Overlapping hands

31 Days of Community

July is all about community.Join us as we continue our year of happiness with July and 31 days about community. Do, read, listen and think about the ideas on our list, and then share your favorites, below, in the Comments section. For more ideas, see our web article on 10 Ways to Build Community.1. “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”― Mother Teresa2. Help beautify your neighborhood.3. Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity.4. Read Lake Wobegon Daysby Garrison Keillor.5. Watch TEDtalk: A life lesson from a volunteer firefighter, by Mark Bezos.6. Listen to “I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing,” by the The New Seekers7. “What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” ― Kurt Vonnegut8. Throw a block party.9. Volunteer for Big Brothers Big Sisters.10. ReadOn the Town: A Community Adventureby Judith Caseley.11. Listen to “One” byU2.12. “Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.'" – Jimmy Fallon13. Thank a veteran for his or her service.14. Volunteer for Meals on Wheels.15. Read Richard Scarry's Busy, Busy Town.16. Watch TEDtalk: How to build with clay... and community, by Diébédo Francis Kéré.17. Listen to “Community Song,” by Have Fun Teaching.18. “I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.” —Rodney Dangerfield19. Donate food, gently worn clothes and old toys to a local shelter.20. Volunteer at the America Red Cross.21. Read The Abundant Community: Awakening the Power of Families and Neighborhoodsby John McKnight.22. Watch Lean on Me.23. Listen to “Waiting on the World to Change,” by John Mayer24. “It’s not too late to rebuild the balance of life in our neighborhoods and cities, and in so doing, to build a more resilient future.” – Happy City: Transforming Our Lives Through Urban Designby Charles Montgomery25. Donate pet supplies to a local animal shelter.26. Read Cities on a Hill: A Brilliant Exploration of Visionary Communities Remaking the American Dream, by Frances Fitzgerald27. Watch Dr. Seuss' The Lorax.28. Listen to “This Land is Your Land,” by Woody Guthrie29. "Community helps makes you feel balanced. It makes you feel a connection with everyone." —Mariel Hemingway30. Take time out of your day to welcome a new neighbor to your street.31. Watch the TV seriesCommunity.
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Hands holding bowl of blueberries

Foods That Heal

Today, I am one of the happiest people I know: I have great relationships with my friends and family—and most importantly, with myself. My body is healthy and vibrant, and I am doing meaningful work that I love. But it wasn’t always this way. Just a few short years ago, I was clinically depressed, suffering with an excruciatingly painful and debilitating disease, stuck in a dead-end—all while my second marriage was ending painfully. Luckily, I learned that making changes to my meals, mind and movement had a huge impact on the way I feel—physically and mentally. Chasing a diagnosis Although pinpointing a diagnosis was difficult and time-consuming, with possibilities ranging from multiplesclerosis to lupus to rheumatoid arthritis, one thing was prettyclear: My body was attacking itself. For some reason, my immune system had gone into overdrive. All of the experts agreed, an autoimmune disease was ravaging my body. MRIs showed that my joints were literally dissolving away. The pain and disability were so pervasive that it was incredibly difficult for me to care for my children, keep my business going or even perform regular activities of daily life. I finally got a diagnosis: “destructive bilateral polyarthralgia with bony erosion.” Doctors said my condition would continue to deteriorate. They recommended starting with a course of chemotherapy, which would then be followed by injecting myself weekly with immune-suppressant drugs for the rest of my life, and/or the possibility that I might end up in a wheelchair. Because I have four children (and all of the germs that come along with them), I was hesitant to suppress my immune system for fear of being taken out by the common cold. The long list of side effects scared me to death, not to mention that the price tag for the injections—a whopping $5,000 a month! (At around the same time, I was also diagnosed with major depression. Again, I was reluctant to follow the recommended treatment: antidepressants with an endless list of side effects.) Hitting bottom Most of my doctors respected my hesitation to follow the recommended regimen, but responses ranged from compassionate understanding and thinly veiled pity to downright anger. One doctor even yelled in my face, accusing me of being a horrible mother if I continued to reject the treatments. Even my best friend, who had accompanied me to that appointment, was swayed by the sheer force of this doctor’s opinion and begged me to go on the drugs. Although my confidence faltered when confronted with such conviction, I still felt I owed it to my kids—and myself—to see if I could figure out a way to heal myself without causing more damage. So I set out on a mission. For five years, I searched high and low. I tried every possible cure I found on the Internet, heard about from a friend of a friend, or saw on late-night TV. I ate bunches of gin-soaked raisins for a stretch of time, introduced copious amounts of gelatin another and even subjected myself to freezing-cold ice baths—all with no resolution of my symptoms. A generous friend paid for a visit to an acupuncturist, but it wasn’t enough. I tried cutting out all nightshade plants from my diet, became a strict vegan and tried any supplement that promised to help… all to no avail. Finding functional medicine Just as I was about to give up hope, my husband at the time was given an out-of-state job transfer, and in a last-ditch attempt to salvage my failing marriage, our family relocated across the country. In these new surroundings, I found myself without the friends and family I had relied on when I needed help due to my limitations. My husband was starting to believe that the drugs might be the way to go, but I still wasn’t convinced, so we struck a deal: If I couldn’t figure out a cure within the next three months, I would follow doctors’ orders and begin the chemo/immuno-suppressant treatment. Two months later, I was given a referral for a chiropractor who is also a practitioner of what’s called functional medicine. Functional medicine takes a holistic approach to health and wellness, looking at the root cause of illness as opposed to treating the symptoms. She asked me about my daily activities, family dynamics, work, stress, exercise and diet. She ran all kinds of tests and counseled me about what I should and shouldn’t eat. Although I had already undergone testing by an allergist, she explained that food sensitivity testing would pinpoint items that may not cause immediate symptoms such as hives or anaphylaxis, but were nevertheless doing major damage. Immediate results Sure enough, once I eliminated the foods that the testing found I was sensitive to, along with cutting out processed foods, I felt the difference. I underwent a cleanse protocol which included probiotics along with vitamins and supplements. Almost immediately after I began filling my body with nutrients instead of toxins, my body was able to do what it was designed to do: heal itself. Within a week, I noticed I was able to move with less pain, rashes and headaches subsided. As a happy bonus, the extra weight that I had not been able to budge began melting away. Within a few short months, the change was amazing: I was able to play with my kids again, and I was strong enough to carry them without fear. Along with almost complete relief of my pain, my thinking was clearer, I was bubbling over with energy, and I had hope for the future. Meals that heal In my case, the journey towards health and happiness began at the end of my fork. It turned out that what I was eating was playing a huge role in the deterioration of my physical condition, as well as my mental condition. Even before receiving my lab test results, Dr. Ridley instructed me to cut out gluten, dairy and processed foods. I wasn’t sure how I could possibly accomplish this! Pizza and cheeses of all types were among my favorite foods; I couldn’t just break it off. But eventually I learned that I had non-celiac gluten sensitivity, and I knew that if these changes could make me healthier, I had to do it. I have to give up pizza? At first, changing my diet and learning to cook life-sustaining foods was a daunting task. As a working mother of four, I had fueled myself on frozen dinners and diet soda for decades, and heavily relied on processed convenience foods to get dinner on the table quickly. But at this point, I would have done anything to get my life and my health back.I researched ingredients, combed through thousands of recipes, spent hours going to store after store, only to come home and spend several more hours tweaking intricate recipes to meet my new standards. And the payoff was well worth it. I now knew how to create meals that were life-sustaining, and I was feeling so much better. But it still has to taste good As much as I was unbelievably grateful for this new lease on life, turning mealtime into a full-time job was keeping me from doing other important things, like spending time with my family and working on projects that were meaningful to me. With as much dedication as I put into overhauling my diet, I set out to create a new way of cooking. I held my meals to three standards: 1) they had to contain only real, whole foods—nothing processed and no chemicals, 2) they had to be quick to throw together and 3) they had to be tasty!While I would have been willing to subsist on kale and aloe alone when I was desperate to regain my health, I was beginning to realize that part of the nourishment we derive from the food we eat is the pure joy of experiencing delicious tastes, textures and smells. Not to mention that my family was certainly not excited for a menu of nothing but greens and sprouts. I developed several go-to weeknight meals that met my criteria so we could enjoy tasty, healthy dinners without spending hours preparing them. Sharing the knowledge Full of gratitude after regaining my own health, I went to work in the functional medicine field, hoping to help others like myself. I found that many of the physicians I was working with, as well as their patients, had difficulty with the same problems I faced in trying to eat healthfully. While they knew what to do (cut out processed foods, eat more fresh produce, etc.) they, and their patients, were struggling with how to maintain their busy lifestyles and balance other commitments while creating tasty meals that would contribute to their health and wellbeing. I began sharing my recipes with the doctors I worked with, and offered to speak with their patients and do cooking demonstrations for them. Eventually, I created and presented a teaching series at Baylor Medical Center, “Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, Stress-Free,” to share my research and recipes for quick and easy meals and lifestyle tips. If you are struggling with low moods or physical challenges, be encouraged. It is possible that making a few small, relatively simple changes really can put you on the road to health and happiness. So many of the “bad” things that have happened in my life were truly the best opportunities for me to learn and grow. Now, it's my mission to share what I've learned, and continue to learn, with anyone who can benefit from it. Because life is meant to be lived, food is meant to be enjoyed, and the better you feel physically and the happier you are with the way you look, the more you can focus on fulfilling your dreams and achieving your personal goals.
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Teenager brooding

