Chrissy Carter finds peace during the holidays

5 Tips for Holiday Bliss

The holiday season has always been my favorite time of year. When I reflect on my childhood, I remember the family traditions that made me feel at home within myself, such as decorating our house, helping my mother cook a special holiday meal and wrapping our homemade gifts. Even today, I love the holidays because they celebrate what matters most in life.Despite my healthy dose of holiday spirit, I’m often forced to face the (holiday) music: Rather than savoring the season, we can find ourselves slipping into survival mode as we try to keep our heads above water. In the midst of it all, our beloved rituals are thrown overboard to keep the life raft afloat.We may not be able to lighten our social calendar or shorten our to-do lists, but we can learn how to remain calm in the midst of the madness. So I want to share several of my favorite ways for keeping holiday stress at bay and staying connected to the magic of the season.1. Connect to the momentSome of my fondest memories from childhood involve helping my mother in the kitchen during the holidays. Cooking can be a therapeutic release, giving us mental space and clarity by getting us out of our heads, engaging our senses and helping us connect to the moment.Another way to engage in the holiday spirit is to create homemade decorations for your house, such as fragrant pomander balls.2. Sacred SpaceIt can be challenging for us to stay grounded when we’re feeling overwhelmed, so I encourage you to create a space in your home filled with photos and special objectsthat remind you of what’s most important in our lives.Each day, light a candle, and spend a few moments focusing on the significance of your display. Connect to each object, and contemplate how it makes you feel.3. Gift wrappingWrapping gifts can feel like a chaotic race to the finish of the holiday season, but with a little planning and some simple supplies, like craft paper, kitchen twine and a small bunch of wintergreens, this to-do can become an opportunity to connect with the creative process and create a natural, beautiful presentation for your gifts. Instead of a chore, think of wrapping as a hands-on craft project that can be fun and also rewarding when you see the faces of the recipients.4. Mindful meditationWherever our lives take us, we can reap the benefits of mindful meditation by following these simple steps:Close your eyes and take a few moments to observe your breathing.Scan your body and relax where you can.Visualize the special place you created in your home.See that space in your heart, and allow each photo and object to root you more deeply in what ís most important to you.Fill yourself with the positive emotions that arise from contemplating the things you love.5. Restorative yogaRestorative yoga invites the body to practice what it does naturally: renew. This type of yoga can initiate our relaxation response, redirecting our bodies’ energy to their housekeeping chores, such as digestion and elimination.The Floating Pose can help relieve our feelings of anxiety because when the front of the body faces the floor, it creates a feeling of safety and cues the nervous system to relax. When you’re overwhelmed, this pose will meet you where you are.A Restorative Twist stretches the muscles of the lateral torso and rib cage, encouraging a freer breath.And the Reclined Bound Angle opens the front of the body, inviting us to surrender to relaxation and inner calm. Each of these poses can be held for up to 10 minutes.Chrissy Carter is a yoga instructor and lifestyle expert. She teaches yoga and trains teachers at YogaWorks in New York City, as well as on GaiamTV.com and on two popular Gaiam DVD. Find our more about her work, life and inspirations at chrissycarter.com
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Young couple playing in the snow

