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Good Food, Better Mood

Improve your diet to jump-start your path to optimum mental health. Feeling blue? You’re not alone. Many people struggle with depression. This fact is reflected in pharmaceutical drug sales—today, one in six adults is on or has taken some type of psychiatric drug. These drugs are usually prescribed with the intent of correcting what many doctors believe to be a root cause of depression: a chemical imbalance in the brain. But others are refuting this theory, offering a new approach that asks whether depression originates not in our brains, but on our plates. Happy Bites This burgeoning field of research, called nutritional psychiatry, is actively exploring the link between diet and depression. We’ve known for some time that what you eat is closely linked to your mental state. But a recently published randomized control trial has offered evidence that cleaning up your diet may actually lift your spirits. The small study, dubbed the SMILES trial, involved patients who both suffered from clinical depression and consumed lots of junk food. Half of the 67 patients were enrolled to a diet that added fresh vegetables, fish, extra-virgin olive oil and higher-quality meats. The other half continued with standard care. At the end of three months, the group who cleaned up their diets saw major improvements on a common depression scale. By eating better, their depression symptoms improved on average by about 11 points, and roughly a third of them had scores so low that they no longer met the clinical criteria for depression. Meanwhile, control group members improved their scores by only about four points on average. Just two of them (or 8 percent) achieved remission. Gut Feeling One of the proposed mechanisms by which diet may improve mood is through its impact on your gut. Often referred to as the second brain, your gastrointestinal tract houses trillions of bacterial cells. These microbes have the potential to modulate health in powerful ways, though admittedly, we are at the tip of the iceberg in terms of understanding just how. Nonetheless, microbes produce powerful chemicals, including many vitamins, which then get absorbed into the bloodstream. Many of these chemicals are beneficial, such as butyrate, a short-chain fatty acid studied for its anti-inflammatory and brain-fortifying effects. But this ability also swings in the other direction: Certain inflammatory bacterial components are also able to enter circulation, if we fail to mind the needs of our intestinal immigrants. As illustrated in the trial above, good things seem to happen when we consume more vegetables and less processed foods, in part because vegetables provide fiber that our beneficial bacteria eat up, churning out goodies like butyrate. Processed foods on the other hand, due to the refined, pulverized grains from which they’re made, as well as the usual chemical additives, drive inflammation. This heightened immune response may be causally related to symptoms of depression. With so many people using prescription drugs to treat mental health, these kinds of insights are sorely needed now more than ever. And while depression is a multifaceted condition, likely unique for every individual, it isn’t hard to fathom that our moods, like so many other aspects of our health, have become victims to the modern world. Max’s 10 Genius Foods Extra-virgin olive oil Avocados Blueberries Dark chocolate Eggs Dark leafy greens Grass-fed beef Broccoli Wild salmon Almonds Brain-Boosting Raw Chocolate Dark chocolate has been in the research journals a lot of late for its cognition-boosting effects. To construct a sugar-free recipe, I enlisted my good friend Tero Isokauppila. Tero is the founder of the mushroom company Four Sigmatic, but he’s also one of the most knowledgeable people I know on cacao, the main ingredient in chocolate. What you’ll need: 1 cup finely chopped cacao butter 1 cup extra-virgin coconut oil 2 tablespoons sugar-free sweetener of choice (I recommend monk fruit, erythritol, or stevia) 1/2 teaspoon vanilla powder Pinch of sea salt 3 packets Four Sigmatic Lion’s Mane Elixir (or 1 heaping teaspoon of lion’s mane extract), optional 1 cup unsweetened raw cacao powder, plus more if needed What to do: Put the cacao butter in a double boiler or heatproof bowl set over a pan of just-simmering water (make sure the bowl doesn’t touch the water and keep it over low heat; this is important for preserving the enzymes and brain-nourishing properties of the cacao). Stir until completely melted. Add the coconut oil and use a whisk or milk frother to combine until the fats are emulsified. Add the sweetener, vanilla powder, salt and lion’s mane, if using. Whisk again to combine. Slowly add the cacao powder to the mixture until it reaches the consistency of thick cream, adding more if needed. Pour the mixture into ice cube trays and place in the freezer for 30 to 60 minutes to harden. Let them soften for 5 to 10 minutes after taking them out of the freezer before serving. (From the book GENIUS FOODS: Become Smarter, Happier, and More Productive While Protecting Your Brain for Life by Max Lugavere. Copyright © 2018 by Max Lugavere. Published on March 3, 2018 by Harper Wave, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers. Reprinted by permission.) Max Lugavere is a filmmaker, health and science journalist and brain food expert. His latest book, Genius Food: Become Smarter, Happier, and More Productive While Protecting Your Brain for Life, is a comprehensive guide to brain optimization.

Cute portrayal of a range of different emotions

Practice

Make Your Happiness Last Longer by Embodying All Emotions

To embody an emotion is to expand the experience of an emotion to as much of the body as possible. When we do that, we are able to tolerate and stay with the emotional experience for much longer; and our thinking and behavior in relation to the emotion improve. The practice of embodying emotion is of value to both unpleasant emotions such as sadness and pleasant emotions such as happiness. The strategy of embodying emotions is based on the latest research findings in affective neuroscience, cognitive psychology, and body psychotherapy. How can embodying the emotion of happiness improve a person’s well-being? When we expand the experience of happiness to as much of the body as possible, we are able to increase, stay with, and enjoy our happiness for a much longer period. Our thinking and behavior will improve to support that we remain happy longer, by making our thinking and behavior more positive to enhance and support our happiness or by exposing and resolving our thinking and feeling that do not support our happiness. And, because unpleasant emotions are associated with states of increasing stress and dysregulation and pleasant emotions with states of decreasing stress and increasing regulation in the brain and body physiology, embodying pleasant emotions such as happiness can improve our health and energy as well as make us more resilient in the face of life’s challenges, consistent with the findings in positive psychology that people who are happier tend to be healthier and more resilient, physically and psychologically. How we can enhance the practice Positive Psychology through the Practice of Embodying Emotions Positive psychology emphasizes the important role positive cognitions, emotions, and behaviors can play in increasing our wellbeing any therapeutic process. Just as there are any number of positive cognitions and behaviors, there are also any number of positive emotions. However, most if not all psychotherapy approaches work with only a limited number of pleasant and unpleasant emotions, influenced by the academic research on emotions that usually focuses only on a limited number and vocabulary of emotions. Integral Somatic Psychology (ISP) in its primary clinical strategy of the practice of embodying emotions works creatively with a large range of emotions including the always-present and often-overlooked sensorimotor emotions, psychologically meaningful body states such as feeling good or feeling as though each cell in the body were eating chocolate, for example. We often have more access to such positive sensorimotor emotions and are able to embody them with greater ease than the basic emotion of happiness. At times, expanding positive emotional experiences in a body is made difficult by the body shutting down due to its inability to tolerate an unpleasant emotion. When the chest is constricted against the experience of grief, it is hard to feel joy there let alone expand it from there to other places in the body. In such instances, practitioners of positive psychology can work to free the body for the experience and expansion of positive emotions in an efficient manner by having the unpleasant emotion of grief embodied first, as expanding unpleasant emotions has been shown to be quite effective in increasing one’s ability to tolerate them and in freeing the body from defenses against emotions. RAJA SELVAM, Ph.D., is the developer of Integral Somatic Psychology, an approach based on the paradigm of embodied cognition, emotion, and behavior in cognitive and affective neuroscience. He is the author of The Practice of Embodying Emotions: A Guide to Improving Cognitive, Emotional, and Behavioral Outcomes.

