33 Ideas on Leadership

33 Ideas on Leadership

1. “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” —John Quincy Adams2. ReadThe 5 Levels of Leadershipby John C. Maxwell.3. WatchLincoln.4. Become a Big Brother or Big Sister (bbbs.org).5. WatchLean On Me.6. ReadThe Virgin Way: Everything I Know About Leadershipby Richard Branson.Read about the trajectory of media mogul Arianna Huffington.7. WatchTheIron Lady.8. “Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.” —Steve Jobs9. Start aJimRohnLeadership Journal.10. Download theMind Toolsapp.11. WatchSaving Private Ryan.12. Read The7 Habits of Highly Effective Peopleby Stephen R. Covey.13. Volunteer as a mentor in your area of professional expertise.Read more about the benefits of mentoring.14. Listen to“Centerfield”by JohnFogerty.15. ReadThe Last Lionby William Manchester.16. WatchCoach Carter.17. “The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.” —Tony Blair18. Follow your favorite entrepreneurs onLinkedIn.19. Listen to“GonnaFly Now (Theme to ‘Rocky’)” by BillContievery morning.20. ReadLean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Leadby Sheryl Sandberg.21. WatchRemember the Titans.22. “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” —C.S. Lewis23. Participate in a project to improve your community.Read more about how you can improve connectedness in your community.24. Listen to “On Top of the World” by Imagine Dragons.25. ReadHow to Win Friends and Influence Peopleby Dale Carnegie.26. Watch Drew Dudley’s “Everyday Leadership” TED Talk.27. “You cannot be anything you want to be—but you can be a whole lot more of who you already are.” —TomRath28. Set regular self-improvement goals.29. “The speed of the leader determines the speed of the gang.” – Mary Kay Ash30. ReadDriveby Daniel Pink.Watch our interview with best-selling author Daniel Pink.31. “Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality.” —WarrenBennis32. Watch SimonSinek’s“How Great Leaders Inspire Action” TED Talk.33. Check out the next issue ofLive Happyfor 33 Ideas for Happy Travels.Let us know your ideas of what makes a strong leader by leaving a comment, below!
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Happy Older Couple

Love Well to Live Well

People are living longer than ever. In fact, I just saw a TV news report about a woman celebrating her 116th birthday who, until recently, was still mowing her own lawn. Exuding more vitality than many folks half her age, she made me wonder: What contributes to healthy aging well into our golden years—and perhaps even our centenarian years? I decided to speak to Harvard psychiatrist George Vaillant, who has unveiled some of the determinants of aging well, having spent more than half of his life at the helm of the Grant Study of Adult Development. One of the longest-running studies on human development, the Grant Study has closely tracked the emotional and physical health of 268 Harvard men as they agedsince 1938. Habits, not heredity, are more important for health George has documented the findings of the Grant Study in three illuminating books. His first book, 1977’s Adaptation to Life, the now-classic tome on adult development, examined how the men were coping up to age 55 and identified various positive and negative outcomes. Aging Well followed 25 years later and showed that healthy physical and emotional aging from 55 to 80 is less dependent on genes and more on lifestyle choices, such as avoiding alcohol and tobacco abuse, engaging in regular light exercise, maintaining a healthy weight, exhibiting an adaptive coping style and having a loving marriage. Now, George's latest book, Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study, published more than 75 years after the study’s start, follows a few dozen of the surviving men who are now in their 90s. Many of them, like the centenarian woman I mentioned earlier, are thriving far beyond conventional retirement. So what’s their secret? “Habits formed before age 50, not heredity, are more important for growing old gracefully, well into our 90s and beyond,” George says. All you need is love However, even more important for positive aging and coping with stress is having warm, nurturing relationships. “Relationships can help us recover from a damaging past such as the bleakest of childhoods even many decades later,” George says. What’s more, strong bonds formed early in life have a protective factor down the road. He’s found that positive emotions, namely love, is the key ingredient for healthy aging well into our golden years and beyond. “Having had a loving and stable marriage at 50 predicted mental and physical health at 80 better than did either exercise or weight,” he says. “Visceral things like the positive emotions of love, hope and joy affect our health.” In fact, the effect of positive emotion on our nervous system is similar to the relaxation response triggered through meditation. Positive emotions, like love, reduce our basal metabolism, blood pressure, heart rate, respiratory rate and muscle tension, all leading to better health. In other words, love can literally heal and strengthen our heart. One simple way of reaping heart health benefits and aging well is it to put ourselves into the loving embrace of others on a daily basis, George says, because not only does “heartfelt” love feel good, but also it's good for us. And, who knows, perhaps it'll lead us to be thriving at 116 as well! Read more about the power of love on our well-being here. Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, MAPP, is a freelance writer specializing in the science of happiness and its effects on relationships and health. She and her husband, James Pawelski, will be presenting their "Romance and Research" workshop at the 3rd Congress: Spaces of Thought and Action in Psychology in Graz, Austria, May 28-June 1, as well as at IPPA's 4th World Congress on Positive Psychology in Orlando, Florida, June 25-28.
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Live Happy's Tips for Happy Healthy Summer

