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Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Explore the impact of technology on social well-being. LifeHack—Learn the simple strategy for brain matching. Practitioner’s Corner—Katrina Goff shares how transitioning from a dental clinic to a resilience coach and trainer changed her life. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Transcription provided by The Flourishing Center Emiliya: Hello everyone and welcome Katrina Goff to our positive psychology Practitioner Corner. Katrina is a Certified Resilience Trainer through The Flourishing Center. She helps people talk back to their thoughts, work with their emotions, and show up in the world the way they want to. She's joining us today from Ozark, Missouri. Something you might not know about Katrina is that she is a grandmother to 20 children. That's two-zero, 20 children. Her and her husband are blessed that between them they have eight children and 20 grandchildren. She is not only thriving in family but thriving in opportunities to share positive psychology with the world. We're so excited to have her here. Thank you Katrina. Katrina: Thank you Emiliya. It's a pleasure to be here today. Emiliya: Katrina, tell us what brought you to this work? Katrina: Oh my goodness. I was on a journey. I went back to school and I was working in a dental clinic. That's where most of my experience work wise has been. I was working with the military but also very passionate to me is helping people to have healthy, happy relationships. I thought that I was on a path to become a marriage and family therapist, but somewhere along the way all the work with the military and hearing my patients come in and share with me that they had PTSD. They would share their stories but I just always noticed their countenance dropped every time that they told me, "Ma'am, I might hit the floor if I hear a loud noise." When they just mentioned that they had PTSD, these very macho and brave men would look defeated. My first class with anything to do with positive psychology was a social psychology class. That was where I first learned about post traumatic growth. I was hooked. I had something that I could share with people that could give them hope rather than a diagnosis that didn't give them hope. I'll never forget the next patient that came in and shared with me that he had PTSD. I listened to his story as I always did and I sat there and then when the opportunity arose, I just asked the patient, "Have you ever heard of post traumatic growth?" He had not and he wanted to know more. I shared with him that it was growth that occurs after you've had a traumatic event and that you either experience a greater purpose and meaning in life, a connection to others, a greater appreciation for your own life, better relationships and connection to a cause. I'll never forget the look on that patient's face when he said, "Ma'am, I got that. I think I have that," and was able to share and pick out a story of how he had been in an improvised explosive device detonation, an IED. Through that, when he came back, he was a drill sergeant so he was able to share with his new recruits how to avoid IEDs because he had experienced it firsthand himself. His whole face lit up. You just saw the positive change that happened. That was my first piece of positive psychology that I learned and I couldn't get enough from there. Emiliya: Wow. What an incredibly touching story, Katrina. Thank you. What are some of the ways in which you're implementing positive psychology today? Katrina: I have been blessed to be able to implement it in many different ways. For the last four years, I've taught at a career college so I knew that these skills and positive psychology were the missing piece of the curriculum, that we could teach people skills and we could teach them knowledge in their field. Positive psychology helps people be able to handle life. We can teach skills that help you show up in the world the way that you want to. I use character strengths with my students so they were able to be prepared for an interview knowing where they were strong. They didn't go into an interview and say, "I'm bubbly." They actually knew where their strengths lied and how they had used them to help them through challenges. That was very empowering. I participated in several years of “character day” at the school and that was really always very rewarding for me as well. I taught a lot of resilience skills as well to my students. I found that growth mindset and fixed mindset showed up so much in my students and how I could help them to see that and to ask questions that were going to leave them somewhere rather than questions that just cause them to judge themselves. Emiliya: For our listeners that are tuning in that might not be familiar with growth mindset and fixed mindset, can you tell us how to share this concept with others? Katrina: I definitely can. Growth mindset and fixed mindset comes from Carol Dweck. I have to admit that I had the book for a while without ever reading it. I knew it was a book I wanted to get to but once I dove into that book and I could see how much that all of us have these tendencies to not just be one way or the other, but both of them show up in our lives in certain ways. Growth mindset will lead people to embrace challenges and to see that we can learn from failure. Fixed mindset tends to show up where you see people who are afraid to make any mistake whatsoever. They don't want to do a procedure. They don't want to learn a new task because they're afraid that they won't be good enough, and why make a mistake? I saw that so often with my students so I was able to teach them that we learn through making mistakes. That was the perfect place to be learning and making mistakes was when we had plastic patients rather than real patients because those times you don't want to make a mistake. I was able to help them to see that and to hopefully recognize it in other areas of their lives so that they could persevere outside the classroom with those skills as well. Emiliya: Thank you for sharing that Katrina. I'm curious, what are some of the more poignant ways in which positive psychology has personally impacted you? Katrina: I think one of the key things again is the character strengths and how, when I was able to recognize my own character strengths and how they showed up my life, then I could really feel free to incorporate those. Even though I was already incorporating them, they're how we show up in the world, but it really gave me a better understanding of myself. Plus, it helps me to look at others and be able to see their strengths and how teams are formed and how we can—where I'm weak and I can use where someone else is strong to accomplish a goal better. Growth mindset and fixed mindset shows up in my world as well. There are still challenges for me. I'm probably in that big group of people that feel that sales is one of those things that I'm just not good at, yet I know through all of this education and this field that we can learn and develop if we put enough time, practice, and