Pawelski. Suzann Pileggi Pawelski is a Live Happy contributing editor specializing in the science of well-being.

Self-Care

5 Ways to Cope With a Terrible Day

Have you ever had one of those days when absolutely everything seems to be going wrong? If you’re human, you’re probably nodding your head or responding to the screen with a resounding, “Yes!” We’ve all had the mornings when traffic is at a standstill, the nights when you come home after a long day and find yourself in a fight with your partner, the days when you feel under-appreciated, aggravated, upset and physically drained at the end of the day. On these days, it’s tempting to host your own personal pity party. But instead, we see it as an opportunity to put into practice some of the amazing skills and tools we’ve been learning about choosing happiness and turning negative thinking around—if not into a cheery mood—at least into a neutral, rational one. 1. Focus on your strengths. One of the best things we can all do is focus on our strengths rather than deficits. In the midst of a bad day, you’re probably not thinking about all of the skills, talents, and positive traits you possess, but honing in on these can be an excellent way to elevate your mood and focus more on what’s positive in your life. Want to identify some of your strengths? Check out the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. Knowing your strengths and possibly putting them to use will help you feel more empowered—even in the midst of a terrible day. 2. Embrace gratitude We say this a lot, and that’s because gratitude is a powerful tool for rerouting your mood. Instead of focusing on what’s going wrong or what you lack, focus on what you have in your life and what’s going right. Studies have shown that those who consistently practice gratitude experience more positive emotions, more pleasure and more happiness. Say thank you to those around you, write a thank you note or make a list of what’s going right in your life. 3. Make a positive connection When you’re having a bad day, it might feel tempting to withdraw from the world and avoid interacting with others, but one of the best things you can do for yourself is connect with other people. Spending time with those you love—particularly those who are positive influences on your life—can provide a great mood boost. So when you’re struggling with a bad day, make a plan to meet a friend for coffee, go out on an impromptu date with your partner or take a break from work to chat with a favorite colleague in the break room. 4. Take a break from social media On a tough day, it can be helpful to limit time spent on social media. When you look at sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, you’ll typically only see the best versions of people sharing their happiest moments. When you’re having a really hard day, these images can make you feel even worse. Take a time out from social media and you’ll cut down a bit on your FOMO feelings. 5. Get physical When your mind is racing with all the negativity, one of the best ways to get out of the rumination cycle is to do something physical. Get back in touch with the present by practicing yoga, going for a run … the possibilities are endless. If you don’t have time (or energy) for exercise, try a simple walk around the block to clear your mind. Focusing on something physical can be a great way to bring you out of a cycle of negative thinking and it will give you a boost of positivity on a really tough day. Dani DiPirro is an author, blogger, and designer living in a suburb of Washington, D.C. In 2009, she launched the websitePositivelyPresent.comwith the intention of sharing her insights about living a positive and present life. Dani is the author ofStay Positive,The Positively Present Guide to Life, and a variety ofe-books. She is also the founder of Twenty3, a design studio focused on promoting positive, modern graphic design and illustration.

Reading

3 Habits to Boost Resilience

I’d been reading Bouncing Forward: Transforming Bad Breaks into Breakthroughs when I hit a few wrong keys on my computer and accidentally deleted my utilities folder. It’s the kind of thing that sets you into a the-world-is-coming-to-an-end panic, which I felt, but only briefly. The book had equipped me with a sense of perspective, and I calmly went about the business of restoring what I’d lost. Now, eight hours later, I still can’t print documents or send emails, but I’m heartened by the knowledge that I’m a stronger, more resilient person. Bouncing Forward was written by Michaela Haas, a mindfulness coach with a Ph.D. in Asian Studies and Buddhism teacher at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Her subject is post-traumatic growth—the positive, transformative changes that some people experience as they struggle with adversity. The upside of adversity Also on my nightstand is another new volume, Upside: The New Science of Post-Traumatic Growth by journalist Jim Rendon. Both of these books share stories of people who have withstood staggering crises: they were prisoners of war or concentration-camp survivors, they lost a child or their entire family to a drunken driver or a natural disaster, they were left paralyzed after a horrific accident or they were the victims of unspeakable violence. With hard work and grit each eventually emerged from trauma with deeper relationships, a new sense of purpose and an increased appreciation of life. It’s impossible not to be moved, inspired and fortified by these tales. Few of us, as Michaela writes, will be attacked by a shark, as surfer Bethany Hamilton was, or targeted by the Taliban, like Malala Yousafzai, the extraordinary Nobel Prize-winning advocate for girls’ education. But we all endure loss and pain in our lives and we can all learn lessons from the science of post-traumatic growth on how to deal with bad breaks, both the small ones—like a computer crash—and the ones that rip apart the fabric of our lives. Read more: The Bounce-Back Effect Three daily habits, according to Michaela and Jim, will help us cultivate courage and resilience in the face of adversity: 1. Meditate Spend 12 minutes every morning and every evening meditating. Simply sit in a comfortable position with your eyes closed or slightly open and bring your attention to your breath, observing how it fills your body and then flows out again. If your attention wanders to the sound of a honking horn outside or your to-do list, gently, without reproach, bring your attention back to your breath. Meditation, Michaela says, trains us in regulating stress and calming fear, the very skills we need to confront and recover from adversity. You might want to experiment with a form of meditation called Loving-Kindness Meditation (sometimes called Compassion Meditation). Again, sit in a comfortable position and pay attention to your breath. Then, focusing on your heart region, Michaela suggests, think about someone for whom you have very warm, positive feelings. Now replace the focus on your breath with these thoughts as you inhale and exhale: “May you enjoy happiness and the causes of happiness,” “May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.” After a few minutes extend those warm thoughts to yourself: “May I enjoy happiness and the causes of happiness,” “May I be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.” This practice of loving-kindness enhances your ability to generate positive emotions even in the face of a distressing situation. Read more: Train Yourself to Love in 4 Steps 2. Appreciate Cultivate a practice of gratitude and appreciation. Every day, write down three things you are grateful for; jot down the first three things that come to mind. These can be little things—the basil that’s blooming in your backyard garden—or bigger things, like good news on a medical test. “When the pudding hits the fan, appreciation becomes invaluable,” Michaela says, but it’s also easy to become downtrodden as we confront challenges. If your default position is to focus on the gifts in your life, you’ll find it easier to keep your spirits uplifted and move on to what needs to be done. 3. Connect Instead of shutting out other people by texting or checking emails as you go through your day, look for opportunities to engage. A rich body of research, Jim says in his book, shows that connection with other people is a key predictor of growth after a traumatic event. Even online communities help trauma survivors of all kinds feel more optimistic, confident and empowered. So, consider an experiment: for a few days, make a point of chatting with the barista at your coffee shop or the cashier at the supermarket; smile at passers-by on the street; hold the elevator doors for a stranger. You might discover that these small acts of building community provide a boost to your sense of well-being. Read more: The Science of Post-Traumatic Growth Shelley Levitt is a freelance journalist based in Southern California, and editor at large for Live Happy.

