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TV Host Steve Harvey Gives Back Through Youth Foundation

In honor of Father’s Day, Live Happy’s June Happy Act of the month is to support families. One of the organizations we admire is the Steve and Marjorie Harvey Foundation (harveyfoundation.com) that provides mentorship and training to young people and single mothers. Actor, producer and TV host Steve Harvey shares how his organization’s life-changing programming is key to strengthening families everywhere. Live Happy: What inspired you to create the Steve and Marjorie Harvey Foundation and how long has it been in operation? Steve Harvey: The inspiration was my father. My father passed when I was 43 years old. I was thinking about him and what all he meant to me. If I didn’t have him, I never could’ve gotten here. So, I thought of all the young boys and how difficult it must be without their fathers, and I thought, “Hey, I want to do something about that.” My foundation started about 18 years ago in 2000. How does community mentoring, and the support of positive role models, transform young people? Well, a young boy without a male role model is like an explorer without a map. A young boy is going to be some type of man; it’s the model that you put in front of him that he will most likely duplicate. So, if you put a bad man in front of him he’ll duplicate that. If you put a good man in front of him he’ll duplicate that, so that’s how it works. It’s so important because manhood is like a minefield, you gotta have somebody that’s gone through it to help guide you through the levels of manhood because being a man is very difficult. It’s too hard to figure out on your own. Who gets the most out of these mentoring relationships? It’s life-changing for the mentees and the mentors. A lot of mentors get a lot out of it. Man, they see a lot of themselves in some of these young boys. A lot of my mentors grew up without fathers, and they want to make sure they provide mentorship for young boys who don’t have it. The fact that a young boy now has a mentor, somebody he can call, text, email, ask a question with a male viewpoint—it’s immeasurable. I get feedback from boys after the camp when I see them graduate from college, when I see them join the military, when I see them with kids now, they come back and say, “Mr. Harvey you changed my life.” They come back as junior counselors. I had one kid that was a gangbanger, just a tough kid, we worked with him and worked with him. He graduated from North Carolina State, and he’s an engineer now. So many stories are like that, but you can’t measure the presence of a man in a boy’s life—it’s immeasurable. Tell us more about your camps, including the one you’re hosting this month in Atlanta. How can people learn about upcoming camps or volunteer opportunities? Well you have to go to the website (harveyfoundation.com), but in this camp we cover two things. We cover the principles of manhood and dream building. Those are two critical components. If I can get young men to dream, dream outside their present environment, dream outside of these neighborhoods that they’re in and see themselves somewhere else, it gives them something to shoot for. It’s the dream—your dream is actually more important than your education because if you have a big enough dream, your dream will spur you to get an education. Teaching a kid that it’s OK to dream, that it’s OK to want something spectacular is paramount. The other most important thing is the principles of manhood. Real men go to church, real men honor God, real men respect the law, real men respect women, real men take care of their children, real men are productive citizens, real men go to work every day. We gotta get that drummed into their heads, because too many times videos and social media are guiding our young men the wrong way to what manhood really is. What have been some of the most encouraging results? The best part is that the system works. The results are the best part—the flat-out positive results from all these young men. I have boys I’ve been mentoring personally sending me graduation pictures, wearing caps and gowns. Cats that were in 9th grade with no grades wanting to drop out are now saying, “I’m graduating;” “Mr. Harvey, this is my son and I’m taking care of him;” “Mr. Harvey, I got a job;” “Mr. Harvey, I’m in the military;” “Mr. Harvey, I’m in college now,” that’s what makes it worth it. On a more personal side, what makes you happy? I love peace of mind. Peace of mind make me happy. If I can find moments in the month where I can sit down and clear my head, maybe sit on a golf cart on the golf course and look for my golf ball that I hit in the bushes somewhere. If I can get out on the water or on the beach, that makes me happy. Watching my children figure it out and succeed makes me happy. Being a great provider makes me happy…and a Cuban cigar makes me happy. For more information or to donate or volunteer, go to harveyfoundation.com.