get the right resources, that we can be good at anything that we choose to do in life and that there's nothing that's outside of our reach. It may take me a little bit longer, that may not be an area that I'm super strong in, but I can develop those skills. Emiliya: Thank you Katrina. What are some of the most exciting things you're up to right now? Katrina: I have just accepted a position at a community dental clinic as a coordinator of six dental clinics. With this work, I will be able to use positive psychology in my training and hiring and evaluations and putting teams together. I'm really, really excited to find a position that allows me to use my skills and my work as well as my love and passion and knowledge in positive psychology. It's just a great fit. I have a lot of freedom to incorporate this as I see will benefit the teams and the clinics. I'm really excited about that. Emiliya: Thank you Katrina. In positive psychology, we frequently talk a lot about the importance of self-care. We say that self-care is healthcare. What are some of the self-care principles that guide you in your day to day life? Katrina: I'm so glad you brought that up because that is something that I really do incorporate into my life. Sometimes we get so busy that we actually forget even though we know this is so important to who we are. It's so important to take that time to replenish ourselves. One of the things that I do that my husband thinks is pretty funny is I refuse to choose where we eat. It’s something that depletes me to make that decision, so I don't really like that; I save my decisions for more important things in life, so I tell him I don't have to choose where we eat. I'll just pick what I want when we get there. I love being out in nature. I do love the beauty of the sunrise and the sunset and the stars and the ocean. Recently, my husband and I just got back from Florida. We were able to take some down time to just really invest in ourselves personally and in our relationship because both of us are in this helping field of coaching and speaking and training. We do tend to put so many other people before ourselves so we do have to recognize that self-care, whether that's a bubble bath, whether that's just quiet time, your favorite music, exercise, whatever that works for you. For me, I enjoy quiet time and I do enjoy just the beauty of nature around me. Emiliya: Thank you for sharing that. One of the questions we've been asking our interviewees is: What is your definition of what it means to flourish? Katrina: That's a great question, Emiliya. I definitely love “to show up the world the way that you want to.” I think that we all have that ability when we are equipped with the skillset and mindset of resilience. It really does help us to push through life and to thrive. I feel like when we're using our gifts, our skills, and our passions and we're incorporating that as our purpose in life, how we show up in this world, that's when I feel like I'm thriving. That's where I feel like I am right now in my life because that I have been equipped with the knowledge from The Flourishing Center and through other sources as well and that I know what my gifts are, I know what my strengths are, and I know what I'm passionate about, and I know that I get to show up in the world and I get to use my purpose. I take my purpose with me everywhere that I am. I think so many people are so scared of the word purpose and they are thinking it's elusive in that they can't reach it when our purpose is what we're living daily. We can take that with us. Recently, I was struggling with a few things. We hear when your why is big enough, you don't have to worry about your how. I thought about that and it's so true but when your why is big enough, you don't have to worry about your how or your where. All you have to worry about is that you do because you take that calling and that purpose with you. When you do that, you are thriving. Emiliya: Wow. Such an inspiration with those words, Katrina. Yes, the words “showing up the world the way that you want to,” which refers it to me by Dr. Srikumar Rao, are ones that I both repeat often. It's a question I ask myself often, "Am I showing up in the world the way that I want to? How do I want to show up in the world around this situation?" It's a powerful question to ask. Katrina, what have you found have been some of the biggest obstacles you faced in trying to introduce positive psychology? Some would say, "Wow, in a dental office, how does that work?" I would imagine that not every single person is not as bright eyed and bushy tailed, or some people might think you've drank some Kool-Aid. I think one of the biggest challenges is just helping people to understand that positive psychology isn't “happyology.” It isn't about happy all the time. There is definitely times in our lives and situations where it's not appropriate to be happy but working with our emotions, not getting stuck in our emotions, is one of the things that I really want people to know. That is how I want to help them in this world, is learning when and how. It's learning character strengths, when you can overuse one or underuse one. There's just so much that we can use in positive psychology to touch every person. I believe it belongs in every company, every organization. I think just that it's still so new to a lot of people—they just aren't understanding what we have to offer in the world. I think reframing it in ways that really help people to realize the benefit is one of the ways that we can push past some of these challenges. Emiliya: Katrina, how can people learn more about you and follow up with you if they have any questions about your work? Katrina: Probably the best way is on my Facebook, PS3 Coaching. That's usually where you'll see my workshops that I have going on. You'll also see a link to the character strengths survey so that everyone can have access to that information. If they want more information on what to do from that, then they can reach me. I give a free consultation and help people to see if incorporating coaching can help them to reach those goals in their life that they would like to. I give a lot of workshops at the Bounce Back Better® system. Thank you, Emiliya, for creating that and sharing that with us so that we can share it in the world, one of the most incredible experiences that I ever had to go through the program as well as the CAPP Program. Both of those are so intense in my life and they have really equipped me with everything I need to help people to know more about this work. I teach pieces of positive psychology that I incorporate in with MLMs. I recently did a Growing Your Mindset, Growing Your Business. I just incorporated some pieces of the growth mindset from Carol Dweck and some other elements that I feel like are very important for people to grow their business and just understand those key elements of how our self-doubt shows up and what we can do with that. Emiliya: I know earlier we mentioned that you have such a robust family. I'm curious, how do you bring positive psychology to eight children and 20 