Suzann Pileggi Pawelski

Suzann Pileggi Pawelski

Suzie Pileggi Pawelski is the "Science of Well-Being" blogger and contributing editor for Live Happy magazine. She has a Master's in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, and has written for Scientific American Mind as well as other publications.
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Put down your phone and be in the moment!

You’ve Changed—Now Stick to the Program!

As we wind up Live Happy’s 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, happiness expert Christine Carter, Ph.D., offers the last word on how to untangle yourself from your phone and other digital distractions. If you've been following along and doing this 90-day email detox together with Live Happy managing editor Donna Stokes, I hope you've found that it takes less and less willpower to stick with he changes you’ve made, and that the activities you’ve chosen to replace checking your email (or phone) all the time are now a regular part of your lifestyle. They are well on their way to becoming habits, which is great news, because habits often last a lifetime. Here are some final tips for maintaining those changes over the long term: 1. Celebrate your success, but beware of moral licensing As you notice how well you’re doing at staying unplugged or not working when you aren’t at work, don’t let yourself feel so good about your progress that you unleash what researchers call the “licensing effect.” The licensing effect occurs when we behave virtuously and then cancel out our good deeds by doing something naughty. When we behave in line with our goals and values—whether it’s something as large as staying unplugged for an entire vacation or as small as not talking on the phone while checking out at the grocery store—we, ironically, risk backsliding. Consciously or unconsciously, we tend to feel that healthy or virtuous activities entitle us to partake in less-good activities. Smokers will smoke more, for example, when they believe they’ve just taken a vitamin C tablet. Similarly, philanthropists tend to give away less money after they’ve been reminded of their humanitarian attributes. One study even found that after people buy eco-friendly products, they’re more likely to cheat and steal! Avoid the licensing effect by reflecting on your goals and values rather than your accomplishment. Why have you decided to turn your phone off during dinner time? What larger mission are you trying to fulfill? How will you or others benefit from the habit you’re working on? Questions like these can help us avoid self-sabotage. 2. Gather your “cabinet” Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when [we] discover that someone else believes in us and is willing to trust us.” When we’re making lifestyle changes, it is best not to go at it alone—we need to know who else believes in us, who trusts that the changes we’ve made are going to stick. You don’t have to be the president to need a cabinet of close advisers for advice and inspiration, so surround yourself with people who understand what you’ve been working so hard on and who can support you going forward. I can’t underscore enough how critical this is for success. The first and most obvious reason why we need a support team is that our cabinet can help hold us accountable, acting as a bit of external willpower when our self-control falters. This is especially important during a digital detox. Our friends know when we’re addicted to technology again—they can see the time stamp on our emails! Most of us care what other people think of us, and when we make our intentions public in some way—even if our public is just an inner circle of close friends—our intentions have more power. Beyond that, other people can keep us on track when we’re so depleted that we no longer care what other people think. Our friends can refuse to respond to texts that come after our bedtime, for example, and they can help us shut down our computers when it’s time to take a break. Second, there is a plethora of empirical evidence that shows we’re herd animals and we typically do what our peers do. Compelling research demonstrates that our behavior is influenced not just by our friends, but by our friends’ friends’ friends. Because the behavior of others is highly contagious, we do well when we hang out with people who already have the types of habits that we’re trying to maintain. At a minimum, this means finding people at work who are succeeding at leaving their work at work. 3. Begin again after any major change in circumstances. Your habit will stick so long as the circumstances in which you established your new behavior remain the same. But life is full of change. You may change jobs, move to a new apartment or have a baby. Or you might do something as simple (and routine-rocking) as go on vacation. And as you’ve probably experienced, any of these things can disrupt your routine enough that your old, bad habits of working at night or checking your phone while you drive can easily slip in. This unfortunate reality cannot be avoided, but it can be planned for. Before a big change occurs, make some notes about what worked best for you in establishing your new habits the first time. Then anticipate the new obstacles coming your way, and plan for them. What will you need to do differently under the new circumstances? And then—this can be a sour pill to swallow—begin the process of unplugging again. Here’s the good news: You’ve already found a way to stop checking your phone or email; it’ll be much easier to re-establish these behaviors in your new circumstances than it would be to start from scratch. This is because the neural networks exist now where they didn’t before. If you need additional support or would just like more tips, I hope you’ll join my free habit-formation coaching program! Register here. Good luck with your new habits! Read Christine's first blog, 6 Steps to Unplugging From Work. Read Christine's second blog, 5 Ways to Stay Engaged and Keep Email at Bay. Listen to Christine discuss Unplugging From Work on our podcast. Christine Carter, Ph.D., is a sociologist, author, educator and senior fellow at University of California, Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center. She is also the author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work and Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.
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Steve Leventhal on Resilience