Positive Psychology

The End of Bullying?

Her own harrowing experiences in middle school inspired Deborah Temkin, Ph.D., to grow up to become one of the leading researchers in the United States on bullying. She was severely bullied—both verbally and physically—and felt that her school let her down by not preventing the bad things that were happening to her. Any attempt to address the abuse was met with retaliation and isolation from her peers. Years later, while earning her doctorate in human development and family studies at Pennsylvania State University, she realized that many schools just aren’t equipped or have counterproductive policies to address the issue that affects roughly one out of every four students. Being bullied, she says, gave her purpose in life, and she has made it her mission to help schools create better climates. From 2010 to 2012, she served as the policy coordinator for bullying prevention for the U.S. Department of Education and is now the director of education research for Child Trends, an independent research organization focused on improving the lives of young people. “Unfortunately, a lot of schools use the approach of just telling kids to stop bullying,” she says. “I like to compare that to the ‘Just Say No’ campaign in the ’80s and ’90s.” If such a campaign “didn’t work for drugs, it’s probably not working for bullying. We really need to think through what our approach should be.” More vulnerable kids Kids who suffer from bullying are more vulnerable to depression, anxiety and internalizing bad experiences. The constant barrage of negative behavior can have long-lasting effects on their self-worth and motivation later in life and can even lead to thoughts of suicide. Those who engage in bullying behavior have a much higher risk of ending up in the juvenile court system and eventually jail. Even the kids who are bystanders can suffer from guilt and regret from not stepping in to protect someone. Zero-tolerance rules, suspensions and expulsions have proved to be ineffective measures to combat the issue. Traditionally, schools in the United States have been measuring their success based on academics rather than the well-being of the students. But prominent positive psychologists around the world have been studying the underlying causes of bullying, and their findings are both surprising and encouraging. What’s more, their unique intervention techniques have been highly successful, showing the promise of effective, sustainable solutions for future generations of schoolchildren. Listen to our special podcast on bullying, here. Positive climate change Deborah points out that the United States doesn’t necessarily extend its high standards and accountability on reading and math scores to school climate. Her research found that when schools focus on a positive climate—for example, fostering relationships in the classroom—bullying rates go down. Another effective weapon in the arsenal is to build up students’ emotional and social skills by teaching them compassion, empathy, conflict resolution and how to express their feelings without turning to aggressive behavior. “This helps them identify both their own emotions and reaction to certain situations as well as put themselves in other people’s shoes and understand how they may be feeling,” she says. Since 2010, there has been more attention to the issue of bullying. The U.S. Department of Education awarded $38.8 million in grants to 11 states, among them Arizona, Kansas, Louisiana and South Carolina, to bolster bully and drug prevention programs, build character and maintain proper well-being within the student body. While every state now has an anti-bullying law in place, Deborah says that no two laws are alike and a lot of the behavior is open to interpretation. A 2013 report by the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES) and Bureau of Justice Statistics indicates a recent dip in reported bullying in the U.S. among 12- to 18-year-olds by as much as 6 percent. While this is a significant drop and a positive sign, Deborah urges caution on drawing any conclusions until the 2015 findings are released. A continued decrease could indicate that recent bullying programs may be helping. “It is hard to attribute the drop to any one thing,” she says. “Both attention and action toward bullying dramatically increased starting in 2010, and some of that drop may be attributed to the ongoing campaigns of many organizations and the federal government.” Positive psychology in the classroom Alejandro Adler, a Ph.D. candidate in positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, routinely works with governments and international organizations to help incorporate positive education techniques into their respective curricula. He says more countries are starting to adopt a new paradigm in the teaching of youth where well-being and character development are given as much attention as academic success. “A sustainable solution is creating psychological and emotional assets in the community so that people are able to grow emotionally, psychologically and socially and get rid of those deficiencies and insecurities,” he says. “Rather than punishing bullying, why not educate people so that they become aware of what is really behind bullying? It’s really a sign of weakness and insecurity, and by attacking the root cause we can sustainably get rid of bullying. We need to not only be educating for numeracy and literacy, but educating for a healthy social and emotional life.” Stopping bullying at its source Throughout his research, Alejandro has found that bullies typically lack psychological and social support, whether that is in the home or in the community. Kids who aren’t in a nourishing environment start to develop insecurities and aggressive behaviors that lead to bullying. When students, including the bullies, are taught life skills, such as leadership, resilience, empathy and mindfulness, the social environment improves. Individual insecurities will start to decrease and self-esteem and self-efficacy will increase. “Bullying is really a form of aggression and violence. It may not always be physical, but psychological violence toward others,” he says. “So we’ve seen that individuals with higher well-being are more pro-social and less violent, both physically and verbally.” Aside from building a pro-social environment, Alejandro says it is also important to take the “cool” factor away from bullies by changing the lens through which they are viewed. When bullies are aware of their sociological and psychological deficiencies, it almost becomes embarrassing for them to continue with their behavior. By using this approach to the problem, Alejandro says, it can be very effective in diminishing bullying. A new world view Alejandro and his adviser, Martin Seligman, Ph.D., the director of the Penn Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, are working at a policy level with schools in at least 10 countries, including Australia, India, Mexico, Peru and the Philippines, and are starting to see preliminary positive results. In Australia, leading researcher in educational psychology and Australian Catholic University professor Herb Marsh is finding that bullying behavior diminishes when the whole school approach is used. In his presentation at the Fourth World Conference on Positive Psychology, held in June, 2015 in Orlando, Florida, he stated that where most bully interventions go wrong is when students are classified into different groups, such as: those who are bullied, those who bully and those who are bystanders. What is more likely is that students can play different roles, switching between all three. He finds that there seems to be a mutually reinforcing relationship as well as a reciprocal effect between the bullies and the victims as the two are “surprisingly similar to each other.” “Consistently, interventions should reinforce students’ high self-concepts, as they are a likely force against being a bully and being a victim. In our intervention, there are no benefits to being a bully,” he says. “It’s important, for students, teachers and parents to reinforce that bullying behavior is unacceptable so the students cannot delude themselves into thinking that socially inappropriate behaviors result in enhanced social status, and positive self-perceptions, real or imagined.” According to his findings, bullies and victims both share low self-esteem issues, suffer from depression and have trouble controlling anger—bullies externally and victims internally. Victims are more likely to reinforce bullying behavior, actively or passively, instead of empathizing with another victim. The largest group, students who are bystanders, are not as innocent as previously thought and are very important to the intervention for creating a positive school climate. By not actively