Coping skills for teens

6 Tools to Help Children and Teens Develop Coping Skills

Imagine your mind uncluttered, happy and free, loving whatever you are doing to the point that you lose track of time, limitations and stressors. Psychologists refer to this frame of mind as flow. Many scientists believe that children operate in a naturally flowing mindset up to about age 5. However, you can regain your mental flow at any age and teach your children to nurture (and keep) theirs! This helps them develop coping skills that will empower them for life, increasing the “ups,” decreasing the “downs” and making joy a part of every day. I have spent much of my career helping people find ways to cope and operate at the top of their games. I’ve found that much of coping has to do with how you manage your mental and physical energy. What you are looking for is balance. You don’t want to be too activated or you’ll feel jumpy; too placid and you won’t have enough oomph to perform and feel your best. Your mind flows when sparked by high-quality energy and personal motivation. The two go hand-in-hand. When they do, you feel “lit.” Encourage Positivity Positive energy attracts positive action. Helping your child grow a happy mind begins with being open to the positive energies in life, and there’s no better way to start than to make yourself a model. Life is full of beauty, love and excitement. We can capture a burst of natural beauty wherever we are and download its good energy. For example, if you and your child are out on a walk or in the middle of any outdoor activity, talk about what environmental details bring you pleasure. Refer to specifics. After, ask him: What do you find exciting? What sights, sounds or scents make you feel good? It’s important for children to see life as good and to be able to identify examples of life’s magnificence and joy around them. They don’t have to be blockbuster examples—a tiny flower, glistening ocean wave or a single, sparkling star on a full-moon night. Our minds love images. They sweeten your thoughts and keep your coping resources charged, even when you’ve been treading in rough waters. Children can learn that uplifting, peaceful and joyful energies are everywhere. All they have to do to shift their attention—open their senses—and feel the energy. Self-Awareness Self refers to who you are, what you feel on the inside. As parents, we can help our children become more aware of who they are and to discover their unique qualities. “I love to dance,” says one 13-year-old who has danced since she was age 2. “When I dance, I dance with my heart. I can’t ever imagine myself not dancing.” Her 11-year-old sister plays the piano. She says, “Playing piano makes me happy,” but adds, “You don’t have to be Shakespeare to love writing, and you don’t have to be Mozart to be happy playing music.” Self-awareness is about being attentive to who you have been in the past, who you are now and who you want to be in the future. Ask your child how their most self-connected activities fit into that sequence. For example, did you enjoy music before playing the piano? How does music affect other things you do? By doing this, you are helping them find intrinsic reward for their actions and not rely on or become co-dependent on someone else’s judgments of what should or shouldn’t feel good to them. You are helping them understand it is possible to sync internal and external world activities that mean a lot to them. The more they do this, the more rewarding their life will feel, the more motivated they will become and the easier it will be to enter and sustain a flowing, happy mind. Tools to Get Started 1. Incorporate a morning activity that launches you into a flowing mindset. Play a tune on your favorite instrument, sing, dance, take a walk in nature. Flow transfers into other activities. 2. Balance your energy before and after daily activities. Pick two songs from your favorite tunes, one that activates you and another that calms. Put them on your phone or other device. Decide what kind of energy you need to feel (activating or calming) for balance in the morning before you leave home, at lunchtime and again when you get home. Then just hit “play.” 3. Organize the night before. You’ll wake up happier you did. Include something nice to look forward to in the morning such as a colorful article of clothing or a fun, new morning activity. 4. Give yourself permission to keep your mind flowing. Lessen daily pressures by telling yourself you can think about non-urgent recurring concerns or conflicts “later.” You can pick the time or day. 5. Get a good night’s sleep. Make it a habit to turn lights off at the same time each night. You need sleep for higher-level thinking and to keep your mind flowing. 6. Each day, think of something nice to do for someone. Plan who you will help, compliment or surprise, then do it!
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Illustration with Live Happy's latest magazine issue

New Issue Preview and Happy the App

In this episode, Live Happy’s own Chris Libby, Donna Stokes and Paula Felps give you a preview of what to expect in the latest issue of Live Happy magazine. Then we talk with developer Jeremy Fischbach, who combined his background in psychology with his personal experiences to create an app that pairs users with a compassionate listener. Despite our increasingly connected world, sometimes it’s hard to find someone you can really talk to. Research shows that loneliness is a growing—and dangerous—problem, but now there’s an app for that! What you'll learn in this episode: What to look forward to in the next issue of Live Happy magazine How connecting online sometimes leaves us feeling less connected What it means to be a "compassionate listener" Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Download Happy the App here. Follow Happy the App on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Read more becoming a better person for yourself and the world around you on their blog.
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Live Happy Clapperboard

