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Ditch These 5 Habits to Find Happiness

If you search the literature of positive psychology you’ll find scant evidence that a second car in the garage or an overstuffed closet is the key to greater well-being. And while research shows that experiences, rather than material things, are a more reliable source of lasting contentment, constant busyness won’t likely lead to bliss either. In fact, boosting happiness doesn’t require getting or having more. Instead, the key to a happier life often lies in ditching bad habits, attitudes and beliefs that stand in the way of experiencing expansive joy. We talked to experts for their advice on what to give up to let greater happiness in. And some very happy people share what they cast aside to live fuller, more purpose-driven lives. Linda and Howard Payne We gave up a permanent address for life on the road.” In 2004, Linda Payne asked her husband, Howard, a simple question: “What’s the point of living the American dream if it’s not making us happy?” Howard was a real-estate attorney who had sold the title company he’d built to a much larger firm. Now he was running seven of their offices and Linda was operations manager for the largest one. They were both 41, had been married for 18 years and had no children by choice. Though they were far from millionaires, their life in Louisville, Kentucky, was comfortable: A 3,750-square-foot home, two cars in the garage, a country club membership. But to squeeze out more profitability, the company had shrunk the workforce from 90 to 35, and it fell to Howard to do the firing. “I was working tons of hours and constantly stressed,” he says. “The pressure was driving a wedge between Linda and me. We’d become more like roommates than spouses.” During a two-week summer wilderness vacation in Alaska where they hiked, fished, went rafting and bird watching, they reconnected. But back home, Linda’s spirits sunk. “I don’t understand,” she remembers thinking, “why we kill ourselves all of our lives just so we can retire and go do the things we want to do then.” She knew it would take something “drastic,” she says, to change their lives. One day the idea of living full time in an RV just “popped into my head.” The two had never even ridden in a recreational vehicle, but Howard was game. With a little online research, he discovered a growing culture of people living in motor homes, many of whom are so-called work campers, or "workampers," for short, who travel from campground to campground for part-time or volunteer jobs. The Paynes quit their jobs, sold their house and in August 2005 hit the road in a motor home and headed for national parks. They counted migrating sea birds, operated a nature tram, restored trails and led visitors on nature walks. Their annual income barely topped $25,000 but their expenses were low. Linda and Howard have since gone on to build a popular website, rv-dreams.com, and they frequently speak at rallies, seminars and conferences at RV shows across the country. “We’re semi-famous in the RV world,” Howard says. But the biggest payoff of their new life together is the closeness they’ve rediscovered. “We don’t have that roommate thing anymore,” Howard says. “We’re a team, we’re best friends.” Ask Linda if she’s happier living without a high-stress job and in a home that’s on wheels and she turns to her husband. “How happy are we, honey?” she asks, then laughs. “We’re way, way happier now. We may not be monetarily rich, but we’re rich in experiences.” Thomas Giordonello I gave up being on social media 24/7” When Thomas Giordonello saw a news clip last August about someone trying to scale Trump Tower with suction cups, something struck him: the guy had really good climbing equipment. A minute later Thomas, a public relations account executive, was on the phone with his client Outside magazine. The next morning an Outside editor hit the morning news shows, offering commentary on the climber’s gear and technique. That kind of vigilance made Thomas very good at his job. But when his boyfriend noted that even during a special night out, he was always distracted by a screen, Thomas knew he needed to make a change. Today, he allows himself “little windows” on weekends to make sure he hasn’t missed something important. “Other than that,” he says, “my phone is in my pocket. While technology is amazing, I’m trying to live more in the moment and I’m really connecting with people. When a friend tells me she went on a date with someone new, instead of my saying, ‘Hey, pull up his photo on Instagram,’ I ask, what did you guys talk about? How did you feel at the end of the date?” When Thomas hosted a recent dinner party for a group of friends he’s known since kindergarten, he put a basket near the front door and asked everyone to check their phones. “While I did notice a friend or two check their phones on the way to the bathroom,” he says, “I can say that the authenticity of the conversation grew exponentially with each phone that went into the basket.” Angela Eastwick I let go of needing other people's approval.” In 2010, Angela Eastwick quit her job at a New York City media training company, sold or gave away nearly everything she owned and moved to Negril, Jamaica, with about $8,000 in savings. Her dream was to open a nightlife touring company on the Caribbean island she had come to love on family vacations growing up. “The life I was living—office work, commuting, cold weather, neighbors who were strangers—wasn’t making me happy,” Angela says. “I felt I was living in repeats of a black and white TV show, and I wanted to live a life of color. Still, there was a lot of pressure not to go. All my friends and family told me I was crazy. My father offered to buy me a condo if I stayed. Everyone thought I’d fail and be home within a year.” Her first few months in Jamaica, Angela lived in a boarding house in the fishing community of Broughton. She had no kitchen, no hot water, no cable, no internet. “It was a humbling, life-changing experience,” Angela says. “But I got used to the cold showers and living a more wholesome, simple life. It’s amazing all the things you think you need that you don’t.” She began her business, JuJu Tours, by strolling Negril’s beaches, offering visitors authentic tours that included swimming holes, waterfalls and small cafes that locals frequented. From the beginning, JuJu Tours has had a giving-back element. Angela asks people to bring along small toys or school supplies from the local dollar store to give out to children. As the company gained success, its charitable reach increased. The Good JuJu Charity Project has adopted and renovated a struggling nursery school in Broughton, and every year since 2012, it’s provided tuition, uniforms, books and lunches for 30 students. Three years ago, with a loan from her father, Angela purchased a broken-down property on the beach to turn into a guesthouse. “It was shabby, dirty and had been hit by Hurricane Ivan and then occupied by squatters,” she says. Repairs took far longer and were more expensive than Angela had anticipated, but in November 2014, Somewhere West finally launched on Airbnb. Along the way, Angela fell in love; she and her partner, Jermelee Limoth, have two young sons. They are renovating their own home now, which is next to the guesthouse. “I don’t care if our home isn’t luxurious,” Angela says. “We have a roof over our heads, a kitchen to cook in and the kids are safe. This journey hasn’t been easy, but my life is filled with purpose and love.” Angela let go of her black-and-white life and embraced happiness in living color. Below are five habits that experts recommend you take a good look at in your life. You may need to ditch these if you really want to choose happiness. 