Woman spreading her arms on a hill.

Learning to Thrive With Post-Traumatic Growth

I remember the day well. I was a teenager. Everyone was asleep in our house, and I thought, “Growing up like this has damaged me. I don’t know all the ways yet, but I need help so it will not impact me for the rest of my life.” In that moment, I made a promise to myself to live differently from the way my parents raised my sister and me. The cycle of verbal and psychological abuse that my parents put us through—because of their own painful childhoods—would end with me. I didn’t know at the time that I was strong. I felt bottomless and lost. I didn’t have a positive foundation to start my life. And I used other people’s perceptions of me to determine how I felt about myself. A Chaotic Childhood Always a person who likes to understand things, I couldn’t grasp why my parents were abusive when they went to all the trouble to adopt my sister and me at six weeks old, only to treat us like they did. Our childhood was unpredictable and scary. My mom’s alcohol abuse changed her into someone who despised me and she let me know it. She regularly told me I was “stupid.” She’d rant and rave to my sister and me—slurring her words and stumbling. When my dad got home from work, she’d put on makeup and pretend to my dad that she was fine. Soon, they would be fighting. Worse, my dad pretended none of it was happening, and he never helped us. My sister and I never knew what to expect when we got off the bus and walked to our front door. Sometimes, mom would lock us out. Life-Changing Insight I must have been a pretty self-aware teenager because at some point I told my parents I needed to see a psychologist. They blamed bad genetics for my problemsbut agreed to let me go to therapy. My first psychologist helped me see that I wasn't the problem in this situation. When I finally left home for college, I felt liberated and safe, though still emotionally fractured. I focused on getting attention from men as a way to feel powerful and to escape my pain. I was impulsive and wild—unwittingly re-creating the adrenaline rush of my tumultuous childhood. I was 24 and living in Ohio when I found psychologist Gary Sarver, Ph.D., who changed my life. Of course, he would say, “You changed your life.” With talk therapy, he helped me understand and process everything I had experienced. Going through talk therapy with Dr. Sarver once a week on Wednesday evenings re-parented me. I attribute the process with turning my traumatic childhood into rocket fuel for inner strength, a strong sense of self and a resolve that would propel me forward to create a fulfilling and happy life. His wisdom stays with me today, at age 47, now that I am a happily married mother to two beautiful twin girls. Post-Traumatic Growth Recently, I learned there is a name for what I experienced at age 24: Post-traumatic growth, or PTG. In the wake of suffering or trauma, researchers have found that many people bounce back with even more determination to create a meaningful life. The term post-traumatic growth was first coined by Richard Tedeschi, Ph.D., and Lawrence Calhoun, Ph.D., psychologists at the University of North Carolina, Charlotte, while they were working with a group of bereaved parents. They found that people who had suffered tremendous loss seemed to bounce back with a renewed sense of “activism, insight and altruism.” “Out of loss there is often gain, and in ways that can be deeply profound.” Lawrence Calhoun explains in the article "The Science of Post-Traumatic Growth" inLive Happy.“A staggering crisis can often change people for the better.” My belief is that talk therapy can facilitate post-traumatic growth. Whether you’ve experienced an abusive childhood or a tragedy, talk therapy, when done well, can take pain and transform it into strength to thrive. Here are six of the most important lessons I learned in therapy that have fostered my own post-traumatic growth. 1. Try anything. This sounds simple, but at the time, I was stuck. I had a college degree and wanted to be a writer or journalist, but I worked as an administrative assistant and a waitress. I worried I really was stupid and would fail. My self-image was in the dumpster. Trying things or taking risks is necessary to get to the good life. All the good stuff is on the other side of that thing you dread doing. You have to take the risks to get there. 2. You are your own harshest critic. I took over for my critical parents and verbally assaulted myself in my head. It wasn’t a healthy, “Oh, I failed at that.” It was an unhealthy “I’m a total failure.” Dr. Sarver introduced me to self-compassion, something I had never heard of. When you start to treat yourself like a best friend, life transforms. 3. Stop trying to make everyone like you. I was such a people pleaser that I became fake—pretending I was okay when I wasn’t, and not authentically expressing my emotions. Growing up attempting to keep the peace was a coping strategy, but as an adult, it resulted in my being a doormat. I sat on my emotions and my anger. I had to learn how to authentically express myself and, as he said, “be okay being uncomfortable with people angry at you.” 4. You have as many answers as anyone else. I had a tendency to see everyone around me as a successful adult and myself as a fumbling child. I’d idealize others and think they had all the answers. I’d date men who replicated my childhood instead of dealing with being alone. Talk therapy taught me to believe in myself and value my own company. 5. Good and bad things will happen to you; these are the normal waves of life. Fear of the next bad thing around the corner—that you are living under a “black cloud”—can immobilize you, but no one can live a meaningful life in hiding. Understand that you are not cursed, and choose the scary step over inaction. 6. In the end, you have to rescue yourself. This was my hardest lesson to learn. Somehow I thought my parents would see the light, apologize to me and we could all live happily ever after as a family. Dr. Sarver said, “It’s not going to happen.” Sometimes people aren’t capable of being who we need them to be. Acceptance and forgiveness were the hardest parts of talk therapy, but the most empowering. I realized we can give ourselves everything we need emotionally. We can let go of seeking it from people who hurt us. This realization was emotionally liberating. I feel a daily sense of peace and happiness knowing my childhood is in the distant past. Living through a painful childhood has made me appreciate every minute of my life as an adult. I love knowing I get to create my environment and choose the people in it. I derive an incredible sense of joy from finally believing I am strong. What makes me the happiest is knowing I did the work to end the cycle of abuse and create a happy home for my family. Read more by Sandra Bilbray: 7 Steps Back from Depression and Healthy From the Inside Out: 5 Tips to Get Fit For more resources about post-traumatic growth, go to UNC Charlotte's Posttraumatic Growth Research Center website. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy, and the CEO and owner of themediaconcierge.net.
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Couple lying on grass with phones.

