5 Ways to Commit and Make it Stick

5 Ways to Commit and Make it Stick

Have you ever wondered what makes us emotionally committed? Some people are committed because they have strong feelings for a person, place or purpose. Others are striving to reach a goal. Some make commitments out of a sense of obligation because their job or relationship requires it from them. Commitment is the emotional backbone that gives us strength, determination and focus and that deeply connects to our feelings of happiness and well-being. It is nearly impossible to talk about commitment without talking about engagement. Engagement is the act that demonstrates commitment. For example, you cannot just buy a plant and announce your commitment to take care of it. While it may be interesting for you to shout out in the store, “I am buying this plant, and I will nurture it and make it grow!” the true proof is in the actions you take after you have brought it home. You will need to provide it with sunshine and water, prune its leaves and regularly tend to it. Show, don't tell Life works very much the same way. I have worked with countless couples who say they do not want to divorce, people who claim they do not want to lose their jobs or say they want to be better parents, but they are not actively engaged in demonstrating their commitments. For example, you can show up to work and sit at your desk and call yourself “committed to your job,” and yet if you do not show engagement by being responsible, meeting deadlines, thinking creatively to solve problems and meeting customer needs, then you will not be as successful because you are not, in fact, truly committed. To assess how engaged you or someone else is in a commitment, first look at actions. The difference lies in whether one is locked into what I call “passive commitment” or “active engagement.” Passive commitment is when you say you are invested or committed but you wait for things to happen instead of taking action on your own. Here are 5 ways to build up your active engagement skills: 1. Make conscious commitments and have a plan to back them up Announce your action, such as, “I am committed to spending more quality time with my family,” or “I am committed to helping others more than I have in the past.” 2. Team up Surround yourself with others who are actively engaged in what’s important to them. Team up with a friend, colleague, life partner or business partner. It is easier to be committed when you are working toward something together that you all care about. 3. Let your actions do the talking Your actions, language and body language all reflect your engagement. Follow through on your conscious commitments. 4. Balance expectations Make a schedule to invest the necessary time and energy to be engaged in what’s important in your life. Balance your abilities to meet others’ expectations as well as your own. 5. Regularly evaluate your commitments Do you have too many or not the right ones? It can be difficult to maintain momentum if you are unhappy or if you feel that what you are investing in is not accomplishing the desired results. Take time out to examine the situation and adjust as needed. The good news about building skills in the area of engaged commitment is that they apply to any endeavor you care about: relationships, work, family, health and community. So now is the time to take the first step. Determine what’s important to you, commit to those people or actions and engage to become a better, happier you. Stacy Kaiser is an editor at large for Live Happy.
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7 Books You Need to Make Love Last

7 Books You Need to Make Love Last

You’ve heard the cynical takes on romance: Seven-year itch. Marriage is hard. Men are from Mars. Relationships take work. Lots of marriages end in divorce. But don’t throw in the towel on love. Strong, committed relationships make people happier and can even help you live longer. These seven books—your love homework—will help you tune up, spark or overhaul your relationship. 1. Emotional Fitness for Couples: 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship By Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. Why wait until a crisis happens to fix your relationship? Instead, discover the small things you can do every day to improve emotional fitness. Just like exercise, what you do every day matters a lot more than what you do once in a while. Discover how to date your partner again and how to stop a fight before one even starts. 2. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide From the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert By John Gottman, Ph.D., and Nan Silver Renowned relationship expert John Gottman has studied the habits of married couples for decades, and knows what it takes to make a marriage work. He also knows the warning signs of a failing marriage. In this book ,he identifies the seven principles that guide couples to a harmonious, long-lasting relationship. Discover new ways to resolve conflict and achieve greater levels of intimacy. 3. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts By Gary Chapman If there were a bible of love, this #1 New York Times Bestseller would be it. You’ve got falling in love mastered, but this book shows you how to stay in love for the long haul. Discover how to speak each other’s love language so your partner feels loved. Is it through physical touch? Quality time? Words of affirmation? Oftentimes we mistakenly express love in the way we feel it but not in the way our partner does. 4. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 By Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves It’s not all beachside romantic dinners for two. Increasing your self-awareness or your emotional I.Q. can improve the quality of your relationship. Deal with your emotions effectively and creatively to have a better relationship with your partner and with yourself. Learn lots of tips to up your E.Q. in these four intelligence skillsets: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. 5. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs By Emerson Eggerichs Crack the communication breakdown between men and women by going back to the fundamentals—women want to feel unconditional love and men want to feel respected. Disrespectful or unloving words can erode a good relationship. Use practical tips and reminders like “be a friend to your spouse” to reignite your emotional intimacy. 6. Bulletproof Your Marriage: Identifying the Five Stages of a Marriage and How They Impact the Communication and Success of the Marriage By Regina Partain Make your marriage the best it can be and feel hopeful about your relationship once again by enhancing your communication and stepping up your intimacy. Positive communication can protect your marriage from the inside out. Prevent misunderstanding and resentment and get armed with love. 7. Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work By Matthew McKay Find out how to accept your partner’s feelings and your own without judgment. This "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" approach has successfully helped many couples enhance their intimacy and open up the lines of communication. Decide what you truly value in your relationship and then commit to acting in ways that support those values. Sandra Bienkowski is a contributing editor for Live Happy.
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5 Ways to Flourish

