Facebook-square Twitter Instagram Pinterest Youtube
  Español

Search Results for: relationships

Two women looking at computer
work

Embracing Conflict Management for a Happier Workplace

To create a harmonious environment in your organization, you have to reduce the number of conflicts among team members. You can do this by speaking to and understanding each employee's concerns. Not fully knowing or understanding why a conflict happened can result in additional issues later. Before your workplace develops into a breeding ground for frequent arguments and clashes between employees, you should begin implementing conflict management. Authorities within your company should establish a system for dealing with and handling employees who cannot work together. Here is how your organization can begin the process of embracing conflict management. Find The Source of the Conflict Before approaching team members, it is a good idea first to figure out why the conflict occurred. Supervisors should investigate the workplace circumstances, any involved team members, and review any evidence leading up to the conflict. This can help reveal how relationships began to degrade and prevent team members from placing the blame on one another. Create a Safe Space to Talk Conflicts can’t be resolved by shaming individuals. Instead of taking sides or placing the blame on specific team members, you should create a safe space to speak to them in private. You can speak to each involved employee in private and as a group to help assess the situation. In private, team members can be honest about how they feel without feeling coerced to act a certain way. Listen to Everyone Every employee plays a part in an organization’s success, which means that leaders within the company should actively listen to each person. This can also help reduce conflict because everyone’s voice is heard. Hearing each employee’s concerns and finding a solution for them will be one of the initial steps to a resolution. Figure Out Where Things Went Wrong After an authority figure checks each employee’s complaint, they can then address the problem. From inflammatory emails to angry verbal exchanges, the supervisors must review all the activities that occurred during the conflict. Getting information from witnesses and reviewing any evidence will help company leaders pinpoint how the conflict began. An employee’s anger may have stemmed from one team member being poorly trained. They may feel they are more skilled and competent, making them impatient toward a less skilled worker. If this is an issue, the poorly performing team member can be trained to create better outcomes. Create a Common Goal Conflict management needs to get all employees to work together as a coherent team. This means that a common goal must be established so that everyone understands why they are working together. Reminding team members of that common goal will be important to helping them establish stronger working relationships. Employees who don’t understand where they fit in, lose sight of their purpose, misunderstand what they are supposed to do, or aren’t well-trained enough to deliver the correct results can make team members fall off track. Getting all team members to fit into the workplace culture will help make them more coordinated and motivated. Find a Solution Once senior members of the organization understand the source of the conflict, how the falling apart between team members began, and who was involved, they can develop a solution and implement it. The solution should be well-rounded and not only address one but multiple problems. Additionally, it should seek out the root core of the issue and resolve it. Follow Up Evaluation Even after a workplace conflict has been solved, it is important to maintain and develop workplace relationships. Employees should be evaluated over time and invited to a discussion to review how they have changed since the conflict resolution. Productivity should be reviewed, and employees can give feedback on how leadership is doing. This can build a healthy culture that reduces overall conflict within your organization. How Do Conflict Management Specialists Get Rid of Issues in My Company? You can learn more about how conflict management works and whether it is the right step for your organization. Speak to an experienced team to help benefit your organization and increase performance.
Read More
Live Happy Impact on Adult Bullying Children's Brain Development
science

The Impact of Adult Bullying on Children’s Developing Brains

We prefer to talk about child-to-child bullying. Even though it’s a horrendous and serious crisis, it’s still a comfortable topic. However, we become quickly uncomfortable when anyone raises the issue of adult bullying. Advances in brain science have provided us with new understanding that can give us the courage to talk about adults who bully children. Not long ago, we did not believe a concussion was a problem. In fact, we saw it as a badge of honor for an athlete to go back into competition and show his team and coach what he was made of. We now know that concussions are actually serious brain injuries and must be recovered and repaired before an athlete returns to play. Likewise, we now know that all forms of bullying and abuse can do serious harm to the brain. This includes: neglecting, ignoring, refusing feedback, walking out on someone, ghosting, excluding, shaming, blaming, using put downs, humiliating, berating, threatening, yelling, swearing, assaulting and all forms of cyber, sexual, and physical abuse. Extensive, replicated, consensus-building research documents on brain scans how these kinds of bullying behaviors harm the brain. We cannot see the injuries with the naked eye, just like we cannot see the blackening of lungs when individuals smoke. We need a brain scan to make visible the harm to the brain and we need an x-ray to make visible the harm to the lungs. Now that non-invasive technology has revealed to us just how deadly all bullying behaviors are to our brains, we need to change how we conduct ourselves. Adults — especially those in positions of trust and power over children, such as parents, teachers, and coaches — need to lead the charge. Children’s brains are developing and vulnerable. They are extremely sensitive due to their developmental stages especially from 0 to 5 and from 13 to 25 years. A teen or twenty-something may look like an adult, but their brains are not yet mature and they have heightened sensitivity to their environment and peer relationships. In a positive, psychologically and physically safe, caring environment, adolescent brains will flourish. In a toxic, psychologically or physically dangerous, bullying environment, their brains will struggle and may suffer damage. It can be difficult for adults to recognize that they are bullying children and youth. It is challenging because we’ve been raised in a society that normalizes adult bullying while telling children not to do it. When adults bully, we do rarely hold them accountable. In fact, we are more likely to change our terms when adults bully. We say what they are doing is “motivating, giving tough love, rejecting political correctness, being passionate, refusing to be a wuss, toughening kids up for a tough world, breaking down the victim to build them back up better,” and so on. As a society, on a deep level, we still believe the myth that bullying and abuse are a necessary evil to attain greatness, power, and prestige. Perhaps this is why political leaders in society do not feel compelled to coverup blatant bullying behaviors in public or documented on social media. The myth that bullying is necessary to attain greatness is a myth in the sense that there is no research to back it up. None. In contrast, there is extensive research spanning decades that provides evidence for the long lasting, serious harm to the brain by all forms of bullying and abuse. A quick way for adults to identify if they are bullying children is to compare how they treat kids to how they treat adults in positions of power over them. Do the parents speak and act the same way with their bosses as they do with their children? Does the coach act and speak to the Athletic Director the same way he does to his child athletes? Does the teacher act and speak the same way to the principal as she does to her students? If not, why not? Do children not deserve the same kind of respect and care? Surely they deserve more because they are sensitive and vulnerable and in a massive power imbalance with the adults in their lives. Science has informed us that all forms of bullying and abuse harm brains. Now it’s up to us to take this empowering, inspiring knowledge and change our conduct. We can work together to role-model empathy, thoughtfulness, and compassion so that our child populations learn a new way of being in the world, a far healthier, happier, and more high-performing way, grounded in brain science and advanced through the adults concerned by the normalized bullying in society
Read More
Cat cuddling with it's owner
Lifestyle

7 Happy Benefits of Being a Cat Lover

One of the perks of owning a cat is that you get to have an adorable furball for a friend. But did you know that being a cat lover comes with other numerous psychological benefits? For instance, according to one Australian study, cat owners have better psychological health compared to people who don’t own pets. Also, watching those purr-fect online videos of Sparta cat or Simon’s cat does more than make you laugh. It also improves your mood and mental health according to a recent study published in the journal of Computers in Human Behaviour. Let’s look at more unique benefits of being a cat lover, shall we? 1. Better Sleep If you’re a restless sleeper, maybe you should consider adopting a fur-baby. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly 50% of cat owners invite their felines to bed, and for good reason. Several studies report that sleeping with your feline gives you comfort and a sense of security. Besides, a cat purring can also help soothe you to sleep. So, unless you’re allergic to cats or you have a playful feline who is likely to scratch or punch you every time you change your sleeping position, maybe it’s time you considered allowing your kitty into your bed. 2. Lowers Stress Levels Nothing feels better than a warm soft cuddle from your cat on a cold winter evening. Undoubtedly, cats have a way of making us happy and there is science-backed evidence to prove it. Researchers from Washington State University who used stressed university students as participants in a recent study found out that the students' stress levels reduced when they petted a cat or a dog. Cats have also been used in hospitals and addiction centers as therapeutic pets to reduce stress levels among patients. Chelsea Hudson, a therapist at Chicago-based CitySpace Counselling further explains that cats give unconditional love and can provide a safe escape for people looking to find love or those trying to distract themselves from everyday stressors. The good news is that even if you have a grumpy cat, you can make them love you so that you can enjoy the benefits of petting or cuddling with your pet. 3. Helps You Cope With Grief In addition to relieving stress, cats can help you deal with grief. Your pet offers consistent companionship which can help you deal with feelings of loneliness when you’re grieving. Further, a cat won’t expect you to behave in a certain way which is often the case with human companionship. With your furball, they’re no expectations, which helps you deal with grief more naturally. Besides, cats can be particularly beneficial during times of grief as they’re independent animals. In times of mourning, you may be too overwhelmed to do everyday responsibilities such as taking care of your dog. The good thing about cats is that they don’t need constant care. A cat will also quickly adapt to changes in your routine or behavior without a fuss. 4. Companionship Cats make great companions. They’re adorable, affectionate, and have lots of love to offer. According to one study, having a cat for a pet is almost the same as having a romantic partner. Another survey conducted by Cats Protection, most of the surveyed cat owners noted that their pets were great companions. Due to their affectionate nature, cats will often initiate contact. They also know how to reciprocate kindness and bond with their owners. 5. The Purr Helps Heal Joint Injuries A cat’s purr can lull you to sleep. But did you know that the same sound has healing abilities? Cat purring can lower your stress levels due to the release of endorphins, “the feel-good hormones.” Reduced stress levels translate to a quicker recovery for people with injuries. Moreover, cat purring has a healing effect on injured human bones and muscles. Cat purring is associated with certain sound frequencies that have a healing effect on the human body. It’s believed that sound frequencies that fall between 18-35 HZ have a healing effect on injured bones, tendons and muscles. Since a cat’s purr has a frequency of between 20-140 HZ it’s said to have a positive healing effect on joint injuries. 6. Improves Relationships Pets are a wonderful way to start conversations and meet new people. Although cat owners are believed to be more introverted than dog owners, a recent Carroll University study showed that they’re more open-minded, smart, and sensitive. In yet another study, pet researcher Dr. June Nicolls found that men with cats were perceived to be more attractive, nicer, and more caring by women. 7. Good for Your Health As mentioned earlier, petting your pet helps release oxytocin, “the love hormone,” which helps lower your stress levels. Also, a cat’s purr can help lower your blood pressure and calm your nerves. In a study conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Stroke Institute, the researchers found out that snuggling with your cat reduces your risk of suffering from a heart attack. Cats can also prevent allergies, especially in children. A study published in the Journal of Clinical and Experimental Allergy noted that teenagers that were exposed to cats in their early years were less likely to be allergic to cats. The theory is that due to being exposed to cats at an early age, a child will develop an immune system that can combat different kinds of allergies including cat allergies. There is a ton of scientific evidence showing that being a cat lover has numerous benefits. So, go on and snuggle next to your fur-baby, as it will not only make you feel safe but you’ll also feel loved and happier.
Read More
A family of people playing instruments
Lifestyle