Resources

10 Podcasts to Help You Find Happiness

Audio is one of the oldest forms of media around, and yet podcasts are so hot that seemingly everyone is starting his or her own. They cover every topic imaginable, and it turns out we love to listen and learn. Podcasts can help us keep up with the news, lose ourselves in an imaginative story or just make our commute go by a lot faster. Below are 10 podcasts in the fields of positive psychology, mindfulness, happiness and self-help that will not only brighten your day, they will also add to your knowledge of how to become an authentically happier person. The Science of Happiness This excellent recent addition to the podcast happiness space comes from the Greater Good Science Center, which is affiliated with the University of California at Berkeley (Go Bears!). Heavy on the science of happiness and positive psychology, the show features interviews with professors and authors such as Rick Hanson, Srikumar Rao and Jonathan Haidt. Professional production adds to the compelling storytelling. Each episode runs about 20 minutes. 10% Happier with Dan Harris Network news anchor Dan Harris has become an unlikely but extremely effective evangelist for meditation and its benefits. With two best-selling books under his belt, Dan now produces this weekly podcast on the subject, which includes in-depth interviews with mindfulness heavy hitters such as (sometime collaborator) Sharon Salzberg and former Google “Jolly Good Fellow” Chade-Meng Tan. Dan has made it his mission to spread meditation to the mainstream, and he is absolutely succeeding! Each episode runs 50 to 60 minutes. Live Happy Now Live Happy’s own uplifting podcast features insightful interviews with experts in psychology and the science of happiness. Past guests have included psychiatrist and mood-food expert Dr. Drew Ramsey; author M.J. Ryan, one of the creators of the Random Acts of Kindness series; work/happiness expert Shawn Achor; and many others. The tone is friendly and accessible—a perfect way to start your day, lighten your commute and stay informed. Each episode runs about 30 minutes. The Flourishing Center Podcast The Flourishing Center, which offers a Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology, highlights positive psychology research in its podcast. It covers everything from tips on overcoming rumination to practicing self-forgiveness. Each episode features three sections: Science Says, which summarizes recent research; Life Hack, which explains how to incorporate positive psychology tenets into your life; and Practitioner’s Corner, which highlights an individual practicing positive psychology. Each episode runs 30 minutes. Happier with Gretchen Rubin Best-selling author of The Happiness Project and several other books, Gretchen Rubin was an early convert to the podcasting medium. She and her screenwriter sister Elizabeth seem to have a lot of fun chatting and ribbing each other as they discuss various topics of interest, such as how to maintain healthy habits, The Four Tendencies (another one of Gretchen’s books), making time to read, family relationships and other issues that affect our everyday lives. The tone is breezy and casual, and occasionally the sisters will bring in a special guest. Each episode runs about 30 minutes. Happiness Matters Christine Carter, author of The Sweet Spot and Raising Happiness, hosts this parenting-focused podcast along with pediatric nurse Rona Renner. The show, a gabfest-style discussion between the hosts, focuses on how to raise a happy family and have harmonious relationships in the 21st century. Hot topics include “The Art of Saying No,” “Is Yelling the New Spanking?” and “Fostering Creativity in Kids.” Weekly episodes are short and sweet, running just 10 minutes. By the Book In each episode of By the Book, podcast personality Kristen Meinzer and comedian Jolenta Greenberg—two smart, funny Brooklynistas with attitude—choose a different self-help book to live by for two weeks and then report back with their findings. The show is warm, insightful and a great way to get the lowdown on these best-selling (but sometimes repetitive) books so you don’t have to read them all yourself. It’s like getting self-help Cliffs Notes, summarized by your hilarious best friends. Each episode runs approximately 45 minutes and many are followed up with a separate epilogue. The Action for Happiness Podcast Action for Happiness is an international initiative launched by the Dalai Lama. The podcast features interviews with luminaries mainly in the realm of mindfulness and meditation, such as Jon Kabat-Zinn, Daniel Goleman and many others. Listen to substantive discussions of meditation in schools, how meditation can change the world and similar subjects. The sound quality could be better. Each episode runs about 40 minutes. Good Life Project The Good Life Project includes an “intentional community” that puts on mindful get-togethers in real life. In addition, they host this twice-weekly interview show with thought leaders in the happiness, creativity and personal development spaces. Catch up with authors and personalities like Elizabeth Gilbert, Tim Ferriss, Brené Brown and many others. Good production and a lively pace keep things moving along. Each episode runs about 45 minutes. Adventures in Happiness New York Times best-selling author Jessica Ortner is an ebullient guide to happiness and fulfillment through “tapping.” But in addition to the mindfulness practice of tapping, she also covers a wide swath of lifestyle subjects from spring cleaning and feng shui to more serious topics such as depression and anxiety. Guests stop by to chat and lend their expertise. Each episode runs about 45 minutes.