5 Ways to Flourish

While the specifics of what constitutes flourishing may vary by the individual, the basic foundation is the same. Building a life with more PERMA (positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning and achievement) is crucial. Here are the five pillars of PERMA: 1. Positive emotions Because of our natural negativity bias, it’s almost impossible to avoid negative emotions. However, offsetting those with positive interactions can have a powerful effect. John Gottman, Ph.D., suggests seeking out five positive emotions for each negative encounter. This can include practicing gratitude or self-compassion, doing something you love or even just making a point of being mindful of the positive emotion you’re feeling. Read more: 8 Easy Practices to Enhance Gratitude 2. Engagement Engagement can also be referred to as “flow,” that state where you are, in the words of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., “completely involved in an activity for its own sake.” Seek out things you enjoy and can do well and then make it a point to participate in those things regularly. Read more: The Flow in All of Us 3. Relationships There’s plenty of research pointing to the value of relationships in our happiness and well-being. Practice building positive relationships both at work and at home by creating more positive interaction and weeding out the relationships that are harmful to your emotional health. Read more: 7 Keys to a Happy Relationship 4. Meaning Meaning gives us a sense of belonging and connects us to our higher purpose. Simple ways to develop more meaning include participating in a spiritual practice that resonates with you, volunteering for a cause or charity you believe in and making positive changes, however small, in your little corner of the world. Read more: 5 Ways to Get in Touch With Your Higher Calling 5. Achievement An important aspect of flourishing, according to Martin Seligman, Ph.D., is achievement for achievement’s sake, not for the sake of a waiting reward. Work toward an accomplishment in which the reward is merely the accomplishment itself, and you may be surprised to see how it enhances your sense of well-being. Read more: 90 Days to Breakthrough Success Paula Felps is the science editor at Live Happy magazine.
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7 Keys to a Happy Relationship

