Happiness Revolution Illustration

Happiness Revolution

A young psychology student at Cal State, Ed Diener had grown up on a San Joaquin Valley farm and had been around farm workers all his life, and he thought it would be interesting to study happiness in migrant farm workers. “Mr. Diener,” his professor sniffed, “you are not doing that research project—for two reasons. First, farm workers are not happy. And second, there is no way to measure happiness.” Ed knew from firsthand experience that his professor was wrong on his first point. But just how do you scientifically measure the level of a person’s happiness? Ed was convinced this was worth looking into. He abandoned the project and did his paper on the topic of conformity. (History does not record whether the professor appreciated the irony.) When Happiness Was Out of Style That was the mid-1960s. By the early 1980s, now a tenured psychology professor, Ed threw himself into research on happiness. In 1984 he published his Satisfaction with Life Scale, a scientific index that so reliably measures “subjective well-being”— happiness—that it is still widely used today. Into the ’90s, he accumulated evidence and published papers on subjective well-being. His students and colleagues dubbed him Dr. Happiness. Still, the subject got little respect in scientific circles, and even as a tenured professor Ed was passed over for promotion by older professors, here calls, “because they thought what I was doing was so flaky.” He describes giving talks to economists in the early ’90s. “They just hated it,” he says, recalling times when he would barely get out a few sentences before being rudely cut off. “They were very aggressive in their colloquium,” is how the ever-affable Ed puts it. Dr. Happiness was still swimming against a massive tide—but a sea change was coming. A Chance Encounter In the winter of 1997 a man was hiking the beaches of Hawaii with his family, when his daughter said she heard a yell for help. “Sure enough,” he recalls, “down in the surf was a snowy-haired man, being pounded against the lava walls, razor-sharp with barnacles, and then being tossed back out into the turbulence.” He waded in and pulled the big man to safety, not realizing that he had just triggered a revolution. The man he had rescued was Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced cheek-sent-me-high), a Hungarian-born psychologist. Mihaly, called Mike by friends and colleagues, had dedicated his career to the study of that state of total engagement he called flow. Growing up in war-torn Europe had given Mike a profound experience of human suffering and human resilience—and that second side of the human coin intrigued him. What brings out our best and noblest traits? He wondered. Mike’s rescuer was Martin Seligman, one of the most eminent psychologists on the planet. A self-confessed grouch, Marty might have seemed the least likely happiness revolutionary. He had built his career on the study of what he called learned helplessness. (His first book bore the cheery title Helplessness: On Depression, Development, and Death.) Marty had long held little regard for the science-worthiness of something as “soft” as happiness, and he wasn’t personally all that big on it, either: “The feelings of happiness, good cheer, ebullience, self-esteem and joy,” he later wrote, “all remained frothy for me.” Power of Positive Emotion But Marty also possessed an indefatigable curiosity along with an idealistic streak. He genuinely wanted to help make the world a better place. As Mike observed, “Marty sometimes wishes he had been a rabbi when he grew up.” The two men clicked immediately and soon realized they shared a burning interest. Both felt that psychology had lost sight of its central reason for being, to better understand and foster “life worth living,” as Mike put it, “including such qualities as courage, generosity, creativity, joy and gratitude.” Up to then psychology had focused on the study and treatment of human suffering, which Marty felt was “a vexation to the soul.” He agreed with Abraham Maslow, who a half-century earlier had written, “The study of crippled, stunted, immature and unhealthy specimens can yield only a cripple psychology and a cripple philosophy.” Marty and Mike wanted to forge an approach focused on what goes right in human nature. A positive psychology. Birth of a Revolution Marty had a specific platform in mind. He had just been elected president of the American Psychological Association, which at 160,000 members was the largest scientific organization in the world. William James, the 19th century “father of modern psychology,” had held that chair, as did Carol Rogers, Abraham Maslow and other giants. Every incoming APA president was expected to set the membership’s agenda for the coming year, and Marty wanted to do something big. Talking deep into the Hawaiian night, the two men hatched a plan. Rather than trying to persuade their establishment colleagues to join them, they would focus on the classic tactic of revolutionaries: draw passionately committed new recruits from the ranks of the young. Over the following year they assembled a field of 50 candidates from among the most talented, promising students who were philosophically attuned to what they were up to and psychology’s most brilliant rising stars. From that 50 they winnowed a list of 18, whom they invited to a first-ever conference on positive psychology in Akumal, Mexico. All immediately accepted. Seldom (if ever) has a branch of science been planned so deliberately and precisely. Over the coming decade, these 18 would emerge as pioneers and prime movers in an explosive new field of psychology. Announcing a Manhattan Project Meanwhile Marty began preparing his inaugural address for the APA’s annual convention that summer, an event that would bring together thousands of top psychologists from around the nation. It wasn’t hard to imagine reactions ranging from polite skepticism to rejection to outright hostility. After all, hadn’t Marty himself viewed the whole idea of happiness as “frothy”? In August, as Marty took the podium, a hush fell over the crowd. Word had gotten around that something big was coming. “Entering a new millennium,” he said, “we face a historical choice. We can continue to increase our material wealth while ignoring the human needs of people on the rest of the planet. Or we can articulate a vision of the good life that is empirically sound, and show the world what actions lead to well-being, to positive individuals, to flourishing communities and to a just society.” The creation of a new science of positive psychology, he added, could serve as a “Manhattan Project” for the social sciences: requiring substantial resources but holding unprecedented promise. I have often been asked what was my reason, deep down, for running for president of APA. I will tell you now. I thought that in serving as president, I would discover my mission. And I did. That mission is to partake in launching a science and a profession whose aim is the building of what makes life most worth living." The “Manhattan Project” analogy may have been a little over the top, but it served its purpose. The auditorium rang with applause as the staid psychologists stood. “People came up to me afterward with tears in their eyes,” recalls Marty, “and said, ‘This is why I became a psychologist!’" Positive psychology was off and running. Funding a Revolution It takes cash to stage a revolution—especially in science. Happily, Marty also has gifts in this area, and in those early years his fund-raising skills brought in millions of research money from private foundations. Billionaire Chuck Feeney’s Atlantic Philanthropies helped establish the Positive Psychology Network, and billionaire physician turned-investor John Templeton funded the annual Templeton prizes, which at $100,000 a pop was the largest cash award ever given in psychology. The young movement had also built a strategic advantage: the Akumal Eighteen and its elder statesmen—Marty and Mike, along with Marty’s mentor and APA CEO Ray Fowler, Gallup organization CEO Don Clifton and Ed—held positions as editors of key journals in their field. “In 1981, when I started,” says Ed, “there were something like 100 published articles a year that even referred to well-being. In 1999 that number started to skyrocket.” Today it’s about 12,000 per year. In January 2000 the APA devoted a special issue of its flagship journal, American Psychologist, to positive psychology, with Marty and Mike as guest editors. It was the movement’s birth announcement to the profession. By late the following year the U.S. News & World Report published a cover story, “Happiness Explained.” For most of the 20th century, happiness was largely viewed as denial or delusion. Psychologists were busy healing sick minds, not bettering healthy ones. Today, however, a growing body of psychologists is taking the mystery out of happiness and the search for the good life. Three years ago, psychologist Martin Seligman … rallied colleagues to what he dubbed “positive psychology.” The movement focuses on humanity’s strengths, rather than its weaknesses, and seeks to help people move up in the continuum of happiness and fulfillment. Now, with millions of dollars in funding and over sixty scientists involved, the movement is showing real results." The American Psychologist special issue reached 160,000 psychologists. The U.S. News & World Report story went out to more than 2 million households. If the timing had been different, it might have been positive psychology’s shot heard round the world. But the impact was short-lived. The date on that issue’s cover? Sept. 3, 2001. What Good Is Happiness? Barbara Lee Fredrickson was making her way to a family funeral when she heard the news from lower Manhattan. “In a heartbeat,” she later reported, “my entire world no longer felt safe.” A psychologist at University of Michigan and the first recipient of the prestigious Templeton Prize, Barbara was one of the leading lights of positive psychology. Yet the events of 9/11 threw her into an emotional tailspin that she had a hard time shaking at first. “I was plagued by doubt,” she wrote of those dark days. “I wondered, Who will care? I honestly felt that the science of positivity was no longer relevant in this new era of terrorism. For the first time, I questioned the relevance of my life’s work.” Marty’s reflections were similar. “Since Sept. 11, 2001,” he wrote a few months later. “In times of trouble, does the understanding and alleviating of suffering trump the understanding and building of happiness?” The U.S. News & World Report story was quickly forgotten, and it would be years before the media would show any significant interest in the movement. At the moment, nobody was interested in reading about subjective well-being. In the long run, 9/11 and its aftermath had hardly any impact on the surge of new positive psychology research. But the questions highlighted one of the challenges: Can we justify pouring precious resources into studying what makes people feel good when there are so many pressing