Resources

Family Focus in June

Welcome, Happy Activists! A Happy Activist is someone who, through kind words and intentional actions, strives to make the world a better place. Live Happy invites you to join our #HappyActs movement! On the 20th of each month, we encourage everyone to incorporate kindness into your daily lives by participating in each month’s planned activity. The more who join the #HappyActs movement, the more positive impact we'll all have on our homes, workplaces and communities. What you think and do matters! June’s theme is family. Positive relationships, especially with those we’re closest to, are one of the five key elements of Martin Seligman, Ph.D.’s, PERMA theory of well-being. Our June 20 Happy Act is to help families thrive. This month, we are featuring the Steve & Marjorie Harvey Foundation, a mentoring program for at-risk youth and single women, and volunteering at The Stewpot, an organization that supports families experiencing homelessness. 3 Steps on How to Prepare for a Happy Act: Research what charitable opportunities are near you. Contact the organization and discuss how you can help. Plan a time to go volunteer and/or determine what you can donate. Learn more: Develop family strengths. Common ways to do that are through nurturing relationships, establishing routines, adapting to challenges and connecting to communities. Tell family stories. Family narratives can help kids forge their own identities in the world and weave together generations. Summer is here; enjoy! 33 ideas of what to read, do, watch and listen to for summer togetherness. Play games! From Parcheesi to Ping-Pong, tiddlywinks to tag, games teach sportsmanship, communication and other social skills. Create a happiness board. Dream about your next vacation, focus on goals, plan volunteer outings as a family with a Family Happiness Board. Five Tips to Increase Family Bliss: Unplug. Unless you’re expecting an urgent message, stash your phone and tablet and focus on your family when you’re together. Divide and conquer. If siblings aren’t getting along, give the relationship some space and spend an afternoon on separate activities to help give everyone a break from a bickering patch. Maintain family routines. For special traditions like family meals, game nights or bedtime reading routines, keep everyone together and at ease by providing a predictable framework and making everyone feel welcome. Focus on what’s going right. Family togetherness can translate into too much of a focus on messy rooms, uncleared dishes or curfews violated. Don’t forget to point out the daily wins and acts of kindness that you’d like to see more of. Greet with a hug and part with a kiss. Huggingproduces happy neurochemicals such as endorphins, oxytocin and serotonin. Take the time to give your family a warm hello and goodbye even if you are in a hurry. Additional Resources: Steve and Marjorie Harvey Foundation The Stewpot March of Dimes Boys and Girls Clubs of America Big Brothers Big Sisters

Self-Care

6 Ways to Rediscover Your Authentic Self

Quick two-question quiz. 1. What things did you love to do before marriage, kids or increasing work responsibilities, including side hustles to help pay the bills? 2. How many of those things do you still do now? For many of us, spending time doing the things we love the most gets sidelined for the big “r” word—responsibilities. Sure, we’d love to take in a matinee on a Saturday, but kids’ soccer games and a trip to the grocery store take priority. Readers we asked miss spontaneity, creative projects, cranking up the music, reading and the indulgence of sleeping in. While not always doing what you want to do is just part of adulting, drifting away from what you love can erode happiness and cause you to lose sight of who you really are. How do you maintain the daily grind of responsibilities and stay connected to what you love? Rediscover your authentic self with our list of tips. Facilitate your own wake-up call Sherianna Boyle, author of the new book Emotional Detox: 7 Steps to Release Toxicity and Energize Joy believes focusing on the present can facilitate your own wake-up call and increase awareness. “No doubt getting married, raising children and becoming a homeowner gives us a lot of extra things to think about. When we worry, stress and overthink, the less energy we have. Choose to focus on the now and your energy will grow,” she says. Let yourself feel your emotions and use them as guideposts. Don’t let busy become an obstacle Obligations can interfere with what’s calling to us. Jen Sincero, best-selling author of You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, says, “When you constantly deny yourself the people, food, things and experiences that make you feel the most alive, that sends a pretty lousy message home.” Decide you are worth doing the things you love. She suggests making a conscious decision to increase your joy in whatever capacity you can. Plan the trip you’ve always wanted to take. Pursue a goal you fear. Spend an afternoon with a friend, dance at an outdoor music festival or buy an impractical pair of shoes. Don’t let busy win. Sure, you might not be able read in a hammock for four hours straight, but can you read every day for 30 minutes? Put yourself first Are you one of those people who never focuses on yourself? Start putting yourself first and trust that doing so will make you even more fulfilled and better able to give back to others. Investing in yourself is not selfish. “We drift away from doing what we once loved because it doesn’t fit our new lifestyle anymore or our partner doesn’t like the activity,” says Pat Pearson, a family therapist and author of Stop Self-Sabotage: Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money, Improve Your Relationships, and Find the Success You Deserve. “You don’t sing at the top of your lungs because the baby is napping. Life and love is a cost-benefit analysis. If the cost is too high and the benefit too low, we give up even enjoyable activities.” She suggests asking yourself this critical question: What do I want? “If it’s important to your well-being, you shouldn’t give it up. Find the place where you can have your joy and your spouse can have his/hers. Never give up on what you love if it feeds your soul. Negotiate on the time and space to make it happen.” Do not delay As writer Anne Dillard wrote, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” While it might be comforting to promise ourselves “later” for those activities we love, the reality is we have to get them on our schedules in order for them to happen. Big life events—the death of a parent, a milestone birthday, an illness—can stir us awake and fuel our desire to pursue our passions, but without daily habits in place we often fall back into old routines. Seize the day. Tag team The obstacles to writing the next great novel or reveling in the joy of dancing alone in your house can be a matter of practicality. To give yourself more time, set up time swaps with your significant other. One of you has the kids, the other gets half a day to work on a personal goal. Switch places the next day or weekend. Do a date night swap Another practical fix is teaming up with friends to create windows of adult time. Gone are the days when babysitters are inexpensive. Instead of doing away with date nights or spontaneity due to the costs, swap date nights with another couple. This is an easy solution that will make your kids and wallet happy. Now you can date your spouse again. If you want to continue your education, get a massage, paint like you used to, start a side business or kayak in a new body of water, the most important first step is directing your attention to what you desire. Create a life with a rich blend of responsibilities and top interests.

