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Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Managing Holiday Anxiety With Dr. David Rosmarin [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 444 of Live Happy Now. It's beginning to look a lot like the holiday season, and for many people, that means a whole lot of anxiety. This week, we're going to tell you why that might not be such a bad thing. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and today I'm sitting down with Dr. David Rosmarin, an associate professor at Harvard Medical School, Program Director at McLean Hospital, and Founder of the Center for Anxiety. He's also author of the new book, Thriving with Anxiety: 9 Tools to Make Your Anxiety Work for You. David is here to talk about why the holidays cause so much stress and anxiety, how we can use that to our advantage, and give us tips on getting through the season with our physical and mental well-being intact. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:52] PF: David, thank you for joining me today. [0:00:54] DR: My great pleasure. Thanks for having me on your show. [0:00:56] PF: Well, we are kicking off our holiday season coverage, and we're going to really be diving into some mental health struggles and some of the challenges that we face during this time. You are a great way to kick it off, because your message is about anxiety. Before we talk about what the holidays do to us, I want to talk, you have a new book out and it's called Thriving with Anxiety. For a lot of people, that's a title that just sounds impossible. Can you tell us what you've found about how we can actually thrive with anxiety? [0:01:27] DR: Yeah, absolutely. The holidays are definitely a time for high anxiety and also, a time that many people do not thrive. I can understand the question, why is this book called Thriving with Anxiety? The truth is that anxiety, the more you fight it, the more you try not to feel anxious, the more anxious you're going to feel, because you're just feeding it. You're actually feeding adrenaline into your system, the more you fight against it. The reality is we are going to feel anxious this holiday season. When we're dealing with those family members we don't want to deal with, when we're dealing with those situations and running up a credit card bill when it comes to the presents and all the familiar stuff and eating too much of the holiday meals and feeling overweight and trying to compensate and all sorts of other standard stuff at the end of the year as the weather changes also. There are so many ways that that normal human experience can keep us humble, can keep us connected to others and help us to reach out to friends who we really want to connect with and that we can become more emotionally resilient through facing these difficult feelings, as opposed to trying to, I would say, snuff them out and get rid of them. [0:02:39] PF: What's really natural for us too, as soon as we feel anxiety creeping up, we do try to stop it. Because we don't want to go there, so how do you embrace that? Or is that the right thing to do? [0:02:50] DR: Yeah. Well, I just want to clarify, we do that in our culture. In many other cultures, that's not true. That's actually not true, that anxiety is simply part and parcel of the human experience and understood to be, “Okay, I'm having a bad day.” In the United States, in my income Western countries, we have adopted this culture of, “I can never feel bad. If I do, something's wrong with me. It's a medical diagnosis. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I shouldn't have to feel panicky, or uncomfortable.” I think it's that attitude towards anxiety that has actually created the anxiety epidemic in these countries right here, right here at home. [0:03:29] PF: That's so interesting, because I had never thought of it in that way. Now you founded the Center for Anxiety, and I was curious to know what made anxiety your choice of practice? What made you decide to really look at anxiety? [0:03:45] DR: Personally? Oh, well, that's a personal question. I'm happy to go there, because definitely, I have a good deal of anxiety myself, and there's been a life journey that I've gone through to try to figure out the best ways to accept it and to understand it and to actually use it as a strength, which is something that I'm very proud to be able to do today. I still get anxious from time to time, but I think when that happens, I speak about it with people I trust, with people I love, and it creates more connection. I think it humbles me on a good day, and I accept that there's only so much that I can understand, and only so much I can control, which is hard to do, but it's an important aspect of being human. I think it also helps me relate to others to understand that emotional pain and emotional difficulties are part of life, and certainly part of my patient's lives. I think speaking about it, as one of my patients actually wrote me an email saying, “It makes me more human.” I'll take that compliment .There's not much more I can ask for. [0:04:44] PF: I like that. As the holidays start approaching and are already talking about this, so we know that anxiety comes with the holidays. Is that making it worse, or people do have that anticipatory, “Oh, here it comes”? [0:04:59] DR: Actually, I think it makes it better, which is why I wanted to speak about it at the beginning, and make it clear. What happens with the holiday anxiety, and one of the reasons I think we have so much holiday anxiety, is because a lot of people go in, even though we know we're going to feel anxious. At the end of the day, we know what's coming, right? There's this faint hope that this holiday season, it's going to be different, right? That the conversations with family are going to be great, and I'm not going to overdo it on the Thanksgiving turkey, and I'm not going to – that expectation – we also have this expectation of ourselves, like it should be a joyous season, we should be happy all the time. There becomes a chasm between our expectation for this season, and what actually happens. It's that chasm which actually sets us into anxiety, I believe. [0:05:50] PF: How so? How does that trigger us? [0:05:52] DR: Well, when you expect to feel happy and content, and you don't expect to feel anxious, and then all of a sudden, you're anxious, well, now you're going to be pissed off about the fact that you're anxious, right? You feel this way. That will physiologically trigger more adrenaline into your system, and actually make you more upset and more anxious. [0:06:11] PF: Oh, man. Yeah, so I do want to get here in a couple minutes, talk about how we deal with those feelings and that adrenaline, but we have more stress during the holidays, and that leads to anxiety. Can you talk about the difference between stress and anxiety? Because sometimes I hear it used interchangeably, and they really are two different things. [0:06:32] DR: They are two different things, but they feel the same. The reason is because the physiological processes that are involved are similar. They have the same symptoms, if you will, like having a bit of a racing heart, muscle tension, increased breathing, stomach upset and distress. Some people feel a little bit dizzy and off-kilter, having a little bit less energy. These are common to both stress and anxiety, but there is a difference. Stress is very simple to define. Stress is when you have too much to do and not enough resources to be able to do it. If you're 10 minutes away from an appointment, and you have to be there in four minutes, or two minutes, you're going to be stressed for the residual. In six minutes, or eight minutes, or whatever it is, because you're not there. You have to do something and you only have so much time. The same is true for money. The same is true for emotional resources, and other resources that we might have. Whenever there's this shortfall, or this gap between our demands and our resources, you are going to feel stressed. The way to handle it is by rebalancing and recalibrating. I have to increase my resources and I have to decrease my demands. That's really the only way to manage it. Anxiety is a bit of a different animal. If you understand anxiety, you have to understand fear. I'm going to throw a third juggling ball into the mix. We have stress, then we have fear, and then we have anxiety. What's fear? Fear is a healthy response. It is a healthy thing that your body is programmed to do when there's a real threat which comes upon. If that threat occurs, if somebody's being chased, if someone's being, is a car coming towards you, if there's some a situation where you have to respond immediately in order to protect yourself, you have this built-in mechanism called the fight or flight system and it's triggered by adrenaline. Adrenaline goes instantly into your bloodstream and increases your heart rate, the rate of oxygenated blood flowing through your veins, increases your muscle tone, increases the field of vision, so you're able to see better across the board, and all sorts of amazing physiological changes to keep you safe and healthy. Now, anxiety is the same thing, but there's one small difference. The