7 Keys to a Happy Relationship

Happiness within a relationship is hard to define. Not only is each relationship different, but within each relationship, each person defines happiness in an individual way. Some people view happiness as a peaceful conflict-free life. For some, happiness involves a tremendous amount of fun, great intimacy or lots of laughter. Whatever your definition, it directly correlates to your expectations, desires, wants and needs—and those things can change over time. What holds constant are 7 specific behaviors and attributes laid out below that, in my experience, can almost guarantee the likelihood of long-term success and happiness in a relationship. If you work toward integrating these keys into your daily life, you will most certainly experience greater joy and less conflict in your primary relationships. 1. Respect Every successful relationship is built on a foundation of respect. Respect means caring about your partner’s wants and needs and always taking them into account before speaking or acting. The expectation is that your partner will follow the same guidelines. My official definition is as follows: Respect means putting the comfort, well-being and happiness of the person you’re with at an equal level to your own. 2. Loyalty We feel happy when we know that someone has our backs. Relationships have the greatest success when each partner focuses on supporting one another at all times. This means that if someone is antagonizing your partner, you will either back your partner up directly or support him or her from behind the scenes. This also means that if your partner has done something you believe is wrong or that you don't approve of, that you speak to him or her privately about the issue, never in front of others. 3. Priority If you want to build a stronger positive relationship, let your partner know that he or she is a priority. Commit time and energy to talking and addressing each other’s wants and needs. Be sure that the two of you have “quality time” alone to connect and enjoy each other’s company. Even though work, children and other obligations are also priorities, find the balance so that your partnership is not neglected. 4. Pick Your Battles Strong and happy couples know when to bring up issues and when to put them aside. My rule of thumb: If you can let something go, move on and still enjoy your partner … let it go! If you cannot move on and are ruminating or worrying about something, then bring it up. When you do bring it up, make sure it is in a calm manner, in private and at a good time for you two to discuss it. Never bring something upsetting up in bed, and never in earshot of children or other family or friends. And if you know your partner is sensitive about a specific subject, be intentional about you bring it up in conversation. Some people are more reactive to certain topics, and you want to be careful not to hurt their feelings. If you calmly approach the topic, you are more likely to receive an amiable response and resolve the issue at hand. If you want to continue to develop the way you discuss sensitive issues with your partner, consider scheduling a couples therapy session expert counselors. Read more: Play Nice, Fight Fair 5. Loving Gestures The concept “Actions speak louder than words” is an important one when it comes to relationships. It is not enough to simply feel that you love someone, you must also show that you love that person. Use kind words, be physically affectionate, leave little love notes around the house … whether it’s a verbal gesture or a material one, make sure that you are letting your partner know in no uncertain terms that you love him or her. Take the Quiz: What's Your Communication Style? 6. Put in the Work Partners in a successful relationship understand that you need to put in the work to keep things running smoothly. That means sometimes you need to do things that you do not want to do because it matters to your partner. Other times it means you have to put in that extra effort to calm down or hear out your partner’s concerns, even if that isn’t the easiest or most convenient thing to do in the moment. Relationships take a lot of work if they are going to be happy, successful and long-lasting. 7. Focus on the Positives Even the best of relationships have challenges, and even the most wonderful of partners can have less-than-stellar moments. When times are tough, those who are seeking a happy relationship will combat the negative with a positive. If your mate is irritable after a long day, remind yourself about that great time you had last weekend or how funny he or she can be. If you have found that your partner is a bit messy, for example, and it doesn’t seem to change, focus on the fact that he or she is a great cook or a terrific parent. Reverse your thinking to remind yourself that your mate has great qualities and that you are happy to be together. Read more: How Close is Your Relationship? Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.
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7 Free Gifts Mom Will Love This Mother’s Day

7 Free Gifts Mom Will Love This Mother’s Day

You don’t have to deplete your bank account to make Mother’s Day feel special. Here are seven ideas to make this year’s holiday memorable by doing something mom will love, that doesn’t cost a lot of money. Write a letter Everyone likes to know that they matter. Let your mom know how much she means to you by writing a letter that comes from the heart. Tell her what she means to you. If you think you are the kind of person who can’t write, just grab a piece of paper and get started. Writer’s block or a lack of ideas often comes from overthinking. A handwritten letter is a loving gift that lasts a lifetime. Go further and make it into a keepsake if you like: Use beautiful stationery, roll it and tie it in a ribbon. Read More: Dear Mom, I love You Make a video What once required skills and equipment can now be done by anyone with a cellphone! Just take a video of yourself and others talking about what your mom means to you and why you love her. Share a favorite story or memory. You can post it on Facebook for family and friends to see, and share their positive thoughts, too, or you can send it to your mom privately. Plan a special walk Walking inspires creativity, but it also enhances communication. Enjoy the physical benefits of walking while you connect emotionally with meaningful conversation, which will flow more effortlessly. Make your leisure time together even more significant by selecting a location that is beautiful or has a special meaning. Walk at sunset or by the water. Hike together in the woods, or go to an arboretum. Read More: Naturally Happy Take a picture We all wish we could slow down time, but since no one has that figured out yet, take a picture of your mother and you to freeze time for a moment. Consider taking a picture outside in natural light, in front of a beautiful backdrop that can be a keepsake for years to come. Wear matching white shirts if you want that look. Gather family together to join in or just take a picture of the two of you. Make it your wallpaper on your mother’s phone, computer monitor or have it printed (okay, that costs a little bit of money). Shower her with love Reach out to people in your mom’s circle and ask them to share their thoughts on why your mom means so much to them. You can collect those thoughts and share them with your mom in a card or you can round up people to call her all day to shower her with love. This gift is a way to orchestrate the love of a family reunion (and friends, too) without all the logistics of travel. Help her with a project While this gift might not be fancy like a day at the spa, doing a special spring cleaning projects at your mom’s house can be a huge help—a real “gift.” Clean out her fridge. Help her declutter the garage. Collect books or magazines for her that she’d like to donate. Do some weeding or gardening. Ask her how you could help her most so you can provide real benefits where she lives every day. Read More: Marie Kondo's New De-Cluttering Book Spark's Joy Spend some “together” time How often do you and your mom get uninterrupted time just to talk? Make some tea, put those beeping phones away and sit down together for a substantive chat. In the busyness of life we sometimes forget the power that conversation can have on our happiness and how much it means to mom (and you). Play cards, scrabble, hang out and read together, or just catch up and talk. In the end it doesn’t matter how much money you spend on Mother’s Day as long as you let mom know how much you love her. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.
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Jesse Tyler Ferguson with his dog