Teen Angst or Teen Anguish?

My friend Lydia recently asked if I could recommend a therapist for her 14-year-old daughter, Helen, who’d left a note for her mom that read, “I’m really sad. I think I need to talk to somebody.” Lydia came to me for advice because she knew that my own daughter (a pal of her child’s since nursery school) was recovering from an eating disorder, and that over the past year we’d tried several treatment approaches before finding one that worked. She figured I’d have some insight about child-focused therapists in our area, which I did and was happy to pass along. Lydia was concerned, but not panicked, about Helen’s down-tick in mood. “We’d just had a bad family holiday,” she told me, “and many of her friends are dealing with all sorts of mental and emotional problems; one girl has so much anxiety she’s being home-schooled. I think Helen’s worried she might have a problem too, or at least thinks she couldhave. At one point she told me, ‘I feel bad when I’m happy because all my friends are sad.’ ” The age of anxiety—and more It’s not surprising that Helen was encountering so much emotional mayhem among her friends. Adolescence can be a period of physical and emotional hell. And for many kids, the challenges run deeper than acne breakouts and romantic breakups. According to a landmark study supported by the National Institute of Mental Health, half of all lifetime cases of mental illness start at age 14. What’s more, the research found, mental disorders among teens and young adults often go undiagnosed for 10 years or more, which can be devastating: The longer a mental illness is untreated, the worse it can become and the more likely it is that a co-occurring disorder will develop. But teen behavior can be deceptive. It’s often tough to tell the difference between age-appropriate ennui and a true psychiatric disorder. “As teens gain independence, they’re more likely to share what they’re going through with peers than with parents,” says Darcy Gruttadaro, director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Child & Adolescent Action Center. “And parents can easily write off mood shifts as due to social or academic pressure or hormones.” It’s important to note that “one of the most powerful myths surrounding adolescence is that raging hormones cause teenagers to ‘go mad’ or ‘lose their minds.’ That’s simply false,” writes Daniel J. Siegel. M.D., in Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. “Hormones do increase during this period, but it is not the hormones that determine what goes on in adolescence. We now know that what adolescents experience is primarily the result of changes in the development in the brain.” Judy Moody and the eating disorder I can relate. I had no idea my child was in trouble until three of her friends reported to the guidance counselor that she never ate lunch, she seemed really unhappy and they were worried about her. Sure, I’d noticed she was slimming down, but I chalked it up to the fact that she was also growing taller. Likewise I mistook her tendency to hole up in her bedroom to be a typical teen’s preference for keeping to herself. And her listless, gloomy, Eeyore-ness seemed perfectly normal: Aren’t all teenage girls moody? Even after speaking to the guidance counselor I couldn’t quite believe my daughter was ill. But when I took her to the pediatrician, the extent of the problem was right there on her growth chart: Since birth her weight had increased perfectly in step with her height, but this time, when the doctor plotted the two measurements, the line connecting her weight from the year before to her current one plummeted sharply down and away from the height line. This, plus other symptoms, confirmed that she was anorexic. It turned out that she was also depressed. Why so sad? “Teens can be genetically predisposed to mood disorders, which certain circumstances can activate,” says Phoebe Farber, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in Montclair, N.J., who sees a lot of kids and teenagers. (This was likely the case for my daughter. My father was bipolar, and I’ve struggled with depression, too.) Even when there’s no family history of mental illness, adolescence is rife with factors that put teens at special risk for all shades of the blues, from garden-variety glumness to downright depression. A big one is the “struggle to become independent and autonomous, and the desire for freedom and experimentation while still having to abide by parents’ rules,” says Phoebe. “This clash of expectations is like planets colliding and has always been a huge source of angst for teens.” Other common triggers for teen torpor are personality traits like shyness that make it tough to navigate relationships, school pressure and sexual identity issues. A 2008 survey by the Human Rights Campaign of 10,000 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) kids ages 13 to 17 revealed that while 67 percent of straight teens consider themselves happy, only 37 percent of LGBT teens do. “Among the overriding feelings many teens have across these spheres are alienation and isolation, the belief that ‘no one understands me and there’s no one I can talk to,’ ” says Phoebe. On the other hand, teenagers are greatly influenced by their peers, and even fundamentally happy and healthy kids may feel the pull of peer pressure while evaluating how they compare to and fit in with their friends, as Helen did. Luckily, after three therapy sessions, she realized she was OK and told her mom she didn’t need to continue; the therapist agreed. But other kids can take copycat behavior much further. My daughter told me, “I see it all the time—people who most likely don’t have a real issue but who see eating disorders and self-harm and other mental illness as tragically beautiful and mysterious.” She said one friend drew lines on her arm with a red lip liner to make it look like she’d been cutting herself. Adds Phoebe: “The power of the group is strong; the gravitational force is toward belonging, not separating.” Depressed, or just down in the dumps? Given how complicated it can be to decipher a teenager’s moodiness, it’s important for parents to watch out for the hallmarks of depression, which can be very different for a kid than for an adult.According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, if a teenager develops one or more of these symptoms, it’s time to seek help: · Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying · Decreased interest in activities or inability to enjoy previously favorite activities · Hopelessness · Persistent boredom; low energy · Social isolation, poor communication · Low self-esteem and guilt · Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure · Increased irritability, anger or hostility · Difficulty with relationships · Frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as headaches and stomachaches · Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school · Poor concentration · A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns · Talk of or efforts to run away from home · Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self-destructive behavior “If you see your child behaving in a way that’s different than usual, it’s a red flag,” adds Phoebe. “Be aware of a pattern of changes in behavior or appearance over a period of time, not just a bad day or an isolated bad mood.” Ease into the discussion And then what do you do? “Tread lightly,” says Phoebe. “Don’t try to find out what’s going on during the heat of an argument. Bring up your concerns when you’re both calm and feeling connected. Even then, don’t be too direct; say something like, ‘I’ve noticed you’re spending a lot of time in your room.’ Then see what you get. Above all, don’t switch into lecture mode; this is something my adolescent clients complain about all the time.” Awareness is also important. “We give kids tools for how to say no to alcohol and drugs; we teach them about STDs and smoking and the dangers of texting while driving. But we don’t talk about mental illness, even though of the more than 4,000 teens we lose to suicide each year, 90 percent have a diagnosable and treatable disorder,” says Darcy. She believes the message should come from all directions, that parents should be talking about mental illness at home, primary care doctors should be bringing it up during checkups and schools should be offering educational programs like NAMI’s Ending the Silence (50-minute presentations to high school students by folks who’ve experienced mental illness). A strong foundation Above all, build a strong bond with your child before she dives into the murkiness of adolescence, adds Phoebe. Show her that you’re listening and not always talking at her. Curb the criticism; don’t be judgmental. Developing rituals often helps. “My daughter loves Grey’s Anatomy, so I watch it with her,” says Phoebe. Now that my own child is healing from her eating disorder and receptive to spending time with me, we poke around in vintage clothing stores together. I like combing through racks of old clothes in search of wearable treasure, but even if I didn’t, it would be worth it just to spend the time with my daughter. If you know a teenager who is suffering or needs help, here is a list of resources: Teen Lineis a 24-hour hotline staffed by other teens. Teen Health and Wellness is a hotline as well as online resource. Teen Mental Health lists more than a dozen useful resources for parents and teens.
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Denis and Patty outside their home