grandchildren? Katrina: They get it whether they want it or not probably. It's who I am. It's how I show up in the world. I love that I have this knowledge base to share with my children and our grandchildren, teaching them how to look for what's strong in others, even growth mindset. I sat down with one of my granddaughters who has very high expectations for herself. She was reading and every time she came to a word that she didn't understand, if I had to help her with the word or if I chose to help her when she wasn't getting the word, then she would stop and she would go back to the page and start all over again. I thought, "Well, how can I incorporate growth mindset into this situation with my granddaughter to help her to understand?" I said, "Can I read the next poem in your book?" She said, "Yes, Nana, you can." I started to read and I got to a word and I pretended that I didn't understand the word or didn't know how to pronounce the word and I tried to pronounce it. Then, I said, "Can you help me with this? This is kind of a tough one." I said, "You know? It's okay that we don't know every word. It's all right that we're just learning. The next time we'll probably get it right after we learn it." We got through that and I did that exercise with her a few times. The next time when she went to read again, every time she came to a word that she would try and did not know how to pronounce, she would look at me, I would help her and then she would say it and she would continue on. She didn't have the need to go back to the beginning of the story again because she didn't want to be wrong. I thought, "Wow, I teach this but this is real time." We can see how beneficial this is in real time to teach our children and our grandchildren that it's our right to make a mistake. We don't have to be perfect and we learn from our mistakes. Emiliya: I love that. Thank you for sharing such a specific and impactful way to bring growth mindset into the life of a child. Again, just want to highlight how it's the micro moments, those tiny little moments that add up to the bigger changes that we can make over time. Katrina, thank you so much for being here with us. It's been an honor to learn more about you and how you're implementing this work in the world. Thank you so much for sharing everything that you have with us. Katrina: Thank you Emiliya. I really appreciated the opportunity. As I said before, I can't thank you enough for creating the CAPP Program, the Certification in Applied Positive Psychology, and I followed that program for a while before I was able to step out and take it. It was one of the most impactful things in my entire life. Then with the Bounce Back Better® Program as well. Everyone needs this information. Every company, every organization, every school needs it. I'm just so proud to be able to pin it into my piece of the world and help people to have the skills to face adversity and just keep going. Emiliya: Thank you so much Katrina. It's an honor to be able to just create the container and share these tools. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Have a question about the science of happiness and wellbeing? Or, have an issue that you'd love a life hack around? Send us a message to info@theflourishingcenter.com and we'd love to offer you some positive psychology based skills to address your questions. Thanks for listening and we look forward to connecting with you soon.

Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn how social comparison impacts eating behaviors. LifeHack—Explore how to stop worrying what other people think of you. Practitioner’s Corner—Nancy Bonamy shares how her journey of spreading positive psychology is changing the lives of peope in need. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Transcription provided by The Flourishing Center Emiliya: Hello everyone and join me in welcoming Nancy Bonamy. She is an expert in transitions, resilience and well-being. She specializes in helping humanitarian aide workers and ex patriots by helping them boost positive changes in their life and their career. She's joining us from Washington, D.C. However, she has lived in many parts of the world, which she'll tell you about. Something you might not know about Nancy is that she loves chocolate and every day is marked with just a little bit of sweetness, preferably Swiss chocolate because she is Swiss. So Nancy, it is so great to have you. Thank you for being here with us. Nancy: Thank you very much Emily for welcoming me here today. Emiliya: Nancy, tell us how did you get started in the field of Positive Psychology? Nancy: To make a long story short, I think to explain that I need to just go back little bit about where I come from meaning like you just mentioned at the beginning, I'm a military expatriate, meaning I am expatriate more than 20 years and I lived a lot of transition in my life. I lived in 10 different countries, all over the world and I had as well four different careers. At one stage, all these changes were ... at the end I could change them into something positive, basically. But there were two careers, two transitions that were more difficult for me. The day when I became a mom because it was like a tsunami in my life. I had to find again what were my priorities, how to balance my working and personal life. That was a big change for me. And the day I came out from the humanitarian field because I worked for 10 years as a humanitarian delegate in war countries in armed conflict situations. The day I decided to quit this job was very difficult for me to find a new career that as meaningful as this one, that could combine all my past experiences. That's where little by little where I came to Positive Psychology, meaning that I started to read books about Positive Psychology to find out how I could maybe better transition during that time. Finally, during all this time, I decided to study again and to study coaching. So I did that in New York where I did your certification in personal and professional coaching. During this training I learned a lot about Positive Psychology but it was only on the surface. I decided then later to go more in depth into that and it's when I started to do certification with The Flourishing Center. Emiliya: Beautiful Nancy. Thank you. Tell us, what are some of the ways in which you're utilizing Positive Psychology professionally? Nancy: It changed a lot for me. I was using a few things here and there but thanks to the certification with The Flourishing Center I really now have a lot, a lot of different tools that are all science based to offer to my clients. What I use a lot with my specific niche of clients, meaning the expatriates community and the humanitarian workers, is how to transition better, how to with positive changes, how to have a vision about what you would like to do not only next year but in five or 10 years because from there on they can make better decision for today. Or how to increase your well-being. What happens often with humanitarians, for example, is they take care of others. But they forget to take care of themselves, or they think they