9 Ways to Stay Healthy and Happy This Summer

Summer is synonymous with happiness. How can you not be happy basking in the sunshine, relaxing on the beach, celebrating with a cookout, playing with your kids or lounging poolside? And while it all sounds heavenly, sometimes summer is spent figuring out how to entertain the kiddos from dawn to dusk so they don’t drive you wacko. If you really want a happy, healthy summer—one where you can bask in its long days without the kids driving you crazy—try these nine tips. (We recommend reading this in your hammock.) 1. Plan “me” time When life gets crazy, (when is it not?) the first thing that usually goes to the wayside is time just for you. Take turns with your spouse and make dates with yourself. Watch the kiddos while your spouse gets a little solitude, and then let your spouse give you that precious time, too. Hang out in a coffee shop, read a good book, meditate, take a long bike ride or catch an afternoon matinee—do something that allows you to think, reflect, relax or just unplug. 2. Make healthy eating fun Browse farmers markets and get some gorgeous seasonal produce. Teach your kids about the health benefits of real foods by experimenting with clean-eating recipes to make delicious, colorful meals and snacks. Learn the three easy steps to healthier eating. 3. Fill your calendar with joy You can have a lot of control and influence over how happy your summer is if you proactively plan weekends with your absolute favorite things to do, like hosting a cookout for your street, planning a weekend getaway or scheduling an outdoor adventure. Not only do you get the joy that comes from anticipation, but you also get a fun experience and a wonderful memory! (It’s a trio of happiness.) 4. Investigate your favorite exercise The key to exercising regularly isn’t about finding the time—it’s about finding an exercise you love. Because if you love it, you will do it. Summer is the ideal time to try out some new activities. Paddle-boarding anyone? Golf? (Skip the cart.) Take your kids on a family hike. Sign up to jog your first 5K. Go in search of an exercise to fall in love with, and you just might get hooked. 5. Remind yourself why sleep is wonderful Make your bedroom a place of serenity and calm by cleaning out any clutter that could be clogging you mentally. Get your favorite sheets and comforter. Open a window if it’s cool enough for gentle breezes. Fully embrace sleep as one of life’s great pleasures. 6. Know what recharges you When you’re feeling run down and frazzled, what restores you? What fills you up? Make a list of the top three activities that replenish your mind and body and then carve out time to do them. You’ll love life more when you feel full and mentally clear, instead of frazzled and depleted. 7. Seek a change of scenery Go on a vacation, drive to your neighboring town or just try a new restaurant. Changing up your normal environment can be uplifting and offer a new perspective. Read our 5 tips for an energy-boosting vacation. 8. Keep a journal Journaling helps with self-awareness, mental clarity and preserving memories, but keep the right journal for you. It could be a one-sentence journal about your day or maybe a travel journal where you record your summer adventures. You may even consider keeping a gratitude journal, where you jot down what you appreciate about your day. If it’s more your speed, use your journal to doodle or brainstorm your next big idea. Read more about journaling as a five-minute misery cure. 9. Go deeper with conversation If you’re having a dinner party, as you set the table, think about how you’d like to direct the conversation with your guests. Sometimes, with a little planning, you can cultivate meaningful conversations instead of surface chitchat. Bonus tip: Don’t start cleaning up when people are done eating, as that signals everyone that dinner is over. Sit and just enjoy your conversations—it’s good for your health and longevity! Make this your best summer yet by aligning it closer to what you value most. Happiness will follow. Click here to read about how to have a happy family roadtrip this summer. Sandra Bienkowski worked as the national columns editor for SUCCESS magazine for three years, and is widely published in print and on the web. See more about Sandra at The Media Concierge.
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Illuminate Film Festival

