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Dog Days of Happiness

Our lives have become so hectic. We worry about where we need to be tomorrow, stress over what we didn’t accomplish yesterday and are too distracted to be fully present now. If our canine companions could talk, they would advise us to live in the moment by following five strategies. Listen to our podcast:The Dog's Guide to Your Happiness with Garry McDaniel 1. Live Your Purpose Dogs understand that their purpose is to be our loyal friends and protectors. Are you clear on what your purpose is in life? Determine your priorities. Let your purpose shine in everything you do as a friend, parent, artist or whatever drives your passion. 2. Be Present When dogs are with you, they are with you; they are not multitasking. We should be as considerate as our dogs. Put down the phone, turn off the computer and focus on the people around you. Listen, reflect, ask questions and share your thoughts in more than a short tweet. 3. Be Childlike When out for a walk, my dog takes an interest in every person, dog or object he meets. As a child, you had a similar sense of wonder, everything was new and worth investigating. Notice the beauty around you and try something new today! 4. Be Playful My dog never tires of playing fetch, rolling in the grass or playing tug-of-war with his rope toy. When is the last time you played just for the sake of it? Move your body, dance, sing, throw the ball, have fun and do not be afraid to look silly. 5. Do It NOW Humans think if we work 10–12 hours a day, someday we will slow down and enjoy life. That sunset is happening now. Your family members need to be told they are loved now. Our dogs would tell us that life is short and we should enjoy the present! Read more: 5 Ways Our Pets Make Us Happy Garry McDaniel and Sharon Massen are authors of The Dog’s Guide to Your Happiness: Seven Secrets for a Better Life from Man’s Best Friend. Visit happydogsecrets.com and share what you have learned from your dog that has enhanced your view on personal, family or professional life and relationships.

Lifestyle

60 Seconds to Happiness

Vin called in during the taping of my new radio series, 60 Seconds to Happiness. His problem: He feels jealous each time he looks at his Instagram feed because staring back at him are pictures his girlfriend posts while she is out having fun and he is stuck at work. The pictures typically show her goofing off at a bar with her girlfriends, but sometimes also with guys whom Vin doesn’t know. Even though he trusts her, he feels a twinge in the pit of his stomach and doesn’t know what to do. My radio series promises to help people make 1-minute habit changes that will increase happiness. Interestingly, an overwhelming percentage of callers needed help with their social media habits, including feeling down after even just a few minutes on Facebook or spending more time online than they have to spare. I turned to the research for answers as our understanding of social media is changing so rapidly. Hundreds of studies assess our relationships with sites like Facebook and Snapchat and specifically which habits predict greater happiness both online and offline. A former University of Pennsylvania research colleague who is now a senior lecturer at the University of Melbourne, Margaret Kern, Ph.D., led a meta-analysis of the 70 best studies and found a handful of clear themes. I’ve included questions after each big idea and offer a strategy for you to try. 1. Social media is not a mood booster. Not one study found that significant use decreased depression and anxiety. For those battling depression and anxiety, which globally is 4.7 percent and 7.3 percent of people, respectively, turning to social media to feel better doesn’t work. Eight studies found that social media use is directly linked to depression, while 16 others found a nonsignificant connection. If you are feeling lousy, social media can expose you to experiences that make you feel even worse, such as negative news, cyberbullying or an overload from other people’s highlight reels. Ask yourself: When you’re feeling down, do you get on social media to try to make yourself feel better and does that work for you? If not, is there an offline activity that might be better, like going for a walk outside or calling a friend? Take a break: Get off social media for one week. Do it! It’s rejuvenating. Now that it’s summer, go out into the world and make memories. Take pictures. Experience life. The upside is that this will most likely give you more interesting, meaningful things to share with friends when you’re back online. Read more: Is Everyone Having Fun Without Me? 2. Social comparison is toxic. Whether you envy celebrities’ awesome lives or judge someone who gets fewer “likes” than you, social comparison creates real misery and false happiness. According to the meta-analysis, social comparison is a big risk factor for depression and anxiety. One study found that more frequent negative social comparisons on Facebook were connected to an increase in rumination. This makes sense since comparing ourselves to others can fan the flames of rumination. Ask yourself: Do you engage in social comparison? If so, is it often with the same people? Clean your feed: Hide people who post negative news so you can make social media a happier place. You can get your news elsewhere. And hide people whom you compare yourself to like celebrities or that always-perfect neighborhood mom. Stop torturing yourself! Let your feed bring you joy, not pain. Setting yourself up for success is a form of self-love. Listen to our podcast, Positive Communication With Michelle Gielan 3. Happy people connect. Using social media is associated with lower levels of loneliness and greater feelings of social connectedness, as well as higher levels of life satisfaction and self-esteem. This doesn’t necessarily mean that using social media makes you happier, but that people who have high levels of happiness and self-esteem also typically use social media as an additional form of connection. Social connection is one of the greatest predictors of happiness we have from our research, so the more we can create it, the better off that makes us. Ask yourself: Do you use social media to deepen friendships? Do you make meaningful comments on friends’ pictures and posts? Do you share pictures and posts instead of merely reading other people’s posts? Connect meaningfully: Use social media to meaningfully connect with your friends by sharing pieces of your life and thoughtfully responding to theirs. Liking everyone’s pictures in your feed doesn’t count. I’m trying to follow these guidelines, too. When I do log on, I try to make it count by making a point to really connect with people I care about. Read more: Let Technology Life Your Life Vin agreed to stay off social media those nights he was away from his girlfriend. He also told her how he felt. Her response was incredible. She replied that while she looked like she was having a blast, she also missed him. Just hearing that made him feel so much better. And guess how long he said the conversation took? You guessed it…just 60 seconds to happiness! Join me @MichelleGielan on social media, where I share happiness resources, including where to listen to our new radio series, 60 Seconds to Happiness! SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with more than 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. Learn more about Shawn at Goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and the author of the book Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at Goodthinkinc.com.