Self-Care

9 Books to Be Your Best Self

To move the dial closer to your ideal life, we’ve gathered nine books to spark the inspiration and change your need to be your best self. If you’re ready to start a business, prioritize your health, renew a relationship or improve your finances, the insights in these books will expedite your progress. A Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice from the Best in the World by Timothy Ferriss After losing multiple friends in 2017, Timothy Ferriss had a renewed sense of the value of time. The best-selling author of The 4-Hour Workweek reached out to leaders in their respective fields—athletes, artists, entrepreneurs and investors—to collect their best life advice. Tribe of Mentors is a whopping 605-page collection of life advice from top performers. Read answers to questions including: What one message would you put on a billboard? And what’s your favorite failure and why? This book is packed with gems of wisdom about setting goals and managing priorities. Find a better morning routine. Learn how to meditate. Overcome failure. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman Someone once wrote that relationships could be so much better if couples simply realized they are on the same side. In his New York Times best-selling book, Gary Chapman helps couples improve their relationships by identifying and understanding their partner’s love language. Once you know how your significant other feels loved, you can more easily meet that need and vice versa. What’s your love language? The five love languages include: 1. Quality time. 2. Words of affirmation. 3. Gifts. 4. Acts of service. 5. Physical touch. Know each other’s love language and use what you learn to enhance your relationship with your partner. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman We all might like a high IQ, but it’s actually emotional intelligence that can be a better indicator of our success in life—from relationships to work. With numerous examples, Daniel describes the five skills of emotional intelligence and how we can develop our emotional literacy for a more meaningful and fulfilling life. “People with well-developed emotional skills are also more likely to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habits of mind that foster their own productivity; people who cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight inner battles that sabotage their ability for focused work and clear thought,” Daniel writes. The Slight Edge: Turning Simple Disciplines into Massive Success & Happiness by Jeff Olson The Slight Edge offers a path to success via awareness of the importance of the numerous small decisions we make each day. Author Jeff Olson describes his philosophy as easy to do and easy not to do—and each decision we make is a step in the right direction or away from it. There is no middle ground, he says. “People on the success curve live a life of responsibility. They take full responsibility for who they are, where they are, and everything that happens to them,” he writes. Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy by Deborah Heisz What if the pathway to your best self is easier than you might think? Discover how surprisingly easy, everyday acts lead to lifelong joy and fulfillment, as proved by the latest research in positive psychology. Author Deborah Heisz, founder of Live Happy, features 40 real-life inspirational stories from regular people and celebrities, including Hoda Kotb, Jason Mraz, Alanis Morissette, Niki Taylor, Arianna Huffington, Shawn Achor, Laura Benanti, and Gretchen Rubin. Get inspired while collecting actionable tips to boost your happiness every day. Start a regular gratitude practice. Eat real foods to improve your mood. Plan an act of kindness each day. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz What if you never took anything anyone ever said personally? That’s the kind of sage advice you will find in this life-changing and best-selling book. Author Don Miguel Ruiz gives four principles to practice in order to create love and happiness in your life. Practice each of the principles until they become habits and watch your life change. 1. Be impeccable with your word. (Say only what you mean.) 2. Don’t take anything personally. (Nothing others do is because of you.) 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. You will avoid self-judgment and regret. Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives and The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin Habits are the invisible architecture of our everyday lives, writes Gretchen Rubin, best-selling author of The Happiness Project, Happier at Home, Better Than Before and her latest book, The Four Tendencies. “If we change our habits, we change our lives,” she writes. Discover how to set up habits based on your personality type and how you respond to expectations—your own and those others have for you. “Habits make change possible by freeing us from decision-making and using self-control,” Gretchen writes. Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brené Brown True belonging doesn’t mean we have to change or conform, it means we can be who we truly are. Best-selling author and scientist Brené Brown shows us how to own who we are in a time of increased divisiveness. Brave the wilderness of uncertainty and criticism by being who you are. “True belonging is not something we negotiate or accomplish with others; it is a daily practice that demands integrity and authenticity. It is a personal commitment we carry in our hearts,” Brene writes. The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Singer The Untethered Soul is a book you can turn to again and again when you feel your ego is getting in your way. Transcend life’s trials and tribulations by taking a bigger look at the world and the role you play. “In the end, enjoying life’s experiences is the only rational thing to do,” Michael writes. “You gain nothing by being bothered by life’s events. It doesn’t change the world, you just suffer. If you’re going to be here, at least be happy and enjoy the experience.” Simply make the decision to be happy and your path will become clearer, Michael contends.