Theater of the Mind

Now in its second year, the Illuminate Film Festival held in Sedona, Arizona sets out to explore the conscious mind through the cinematic eye starting today through Sunday. More than 3,000 filmgoers from 23 states and six countries attended last year’s inaugural event, which featured four world premieres and seven U.S. premieres, including Death Makes Life Possible by executive producers Deepak Chopra and Marilyn Schlitz, Ph.D. and the best film winner Awake: The Life of Yogananda directed by Paola di Florio and Lisa Leeman. Expanding consciousness through cinema “Our mission is to expand consciousness through cinema," says Illuminate’s Executive Director and Founder Danette Wolpert. “Conscious cinema can teach us to live kinder, wiser, more enlightened lives and happier lives.” This year, 22 mindful and inspiring films were selected for their thought-provoking stories, such as On Meditation 2, which features hip-hop artist Russell Simmons and author and mindfulness expert Sharon Salzberg; the South by Southwest 2015 favorite A Brave Heart: the Lizzie Velasquez Story; and Dying to Know, a documentary following the lives of Timothy Leary and Richard Alpert (who later became known as the spiritual teacher Ram Dass). A few more of this year’s notable selections include: • Sold, based on the best-selling book by Patricia McKormick, tells the real-life story and struggles of a young girl from Nepal who has been sold into prostitution. Produced by actress Emma Thompson, this film also stars David Arquette and Gillian Anderson (who will hold a Q&A after the screening). • An official selection of the Cannes Film Festival, this animated feature of Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet was written and directed by Roger Allers (The Lion King), and stars Liam Neeson, Salma Hayek, Frank Langella and John Rhys-Davies. • The long-awaited documentary Landfill Harmonic tells the inspirational story of what can happen when you have no place to go but up. With instruments made from recycled trash, a garbage picker, a teacher and a band of students from Paraguay take what the world throws away and turns it into beautiful music. (For more on the Recycled Orchestra, click here.) For a complete lineup of films, go to https://illuminatefilmfestival.com/. Chris Libby is the Section Editor at Live Happy magazine.
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Happier students do better in school.

Happier Students Make the Grade

If you want your kids to get good grades in school, a Harvard researcher says, make sure they're happy.It helps, too, if you keep teachers happy, British researchers say.Happy students tend to get better grades, says Christina Hinton, Ed.D., a Harvard Graduate School of Education neuroscientist and lecturer. She says her study also found what makes students happy: school culture and relationships that students form with their teachers and peers.Happiness doesn't cause students to earn higher grades, Christina told the Deseret News. "Some students could be unhappy and still do well," she says. On average, "if you're happy you're more likely to do well."Christina collaborated with the K-12 St. Andrew's Episcopal School, near Washington, D.C., where students took surveys about happiness and motivation. She compared result with data on students' grade point averages.Among key findings:Happiness is positively associated with intrinsic motivation (a personal drive to learn) for all students, and also with extrinsic motivation (outside sources like rewards, praise, or avoiding punishment) for students in grades K–3.Happiness and standardized test scores did not seem to be related.Happiness is positively associated with GPA for students in grades 4–12.Teacher well-being also has a positive effect, helping send exam grades up 8 percent, according to a 2014 study from the Work Foundation at Lancaster University in England."Unlike other factors, such as the social class of students, the rate of pupil absence and the number of children with special educational needs, teacher health and well-being may be more amenable to intervention and change," researchers said."If schools want to support student well-being and achievement, they should take seriously nurturing positive relationships among teachers and students."Jim Gold is a veteran journalist who splits his time between Seattle and the Bay Area.
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Does reading make us nicer?