Lifestyle

20 Best Sleep-Away Camps for Grown-Ups

First it seemed like a fad; now it’s a full-fledged phenomenon. Grown-ups are heading back to camp in droves. Perhaps we miss the camaraderie and fun we found there as kids—or maybe we want to experience that peaceful sense of singing by the fireside and canoeing in a mountain lake for the first time. Many of these adult sleep-away camps evoke traditional summer camp themes: You sleep in a cabin, have campfires and s’mores, eat in a mess hall, do classic camp activities such as tie-dye and arts-and-crafts. Some are like wellness retreats in the wilderness, with a full range of offerings such as power yoga and psychic readings. Other camps cater to more specific themes and hobbies, from wine harvest camp to zombie survival camp. Simply follow your bliss. Don’t see your favorite on this list? Let us know in the “Comments” section, below. 1. Camp Throwback One of the original sleep-away camps for adults, Camp Throwback was founded in 2013 by blogger, author and body acceptance guru Brittany Gibbons and her husband, Andy. Look for old-school games and activities, plenty of booze and an accepting community of all ages. The camp runs two four-day sessions each summer in rural Ohio; places sell out quickly. campthrowback.com/ 2. Camp No Counselors Former camp counselor Adam Tichauer left his corporate job in 2014 to found Camp No Counselors, a concept which he took on Shark Tank and has made into a successful business. Camp No Counselors now operates its weekend camps almost year-round in 16 cities in the U.S. and Canada. The emphasis is on fun, games and freeing your inner child. campnocounselors.com/ Read more: 8 Ways to Find Your Own Tribe 3. Soul Camp No drugs, no alcohol—just lots of great activities, friendly people and fantastic vibes. Soul Camp combines the fun and community of summer camp with the transformative power of a wellness retreat, including all the workshops and amenities you could want. Four-night sessions take place several times a year in New York and California. They also offer special one-day retreats in Chicago and New Jersey. https://soul.camp/ 4. Campowerment Campowerment is more than a camp—it’s an all-women’s empowerment retreat, offering personal development, wellness and mindfulness workshops and activities from dusk till dawn. Camp founder Tammi Leader Fuller has created an environment where every woman can open up, be real and reimagine herself while finding a new community of friends. Camps run in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania and Malibu, California. campowerment.com/ 5. Club Getaway Club Getaway has its own beautiful fixed location in Kent, Connecticut. Choose a weekend in summer for a bit of sunshine, greenery, good food and water sports. Some camps have themes, including Generation X, Camp John Waters, Jewish Professionals and many more. clubgetaway.com/ 6. Camp Bonfire A straightforward camp for grown-ups, Camp Bonfire has great amenities plus the benefit of a prime location on Lake Owego in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. Spend your days taking nature hikes, kayaking or writing poetry. The founders’ philosophy is, “We believe that great joy can be found in nature and each other.” campbonfire.com/ Read more: Green Is Good 7. Camp Kid Again Camp Kid Again is keeping things simple and nostalgic. This South Carolina-based camp may be for adults and offer an open bar, but the packing list reads like a kids’ camp. And the activities could be straight out of a summer camp brochure (relay race, archery, tie-dye) with the exception of more grown-up fun, including human foosball and drinking games. campkidagain.com/ 8. ‘Camp’ Camp Serving the LGBT community since 1997, ‘Camp’ Camp, outside Portland, Maine, may be the first sleep-away camp for grown-ups—a going concern long before the trend caught on. Each year 200 men and women gather from across the country for a week of arts and outdoor activities, camp games, rambles and good times. campcamp.com/ 9. Camp Halcyon Way up north in Wautoma, Wisconsin, Camp Halcyon is splitting the difference between nostalgia and, well, hedonism. Three times a year, in July, August and October, Halcyon offers a hybrid of old-school camp cabins and canoes and grown-up concepts like yoga on the beach (lakefront), three chef-prepared meals a day and a cocktail hour sponsored by local whiskey and beer companies. camphalcyon.com/ 10. Camp Rahh Camp Rahh near Seattle offers an all-inclusive four-day weekend of outdoor fun—four-course meals and bus transportation included. Sleep in traditional log cabins, enjoy live musical performances, meditation, horseback riding and, as they say, “make new best friends.” What could be better than that? Camp Rahh operates once a year; from August 24 to 27 in 2017. camprahh.com/#seattle-adult-summer-camp 