don't have the time, or it's not a priority. What I learned through my personal experience, as a humanitarian, as a mother, and then thanks to the training is that to be able to take good care of others really need to take care of ourselves first. There are a lot of tools for that. One that was at least for me very important that I often give to my clients is how to deal better with your mind chatter. For example, how to deal better with your ... should it be your voice, should it be your relationship, to be first kind with yourself as well so that you flourish better. That's one thing, that mindfulness is very important. It is a very important component of my coaching as well. Then it's a lot about goal setting, goal meeting, how to reach our goals because often its easy, not always easy but if we set goals it doesn't mean that we will meet them. There are really great tools to help us meet our goals, how to make sure that we can do that. It's kind of tough called resilience, it's a huge part of what I speak about. Mind chatter is one component but it’s as well about emotional resilience, how to deal with your emotions and then even physical resilience, which was for me a big discovery during this certification. How important it is to move, exercising of course but to move. Simply to not be always on your chair and to move, to breath well, and all this stuff. Emiliya: Tell us more about your background. Where were you actually born and what are the places that you've been to? Nancy: Okay so I was born in Kinshasa in DRC in Africa. After that when I was only one I moved to Germany for four years. After that I moved to Switzerland, which is my country of origin, and I lived there until I was 20. All my life I said I would go back to Africa because I was born there, and I wanted to go back to Africa. At first what I did, I was a teacher for primary schools, so the first posting as a teacher was in Africa in Madagascar. I did three years there as a teacher. After that I went to France where I changed completely my career, I became a professional manager for professional musicians, so I had musicians to get into festivals and to have and all this stuff basically. After that I decided to really go into a humanitarian organization, so I started to work with International Committee of the Red Cross. There I worked first in Jerusalem. Then I went to Chechnya, then I went to Sudan, south Sudan in Darfur at that time. After that I worked in Iraq, and then a few years in Geneva as well, so I came back as well in my home country, which is why expatriates often always say it's more difficult to go back home than an expatriation as such. So it's an experience as well to go back home after a few years of expatriation. I was three or four years I Switzerland. Then it was countries with more diplomacy than really conflict situations, so we went to New York and now we're in Washington. Actually my husband is still working for the International Red Cross so that's why my life is still ... every three years we know that we move, so I had to find as well a job that is compatible with my husband moving all the time. My small children that are now seven and nine and the fact that I want to spend time with them but as well flourish professionally. That was the big transition for me. That's what I have now, by being self-employed, being a coach, and offering now workshops as well about Positive Psychology. Emiliya: So much richness to your life experience, and it's inspiring for me to hear you share also with our listeners this ease with which you just let yourself go where the universe is taking you. I think so often people feel a little stuck like how do I make a career transition. Well you've had four. You've had four and that's one of the beautiful things about our world today is that people can continue to learn and grow and follow their heart and just see where they're being guided. Nancy I know that there's so much resilience work that you must find within yourself as you said moving so often and also with your young children and how you helped them adapt to the changes. I'm curious what have you learned about helping your children to grow up to be more resilient, go through Positive Psychology and through your life experience. Nancy: Yeah it's really the big, because when I started the Positive Psychology certification I thought about it especially to use it professionally, but it was such a person transformation and now I brought a lot of it to my family and to my children. I love all the tools that we can apply to the kids. A few things ... first I explain to them how the brain works because that's a big finding for us. But a big training for them to understand there are times when suddenly ... when we're under emotions we have really the amygdala who is taking control, and it's not our thinking part who is taking control so just by breathing, just by taking some time to breathe they can come back to a place where they can think better about the situation, not react too fast. About growth mindset, a lot meaning that ... I really emphasize the importance ... of its important, the learning process is much more important than the result as such. Saying it's good if you have good grades. It's good if you are good at something but what is more important is the energy you put into it and if you are not good at something you can decide to be good in that. You just need to work on that. I think that for one for my son it was important messages to bring to him. As I explained once, I have as well done a lot with them about strengths. I love this topic, so I know from Positive Psychology now that we have 24 strengths in us. Some of are more developed or less but we have all of them in us. That is something that I wanted to discuss with my kids and bring this vocabulary to them to know that perseverance, kindness, all that are really strengths, creativity and so on. Discuss that and see what are their strengths and how they could use their strengths when they face a problem or when they want to do something and so on. That was real interesting. We did a tree, a family tree with the strengths of each of us so that we can see together where we are. We have common strengths and where one of us can really bring his own strength in the family and so on. Emiliya: I love that. Thank you so much for highlighting those three absolute powerful things to bring into the family dynamic. Teaching children about how their brain works that they have an emotional part of their brain and a rational part of their brain and what happens when the emotional brain gets a bit hijacked is so incredible. And to give them words at such a young age to capture that they have strengths within them and it’s not just what they do. They're different than their skills and their talents. Their strengths of how they'd be in the world and how they shine and that we can highlight and amplify these things. Nancy, I'm curious, what are some of the interventions that have helped your expatriates and your humanitarian workers through your work? What resonates the most with them? Nancy: I think there are two