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Cesar Millan Still Leads the Pack

As Cesar Millan begins to talk about dogs, it hits you. The man isn’t really just talking about dogs at all. Ask him one question—any question—and the world-renowned animal behaviorist runs with it. By the end of the conversation, you realize your time with him has been a frolic through colorful psychological playgrounds, where Cesar loves to venture completely off-leash. “You want to know how dogs fit into a family dynamic? Through adaptability— adapting into an environment,” says Cesar, whose show Cesar 911 has fetched millions of viewers on Nat Geo Wild. “Because two different species—humans and canines—come together with the same goal, which is to have social interaction. “That is something that is so mechanically engineered inside of both species and that’s why we get along so well. Because we both have the ability to adapt. So, for me, adaptability is key. The other is the necessity of being part of a group. It doesn’t have to be the same group. It just has to be a group. We both need to belong to something.” Cesar's Way Cesar’s current television incarnation evolved after his immensely successful run on The Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan, which debuted in 2004 on the National Geographic Channel. By the time the series ended in 2012, it aired in more than 80 countries and had transformed Cesar into a modern-day sage for dog owners—or really anyone with a penchant for personal growth. The goal of his current show follows similar suit, but Cesar wanted to take it to another level. “What I have showcased throughout my professional career, first and foremost, is that we don’t have problems with dogs,” he says. “Let’s not focus on training dogs. Let’s focus on training humans.” It’s a fabulous distinction to make and puts the focus on educating the dog owner about canine and human psychology. “Sometimes, humans take very drastic measures [with dogs],” he says. “My point of view is: Let’s show people how we can change a chaotic situation into a harmonious lifestyle. It doesn’t matter how bad you think things are. If you are willing to do what it takes, we can change the lifestyle of the dog.” Power of the pack Cesar often reveals that the power of the pack is a key component to rehabilitate a troubled dog. But in recent years, especially with his “Cesar Millan LIVE” seminars and on various episodes of Cesar 911, he educates audiences how that concept also works with humans. “They always say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, it takes a group of humans to really help one or two humans do the right thing. [In some episodes] I am saying, ‘Listen, I already showed you how to rehabilitate dogs. Now, I am going to show you how to go after humans and rehabilitate them.’ ” All of this filters into Cesar’s signature purpose to illuminate what both species really need in order to live more enriching lives—“trust, respect and love,” he says. “The genuine side of love from a dog is important. They love who you are, as you are, not what you have. It really heals a lot of people, and motivates them to be inspired. It’s also very healing to the heart. I don’t think you can survive without loving somebody.” The road to happy Cesar’s love and commitment to canines soared when he was 13 years old. He was living in Mexico with his family, and he remembers wanting to be the best dog trainer in the world. Fate fueled that inner calling but it also offered him difficult challenges after he crossed the Mexican border into California at the age of 21. He found himself living on the streets of San Diego, nabbing as many jobs grooming dogs as he could. Eventually, he relocated to Los Angeles, where he launched a freelance dog rehabilitation service. People noticed something: Cesar’s calming effect on even the most challenging canines. “I don’t think it’s only with dogs,” he admits, charmingly. “It’s with any animal because I am just as respectful to a dog as I am to a horse, as I am to an elephant, as I am to a chicken. I think all animals know how to read ‘energy.’ ” As Cesar’s rehabilitation practice grew, it led to the opening of his first Dog Psychology Center, which eventually became the 43-acre Santa Clarita Valley ranch featured on both Dog Whisperer and Cesar 911. The haven now includes an area for sheep herding, air-conditioned kennels, a swimming pool, obstacle course and hiking trails. He says he is happiest at the ranch. “It was a dream of mine for some time,” he says, beaming. “It became the place where I can be me, where Mother Nature rules. A horse can run around with a dog, a chicken can run with a dog or a llama. It’s so genuine. The horse never cares if I bring pit bulls or Rottweilers or German shepherds. What he cares about is: Can that dog be respectful? “It always reminds me: ‘Let’s just keep everything harmonious and we can all get along.’” It’s all about energy The concept of energy—a vibe, for instance—is beguiling to explore with Cesar and it helps address the question of happiness. “Whatever energy you are emoting, dogs can feel it,” he says. “If you are fearful, you don’t have a billboard that says ‘I am afraid of dogs.’ You are just projecting fear. So if you are happy, then a dog will feel that happiness.” But can dogs actually feel happy on their own? Definitely. Cesar often expounds on this on his website, cesarsway.com. If a dog, with tail wagging, approaches its owner upon her return home, that’s happiness. After a meal, if a dog cuddles with its owner, that’s all about being content. Research backs the idea, too. In a brain-imaging study, scientists at Atlanta’s Emory University identified the part in a canine’s brain associated with positive emotions. Like humans, dogs have tremendous interspecies social intelligence and empathy. Happiness, it seems, is an equal-opportunity provider for both species. Leading With Purpose Cesar has created more than a dozen best-selling books, CDs and DVDs in addition to the television shows and website. The Cesar Millan PACK Project works to prevent euthanasia of shelter animals. It is designed to improve the health, happiness and harmony of dogs and people by allowing both species to learn from and support each other. He finds a tremendous sense of purpose helping people connect to animals and themselves. “It makes me feel more human,” he admits. “I always say, ‘The pack leader cannot do anything without the pack and the pack cannot do anything without the pack leader. Can we all be one, or one world? Every time you are sad or over-consume [on social media or material things], just go help somebody else and that sadness goes away. Everything that you want to do begins with you. It’s not a metaphor. It’s a reality.” Cesar credits his relationships with people—including his two sons (André, age 21, and Calvin, 17), and fiancée, Jahira Dar—and with canines (including his beloved pit bull Junior), with fueling his deeper personal growth. “I always tell my kids there are two lines—the right line and the wrong line,” Cesar says. “If you are in the middle…that means you are confused. My point is to guide them to make their own decisions and help them move through uncertainty more than anything. So I find inspiration in that. “I think I have become a better pack leader just by being very patient. I’m learning to be a father as I go along. When I was growing up, my grandfather said that the most important thing you have is your word. Now, for me, the most important thing you have is your energy. “That’s happiness to me. Can I be happy in that moment? Can I be love?” Greg Archer is a freelance journalist and author. His profiles have been featured in The Huffington Post and O, the Oprah Winfrey Magazine.