Transcript – Using Music to Understand Emotions With Nadine Levitt

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Using Music to Understand Emotions With Nadine Levitt  [INTRO] [00:00:04] PF: Thank you for joining us for On a Positive Note. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and each month I'm sitting down with a songwriter, recording artist, or music insider to learn how music can lift our spirits and heal our hearts. Music education programs are usually designed to teach students who want to be musicians or music teachers. But today's guest sees music education as a way to teach many other valuable life skills. Nadine Levitt is a mother, former opera singer, and the founder of WURRLYedu, which uses music to teach social-emotional learning skills to children. She sees music as a vehicle for teaching empathy, collaboration, impulse control, and so much more. Today, she's going to tell us how music can help change the way young learners look at the world. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:54] PF: Nadine, welcome to On a Positive Note. [00:00:57] NL: Thank you so much. Thanks so much for having me. [00:01:00] PF: Oh, this is so exciting to have you on the show because you're a perfect fit for everything that we're talking about and everything that On a Positive Note represents. So before we dig into that, let's tell the people a little bit about you. I really am interested in knowing how your background as a music artist has led you into the path of music education. [00:01:21] NL: Yeah. It really is the example that your career these days doesn't have to be a straight line, right? I've been a meandering journey. I've been on – [00:01:29] PF: Those are the best, aren’t they? [00:01:32] NL: Absolutely. So I started actually as an international trade lawyer, but I was an opera singer by night. So I always – I love to sing and a lawyer by day. One day, I just realized that arguing about cheese for the last six years was not making me feel fulfilled or connected, but the singing really was. So I kind of went further. It was actually my now husband, but at the time boyfriend, who really encouraged me to pursue the singing again like full time because he'd come home every day, and I'd be singing for two and a half hours, at least. He said, “If you're serious about it, you should really go back to doing it. You're not getting any younger,” which I didn't really love that comment. But it was true, and so I went and pursued the singing again full time and quit my job and absolutely loved it and actually started of all things in the professional bull riding. I know that sounds a little random. But I had the opportunity to meet Randy Bernard and a few other people at like a dinner, and they asked me to sing, and I'd had a few wine, so I said absolutely. I got up and I sang. They both asked – Well, the people at the table both asked me if I would sing the national anthem, and one of them for Randy Bernard was at the professional bull riding. I jumped at the chance, and I said, “Absolutely. This will be fantastic.” Being in New Zealand, I didn't know the national anthem for America yet, and I had to figure it out. But my – [00:02:56] PF: It’s a tricky one. [00:02:57] NL: I know. The first entree back was actually at Madison Square Garden. [00:03:01] PF: Oh, my gosh. No pressure whatsoever. [00:03:03] NL: No pressure, exactly. So right before it went on, somebody said to me, “Don't forget the words. Everyone forgets the words.” So that was kind of a cruel thing to do. I started really my career, and I ended up touring with a professional ball riding a little bit, and I got to sing Nessun Dorma. Then when Randy went to Indi 500, he had me sing on the main stage of the Indi 500. So it was like really amazing, and I got more and more sports sort of opportunities and then started doing my own shows of the wine tasting shows, and finally got the opportunity to sing with – To meet with, I should say, David Foster. I've been wanting – [00:03:36] PF: Oh, my gosh. [00:03:37] NL: I've been wanting to meet him forever because I thought he would absolutely understand what I'm about. I really wanted to democratize and sort of make it less exclusive, make opera less exclusive and more inclusive and fun and a little bit different. He absolutely I thought we would understand that, and he did. Finally, I got to meet him through a friend of mine. Honestly, I didn't believe that they could give me this intro, but they did. They really came through, and they said, “You have 20 minutes with him.” I was with him for I think three hours, and he asked me what I was doing that night. Of course, I said nothing, even though I was supposed to be going to a friend's wedding rehearsal dinner. [00:04:17] PF: You could have missed the wedding for that. [00:04:19] NL: I know. I know. I was like, “Nothing, nothing.” [00:04:20] PF: I'll catch the next one. [00:04:22] NL: Exactly. He asked me if I'd sing that night at a show, so that was amazing. Then I got to do more and more with him and his whole crew and got to sing in Canada, all over the show. It was really fantastic. Then, of course, I had kids, and the last thing I wanted to do was be on the road anymore. But that ultimately led me to – I still saying. But I think when you're not recording, I remember talking to me sort of manager at the time, and he said, “Look, if you're not going to be touring, you don't really get to have a career, and that's because it doesn't work that way.” I ended up doing one more show where I was doing. It was for a vocal health benefit, and I was opening for Steven Tyler. He had said to me if I can – He asked me to sing one of his songs but in my own opera way. It was that moment, actually, and he won't even probably remember this, but it was a huge moment in my life because that was when I realized I'd been asked to sing these songs quite a lot, and I couldn't just take an karaoke backing track and sort of make it my own. Because every time I tried to do that, all I could hear was this sort of very iconic version. [00:05:27] PF: Sure, yeah. [00:05:28] NL: Anything that I tried to do with that sounded really cheesy, just really terrible, the epitome of sort of Popper, if you please. It just wasn't sounding authentic to me, and so I thought about it, and I said, “Well, really, music is about self-expression.” So it's interesting that there's nothing out there that’s kind of, I guess, an Instagram but for music that allows you to take a song, break it down into what I call campfire mode, which is a guitar or a piano, and choose your own instrumentation. Choose your own key or your own speed. If you're a girl singing a guy song, generally speaking, it's always in the wrong key. Or if you want to make it mean something different, it’s amazing how just changing the tempo can really influence the song and the delivery. I basically made this. Let's call it a karaoke on steroids product that allowed us to do all of those things. It was that product, WURRLY, which ended up getting into schools for some reason because as people were learning songs, they wanted to slow it down. As I said, if they were singing a guy song, they just wanted to be a little bit more creative with it. [00:06:36] PF: Okay. I’m going to interrupt because I want to come back to WURRLY. But I have to know, first of all, what Steven Tyler song did you sing? [00:06:44] NL: Oh, Crazy. [00:06:46] PF: Really? Really? [00:06:48] NL: Yeah. [00:06:48] PF: That had to be just an incredible experience. What was the audience doing when they heard your rendition of it? [00:06:57] NL: I could see him watching, which was kind of crazy, right? He was – I could see him grinning from ear to ear, so that was pretty amazing. The audience, they were super supportive. I don't know. I always feel like that's where you get your energy from in live shows. I just love watching their faces. [00:07:13] PF: I think what really strikes me about your whole story is what a beautiful example of when you are supposed to be doing something, the path will appear. You take the steps, and it just unfolds in front of you. It doesn't mean you didn't put in a whole lot of work. But the way that it happened, it's not supposed to happen that way. If someone had written a book, and this is the path, they would have said, “Okay, that's fiction there.” There's no way it ever happens like that. [00:07:41] NL: It's so true, and it felt like that. Actually, that awareness came through while these sort of random events kept happening. I still feel like that because I think other people might not see it all connected. I see everything that I've done has been incredibly connected because every single part of my career from law, to the singing, and all the relationships that I've made, have really now influenced the way that I problem-solve in education. It’s also what allows me to bring all these different people in to, for example, help teachers with PD Reimagined. With all the things that we're doing with WURRLYedu, it’s all working in a really beautiful way together. [00:08:25] PF: Yeah, yeah. I can see how it's just so interwoven. When you step back and look at it, it's like, “Oh, yeah. That's a beautiful tapestry, and everything fits together as it should.” So I think that is absolutely amazing. So you started WURRLY. As you said, you were a lawyer, so you're like, “This could have some challenges.” [00:08:45] NL: I was already sitting on a couple of different education boards, so I would go to classrooms, actually, because of those boards and trying to see what worked, what programs worked, what didn't work. I noticed people using WURRLY in the classrooms, and that's kind of what got me excited and also a little worried. I do remember saying to a couple people. I said, “I'm going to build something specific to education, and it'll just be a little side thing, and it'll just be something that's just a safer version of WURRLY.” But I fell way down that rabbit hole, way down that rabbit hole. I got really excited by it because I started to really be driven by the impact we could have. I noticed very early that there was this sort of conflict in the sense that we don't teach English to be a writer or math to be a mathematician or science to be a scientist. Yet in schools, for some reason, at the very, very outset, we only teach music to be a musician. [00:09:46] PF: Oh, interesting. [00:09:48] NL: I just thought, “Wow, that seems to set you up for failure because not every person is going to have the interest or drive to be a musician.” I really dislike it when people start to say, “I'm not musical,” because anyone that actually listens to music and has an opinion about music and enjoys music and can talk about it is innately musical. I also noticed that music is one of these fundamentally sort of human – It has these reactions to it, in the sense that music makes us feel things, right? The reason it does that often is when you think about the physicality of it and what's happening to your body, these sound waves are going into our ears. They sort of fiddle around with our eardrums, and our eardrums actually move. It’s the only time that that happens without our brains really having instructed something to move. So our brains are trying to play catch up and make sense of this. That's why it starts to sort of recall other memories and so on and so forth. But it's like a very interesting physiological experience, and it makes us feel things. Because of that, it's a really great place to teach social and emotional skills. [00:10:59] PF: So let's talk about that because I love the fact that you look at music as a way of teaching impulse control, critical thinking, collaboration, all these things that I have not seen that addressed elsewhere. I'm not saying it doesn't exist. I'm just saying I've never seen it. I've never seen anyone approach it like this. So can you talk about some of those skills that music teaches our children? [00:11:23] NL: Yeah. I mean, I think a lot of people think that because it's inherently collaborative, and there's definitely a lot of sort of social-emotional learning happening, my opinion on all this is unless you're purposeful about it, unless you're actually pointing it out and signposting it for kids, it's not going to come across as social and emotional learning. So we just wanted to maximize the learning and think about like how in every situation. What’s the most we can teach you, and what are all the things that we can signpost for you? An example would be if I said, “Hey, Paula. We're going to learn a song.” But if you're not really thinking that you're going to be a musician or you're not interested in that, then subconsciously, all the information that goes in after those words actually goes in the not important right now pile, and it's really, really hard to retain. Whereas if I say, “Hey, Paula. We're going to learn the song,” but this is just problem solving one on one, right? What do we do when we problem solve? Well, we break it down into bite-sized chunks. We recognize patterns. We create a schedule for ourselves as to when we want to complete something by knowing that we're going to have to adjust accordingly. So we do check in with ourselves and adjust our schedule accordingly, and we celebrate our wins along the way. That is problem solving across the board, not just in music. It’s in other areas of your life, right? So it's a transferable skill. All of our lessons, every single thing that we do from youngest elementary, so on and so forth, where we have kids, not just learn an instrument, but instead just say, “What music do you already like,” and take something that they are already familiar with and enjoy, and let them dig a little deeper through musical concepts to understand why they connect with it. We still teach about rhythm and tempo and dynamics and all these