only difference is that anxiety is a fear response without a real threat. If there's no real threat, if it's in your mind, that would be anxiety. If it's a potential threat. Not something that's clear, present danger in front of you. That would be fear. Without the clear and present danger, that would be anxiety. [0:09:04] PF: Oftentimes though, we feel that it is a real threat. [0:09:08] DR: Yeah. [0:09:09] PF: It seems very, very real when that's happening. [0:09:13] DR: There's nothing wrong with that. Sort of like, your system is just priming itself to be able to react if it needed to. [0:09:19] PF: When it becomes overwhelming, what about when it's so much that it's like, “Okay, I can't breathe, or I can't – There's so much adrenaline, I need to sit down.” Different people can just feel completely overwhelmed by it. How do you regulate that to keep it from hitting that point? [0:09:35] DR: Well, I think, first, we have to reframe it and understand that that means that your neural system is actually intact and your emotional system works. If there were some sort of a threat, your body actually would respond very well to that. Anxiety is an overactive fear response, but fear is a good thing. The first thing we need to do is reframe and understand, if you have an anxiety response, that means that your body is actually working well. Your fear response is intact, which is actually a very healthy thing. It's like testing your smoke alarms and knowing that it works. [0:10:10] PF: I love that analogy. That's really good. [0:10:13] DR: It's a true thing. The other day, it happened to me. I was in a doctor's office and they were doing this procedure. I hadn't eaten much that day and I just – it was an international trip that I was on, so my sleep was off-kilter. They were doing this procedure, which I was not expecting to have. It really, all of a sudden, clammy hands, cotton mouth, feeling a little bit woozy and a little dizzy, which sometimes happens when people have that anxiety response. I said to myself, “Oh, wow. Your fear response works. Here you are.” Under the stress. It was not comfortable, but I just leaned into it. I didn't judge it. I didn't get upset about it. It was over within two minutes. [0:10:54] PF: How do you learn, or did you learn to lean into it like that? Because many of us, anyone who's dealt with anxiety for a long time, we have a pretty well-conditioned response to that. It's going to take a minute to change that thinking. Were there any practices that you did, maybe even when you weren't anxious, to start reframing it in your mind? [0:11:17] DR: There definitely are practices, but the first and foremost step was to get this very clearly into my mind that when I feel anxious, nothing is wrong with me. This isn't something that's going to kill me. Anxiety doesn't kill people. It's just not the way it is to really, truly come to that belief very clearly. Are there practices? There definitely are practices that you can use. One of them is to stop avoiding things that make you anxious. [0:11:50] PF: If a crowd makes you anxious, you need to go shopping in a crowd, not sit at home and [inaudible 0:11:54]. [0:11:56] DR: A 100%. You got to go during the rush. Now, if you want to avoid situations when your anxiety is going to be, I don't know, on a scale of zero to 10, like an eight, or a nine, okay, I get that. You want to work your way up to it? Fine. But definitely go when it's going to be a four or five. Push yourself and experience the anxiety and let it wash over you. [0:12:21] PF: Can we talk about some of the things that might be exclusive to the holiday season? One of those being office gatherings. We have our office party. Some people really cannot stand going to those. It's a very nerve-wracking thing for them on many different levels. Say, you've got to go. You know you need to do this. What are some of the ways that you can prepare yourself going into that? [0:12:44] DR: That's a great question. For some people, this might be an eight, or a nine out of 10. I want to be clear. If that's the case, then you probably do need some professional support and help around this and to strategize. To give some general strategies, I'll tell you what not to do. Don't drink away your anxiety at the holiday party. [0:13:04] PF: No one's ever done that. Come on. [0:13:06] DR: Yeah, never. You'd be surprised in college, how many people – that's not the holiday party, but in college, how many students, how many college students develop alcohol use disorders because of anxiety, because of social anxiety. [0:13:20] PF: Oh, interesting. [0:13:21] DR: In the weeks leading up, getting back to the holiday party analogy, in the weeks leading up to it, think about it. What are you anxious to do? Are you anxious to make small talk? Are you anxious to speak to certain specific people on the team? Are you anxious with people of the same gender, opposite gender? What exactly is it? You're nervous about what to wear? Often, when we feel anxious about these things, we don't think about it. We put it out of our mind. “Oh, I'll deal with it later.” It'll be fine, but you know it's not going to be fine, right? Come up with a plan for whatever it is making you anxious. Think it through and start in advance. If you're nervous about speaking to whoever it is on the team, well, you have a little bit of time now before your holiday parties. Have a conversation with them in advance. Try to strike up a convo and lean into that anxiety in advance. Maybe hard at the holiday party. Might be too late. But while there's time, take it. [0:14:21] PF: Is it possible to use self-talk in the time leading up to that, to flip your thinking on it? I'll try to cheerlead myself into when I have something coming up that I don't want to do, I will start weeks sometimes in advance telling myself how excited I am about this, how great it's going to go. It's going to be fantastic. Even thinking about some of the conversations I'm going to have to really get myself jazzed for it. [0:14:46] DR: I like the idea of psyching yourself up. I think it's a good idea. I think it's also important to have the self-talk, to say, your job is not to have a good time at the holiday party. Your job is to show up, to be nice, that other people will like you, and that you'll be – and to leave at an appropriate time. Does not have to be a fun, fantastic, awesome experience, so people just don't like it and that's okay. The goal is to face the fear, be socially appropriate, and leave. I think that's a much lower bar. If we psyche ourself up to facing the challenge and moving on, I'm totally fine with that one. [0:15:27] PF: Absolutely. Then another biggie is those family gatherings. It's not just the gathering itself. It's all the planning, the demands around it, especially when you're married and there's grandchildren and different people want to pull at it. What's your survival guide for people this holiday season when it comes to dealing with family? [0:15:49] DR: Yeah. I like how you said survival guide, because you do need to, personally to survive. Secondly, is you need a comprehensive guide. I'll give you a couple of ideas. Firstly, it is important again to lean into the uncomfortable feelings and to think about it in advance. What is going, probably going to happen at the party? Which cousin, uncle, family, sibling, whatever is going to make that off-color, uncomfortable, remark at the wrong time? How is that going to go down? How can you prepare for this in advance? Sometimes it doesn't mean saying something in advance like, “Hey, we're really looking forward to seeing you. Could we please avoid the topic of whatever it is.” Dejure. There's plenty that can really upset just other people and say, “Okay, we want to get together and have fun. If you want to have a conversation about that, let's get together another time to talk about that issue, but not – please, if we could avoid it.” You can be a little assertive about those things. I'm a big fan for automating what you got to do. If there's any ways to decrease the stress of preparing. You mentioned preparing meals, or having people over, by ordering in advance, by catering, by doing potluck, by doing these sorts of things, take it. You don't have to do everything yourself. If you're the host, or the hostess, that can really ruin the holidays. There's no reason why it needs to be that way. It might mean having conversations with people around. We'd love to get together, but this is too much for me and this is what I need. This is what we're going to do. [0:17:26] PF: I love that approach, because we're often afraid to say that. Or especially say a woman who's always hosted Christmas, or Thanksgiving at their house and is saying like, maybe she feels overwhelmed, but she doesn't feel right saying, “I can't do it this year.” [0:17:40] DR: Yeah. It could be that it just, you can't do it this year, or you don't want to do it this year. That's a conversation to have with the people around you and to see how they can pitch in and make it a little easier for you. Maybe a little more inconvenient for them. But well, that's part of the conversation. [0:17:58] PF: Yeah. Yeah. Because I know I have a friend who