60 Seconds to Happiness

Vin called in during the taping of my new radio series, 60 Seconds to Happiness. His problem: He feels jealous each time he looks at his Instagram feed because staring back at him are pictures his girlfriend posts while she is out having fun and he is stuck at work. The pictures typically show her goofing off at a bar with her girlfriends, but sometimes also with guys whom Vin doesn’t know. Even though he trusts her, he feels a twinge in the pit of his stomach and doesn’t know what to do. My radio series promises to help people make 1-minute habit changes that will increase happiness. Interestingly, an overwhelming percentage of callers needed help with their social media habits, including feeling down after even just a few minutes on Facebook or spending more time online than they have to spare. I turned to the research for answers as our understanding of social media is changing so rapidly. Hundreds of studies assess our relationships with sites like Facebook and Snapchat and specifically which habits predict greater happiness both online and offline. A former University of Pennsylvania research colleague who is now a senior lecturer at the University of Melbourne, Margaret Kern, Ph.D., led a meta-analysis of the 70 best studies and found a handful of clear themes. I’ve included questions after each big idea and offer a strategy for you to try. 1. Social media is not a mood booster. Not one study found that significant use decreased depression and anxiety. For those battling depression and anxiety, which globally is 4.7 percent and 7.3 percent of people, respectively, turning to social media to feel better doesn’t work. Eight studies found that social media use is directly linked to depression, while 16 others found a nonsignificant connection. If you are feeling lousy, social media can expose you to experiences that make you feel even worse, such as negative news, cyberbullying or an overload from other people’s highlight reels. Ask yourself: When you’re feeling down, do you get on social media to try to make yourself feel better and does that work for you? If not, is there an offline activity that might be better, like going for a walk outside or calling a friend? Take a break: Get off social media for one week. Do it! It’s rejuvenating. Now that it’s summer, go out into the world and make memories. Take pictures. Experience life. The upside is that this will most likely give you more interesting, meaningful things to share with friends when you’re back online. Read more: Is Everyone Having Fun Without Me? 2. Social comparison is toxic. Whether you envy celebrities’ awesome lives or judge someone who gets fewer “likes” than you, social comparison creates real misery and false happiness. According to the meta-analysis, social comparison is a big risk factor for depression and anxiety. One study found that more frequent negative social comparisons on Facebook were connected to an increase in rumination. This makes sense since comparing ourselves to others can fan the flames of rumination. Ask yourself: Do you engage in social comparison? If so, is it often with the same people? Clean your feed: Hide people who post negative news so you can make social media a happier place. You can get your news elsewhere. And hide people whom you compare yourself to like celebrities or that always-perfect neighborhood mom. Stop torturing yourself! Let your feed bring you joy, not pain. Setting yourself up for success is a form of self-love. Listen to our podcast, Positive Communication With Michelle Gielan 3. Happy people connect. Using social media is associated with lower levels of loneliness and greater feelings of social connectedness, as well as higher levels of life satisfaction and self-esteem. This doesn’t necessarily mean that using social media makes you happier, but that people who have high levels of happiness and self-esteem also typically use social media as an additional form of connection. Social connection is one of the greatest predictors of happiness we have from our research, so the more we can create it, the better off that makes us. Ask yourself: Do you use social media to deepen friendships? Do you make meaningful comments on friends’ pictures and posts? Do you share pictures and posts instead of merely reading other people’s posts? Connect meaningfully: Use social media to meaningfully connect with your friends by sharing pieces of your life and thoughtfully responding to theirs. Liking everyone’s pictures in your feed doesn’t count. I’m trying to follow these guidelines, too. When I do log on, I try to make it count by making a point to really connect with people I care about. Read more: Let Technology Life Your Life Vin agreed to stay off social media those nights he was away from his girlfriend. He also told her how he felt. Her response was incredible. She replied that while she looked like she was having a blast, she also missed him. Just hearing that made him feel so much better. And guess how long he said the conversation took? You guessed it…just 60 seconds to happiness! Join me @MichelleGielan on social media, where I share happiness resources, including where to listen to our new radio series, 60 Seconds to Happiness! SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with more than 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. Learn more about Shawn at Goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and the author of the book Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at Goodthinkinc.com.
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No Time Like the Present with Jack Kornfield