1. Complaining It always rains when I need to go across town. Why can’t they do something about these lines at Starbucks? My boss is driving me crazy, again! It’s easy to go through a day airing one grievance after another. But constant complaining is not only monotonous, a study in the Journal of Social Psychology suggests that repeatedly airing pet peeves about a current or previous partner can undermine relationship satisfaction. Will Bowen was a unity minister at a church in Kansas City when he made it his mission to reduce this torrent of negativity. “A complaint is the opposite of gratitude and acceptance,” he says, “which we know are keys to happiness.” Will created a purple silicone “complaint-free” bracelet. Each time you whine you switch the bracelet from one wrist to the other. The goal is go 21 days without complaining, or long enough to begin to form a peeve-free habit. More than 11 million bracelets have been sold or donated at willbowen.com. It took Will, who would go on to write the book A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted, four months to hit the 21-day milestone. But even if you never string together three complaint-free weeks, gaining awareness can help you change from being a persistent complainer to an effective, and more contented, one. That could mean complaining in moderation and to the proper audience. Guy Winch, Ph.D., author of The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships, and Enhance Self-Esteem suggests having a goal in mind before you voice dissatisfaction. Ask the waiter to warm up your tepid soup rather than lamenting to your four dining companions. 2. Multitasking We check our Twitter feeds while watching Game of Thrones, chat on our hands-free phones when we’re driving home from work, catch up on the news while we’re playing Monopoly with the kids. A ping or buzz is all it takes to divert our attention. “Our brains like novelty and excitement,” says psychiatrist Gary Small, director of the UCLA Longevity Center at the Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior. “And our wonderful digital gadgets promise just that. But all this multitasking, or what’s also called partial continuous attention, is putting us in a state of heightened mental stress.” Multitasking, experts say, is actually a misnomer. We’re not really doing two, or more, things at once. Instead, we’re “switch-tasking,” interrupting one activity to focus on another. A 2014 study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that even when this stop-and-restart process takes just three to five seconds—barely enough time to flit from a PowerPoint presentation to your inbox—that’s long enough to double or triple the number of errors participants made in the task they were assigned. “In other words,” Gary says, “we’re becoming faster but sloppier.” Not only does juggling tasks make us error-prone, it undermines any chance of achieving the immersive state that psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., calls flow. “When our brains are jumping around,” Gary says, “there’s a staccato quality to our mental experience. That takes us away from deeper, more profound thoughts and feelings.” Read more: 6 Steps to Unplug From Work 3. Spending Time With Negative People You know that sneezing, sniffling, coughing neighbor? Stay away from her. And, that colleague who predicts every new project is sure to flop? Stay away from him, too. A growing body of research shows that we “catch” emotions, both negative and positive, as easily as we catch viruses. Not only are we susceptible to other people’s negative emotions, our behaviors and cognitions might also change, says Sigal Barsade, Ph.D., the Joseph Frank Bernstein Professor of Management at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, who studies emotional contagion. First we mimic the body language and verbal style of Debbie Downer, her slumped shoulders, angry expression and flat pattern of speech. Then, we start feeling the mood we’ve just witnessed: depression, anxiety, pessimism. And, finally, the mood we’ve now adopted as our own affects our behavior. We turn down an invitation to a friend’s country house because all we can foresee is gnarly traffic and bugs. We certainly don’t want to drop a friend because they’re grieving or depressed. But it’s worth asking yourself, Sigal says, “Do you dislike who you are when you’re with this person? If the answer is yes, you may well be better off limiting your time with them.” If that’s not possible, Sigal suggests three strategies to boost your immunity to toxic colleagues or relatives: First, don’t look at them. “Our attention tends to be drawn to negative people, so don’t let them cross your line of vision. If you’re not looking at someone, you won’t subconsciously start mimicking him.” Second, have compassion and offer the most generous interpretation of their actions and attitude. As long as someone isn’t being abusive, counter her negativity with kindness and compassion. Third, have a conversation. If the person is someone who’s very close to you and they only recently began grousing, you might start by saying something like, “You seem really unhappy lately. Have you thought about what you can do to change things?” 4. Perpetual Motion “Everyone is juggling so much that busyness has become a chronic condition of modern society,” says Hugh Byrne, Ph.D., author of The Here and Now Habit: How Mindfulness Can Help You Break Unhealthy Habits Once and For All. “There’s a tightness in our bodies because we’ve triggered the flight or fight mode. That’s a part of our nervous system that evolved to help us defend ourselves against outside threats, but it’s not a joyful way to live out our whole existence.” And while we’re constantly running, we often feel we’re not getting anywhere because we’re not taking time to reflect on where it is we really want to go. “It’s important,” Hugh says, “to step off the treadmill now and then where there’s no agenda.” Hugh recommends establishing a regular meditation practice, beginning with just five or 10 minutes a day. Sit quietly and breathe deeply in and out, perhaps silently repeating, “Breathing in, calming the body; breathing out, calming the mind.” Try, as well, to sprinkle doses of mindfulness throughout your day. “Enjoy a sacred pause when you’re stopped at a red light,” Hugh says. “When the phone rings, don’t answer it right away. Use the first couple of rings as a reminder to get in touch with your breath. It’s small little transitions like these that allow us to detach from the damaging cycle of low-level stress.” 5. Self-Criticism We’ve all heard a doomsday inner voice that tells us we were a bore at the party, a fool at the meeting, a selfish partner, a deficient parent. For some of us, the voice is ever-present, an automatic response to every situation. “You’ve had these negative thoughts so often, they become a well-trodden neural pathway,” says psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., author of Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love. “Especially when you’re stressed it’s the shortcut your brain takes.” Forging a new path takes time. UCLA psychiatrist Judith Orloff, author of The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People, says her own spiritual teacher once told her, “Progress occurs when we beat ourselves up a little less every day.” Here are three ways to begin to halt the self-flagellation: Stand in front of a mirror and say kindly, “I look wonderful and I’m a caring, generous person.” Then, in your nastiest tone, say, “I look horrible and I can’t stand myself.” In the first scenario, you’ll likely feel your gut untighten, your breathing become easier. In the second, the opposite will happen. Take in what this teaches you about "the energetic power of your emotions," Judith says. Reframe negative thoughts. Elizabeth suggests asking yourself these questions: “How do I want to see this situation?” “How might someone I admire view it?” “What advice would I give a friend in the same situation?” Move into a judgment-free zone with a new activity. Take a cake decorating class or guitar lessons. “Your goal is to have fun,” Elizabeth says. “That means redefining what I call a ‘win.’ It’s not looking better than someone else, the win is showing up and enjoying the process. And the beauty is when you stop judging and comparing yourself in this new hobby, it can carry over into other areas of your life. Read more: The 10 Things Happy People Don't Do Shelley Levitt is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles and an editor at large for Live Happy. Shelley's other recent features include Can Fermented Food Elevate Your Mood and Srikumar Rao Wants You to Feel Radiantly Alive.