Jesse Tyler Ferguson Is Fully Committed

Jesse Tyler Ferguson is, as his Modern Family co-star Ty Burrell says, “a big fat liar.” Eric Stonestreet, who plays Jesse’s husband, Cameron Tucker, on the long-running ABC sitcom, also questions his honesty. “Jesse said that?” Eric asks incredulously. “That might be true of me, but it’s certainly not true for him.” Here’s what’s causing Eric and Ty to scoff. “Sometimes,” Jesse has said, “I show up on the Modern Family set very, very cranky.” “Jesse does not get cranky,” Ty, who plays Phil Dunphy, insists. “He gets a little bit pink in the face, and you know he’s stressed out. What happens is that Jesse is such a gentle, sensitive soul that he gets stressed not when he’s fighting with somebody—because he does not fight with anybody—but by conflict in general, by other people who are having tantrums.” OK, the five-time Emmy-nominated actor may not be the type to pitch a fit, but Jesse says lately he has been thinking about starting a meditation practice or even seeing a therapist. Life, he says, has provided an abundance of good fortune and he wants to be able to enjoy it all. “I get overwhelmed very easily,” Jesse says, sounding a bit like his Modern Family alter ego, the high-strung lawyer Mitchell Pritchett. Sometimes he feels so jittery he needs to retreat to a quiet place to “take a few deep breaths and tell myself it’s all going to work out. You just have to tackle one thing at a time.” It’s at these moments that he calls his husband, Justin Mikita, who has an unflappable temperament, “to see if he can talk me off the ledge.” Life on the edge Still, Jesse far prefers the ledge to living inside his comfort zone. His definition of a rich, vibrant life is one that’s over flowing with bold risks, new challenges, deep relationships and being on the front lines of the causes that you believe in. That means embracing the full kaleidoscope of emotions, including, at times, anxiety, fear and self-doubt. “As everyone does, I always want to live in a place of utmost happiness,” Jesse says. “But that’s just not possible. There are going to be times when you feel really down and times when you feel like the world is against you and it’s impossible to accomplish things, and you wonder if you’re ever going to be as happy as you want to be again. I’ve learned that even in those down times happiness still exists within you. You just need to be OK with the shift.” A very full plate Small wonder Jesse experiences a pounding heart on occasion: He’s juggling simultaneous roles in film, TV and theater. For the past few months, he’s been shuttling between the Modern Family soundstage on the Fox lot in Los Angeles and another building on the lot where he’s voicing the yoga-loving Shangri Llama in this summer’s Ice Age: Collision Course, the fifth installment in the animated franchise. And every three weeks, he flew to New York for rehearsals for Fully Committed, a one-man Broadway show that began previews on April 1 and will run for 15 weeks. Since Broadway is “where I cut my teeth and where my true passion is, to be able to do something as exciting as a one-man show on Broadway, that’s like the cherry on top of the sundae right there,” Jesse says. In his first return to Broadway in a decade, Jesse plays Sam, an out-of-work actor who mans the reservations line at a hot Manhattan restaurant. There are also desperate callers, panicked waiters, a haughty chef, a skittish maître d’. In total, it’s a cast of 40 men and women of all ages and nationalities. Jesse plays them all. “I read the script and said, ‘OK, I have to have a French accent, a British accent, a Southern accent. I’m not just doing monologues, this is dialogue with myself.’ I thought, ‘this is really terrifying!’ ” The terror was the selling point. For me if you’re not scared by something,” says Jesse, “maybe it’s not worth doing. What really creates a better artist, in my opinion, is putting yourself at risk. Fear is a really great motivator.” As if multiple roles across three different mediums weren’t enough, Jesse has another plate in the air. A passionate foodie who loves to cook and entertain in the Spanish Colonial home he shares with Justin and Leaf, their 7-pound Maltese-terrier mix, he’s just launched a food blog on his website (jessetylerferguson.com) with his good friend Julie Tanous, a professional chef and recipe developer. The two met at a dinner party and bonded over their culinary passions. “I would love to put myself through culinary school if I had the time,” Jesse says. “If this acting thing ever stops, I would be very happy in a kitchen.” For now, he’s learning professional techniques from Julie in his spacious, well-appointed kitchen. “Julie came over a few times and we started cooking,” Jesse says. “I’d ask her questions like, ‘How should you actually dice a tomato?’ She’s been a private tutor for me, and we had such a good time in the kitchen, I thought, ‘We should document this and share it.’ ” To read the rest of this article and get the full details about Jesse Tyler Ferguson's life and work, pick up the June issue of Live Happy magazine. Click here for one of Jesse's favorite dinner party recipes: One-Pan Roasted Chicken And Brussels Sprouts. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
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Learning to flourish can help you go beyond happy