Practice

Transcript – Embracing the Power of the Sisterhood With Carin Rockind

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Embracing the Power of Sisterhood With Carin Rockind [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to Episode 353 of Live Happy Now. This week, we’re celebrating women in a big way. I’m your host, Paula Felps. Today, I’m being joined by women’s happiness and life purpose expert, Carin Rockind, who many of you know from the PurposeGirl Podcast and courses. This year, she has once again put together an incredible online event for International Women’s Day, and she’s going to tell us more about why this day is so important, what her free live event is all about and what she hopes we all learn from it. It’s a lot to take in. So sit back and get ready to get excited. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:37] CR: Carin, welcome back to Live Happy Now. [00:00:40] CR: Thank you. I’m so happy to be here, Paula. Thank you for having me. [00:00:44] PF: Well, it’s been about a year since we talked, and we had a great reason for talking last year. We have an equally great, perhaps an even greater reason this year. You’ve got the second year of – okay, you tell me about it. Don’t let me introduce it. You introduce it because I might screw it up. [00:01:02] CR: Well, we are gearing up for this second annual, The Women’s Day event. This is, as far as I know, the world’s largest event for International Women’s Day. We put it together – I was sitting there last year, 2021, after that year that everyone had had with the pandemic, and everyone was on lockdown last year no matter where they were in the world. People were – so many people lost jobs, women were disproportionately negatively impacted in terms of the majority of jobs lost were by women or women were taking on the majority of kind of the homeschooling duality that was happening. I was sitting there last January like, “I got to do something.” I thought, “I’m going to throw the world’s largest event for International Women’s Day.” [00:01:54] PF: It’s important to know that your timing, you had just had a baby. The timing wise, it’s not like you had all this spare time where you’re like, “Hey, I’ve got nothing else going on.” [00:02:05] CR: Right. I have my own women’s empowerment business, speaking, coaching podcasting, the whole thing and just thought, I want to do something, do something meaningful. And at the time, I think he was seven or eight months old. Actually, January, he would have been six months old by the time we did the event on March 8. And as far as I know, Paula, with your help and support at Live Happy Now and Live Happy in general, we had the world’s largest event. We had 2,500 women registered for the event, 25 speakers. We went from 8:00 AM in the morning until 8:00 PM live all day. What was so fun and women said, “Oh! I thought I would just come on for this one speaker. I thought I would just come on for my lunch break and I stayed all day, because it was just so incredible.” We’re gearing up for the second annual, either because I’m crazy. I might, you know, like what is wrong with my head? Or really, it’s because I am all about purposes, you know, right? My business is called PurposeGirl, and I’m all about my purpose, inspiring other women to live their purpose. And this is our time, I’m just feeling this huge shift right now to each and every one of us stepping into our own leadership, really getting clear on what is our legend to leave to the world? How do we live our own purpose? Knowing that that makes us such a more satisfied, resilient, optimistic, happy life. I’m like, “We’re doing it again, and we’re just going to do it as big or bigger.” The lineup of speakers is like, insane. When your listeners are listening to this, I’m hoping that you’re all listening for two things. One, obviously, we want you to attend. It’s free. It’s 12 hours. We’re going to go through everything. [00:03:51] PF: There’s no reason not to. [00:03:53] CR: There’s no reason not to, because you can join for a half hour of one keynote speaker. You could join for three hours. You could come in and out. Like my mom was in and out all day, last year. I want everyone listening to this to know that when you have a full body, yes, you get an idea, you have a dream. It’s like, “I would love to do that.” Maybe for someone, that’s singing on a stage or for someone else that’s writing a book or whatever it is. When you have the full body, yes, like I had around creating this event, I want you to know that it’s possible, and to just go do it. [00:04:25] PF: Oh, that’s fantastic. I think this event is so great, because all these women are doing it, and they’re doing so many different things. So really, it’s like going to this great buffet table where it’s like. Okay, well, that’s not for me, but oh my gosh, I can load up on this and this and this. Let’s talk about some of the speakers that you have and some of the things that are going to happen throughout this day. [00:04:50] CR: Yeah, I would love to. So yeah, I’m a huge fan and believe that like, the happy woman is the whole woman. It’s like every single aspect of ourselves, and the lineup is insane. So again, we are bringing you more than 25 speakers. We’re still getting a couple of yeses, and so figuring out who the last couple are. But what we do throughout the day, we have these power talks and power talk is like a keynote, but I’m interviewing someone like we’re doing here on a particular topic, right? My keynotes, I’m so excited, drumroll please, we can announce that one of the power talks is going to be by Regina Thomashauer. If you don’t know Regina Thomashauer, many people call her Mama Gena, aka Mama Gena. She is the New York Times bestselling author of Pussy: A Reclamation. Yes, I said the word pussy on the airwaves. A lot of us, like the first time I heard that word I went, “Ugh!” Like it just got me into the bones, like that’s a negative word. But her whole thing, and listen, it’s a New York Times bestselling book. Because she’s talking about women reclaiming their feminine power. Taking back a word that has been trashed and made into something weak and saying no. Instead, we’re going to own our bodies, we’re going to own our femininity, we’re going to own our power and we’re going to own that the deepest part of ourselves knows our truth. She herself is the survivor of abuse, of sexual abuse. She herself has been through a number of different traumas and talks about how she felt like she lost her power along the way in this book. She teaches, she has now taught tens of thousands, maybe – I’m going to take it back. Millions of women, because when I think about the classes that I’ve taken with her, I was in a classroom with 900 other women taking this class over three, four, five months, something like that. The way that she teaches you to own your whole body, and to come back into your power is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Because it’s not power like, “Err!”, what we’ve been taught how we’re supposed to be powerful in the world, but it’s power from within, and truly what are my desires. She teaches women to celebrate themselves. She teaches women to emote, right? She calls it ADA keys that we are allowed our full expression of emotion. Instead of sucking down when you’re angry, or you’re sad. She says the way that we can really heal and the way that we can be in our power is to own and then alchemize all of our emotions. She teaches you what to do with anger, what to do with grief and it’s so powerful. She’s a New York Times bestselling author for a reason. Thousands and thousands, millions of women have learned so much from her about your own sensuality, taking back your power and all parts of your body. She’s one of the power talks. Another power talk is another New York Times bestselling author, Kristine Carlson. Kris Carlson’s late husband, Richard wrote, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. When I was first getting into self-help, and all of that, that book was all the rage, right? [00:07:57] PF: Right. [00:07:58] CR: Do you know that book? [00:07:59] PF: That was like the door opener. Yeah, absolutely. [00:08:00] CR: Yeah, it was. It was, don’t sweat the small stuff. And by the way, it’s all small stuff. Right? He wrote this book, and then together, they went on to write. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Couples. She wrote, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women. They made a whole line kind of like Chicken Soup. They made a whole line of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. Then he tragically passed away, and she was left with this enormous grief, this enormous hole in her heart. What do I do now? Through her own healing process, and being what she calls broken open. she came to really create a whole new line of healing and empowerment with women around healing from grief. I specifically approached her. I actually approached her first to be the first speaker at the Women’s Day event. Because after what we’ve all been through for the last two years, we’re struck with grief, right? There’s so much anxiety, you and I have talked about this. [00:09:00] PF: Oh my gosh, yeah. It’s a huge topic. Everybody is dealing with grief and loss on some level. [00:09:07] CR: On some level and probably multiple levels, right? You yourself have been sick. You have loved ones who have passed, being isolated in your home not being with loved ones for the holidays. She was the first person I approached to be a speaker at the Women’s Day event because I feel like we’re all healing from grief right now and we all want to. [00:09:27] PF: That is wise. Yeah, that’s fantastic. [00:09:30] CR: Yeah. She’s going to be doing a power talk specifically on how do we heal now, what do we do with grief now, how do we become whole again after feeling like we’ve been broken open. And what based on that is our purpose what do we do? She’s incredible. Another keynote speaker or power talk is from someone who I know you have had on your show before, Valorie Burton. [00:09:54] PF: She is amazing. She is so fantastic. [00:09:58] CR: Ah! Is she ever. Valorie Burton, if you haven’t listened to the episode of Paula, go back and listen to it. She’s incredible. She has written I think 12 books. She had nearly a million copies of her books in circulation all around women’s happiness and women’s success. She has her master’s degree in positive psychology, the science of happiness, human flourishing, like I do, that’s where I met her. She is now sought after by the today’s show, to be like a frequent life coach for them and on a number of different shows. Her most recent book is about guilt. She and I are going to dive in during her power talk all around guilt and how we’ve been hanging on. Find me a woman that has not been experiencing or has experienced in the past guilt. [00:10:43] PF: Oh my gosh! Yeah. [00:10:45] CR: I just had this last night. My dad went into the hospital, my whole family is in Michigan, and I’m here in Pennsylvania and my sister was visiting. The whole family was there when he went into the hospital last night, and here I am in Pennsylvania. And just feeling guilty that I’m not there, I can’t help. I call my mom, “What can I do?” And it’s like, well, what can I do? I’m here. I’m not there. Feeling that amount of guilt. The same time, everything you just said, I do throw the world’s largest event for International Women’s Day. I do have my own podcast that you’re going to be on and running this whole business for women to be in their power and live their purpose and I have a baby. So I’ll have so many moments of guilt. Should I be with my child instead of working? When I’m with my child, should I be working because I’ve got clients who are counting on me? In the Women’s Day event, she’s going to help us navigate guilt. How do we let go of the guilt? [00:11:41] PF: Yeah. Because I think everyone deals with that, and we steal from ourselves. Because when we’re with our children, we’re thinking, “Oh my gosh! I’ve got to work on this, this and this, so we’re not giving them that full attention.” And then when we’re working too much, we’re thinking about what we should be giving the children. We’re not giving our work the kind of attention that would get it done quicker, and let us get back to what we need to be doing. It’s such a hamster wheel. [00:12:06] CR: Such a hamster wheel. That’s so well said, Paula. If we would just be doing the thing that were present for the thing that we actually need to be doing, we wouldn’t be – [00:12:16] PF: But it’s hard. [00:12:17] CR: It is very hard. Her most recent book is on that, on letting go of guilt. Of course, I’m like, “Val, please, please, please.” She’s so incredible. She already was speaking somewhere else on International Women’s Day. She’s like, “Oh my God! I would love to do this for you, Carin, but I can’t, because I’m already speaking.” I think I just had to ask her three different ways and find a creative way to do it. I’m like, “I’m not letting this go. You’re my gal.” Because it’s so – I run this event for free, which is just out of my pocket. I pay for extra staff and for all the work that needs to go into it. But I want to put on the best event possible, because it’s my purpose, right? These are the power talks. I have one more power talk that’s going to be coming on by someone who you totally need to have on your show, but she’s fairly new into this whole world, and so you probably haven’t heard of her yet. Her name is Jenni Rochelle, and she’s all about intimacy and connection. [00:13:17] PF: Oh, nice. [00:13:18] CR: Because we have been disconnected. [00:13:22] PF: We are so disconnected and we can’t – I’ve talked with people who are struggling to reconnect. They actually have anxiety about trying to connect with people, because we’ve gotten so bad at it from being locked in our homes. [00:13:34] CR: Yes. Before being locked in our homes, we were locked on our phone. [00:13:39] PF: Yeah, true. [00:13:41] CR: It’s like we didn’t even realize the precious commodity that we had in connection before. I was talking to her about what happens when we aren’t in intimacy, when we aren’t allowing that. She was saying, “We end up in resentment. We end up in anxiety. We end up in a place of holding grudges and of feeling alone.” So she and I, during her power talk are going to go really deep into intimacy and how do we create it. Because I was sharing with her one of the things that I’ve experienced. I was in an abusive relationship when I was 17. My very first love physically abused me. That was 30 years ago. I still hang on to some trust issues. [00:14:30] PF: Sure. That goes with it. [00:14:34] CR: It goes with it. John Gottman’s work around – who’s the world’s leading researcher, and in healthy marriages and healthy relationships. The work on leaning in, and I find myself really being scared to lean in. I still find it even though I’m married to a wonderful man. And when I was going through all this last night with my dad, I was starting to think, “Why isn’t my partner being more loving to me right?” And instead, it was like, “Wait! This is a moment to create intimacy and say, “Hon, I need a hug. Can we connect? Can you go get me froyo?” Which is what I actually did and he, “We have a big snowstorm, am I cleaning off the car?” there’s this opportunity and this need to connect and to find intimacy, even in the midst of a pandemic. She’s going to be coming on and she’s absolutely incredible. We’re covering intimacy and connection. We’re covering the mom guilt, the daughter guilt and we’re covering sexuality. Then beyond that, I have panels. [00:15:34] PF: But wait, there’s more. [00:15:34] CR: But wait, there’s more. [BREAK] [00:15:38] PF: I’m going to be right back with more of my conversation with Carin, but I wanted to pause for just a moment and talk about how you can make your world a safer place. The online world as we all know, can be an unpredictable one. And even though we’d like to think we’re always safe, that’s not always the case. As we spend more of our lives online, we find ourselves thinking twice before, say, clicking on a link or opening an email. Or we might be worried about getting scammed, hacked or fall in prey to malware or identity theft. The good news is, there’s great real time protection available for you and your family. When you use the browser extension, Guardio, you can do your thing online with complete confidence that every click is safe. You can run a free security scan right now to see what threats are on your browser. And then if you’re interested in their protection, you can get 20% off your plan when you sign up at guard.io/livehappynow. That’s guard.io/livehappynow. Now, let’s get back to my conversation with Carin and learn more about her upcoming International Women’s Day event and find out how you can be a part of it. [00:16:45] CR: Other aspects, there is an incredible panel on leadership. What does it mean to be a feminine leader? Yeah. Because when I know that your audience is a mix of gender identities, and obviously here, we’re talking about people who are female identified. But I’m going to make a case for feminine leadership, no matter your gender identity. That is, that feminine leadership isn’t – the word feminine has been truncated to mean, petal pink and smell like baby powder. No, no, no, that’s not what I’m talking about. [00:17:22] PF: Baby soft. Remember that? [00:17:23] CR: Exactly, right. Like the feminine care products that are in your drugstore, that’s not what I mean. What I mean is, the sides of leadership that are all about connection and humanity, compassion, the emotional intelligence, the trust, right? The creating a loving environment for those that you lead, the lack of hierarchy that it’s not that any one person is better than the other or higher than the other, but that we’re all in this together as a team. That’s what I’m talking about when we’re talking about feminine leadership. It’s the parts of ourselves that have been called the kind of soft skills. We just don’t want to call it soft skills, because those are like the actual hard skills. [00:18:08] PF: Exactly, yeah. [00:18:11] CR: Those are the harder skills to learn, to navigate. In all of us, some people might like the words masculine, feminine, some people might not. We replace it with whatever word you want, but the idea of us leading from love. There’s a panel coming together on how do we lead from a totally different place. The women that I’ve lined up to speak on really leading from the middle of the pack, as opposed to it needing to be this hierarchy. Because we’ve seen so many people abuse their power when they think of leadership in this power over way. We’re going to have a discussion about leadership. That’s internal leadership first, and then how do we lead from the middle of the pack, the back of the pack, the side of the pack and it’s going to be incredible. That panel, counter to that or not even counter but complementary to that. We have a beautiful parenting panel. [00:19:05] PF: Oh, nice! [00:19:07] CR: Right. Now is the time. In fact, one of the women on the parenting panel, she’s an expert in teaching your kids how to study. Because we may go back down into lockdown and we may – people are dealing with different situations with their kids, and studying and homeschooling, and all of that, that none of us would have even thought was a thing two years ago. So she’s going to be teaching that. There’s going to be a parenting panel on how do we support our girls, our children in speaking up, speaking their voice. How do we navigate all of that? There’s going to be a life coaching panel, just me and three other coaches really diving into how do you go after your goals, how do you create what you want in life, how do you tenfold it. Everything that we know from life coaching. As well as throughout the day, we start off the day with a yoga class. That’s like a combination of yoga and movement. It’s called the feminine fire method. [00:20:04] PF: Oh, nice. It’s so incredible. It’s with this woman, Allison Verna Thompson. She combines yoga, Pilates, dance, salsa, so that you begin low and slow like meditating. And by the end, you are up on your feet, you are dancing, you are alive. There’s also going to be yoga with Shayla Stonechild toward the end of the day. She is the only indigenous woman to have ever been on the cover of Yoga Journal. She is going to be leading a yoga class. I mean, we have packed the day in this incredible, beautiful way. I’m going to be doing a keynote about purpose. How do you know what your purpose is? What is your purpose? What is the legend that you’re here to live? What are the steps to actually figure out, discover your purpose? How do you get the courage to go after it? How do you create, let’s say, someone wants to create their own example of the Women’s Day event or something like that? Or a podcast like you do, Paula? How do they do that? That’s going to be a big theme. In fact, the overarching theme is, Say it Sister. [00:21:08] PF: I love that. [00:21:10] CR: Because we’re at a point, I think in the world where it’s our time to speak, and to speak up, and speak up for the rights of all, speak up for your own vision, speak up for being paid the same. The UN has themed this year’s International Women’s Day as break the barrier. So we absolutely want to break the bounds, we want to break the barrier. I believe the way that we do that is to speak up, and to say it loudly and say it proudly. [00:21:41] PF: One thing I love about this event is, it encompasses all ages. Wherever you’re at, all the stages as well. [00:21:49] CR: Yes. [00:21:50] PF: It doesn’t matter if you are just starting out and trying to navigate your way through this world. Or if you’re a little bit farther along and you’re kind of like, “Ugh! Maybe your kids are grown and now you’re trying to figure out what do I do now?” That’s what I love about this. It doesn’t matter where you are, you can jump in and gain something from it. [00:22:06] CR: Yes. In fact, I love that you said that. There is a separate sensuality panel all around sensuality, intimacy. One of the women on that panel, Ken Wizner, she calls herself the menopause madam. Last year, I had a sensuality panel and I will be honest, racially diverse group, but age all around the same age. I said to Kim, “I need you on the panel next year because I want all women no matter where they are at their age and stage of life to know.” And on the life coaching panel, one of the women on it with me, her name is Amanda Hanson, and her whole thing is revolutionizing midlife. [00:22:43] PF: Love that. [00:22:44] CR: We don’t need midlife to look like it. We thought it looked on our mothers or our grandmothers. We get to define midlife as the best time in our life. I feel better at midlife at 47 than I ever have in my life. [00:22:57] PF: Absolutely. [00:22:59] CR: It does encompass this whole range. We are such diverse women, even just within ourselves. The intersectionality, we’re not just any one thing. I’m 47, I’m going through perimenopause, and I’m postpartum, because I got a baby. We are all all of the above and we get to cover that. In fact, the event is free, it’s 100% free for anyone to attend. But I wanted to have a giveback component. We do make the recordings available for sale, and before the event, you can get all 12 hours of the recordings, the yoga classes, the movement classes, all the speakers, all the panels, all of it for only $97. What I’m doing with a portion of proceeds is donating it. I want us to be able to come together and to give back. I’ve chosen two different nonprofits. One that specifically goes to girls and speaking up and girls’ leadership. And one that is all about supporting women and their families all over the world, and that’s Women’s Campaign International. That creates training for women in Afghanistan, women in the Sudan, women in countries all over to teach these women how to have economic independence, how to create their own, you know, wealth and worth for their families. It’s really, like when we come together, there’s our own individual learning, and then there’s coming together for something greater. I’m so thrilled that the founder and chair of Women’s Campaign International, Marjorie Margolies, who is a former US House of Representatives, as well as a former news correspondent anchor for the Today’s Show, and NBC and a number of different outlets. As well as, she’s Chelsea Clinton’s mother-in-law. She’s going to be speaking at the event about Women’s Campaign International and the work that when we all come together, we can do for women all over the world. We really are covering the gamut here. [00:25:03] PF: You really are. It’s such a terrific day, it’s so much to take in. I’m so glad that you’re making it available after the fact. But what is it? Now you’re in your second year, you’ve got the little hindsight, and you put one of these together? What is it that you really hope at the end of the day, literally the end of the day, that people are walking away from this event feeling? [00:25:25] CR: Hmm, such a great question. I want every human that participates in the event to say, “I can do it too.” Whatever you see in any one speaker, panelist, the panel as a total or the event as a total. I really believe that this is our time to rise, and that the world has been waiting for us at this moment. That the things that we have been experiencing are very real. The challenges of a pandemic, and of the politics, and of racial justice and all that we as American society and the world have been experiencing and cocreating. All of that can leave us feeling just down, depressed, anxious, go back to bed, have as much ice cream. [00:26:22] PF: Or froyo. [00:26:23] CR: Froyo, right? And then there’s this opportunity for every single one of us to say, “And what’s my part?” That each one of us was born with superhero powers, with strengths, with talents, with gifts. Each one of us has different passions, each one of us has a different way that we can change the world, that we can contribute, whether that is within our family, within our neighborhood, the world at large. That’s how we’re going to really – the world is going to change when every single one of us steps into that piece. What’s my part? Tara Davina is an incredible singer, she sings about rising up. She’s going to be singing during the event, like I want every single person who attends to see themselves in one of these incredible, incredible speakers, panelists, singers, and to say, “I can do that too.” Because we’re the ones we’ve been waiting for, right? Like no one’s coming along on a white horse. We’re the ones who can make ourselves our happiest, our most purposeful, our most alive, our most radiant self. The reason I’m obsessed with purpose is we know from all the research that when you live your purpose, you have high life satisfaction. You are resilient, you feel optimistic and you feel so proud of yourself and it’s an inner radiance. I want every single person who experiences this event to feel that and to have the tools, and the inspiration and the motivation to go do it. [00:27:58] PF: That is so excellent. I’m really excited for this to take place, and we’re going to tell them on the landing page, we’ll tell the listeners how to sign up, where they can go, give them all the details, make it super easy. [00:28:08] CR: And it is easy. It’s thewomensdayevent.com. Super, super, super easy. I love doing it in partnership with you Paula and with Live Happy. You have been such a great partner to us. We love telling everybody about Live Happy Now and your podcast because it’s incredible. [00:28:27] PF: We thank you for that. [00:28:28] CR: Absolutely, absolutely. We love telling everyone about your podcast. We have your logo all over our event, because it’s a great partnership. [00:28:36] PF: Yeah, it’s a such a great fit and I’m really glad that we were able to connect again and make this happen. [00:28:41] CR: Me too. Thank you, Paula. [00:28:43] PF: Looking forward to the event. [00:28:45] CR: Me too. Thank you so much, sister. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:28:52] PF: That was Carin Rockind talking about her upcoming International Women’s Day event. If you’d like to learn more about this free event, sign up for it or learn more about Carin and the work she’s doing. Just visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We’ll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. And until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