Practice

Africa Yoga Project Enriches Lives With Movement

Paige Elenson, originally from New York City, was “probably the person that my high school yearbook would have voted ‘least likely to move to Kenya to teach yoga,’” she says. “My life was consumed with the pursuit of success and, in turn, I had some reckless failures of that pursuit. I felt empty, lonely and unhealthy.” Today, seven years after founding the Africa Yoga Project (AYP) in Kenya, she’s come a long way. This month, Paige, AYP co-founder and executive director, along with instructor Patrick Kiragu, will kick off the final day of the World Happiness Summit (WOHASU) in Miami on the right foot, leading attendees in more than an hour of Baptiste Yoga Vinyasa Flow. “I realized through my training with teacher Baron Baptiste that anything is possible if you come from a place of being open to what’s next,” Paige says. “Baptiste Yoga transformed my life, and I was compelled to learn how to share that with others.” Path to discovery In 2006, a family safari vacation to Kenya and Tanzania turned Paige’s world upside down. While watching for wildlife in the African bush, she spotted Kenyan acrobats doing handstands. It was a can’t-miss opportunity for human connection and shared experience. “Although I was told to stay in the jeep, I couldn’t help myself,” she says. “I got out and showed them that I could stand on my hands, too.” Thoughts of Kenya and the acrobats stayed with her. “Finally, after lots of thought, I decided to go back. That trip is what changed it all for me.” She soon returned and found herself staying in the informal settlements of Nairobi, Kenya, where most people live on less than $1 a day. While teaching, Paige met five teenage girls: Catherine, Anita, Irene, Leah and Hadijah. They called themselves the “Ghetto Girls.” The girls, ranging in age from 13 to 19 years old, lived in a small room constructed from metal sheeting with one mattress. Every day they traveled more than two hours to attend yoga class. “They said it made them feel clean, strong and happy,” Paige says. “From there, a connection was born with Kenya, and with the amazing young people who were coming to class. After doing some research, I found out that one of the root challenges that causes such abject poverty is youth unemployment. Over 80 percent of youth in Kenya are unemployed.” Her path became clear. In 2007, Paige formed Africa Yoga Project with yoga teacher Baron Baptiste. “We now train girls and boys to teach yoga as an avenue to education, empowerment and employment. “Kenya chose me, and I said, ‘yes,’” she says. “It was one of the best decisions of my life.” Stretch goals Africa Yoga Project trains and develops local leaders in their communities who are excited about sharing yoga’s lessons of strength and well-being. Each teacher exemplifies AYP’s motto, “lead the change,” as they inspire positive transformation of their communities, Paige says. Today, more than 6,000 people participate in more than hundreds of community yoga classes in 13 African countries, according to africayogaproject.org. More than 200 young people, trained as teachers, earn a living wage by teaching yoga to people who otherwise would not have the opportunity to learn it. “I think what is most exciting about our free outreach classes is how open people’s hearts and minds are once they experience the powerful physical, emotion and community benefits of yoga and meditation,” Paige says. “People feel better and when they feel better, they are equipped to do better. In the words of AYP instructor Patrick [Kiragu], it gives them hope, and hope is one of the most powerful opportunities in the world.” Patrick, who has been practicing and teaching yoga for seven years, looks forward to sharing stories of Africa Yoga Project at WOHASU. “I love being of service; it is what I live for,” Patrick says. “Sharing my talent is a way to be of service. I’m looking forward to learning more about happiness in Miami, making new friends and expanding our community.” Partners in om AYP is a global partner of lululemon’s ‘Here to Be’ social impact program that makes the healing benefits of yoga and meditation accessible through nonprofit partnerships. Lululemon is also a presenting partner of the World Happiness Summit. Karen Guggenheim, WOHASU co-founder and COO, says starting each day of the summit with yoga makes sense because “many of us have experienced the transformative power of practicing yoga and have felt the benefits to overall well-being and mood. Given our partnership with lululemon, it gave us an amazing opportunity to share a practice led by top teachers with seasoned yogis as well as novices.” Practicing yoga for more than 15 years has helped Karen become more resilient, calm and healthy, she says—and she’s happier, too. “My goal, through WOHASU, is to offer people tools that they can implement in their lives in order to make them happy or happier; yoga is one of them.” “Happiness is a muscle that allows you to feel joy when something great happens and acceptance when all else occurs,” Paige says. “Happiness gets developed through challenge and yoga gives you an opportunity to strengthen your happiness muscle every day on your mat.” Find out more at africayogaproject.org or follow them on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter @africayoga. Read more: The World Happiness Summit: What You Need to Know Read more: Ismael Cala Brings Insights to the World Happiness Summit