problems? To put it bluntly: What good is happiness? How to Positively Thrive One of the earliest scientific answers came from Barbara. Her “broaden and build” theory (published in 1998) proposed that while negative emotions serve the evolutionary purpose of helping humans survive, positive emotions help us thrive. While feelings of fear, shock and anger tend to focus our thoughts and actions, positive emotions—such as joy, interest, contentment or love—have the opposite effect. They open the mind’s focal lens wider (broaden), leading to greater discovery, learning, growth and development, allowing us to become more mentally resourceful, creative and socially integrated (build). In essence, being happier makes you smarter. According to a 2001 landmark study, it makes you live longer, too. Nearly 700 nuns, ranging in age from 75 to 102 and hailing from seven congregations across the U.S., had been followed for about 15 years, when researchers discovered that an archive had preserved a set of brief autobiographical sketches the women had written back in the 1930s, when they took their original vows. The scientists studied the sisters’ language, charting linguistic evidence of their enthusiasm, optimism and joy (or lack of them) and then cross-referenced the results with the women’s life histories. The results: At age 85, 90 percent of the most positive group were still alive, compared to only 34 percent of the least positive group. And by age 95 those numbers were 54 percent versus 11 percent. Knowing which nuns had written more positively about their lives in their twenties—some 70 years earlier—predicted which would live significantly longer. Happy Means Healthy Scores of studies soon followed, linking happiness to a wide range of tangible benefits, including less incidence of stroke, better resistance to colds and increased immune function, greater resilience to adversity and stronger intuition, less physical pain, lower cortisol levels and less stress and inflammation. In 2005, Ed and two of his Akumal Eighteen colleagues—Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside and Laura King, a professor of psychology of the University of Missouri, Columbia—made an extensive survey of the literature, reviewing some 300 studies involving more than a quarter million people. In their published metastudy, “The benefits of positive affect: Does happiness lead to success?” they reported compelling evidence that happier people are more likely to have: • better health and longer life • more fulfilling marriages and relationships • higher incomes and more financial success • better work performance and more professional success • more altruism and social and community involvement What’s more, they found happiness didn’t just correlate with these conditions, it preceded and predicted them consistently. Can You Really Increase Your Happiness? The growing evidence was unmistakable: increasing happiness is worth the effort. But the young movement faced a second, even bigger scientific hurdle: According to established scientific fact, happiness levels were pretty much established by our genes, and there wasn’t much we could do to change them. The idea of a genetically determined “happiness set point” came from studies based on the Minnesota Twin Registry, a major body of psychological and demographic data yielded by studying dozens of sets of twins. One landmark 1966 paper, for example, captured its depressing conclusion in its title: “Happiness is a stochastic [i.e., random] phenomenon.” Every individual has a distinct personality tendency, said the study’s authors, including a mood profile, and that profile is largely inherited. Plainly put: happiness is a roll of the genetic dice. Moreover, studies of lottery winners and paraplegic accident victims seemed to show that even when people experience extreme, unexpected fortune—good or bad—the resulting leap in happiness or despair tends to flatten out over time. In other words, we get used to it. If the change is bad (even awful), we learn to cope. If it’s good, no matter how good, we soon start taking it for granted. This behavior pattern, called “hedonic adaptation,” had been accepted scientific canon for decades. The authors of the “happiness is stochastic” study summed up this position in a wry note that became famous in scientific circles: “It may be that trying to be happier is as futile as trying to be taller.” Now it was up to the positive psychologists to challenge that notion. Akumal Members Tackle the Dogma For Sonja Lyubomirsky, the happiness question piqued her interest at an early age. Upon emigrating from Russia, she immediately realized that people in America seemed happier. From then on, she became intrigued with the question of what makes some people happier than others. In January 2001, Sonja suspected that people could increase their own happiness levels and empirical evidence could surely be discovered. So, just as she had done previously with Ed to the “Does happiness lead to success?” study, she along with two Akumal alums combed through data from existing studies as well as recent work and found a critical flaw in the happiness set point theory. It didn’t fit all the data. It fit about half. In their paper, “Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change,” the three researchers described three prime factors that influence our individual level of happiness: • our genetic makeup • our external circumstances, such as location, surroundings, level of income and job • our own behaviors Genetics, they found, dictate about 50 percent of our happiness level (set point), and circumstances change that very little, or up to 10 percent (adaptation). The remaining 40 percent is determined by what we say, do and think. About 40 percent of our own level of happiness is entirely within our own control. Sonja and her colleagues cited experiments, called “happiness interventions,” that showed simple daily activities could measurably increase positive well-being—and that those increases stayed in place even long after the experiments ended. One such study showed that students who kept a daily tab of minor positive events in their lives for 10 weeks showed less illness, a more positive outlook and greater happiness than the groups who noted daily hassles or emotion-neutral events. Another study had a trial group perform five “acts of kindness” every week for six weeks and found the same general impact. A flood of similar studies showed similar results. In an interview a few years before his death, David Lykken, the researcher who made the “as futile as trying to be taller” statement, said he regretted the remark. He added, “It’s clear that we can change our happiness levels widely—up or down.” The Revolution Hits the Streets In January 2005, Time magazine ran a cover story, “The Science of Happiness,” including the articles “Why Optimists Live Longer” and “Is Joy in Your Genes?” to “Does God Want Us to Be Happy?” A constant flow of coverage followed, from The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times to CNN and the BBC. Popular books followed, from Dan Gilbert’s Stumbling on Happiness (2006) to The How of Happiness (2007) by Sonja to Barbara’s Positivity (2009). In 2011, a New York author, Gretchen Rubin, published an instructional memoir about her project to take on a different strategy for greater happiness each month for a year. The Happiness Project shot to the top of the New York Times Nonfiction Best Sellers list and stayed for weeks. Not long after the Time piece ran, the press picked up a story on a course in positive psychology offered at Harvard by a young associate professor named Tal Ben-Shahar. When he first offered the seminar in 2002, eight had signed up. Two years later, offered as a lecture course, 380 students enrolled. A few years later he offered it again—and this time 855 students made it Harvard’s largest course. Be Happy in Your Work The business community caught wind of the revolution. In 2010 The Business of Happiness, by billionaire serial entrepreneur Ted Leonsis, Happiness at Work, by influential Long Island University business professor Srikumar Rao, and The Happiness Advantage, by Harvard assistant psychology professor turned- business consultant Shawn Achor appeared. That year, when Zappos founder Tony Hsieh published his business memoir, Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion and Purpose, it debuted at No. 1 on the New York Times Best Sellers list and stayed for 27 consecutive weeks. In 2012 the Harvard Business Review, the gold standard of academic business journalism, dedicated its January/February issue to a cover story, “The Value of Happiness: How Employee Well-Being Drives Profits.” Its lead editorial explained their decision: “Happiness can have an impact at both the company and the country level. We’ve learned a lot about how to make people happy. We’d be stupid not to use that knowledge.” Toward Gross National Happiness With the help of Ed and Nobel Prizewinner Daniel Kahneman, Don Clifton’s Gallup organization developed increasingly powerful survey tools providing exhaustively comprehensive data. And in the past few years local and national governments around the world have been floating and in some cases implementing proposals to measure subjective well-being, along with economic measures like GNP and GDP, as yardsticks of their state of health. Marty says, “I just reviewed a proposal for the National Academy of Science, in which a dozen of the most prestigious economists and psychologists in America propose to the government that they create the equivalent of a Bureau of Labor Statistics for well-being.” Ed explains, “People pay attention to what is measured. In my mind, this is the biggest story in positive psychology.” The movement is not without critics. “There are clinical psychologists who still regard me as the Darth Vader of psychology,” muses Marty. “I get hate letters every so often.” And there are those who deride positive psychology as a careless “happiology” campaign led by zealots and simplistic thinking. But these are in the minority. Psychology Gets With the Program “I Google positive psychology every day,” says Marty, “and I’d say the ratio these days is about 5:1, positive comments to negative. I recently saw a Google Ngram search [a search of words and phrases in Google’s library of digitized books] that showed references to the phrase positive psychology now outnumber references to cognitive neuroscience. Right now it’s probably the most popular movement in psychology.” This new level of respect, he adds, offers a wide-open field for young researchers who aren’t likely to face the skepticism he did half a century ago. Thankfully, Marty, Mike, Ed, Barbara, Sonja and many other positive psychologists did weather early trials and challenges. Their work has sparked conversations and initiatives around the world on happiness. People everywhere are benefiting from positive psychology—even if they don’t know about its amazing and unlikely beginning.
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Author and life coach Martha Beck