The Happy Film with Stefan Sagmeister

Acclaimed artist Stefan Sagmeister’s work has been enjoyed around the world; in addition to gracing the album covers of such artists as the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith and Jay-Z, Stefan has mounted art exhibitions in cities including Zurich, Vienna, Prague, Seoul and New York. In 2016, he released The Happy Film, a seven-year project he created to chronicle his journey to find greater happiness. What you'll learn in this episode: The three most popular and effective paths to happiness, according to science How Stefan’s search for happiness began What he learned along the way Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Watch The Happy Film for .99 with the coupon code: livehappy Stefan Sagmeister will screen The Happy Film and speak about his experiences creating it at the World Happiness Summit in Miami March 16-18. Get 20% off summit passes with the promo code LIVEHAPPY2018 at www.happinesssummit.world.
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Forever Young

The Anti-Aging Workout

I’ve never been what you’d call a gym rat. But after a medical scare in my early 20s, I splurged on my first health club membership, and began exercising regularly—three to four days on the elliptical, the occasional yoga class, a slow jog in the park. I loved the endorphin buzz and my new muscles, plus I dropped a size or two. Thirty years on, I still exercised regularly, but I wasn’t getting the same results. Everything was starting to hurt—my feet and ankles when I rose out of bed in the morning; my left hip when I walked too long lugging a bag of groceries; my lower back after a day of sitting at my desk. My body was starting to feel old, I was starting to feel old, my walking pace slowing, my willingness to sprint for a bus (or sprint for anything for that matter) wavering. Which is how I found myself in the fitness studio of certified personal trainer Julie Gerrish. Julie, at 48 with two nearly grown kids, has the quads, glutes and arms of a college athlete. As we chatted, I inventoried all the spots on my body that hurt. When I finished, Julie asked me to do a squat while raising my arms above my head. “Your thoracic is really tight,” she said, touching my upper back. “Your hips, too,” she added. “See how your feet and knees angle inward when you go down? That means you need to work on your feet and ankles.” After I performed a series of similarly simple moves (walking a straight line, balancing on one foot), Julie sat me down and gave me the bad news, in the nicest possible way. My workout routine may have been fine when I was in my 20s and 30s, but if I wanted to stave off injury and pain, it was time for a serious reboot. Here are her suggestions for keeping your body supple and strong, whatever your age. Don’t get into a fitness rut. “Even people who exercise make the mistake of doing the same thing, over and over, because it’s easy,” Julie says. As you get older, however, repetitive stress injuries can happen, your body compensates, muscles get tight, and suddenly there are aches and pains that aren’t going away. “People don’t want to hurt themselves more, so they start to do less,” Julie told me. “The trouble is, the less you move, the less blood circulation there is to the problem areas, and the worse those problems become.” In a study that tracked the physical activity of over 24,000 adults ages 39 to 79, one finding was that elderly people who didsomethingeach week were 14 percent less likely to experience a cardiovascular event than folks who were sedentary. In other words, the most important way to stay fit as you get older is to mix up your workout and keep moving, every single day. Do push yourself as hard as possible—for just 30 seconds. As the body ages, metabolism slows and muscle mass declines, even if you continue with your same workout. “Unless you compensate for those natural losses by continuing to challenge yourself, you’ll lose ground,” says Julie. She suggests adding interval training—timed intervals of more vigorous activity—to your usual routine. That might mean cranking up the incline on the elliptical, speed walking to the next telephone pole during a stroll, or using an app to remind you to pick up the pace for 30 seconds, then slow down for 60 seconds, repeating for the duration of your activity. The results are well worth it: A 2014 study in the journal American College of Cardiology found that running for five paltry minutes a day at a relatively easy pace (i.e., a 12-minute mile), significantly reduced the risk of death from all causes in 55,000 adults with a mean age of 44 years. If you can’t run, “Walk as fast as you can for 30 seconds, swinging your arms and squeezing your glutes and abs,” suggests Julie. Do add some balance training to the mix. “I have clients who have run marathons but who can’t stand on one foot for more than a few seconds,” recounts Julie. Given that falls are the leading cause of death among older adults (and one of the most common reasons they’re admitted to the hospital) working on balance every day is crucial. During our twice-weekly sessions, Julie has me stand on one foot, close my eyes, and look to the left, right, up and down. Merely balancing on one foot while you’re brushing your teeth at night, however, can shore up your steadiness. If you can’t balance on one foot, try keeping one hand lightly on the wall, or just lift your heel up so only your toe is touching the floor. The point, as always, is to keep progressing. Don’t forget your feet and ankles. One surprise of working with Julie was how much time we spent focusing on my feet before we’d get to actual cardio and strength training. I started with rolling my bare soles on a small bumpy rubber ball and giving my toes a self-massage every day (a ritual that quickly did away with the morning stiffness I’d been feeling below the knees). Julie explained that foot and ankle immobility often lead to low back and hip pain: “Tight ankles can cause you to stand with your hips tilted back and your butt sticking out, which leads to tightness and pain in the calves, low back, upper back--all the way up the chain.” To stretch your ankles, stand facing a wall, palms on the wall, with one foot forward and the other back. Bend your forward knee toward the wall until you feel a stretch in your ankle; repeat five times. Then bend that same knee toward the wall but angling out slightly, again for five pulses. Repeat on the other side. Do roll with it. “My husband jokes that I think rolling cures everything—but it’s almost true!” laughs Julie. By rolling, she means using a foam roller to massage your mid-to-upper back (just lay back over it, knees bent, feet on the floor and let yourself glide back and forth); then do the same with your calves and hips, for a total of 5 minutes a day. If you don’t have a roller, you can use a tennis ball. Rolling helps release tight muscles, the same as a good massage might, and research backs up this claim: A Canadian study found that people who used a foam roller experienced less muscle soreness and had a greater range of motion than those who didn’t. Don’t skip weight training. You probably already know that the risk of developing osteoporosis—and more fragile bones—increases after menopause. The best defense is weight-bearing exercise. You can increase lower body strength by doing squats; upper body by doing pushups against a wall, no dumbbells required. “The point isn’t just to build muscles, but to be able to do everyday things easily, like lifting a gallon of milk with one hand or screwing off a tight mayonnaise jar,” Julie says. In other words, being able to move through the world confidently, with strength and agility, whether rising out of a low chair with no hands or breezing through a boot camp class. As for me, two years after starting with Julie, I stride with more energy, free from pain of any kind, my arms sleek and toned; my thighs (even my solid thighs!) a bit more contoured. “You walk like an athlete now!” a close friend remarked recently, and I felt a surge of pride. I may be in my 50s, but fitness-wise, I’m feeling a whole lot younger.
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Group of people in front of a map