Podcast

The Happiest Time of Year – New Issue Preview

In this episode of the Live Happy Now podcast we explore the new issue of Live Happy magazine with Live Happy Science Editor Paula Felps. Listen in as we preview a few of the articles in this issue. What you'll hear in this podcast: Queen Latifah shares her secrets to success and lasting joy Sam Worthington explores his own evolution both on and off the screen How to use humor to build confidence and charisma 33 ideas to make your home a place of positivity Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase a subscription to Live Happy magazine Download Live Happy magazine on iTunes or Google Play

Lifestyle

33 Ideas for a Happy Home

1. Recycle, repurpose and reuse. 2. Home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in."—Robert Frost 3. Read Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin. 4. Listen to "Our House" by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. 5. Open your home to a new furry friend. 6. Read House by Tracy Kidder. 7. Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. 8. Read The Holistic Home: Feng Shui for Mind, Body, Spirit, Space by Laura Benko. 9. Make sure your home represents your personality. 10. Open the windows and doors on a warm, sunny day to let in the fresh air. 11. Read Healing Spaces: The Science of Place and Well-Being by Esther Sternberg. 12. There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort." —Jane Austen 13. Listen to "My House" by Flo Rida. 14. Watch old and new episodes of This Old House. 15. Nurture a bonsai tree or orchid in a peaceful corner. 16. Plant a garden. 17. Watch HGTV's Fixer Upper. 18. Read Happy Home: Twenty-One Sewing and Craft Projects to Pretty Up Your Home by Jennifer Paganelli. 19. Make your bed every morning. (It gets your whole day off to a better start.) 20. Listen to "House of Gold" by 21 Pilots. 21. Watch the movie Life as a House. 22. Have a garage sale! 23. Read Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui by Karen Kingston. 24. A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body." —Benjamin Franklin 25. Read The Not So Big House: A Blueprint for the Way We Really Live by Sarah Susanka. 26. Rearrange the furniture. 27. Listen to "Home" by Phillip Phillips. 28. Switch out colorful carpet for natural-looking rugs or wood floors. (It reminds us of our savannah roots.) Form follows function—that has been misunderstood. Form and function should be one, joined in a spiritual untion." —Frank Lloyd Wright 30. Listen to "Homeward Bound" by Simon & Garfunkel. 31. Listen to "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" by The Beatles. 32. Create a reading nook. 33. Where thou art, that is home." —Emily Dickinson

Young Asian woman giving the peace sign.

Practice

Inclined to Be Kind

On a Saturday morning in February, more than 400 people gathered in Cincinnati’s Fountain Square for a peaceful march. But what made this event different from other recent marches around the country and the world is that this wasn’t a protest, most of the participants were children—and they had gathered to promote kindness. Bill Hammons, co-organizer of the Children’s Kindness March, says he came up with the idea when he saw how his 10- and 12-year-old sons were affected by recent political events. “The tone and tenor of national politics [this past election] has been mean and demeaning. Our kids feel this,” he says. “I thought how great it would be to have some positive messaging that could get our kids out and feel like they could participate and make a difference.” He reached out to his friend Sally O’Callaghan, and the idea for the Children’s Kindness March was born. Within hours they had announced it on Facebook and it immediately started to gain traction. “We wanted to focus on children for this march because we felt it was something they needed,” Bill explains. “Most kids naturally ‘get’ kindness. Hopefully, we can put some positivity into our community and get people to focus on what is important…which is kindness.” Lasting benefits The idea of spreading kindness is nothing new; we teach it to our children and we intrinsically know it’s important. But we may overlook how good it is for us both physically and emotionally. Whether we’re giving it or receiving it, kindness has powerful lasting effects. “One of the immediate side effects of kindness is that it makes us feel happier,” explains David R. Hamilton, Ph.D., author of The Five Side Effects of Kindness. “It brings a sense of connection, warmth, gratitude and happiness.” Some studies also have connected acts of kindness with reduced depression and anxiety, and in addition to positive emotional reactions, kindness has been linked with physical benefits. “Focusing on the feelings of compassion and kindness actually cause physical changes in the brain,” David says, adding that most of these changes are seen in the left prefrontal cortex—an area associated with positive emotions and self-control. Kindness also produces oxytocin, which is often called the “love hormone,” as well as elevating levels of dopamine and serotonin. In addition to making us feel happier, that has biological effects that can help lower blood pressure, regulate cholesterol and lower levels of inflammation in the body. Passing it on As if the individual benefits didn’t provide enough reason to rethink kindness, it also has a viral effect. Simply witnessing an act of kindness can make us feel more inclined to be kind, and David says that’s due to a one-two punch that begins with the inspiration we feel from watching that act of kindness. “A person feels uplifted by either receiving or witnessing kindness,” he explains. “That moves us to imitate what we witnessed or experienced.” That can trigger the “pay it forward” phenomenon, creating a domino effect among all those who participate. But for all its benefits, David has found there’s one caveat for reaping the rewards of kindness: you can’t fake it. “It’s nature’s catch-22; the side effects only occur when kindness is genuine,” he says. “The biological effects come through the felt connection and elevation that genuine kindness produces. You don’t get the positive side effects if you’re only looking to gain.” Read more: Start a Ripple of Kindness in Your Community Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Practice