taking action against bullying behavior, bystanders are passively encouraging pro-bullying behavior. This group is critical to changing the environment from pro- to anti-bullying behavior. Herb’s research team successfully implemented an intervention in its study of six schools in Australia. The intervention consisted of training teachers to treat bullying behavior appropriately, having trained consultants dedicated to bullying available at all times, and educating students and their parents. A sign of positive change In 2012, a study conducted on students ages 9 to 11 in Vancouver, British Columbia, found that when pro-social behavior was introduced into the classroom, such as performing random acts of kindness, the students who participated were actually more accepted by their peers and even saw a boost in their popularity. This led to a decrease in bullying and an increase in overall well-being. The study also suggests that having a pro-social school climate can have a ripple effect beyond the kids actually doing the good deeds, affecting the community at large. While the U.S. has yet to work with educators in the field of positive psychology, Deborah does point out that during her time with the Department of Education, there were at least discussions with international leaders and researchers across borders to better understand the best approaches to bullying behavior. Alejandro adds that with larger governments, it is harder to implement a positive education curriculum due to the bureaucratic process. “The larger the scale, the lower the impact,” he says. “There are more layers between the students and the people who design the program. The substance and quality gets diluted rather than training the teachers directly.” Why me? Aija Mayrock always thought of herself as a normal, happy kid. She was creative and loved to write poems, draw pictures and act in plays. Her home life was good, and she says she had incredible and supportive parents. So when the bullying started, Aija was baffled as to why she was being singled out. By the time she made it to the third grade, she was being bullied regularly and continued to be throughout middle and high schools. She became withdrawn and self conscious about her appearance; she stopped doing the things that made her happy, and her creativity was stifled. After years of struggling to find the answer, Aija realized she was asking the wrong question. The bullying was happening whether she liked it or not. The question now was what was she going to do about it? The answer came to her in the form of helping others, and she used the one thing that the bullies took from her: creativity. No longer a victim, nor a bystander “I decided I couldn’t be a bystander to my own bullying situation or the bullying that was happening to nearly 13 million kids a year,” Aija says. “I decided the best thing to do to help these kids was to create a book that I never had and always wanted, and so I decided to write this book and kind of give it as a gift for the next generation of kids that would be bullied.” So at 16 years old she self-published the book The Survival Guide to Bullying, only to have it picked up a month later by children’s and educational publishing giant Scholastic. In it she covers topics like communication with parents and teachers, tips on how to conquer your fears, and details her own ups and downs with bullying. She has spoken to numerous schools about the issue of bullying and has been featured in anti-bully campaigns. Many kids know who she is and even credit her with giving them the courage to move beyond their own bullying experiences. “Sometimes you have to become your own superhero, because sometimes there is no one there to save you,” she says. “I got to a point where the bullying no longer affected me, and I didn’t feel angry or sad or frustrated, I just felt great. I encourage kids to take charge of their life and get to a point where they feel free from the bullying, and maybe at that point they will begin to forgive.” Sharing hope Unlike Aija, Jaylen Arnold knew exactly why he was singled out as a target for bullies. Jaylen suffers from Tourette’s syndrome, Asperger’s syndrome and severe obsessive compulsive disorder, all diagnosed before he was 8 years old. Jaylen says kids started to notice his vocal and motor neurological ticks, and he became an obvious target. With the added stress exacerbating his condition, the decision was made to take Jaylen out of school. This didn’t sit well with Jaylen, and he felt like he was leaving his friends behind, as they were victims of bullying as well. He finally realized that that if he and so many of his friends could all be bullied, how many other kids around the world were being bullied, too? “Around that time of my life I realized that I wanted to do something,” Jaylen says. “So I went to my mom and we created the Jaylens Challenge Foundation and went around to schools and started speaking and educating kids not only on Tourette’s, but on bullying as well.” Jaylen, now 14, tours the country speaking to hundreds of thousands of kids about his life experiences and bullying. He has met countless celebrities and has even been on the Ellen show. But more importantly, he has been able to give kids hope that they, too, can survive bullying, and he has even changed some minds. He says bullies have reached out to him to say they have stopped harassing kids after listening to his story. Victims have even told him that they have stopped thinking about suicide, realizing there is hope for a more positive future. “A lot of people feel like they will never make it through because it is an intense period of life, but it’s only a temporary thing,” he says. “If you just go to an adult, if you or someone you know is being bullied, then it can stop. All you have to do is speak up. I know it can be hard at times. I was terrified to tell my parents because I thought the bullying would get worse, but I tell kids never to fear that things will get worse.” Read more: YouTube Star Stands Up to Bullying Communication is key There is only so much a school can do for your children once you drop them off. Parents must also be proactive in their kids’ lives by looking for signs, such as changes in behavior, loss of appetite and loss of sleep, and must keep the lines of communication open. A well-informed, confident and resilient child is going to be better equipped to handle a stressful and negative situation. The same goes if you suspect your child may be a bully. Teaching our kids to be less aggressive and more mindful and compassionate can help broaden a young mind to think more inclusively and less hurtfully. “One of the most preventive steps that parents can take is to start those lines of communication early before something happens,” Deborah says. “Establishing that parents are going to listen, not judge their kids and have regular conversations.” She points out the difficulty in trying to pry information out of an adolescent, but communicating consistently makes it easier when issues arise. Someone to talk to Communication is something Aija really stresses when she talks to kids and parents. She frequently hears from parents that they had no idea their kid was being bullied, and she has dedicated a whole chapter in her book about the importance of having one person to confide in. “I really regret not knowing how to talk to my parents about what was going on, and I really encourage kids to find that place where they are comfortable enough to approach their parents or loved ones or teachers,” she says. “You just don’t have to go through the bullying alone. It’s not healthy, and to have someone looking out for you and having your best interests at heart will make the complete difference. I didn’t communicate properly and I wish I had.” She hopes her book will help spur the conversation that it is OK to talk about it and there is no stigma attached to being bullied. Behavior begins at home Parents can help by reinforcing good behavior at home. Mark Dombeck, Ph.D., a cognitive behavioral therapist in Oakland, California, says that any parenting behavior that teaches polite, respectful and compassionate social behavior is going to work against bullying. Conversely, when parents teach their children to be ultra-competitive, aggressive and overly status-conscious then they are paving the way for a potential bully. “Parents can teach their kids to be more compassionate and thoughtful, correcting them when they take things for granted,” he says. “Teaching your kid to say please and thank you, at one level is a simple social lubrication behavior, but is also a social skill. But where it goes, what it points at is the idea that we need to respect the other person because of the Golden Rule.” Read more: Bullying's Ripple Effect Chris Libby is the Section Editor at Live Happy.