6 Tips for Beating the Holiday Blues

The holidays can be a time of great joy. Ideally, the end of the year is a time of reflection and fun with family and friends. But for some, instead of holiday bliss, the stresses and obligations of the season bring on the holiday blues. Why would people get depressed during such a “happy” time? There are plenty of reasons. While celebrating, we are also likely to reflect on loved ones who are no longer here. In addition, we might feel obligated to “make the rounds,” traveling miles to attend family functions. With so many parties and big meals, this is also a time when we tend to overindulge in food and drink. It might be fun in the moment, but can lead to regret and even a sense of guilt or shame. Others might go a little overboard with gifts—for themselves and others. We max out credit cards, which leads to its own kind of financial hangover. All of this can drain our happiness during the holidays and lead to feelings of being overwhelmed or out of balance. Here are some things you can do to keep the blues at bay and to thrive during this season. 1. Reach out The holidays are a time to lean on your support system and talk to folks about how you feel. Don’t let geographic isolation hinder you; be creative in ways to connect with family and friends. Technology has given us many tools to use to stay connected, but sometimes we can feel isolated even when we're online. Pick up the phone and actually call someone. Better yet, throw a casual event at home and invite over people you’ve been meaning to see. 2. Give back There are plenty in need during the holiday. Spend some time exploring ways you can give back and assist others through the holidays. Find something that involves the whole family; these opportunities can lead to a greater sense of gratitude for the blessings in our own lives. Be a blessing yourself; serving others takes your eyes off your own struggles and puts things in perspective. 3. Remember the great times This may be the first holiday you are celebrating without a loved one. Take this time to highlight and remember what was great about that person. Reminisce about the good times and talk to other family and friends that suffered the same or similar losses. The holidays are a great time to get with others to talk about joyful times from the past, as well as creating new memories in the moment. 4. Keep spending in check There is no shortage of opportunities to spend money during the holidays. Be careful to set a budget and do your best to stick within it. Plan accordingly and use your imagination to come up with ways to create awesome memories at a low cost. Get creative and make some of your gifts this year. The time spent in building and creating something will be appreciated by your family. For white elephant gift exchange parties, set dollar limits for the gifts so people don't feel like they need to out-do each other. 5. Kick the comparisons Many take to the holidays with an observant eye, constantly looking at what others are doing and comparing their lifestyles. Focus on the awesome things in your life and celebrate the successes of others. You are where you are for a reason. Don’t get overwhelmed by the fact that others may have or do more. Enjoy your family; really connect during conversation by listening to what others are saying and appreciating the people that are around you. 6. Take care of yourself During these dark and chilly months, make sure you get your fair share of sunlight and exercise. Get outdoors as much as possible and soak in the scenery. It's tempting to hibernate, but try to stay active. Get to the gym for some cardio at least three times a week. This will keep your spirits up—and you won’t feel as bad about the second serving of dressing! With all of the fun to be had over the holiday season, make sure you stay well-rested. A good night’s sleep helps improve your mood, and gives you more energy to engage and connect with others. Happy Holidays! Dr. Clarence Lee is an author, speaker, physician and entrepreneur. To learn more about Dr. Lee, visit www.cmleejr.com.
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People volunteering for a cause

31 Days of Purpose!

We continue our Year of Happiness with 31 days of purpose. Pick and choose your favorite ideas from our list of things to do, watch, read, contemplate…and share!1. “Those who have failed to work toward the truth have missed the purpose of living.” ―Gautama Buddha2. Spend the holidays with loved ones.3. Listen to “Lose Yourself,” by Eminem.4. Read The Seed: Finding Purpose and Happiness in Life and Work, by Jon Gordon.5. Watch Dallas Buyers Club.6. “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” ―Eleanor Roosevelt7. Give someone a hug.8. Listen to “Enjoy the Silence,” by Depeche Mode.9. Read For One More Day, by Mitch Albom.10. Watch The Mighty.11. Rescue a dog or a cat.12. Listen to “The Living Years,” by Mike & the Mechanics.13. Read A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle.14. Watch Rudderless.15. “If you can't figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.” ―T.D. Jakes16. Write down five things you’d like to accomplish next year.17. Listen to “Changes,” by David Bowie.18. Read How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life, by the Dalai Lama.19. Watch Boyhood.20. “The meaning of life is life.” —Alan Alda21. Volunteer for a cause you feel passionately about.22. Listen to “Solsbury Hill,” by Peter Gabriel.23. Read The Art of Being: 101 Ways to Practice Purpose in Your Life, by Dennis Merritt Jones.24. Watch The Family Man.25. “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” ―Albert Camus26. Be social.27. Listen to “Mr. Jones,” by Counting Crows.28. Read Way of the Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman.29. Become a Big Brother or Big Sister.30. Forgive someone in your past.31. Watch Seven Years in Tibet.
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Friends in curlers