Live Happy's 5 Tools for Happy and Health Mind

Self-Care

5 Tools for a Healthy and Happy Mind

1. Understand and moderate your self-sabotaging habits. Accurately diagnosing your patterns of self-sabotage is key to mental health. Let’s unpack a common example of how this can go wrong. Perfectionists typically think that all their problems will be solved by working harder or being more self-disciplined. However, overworking and being excessively self-critical are often the cause of perfectionists’ self-sabotage rather than the solution. If you’re stuck in self-defeating habits, experiment with whether looking at your patterns in a fundamentally different way helps you come up with more fruitful potential solutions. 2. Find your favorite strategies for overcoming procrastination. Avoidance increases anxiety and is implicated in most of the common mental health problems, including anxiety disorders, depression and eating disorders. For optimal mental health, everyone needs a set of strategies for overcoming procrastination and avoidance. In my book, The Healthy Mind Toolkit, I give 21 options so readers can build a personalized toolkit of the six to seven strategies that suit them best. For example, I like the strategy of “last things first,” which is that I sometimes do the last steps of a project first, since these can be easier than the initial steps. 3. Correct your thinking errors. We all have thinking biases. If you know what your typical biases are, you can mentally correct for them. An extremely common bias is blaming others. When we’re in a negative cycle of interaction, we usually see the other person as the cause of the cycle and overlook our own role. Another common thinking error is jumping to negative conclusions in ambiguous situations. For instance, you send an email but don’t get a reply. You get stressed out that the lack of reply is indicative of a problem rather than assuming a more benign explanation, like the person didn’t get your message or forgot to respond. When you know your biases, you can recognize when these occur and consider alternative explanations for situations. 4. In relationships, focus on frequent, simple positive interactions. When it comes to relationships, a common sabotaging pattern is that unhappy people tend to over focus on reducing arguments and under focus on increasing their positive interactions. Many types of relationship tension never get resolved (like arguments over your partner always running late). When you know how to keep your level of positive interactions high, you’ll have a more cooperative spirit for dealing with recurring conflicts. Simple positive interactions like reminiscing about good times, using affectionate nicknames and expressing admiration and appreciation make the world of difference to the emotional tone of a relationship. 5. Understand the psychology of money. Smart money decisions can reduce your stress and anxiety and increase your happiness. The most important money psychology principle to understand is probably loss aversion. This principle is what makes us scared to invest in assets that may lose value (e.g., stocks) but it also plays out in much smaller ways. For instance, it’s psychologically very difficult to cancel a subscription because we tend to overvalue anything we already possess. Understanding loss aversion may make you think twice about signing up for free trials or absurdly low-priced introductory offers, or at least make you turn off auto renew as soon as you start your trial.