When Denis Met Patty

Adam Shell and Nicholas Kraft are traveling the country to find our nation’s happiest people, all while filming the experience to share with audiences inPursuing Happiness, a feature-length documentary. One of my favorite stories to tell about the 'Pursuing Happiness methodology' is how a delicious cookie in Eugene, Oregon led us to Silverhill, Alabama, population 700, where we met two extremely inspiring folks. From bakery to backwoods Our last filming trip was all plotted out: 20 days on the road, from Oklahoma City to Miami, with interviews and accommodations lined up. Everything was set for a fantastic and productive trip, save for the two days we planned to spend in Mobile, Alabama. For weeks I had been contacting local businesses, religious groups, nonprofits and even a local gospel radio station, all in the hopes of finding a lead about happy people to interview in the area—but I kept coming up short. In the middle of our frantic outreach efforts, Adam and I took a minute to reflect on the fact that one year earlier, we had begun our Pursuing Happiness journey. We reminisced about the first trip—the wonderful people, the excitement of the unknown and those awesome cookies from The Sweet Life Bakery in Eugene. Then it hit me! I rushed to our files, pulled up the footage from the bakery and scrubbed through until I found Leda, one of the bakers. After confirming that she was indeed wearing a BAMA hat, I wrote her an email to inquire if she was from the area, or had simply attended school there. It turned out that she was from a small town called Silverhill, in the Mobile area! According to her email, we would be fools to pass up the opportunity to spend some time there with two of the happiest people on the planet: her parents, Denis and Patty Hermecz. Leda described them as a “daily inspiration” and “the two most creative people I’ve ever met.” What really caught my attention, though, was her acknowledgment that it was only in her adult years that she realized how unusual their lifestyle was: self-employed artists, raising a family and living off the land. I was intrigued. Mobile was out,Silverhill was in! Country living The sun had set as we cruised through winding country roads on our way to Denis and Patty’s home, the kind of place where the nearest neighbors are a mile down the road, and a trip to the grocery store takes 15-minutes. We traveled deeper into the woods until we reached a small, very colorful wooden home, nestled in the trees, and surrounded by potted plants and handmade artwork. “You’re just in time for dinner,” Denis exclaimed, greeting us at the end of the driveway. “We’re makin’ pizzas!” Within minutes of meeting, we were all seated around the dining table, enjoying pizza with every ingredient, from the dough to the toppings, made from scratch—most of it grown right there on their property. The home, which was also made from scratch by Denis and Patty, was the focal point of our visit. The couple had moved in close to forty years ago, before the home was even finished. “There were no doors or windows, really,” they laughed. The home beautifully represents who they are: funky, comfortable and slightly askew. The floor is made from a reclaimed roller skating rink, the foundation was salvaged telephone poles and a great deal of the wood had been collected after various hurricanes ripped through Mobile. Denis and Patty have a special ability to take whatever comes their way and turn it into something beautiful. The next morning we woke up to find that Denis had whipped up a batch of biscuits as big as our heads. To these he added fresh-squeezed orange juice, bacon from a pig they had probably known by name, and eggs from their chickens. Afterward we toured the property and saw the wood shop that Denis had built for his carpentry business. The shop was filled with incredible pieces of furniture that he had built or was in the process of building. It was truly amazing to see how an artist’s eye could turn a fallen tree into such beautiful works of functional art. Afterward we walked along the stream that meanders behind their home and simply enjoyed the fresh air and country sounds: birds, the rippling of the stream, and the wind flowing through the trees overhead. It was their own paradise: privacy, a personal swimming hole and enough space to let the dogs run free. Living with purpose, not expectations Before leaving, we sat outside with Denis and Patty, soaking up the sun and enjoying the smells of lunch roasting on the barbecue. We pulled out our cameras for a more formal sit-down interview. As we listened to their stories, there was something familiar about that scene, though I couldn’t place it at the moment. Only upon returning to Los Angeles and watching the footage did it hit me: This was our When Harry Met Sally interview! An older married couple sitting next to one another, lovingly recounting their life together with the natural humor that comes from years of being with someone. These two were clearly not concerned with being happy—for them it was a natural byproduct of living off the land, creating art, caring for animals and raising a family. An appreciated byproduct, I’m sure, but not the goal. Denis and Patty beautifully exemplified what we had learned during our very first interview with professor Iris Mauss at UC Berkeley, who had written a paper about how the pursuit of happiness can make people unhappy. “People set their expectations too high” and then are disappointed, she told us. “Having low expectations leads to happiness.” At first, this was a rather grim thought. Who would ever want to have low expectations in life? But spending time with people like Denis and Patty – people who are motivated to live peaceful lives, create art and foster lasting relationships simply out of the joy of the experience—has shown me that it’s not about having low expectations so much as it is about operating from a place of good intention and reasonable expectations.
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Kids doing a lemonade stand

10 Ways to Build Community

We all thrive from connection—whether it’s with family, friends or neighbors. Creating a network of friendly relationships in your neighborhood can give you a greater feeling of belonging and wellbeing. Working together to create a tighter-knit community makes you feel like you are part of something bigger than yourself. Here are nine simple ideas to get you started:1. Step outside your front door. Sometimes, you have to leave your house to make things happen, but you don’t have to go far. Casual encounters are sometimes the best kind. Meet neighbors while getting your mail, planting flowers or weeding out front. Tinker in your garage with the door open, or just hang out on your front porch or lawn. Try walking to a nearby business instead of driving, when possible, and you're more likely to run into others on the way.2. Front yard fun.Pretend your front yard is your backyard, and focus your leisure and play activities out there. Put your picnic table or lawn chairs out front and hang out; as you read or watch the world go by, people will stop to chat and introduce themselves. If you have kids, host a lemonade stand on a hot day. Not only will you meet more neighbors, your kids will also earn a few bucks.3. Host a block party or neighborhood potluck.Pick a date and time and distribute a flier for a neighborhood cookout, potluck or party. Everyone can participate and share in the hosting. Have your cookout at a common area like a nearby park or a clubhouse—or on your own front lawn, if that works. It’s not a new idea, but it’s still one of the nicest way to meet your neighbors on a positive footing.4. Plant a community garden.If you have a common grassy area or someone who is willing to donate part of their land, you can create a community garden where lots of hands, big and little, can create something beautiful together. Often a neighbor with some gardening knowledge can take charge, or you might hire someone from the local nursery to come tutor you and get things started.5. Establish a book-lending cupboard.Imagine a tiny little library in a neighborhood park. A library cupboard typically looks like a big mailbox with a clear glass door and books inside. Leave a book, take a book. Check out LittleFreeLibrary.org to get started.6. Start a tool lending library. See if your community library can donate a space that you can turn it into atool sharing center. Neighbors can donate used tools, and if possible, get donations from local hardware and home stores. Need a tiller, a chainsaw, a snow-blower or a tall ladder? Instead of every household stocking its own stash of power tools, make it a shared community resource. 7. Create a neighborhood social media page. Private neighborhood Facebook pages were becoming so popular that the idea spawned its own company, Nextdoor.com. This electronic bulletin board allows people to share recommendations for everything from preschool to refrigerator repair; find the home of a lost dog, or share information about your upcoming garage sale. According to the company, 70 new neighborhoods launch a neighborhood website every day in the US. Volunteer to start it up or be the facilitator.8. Organize a neighborhood garage sale. Pick out a time and place, announce it on your neighborhood social media and on cardboard signs, and get together to bond with neighbors over old lamps and baby strollers.9. Give a warm welcome.See a new neighbor move in? Pop by with a fruit basket, cookies or bottle of wine and a welcoming note. It’s a great way to actually meet, instead of waving blankly across the driveway. As a bonus, it puts you in a better position, should you ever need to borrow a cup of sugar or have someone water your plants while you’re away.10. Ask yourself how you can be a better neighbor. If you set out to be a fabulous neighbor you can set a positive tone for your community and others will follow. Look out for elderly neighbors by checking in on them occasionally or bringing them something from the store. Pick up the mail or newspaper for a neighbor who is traveling, or shovel a neighbor’s driveway in the winter if they are unable to do it themselves. Even just smiling and waving when you pass someone in the street has the cumulative effect of warming up the neighborhood.
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Stones balanced on a hand in front of ocean