Podcast Home

Romance and Research with James and Suzie Pawelski

Podcast Home

James and Suzie Pawelski – Romance and Research

Suzie Pileggi Pawelski is a contributing editor for Live Happy magazine as well as a wellness counselor specializing in the science of happiness and its effects on health and relationships. Her 2010 Scientific American Mind cover story "The Happy Couple" was selected by the magazine as one of its most intriguing articles of recent years.James Pawelski, Ph.D., is Director of Education and Senior Scholar in the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania. For the last ten years, he has served as the founding director of the Master of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program, the world's first degree program in positive psychology. He is also the founding director of the International Positive Psychology Association.Live Happy COO, Co-Founder, and Editorial Director Deborah Heisz sits down with James and Suzie to discuss how research from positive psychology can lead to meaningful and long-lasting relationships.In this episode, you'll learn:The importance of applying positive psychology research to relationshipsStrengths-based understanding for you andyour partnerAn interactive approach torelationshipsHow to give and receive strengths with your partnerLinks and resources mentioned in this episode:Download afree sketch noteof this episodePurchase a copy of On Human Flourishing: A Poetry AnthologyThank you to our partner -AARP LifeReimagined!Thanks for listening!Thank you so much for joining us this week on Live Happy Now. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post.Also,please leave an honest review for theLive Happy Now Podcast on iTunes! Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and helps others to find the podcast, we greatly appreciate it! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.Special thanks to James and Suzie PileggiPawelskifor joining us this week.Related articles:The Power of PassionLove Well to Live WellBuilding Lasting, Loving Families

10 Natural Remedies to Calm Your Anxiety

Practice

10 All-Natural Ways to Calm Your Anxiety

Sometimes anxiety is just a troubling feeling that something isn’t right. Anxiety can show up as panic attacks, excessive worry or trouble sleeping, and it can be a nuisance or downright debilitating. To help you shift to a state of ease, we’ve rounded up 10 ways to quiet down your anxiety naturally. 1. Eat your breakfast Skipping breakfast can make your blood sugar low and increase the likelihood of anxiety. Start your day with a bowl of oatmeal with strawberries or blueberries for a powerhouse combination of complex carbs to boost your serotonin levels and antioxidants to protect your body at a cellular level. Read More: 5 Secrets to a Happy Morning 2. Practice meditation The science is in and the deliberate practice of mindfulness meditation—paying attention to the present moment without judgment—can lessen stress and anxiety as well as boost creativity and improve productivity. Enjoy all the benefits by mastering the art of clearing your mind. Read More: 6 Steps to Mindfulness Meditation 3. Tune in You probably know right now what music calms you. Tune in to your favorite station on Pandora or on your personal playlist. Music can be uplifting and change your state of mind. Watch: The Scientific Power of Music 4. Get your zzz’s Your body and mind don’t function properly with a lack of sleep. A good night’s sleep is like a makeover for your mood. Sleep is so restorative that’s why you’ve heard the sage advice, “Sleep on it.” 5. Change the channel Positive psychology expert Caroline Miller suggests changing the channel of your mind when life gets tough and you feel angst. Think of a quote you love, sing a song, or go out and connect with people who lift you up. 6. Go for a nature walk Just going outdoors makes us more mindful and calm, according to Harvard researchers. Try a walk through the woods and listen to water in a stream and the birds in the trees to fully immerse in nature and feel serene. 7. Sweat more Studies show exercise can work as well as medication to lessen anxiety, and its effects can be long-lasting as long as you keep up with your sweat sessions. 8. Try this breathing trick Dr. Darlene Mininni, author of The Emotional Toolkit, suggests 3-3-6 breathing. Breathe in for three seconds, hold for three seconds, and exhale for six seconds. When your exhale is longer than your inhale, it helps you relax. 9. Make yourself laugh There is a reason for the popularity of YouTube videos that feature cats, dogs and babies. When you are laughing, most likely you won’t be feeling anxious. Escape with a good belly laugh now and then. 10. Take a lavender bath Lavender is known for its gorgeous floral and grassy aroma, but it may also be a natural remedy for anxiety and stress. Just a few drops in your bath can increase mental relaxation. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

Practice

33 Ideas for Lifelong Learning

To live the virtuous life we must embrace wisdom and the courage to seek it. Curiosity, creativity and a life of learning will help you keep an active and sound mind. Here are a few ideas to keep you wise beyond your years.“I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.”— Eartha KittRead Make It Stick: The Science of Successful Learning by Peter C. Brown, Henry L. Roediger III, Mark A. McDaniel.Watch School of Rock.Listen to “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty.Learn to be happy!“Learning never exhausts the mind.” —Leonardo da VinciRead Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel Pink.Attend a reading by one of your favorite authors.Watch The Intern.Read Let's Be Less Stupid: An Attempt to Maintain My Mental Faculties by Patricia Marx.Learn to overcome your fears.“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” ―Oprah WinfreyRead Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D.Watch Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey.Listen to “ABC” by The Jackson 5.Learn to speak another language.“Never laugh at live dragons.” ―J.R.R. TolkienRead A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas by Warren Berger.Watch Precious.Learn to paint happy trees.“Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” —Bill GatesRead The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield.Watch The Karate Kid.Download a new podcast.“You teach best what you most need to learn.” —Richard BachRead The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.Start or join a book club.“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” ―Dr. SeussWatch The Breakfast Club.Read The Power of Mindful Learning by Ellen J. Langer.Take a cooking class.“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ―AristotleRead Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse.Read More: Discover Your Higher Calling