Inside the World Happiness Summit with Karen Guggenheim

As founder and Chief Operating Officer of WOHASU LLC, which produces the World Happiness Summit and H-20 government meeting, Karen Guggenheim is committed to helping others choose happiness and then spread it to others. While her mission is one of building a more joyous, enlightened world, her journey to happiness actually was born from a very tragic event: the sudden death of her husband. Find out how this life-changing tragedy led to creating an event designed to change the lives of others for the better. What you'll learn in this episode: How choosing happiness changed Karen’s life—and how to choose it for yourself What’s in store at the next World Happiness Summit March 16–18 Small steps you can take today to start being happier Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Watch Shawn Achor's "Leadership: Building Our Higher Purpose" keynote at WOHASU 2017. Get 20% off summit passes with the promo code LIVEHAPPY2018 at www.happinesssummit.world. Follow WOHASU on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
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A couple of ice skating together

Mindful Dating with Ken Page

Ken Page is a well-known psychotherapist and blogger for both Psychology Today and The Huffington Post who specializes in topics related to intimacy and spirituality. In his best-selling book, Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy, he teaches readers how to find lasting, more fulfilling relationships. What you'll learn in this episode: The common myths about dating that interfere with our relationships The two different types of attraction Why self-love is so important in our relationships Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase his book Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy. Download his free eBook: Four Insights to transform Your Search for Love
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Woman hunched over with a bird on her back