sort of musical concepts, harmony, melody. We teach them about those concepts but in relation to what they already know and love, if that makes sense. [00:13:25] PF: Yeah. It is so interesting. What have you seen in children when they start using this program? [00:13:32] NL: Well, it becomes fun, right? I think it engages their authentic curiosity because I think we've been really conscious of the fact that we don't want it to be in a silo of like, “Here's your one hour for social and emotional learning.” No, right? No, it's integrated and woven into our lives. So simply asking questions like, “What emotions do you think are being reflected in the song,” and letting kids take ownership in that and start talking about what they hear and why, there's not a huge gap then between what they already know and what they've been taught. I think curiosity requires a couple of things. One, it has to have some kind of prior knowledge. You can't have curiosity for something that is so far away from anything that you know. You kind of just – It’s too hard. Whereas if you have some kind of prior knowledge in the gap between what you already know and what you are learning, it’s not that significant that it's scary, right? But it is challenging. It's the right balance between support and challenge, so to speak. That becomes something that then builds your curiosity, and it becomes a cycle with its own life force. When you go down a rabbit hole, that's basically what's happening. [00:14:49] PF: So when someone's using WURRLY, are they teaching music or are they teaching life skills? [00:14:55] NL: Well, it's both, right? So we have general educators, and then a lot of elementary teachers are general educators. It is pretty turnkey so that teachers don't need to necessarily be music teachers. Some modules require a little bit more of that skill. We have, for example, ukulele lessons. We have an amazing partnership all the way through middle school and high school with 1500 Sound Academy, which is all recording and engineering. We have music business, artist branding. So it's career technical sort of education at that higher level. But, again, in every single lesson, we provide the opportunity for teachers to point out, these are the social and emotional skills that you're learning, blogging, and podcasting. Here are the social and emotional skills that you're learning, and we signpost it in the moment. It's more really so that we maximize the learning. It can also be a general educator who's using music. I should say the arts and video in an integrated way. So I feel very strongly that experiential learning is very successful, and it's really deep learning. But experiential learning requires us to also reflect on something. In most settings, how can you truly, truly reflect on something accurately without having recorded it? [00:16:12] PF: Oh, interesting. [00:16:14] NL: We have a full step learning process of inspire, practice, record, reflect. So the kids, they really see this as a really fun experience where they get to learn something, but it's always something inspiring, something that is relevant to them. Then from there, they get to make it their own. Practice whatever the skill is that they're learning or new information, right? It might be a science thing. It might be the difference between living and nonliving things. But then we'll give you – Instead of just having the definition, we'll give you a rap song where you can rote learn the definition for what is a living and a nonliving thing, but then also give you the space to make a music video where there's gaps where you get to test yourself and really apply your own knowledge. Then, of course, when you watch that back, you're learning it not just while you're doing it, but you're learning it again when you watch yourself because it's so shocking to see yourself. It’s much deeper learning. I think the retention is much longer. [00:17:13] PF: How do parents respond to this? Because this is so revolutionary, and I can see that it would have such a profound impact on the students. So what are the parents saying when they see their children learning these other subjects unrelated to music, seemingly, and really thriving and growing? [00:17:31] NL: Well, so far, we've had only positive feedback, only positive feedback. So interestingly, right before the pandemic, I think we were a little ahead of our time, in the sense that we require Internet, number one. A lot of schools didn't have Internet in the classrooms. They might have had it in the staff rooms or in certain rooms, but they didn't have Internet in the classrooms. A lot of that has changed. Staff, also, I think teachers these days are much more adept at technology. But one of the things that we noticed during the pandemic, and we've had a mental health crisis looming, even pre-pandemic. It was just exacerbated by the pandemic, I think. What's been interesting is this concept of self-expression. So, yes, we have all the lesson plans that are teacher-led. In every aspect, we never want to replace the teacher. We just want to enhance the teacher's experience and make it easier for the teacher in the classroom. But we also do through the recording, and we have the largest popular music catalog in K-12 education or fully licensed. So these kids can go and create their own things, either with a blank track or with one of our tracks or with any of these license songs. We have videos there that teachers can share with artists teaching kids how to do a certain skill, whether it's an instrumental or otherwise. So I think it is something that parents see as being something that brings joy and energy. To me, that should be the goal of all education. We should be fostering this sort of concept of a lifelong learner in celebrating curiosity. [00:19:06] PF: I 100% agree with that. Another thing that struck me as you're talking, anxiety has been so high. Like you said, mental health was not good before the pandemic, and anxiety and depression just skyrocketed during the pandemic. So how can music help in terms of that? How can it help children become more at ease in the world around them because things are still in upheaval? There's still so much turmoil and anxiety going on. So how can that music help them? [00:19:37] NL: Well, it's interesting. Let me just back up a little bit. So I think one of the things that can happen with emotions, and I do a lot of work with emotions very specifically, is that challenging emotions like anxiety and so forth and the groups that come with anxiety, there's lots of emotions there, can absolutely hijack our brains. So the hippocampus of our brain, the part that basically controls the going in and out of information, the retention and recall of information can only ever inhabit one task at a time. You can think of it as having a waiting room, so there's different tasks that can be in the waiting room and dip in and out and dip in and out. But it's not at any one time there's only one thing, one task for that hippocampus. So when you have these really challenging emotions like anxiety that's taking over like all these big emotions that are taking over your brain, your hippocampus, there is no way that you can actually intake any other information or recall any other information. A good example of that is, for example, grief. So when you're feeling grief, you might read the same paragraph 30 times and still not retain a single thing. So the biggest thing is you have to – A, there's a cycle to these. That whatever is driving those really big emotions, you have to interrupt that cycle, right? Whatever is causing you to feel overwhelmed, overwhelmed is just a drowning out of our nervous system because all those really big challenging emotions are vying for attention. So you have to break the cycle somehow. Music is an amazing way to break that cycle. So to interrupt the cycle, I should say, and stop the drive of these super challenging emotions. The reason it does that is because it makes us feel things. So even if we're feeling a certain emotion, if we listen to certain songs, it will get our attention and interrupt whatever we're feeling with something different. Now, one of the exercises that we do with WURRLYedu is we have kids think about all the different emotions that they're feeling regularly in a given, I don't know, week, month. We try to have sort of at least 15 emotions that they're exploring, which is, by the way, a really high number, considering a lot of people think of four or five. [00:21:57] PF: Yeah. We have the basic five. That’s like the food groups or something. [00:22:00] NL: Exactly. So it's already stretching it there. But then what we do is we have kids pair each emotion with a song. Now, they have what we call an emotional playlist. [00:22:12] PF: Oh, I love this. [00:22:12] NL: They can explore like what does it feel like to go from one to another to another because sometimes, like if you're really frustrated and angry and feeling misunderstood, or there's so many different emotions that might go with that, and then you listen to a super happy, confident song, you're going to be irritated by it. But if you start to nudge, like you can create a spectrum of things that you'd love to feel it and see what goes kind of together, and you can create yourself a little landscape for your playlist, and you can start exploring what it feels like to move between these different songs. It’s a bit like a remote control, where you start to be able to say, “Okay, if I'm really sad, it's important for me to identify and acknowledge my feelings right now or anxiety. I'm feeling really anxious. It's important for me to acknowledge it and think about what it might be signposting for me. But at the same time, I can move out of it.” There are ways to interrupt those cycles, and create space around it. So imagine how great it would be to put on music and just dance, right? Or put on music and just sing and just let yourself really feel certain emotions because you do, I think, healthy processing of emotions. You have to allow yourself to feel things and let them be there, and that's okay, right? The more that we tend to repress emotions, the more that we try to ignore our emotions, the harder it is, I think. The longer they'll be there. That's a whole another subject. But I think music is a wonderful way to interrupt the cycles of emotions. Remember, emotions come in waves, so anxiety and stress. I think there are definitely ways to use music to put us in certain moods. [00:24:05] PF: I love what you're doing. This is just absolutely fascinating and so well needed. The skills that you are teaching our children and young people, this is just amazing, and I wish it had been around. I wish you had done this 40 years ago. [00:24:21] NL: Thank you. [00:24:22] PF: But we talked about it in schools. What about parents that are listening and maybe their schools don't offer this? Is there a way that they can utilize some of these tools? [00:24:31] NL: Absolutely. Any parent can actually log on and be a teacher. So it's free to anyone to use, until you want the recording functionality because the recording is only through the student portal. But if you just have the teacher portal, it's actually free to use. So any parents, any teacher can go to WURRLYedu. So they can go and explore. Again, it's a great way, even just for the lessons. We have the practice video in there, so you still get to see all the cool filters and stickers and stuff that you can put in that studio. We try to make it feel very much like a recording studio. [00:25:06] PF: I think if people use this as a family, I think this could be so changing because, like I said, right now, there's a lot of anxiety. There's a lot of things going on with people and because of everything going on in the world. What a great tool for families to move through these emotions together. [00:25:25] NL: Absolutely, absolutely. [00:25:27] PF: Wow. Nadine, what you've done is absolutely incredible. I'm so glad that you came on and talked about this. I'm excited to share the links and more information on our landing page and let people know about you. What is the main thing that you really hope people take away from this conversation and from using WURRLYedu? [00:25:46] NL: I think it's that awareness, right? Mindfulness is just an awareness and I think encouraging people to be mindful when they're listening to music or playing music. Like really trying to be aware of how it makes you feel, what, and why, I think those are the big things. How does it make you feel and why? How can you use it for all those different – Like what are all the skills that you could be developing and trying to be really purposeful about signposting it for yourself or for your kids? All those skills like collaboration, problem solving, self-management, planning, self-awareness, emotional regulation, things like that. There are so many pieces to this that unless they're signposted, kind of get wasted. So I just want to encourage people to try and optimize it a little bit in a fun way. [00:26:36] PF: That's terrific. Nadine, again, thank you for being on the show and for all the fantastic work that you're doing and really changing the world with music. [00:26:45] NL: Oh, thank you so much for having me. It's been a pleasure. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:26:49] PF: That was Nadine Levitt, talking about how music education can teach critical life skills to young learners. If you'd like to learn more about Nadine and WURRLY edu or any of her other programs, just visit livehappy.com and click on the podcast link. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of On a Positive Note and look forward to joining you again next month. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]
Read More
Young woman typing on her computer with her dog at her side
work