Go Beyond Happiness

When psychologist Corey Keyes, Ph.D., used the term “flourishing” in 2002, he assigned a single word to describe a mental state characterized by positive feelings and positive functioning. Since then, researchers, educators, employers and even governments have looked at the many aspects of flourishing, the role it plays in our overall happiness and, perhaps most importantly, how we can create and sustain a life that promotes it. Their discoveries have provided overwhelming evidence of how flourishing leads to positive, long-term change. In the workplace, for example, studies in many different countries—including France, New Zealand, The Netherlands and South Africa—have shown that employees who flourish are more creative and productive, have greater engagement with co-workers and are less likely to miss work or change jobs. In college, flourishing students have higher grades, lower incidences of depression and procrastination, are more likely to stay in school and, overall, exhibit greater self-control. And, in day-to-day living, adults who score high in the area of flourishing enjoy the highest level of resilience and intimacy and are at lowest risk for cardiovascular disease and chronic physical conditions. Corey, the Winship Distinguished Research Professor at Emory University and Founding Fellow of the Center for Compassion, Integrity and Secular Ethics, defines flourishing as “feeling good about a life in which one belongs to community, is contributing things of value to the world, is accepting of others.” These people have “a purpose to life, can manage their daily life and can make sense of what is going on in their world.” What flourishing looks like In short, it is the state of feeling good and functioning well—regardless of what challenges we may face in our personal and professional lives. It’s something that Renie Steves had the chance to practice when she slipped and fell down the stairs in November 2014, breaking two vertebrae in her neck. When the 78-year-old woman’s doctor gave her a grim prognosis, she got a different doctor. “I asked for one with a sense of humor,” says Renie, who lives in Fort Worth, Texas. She knew that her attitude and optimism were as important to her recovery as medical care, and when she returned home from the hospital and rehabilitation a month later, she says doctors “were still trying to figure out how I was alive.” Wearing a brace that kept her head and neck still, Renie resumed her active life as soon as possible. She was back in the gym five days after returning home, and when the holiday party season kicked in, she decorated her brace with seasonal touches such as holiday ornaments and Christmas lights. “I knew that a lot of the final result depended on me,” she says. “I survived and, yes, my life has changed because of it, but I’m still me.” Not just surviving, but thriving Today, she has an even greater appreciation for her friends and family and feels more engaged and inspired than ever before. “In general, the simple word for it is ‘thriving,’ ” says Ryan Niemiec, Psy.D., education director for the VIA Institute on Character. “It’s when we’re functioning at our best—physically, socially, psychologically. We’re on top of our game in all of those areas.” He’s quick to point out, however, that this doesn’t mean that our lives are entirely free from stress or conflict. Some, like Renie, may find their greatest joy during times that are also physically or emotionally challenging. Less than a year before her accident, Renie had gone through a divorce after 55 years of marriage. She was enjoying her new life and immersing herself in travel, writing and some extensive home design projects. “The divorce was a very positive thing for me,” Renie says. “I was learning how to express myself and be who I am again. So I wasn’t going to let my accident change that. I wanted to make this a happy, healthy, healing journey.” Essentials of flourishing Unlike happiness, which can mean different things to different people—and can present itself in many ways—flourishing is typically measured in terms of mental health. Corey calls flourishers the “completely mentally healthy.” In his book Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being, Martin Seligman, Ph.D., delves into the essential building blocks of a positive life. He establishes flourishing as the end goal of positive psychology, and the groundbreaking book introduced his well-being theory, a