or three things. One is with all of them I ask them to pass a test to find their strengths actually. And for most of them it's very new and very strange at the beginning to speak about strengths and not only weaknesses. And to have this knowledge it really had them to then use their strengths or double up their strengths to transition better to create the change that they want. Or for some of them want to career to be able to speak about them in a different way with a new vocabulary. That's one thing. Another thing that's often very surprising for them is that some of them are spouses of expatriates, and they come ... they follow their husband, and they left their job, their life, their friends, their family home and they are now here, and they don't know what to do in their life here. They consider this time in expatriation as a parenthesis for them and what I tell them is to really look into what do they want in five years. What would be their best self in five or 10 years and for them it's strange at the beginning that I ask to project themselves so far because they think about just now, here as an expatriate. And that's wrong because if they want to take good decision here today or to make the most of the expatriation here today, they really need to have a vision about what they want to have in five or 10 years. That's one thing that we do through visualization. Yes of course I speak a lot more in my workshops of the importance of being in the present moment because again as an expatriate we tend to either ... some of them tend to either thing about the what they left and the reason, the reminding in the past in their home country, or the previous country because they loved it so much. Some are already, all the time, what will be next, what will be after this expatriation, they don't savor so much the present time. That's so important to be really in the moment and to savor it. Not to regret later on that we didn't savor and make the most of what we had right now. That we know now is Positive Psychology. That it's anyway one of the most important thing for your well-being is to be able to savor what you have and to be grateful for what you have, to find the positive in your situation today. There are a lots that I can now give to the expatriate that I am able to relate to Positive Psychology. Emiliya: Beautiful. Thank you Nancy. You mentioned that mind chatter is one of the skills that made the biggest impact on you. I'm curious, what are some of the other Positive Psychology interventions that nurture your self-care? Nancy: Again quite a few. I think I mentioned mindfulness again. That's really a huge one. Not only meditation but really mindfulness. I'm the type of person, I go a lot to buy foods. I love driving. But when I was going somewhere since ever, I'm running to that place, so I was only concerned about the destination and never enjoying the journey to the destination. When I go to pick up my kids, I was almost running to go to pick them up and with my thought or either it was what I still had to do or with what I will have to do. Now I learned to appreciate the journey to them, and I know that it's really helping myself because my mind is making a pause, and my mind is looking at the nature around because in Washington there are a lot of trees, so it's looking at what's going on around, it's smiling to the person I just see. It's really savoring the fact that I'm walking and not only thinking about the next step. That give me a lot more presence for my children. A lot of more presence for myself. That's one of the thing. I learned through the mind chapter what I learned is to be less perfectionist as well. Before I wanted to be everything perfect all the time. I think one thing I know now is to be more kind to myself. One big insight I had was to understand that we never talk to our friends as we talk to ourselves meaning that we are often so harsh for ourselves, we would never say that to our best friends. I try now to be as much as possible my own best friend, so to talk to myself with compassion, with understanding, saying, “it's okay, you are not perfect, but it's okay, you will learn out of that.” That's huge for me. That's really helping me a lot. I think I'm much more aware about my emotions as well, how they work, why they are there, that they are all useful. Recently, very recently I had very bad news about a very close friend. I was of course very sad. I think in the past I would have just thought I should not be sad and try to avoid that. There I allowed myself to be sad during two full days. It allows me today to be much better and to move forward because I know that each emotion is important. I think that's another thing that I learned. Emiliya: These are incredible. Thank you so much for sharing such specific tools and pathways that we can take on and as you know and our listeners might know we follow the mind, body, medicine affirmation that “self-care is healthcare.” I celebrate that you do the simple things that recognizing that if you walk a little bit more mindfully to pick your kids from school it will make all the difference in the way that you connect with one another. It's not about the big things that we do. It's the micro- moments of connection, micro-moments of tuning into oneself, micro-moments of caring for oneself that lead to the overall well-being. Thank you for sharing those with us. Nancy, I'm curious, how would you define flourishing? Nancy: That's a good question. For me flourishing and that's from CAPP, or from The Flourishing Center, is becoming the best version of ourself. It's just being us, but it being us as we would like to be and being us, the best of us, basically. That's what I love about it. It's not to change us. It's just to make sure that we work with our strengths, that we do things that help us being the way we want to be. Speaking about self-care, one thing I understood is how much sleep has an impact on myself. If I sleep well enough, then I will be well for myself first with my emotions and everything and for my children, for my family, and for my clients and for everything. I know that now very well. Now to flourish myself, I need to have my sleep. I cannot do that every day, but I will make sure if suddenly I am out of track with my sleep, the first thing I will do is to work on this one. For me flourishing is to be able to be the best of yourself. Emiliya: Beautiful Nancy. Thank you. I love that. Love that expression. In addition to all the wonderful work you're doing in the world in sharing Positive Psychology you're also multi-lingual, and I'm curious what ... firstly what languages are you bringing Positive Psychology into (which could be so helpful for our international audience to hear) and also what are some of the challenges that you've noticed in translating Positive Psychology both through vocabulary but also multi-culturally? Nancy: So I work in English with my little accent and then in French. So that's the two languages I work with. For me the challenge would be more in English actually because I want to make sure that the way I translate the things are