5 Ways to Build Your Hope Skills at Work

The world getting you down? Need a boost of hope? Best-selling author Admiral William McRaven may have the answer: Make your bed. Simple? Yes. Too simple? No. Let me explain. The definition of hope is often misinterpreted as wishful thinking. “I hope I get rich.” “I hope I get promoted.” “I hope I get married.” But hope, according to world-renowned psychologist C.R. Snyder, Ph.D., is believing that we can create a pathway to our goals. When we wish for something, it is left up to luck or happenstance. When we hope, we set goals and achieve them. We don’t wish to get rich, we set a path to finding a career that makes us happy and successful. We don’t wish to get promoted, we communicate our goals with our boss and agree to a way to achieve them. We don’t wish to get married, we put ourselves out there and foster enduring relationships. Simply explained, we make our own luck. So, back to the bed theory. How can making your bed every day be tied to increasing hope? When you accomplish small tasks at the start of your day, you increase self-effi­cacy, a key trait to building up hope. If you believe you have the capacity and the tools to accomplish a small task, you trick your brain into believing it can achieve bigger, more challenging tasks. Making your bed may seem inconsequential in the moment, but when you add up these small wins over the course of the day, the week, the year, it has a significant impact on how con­ dent you feel about yourself and your ability to follow through on commitments. Building hope habits at work is hugely valuable in a place where procrastination and distraction are major barriers to engagement and productivity. So, what happens when hope is at risk in the workplace? According to David Whiteside, Ph.D., director of organizational insights for Plasticity Labs, when the highest performing employees lose hope that the organization is going to improve, it can lead to burnout. “In strong cultures, engaged employees practice citizenship behaviors. The goal of these targeted actions is to improve the organization they love, for example, they work on weekends on special projects that inspire them,” he says. “In weak cultures, engaged employees are blindly hoping that if they put in extra effort, it may turn things around, for example, they work on weekends to make up for the low performance of their colleagues.” David believes hope is tied to happiness and well-being in the workplace. “Basically, without hope that their efforts will make a difference, engaged employees in a weak culture can experience a signi­ficant decline in their well-being over time,” he says. There is a way to solve this, and it’s easier than you think. You can start by setting smaller, realistic goals that are achievable daily and tied to a bigger purpose that isn’t measured quarterly or annually. Hope is a skill that is built over time, incrementally, and is more likely to yield positive results if it’s celebrated regularly. I believe we need to get better at building hope into every day. Five Tips to Build Your Hope Skills Aside from making your bed every day as the admiral suggests, here are a few other tactics to increase hope at work and at home to lead a happier, healthier and higher-performing life. Set a WOW goal. What have you been putting off? Force yourself to tackle a project that can be completed Within One Week. Our brains love checking tasks off lists, particularly if our procrastination has stopped us from tackling that project for longer than we’d like to admit. Make this week the week you complete one of those goals. It may be cleaning out y our closet, or sending in your expenses—whatever it is, get it done before Sunday comes. Make every success matter. You’re presenting to the leadership team? Don’t view success as a fully prepared presentation. Instead, be proud when you come up with the first rough draft. Even a title slide is a great start. Every step toward your end goal should count. Say thank you. Hope is contagious. Start spreading it. Know someone who has been dealing with a challenging life event or someone who just needs a lift? Write a note of appreciation on a Post-it and stick it on that person’s desk. Don’t take credit, just let hope take root and see what happens. Take a break. As David noted, when we go above and beyond and aren’t feeling acknowledged for that work, we may be at risk of burnout. For high-performing people, it can be hard to let something go at work or at home, but sometimes we have to. Take a day off and recharge—a mental health day is just as important as a vacation day. Get perspective. We all lose sight of the significance of our problems. That is completely OK. We should never feel guilty for any feeling we experience. However, sometimes it’s being selfless that is the most selfish act we can engage in. Researchers claim that giving back is highly correlated to happiness and longevity. It gives us hope by reminding us that our singular efforts can impact a person, and hopefully with a ripple effect, can change the world. If all else fails, heed Admiral William McRaven’s advice, “If by chance you have a miserable day, you’ll come home to a bed that is made. That you made. And a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better.” This article originally appeared in the October 2018 edition of Live Happy magazine. Jennifer Moss is the co-founder of Plasticity Labs and best-selling author of Unlocking Happiness at Work. She’s a happiness researcher and thought leader on the topics of emotional intelligence and organizational performance as well as a contributor to Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC, National Post and Huffington Post.
Read More
Distressed woman with her face in her hands
Self-Care

Overcoming Anxiety in an Anxious World

I used to suffer from chronic overthinking. A couple years ago I went through a mini phase of extreme paranoia. I found myself rabbit-holing down a deep, dark path of doomsday predictions. Everything from potential volcano eruptions or major 9.0 earthquakes, tsunamis, meteor strikes, killer bugs, more pandemics, losing everything I had worked for, to nefarious leaders with dark agendas, and robot takeovers—every day was filled with, “What is going to rear its ugly head today and try to harm us?” When the alien invasion started to be a very real possibility in my mind, I realized all logical reasoning had gone out the door. I was deep in it, manipulated by conniving fear, all under the guise of, “I am being prepared and educating myself.” I told myself I was getting ready for the next big thing that could happen, not realizing that this was full-blown fear that had manifested itself into a preparation project. I’ve seen in my own private coaching practice and in doing research for my book Return to You: 11 Spiritual Lessons for Unshakable Inner Peace, that so many of us do this, chronic overthinking, especially when things are uncertain. Since we don’t have control over anything outside of us, we tend to worry our days away trying to maintain control of our inner world. This causing more anxiety and prevents us from feeling safe. Overthinking means that you dwell on an event, a person, a feeling or an idea so much, that it completely consumes your thoughts and can ever ruin your relationships and personal wellbeing. To stop the chronic worry, I started to turn to my spirituality and daily routine. Practicing mindfulness and compassion was key to transforming the fear into faith with love. It is all about intention. We can fill our days with worry and fear-based thoughts, or we could choose hope, happiness, and love; we can unplug from the “system,” that promotes separation and worry and stop consuming so much fear-filled media, and instead drop into my heart. We may feel hopeless and powerless against the negative forces in the world, but we have more power than we’ve been taught to believe. Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” So maybe instead of worrying the easiest path forward is to shift our perspective from worry to wonder. These steps can help. Step 1: Drop from your head into your heart. Our thoughts are powerful directives. They will either help us or hurt us, depending on where we give our attention. The mind will analyze, judge, blame, and try to make sense of the world, but your heart trusts, allows, and loves. There is no point in trying to change the world, but there is a point in changing your thoughts about the world, and this happens when we drop from our head into our heart. It’s often been said that our thoughts create our outcome, so if this is the case, we must ask ourselves what we are thinking and projecting about the current situation. If something is causing you dis-ease, go inward to your heart and see what your thoughts are about that situation. Feel your feelings and recognize where you’ve been trapped in fear or blame. We can escape our pain by giving up all thoughts that are derived from attack, blame, or shame. We are never trapped in the world we live in, because as soon as we shift our thoughts, we can change our experience. Step 2: Turn your resistance into assistance. Instead of resisting things in your life you don’t like, channel all the energy into assisting. Where can you help others and turn your pain into purpose? Go inward and ask yourself, “What is coming up for me and how can I channel this energy into support for others?” You can stabilize your focus by assisting others and helping those in need. Sometimes we don’t have control of what is happening, but we can take a step to help the world. Instead of festering in your discomfit, shift into action and be of assistance to others. Being of service is the highest form of happiness and will help you stay focused on the big picture—that we are all in this together and we need each other. Step 3: Judge nothing that occurs. Deepak Chopra said, “If you and I are having a single thought of violence or hatred against anyone in the world at this moment, we are contributing to the wounding of the world.” When the world seems to be turned upside down and nothing makes sense, it can be so easy to fall into judgment and blame. With so much angst, there can be a lot of separation. Adopt a mentality of compassion and kindness by practicing nonjudgment and compassion for all. Today, practice nonjudgment with everything you see. As you live in a more neutral state, watch how aspects of yourself and life start to feel better. Step 4: Hold up the energetic mirror. Look at what is triggering you and causing you distress. Hold up the energetic mirror and ask yourself, “How is this showing me what I need to heal within myself?” Your external world is a reflection of your internal state, mirroring the deepest truths of your soul. Use this time to recognize all areas and relationships and situations that feel strained. Heal your past by connecting to it in the present. You have a divine assignment not to take things personally. Look at who and what is triggering you and what it is bringing up for you. When you feel your feelings, you release them, and as you do, you connect to the deeper message they can bring. Using the energetic mirror will help you reconnect with your true self, the pure light and love within. We can choose peace, but it must start on the inside. You can access freedom from fear right here and now. No matter what is happening outside of you in the world, you can be calm in the chaos as your inner world is the only world you truly have control over. Excerpted from Return To You: 11 Spiritual Lessons for Unshakable Inner Peace. Sounds True, April 2022. Reprinted with permission. Shannon Kaiser is a world-renowned spiritual and self-love teacher, speaker and empowerment coach. A bestselling author of five books on the psychology of happiness and fulfillment, she guides people to awaken and align to their true selves so they can live to their highest potential. Shannon's newest book, Return To You: 11 Spiritual Lessons for Unshakable Inner Peace, is a complete guide to Shannon's most effective strategies for tapping your innate wisdom and stepping into your true power. Named among the "Top 100 Women to Watch in Wellness" by mindbodygreen and "your go-to happiness booster" by Health magazine, Shannon lives in Portland, Oregon, with her rescue dog, Chance.
Read More
Live Happy Meaningful Father's Day Quotes
relationships