relationships

4 Ways to Reignite Your Relationship

My longtime friend Sara has been what most would call “happily married” for 10 years. She and her husband both work outside the home; they have one child and a couple of pets. Lately, she told me, she and her husband fall into bed at night, exhausted, and he leaves in the morning before she wakes up. Every weekend is filled with kid-related activities and household chores. Sara loves her husband but feels like they’ve become more roommates than partners. They rarely talk about anything other than “life logistics,” and their romantic life consists of an occasional goodbye kiss on the cheek or a tap on the shoulder. Don't neglect your primary relationship Sara’s situation is one I hear often in my practice as a therapist. We sometimes get so wrapped up in the chaos of everyday life that we miss out on truly connecting with our partners—the ones who we are supposed to connect with most! Based on my experience, the No. 1 reason couples disconnect is not because they’ve grown apart or are too busy but because they don’t invest the time and energy necessary to stay connected. The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia in a 2012 study tested the importance of being connected in a relationship. Specifically, they found that date nights and designated couple time improved the success and quality of a relationship and even worked toward reducing stress. Read more: 10 Ways to Turn Around an Argument So Both Sides Win Even small connections count Of course, many of the couples I speak to claim that they simply do not have time for quality couple time. While taking a vacation alone together or spending three or four hours out on a regular date night are lovely ideas, something simpler can work almost as well. I’ve found that couples who take 20 to 30 minutes to connect three times a week with no distractions and no electronic devices are able to build a greater bond and feel many of the benefits of those who invest more time. As a first step, grab a glass of wine or a cup of tea and sit together on your porch or tucked into bed and just talk about things you are interested in or excited about. Avoid stressful discussions about money or dirty dishes left in the sink. Relationships are like any other important living thing—they need to be attended to, nurtured and cared for in order grow and thrive. Here are four ideas for you to start down the path of reconnection. 1. Create rules of connection When life gets busy, making plans to connect on a regular basis is key to reigniting and maintaining your intimate relationship. One couple I know cuddles every morning and every night they are together. This has become part of their routine, and even though sometimes they are both tired or rushed they set the alarm five minutes early or go to bed five minutes later to make sure that this happens. Another couple always walks the partner who is leaving to the car and gives a parting hug and kiss at the car door. This one extra minute of time is a nice way to connect before heading in separate directions. 2. Build in spontaneity and adventure While scheduled “together time” is important, you can also mix it up and keep things exciting with activities that are fun and spontaneous. Surprise your partner with a gourmet breakfast in bed. Crank up some great music and have an impromptu dance party in the middle of the kitchen. If you are more adventurous, train together for a marathon or try river rafting or bungee jumping as a weekend outing. 3. Make flirtation and intimacy a priority Send each other flirty texts or look through old photos of when you first met. Plan a date to go bowling or cruise Main Street to relive some of your first outings together. When it comes to sex and intimacy, find time for moments when you allow yourselves to get close physically—even if it is simply giving each other shoulder massages before bed. Couples always ask me about my view on scheduled intimacy, and I tell them that scheduled closeness is much better than no physical closeness at all! 4. Be interesting and interested One great way to connect with your partner is to be genuinely interested in what that person is thinking, feeling and doing. When your mate is in the mood to talk, ask questions, discuss favorite activities or what funny thing happened at work that day. Another great way to connect is to be interesting. Have a variety of topics to talk about, tell a great story about an experience you had in the past or in the present. People get so wrapped up in the monotony of their days, they come home from work and start the conversation with “I had a long day” or “what do you want for dinner?” Not very romantic. Try engaging with something like, “I read the most amazing story in the news today” or “where would you go if you could be anywhere right now?” With all our commitments to work, kids, finances and fitness regimes, it can be dangerously easy to neglect our relationships with our partners. Make time to engage, touch, talk, listen and, most of all, connect. Read more by Stacy Kaiser: 7 Keys to a Happy Relationship Listen to our podcast with Stacy: The Perfect Parent Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