Ismael Cala Brings Insights to WOHASU

Ismael Cala, president of Cala Enterprises and founder of the Ismael Cala Foundation, which works to develop leadership skills in disadvantaged youth, is one of more than 25 happiness experts scheduled to speak at the World Happiness Summit in Miami, March 17–19. The social entrepreneur and former host of his own show on CNN en Español will join Live Happy Co-Founder and CEO Deborah K. Heisz and Live Happy columnist and positive psychology expert Michelle Gielan for a special panel at the Summit on March 19. LIVE HAPPY: What is your definition of happiness? ISMAEL CALA: Happiness is created by each of us in our everyday work to achieve excellence. Of course it has nothing to do with having more things but in striving to achieve our desires. We can even be happy when we do not succeed because we have learned the lessons that will help us succeed on another occasion. Our well-being is in our capacity to love, to dream and to reach beyond our fears and comfort zones. LH: The World Happiness Summit has a special Latin American flair, with your Ismael Cala Foundation and CNN en Español as partners. What can the rest of the world learn about happiness from the Latino culture? IC: I read recently that many of the happiest countries are in Latin America. I’m not surprised. Latin America has faced great challenges for decades. These challenges require a kind of constructive leadership that can be found among Latinos. We are people who have managed to find light in dark situations. My education and childhood have taught me to find happiness in small things, in my family and in the achievements of everyday life. And to continue working every day for my dreams. I believe that a positive mindset is an intrinsic capacity in all of us that we must bring to its full potential. LH: Your organization and foundation help youth develop leadership skills to find and fulfill their true purpose. What do you mean when you advise others to “lead from the soul”? IC: True leadership emerges from the path to abundance, a mindset that is born within each one of us. Leading from the soul is conveying the values and pillars with which you build your life to guide others toward success. Such leaders embrace gratitude as their life philosophy and find abundance in everything around them. LH: What are three ways to bring out the best in others you live or work with? IC:1: Practice emotional intelligence. A leader needs to understand his colleagues’ emotions, strengths and values to be able to get the best from the team. With empathy, the leader puts himself in others’ shoes and understands their reactions. The empathic leader listens and responds. 2: Turn obstacles into opportunities. Failures and mistakes are often seen as obstacles, when in reality they are great teachers and can open doors to new opportunities. Keeping an open mind in challenging times can help you gain new experiences that bring you closer to your purpose. 3: Learn to collaborate. Leadership is contrary to individualism and ego. A diversity of opinions and knowledge enriches decisions. A strong leader looks at strategies and solutions from different perspectives and invites participation. The first step is to accept your limits and be aware that you do not have to know everything. LH: Why is a gathering like the World Happiness Summit important? IC: Happiness is the balance between personal satisfaction, calm and inner peace. This is what I feel when I do what I love, which is to advise others on following the path of well-being and excellence. Thanks to the Ismael Cala Foundation, I have been able to help young people who do not have access to education. A life of service brings me joy. In a society where people look more and more to their own interests, it is necessary to convey this message to a broad audience. LH: Tell us more about your foundation. How do you reach children who don’t have access to education? IC: Ismael Cala Foundation collaborates with other foundations and institutions to develop programs for vulnerable children and young people. Our goal is to develop their potential, to make them aware that their capacity has no limits. We teach them that with effort and the right tools, they can achieve their goals. Right now we promote programs of emotional leadership, vocational guidance and education in Latin America and the Caribbean. LH: What are you most looking forward to about the World Happiness Summit? IC: My main objective is to inspire people to live to their full potential. I hope to convey how each one of us can become a leader who inspires those around them to be happy, love themselves and seek continued growth in their lives. For more on the World Happiness Summit, go to Happinesssummit.world. Read more: The World Happiness Summit: What You Need to Know Donna Stokes is the Executive Editor of Live Happy magazine.