Self-Care

LifeMap: A GPS for the Soul

Life is a journey. You can follow the crowd, or you can challenge yourself by charting a more purposeful course. But how does one find meaning, while avoiding the obstacles and diversions along the way?Life Reimagined LifeMap™, the first research-based, step-by-step tool for navigating the path to personal fulfillment, is a kind of GPS for life’s transitions. Whether you’re asking, “what’s next?”and hoping to make a change, or looking to do more of what’s already working, the program offers the tools to achieve personalized well-being in a simple, accessible, small-steps process that is supported by the science of behavior change.Build your action plan, get coachedBeginning with free card-sorting exercises to help you create your own purpose statement, web-based LifeMap allows you to think about weighty topics in an accessible, fun way. Questions about who you want to be and what you want to have more or less of in your life lead to online tasks, video tutorials and reminders to help you stay on track.You build an action plan to achieve your goals around work, relationships and well-being. Feeling stuck? Trained guides and coaches are available to offer advice and encouragement. “All the top athletes and CEOs have coaches to encourage them and pick them up when they stumble,” says sociologist and Life Reimagined thought leader Christine Whelan, Ph.D. LifeMap makes personal coaching affordable for people of all ages, backgrounds, interests and income levels.Putting a plan into actionInterior designer Paige Lendrum Hill, 52, is using the program to navigate changes in her life, including a difficult divorce and a move last year from the Washington suburbs to St. Augustine, Florida, where she’s struggling to build a new client base for her company, Elysian Design Studio.“The exercises focus my attention and make me think,” she says. “I like that.” More specifically, Paige says, “I’m a bit of a procrastinator and need help with motivation and energy.” To that end, LifeMap’s action plan helped the designer set some energy-generating fitness goals and directed her toward specific programs.Inspiration and motivationOne of Paige's mentors is trainer Patricia Moreno,the creative force behind Sati Life, a training regimen that combines mental, physical, emotional and spiritual elements. After watching Patricia’s 10-minute intenSati video through LifeMap, Paige was hooked. “Patricia’s terrific—engaging and inspiring. I feel totally energized when I’m done,” she says.“The overall concept of LifeMap is great,” Paige says. “It’s thought-provoking and easy to manage, even if you’re not computer savvy. The program is not about giving you answers. It’s about coaching you to make good decisions for yourself based on your specific needs. LifeMap leads you down a path and helps you engage with your goals.”Read More about Life Reimagined and The Path to Purpose