Go Straight for the Joy and Follow Your Purpose

In 2004 I was enjoying the highest-paying, most respectable job I had ever worked. Everything from the title on my business card to the location of the building fed my notion of success. Then a Cadillac Escalade sideswiped me on my way home one evening. After an ambulance ride and an MRI, I was told there was a problem with my spine. Over the course of the next few months, I waited to find out if I needed surgery. And everything changed. “If you had asked me a week before that accident if I was happy, I would’ve said yes,” I told life coach Martha Beck over the phone. “I had this dream job, a nice car, and everybody thought I was hot stuff. But a week after the accident, I found myself saying, ‘Oh my gosh, I’m scared to death. I don’t belong at that job. I don’t think I like myself anymore. I’m not following my purpose, and I feel like I’m suffocating something inside of me.’ ” Beck laughed. Not a malicious laugh, but a knowing one. She told me the car accident tore my blinders off so I could see the unhappiness I had been denying in favor of a shiny, socially acceptable image of a successful life. Since then I’ve followed my purpose in a much more meaningful way, writing to help others while pursuing my dream of becoming a (one-day) published novelist. But I asked her, “What about people like me who are still living in a state of denial, who are doing everything right on the outside, but somewhere, deep down, aren’t really happy? People can’t just wait to have a car wreck.” “Oh, sure they can,” Beck said, laughing again. “That’s the thing about planet Earth. It’s just full of car wrecks.” Beyond Mental Models Martha Beck was once called “the best-known life coach in the country,” byUSA Today. She didn’t start with that moniker in mind, but there was a part of her that always knew she was supposed to help others find their purpose. In her bookSteering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny, she recalls writing a mission statement for a scholarship application when she was 16 years old. It read: “My mission in life is to help people bridge the gaps that separate them from their true selves, from one another, and from their destiny.” She took a few detours after earning her sociology doctorate from Harvard, but over the last 25 years, as a columnist forO, The Oprah Magazine, an advocate for indigenous communities in Africa,and author of theNew York Timesbest-sellersFinding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live,Steering by StarlightandFinding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want, she has followed that mission. She says that people come to her all the time after experiencing their own version of a car wreck. “There are three ways to be jolted or moved out of the life that’s not working for you,” Beck says. “One is shock, which would be your car accident or losing your job or whatever it is. The next one is opportunity. Say, you fall in love and you get a chance to marry your soul mate, but it means changing everything. “And the third is growth; you simply wake up one morning and what satisfied you yesterday is starting to feel empty. And as you grow more and more as a being, you fit less and less into a life that isn’t right for you. You’ll outgrow it like your baby clothes, and then you have a choice to either try to contort yourself back into it or to leave.” Beck says this kind of growth spurt happens to a lot of people at midlife. Prior to the growth—or the car accident or the life-changing relationship—we become fixated on what she calls “mental models” of what we’re supposed to be. We get these mental models from our families, friends, institutions like universities, and society. “The nice thing about this point in history,” she says, “is that it really has boiled down to compass versus culture. Your inner compass is now more important than ever because the culture that tells us what we’re supposed to be is fragmenting.” Beck believes the jobs that once gave us prestige and opportunities to rise through a hierarchy are much rarer, thanks to a culture that is placing increasing value on flexibility and self-expression. “It gives you an opportunity to stop following the culture and start following your inner compass,” she says. “The car crash did that to you, but for a lot of people it’s just a dissolution of other things in the social universe. Industry, jobs, even families are less cohesive than they used to be. And all those are sort of little car wrecks for the mind.”Following Your Feelings Whether the life around us begins to fit too snugly or we have a sudden moment of clarity, the question becomes: How do we listen to our inner compass? “The mechanism by which you find your purpose is born into you, and it expresses itself through emotion,” Beck says. “So what brings you positive, joyful and liberating sensations emotionally—and physically, actually—that’s going to be closer to your purpose. And anything that makes you feel shut down, constricted, weighed down, physically weak—that’s going to be a step away from your purpose. And life is just a game of, you’re getting warmer, you’re getting colder. If you take a step with every decision toward what makes you feel most free, you’ll end up at your purpose very quickly.” Unfortunately, that sounds simple, but it isn’t always easy. To start, Beck suggests we spend more time in silence, which allows us “to find a sense of peace and equilibrium within” and results in a keener awareness of our inner compass. Fifteen minutes in the morning and at night—whether meditating or walking quietly—is sufficient. The goal is to get in touch with whatever is making our current situation feel too constricting or just plain wrong. Because, she says, the incentive to move and make real change has to come from within. The more attention we pay to our inner compass, the more dramatic the directives will become. Or as Beck says, “The truth of your purpose will start to spin itself out inside you.” Beating the Bear Sometimes, even taking the time to look within can be scary. And ultimately, doing something, as she says, “that feels really delicious,” and making a decision to change our life in a way that fulfills our purpose, arouses a good deal of fear. “Fear actually is not an emotion to which you should pay a lot of attention,” Beck says. “Fear is an automatic response of a very basic part of the brain, and in most people it’s highly active, even when we’re sitting in a completely peaceful spot. We scare ourselves with stories like, ‘I’ll never be able to make it in this rarefied field.’ ‘I can’t quit a steady job; it’s irresponsible for me to give up this paycheck and healthbenefits.’ ” Then Beck quotes Buddha: “Just as we can know the ocean because it always tastes of salt, we can recognize enlightenment because it always tastes of freedom.” She relates this idea to the effort we make at discovering our purpose and then finding the courage to see it through. “The question is not, ‘Am I afraid to do this?’ ” she says. “The question is, ‘Does the thought of doing this bring me more freedom?’ Freedom is often frightening. But it’s not suffocating and soul-killing.” The good news, she says, is that neuroscientists now know that it’s the edge between what is possible and what is almost too difficult to master where we actually create the most dopamine, a brain chemical responsible for a feeling of pleasure, bliss and what psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow. Csikszentmihalyi spent decades researching the positive aspects of human experience and summarizes what he found in his bookFlow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. He says people are happiest when they are in a state of flow, which entails concentration to the point of complete absorption in an activity. This only happens when we’re doing something that is almost too hard for us, like rock climbing or mastering a run on the piano. The accompanying feelings, such as fulfillment, engagement and motivation, supersede our usual concerns like hunger, worry and regret. “We call it joy when we come out of it,” Beck says of the flow phenomenon. She uses the example of playing golf: “As strange as it seems, the brain has to be so quiet to do a perfect golf swing, to get everything connected the right way. It’s right at the edge of too hard.” And ask any golfer—it’s addictive. If we’re happiest and most satisfied when we’re pushing ourselves, and then we have to ignore the fear that tells us if we go beyond our comfort zone, disaster will strike. If we’re to succeed in taking a risk and pursuing our purpose, we have to realize that fear is not a red light, but rather a consistent companion we must learn to manage. “If there is a bear in the room, fear is useful,” Beck says. “If all that’s in the room scaring you is the thought,There’s no way I could make money by becoming a musician, that’s not a useful fear. It creates a sense of entrapment rather than freedom. So you measure things not by whether they’re scary or not, but by whether they’re liberating or not.” Creating New Models OK, but what about a paycheck? Most of us balk at the idea of chucking it all in favor of a life pursuing our purpose if we may or may not be able to pay the bills, especially if we have a spouse or a family who needs things like Internet access and running water. In fact, some of us may have known for a long time—years—what our purpose truly is. But we haven’t been able to fit it into those traditional mental models we inherited. Think of those voices that say, “Being an actor isn’t a real job.” Or “Running a nonprofit won’t pay the bills.” Besides, some of us may discover that our dissatisfaction lies with our relationships or our creative expression outside of a career path. Again, here’s the good news. First of all, remember that you may not need to quit your job to follow your purpose. For example, starting a nonprofit may not be the best choice for someone with no business experience. Instead, maybe you’ll find fulfillment in volunteering and becoming an integral part of someone else’s organization. And if your dissatisfaction lies in unsupportive relationships—family or friends who discourage you from spending the time you need on a particular pursuit—you have some choice in that as well. After all, you set your own boundaries and expectations for how others treat you. Work at compromise with others but don’t compromise your soul’s desire. To those of us who need to make a profound career shift, Beck says, “This is the best time ever to strike out on your own and create income in new ways. There are ways that creativity is wanted now that couldn’t possibly have generated income in the past.” She points to Daniel Pink’s bookA Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future. In it, Pink writes: “The last few decades have belonged to a certain kind of person with a certain kind of mind—computer programmers who could crank code, lawyers who could craft contracts, MBAs who could crunch numbers. But the keys to the kingdom are changing hands. The future belongs to a very different kind of person with a very different kind of mind—creators and empathizers, pattern recognizers, and meaning makers. These people—artists, inventors, designers, storytellers, caregivers, consolers, big-picture thinkers—will now reap society’s richest rewards and share its greatest joys.” Beck says the whole concept of a job in the 20th century was based on factory labor, where you show up and put in a certain number of hours in the same place with other workers. Today she believes technology is making that largely unnecessary, so those types of jobs are disappearing. “And these weird opportunities to make money doing creative things are starting to open up,” she says, and then corrects herself. “They’re not starting to open up—they’re avalanching.” For example, when Beck’s daughter graduated from college and was going to move on to graduate school, she asked her daughter how she felt about the decision. Her daughter replied, “Well, the only frustrating thing is that it’s so hard to find time to draw, and actually that’s how I’ve been making money recently.” Turns out, Beck’s daughter had been illustrating a very successful webcomic. From that project, she got referrals and commissions to the extent that she was making so much money at it, she wondered why she was going to graduate school at all. Selling illustrations from a webcomic may not sound like a career when we compare it with our current mental models, but it is, in fact, a viable way to make a living doing what you love. “Who cares if it doesn’t exist as an official career?” Beck asks. “Let’s make new models.” While that may seem well and good for a young woman fresh out of college, it can be tougher for people who are more established in life to follow that deep calling and make drastic changes that alter our career paths. Beck says Seth Godin “does a brilliant job of figuring out how to monetize creative endeavors and how to use the new technologies to set you free to do what you love and still make a good living.” InLinchpin: Are You Indispensable?, Godin writes, “The problem is that our culture has engaged in a Faustian bargain, in which we trade our genius and artistry for apparent stability.” And while he agrees you don’t have to necessarily quit your job to do it, he suggests that, “It’s time to stop complying with the system and draw your own map.”Going for the Joy Beck was 25 years old when she had her own version of a car wreck and was forced to draw a new map. Over the phone, she relives her moment of clarity with me, recalling the incident that inspired her 1999 book,Expecting Adam. “I was almost six months pregnant,” she says. “All my adult life I had been at Harvard and really thought that the purpose of my life was to climb this hierarchy created by my culture, which in my case was education. But, you know, I hoped it would lead to moneymaking and power, wealth and status. “My child was already very real to me, very bonded. I’d been feeling him kick for months. It was not early in the pregnancy. Then he was diagnosed with Down syndrome.” The people who had been her mentors, her teachers and leaders, told her she shouldn’t have the baby. “I was told that his life was worthless and meaningless and really shouldn’t happen. And the people who told me that meant well, but suddenly I began to wonder,What is the purpose of a human life? What makes it OK to bring a human life into the world?And I realized that a lot of the people who were telling me that this baby could never be happy, were not happy. “I didn’t know anyone with Down syndrome, but I had heard they could be happy people. And well, in that case, what is the justification for being? I decided the experience of joy is its own excuse for being. And that if I could have none of that in my life, it wouldn’t be worth living. And that if my son could have a tremendous amount of joy in his life, then it was worth living even if he never went to Harvard. So I did not terminate the pregnancy, and I have had this little Zen master ever since. “Go straight for the joy,” she says. Beck says what we really want isn’t stuff. It’s the emotion we associate with the stuff. This was revolutionary to me—the idea that when we want a nice car, what we are really after is the exhilaration we feel when driving a powerful engine at high speeds or the pleasure we get from fine craftsmanship or the improved self-image from being seen in a nice car. Unfortunately, the possessions, jobs and relationships we go after don’t always give us the emotions we think they will yield. “So go straight for the joy,” she says. “Eliminate themiddleman.” Beck changed her path once Adam was born. She started studying how other people were creating fulfillment in their lives. Today, as a mother of three, she suggests that finding joy involves mindfulness, which is similar to Csikszentmihalyi’s notion of flow. Harvard psychology professor Ellen Langer defines mindfulness as the process of actively noticing new things, letting go of preconceived ideas and acting on our new observations. Mindlessly pursuing the safe things in life—the routine, the expected career path—may seem like a sure way to security and happiness.But when we live mindfully, noticing and following our good feelings, we discover what makes us truly happy. We discover our purpose. While that may temporarily translate into difficulty and fear, we have the choice to approach these not as obstacles, but as the paths that lead to joy. We have a choice to either try to contort ourselves back into a life that no longer fits us or to get quiet, listen and act on what we hear. Finding our purpose is about finding the willingness to listen to our truest selves and then ignoring the fear. Unless, of course, there’s a bear in the room. Minding Your Purpose Martha Beck recommends employing mindfulness to discover what you truly feel about various aspects of your life and, hopefully, to point you in the direction of your purpose. Remember a time you had to do something that was not joyful for you. It could be related to work, school, relationships, whatever, just something you didn’t like. Now recall the memory of it and notice how your body feels. Then go to a memory of something that made you deeply contented. Remember that vividly. Notice how your body feels. One sensation in your body points toward your purpose—the good feeling. And the other points toward what you’re meant toavoid. Now write a list of things you have to do this week. Go down the list and imagine doing each thing. Notice how your bodyresponds. Score each item on your list. The most negative physical response gets a -10. The most positive gets a +10. Score it as zero if it’s neutral. For example, something slightly negative, like doing the laundry, might be -2. Survey your scores. Are you feeding the good feelings or focusing on thenegative? If you really want to up the ante, Beck suggests cutting out one thing you were going to do that gives you a negative reading and adding one that gives you a higher reading. She says if you keep making that replacement over time, you will create the optimal life.
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Smiling man giving a woman a piggyback ride on a beach