they had a blow-up last holiday season. He's already, I mean, back in September, he was already dreading like, “How are we going to get through this with her family?” It is very important to have that conversation ahead of time, but I think people are also concerned to do that. They're a little wary of bring – they don't want to be the one who brings it up. [0:18:22] DR: Yeah. Yeah, I got that. Part of it is that we live in a society that really values being on your game, being in control, being able to do everything you possibly can, working two jobs and also making Thanksgiving dinner for 50 people, or whatever it is, the proverbial host or hostess is with the most this. I think that there are limits. We're human. People go through periods of higher stress and lower stress. If you're already running ragged going into the holiday season, well, it might be time to accept and to embrace those limits. Actually, that might be the reason to, I shouldn't say the reason. That might be the catalyst for enhancing relationships with family. Often, when people don't say, “Hey, I need help. I can't do this. These are my limits.” That's when the blowups happen, because the stress is so high before you even go in. “I've done so much for this. How could they possibly say that? Don't they understand?” The answer is they don't understand, because you never said anything. [0:19:28] PF: Right. [0:19:29] DR: There's that dynamic. [0:19:31] PF: How important is it to be able to let your family know? I'm not saying your extended family, but just immediately, if you are anxious, if you’re anxious about getting together with your spouse's parents and family, or if there's a lot of anxiety for you, how important is it that you can share that with your partner, or with somebody that you're close to in the family? [0:19:50] DR: I like how you said someone that you're close to, because it doesn't have to be your partner. Ideally, it would be your partner. Sometimes it's hard for you. I can imagine one partner saying to the other, “I really have his trouble dealing with your family.” That's a hard – [0:20:05] PF: What could go wrong there, David? [0:20:07] DR: Right. Those conversations don't always go well. Let's just put it that way. It can go sideways pretty quickly. However, having someone to speak to, even if it's a therapist, or another family member, or a sibling, or someone to strategize about it, to speak to, to bond with over it. I think also, there are certain ways that you can say certain things. It could be that, “I'm really looking forward to having your family over this year. I'm also thinking about last year and these three things happened. I'm wondering how you can help me navigate it, because that was really hard on me when that happened.” Starting with the positive, really focused, being prepared for that conversation. Unfortunately, some spouses can't even have those conversations. That's not all marriages, or partnerships are going to be that close. That's just the way it is, but it's important to speak to somebody about it. Don't weather it alone. [0:21:01] PF: That's important. Yeah, that could be the sound bite of the whole thing. Just don't weather it alone. The holiday season, a specific event, you really do need someone to have your back and to know that you can bounce things off of them. [0:21:14] DR: For sure. I definitely do. [0:21:16] PF: What kind of self-care practices can people do on a daily basis? [0:21:20] DR: Yes, I'm so glad you mentioned self-care. Now, this is one of the ways that anxiety can help you to thrive. Because if you know that you are feeling anxious, you're feeling ramped up, you're feeling stressed, you're having a hard time already, and it's just getting into holiday season, we're only getting started. That's your body signaling to you. You need to increase your sleep. You need to start having breakfast before not eating throughout the day and then gouging at nighttime and feeling terrible about it. You start shutting off your phone half hour before bedtime and also, having a bedtime, starting an exercise routine now, not waiting until January. All of these kinds of things. Even if you just take the sleep. I can't tell you how many patients I've seen, where they were super stressed out and I simply said to them, “I don't want to see you on a regular basis. I just want you to work on your sleep. Get seven to eight hours of sleep for two weeks and then you can call me back.” They called me back and did not need any therapy. [0:22:20] PF: That's amazing. [0:22:21] DR: It's happened multiple times. [0:22:23] PF: Yeah. That TV in the bedroom is a bad, bad thing. [0:22:26] DR: Oh, my God. TV and devices. Do not keep your device next to your bed. Get a regular dumb alarm clock, if you need it. [0:22:35] PF: Yup. If something happens, people will find you. If you need to be contacted – [0:22:38] DR: Yeah. So, yeah. [0:22:41] PF: Yeah, that's really important. That sleep. Then also, this is – we had already alluded to it. We don't eat properly. This isn't about overeating. This is about being sure that your body is getting the nutrients and getting the nutrition that it needs, because when we're stressed out and when we're anxious, we are burning through our calories. How important is it that we start really looking at, making sure we're getting some good nutritional food in us, too? [0:23:08] DR: It is important. Sleep, I would say, is more of a card to play. Exercise, I would also say is another more important card. Nutrition certainly is up there. One of them also is caffeine and alcohol. Those come up a lot during the holidays in both amounts. When you have caffeine, even one cup of Coke, or Dr. Pepper, these are highly caffeinated beverages, or coffee. If you're having it in the evening, or even after 3, 4 pm, 150, 200 milligrams of caffeine, you're probably going to have trouble sleeping at night time. I think it's time probably to kick the afternoon Coke habit if you're going to go into the holiday season and be prepared. Have those good night's sleep at a regular time. Wake up and do your thing. Then the other one is alcohol, which we mentioned, which can – just to be mindful of how you're drinking, when you're drinking, who you're drinking with, why you're drinking. All of these are important to keep in mind. [0:24:03] PF: That's a really tough one during the holiday season. I know we have two events this week, during the week. I wouldn't normally go out and have a cocktail, but that's going to be probably the reality of it. As you said, we are just getting started. [0:24:19] DR: Yeah. I don't have a problem with drinking, or social drinking. Where people get into trouble is, if you are drinking when you feel anxious, especially if you are drinking, because you feel anxious, that's where people can get into trouble. They end up overdoing it. They end up having to recover from it the next day. [0:24:39] PF: If someone's feeling anxious and it's like, “I'm just going to have this glass of wine and that's going to solve it.” What should they do instead? [0:24:47] DR: It's hard to say, but try to lean into the anxiety more and embrace it. Understand that it's the holiday party might not be festive or fun and that's okay. Can you weather that storm? What I would prefer to see is somebody makes it through the party, they make it through dinner, they're not drinking, they're dealing with their anxiety, they leave early, but a socially appropriate time to leave. They go home and then they have a glass of wine. That would be okay with. [0:25:16] PF: That's great. Yeah, that makes a little bit more sense. [0:25:18] DR: Drinking in response to your anxiety, you're really rewarding yourself at the end of the day. I worked hard and here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to enjoy it now. Then you'll actually enjoy the drink, as opposed to – [0:25:28] PF: That's what I was going to say. It's probably a lot more enjoyable, because you don't have this – you’re just trying to get this medicine in you. [0:25:34] DR: It is self-medication. It's exactly what it is. People, aside from the alcohol abuse, the propensity of the risk for abuse and independence, even for anxiety, it's not a great idea. [0:25:47] PF: Yeah. Yeah. As we enter this holiday season, what is the one thing that you would like everybody to keep in mind? We are going to tell them about your book and how they can find it. If you had, if this was a masterclass and this is the one thing they're going to take away, what do you hope they will keep in mind this holiday season? [0:26:05] DR: Yeah. I'll tell you right now. Don't fight your anxiety. The more you fight the anxiety, the worse it gets. Instead, understand that your anxiety is there to strengthen you, to increase your emotional resilience, to help you bond with other people when you speak to those one or two other people about it. And to help you to recalibrate and rebalance and understand that there's only so much we can do. There are human limits. If you're feeling really jazzed up and anxious, well, or stressed out, I should say, it's time to rebalance. One thing I have to say is don't fight it. Do not fight your anxiety. Let it be there and let it teach you what it means to teach you. [0:26:42] PF: Very well said. David, thank you so much for joining me today. This is very insightful. I know our listeners are going to get a ton out of it as we move into the holiday season. [0:26:51] DR: I hope so. Thanks so much for having me on your show. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:26:58] PF: That was Dr. David Rosmarin, talking about anxiety. If you'd like to learn more about David, check out his new book, Thriving with Anxiety: 9 Tools to Make Your Anxiety Work for You. Follow him on social media, or download a free guide on anxiety. Just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Rethinking Gratitude With Casey Johnson [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 443 of Live Happy Now. November is National Gratitude Month. This week, we're rethinking everything we know about how to practice gratitude. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and every year around this time, we at Live Happy like to celebrate gratitude. But this time, we took a slightly different approach. So I'm sitting down with Live Happy’s Social Media Marketing Manager, Casey Johnson, who joined me on a quest to find unconventional ways to create or add to your gratitude practice. As you're about to hear, we found some great new ways to build gratitude, and we're even going to tell you how to get the whole family involved. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:45] PF: Hey, Casey. How's it going today? [00:00:47] CJ: Good. How about yourself? [00:00:49] PF: I'm doing great. It's gratitude month. [00:00:52] CJ: Yes, our favorite time of the year. [00:00:55] PF: It is. That's like such a big deal for us. I mean, I know people think we're like these gratitude geeks, which I guess we are but – [00:01:02] CJ: We definitely are. Yes. [00:01:04] PF: But it's fun, and what I'm excited about this year is we do talk about gratitude so much. So we wanted to find a way to approach it a little bit differently. You and I had conversations around that. I think because of that, I'm going to let you explain what we decided to do. [00:01:20] CJ: Yes, absolutely. This year, we wanted to look for, like you said, some new ways to practice gratitude that maybe we haven't thought about in the past. For example, when most people think of gratitude, they think about like jotting down a few things in your journal that you're grateful for, which is a great practice. I mean, I do this often. But sometimes, you can feel burnt out from doing the same gratitude practice over and over. Sometimes, you might just stop practicing gratitude because you feel burnt out doing the same practice. So with that being said, it turns out that there's a lot of cool things that we hadn't thought of, and I'm excited to jump in. [00:02:00] PF: Well, I know, and it was kind of fun. We were like gratitude detectives. [00:02:04] CJ: We were with our magnifying glass. [00:02:07] PF: Yes, we were a little bloodhound there. Yes. We were looking for it. It's like, “Okay, what can we do differently?” Like you said, there's a lot of different ways. What I love about this is we do kind of get caught up in like, okay, this is how we practice gratitude, and we don't really think outside the box. There was even a study that showed in one of the Asian countries that the young people who were asked to practice gratitude by keeping a gratitude journal started becoming depressed because they felt like they didn't have any new things. So it became counterproductive to just keep a gratitude journal. I think that kind of speaks to what you were saying. You can start feeling burnt out on it, and you want something new. [00:02:47] CJ: Exactly. [00:02:48] PF: One thing that I learned this year, and this was really life-changing for me, I interviewed Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar earlier this year, and he talked about his gratitude practice. This is something he has done every day since September of 1999, and he can tell you the exact day. But he said he uses Barbara Frederickson's theory of heartfelt positivity. So what he does is when he writes down something he's grateful for, he doesn't just stop there. So he's not like, “I'm grateful for –” Like in my case, my dog, Josie. What I would do is like I'm going to write down Josie's name, and then I'm going to shut my eyes, and I'm going to think about a time that I spent with her and how it made me smile, how it made me feel. Really take myself back in that time and feel not just the gratitude I have for her being in my life but feel that positive emotion that she brings to me. I thought, wow, that is such a powerful way to harness gratitude, and it's super effective. [00:03:48] CJ: I absolutely agree, and that reminds me of something I saw today actually on Instagram. I learned about this term called glimmer. Have you heard of glimmers? [00:03:59] PF: I've been hearing about that. Yes. Tell us about that. [00:04:01] CJ: So it's basically like the opposite of a trigger. So like glimmers are those micro-moments in your day that make you feel joy, happiness, or gratitude. So for myself and even for our listeners, like once you train your brain to be on the lookout for glimmers and even just gratitude, the more these tiny moments will begin to appear. When you were talking about Josie, it kind of reminded me of glimmers. [00:04:29] PF: That's very cool. Yes. That's exactly what it is. Like it's bringing that to mind, and it brings back those feelings. So you had one that I liked that you were talking about called a portrait in gratitude, which is it all ties into this. So you want to tell us what that's about? [00:04:45] CJ: Yes. So I recently read about this insomnia hack. So here's what it said. If you can't sleep at night, you have trouble sleeping, I have trouble falling asleep sometimes myself, they said to think of something or someone you appreciate and all of the reasons or memories surrounding that person or thing. So it's like a super simple practice that you can do just laying in bed, and it'll naturally relax your mind and body, which in return will help you fall asleep. Hopefully, you'll be falling asleep with a heart full of gratitude. [00:05:21] PF: That's nice and that changes how you wake up, too. [00:05:24] CJ: It does. Yes. It really does. When I go to bed at night, like my evening routine, I try to make sure like it's full of positivity and things like that. I try not to watch like True Crime before I go to bed. Otherwise, like – [00:05:38] PF: Or the news. [00:05:39] CJ: Or the news. Yes, seriously. But, yes, no, you're totally right. [00:05:43] PF: You could also use that when you're waking up, I would think, because I don't have trouble falling asleep. I'm like I see the bed, I hit the bed, I am the bed. [00:05:53] CJ: I’m so jealous of people like you. [00:05:56] PF: But on the other hand, like waking up I need to do slowly. I feel like, for me, that's one that I would use as I'm waking up and trying to enter my day. [00:06:06] CJ: Yes. [00:06:07] PF: Yes. That is very cool. One of the things that I found talked about the five senses of gratitude. We know that sound and smell are really, really powerful. What the five senses of gratitude is about is just closing your eyes. We close our eyes a lot in this practice, I guess. Don't do this while you're driving. So when you're – like whatever moment that you're in and to find that gratitude for that moment just kind of close your eyes and take in the sounds, the smells. Like feel what's around you, the texture of what's around you, and even the taste. Then, yes, look around and look at what you appreciate and what you see. Just kind of take time to drop into that and really spend time in that moment, feeling each sense, and identifying it. [00:07:03] CJ: I really like that. It kind of reminds me of like a gratitude meditation almost. [00:07:09] PF: Yes, yes. Because it's hard to be stressed out if you are completely absorbed in your surroundings, unless you're in really stressful surroundings. But, yes, you're going to relax and you're really going to get rid of whatever is hanging around you that day, whatever might be going on in your life, and just be in that moment with all five of your senses. [00:07:32] CJ: Yes. I love that. [00:07:34] PF: You had another one because I know – [00:07:35] CJ: Yes, I did. So we talk a lot about being grateful for what we have. But one way to experience more gratitude can be to imagine our lives without something. So, for example, sometimes when I feel stressed, I'll close my eyes, not behind the wheel. I'll close my eyes and imagine that – this kind of ties into what you're talking about, but anyway. So I'll close my eyes and imagine the space around me. I'll try to see how many things I can picture in my mind that I'm grateful for. So this could be anything like Wi-Fi, my phone, my couch. Really makes me sound like a millennial but these things are truly difficult to live without in our modern world. Maybe not the couch. That's just kind of a nice thing to have. But like Wi-Fi and phone, like it's so important to be connected. That's how we do our work, stay connected with loved ones. Anyway, after you imagine those things, then