3 Simple Questions That Could Change Your Life

When you’re focused mainly on one area of your life, itcan be exhausting. We’ve been there. When we were writing Profit from the Positive, though our work was thriving, we noticed thatboth of us took hits in other areas of our lives. For Senia, it was her health.For Margaret, it was her social life.We know that to live a truly happyand fulfilling life, we need to payattention to the domains that make itup, including work (career and money),a social life (family, friends and fun)and health (physical and emotional).The right balance can change your lifeAnd we’re not alone. Professors Laura Nash, Ph.D., and HowardStevenson, Ph.D., interviewed everyonefrom high-ranking executives to stay-at-home parents and found that themost successful people are those whodo well at work, in their communitiesand at home. In the Harvard BusinessReview, Laura and Howard wrote thatpeople with enduring success “havehigh achievement, multiple goals, theability to experience pleasure, theability to create positive relationshipsand a value on accomplishments that endure.” For these people—andus—success isn’t found by focusing on one area, whether it’s work, asocial life or health. Rather, it happenswhen you have the right balance.With that in mind, and to restorebalance in our lives, we examined ourhealth, work and social lives askingourselves three questions, so we couldidentify which areas could use someimprovement and then make conscious,intentional choices. This is somethingwe do with our clients in our coachingsessions, and now, in 10 minutes,you can do it, too.Ask yourself:1. On a scale of 0 to 10, how satisfied am I with my health, my social life and my work?You don’t need a 10 in each category;the goal is for you to simply becomeaware of how the three areasinterrelate.What do you notice?Think of this step like starting anew fitness routine. You don’t walk intothe gym and jump on the first piece ofexercise equipment you see. No, you assess your current fitness level andstrengths first, and then you determinewhat areas you need to work on. It’s thesame here. If you want to improve yourlife, you need a big-picture view first.2. What would each area of my life look like if it were a perfect 10?Explore the ideas that you may nothave seriously considered before. Many of us live in a cycle of work, home and perhaps a little play. We don’t step back and dream of whatwe would love to do because we’retoo caught up in the day-to-day.Laura King, Ph.D., a Universityof Missouri psychology professor,found that writing about what youhope to accomplish boosts positivefeelings about the future, increasesyour belief in yourself and leads toself-fulfilling prophecies.In ourcoaching, we ask our clients to eitherspeak about or write down what theyreally hope to accomplish. Similarly,sports psychologists train athletes tovisualize a successful match, gameor play. So why not apply one or bothof these methods to your own life?3. What can I do to improve my scores and make my dreams a reality?Connect your social life with yourhealth by taking a class with friends orjoining a hiking club. Have workinglunches with colleagues or turnyour next one-on-one meeting intoa walk-and-talk. Start a wellbeingchallenge in your office—how manymiles can you walk as a team?Once you have your plan in place,every three months or so share yourscores, dreams and actions with afriend over a nice dinner. Make itfun, celebrate your small wins andkeep each other honest. Remember,these questions give you a snapshotover time, so your scores willlikely change. They did for us.After we went through this process,we both took actions toward creatingbetter balance in our lives.Making small steps to improve your balanceForSenia, this meant taking up eight-minute high-intensity workouts andexercising almost every morning.Margaret declared 2014 her year ofsocializing. She has already hostedtwo dinner parties and planned tripsand events for the rest of the year.This is really about stepping backand examining our lives so that wecan start to see them clearly. We’verealized our time is a finite resource;whereas our energy can expand andcontract. So, when you keep yourwork, health and social life ignited at a balance that’s right for you, youcan create swells of energy and livea happier, more fulfilling life.
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New Issue of Live Hapy Magazine Reveals How Compassion Can Improve Wellbeing