7 Ways to Be Happier Now

Happiness is about the journey, not about destination; it’s about how you live your life each day. Some articles you may have missed with a few ideas for adding a little more gratitude, mindfulness and joy into your usual routine.1. Practice self-nurturingTake a yoga class, dance in your kitchen to favorite music, get a mani/pedi or go for a walk in nature. Actively investing in your physical well-being can make your thoughts about yourself more nurturing, too. Learn more ways to focus on being the best you.2. Have a values check-inDo you have a feeling of meaning and purpose in your life? This quiz will help you find out. If you don’t like your score, you might want work on nurturing your relationships, being compassionate and giving back to others—all of which have been shown to have an impact on our own wellbeing. Take the quiz now.3. Look at Mondays in a new wayWhat would your day look like if you felt fabulous at the end of it? What project can you tackle on Monday to start your week super-charged and set the tone for a wonderful week? Don’t dread Mondays, show ‘em some love instead. Put the fun back in your Monday now.4. Call in the superfoodsCertain foods like olive oil, nuts, sweet potatoes and kale have been shown to contain mood-boosting nutrients. Not to mention these ingredients are incredibly healthy for you, and taste delicious when cooked with a little finesse. Four easy-to-make recipes.5. Tap into hopeIn order to be truly happy, you need something to hope for. We have 31 ways you can rediscover a greater sense of hope in your life.6. Find a happy highlight of the dayTake a few minutes every day to write down one positive experience that occurred over the past 24 hours. Enjoy the positive emotions from reliving that event, and look for patterns you can repeat to bring about more happiness. Read more on achieving happiness despite everyday challenges.7. Wake up happyTune in to experts’ advice on how to start your day happy. Don’t get stuck ruminating on negative thoughts. Take responsibility for your own happiness by putting yourself in situations that bring you great joy and choosing love over fear. Try this positive mantra: “You are doing your best.” Sign-up for our free Wake Up Happy! series.
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Live Happy Magazines