Play Nice, Fight Fair

By the time I married, I’d already been an entrepreneur for several years, but I did bring my spouse into the business… or tried to, anyway. The experiment was short-lived, something that would not surprise David and Jamillah Lamb, business partners, spouses and co-authors ofPerfect Combination: Seven Key Ingredients to Happily Living & Loving Together.Also founders of Between the Lines Productions Inc., a New York theater company, the Lambs have been working together for 10 years, and they’ve learned a lot along the way. “We wrote the book in response to our audiences,” Jamillah says. “People were always surprised to hear we worked together 24-7.” Of course, she will be the first to say that she believesallcouples work together, whether they’re in the same office or not. Managing a household, kids—not to mention the relationship itself—is work.So how does this happily married couple keep the peace on the stage, behind the scenes and at home? They follow the motto “Love like kids; act like adults.” That means combining the joy of being spontaneous, playing together and exploring with taking responsibility for one’s actions. “Don’t say, ‘We never go anywhere,’ ” Jamillah advises. “Take responsibility for going somewhere!”Jamillah says a lot of couples see working together as doubling the opportunity for conflict in a relationship, and that can be true. But she says, “It also doubles the opportunities for growth.”How to Love Like Lambs (David and Jamillah Lamb, That Is)The authors ofPerfect Combination: Seven Key Ingredients to Happily Living & Loving Together share a few tricks of the trade:Let go of the desire to be in control.If one of you does something better than the other, then play to each other’s strengths. Don’t worry about gender roles. If your husband loves to cook, let him do it. There’s no reason you can’t mow the grass if being outdoors is more your style.Appreciate each other, and remember to show it.Pay attention.If you notice something is difficult for your partner, then don’t force her to do it. Notice what she likes to do and what motivates her. “Pay the same attention to each other as you did when you were courting,” David advises.Don’t take the business home.“One of the things we had to learn was not to bring anger or frustration we felt against our employees into our relationship,” Davidsays.Praise first.Even if you have to criticize your spouse, watch how you do it. Point out something he does right first.Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.Take time apart.Cultivate relationships, hobbies and joy outside of the partnership. Maintain your identity as individuals.Let the little stuff go.Take a step back and remember the bigger vision for both your marriage and yourbusiness.
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Ron Howard Illustration