Dallas, TX – May 6, 2014 – Considered one of the greatest virtues, compassion – the feeling of empathy for others – is the theme of Live Happy magazine’s May/June 2014 issue that hits stands today. Live Happy is the first ever lifestyle magazine to balance the science of positive psychology with the art of application, and as the new issue reveals, recent studies and scientific research confirm that people who practice compassion receive an array of benefits that go beyond simply feeling good.While Live Happy has offered in-depth celebrity interviews in its previous issues, this month marks its first celebrity feature cover with actor Chris O’Donnell. In “I am Happy,” O’Donnell, considered one of the nicest guys in show business, shares how he maintains his happiness throughout his life’s hectic journey, even with the demands of his large family and booming career.“May and June are the two months we celebrate mothers and fathers each year, and strong personal relationships between parents and children are a key ingredient to happiness,” adds Nickell. “Because of this, Live Happy not only share Chris’ insights on parenting, but also ways to thank parents and those in our lives – with something even as simple as giving a hug.”As always, Live Happy offers the “Live Happy Now” section and this month’s “Top Ten” article features the Top 10 American Summer Destinations. In addition, this issue’s “Profile” features the Dalai Lama on why he believes happiness, love, and compassion go hand in hand. Continuing its mission to make 2014 the “year of happiness” and empowering its readers to achieve authentic happiness by helping to incorporate practical tools into their lives, this issue of Live Happy also features 31 ways to “Be More Compassionate in May,” and readers can go to livehappy.com for 30 ideas on how to make June a month of giving as well.The May/June issue also marks bestselling author Gretchen Rubin as a regular Live Happy columnist. In her first column, the happiness expert shares her six tips for “Nurturing a Happy Family,” all of which personally help her be the parent she strives to be – from getting enough sleep, to living by the “one-minute” rule, to remembering to cherish each day.In addition, with summer vacations right around the corner, this year, instead of returning more stressed than when one left, columnists Michelle Gielan and positive psychology expert Shawn Achor share their tips for an energy-boosting vacation in “Tripped Up.” Being happy and well-vacationed should lead to a positive outcome, which will in turn benefit one’s work, company, and ultimately him or herself. In addition to his contribution to Live Happy’s current issue, Shawn also sits down with Oprah Winfrey on OWN’s Super Soul Sunday for a 2-part interview on May 25th and June 2nd to discuss his steps for achieving happiness.This issue’s feature article “Listening with Your Heart” explores new scientific studies and data regarding compassion: what it is, what it triggers in the human body, and how it affects each of us both physically and emotionally. The article also examines existing evidence that through breathing and meditation, individuals can actually change the brain’s biology to increase the acts of kindness that it triggers.The May/June issue of Live Happy features a myriad of other inspiring articles and features that reflect the theme of compassion as well, including:“The Promise of Positive Education” reveals evidence that character strengths such as grit, perseverance, and resilience have actually proven to be stronger predicators of success than IQ or the type of home someone grows up in.“Changing Lives” explores the mutual benefit of mentoring. Individuals, young and old alike, that have a caring mentor in their world usually do better in life, and having access to such an individual provides opportunities for mentees to achieve their goals and interests, and help them flourish.Not only can a quick siesta enhance one’s mood, but as “Nap Your Way Happy” reveals, a little daytime downtime can offer tremendous health benefits as well. From improving memory, to reducing stress, to strengthening the immune system, this article is a must-read for anyone who doesn’t want to feel guilty about briefly curling up on the couch.In “Embrace Your You,” regular columnist, psychotherapist, and relationship expert Stacy Kaiser offers a few easy steps that can help readers rid negative thoughts to embrace and nourish a more positive and accepting image of their own bodies.As every article in the May/June 2014 issue of Live Happy reveals, practicing self-compassion and kindness towards others are among life’s most important and rewarding experiences, and will profoundly help readers in their ever-evolving pursuit of happiness.# # #About Live HappyLive Happy LLC is dedicated to promoting and sharing authentic happiness through education, integrity, gratitude, and community awareness. Headquartered in Dallas, Texas, its mission is to impact the world by bringing the happiness movement to a personal level and inspiring people to engage in living purpose-driven, healthy, meaningful lives.Media Inquiries:Rachel AlbertKrupp Kommunicationsralbert@kruppnyc.com(212) 886-6704
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Karol Nickell and Chris O'Donnell hugging

Give a Hug of Thanks

Parenting is joyful, fun and hard work, too. Let's give lots of appreciation—and hugs—to our moms and dads in May and June.I've always admired good fathers. I am blessed to have one who still sets the gold standard for my sisters and me.I’m married to one who makes me a better person andmother. And I can’t say enough positive things about father of five Chris O’Donnell, whose love for his family plays amajor role in our cover story.Having strong personal relationships is a key ingredientto happiness, and for most of us, our first meaningful relationship was with ourmom, dad or both. If we’re fortunate, they gave us love, support and guidance. If, asan adult, we choose to become a parent, we are grateful to provide the same gifts to achild trusted to our care. Having a good relationship with our parents makes it easierfor us to have healthy relationships with our kids. Makes sense, doesn’t it?It’s puzzling then, if strong personal relationships make us happier and if we’velearned about personal relationships from our parents, that being a parent doesn’tnecessarily make us happier. Some research shows that childless couples rank higher inhappiness than those with children.Whether or not a parent agrees with these findings, I think they would say loving achild comes naturally, but supporting and guiding them is a mix of love and hard work.Family is what I care most about, and my relationships with our two kids are a source of true and lasting joy. I invest energy, hope, collaboration and invention (read: work,worry, compromise and planning) in being a mom. While it’s not all fun and games, I wouldn’t trade this gig of a lifetime for anything. The researchers have the data right,but somehow they missed this nuance:As a parent, I worry more, spend more and sleep less than others. But, I’m happy to do it. Just like my mom and dad, God blessthem, were happy to do it for me.As we celebrate moms and dads everywhere in May and June, please take time to reflect on the gifts your parents gave you and, if you’re a parent, the gifts that comewith the world’s most important job. Also, please thank parents’ helpers—aunts, uncles, baby sitters, teachers, neighbors and others. (They don’t pay the bills, but whatthey do for our kids is priceless.)Take a cue from Chris and me. Give mom, dad andtheir helpers a big hug!
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Person meditating against a sunset sky