well understood and that it makes fully sense to people. Thanks to the fact that I studied in English I think that I have the basic vocabulary. In French what is difficult is that we don't have the same kind of words. In English words are really well illustrating some concepts that in French we don't have so you have to make more sentences or more explanation about what we speak about too. It's more about that. Then culturally I don't find big challenges because all of my clients are expatriates, already people who used to being different culture. I would say the big difference between the Americans and the French-speaking population is how much we tend more in Europe to look at the negative side of the things. We all know know it's due to our brain and we all have that. I would say it a bit more strong even in Europe. Then the fact as well .... yeah that's the big thing maybe. Even to look at schools, the way education is in schools here in the US it's much more focusing on the positive. In France, in Switzerland it tends to first underline what's not going well before underlining what's going well. So that's a big thing. Emiliya: Very cool. Thank you so much Nancy. Tell us how can people learn more about you and what you're up to in the world and perhaps work with you if they're interested. Nancy: I have a website, which is like my name nancybonamy.com. Thanks to CAPP actually because it was a dream since a long time. I like to write, and I wanted to launch a blog. Thanks to CAPP, I found the courage to do it because I have so many things to say. In addition to coaching and workshops I really want to reach more people by explaining what all these Positive Psychology tools. I have a newsletter now, a blog actually. A blog that I write every two weeks in French and in English and so your people can subscribe to the newsletter if they want to know more. I started that in the beginning of August and it really is speaking about Positive Psychology tools. I have as well published three weeks ago, free ebook that gives you nine keys to boost positive changes in your life and best navigating your personal and professional transitions. It's in French and in English too, so you can download this ebook. That's a way to get to know me a little bit more. But on my website as well there's a video about me. Emiliya: Thank you so much Nancy. You're a prime example in our model of what it means to be an individualizer change agent. Meaning your primarily offering individualizing, and you're adding in and empowering yourself as an inventor to create learning experiences for people as a way of both getting your word out to a wider audience, but also to give you ways of bringing more people into your work for the individual work, which is really exciting. Nancy: Thank you so much Emiliya and all your team. I mean my life really changed and that's in my first blog. My life really changed thanks to this certification. It's not only that I was training Positive Psychology but it's really that I'm now part of your community and this big community of like-minded persons and you continue to give us a lot of information and possibilities of trainings and programs and so on. Thank you, Emiliya, for what you did for me and my fellow students. Emiliya: Thank you Nancy. Thank you. Thank you so much for being with us today. Thank you for doing the work that you're doing in the world and sharing Positive Psychology in this unique way with so many and we look forward to connecting with you soon. Thanks Nancy! We hope that today's episode has been helpful for you, giving you opportunities to look at things like judgment and social comparison through the lens of what is it trying to offer us and how can we think the way we want to think, feel the way we want to feel, and do the things in this world that we want to do? Thanks for listening and feel free to check out more information about Positive Psychology approaches to becoming happier and healthier at our website, theflourishingcenter.com.

Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn how performing acts of kindness can impact your genetic expression. LifeHack—Explore what kindness means and how to show it more to others. Practitioner’s Corner—Barbara Santen shares how parents of newborns can keep their sense of connection with each other and their family. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Transcription provided by The Flourishing Center Emiliya: Hello, everyone, and join me in welcoming Barbara Santen. She is a coach for women in relationships from Toronto, Ontario. We're so excited to have Barbara here with us to learn more about how positive psychology is being utilized in coaching and how she's helping people create thriving and flourishing relationships. Something that you might not know about Barbara is she is an avid acro yogi, and if you're not familiar with acro-yoga, it is this profoundly impactful way of doing yoga that combines doing work with partners or within a group setting and is all about cultivating communication and partnership using people's bodies. I'm huge fan of acro yoga. I think it's so cool that Barbara is a practitioner. Thank you so much for being here, Barbara, and tell us, how did you get started in positive psychology? Barbara: Well, it was kind of in a roundabout way. I had been searching for years and years, actually, to build from and upon the career that I had at that time, which was being a registered midwife in Ontario, and being a midwife is part of the health care system, so we're like physicians in that we have autonomy, we have no one above us telling us how to manage our care and all of that, and I still felt quite constricted in my profession. And my degree is in midwifery specifically. It's not as a nurse-first, and then a specialty. It's a direct-entry program, and so I felt a little stuck. I felt a little choked because I wanted to flourish and become greater than I was in that moment, and so I started searching for master's degrees in psychology because I always wanted to help people, and I'm always the one that people come to for advice and help in my family and in my friendships and in my professional life, and that's my passion. I started searching for master's degrees in psychology to become a counselor of some sort or a therapist, and I just realized that that's not what I wanted to do. I ... Just as midwifery is sort of a positive aspect of medicine—although it's very complex and there are complex parts to it and management and sometimes scary things that have to happen—it's mostly a positive and a growth experience. Mainstream psychology and psychotherapy was more like helping people get back up from something really terrible. I was like, "But what I can do? What can I do?" and I really hadn't understood much about coaching or anything like that, and so long story longer, I stumbled upon the University of Pennsylvania through my partner. Actually, I was there for a 20-year reunion. He graduated from that university in something else, and I met someone who had completed the Master's Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, and