Practice

48 Ways to Naturally Reduce Stress

A certain amount of stress is just part of the human experience. It’s natural. Yet too many people suffer with severe stress that disrupts sleep, work performance, health, relationships and life satisfaction. High stress often calls up its pal anxiety, and together they can stir up panic attacks that can interfere with a purposeful life. When we live at such a rapid pace, we may not even realize we are in a tense and stressed state. We reached out to Live Happy readers and staff for their best tips to reduce stress, quiet the mind and brighten your outlook. Dial back on detrimental stress with our 48 natural fixes to find your calm. Use the tips that resonate with you most! 1. Practice Yoga. Slow down and connect. There’s a form of yoga for every preference. 2. Enjoy a cup of hot tea. Sample different types until you find one that soothes you. Peppermint, chamomile and green tea will all do the trick. 3. Meditate. Clear thoughts from your mind with deep breathing. Let the apps Headspace or Breethe become your mindfulness coach. 4. Walk in nature. Fresh air, birds chirping, trees reaching to the sky and sunshine beaming down all have a calming effect on your mind. 5. Try alternate nostril breathing. It’s called “Nadi shodhana” and it activates the parasympathetic nervous system to reduce blood pressure. 6. Exercise. It’s just science. Regular workouts combat stress and give you a dose of feel-good endorphins. Plus, it helps you get a better night’s sleep making you more equipped to positively handle stress. 7. Use essential oils. Just smelling a bit of lavender can help you shift to a calmer state. 8. Have music you love readily available. Whether you use Pandora, Spotify, iTunes or something else, make sure you have music you love at your fingertips. Belt out your favorite song, blast your favorite band or go Zen with your tunes. Music is a powerful outlet and coping strategy all in one. (Loud rap music was a popular suggestion to de-stress.) 9. Dance. Dancing can help release pent-up emotions. It’s a healthy way to escape stressors, and you also get the endorphins that come from exercise if you sweat it out. 10. Stretch. It feels good, it’s good for you and it slows you down. 11. Take a bath. Bubbles and dim lighting can create a relaxing atmosphere. Wine optional. 12. Schedule acupuncture. A quiet dimly lit room and those tiny needles placed in your skin is an ancient Chinese practice thought to foster natural healing and boost immunity. 13. Savor a glass of wine. Feet propped up of course. 14. Pray. 15. Listen to mantras. Repetitive sounds and positive sentences can reach the unconscious mind. Chant, listen to mantras or repeat them to yourself. 16. Hike for the exercise benefits and the calming landscape. 17. Get a full body massage. 18. Try your hand at art. Paint. Color in an adult coloring book. Shape clay. Hands-on expression is a healthy outlet for stress. 19. Clean. Vigorous cleaning can give you a sense of accomplishment and order. 20. Walk dogs. Two in one—walking and the calming effects of spending time with a pooch you love. Bonus. 21. Count. The repetitive mundane task of counting can distract your mind when it goes to a worrisome place. 22. Sit on the patio. When is the last time you sat just to relax and do nothing? 23. Run. They call it runner’s high for a reason. There’s something magical about being able to lace up your shoes anywhere, open a door and go. 24. Punch a punching bag. Release stress through physical exertion. 25. Organize. Let’s face it. Stress is often caused by situations that feel out of our control. Organizing puts us back in the control seat and brings on the calm. 26. Talk therapy. A professional can help you process and rethink your beliefs. Gain new insights that empower you to defeat stress. 27. Talk to friends. Social connectedness is directly related to our mental and physical health. 28. Sleep. Sleep is part of the big three—with the other two being nutritious food and exercise. Go for eight hours, even if you’ve tried to convince yourself you only need six. 29. Hug. Give them freely. Accept them regularly. 30. Reduce caffeine, alcohol or sugar. Consciously decide when you will have any of the three to regulate consumption. Overindulging can amp up stress. 31. Cuddle with your significant other. Physical intimacy reminds us that we aren’t in this alone. 32. Garden. Flowers, vegetables or spices—make your choice to occupy your hands in the earth to feel grounded. 33. Replay fond memories like little movies in your mind. 34. List gratitude. Ask yourself what’s good right now. Train your brain to notice everything that’s going right in your life. 35. Journal. Get what’s churning in your head on paper. It’s just cathartic and often the process leads to solutions. 36. Smile. 37. Do one nice thing for someone. It’s human nature to help and it feels good for the receiver and the giver. 38. Go fishing. 39. Try a mental shift. Realize you and your significant other are on the same side. Next time you get agitated about something your “other” has said or done, remind yourself that you’re on the same team. Choose not to react and watch the difference it makes. 40. Pet an animal. The repetitive motion and the loving care will relax you. 41. Go near water—a pond, a lake or an ocean. Listening to or watching water has a soothing effect. 42. Savor a cup of coffee. 43. Listen to a Live Happy Now Podcast. 44. Watch a comedy show. Laughter is the best medicine. 45. Let it go. If you can’t control it or change it, consider letting it go. 46. Try labor rage. Curse like mad at those weeds while you are gardening. 47. Laugh at yourself. Can’t find your keys (again!) or you trip on a curb? Smile and laugh at yourself. We’ve all been there. 48. Burn natural candles to inspire a peaceful environment in your home.