What you'll learn in this podcast: How to be more mindful in the present The benefits of meditation to your overall well-being How to reset and find your center Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase a copy of No Time Like the Present: Finding Freedom, Love, and Joy Right Where You Are Learn more about Jack Kornfield
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A Journey in Space with Mike Massimino

Mike Massimino served with NASA from 1996 to 2014, and is the veteran of two space flights to the Hubble Space Telescope. Spaceman is the tale of his unlikely journey to becoming an astronaut, from his small town in Long Island, to Columbia and MIT, to NASA, and finally to the cosmos. It’s a testament to the importance of following your dreams, no matter how out of this world they may seem, and to the power of teamwork to achieve impossible goals. What you'll learn in this podcast: The journey of becoming an astronaut The freedom you can achieve when you follow your dreams What it's like to look down at Earth from space Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase a copy of Spaceman Download a free excerpt of Spaceman
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Red-haired woman reading a book.

10 Best Books for Depression and Anxiety

Depression and anxiety often go hand-in-hand. They can steal your motivation and often mask your life’s purpose. They put up debilitating roadblocks to basic daily routines: Even getting out of bed in the morning or eating can seem like a chore. While genetics and life circumstances play a role in depression and anxiety, the right tools and information can give anyone a chance to fight back and find happiness. We’ve put together a powerhouse list of books—recommended (and often written) by psychologists—to give you the resources to release yourself from depression’s grip and live the life you want. 1. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy By David D. Burns, M.D. In this important book, Stanford psychiatrist David Burns, M.D., explains how cognitive behavioral techniques can shift how we feel in every moment. Cognitive distortions are a cause of great suffering in depressed and anxious people. When we learn to challenge our negative thinking and choose different thoughts, we can learn to “feel good.” Takeaway: When you change what you think, you can change how you feel. 2. Healing the Child Within By Charles L. Whitfield, M.D. We all have an inner child who is alive and energetic, according to physician and psychotherapist Charles Whitfield, M.D. A dysfunctional childhood and resulting shame can cause our inner child to be lost. Since it was first published in 1987, this classic book has helped countless people find their inner child and heal the pain of the past. Takeaway: Contacting and living from our true self is the central task of personal growth. 3. The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook By Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D. Since its publication, this practical workbook has been a go-to for anyone suffering from an anxiety disorder, from GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) to OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Learn how to use breathing, food, exercise, meditation and positive self-talk to ease your fears. Takeaway: An anxious mind cannot exist in a relaxed body. 4. Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life By Martin Seligman, Ph.D. This fascinating book outlines research done by Martin Seligman, Ph.D., one of the founders of positive psychology, regarding depression and its opposite: learned optimism. An optimistic attitude, according to Martin, is a key factor in overcoming depression. The good news is optimism can be learned. Take an optimism quiz to learn how optimistic you are (or are not). Luckily, you can reset how you think. This book gives you the tools to do just that, for yourself and your children. Takeaway: Pessimism is escapable. 5. The Anxiety & Worry Workbook: The Cognitive Behavioral Solution By David A. Clark, Ph.D., and Aaron T. Beck, M.D. Cognitive behavioral therapy founder Aaron T. Beck, M.D., and psychiatrist David A. Clark,Ph.D., offer strategies to identify the triggers that lead to anxiety. Learn how to challenge thoughts and get the courage to take small steps to face situations you fear. Takeaway: Stop it and give yourself a chance. 