What People Are Saying About Live Happy

Readers weigh in about how Live Happy has affected their lives. Dear Live Happy: I love the article about choosing a word for the year and it being a great alternative to a resolution. It made me think about it and my word for 2017 is “significance.” I’d like everything I do to add significance in someone’s life; it will help me be intentional about the things I do every day to improve myself and add value to others. What a great way to make sure I’m living happy in 2017. —Eeman H. :) I like the article about choosing a word for 2017. I have done this in the past but it was like reading it for the first time, like the blinders were off and the word “focus” stuck out to me. What we FOCUS on is what grows! —Mechelle C. :) Hey there, I was on the hunt for some info about commuting and found your post "Reboot Your Commute." Great stuff! Keep cranking out the great content for livehappy.com. Thanks! —Joshna J. :) I found your fantastic website, and I have been inspired by the amazing stories and podcast. —Andrew B. :) I just picked up your magazine in the Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport and read it cover to cover by the time we got back to Chicago! I am in love with it. My name is Felecia, which means happiness, so the magazine title was my first attraction, and I am a huge fan of Queen Latifah gracing the cover. Every article wowed me, and I am definitely subscribing! Thank you for this experience! —Felecia G. :) I stopped in an airport lounge to have a little oatmeal and coffee before boarding my flight. It was here that I discovered Live Happy magazine. Oh my! It’s my soulmate in print and I’m in love. Every page leads to happy and joy. —Sandra L. :) My daughter and I talk about being Happy all the time. Most of our happy thoughts are centered around Nature and the outdoors. So when I saw "Live Happy" in the newsstands at the checkout line while in Whole Foods, I thought, Yeesss! It made me think so much of my daughter Nyah. She's always been such a happy girl. BTW, The article on Adult Sleep-Away Camps was awesome. Adults could benefit from getting in touch with their" inner child and finding their 'Happy' "! Thanks, Live Happy! —Ebony J. :) I just wanted to let you know that your magazine is so lovely. It puts a smile on my face when I see it in the mailbox. You will have a subscriber for a long time to come. And, I have already made a gift subscription for a friend’s birthday. Thank you so much. —Sue F. :) I’m not a very good flyer, so the positive reinforcement I get from reading Live Happy makes the flight a little smoother! —Paige S. :) I got to listen to the podcast this morning before the crazy day started. I got lots of good input that I needed for today. It really did help! Thank you Live Happy! —Joan A. :) Your recent podcasts with Amy Blankson and Laurie Berkner (my kids’ favorite singer) taught me so much about tech and parenting. —Evan M. :) Live Happy is amazing! The magazine was a welcomed delight but the podcasts are life-changing. I am able to play them at home and in the car. As a stay-at-home mom of kids that are 2 and 3 years old, I need all the focus, lessons, skills and happy time that I get from Live Happy Now. Plus my little guys listen in, too, so they are soaking up the happiness! —Rebecca P. :) OMG! I have known about Live Happy since its inception and have enjoyed the articles, interviews and ideas...and the podcasts are the best ever! I listen every morning while I’m working out. Sometimes I get lost in the subject, other times I am right there. The beauty is that I am so happy listening to good, happy, positive stuff, rather than the news or 24-hour sports commentary! —Lynda E. :) Thank You! I am 74 years old and am reading Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy. I have read many books in my day, but this book has touched me and motivated me more than I can even explain. I am savoring each page and know I will re-read it many times. I have never sent an email or letter like this, but felt compelled to. Again, thank you. —Faye W. _________________________________________________________ We want to hear from you, too! Contact us at editor@livehappy.com.
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Woman doing restorative yoga

The Healing Power of Restorative Yoga

Think of restorative yoga as the polar opposite of the high-adrenaline, often competitive “power yoga” that seems to dominate these days. Restorative yoga is a quiet, meditative practice that makes extensive use of props such as bolsters and blocks, enabling you to hold a pose for up to 20 minutes.By holding specific stretching and healing poses and concentrating on your breathing, restorative yoga brings about a state of deep calm to both body and mind.While doing each of the poses, close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath. With every exhalation, feel yourself relaxing completely.Here are three of my favorite restorative poses:Supported Bound Angle PoseBenefits: Relaxes the belly and shoulders and opens the chest and heart for better breathing. Relieves sciatica, varicose veins and menstrual pain.Place a bolster the length of your upper body on the floor behind you so that one end of the bolster supports your tailbone.Bring the soles of your feet together in a diamond shape and place a block or blanket under the outside of each knee.Bringing your hands behind your back on either side of the bolster, gently lower your back down onto the bolster so you are lying on top of it. (Make sure your back is resting on the bolster from your lower back all the way up to your neck.)Be aware of your neck and chin. If you find that your chin is jutting upward, place an extra blanket under your neck for support to help align the neck with the spine. (See how this pose is done in the main photo, above.)Supported bridge poseBenefits: This pose is great for runners, or anyone who has to stand for long hours. It helps reduce fatigue in the legs and hip muscles, and can help alleviate headaches as well.As in the previous pose, place a bolster the length of your upper body on the floor.Sit at one end of the bolster and, using your hands on either side, gently lower your back down onto the bolster from your lower back all the way up to your neck.Carefully slide your shoulders back off the end of the bolster so they touch the floor.Buckle a strap across your upper mid-thigh to help keep your legs together. (You may need to put a blanket beneath your neck for support. If you feel a strain in your lower back, bend your knees and plant your feet on the floor.) The pose looks something like this.Legs up the wall poseBenefits: This pose can help alleviate insomnia and stress.When doing this pose, I like to start by taking a folded blanket and placing it against the wall. (Another common variation is to place a bolster about six inches from the wall.Bring your right or left hip to the wall so you are lying sideways against the wall then swing your legs up the wall and straighten them. Your buttocks should be touching the wall and your lower back on the floor on top of the blanket.Move your buttocks toward the wall as close as you can get them. If you can’t reach the wall, place a bolster behind your legs for support.Straighten and lengthen your legs towards the ceiling and flex your ankles. You can buckle a strap around your mid-thighs to keep your legs together.Bring your arms alongside your body with palms facing up, allowing your shoulders and back to release to the floor. You may need a rolled-up towel or blanket beneath your neck for support. You will look something like this.Take a deep breath and allow your body to rest and focus on your breath. Keeping your eyes closed as you go even deeper inward.AlkaKaminer is a meditation and yoga expert living in New York. Find out more about Alka on her website, www.presentwisdom.com.
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Happy woman and little girl