Practice

Give Yourself Permission to Be Passionate

As children, we are told to live our dreams and follow our passions, but as we age, it gets harder to integrate our passions into our busy lives. We get caught up in “adulting,” and engaging in a passion can seem self-indulgent or a waste of precious time from making a living, raising a family or otherwise being successful. But, recent research shows that having a passion is highly beneficial and can improve performance, enhance relationships and support physical and psychological well-being. And not having a passion can lead to a decrease in psychological well-being over time. In short, there are numerous reasons why we want to be passionate, we just need to give ourselves permission to do so. The Definition of Passion Robert Vallerand, Ph.D., is at the forefront of research on passion. In his book The Psychology of Passion he defines the emotion as a “strong inclination for an activity (or object, person or belief) that we love, value, invest time and energy in, and is part of our identity.” Our passions are our “ers”—as in writer, painter, horseback rider. Our “ers” become a part of who we are. What the Research Says About Passion Robert and his colleagues found a strong relationship between having a passion and positive emotions, concentration, flow (Vallerand et al, 2003) and enhanced psychological well-being (Rousseau & Vallerand, 2008). Engaging in your passion has direct health benefits up to three weeks after engaging in the activity. Our energy levels are high when we engage in a passion, and we experience relaxation afterward, which improves functioning. This is why having a passion promotes performance in many areas of life. Having a passion can also promote positive relationships, even those that take place outside of the passionate activity (Philippe et al., 2010). A 15-year longitudinal study among hockey players shows how passion supports athletic performance. Compared to regular “practice,” being passionate about the activity has the added benefit of making us happy. Having a passion is also helpful when we go through life transitions, such as retiring. Rather than losing a work identity, we can use passions to engage in and nourish. Giving Ourselves Permission for Passion Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we forget what we are passionate about. I’ve found that when people learn about the well-being benefits, it gives them permission to rediscover their passions. I have experienced this myself. I was a passionate artist as a child; it was a part of my identity and self-expression. When I graduated from high school, I remember looking at the professional artists in New York and I wasn’t able to see myself sustaining my passion for drawing and painting the way they did. I decided to major in psychology and minor in fine art, business and philosophy and vowed that art would always be a part of my life. I would never let myself get too busy to create art. Fast forward from graduation, and 10 years passed since I had picked up a paintbrush! Robert’s research touched me, yet re-engaging my inner artist felt scary. I spent years building my skill and craft. What would happen when I touched my brush to canvas? I studied perspective, colors and techniques for blending and laying down paint. What if I tried and it was all lost? Robert’s research got me painting again. While I don’t yet consider myself a passionate painter who devotes many hours a week to art, I do consider myself a creator. Creating is my passion. I create experiences for people as a speaker and a teacher. My programs, slides and materials used to be my main works of art. Taking the time to doodle, sketch, paint or color felt like wasted time. Now I see how it fuels my success and well-being. Sometimes engaging in passions requires remembering what you loved as a child. Other times, it requires a research study. Do you need permission to find your passion? What will be your first step? _______________________________________________________________

relationships

Sisterhood Is Powerful

My sister Sara and I shared a wall between our bedrooms growing up. We had a secret knock we’d use to say good night to each other: I’d knock first and my sister would knock back. I’m younger than my sister by three years, and her little knock always made me feel safe. If there was a thunderstorm, I’d get scared and drag a blanket down the hall to her room. “Can I sleep in your room?” I’d whisper. “Yes, but on the floor,” she’d whisper back. Adults in midlife now, we laugh about that one. (She couldn’t give me a tiny sliver of her bed?) My sister and I are so different. We live about 1,000 miles apart and our personalities are that far apart, too. I talk too much; she’s shy. No one would know we are sisters; we are adopted and don’t look alike. While we don’t share genetics or personality type, we do share something powerful—sisterhood. Now science is even backing up this premise. A 2015 study from De Montfort University in the U.K. showed that “the presence of a female sibling may be a protective factor…improving family relationships and increasing self-efficacy, optimism and perceived social support.” This could not have been more true in my case. Sisterhood is a fierce bond. I could be my sister’s publicist in life. I love her and I’ve always looked up to her. She’s smart (high school valedictorian, educated at Harvard) but she would never tell you because she’s also humble. I feel fiercely loyal to my sister because we shared a tumultuous childhood that revolved around an alcoholic parent. We both had to enter adulthood with burdens to overcome, and that shared experience resulted in a stronger bond. My sister told me once, “You have never let me down.” And I responded, “You are my sister.” By which I meant, no matter what happens in our lives, I know she understands my past because it was hers, too. I don’t have to fill in the blanks for her or explain who I am, she just knows. Our connection is strong and comforting. Sisters have shared experience. When Sara and I were kids, I would take clothes out of her purple-beaded closet without asking. As sisters do, she’d yell at me for stretching out her clothes or ruining them. She’d read books in her bedroom and I’d slip notes under the crack in her door to make her laugh again and forgive me. We shared the levity of childhood—flashlight tag, long bike rides to the lake and road trips. And we also shared in the heaviness of adulthood—when we gathered around my mom’s bed on her last day of life. During every part of life, we have leaned on each other. Sisters are your tribe. At 26, I found my birth family and learned I had married birth parents and a birth sister. Gulp. When I finally met my birth sister, Jen, in the flesh, it was like looking in a mirror. Two redheads, two talkers. Two people who love to laugh and be the life of the party. Our connection was instant and easy. We didn’t have to share a past—we immediately got one another. Sisters are like that. A sister’s presence is powerful. When I am around either of my sisters, I feel happier. We all live in different states but we share an invisible connection beyond geography. Life is in session when we’re together. We relate. Sisters make you feel like you aren’t experiencing the highs and lows of life alone. With a sister, you always feel like you have a home base where you can draw strength, where someone is always in your corner. Sisters get personal. Even though my sister Sara is a quiet person, we still share everything and hash things out together. Swapping stories and venting gives us both a healthy outlet to process emotions and get feedback. This kind of expression also happens to foster well-being. Sisters look out for one another. My daughters are twin 5-year-olds. By watching their sisterhood play out before me, I notice how often they look out for each other, even at this young age. Sure, they tell on each other, but the sisterly love, generosity and consideration for one another seems innate. In separate preschool classes, they check in on each other on the playground. They shriek and chase each other around the house and prevent each other from falling asleep at night with their antics. Each will come up to me and say, “Mom, sister needs you.” I’m so happy they have each other. Sisterhood is powerful indeed.