Reading

10 Must-Read Books for Happy, Healthy Eating

We all know that what we eat has a major influence on our overall well-being. But with the cascade of conflicting nutrition information out there, the problem is knowing exactly how to go about eating well. The nutritional experts themselves don’t always agree on what’s good for us—or what’s good for the planet. Should we eat “good fats,” including red meat—as several new books espouse—or stick to a plant-based diet. Should we seek out fermented foods for gut health, or focus on avoiding wheat as our primary dietary goal? We have gathered a full spectrum of current expert opinion on healthy cooking and eating in the books listed here, so in the end you can...go with your gut, and follow whatever advice seems right for you and your lifestyle. And there is some common ground: Reduce your sugar intake. Eat veggie-centered meals. Drink lots of water. Make your meals colorful by including a variety of fruits, vegetables, grains and legumes. Cut out processed food. The opinionated—sometimes cutting-edge—books included here should help you make better, more educated decisions when you stroll through the supermarket aisle or sit down at the table. 1. The Big Fat Surprise: Why Butter, Meat and Cheese Belong in a Healthy Diet By Nina Teicholz If you like to discuss what’s healthy and what’s not, this book will get you talking. Author Nina Teicholz, a New York Times writer and former NPR reporter, is all for eating meat, eggs and dairy (saturated fat), and she backs up her claims with research from various scientific studies. The author is not a fan of vegetable oils, processed carbs (boxed snacks) and sugar. A lover of whole foods, she encourages you to eat bacon with your eggs, but to put down the candy bar. 2. Eat Fat, Get Thin By Dr. Mark Hyman In Eat Fat, Get Thin, New York Times best-selling author Dr. Mark Hyman doesn’t advocate eating fast food; instead he recommends eating the healthy fats found in eggs, nuts, olive oils, avocados and other super foods. According to the author, you can achieve optimum fitness, lose weight, prevent disease and increase your energy just by making smart food choices and eating the right kinds of fat. 3. The Good Gut: Taking Control of Your Weight, Your Mood, and Your Long-Term Health By Justin Sonnenburg and Erica Sonnenburg, Ph.Ds. Trust your gut. New scientific research shows that caring for our gut microbes might be the most important health choice we make, according to Stanford researchers and husband and wife team Justin and Erica Sonnenburg, Ph.Ds. In their new book, The Good Gut, the authors explore how processed food and overuse of antibiotics are damaging our healthy gut microbiota. They then detail how we can take steps to nourish and strengthen our gut health by eating more high-fiber food. Bacteria in our bodies can fight pathogens, digest food and produce energy and hormones. Learn how your mood, health and weight can all be influenced by the state of your gut microbes. This book includes recipes and a meal plan to show how more mindful diet and lifestyle choices can prevent disease and improve our overall health. 4. Hungry Girl: Clean & Hungry By Lisa Lillien New York Times best-selling author Lisa Lillien, who has made her name as the “Hungry Girl,” offers decadent-sounding recipes such as PB&J waffles, Hawaiian Shrimp-Fried Rice with Pineapple and BBQ Meatloaf in a “clean eating” style, which means they are made with healthy, unprocessed ingredients. Clean & Hungry features 90 vegetarian recipes, 108 gluten-free recipes, and 56 “regular” recipes that can be made in less than 30 minutes. 5. The Joy of Half a Cookie: Using Mindfulness to Lose Weight and End the Struggle With Food Jean Kristeller, Ph.D., and Alisa Bowman The author’s Mindfulness-Based Eating Awareness Training Program involves mindfulness techniques to transform your relationship with food. The Joy of Half a Cookie is filled with practices that will help you make healthier choices around food with fewer struggles. You won’t find a list of forbidden foods, daily menus or calorie counts in this book. What you will find are the tools that help you “tune in to your own hunger experiences” and begin your journey toward mindful eating. 6. Food Freedom Forever: Letting Go of Bad Habits, Guilt, and Anxiety Around Food By Melissa Hartwig Melissa Hartwig, co-creator of the bestselling TheWhole30 cookbook, explains how you can develop a better relationship with food by letting go of the stress and anxiety around choices. Discover how to choose differently and experience food freedom when you start from a position of strength. Food Freedom Forever is part guidebook and part nutritional coach. Learn how to create healthy habits and be compassionate with yourself when you slip back into old habits. Because this book is a follow-up to TheWhole30, you can bet that the program is going to involve giving up some food groups. 7. Forks Over Knives—The Cookbook: Over 300 Plant-Based Recipes for Plant-Based Eating Through the Year By Del Sroufe Forks Over Knives is not only a cookbookbut also a movement that advocates cutting out meat, dairy and oils to prevent disease and lose weight. With recipes centered around fruits, vegetables, grains and legumes, this cookbook doesn’t just tell, it shows you what you should be eating. Del collaborates with other chefs to design creative vegan meals that are easy to make. Even if giving up dairy or meat isn’t in your plans, this cookbook offers some delicious ways to incorporate more vegetable-centered meals into your week. 8. Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life By Thich Nhat Hanh and Lilian Cheung Renowned Zen Buddhist master Thich Nhat Hanh joins Harvard nutritionist Lilian Cheung to urge people to be mindful of what foods go into their mouths. A combination of nutrition book and meditation book, discover how to pay attention and breathe to eat healthier. Both experts contend that mindful eating can help everyone eat less. This book also offers healthier alternatives to popular food choices, and several practical exercises to help you build a healthier relationship with food. 9. The New Health Rules: Simple Changes to Achieve Whole-Body Wellness By Dr. Frank Lipman and Danielle Claro Author Frank Lipman has practiced and studied integrative medicine for 35 years. In The New Health Rules, he offers actionable items you can do for optimal health. The book outlines which foods help prevent Alzheimer’s, why sugar can be destructive, and how to use good bacteria to improve our digestive system. It also includes simple rules to improve your health, such as choosing healthier fruits like berries or melon instead of high-sugar fruits such as pineapple or mangos. 10. Wheat Belly Total Health: The Ultimate Grain-Free Health and Weight-Loss Life Plan By Dr. William Davis What started as an anti-gluten and -wheat manifesto by cardiologist William Davis in his original Wheat Belly book has become a worldwide grain-free phenomenon. In Wheat Belly Total Health, the author explains the differences between grains and why and how you should avoid each of them in order to regain full metabolic health and well-being. Wheat and other grains, he contends, are the culprit not only of excess weight but of a laundry list of maladies, including auto-immune diseases. The book provides scientific backing for his claims, as well as first-person testimonials of people who have lost weight and regained their health. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