open your eyes and just like take a moment and just take it all in and appreciate everything as it is. It's just a way of – it's different from gratitude journaling because you're really just like leaning into like the simplicity of these objects that we don't realize how much we rely on daily. [00:09:00] PF: Yes. When I find that really useful, too, is when I'm having a bad technology day, and you're at that point where you just really want to throw the computer out the window. Instead, if you can do that, if you can be like, “All right. Well, what would I do without this computer?” I just try to look at it differently and try to find this gratitude or appreciation. Like, yes, even though this technology is wreaking havoc on my mental health at this very moment, it allows me to work. It allows me to work with Live Happy. It allows me to talk to people around the country for the podcast. There's so much that it allows me to do. Another way that that's useful, and this is something I learned from Stacy Kaiser, the therapist, and she had been on our show a few times. She did a post one time, talking about when you are frustrated with your partner, your spouse, any close loved one, imagine your life without them, and it will give you a different perspective. It does. I've used that many, many times ever since I read that from her, and it's kind of that same thing. It gives you gratitude when you think about the fact that they may not always be in your life. That is a cool way to do gratitude is to like look at it. Like reverse it, instead of looking at it as what you have being grateful for. When you think of yourself without it, you’re grateful for it. That was another thing that I found that was called a reverse bucket list. It kind of goes along that same vein, where instead of thinking about all the things that we still want to do because that can create a sense of FOMO in itself. Like, “Oh, man. I still want to go,” whatever. Climb Mount Kilimanjaro. I don't want to do that, by the way. Just saying that. [00:10:47] CJ: Just for an example. [00:10:49] PF: Yes, yes. But instead, thinking about the things that you have done that were just amazing that you've already checked off that so-called bucket list. I think that – Cindy, my partner, is a photographer, and that's been really helpful because we've had amazing trips. All of the art in our home are photos that she's taken, and they all have a – [00:11:10] CJ: Oh, amazing. [00:11:12] PF: Yes. They all have a special meaning because it was somewhere fantastic that we went, and I love that about it. This reverse bucket list allows you to go back and look at the things that you've done and the gratitude that you have for having been able to do that. [00:11:30] CJ: I love that, and I just love that all of your art is her photography. That is goals. [00:11:37] PF: Yes, it is. It's fun. It's fun. [00:11:39] CJ: Yes. You know, speaking of like gratitude turnarounds, this made me think of another thing that I recently read. For me, I've started doing this. When my negative thoughts start to spiral, it's helpful for me to go back to the basics, and grab a pen and paper. So what to do with the pen and paper, you draw a line down the middle of the page. On one side, create a list of all the things that are upsetting you in that moment, that are triggering those negative thoughts. Then on the other side of the page, turn each scenario and see if you can see each complaint in a more positive life. So it ties into what you're saying, like that reverse gratitude. Again, the example of like loved ones. So here's an example. It's somewhat true. My sister and I are really close, and she hasn't returned my calls in a few days. She's got two kids. I'm like not holding it against her, but we're close. We talk a lot. [00:12:38] PF: You were there before the kids. Come on. [00:12:40] CJ: I know. So instead of being upset about it, I shift my mindset into I'm grateful to be so close to my sister. Or like I'm grateful that my sister is in my life and healthy and happy and has these beautiful children, that I allow her not to call me back. [00:12:58 PF: Yes. See. I like doing that because it takes the focus off of you. Instead of it being you haven't called me back, then it's on we have this incredible relationship. I think that can really help a relationship blossom because sometimes, especially in instances like that, and it can happen with friends, like friends who live far away, and you go a long time without talking to each other, and you start feeling like, “Well, I was the last one that called them, and they haven't called me.” Instead of getting caught up in that little vortex, yes, you can actually enrich that relationship by cultivating your sense of gratitude. Like why are they such a great friend? Why have you had them in your life for so long? What is it you appreciate about them? I think that's amazing. The next time you do talk to them, you're going to have a richer experience. So now, one reason that we want to talk about gratitude is because we have Thanksgiving coming up, and that's always the whole thank you thing. What I think is really cool is if you can get the whole family working together on gratitude and not just going around everybody names one thing that they're thankful for, which is, I mean, that's nice. It's a nice thing to do. But I think, okay, people can step it up just a little bit and one – [00:14:21] CJ: It's kind of like getting burnt out from the gratitude journaling. [00:14:26] PF: Yes. Because you know people are thinking like three days in advance. It's like, “Okay. Well, Bob's going to say this, and so I'm going to say this.” You kind of are like already planning. So one of the things that I saw, and this was so cool, it's called the gratitude game. So the first person has to say something that they're grateful for. For example, if I say Casey, so the next person now has to say something they're grateful for, but it's got to start with a Y because that's what Casey ends with. [00:15:02] CJ: Oh, wow. [00:15:03] PF: Yes. So then you go around, and then nothing can be repeated. Then you have to go around, and everybody has to come up with something they appreciate based on the last letter of what the person before them said. [00:15:18] CJ: That is so fun. I am implementing that in my family's Thanksgiving this year. [00:15:23] PF: Do it. I think that sounds like a lot of fun. [00:15:24] CJ: That is such a great idea. [00:15:26] PF: Yes. It just kind of shakes up the whole what I'm grateful for, and it makes you work harder. We know that when your brain starts looking for gratitude, it rewires. So that's – so you're actually doing your family a favor, even if they're like, “Casey, no. We're not going to do that.” [00:15:44] CJ: Yes. I'm sure they'll be like, “Of course, you recommended this.” But then once they start playing it, I mean, they'll have fun with it. Like just hearing you explain the rules, like that sounds so fun. That's very on-brand for me and definitely making my family do that this year. [00:15:59] PF: Yes. I like the idea of shaking it up a little bit and making people – [00:16:02] CJ: Yes. Keep things fresh. [00:16:03] PF: Yes, yes. You probably get some funny answers, too, that people would not have come up with before then. Then there was one other that we talked about, and I think this sounds like such a cool thing to do. That is the gratitude board. Do you want to talk about that a little bit? [00:16:22] CJ: Yes, definitely. So I saw this recently, and it's not – it's kind of like a vision board, but it's all centered around gratitude, right? So it's pictures of people, places, things, experiences that create happiness in your life. [00:16:41] PF: Vision boards. I mean, people have a lot of fun doing vision boards. So I think the idea of doing a gratitude board and just being able to put on their photos or cut out from magazines or just words of things you're grateful for, what a great activity. That is way better than like passing out from turkey tryptophan coma after dinner. I think that would be a really fun thing to do like after Thanksgiving dinner. [00:17:07] CJ: I agree. Again, I saw this on Instagram. I saw this couple. They took this not like parchment paper, but it's just this long sheet of paper, and they stuck it on their pantry. It was just like a large – so we do our Happy Acts walls, right? It was kind of like a Happy Acts wall, but it was a gratitude wall. So anytime you walk past the door, you jot something down that you're grateful for, and they keep it up all month. [00:17:31] PF: I love that. [00:17:33] CJ: Yes. [00:17:33] PF: Oh, that's fun. You know what? You could even do that like if you're having people over to your house or whoever's house you're going to for Thanksgiving, and talk to them, and have them put something like that up, and have everybody who comes in like write something they're grateful for. That would be so cool. [00:17:48] CJ: Exactly. [00:17:49] PF: I like that. These are some really cool ideas. I think there's a lot of great ways to approach gratitude. I for one am excited to try some new things and new ways to do it, and look at new ways to bump up my own gratitude practice, and