Meaningful Quotes for Father’s Day from Leading Thinkers, Activists, Athletes and More

Father’s Day offers a time to reflect on both fathers and father-figures who have helped to shape our lives. It’s a wonderful time to reflect on all of those who went the extra mile for us, and whose actions and words are etched into our memories. So often we recall specific gestures and times in the form of things said at special turning points of our lives. Whether we like it or not, emotions often rule our lives and relationships.  But it can be challenging to see them clearly and express them wisely, especially when we need to most. I wrote Emotional Shorthand: 2500 Greatest Self-Help Quotes and Life Insights because quotes from others help express memories and emotions which can be difficult to express on our own. A longtime friend Andrew Nikou writes that “Stories always share a part of time,” and a Gaelic proverb reminds us that “A thing is bigger for being shared.” I hope these quotes below can help you to re-connect and to share your thoughts and stories with someone special to you, whether in a greeting card or conversation—or both. “My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: He believed in me.” —Jim Valvano (1946-1993), American college basketball player, NCAA National Champion coach, and broadcaster. “There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832), German poet, playwright, novelist, scientist, and statesman. “If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money.”—Abigail Van Buren (1918-2013), American columnist and radio show host “What kind of blessings will your children and grandchildren have because you did the right thing, even when it was hard?”—Joel Osteen (1963-present), Pastor “No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”—Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919), 26th President of the United States “Your time is the greatest gift you can give someone.”—Proverb “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”—Epictetus (50 CE-135 CE) Born a slave and crippled by a slaveowner in Turkey, he eventually found his way to Rome as a philosopher, and was granted freedom. “You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf.” —Joseph Goldstein (1944-present), American teacher. “If you want a rainbow, you have to deal with the rain.”—Augustus Caesar (63BCE-14CE), Father of the Roman Empire “A good coach can be a second father. He’s a mentor and a friend who turns boys’ hearts. He takes all the blame and knows he can expect very few rewards. He’s a man who knows that a boy needs someone he can look up to. A boy remembers his coach all his life.”—David M. Hendricks (1943-present), Father, teacher, coach, and mentor. “Don’t underestimate yourself. You are more capable than you think.” —Sue Bird (1980-present), American-Israeli athlete, widely regarded as one of the greatest female basketball players of all time. “Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation.”—Michael Jordan (1963-present) Father, Greatest Basketball Player in History. “If it’s not important, let it go.”—Hill McAlister (1958-present), Former President, The Rotary Club of Nashville “Hire a teenager while they still know everything.”—Bumper Sticker “Don’t talk about yourself. It will be done when you leave.”—Wilson Mizner (1876-1933), American playwright and entrepreneur. “I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ‘Checkout Time is 18 years.’” —Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), Humorist, author, and columnist.                                                                  People are often sustained in life when they hear from those they love, and a special proverb teaches us: “A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.” Or, as Cicero once wrote in ancient Rome: “Gratitude is not only the greatest of all virtues, but the parent of all others.” Thank you for being here, and Happy Father’s Day to you and yours. D. Earl Johnston, a former world champion sailor, is a writer, researcher, and public speaker with deep interests in understanding emotions and behavior. Currently managing director of a financial litigation consultancy, he has written extensively on domestic finance and international economics for publications including Law360, Legaltech News, Thomson Reuters and Advisor Magazine.
Read More
Live Happy's Tips for Digital Wellness
Technology

6 Hacks for Better Digital Wellness

So what is "digital wellness?" For me, it’s all about maintaining a “tech-life balance” by understanding how digital technology affects 4 pillars in my life–Focus, Mental Health, Physical Health, and Relationships–and how to balance these using technology while minimizing the negative effects. Here are some of my favorite small hacks that anyone can do to help: 1. Have a phone-free bedroom. Daunting to some, easy for others. One study suggests that doing this can improve happiness, quality of life, sleep, and relationships, and reduce anxiety – in just one week! 2. Put the phone away when engaging in conversation or doing work. One study suggests that the difference in productivity can be as high as 26% when comparing having the phone on the desk to having it in another room while performing a task. 3. Be a role model. Do you get frustrated with your kids always being on their phones? Or colleagues scrolling through meetings? Be the change you want to see! It is a lot easier to help others change by showcasing the desired behavior ourselves. 4. Turn off “Self View” in video meetings. Not your video, so people can still see you, but just so you don’t see yourself! It introduces stress and removes focus from the conversation. 5. Manage notifications. Determine which apps have the right to take your attention. Turn off any non-essential notifications or use functions in the phone to batch them. It has been found that just turning off email notifications can lower your heart rate and stress. 6. Consider your information intake. Staying up-to-date with news and events is important, but think about how often and how much information you consume. Think critically about whether the information actually is essential, adds value to you, changes your decisions, or just makes you feel worse. You can find tons of advice and resources and officially take the Digital Wellness pledge at digitalwellnessday.com (May 6).  However, the takeaway here is that you can do any and all of these hacks any day. You don’t need a special day to take stock of your tech-life balance. Taíno Bendz is the founder of Phone Free Day and his own consulting business, and his message on mindful and intentional technology usage has reached and inspired hundreds of thousands of people around the world. He is a public speaker, workshop facilitator, and conducts research on digital technology usage. His latest book, Tech-Life Balance: 101 Ways to Take Control of Your Digital Life and Save Your Sanity is scheduled to be released in October 2022
Read More
A person holding an umbrella over someone
Technology