In this episode Live Happy magazine science editor Paula Felps talks with Steve Leventhal, executive director of CorStone, about one of 10 practices for choosing joy: resilience. CorStone is an international nongovernmental organization that develops and provides personal resilience programs to improve well-being for youth worldwide, focusing on adolescent girls in developing countries as critical change-agents in their communities. CorStone believes that cultivating personal resilience is a foundational step in helping youth to thrive—one which is often missing in development programs worldwide. Its evidence-based programs impact three interdependent factors in well-being: emotional health, physical health and education. What you'll learn in this podcast: The importance of a resilience-based curriculum How you can apply resilience training to your life Basic steps you can take to build your resilience muscles Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Learn more about CorStone Order Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy Thank you to our partner—AARP Life Reimagined!
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Making Motivation Work

Making Motivation Work

Every year we resolve (yet again!) to exercise, lose weight, or find a new, more lucrative or satisfying job. This time we are sure to succeed, we tell ourselves. Despite good intentions, however, we often lose motivation and end up right where we started—or perhaps even further behind, as we have disappointed ourselves by dropping our goals. We wonder what went wrong. Barry Schwartz, professor of psychology at Swarthmore College and a leading researcher in the science of human behavior and decision-making, suggests that rather than a lack of motivation, it may be flawed thinking that is getting in the way of our success. The paralysis of choice In his latest book, Why We Work, the best-selling author dispels common behavioral myths and once again emphasizes that often “less is more.” The more choices we are confronted with in life the less effective we are at making them, Barry says. We often become stressed and suffer subsequent “paralysis from analysis.” In one of Barry’s studies, customers who were offered a choice of six varieties of jam purchased a jar more often than those offered a choice of 24 types, leading him to determine that, when it comes to choice, the less we have, the more motivated we are to take action. We also feel better about our decision because we don’t feel like we are missing out on the thing we didn’t choose, Barry says. Less is more Less is more when it comes to our motives, as well. Contrary to popular belief, having two reasons or motives for doing something isn’t necessarily better than one. In fact, Barry says, “two reasons may be worse than one” and can kill the natural joy we feel in doing a certain activity and decrease our chances for success. This finding was a revelation to me. As a child, I had a strong affinity for gymnastics. I performed cartwheels and back handsprings non-stop because it brought me sheer joy! However, that changed after I joined a competitive team. My focus turned to potential medals. Practice suddenly seemed arduous and I lost interest in my beloved hobby. Where’s the joy? What happened? According to Barry, the competitive goal of winning a medal turned my hobby into a chore. Having the additional motive (medals) canceled out my internal motivation, which was joy. “Paying people or giving them awards for activities they would do on their own weakens these internal motives, and the pay doesn’t compensate,” says Barry. He explains that “little kids who get awards for drawing become less interested in drawing, and draw worse pictures, than kids who don’t.” So how can we apply these findings to our own goals? Focus on one thing at a time. Forgo trying to tackle a huge list of goals or changes. Instead, focus on just one (or two) and give it your full attention. You’ll feel better knowing you succeeded with your chosen goal(s), rather than dwelling on those you didn’t accomplish. Find your motive. Ask yourself what is your main motive for a resolution and keep that in mind. For example, perhaps you enjoy your regular exercise routine. Focus on how that makes you feel rather than finding another reason to exercise. However, if your exercise already feels like a chore, adding a goal can help. Set many short-term goals along the way to your final goal. Break up big projects into smaller, more manageable steps you can take each day. It will prevent you from procrastinating and feeling overwhelmed. Having a sense of daily accomplishment, regardless of how small, will likely keep you motivated, increasing your chances for success. Equipped with the right tools, you’re more likely to succeed! Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and her husband James Pawelski will be presenting at the Embodied Positive Psychology Summit (April 26-29th) at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health in Stockbridge, Massachusetts.
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Walking the Talk: My Day of Happiness