Does Reading Fiction Make Us Nicer?

For lovers of fiction, reading is often an escape. It’s a chance to get outside of our own heads and move into someone else’s personal experience. We don’t just follow Scarlett O’Hara as she takes down her drapes to create a new dress and the façade of wealth, we identify with her pride and feel her determination in the pits of our stomachs. We empathize with her character.The empathetic leapThat heightened emotional connection moves beyond the page and into our real lives, according to social scientists at the New School in New York City. People who read literary fiction before a test to identify emotions in other people’s faces did better than subjects who read non-fiction or popular fiction, the researchers stated in a study published in the scientific journal Science.David Comer Kidd, who did the research, said this was likely because people reading literary fiction had to fill in gaps about the emotional content of characters in the stories.Theory of MindFiction is an exercise in what psychologists call Theory of Mind. This is our ability to understand other people’s emotions and reasoning and realize that they are different from our own. When we read fiction we understand what the characters know, how they are feeling at various points in the story, and what about their experiences are causing them to feel that way.“When you tell people to pay attention to other people’s subjective experiences, they do better at identifying emotions in other people,” Kidd said. Fiction is a shortcut to getting people to pay attention.Putting yourself in someone else’s shoesEmpathy is another way to think about Theory of Mind, but instead of just identifying emotions in others, we also feel a little bit of that emotion or a related one.Although one might think we use Theory of Mind constantly in our daily interactions, Kidd said that many of our social experiences are basically scripted by manners and social norms. We don’t need to recruit our knowledge of other people’s emotions to buy a jug of milk at the store, for example, or respond to most professional email.But in some circumstances it’s very important to consider what other people are thinking and feeling, especially when making decisions about morality and our deep personal relationships.“Theory of Mind plays a big role when we’re trying to decide if an action is going to hurt someone else’s feelings or if we’re trying to figure out why someone has hurt our feelings,” Kidd said. “Was that person trying to be a jerk, or was something else going on with them?”Fiction increases emotional intelligenceLiterary fiction probably increases people’s capacity for understanding what other people are thinking because there are gaps both in the story’s narrative and in the characters' emotional lives compared to non-fiction or some popular fiction, which is more explicit in laying out characters emotional life. You have to work harder to fill in those gaps yourself.Story lines force us to be active in our empathyKidd and his colleagues are working to home in on the specific qualities of a story, play or film that forces us to use our Theory of Mind and boosts our empathetic capabilities.“It seems like what really matters is an active versus passive approach,” Kidd said.Other research has shown that people who read fiction feel more socially connected and have larger social support systems than those who don’t, challenging the idea of the lonely bookworm. Increased empathy may be a cognitive and emotional link between fiction and social interactions.Read more about the social importance of book clubs.But, Kidd cautions, this does not mean that people who don’t read literary fiction have little empathy or are interpersonally deficient. Rather, that reading fiction can nudge one’s empathetic capability to be more active.So the next time you find yourself in a tricky interpersonal situation, it might be worth thinking through the point of view of others as if they were characters in your favorite novel before deciding on a course of action.What would Elizabeth Bennet do?Meredith Knight is a freelance science writer based in Austin, Texas.
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5-Minute Misery Cure