Transcript – Mental Health Awareness with the Live Happy Crew

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Mental Health Awareness with the Live Happy Crew  [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to Episode 363 of Live Happy Now. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Here at Live Happy, we realize that happiness and good mental health go hand in hand. So we've brought the whole crew together to talk about it. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and throughout the month of May, we're going to focus on tools for better mental health. But to kick it off, our team sat down for a conversation about how the past couple of years have affected each of us and some of the ways that we've coped. Joining me for this special episode, our Live Happy CEO and Co-Founder Deborah Heisz, E-commerce Marketing Manager, Casey Johnson, Web Editor, Chris Libby, Senior Marketing Manager, Britney Chan, and Senior Marketing Specialist, Shane Lee. I hope you enjoy this candid conversation, and be sure to stay tuned until the end of this podcast when we'll tell you about a special deal in a Live Happy store exclusively for listeners. [EPISODE] [00:01:01] PF: You guys, thank you everyone for coming and joining us for this special episode of Live Happy Now. [00:01:08] BC: Thank you for having us. [00:01:10] PF: It's always fun to talk with everybody, the whole gang. We don't get to get together in person, but sometimes we can Zoom it. I know you guys see each other a lot more than I get to see you. But this was a really special talk that we wanted to have because Deb felt really strongly about Mental Health Awareness Month and us doing something on it. So that's how I'd love to start. Deb, why was it so important for you to make sure that we covered this because we're doing – Our entire month is dedicated to mental health awareness. [00:01:38] DH: Well, I mean, obviously, mental health ties into happiness. I mean, if you're not healthy, either physically or mentally, it's really going to impede and impact your happiness. As you know, for us, happiness isn't really about the emotion happiness. It's about, living a positive life, having a positive assessment of how you're doing in life. Really, it is different than the podcast name. Live Happy doesn't just mean, “Hey, let's go out and  have ice cream and ride roller coasters and  run free through fields of green and meadows.” It's not really what we're about. We really are about that positive emotion part of positive well-being. It really is – Happiness is a high perceived sense of wellbeing. What we know is the pandemic has impacted people's perception of their well-being in significant ways. In fact, Jason Dorsey, who does a lot of research on the difference between generations – I forget what the name of this company is, but he’s a phenomenal speaker. He does just a great job of identifying how boomers are different from Gen Xers and Xers are different from millennials. The millennials are different from Generation Z, but they did some research projects on Generation Z that shows that that group that is at most 25.6, 27, and at least 10, 11, or 12, that group has more mental health issues than any other group, any other generation has. A lot of it has to do with what they've missed out because of the pandemic. They've missed graduation. They've missed prom. They've missed going to college. They've missed being in class with their peers. They've missed all of those social things that we depend on. We talked so much on this podcast about how relationships are essential to your mental health and to your happiness. All of that got taken away from a lot of people over the last two years. So I think it's really important that we spend a little time talking about it at Live Happy and on the podcast. [00:03:32] PF: Yeah, for children too below. Let’s think younger than those teenagers and young adults. I had read something about how the level of anxiety in children and also the fact that they've been wearing masks. They didn't get a lot of that interaction. We gain so much interaction from our smiles and our emotions that we convey in our face, and those have been hidden. So there was something I just read yesterday that was talking about the need for that for us to really address it with our children and start looking for the good in the world because the last two years have been really traumatizing for them. [00:04:06] DH: Well, I mean, there's a lot of social anxiety. I mean, I read an article. There's a lot of social anxiety in the under-five set. Typically, my three children, it was always play dates, getting together with kids, going to daycare, whatever you could do to get them entertained. But, no, kidding. But a lot of it was also learning how to socialize with other children and other adults, and a lot of kids just haven't even been exposed to that. I mean, they've truly been with their own families on a daily basis. Or even you get into first, second, and third grade. Can you imagine going into kindergarten on Zoom and having that be your first experience? Or not getting to graduate? The other extent of that, not getting to graduate or start college in person. I mean, there's so much social development that goes on, and it's really impacted mental health from Generation Z. I'm sure Jason hasn't studied the generation after that, whatever they're going to be called. But I'm positive it's had just as much impact there, and that's not even talking about those of us who are used to getting our socialization from our workplace or getting our away time by going to the movies or going out to eat at restaurants. Just how much it's substantially changed who we are and how we live. Even though many of us, particularly in Texas, were back to relative normal, but the relative normal is key. But that still doesn't mean those two years didn't impact our mental health in ways that we may not quite know or know yet. It certainly impacted the health of our children. One of the interesting facts that Jason was saying was Generation Xers – I’m a Gen X. I'm old, yeah. Our big social defining impact is like the challenger explosion, right? Millennials, for the most part, it's 9/11. Those things are ancient history to Gen Z. Their definition, their defining point of their childhood, bring them together as a generation, is COVID. [00:05:58] PF: Wow. Yeah. To your point, we're still dealing with the fallout from it. It’s not completely gone, and it gets frightening for people when the media starts talking about, “Better expect another surge. We better –” They’re kind of like preparing us for that, and I hear those conversations. I hear people already being anxious for what's to come, instead of being able to just be like, “Okay, let's kind of take a breath and be in this moment.” It's like we're not being given that chance. [00:06:25] DH: The media is certainly very good at understanding that what scares us is something we'll watch or pay to read, so they invest a lot of time and energy in that. We've talked about this before, but a big part of mental health is what you allow to have mind space. What do you put in your brain? So if you're reading those negative news reports, I'm not saying we don't need to know about what's going on in Ukraine. I'm not saying we don't need to be informed about what's going on in the pandemic. But it can be overwhelming with a 24-hour news cycle, and you get 18 different emails with different headline news's. Or you click on the app on your phone, or you turn on the television, or you turn on the radio. If you allow that to be the only thing that's entering your brain, it's going to be very hard to keep a positive mental outlook on the world. [00:07:14] PF: Absolutely. That brings me to a question. I'd love to hear what everyone on the team kind of what has been their go to to manage the stress that we've all felt in the last couple of years and how you keep your mental health balanced. I guess the easiest way to do it is alphabetically because that way we're not showing favorites. So I'm going to ask Britney, Britney Chan. What was your kind of go-to solution? [00:07:37] BC: My go-to solution during the pandemic was, obviously, to just try my best to stay as connected as possible, even being at home. So I practice a lot of video chatting, FaceTiming, Zooming with my friends and family. It really almost became like a daily activity for me and something I really look forward to. I know there's always this talk about tech and digital, and it's all over the place, and it's taking over our lives. But in this instance, it really did the opposite. It made me feel more connected, and I was able to see my sister and watch my niece and nephew play. I mean, there would be times where we would just stay on the phone. We wouldn't even talk to each other. We would just be there and be able to see what's going on. So, yeah, video chatting had a really positive effect on my mood during that time. Also, Deb, you just touched on it just a second ago about choosing to put what's in your mind. Like for me, I really made a conscious decision to not overwhelm myself with information about the pandemic or just the news in general because there's not a lot of good news out there. It seems to be very negative lately. So I read enough to stay informed. I read enough to make sure I'm following protocol and doing the right things and all that stuff. But other than that, I stayed away from the information overload when it came to the news or even social media about the pandemic. I would kind of just like scroll past it. So those are the things I really did to help my mental health during that time. [00:09:20] PF: That's really smart, and it's difficult for a lot of people because we know social media is designed to be addictive. So you end up doing that zombie scroll, and it's like, “Oh, my god.” First of all, you're having a panic attack by the time that you're done. It just – You feel horrible. That's a terrific way to do it to kind of curate what you're going to let – [00:09:39] BC: Yeah. That's a good word for it. I was self-curating what I was putting into my mind. [00:09:44] PF: That's very cool. Casey, how about you? Because I feel like of anyone, you and I probably talked the most about all of this and what was going on. We talk about podcast episodes, things like that. So what were some of the things that you were doing? Because you always maintained such a great upbeat attitude throughout the whole whatever we were dealing with. [00:10:07] CJ: Well, thank you for saying that. I certainly didn't feel that way on the inside, sometimes. But, yeah, I mean, just to kind of echo Britney, I'm kind of in the same situation as she is. My sister has two kids. They're young. So I was very grateful that we were able to video chat, and I was able to see them that way. I did find myself being glued to the news and zombie scrolling, like we were talking about. So I kind of had to check myself. I would limit my screen time. I stopped checking my phone first thing in the morning. I even started sleeping with it in the other room, which helped me sleep better. I brought my screen time down, which helped with my anxiety. I even started – I found this like YouTube video. It was like a 10-minute like yoga meditation and it's really hard for me to like sit still for long periods of time. So meditation has always been kind of a challenge for me. But just starting my day off like that, me not looking at my phone. Getting in touch with like my mind and body really just helped me maintain my sanity throughout that whole thing we experienced – [00:11:03] PF: Whatever it was. We don't even know what to call it. [00:11:06] CS: Yeah. I’m like blocking out but yeah. [00:11:08] PF: Thing. That’s really good, and it worked. Because, again, you were always like you've always been very positive and able to like see the good in whatever we had going on. So that's been super cool and super fun to work with on you. I'm really interested to hear Chris and then Deb because they have a slightly different perspective because not only were they dealing with their own situation, but they're both parents. That just adds another layer of complexity. So, Chris, what about you? You've got two little girls. How were you working this in your house? [00:11:39] CL: Yes, I do. That easily takes up a lot of time to where you don't have a lot of time to really think about it. But I will say, continuing what Deb was saying earlier, that the pandemic came out, and it changed all of our social behaviors. It created – There were some unintended consequences, although we were able to still keep things moving, working at home, and stuff like that. The unintended consequence was loneliness