Top 10 Tips to Boost Your Happiness

1. Set boundaries at work. If you are feeling frustrated, stressed or overwhelmed at work, your boundaries might be too porous. Practice identifying, asking for and keeping important boundaries. 2. Become a happiness broadcaster What you put out comes back to you. The next time someone asks you how you are, instead of just saying 'fine,' why not respond with something positive and meaningful? It's a way to build a stronger connection to that person. 3. Invest in your own wellbeing Quick wellness tip: If you want to feel more energetic and motivated, try going to bed one hour earlier. Many Americans are sleep deprived, and don’t even know it. 4. Create a new tiny habit If you want to read that book on your desk but feel overwhelmed by the thought, scale back to something very small. Start by reading just 10 pages a day, every day. Simple tasks require far less motivation and willpower to follow through. 5. Make a success list We all have patterns in our lives. The key is to identify, create and repeat the patterns or behaviors that continually lead to success. 6. Spruce up your workspace Prevent a monthly pile-up of paperwork and files by decluttering your desk on a weekly basis. It will give you an inner sense of calm. 7. Be aware of what’s going on with your teenager If you see your teenage son or daughter behaving differently than usual, it’s a red flag. Learn how to identify the hallmarks of depression, and to discern the difference between a serious disorder and normal teen angst. 8. Ease stress for the whole family American families today are time-starved and stressed. Try to establish schedules and routines, and stick to them. Consistency and predictability help control your home environment and can ease stress for the whole family. 9. Talk back to 'the voice' Use positive self-talk to combat self-doubt and the nagging negative voice inside your head—the one that tells you you're not good enough. 10. Take happiness seriously If you want anything in life, you have to study it! Become a student of happiness by reading one of our top-10 recommended books on the subject.
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Woman having a happy Monday.

6 Steps to a Happy Monday

Poor Mondays. The black sheep day of the week, they always get a bad rap.Here are six tips to help you love, instead of dread, Mondays.1. Don’t buy into the Monday hypeIf you believe Mondays are terrible, you might look for little things to prove your case. You stub your toe in the morning and automatically think, “Yep, here we go, this whole day is going to be a disaster.” How can you enjoy your Monday if you think Mondays are doomed? Don’t program your brain to scan for the bad stuff. Change your outlook to view Monday as the start of your spectacular week.2. Make Mondays easierWhat can you do on Sunday to make your Monday go more smoothly? Put outfits out for the kids ahead of time? Make a dish in the slow cooker to heat up Monday evening? Make sure your fridge it stocked up? Review your calendar for the week on Sunday nightand make your to-do list for the week. Then get a good night’s sleep so you can start the week refreshed.3. Identify why you don't like MondaysIf your stomach is in knots on Monday morning because you dread going to work, or you desperately wish you had a different job, it’s going to be tough to convince you to give your Monday some love. Do a gut check to identify the current obstacles to your everyday happiness and come up with a game plan to change your circumstances.4. Create Monday momentumMondays are the blank slate of your week. What project can you tackle and accomplish on Monday to start your week super-charged? What would your day look like if you felt fabulous at the end of it? Maybe a good workout at the beginning of your day would set the momentum, or cleaning out your desk or a closet so you feel fresh and organized for the days ahead.5. Fuel your happiness with anticipationIf Mondays are a struggle, schedule some things on your weekly calendar that you look forward to with anticipation, like a special date night or a fun family outing. Buy a new book you are excited to devour. Plan a call with a friend you haven’t talked to in ages. Anticipation helps fuel happiness, so incorporate it into your day.6. Turn Monday into Funday.Are there certain things you never do on Monday because it’s Monday? Maybe you never go out to dinner, or you rarely work from a coffee shop. Do something on Monday that will make it not feel like Monday. Bring breakfast treats into your office for everyone. Go to a movie with your spouse. Just doing something differently on Mondays can give you a happier feel.How do you perk up your Mondays? Let us know below or on our Facebook page.
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Woman on grass reading a book