science

This Is Your Brain on Humor

Laugh and the world laughs with you, the adage goes. And while laughter and the happiness it brings actually can be contagious—thanks in part to mirror neurons that fire when we observe other people doing a certain action—humor brings with it a variety of surprising benefits even when we enjoy it alone. As researchers have started to look more closely at humor and its effects, they’ve discovered that genuine laughter or mirth lights up multiple areas of the brain. As a joke unfolds, the frontal lobe jumps into action to process the information. It serves as a gatekeeper of sorts and determines if we’re going to “get” the joke or not. If the frontal lobe finds something potentially funny, it lets the effects of that humor proceed, and sends out an electrical wave through the cerebral cortex. From there, the rest of our body responds with surprise, delight and laughter. The results can be anything from a mild chuckle to an all-out belly laugh. And that chuckle does more for you than you might realize. According to research by Carl Marci, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the director of social neuroscience in the Psychotherapy Research Program at Massachusetts General Hospital, laughter and humor are, among other things, powerful agents in combating mood disorders. Laughter can trigger the brain’s emotional reward center, delivering a heaping dose of feel-good dopamine and mood-lifting serotonin. It can even increase the release of endorphins, the pain-relieving chemicals our brain releases in response to such things as exercise, food and sex. Laughter as a coping tool “Humor definitely has positive effects on us psychologically,” says Alex Borgella, a Ph.D. candidate in psychology at Tufts University, whose research is centered on how, why and when we use humor. “Laughter [is] one of the very first vocalizations made by babies at as early as 2 months. From there, we learn what to laugh at based on our experiences, attitudes and friendships.” Alex says that studies on humor and mental health show a correlation between higher sense of humor scores and attributes such as greater self-esteem, better coping skills during stressful times and a better image of self and of our place in the world. People with a more developed sense of humor may be better equipped for dealing with difficult and even life-threatening situations. “For people working in occupations where negativity or even traumatic events are frequent, such as ER doctors and nurses police and firefighters, having a sense of humor is often described as being essential for the job to prevent occupational burnout,” Alex says. Of course, in order for a joke to work, there has to be a punch line, and it’s that surprise that often triggers the brain’s response to the joke as we are given a new or different way to interpret the situation. Whether we “get” the joke, and whether or not we see it as funny, depends on many different factors. “‪Individual differences exist in the perception of humorous stimuli because of individual differences in other areas,” Alex explains. “For example, a person with preexisting negative views toward a certain social group might think jokes disparaging that group are funny, while actual members of that social group might not. Individual differences in understanding also play a role in humor differences; a computer scientist might find jokes about the complexity of programming in C++a lot funnier than I do.” Nuances of negative humor When it comes to disparagement humor—or humor that belittles an individual or social group—research indicates that even though disparagements are framed as a joke, repeated exposure to such humor can cause us to take situations such as racism or sexism less seriously. “The majority of the research on this topic describes the negative effects of telling or hearing jokes about stigmatized social groups. For example, some research has shown men exposed to sexist humor are more likely to endorse sexist beliefs, withhold donations from women’s organizations and even sometimes have higher endorsements of rape myths,” Alex says. “These effects are obviously negative, and I think the research supports we should attempt to mitigate them.” But not all negative humor has a negative effect, he adds. In fact, “some negative humor might provide us with some relief.” He points to research indicating that turning the negativity toward one’s self and using self-deprecating humor while, say, giving a speech, results in better response from an audience and greater ease. “Using self-deprecating humor to kick off your talk is high on any list [of how to give better speeches] because it makes the audience more comfortable. These effects are similar even in one-on-one situations and across many different identities,” says Alex. Regardless of whether you like your humor a bit on the dark side or prefer it sunny-side up, Alex says that knowing what it does for you—both psychologically and physically—is important. And, he believes, we are probably using it more often than we realize. “We use humor in the processes of forming and maintaining relationships, both casual and intimate. We use humor, at least in part, to decide which television shows to watch, which products to buy, and even which candidates to support,” he says. “A good knowledge of all the factors that play into why we laugh can help us understand all these issues a little better.” Listen to our podcast with comedian and positive psychologist Yakov Smirnoff! Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Practice

Poetry in a Box

The little box on the little pole fooled me at first. It looked like the ones real estate agents plant in front yards. But then I realized this pole said “Poetry” on it, and behind the box’s clear plastic door stood copies of “Blessings,” a poem by Ronald Wallace. “Please take one,” said writing on the door. I did. The poem was upbeat and funny and just what I needed. I smiled at the yellow ranch house behind the box and silently thanked the person who lived there for making my day. Serendipity by the side of the road Such moments, I soon learned, have been happening all over the country. Poetry boxes—also known as poetry poles or posts—first popped up in yards, parks and other spots about 20 years ago. Now there are at least 500 of them nationwide, according to David Cooke, a landscaper who has a poetry box outside his home in Portland, Oregon, and also builds them as a side business. The boxes cluster in such places as Portland and St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana, and range from prefab plastic to hand-hewn mahogany. “It’s kind of like an un-virtual Facebook page,” David says. Like other owners, he finds that poetry boxes boost a sense of community. “They’re a really good focal point, a conversation starter.” “To me it’s like putting out a bird feeder,” says author Maxine Hong Kingston. Through her windows in Oakland, California, she watches passers-by read poems from the box that’s screwed onto her purple rain birch tree. “That makes me really happy. Sometimes there are several people and one will read aloud to another one.” What attracts such readers? “The poems I put out there are about enjoying the world and loving life, so to me that kind of inspiration is food.” A little lift when you need it Indeed, Maxine’s neighbor Alice Friedemann finds visiting Oakland’s poetry boxes “a treat to look forward to, like a candy bar.” And as a science writer who blogs about dwindling natural resources and other woes, she often needs that treat. Take a foggy morning last fall. Alice, in a grim mood, stopped by a poetry box containing “This Splendid Speck” by Paul Boswell. There are no peacocks on Venus, the poem begins. No oak trees or water lilies on Jupiter.…Instantly, she felt better. “It reminded me of what a miracle this planet really is and how lucky we are to live here,” she says. Now she keeps that poem on her desk to nosh on whenever she gets gloomy. Poetry boxes are “a way to inject joy into somebody’s life,” she says. Kathie Smith-Hetterich, a retired school psychologist, feels equally sustained by a neighbor’s box in Rochester, New York. “It’s a way to touch something spiritual as opposed to all the day-to-day stuff,” she says. As it happens, the box Kathie visits is the one I stumbled upon during a walk. Its owner, I learned months later when I found her mowing her lawn, is an English professor named Cathy Smith. One recent evening she invited me inside the yellow ranch house. A shared neighborhood asset Her poetry box is a great way to connect with neighbors, she said as we chatted at her kitchen table. Like many owners, she discovers gifts tucked inside her box: poems, book reviews and once even a $20 bill. People eagerly remind her when it’s time to put in a new poem, and the little girl next door loves telling her what color paper to use. I left Cathy’s home that night with her words etched in my memory: “Poetry connects us to ourselves and to each other. It awakens what we don’t take time to nourish because we’re so busy.” Visitors to poetry boxes often pay the joy forward with boxes of their own or other things. Artist and teacher Martha Schermerhorn, for instance, says Cathy’s box inspired her to launch a local “round robin” writing club: one person starts a short story, emails it to another who adds to it, and so on: “The point is just to be creative, expressive. The neighbors just embraced it.” And now it’s my turn. The other day, Cathy emailed to say that her sister no longer has a spot for her own poetry box. Would I like it? Would I ever. Read more: Does Reading Fiction Make Us Nicer? Read more: 10 Ways to Build Community Melissa Balmain is a humorist, journalist and teacher. She is also the author of Walking in on People, a full-length collection of poetry.