6. The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points By Alice Boyes, Ph.D. If you second-guess yourself and are hard on yourself in general, you are more likely to suffer from some kind of anxiety. Get unstuck by acquiring new coping skills and understanding how your thought patterns may be causing anxiety. Recognize your innate resilience and ability to cope with things that don’t go as planned. Takeaway: Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. 7. On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety By Andrea Petersen A health and wellness writer for The Wall Street Journal, author Andrea Petersen had another factor motivating her to write a book about anxiety. She has suffered from panic attacks and a diagnosed anxiety disorder since college. On Edge is both a memoir and an objective look at the history and understanding of anxiety, including discussions of current research, medication and non-pharmaceutical treatment. The book makes those experiencing anxiety for the first time (or for a long time) feel as if they are not alone. Takeaway: Enlist the support of family and friends if you find yourself suffering from anxiety. 8. The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression By Andrew Solomon An intellectual, historical and personal study in depression, The Noonday Demon is a research-based book that examines the disease from multiple perspectives. Author Andrew Solomon, winner of the National Book Award, is also a longtime sufferer of depression. He depicts the depths of despair and offers glimmers of hope in this beautifully written work. Takeaway: I believe that words are strong, that they can overwhelm what we fear when fear seems worse than life is good. 9. The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth By M. Scott Peck, M.D. One message in this classic book is that avoiding our problems causes pain and suffering. Though not strictly about depression or anxiety, The Road Less Traveled has helped millions of people grapple with the difficulties of life. Only by facing our pain, says M. Scott Peck, M.D., can we grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Once we accept that life is difficult, we can transcend the problems holding us back. Takeaway:The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behavior. 10. When Bad Things Happen to Good People By Harold S. Kushner Rabbi Harold S. Kushner writes that pain is the price we pay for being alive. When his 3-year-old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that meant he would only live into his early teens, Harold asked himself, “Why?” We have a choice: We can capitulate to the pain or use these experiences to create meaning in our lives. Again, though this book is not only about depression, it deals with circumstances that can easily cause people to fall into a deep depression if they are not equipped with the right tools to choose another path. Takeaway: Forgiveness is a favor we do for ourselves, not a favor we do for the other party. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing Editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.
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How to Banish Negative Thoughts with Ora Nadrich

Ora Nadrich is a Certified Life Coach and Mindfulness Meditation Teacher and author of Says Who? How One Simple Question Can Change the Way You Think Forever. In Says Who, Ora Nadrich has created an incredibly easy to follow method to get rid of negative thoughts, taking away all their power over us. It will work for anyone. It starts by realizing that we are in control over our own thoughts, and we get to decide who stays. What you'll learn in this podcast: 7 questions to ask yourself to help banish negative thinking Why most of our negative thoughts don't even belong to us Why we find negative thoughts so comforting Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase a copy of Says Who? How One Simple Question Can Change the Way You Think Forever Visit OraNadrich.com
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Nerd Fitness with Steve Kamb

Steve Kamb is the author of Level Up Your Life: How to Unlock Adventure and Happiness by Becoming the Hero of Your Own Story. He’s also the creator of nerdfitness.com, a worldwide community of regular people looking to live better lives. He hopes to one day become Captain America. What you'll learn in this podcast: Why motivation is a horrible thing to rely on How important nutrition is to a healthy lifestyle How turning life into a game can help you start reaching any goal you want Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Download a free chapter from Level Up Your Life Download the 15 Mistakes That Newbies Make Visit NerdFitness.com Purchase Level Up Your Life
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A winning college baseball team.