How to Be Happy All Day

One Live Happy writer walks the talk for a day of round-the-clock happiness. When I wrote the story “Happiness Around the Clock,” which describes 24 hours of mood-boosting habits, I was struck by how much my own typical day deviates from the one I outlined. Sure, on some measures I’m spot on. For example, I talk to strangers every day. Carlos, my very handsome and ebullient golden retriever, makes sure of that since he demands that everyone we pass stop and pet him during our thrice-daily walks. And I can attest that those 30 seconds or so of friendly chatting do, indeed, as studies show, give a little lift to your spirits. And, yes, thanks to Carlos, I’m also covered on getting the recommended three brief doses of daily exercise, a surefire stress buster. But on many of the other expert recommendations from the article, I fall short. So, I decided to devote one full day to following the ’round-the-clock happiness template so see what 12 hours of well-being truly feels like. Start from a place of ease I try to begin my day “from a place of ease,” as mindfulness expert Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., puts it, by doing some arm circles in bed and checking in on how I’m feeling physically (well rested) and emotionally (some low-level anxiety about a story I need to write). This is a departure from the way I usually start my mornings, which is reaching for the iPad that I’ve stowed on my bedside table and opening my browser to CNN (only to be confronted by some pretty dismaying headlines first thing in the morning). My morning routine, with intention I really make my bed. Most days I just give the duvet a quick shake, but today I also tuck in the sheets and rearrange the pillows with so much care they wouldn’t be out of place in a Pottery Barn catalog. The mindful shower I slow down my shower. In drought-stricken California, you don’t want to linger in the shower too long, but I’ve prepared for the “mindful shower” that Elisha advocates with a jar of wonderful-smelling brown sugar scrub. Slow down and take notice I create transitions. I often move on to a new writing project while I still have papers and notes from the one I’ve just completed scattered across my desk. Today, I want, as yoga teacher Sam Chase suggests, to begin a new task fully present. So I clean my desk between tasks and take a couple of moments to brew a cup of lavender green tea. A respite in the sunshine Instead of eating at my desk, I take a break to “cultivate the best me.” I load my healthy salad and a wedge of salmon frittata on a tray and head out to the backyard with Carlos at my heels. I’ve brought along the book Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence by Berkeley neuropsychologist Rick Hanson, Ph.D. I’d been meaning to start this for weeks now but never found the time. Since I’ve left my phone upstairs, I can devote 15 minutes to focused reading. That’s enough time, it turns out, to get excited about Rick’s belief that we can rewire our brain to overcome its “negativity bias” and “take in the good.” Since I’m in sunny Southern California, I get bonus points for getting the recommended daily hit of sunlight. A healthy afternoon treat I’ve banned double chocolate chip cookies from my pantry, so when my sweet tooth bites in the late afternoon, I try a method suggested by nutritionist Karen Wang Diggs. I rub a few drops of an essential oil between my palms (I find a rose and frankincense blend in my bathroom vanity) and, inhaling deeply, take in the scent. It’s very pleasant but I still want a chocolate chip cookie. I brew a cup of caffeine-free chocolate-almond tea instead. Prioritize positivity I “prioritize positivity” when I create the next day’s to-do list. I schedule a Pilates class with my favorite teacher for noon and I make a note that I’m going to start a new novel, Bring Up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel, in the evening. Make time for connection I haven’t gotten any friend time in yet so, on the spur of the moment, I call my friend Lulu. I have some whole-wheat pizza dough in the freezer, would she like to come over for dinner? An hour later, we’re in my kitchen together, finding flow and connection in rolling out the dough while we chat about our days. After dinner, Lulu, Carlos and I go for a final dose of daily exercise. I can check off three more tips from “Happiness Around the Clock.” My new bedtime ritual I don’t have a bedtime ritual, something that neuroscientist Alex Korb, Ph.D., advises. I improvise, patting a few drops of my rose and frankincense essential oil on my face. And, to make sure I’ve got my “mindfulness moments” covered, I concentrate on the feeling of my fingertips on my skin. As I do, I silently express gratitude—the final step of the daily prescription—for the fresh basil growing in my garden, the company of good friends, the buoyant health of my adored Carlos. The takeaway So, here’s what I learned from my experiment. Objectively, this was a pretty ordinary day. There were no hot-air balloon rides or unexpected bouquets of flowers from a secret admirer. But the little tweaks I made from morning until bedtime did lead to a sprinkling of pleasant experiences that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. And I imagine that the cumulative effect of those moments, day after day, could lead to a pretty significant happiness bonus. Tomorrow is another day, and I’m going to keep the experiment going. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
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Happiness Around the Clock