maybe help share that with others around me. Speaking of sharing it, we have the Live Happy Gratitude Challenge coming up. [00:18:11] CJ: We sure do. It's – [00:18:13] PF: You are the Gratitude Queen, so you got to tell us about it. [00:18:16] CJ: Gratitude Queen, I love that. Yes. It’s our third year doing the gratitude challenge, so we're going to – it's, obviously, all month, whenever you want to do it. But it's kind of fun like doing it the week before, like leading up to Thanksgiving. Anyway, so the gratitude challenge, it's seven days, very doable. We're not asking you to do a whole month of gratitude, although you should. [00:18:39] PF: You could. [00:18:40] CJ: You could and you should. [00:18:42] PF: We will not judge if you do a whole month. [00:18:44] CJ: That's right. So the first day, day one of the gratitude challenge is think of two challenges you're grateful for and what positive things you learned. I just want to share a quick story real quick because it ties into this practice, and I love that we're kicking it off with this one. I think it's important we reflect on our growth and overcoming adversity. So an example of mine, I used to play D1 tennis in college, and I tore ligaments in both of my wrists at the same time. I was around like 18 or 19 when this happened. I had to have back-to-back wrist surgeries and would be out for almost two years. So 18, 19-year-old me thought it was the end of the world. [00:19:31] PF: Oh, yes. [00:19:33] CJ: You know. So I like had this vision of like my path, and that was no longer my path. I had to take a turn. So it took time to adjust in that chapter. Now, 15 years later, I'm grateful for those injuries because I wouldn't have ended up where I am today, and I wouldn't have had the opportunity to learn new things and probably wouldn't have met the amazing people I did along the way. So that's just one example of how to think of those challenges. [00:20:03] PF: Yes. I love that. I love that because that kind of perspective. I love it when you can look back and say that is not at all what I would have chosen, and I'm so grateful for the way it went. [00:20:13] CJ: Exactly. So that is day one. Day two is what skills are you grateful to have. Think about it and thank it. One skill I'm thankful for is my organizational skills. I'm going to put you on the spot, Paula. What skill are you grateful to have, aside from being an amazing podcast host, of course? [00:20:33] PF: I am super grateful that I was born a writer. I've been able to meet people, go places, do things. It’s like been this most incredible gift that God gave me, and I just – I love it. I love that I get to get up every day and do something that I love. I’m so fortunate. [00:20:53] CJ: Yes. You are a master of words, I will say. [00:20:55] PF: Oh, I thank you. [00:20:57] CJ: So that's day two. Day three, if you've had a positive experience at a business, write a kind review. [00:21:04] PF: That's a great thing to do. [00:21:05] CJ: Yes. [00:21:05] PF: Love that. [00:21:05] CJ: It’s super simple, especially if it's a small business. We love to support our small businesses. Leave them a nice review. You just have no idea how much it means to small business owners. Day four is think about what foods you're grateful for and give thanks to the nourishment your body receives from those foods. [00:21:25] PF: I like that. [00:21:26] CJ: Yes. If you can – [00:21:26] PF: I’m [inaudible 00:21:26]. [00:21:28] CJ: Yes. I love that. I really do think that food is medicine, and we need to be – just think more grateful of the easy access we have to those fresh fruits and vegetables, just clean ingredients. If you can, donate whatever that food is to a food bank or make a donation to their website. [00:21:46] PF: Yes. That's great. [00:21:47] CJ: Day five, think of three memories you're most thankful for. Bonus, if it involves someone, send them the memory via text or Snapchat or whatever channel makes sense for you. [00:22:01] PF: I love that. You know what? People love it when you do that because I've had several incidents throughout my life. I'll think about it, and I've just started making a practice of like, “You know, today, I thought about the time that you were in England, and you did this.” Blah, blah. They’re shocked that you remember. They're touched that you remember. It gives them a warm feeling, too, because it takes them back as well. [00:22:24] CJ: Exactly. I love that. I use Snapchat. I mean, I don't use Snapchat like most people do. I take videos or photos, and then I save it to my memories because I love when those memories pop up at the end of the month. So like I had some memories pop up from 2021, and these were, I guess, glimmers that I forgot about. So I just love seeing that, whether it's my own personal memory or something I've shared with someone else. [00:22:56] PF: That's very cool. [00:22:57] CJ: Yes. Day five, think of those memories. Okay. Day six, what exercise are you most thankful you're able to do, and do it. Do that exercise. [00:23:09] PF: I like it. [00:23:10] CJ: Okay. Day seven, last but not least. Make a list of all the material comforts you're thankful for. So currently, I'm thankful for my record player, fuzzy blankets, and candles without toxic ingredients, of course. [00:23:24] PF: There you go. I like it. I like it. [00:23:26] CJ: Yes. So that is the seven-day gratitude challenge. I hope everyone participates when you can. It's gratitude month. Let’s lean into the joy. [00:23:36] PF: I love it. I love it. Then are you going to give them more joy by giving them a discount in the store? [00:23:41] CJ: You know it. We – [00:23:42] PF: I thought you might. [00:23:44] CJ: You know it. So we're offering 30% off storewide, November 20th through 27th. So you've got seven days at store.livehappy.com. All you have to do is use the code GRATEFUL 30 at checkout. [00:23:59] PF: Awesome, awesome. Well, this will be fun. It's a lovely, lovely Thanksgiving season, a lot to be grateful for this year. I'm grateful that you sat down and talked to me about this today. [00:24:12] CJ: Oh. Well, thank you. I am grateful to talk about all of this stuff with you as well. [00:24:18] PF: Casey, thank you for joining me on this gratitude adventure, finding new ways to celebrate it. We’ll keep looking. We'll keep looking for more ways to express our gratitude. [00:24:30] CJ: Always. Thank you for having me. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:23:47] PF: That was Live Happy's own, Casey Johnson, talking with me about new ways to practice gratitude. Be sure to check out the Live Happy store to get 30% off everything in the store, just by using the code GRATITUDE 30. You can do that when you visit us at livehappy.com. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Discovering the Happiness Essentials With Maria Baltazzi [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 441 of Live Happy Now. When you're going on a trip, it's important to make sure you pack all the essentials. And when you're starting a journey to well-being, you need to pack the happiness essentials. I'm your host, Paula Felps. And this week, I'm talking with Emmy award-winning television producer, well-being teacher and author, Maria Baltazzi, about her new book Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want. A world traveler who has developed and produced TV shows around the globe, including the hit reality show Survivor, Maria has truly used the planet as an extraordinary classroom. That led her to earning her PhD in Conscious Centered Living. And her book explores the eight happiness essentials she's discovered and teaches us how we can use them to improve our well-being in our daily lives. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:59] PF: Maria, thank you for joining me today. [0:01:02] MB: Oh, I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me as a guest. [0:01:05] PF: You are the first guest that we've had who is a happiness explorer. Tell everybody what a happiness explorer is and does. [0:01:13] MB: It's someone who travels, who goes through the world and takes that perspective of seeing what is good, what is right, what is positive and embracing that. [0:01:30] PF: Is that a natural talent that you have? Has that always been your mindset? Or is it something that you've cultivated over the years? Because we talk on Live Happy about the negativity bias that we have and the happiness set points. What about you? Are you naturally happy? Or did you cultivate this over time? [0:01:48] MB: I promise you, I cultivated it. [0:01:51] PF: Everyone's like, "Okay." [0:01:53] MB: Yes. I 100% cultivated, which is why I wrote my book, Take a Shot at Happiness, because it came from a place and a point in my life where I was not happy and I wanted to do something about it. And so, when you start doing those intentional activities that boost your happiness level, when you go out into the world, you notice things differently. And I travel for a living. By virtue of that, started to notice the world differently. [0:02:27] PF: And so, you said it takes a minute. Over what period of time did you start noticing this evolution of your happiness? [0:02:36] MB: March 21st, 2015. [0:02:43] PF: That is specific. What happened then? [0:02:45] MB: I just was sitting in my office in Los Angeles. I come from a television background, which is also why my book title is called Take a Shot at Happiness. Because I draw from my life in television. And as I was sitting in my office, I was at a place where I was not enjoying my career. I was not enjoying my personal life. I felt that I had hit my lowest point personally and professionally and I just felt I did not want to stay in that place nor did I want to be defined by it. That's what started reading my next book. Going to courses, and then certification and then degrees. It just kept unfolding. [0:03:33] PF: And I really commend that. Because, so often times, when we hit that point, we feel so despondent that we don't even have the energy to reach out and pick up that book or even to know that's what we need to do. What was it that was within you that drove you to say, "I've got to get out of this? And this is how I'm going to do it." [0:03:53] MB: It was the feeling of despondency. I didn't want to keep feeling that. And the only way that made sense to me to do something about it was to take action, which started with just reading. Starting with some affirmations and making that a conscious practice every day. And as I started to feel better, I wanted to learn more. It just kept expanding because I was feeling good and I kept wanting to feel better. [0:04:27] PF: I love that. [0:04:28] MB: Yeah. I think that that's the beauty of this work once you understand it. Once you get into it, it seems that it takes a lot of effort and time. However, when you start to see the benefits that you are experiencing, you are feeling better inside your skin. You are having better relationships. You are being more conscious of the choices that you are making, the boundaries that you're drawing. How you're sleeping and eating and all of those things. When you notice how it's impacting you in a positive way, it motivates you to want to keep doing more. [0:05:09] PF: That makes absolute sense. And you are so interesting because you have a master's in film and a PhD in Conscious Centered Living. And that's a very unique combination. How did you combine that adventurous spirit that you have with your quest for this conscious centered living? How did those two things work together? [0:05:29] MB: I first got the master's degree in film. I've been a storyteller. I've Loved story all my life. It was the storytelling part that I did first. And then in my business making television, whether it's a very small production or a very large production. When I say small, it's myself, a cameraman, a sound guy and maybe some kind of an assistant. And when I say big production, I could have a team of 120 people. And the shows that I did, did and do, are in remote locations. They're shot on location. I'm already out into the world. And what I was noticing is that just the demands of production. The demands of being responsible for so many people or even a few people in environments that don't always have the creature comforts, or the necessities, or medical help or whatever it is being in these remote locations. After a while, the demands of television production and trying to please the network, trying to please the production company, trying to please the talent, yeah, it just got to me. And I was noticing that other people's stuff was becoming my stuff in a very unhealthy, unsustainable way. And that's when I was sitting in my office in Los Angeles saying, "This is not working. We have to do something different." It was an act of self-preservation. [0:07:12] PF: That makes complete sense. And let's talk about that past of yours a little bit. Because, fun fact, you were one of the original supervising producers of the TV show Survivor. I find that so fascinating. Because that changed everything for people. What an incredible show to be part of. First of all, can you talk about how that became part of you and you became part of that? And then how that opened up your mind to more exploration? [0:07:41] MB: When I came to Survivor, I was already traveling and doing shows. What was unique about that particular show is there had never been a competition show set on a remote island. That's what made it different. And I always did the very last episode. I was with the Survivor contestants all the way through. And the thing that always struck me is you would get towards the end of the game. And time and again, I would sit in interview with the contestants and they would be saying, "You know, this isn't really me. This is just me playing a game." And I kept thinking, "But it is you. Because your actions and behavior." And what I came to realize, and I think about this all the time still, is that we don't know what we are capable of doing until we are in that situation. That shade of your personality hasn't been put into an environment for itself to express. And that's what I thought was so interesting. Because I just saw it time and again. [0:08:56] PF: And how did it affect you to be in that environment? Because you weren't having a cushy life either. It's not like you're going back to a five-star hotel at the end of the day. You were toughing it out as well. We would follow their stories and see how they evolved and changed. What was going on behind the scenes with you? [0:09:14] MB: Interesting, oddly enough, I liked it. I like being out there. I like being in the environments where you didn't have everything with you. And it taught me to not need so much. And that started me to understand the beauty and blessing of detachment. That you didn't need to have just 500 pairs of shoes and a hundred dresses. You didn't need all of that stuff. In many respects, I arrived in that environment. I liked it. [0:09:55] PF: And that's interesting. Because LA is such a glitz and glam town. And so, to go, to have that juxtaposition between those two worlds, what was that like? Were you like getting back to LA, "I'm glad to be back home? But I want to get back to the island." [0:10:10] MB: I have said for a very long time that I have my bush world to appreciate my urban world and my urban world to appreciate my bush world. Each one has its specialness. And I would not want to exist in either world exclusively. [0:10:32] PF: That makes perfect sense. Because you get lessons from both of them. [0:10:36] MB: Absolutely. [0:10:38] PF: what would you say are like the greatest happiness lessons that you learned from Survivor? You talked about the detachment and not needing stuff. What are some of the other things that you feel it taught you being out there? [0:10:50] MB: I would say the majority of my happiness lessons came after I left the show. That show taught me what I was mentioning before. It taught me you that your personality has different shades to it and has to be in the right environment for it to express. And it also taught me not to judge a book by its cover. Because you have people in every size, shape, ethnicity, the diversity that is on the show. Not to judge a book by its cover. Because we could be interviewing somebody in a hotel room and they are physically fit. They are articulate. And you think, "Ah, they're going to be great." And then they get out onto an island, into an environment that they've never been in before and they just collapse. They can't handle it out there. And what I saw through that is that there is different kinds of fitness. There can be a gym in urban fitness and then there can be an outdoor being in the elements fitness. Those were the two big lessons that I took away leaving that show. The real happiness journey happened after the show at that moment on March 21st when I was realizing, "This isn't happening. And I got to change things." [0:12:21] PF: As you change things, you've done a lot of amazing things. You have done charity walks and treks on all seven continents. Talk about how that came about and what that means to you. Why you do that? [0:12:32] MB: I have this misi-like ability to walk distances. I don't have to think much about going and walking three, four, five, 10 miles. It doesn't faze me. I can just go do it. And I wanted to do something useful with a natural ability. And it came by way of Ethan Zohn who was the Survivor Africa Season 3 Winner. He came down with cancer. And my mother had cancer. And my sister passed away from cancer. And so, I wanted to do something that was supportive of Ethan. And he was that year's LIVESTRONG Ambassador for the New York Marathon. And I just asked him, I said, "Well, I've never done a marathon, but can you hook me up and let me support you?" Next thing I knew, I was doing the New York Marathon and walking it. And after I did the New York Marathon, I thought, "Well, I'll do Los Angeles." I did Los Angeles. And then I found out that there was the 2500th Anniversary of the original marathon in Greece. [0:13:49] PF: Oh, my God. [0:13:50] MB: Having a Greek background, I now had to go do that. And there, I found that you could do a marathon on every continent. And I'm like, "That's fantastic." Because I've always admired the seven summiteers. The ones who climb the tallest peaks on every continent. As soon as you put on