11. Camp Nai Nai Nai Summer camp forms such an integral part of the Jewish-American experience; it’s not surprising to find a camp designed especially for Jewish adults. Camp Nai Nai Nai opens its cabin doors once a year on Memorial Day weekend (May 26 to 29 in 2017) in Waynesboro, Pennsylvania, among the lakes and trees of the Catoctin Mountains. Engage in the typical camp games and activities, meet new friends and enjoy Shabbat under the stars. campnainainai.org/ 12. Trybal Gatherings Trybal Gatherings is a collection of several adult camp experiences across the country, all geared toward Jewish young adults. In addition to Camp Nai Nai Nai (see above), TG operates three-day camps with all the fun fixings in August, September and October in the Berkshires in New England, Lake Beulah in Wisconsin and Simi Valley in Southern California. See the website for dates and rates. trybalgatherings.com Read more: Summer Fun Bucket List Themed Camps 13. Camp Winnarainbow (Circus Arts) Perhaps best known as a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor, Wavy Gravy is in fact a real person: Formerly a stalwart hippie, he now runs a popular camp for circus arts in Northern California. For one week each summer, grown-ups can try their hand at trapeze, clowning, juggling, magic and more. As Wavy says, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” campwinnarainbow.org/california/kid/camps/summercamps/adult-camp 14. YEA Camp for Adults For 10 years, Youth Empowered Action (YEA) Camp has been running leadership camps to train teens to get active on social justice issues. Now it's offering a special session to help progressive-minded adults make a bigger difference in the world. Learn how you can get more active on a cause you care about, while enjoying the silliness, fun, and community that's unique to going to camp. Held at an animal sanctuary in High Falls, New York. yeacamp.org/adults 15. Zombie Survival Camp You’ve watched every season of The Walking Dead and you’re feeling a little wary. You know what might help? A weekend packed with hands-on classes in crossbow, knife throwing, Zombitsu (a specialized form of hand-to-hand combat) and advanced first aid (sounds like you’re going to need it). All classes are led by certified instructors dressed like regular people. Camp takes place in Central New Jersey, not far from Atlantic City and Philadelphia. zombiesurvivalcamp.com/ 16. Epic Nerd Camp Epic Nerd Camp (ENC), in Eastern Pennsylvania, not far from Scranton, wins the prize for best name. If you love to dress up in medieval costume and know what LARP is (Live Action Role Playing), you’ve found your tribe! Activities include circus games, non-fatal jousting and every board game imaginable. ENC offers two sessions this August. Bring your cape. epicnerdcamp.com/ 17. Surf Camp Endless Summer Surf Camp enjoys a prime location on San Onofre State Beach, in between Los Angeles and San Diego. A five-day session runs from Monday through Friday during beach season, which is May through September. Learn to ride the waves by day and delight in camping on the beautiful beach by night. (Caveat: San Onofre beach did close once in 2017 due to a shark attack. Bring your spear.) endlesssummersurfcamp.com/adult-surf-camps/ Read more: Mud Runs and 6 Other Ways to Conquer Your Fears 18. Wine Camp Held during the grape harvest in September in Sonoma County, California, this three-day camp offers the chance to pick grapes in the vineyard and tour several Sonoma wineries. Campers also learn the history of winemaking in the area and, of course, enjoy extensive meals served with local Sonoma wines. sonomagrapecamp.com/ 19. Space Camp Thought you were too old to make like Buzz Lightyear? The Space Camp facility in Huntsville, Alabama, made famous in movies for kids, also has a camp for adults. This three-day program is a little less campy than some in that you can sleep in a dorm bunk bed at the facility or at a local Marriott. You do, however, get to train on the multi-axis trainer, and perform an extended-duration simulated mission. Check website for dates and rates. spacecamp.com/space/adult 20. Yoga Camp Kripalu is a school and retreat set among the bucolic hills and valleys of the Berkshires in Western Massachusetts, overlooking Lake Mahkeenac. In June, July and August Kripalu offers five-day sessions that include outdoor yoga, forest bathing sessions, kayaking and arts and creative expression. Not exactly roughing it, accommodations consist of dormitory rooms with bunk beds or single beds—or you can request a private room. kripalu.org/presenters-programs/yoga-summer-camp-outdoor-adventure-adults Read more: Sleep-Away Camps for Grown-Ups Offer Play, Transformation Emily Wise Miller is the web editor at Live Happy. Her last article for livehappy.com was: On Edge Takes a Personal Look at Living With Anxiety.