Happiness Around the Clock

There are 1,440 minutes in a day, and while we can’t expect every moment to be blissful, we each have the means to increase our sense of joy, connection and well-being in our daily lives. Two main strategies will help you achieve this. One, through simple actions you can train your brain to “tilt toward positivity,” says neuroscientist Alex Korb, Ph.D., author of The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time. Two, you can live more harmoniously with your body’s natural rhythms by aligning activities like eating, sleeping and when you turn on and off the lights to your circadian clock. Throughout the day this built-in internal timer regulates everything from body temperature to the release of hunger hormones. Follow these cues and you’ll flourish, disrupt them and you’ll experience an avalanche of disturbances, from insomnia and weight gain to foggy thinking and depression. “Circadian rhythm hygiene is every bit as important to good health as washing your hands,” says Christopher Colwell, Ph.D., director of the Laboratory of Circadian and Sleep Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles. With expert advice, we’ve put together a template of what these two strategies would look like in an average day. Consider it a tick-tock of contentment. Adjust the timing to your needs but try to follow the general principles for a week or two. You’ll likely find you experience more happy moments each and every day. 6:30 a.m.: Wake up to an alarm clock that mimics the rising sun. A study published in the European Journal of Applied Physiology shows that gradual light exposure during the last 30 minutes of sleep can increase alertness, enhance both mental and physical performance, and improve mood. The Soleil Sleep Spa and the Philips Wake-Up Light both combine dawn simulation with nature sounds like morning birds or ocean waves. 6:45 a.m.: Devote a few minutes before you get out of bed to a mindful check-in. Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., author of MBSR Every Day: Daily Practices from the Heart of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, suggests asking yourself questions like, “How am I starting this day? How is my body feeling? How am I feeling emotionally?” If you notice you’re tense, Elisha suggests widening your arms to expand your chest, opening your mouth a few times to stretch out the jaw muscles and dropping your shoulders. “You want to begin your day from a place of ease,” Elisha says. 6:50 a.m.: Make Your bed. This simple act creates a small sense of satisfaction and pride that sets a positive tone for the rest of your day. Charles Duhigg, author of the best-selling book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, notes that a daily tidying of the sheets correlates to better productivity and a greater sense of well-being. 7 a.m.: Shower with intention and attention. “Mindful showers have transformed my life,” Elisha says. “I always thought of the morning shower as one of those daily tasks you have to do.” That changed when he bought a bar of rose-scented soap. The fragrance evoked sensory memories of the summers he spent at his grandmother’s house in Burlington, Vermont, and summoned feelings of love, warmth and comfort. Now, Elisha begins his showers by holding the bar of soap, inhaling its scent for a few deep breaths and paying attention to the feeling of the warm water against his skin. “The small splurge on a special soap is a way of taking care of yourself, and that can boost your feelings of self-worth,” he says. 7:30 a.m.: Eat breakfast within the first two hours of waking up. “Delaying any longer than that and you’re skipping a meal, and that depletes your physical and mental energy,” says Lisa Dierks, a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist with the Mayo Clinic Healthy Living Program. The ideal breakfast will include a protein, a grain and a fruit or vegetable. For example, plain Greek yogurt topped with berries and low-sugar granola. 8 a.m.: Take your first 10-minute dose of daily exercise. Don’t have time for a lengthy workout every day? No sweat! Shorter bouts of exercise can boost your well-being just as effectively as a single sustained session. Maybe even more. One recent study at the Healthy Lifestyles Research Center at Arizona State University showed that walking briskly for 10 minutes, three times a day, was significantly more effective in lowering blood pressure than a single half-hour session. 8:30 a.m.: Find ease during your morning commute. Whether we battle bumper-to-bumper traffic or crowded subway cars, the commute to work can be stressful. The road to relaxation? Cultivating a sense of community with your fellow commuters. When Elisha finds himself getting tense on the drive to Los Angeles’ Center for Mindful Living, which he co-founded and where he practices as a clinical psychologist, he turns inward rather than venting at the drivers around him. “I ask myself, ‘What am I really needing right now? What are the other drivers around me needing?’ ” The answer often leads him to silently recite, “May we all have more ease and patience in this traffic.” This creates a shift, Elisha says, “that completely transforms my experience. I go from disconnection to connection and the whole frustrated mind seems to dissipate.” 9 a.m.: Center yourself before you transition to a new activity. We often carry around the equivalent of an emotional doggy bag as we move through our day, bringing the stress of a harried morning to an important meeting or the fatigue of a three-hour business meeting to giving our kids a bath. “A lot of time our focus gets stolen,” says Sam Chase, author of Yoga & the Pursuit of Happiness and co-owner of New York’s Yoga to the People studio. To begin a new activity fully present, he suggests slowing down for a moment of transition. “When I’m about to go into a new situation, I’ll pause and take three breaths right at the doorway,” he says. “That helps me let go of what I was doing and open myself up to whatever I’m entering without distraction.” 