The 5-Minute Misery Cure

Do you lead what many believe to be a charmed life—some variation of: a successful, ladder-climbing career and a well-suited husband to match, a healthy diet, nice car, good friends, etc., and yet wonder why you feel so miserable when you have so much?The truth is, many women today are less happy than ever, and it’s because they’re living in an emotional stone age. This is what I call The Misery Epidemic, which I write about in my forthcoming book The Misery Cure. Millions of women suffer from a feeling of disconnection in their relationships, lack intimacy with spouses and don’t know how to talk about any of it.The problem? These women are living in a disempowered place and don’t know how to handle their Big 5 Female Emotions. These feelings are designed to send up red flags; however, we often misread them.Here’s what these emotions are trying to tell you:Fear: Many women have been taught from birth that there’s something wrong with them if they are too emotional, and that they need to keep their emotions in control. This creates a fear of letting your guard down and showing that you are vulnerable. You’re really afraid that speaking up about feelings will exacerbate the problem, but not talking about them is making it worse.Anger: Anger for women in today’s culture can be like the F-word—it is thought to be totally inappropriate and uncalled for. It’s particularly not okay for women to feel or express anger in too extreme of a fashion or they will be labeled 'bossy' or 'entitled.' Instead of expressing anger, you suppress it and feel stuck., forcing you into a state of sadness or even depression.Sadness: Your emotions are trying to serve you, but you are afraid of how they make you feel, so you stuff them deep down inside. By looking at your emotions as “Bad,” you feel like you should try to get rid of them. When they don’t go away (because the real problem hasn’t been addressed), you feel extreme sadness.Anxiety: Anxiety is a result of not trusting yourself, and the more we don’t listen to ourselves the more we’ll struggle with anxiety. It’s like an awful merry-go-round that just never stops until we have the courage to jump off.Frustration: There’s no emotion quite like frustration to make those wheels spin round and round. And you are, quite literally, stuck. Frustration, however, means you are viewing a situation too narrowly, based upon beliefs rooted in fear. Because you are buying into your fears rather than paying attention to your emotions, you are frustrated in feeling like you can’t bury your negative emotions.Guilt: Guilt is about making you feel bad about who you are as a person—about doubting your worth. However, it’s also there to support you in reclaiming the aspects of yourself that have split off. You need to stop second-guessing your guilt and honor what it’s telling you.In order to have the intimate emotional conversation your mind is trying to carry out, you need to use what I call the 5-Minute Misery Cure:1. Identify how you feelWrite down all the emotions that are coming up for you. Now see which of the Big 5 is most related to how you feel. If you are feeling more than one of the Big 5, pick the emotion that wants to be addressed first.2. Release your egoAllow the ego’s version of what you are feeling to come through you. Write down all of your fears, objections and doubts. You want to be able to clearly identify what your ego is telling you on paper, rather than let the ego’s messages continue to run amok in your head.3. Work from an empowered placeNow that your ego feels heard, there is space for your inner voice to come through. Write out what it means to you.4. Take actionIdentify one action step you can take to make an empowered action. Set a due date by which you will demonstrate that step through an actionable measure.Sadly, despite the many freedoms woman have achieved, we are still behind the curve in terms of emotional awareness. We are growing but we have to communicate our needs if we want the world to grow with us. When we come out of the shadows and overcome our fears, we’ll feel more connected to our emotional selves, our closest relationships (partners, children, friends, co-workers) and finally be able to bring our new empowered self to the world.Michelle Bersell, M.A., M.Ed., is an author, psychotherapist, and mother of three who teaches and speaks about emotional empowerment. Her forthcoming book, The 5-Minute Misery Cure: Solutions for Women Who Are Sad, Stressed, and Suffering in Silence, is due out in 2016. Download Michelle's Misery Epidemic Kit and find her on Facebook and Twitter.
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Sir Anthony Seldon