crampons, I am over it. [0:14:11] PF: Not going there. [0:14:13] MB: No. I'm not going there. But walking on every continent, now that was a great goal. And so, I set out to do it. And it was always for charity and primarily for cancer awareness. [0:14:25] PF: That is so terrific. And so, it's interesting how you've really created this mission, this happiness explorer mission that you're on. And how did all of this journey lead to you writing your book? [0:14:39] MB: As I was feeling better and better about my life and seeing what intentional activities can do. And this is something that Sonja Lyubomirsky talks about in her how – [0:14:54] PF: We love Sonja. [0:14:54] MB: Yeah, she's fantastic. As soon as I was seeing that I could do specific activities to make me feel better, I thought, "I have to share this with other people," and especially other creatives and other creatives in the entertainment industry. Because the business that I come from, it's very demanding. There's a lot of ups and downs. It's a tough business emotionally, physically. And I wanted to help other creatives, which is also why I take a creative approach in how I share what I consider the happiness essentials, which there's eight of them in my book that I talk about. [0:15:40] PF: Yeah. Can you share your favorite three? Are they like children where you say, "Oh, I don't have a favorite." But you do. Or is it, "Ah, these are my favorite three." [0:15:47] MB: I have a favorite foundational three. [0:15:50] PF: All right. Let's talk about those. [0:15:52] MB: In my mind, everything starts with faith, however you define that. I'm not pushing any sort of religion or spiritual doctrine. And I think that faith can be defined in so many ways. But for me, faith is believing in something greater than yourself. Something that's going to support you. Something that's going to give you hope and solace. That is my first foundation. The second is love. How many things in the world can be solved if we were just more loving? [0:16:31] PF: That is huge. And I think that's often overlooked when we're talking about happiness. I think about that and that doesn't really come up. We talk about kindness. We talk about gratitude. But we don't talk about love. I'm so glad you brought that up. [0:16:45] MB: And then the third one is health, three dimensionally; mind, body and spirit. You have to have it all. That's where I begin. And I keep adding on to that. [0:16:56] PF: I love that. Because with a good foundation, you can really build as high as you want and as wide as you want. And that's obviously what you're doing. And with this book, explain to our listeners a little bit about what this book will do and kind of take them through what they can expect from it. [0:17:12] MB: The book goes through eight happiness essentials. And they are virtues, and qualities and habits that I qualify for myself and then went out to find the research to back it up. And that became my book. [0:17:31] PF: Love it. [0:17:32] MB: And what I do is eight is very significant. Because you see it throughout my book. There's eight happiness essentials. There are eight bullet points. And eight is important to me. When you take the number eight and you put it on its side, it's the sign of infinity. [0:17:53] PF: Yes, it is. [0:17:54] MB: And we're always continually ebb and flow, growing, expanding. That's one of the reasons that 8 is so significant to me. And then coming from a creative background and a television background, a visual background, I use a lot of terms as a fun way to frame the book. Each chapter begins with my viewfinder. It's my macro idea of how I think about faith. And then I go through eight different points. And then at the end, I have a big picture, which is a summation of everything that I've just talked about. And then with each, what I call snapshots, talk about faith. There are eight snapshots. There is then a photo op and an action opportunity. And the photo op and the action opportunity is a way to help anchor, help the reader absorb what they were just reading about and learning. Because I think when you can engage creatively, you just take in the information in a more heart-centered way. And the reason I chose writing, journaling if you will, and asking specific questions that relate to faith, or love, or health, whatever that snapshot is, is that, when you are writing, especially when you were in a state of upset, it takes that blob of stuff that's going on in your head. And you start to be able to organize it and get clarity through it. And that becomes its own catharsis for you. And then the photo assignments, one of the things that I notice is – and you don't have to be a photographer to do my book. But one of the things that I noticed when I was taking photos with my camera is how calm I would become. [0:19:56] PF: Oh, interesting. [0:19:56] MB: I would find something that would literally stop me in my tracks. The way the sun is hitting a rose in the morning and there's still dew on it. I'll stop and I'll focus just on that rose. Only look for the picture information that I want to represent that rose. And in that moment, everything else falls away from me. I'm not thinking about what I'm going to eat. I'm not thinking about how I'm annoyed at somebody. It all goes away. Because I am focused. I am present on that one thing that I'm photographing. And it becomes its own kind of meditation. I learned early on as a child reading books and then noticing my thoughts is I think in pictures. And I think most people think in pictures. And we have this constant film, this constant stream of images that run through our head usually unconscious about it. And training yourself to see exactly what you want helps you to become aware of your thoughts. And when you become aware of your thoughts, and especially the negative ones, you can then reframe them, pun intended, to be something that's more productive. I don't even talk about – well, sort of do. Positive thinking. I think the better term is productive or constructive thinking. And that's what you want to be doing with your thoughts. And doing the photo assignments, we don't think about it. Often, we get these books. And, yeah, sure. Write this. And, yes, I have the journaling. But what are you doing to actually learn how you see the images in your head? [0:21:50] PF: What I love about that too is there was a study that came out a couple of months ago and it was talking about how taking fewer photos will actually make you happier. Because people have gotten so into like – they're taking photos of everything and missing the moment. What you're doing is honing in and making them appreciate that moment. And it's like this is why we're supposed to have cameras, is to capture that moment and appreciate it. I love that you take that and you make a practice out of it. [0:22:18] MB: One of my favorite teachings comes from Dr. Rick Hanson, which is about savoring the good. And taking a photograph in such a mindful way, such a present way helps you with savoring in the good. Because Dr. Hanson talks about you know really staying with a pleasant experience for 20 to 30 seconds and doing that time and time again. So, you start to create a positive neural pathway. I think that taking the photos, as I have in my book, helps you learn that lesson, learn that habit. [0:23:01] PF: That's excellent. There's a lot we can learn from this book. And it is – as you said, it's presented great for creatives. And I love that because people – to your point, we learn differently and different things appeal to us. And I think this makes happiness practices so accessible to people. And what is it that you most hope to accomplish with this book? [0:23:22] MB: That people can understand that happiness is a choice and that's where it begins really. You have to want to do it. And then you have to back it up. If you say, "Oh, I want to be happy." Great. If you don't do anything about it, you're dreaming. [0:23:42] PF: Right. Right. [0:23:43] MB: I want people to understand that happiness is a choice. It's well within their control. And there are things that they can actually learn and that they will become better, more aware, more present, more resilient. I think happiness is another word. It's a pretty word for resilience. [0:24:07] PF: I would agree with that. [0:24:08] MB: Yeah. [0:24:08] PF: Maria, thank you so much. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for writing this book. We are going to tell our listeners how they can find you. How they can find your book? How they can follow you? You're going to have stalkers now. No. But I really appreciate this. I think this is so important. I love this mission. And I appreciate your time today. [0:24:25] MB: Thank you. Thank you so much. I really feel honored to be here. [OUTRO] [0:24:33] PF: That was Maria Baltazzi talking about the happiness essentials and how you can discover them. If you'd like to learn more about Maria, check out her new book, Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want. Or follow her on social media. Just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. And until then, this is Paula Felps reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]