just skyrocketed. Even if you have a family, you can still find yourself in those times of loneliness. When the kids and everybody else went back, and I was still at home, then everything got quiet. Then you're just working all day. Then that's when it really sets in. You're not talking to anybody. You're not talking to your friends as much, just because of what we've been through the past couple of years. So, of course, pets always are a great option. If you're a pet owner, that's going to reduce your stress. It takes your mind off of things. It keeps you physically active. There's a new report that came out from Penn State actually on this loneliness kind of epidemic that we're in and what you can do to combat that, even if you are at home alone. That is choosing activities that get you into a flow state. Now, we at Live Happy are familiar with what the flow state is. One of the pioneers of positive psychology, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, I think I said that right, he kind of introduced that theory. But it's basically when you're engaged in these tasks that kind of where time just kind of goes away, they're meaningful, challenging activities during your free time that it can reduce your loneliness and increase just momentary moments of happiness, but at least it's still happiness. Those are just any activity that you have a reasonably good skill, and it's not too complicated because then you'll lose interest. You just kind of submerge yourself in these activities like playing music, listening to music, even playing video games, different types of sports, writing, reading, painting. Just those kinds of leisurely activities that really take your mind out of it. I live next to a park. I'm fortunate enough to I'm able to go outside and kind of take walks in the park and kind of lose myself in that way or shoot baskets, which is a really enjoyable activity for me. Because you kind of immerse yourself and just play scenarios in your head and think that you are the greatest basketball player ever. [00:14:03] PF: Are you saying you're not? [00:14:04] CL: No, not really. Far from it. But when I'm out there, I am. So that's the good thing. Those are the kinds of things that can alleviate those feelings of loneliness and those feelings of anxiety and even depression. [00:14:18] PF: Yeah. Reframing that's really important. We have a podcast episode coming up, I believe, in June with Eric Barker. He had done some research found that loneliness – Like people who are lonely actually spent the same amount of time with other people, as people who are not lonely. But it's really your mental state. So that's really interesting. The things that you're talking about are great, like being able to employ some of those techniques, so you do feel less lonely. I think that's a great way to handle it. Deb, you were running a company remotely, a couple of companies. You also then have three active children. So how are you keeping all that balanced? Because, obviously, your kids were at home. You were at home. Everything changed for you. How did you keep that going? [00:15:05] DH: Well, first of all, I have to talk about the fact that there were some positive aspects of the pandemic for me, which sounds horrible and people – The pandemic wasn't positive. But because I couldn't travel, and I've been traveling a tremendous amount for the past, I don't know, 25 years of my life, to suddenly be in the same time zone for a long period of time, I got rest for the first time in what I think is forever. So for me, I think it's not just what changed that was difficult. It's also what changed that’s positive. I don't ever want to go back to living the way I lived before, where I was basically  in four time zones, and I'm talking about hours away time zones in a month, and it makes it a bit crazy. You don't realize what you're missing out on. It's like I'd spend time with the kids. I've always been very engaged when I'm with them. But hitting that, I feel more awake than I felt for 20 years before that. I didn't realize it. So there was a positive aspect for me. Of course, there also is that tiny aspect which changed for me. It used to be because I made specific time to be with my children, being engaged with them while they were there was something that was easy to do. Well, suddenly, they're there all the time. I'm there all the time. I have other things I need to do. Setting boundaries became an exercise. I don't want to say in futility, but it was certainly an exercise that took some time to get established. When I truly am on the phone, I truly am working. I cannot open up your Gatorade for you right now. Things that just changed. For the kids, it was far more difficult than it was for me. Initially, those first couple months, we did a lot of puzzles. We took a lot of walks. We have dogs. Our golf course never completely shut down, so we go hit a few balls. I mean, they were closed, but they let you play. It was a weird situation. So we always had things to do, but it was very different for the kids. The kids, when school started in the fall, it certainly was very frustrating for them. We had in-person school starting in the fall of 2021, so our kids have never been not allowed to go to school. But to suddenly have masks, that social distancing, and all of that stuff, it was remarkable to me how quickly they adapted. [00:17:17] PF: Can I ask you, how did you talk with your children about this too? Because you, of all people then in the positive psychology space, doing what you do, you're aware of what fear does, what mental impact this would have on them. So how did you talk with your children about what was going on to keep them from – I mean, I know kids that are just terrified. They're terrified of breathing other people's air. They've been very indoctrinated with fear. So how did you explain this to your kids? [00:17:45] DH: Well, first of all, I think it helps that we're not by nature a fearful family. We are well traveled and somewhat adventurous from whitewater rafting, to hiking off the grid. We're not – My children have a certain element of self-sufficiency and self-reliance already built in, just from who we are as people to begin with. So I think that helped. But the second thing was you can't overemphasize enough that the likelihood of something bad happening is very small, and you can't dwell on something that might happen. We did talk a little bit about driving a car. You have likelihoods of car wrecks. There's fuel. You fly in a plane. But these things don't happen commonly. So we all get sick. We've all been sick. We've all had the flu. We've all had corona virus. We've all had – It’s possible we may get this. But for the most part, we need to make sure that we're doing the hygiene things we need to do and try not to get it because nobody wants to be sick. Or if somebody does get sick, no, it's going to happen. It's okay. You have to tell people it’s okay. We don't know if it's going to be okay. But they’re kids, right? You don’t want to say, “Be careful not hug grandma. She's going to die.” I mean, don’t you think that’s too much? We have to be really careful and put things in perspective. [00:19:01] PF: I'd like to learn what Shane did when he was during – Shane is our quiet one, always. So I'm really interested to hear from him and find out what were you doing with the pandemic? [00:19:12] SL: Yeah. It was an interesting time. I will say all of the things that y'all spoke of I employed in my life. Like Deb was mentioning, just a feeling of being alone like the first year of this. I was essentially living in a one-bedroom apartment by myself. My family, they don't live in Dallas. They live at least four hours away. So really, I just had myself and just people I had I could connect with to my phone. But still, I was pretty lonely. Even though my living situation has shifted since then, it's still a lot of notes of loneliness. But it's okay because through that I've strengthened that feeling of being able to do things for myself. Chris mentioned this earlier but going through these first days. There’s a hobby I started doing, skateboarding, and I've been doing that for about a year now. It's like a big part of my identity, but there's always a new goal with that. I've learned with perseverance and patience. So that's a fun activity I love to do, and I’m excited to do it right after this call. In addition to that, I also just love just going on walks outside, just feeling the warmth to sunlight on your skin. Photosynthesis is really hype. Plants, they really get it. But I would say another thing is just I've really adopted this mindset of just living more in the present, less worrying about the past, or not anticipating the future, but really just valuing the time I spend with the people I talk with in this moment. So for example, time spent with y'all today is always time well spent. So I'm happy to just be talking with you all. On top of all of that, I try to unplug as much as possible. If I didn't have to use it for work, I probably wouldn't be on social media. But I don't feel a need to like post my life on social media because I’m a firm believer in the right people know what I'm doing. Like Casey said too, I've also employed some time limits on my social apps. So really, I don't spend that much time on social media or my phone in general. Yeah. [00:21:23] PF: That's excellent. Yeah. I think we all – [00:21:25] BC: We’re comparing our screen times last week. [00:21:29] PF: How did that go? [00:21:31] SL: I did poorly. I lost. [00:21:34] BC: I worked really hard to get my screen time down to where it is. [00:21:37] SL: Yeah. Not all weeks are winners, but at least I'm mindful of it, at least. [00:21:42] BC: Yeah. [00:21:44] PF: I think we all had such a great advantage because of what we do and where we're working because we have all these tools. Like every week, we're talking to someone who is giving us a new tool, and we have this whole background. We've all been at the company for a while, so we have this pretty good backlog of mental resources of how we can handle some of these things. Like we didn't know we were preparing for what we've had, but I think it was really helpful. One thing that I did was when the pandemic hit, I was living in an apartment downtown Nashville. I loved it, going to concerts all the time. Then it was like, “Wow, I'm stuck in a box,” and I moved out into the country, a huge difference in a lot of ways. But being in nature every day has just been absolutely life-changing. Again, that's something we really learned from Live Happy and the stories that we've written about how much it affects us. I see it. I see it with my animals. I see it with myself. So I do feel like Live Happy has been such a gift for us. I hope other people have gotten as much from it as we have because I think it really helped us have the tools to get through the pandemic more easily. It's been so great to talk to you guys. I love when we get together and do this. We'll do it again soon. One of the things that we know is really good for your mental health is laughter. So that's why I'm sure Chris Libby has a fantastic dad joke locked and loaded. [00:23:03] CJ: I’ve been waiting for this moment. [00:23:04] PF: Ready to roll. [00:23:05] BC: I know. I’m ready. [00:23:08] CL: I don’t know. Did you guys happen to hear that in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month that the United Kingdom is going to officially change their name? [00:23:17] PF: To? [00:23:17] BC: To what? [00:23:19] SL: It’s no longer going to be referred to as the UK. Now, it will be referred to as You Okay. [00:23:26] DH: All right. [00:23:27] PF: That’s why we asked you to join us. [00:23:29] BC: Round of applause. Way to go. [00:23:32] SL: Listeners, the scenario was, that was a solid joke. I just want you all to know. My eyes rolled so hard. [00:23:40] PF: Perfect. Well, thank you all. I appreciate you guys giving me your time today and sharing with our listeners everything that – Not everything you've learned but so much that you've learned and how we can get through this together. [00:23:52] DH: Thanks, Paula. It was awesome as you were. [00:23:53] BC: Thank you for having us. [00:23:55] CJ: Thank you. [00:23:55] CL: Thank you. [END OF EPISODE] [00:24:02] PF: That was the Live Happy crew, talking about mental health. If you'd like to learn more, visit our website at livehappy.com. Click on the podcast tab for some great stories and resources. While you're on our site, you can get 20% off anything and everything in the Live Happy store just by using the code SELF-LOVE 20. That's SELF-LOVE 20. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]
Read More
Group of diverse people united together
Technology