A couple taking a selfie with their pets

Practice

Transcript – Celebrating Your Pets With Brittany Derrenbacher

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Celebrating Your Pets With Brittany Derrenbacher [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to Episode 352 of Live Happy Now. There's a big holiday in February that's all about love, and it isn't Valentine's Day. This week, we're talking about National Love Your Pet Day. I'm your host, Paula Felps. And this week, I'm sitting down with Brittany Derrenbacher, a clinical mental health counseling intern and founder of Luna Bell's Moonbows, a special needs animal rescue. In celebration of National Love Your Pet Day on February 20th, Brittany is joining me to talk not only about what our pets do for us, but to look at how we can learn to celebrate them every day, and enrich our lives in the process. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:42] PF: Brittany, welcome back to Live Happy Now. [00:00:45] BD: Yeah, thanks so much for having me. I'm really happy to be back. [00:00:49] PF: Well, we have National Love Your Pet Day coming up. And of course, we thought of you, because you know pets, and you know how they work. And so I really wanted to talk to you about this, because we're all crazy about our pets. But they do so much for us that we don't even think about. So I wondered if you could talk, first of all, about some of the gifts that our pets are giving us that we're not even realizing. [00:01:11] BD: Yeah. I mean, I feel like this episode should really be called like the power of pets. [00:01:17] PF: Ooh, I like that. [00:01:18] BD: Yeah. Because I feel like the gifts that they give us are endless. I mean, really, we could sit here and talk about this for hours, because I think even if we were able to brainstorm through just an exhaustive list, I think there's still something that could be added to it daily, right? And I think it's most important first to talk about the joy that they give us. I think that is the most important gift that is so unique to animals, because it's that no strings attached kind of joy. And I think that there's like nothing that compares to that, right? I mean, the joy of coming home to our animals. And for those of us who work from home, I mean, I know for myself and probably for you, we’re super lucky that we get to spend time 24/7 with our pets and really soak up all the benefits. [00:02:09] PF: Yeah. [00:02:10] BD: But I think they also help us gain a sense of responsibility. So they're showing us this like unconditional love. And they're always there when we need them. So those are like kind of like the main things that you might think of when you think about, “Okay, well, what do pets give me on a daily basis?” Those are kind of the main things. But the unconditional love of a pet can do more than just keep us company, right? [00:02:35] PF: Yeah, it's a constant return on our investment, because it's giving us something emotionally. [00:02:41] BD: Right. Yeah. And that's really like where we get into – I kind of call it like the four benefits of pets in our lives. And it crosses a couple of different boundaries, but we have mental health, and mood boosting, grounding. And that is like connected to like outdoors. Physical health, which, of course is connected to exercise. And then socialization. So those are like the four main benefits I think that animals uniquely give us. [00:03:09] PF: That's cool. Can we dig into each of those just a little bit? [00:03:11] BD: Absolutely. Yeah. [00:03:13] PF: Because I noticed mental health is first. Because, as a therapist, I guess that is always going to be forefront for you. But I thought that's really cool, because we don't think about the mental health improvements we get from pets. [00:03:23] BD: Oh, yeah. I mean, it's estimated that 68% of US households have a pet. And I think that that number is growing, especially given the circumstances that we're in with COVID. I think a lot more people are bringing animals into their home that weren't able to do so before. So I love that you're having this conversation about the relationships that we have with our pets. And I think what better way to really honor the love for your pet than to have a day where we literally are talking about and spreading the message that owning a pet will change your life in more ways than just joy and love. And I really believe that the better we understand that human animal bond, the more we can use it to improve people's lives. So thinking of mental health, just off the top of my head, like interacting with animals has been shown to decrease levels of cortisol. So we're going to get kind of scientific here. [00:04:21] PF: We thought so. [00:04:21] BD: I know it’s your jam. You love that. But cortisol is the body's natural stress hormone. So just by virtue of interacting with our pets on a daily basis, we're decreasing that, which is awesome. But it's also really cool to know that if you sit there and pet your dog, your cat, whatever your pet is, for 15 minutes, that you're literally releasing all of the feel good hormones into your body. So you're sitting there. You're petting Morocco. You're petting Josie. 15 minutes. You're releasing oxytocin, prolactin and serotonin all into your body just by petting your, dog which I feel like is so cool. [00:05:02] PF: Yeah, that's amazing. Because there's not other ways to get it that easily, I don't think. [00:05:09] BD: No, I don't think so either. And I think like just thinking about being able to pet your dog and really hokes your body into that relaxed state. This is also super helpful in lowering your blood pressure. So it’s cool to think of like our dogs and our cats can lower our blood pressure. And I also realized, too, that you asked about mental health, and I kind of tiptoed into physical health. But even if we're just thinking about stress, like stress is mental health, right? And so these animals that we used to associate in the past with keeping outdoors, right? Animals weren't really considered in the past to be in home companions to humans. And now we have this understanding that animals in our pets can provide so much more to us than just having this fun dog to run around within the yard. They live in our homes, and they literally are bringing so much into our lives and nurturing our mental health, our physical health, just our overall well-being on a daily basis. And so not only do pets have the potential to decrease our stress, but they can help improve, like we were just talking about, our heart health. Like that's incredible. [00:06:25] PF: Yeah. And I think about how many times a day I laugh because of my dogs. And we know that laughter is so important and so cathartic. We simply don't do it enough. And even on days when it doesn't feel like there's a lot of things in the outside world to laugh at, they're going to make me laugh. They are going to deliver joy no matter what else is going on. [00:06:46] BD: Yeah. And like that deep belly laugh too, right? [00:06:50] PF: Yeah. [00:06:50] BD: But that goes back to those feel good hormones. And that's something that we're experiencing on a daily basis with our pets that I think it's very easy to take for granted or just not even realize. [00:07:01] PF: Yeah. Yeah, that's true. And so what about grounding? Because grounding is something I love. It's so important, and we don't get enough of this. And can you talk a little bit about what it is and why it's so important for our physical and emotional well-being? [00:07:17] BD: Yeah. Well, I also love to talk about grounding, because I think mindfulness is kind of inherent in the work that I do. And it's what I always try to help my clients with. But I really love to talk about how pets are our teachers. I think about most of the life lessons that I've learned in my life, especially from just the animals in our rescue, they've all come from dogs. They've all come from the animals that I've met in my life. And especially in the compassion fatigue for animal care professionals work that I do, I really stressed the importance of what our animals can teach us. And I think that they model resiliency to us, to humans, in a way that no one else can. I mean, even if you just think of like Josie and Morocco's story. [00:08:02] PF: Right, right. [00:08:04] BD: Like the resilience behind your dogs, and just where they've come from, and who they are now, and how interesting, and amazing, and loving they are. So there's the resiliency in that. And I also think that they have this beautiful way of teaching as mindfulness that no book can really do or no like Buru can. But they teach us like the cheesy saying, like, “Every day is a gift,” right? That is like the ethos, especially for dogs. And I'm not minimizing cats, birds and all the other pets out there that people have. But like – [00:08:36] PF: Have the hate mail, please. [00:08:38] BD: Yeah, no hate mail. No. Cats are hilarious, because I think that they just have this way of like just navigating life. Doing exactly what they want to do with no shame. [00:08:49] PF: Right. They’ll just give you that look that's like, “You're not going to do anything about it.” [00:08:53] BD: Yeah. But, yeah, our pets teach us that living each day is a gift, and living our lives with loving presence. And I love thinking about that phrase, loving presence. Because I think animals know that the ultimate point of life is to enjoy it, right? Like that is why we're here. And I think playing with our pets can take our mind away from problems, take our mind away from daily stressors, and really place this in the here and now. And that is literally like mindfulness 101, the here and now, and embracing the sacred pause. Tara Brach talks a lot about the sacred pause. And I think just that idea that truly living in the moment is such a huge gift that they give us. [00:09:40] PF: Yeah. And sometimes we might get in the mindset of feeling like it's frivolous to go play. But there is something very essential about that kind of frivolity and that kind of bonding that's taking place when you are playing, and the kind of joy that it's bringing to you. [00:09:55] BD: Yeah. And even just thinking about that, like physical nature of that, too. Physically, our animals encourage us to move. They are often why we have a connection with the outdoors, which I do think connects to that idea of grounding too, being outside, having our feet on the earth and experiencing life outside of our home. And even on days that we don't want to move, right? Like we don't want to get out of bed. Life is too much. And I the past two years with COVID, it has been this way for a lot of people, just the idea of like waking up and having to face another day in the middle of a pandemic. But especially dogs, they make us move. [00:10:41] PF: Yeah. [inaudible 00:10:41]. [00:10:42] BD: Yeah, yeah. I have to get out of bed every morning. I have to take my dogs for a walk. They need that. They need that to live and to enjoy life. And they really motivate us to play and seek adventure. So going back to that cultivation of joy that you were talking about and playing. [00:11:02] PF: And then like you said, it forces us to be in nature. And even if your nature is in the city, and all you're seeing is a tree at some point. But that is so healthy. And that's so good for our mental health and our physical well-being to just get outside and be present in nature for even 10 or 15 minutes. [00:11:20] BD: Yeah. Stopping. Smelling the roses. [00:11:24] PF: Yeah. Picking up the poop. [00:11:25] BD: Yeah. Stopping, taking a pause with the fire hydrant, whatever you need to do to be connected to the outside world. But even just like hiking, going to the park, walking or running through the neighborhood. For me, specifically, I love to do dog agility, and maybe even traveling. Going somewhere long distance. Packing up your animals and getting out of town. And that is something that I think is an amazing, unique thing to be able to do. And, I think, also in thinking about this, this really promotes human socialization. I think – Yeah, like, we often talk about animal socialization, right? But animals equally give us that gift as well. And being able to go out and do things with your pets and meet other humans. I think, you, I love hearing you talk about all of the people that you've met through walking your dogs. [00:12:24] PF: Right, right. That's the thing. We've told people who had like, say, they moved to Nashville, and they have trouble meeting people. We’re like, “Get a dog.” You will meet everybody. You will meet more people than you actually want to meet, because it's such a draw. And I did. I've met so many people and made lasting friendships with them because I was out there walking Archie. And it's pretty incredible. [00:12:46] BD: Yeah, I love that story. And like, for me, for agility. I've met so many people. And I see it's predominantly women that are doing agility. And I think it creates this community. They all do competitions together. They will travel together doing things with their dogs, and they're just active, and happy, and laughing, and enjoying life vicariously through and with their animals. [00:13:13] PF: Yeah. I’d say what a tremendous way to walk through life is to – When you really recognize the value of that animal companion and can really cherish it and enjoy it. I'm going to be right back with more of my conversation with Brittany. But I wanted to talk for just a moment about how to make your world a safer place. The online world can be an unpredictable one. And while we'd like to think that we're always safe, that isn't necessarily the case. As we spend more of our lives online, we increasingly find ourselves thinking twice before clicking on a link or opening an email. Or we might be worried about getting scammed hacked, or even falling prey to malware or identity theft. The good news is, there's great real time protection available for you and your family. When you use the browser extension, Guardio, you can do your thing online with complete confidence that every click is safe. You can run a free security scan right now to see what threats are on your browser. And then if you're interested in their protection, it 20% off your plan when you sign up at guard.io/livehappynow. That's guard.io/livehappynow. And now, let's get back to my conversation with Brittany Derrenbacher and learn more about the many gifts our pets give to us. One thing that you do that I find so important is the work that you're doing with – You have an emotional support dog, and you're helping others deal with trauma with a pet. Can you talk about how that works and kind of some of the work that you're doing? [00:14:49] BD: Yeah. This is probably, like you said, my favorite topic to discuss, because I really get to see firsthand how much animals can help humans in a handful of supportive ways regarding mental health. I love to use animals in therapy. We have a lot of special needs dogs that I think uniquely are able to teach other people lessons and teach them like really cool things about being imperfectly perfect, right? [00:15:17] PF: Right. [00:15:19] BD: And there are therapy animals, emotional support dogs, service dogs, psychiatric service dogs, seeing eye dogs. Like I feel like I could go on and on. Like physical rehabilitation. Animals that visit hospitals to visit children that are recovering and going through chemo treatments for cancer. There are therapy dogs as crisis intervention after traumatic events. This is something that I'm really specifically interested in, because I think it's an incredible service that is available that most people don't know about. And that's that trained dog handler teams are called to sites of crisis and provide comfort, and provide stress relief, and emotional support for those that have been affected by natural disasters or mass shootings. For example, there's the Tree of Life synagogue shooting. They brought in a team of handlers and their dogs to provide support. This happened at Sandy Hook as well, and Virginia Tech massacre. But there's really some wonderful research surrounding this topic. And I think that a section of human animal interaction of the American Psychological Association is really doing an amazing job of presenting on these topics and bringing awareness of understanding about the human animal interaction. And I think, for us specifically, in the work that I do, going back to Violet, she is a 40-pound bulldog with hydrocephalus. [00:16:52] PF: Okay, tell us real quick what hydrocephalus is for people who don't know. [00:16:55] BD: Yeah. So hydrocephalus is literally water on the brain. And it is an accumulation of that fluid that has nowhere to go. And so you'll kind of see like a dome-shaped skull on the animal's head. And this is a condition that our rescue is very passionate about. It happens to humans as well. And a lot of times, dogs can have mild symptoms and live really long, beautiful lives. And sometimes it is a hospice situation where we give them the best life that they can for as long as possible. Violet has very mild hydrocephalus. So she is doing beautifully. She's not on any medication, and she is just absolutely wonderful. And again, like has that resiliency and is able to share such a beautiful story. But yeah, she visits nursing homes, senior memory care facilities, college campuses in the therapy room with me. And one of her favorite people to visit is a 101-year-old Holocaust survivor. [00:17:56] PF: Oh, that's so cool. [00:17:56] BD: Yeah, that is incredible. He loves it. I think he's able to really like tap into this childlike joy that he hasn't been able to experience in a long time. And one of the first stories that he told my husband, when Violet went to visit, was that it reminded him so much of his childhood dog. And so now, when Violet goes to visit, like it is expected, like, “Where's violet? When will she be here?” So yeah. [00:18:22] PF: That's fantastic. So we know that pets give us so much. Like they just give and give. And even when we don't treat them well, and we don't treat them as well as we should, they are still loving and they give to us. So when we're looking at Love Your Pet Day, what can we do to be better pet parents? How can we better return that kind of affection and meet the needs of our pets? [00:18:47] BD: I love that you asked this, because I think that we really owe it to our pets to give back to them as they give to us. That has really been like my goal in life, especially with rescue work, is to try to give back as much as possible to these animals. But I think it's also important to even just raise that as a question, right? Like we shouldn't just be asking what animals can do for us. We should also be asking what we can do in return for them. And I really do believe that the most important thing that we can do is constantly provide that love and stability. Patience. Patience is really key, right? [00:19:24] PF: Yeah. And not always easy. [00:19:25] BD: Yeah, exactly. And positive reinforcement. I also like to tell people, like give them their time. Stop rushing them on the walks. [00:19:35] PF: Yeah, this is a great topic. And that's something that you and I have talked about. And I want to dig into that a little bit more, because that is so important, and it's easy for us to forget. So like can you talk about that just a little bit? Like how can we learn to be more mindful of giving them their time and making those walks their time? [00:19:55] BD: Yeah. And I think that's where we can really embrace the tools that they teach us of mindfulness and being present, like taking that deep breath and saying, “Okay, I'm going to leave the house and really be in the here and now with my dog because this is their jam. This is literally what dogs are on this earth for, is to roam, and sniff, and explore, and enjoy their life.” And how many times do you – And I'm guilty of this. But how many times are you out and you see people really pulling their dogs along and they're trying to sniff the fire hydrant? They're trying to sniff the grass? And they're like, “Come on, come on, come on, let's go.” Imagine being in HomeGoods and you are in the pillow aisle, right? You're looking at those soft throws, and then someone's behind you like nudging you on like, “Come on, come on. Let's go, let's go. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up.” Why would we want to do that and deprive our animals of that joy, and being able to do something that they're just like so excited and pumped to do? I mean, that is literally [inaudible 00:20:58]. [00:21:00] PF: Yeah, yeah, because I've tried to get really thoughtful in terms of when I don't take my phone with me when we go on walks anymore. And that makes a big difference. And when we were in Nashville, and we would see – At the dog park, like see people. And their dogs out there running around, and they're just on their phone. And it’s like, “Oh, my gosh, you're missing out on this whole opportunity to play and interact before you go lock your dog up in an apartment again.” So that's one thing. I've ditched the phone on the walks. And I really tried to take it. Like when they stop and are sniffing, it's like really use it a time to take a breath and really like start looking at my surroundings. Like let me be as inquisitive as they are about what does the air smell like today? And what is the sky doing? And it really makes a huge difference in resetting your day when you go back to your office. [00:21:50] BD: Oh, yeah. I mean, it's like literally doing a body scan in nature with your dog, right? And I love that you mentioned putting the phone away and just, again, incorporating that loving presence that we talked about earlier. I think, for me, uniquely, I'm often having the conversation on the other side with people because I specialize in pet loss grief. And I often am having conversations with people about what they wish they had done, and that they would do anything to be back in those moments with their animals. And so I think that's something that's important to keep in mind, too, is like really allowing ourselves to enjoy these moments when they're given to us and be present, and just connect with our animals, and just embrace the beauty of life, and not be stuck in a situation in the future where we are analyzing this should have, would have, could haves. [00:22:46] PF: Right. Yeah. Because I know some times we're given notice that we're losing a pet. And sometimes it happens very quickly. And I've had it go both ways. And I had one that I lost very quickly, and it was like, “Oh, my gosh, if I had known that was my last walk with her, I would have walked for an hour.” I just would not have stopped. [00:23:06] BD: Endlessly. Yeah. [00:23:07] PF: Yeah. And so I think that's a great mindset to have. Not that, “Oh, my pet is going to die.” But like I have to look at every moment I have, every chance I have to interact with them as a valuable one. [00:23:18] BD: Yeah. And I think like now there's science behind it, right? There're so many studies that have been done showing what animals can do for us, just reducing the loneliness and increasing the social support, boosting our moods. Literally saving lives in regards to depression and grief. And we are given an opportunity every day to embrace all of those unique gifts and qualities that animals can give us. And like why would we not embrace that and soak it up every chance? [00:23:50] PF: That's right. That's terrific. So yeah, so we have this one day where we'll talk about Love Your Pet Day. But I think it's a great practice to be able to enter every day as Love Your Pet Day. So what would be like your advice? How do we keep that top of mind so that we really do change that relationship with our pet? [00:24:12] BD: Yeah. I really think just embracing that animals don't ask for much in life, and are the gifts that keep on giving. And they also teach us to be better humans, right? They teach us to navigate life in a smarter, more beautiful way. And so just continuing to talk about how awesome life is with animals and how amazing the human animal bond is. That's what I love to talk about, is the bond that we have with our animals. It's just so incredible. And it's unlike anything in life. And even just having conversations like this where maybe someone will listen to this podcast and say, “You know what? I'm going to go to my nearest shelter, and I'm going to adopt a dog today, because I want to like live life with this kind of joy.” Like that is a unique gift. And that is a message worth spreading. [00:25:08] PF: That's excellent. Brittany, you always have so much to say about pets, and you're doing such incredible work with humans and animals. So we're going to, of course, have our landing page and let them learn more about you and where they can find out about some of the work that you're doing. But thank you. Thank you for coming back and talking pets with us. [00:25:25] BD: Yeah, thank you. [OUTRO] [00:25:30] PF: That was Britney Derrenbacher, talking about how pets benefit us and what we can do to enrich their lives. If you'd like to learn more about Brittany and the work that she's doing, just visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all new episode. And until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Practice