Dealing with Depression with Brent Williams

New Zealand native Brent Williams was a successful human rights attorney when a debilitating illness halted his career. The depression that overtook him not only ended his career, but also destroyed relationships with friends and family. In his new graphic novel, Out of the Woods, he chronicles his personal journey through depression while also sharing self-help strategies and some of the latest research on depression. What you'll learn in this episode: How keeping a journal can help with depression When to ask for help How to help friends and family members who struggle with depression and anxiety Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase his book Out of the Woods: A Journey Through Depression and Anxiety. Download a free sample of his book.
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People helping other people

Practice Random Acts of Kindness Every Day

Dylan Siegel, 10, has watched his best friend Jonah Pournazarian check his blood sugar daily since they were in preschool. He was 6 when he learned that Jonah has a rare and possibly fatal liver disease called GSD Type 1b. Dylan wanted to help. He decided to write a book and sell it to help find a cure for the disease. He titled his book Chocolate Bar, a phrase he says means “awesome.” His parents helped him print copies so he could sell it at school events—then the story went viral. Two years after publishing Chocolate Bar, Dylan has raised more than $1 million. “We are on the verge of curing or treating this disease and that would not have been possible if a 6-year-old hadn’t created this book,” said Jonah’s doctor, David Weinstein, M.D. “Kindness starts with one,” is the motto of the Random Act of Kindness Foundation, known as RAK. Formed in 1995, RAK encourages people to become kindness ambassadors. They believe everyone has the potential to change the world through caring actions—just as Dylan did. And so,RAKlaunched a 14-week #CaptureKindnesscampaign and photo contest on World Kindness Day (Nov. 13). It runs throughRAKWeek (Feb. 11–17). RAKinvites participants to look for kindness in everyday occurrences, preserve those moments by snapping photos and share the pictures with the hashtag #CaptureKindness. Each week will feature a different theme and the photographer who best captures it will be awarded a bagful of swag. The weekly winners will then be entered into a drawing for three grand prizes at the end of the contest—state-of-the-art cameras for memorializing more magnanimous moments. “Kindness is all around you if that’s where you place your focus,” says Rachelle Stubby,RAK’scommunity engagement coordinator. Rachelle is hopeful this year’s #CaptureKindnesscampaign helps people notice all the goodness in the world and that it inspires a bona fide kindness movement. Need inspiration? You’ll find tons of ideas for how to spread the love onRAK’s website, including: Surprise a neighbor with baked goods. Clean up a park with friends. Take toys to kids in a hospital. Purchase extra dog or cat food and drop it off at an animal shelter. RAK has a Kindness in the Classroom program for educators and is building up its resources for the workplace as well as for parents; moms and dads can find lots of fun games and activities that teach compassion and helpfulness on RAK’s site. You can join their community by becoming a “Raktivist” (learn how at randomactsofkindness.org). Rachelle encourages people to add thoughtful deeds to their everyday routine. “When you drive to work, let someone merge in front of you. Pay a small compliment to a co-worker or ground and dispose of it,” she says. Pay a small compliment to a co-worker or friend. Pick up trash you see on the ground and dispose of it,” she says. "Kindness requires intention—and it can change the world. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor toLive Happyand the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.
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Lady sitting down and pointing to a light bulb

Mindful Aging with Andrea Brandt

Dr. Andrea Brandt is a psychotherapist, speaker and author with nearly four decades of experience. Although she is a pioneer in the treatment of anger issues, she recently began going in a new direction to look at how we can age better. Her latest book, Mindful Aging: Embracing Your Life After 50 to Find Fulfillment, Purpose, and Joy,” looks at how we all bring more joy to the way we age—no matter what age we are. What you'll learn in this episode: What it means to age with mindfulness How to keep our brains fit as we age Key ways to increase happiness as we age Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase her book Mindful Aging: Embracing Your Life After 50 to Find Fulfillment, Purpose, and Joy. Check out her website here. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
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Elderly couple walking together

How to Build Love that Lasts with Suzie Pileggi Pawelski and James Pawelski

In the movies, happily ever after comes pretty easily. In real life? Not so much. But the husband and wife team of Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, a writer with a Master of Applied Positive Psychology degree from the University of Pennsylvania, and James Pawelski, Ph.D., professor of Practice and Director of Education in the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, have learned a few things about what it takes to be “Happy Together.” That’s the name of their new book, Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love that Lasts, and in this podcast they share the secrets of what it takes to create deep, lasting love. What you'll learn in this episode: How to bring out the best in yourself and your partner The importance of prioritizing positivity in your relationship How to go on a "strengths date" Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase their book Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love that Lasts. Check out their website here. Follow them on Facebook.
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