model that has five components, commonly known as PERMA. The elements of PERMA, Martin points out, contribute to well-being and are pursued for their own sake, not as the means to achieving one of the other elements. “Each one is related, but they also are independently measurable,” explains Ryan, adding that the key ingredient to achieving those five elements is the use of character strengths. Character strengths, as classified by the VIA Institute on Character, are 24 positive components that, when analyzed, can help us identify which attributes come to us most naturally. Learning to employ those strengths can help us improve certain skill sets, become more engaged in our relationships and feel more satisfied overall. “[Martin] squarely says that character strengths are the pathways to PERMA. It’s one thing to know or to become aware of your strengths, but to be actually trying to consciously use those strengths, that’s the level that is associated with PERMA,” Ryan says. In fact, a study co-authored by New Zealand researcher Lucy C. Hone published in the September 2015 Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine found that workers who regularly used their character strengths were 18 times more likely to flourish than workers who did not. “There are still benefits just with awareness of your strengths,” Ryan says, “but when you start thinking of how you can use them each day, you’re going to see more results.” Flourishing, languishing and what lies between In Flourish, Martin explains that positive mental health is not merely the absence of mental illness, and that “the absence of sadness, anxiety and anger do not guarantee happiness.” In fact, mental health exists on a continuum, much like physical health. At the far end of the scale are those who are languishing. But between those two end points are the moderately mentally healthy, those who are free from serious mental illness and depression but fall somewhere in the middle. It is there where the most opportunity exists for people to learn to flourish. “Studies show that increases in the level of positive mental health reduce the risk of developing mental disorders like depression,” Corey says. “We could prevent a lot of depression if we created more conditions for Americans to flourish. We cannot ‘treat’ our way out of the mental illness epidemic, we must promote and protect what makes life worth living.” When people are flourishing, they’re also improving the world around them. Lucy’s study found that individuals who flourish also improve the community and workplace around them. And research by the team of Jane E. Dutton, Ph.D., Laura Morgan Roberts, Ph.D., and Jeff Bednar, Ph.D., that was published in the book Applied Positive Psychology: Improving Everyday Life, Health, Schools, Work, and Society reported that helping others and giving to a cause greater than themselves promoted flourishing. Simple steps to flourishing Just as some individuals are genetically predisposed to be happy, some may flourish more easily than others. A 2015 study led by Marijke Schotanus-Dijkstra, a Ph.D. candidate in positive psychology at the University of Twente in The Netherlands, found that those who were flourishing were more conscientious and extroverted than non-flourishers. In fact, the research team found a strong connection between conscientiousness and flourishing, leading them to conclude, “conscientiousness might have a stronger relationship with flourishing than previously thought.” They concluded that conscientious individuals tend to set challenging goals for themselves and have the discipline needed to achieve those goals, which coincides with the need for engagement, achievement and other aspects of flourishing. They also confirmed what previous studies have found: Social support plays an important role in one’s overall well-being. That’s something Renie says has been key in her healing process, and she practices it daily. She attributes at least 50 percent of her recovery to positivity shared with good friends and to staying active socially and physically. “The support system I found was so phenomenal,” she says. “We made it a festive thing. People enjoyed being around me, and I was able to enjoy myself. There’s no way someone could be unhappy when you’re surrounded by that much love.” Paula Felps is the science editor for Live Happy magazine.
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7 Books That Will Change Your Work Life