Step-by-Step Guide to Compassion Meditation

Below is a step-by-step set of instructions on how to practice compassion meditation, from members of the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism training team. For more about Compassion Meditation, see our companion article with audio, as well as the June 2014 issue of Live Happy magazine.1. Create a spaceIt might be a small room in your home or an outdoor garden where you won’t be disturbed, or anywhere you can find a few moments of quiet. If you have a regular practice space, make it beautiful—bring in images, smells and sounds that are meaningful to you.2. CommitBegin by committing to 5 to 10 minutes of meditation once a day, and plan to expand it to 20 minutes once you feel comfortable slipping into meditation. Studies show that the more time you spend in meditation, the more compassionate you become.3. Feel your natural rhythmFind a comfortable place to sit and take a posture that is straight but not overly rigid. Take a few deep breaths, then let your breath settle into its own natural rhythm. Take a minute or two to settle into your body, lightly focusing your attention on the physical sensations of the breathing process.4. Think about the people in your lifeOnce you are settled, think about all the people in your life who love and support you. Now, think about the ways in which you, too, play a supportive role in the lives of countless others. Let your mind abide in this awareness of interconnectedness for a little while.If you are doing a self-guided compassion meditation, you might think of someone with whom you are irritated or frustrated. Picture the person in your mind if you are a visual thinker, or just focus on your sense of that specific person. Consider that this person has a desire for a life imbued with purpose, work that is meaningful, relationships that are supportive. Consider this person’s web of social connections—the people they are important to, and how much these people care about them. Think of their rich, textured life experiences, including their disappointments and successes.5. Listen to your bodyNotice how focusing your attention on this person shows up in your body. Take note of the kind of physical sensations you are experiencing. What is the emotional undertone?Turn your attention toward your own inner experience with a sense of curiosity. Perhaps your reflections are enhancing a sense of connection to the person or perhaps the opposite. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Simply notice, with curiosity. You can stay with this exploration for as long as it feels comfortable for you. If you are a new meditator, this could be three to five minutes; if you are experienced, you might stay longer.6. Feel your connection with othersAs your meditation practice draws to a close, let your heart and mind be touched by the feeling of common humanity and connection with others, and rest your attention on the natural rhythm of your breath.7. Extend your awareness back into the worldWhen you sense you’re nearing the end of the time you’ve set aside, take a few minutes to make a conscious transition into the space you’re in, sensing the temperature of the air on your skin, feeling the floor beneath you. Take your time and experiment with seeing how you can carry the continuity of your awareness forward into the activities that you move into next.8. Tinker and find your wayOnce you’re comfortable with the basics of a compassion meditation, think about how you might personalize it. Adapting practices to fit your values, your language and your inclinations is important.With time, this kind of practice should help us learn how to reach past that moment of discomfort in which we turn away from those who need our help.Do you have a specific method to your meditation? Tell us about it in the comments, below.
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Woman working out on mountain