Ron Howard Keeps Family Life in Focus

For Ron Howard, the secrets of happiness are simple, yet profound. “It’s about enthusiastically putting one foot in front of the other, and looking forward to what’s next, handling the challenges and doing the chores,” says the director of Splash, Apollo 13 and now Rush. Ron learned from the imaginary world of movies how to see the real world in fresh ways: “You have to create a special environment in order to catch something extraordinary. You never know when exceptional moments are going to happen, so you have to stay on your toes or you’ll miss them.” In fact, you might say Ron’s mantra and another of his secrets of happiness is the question he’s constantly asking, “How’m I doin’?” Happiness is also all about family and all that represents, Ron explains. It’s about how he treats people. “It’s about noticing what’s in my frame,” says the director, “what’s right in front of me and never allowing myself tobe bored.” Happiness is about love, his favorite word. “It’s loving what I do and who I do it with.” Happiness is about accepting what is beyond a person’s control, including his shrinking hairline–“I got used to it a long time ago.” And it’s much deeper than perfection or bank accounts. “Honestly, if I wasn’t a director, I’d probably be a basketball coach,” he says. “I know I’d love that, too, because I actually did coach my daughters’ high school team a while ago.” Ron married his high school sweetheart and the love of his life, Cheryl Gay Alley, in 1975, when they were 21. About that time he was beginning to experiment with films. He cast Cheryl in the first one, and he still puts her in all his movies. “I call her my good luck charm,” he says. Now they have four grown children and three grandchildren. Cheryl is a pro in her own right, and she’s an adventurous woman whose dad taught her to fly a plane and handle a gun. She researched and wrote the novel In the Face of Jinn, which takes place in Pakistan. “She loves travel and exploring different cultures,” says Ron. According to Cheryl, he says, “one of the things that brought us and has held us together was our appreciation of a good story.” And Cheryl is obviously very much in love with Ron. “He dazzles me,” she told Connecticut magazine. Cheryl coped with the travel requirements of Ron’s career by being willing to move whenever necessary to keep the family together. The couple took their children along on location, and Cheryl handled the logistics, even home-schooling some of the time. “We wanted to live a whole life with our children, so we didn’t compartmentalize,” Ron says. “It was unsettling and confusing. It was chaotic, but they rolled with the punches.” In fact, when Cheryl was pregnant with their son Reed, she arranged for the whole family to be in London. Ron was making Willow, and the move allowed him to be present at Reed’s birth. It was the act of “a real hands-on mom,”he says. Daughter Bryce Dallas remembers, “My mom gave so much to us when we were growing up. Even now she stays very involved in keeping the family together.” A profile of Ron in Connecticut magazine quotes Cheryl telling other moms in their town, “If you ever see any red-haired kids so much as smoking downtown, I want to know about it!” “When I had kids she gave me a piece of surprising advice,” Bryce says. “She said that when it comes to building a strong family, it’s always important to prioritize the marriage. You have to be stable in your marriage and personal relationships before you can impart stability to your children.” Cheryl lives this advice. “My parents have always made time for the little things,” Bryce says. Bryce tells about her parents’ coffee dates, bike rides, trips to the farmers market and watching movies and TV shows together. “As hard as it must be to juggle kids, life, a career and all those responsibilities, they truly prioritize their friendship,” Bryce says. “It’s something my husband and I really pay attention to and try to emulate.” Memorably, Ron and Cheryl gave each of their children a middle name that stands for where he or she was conceived. Daughter Paige says, “I don’t know what they were thinking!” There is Bryce Dallas (representing Texas), her twin sisters Paige and Joselyn Carlyle (in honor of the famed Carlyle Hotel in Manhattan), and son Reed Cross (named after a street in a small town where they were living at the time). Now, Bryce is an accomplished actress and the mother of two children, Theo and Beatrice. She’s married to actor Seth Gabel. Paige is also pursuing an acting career, and Joselyn, a fairly new mom herself, is finishing school and is married to actor/writer Dane Charbeneau. Ron and Cheryl’s son, Reed, is on the pro golf tour. What’s next for Ron and family? He’s already started a project based on a survival story by Herman Melville, who wrote Moby-Dick. “It’s a masterpiece,” Ron says. He found it in the book In the Heart of the Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex, by Nathaniel Philbrick. He is currently working with daughter Bryce on Project Imagin8ion, sponsored by Canon. The project encourages the public to submit photos; winners are selected to inspire short films and experimental movies. Joselyn’s husband, Dane, wrote the first film that resulted from the project, and Bryce directed. “It’s the first time we’ve worked together in this way, and I must admit it’s beautiful for me to be able to say the words, ‘my daughter, the director,’ because I know the joy that awaits her,” Ron says. After all, as he says, it’s that joy, and love, that leads to the happinessRon feels.
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Kids play skiprope on Morro Strand State Beach