Transcript – Discover Your Authentic Power With Ashley Bernardi

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Discover Your Authentic Power With Ashley Bernardi [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to episode 349 of Live Happy Now. Many of us are feeling fatigued and a little bit powerless by the trauma of the past couple of years. But today's guest is going to tell us how each of us can use this time to find our authentic power. I’m your host, Paula Fels, and this week I’m talking with Ashley Bernardi, author of Authentic Power: Give Yourself Permission to Heal. She's here to talk about how our most challenging times can hold the secret to our authentic power if we'll just give ourselves permission to feel it and heal from it. She'll explain what she learned during her own healing journey and tell us how we can use those same techniques to find greater happiness. But before we get to the interview, I want to take just a moment to talk to you about one other way that you might be feeling a little bit powerless. When it comes to our online lives, we are increasingly at risk for scams, hackers, identity theft and so much more. If you're like me, you're spending more and more time online, and you might sometimes worry about how safe you and your family are when you're browsing the web. That's why I started using Guardio, which is a safe way to spend your time on the web with the confidence that you're protected from online threats. You can run a free security scan and find out what threats are on your browser. And then if you're interested in their protection, you can get twenty percent off your plan when you sign up using the link guard.io/livehappynow. That's guard.io/livehappynow. And now, let's hear from today's guest, Ashley Bernardi. [INTERVIEW] [00:01:41] PF: Ashley, welcome to Live Happy Now. [00:01:43] AB: Thank you so much for having me, Paula. I’m so excited to be here. [00:01:47] PF: I’m excited to talk with you. People don't know, we've had a lot of email conversations over time because of what you do as a publicist. And I’m really excited to be able to talk to you about this beautiful book that you've written. And it's so important, because it really delves into what happens when we take time to look at our own trauma. And how did you decide to write this book? And why now? [00:02:11] AB: Oh my gosh! That's a loaded question. I love it. So I felt called to write it in the early days of the pandemic, so March, April 2020. And what happened during those early days, as anybody who's listening can relate, is we were faced, or at least for me, with so much fear, anxiety, depression, grief, having lost friends early on in the pandemic, old colleagues, confusion, despair, all of these messy and uncomfortable feelings that I believe that society tells us that, "Push those feelings down." "Be happy." "You don't need to feel those feelings." And like sometimes my husband has said, "Just cheer up [inaudible 00:02:56]." And I talk about this in my book. It's like my biggest pet peeve. So what I found was – And during those early days of the pandemic, those feelings and emotions were bubbling up. And instead of pushing them back down, numbing myself out, ignoring those feelings, which is what I have done in the past, I gave myself permission to feel this time around. And what happened was I started journaling about it. I started interviewing many healing experts about it. They're included in my book. And I felt called to share my personal journey of healing from trauma, which I’m sure we'll get into, and how I dealt with and process that trauma now versus what I did before. And what I learned is that there is so much power and transformation by giving yourself permission to feel and what authentic power is. And giving yourself permission to feel is truly the antidote to help you access your authentic power, which to me is the wisdom that we all have within us. It just takes us getting quiet and still and turning off that noise and then in turn trusting that wisdom, trusting that intuition and those gut feelings that come up for us and doing something about it. [00:04:05] PF: And one of the tough things is taking that time to be quiet, because it is so uncomfortable. It's not like when we get still with those messy feelings like, "Oh, this feels good." And we have so many available distractions now. So how did you keep yourself on the path of going deeper? [00:04:22] AB: So that is such an important question. And I’m going to say, to answer that question, I have to start with what I did first, because I know how uncomfortable it is to feel these feelings. Nobody wants to. And to tell this, I’m going to take you back to my first trauma. And that was when I was 11 years old, and my father died of a sudden death heart attack right in front of me and my sister and my mom. And my mom and sister tried to give him CPR. I ran out to call 911 to get help from the neighbors. And what we learned was that there was nothing that we could do to have saved him. His heart was 90% blocked. And that trauma was so severe I did not want to give myself permission to feel the horrible feelings that I felt. The shame that I felt of I could have done more to save my father's life, the grief that I felt that my number one person was no longer in my life. And so growing up, even though despite trying to get – My mom, of course, tried to get me help with grief counselors. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't tell my friends that my dad had died. I will never forget my first boyfriend, he didn't even know. I didn't tell him my dad died. He just found out. There's a great find through someone else like just to tell you how much I did not want to address it. And I carried on like that for a long time. And of course, as some listeners may know, when you bury these feelings, and your trauma, and your pain, it can come out in other ways. It has to come out somehow, right? So for me, it came out in lack of boundaries, and people-pleasing, and destructive relationships, a destructive relationship with alcohol, and work addiction. Like anything that I could do to numb myself out from feeling my own pain. I was obsessed with feeling everybody else's pain. I was a producer for CBS News, and one of my jobs was as a field producer traveling the country covering breaking news stories. And they were horrific breaking news stories. I covered the Virginia Tech Massacre. I covered missing parents, missing children. And like the irony of that is that I was obsessed with covering somebody else's trauma because I did not want to address my own. Flash forward to about you know a couple years later in my early 30s, I was no longer a producer. I was now starting this growing PR business. And another trauma hit me over the head that was an undiagnosed mystery illness coupled with postpartum depression at the same time. That mystery illness ended up being diagnosed as Lyme disease. So I had Lyme disease and postpartum depression at the same time. There was no more room for me to hold any more trauma in. So it was like the universe almost gifted me with an opportunity to purge everything. And it was when I got quiet and still, because I truly could not move my body, did I start to feel all these feelings from my childhood and past start bubbling up. The trauma of my father's death. Just various other uncomfortable moments. And I let myself feel them. I let myself grieve from my father. I let myself grieve for my health, for my mental health. I mean, I had postpartum depression. I was put in a part-time hospitalization program, which is you go into a hospital eight hours a day and you come out. And I did that for several weeks just to get the mental health support that I needed. And I learned the transformational healing that occurs when you get quiet, and you get still, and you give yourself permission to feel. And I want to say this, back to your first question, is that I know how hard it is to get still. I never sat still. It wasn't until my body forced me to get still and I had nowhere to go. And I learned through – Like when I first started doing small acts of, let's say, meditation, I could only get through 10 seconds of meditation. And that of course is a great starting point. I gave myself some grace for that. And now here I am six years later and I could meditate for hours if I wanted to, but I’ve got work to do. But I just learned that, first of all, it's those baby steps to get quiet and still even if it's five breaths. Like for anyone listening out there today, get still for five breaths and see how you feel after. Like science proves that even in 90 seconds, we can change the way our feelings are moved through us, and even our our mindset by taking 90 seconds to just let yourself breathe. [00:08:45] PF: So how hard was it to take others on this journey and tell them about it? Because this is your healing journey, but it's really a universal theme because it tells others – Kind of shows others how to walk down a path of healing. Was it difficult to be that open and honest? [00:09:02] AB: I love this question so much. And yes, let me tell you this. I don't think I would have healed, and I don't think I would continue to heal if I didn't open up and get vulnerable. Because I first thought that I could just go through my feelings and my physical, and mental, and spiritual woes on my own. And sure, absolutely, there's a lot of inner work that I needed to be doing by processing my feelings. But I found that when I started opening up, and I first started, of course, with my husband. Just getting real and honest with him with what was happening. And then with a couple very close girlfriends, I told them, and I was like, "This is what's happening with me. Basically, I feel like I’m dying every day, and I really miss my dad." And just really being open and honest. I was met with so much love and compassion. And that motivated me to continue to heal. And so then I slowly found that the more I talked about what I was going through, I connected with other people who had similar experiences. But I also was met with so much love and compassion, and community support, and connection that gave me this, again, like my authentic power and motivation to heal. The more I got honest and vulnerable first with myself, then connected with others, that's where transformation happened. [00:10:26] PF: Now, when you were going through this, at what point did you realize the whole concept of authentic power and how this all played together? Because obviously, you had to dig through all your dirt first and then make something out of it. [00:10:39] AB: Yeah, I love that question. It took years. And I’ll say this. It probably wasn't until the pandemic when I had all these uncomfortable feelings bubble up again. And instead of pushing them back down, it was like, "Oh my gosh! I know what to do now. I’ve taught myself how to tap into my authentic power." And it was that kind of aha moment of, "I already know – I have all the answers. I know what to do. I know what I need to support myself." I’ll say it wasn't until March of 2020 did I have this aha moment. I know how to tap into my authentic power because I had spent years unknowingly teaching myself how to do it. And that's when I felt called to write a book about it. [00:11:20] PF: One thing that you introduced that I really want to dive into is the FEEL framework. [00:11:26] AB: Yes. [00:11:27] PF: So how about you talk about what that is? Explain what it is and how it works? [00:11:31] AB: Okay. So, yes. The FEEL framework is something that I came up with and I taught myself. And it's how I learned how to access my feelings and process my feelings and move through my feelings in a safe, gentle and loving way. Because as I mentioned earlier, and this is probably the case for many people, is that we don't give ourselves permission to feel. So what I did was this is again what happened in the early days of the pandemic when I was like, "Ah! I know what to do now." So first I’m going to focus on the emotion that I’m feeling. So what is that emotion or that feeling that's bubbling up for you? And I always like to say that maybe you can't name or identify that feeling also. Maybe it's just like this off feeling, or something's just not right. You don't know if it's sadness, or despair, or what. That's fine. Just focus on what it is. Then I want you to enter that feeling. And usually this is the part where people don't do, because it's so hard. You're going to give yourself permission to enter within that feeling. That means get curious. Where is it showing up in your body? Because oftentimes, if you're feeling anger or if you're feeling an uncomfortable feeling, your body is likely feeling it too. Where is it showing up? Maybe you're clenching your shoulders. Maybe your stomach is upset. Mine certainly gets upset when I’m feeling anxiety. Maybe you have a headache. I mean, just notice. But enter. Allow yourself to enter within it. The next part is experience that emotion however it feels safe and right for you. So perhaps it looks like crying. Sometimes sadness can look like laughing. Perhaps it's journaling all your feelings and then burning that piece of paper, which I’ve had people do. It's whatever feels safe for you. In my book, I interviewed Dr. Jamie Hope, who is an ER physician, and she talks about ways that we can stress hard and stress soft. Because as human beings, we're very primal. So when a child has a meltdown, you see this child kicking and screaming. But as adults, we don't do that because we've been socially conditioned to hold our feelings in. Whereas this child who's kicking and screaming is actually just getting their emotions out in a primal way. They're processing their emotions in real time. So that's what I’m hoping that people can learn to do. Whatever you can do to experience that emotion and process it in a safe way, that is what's recommended through the experience part of the FEEL framework. And this can take as long or as short as you want. So as an example, for me, I like to go through the FEEL framework on my yoga mat. And there have been so many times where I allow myself to feel an uncomfortable feeling. It comes up and then I just sit sobbing in child's pose and I let it go. And then the last part of the feel framework is listen, learn and love that emotion back. So first of all, by listening to that emotion, what is it here to teach us? Get curious as to what might be coming up. Why is it here? So in the same way that we experience joy, and happiness, and inspiration, I believe we're meant to process these uncomfortable and messy feelings as well. People see them as negative. But perhaps we can learn from them and see them in a different light. And then also, the final part of that L is love that emotion back. It's there to teach you something. It's there to support you. These feelings are meant to be processed and felt. So focus, enter, experience, listen, learn and love it back and that's the FEEL framework. And I recommend for anyone who's listening to try this out and see how you feel afterwards. And oftentimes you might just say, "Okay, that was cool." But what I’ve noticed is when I go through the FEEL framework, I feel so much better sometimes days and weeks later, because I’ve given myself permission to express my emotions, to process my emotions instead of bearing them in. And that's where like the consistent healing keeps coming up too. [00:15:19] PF: Right now, we, as a planet, and you kind of alluded to this earlier, we have gone through and we're still experiencing a form of trauma. And some of us have lost loved ones. Some of us have lost lifestyles and careers. Some of us have just lost our hope. And so everyone is going through some sort of sense of grief and loss. And it's our nature to kind of downplay it if we haven't had that big loss or what we perceive as someone has it worse. So as we look at what we've gone through with COVID both individually and as humankind, how do we start using your principles to work through that? And first of all, to acknowledge that we all have something that we're dealing with on some level? [00:16:02] AB: Yeah, I love this question. And I think one of the ways I want to answer first, is because I thought a lot about this during the pandemic, is trauma comparisons. And I used to do this as a kid, or even when I was a producer at CBS. Their trauma is so much worse than mine. [00:16:19] PF: We would call that top that woe. [00:16:22] AB: Yes, tap that woe. But, I mean, what if we imagine that like our woes are all equal? I's all collective, right? We're all energetic beings experiencing different things. But I’ve learned that it's not healthy to compare someone's trauma versus somebody else's. What you're experiencing is validated. And I want you to validate that for yourself and give yourself grace. We are all going through a collective trauma. Yes, it may look different for people. Some people may have lost a job. Some people may have lost a loved one. That's still loss. That's still grief. And that's meant to be processed. And so something that I can offer to get started, if you're not sure you know where can I first start accessing my authentic power and giving myself permission to feel, is walk yourself through the FEEL framework with so much love and compassion. Knowing that the first time that you do it is going to be very uncomfortable. And maybe it's only going to take a minute. But see how you feel after that minute. Give yourself baby steps. And I think that's the other thing that I want to say is that, as you know Paula. I’m an entrepreneur. I’m a type a personality. I like to get things done. I like to get things done quickly. But what I’ve learned in my healing journey is that it's completely opposite. There's no giant leaps to feeling better or spiritual healing. It's all about those baby, baby steps. And it goes back to the first day that I tried to meditate. Could only do it for 10 seconds. And I absolutely hated it. But I can say, if you're willing to take those baby steps and then be consistent with them, that is where the change makes. And I actually learned through my science and well-being course at Yale that if you can stick to being consistent with something for four weeks, you'll make it a habit. So one of the things that I had committed to during my time in the course was I’m going to make sure that I’m meditating every day for four weeks. And guess what? Like I barely missed a beat since I started that habit. It just becomes like brushing your teeth. So making small habitual changes, maybe it's a 10 second meditation, then it's bumped up to 20 seconds, then it's bumped up to 30 seconds. Maybe it's journaling once a week, then it's bumped up to two days a week. Or setting a timer to journal one minute, then a minute 30. It's all about those baby steps of progression. And then also, listening to your authentic power, which is that wisdom within you of what's going to work for me to heal. Like ask yourself that. Get a journal out today and say, "What does my heart need to heal? How is my heart feeling today?" Because I find when we ask ourselves these powerful questions and allow ourselves to free write and journal, you'll find that you already have the answers within you. You know what you need to do. Sometimes we just have to hear ourselves talk. [00:19:10] PF: Right. We need someone to tell us what to do, and that person to tell us is ourselves. [00:19:15] AB: That's exactly it. That's exactly it. And we are constantly, as a society, looking for and being marketed everywhere of this magic thing, this magic elixir, this person, this program, this course, this, this, this. But really, it's just you. It's you. You are the expert of your own life. You already hold the wisdom within. You know what you need to do to heal. Yes, you shall get doctors, and loved ones, and loving gentle care and support, and safe support surrounded, because connection is a part of healing. But that wisdom that you have is already within you. [00:19:48] PF: Terrific. Yeah, we just have to discover it and go a little deeper. And that's one thing I like about your book so much, is that you give different options. Like you really do give us – As you said, it's not one size fits all. And try on these different things. It's like going to a buffet. It's like you don't want everything on there. You're just like, "Hey, maybe I’m going to check this out and see how it works. And if I don't like it, I’ll try something else." [00:20:07] AB: Yeah. And if you don't like it, that's cool. Be nice to yourself. Say, "Well, I tried it. I’m gonna move on. Move on." Be kind to yourself as you're on this journey and experimenting with healing modalities. [00:20:18] PF: Absolutely. Now, obviously, this is a very heartfelt book. So what is it that you wish for the people who read it? [00:20:25] AB: Thank you so much. And I’ve gotten so much, I guess, praise from just people that are close to me, or friends of friends, or strangers about how they have appreciated my vulnerability and speaking my truth. And my hope is that by me speaking my truth, which was really really hard to do. I mean, I had to write about the night my dad died. And that was very healing for me. But also to speak that truth hoping that other people will know that it's okay to get vulnerable. That healing is possible. We can always have hope within us. And that you are the expert of your own life. That healing is always possible. And if you're going through a tough moment right now or a tough year right now, like many many of us are, one of the affirmations that I have in my book, and this is an affirmation I gave myself when I was going through Lyme disease and postpartum depression, is this is temporary. This moment is temporary. I didn't even believe it when I told myself that at the time, but I would affirm it every single day. And guess what? It turned out to be true. It turned out to be true. And that is such a testament to healing. And that these messy and uncomfortable moments and allowing ourselves to feel them, those moments are temporary in the same way that joy and sadness is temporary. So I guess that's a lot of messages. The bottom line is my hope is that people will find inspiration to explore healing modalities, access their own authentic power, and provide some hope as they go through their healing journey. [00:21:53] PF: Excellent. Well, Ashley, you give us a great – You make a great tour guide through this healing journey. So thank you for coming on the show and talking about it. And we're going to tell people how they can find your book, how they can learn more about you. And again, I just thank you for sitting down and talking with me about it. [00:22:09] AB: Oh, thank you so much for the opportunity, Paula. This has been such an incredible, and thoughtful, and insightful interview. [OUTRO] [00:22:20] PF: That was Ashley Bernardi, talking about discovering our authentic power. If you'd like to learn more about Ashley and her book, Authentic Power: Give Yourself Permission to Feel, or follow her on social media, visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast link. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. And until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Junior football team stacking hands before a match