from there, I just started researching, and I was so hungry and devouring all of the positive psychology stuff that I stumbled upon. It just so happened that that very weekend that I was at UPenn, that very weekend, a certification program in applied positive psychology was started, was commencing. As I was not in Toronto, it was starting that weekend in Toronto with my now good friend Louisa Jewell who was presenting that course. I emailed you, Emiliya, right away, and I was like, "Oh ... " I was ready to make a compelling argument for allowing me to enter the course late, and I think we went back and forth a little bit, and you had said right away, "Yeah, totally. You're in. No worries whatsoever," and so I decided to go for it. That's how I completed my certification in positive psychology, and it's the best course that I've ever taken in my entire life. It completely changed the course of my life, and I'm on a hugely new trajectory now thanks to the world that that opened up for me. Emiliya: Thank you so much for sharing that story, Barbara, and we're so excited that you are offering yourself and all of your wisdom to others. Tell us more about your actual practice of what you offer as a result of having had done the positive psychology training. Barbara: As I said, I had always wanted to do more with my degree and my knowledge. In my practice as a midwife, I saw so many couples who were so happy and so excited to have this baby, then I would bring them through the birth, the labor and the birth, and then they would literally be sitting there with this baby, and life would take over taking care of this child. Our model of care is that we take care of the woman and the baby for six weeks after, and so for the six weeks after that, I would go into their homes and do home visits and help with breastfeeding and help with all the clinical stuff, and I would see them kind of looking at each other like, "Wow, I don't remember who you are." I would have to leave them at the six-week mark, and then they would go off and get a family doctor, and I wouldn't see them again. I always wondered, what happens to these relationships. I really felt deeply that I wanted to help them beyond that point. I thought, what better way to do that than go off and learn about coaching and how to even just do that because I'm from a medical field, so all I know is how to see something medical and fix it. I didn't really know at that point how to be a coach, so positive psychology helped me understand what coaching could look like, and it helped me understand the tools and techniques that we need to flourish. I started applying those tools and techniques to, slowly but surely to some clients that were my guinea pigs, I call them, to help them get through that initial period in their relationship that's really crazy with a new baby. When I saw some things didn't work, some things did work, somethings worked at the beginning that didn't work when the baby was older, some things worked only after about three months and didn't work in the beginning, I started dabbling in that and mindfulness, self-care, gratitude, expressing gratitude to your partner—never mind viewing gratitude and doing a practice of gratitude daily about what you have now. Slowly but surely, it has flourished into a thriving coaching business where people are knocking down my door and people are like, "Can't spread the word enough." I had no idea that this would happen but I'm glad it has because I feel, yeah, I feel like I'm actually contributing to their lives in a really positive way. Emiliya: That is just so incredible, Barbara, and I could just, I could feel the potency of you saying things like, "Here are two people that just birthed life into this world, and then after going through so much intensity together, this element of not even recognizing one another," such a powerful gift to give them that connection of them having a space to reconnect. I'm so passionate about what you're doing, particularly because there isn't much out there for couples by way of a professional environment where they can build their relationships. Couples go to couples therapy when something is wrong, but the things that end up going wrong are made up of these micro moments of disconnect, and the fact that you're giving them tools to learn those micro moments of connection and this idea that they can make little contributions every single day to filling their buckets rather than only having their buckets be tended to when they're empty is just such a huge gift to be giving people. Barbara: Definitely. Thank you, and that's exactly what my mission is, is to build upon what's working and to catch people before they go into that despair, broken place and then need fixing, to catch people when they've had the thought, "Wow, something's not working. It's not broken, it's just I would like more. I want to flourish instead of just function." It's exactly what I love to bring to my clients and couples, for sure. Emiliya: Thank you, Barbara. Barbara, I'm curious, what are some ways in which positive psychology has personally supported you in overcoming some of the challenges that day-to-day life brings? Barbara: As a whole, just the perspective that it takes. Like I said before, it's ... What I loved and what drew me and still draws me to positive psychology is the concept that we don't just need to be neutral and be okay. I want to flourish. I want to flourish in every area of my life. I want to flourish my relationship, my primary relationship. I want to flourish in my relationships with others, my children, my colleagues, my friends, the barista at Starbucks. Emiliya: On-site two! Barbara: Okay, there you go. That was just like, "What? Like actually?" We can change our emotions by just moving our body or by just focusing on what we want instead of what we don't want, and so those practices have built upon themselves within my, every single day from the moment that I learned about positive psychology, and there is such a wealth of knowledge out there. I think I will never learn everything as long as I search for more information, like there's just so much. That, in and of itself, is exciting because I'll never feel stagnant, which is death, right? Emiliya: Well, luckily, this field is ever-expanding as well, which is also what makes it so exciting is it's just constantly growing. Barbara: Right. Emiliya: Barbara, what are some tips or some strategies that couples can use when they are going through some difficult challenges, let's say, as you mentioned, when they have a newborn. That's just such a stressful time where they're sleep-deprived and there's so much depletion happening. What are some of the tips or tricks that couples can use to stay connected during such difficult times? Barbara: I actually work now, and before I worked with couples, and of course, I helped the couple by helping the woman, but now I solely work with women because my, I have to admit to myself that my passion is working with women and helping women. What I tell my women is to really get clear on what their needs are and really get clear on what