Character and Well-Being

Sir Anthony Seldon is often described as Britain’s best-known schoolmaster. He’s a pioneer in education, biographer to three prime ministers, an author or editor of more than two dozen books and a knight of the realm. He’s also witty in a disarmingly quirky way. Answering the phone he asks, “Is this Michelle Obama?” “Sir Seldon, I’m calling with Live Happy magazine,” I say. “Oh. Mrs. Obama is the only American I know. But please do call me Anthony,” he responds. His light-hearted tone quickly turns more serious when the topic turns to his hopes for the newly organized International Positive Education Network (IPEN), which he leads as president. A new way of looking at education “I think the world over, we are seeing schools and colleges which are squandering the potential for the development of young people—of their characters, their personalities, their humanness—because they are saying the only thing that matters is the passing of exams and tests, and this is at best a shame and at worst a disaster and travesty,” Anthony says from his office at Wellington College in Berkshire, where he serves as headmaster. “It’s also based on a complete failure to understand that it isn’t a case of either teaching for tests or teaching for personal growth and happiness; if you teach for happiness and growth and character, you’ll get better exam results because you’ll be developing their intrinsic motivations rather than extrinsic motivations. They’ll want to learn and flourish because of their own inner wishes rather than the fear of the teacher or of punishment. The development of character “So it couldn’t be more important that IPEN is active across the world because we have to fight this cruel ideology, which is subverting lives of young people, allegedly in their interest, but actually in the interest of governments, which are petrified of their countries doing badly [in terms of student test scores],” he says. “Aristotle made it very clear: Education is about the development of character and character strengths, as well as scholastic education.” IPEN’s goals are to support collaboration to promote positive education, change education practice and reform government policy. Check out IPEN's list of favorite books about character and positive education. An illustrious career Anthony, who holds a doctorate as well as the titles of fellow of the Royal Society of Arts and of the Royal Historical Society, has written biographies of prime ministers John Major, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. His latest book, Beyond Happiness: The Trap of Happiness and How to Find Deeper Meaning and Joy, published in March by Yellow Kite, aims to help readers achieve “inner transformation,” he says. “Many people get by, but they don’t live life that is nearly as profound, meaningful, engaged, satisfying, human or indeed spiritual as it could be. And the book is trying to show people how to do that, based on my own experience.” Anthony, who plans to leave Wellington next year after a decade as headmaster, remembers a parent asking him early in his tenure what he most wanted for students. “I want them to be happy,” he responded. He introduced happiness and well-being courses the same year. Since then, Wellington has become the most improved school in Britain. Its ranking among the roughly 3,000 schools in the nation has improved from 256th to 21st, based on scores on exams students take when they leave school at age 18. Getting with the program The program encompasses physical health, positive relationships, perspective (or building a “psychological immune system”), engagement in the things one does, living sustainably in the world, and finding meaning and purpose. Wellington also offers very popular courses for parents, with topics that have included managing anxiety, active and constructive responding, and “the magical state of engagement,” Anthony says. An education in happiness Instruction in happiness and well-being can benefit children of all ages, as well as adults, agrees James O’Shaughnessy, who heads the IPEN steering committee and is the founder of the not-for-profit Floreat Education, which aims to help children flourish through character development and academic achievement. James says positive education isn’t new, and it is being offered in various forms and places around the world. There’s no single best approach, but it is important to bring together and present the different voices and perspectives, which is where IPEN comes in. What will success look like for IPEN? “We joke that we won’t settle for anything less than world domination,” James says. Anthony’s hopes are no less lofty, and this time, he’s not joking. “If people at every school, college and home start living lives which are more holistic, harmonious and happy, then I think at that point, IPEN can close down because we’ve done our job.”
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The Power of Passion