Practice

The Path to Purpose

“I never thought I would be this person,” marvels 38-year-old Jessica Tunon. Two decades ago, the Floridian worked full time to pay her way through college and afterward leapt into a high-stress career in finance in Palm Beach. As the years passed, Jessica’s admirable drive and focus left little room for reflection, but she couldn’t ignore the signs that she needed to make some changes in her life. She gained weight and suffered chronic back pain. The two-plus hours she spent in her car every day battling commuter traffic didn’t help. Walking tall In 2001, she had back surgery for a herniated disk. The pain dissipated, but her stress didn’t. Not until she started walking. What started as physical recovery therapy ended up adding meaning to Jessica’s life. But it was a journey. In Florida she struggled to find time and safe places to walk. In 2007, Jessica moved to the pedestrian-friendly Washington suburb of Arlington, Virginia. She had been driving since she turned 16. She loved her sporty, two-door Honda Accord, the embodiment of the independence she had achieved through hard work. Giving it up was unthinkable—until she did it, and her whole life changed. On May 12, 2008, Jessica let her Honda’s lease lapse, and she has been car-free ever since. “I learned what it’s like to live in a city with access to public transportation,” she says. “I lost weight. I saved money. The stress went away.” Read More: 33 Ideas for Finding Purpose in Life Forming a community The transformation didn’t stop there. For the first time, Jessica saw herself in a broader context. She started walking with friends. She found a like-minded community and discovered the joys of giving back by volunteering and reducing her carbon footprint. In 2014, Jessica launched Netwalking, a startup that organizes walking business meetings to get people up and moving and improve their health, happiness and productivity. Simply put, walking gave Jessica’s life purpose. “Purpose” comes up a lot these days, but it’s far more than the latest buzzword. A growing pile of research links purpose with increased fulfillment, productivity and even longevity. For many Americans, finding purpose and meaning—at home and at work—has become central to their life plans. In a recent Gallup study, Americans rated “meaning and purpose” much higher than “wealth,” “status,” or “ recognition among peers” as important and immediate life goals. Just a decade ago, it barely made the list. Mapping the path to purpose Psychologists, sociologists and other experts are mapping the most fruitful paths to purpose. They’re redefining purpose as a way of life—a daily, achievable goal rather than some daunting Holy Grail. Spoiler alert: The key is making a difference in people’s lives. And increasingly, people like Jessica are willing to adjust key aspects of their lives to find purpose now rather than holding out vague hope for the future. In this story, you’ll also meet a reinvention coach who preaches what she practices and find advice for making positive lifestyle changes stick from a behavioral psychologist who studies the mechanics of habit. Indeed, the pursuit of purpose has become so popular that AARP recently launched Life Reimagined (lifereimagined.org), a digital experience that provides guidance to the millions of midlife Americans who are exploring new possibilities in their lives. Integral to that experience is a package of interactive activities, online coaching and community connections that helps people rediscover what matters most to them. “Americans are living longer, and this has led to a fundamental shift in how we think about career, money, health and personal fulfillment,” says Emilio Pardo, president of Life Reimagined. “We started Life Reimagined to provide tools to help people transition to what’s next in their lives. This builds on AARP’s promise to help people live their best lives, especially as we navigate an emerging life phase that encourages us to better understand our purpose and direction.” What floats your boat For such an important word, purpose can be hard to pin down. In The Power of Purpose, best-selling author and executive coach Richard Leider defines purpose as “the aim around which we structure our lives, a source of direction and energy.” Simply put, says Richard, whose work provides a foundation for the Life Reimagined Institute, “purpose is your reason for getting up in the morning. It’s fundamental to happiness and longevity.” We live in a culture obsessed with money and material possessions, but study after study shows that wealth is not the path to happiness. Finding meaning, finding happiness A 2009 MetLife market report titled “Discovering What Matters” found that regardless of age, gender or financial status, a majority of people assign the most importance to meaning-related activities and, above all, spending time with family and friends. Those with a sense of purpose were more likely to report being “happy.” They felt more focused on the present and possessed a clearer vision of the future they wanted for themselves. And whether the purpose is a vocation or an avocation, one commonality shines through: Purpose always involves making a difference in the lives of others. Research that backs it up “We assume people are best motivated by money and prestige—what they’ll get, not necessarily by what they’ll give. But all studies show we’re best motivated by our effect on other people,” says Christine Carter, Ph.D., a sociologist and senior fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She cites the research of Wharton School of Business psychologist Adam Grant, Ph.D., who has studied what motivates people in boring jobs, such as university fundraising