Boost Your Mood: 23 Ways to Up Your Love of Life

When we have a legal issue, we call in a lawyer. When the pipes burst, we ring up a plumber. When tax time rolls around, we schedule an appointment with our accountant. So why, when it comes to one of the most instrumental aspects of our personal and professional lives—being happy—are we so remiss about deferring to the experts? To help you make up for lost time, we consulted a squad of qualified sources, from lifestyle coaches to licensed psychologists, who were only too happy to share their insights and ideas about how to put—and keep—a smile on your face and a spring in your step. After all, shouldn’t happiness be a top priority on your daily to-do list?Happiness 101Gregg Steinberg, author of the best-selling self-help bookFull Throttlesays, “Happiness in everyday life is all about mastering our emotions. You can be miserable even when you are successful, and you can be happy even if you are not successful. Your emotional mastery is key to your happiness.”Steinberg, who is a tenured professor of human performance and teaches a course called “Mental Health and Happiness” at Austin Peay State University in Clarksville, Tenn., coaches people to develop an emotional toughness that will help them achieve their best possible state and to create effective emotional habits so that you will return to your best state under pressure. One of his favorite tips involves dealing with colleagues who drain you and create unhappiness. “To change this [dynamic], I tell people to make up a story about the colleague so that they see that person in a more empathetic and compassionate way. For instance, for a colleague who is very annoying and is constantly needing your attention, you can make up a story about how that person never got any attention at home from their mom and dad as a child, so they seek out attention elsewhere to make up for this deficiency. With that story in mind, you will see the colleague as less annoying and you will be happier and less drained.”Retrain Your BrainAt 19, Joseph McClendon was broke and living in a cardboard box. Depressed and ashamed, he felt he had nothing to live for. While riding his motorcycle one day, he contemplated swerving into oncoming traffic and ending it all. But then, in the blink of an eye, the semi-truck in front of him blew a tire, and everything changed. McClendon remembers the incident in his new book,Get Happy NOW!“Seconds before, I wanted to die. But now I had no choice, and I watched in horror as a 100-pound chunk of flying, jettisoned rubber propelled backward toward my head. A part of me welcomed the irony and an end to my pain, so I braced for the impact. But instinctively my physical reflexes kicked in and I ducked. The chunk missed my head, but it hit me in the shoulder hard and knocked me off my bike, sending me cartwheeling like a rag doll…. Life has a way of shaking you up.”From that moment, McClendon realized he wanted to live. That awareness initiated the transformation of a once-homeless man into one of the top performance coaches in the country, with a client list that includesFortune500 executives. In this latest book, he explores happiness—“a fundamental element of life that so many humans are missing.”Here is one of many exercises in the book—this particular one “designed for clarity and focus.” Get out a pen and give these three areas some thought:1. Take a moment to think realistically about where you are and what you want to change. Think about the things that stress you and detract from your success. If it’s paying bills late and accruing hundreds of dollars of late fees as a result, be open and honest with yourself about why you avoid looking at bills…. If you have problems in business or in a relationship, write them down. The point of this exercise is to honestly understand where you are, in order to navigate out of it.2. I’m successful in many areas, but the things I’d like to work on to be happier overall are: _____________.3. I could be much more understanding, patient or focused on certain things. I could increase my character traits (patience, love, giving, joy, discipline) and become better at: ______________________ .Now, with these insights in mind, you can move forward to solutions, and one small step at a time, implement habits that result in a happier you.Another exercise McClendon recommends, substantially shortened here, helps you replace negative thoughts with positive ones the instant those rotten thoughts crop up. So if you’re at work and you find yourself thinking, I suck at numbers. I can’t do this, immediately replace that put-down with one of McClendon’s favorite positive phrases: I freakin’ rock!Gratitude = A Better AttitudeMelanie Greenberg, a licensed clinical and health psychologist who has aPsychology Todayblog called “The Mindful Self-Express,” believes that writing a gratitude diary is one of the “ingredients of a healthy, balanced life.” Yeah, you’ve heard it before; that’s because it works. Here’s her advice for a new approach:1. Find a notebook that either has an attractive cover or that you can decorate yourself with a picture that inspires you.2. At the end of each day, take 15 minutes to write a gratitude entry.3. Begin by reflecting on all of the people and things that helped you or brought you pleasure that day. It might be the sight of a beautiful flower, the sunshine, the taste of good food, a joke or call from a friend, a hug from your spouse or child, a creative project, exercise, or an organizational tool. You might be grateful to yourself for getting an important project done.4. Close your eyes and focus on the feelings of gratitude that these things bring you. Really breathe and absorb the feeling of being helped and supported.5. Now write a diary entry that expresses your gratitude for these things. You may choose to make a list of items or pick just one or two to focus on. Write a sentence or paragraph, draw a picture, make a collage, paste a photograph, or write or print out a poem, song or prayer.6. At the end of each week, read over your diary entries and add any other thoughts or insights that may come up. Think about how being grateful has helped your health, well-being or relationships that week and record that.7. At the end of the month, review the whole journal, noting any changes in happiness that you observe.Start ’Em Out YoungOf all of the life lessons we teach our kids, one of them should surely be how to be happy, and Educational Insights has made it all that much easier with the brand-newThe 7 Habits of Happy Kids. The game, which promotes “playtime that lasts a lifetime,” was inspired by TheNew York Timesbest-selling book of the same name, written by Sean Covey. “The 7 Habits of Happy Kids Game teaches kids about the underlying principles of true happiness, such as personal responsibility, integrity, the importance of relationships, life balance and service to others,” Covey says. “No matter how old or young, rich or poor, these principles always apply, and no one can ever be truly happy without following them.” As players progress around the 7 Habits game board, they draw cards that prompt them to perform activities based on these all-important traits, such as teamwork or listening (after everyone lists a favorite ice cream flavor, the cardholder has to repeat them back, matching each person to the correct flavor).Dirty Socks and Seat BeltsGretchen Rubin had an epiphany one day on a cross-town bus when she found herself asking, “What do I want from life, anyway?” The result is both a top-selling memoir and a popular blog titled The Happiness Project, where she writes about the tools and techniques necessary to achieve the ideal state of bliss. For one thing, she has started compiling a list of the “bare minimum” things we should do on a daily basis in order to be happy and healthy.“The list doesn’t include major challenges, like ‘Quit smoking,’ ” Rubin says, although she admits this is obviously an important goal.Instead, she chose “concrete, very essential things” to do as part of her everyday routine. As you read them, think about what you would add to this list of self-caring activities.Wear your seat belt.Take prescription medications properly.Go for a 10-minute walk (preferably outside).Put your keys and wallet away in the same place.Take something with you. For instance, drop your dirty socks in the hamper on your way from your bedroom to the kitchen.Charge your phone.Connect with someone close to you.Go to bed in time to get a good night’s sleep.What’s Good Posture Got to Do With It?Who knew simply sitting up straight could make you happier? At least that’s what Michael Mercer, a psychologist from Barrington, Ill., says. Mercer is the co-author ofSpontaneous Optimism: Proven Strategies for Health, Prosperity & Happiness, and maintaining good posture is just one of the five techniques he has come up with for instantly raising your happiness quotient.1. Stand up straight and take big steps. Walking with your shoulders back, your head held high, and taking long, brisk steps exudes confidence and positivity, whereas if you’re slouched over and dragging your feet, you come off as and feel like a gloomy Gus.2. Speak in a cheerful voice. A surefire way to lift your mood is to use a cheery voice. In other words, if you sound happy, you are happy.3. Use upbeat words. Upsetting words are the trademark of pessimists. For example, a pessimist would say, “I have a problem,” while an optimist would turn it around and say, “I have an opportunity to do better next time.”4. Have an upbeat attitude. The chief method for becoming an eternal optimist is to concentrate on solutions, not problems. That way you avoid all the complaining and blaming and focus instead on how to remedy the situation. When you find yourself worrying, focus on this phrase: For every problem, there is a solution.5. Be a good role model. There’s an old saying that goes, “What goes around, comes around.” So keep in mind that when you help someone else, you’re also helping yourself.Serenity NowIn his books The Art of Serenityand The Spirit of Happiness, T. Byram Karasu takes readers on a spiritual journey to self-fulfillment. So it comes as no surprise that Karasu’s recipe for happiness involves a sprinkling of peaceful reflection: “In your mind, always go to joyful places,” advises Karasu, a professor in the Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences at New York’s Albert Einstein College of Medicine.“Everyone, even the most unfortunate of us, will have something joyful in our past. You should write those episodes down in detail, in chronological order. Then find a moment of solitude and visualize those memories and try to re-experience the emotions associated with them. Do it again the following few days until they are fully registered and remembered instantly when needed. Thereafter, take a few meditative minutes each day to evoke one of those emotionally joyful memories. Usually, the first one will bring the person to a good mood; if not, then the second, the third, etc., must be evoked until happiness does set in.”Look for the Silver LiningWhen Aurora Winter’s husband was only 33, he died suddenly, leaving her a widow with a 4-year-old son to raise. Heartbroken and scared, she wrestled with the nagging feeling that his loss was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. But when she allowed herself to wonder if there was possibly any good to come from it, she began to feel empowered. The former film and TV producer’s journey toward a renewed sense of faith, hope and joy is the basis of her bookFrom Heartbreak to Happiness: An Intimate Diary of Healing. Winter has since become a speaker, life coach and founder of the Grief Coach Academy, an organization that works to reduce the time it takes for people to get over similar heartbreak. What she has discovered along the way is that the majority of our pain isn’t actually caused by a situation but rather by our thinking about the situation. “Only 10 percent of our happiness is due to life circumstances,” believes Winter. “About half of our happiness is habitual or genetic, and 40 percent can shift in a moment, by thinking about the situation differently.”To help others dealing with a death, divorce or other painful life event, Winter offers these three steps to faster healing:1. Express your feelings. If you can’t feel it, you can’t heal it. Putting off dealing with your feelings is like putting off dealing with your taxes. They don’t go away, and the consequences just get worse and worse. So have a good cry, hit a punching bag or stand outside and give a good yell.2. Accept the situation and then see how you can best navigate it. Thinking the river should flow uphill doesn’t change its direction. Resistance creates stress. Acceptance empowers you to make wise choices.3. Get support. Again, if you had a broken arm, you would go to the doctor and get it set immediately. Yet often people with broken hearts hesitate to invest in their well-being. Don’t make this mistake. Create a support team of friends and family, or talk with a coach or therapist.There’s an App for ThatIf after all this advice, you feel like you still need some help maintaining your high spirits, consider downloading the app “Healthy Habits,” which promotes the idea that by creating better habits, we create happier lives. “Habits are those little things we do without thinking, the default behaviors or thoughts that help us speed through our day,” says Jo Masterson, a vice president at 2Morrow Mobile, the makers of the iPhone- and Android-friendly app. “That is great if our habits are good ones; however, some of our habits make life harder and less happy—think procrastinating, overspending or gossiping.” The app provides a daily reminder of the healthy but sometimes dreaded habits we should follow. “Start each day by doing the one thing you need to do but dread doing,” Masterson explains, comparing it to “eating that frog.” “Just get it done and out of the way. You will feel both powerful and lighter in spirit.”
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Drs. Oz & Roizen: Make Your Good Mood a Habit