Self-Care

13 Easy Ways to Boost Your Well-Being

It is always a good idea to give yourself a mental tuneup to help ward off any blue moods. In honor of Mental Health Month, here are a few ideas to help you keep your mind motoring toward happiness. 1. Attitude matters A bad attitude can have adverse effects on your physical health. According to the organization Mental Health of America, people with a positive attitude outlive their grumpy peers over a 30-year period. A few ways to stay optimistic: stop ruminating over the past, don’t worry so much about the future and express a lot of gratitude. 2. The less stress the better Too much stress hurts. And when you have too much for too long, it can even be deadly. Mithu Storoni, Ph.D., author of Stress-Proof: The Scientific Solution to Building a Resilient Brain and Life, writes that when the mind is in an “optimal state” it can fight off stress easier, bolstering the immune system and slowing the effects of disease. Breathing techniques and simple meditations can be quick antidotes to stress when you find yourself a little frayed. 3. Get out and move Sedentary lifestyles can have real consequences on physical and mental health, including increased risks of stroke, heart attacks, cognitive decline and depressed moods. According to the Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, more than 80 percent of U.S. adults and adolescents do not meet the guidelines for aerobic and muscle-strengthening activities. If you can’t seem to part with electronic devices that keep you in your chair, find an app to help you get moving. A recent study from Duke Health found that the mobile game Pokémon Go encouraged millions to get up and walk. Participants were twice as likely to reach their 10,000-step goal when playing the game. 4. Good food is brain food Eating healthier is a no-brainer when it comes to good physical health, but it is also great for your brain. According to a recent Gallup Poll, U.S. adults who reported eating healthy in the recent past are 34.1 percent less likely to have depression. Drew Ramsey, psychiatrist, farmer and author of Fifty Shades of Kale and The Happiness Diet says that eating the right foods, including nuts, beans and seafood, can actually boost your mood. 5. Forgive to flourish “It is very difficult to be happy when one is complaining about the past. It is very hard to be happy when we experience ourselves as helpless victims of fate or another person. Forgiveness provides us the evidence that we can cope with life’s difficulties so we don’t have to live afraid and constricted.” —Fred Luskin, Ph.D. 6. Sleep your worries away Improving sleep habits is a great way to care for your emotional and mental health. The National Sleep Foundation estimates that 35 percent of Americans aren’t getting quality sleep. Researchers from the University of Warwick in the U.K. say quality sleep is more important to improving health and happiness than the quantity of Z’s. They equate the feeling we get after a good night’s sleep to that of “winning the lottery.” 7. Laugh often “Laughter is the verbalization of happiness,” says comedian and happiness expert Yakov Smirnoff. “So if it’s a healthy laugh, not nervous laughter, but a healthy, mirthful laugh, it is triggered by humor.” For more, check out our podcast with Yakov. 8. Be excellent to each other Studies show that when people engage in acts of kindness, they experience positive emotions that lead to a release of oxytocin (the love hormone) in the body. Kindness has also been associated with a reduction in symptoms of depression and anxiety. 9. Don’t forget to love yourself “Our mind state is constantly affecting the mind state of others. If we are grumpy and irritable, the people around us are grumpy and irritable. We feed on each other’s emotions. So when you start practicing self-compassion, other people pick up on that and the more you are in this calm, kind, connected place, the more the people around you feel that way, too.” —Kristin Neff, Ph.D, author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. 10. Practice makes perfect “Whatever we water and cultivate conscientiously thrives and blooms in a regular garden….Bring to mind gratitude and other positive emotions often, and soon they will grow and take over the garden of your heart.”—Joseph Emet, author of Finding the Blue Sky: A Mindful Approach to Choosing Happiness Here and Now. 11. Stay away from all work and no play Danes take their free time very seriously. Malene Rydahl writes in Happy as a Dane: 10 Secrets of the Happiest People in the World, that the Danes dedicate nearly 70 percent of each day to personal activities and spending time with friends and family. It’s this kind of attitude that makes Denmark one of the happiest countries in the world, according to the World Happiness Reports. 12. Slow down “In today’s busy world, our mind is continuously active, jumping from one item to the next at a dizzying speed. Not only is this behavior exhausting, but it can impair how well we attend to any of the tasks at hand. Indeed, much of what crosses our paths does not require our attention or care, but it nonetheless consumes space in our consciousness. Over time, the background noise becomes a normal state, and we lose track of it—falling deeper into a state of mental fatigue, in turn limiting our ability to process important events and emotions. To counteract the deleterious effects of the noise, we need to refocus our attention on a smaller number of subjects. The practice of mindfulness does just that.” —Dr. Michael Finkelstein, internal medicine and holistic physician and author of Slow Medicine: Hope and Healing for Chronic Illness. 13. Savor the flavor “When we can fully engage with our lives, we are happier, less stressed and more grateful. In addition, we’re more likely to remember and recall the calm, peaceful and joyful times, which can help sustain us through the more difficult ones. We don’t have to wait for sunsets on the beach or fancy weddings; we can practice savoring the smaller moments that happen on a daily basis, such as drinking a hot cup of coffee, snuggling our children or eating dinner with a friend.” —Carla Naumburg, Ph.D., author of Ready, Set, Breathe: Practicing Mindfulness with Your Children for Fewer Meltdowns and a More Peaceful Family. Chris Libby is the Section Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Live Happy's Ideas to Recharge on Mother's Day

relationships

7 Ways to Recharge This Mother’s Day

Being a mom is truly an incredible, life-changing experience. It is also a job—one that requires a wide variety of skills. At different times, we moms are required to be doctors, teachers, mediators, chefs, bookkeepers, housekeepers, costume designers, make-up artists, jugglers and more! We need to deal with what's happening in the moment while also planning for the future. We meet many of the wants and needs of our partners, friends and even our community. On top of all that, many of us have to earn an income or even support our families. While many women might feel like they might buckle under the pressure, most of us just say we’ve “got it” and do all we can to take care of what comes with the job. Some of us get so consumed by the demands of our children and families that we are left exhausted and even depleted. In my role as a therapist, I have spoken to many mothers who tell me they are so busy focusing on everyone else that they have forgotten their own needs. Take care of yourself, too This Mother’s Day, why not give yourself a gift, and choose this celebratory moment to commit to taking better care of yourself? I have suggested this idea to a few moms I know, and while many welcomed the idea, I’ve also gotten looks of concern and resistance. Some women feel a sense of obligation or guilt when it comes to taking care of their families, almost as if self-sacrifice is part of the job description once we become mothers. While I do believe it is normal for mothers to make sacrifices, I also think it’s imperative we realize there is a line between sacrifice and suffering. Sadly, many moms I talk to are suffering because they are not getting their needs met. This is not healthy, and there is nothing to feel ashamed of when it comes to practicing self-care. Replenish your energy There is a big difference between self-care and selfishness. Self-care involves taking moments to assess how you're doing and engaging in practices that nurture your emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual well-being. Taking time to replenish your energy does not mean you have “excessive or exclusive concern with oneself,” which is how Merriam-Webster’s defines selfishness. Being a mother means putting others’ needs ahead of your own—most of the time. We are so busy taking care of kids that we forget to properly take care of ourselves. Here are some tips to help recharge your energy before you burn out or reach an emotional low-point: 1. Keep something in the tank When the mother suffers, the children suffer. If we are depleted, we have little or nothing left to give. Keep this in mind when you think about self-care. 2. Put it on the calendar Schedule “mommy time” on your to-do list. Bubble baths, long walks, dinner out with mom friends (don't only talk about the kids at these!) are all great ways to recharge. If we don't plan for fun and relaxation, it may not happen. 3. Phone a friend Build a support system that can cover you when you are in a jam. We all need friends who can pick up the kids, loan a cup of sugar, help with a project, etc., when we are in a bind. 4. Find fun Domestic life can feel routine. Remember what activities you enjoyed as a kid. Find times to laugh with friends as well as your family. It relieves stress and lifts your mood. 5. Draw the line Establish healthy boundaries. Set limits on your time; create rules for the family to follow that will make your life easier; learn to say no. 6. Mom is not your doormat (chauffeur, chef, maid, etc.) If people see that they can take advantage of you with no repercussions, they will. If your family knows you will stay up all night to finish their last-minute projects, they will think nothing of handing you their night-before homework the next time. 7. Be well Develop healthy physical and emotional habits. Make sure you get plenty of sleep, eat healthy food and make time to exercise. Monitor your emotional and spiritual self on a regular basis, and deal with negative feelings as they arise. Listen to our podcast: The Perfect Parent, with Stacy Kaiser Read more from Stacy: Know When to Intervene With Your Teen and 4 Tips to Raise High-Achieving Kids Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know and an editor at large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