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7 Tips for Creating Confidence in Kids

Self improvement doesn't necessarily mean we'll always win, but it does give us the opportunity to thrive. The most consistent finding in peak performance literature is the direct, positive relationship between confidence and success. Research doesn’t say success causes confidence, but it clearly tells us that outstanding performers are confident. Confidence is all about believing in ourselves. It’s having realistic faith that we can make anything happen, fulfill our dream, and reach our goal. Society teaches us we need to have successful results to become confident and it’s natural to pass that belief on to our kids and youth sport team members. But what if I said confidence can be created through an intentional process and doesn’t have to be solely based on winning the game, match, or tournament? Brain science tells us that confidence is a choice. Helping kids choose to create their confidence doesn’t guarantee they’ll always play great, but it does give them the best opportunity to perform closer to their potential (and have more fun). Apply the following seven tips for creating confidence in kids and youth sport team members: Reinforce and reward effort. Sometimes it’s easier to reinforce effort during practice than during competition when we naturally tend to focus more on outcomes, like making a goal in soccer. By creating a plan to emphasize effort during competition and reward effort after competition, you will increase levels of motivation and fun. HOW? Pre-determine regular intervals – like the end of a quarter or half-time – to check in with kids and ask them to rate their effort. Develop a system to reward effort, like a hustle award, and not just outcomes, such as stickers for making touchdowns. On the car ride home, ask younger kids if they tried their hardest and ask older kids to rate their effort on a scale of 1-10. Focus on self-improvement. One of the top three reasons kids play sports is to improve. To help kids improve, we need to create a mastery-oriented environment where they feel successful when they learn something new or experience skills improvement. A mastery-oriented environment is about “me vs. myself” rather than “me compared to others.” When kids improve skills, they also build their confidence. We can help kids accomplish both by creating optimal levels of challenge – or opportunities requiring them to stretch one level beyond their current skill or aptitude. We can model what we do after the video game industry, which gradually increases levels of challenge to keep kids engaged and builds skills and confidence in the process. HOW? Track and celebrate progression by charting and sharing important statistics in your sport. Ask kids to set up a practice activity, or game, to create their own level-up challenge. Record videos of kids swinging, throwing, shooting, etc. to show them visible skill-improvement over time. Celebrate the good and great. Emotions are like a highlighter on the brain. We best recall experiences attached to strong emotions, whether positive or negative. The more we help kids store positive memories by celebrating the good and great, the more they’ll be able to recall those positive memories the next time they need them. Keep in mind that celebrating may be visible “on the outside” in the form of a high-five or fist-bump, but it also happens “on the inside” through positive self-talk and imagery. HOW? Ask kids how they plan to celebrate the good and great. Have them show you how they plan to visibly celebrate and, for older kids, help them determine what they plan to imagine or say to themselves to help store positive memories. At the start of each practice, have team members show you how they’ll celebrate the good and great. During practice, or throughout the day, catch kids doing something right. Model and develop a growth mindset. Dr. Carol Dweck coined the phrase and wrote a book about the growth mindset, which is seen in kids who believe new skills can be developed through practice, embrace challenges as opportunities to learn, and think effort is essential. On the contrary, kids with a fixed mindset think skills are something you’re born with, avoid challenges out of fear of failure, and believe effort is something you do when you’re not good enough. Her research shows young people with a growth mindset continually outperform young people who have a fixed mindset. HOW? Be intentional about modeling the use of the phrases “YET” and “not YET.” Teach kids to use these phrases as they’re developing skills. For example: “I’m on the right track, but I’m not there YET.” “I may not be good at biking YET. But I will keep improving with practice.” Practice confident body posture. Research tells us our physiology can affect our psychology. That is, how we sit and stand, as well as our facial expressions, can trigger chemicals in our body which affect how we think and feel. For example: sitting up straight in a chair gives us more confidence in our thoughts; two minutes of power poses a day can boost feelings of confidence; and choosing to smile can help us feel happier. HOW? Have your child, or team members, create their own “power pose” – a physical position they stand in when they feel confident. Challenge them to use their power pose throughout practice or their school day. Lead an activity where kids experiment with different facial expressions. Ask them to notice how they feel. Encourage them to incorporate a facial expression into their power pose. Help team members develop and practice a confident walk. Ask them to think about a performer in their sport or activity who is confident – and then not confident – and walk around the room like they are that person. Give specific, skill-based feedback. Coaches tend to give a different type and frequency of feedback to players they perceive to have different levels of ability. When we have expectations that a young person is good or has the potential to be a high performer, we tend to give improvement focused feedback more often. On the flip side, when we believe a young person is not very good or doesn’t have potential, we give less feedback and it’s usually “good job” feedback that doesn’t help them improve. How we give feedback can contribute to a self-fulfilling prophecy where good performers get better, and poor performers don’t. HOW? Be intentional about giving specific, skill-based feedback in similar doses to each of your kids, or team members. Increase your awareness of how you give feedback by asking your spouse/significant other/coaching colleagues what they notice. Also, if you’re a coach, videotape yourself coaching in practice. At the end of a class or practice, take five minutes to get feedback from students, or team members. Ask what they learned today and what feedback you gave them that will help them improve. Listen to what they say and provide specific, skill-based feedback, if needed. Based on the day’s objectives, create a coaching/teaching cue card to carry in your pocket. Look at the card as a reminder to provide specific, skill-based feedback to each kid, or team member, regardless of their current skill level. Re-frame mistakes, or losing, as learning. There are countless stories about great performers who have failed, messed up, or lost hundreds or thousands of times. They’ve been coached, or learned on their own, that failures and setbacks are essential for growth and development. The more we can support kids as they make mistakes and help them reframe losing as learning versus losing as failing, the more they’ll persist and improve. Helping kids separate who they are from how they perform can increase their motivation and retention. HOW? Share examples of well-known athletes, artists, or musicians who “failed” before they become highly successful. For example, Hall of Famer, Michael Jordan, was cut from his high school basketball team; Thomas Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb; and Oprah Winfrey was once demoted from co-anchor to a writing and reporting position. Challenge kids to think about other sports or areas of life they’re currently good or great at. Ask them to share how good they were when they first started and what they’ve done to improve. Make the connection between effort, practice, and skill development. After every performance, tell your kids, or team members, how much you enjoyed watching them play, regardless of the outcome. Getting confidence from winning games, or hearing positive statements from others, is great when it happens. However, it’s almost always outside of our circle of control. By intentionally and consistently applying these seven tips for creating confidence, you can help your kids and youth sport team members CREATE CONFIDENCE today rather than WAIT TO GET CONFIDENCE that may never arrive. Beth Brown, Ph.D., is a life-long educator on a mission to inspire families and kids to have fun, become more active and learn life lessons through sports in her children’s book series Adventures with Divot & Swish. After picking up a basketball at age 2 and swinging her first golf club at age 8, Beth was hooked on sports. Her youth sport participation paved the way for her collegiate success as a member of the University of Oklahoma basketball and conference champion women’s golf teams.