How to Win Like an Underdog

Until June 30, 2016, Coastal Carolina University had never won a national championship in any sport. That all changed in Game 3 of the College World Series at Omaha’s TD Ameritrade Park. In the bottom of the ninth inning, pitcher Alex Cunningham struck out Arizona’s Ryan Haug—securing the title win for the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers and giving the first-time College World Series participants the chance to raise the coveted trophy. “I completely blacked out for a solid two-and-a-half minutes,” Alex says. “I saw myself on the interview, and I don’t even remember taking that interview.” His excitement is understandable, especially when you consider that no College World Series team had won the title in its first appearance in the finals in 60 years. “From the day we walked in there, we were kinda playing with house money,” says Gary Gilmore, Chanticleers head coach. “There weren’t a whole lot of expectations by all of the prognosticators—we were big-time underdogs in that whole deal.” Yet Gary and his coaching staff focused on factors outside of others’ expectations. “There are so many things that we can’t control,” Gary says. “The things we can, we want to be in complete control of: things like our preparation, how we do things to get ready for the game—things as simple as what time we go to bed at night. We don’t let the situation become bigger than life to us.” Take the pressure off One way the team maintained focus was simply by relaxing. “I don’t think anyone on our team felt pressure,” Gary says. A big reason for that: Gary discovered a newfound calmness in his coaching career last year, a trait he says came over him once he started reading the Bible every day. “I think the calmer I was, the calmer the team was,” Gary says. “There were several times in the playoffs when we did dumb things, and maybe five or 10 years ago, I would have come in the dugout and slung a helmet, let out some profanity and blown off steam. This time, I’d say, ‘Hey guys, not a problem. We’ll get them the next inning.’ ” After a hard loss in Game 1, Gary remembers praying for the right words to say to his crew. He walked into the locker room and started clapping in front of his bewildered team. “I told them that I was in the locker room of a national champion, and here’s what we’re going to do for the next two days.” Gary relayed who would pitch, who would relieve and what kind of success they were going to have. “I knew I had to make them believe that we could do it. We had lost, but we weren’t out.” And believing, it turns out, made all the difference. “Talent is on a piece of paper,” Gary explains. “We weren’t the most talented team there, but we played the best. I’ve coached one or two other teams that on paper had significantly more talent. And yet this team found a way to make it work.” Root, root, root for the underdog It’s no secret that most people love to pull for the underdog. Countless studies have backed up this phenomenon, including one published in 2007 in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. When 71 participants were asked which imaginary team—one ranked higher than the other—they hoped would prevail in an Olympic swimming event, 75 percent said they preferred to see the lower-ranked team win. “People love to be awed and inspired,” says Caroline Miller, a certified professional coach and author of Creating Your Best Life and Getting Grit. “It’s built into our DNA.” She says the inspiration we feel when we see people outperform themselves causes us to release oxytocin, frequently referred to as the “love hormone”—which makes it easy to see why we get so attached to underdogs. This affinity for the “little guy” extends beyond sports. Southwest Airlines, Apple and even political candidates have gained notoriety and loyal followings due to underdog status. That makes you wonder: What if we could tap into the mindset of underdogs? What enables them to overcome the odds, and how can it be developed? In his 2013 book David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, Malcolm Gladwell explains how we often overlook the advantages that go along with being an underdog. He writes: “It can open doors and create opportunities and educate and enlighten and make possible what might otherwise have seemed unthinkable.” How sweet it is It turns out, we can learn a lot from all types of underdogs—whether we’re talking about a College World Series team or two self-described “hippiedippy” 20-somethings with a love of ice cream and breaking the rules. Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield met while running track in seventh grade gym class, the two slowest of the pack—quite fitting for the duo, as their underdog status would follow them into adulthood and eventually be their claim to fame. By the mid-1970s, Jerry had tried unsuccessfully to get into medical school, while Ben had dropped out of college and attempted to become a potter—only no one wanted to buy his pottery. The solution: They liked hanging out, and they liked eating, so they decided to go into the food business together. Their two favorite foods were ice cream and bagels, and since the machinery required for bagel-making came with a much heftier price tag than that of ice cream, the decision was simple. At war with a behemoth In 1978, Ben & Jerry’s first scoop shop opened in Burlington, Vermont, and beloved flavors like Chunky Monkey were born. As their local popularity began to grow, the pair began to