relationships

5 Essential Factors for Raising Resilient Kids

In my personal interactions with parents, I am often asked the pressing question: “How did my child end up this way?” How is my child so happy? So helpful? So cautious? So aggressive? This extends to specific personality traits and behaviors, both positive and negative. Based on my experiences as a parent, coupled with my years studying child development as a professional, I have found that both nature and nurture play a role in shaping individuals. Nature is what people are born with in terms of temperament, intelligence and abilities. Nurture refers to influences from the environment, both immediate (like family and community) and more removed (like societal norms and expectations). Dorothy Law Nolte’s poem, “Children Learn What They Live,” does a great job expressing my point of view regarding the external influences that profoundly affect children’s development with lines such as these: If children live with encouragement, They learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, They learn to be patient. The concept is quite simple: The actions, words and environment that children are exposed to significantly influence who they are. If they are raised with a healthy dose of positive and motivational experiences, they have a stronger likelihood of being happy, healthy, resilient, positive people. Lead by example There are many ways that we, by example, can contribute to our children’s positive learning. Sometimes our teaching is intentional. We teach our children the importance of good nutrition by taking them to the market and encouraging them to help prepare and enjoy healthy meals. We introduce them to exciting adventures and opportunities to show them the benefits of exploration and being open to new experiences. Lessons can also be more subtle. Our children learn from watching how we interact with others. If we apologize for our mistakes, hold the door for someone in a wheelchair or carry someone’s bag for them, we teach our children the importance of doing so. Similarly, if we grab our children by the arm aggressively every time they misbehave, we are teaching them that getting physical with a person when angry is acceptable. Consider these five essential factors in determining the extent to which children learn what they live: 1. Safety Abraham Maslow, a pioneer in the field of child development, stated that safety is the foundation for anyone to accomplish anything. If we do not feel safe, it is difficult to function and therefore meet our basic needs. Safety refers to both physical and psychological indicators, ranging from having a physically safe school or home to emotional abuse and bullying. It also refers to a feeling of emotional comfort to take risks and be adventurous, knowing that there is a solid, safe place to return to after trying something new. 2. Balance Giving children a sense of balance and teaching them how to juggle the ups and downs of life is an essential life skill. The “everything in moderation” philosophy is taught by example and reinforced by parents, and if executed well, can have profound and positive influences on the way children live their lives. Some cake is perfectly fine to eat, but the entire cake or cake every day can be unhealthy. 3. Role modeling Children learn both healthy and maladaptive behaviors from observing those around them. For example, when children see parents brushing their teeth every morning and evening, they learn good oral hygiene habits. Psychological behavior, like having a positive attitude or taking things in stride, are also learned by example. Conversely, one client’s son picked up on her practice of speaking in a very loud voice, which started to cause problems when it was interpreted negatively by his teachers and coaches. 4. Adventure and openness to new things Interest and curiosity are the foundations of knowledge, growth and change. Infusing our children’s lives with opportunities to try new things will teach them to take risks, enjoy the thrill of adventure and push themselves to grow through exploration. 5. Acceptance of self and others Every day, I meet with people who are unhappy with who they are and the people around them. Sometimes their unhappiness stems from real issues that need to be changed, but people—both adults and children—also struggle with things they have little control over. There’s the boy who has to study twice as hard as his peers to get good grades in math, the girl who despises her curly hair, the painfully shy child who dreads birthday parties—they all struggle with aspects of themselves. As parents, we need to emphasize acceptance as a cornerstone of learning. Those of us who are better at practicing self-acceptance are happier, more motivated, more resilient and more likely to be successful. While life poses many challenges, we have choices in how we tackle them. We teach our children valuable and powerful lessons from how we live our lives. We should be mindful of the degree to which our conduct teaches children about life, their places in society, their futures and their values. Creating safe, balanced, accepting environments for our children will enhance their happiness, successes and resiliency. Listen to our podcast: The Perfect Parent, with Stacy Kaiser Read more from Stacy: Know When to Intervene With Your Teen and 4 Tips to Raise High-Achieving Kids Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know and an editor at large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