12:30 p.m.: Choose a true happy meal for lunch. Skip the fast food and opt for a mix of protein, veggies, whole grains and healthy plant-based fats like those found in avocados or olive oil. “I think of food as edible happiness,” says chef and nutritionist Karen Wang Diggs, author of Happy Foods: Over 100 Mood-Boosting Recipes. “On the most fundamental level, food, beyond just sustaining us, has the capacity to nourish us on a deeper level.” When we eat heavily processed meals that are heavy in refined carbs, like white rice or pasta, and sugar, we set in motion a series of physiological responses that lead to the release of stress hormones, mood swings, fatigue, and, as a recent study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition showed, a higher risk of depression. 1 p.m.: Take your second dose of daily exercise. Want to get even more benefit from your brisk walk? Seek out some greenery—a tree-lined street, a local park, an urban garden amid city skyscrapers. Studies show that a walk in nature reduces activity in the part of the brain associated with rumination, that endless loop of doomsday thinking and self-reproach. Another way to put more bounce in your step is to share your walk with a co-worker or two. Strong relationships with co-workers are one of the most important factors in workplace satisfaction. 3 p.m.: Beat the mid-late afternoon slump with a healthy alternative to a sugary snack. Karen suggests half an avocado with a sprinkling of sea salt and a dash of lemon juice; a slice of turkey or ham wrapped in a romaine lettuce leaf or ½ cup full-fat yogurt with a tablespoon of sunflower seeds. Instead of a cup of coffee—caffeine after 2 p.m. can interfere with sleep—try this energizing alternative: Keep a bottle of an essential oil, like rosemary or peppermint, in your desk drawer or purse. Place three drops in the palm of your hands, rub them together, hold your palms up to your face and inhale deeply for three breaths. 4:30 p.m.: Pause for a moment to consider your personal values. Make a habit of taking a break from meetings and emails for a moment of self-reflection and inspiration. Erica Brown, a Jewish scholar and educator, suggests thinking about a different aspiration or emotion each day. In her new book Take Your Soul to Work: 365 Meditations on Every Day Leadership, she suggests pondering questions like, “What does your authentic self look like when no one is looking?” “When is the last time you shared something of beauty with those who work with you?” and “Name something you love so much that it can never fail you.”6 p.m.: Build a better to-do list. Before you leave your workplace for the day, create a to-do list for tomorrow. Along with jotting down the tasks you need to complete, make sure you’re carving out time in your day for things you love to do. Researcher Lahnna Catalino, Ph.D., of the University of California, San Francisco, School of Medicine, calls this “prioritizing positivity.” Her research shows that it’s a far more effective tactic for achieving happiness than striving to feel joy, contentment, gratitude or peace every second of the day. Prioritizing positivity means different things to different people, Lahnna says. Two activities that elicit positive emotions in most people are connecting with a loved one and doing something physically active. 7 p.m.: Enjoy dinner with family or friends. Close relationships with other people are a keystone to happiness, and the dinner table is a natural place for connecting. A new study of more than 11,000 adults shows that face-to-face interactions with friends and family members offer powerful protection against depression; contact by phone, text or emails don’t have the same power. Plus, a slew of studies have shown family meals lead to a wide range of benefits, including better grades and fewer incidences of behavior like smoking and drinking in teens. 7:30 p.m.: Close down your kitchen. Scientists are discovering that when you eat is nearly as important as what you eat. “Our bodies are designed to take in calories over 12 hours and fast for 12, says Christopher, the neuroscientist. Research at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in San Diego has shown that disrupting this natural order by, say, snacking at midnight or 2 a.m. leads not only to poor sleep and weight gain but also to the kind of metabolic disorders seen in people with diabetes. Now, a study just completed at Christopher’s lab suggests that mistimed eating can also impair memory and learning. 8 p.m.: Take your final dose of exercise. Go for a post-dinner stroll but avoid intense aerobic exercise. We fall asleep when our core body temperature drops, says Christopher, and when you do a heavy workout you raise the body temperature, thwarting slumber. 9 p.m.: Eliminate sources of blue light two hours before you hit the hay. “Light is a huge anchor for sleep,” says Colleen Ehrnstrom, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with the Department of Veterans Affairs in Denver, and co-author of the upcoming book End the Insomnia Struggle (coming October 2016). Just as the light of dawn awakens us, the dimming of light cues our body to produce melatonin, a hormone that quiets alertness and preps us for slumber. The kind of blue light that’s emitted by our electronics devices is especially disruptive. You can filter out some of the blue light by lowering the brightness of your screen, donning glasses with orange lenses or covering your screens with an orange filter. (You can find a range of products at lowbluelights.com.) 10:30 p.m.: Transition to bedtime with a nightly ritual. “We often think that going to sleep is like shutting off a computer,” Alex says. “You just hit the power button and you shut your brain down. But, in fact, your brain requires a little more time to relax and unwind.” Along with brushing your teeth and cleansing your skin, prime yourself for sleep with simple yoga stretches, prayer or meditation. 11 p.m.: Lights out. Spend your last few minutes of wakefulness noting a few things that you’re grateful for. These can be both big—the good health of your family—and small—the lemons ripening on your windowsill. Keeping a gratitude list will make you more optimistic, healthier and alert. You’ll also be more likely to make progress toward an important personal goal and more likely to help others. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
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Create a Family Happiness Board!