Top 10 Books About Happiness

When you're a kid, you didn’t have to think about happiness. You wake up happy. You play and giggled, and live in the moment. As adults with stressful lives, it’s a challenge to maintain good spirits, let alone that kind of carefree happiness. But that doesn't stop us from trying.Lately there has been an explosion of books that aim to help us find happiness—everything from collections of quotes with bright yellow covers to serious tomes written by psychology professors. In-between are plenty of straight-up self-help guides, and a few Buddhist-tinged titles as well.Some of the books we chose for this list are more focused on finding success, while others take a spiritual approach. But they have one thing in common: They take happiness seriously.10% Happierby Dan HarrisSynposis: Meditation can help you focus on the present moment rather than worry about the future. Improve your health, sharpen your focus and enjoy a sense of inner calm. Start by sitting quietly for five minutes and just focus on your breathing. Find out more.The Art of Happinessby the Dalai LamaSynopsis:When life gets complicated, take a step back and remind yourself of your overall purpose or goal. Reflect on what will truly bring you happiness and then reset your priorities accordingly; this can give you a fresh perspective on what direction to take.Authentic Happinessby Martin E.P.SeligmanSynopsis:What is the good life? It’s actually a simple path. A pleasant life might be champagne and a sports car, but the good life is using your signature strengths every day to produce authentic happiness and abundant gratification.Written by the founder of the positive psychology movement.The Four Agreementsby Don Miguel RuizSynopsis: 1. Be impeccable with your word and speak with integrity. 2. Don’t take anything personally and realize people say and do things because of their own reality. 3. Don’t make assumptions and communicate clearly with others. 4. Always do your best. There, now you don't even have to read the book.The Happiness Advantageby ShawnAchorSynopsis:Insights gained from Harvard studies on happiness include: Habits are like financial capital. Forming one today is an investment that will automatically give out returns for years to come.The Happiness Projectby Gretchen RubinSynopsis: Are you focused on the things that really matter to you? Set measurable goals in an area of your life you want to improve (marriage, parenting, work, self-fulfillment) and build on those goals cumulatively with specific action steps. For example, increase your energy by going to bed early, getting organized and exercising more.The Gifts of ImperfectionbyBreneBrownSynopsis:Give up perfection. Take risks and put your true self out into the world. Use courage, compassion and connection to live a fuller life. Each day think, “I am enough.”The Magic of Thinking Bigby David J. SchwartzSynopsis: Believe it can be done and you will succeed. When you really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing in a solution paves the way to making that solution a reality.The Slight Edgeby Jeff OlsonSynopsis: It’s great to have dreams and aspirations, says Live Happy founder Jeff Olson. But it’s the small things we do in the moment that have a cumulative, compounding effect. You can achieve anything you want, but the only way to make it happen is not through quantum leaps, but by doing the little things over and over every single day. Find out more.Stumbling on Happinessby Daniel GilbertSynopsis:We aren’t very good at predicting what will make us happy, says Harvard professor Gilbert. Challenge what your imagination dreams up for the future. Strike a balance between feeling good enough to cope with a situation but bad enough to do something about it. Use your emotions as a compass to tell you what to do.
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Stressed-looking woman at work