In this month’s column, we respond to your questions about happiness and suggest ways to increase your sense of well-being.- - -Q:When I turn on the television, I often see advertisements for antidepressants, herbs and other treatments that “guarantee” happiness. Isn’t there a straightforward, no-nonsense guide to real joy—one without pills or othertreatments?A:Secret formulas to instant happiness are as hyped as a used-car salesman’s deals, but real happiness comes from having a purpose in life, which is determined by the choices and changes you can make every day. Make the following actions part of your regular routine, because we know that happy people do these things more often than unhappy people.Talk nicely to yourself.Out with the put-downs (Why can’t I do anything right?) and in with encouraging, positive words (Great job!). So give yourself regular pep talks.Get really connected.Swap the Facebooking and other electronic communications for heart-to-heart conversations with people you care about and who care about you. Talk to them in person if you can, or telephone them if you can’t meet face to face.Say thanks.Keep a daily journal to remind you how much you’re grateful for. Review your gratitude journal each day so you remain optimistic and thankful.Get moving.Sitting around brooding perpetuates a cycle of negative thinking. Schedule at least 30 minutes of activity a day to boost happiness.Meditate.The process eases stress, strengthens immunity and increases happiness.Understand unhappiness when it occurs.When things get you down (which they will), learn from them. Hard times help us see what really matters.And most important: Share your passion.It’s great to give to charity or volunteer, but there’s more to the golden rule than meets the eye. Getting involved with a cause that matters to you benefits you as much as others. You don’t have to donate money, just time and passion. You don’t have an obligation to society to find a bigger purpose; you have an obligation to your own health and happiness. And the more you value what you are doing with your mind, the more you’ll do healthier things with your body.- - -Q:I’ve recently been running and often hear about a so-called “runner’s high” that has to do with endorphins. What is this?A:Endorphins are proteins produced by your cells (mostly in your nervous system) that act like narcotics to relieve pain and stress. Aerobic exercise—a workout that makes you sweat in a cold room—increases endorphins. Even a little exercise improves your mood.Endorphins are powerful. Their release can reduce depression more effectively than many antidepressants. And athletes say strenuous endeavors such as a hilly, long-distance run can produce an endorphin high that lasts many hours.Endorphin release may allow you to exercise more, too. Many scientists credit endorphin release for a runner’s experience of what’s often described as a “second wind,” a feeling of peace or almost effortlessmovement.Regular exercise also provides a sense of purpose and accomplishment that is a crucial ingredient to happiness.- - -Q:People say that simply by smiling, someone can be happier. Is that true?A:We all have friends or family who fit the polar ends of personality: the cheerleader types who smile after getting puddle-pummeled by a bus and the negative types who scowl at butterflies. Scientists aren’t sure how or why, but research has shown that smiling lightens a person’s mood (and frowning drags it down).Positive emotions play a crucial role in developing the enduring relationships that are critical for your happiness. One example of this is the shared smile between mother and baby. If you add laughter to that smile, you increase the feel-good effect, reduce stress and pain, relax your body and boost your immune system. If you share your smile by making someone else smile, you’ll pass on the benefits to him or her. - - -Q:Every winter I feel down even though I haven’t been diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder. I know it has to do with the sun, but can you explain it?A:Sunlight and the vitamin D3 it provides both have important effects on mood. Those who are depressed because of seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, feel better when they’re exposed to special ultraviolet lights for the home for 20 minutes a day. Another option that’s been shown to work: Go to sports events or arenas where there are a lot of bright lights because any strong lights can brighten your mood.Also ensure that you’re getting adequate exercise and enough vitamin D3 in supplements (1,000 IU a day) to keep the downside at bay.- - -Q:How does adequate sleep affect a person’s happiness?A:Individuals with insomnia, especially chronic insomnia, are a whopping five times more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety! Sleep is the major stimulant for your own growth hormone, which is superior to what you can get from a vial. Your own growth hormone helps keep your skin taut and vibrant. After all, nobody looks all that beautiful with bags under the eyes. So sleep makes you feel better and look better.We’ve all suffered from sleepless periods, and if you’re not getting adequate sleep for weeks and months on end, it’s time to see a physician. A 2006 Institute of Medicine report estimated that 50 million to 70 million Americans suffer from chronic but treatable sleep disorders. Cognitive behavioral therapy is an effective treatment, and one such program is GO! To Sleepon the Cleveland Clinic Wellness site. The $40 web-based program, designed for at-home use for six weeks, is smartphone-accessible.In the meantime, make your bedroom a no-electronics zone to remove distractions that interfere with sleep. Before bedtime, spend 10 minutes to prep for the next day (making a list or lunch), 10 minutes for hygiene and 10 minutes for meditation. Keep the room cool and dark during sleep hours.Relearning a healthful sleep pattern may take six to eight weeks, but it’s worth the effort. You’ll function better, look much better and be much happier.- - -Q:What are the benefits of a good sex life?A:Sexual intimacy increases the body’s release of oxytocin, a chemical that enhances happiness and pleasure for you and your partner.The benefits don’t stop there, though. Mutually monogamous sex reduces your risk for heart disease, stroke, cancer and even accidents; it makes you look and feel younger; and it dampens pain. Why? Sex and orgasm increase blood flow to your arteries (that’s why your skin plumps in important areas and certain organs get bigger and harder). This increased blood flow provides more oxygen and nutrients to places that need it most, including your brain, which is really your biggest sex organ. Sex rejuvenates hair and skin for the samereason.We’d say that it’s nature’s best, and most fun, way of reducing your RealAge (the age of your body based on your health history and practices) and making you more beautiful (for more about how to measure and improve inner and outer beauty, visit our website YOUBeauty.com).- - -Q:My friend has been eating a dark chocolate bar with chili pepper in it. To me it sounds disgusting, but she says there are health benefits and it lifts her mood. Is this true?A:Yes, spicy foods and chocolate make your RealAge younger, but you don’t have to eat them together—that’s up to your taste buds.First let’s start with dark chocolate. Dark chocolate (it must contain at least 70 percent cocoa)—not milk chocolate—contains natural chemicals that help protect your cells from free radicals that cause inflammation and disease. Dark chocolate also contains agents to lower your blood pressure. A half-ounce a day is the recommended “dosage.”Spicy foods (and chili peppers in particular) activate endorphins, natural painkillers. The result? For some, it’s all watery eyes, a flaming mouth and tingly lips; for others, it’s pure pain relief and happiness. Chili peppers also contain an active ingredient called capsaicin, which can be found in some topical arthritis creams and is beneficial in relieving joint pain in osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis.Our recommendation is that you eat a half-ounce of 70 percent or greater dark chocolate each day and enjoy spicy food if you can handle it.
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Happy Couple paying bills

Money Makes Us Feel Good

Neurological experiments show that even the hope of getting a monetary reward sets off our brain’s pleasure receptors. But you don’t need to read brain scans to see how money makes us feel and react—just walk into a casino and watch both the winners and the losers.If money can make us happy, does having more money make us happier? Just how much does it take to make us feel better?While 7 out of 10 Americans say they would be happier if they had more money, even a 50 percent pay raise isn’t enough for most to give up time with their children and family. That’s what a survey of more than 2,000 adults conducted a year ago by New York Life Insurance Company found.The survey is part of the Fortune 100 company’s “Keep Good Going” initiative to explore American’s attitudes and expectations on cultivating goodness within family, personal life, work and community.“Despite the impact of a tough economic environment and people’s conviction that life would be easier with more money, a 50 percent pay raise still didn’t move the needle when it came to cutting down on time spent with family—children and spouses. This is very telling about what Americans value,” said Liz McCarthy, senior vice president and head of corporate communications for New York Life.In other words, once your basic needs for food, clothing and shelter are met, it’s less about money and more about interactions with others that makes for a more satisfying life. Other studies share similar outcomes:A recent survey by Cangrade, a job candidate screening company, found that money accounted for only 5.4 percent of employee happiness on the job. It turns out that power and influence, achievement/prestige, work-life balance, and affiliation and friendship all ranked higher, a surprise for many employers.Research from Princeton University professors Angus Deaton and Daniel Kahneman suggests that high-income individuals aren’t necessarily happier, but emotional well-being rose until annual income hit about $75,000. “Beyond $75,000 in the contemporary U.S., however, higher income is neither the road to experienced happiness nor the road to the relief of unhappiness or stress, although higher income continues to improve individuals’ life evaluations,” the researchers reported.The Harvard Grant Study, which began in 1938, followed 268 men for about 75 years to uncover what made them happy and successful in old age. George Vaillant, one of Harvard’s directors for the study, reported the significant finding: Relationships matter. A lot.So in the long run, it’s not more money but our social connections and personal relationships that bring happiness and satisfaction. Given that tenet, how can you budget for joy, or the happiness factor? Here are 7 ideas that won’t deplete your bank account:Buy lunch or coffee for someone once a month. You might be surprised at how appreciated a $2 coffee can be.Remember someone’s birthday with a phone call, card or visit.Plan an event with friends or family—connect and make memories together on a vacation, reunion or just an afternoon trip to the park or zoo.Deliver an unexpected treat to make someone’s day—a baked goodie for a neighbor or a book/flowers/candy for a friend or child’s teacher.Lend a helping hand—rake leaves, make a grocery run or repair a faucet for an elderly person.Write notes or send cards frequently—thank-you notes are great, but people love “thinking of you” greetings too.Give to a cause, whether it’s buying popcorn from the neighborhood Scouts or running a 5k to support cancer survivors.Joanne Kuster is a writer and financial educator who currently writes and operates The Money Godmother blog. She is the author of the award-winning Stock Market Pie and Entrepreneur Extraordinaire.
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Girl offering to share her apple