they want and start focusing on the positive of what they want, not on the negative of what they don't want because whatever we focus on grows and flourishes because it's getting energy. That's one thing. Included in that is gratitude, and I know there's, in positive psychology, there's a huge study on gratitude and how that can transform people's lives, gratitude for anything and everything that's happening in her life in that moment to help pull her out of whatever state she's in because of lack of sleep, because of lack of nutrition, because of pain, because of a screaming baby. That can then trickle into self-care. When we're feeling grateful and we're in a more positive state, we're much better able to take care of ourselves. That is actually the number one key to getting through the first three months. I mean, there are different stages, but immediate newborn, the first two weeks is, you're in a fog and it's insane, like you don't even remember which way is up, but you can litigate that feeling of feeling out of control by really just focusing on everything that you need that you can do besides what your child is demanding of you, so your child is very demanding, and then don't also try to do all the laundry and all the cooking and have makeup on and high heels when your husband comes home, and then expect to not get postpartum depression. So really focusing on getting enough sleep, which there's a whole science behind that in neuropsychology and neurology around not getting enough sleep and the connection to depression and all kinds of ailments, literal, physical ailments, and enough nutrition, so all of those things. It's all so simplistic. Some of your listeners might be like, "Yeah, obviously," but you'd be surprised how quickly the demands of a newborn can make you just completely forget about what you need, and I teach the women to teach that to her partner in a way that's not bitchy, in a way that's not demanding, in a way that's not complaining. All of those life skills will set them up for success in their future relationship with this now child in the middle. Emiliya: Beautiful, Barbara. Thank you so much for those specific strategies, and what a gift it is to even give people the permission to self-care. How often that is lost in our culture, particularly around parenthood, letting other people's needs crush our own and so just to remind people that self-care is health care and that it can, giving them this permission to put the oxygen mask on themselves, which most people do know, but how few us actually do implement and actually get to do. Barbara: Exactly. Emiliya: One of the questions we've been asking our participants is what are some your rules to live by or guiding ethos that you've gathered that inform the way that you show up in the world? Barbara: The common sense approach versus going it through things practically in my head, like, "Oh, this is why I want to do this, this is why I don't want to do this," and writing it out versus just going with my gut. I remember there was a study that was presented to us that showed that more often than not, going with our gut is the better decision, and it just confirmed that that's how I need to live, and that's what I've lived by ever since. I've always been really, really intuitive, even as a child, and my mom would always tell me that I have something special with my intuition. It was nurtured, thankfully, because now as an adult, that part of me is very strong, but the world around me has always made me think that I should be less intuitive and less in that feeling place than I was. I started creating this part of myself that was artificial to me, and it would get me into trouble. I would make decisions based on what looked best on paper and what was a better financial decision and what was a better decision based on how many pros and cons there were. I started making some of those decisions and really being unhappy, so learning about the actual science of decision-making has confirmed in me that the right way for me, and other people might not have that, but the right thing for me is to always go with my gut, and that is something that I live by every moment of every day. Even if I'm standing at an ice cream shop, I go with the gut of which flavor I want. That's a simple thing, but that's what I teach my women is you start feeling unease when you're not living by what your gut is telling you you need. That's where resentment trickles into a relationship and, "You made me do this," and, "You caused this." Meanwhile, it was yourself not listening to your need, and so that is a principle that I've really nurtured and flourished in, and it's gotten me, in a year and a half of being exposed to positive psychology, it's gotten me farther than any other method or decision-making process ever has in my entire life. Emiliya: Thank you so much for sharing that with us, Barbara. It's such an inspiration to hear you say that, particularly because I think so many people want to follow their gut, they want to follow their intuition, but they're not really sure what that means. In what I heard you say, there's such an important part of learning to listen in our ability to hear our own intuition, listening to what does our body need, and it's so interesting particularly with something even as simple as making a decision on what type of ice cream to have. Most people go to their brain rather than to their gut. "What should I eat? What decision should I make?" This opportunity we have to go inward for those decisions for that guidance is such a understated, powerful resource that we all have. Barbara: Definitely. Emiliya: Thank you so much, Barbara. Tell us, how can people find out more information about their work, particularly if they're interested in bringing positive psychology into their relationships. Barbara: Thank you very much. I have a website. It's called barbarasanten.com, super easy, and then my Facebook page is, you'll also find it under my name barbarasanten/positivecoupling. I actually have free video that I just put together, and I'm really excited to share it. It's some tips, actually, about three or four tips on how to start improving your relationship right now no matter where you're at, whether or not you have kids, actually. The link will be below, and yeah, your listeners can access that for free. Emiliya: Awesome, Barbara, that is so cool. Thank you so much, Barbara, for taking the time to be here with us and giving us all of these ideas and strategies for how people might be able to infuse this unique area of their life with positive psychology. Thank you for being here with us. Barbara: Thank you so much, Emiliya. Emiliya: Thanks for tuning in to today's podcast learning about the science behind acts of kindness, how we can increase our sense of well-being in the world, and some simple ways that positive psychology is being put into practice. To learn more about positive psychology and how you, too, can become positive psychology practitioner, visit our website, www.theflourishingcenter.com. Thanks for listening, and may you have a flourishing rest of your day.