call centers. Adam brought in speakers to inspire the callers and then measured the speakers’ effect on productivity. The first group consisted of former call-center employees who spoke about how the work helped them advance their own careers. Their words produced no measurable effect on the fundraising outcome. Next came a group of scholarship recipients. They didn’t connect the dots between the fundraising and their own opportunities; they simply spoke about what the chance to attend college meant to them. Their testimonials inspired an uptick in calls and a 171 percent increase in money raised. Read More: Get in Touch With Your Higher Calling We are tribal animals The results do not surprise Christine. “The most consistent finding about happiness throughout sociology, psychology and neuroscience across the last 150 years of work—as far back as people have been studying well-being and happiness—is that personal happiness is best predicted by the breadth and depth of one’s connection to other people,” she says. “We are tribal animals. Our nervous system has evolved to feel safe and at ease in the presence of others. We understand the connection between what we do and why it matters to other people.” In her book, The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and at Work, Christine defines the sweet spot as those moments when great strength overlaps with great ease. We’ve all experienced those times when all our faculties and skills align with our effort, and we find ourselves exceptionally intuitive, productive and energetic. “The fastest way to find the sweet spot,” Christine says, “is through meaning, in particular social meaning. Your belief about your purpose in relation to other people improves both power and ease.” Long road to reinvention More than a dozen years ago, Pamela Mitchell found her true calling by helping others after years of focusing on herself. Her journey involved a couple of risky leaps of faith into unknown waters. Fittingly, she’s now the founder and CEO of the Miami-based Reinvention Institute, a coaching firm that helps successful professionals “transform their careers, themselves or their world.” Raised in Milwaukee, the first in her family to attend college, Pamela fulfilled an early dream by landing a job on Wall Street. Almost right away, she realized the job wasn’t a good fit, but she stuck it out. “I was taught to get an education, get a good job at a company and stay there,” Pamela says. “Nothing about finding purpose or even happiness.” After five years, she quit with no job plan. Deciding she wanted to start over with a career in media, she looked for a book or coach who could help her make the switch. “All the career advice was about how to climb the ladder in your sector but nothing about how to switch ladders,” Pamela says. By trial and error, she worked her way up to executive leadership roles at several media giants, including Discovery Channel. Then 9/11 happened. She was home at the time, three blocks from the World Trade Center. The intense external shock caused a seismic shift in Pamela’s view of her life’s trajectory. She enjoyed her work but not the office politics. “I was good at fighting corporate budget battles, but that didn’t make me happy,” she says. “I decided I wanted to do something that would make more of a difference in the world.” Read More: Go Straight for the Joy and Follow Your Purpose The 'burning bush' moment Reflecting on her career, Pamela realized how many colleagues relied on her for advice. People admired her values and the courage she had shown in seeking fulfilment. While on a sabbatical, Pamela experienced what she calls her “burning bush” moment. “It dawned on me how rare it is for people to know what they’re meant to do on this Earth,” she recalls. “If I can help them discover their purpose, that’s what I should do.” For Pamela, reinvention is a “practical life skill that takes you through the ages and stages of life. It’s something you keep in your toolkit for helping you navigate life’s uncertainty.”Reinvention can be voluntary, or it can be thrust upon you by circumstances, often painful, such as job loss or illness. So how do you go about reinventing yourself to live a life of meaning, whether from choice, necessity or a combination of the two? Making lasting change requires identifying what gives your life value and then focusing your actions on that goal. The following tips can help: Think of “purpose” with a small “p” Purpose doesn’t have to be a single calling or a big, selfless commitment to altruism. In fact, “Purpose” with a capital “P” often scares people away. “Purpose is a choice we make. It’s not a particular job,” says University of Wisconsin School of Human Ecology sociology professor and Life Reimagined Institute thought leader Christine Whelan, Ph.D. “Purpose is how we act on a day-to-day basis.” Think of it, instead, as living purposefully. To illustrate her point, Christine W. tells a story of three bricklayers working on the same job. Each is asked what he is doing. The first man gruffly replies, “I’m putting one brick on top of another.” The second says, “I’m putting up a wall.” With enthusiasm and pride, the third says, “I’m building a cathedral.” Research shows that the more you see meaning in the work you do, the more fulfilled and happy you will be. The same goes for your home life. Create a purpose statement Make an honest assessment of four key life aspects: your gifts, values, your passions and the impact you want to make on the world. Combine them to create a powerful statement of purpose. Like a corporate mission statement, your personal purpose statement gives you a clear, concrete foundation on which to base decisions so that your actions