Sharing Brings Happiness

Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.” —Bernard Meltzer (Radio Host, 1916-1998)Have you ever shared a story because it made you smile? Ever find yourself walking by a stranger and flashing a smile? What about watching someone dig for change and giving some of your own to cover the rest of their purchase? Research proves that sharing in all its forms is a truly powerful way to bring happiness. You can share things that are special to you—like a book, a tool or even a recipe. Or you can share a smile, a special event in your life, or even your affection.Sharing is fundamental to the development of all human relationships and civilizations. We begin learning to share as soon as we are able to communicate. Often it begins with our parents teaching us the importance of sharing a toy with a friend. In the mind of a toddler, this idea seems absurd at first. They are thinking, “Why would I want to give up this awesome thing I’m playing with?” But even at that young age, they quickly realize the payoff. And what is it? It is the joy they feel when they see the happiness they have brought someone else. Not only does sharing bring us joy, it teaches us the importance of taking care of others. In many cultures, it is quite common to share your home with your elders. But sharing doesn’t have to be a grand gesture to be appreciated. It can be as simple as sharing something you feel with someone, like a compliment. “You look so pretty today,” is one example. Those simple words can often make someone feel special and cared for, and in return, make the one who said them happy. Sharing is truly a win-win!One of the best things you can share with others is your own happiness. Tell them what made you happy and why. Your story just might inspire a change in them.A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships determined that sharing our good news provides us with an extra dose of positive emotion, more than merely recalling it or writing about it. The research also determined other benefits of sharing a positive experience, such as making it easier to remember, the opportunity to learn new positive implications of our news from another’s perspective, and the extra joy we feel when making another person happy through our good news.The next time something good happens to you, don’t keep it to yourself. Share it—because just like smiling, happiness can be contagious!
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Two people sitting on a bench

Achieving Happiness Despite Everyday Challenges

Learning that you or a loved one has a chronic illness is news you never want to hear. The knowledge of such information is often accompanied by feelings of fear, anger, and depression, which can cause debilitating, unnecessary stress. By understanding more about your condition and adopting a positive outlook on life, you can set the course for a better future.During my time at Harvard University, I focused on positive psychology, the scientific study of what makes people thrive. Research in the field has found a strong connection between an individual's mindset, social support system and well-being. Recently I have been able to leverage the research behind positive psychology to help people living with multiple sclerosis. Through a program called Everyday Matters sponsored by the National MS Society and Genzyme, I am working to provide tools and resources related to positive psychology, wellness, work/education, relationships, family, and empowerment to the community. As a chronic, unpredictable and often disabling disease, the power of positivity is extremely important in managing MS.In my bookThe Happiness Advantage, I've outlined the advice I've been giving to Everyday Matters participants into simple tips that can help those not only with a chronic disease such as MS, but everyone, in achieving a more empowered existence. You can see myTED talkto hear more about this research, which is described in brief below.Send an Appreciative EmailWhen you open your inbox for the first time each day, take two minutes to send an email to someone in your social support network (family member, friend, teacher, coach, coworker) praising him/her or thanking that person.Studies from Harvardshow this is so powerful that there is actually a correlation between happiness and social connection of 0.7, significantly higher than the correlation between smoking and cancer. Social connection can be aspredictive of your longevityas high blood pressure, obesity and smoking.Smiling Is ContagiousThrough astudy involving 11,000 hospital employeesover six months, it was found that smiling, making eye contact and simply saying hello within 10 feet of another person increased the hospital's patient satisfaction, the doctors' job satisfaction, and the likelihood to refer the hospital to others. This is because of the way neurons function in our body, lighting up at the receipt of a friendly gesture, telling our brains to smile when someone smiles at us and spreading the joy all around.Give ThanksThink of three things you are grateful for before you go to sleep for 21 days.The Happiness Advantage, and at the end of the study, participants were significantly more optimistic, and further, the change wasn't temporary -- the positive mindset lasted even six months later. An added effect: Increasing your optimism can improve your productive energy by 31 percent!Never Give Up On the Good TimesTake two minutes every day to write down every detail you can remember about one positive experience that occurred over the past 24 hours. As our brains can't tell much difference between visualization and actual experience, by rehashing a high point in the day you double the effect of that positive experience. Overall, this leads to greater life satisfaction and meaning. Studies have shown thatwomen who wrote about positive experienceswere 40 percent more likely to live to age 94 than their negative peers.Have FunBy adding 15 minutes of a fun, mindful activity to your day, like gardening, going on a walk or working out, your brain learns to believe that behaviors matter -- the core of optimism. In fact, in one study, researchers took people suffering from depressions and had half take an antidepressant and half do light aerobic exercise in order to train their brain to believe that their behavior matters. While there were equal drops in depression for the first few months, the group that added a habit of exercise had significantly lower chance of relapse back into depression 10 months later. Habits like the "Fun 15" help your brain record a victory, which creates a "cascade of success," where individuals start creating a constellation of positive habits around them, decreasing the likelihood for depression and despair.MeditateTake two minutes each day to stop what you're doing and watch your breath go in and out. This exercise trains your brain to do one thing at a time.Research suggeststhat a multitasking brain has a harder time falling asleep, is more stressed, and has lower energy. By taking time to relax the brain has a chance to undo the negative effects of trying to manage everything at once.As part of Everyday Matters, we're following five people through personal text, video and photo journals as they learn to apply these tips in their everyday lives. To see how they are doing, comment on their journeys, to offer your own gratitude, or to access resources about positive psychology you can visitwww.everydayMSmatters.org.Happiness is a choice, even in the midst of a chronic illness. By taking small steps, large goals can be accomplished, enhancing the outlook and overall well-being of those living with or affected by a life-altering disease.
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Karol Nickell with friends in her backyard

Happiness is Happening!

Welcome toLive Happy.We’re a new magazine, website and resource about a timeless quest: Living a happy life. Happiness is what we want for our children, for ourselves and for the world. Understanding happiness empowers us to make a positive difference in our lives and in the lives of others. It is a constant, renewable source of inspiration, energy and insight. And it’s free!Happiness is a lifelong journey that is different for each of us.We share common everyday happiness like having a good laugh, catching up with friends or sleeping in on the weekend. And we associate certain life milestones with happiness, like graduation, landing a new job, finding true love or becoming a parent. But how we define and measure our own happiness is very personal. Happiness is like a smile.We all have one. But mine is different from yours.Authentic happiness is the kind that lasts.Enjoying a piece of homemade pumpkin pie makes me happy, but its effect is fleeting. Being a wife and a mother makes me happy, and it is central to my overall satisfaction with life. Authentic happiness is linked to our values and priorities. Once we know what matters most to us, pivotal measures of happiness begin to take shape. The importance we place on material expressions of success and happiness diminishes as we look inward and ask the tough questions: Have I been blessed with the love and admiration of family and friends? Do I have spiritual peace? Have I helped someone else get ahead? Have I given back? The questions we choose and the resulting answers help define our authentic happiness.Understanding happiness takes an open mind.We are fortunate to be living in a time when the study of happiness is growing rapidly all around the globe. Led in large part by positive psychologists and their colleagues, this research proves previously elusive correlations, like the tie between compassion in the workplace and the bottom line. It also is breaking totally new ground, like the gene-level impact of positive emotions. Live Happy makes this science understandable and relevant. We report on innovative, cutting-edge research in the contextof real life, authentic issues and common-sense realities.Applying happiness is easy to do and its effect multiplies with repetition.Once we understand the power of happiness, it changes our thinking, actions and conversations. We all know people who make us happy. A few on my long list: My grandmother Evelyn, my sisters, cousins and girlfriends, Juna (our dog—yes, she is a person). And we all know what makes us happy. From my life: Being with my husband, Don, and our kids, Lauren and Alec, biking the Iowa countryside, volunteering, gardening, making a huge holiday dinner. If I imitate these people and repeat these activities, happiness is sure to show up. I know, and research shows, having a happiness hangover is a good thing.Is all this talk about happiness important?You bet it is. Happier people are healthier, more satisfied with life and their relationships, and they live longer. By helping people have a happy home and family life, make a good marriage, find and grow faith, work well with others, experience fun, creativityand joy, and live life well, Live Happybrings the happiness movement toa personal level.We’re pleased, excited and honored to be on this happiness journey with you.We’d love to hear your viewpoints on happiness; your thoughts on this issue and what to put in following ones are also appreciated. Please tell your friends and family about us!
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