I can't live If living is without you I can't live I can't give anymore —"Without You" I remember the first time I heard these lyrics, sung by Mariah Carey—a cover of adesperately emotional ballad that equates intense longing with an ideal form of romantic passion. From Billboard music charts to blockbuster films, popular culture perpetuates this notion that true love is an uncontrollable feeling of being “swept away.” Though this kind of unbridled passion has an enormous appeal, both in popular culture and in life, “it can be harmful to our well-being and relationships,” says Robert (Bob) Vallerand, Ph.D., past president of the Canadian Psychological Association and the International Positive Psychology Association. In his new book, The Psychology of Passion,the social psychologist reports an all-consuming or "obsessive passion" is associated with not trusting one's partner. Those who are obsessively passionate toward their lovers are insecure and preoccupied with protecting their egos rather than being attuned to their partners, he says. They tend to be defensive, controlling and have to win all the time. Not exactly the stuff of Prince Charming. Obsessive passion is as detrimental to a relationship as having no passion at all. In fact, women in relationships with obsessively passionate men reported feeling less satisfied sexually and overall, Bob says, despite what popular culture would have you think. Of course, in the throes of early romance we may feel distracted and focus on our partners at the exclusion of everything else. We might while away time daydreaming at our desks instead of drafting those important memos, or mentally replaying every word from our most recent conversations. And we feel butterflies in our stomachs just thinking of our partners. What would life be without these exhilarating experiences? It's healthy to savor these moments. However, problems arise when we are stuck at this stage and don't develop. Our relationship stagnates and often falls apart, research finds. Cultivating a healthy passion Relationships with a "healthy," or what Bob calls a "harmonious passion," are those in which we are in control of our emotions. We retain our identity, maintain balance, experience greater intimacy, and handle conflict better—all of which leads to a more mature relationship, according to Bob’s research. Fortunately, we can learn to cultivate harmonious passion. Instead of losing yourself in a new relationship, maintain the friends and interests you had before the relationship began. It’s tempting to dive into a new love and forget about everything else in your life, but certainly not healthy for your sense of identity. And when the intensity of an early love dissipates (or disappears), you’ll need the rest of your life to fall back on! In order to maintain your identity, reflect upon your unique strengths and interests, Bob says. Find something you both enjoy and share it with your partner. Research shows that engaging in exciting activities together increases attraction. And of course, you should try to avoid serious competition, which may be destructive to the relationship, Bob says. The point is to have fun together, not to win. So, if you’re a chess wizard or your partner is a competitive swimmer, you might want to avoid those activities. This is about connecting, not winning! Finally, find time to share something good that you experience with your partner every day. This is another simple way to build a healthy passion, Bob says. And when it comes to those dramatic love songs, perhaps you can look to them for entertainment, not emulation. Suzann Pileggi Pawelski is a freelance writer specializing in the science of happiness and its effects on relationships and health. She and her husband James Pawelski will present their "Romance and Research" workshop at the 3rd Congress: Spaces of Thought and Action in Psychology in Graz, Austria, as well as at IPPA's 4th World Congressin Orlando, Florida.
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More sex doesn't equan more happiness?

Frequent Sex Not Always Linked to Happiness

Our culture holds the general belief, backed up by self-help books, that sex within a committed relationship will make you happy and healthy—and the more the better. Academic study In the first study to ask whether having more frequent sex actually makes people happier, Carnegie Mellon University researchers assigned some couples to have more sex than others and observed both groups' happiness over three months. The results, published in the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, show that simply having more sex did not make couples happier, in part because the increased frequency led to a decline in wanting more sex and enjoying the sex they had. The study involved 128 healthy people, ages 35-65, in married male-female couples. The researchers randomly assigned the couples to one of two groups: The first received no instructions on sexual frequency. The second group was asked to double their weekly sexual intercourse frequency. Enforced date night At the end of the study, surveys showed that the couples who were asked to did have more sex, but that it led, surprisingly, to a small decrease in happiness. These same couples reported lower sexual desire and a decrease in sexual enjoyment. This may have had something to do with the fact that their turbo sex lives were initiated at the behest of a university study—not the most sexy of circumstances. "If we ran the study again, and could afford to do it, we would try to encourage subjects into initiating more sex in ways that put them in a sexy frame of mind, perhaps with baby-sitting, hotel rooms or Egyptian sheets, rather than directing them to do so," George Loewenstein, Ph.D., the study's lead investigator, told the Carnegie Mellon news center. Basically, ignore this study, lead investigator says Despite the study's results, George says he continues to believe that most couples have too little sex for their own good, and thinks that increasing sexual frequency in the right ways can be beneficial.
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