6 Key Strategies for Achieving Success

Every time I tell someone that I'm writing a book onself-doubt,they say, “Oh I need that book!”Everyone experiences self-doubt at one time or another.Self-doubt might be that voice in your head that says, “Are you sure you've worked hard enough on this?” or, “Have you practiced enough?”It's normal to regularly question what we're doing and how we fit into our complex world. We’ll never eliminate self-doubt; instead we can learn how to manage it and use it as a driving force.Researchers concur that self-doubt becomes problematic onlywhen it's chronic. If you sabotage your performance with constant self-criticism, or often feel like you are an imposter and people will find you out, for example, you probably are hindered by chronic self-doubt.Below are six scientifically supported ways to manage self-doubt and use it as a constructive building block for success: 1. Re-frame difficulty as a positive forceThe other night, my niece complained that she doesn't like science class because she feels like she's “not good at it.” She added that she always has to work harder at science than her other subjects.This made me wonder: Why is it that people think something's wrong when they have to work hard and make a real effort? In one study at Stanford University led by psychology professor Carol Dweck, students in a control group learned that effort and difficulty is a normal part of growth, and should be perceived as a positive sign on the road to success. This shift in perception improved the students' academic performance and sense of wellbeing.2. Tap into past experiencesIf you’re feeling doubtful, ask yourself, “Have I ever been successful at this in the past?” If the answer is no, then ask yourself if you have ever been successful at a certain aspect of this task in the past.For example, I felt comfortable delivering workshops for years, but when people began asking me to be keynote speaker, I was terrified. After some reflection, I realized giving a keynote speech and running workshops are similar skills.Once I recognized the relevant skills I already had, I solicited help from professionals to learn the skills I still lacked. This improved not only my competence, but also my confidence.3. Practice self-compassionAccording to self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff, people who are more compassionate toward themselves have greater self-confidence. Those who don’t berate themselves when things go wrong are more likely to persist and take the risks needed to progress because they are less afraid of failure. “When it’s safe to fail, it’s safe to try.” Says Neff. (To learn more, watch my interview with Dr. Neff.)4. Doubt your doubtsOften when we embark on something new, negative thoughts can take over. “Who are you to think you can do this? ... Who cares about what you have to say?”I used to be the queen of negative self-talk. I learned to talk back to those undermining thoughts by asking: “Is this true?” Identify what your negative inner voice is saying, and then evaluate it from an objective point of view.More often than not, that little voice in our heads is spouting more fiction than fact. What's more, you can counter that inner critic with objective, rational and affirmative thoughts.5. Stop ruminatingExcessive thinking about what you should have done differently in the past can bleed into the present. So if you are stuck in negative ruminations about the past as you’re faced with a new task, you actually reduce your ability to focus on your present performance.To stop ruminating about times when my performance was disappointing, I say to myself, “I did my best with what I knew at the time.” Then I analyze what I think I could have done differently and I move on. (The moving on part is key.)6. Don't make your self-worth contingent on your accomplishmentsAmerican culture often perpetuates the idea that our worth is contingent upon our ongoing accomplishments. When we are succeeding, our self-worth goes up, and when we are failing, we feel worthless. People who do not tie their self-worth to their accomplishments in fact see failure on the same continuum as success—as a necessary step to ultimate achievement of goals.Rather than a reflection of how unworthy we are, failure can be a sign that we are still learning or have picked the wrong strategy for the circumstances. I try to remember what Maya Angelou once said: “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”Louisa Jewellis the president of theCanadian Positive Psychology Association, as well as a speaker, author, and instructor of psychology at the University of Toronto.
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