Whether you are part of a traditional family, or have a group of friends who are as close as family, chances are you derive a significant portion of your happiness from spending time and sharing experiences with the ones you love. Science tells us that looking forward to those experiences as well as reflecting on joyful memories generates a boost to your well-being that is almost equal to the experience itself! Bringing happiness back home As the editorial director of Live Happy, I’ve spoken at the United Nations and traveled the world as an ambassador for the importance of happiness in our lives. Now I am bringing the message back home with the Family Happiness Board—and I’d like to invite you to make one, too! A happiness board not only reflects past joyful moments, but it works as a reminder of what we love and how we can share happiness with the world around us. Here’s how I—and Live Happy contributing editor Sandra Bienkowski—put ours together. Please share photos of your boards with us using the hashtag #HappyActs on Twitter or Instagram. It’s also easy and fun to do. First, have each member of your family reflect on three questions: What makes me happy? What makes my family happy? What can we do together to make the world a happier place? Discuss the answers, and then get started making your board. Gather photos, quotes, mementos and other items that are meaningful and reflect on those times when you’ve been the happiest. I created a board with my family, and it was a blast. My children love to stare at it and talk about what every detail means to them. They point to the pictures and reminisce about vacations we took years ago. When we look at it together, it is an opportunity to go over what we do as a family to make others happy through our church, scouts or Live Happy’s #HappyActs campaign. Seeing the board hanging on the wall every day is both a reminder of great memories and a signal to do more to bring happiness to each other and to our community. It definitely raised the Gross National Happiness quotient in my house, and I highly recommend you give it a try, too. For more information on the International Day of Happiness on March 20 and how you can be a part of it, check happyacts.org.
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Sonja Lyubomirsky on Gratitude