7 Books to Spark Your Career Reboot

We spend so much of our lives at work. When you dread your job and you find yourself clock-watching, that unhappiness can easily spill over to life outside of work. Whether you are in need of a career shift or a complete makeover, here are seven amazing books to change your work life. Turn your passion into your profession. Smarter Faster Better: The Secrets of Being Productive in Life and Business By Charles Duhigg Journalist Charles Duhigg explores how you can get more done without having to sacrifice what you care about most. Strengthen your internal locus of control (self-accountability). Researchers have found that this sense of personal responsibility is correlated with academic success, higher self-motivation, lower incidences of stress and depression and a longer life span. Practice this learned skill by taking actions that put you in control and express your values. Are You Fully Charged? The 3 Keys to Energizing Your Work and Life By Tom Rath Create meaning with small wins each day. Your greatest potential for growth and development lies in the area where you already have natural talent. Double down on your talents and spend your time doing what you can do better than anyone in the world. Practice, build your skills and your knowledge. Create positive experiences with the people who mean the most to you. How you eat, move and sleep are all essential to having more energy throughout the day. Make sure you are doing all three well in order to be your best for work, your family and your friends. The Art of Work: A Proven Path to Discovering What You Were Meant To Do By Jeff Goins Live a life that matters by discovering what you were born and meant to do. This book will help you get on the path to your life’s work. Jeff writes that knowing our passion is just the beginning, and that figuring out your purpose is also about where your interests intersect and connect with the needs of the world. We can live for a larger purpose when we are brave enough to try. Do Over: Rescue Monday, Reinvent Your Work, and Never Get Stuck By Jon Acuff Need a career do-over? Whether you are 22 or 62, you already have everything you need for an amazing career. Jon Acuff writes that all great careers have four elements in common: relationships, skills, character and hustle. Find out how to amplify each of these areas to reinvent your work and get unstuck. You can even rescue your Mondays as you discover how to work toward the job you’ve always wanted. The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing, and Take Control of Your Life By Bernard Roth Discover how to use design thinking to fulfill goals and overcome obstacles that hinder you from reaching your potential. Achievement can be learned. It’s a muscle, and once you learn how to flex it, you’ll be able to meet life’s challenges and fulfill your goals. Build resiliency by reinforcing what you do rather than what you accomplish. Soon you will say goodbye to excuses, and see yourself as a doer and achiever. Workplace Wellness that Works: 10 Steps to Infuse Well-Being and Vitality into Any Organization By Laura Putnam Discover how to promote an overall culture of well-being throughout your organization. Based on the latest research using real-world examples, this guide provides employers with the tools to make a difference in their employees' health and happiness. Learn how to assess your organization's needs and craft a plan that actually benefits employees by empowering them to make better choices. Love Your Job: The New Rules for Career Happiness By Kerry Hannon Learn how to identify the little things that make work enjoyable and engaging. You won’t have to watch the clock anymore to get through workday doldrums. Kerry Hannon focuses on the little things that can make a big difference in how we feel about work. Invigorate your day by challenging old routines, learning new habits and changing your thought patterns. Celebrate small successes and get an entrepreneurial mindset. Possibilities await you. Sandra Bilbray is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.
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The Mindfulness Edge with Matt Tenney

In this episode of Live Happy Now, we discover why mindfulness can be considered the ultimate success habit. Matt Tenney is author of The Mindfulness Edge: How to Rewire Your Brain for Leadership and Personal Excellence Without Adding to Your Schedule. Through keynote speeches and training programs, Matt works to develop highly effective leaders who achieve extraordinary, long-term business outcomes and live more fulfilling lives. What you'll learn in this podcast: How to realize greater happiness by enriching relationships How to take advantage of each moment How to enjoy the chaos of a busy mind How to realize unconditional happiness Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Download a free chapter from The Mindfulness Edge Follow Matt on Twitter Purchase a copy of The Mindfulness Edge Thank you to our partner—AARP Life Reimagined!
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10 Things Happy People Don’t Do