package their ice cream into pint containers and sell it to restaurants and mom-and-pop shops. By the early 1980s, they had set their sights on their first major market: Boston. As they approached store owners there, they learned that business representatives from Haagen-Dazs—which sold to the same supermarkets—had issued an ultimatum to store owners: If they agreed to sell Ben and Jerry’s product, then they would not sell them Haagen-Dazs, a major moneymaker for the distributors. Ben and Jerry filed a class action lawsuit against Pillsbury, Haagen-Dazs’ parent company, but drawn-out legal battles weren’t a viable option for the small company. They knew they would run out of financial resources before the more established business. So what’s an underdog to do? “Ben and I learned to use every tool possible as underdogs, and the biggest resource we had was people,” Jerry says. “We didn’t have money. We didn’t have size to leverage. We had the opportunity to use our people to make a difference.” And so they got creative. The company launched the storied “What’s the Doughboy Afraid of?” campaign, taking out signs on buses, designing T-shirts and including an 800-number on the product packaging. Customers who called were treated to an answering machine message of the co-founders explaining the situation. If they left their address, a campaign bumper sticker was mailed to them. Taking their underdog cause to the streets ignited a passionate following, and Pillsbury soon backed down due to public pressure. These days, Ben & Jerry’s, which became a Unilever subsidiary in 2000, operates some 600 scoop shops in 35 countries. The company maintains an independent board of directors to “ensure we’re making the best ice cream possible in the best way possible,” as stated on benjerry.com. “There’s a curiosity that helps when we’re in that underdog mindset,” explains Michelle McQuaid, best-selling author and workplace well-being teacher. “It goes hand-in-hand with the strength of creativity and being willing to try new ways of doing things, rather than accepting that there’s only one path to success.” Also key to an underdog’s success is maintaining that mindset even after finding success. “In terms of what we spend on marketing and sales, there hasn’t been a significant change from when we were a small underdog business,” says Sean Greenwood, the “grand poobah” of public relations for Ben & Jerry’s and a nearly 30-year employee. “That forces us to be creative and keeps pushing us to use that underdog mindset in the marketplace.” Ben and Jerry didn’t fit the mold of your typical businessmen when they launched their ice cream business nearly 40 years ago—and it has made all the difference. “Embrace who you are and make that your strength,” Jerry says. “We wanted to be ice cream ‘for the people,’ and not an elegant treat just for some. Hold on to your beliefs. If you don’t like the way the model is, then think about changing the model to fit who you are.” A growth mindset Everyone has had moments of success—those times when we’ve pulled something off that we’ve been working really hard toward. Our brain is flooded with happy endorphins, and we never want the feeling to end. What we probably don’t realize, though, is that the high we gain from continued wins can be incredibly addictive. An interesting thing happens when we become accustomed to success. “Neurologically, it changes some things in our brain,” Michelle says. “We start to attach our success to our sense of identity. Then we can begin to fear if we’re not the winner, who does that mean we are?” That’s where underdogs have the upper hand, since they’re not burdened with that addiction to success. “The underdog mindset takes the pressure down,” Michelle says. “It changes the way our brains are working chemically, and it opens us up for learning and growth.” Taking the focus off winning and instead turning our attention toward learning and development is what psychologists call having a growth mindset—a key ingredient to an underdog’s success. Underdogs try harder Louisa Jewell, a well-being teacher and founder of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association, says this kind of thinking actually feeds winning behavior. “When you’re an underdog with a growth mindset, you think ‘I don’t have it yet. If I work harder, if I practice more, if I persevere in the face of obstacles, I can get better.’ ” A fixed mindset, on the other hand, leads people to believe they either have it or they don’t—not leaving much room for improvement. “When we have a fixed mindset around our talents, then it doesn’t really propel us into action,” Louisa says. “It doesn’t really motivate us toward behaviors that allow us to work harder and believe that we could one day be the winner.” Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, Ph.D., is a leading researcher on growth mindset. In her research, she discovered that high achievers without a growth mindset eventually plateau and achieve less than they’re capable of because the anxiety tied to their previous successes becomes overwhelming, leading them to stop taking risks. Those with a growth mindset, however, go on to achieve high levels of success in all areas of their lives since they understand that it’s best to keep learning and growing. “It’s not that we don’t love a good outcome when we’re in a growth mindset,” Michelle explains. “We just prioritize the learning over the outcome. The funny thing is, the less we attach to the outcome, the more likely we usually are to get the desired outcome.” According to Caroline, people are often further motivated when they don’t quite get to the finish line the first time around—a concept researchers refer to as the psychology of the near miss, which is a type of failure that comes close to being a success. Take Alex, who before throwing the winning pitch in the 2016 College World Series had lost his high school state championship game three years in a row. “That definitely lit a fire in me that hadn’t gone away until that final pitch of the World Series,” Alex says. Like Alex, those who have authentic grit—another ingredient to an underdog’s success—will be inspired to come back and work harder. Caroline describes authentic grit as the passionate pursuit of hard goals that allows us to take responsible risks and promotes flourishing. “There’s a modicum of failure in everything that we try to achieve,” Gary says. “If you stay with it, every time you get knocked down gives you that much more resilience to come back and fight twice as hard.” Underdogs—and anyone striving for their goals—must also have a strong support system, Gary says. “All of us fail at really anything we try to do in life the majority of the time. We’ve got to have help from above, great friends and great family there to support us.” Don't worry, be happy Studies show us that for athletes to perform at their best, it helps for them to have fun and play in a carefree way. “Carefree doesn’t mean careless or caring less,” says Mike Margolies, chief operating officer of Mental Training Inc. and author of The Athlete Within You. “It means you’re focused on being present.” Think about it this way: Top dogs are usually in a no-win situation. If they win, that was expected. If they don’t, it’s a huge upset. Those in the favored position are under more pressure so they don’t always perform at their best—an advantage to the underdog. “An underdog’s confidence will start to rise because their expectations are pretty low,” Mike explains. “That means they’re going to play at a higher level because they can play carefree.” Winning for the underdog is a bonus, since they don’t face the same scrutiny as the top dog. “It was easy for us to play with confidence because we didn’t have that bar already set for us,” Alex says. “We were just having the time of our lives. There were no expectations to live up to.” Don't forget your 'why' The benefits of having fun aren’t limited to sports. In 1979, one year after being in business, Ben & Jerry’s developed two company philosophies: one focused on giving back to the community, and the second being, “If it’s not fun, why do it?” This importance on having fun is still a huge part of the company’s DNA, but the philosophy was phrased as a question on purpose. The co-founders say there were times with their startup business when 80-hour workweeks were the norm and fun wasn’t always on the agenda. The key is to know why you’re doing it. “You have to have a sense of passion,” Michelle says. “It’s really hard to persist as an underdog if what we’re chasing isn’t meaningful to us, because otherwise falling down just gets too painful for most of us.” Whether it’s launching a business, winning a sports title or achieving the countless other goals that lie within us, we’ve all probably felt at one point like insurmountable odds might get in the way. Luckily, lessons learned from successful underdogs can help guide us on our own paths to success. “If you’re going to be elite, every now and then you’re going to have to be an underdog,” Caroline says. “If you’re an underdog, it means you’re definitely not guaranteed a win—you’re shooting for the moon. Everyone should learn how to do that.” Amanda Gleason writes regularly for Live Happy magazine. Check out her other stories The Birthday Party Project Gives Homeless Kids a Day to Sparkle and Make-a-Wish: Where Science and Hope Meet.
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Discovering Your Hidden Potential with Barbara Oakley

Barbara Oakley is a Professor of Engineering at Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan and her work focuses on the complex relationship between neuroscience and social behavior. Her newest book Mindshift: Break Through Obstacles to Learning and Discover Your Hidden Potential is available now and it reveals how we can overcome stereotypes and preconceived ideas about what is possible for us to learn and become. What you'll learn in this podcast: Why the imposter syndrome is actually a good thing How to change your worst traits to your best traits Tips on developing a learning lifestyle Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Read a free excerpt from the book Mindshift Visit BarbaraOakley.com Purchase Mindshift: Break Through Obstacles to Learning and Discover Your Hidden Potential
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The Healthy Workplace with Leigh Stringer

Leigh Stringer is Senior Workplace Expert for EYP Architecture & Engineering and is researching employee health and productivity in conjunction with the Harvard School of Public Health, the Center for Active Design, and other leading organizations. What you'll learn in this podcast: Healthy habits to adopt at work How to avoid making unhealthy choices at work The connection between the built environment and well-being Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Learn more about Leigh on her website Purchase The Healthy Workplace
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