In this episode Live Happy Co-Founder and Editorial Director Deborah Heisz talks with Sonja Lyubomirsky about gratitude. Sonja is author of The How of Happiness, the first book by a highly-credentialed positive psychologist to present the latest research in a “how-to” format.  Sonja’s work has been awarded a Templeton Psychology Prize, a Science of Generosity grant, a John Templeton Foundation grant, and a million-dollar grant (with Ken Sheldon) from the National Institute of Mental Health to conduct research on the possibility of permanently increasing happiness. What you'll learn in this podcast: The importance of gratitude to your overall happiness The challenges to maintaining a gratitude practice Tips you can follow to create more gratitude in your life Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Take the free online happiness course Read a free excerpt of The How of Happiness Order Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy Purchase a copy of The How of Happiness Thank you to our partner - AARP Life Reimagined!
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90 Days to Breakthrough Success

As we wind up Live Happy’s 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, happiness and grit expert Caroline Miller reminds us of what it takes to make goals, stick to them and achieve successes in life. Congratulations on completing the 90-day challenge! By now, if you have been diligent about setting your goals, preparing your environment, assembling your support team, going outside your comfort zone and getting feedback about whether or not your strategy needs tweaking, you’ve accomplished something to be proud of—but now what? How do you ensure that you stay focused, motivated, optimistic and successful? And what do you do if you slide backward? This is a tricky period that you’ll need to navigate effectively if you want to make your new habits stick. It’s not uncommon for people to give up on their goals if they don’t think they’ve been successful enough, if they’ve hit a speed bump or if they’ve become complacent and found that maintaining progress is more difficult than expected. Researchers have even dubbed the third Monday of January “blue Monday” because of the familiar trifecta of depressing scenarios—credit card statements from the holidays, broken New Year’s resolutions and depressing weather. Here are some of tips I’ve found can be helpful in situations like these: Step 1: Know your success map Success leaves clues, so “unpack” the specific steps that helped you achieve your goals. If you slip backward, it will be important to have that “success map” available because there might be something you can easily add back to your formula to regain your footing and confidence. This is also helpful if you’ve unwittingly started doing something that is making it difficult to maintain progress. Step 2: Remove roadblocks One frequent culprit that undermines ongoing success is alcohol, which self-regulation researcher Roy Baumeister, Ph.D., has said is the No. 1 deterrent to all goal accomplishment because it removes the ability to delay gratification or use good judgment under stress. Other roadblocks can be negative people, time-sucks like Internet surfing and email, and visual prompts that undermine motivation. Step 3: Pursue consistency, not perfection Unexpected disruptions to your schedule, including travel, holidays and new relationships, can also set you back. When these types of scenarios throw you offtrack, guard against the “What the hell?” effect. Psychologists have found that if we decide we’ve blown our resolution or goal commitment for any reason, we need to get back to our routine as quickly as possible. If we just give up and say, “What the hell? I’ll just eat the whole box of Twinkies,” we lose the opportunity to learn that long-term consistency, not short-term perfection, is how we create and maintain positive habits. Chris ran into the buzz saw of the holidays just as he was making internal and external commitments to up his running, but instead of seeing the setbacks as signs that he didn’t have what it takes to remain committed to his goal, we added some steps to his routine that made it more likely that he’d bounce back as soon as his schedule became routine and predictable again. Step 4: Review your steps Carlo C. DiClemente, Ph.D., and J. O. Prochaska’s, Ph.D., “stages of change” research shows that rushing through the goal formation and goal pursuit process can result in short-term success that quickly goes backward. The only course correction is to go back and assess whether or not you spent enough time preparing for action, for example, as opposed to rushing into action. Did you find enough people to take your morning carpool shift before committing to joining a rowing team, or did you just assume it would work out on its own? Once you ensure that every step of your plan is thoroughly researched and put into place, you are more likely to make continuous, positive progress. Step 5: Disengage, don’t quit There’s a fine line between quitting your goals and redirecting your energies, but sometimes quitting is the smartest option. This is called “disengaging from unworkable goals,” and it’s the right choice when something in your environment has changed decisively and pursuing your goal no longer makes sense. For example, if your spouse lost her job just as you were about to return to school, it probably makes more sense to re-establish financial footing and then return to your goal of getting a master’s degree. People who push to the finish line without taking new data into account are like mountaineers with “summit fever” who refuse to acknowledge an impending blizzard and continue to push to the mountaintop at their peril. Don’t be that person. Step 6: Keep it up Finally, one of the surest ways to continue to be positive and proactive is to set fresh goals once you achieve your initial goal. Don’t just rest on your laurels and hope that life will continue to be satisfying and meaningful. Flourishing high-achievers usually set harder goals upon reaching other successes, so see these 90 days as the start of a beautiful relationship with yourself and your best-possible life! Caroline Adams Miller, MAPP, is a professional coach, author, speaker and educator. Her book, Creating Your Best Life, is the first evidence-based book to connect the science of happiness with the science of goal-setting. Caroline gave an acclaimed TEDx talk on grit in 2014, a topic she will cover in her upcoming book, Authentic Grit.
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5 Ways to Stay Engaged and Keep Email at Bay