Fit for Happiness

As a fitness instructor, motivational speaker and lifestyle coach, Chalene Johnson has heard it hundreds of times: “If I can just lose 20 pounds, I’ll be happy.” Or, “I’ll be happy once I getback in shape.” The problem is, she says, it doesn’t work that way.“Most people assume that if they can achieve their physical goals, they’ll be happy. So they go to extreme measures, and either they fail because the goal was too big, or they succeed at their goal, but find out it doesn’t change how they feelabout themselves—so they still perceivethemselves as failing.”While setting personal health and fitness goals is important, believing thathappiness will come from reaching thosegoals can set someone up for failure. “Happiness never comes from theoutside,” Chalene says. “It comes froma combination of all areas of our lives.Certainly, a lot of people start from theoutside, but it is the other changes theymake in their lives along the way thattruly make them happy.”She says working on fitness goals mayhelp put other areas of life in balance. Forexample, people may work fewer hours orspend less time in front of the television;they might start eating healthier mealsand make better choices. As all of those different areas of their lifebegin aligning, they are less likelyto self-medicate with food oralcohol—and as a result, theyfeel happier overall.Chalene’s observations, whichcome from more than 20 years of fitness and lifestyle coaching, havegrowing scientific evidence toback them up. Tim Sharp,Ph.D., executive coach,clinical psychologistand adjunct professorat the University of Technology, Sydney, Business School and RMIT University & School of Health Sciences, is alsofounder of The Happiness Institute,based in Sydney. His research theory, called “The Primacy of Positivity,”proposes that practicing the principlesof positive psychology and doing what isnecessary to create a happy life must bethe first step—not the end result.Taking such an approach “will boostmotivation and energize a person tothen do more of what they need to do,such as live a healthy life,” he says. “Allof these principles are very possible before goal attainment.”Delaying HappinessThe belief that happiness comes from reaching goals can actually have a negative effect on people, creating what Tim calls “the tyranny of when.” “[This] is the phenomenon resulting from a group of related thoughts and beliefs associated with imagined and seemingly desirable, but currently unreached, goals,” he explains. “For example, ‘I’ll be happy when…I have more money, a bigger house or a better job.’”In a paper published in theMarch 2011 edition of Coaching: AnInternational Journal of Theory, Researchand Practice, Tim explains how “thetyranny of when” can thwart goals andlead to a range of problems, includingnegative and self-defeating emotions.When someone is operating under“the tyranny of when” and fails toreach a goal, they may have already talked themselves out of being happy.As a result, any success or progressthey might have made on the way toreaching that goal is discounted. Forexample, instead of being happy aboutlosing eight pounds and celebrating thataccomplishment, someone might bedisappointed because they didn’t losethe 10 pounds they had intended.As a countermeasure, Tim isamong those who propose a newapproach that challenges the traditionof working toward goals. He arguesthat achievement and success are moreattainable if happiness and positivity arecreated first.“So even if happiness is not anexplicit goal in and of itself, it shouldstill be seen as a highly useful means toa desired end.”Reversing theThought ProcessShawn Achor, author of the books Before Happiness and The Happiness Advantage says the practice of attaching happiness to a goal or accomplishment is “scientifically broken" and believesit interferes not only with our overallhappiness, but with our outcomesand success.“Every time you record a victory,your brain changes the goal post of whatsuccess looks like,” he notes, addingthat it means we will always need a newaccomplishment to continue feelingsuccessful. However, research Shawnhas conducted at Harvard Universityindicates that the level of happinesscreated by the success doesn’t change orincrease with each success; it remainsthe same.In other words, greatersuccess does not, by itself, translate togreater levels of happiness.“But flip around the formula,prioritize creating a positive brain inthe present, and suddenly, every singlebusiness and educational outcomerises,” he says. “Raise happiness levelsin the present and your success raterises dramatically.”Successfully reaching personalweight and fitness goals requiresbecoming realistic about what one wantsto accomplish, and about the result thatreaching that goal will have.“Part of the frustration that canoftentimes come from trying to speedtoward certain goals is that sometimesthose goals are irrational,” he says.“Start with a realistic assessment ofwhere you are, but maintain the beliefthat your behavior matters in thepresent: ‘Can I work out today?’ ”That’s a simpler and more attainablegoal than vowing to exercise six days aweek.Looking at the goal in smaller,bite-size pieces makes it moremanageable, and creates more victoriesto celebrate. It also helps us stay positiveand makes us less likely to berateourselves if we have an “off” day,knowing it can be compensated for thenext day. Becoming more realistic andstaying committed while not makinghappiness contingent upon the outcomeare important shifts in thinking thatallow us to accept ourselves morereadily—and be able to celebrate theaccomplishment of simply takingbetter care of ourselves. And, bestof all, pursuing a healthier and more fitlifestyle will automatically supporteach individual’s personal questfor happiness.Which Comes First?Dr. John Ratey, an associate professorof psychiatry at Harvard and the authorof the book Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain explains that exercise and happinessgo hand-in-hand. The challenge liesin getting people to recognize its many benefits and stop looking at it merely as a tool for physical attractiveness.