Self-Care

Say Goodbye to Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is a secret held by many—even the highest of achievers. Award-winning actress Tina Fey once said, “The beauty of imposter syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania to a complete feeling of, ‘I’m a fraud! Oh, God, they’re on to me.’” The late acclaimed author and poet Maya Angelou described the syndrome like this: “I’ve written 11 books but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’” While not a diagnosable psychiatric condition, imposter syndrome is a very real feeling, first described in 1978 by American psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes as “a sense of phoniness in people who believe they are not that intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement.” “People believe they are a fraud, that they are not as competent as they appear or as other people believe they are,” says Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., psychologist, author and daughter of cognitive therapy founder Aaron Beck, Ph.D. “People with imposter syndrome tend to believe they have achieved due to luck or fooling others. They fear others will discover their incompetence or inadequacy.” A cause of fear, dread and anxiety High achievers are especially prone to feeling like imposters when taking on a new risk or pushing their abilities to a new level. “It becomes a problem when people consistently underestimate their abilities and feel unduly anxious,” Judith says. “It’s also a problem when they try to hide their ‘incompetence’ by failing to ask questions, seek help and assert their opinions.” Imposter syndrome is linked to perfectionism rather than low self-esteem, but it also can happen in social relationships. “People who suffer from it might attribute their success to luck, discount their own success and live with a sense of dread that others will uncover their real self,” says behavior coach Michael Mantell, Ph.D. Despite obvious success, individuals may feel a strong sense of self-doubt. Imposter syndrome causes people to avoid taking risks and settle for less than what they want because they fear being found out as a phony. The feelings of anxiousness and dread that accompany imposter syndrome cloud happiness as well. Where did it come from? Most people have some insecurities about their competence in various aspects of their work, says Judith. “People with imposter syndrome have achieved what they believe is undeserving success. Thinking thoughts like, ‘I’m not deserving’ is a key distinguishing element between the imposter syndrome and simple generalized insecurity.” Children who grow up in a high-pressure school or home environment that rewards accomplishment and criticizes anything less than perfection have a higher chance of experiencing imposter syndrome. Another contributing factor is having parents who heap praise on a youngster who doesn’t believe he or she deserves it, according to Judith. Getting rid of the imposter By facing imposter syndrome for what it is, you can begin to accept your accomplishments as real, adopt more rational ways of thinking and quiet your fear of being exposed as a fraud. Use these tips to shift away from perfectionism and move toward a more realistic view of yourself. By quieting your internal critic, you can take risks and enjoy the happiness that comes from living your life more fully. 1. Use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques Ask yourself, “Is what I am thinking actually true?” Move toward more realistic thinking. “Look for evidence that you’re really incompetent and for evidence that you are competent,” recommends Judith. Ask for feedback from other people. “[People with imposter syndrome] can change their definition of competence from always performing at the highest level, to doing a reasonable job most of the time,” she says. 2. Talk about it Take your feeling out of the shadows and talk about imposter syndrome with a friend or professional. Seek out people who will support you. 3. Measure your accomplishments with your own ruler Look back on your accomplishments, obstacles you have overcome, results you have materialized and give yourself some credit. Believe those solid realities and not your own bad press. 4. Identify who you are lying to “The ironic part of the imposter syndrome isn’t about the lie we think we are perpetrating on others, it’s about the real, unrealistic belief—the lie—we aim at ourselves,” says Michael. Recognize that you are not a fraud. 5. Let go of perfectionism Stop telling yourself that you must never fail. Says Michael: “Just because I tripped and made an error doesn’t mean I’m an imposter or a fraud; it means I’m human.” 6. Use the three C’s According to Michael, with most emotional distortions, you have to catch your erroneous automatic negative belief, challenge it and change it. Be mindful and aware enough to be able to hear yourself saying unkind and critical things to yourself and then catch, challenge and change those thoughts. 7. Build in unconditional self-acceptance into your daily life Practice rational responses to your negative self-talk. Write out actual rational responses to each negative thought you build around yourself. For example, instead of “I’m not deserving,” breathe deeply and think, “It isn’t about deserving, it’s about actual accomplishment and I’ve certainly worked hard and achieved X, Y or Z.” 8. Think about the value you provide others Shift the thoughts away from you and on to how you can help others. This mental shift can take you out of your mind and into the positive emotions you give to others around you. 9. Take risks and don’t compare yourself to others Don’t compare and despair, Michael advises. When you want to do something big but feel afraid you will fail because you are not the right person/not deserving/not good enough, take that risk and say to yourself, “I don’t know what I am doing, but let’s give it a try and see what happens.” This practice can be wonderfully healing. When you take steps to face your self-doubt and quiet the feeling of imposter syndrome, you can stop letting your fears get in the way of becoming who you want to be. Listen to our podcast: 5 Steps to a More Confident You With Carin Rockind Read more: Face Failure Head-On With These 4 Essential Tools Sandra Bilbray is a contributing Editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

Lifestyle

Are You a Phone Snubber?