As we continue with Live Happy’s 90 Days to a Happier You challenge, happiness expert Christine Carter, Ph.D., explains how we can stay unplugged from work once we have begun the habit. We all understand that when we first attempt to drive a car or ride a bike, we’ll make mistakes. Behavior change is no different; it’s a process of slipping, learning from the mistake, and trying again.”―John C. Norcross, Changeology Unless you are some sort of superhero, you will not be able to cure yourself of your email-checking addiction perfectly the first time. Research indicates that 88 percent of people fail to keep a new resolution; in my experience as a human being and a coach, 100 percent of people trying to radically reduce their screen time lapse in their attempt. So what to do if you’re struggling? 1. Don’t get too emotional about your slip or succumb to self-criticism. Instead, forgive yourself. Remind yourself that lapses are part of the process, and that feeling guilty or bad about your behavior will not increase your future success. 2. Figure out what the problem is. This may be blazingly obvious, but in order to do better tomorrow, you’ll need to know what is causing your trip-ups. What temptation can you remove? Were you stressed or tired or hungry—and if so, how can you prevent that the next time? Figure it out, and make a specific plan for what to do if you find yourself in a similar situation again. What will you do differently? What have you learned from your slip? For Donna Stokes, managing editor at Live Happy, who was still tempted to fill every moment with “productivity”—especially in the car at long stoplights or in line at the drive-through—I advised she keep her phone out of reach in the trunk of her car. 3. Beware the “What the hell” effect. Say you’ve sworn not to check your email before breakfast, but you’ve been online since your alarm went off...three hours ago. You’re now at risk for what researchers formally call the Abstinence Violation Effect (AVE) and jokingly call the “what the hell effect.” If you’ve already blown your plan today, why not go hog wild? What the hell—you can begin again tomorrow, right? Wrong. The more damage you do during your technology binge, the more likely you are to slip again the next day, and the less confidence you’ll have in yourself that you can change. So as soon as you notice you’ve slipped, go back to your plan. Double down, friends, double down. 4. Rededicate yourself to your resolution (now, in this instant, not tomorrow). Why do you want to make the changes that you do? How will you benefit? Do a little deep breathing and calm contemplation of your goals. If it is occasionally necessary for work to spill over into private time, I advise clients like Donna to plan a specific hour or two for that purpose and not to worry about it the rest of the weekend or evening. 5. Above all, comfort yourself on the way to your goal. To boost follow-through on our good intentions, we need to feel safe and secure. When we are stressed, our brain tries to rescue us by activating our dopamine systems. A dopamine rush makes temptations more tempting. Think of this as your brain pushing you toward a comfort item....like the snooze button instead of the morning jog, onion rings instead of mixed greens, or that easy taxi to work rather than the less-than-comfortable urban bike ride. So sometimes the best thing that we can do to help ourselves unplug is to preemptively comfort ourselves in healthy ways before our brain takes matters into its own hands. What makes you feel safe and secure—and doesn’t sabotage your goals? Perhaps you need to seek out a hug or take a walk outside in order to keep to your goals and refrain from checking emails. Read Christine's first blog, 6 Steps to Unplug From Work here. To see Christine's recommendations in action, read coaching "subject" Donna Stokes' 2nd blog here. Want more? Listen to Christine on our podcast as she explains how to unplug from work, here. Christine Carter, Ph.D., is a sociologist and senior fellow at University of California, Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center. She is a sought-after coach and speaker, and author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work.
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