“There’s a feeling among many people that exercise is work, and that’s a problem,” he says. “They see it as a chore or as work instead of seeing it assomething that has tremendous benefits to them. We are such a push-button,immediate digitalized response world that we demand change immediately,and that’s our downfall when it comes to exercise. If people are using thisto improve their outward physicalappearance, they know it’s going to takesome time.”However, he says anyone whoexercises can enjoy immediate benefits,even though they aren’t necessarily the kind of results that will show up on thescale in the morning.“People talk a lot about endorphinsthat are released through exercise,but that is just part of it,” John says.“When we begin exercising, we almost immediately begin releasing dopamine,norepinephrine and serotonin. Thoseare all neurotransmitters that deal with feelings of reward, alertness,contentment and feelings of wellbeing.”Even more importantly, the brain begins to secrete something known as “brain-derived neurotrophic factor,” or BDNF, a protein that is associated with the growth and development of neurons within the brain. John calls BDNF “brain fertilizer,” noting that it has been proven effective in combating both depression and anxiety, and even has been successful in fighting substance abuse issues.Exercise: The Stress Killer“In general, it allows us to combatstress hormones directly within thebody, but also to combat outsidestresses overall. And all of those thingscontribute to our feelings of happiness.”John says the key to enjoying a fitnessregimen—and therefore, increasing theodds of staying with it—is to understandthe immediate benefits it creates andbegin appreciating what it can do in theshort term rather than focusing on long-termbenefits.“People know that it’s going to havelong-term effects; it can fight depressionand Alzheimer’s and help them loseweight,” he says. “But we’ve become tooaccustomed to only placing an emphasison the physical. There are tremendousimmediate emotional and cognitiveeffects to exercise.”Maintaining a commitment to fitness can create a sense of mastery and pride in accomplishment—while at the same time, triggering a series of positive neural responses within the brain. It can lower blood pressure and blood sugar levels in just a few minutes, and it improves mood and enhances the quality of sleep. John says it doesn’t matter what the activity is; regardless of whether it’s yoga, CrossFit, weightlifting or Zumba, any exercise that stresses and challenges the brain will engage it immediately and set the benefits in motion. In fact, he notes that the brain is more engaged during exercise than it is during any other activity—including studying.“The thing that people need to thinkabout is that they are doing somethingto make them feel better today,” Johnsays. “When you exercise and increaseyour overall feeling of wellbeing fortoday, you’re going to feel better abouteverything that happens that day. You’regoing to feel happier overall.”A 2013 study by Katherine M.Appleton of Queen’s University inBelfast, U.K., published in the Journalof Health Psychology further illustratesJohn’s point. Her study showed thatregular exercise helped people feelbetter about themselves and theirappearance—even when there wereno obvious outward physical changes.Participants were divided into twocontrol groups; one group spent 40minutes reading six days a week, theother group spent that same amount oftime exercising. Neither group showedchanges in their appearance, but at theend of the study, the exercise groupshowed marked improvement in theirbody image, while the reading groupshowed no change in their body image.Katherine wrote that her study“confirm(ed) current theories of bodyimage, where changes in body imageare mediated by body perceptions asopposed to actual body indices.” Whatshe saw firsthand was that exercisecan help improve body image and mindset, even if no weight was lost or ifmeasurable improvements were made inthe shapes of their bodies.Katherine’s findings are similar tothose being made by other psychologistsand scientists around the globe.Many experts today believe that thelink between physical activity andhappiness is inextricably linked,and that exercise is a way to unleashhappiness—something that could play apivotal role in helping people reach theirpersonal health and fitness goals.Reaching Realistic GoalsHarvard psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., who teaches a course on positive psychology, frequently preaches a gospel of exercise to induce and maintain happiness. “Physical exercise, three times a week, is equivalent to some of our most powerful psychiatric drugs in terms of its effect on depression and anxiety,” he said during the PBS television program, Life (Part 2).He has frequently been quoted as saying avoiding exercise is the equivalent to taking depressants. And Niyc Pidgeon, a U.K.-based positive psychologist specializing in physical activity, sport and exercise, has created a performance pyramid similar to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to illustrate the formula for reaching optimal performance in life. Her model places “mindsets and optimism” as the essential foundation for building other necessary characteristics such as self-awareness, positive emotions and emotional intelligence.“Choosing an [optimistic] mindset can be fundamental in developing, enhancing and maintaining performance,” she says. “Optimism is associated with more positive and authentic relationships, better physical health and a longer lifespan.”What emerges is a sort of chicken-and-the-egg question between exercise andhappiness. Exercise is proven successful in releasing stress, unleashing feel-good chemicals in the brain, and enhancing mood and motivation. At the same time, those who see the results of exercise as thepath to their happiness may find themselves disappointed, disillusioned—and ultimately unsuccessful at both finding happiness and reaching their goals.“If you solely focus on your physiqueand that outcome, you’re going to bedisappointed,” concludes Chalene.“You have to find what makes you trulyhappy in life first. You have to create thatbalance in your life. Otherwise, you willstay on this hamster wheel of trying to behappy forever.”
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