10 Things Happy People Don’t Do

Happiness is something we all strive to attain, and yet it can be a struggle to get there. Circumstances—not to mention genes—can have a major impact on our moods. But research shows that much of our happiness depends on small choices we make on a day-to-day basis. Here on livehappy.com, we have chronicled many of the practices that happy people do on a regular basis. But what about the potentially disastrous, joy-killing choices that some of us fall into without even realizing it? We thought it would be just as important to learn the top behaviors that the happiest people don’t do. 1. Happy people don’t worry too much about what others think Happy people are still human, and everyone cares a little about what others think. But the difference is that happy people don’t ruminate or obsess about others’ opinions of them. They value other people’s perspectives and are open to advice and guidance, but happy people ultimately stay true to their core beliefs and don’t waver from them—even if that means not fitting in with everyone else. 2. Happy people don’t waste time doing things they dislike While there are always going to be things we don’t like doing (laundry, taxes, etc.), happy people don’t waste time on activities that they don’t have to do and don’t enjoy. Happy people don’t spend time watching TV shows they don’t love; they don’t attend events that make them feel anxious; they don’t stay in careers that don’t fill them with joy. One of the greatest secrets of happy people is that they know what they don’t enjoy, and they don’t waste time on it out of a sense of fear, inertia or obligation. 3. Happy people don’t try to manipulate or change other people Happy people know that change is an inside job, and the only way people change is if they want to. This knowledge is essential to happy living because it means not wasting time trying to manipulate others. Most happy people aren’t shy about sharing their opinions or thoughts, but they’re aware that they cannot force transformation in others (and that trying to do so will only be a waste of time). Instead they focus on what they can do to take themselves out of a negative situation. 4. Happy people don’t allow themselves to stay stuck in the past Focusing too much on the past is one of the quickest ways to become unhappy, and this is something that happy people inherently know to be true. While happy people do pay attention to—and strive to learn from—things that have happened in the past, they’re careful not to spend too much time ruminating on what was. Happy people know that the present is much more valuable than the past, and they focus most of their attention on the now. 5. Happy people don’t obsess over what might happen in the future It’s important to plan for the future, but it’s detrimental to obsess and worry over what might happen. Happy people know that there are a great many things they cannot control, and the future is one of them. Rather than worrying about what could go wrong, happy people strive to prepare as best they can and then direct their attention back to the present moment. 6. Happy people don’t strive to achieve absolute perfection Perfectionism is the enemy of happiness, and happy people are well aware of this. Though they strive to do their best and aim high with their goals, they aren’t caught up in having “perfect” lives or being the “perfect” spouse, worker or parent. They don’t try to compare their real lives to those “highlight reel” images on Instagram and Facebook. Sometimes good enough is good enough. 7. Happy people don’t forget to be thankful for what they have One of the quickest ways to access lasting happiness is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Happy people spend more time thinking about what they’re lucky to have and very little time wishing for things they don’t have. They look for and find the silver lining in a bad situation, and are able to remind themselves of just how fortunate they are. 8. Happy people don’t value material possessions over experiences Scientific research has shown that people who use their money to buy experiences such as travel, sporting activities and outings to the theater enjoy a greater, more prolonged sense of happiness than those who spend money on objects. The happiest people seem to have figured this out; they value activities such as spending time with friends and family, traveling to new places and stepping outside of their comfort zones. 9. Happy people don’t seek fulfillment in the wrong places For happy people, fulfillment doesn’t come from the size of their bank accounts, the amount of likes on social media or the type of car they drive. Happy people see fulfillment in meaningful things—connections with others, spirituality and meaning, and rewarding career paths. They know that status symbols are not as valuable in the long run as a sense of belonging and giving back to the community and the world at large. 10. Happy people don’t stay in negative situations for long Perhaps most important of all, happy people don’t stay in negative situations or tolerate negative people in their lives. Happy people find a way to leave situations, careers and relationships that cause excessive amounts of stress. They avoid spending time with people who dwell on the negative. And under no circumstances do they tolerate emotional or physical abuse. While some people have, by default, happier temperaments than others, happiness is something that requires dedication and hard work. If you’re looking for more happiness in your life, don’t just think about the practices such as meditation, exercise and good sleep habits, but also consider this list of don’ts, so you won’t get stuck in a negativity trap. Dani DiPirro is an author, blogger and designer living in a suburb of Washington, D.C. In 2009, she launched the websitePositivelyPresent.comwith the intention of sharing her insights about living a positive and present life. Dani is the author ofStay Positive,The Positively Present Guide to Life and a variety ofe-books. She is also the founder of Twenty3, a design studio focused on promoting positive, modern graphic design and illustration.
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