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Transcript – The ‘FUN’damentals of Connecting With Scott Novis

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: The ‘FUN’damentals of Connecting With Scott Novis [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to Episode 347 of Live Happy Now. If you're looking to lead a healthier life this year, it's important to make sure you're getting your recommended daily allowance of fun. And today, we're going to tell you how to do that. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and this week, I'm joined by Scott Novis, a former Disney executive and founder of Bravous, a company that helps businesses improve employee experiences through live and virtual games. He's here today to talk about how he uses fun and games to create happier workplaces, and how you can use those same ideas to deepen connections and create more fun at home. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:39] PF: Scott, welcome to Live Happy Now. [00:00:41] SN: Hey, thanks for having me. [00:00:43] PF: We are excited to have you. This is going to be a really fun conversation, but also very meaningful, because you are all about those two things, really, connection, which is meaningful, and having fun. So, as we get started, tell us a little bit about what it is that you do? [00:01:00] SN: Well, it turns out those two things are related, very strongly related. What we do is, basically we help people play together, our experiences that I've done a lot of research into, particularly for adults, is how do we form friendships? And the way I like to think of it is that we want to host an event where you could make a friend. How do you do that? And so, a lot of, particularly with the number of companies that have gone to remote work, we're seeing people feeling more disconnected than ever. So, what we do is we host fun workshops that improve your culture and help you create healthier teams. [00:01:38] PF: Oh, that's fantastic. That's such a necessary component right now, because it is getting more and more difficult to connect. And it seems really odd that we live in a time where we can connect virtually with anyone, anywhere in the world, and we have never felt so disconnected. How do you start bridging that gap? [00:01:58] SN: That's a great question. So, some of it has to go back to the fundamentals, like how do we see connection? What is it and where's this coming from? And I love this great quote about loneliness is a sadness that comes from a lack of connection. So, we talked about people feeling disconnected, it's really kind of the sadness, like feeling alone. And what we've noticed is that, particularly in the remote work environment, because it's happening in my company. We went remote, like, “Okay, that's it.” COVID hit, everybody got home, got rid of the office, we're like, “This is great.” And then it was all tasks work all the time. The problem with that is, while we were productive for a while, one of my top employees left, and the thing that hit me in the face was none of this has anything to do with me, and it was that lack of personal interaction. I thought about the offices are like engineered to cause people to bump into each other. And the key psychology term that I've learned is called unstructured conversations. It's when we share, when we get to know each other, when we feel like somebody sees us and cares about us. And when we're just busy doing task work, you don't have those opportunities. So, we started setting out like, what do adults need for that environment? How do we create that environment online? What does it look like? And it was this awesome quote, my wife gave me the other day that said, “It's not enough to belong, you need to do things together, so your belonging has meaning.” Right? [00:03:31] PF: Yeah. [00:03:31] SN: So, you're like, well, we're doing housework, but are we really like working together? Here's the big thing, is it safe to fail? [00:03:42] PF: I love this because we did have the watercooler conversations, we had ways of interacting and we had micro moments. Barbara Fredrickson, in her book, Love 2.0 talks about the value of micro moments says, just walking to the cashier, talking to the person in the parking garage, talking to your coworker, just as you pass their cubicle office, whatever it is. And we took all that away and didn't think about what a void that was leaving. [00:04:10] SN: Huge. So, that gets down to like, how do you feel in a micro moment? You can’t, so you can just be yourself. You can relax. But in a work environment where it's task oriented, it's the number one thing and all the surveys of all the companies we've worked with, I'll go through, is your work meaningful? All these other things. And it was a yes, yes, yes. We've gotten really good at those things. They go, “What happens if you make a mistake?” Boom, it's like, “Oh, that's career ending. Nobody can make a mistake.” What happens in an environment like that is you can't be vulnerable. As Brené Brown said, “Vulnerability is the past connection flows along.” So, we need to create a space where you either can't fail, or it's utterly irrelevant, which is what play is about when we play and we can be open. And there's a really interesting thing about play. If I was going to teach you a class, all the science says that you're going to adapt your behavior to my expectations because I'm the teacher and you’re the student. We all got indoctrinated to that. We all went to school, we all grew up with that. But when we play, you can only be yourself. So, when people get together in teams, all of those impressions and that armor goes away, because you're so busy playing, you forget who you're trying to impress, you're just caught up in the moment. And that creates that openness, where people can participate. And so, we really try to focus on games that are either cooperative, collaborative, or really, really try to minimize competition, because competition, and this is probably where a lot of your listener stress comes from, is, we're so focused on excellence and competition and everything else. Well, that is kryptonite to vulnerability, that is kryptonite to openness. And so, we're trying, when we create our workshops in our programs, we do things where it's like, “Hey, we got to have a safe place for you to not worry about the outcome.” That's one of the reasons like we do a lot of stuff with video games, because like, who's going to take that seriously? [00:06:07] PF: Well, this is really an exceptional approach to things because as adults, we naturally start distancing from play. It just is something we decide. We're adults now we have to get serious. And, you know, I know in the past in live happy, we've talked about the importance of play and it's really difficult for a lot of adults to grasp how important that is because we think we're supposed to be serious or we think there's this amount of time for play. Okay, now, let's get back to work. So, tell me about your approach to it and how you've developed your programs for us to interact with one another in a fun way? [00:06:45] SN: I love it. Thank you. And I think for your audience, in particular, women have particular challenges in the workplace today, because they're hit with a couple of different things about expectations of like effortless perfection. So, you have this, I can't make a mistake. Play feels fruitless, I want to be taken as a serious person that can make a difference. And then you're supposed to be perfect. Where's the stress, right? So how do we do it? So first, like one of the number one thing, if your audience takes nothing else away from this would be try to form a fun committee at your office. I've heard it called different things, love enjoys, connection committees, I try to stay away from overly corporate names something just a little silly so people don't think they have to come in with a checklist and a bunch of stuff to do. But what we do is what's embodied in that is we want to create a safe space, where developing better relationships with the people we work with is a priority. And so, when we move that to the front, now, what we're moving ourselves into, and I find this is really effective for a lot of people, especially if they have a nurturing mentality, if they're oriented to taking care of others, the fun committee becomes about how do we help our people connect? What's magic about that is the first people's needs are going to be met by that committee, or the people that most need to connect, that's who's going to volunteer, that's who's going to want to be on it. If their needs are going to be met, because now they're actually spending time not working, but getting to connect with each other. The next layer of that is there's increasing numbers of tools. I could talk about each one, but like you're seeing Zoom is starting to do this now where they've added games to the Zoom calls. How about that? To companies like us where we do a complete turnkey service with professional commentators. Because look, even executives, sorry, you can't host your own trivia. It's too stressful for you, the employees. It's like there's all these complexities of instead of it being this fun things, it becomes this weird, stilted like, “Do I really want to reveal to my boss how ignorant I am about this stuff I don't care about?” Bringing in a host, it's about creating a safe space. The term is psychological safety. We want to create a space where it's safe for you to make a mistake. And we understand that adults need permission to play. They need time. You've got to give them space to sort of gradually walk their way in, it's a progression. Because it's risky. Do you know what everybody else is saying? Other people? Am I going to be judged? How's this going to go down? What's going to happen? And so, the committee is that great step, the best things that can happen because an organization is endorsing. We care. We care about our people. And honestly, it makes business sense, because people are not loyal to companies. They're the people that work with. The people have relationships with. [00:09:36] PF: What does a fun committee consist of? How do you pick one and who's going to be on it and what do they then do? [00:09:42] SN: Great question. So, we had to do this internally. Because we realized we were losing people like what's going on and it’s all about connection, like how do we miss this? So, we started asking our employees. Step one, survey your team, and you probably don't even have to survey them to know who are the extroverts? Who are the people that just love? Like at the water cooler? Or that imaginary water cooler? They would stay on the Zoom call for 10 extra minutes to find out your kid, your dog, what did you do this weekend? When you put the call out, you're going to find somebody who's going to be a champion for this because they're craving that interaction. And then the next step is making sure it's cross department across discipline, is if you're doing it for – if you’re a giant company, it's obviously probably too much. But you know, it goes pretty far, right? So, like our fun committee is from sales and operations and finance, it's about six people cut across the whole company and their focus, and I have a monthly meeting and their agenda is planning quarterly events that will bring the staff together and get them to engage and share. And again, our goal is to create these unstructured, unplanned conversations. So, we're all doing something together. But during that time, it's not so – we’re not trying to hit the dopamine, I got to check a box, get a task done. We're trying to create that environment where there's enough space for people to chat, and people to talk. One piece of advice I strongly encourage is get everybody a camera, got to have cameras. We need to see each other's eyes. And what's so different than Zoom and why we use games, we play games. So, we have a whole host of games that you don't need to install anything on your computer. They're super trivial to play, like, what we tell our people is like your mom has to be able to play this. Right? [00:11:34] PF: That simple or? [00:11:36] SN: Yeah, that's simple, because the game isn't – both, right? Is it's got to feel inclusive, like inclusivity is like our highest value, we say yes, you can play. So, the number one answer to the question is, can I play? Yes. We thought about it, we worked on it. So, your team that's doing this, like one of their next objectives as they're sort of planning events is to start thinking about how does everybody participate, and there's huge opportunity and room for growth, but there's already games and platforms out there. Some of them are a little silly and goofy, but that's okay. The more important thing is, and this is what's different than Zoom, and Zoom, we don't know where to look, and that's a weird thing for humans, like our capacity to see our eyes like we're the only animal scholar, white to the eyes. We watch each other's eyes to know what's important to look at. We're constantly broadcasting nonverbal cues back and forth. And in Zoom, everybody's looking in different directions. [00:12:33] PF: right. Mostly, they're looking at themselves to see like, “Oh my god, can you see that?” [00:12:37] SN: Oh, for sure. And there's a whole unhealthy narcissistic thing about that – when we play a game, I now am directing your attention at an activity, especially if it's a video game, because the graphics are going to fill your screen. And now you're doing something together and you're in sync. Once you get in sync, now the conversations become more natural, they become more, “Oh, alright.” Now, I'm lucky, I work at a video game company. Everybody in my company has a Nintendo Switch. So, we can play really cool games. We can play things like Overcooked or we can play Mario Kart. We could get into these things. The way I rationalize it is, I am in a video game company, and two, do you know what it costs to fly anybody anywhere today? [00:13:25] PF: This is a much, much more affordable way of connection. [00:13:31] SN: Yeah. It's like, “Hey, let's find a way to do this.” Like our tech support supports your game console. How cool is that? If you can’t get in the game, we'll get you in the game. [00:13:40] PF: Some leaders are saying, yes, I know, we've got to do this. We've got to bring people together. But playing games. Yes, it's important, but then we're going to cut it off. It's like, I've worked with a company that does something very similar. They have a monthly meeting. And it's like that one hour is fun. It's done. And so, what about that? How do you continue that keep that kind of mindset going? Where things are yes, we're working, but it does need to be playful, and it does need to be fun and we do need to have some sort of emotional release valve. [00:14:14] SN: So yeah, it's certainly the capstone is a hosted event, right? When you're doing an event, everybody’s like, “Yeah, we're playing, it's fun, we cut it off.” What we are big believers in is habits. One of the things we do at our company and big advocates is the standing Friday coffee meeting, make it if you can. We have basically a dedicated time for people to check in with each other and we're not – work comes up, but what we're trying to do is we've human connection through our communication channels. So, for example, we're a big Slack company. Two super important channels for us are people headlines and raise a hand and I, as an owner, love the raise a hand channel, because they're not like giving me suggestions. People are reasoning and going, “I need help, something's broken.” And it takes a lot of courage, that goes company wide. It takes a lot of courage to stand up in front of every gun, “Hey, there's a problem.” And our behavior is we're going to swarm it and fix it. The person's not the problem. There's a situation that's the problem. Then the person needs help. So, that becomes another way that we support each other. And then the flip side is the headlines channel, as like somebody did an outstanding job, employees can give shout outs that go across the whole company with all these cool reactions and things people do. We're now getting a flavor, a slice of what's happening, what we used to hear in the office like, it boils down to one word, intentionality. Offices were designed and engineered to create social interaction, the watercooler, open planning, yeah, we hated tubes. But what was going on? Those were unstructured conversations that we got to know people's preferences and what they were about and what they did. And so, what we're talking about is, these are some of the tasks that the fun committee can begin to look to be intentional saying, where else can we create opportunities for awareness and connection. So, people feel like, not only they belong, but they are doing something together. The fun activity is a great one. Weekly coffee, share time, and you know, it can be 15 to 20 minutes, it doesn't have to be a lot of time. It's that water cooler time, you can call your water cooler meeting, “Hey, we're having a water cooler meeting show up.” And I really encourage leaders make the time, because there's so much you can't hear through headphones. I mean, just through the work grind, through the meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, like sometimes you just want to sit back and eavesdrop and listen to people talk to each other, how often do you actually get to hear people talk to each other anymore? [00:16:48] PF: Because when you are working remotely, it does feel like you're just checking off like, “Okay, I just got to get through my to-do list.” And you don't have that natural break in activity and little shift in your mindset that we received when we were working in an office. [00:17:03] SN: And here's the real risk, we're in the middle of the great resignation, is companies are now converting their entire work staff to Fiverr and Upwork employees. Because if I really spend no time with anybody else, and all I'm doing is task work, then I'm happy to do that task for a little more money and slightly better benefits somewhere else. I literally saw that play out is after we had kind of gone through this process and really work through it. Somebody came after our marketing director, super awesome. We'd love him, didn't want to believe. And it came down to the people, is like the team he had built and the connections he had, he just couldn't imagine doing that at the other company and he decided to stay with us. And that was just like, it was such a huge, like vote of confidence and everybody, was a lift for everybody like, wow, we we really do like each other like we really do get along, we really do believe in what we're doing. And how do you put a dollar value on that? I know what it cost me to lose that person in terms of salary and everything else. And if you took just that budget, go pick one of your key people and delete them. There's your budget, what are you going to spend to make sure that doesn't happen? I know that that's easy to say for me, because I can make a decision like that. But a really small level, one of the things that anyone can do, anyone can do is I think make the suggestion, form a fun committee. Do it on our own time, we're happy to do it during lunchtime, and think of other ways to create these channels for people to interact. Especially if you can have events where you get people doing activities and fun things even if they're not fun together. Sometimes even a bad experience could be like, “Hey, we talked about it. Don't do that. That was a dumb game.” We played some awful games. We have sampled a lot of stuff and there are somethings where – [00:18:56] PF: This isn’t working. [00:18:57] SN: They’re like, “What? What were they thinking? They’ve just stolen all of our life, we can’t get it back.” That's one of the resources we love to make available to your office is what's available out there and what they can do, and a playbook for forming the fun committee. [00:19:11] PF: So, I love what you say about like anyone could do it. Because not everyone who listens has a company or is in a position to be like, passing down, here's what we're going to do. So how do you do a grassroots fun committee? How can you start that, whether you're working remotely or working face to face right now? [00:19:28] SN: So, I have to speculate a little bit because in my company, actually, here's what happened. They brought it to me. Right? They're like, we need a fun committee. So, after that first experience for somebody left that felt totally disconnected, and we were all like looking at each other, it was one of my rank and file employees came and said we need a fun committee. We were in a video game business so they were like, “Yeah, fun of course.” We can't be in the fun business and not know what fun is. That would really hypocritical. But we ended up there. It's easy to get there for all the reasons you pointed out. So, bringing a proposal, so I'm an owner, this cost me nothing. It addresses a core concern in the business and the people that are really most affected by it are the people that want to be on this committee and do something about it. That was an easy, “Yes.” Sure, there's times where we've done a lot of things that we're afraid, there's times that come and ask for a budget, but it's always been, I go back to my rule of thumb, what would it cost me to fly one of my employees from Virginia, Kansas City, or Minneapolis to Phoenix for a face to face meeting? Okay, if I use that budget, I can engage my entire team, in a fun activity, done. Why is it so easy to buy plane tickets? We’ll buy plane tickets all day long, maybe it's because it's an expense category. But what about, hey, I'm going to use that expense to create connection. And the part I think some leaders struggle with, and maybe it's because this would be the biggest advice I give to the fun committee, because they did it for me, is the leader doesn't have to do anything, they just have to show up. So, that's where having somebody else has somebody else, why do we hire outside facilitators, it's really hard to be on the team and manage the team. And so, when you do these fun events, is you want to factor that in, is putting the burden on a team member to lead everybody, you can do it. But if you can find somebody outside the organization to do it, it pays bonuses, because people can just relax. They can just kick back and enjoy themselves. [00:21:33] PF: That's awesome. We know that play and fun is good for you. Can you address that a little bit? What does it do for us emotionally, and with our productivity? [00:21:43] SN: So, what I know about play is that it triggers internal motivation. So, we call intrinsic, not extrinsic. Dan Pink wrote a great book on it called Drive if you want to know more. But what play really allows us to do and it turns out, there's actual neural circuitry in our heads to facilitate play. So, this evolved for a very important reason. Play is the system where we find the boundaries of our capability. It really boils down to something Amy Edmondson talked about called impression management, is it's a natural outcome. We want to know what to do, we want to know how to do it. So, what happens when uncertainty hits us, and time pressure? We may not know what to do, and we may not be able to do it, but we clam up and we just get stiff, we choke. Play takes that pressure off and allows us to experiment and explore it. That's actually the space for most creativity flows from it. So, play lets us find the edge, lets us find the boundaries. Play lets us go would it be dumb if – well, let's try it. Where you get in that space is when you get back to play, it really engages that little thing in the back of your head that gets you all stressed out. Because well wait a minute, relax. There's nothing at stake here. Once we're in that relaxed space, our cognitive capacity shoots through the roof along with that our creative ability. We're able to think laterally. There are two types of intelligence and they're orthogonal. They're not related to each other. Linear, this is your classic school fix test. I think Ken Robbins talked about. There's one answer, it's in the back of the book. That's your linear intelligence. But in today's work environment where things change constantly, we need opening or that like, what else could this be? Where else could we go? There's not one answer, there's many answers. Play is the door we walk through to open up into our more divergent, as opposed to convergent intelligence. We're suffering from too much convergent intelligence is that we get tied in a little box, we can't get out of it and stressful. We go into play, we can diverge, and try lots of different things, and that carries over into the work we do. [00:24:08] PF: And this has so many great benefits for us, it helps our work. But it seems like this is something we could also use to bring our friends and family together. Like we could apply this same kind of mentality to connect with our loved ones that we're not seeing. So, how can we translate that into our personal space? [00:24:28] SN: Oh, 100%. I would tell you that what we found and it seems so silly, but it's real. Planning events is hard. And it sounds like, “Oh, we'll just get together.” But what you can do is take the leadership. So, one of the bonuses for like a fun committee is once you start researching what tools are out there to bring people together that do things together, you can take them home because they're not expensive. Some of them are free. And planning a call, setting up a call, and saying we're going to play a game together, we're going to do this together, we're going to structure something we can all share in, I think the big thing that is isn't obvious. Adults actually need permission to play and they get it from their peers. So, one of the other things that you can do is if you can make it safe for me to play, then I can make it safe for you to play. Setting that up being the host and leading that, my experience is people really appreciate it. It makes a huge difference for them and it creates the connections we're creating. [00:25:33] PF: This is terrific. I'm really excited that you're doing this. This is something that we can share with our listeners, I know that you're giving us a download to help them create a fun committee and understand how to do that. Scott as we wrap up, what do you wish for each person out there listening? [00:25:50] SN: The one thought I'd really like to leave your audience with is, you can make a difference, because you care about the people you work with. You can make a difference because you understand how important it is for people to play and get to know each other. You can make a difference because it only takes one person to stand up and be brave, you can make a difference. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:26:20] PF: That was Scott Novis talking about how to improve your life by adding fun and games to the mix. If you'd like to learn more about Scott, download a free fun committee toolkit or follow him on social media. Just visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast link. A reminder, we still have some great deals on our exclusive Live Happy merch. Through January 14, you can visit the Live Happy store and get 20% off everything in the store. Just enter the code happy2022. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all new episode. And until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every, day a happy one [END]