relationships

The Happiest City in America

Ask some of the happiest people in Boulder, Colorado, why the city is so full of joy and their answers might surprise you. For one thing, despite the idyllic postcards, the city isn’t picture perfect. Boulder residents acknowledge its challenges, from a lack of diversity to high housing prices. But each of them has found the path to personal contentment, and it seems their closest friends and neighbors have, too. “It’s a good place to get happy,” says Ralph Noistering, a property owner and manager. “There are optimistic people to bearound.” Experts agree. National Geographic, Gallup and author Dan Buettner recently named Boulder the happiest city in America, citing its natural beauty, adventurous spirit and friendly people. Here’s what the locals have to say on why Boulder is bursting with bliss: Free to be you and me—together A sense of belonging is the single most important factor to contentment, according to Isabella Arendt, analyst at Denmark’s The Happiness Research Institute. “What makes us happy is our friends and family and loved ones,” Isabella says. “It doesn’t matter what you gather around, as long as yougather.” The social networking site Meetup has hundreds of Boulder-area groups, for everything from knitting to stand-up comedy. Boulder’s Craigslist is also full of options for connecting withpeople. And nothing is too out there. In part because of its hippie roots, Boulder has a reputation for attracting the offbeat. Chances are, whatever you’re into, someone has been into something even morebizarre. “You don’t have to feel uncomfortable here,” says Alexander Halpern, an attorney and president of the city’s Buddhist credit union. “We like weird.” Healing waters Perhaps because of the city’s large constituency of Buddhists—including Buddhist university Naropa—Boulder has become a haven of healing. Therapists, yoga teachers and reiki practitioners are plentiful; concepts like self-care are well trodden in casual conversation. There are a lot of people in Boulder working to exorcise their demons, said Kim Thomas, a local therapist at the Boulder Psychotherapy Institute. While that might negatively affect their present mood—“It’s hard and it’s painful work,” she said—the end result is a more peaceful existence. Body movin’ Boulderites are as good at caring for their bodies as they are their minds. The high altitude and challenging terrain draw athletes of all stripes, and physical activity is practiced as both a daily ritual and a leisure activity. Three hundred days of sunshine a year doesn’t hurteither. “It’s so easy to go climbing or trail running,” says Laura Hockenbury, a sales associate at Boulder REI who gave a TED talk about the benefits of being kind to retail workers. Her customers and co-workers frequently ask her how she can be so happy. “Five minutes and you’re in the mountains.” Trickle-down happiness What begs mention in the same breath as Boulder’s natural landscapes are the efforts to preserve access to them. Trails for biking and hiking are plentiful; there are green spaces around nearly every corner. They exist in no small part because of the citizens’ strong will to fund projects for the public good. Though not everybody enjoys Boulder’s $70,000 median income, anyone can enjoy a stroll by Boulder Creek or an exhibit at the Dairy Arts Center, which taxpayers have helped fund for many years. People are willing to put in their time, too: Residents of Boulder are twice as likely to volunteer than the average American, according to the Boulder County Trends report. “If you have a culture of generosity—whether it’s through the state or through private philanthropists—it has a positive effect on everybody’s happiness,” Isabella says. “Generosity is something that makes usevenhappier.” Five ways you can bring a bit of Boulder into your life Be polite. Boulderites love to chat up their cashiers, and traffic is notably mellow. Take time to say “hi” or let a fellow motorist cut in. Exercise. “Move a little every day,” says The Happiness Research Institute’s Isabella Arendt. Bonus points for replacing your car commute with walking or biking, which is proven to boost joy. Strolling to lunch, coffee or for a business meeting works, too. Establish a routine. Alex Halpern, a Tibetan Buddhist, shares a common mantra: The product of discipline is joy. Local property manager Ralph Noistering applies this to his social life as well. He has standing weekly dates with his best friend and his daughter, making those relationships a priority. Give back. Donating time or money creates double happiness, Isabella says: Once for the person giving, and once for thepeople on the receiving end. Do what you love. Even if it’s only one thing, find a way. Kim Thomas never misses a season of adaptive skiing, something she looks forward to allyear.

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