Lifestyle

Ming-Na Wen, Agent of Change

Juggling the demands of life can be an uphill battle. Enter Ming-Na Wen: mother of two to daughter Michaela, 16, and son Cooper, 11, wife to husband and fellow actor Eric Michael Zee, actress, action hero and the voice of Mulan, one of the most beloved animated Disney characters. At 53 years old, she may be among the busiest women out there, and she just might also be among the happiest. Her secret? Don’t fear life’s challenges...appreciate them. “No matter how stressful a situation can be, look at it as a privilege that you can do all of these things,” Ming-Na explains. “That’s one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself. I know a lot of people look at life like, ‘Oh my goodness, I have to drop the kids off. I have to clean the house’...just be happy that you have a house to clean. “If there are certain aspects of your life that you’re not happy with, find ways to change it so you can get to that happy place,” she says. “At the same time, remind yourself that you’re not that person in Bangladesh sitting in a hot factory making garments for three dollars a day.” Mom knows best Ming-Na’s positive outlook has paved the way for an amazing career. From her breakout turn in The Joy Luck Club to her landmark role as the voice of Mulan, she’s been a constant on our screens, both big and small, for more than two decades. However, that success pales in comparison to the achievements of her own personal hero: her mom.“Here’s a woman who survived communism,” Ming-Na says. “Her mom passed away when she was young and her family lost everything early on. She had a tough life, holding down three or four jobs in Hong Kong while raising us, and then she single-handedly brought us to America as a single mom...but she never complained. Even though she had a lot of dreams that she never fulfilled for herself, she doesn’t focus on any of the regrets or negative things in her life. She’s pretty amazing.” The unrelenting optimism Ming-Na learned from her mother would prove crucial in her life and career. By focusing on her own abilities, opportunities and God-given gifts instead of her perceived shortcomings, she paved the way for her own amazing success story. “When I was attending Carnegie Mellon and pursuing drama as my major, if I had said to myself ‘I’m Chinese, so there’s no way I’m going to make it in this business,’ I don’t think I’d have succeeded,” she says. “I think a lot of people fall into that trap, whether they are trying to become a doctor, an artist or even trying to start a family. Success or failure always starts in your own brain. “If you tell yourself enough times that you can achieve something, you can. If you get knocked down, that’s OK. It’s a new step in life, and you’re going to have doors shut in your face. If you allow those rejections to make you believe that you can’t do it anymore, then you’ve allowed yourself to fail for real.” Age is just a number Defying society’s limitations isn’t just Ming-Na’s M.O. these days...it’s her weekly gig. As the one-woman “cavalry” on Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., now in its fourth season on ABC, Ming-Na’s role of Agent Melinda May is a lifelong dream come true. “I started off in life as this geek who grew up in my family’s restaurant,” she says, laughing. “Science fiction, comic books…all of this stuff was my escape, my enjoyment in life. To have S.H.I.E.L.D. in my life at this age when I’m required to be so physical and stay very, very healthy is an impetus. I feel like a kid again because I’m living out my childhood fantasy!” From the very first episode of S.H.I.E.L.D., Ming-Na realized that there would be no kid gloves associated with her new role. An action-adventure show at heart, most episodes include fight scenes that would intimidate most. “I think a lot of people put up their own blockades of inaction, like ‘I’m this age now, I shouldn’t be doing that.’ Who makes up these rules? Instead, I’m thinking, ‘What vitamins do I need to take? What exercise program do I need to get on?’ At my age, most people are thinking about retirement...but what are you retiring from? You’re still alive!” Instead of easing up with age, Ming- Na’s physical role on the show has actually increased over the last few seasons…a challenge that she welcomes. “Just last week, I filmed this incredibly long fight scene with 30 or 40 moves in it,” she boasts. “When the choreographer showed me the breakdown, I was like, ‘You’re kidding, right?’ He said, ‘No, this is stuff that I choreographed for you because I know that you can do it.’ When you are surrounded by people who have such faith in you, it makes it much more possible to gure out how to raise the bar and get it done.” Many of Ming-Na’s “friends” (she affectionately refers to them as her “Minga-lings”) all over the world are anxious to learn more about the “Marvel”-ous star’s real-life superpower: her ever-youthful appearance. According to Ming-Na, the answer lies in her mindset. “When you’re positive and have a healthy outlook on life, your brain releases hormones like dopamine,” she says. “That’s been the fountain of youth for me. Not allowing stress to cause a lot of hormone imbalances that lead to overeating, depression and other harmful behaviors is the first step to healthy living and staying young.” No better time than now Both a student and fan of great thinkers and artists from all walks of life, Ming-Na continues to find motivation in everything (and everyone) that she enjoys. “I went to Adele’s show the other night, and she was talking onstage about how she came to America three or four times before anyone cared…she’d find herself singing to a room of 50 people,” she says. “She never stopped because she loved to sing, and it’s all she wanted to do. I love to act and I think it’s very important to find the passion in your life that you want to pursue again and again.” “I’m already thinking about taking voice lessons again,” she adds, only half-jokingly. “I want to be on a stage and sing like that someday. Why can’t I? The only reason would be if I don’t even give it a try.” Ming-Na’s enthusiastic positivity has trickled more into her interviews and social media posts, finally snowballing into her own brand: #Wenever. According to her, it was only within the last few years that she realized the true power of her public voice. “I was constantly getting bombarded by fans asking me what my secrets were for staying young and maintaining my positivity,” she recalls. “When I turned the big 5-0, that became an even bigger issue. I realized that I’ve lived enough years on this earth to offer something, and I really wanted to help people find better answers to their very busy lives. Embrace new challenges “I was really only planning to offer some beauty and fitness tips,” she says, chuckling. “Then I talked to my manager about it and he said ‘Well, why don’t you write a book?’ So now I’m writing a book, and I’m really excited about this new journey of mine.” Despite the attention given to anti-aging, Ming-Na is hopeful that #Wenever will reach both men and women of all age groups and life situations. “Take young women who don’t have children and are focused on starting their careers,” she says. “A lot of them are struggling with the same issues: trying to make ends meet, trying to figure out what they want in life. No matter who you are, we all have challenges, but they don’t have to be stressful. Embrace them…you’re living your life!” While launching a new career as an author usually goes hand-in-hand with dreams of huge sales and lucrative profits, Ming-Na’s motives are more humble: she simply wants to help people. “I’ve been inspired by so many people, and I want to offer the same for my fans,” she says. “I feel like I could be a mom to a lot of people out there. I don’t want to say that I’m a guru since I’m not at that level, but really just someone who could be their friend.” With a heart as illuminating as her amazing career, Ming-Na’s passion continues to be her work, her fans and—most of all—her loved ones. “I’ve always told my husband that if we lose everything but still have our health and each other, everything’s going to be OK,” she says, beaming. “My mom and her family lost everything, but all that mattered to her was moving forward and loving her family. No matter what happens, if you create that positive energy and feed off of it, you’ll feel young and, even more importantly, happy.” Gerry Strauss is a journalist specializing in pop culture and entertainment.