Lifestyle shot of a woman cooking breakfast food on the stove.

Well-Being

5 Sustainable New Year Intentions That Stick

Reach your health goals in 2023 by practicing these lifestyle changes Nothing is more synonymous with the new year than coming up with resolutions. Every new year we get motivated and set about making goals to better ourselves. Many resolutions revolve around our health and taking care of our bodies, but will we be doing these “healthy” practices six months from now? Most likely we won’t since only four percent of people actually stick to their New Year’s resolutions. Why is this? The goals and practices that we set for ourselves in January simply aren’t sustainable. If you want to be able to keep your resolutions, the key is to set goals that you’ll be able to maintain. Here are five ways to help you transform your health in 2023 with sustainable lifestyle practices. 1. Eat a higher-protein breakfast Many resolutions tend to revolve around more healthful eating. However, it can be incredibly challenging to change one’s diet overnight. Cutting out processed fat, sugar and otherwise unhealthy food can be beneficial, but going cold turkey and maintaining a new, strict diet could be setting yourself up for failure. Instead, start by altering your diet with a higher protein breakfast. A study published in the International Journal of Obesity showed that eating a high-protein breakfast, can help control glucose levels, thereby providing a more healthful lifestyle. High protein breakfasts include foods such as eggs, turkey bacon, string cheese, Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, chicken sausage or protein shakes (be careful of hidden sugars here) coupled with one serving of whole grain carbohydrates. 2. Physical activity Working out is a common New Year’s resolution, the trouble is that people try to go from zero to 60 the first week of January. It simply doesn’t work that way and can lead to fatigue and even injury. It’s best to ease into physical activity. The American Heart Association recommends that healthy adults get 150 minutes (30 minutes, five days a week) of aerobic activity. Try to go for a 30-minute walk after dinner a few days a week and work up to five days. Or, if you can’t walk for 30 minutes straight, start by breaking it out into three 10-minute walks or two 15-minute walks. The idea is to simply get started, but in a more sustainable way. Additionally, a recent study found that physical inactivity is associated with higher risk for severe COVID-19 outcomes, so getting in some moderate exercise could be crucial during this time. 3. Optimize sleep Sleep is when your body rests and repairs itself. By including sleep on your resolutions list, you can feel good about squeezing in some extra hours or even a nap. The CDC recommends that adults ages 18-60 get seven or more hours of sleep per night. Not only that, but if one of your resolutions is weight loss, a study showed that people sleeping 8.5 hours a night compared to 5.5 hours lost 55 percent more body fat while consuming the exact same diet. Plus, lack of sleep or burnout may increase risk of COVID-19 infection, so getting those extra ZZZs can be imperative to your health. 4. Optimize vitamin D Vitamin D is a vital nutrient that helps your body maintain healthy bones, is an anti-inflammatory, an antioxidant and protects muscle and brain activity. Taking a vitamin D supplement is a completely sustainable resolution that can have a tremendous impact on your health. Not only that, but a study showed that vitamin D deficiency was associated with a six-fold increase in severe disease from COVID-19 and 15-fold risk of death, so this is a healthful, timely and easy resolution. 5. Reduce exposure to synthetic chemicals Obesogens are synthetic chemicals that disrupt the endocrine system and may lead to weight gain and obesity as well as hinder your body’s natural immune response. They are being let loose at astonishing rates into our environment, with 10 million new chemicals released each year, which is more than 1,000 per hour. The five obesogens most commonly found in the home are Bisphenol-A (BPA), Phthalates, Atrazine, Organotins and Perfluorooctanoic Acid (PFOA). Reducing exposure to these chemicals is as simple as paying attention to the types of products you use or bring into your home, making it an easy resolution to keep. If you’re not sure of your current exposure level, you can ask your healthcare provider for an Array 11 test. The Array 11 test measures a large range of environmental chemical toxins that are found in your system. This will let you know what type of exposure you’ve already had, and then as you make adjustments, follow-up tests make it easy to monitor progress of exposure reduction. These lifestyle changes can make your resolutions stick As you start making your New Year’s resolutions, remember that sustainable resolutions are best. It’s tempting to set ambitious goals, but that’s a sure way to get resolution burnout and set yourself up for failure. There are some easy things you can do to transform your health and lifestyle in 2023 without setting the bar astronomically high. Making simple adjustments like eating a high-protein breakfast and getting enough sleep are easy to do and easy to maintain. Try incorporating the five resolutions above for a new year that will effectively and simply transform your health. Dr. Chad Larson, NMD, DC, CCN, CSCS, Advisor and Consultant on Clinical Consulting Team for Cyrex Laboratories. Dr. Larson holds a Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine degree from Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine and a Doctor of Chiropractic degree from Southern California University of Health Sciences. He is a Certified Clinical Nutritionist and a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist.

Podcast

Coaching Your Brain for Happiness With Joseph O’Connor

It’s the start of a brand-new year, and many of us use this time to set new goals. This week’s guest tells us how we can use neuroscience to coach our brains for happiness. Joseph O’Connor is co-founder of the International Coaching Community and author of 19 books on coaching, training, and neuroscience. His newest book, Coaching the Brain, offers insights into how you use brain coaching techniques and emotional intelligence to create a happier, more fulfilling life. In this episode, you'll learn: The difference between brain coaching and therapy. The importance of memories in being happy. What it means to become “well-stressed.” Links and Resources Website: coachingthebrain.com LinkedIn: @josephlambent Facebook: @jospeh.oconnor.coach Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:

Podcast

Transcript – Harnessing the Power of Your Breath With Josh Trent

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Harnessing the Power of Your Breath With Josh Trent [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to Episode 343 of Live Happy Now. No matter where you are right now, we're all doing the same thing, breathing. And this week, we're going to teach you how to do it better. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and this week, I'm joined by Josh Trent, the founder of Wellness Force Media, host of the Wellness Force podcast, and creator of the BREATHE: Breath & Wellness Program. Josh has spent the past 19 years as a trainer, researcher and facilitator, discovering the physical and emotional intelligence we need to thrive in today's modern world. He's here with me to talk about how our breath affects our physical and mental well-being, and offer timely tips for using your breath to get through a hectic holiday season. Josh, welcome to Live Happy Now. [00:00:48] JT: Thank you for having me, Paula. [00:00:51] PF: We are talking about something that we think we all know about, which is breathing. But even though it's something we do from the time that we're born, I was surprised as an adult to find out how little I actually knew about breathing. So before we dive in and get our master class from you in and breath work, can you explain what it is? [00:01:12] JT: So breathing is a lot like meditation. But the difference between breathing and meditation is breath, work and breathing, it's this skill that you cultivate over time. But unlike meditation, really what breathwork is, is, it's an active form of clearing your mind and centering your body that is going to produce immediate feedback. And this is the key differentiator. So this is what lets go of stress and to calm the monkey mind is really important to literally change the way that your body responds or reacts to stress coming in. I like to say that breath work is the only autonomic or automatic lever that we can pull that actually can modulate our stress. [00:01:51] PF: And it's such an incredible tool, because we're using it whether we realize it or not, when we start rapid breathing in anxious situation. So we're kind of doing it in the dark side of the breathing. So we're using our breath regardless of whether or not we realize it, is that correct? [00:02:07] JT: Absolutely. The challenge that we all deal with is that most of us – And if you look at many of the PubMed studies and scientific research, most of us are breathing incorrectly. And I know for first audio, people might be like, “Wait, what do you mean I'm breathing wrong? I breathe all day long.” [00:02:22] PF: I've been doing it for years. [00:02:24] JT: Yeah, I'm breathing right now. But the key is, we are adaptive creatures. We are adaptive human beings. And so whether you're spiritual or scientific, you don't need a report card to know that when you do breathing and breath work properly, you feel different. You are more happy. You have less anxiety. You have less depression, right? Anxiety is a focus on the future. Depression, rumination on the past. So what brings us to the current moment doesn't mean that we're on a cliff, wearing a white robe, chanting. What brings us to the current moment is the way that we can modulate with our autonomic nervous system, and we can get into that, how our breath can help us modulate our stress and really melt away the stress, because stress is essentially energy. And emotion is energy in motion. So when we have energy that is stuck in the body, literally and figuratively, the best thing we can do is breathe. Because we can actually start to modulate and remove, let go have that stress without having to take a pill, without having to do something unhealthy. So it's a really wonderful tool that I personally have been using for the past seven years. And there is a deep, rich scientific body about the benefits of breathwork as well. [00:03:31] PF: Yeah. I want to dive into that. But I'd like to hear more about your journey as well. How did you discover this? What was it that drew you to it? [00:03:39] JT: You know, what drew me to the breath was my own anxiety. So I was actually born, and my mom struggled with manic bipolar. And so for anyone that's dealt with that personally or even familiarly, when you have a headquarters as a child that is not safe, or maybe vacillates, or changes, the challenge is to feel safe in your own body. And so breathwork is a very somatic practice. And when I found it, I was actually working with a guy named Mark Devine. He's an ex-Navy SEAL commander. And I was doing some breath work with a bunch of special operations people at a conference. And I could not imagine seeing this with so many tears as I had. I started crying. I didn't know what was going on. It was just like a tremendously surreal experience. And I later found out that our tissues literally store energy. And you can look at Bruce Lipton's work, or even Joe Dispenza’s work. Our issues are where we store – Really, they're stored in the tissues. Our issues are stored in the tissues. So when I was moving that chi, or that prana, that energy that we call here in the West, through breath, I actually was able to have a cathartic process in the breath, and I was hooked. That was 2015 or so. And since then, it's just been a deep dive for myself personally and for my global students as well. [00:04:53] PF: Yeah, you've done a tremendous job of building this up in such a short time, and you're such an excellent presenter of what it does. So let's get into that. Let's talk about and start with our physical state, and talk about what using our breath can do for our physical well-being. [00:05:09] JT: So one of the best ways that I describe this, maybe if somebody is just starting their breathwork practice. Your diaphragm – So we'll go to the physiology first. The benefits of breathwork, starting with the physical state, is that when it comes to well-being, we have a very ancient system, and it's called the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve attaches all the way from the back of the cranium, all the way down the spine, and it innervates around what's called our enteric nervous system. And also, it has nerve endings in our diaphragm. So the beauty of doing conscious connected breathing, which is what we teach in our BREATHE: Breath & Wellness Program, when you breathe properly, with the right muscles, the right technique and the right posture, you start to do what's called vagal toning. You tone your vagus nerve. The primary function of the vagus nerve – It has many functions, but one of its primary functions is to modulate our parasympathetic and our sympathetic branches of that autonomic or that automatic nervous system I was talking about. So whether you're a scientist or not, basically, there's two sides of this nervous system. One of them is fight and flight, one of them is rest and digest. So when we have a proper use of breathwork, through the diaphragm, we are literally physically pushing on those nerve endings that tone our vagus nerve, which allows us over time to have what's called more vagal tone. The higher we have vagal tone, the more adaptive we are, the more resilient we are as human beings, as men and women, to stress. And so that's just the primary function of breathwork. But the ancillary benefits are so beautiful. Not to mention just being in the current moment, which is the best place ever. But there are certain things that breathwork can do like increasing nitric oxide. Respiration, by the way, 70% of how we cleanse the body of toxins is through breath. The other 30% is bladder and bowels. So this nitric oxide stimulation, this also helps protect the cells from oxidative stress. Now, this is a type of stress that's oxidative for the reasons that our body ages faster when it appears in larger quantities. So reducing oxidative stress through breath holds. This is what has been shown to reduce this process, to literally slow the aging process. And then the last thing I'll mention is it's really freedom from the stress of the default mode network. The default mode network is a very ancient system that's also tied in to the amygdala. The amygdala communicates with that vagus nerve that I mentioned before. So when we're doing our conscious connected breathing, and we're pushing on those nerve endings, and we're doing our diaphragmatic breathing and our belly breathing, essentially, the default mode network gets turned down. The volume of that mental access in our brain gets turned down. Now the default mode network is it's a part of our brain, it's the prefrontal cortex, the posterior cingulate, and also the amygdala. This is what activates when you're trying to do a myopic task. So if anybody out there has ever felt like, “Gosh! I literally can't focus. I have brain fog. I can't seem to finish my report. Or I can't seem to focus at work.” Promise, from me, and 1000s of people that have done this breathwork for a program, it's the only way to really send to yourself without caffeine, without drugs, without all these things that really aren't always needed in the current moment. So those are some of the physiological benefits, the default mode network, the vagal toning. And really getting us here right now, which is where all the good things happen anyways. [00:08:36] PF: And what is the proper way to breathe? If someone's saying, “Okay, I'm in my car right now, and I'm breathing wrong.” And maybe they're feeling a little tense, or maybe they just know they're going into a meeting and they're going to feel tense. What is the proper way to breathe? How do we start this? [00:08:52] JT: So I'll give an analogy and then I'll go right to your question. The analogy is this, if anybody out there is parents – And, Paula, I don't know if you have children, or if you have maybe cousins, or nieces, or nephews at all. [00:09:03] PF: I have nieces and nephews. [00:09:04] JT: Great. So you know that when a child is very young, children are very happy. They haven't had a lot of life that is experienced for them to believe that they're not safe or that they're not happy. Look at how children breathe. The answers are always found in nature. When you have a child and that child is two years or less, they naturally breathe through their nose. Now why is that? Right? Why is it when a child breathes through their nose that they're happy? It's because that is how nature designed us to breathe. And I tested this, by the way. I have a five-month-old son. I plugged his nose really quickly and he started to choke. And it validated – Of course I let go after a second. [00:09:46] PF: Yeah, I’m assuming. [00:09:46] PF: I wasn't choking my son or anything? But I noticed that because it validated all the scientific literature that I had researched in creating the program and I thought, “Wow! If it's good enough for my child, it's good enough for me.” And when we breathe properly through our nose, everyone should be inhaling smoothly through their nose. And we can try this right now. If you just release your jaw, wherever you are – It's totally safe to do this while you're driving. We're not going to do a deep cathartic process. Wherever you are, roll your jaw around five to six times. So roll your jaw around five to six times and just release any pressure you feel in your jaw. We carry a lot of stress in our jaw. Roll your neck around a few times, keeping your eyes on the road, being safe. And just feel for a moment that all the stress you carried on your eyes, on your cheeks, on your jaw, and your neck and shoulders, just let that go. Take as much time as you need. And I want you to practice doing with me right now six, circular, conscious, connected breaths. Imagine there's a balloon behind your belly button. Every time you breathe in through your nose, I want you to fill a balloon behind your belly button. So let's just do one together now. Inhale through your nose, fill a balloon behind your belly button. And let it go. When you let it go, you obviously naturally let it go through your mouth. Let's do two more together. Watch your belly go out as you breathe in through your nose. Inhale, belly goes out. Exhale, belly falls. One more time. In through your nose, and breathe out. Now doing that six times without a stop at the top or bottom, that is called a conscious connected circular breath. When you breathe conscious and connected, and you fill your belly, like there's a balloon inside of it, you actually are pushing on those nerve endings that we talked about when it comes to the vagus nerve and vagal toning. So that is the number one way that we can all learn how to breathe. Now from there, that's the baseline, obviously. And there's lots of postural techniques, and training, and training the right muscles, and training the right posture, how you sit, how you stand. But the beginning of it all is actually identifying, “Am I a horizontal breather? Or am I a vertical breather?” Or this is the third, am I a reverse breather? So I learned this from Dr. Belisa Vranich. She is a very renowned specialist. She wrote Breathing for Warriors. I was one of her students. And in my journey, I found that a lot of the clients I would work with, they actually had, Paula, a reverse breathing pattern. Now the best way to know that is remember when I was guiding us there through those circular breaths, if you take a breath in, if you're breathing in through your nose, and your bellies going flat, you're a reverse breather. [00:12:29] PF: Oh, no. I'm a reverse breather, Josh. [00:12:30] JT: Okay. Well, then we would need to work on that if you're one of my students. So what we want to do is when we breathe in through our nose, as we inhale through our nose, we want our belly to fill. So inhaling through the nose, belly fills. Exhaling through the mouth, belly collapses. And it doesn't matter your state of health. Everyone can do this slow conscious connected breathing. So that's a great place to start. And then also, what we talked about in the program, is identifying if you're a vertical or a horizontal breather. Vertical breathers, they raise their shoulders when they breathe. They're breathing into their neck in their collarbones. They're literally bypassing. They're shutting off all the health benefits of doing that belly breath and really breathing through the diaphragm. So that's a really great starting place as far as how do we breathe correctly? And I'll tell you, I guarantee somebody said, “Hmm, I'm probably not breathing correctly right now.” So that's a good starting place. [00:13:22] PF: And how much time do we need to spend on this? Is it something we like to have a practice if we're going to do a breathwork practice? Because, honestly, let's face it, it's like, “Okay, if I can choose learning to breathe versus learning to meditate, this is way easier and faster.” So how much time do we need to invest in it? And is this something we work on daily throughout the day? How do we do this? [00:13:46] JT: I found that when I traveled the world, I went to Copenhagen for 30 days. I trained heavily for a month there. I went to Sedona. I went to Costa Rica. I went to Arizona. I mean, I traveled around. And I learned from all these masters, both ancient styles and contemporary. And what I found was, you can do breath in 3, 5, 7 or 10 minutes a day. That's all you really need to start getting these benefits. A lot of what has been popularized, Paula, is this cathartic breathing. And I'm sure maybe we've seen it online where there's people like breathing really heavy and their bodies are flailing around. That's fine. I think there's a time and a place for that. And I definitely recommend that people do it with a qualified practitioner. But when it comes to the other two phases of breath work, one of them is acute breathwork and the other one is meditative, or proactive. Acute breathwork can be done in one to three minutes. You do not need more than one or three minutes to do a very specific style of breathing. And there's many, many, many that we talked about in the program, because so many people deal with different varieties of stress, anxiety, stage fright, relationship, things like this. There's breathing for sleep. There's breathing for creativity. There's breathing to ground you. There's breathing to bring you up into your creative center in your brain. But everyone, everyone can do the acute style breathing in about one to three minutes. Obviously, that second phase is a little bit longer. Some of the practices that we have guided in the program are more around seven minutes. And then some of them lead up to actually 21 minutes. And I'll say this, if you have trouble meditating, the best and most powerful thing you can do is learn how to breathe properly for three minutes with the acute, and for maybe 7 to 10 minutes with the proactive, or the wellness breathing. That's the most powerful thing you can do for people that can't meditate is actually learn breath work first. Because as you learn the breath work, you'll be able to be more still, and you'll be more clear, and then you can meditate. [00:15:40] PF: And so we know it's doing great things for us physically. And we know in that moment, it releases that stress. What does it do for us long term? And how does that affect our emotional state? [00:15:52] JT: So the major impact of this is we'll go back to the default mode network. And there was actually a study done, and I can link this for the show notes here, and it's titled Default Mode Network, Meditation, and Age-Associated Brain Changes. What can we learn from the impact of mental training on well-being as a psychotherapeutic approach? And what they found was the default mode network showed a high level of simultaneous activation during rest, while their activity diminishes during the performance of goal-directed tasks. In other words, we were able to be in the present moment when we're consciously practicing this breath work over time. As you know, the default mode network is a scanning mechanism. And so if we are constantly in a state of stress, we're constantly scanning. We have elevated cortisol. We're in that sympathetic branch of the nervous system. And the default mode network is totally lighting up. So what we all have to realize is not only does the science show us that, obviously, increased presence over time will lower cortisol. It'll lower blood sugar. The number one thing that I've seen in my practice, and also in almost 20 years now in the wellness industry, it's not that people want to be losing weight, and letting go of weight both emotionally and physically so they can be happy. It's actually about gathering all the tools to be happy first, and then the weight, it just melts away. It literally goes away on its own. So to paraphrase, you don't lose weight to be happy. You first cultivate happiness to let go of weight. And that is the biggest long-term health benefit of breath work. It lets go of physical. And most importantly, it lets go of emotional weight. [00:17:31] PF: We've had so much focus on health in the last couple of years, people really being concerned about how to improve their health. And this is such a simple, but effective and meaningful way to improve your physical and your mental well-being. [00:17:46] JT: It really is. And honestly, it's tattooed on my body. It's “Se posso respirare, posso scegliere.” And what that means in Italian is, “If I can breathe, I can choose.” And I got that tattoo because when I was struggling with my anxiety back in 2015, 2016, I really needed something that didn't come in a pill. I wanted something more natural. And I was like, “Well, what's it going to be?” I too, went down the path of meditation, Vipassana meditation, sitting for 10 days in silence. And these are great things, but they're not accessible for everyone. Every human being, once they learn the fundamentals of how to sit, the muscles involved, the posture, the breathing techniques. Once you learn it, it's yours literally forever. And I guess that's the most powerful thing that comes from learning the breath, because the breath is your ally. It's your friend. Whenever we can breathe, we can choose. We can choose to show up loving. We can choose to show up happy. But what do we do, Paula, when we're stressed? We hold our breath. We go “Hmmp!” right? And we stopped breathing. So when we're not breathing, we can't choose anything, because all we're focused on is the feeling of stress inside of our body. [00:18:52] PF: Yeah. And I feel like a lot of us have been holding our breath for about two years now. [00:18:57] JT: Exactly. [00:18:58] PF: And that brings up another point, where we're in the middle of the holiday season. And there's, once again, a lot going on. And already, holidays were already stressful enough. This is kind of adding another layer. So your advice, people who are facing the holidays, whatever it is they're going through, what's your advice for them to be able to take a breath and get through this feeling better. [00:19:20] JT: Find a space in your home, where you live, on your land, in your car, somewhere. find a space that you create a little nook for yourself. It could be in your master bedroom, It could be in your kid’s room. Well, maybe not in your kid's room. But it's going to be somewhere where you know when you go there, that you can sit, you can be with yourself, and you can melt away what you're feeling. Because what you're feeling, and I'll say this from my own personal experience, you are not your anxiety, you are not your depression. You are experiencing anxiety. You are experiencing depression. But energy in motion is described as emotion. So if your experiencing an emotion of depression, or sadness, or anxiety, it's the pain teacher. It's you yourself. It's the lessons of life of a higher power, if you hold on to one, wanting to wake you up. Wanting to point you in the right direction of your own healing. So don't run from these feelings. The worst thing we can do, Paula, is to run from our feelings. The most powerful thing we can do is create a safe space in our home, create a little nook, and start to do this breath work once a week, then twice a week, then three times a week, then maybe seven days a week and multiple times depending on your level of stress. That is the number one thing you can do in this holiday season. I've done it myself, right? In-laws aren't always the easiest to deal with. Go into the next room, find your space, use a guided practice, like we haven't – There's many guided practices in the program. They are for different emotional states. One of them that I find is the number one that people write in about is the feeling of overwhelm. And overwhelm is actually you just needing a break. It's just you needing a rest? Well, if you don't have a lot of time, and maybe you only have 20 minutes or less, or maybe three minutes, you find that space in your home, you find that safe space, and you go there and you give yourself that gift of breathing properly. So you can start to increase your vagal tone, all these physiological benefits we talked about. And I guarantee you, when you're done, you will feel so much better. And you'll be able to live more happy. I mean, that's really what your show and what this movement is all about. [00:21:25] PF: I appreciate you sitting down and talking with me today. You have so many great resources we're going to direct our listeners to. You've got a fantastic website. As you mentioned, you've got your own podcast. And I know that we all have a lot that we can learn from you that we could never fit in a 30-minute podcast episode. So thank you for sharing this time with us and helping us start on this journey. [00:21:45] JT: Paula, it's been a pleasure. And I know we're at holidays. And for a lot of us right now, we've had a lot of changes. So I just want to offer this gift. If anyone is feeling inspired, just use a code, use a discount code. It's a holiday code. It's holiday25. And holiday25 will get you 25% off of the program at breathwork.io. So that's my gift to everyone. [00:22:07] PF: Thank you. [00:22:07] JT: I'm doing that because it's really important that we all use this tool. And I want to make it more applicable to everyone. I'll tell you, it's already inexpensive enough, but you're going to love the extra saving. So holiday25 at breathwork.io. [00:22:20] PF: That's terrific. And we'll put that code on our page as well. So if someone's in their car and it's like, “Oh, what was that?” They can just hit the landing page and use that. [00:22:30] JT: Wonderful. It's been a pleasure to talk with you. Thank you for the beautiful questions. And I trust that we all will breathe easier after this conversation. [00:22:38] PF: I know I will. Thank you so much. [00:22:40] JT: Thanks, Paula. [OUTRO] [00:22:45] PF: That was Josh Trent talking about how to use breath work to improve your physical and emotional well-being. If you'd like to learn more about Josh, listen to his podcast, get a free wellness guide, or learn more about his program, visit our website at live happy.com and click on the podcast link. And as we continue this holiday season, Live Happy wants to make your holiday shopping easy. Visit our store at livehappy.com and check out our new live happy beanies and hoodies, because giving happiness is always in style. We offer free shipping on orders of $75 and more. And if you use the code LIVEHAPPYNOW, you'll get 10% off your entire order. So check us out and start checking off that gift list. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all new episode. And until then, this is Paula Felps reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

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