feed your inner purpose and help you become your truest self. Get specific “About 15 years ago, I decided I wanted to learn to play the saxophone,” says University of Texas psychology professor Art Markman, Ph.D., author of Smart Change: Five Tools to Create New and Sustainable Habits in Yourself and Others. That sounds pretty specific, but it’s not. Specific means figuring out where to buy a sax, finding a teacher, budgeting costs, scheduling precise days and times each week for lessons and setting aside time and space for practice at home. Reaching that level of specificity allows you to head off all the conflicts that might arise down the road and force you to quit. “You have to become mindful of all the obstacles that might get in your way and plan for them in advance,” he says. Be patient Art spent 10 years learning and practicing before he was any good at the sax. But the wait was worthwhile. Art is in a band and gets much satisfaction both from playing and the happiness his music brings other people. “There’s always this idea that reinvention is immediate, something you go off and do. But it takes time,” Pamela says. “A lot of internal struggle and growth has to happen before you get to the point where you can say you’re willing to follow a new path. It took me a year to say I was going to leave my media career and go to executive coaching school.” Search for true happiness Short-term gratification is not the same as true fulfillment or joy. Using brain scans, scientists have shown that gratification and joy register in different parts of the brain. Christine Carter cites a series of studies showing that in order to match the well-being from seeing a relative or close friend on a regular basis, the average participant would require a $100,000 salary increase. “You need a lot more money to move the needle on well-being,” Christine C. says. “You do not have to have a lot more friends.” Refresh your point of view You might be living more purposefully than you realize. Since fulfilment is so closely tied to helping others, clarify what your life means to other people. That’s exactly what the puckish guardian angel in Frank Capra’s 1946 holiday classic, It’s a Wonderful Life, helps George Bailey discover after George suffers one too many of life’s hard knocks. “If you don’t know if you’re making a difference, ask people,” says Christine C. And make connections any chance you get—at work, in the neighborhood or even on an airplane. “When we look at the accumulation of research, what we find is that people who are more connected live longer, healthier, happier lives,” she adds. “When I shop at my neighborhood grocery store, I see employees who I’m friendly with, and their eyes brighten. That tells the nervous system, ‘These are your people, you can feel secure here.’ ” Take time to reflect Pamela identifies two levels to reinvention: outer, or the tactical steps, and inner, emotional growth. Humans are wired to favor routine and avoid ambiguity. Reinvention involves breaking routine and establishing new, ambiguous patterns. Most people leap straight into tactics and start making to-do lists. But without the emotional growth to undergird your commitment, you’ll be vulnerable to fear and more likely to return to your comfort zone of routine. Pamela encourages emotional growth in a number of ways, including training clients to face their fears. She asks them to analyze past successes to identify the inevitable moments of fear they overcame. She chunks the process into small, achievable steps and goals, proposing mini-reinventions. If they’re not very athletic, for instance, she’ll encourage them to take up a new sport. “Reinvention is a journey,” she says. “It comes together if you’re committed to the journey.” Lean on others Major change is hard. Research shows that you’re likely to fail if you go it alone. Throughout your reinvention journey, it’s critical that you surround yourself with supportive people. “You don’t get a gold star for doing it by yourself,” Art says. Prepare for “challenge moments.” As soon as Pamela decided to become a coach, she was offered the biggest job of her career—head of international brand strategy for one of the planet’s largest media companies at the time. In London. Where Pamela had been trying to relocate to for years. She said “no.” “That was a very scary moment,” she says. “Yes, it was a dream job, but it wasn’t in alignment with my purpose, which was to help people. A lot of my clients are surprised to learn that purpose sometimes forces you to give up certain dreams.” Embrace the fluidity Purpose can develop gradually. As an example, Pamela points to a client who came to her because she wanted to become a writer. She had a corporate job with a stable salary and health insurance. Her husband was an entrepreneur. The couple’s children would soon graduate from high school and go off to college. “Her purpose at that moment was to launch her children into independence,” Pamela says. Once the kids flew the nest, her purpose might change to align with her dream. “Purpose is an expression of what’s important to you in a given moment, and that can evolve.” Read More: LifeMap: A GPS for the Soul Logan Ward has written for The Atlantic, Popular Mechanics and many other magazines. His memoir, See You in a Hundred Years, chronicles his family's immersion into 1900s-era farm life in Virginia's Shenandoah Valley.

A Visit With Pope Francis

3 Habits to Boost Resilience

The End of Bullying?

Romance and Research with James and Suzie Pawelski

James and Suzie Pawelski – Romance and Research

10 All-Natural Ways to Calm Your Anxiety

33 Ideas for Lifelong Learning

LifeMap: A GPS for the Soul

The Path to Purpose

Store

Articles

Quick Links