Transcript – Bridging Our Divides With Rev. Jennifer Bailey

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Bridging Our Divides With Rev. Jennifer Bailey  [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to Episode 357 of Live Happy Now. Right now, it's time to get out your toolkit because we're about to teach you how to build a bridge. I'm your host, Paul Felps, and throughout the month of March, we've been taking on the issue of unity. Today, I am so happy to be joined by Reverend Jennifer Bailey, who in addition to being named one of the 15 Faith Leaders to Watch by the Center for American Progress, is Founder of Faith Matters Network. She's also the Co-founder of The People’s Supper, which brings people together to engage constructively on issues that affect their communities. This project has brought together thousands of people to create a space of healing, all while enjoying a nourishing meal and civil conversation. She's here today to share some of the tools she uses for bridging our differences. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:54] PF: Reverend Jennifer, welcome to Live Happy Now. [00:00:57] JB: Hi. Thank you so much for having me, Paula. [00:01:00] PF: This is such an important conversation that we need to have. As you know, you and I have talked about this, how during this month of happiness, and as we celebrate the International Day of Happiness, Live Happy Now has been talking about the theme of unity. That's why I wanted you to come on the show because that's something that you really specialize in. Right now, there's so much division in our communities and in our world and sometimes in our own homes. So what we want to talk to you today is how we begin to bridge that divide. I guess that's my first question. Where does this healing need to start, and how do we do that? [00:01:40] JB: Thank you for that question. I know it's one that so many people are carrying in this season of our country's life, as it almost seems like you turn on the television or scroll on social media, and that polarization and divides are incentivized, rather than deincentivized in this world. [00:01:56] PF: Yeah, that's so true. [00:01:58] JB: So as I think about the work that I've been proximate to over the past several years through a project that I have a really wonderful opportunity to co-found called The People’s Supper, one of the lessons that I learned in that project, which was founded right after the 2016 presidential election, it’s a space for folks to come together over a shared meal and talk about both bridging across lines of difference and creating spaces of deep healing within community where there had been a breach in the interpersonal relationships in that community. One of the things that really surfaced for me is when we think about where to start, it really starts proximate to us. So thinking about those places and spaces in our own lives where we've experienced a deep divide or rupture, whether that be in an interpersonal relationship, as part of a faith community or a civic group that you might be a part of, each of us has a deep experience of what it is like to be in relationship. Then find ourselves in a moment of conflict or division. So I always say for folks that it is important to start close to home when we think about what it means to bridge divides, rather than attempting to solve big universal problems. One of the greatest skills that we have and invitations that we have is to do deep work proximate and close to us. [00:03:27] PF: How do we do that when we are extremely divided? We'll say it in a political sense. If you've got people in the same house even who have very different views, and we don't really want to hear that other person's opinion, what their perspective is, or why they come from that perspective. It tends to be a talking over one another and just trying to throw out these talking points to show them they're wrong. So obviously, that doesn't work at all. What are the very simple steps that we start taking? [00:04:02] JB: I think step one is to take a deep breath. It sounds silly, but I've been reminded lately, particularly in the midst of a pandemic, that literally it’s seeking to steal our breath, just how precious the gift of taking a deep breath really is in this season. I think we have been so programmed to get into fight or flight mode when it comes to our politics or ideologies. But I would argue that in this moment, one of the things that is called for is a deep re-humanization of one another. What moments of conflict or division do is have us buy into the false belief that the person sitting across from you is an other and shouldn't be otherized. It’s easy when we otherize people to make them into a stereotype or a statistic. We all know that each of us comes into and approaches relationships from the particularity of our own experiences, our own stories, our own narratives. More often than not, we've come to our set of beliefs through a set of experiences or core beliefs that have helped shaped us and our own story. So I would say first step is to get curious. I’m reminded of the work of the Center for Courage and Renewal when it says in one of their touchstones, “When the going gets tough, turn to wonder.” So rather – [00:05:31] PF: Oh, I love that. [00:05:33] JB: Yeah. I love that work from Parker Palmer's work because I think there is something really profound about rather than immediately jumping into judgment, asking yourself the question, “I wonder why they think that way,” and it opens up a space for potential empathy and enough of a pause, enough of a breath to remind ourselves that the person sitting across from us is indeed a person and not just a meme on social media, right? [00:06:03] PF: Well, that's – I love that approach. What are some ways that we can start training ourselves to react that way? We've got a lot of undoing to take care of before we can get to that process of not being triggered when someone makes a statement. But instead saying, “Huh, let's unpack that and find out why you think that way.” So how do we start teaching ourselves to think that way? [00:06:28] JB: It starts at home with ourselves and making the commitment, right? I think we've had conversations, Paula, that I don't know that everybody is called to bridge. Actually, the work of bridge building is indeed a calling. In some cases, it can be unethical to ask people to bridge across lines of difference, particularly if they're being asked to bridge across lines of difference, where someone might be questioning the variability of their personhood, right? I think a lot about dear friends and siblings who identify as LGBTQ, who sometimes get asked to bridge with people who have a very particular view around gender neutrality. That can be inherently violent to question. I use that as an example to say I think not everybody is called to bridge. It can sometimes be unethical to ask people to bridge. So it begins with really a personal assessment about what you're bringing to the conversation and an interrogation about your why, a curiosity about your why as you enter into bridging work. There are really a set of questions that I asked everyone who feels compelled to do this bridge building work. The first question I often asked in my work around bridge building is what are you bridging to? That is what is the goal. What's the ideal state on the other side? Is it about restoring a personal relationship in your family? Is it working with crossed political lines to advance a particular policy area that you're looking to move forward or find some common ground on? Being clear about your motivations and the why and the vision you're building towards can be really important because they're different size bridges. It's a very big difference to bridge over a creek than bridge over a large river, right? [00:08:17] PF: Right, right. We don't need to span the aerie right now. [00:08:20] JB: Yeah. Or maybe you're called to do the big river, but just know that that takes time, and give yourself grace and patience, depending on the length of the bridge you're trying to bridge. The second question that I asked folks is what are you bridging over? So often, we do bridging work. It feels shallow when we don't tend to these unspoken wounds or traumas and histories that are operative in our relationships, right? So it's hard to have a conversation bridging across lines of, for example, racial difference without tending to and talking about the harm that systemic racism has done to people of color in this country, right? Even more specifically, if you're in a local community, lifting up examples of how that might have shown up in the experience of lives of people. There's something about the power of the recognition of that truth, whatever that truth is that you're trying to bridge over, and acknowledging it. That can lead to more deep and authentic conversations. Then the third thing, and I think this speaks to what we were just talking about, which is what is your bridge made of. I like to think about these as like the tools in our toolkits, the resources, the skills that we are continuing to build and cultivate over time to make sure that our bridge is strong. Because I don't know about you, but if I'm going to like work on climate change issues and some of these generation, a pandemic, public health access, those are really big issues. If we're going to bridge divides to tend to them, I don't want a bridge made of sticks. I want one made of steel, one that's going to – [00:09:51] PF: Right. [00:09:53] JB: So I think that what’s your bridge made of is both about how we cultivate personal practices to renew ourselves so that we're able to show up more deeply and authentically within ourselves. So creating that system of care and practice that grounds us, that allows us to show up, and is the muscle in exercise of continuing to show up time and time again, even when things get difficult, right? Learning how to move through and navigate conflict. So those are my three questions. What are you bridging? Two, what are you bridging over, and what is your bridge made of? [00:10:32] PF: Just the act of sitting down and contemplating those questions, does that cause a shift in a person's thinking? [00:10:41] JB: I can only speak for myself, but I've found that it has become almost like a spiritual practice for me to return to those questions because it really helps me get in touch with my motivations and making sure that the motivations that I'm carrying into bridging space is authentic and genuine and grounded and a real desire for building community versus sort of my own selfish aims. So I invite people to answer those questions as part of your own practice. Since we're talking about thinking about happiness, I've felt much freer being in touch and in tune with those core motivations and that which moves me and grounds me by answering those questions and having sort of a reflective practice in my own life. [00:11:28] PF: That makes so much sense because I think so many of us feel a sense of frustration, or we don't want this divide, all these divides to continue existing in our lives and in the world around us. But we're not necessarily sure what we can do about it. So I love being able to sit down with those questions and really start thinking and identifying with it. I can see that being even as like a great journaling practice to dive into it. I don't think it's something where the answer just pops into your head immediately. It takes a lot of thought and introspection, I would think. [00:12:04] JB: Yeah, I think so. The great news is for folks who are listening, you don't have to do this alone. There are so many amazing organizations out there who have tools and resources for just this type of work. I think a lot about my friends at living room conversations, which is a methodology that brings people together to have conversations in living rooms across lines of difference. There's a group out there called Braver Angels that really does focus on the blue, red partisan divide. So there is a set of really amazing organizations out there, if this really does feel like work you're called to, that you can lean on and who have a set of free and downloadable resources for you to try out, to test, and figure out which one might feel right for you. [00:12:47] PF: I love that. As we're coming out of the pandemic, and we start interacting more face to face, do you think some of this healing will kind of take place on its own? Because it seems like when we've been in our little digital towers, it got very impersonal. I'm just curious how you think being face to face will change the way that we interact and react. [00:13:10] JB: Oh, gosh. Paula, I sure hope so. I sure hope that when we see each other face to face, it becomes less likely that we will be a jerk to somebody in person, right? We're just not programmed in that way. But I say I hope because I don't know. I do think that there is something to be said about living the past two years in a state of isolation from a broader community. For many of us, that has allowed for some folks – Their ideologies is sort of fossilized deeper. So I'm hopeful that the experience of deep human connection one on one, being able to look one another in the eyes and speak to one another might help break open some of those pathways to empathy. The fearful part of me notes that I saw how people acted in grocery stores once the pandemic started, right? [inaudible 00:14:09]. [00:14:12] PF: It wasn't really a, “No, you go ahead,” type of environment, was it? [00:14:15] JB: Exactly, exactly. So I think we have to get into, again, the practice of empathy, that practice of seeing one another as human, the turning to curiosity and wonder, as a way of opening up pathways for us to see one another again. I mean, the jury's still out. I belong to a faith tradition that is really grounded in radical hope, and so I'm going to hold on to that hope. [00:14:43] PF: Well, let's talk about that because that is something I wanted to explore is the concept of radical hope. I think that is what we need. Regular hope is not going to cut it right now. We do need radical hope. So tell us what you mean by radical hope, and then how we create it in our own lives. [00:15:01] JB: Absolutely. So the concept of radical hope, as I understand it and talk about it and write about it, I first learned my background is that I am clergy in the African Methodist Episcopal Church, which is the oldest historically black church denomination in the United States. I grew up in a small church where there were just these powerful women, many of whom who had escaped the horrors of Jim Crow, who had seen some of the worst of what humanity has to offer in terms of violence, and yet were the same people who saw in me a spark and creativity, who were able to name – When I was six years old, it was Sister Catherine Weldon, who told me I was going to preach someday, something that – [00:15:47] PF: I love that. [00:15:51] JB: So we're able to recognize and see in the young people who are under their care in a variety of ways their potential, who – As I think about the miracle of the loaves and fishes, I'm often saying I know that to be true because I saw what those church women could do with two boxes of spaghetti, right? They could feed. One of the great lessons I learned, they were not perfect women. Let me say that. They also had their after-church conversations in the parking lot that were not kind all the time. [00:16:23] PF: It's okay to be human, I guess. [00:16:24] JB: Exactly, exactly. That's why they were such great teachers is because they showed me both how to live and what some things I might want to let go of from my tradition. But one of the things that was consistent is that for these women, again, many born in the ‘20s, ‘30s, ‘40s, who had seen and experienced the direct staying of racism and sexism in their life, they still had this unfailing belief that they had the power to change the material conditions of the world, that they could change things, and that that power resides within each of us. So they were never pessimistic because they saw what progress look like. They weren't afraid to roll up their sleeves and do the work to create a better future for me and for the generations that have followed me. So when I think about radical hope, I'm thinking about a hope that is rooted. So the origin of the word radical is actually rooted. That's what the etymology of that word is. That's rooted in a deep sense of history that is grounded, that is not sort of a far off, far flown distant type of hope. That is just sort of spoken out into the ether sphere. But that takes agency over creating that new world that each of us wants to build or we envision. If part of our orientation towards radical hope is unity, then it's one thing to say that you want unity. It's another thing to do what we've been talking about today, which is to roll up our sleeves and cultivate the skills to do the type of deep bridging work that will be required to help net back together and weave back together the breaches and the ruptures in our interpersonal and communal relationships. [00:18:12] PF: So where do we find that hope within us? There's – I know a lot of people feel right now absolutely hopeless about the state of the world, the state of our relationships, all the division that's going on. Where do you start to find that spark of hope? [00:18:31] JB: Well, I advise folks, if you have the ability to, in your life, spend some time with what I call my tradition senior seats and playground prophets, so older people and young folks, right? [00:18:43] PF: I love that. [00:18:44] JB: There's such a great gift. One of the great gifts of being a part of a religious community is that it remains one of the few intergenerational spaces in our society. Every Monday at 12 o'clock, I get the opportunity to be on my church prayer line with elders, who are in their 60s, 70s, and 80s. Being able to talk in particular to, in my context, older black folks who've seen some things and who can tell you that the arc of history is long, but it bends towards justice, that it can tell you when you're feeling down and out. One of the favorite refrains of Sister Weldon and the church mothers in my life growing up was whenever I would feel distraught, they would just say, “Just keep living, baby. Just keep living.” It wasn’t meant to be dismissive. They always acknowledge the pain that I was in or whatever conflict that might have been operative for me. But I think the message that I didn't realize until much later was so profound is that there's something about the act of living. That every day, moment by moment, day by day, is an opportunity to recreate the world, is an opportunity to live differently, is an opportunity to learn from past mistakes and experiences, that those words of the elders remain close to me when I seek hope. I remember to just keep living, and that that is a powerful thing. I also say spending time with young people will keep you fresh and keep you young. I have an 18-month-old son, and every day is just grounded by sparks of fresh joy. You'll appreciate [inaudible 00:20:22]. He's over the past two weeks had an explosion of language, and so is like starting to say words and not just mama and daddy, but like puppy and rice. The joy and delight he gets in being able to speak these words that he's like heard for a long time for the first time. So I encourage folks, if you're looking for hope, young people are there, and they will both humble you, and they have a spark within them, a spark of possibility that it's just such a great gift for me to be reminded of the part of the work that we do is not just for ourselves but for the seven generations from now. So senior saints and playground prophets is how I find radical hope. But I encourage folks that are listening in to think about the sources of joy in your life. I know joy and hope are not the same thing. But I've found in revisiting those things that gave me joy, revisiting those conversations with elders, spending time with my son, that the seeds of hope are actually grounded in those spaces of joy in my life and reminding myself that there are places of joy in my life, joy that I want to flourish and I want other people to experience. So maybe it's not a conversation with an elder or spending time with a young person. Maybe it's reading one of your favorite books. Maybe it's doing something collectively with friends that you haven't done in a while. But I think those sparks of joy are the good soil that help us see hope anew. [00:22:01] PF: That's fantastic. Thank you so much. You've given us a lot to think about. You've given us hope and, again, kind of a roadmap for starting out on this journey for greater unity. So thank you. I know we're going to tell our listeners how they can find you, learn more about you, order your upcoming book. I really do. I appreciate you taking the time to sit down and walk through this with me. [00:22:24] JB: Yeah. Thank you so much, Paul. I really appreciate you. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:22:32] PF: That was Reverend Jennifer Bailey, talking about how to bridge our divides. To learn more about Jennifer, follow her online or learn about her upcoming book titled To My Beloveds: Letters on Faith, Race, Loss, and Radical Hope. Visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast app. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]
Read More
Making your world a happier place.

Store

Articles

Quick Links

© 2024 Live Happy. LLC. All Right Reserved.