It’s annoying, and we’re both guilty of it. It’s one of the prime ways we—as married happiness researchers—make each other supremely unhappy. See if you can guess what’s going on here: One of us: “Honey, I was thinking tonight maybe we take Leo to dinner at that sushi restaurant. What do you think?” The other: “Huh?” (Silence). (More silence). “You done?” “Yes.” “Honey, I was thinking tonight maybe we take Leo to dinner at that sushi restaurant. What do you think?” “Sounds great.” If you haven’t already guessed, the conversation stopper was a smartphone. While it makes coordinating child care and running our research projects together easier, at times it has also made us feel incredibly disconnected from one another. Checking it when we should be checking in with each other can send signals to our partner whom we love dearly that they are not a priority. Whether it’s looking at the latest scores for fantasy football (Shawn) or lurking the halls of Facebook to get glimpses of friends’ baby pics (Michelle)—those moments when our partner feels we’ve chosen our smartphone over them can damage our relationship. Phone + snubbing = phubbing Researchers have recently given this bad behavior a name: Phubbing (phone + snubbing). Phubbing happens when one person checks a phone, in essence snubbing their partner, when they are supposed to be hanging out together. A study by Brandon McDaniel and Sarah Coyne published in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture found that of the women surveyed who were in a romantic relationship, 62 percent of them said phubbing happened to them daily. As many as 1 in 3 said their partner pulled out the phone during meals together, and 25 percent said their loved one sent text messages or emails to other people while they were having a face-to-face conversation. Phubbing is a natural consequence of an addictive national pastime that has only become more prevalent. The Mobile Mindset Study conducted by mobile security company Lookout found that three out of five smartphone users in the U.S. don’t go more than an hour without checking their phones. Another study found that the average American checks his or her phone every six to seven minutes. I guess we’ve just replaced the famous seven-minute conversation lull with a quick scan of social media to fill the void. Break the phone addiction The fallout of these tiny choices in our relationships is real—often leaving the other person feeling insecure that they are boring or frustrated that they are not getting the attention they want. In the study published in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 70 percent of participants said that phubbing harmed their ability to interact with their romantic partners. Marriage and relationship researcher John Gottman, Ph.D., has found that couples with flourishing relationships have a positivity ratio of 5:1, and that a negative event (like being phubbed by your partner, for instance) necessitates five positive interactions to balance it out. Better not to phub in the first place! We decided to turn to our resident expert on technology and happiness, our colleague and Shawn’s sister Amy Blankson, author of the brilliant new book The Future of Happiness, in which she looks at how to leverage technology to be happier in life. She put away her phone, looked us in the eyes, and gave us her advice on concrete action steps to have a positive relationship with our phones and each other. Here is what we learned: 1. Establish tech-free times Pick the times of day when everyone has the highest chances of connecting in person, like car rides or dinner times, and make sure the phones are stashed. For us, the most fun time of the day with our 3-year-old son, Leo, is the morning. Therefore, we’ve made it a rule that he can’t watch any videos before naptime, and we put our phones away, too. This simple shift has significantly increased the number of meaningful moments between the three of us. 2. Ring in the good times Give the babysitter a special ringtone so you don’t have to check every call. Create a sacred space for date nights by getting the phones off the table. A study from the University of Essex found that having a smartphone on the table during a face-to-face conversation reduces feelings of closeness, trust and relationship quality. Use your phone’s ringtones and notifications to your advantage. 3. Tuck it in Don’t bring your phone to bed with you. Tuck it into its own recharging station away from the bedroom. At the launch of our partner Arianna Huffington’s new well-being company Thrive Global, she unveiled the Phone Bed Charging Station, which is a mini bed, complete with satin sheets and a built-in charger. It’s the perfect size for your smartphone. Arianna suggests putting it in the kitchen or living room and buying an old-fashioned alarm clock for the bedroom. For us, being more conscious of our often unconscious behavior of checking our phones is still a work in progress—but paying attention to it has made all the difference. That and the fact that football is not in full swing this time of year! For more on Amy’s new book, see her interview on page 94 in Live Happy magazine. And, for a great way to use technology to start your day right, join us for our (free) Wake Up & Inspire Happiness Video Workshop at broadcastinghappiness.com/happiness. Read more: Let Technology Lift Your Life Listen to our podcast on tech and well-being: The Future of Happiness With Amy Blankson SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with more than 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. Learn more about Shawn at Goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and the author of the book Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at Goodthinkinc.com.

Practice

Yakov Smirnoff Is Bringing Laughter Back

Humor is arguably one of the most infectious character strengths we possess and can have extremely positive benefits to our own well-being as well as to those around us. The Via Institute on Character describes humor as "playfulness" and "bringing smiles to others." Laughter unleashes all kinds of happy stuff into our bodies, like oxytocin. As with any habit, the more we practice, the more our brains accept it and make it a regular part of our lives. “Laughter is the verbalization of happiness,” says comedian and happiness expert Yakov Smirnoff. “So if it’s a healthy laugh, not nervous laughter, but a healthy, mirthful laugh, it is triggered by humor.” Yakov has been a professional comedian since the 1980s. He often played the role of a Russian immigrant mesmerized by modern culture in the United States with one-liners including his popular catch phrase, “What a country!” After spending decades making people laugh, he wanted to find the connection between laughter and happiness, especially as it relates to relationships. He is a recent graduate of the Master of Applied Positive Psychology program from the University of Pennsylvania and is working toward his doctorate of education in organizational leadership at Pepperdine University in California. “In the beginning of the relationship, we will do whatever it takes; that’s how we get to be in a relationship. But after that, we relax and stop doing that,” he says. “When happiness dies, that’s when laughter dies.” He believes that couples can use laughter as a canary in a coal mine—an early detector to gauge how the relationship is going. If things aren’t funny anymore, it may be time to take an assessment and see if each other’s needs are being met. “Laughter is the first thing to go. The second is intimacy and the third is your house. In that order,” Yakov jokes. “So if you want to keep your house, keep creating laughter.” Listen to our podcast, Bringing Laughter Back With Yakov Smirnoff. Read Find Your Funny Bone and This is Your Brain on Humor for more on humor. Chris Libby is the section editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