Younger woman holding older woman's hands.

Practice

Start a Ripple of Kindness in Your Community

This past week, I was checking out at the grocery store with my three daughters. I was in “go mode,” as in let’s-check-out-as-fast-as-possible-and-go because my 4-year-old was starting to lose it. While I was juggling the cart, shopping bags and my wallet, my 7-year-old tugged my sleeve and pointed to a basket full of golden Cadbury Eggs (strategically placed at child height). “Look mommy, the sign says they are free!” A quick glance assured me that they were most definitely not free. “No, sweetie,” I replied hastily, “The sign says buy one, get one free.” She paused and then reasoned, “So, that means you can get two!” I am well practiced at turning down my kids’ entreaties for candy, so I off-handedly quipped that “maybe the Easter bunny would bring them a Cadbury Egg.” I should have known that that would only lead to more questions about how much longer it was until Easter…and then of course, more tears. Candy from a stranger As we zoomed out of the grocery store, I heard a woman’s voice calling from behind me. “Ma’am!” I turned around and saw the woman and her daughter who had been standing behind us in line rushing toward us. “For your girls,” the mother said breathlessly, extending out to me a giant chocolate bar. And just as quickly as they appeared, they were gone. Shocked, I paused for a moment in the parking lot, contemplating what had just happened. Someone had gone out of her way to bring my children an unexpected sliver of happiness! Humbled and overwhelmed, I got into my car and shared the story with my kids, whose faces of course broke into huge smiles when they saw the chocolate bar. Immediately, they began asking if we could buy chocolate bars for other people, too. This woman’s random act of kindness probably cost one dollar and took less than one minute to complete, but her actions left a deep impression on my family. Kindness begets more kindness I often talk about the science behind conscious acts of kindness through my work at GoodThink (a positive psychology consulting firm), but I found it was a powerful experience to be on the receiving end of kindness and in the position to carry that ripple effect forward. Over the past year, I spent quite a bit of time reading source material for my upcoming book,The Future of Happiness, and I became fascinated with the mechanism behind what makes an individual take action on an idea. It turns out that in almost every case, a person or a specific event functions as a catalyst for decision making, which means that if we see our actions as catalytic events for the positive, we can harness incredible energy and power to impact the world for the better. In fact, simply observing an act of kindness can set a cascade of generosity into motion and make others significantly more willing to try acts of kindness themselves. In a famous experiment from 1966, researchers studied whether or not other drivers would stop to lend a hand to a “lady in distress” with a flat tire. Half of the drivers passing by had seen a staged setting with a young male helping a girl just beforehand, while the other half of the drivers had not. The study found that the presence of a positive model significantly increased the altruistic behaviors of other drivers, creating a catalytic event that rippled positivity beyond the bounds of the experiment and unconsciously shaped behavior in a powerful way. A daisy chain of giving When a customer at the drive-through window of a Tim Hortons coffee shop decided to pick up the tab for the stranger in the car behind her, the customer, surprised and delighted, decided to pay for the following customer as well, resulting in a 226-customer streak of generosity over the next three hours. This phenomenon was repeated in 2014 when a Starbucks customer’s act of kindness resulted in a 378-customer streak over 11 hours. In each of these cases, a single act of altruism created a powerful ripple effect that extended far beyond the people in line—these stories became an internet sensation and a catalyst for other random acts of kindness in communities across the globe. What kind of ripple effect can you start in your community? Next month, you can help Live Happy celebrate the fourth annual International Day of Happiness by participating in #HappyActs, and doing various kindnesses for friends and strangers during the month of March. Go to HappyActs.org to sign up for daily texts, podcasts, videos and articles to prompt your altruism. Maybe you can organize a neighborhood cleanup effort, deliver flowers to a neighbor, or just hold the door for a stranger. The beauty of #HappyActs is that you do not have to have a lot of time or money or status or even connections—you just have to have a willingness to make someone’s day just a bit brighter and the follow-through to accomplish it. If you need more stories or ideas to help get your creative juices flowing, check out the Nobly app (available for iPhone and Android). Or if you are looking for a daily inspiration, check out Deedtags, an app that challenges users to complete simple daily missions. Tweet your #HappyActs @LiveHappy and they will appear on our tagboard! Amy Blankson, aka the ‘Happy Tech Girl,’ is on a quest to find strategies to help individuals balance productivity and well-being in the digital era. Amy, with her brother Shawn Achor, co-founded GoodThink, which brings the principles of positive psychology to lifeand works with organizations such as Google, NASA and the US Army. Her upcoming book is called The Future of Happiness: 5 Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-being in the Digital Era (April 2017).

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