10 Top Health and Wellness Trends of 2017

Step aside, green tea. You’re so 15 minutes ago, paleo. Sorry, kale. There are some new health and wellness trends taking center stage this year. If you know what “athleisure” means (or you are wearing fractal-patterned leggings as you read this), you probably already know some of this year’s trends. We’ve reached out to experts to get the skinny (pun intended) and find out which fun or befuddling health practices will be coming our way this year. 1. Make time for recovery More people are taking muscle recovery seriously after hard workouts, says national fitness trainer and founder of Get Healthy U Chris Freytag. “Baby boomers still love to work out, but I think people are doing things like foam rolling, more yoga, acupuncture and cupping (an ancient practice of using bamboo or glass suction jars to enhance circulation and relieve pain). People are choosing more natural ways to take care of their muscles after a hard workout rather than taking an anti-inflammatory,” she says. 2. The new happy hour Going sans-alcohol is the new cool. Look for more bars and restaurants that feature fun, healthy “mocktails”—cocktail-like beverages made with fresh seasonal ingredients but minus any alcohol. More people are touting the health benefits of living permanently on the wagon and this is leading to social gatherings with a focus on connections over cocktails. Some of the health benefits in addition to no hangover? Abstaining from alcohol can mean improved mental clarity, less body fat, a better mood, enhanced quality of sleep and improved relationships. If that doesn’t make you want to put down your glass of red wine, we found this compelling: Some experts say your life’s purpose can sometimes be masked by even moderate alcohol consumption. Going dry may be the new non-smoking. 3. Fitness anytime, anywhere “In today’s world, where everyone is time-starved, health-conscious, individuals sometimes struggle to be as active as they’d like to be,” says Chuck Runyon, CEO and founder of Anytime Fitness, “our job as fitness facilitators is to help others lead healthier, more active lives whenever they can find the time—be it in the gym, at work, at home or while running errands.” Like other mobile workout businesses, Anytime Fitness has become less gym-centric, working to meet clients where they are. “We’ve also learned a great deal from millennials and that’s why we’re using multiple social media platforms, and a new mobile app, to coach and connect with our members. Imagine providing each of your customers with a personal wellness coach in his or her pocket. That’s precisely what we’re aiming to do.” 4. A hot mug of bone broth While kombucha was last year’s magic elixir, bone broth, packed with minerals, is the healing tonic of choice in 2017. Mark Sisson, the author of the book The Primal Blueprint, calls bone broth an original superfood. The suggested health benefits are myriad: improved immunity, better sleep, improvement for a leaky gut, increased energy and a more youthful appearance. Mark writes, “A bone broth habit may allow you to enjoy the benefits of a diet rich in animal protein—good body composition, superior recovery from training, strong bones, overall robustness—while avoiding the downsides.” Where do you get this primal concoction? Look for bone broth bars, order it online or make it at home by roasting animal bones—beef, turkey or chicken—overnight with veggies. Enjoy a mug of the broth served hot. 5. Unplug using technology Yes, tech can help us chill out. Start by downloading and using some of the great meditation apps available, such as Calm, Buddhify and Headspace. There are apps that remind you to breathe and whole gadgets made just to monitor your vitals for stress, such as the WellBe. “People are stressed and becoming more educated on the benefits of deep breathing and meditation even if just for a few minutes during the work day,” Chris Freytag says. Yes, our amazing, addictive devices have become a huge cause of stress and anxiety. Why not also let them help solve the same problem? 6. Veg out and get your protein Old school eating meant meat was the center of your meal and your main protein source. Modern nutrition is all about getting protein from plants. “Plant-based diets are becoming more common,” says Hillary Goldrich, a registered dietitian based out of Asheville, North Carolina. “Eating plant-based meals can improve inflammation, heart health, cholesterol and weight,” Hillary says. “Seeds such as chia, hemp and flax that provide omega-3 fats have become pantry staples. Protein-rich grains such as quinoa, amaranth, sorghum and teff are more accessible. Nuts, beans and avocados provide fiber, healthy fat and protein. Add these healthier proteins to a colorful array of vegetables and fruits, throw in some spices and herbs and you get a flavorful, well-rounded meal.” Meatless Monday may extend further into the week! 7. Don’t toss out the ugly apple Ugly produce needs love too. Social awareness regarding food waste is moving to the forefront, Hillary says. NPR reported that there was enough food waste last year in the United States to fill 44 skyscrapers. “People are seeking ways, on small and large scales, to reduce food waste and repurpose foods,” Hillary says. There’s a movement to love ugly produce and grocery stores are getting in on the love. You should be able to find some bruised and misfit fruit and veggies at Whole Foods and Walmart stores this year. Don’t judge a veggie by its looks. By buying them, you're helping ease the landfills and save the planet! 8. Health meals delivered Want to whip up some butternut squash agnolotti for the family? Order up your meals and just follow the prep and cooking instructions. “Home cooking has seen a surge and continues to be on trend with the meal delivery service market growing,” Hillary says. “The ease of making a healthy, complete meal in conjunction with pre-measured ingredients and step-by-step instructions make these services overwhelmingly appealing. The competition seems to be keeping costs reasonable.” Hello Fresh, Plated and Blue Apron are some of the most popular meal delivery options. 9. Mindfulness is ever-present Mindfulness remains a focal point of yoga and meditation, but is now increasingly available as an immersive multisensory experience at wellness centers around the country. These spas aim to heighten your senses and increase mindfulness using sound healing, visualization techniques and aromatherapy. The Spa at Mandarin Oriental in Boston, for example, launched a multisensory experience this year designed to “restore health and a sense of well-being,” including sound therapy inspired by the ancient healing art of Himalayan singing bowls. Enjoy vibrations and harmonious tones meant to restore balance and energy. Mindfulness vacations and Zen retreats, once niche escapes for Buddhists and seekers, are also becoming more mainstream. 10. Gym clothes at work? Last year “athleisure” went from being a momentary trend to a lifestyle. Now it’s common to see people wearing fashionable and comfortable workout wear not only outside the gym (at the supermarket, in line at Starbucks), but also crossing over to the final frontier: the workplace. Athleisure is coming to cubicles and offices across the country. More of us are leading active lives and don’t have time to change shoes once we get to the office, let alone entire outfits as we dash to appointments or head to yoga class after work. “Business casual” is about to look—and feel—a whole lot more comfortable. Just think, soon you might be able to wear the same outfit in the office as you do to morning boot camp. “Workleisure” may be the new casual Friday. What new health and wellness trends are you seeing? We’d love to hear from you! Talk to us in the Comments section, below, or on Twitter or Facebook. Read more: 8 Great Happiness Perks You Get From Exercise. Listen to our podcast Mindfulness is Pure Awareness With Meditation Ex Jon Kabat-Zinn. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing Editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

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10 Top Health and Wellness Trends of 2017

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