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Self-Care

How Well Do You Love Yourself?

Few of us will forget our adolescent years. The emotional meltdowns, the deep friendships, the risks we took, the first love, that first kiss…. Adolescence is a vivid time when your budding sense of self begins to emerge. You learn to express your own ideas and discover your unique identity as your brain laboriously integrates its many parts into a coherent whole. This process doesn’t happen overnight—nor does it end with the much glorified coming of age at 18. Right until your twilight years, you continue to traverse stages of adult development that allow you to grow in consciousness and change the way you relate to yourself and the world. The socialized mind But adolescence is a crucial time in development, when you navigate the critical stage of the socialized mind. That means leaving the nest of your nuclear family to become much more outwardly focused. The interpersonal relationships of your teenage years are critical. Friendships, mentors and crushes reign supreme and help you determine who you are. But since this socialized mind is heavily influenced by people and places, you must rely on your internal voice to help you maneuver through the noise of external expectations. For some, this does not come easily—an adolescent inner voice may not be that well developed, or it may have been negatively influenced already by outside input. And if that weren’t difficult enough, once your brain has painstakingly bridged together a cohesive identity, you rarely escape the destructive barbs of your own critical gaze and negative internal chatter. The formation of your 'self' Your relationship with yourself begins before you even realize it—in the verbal and non-verbal language of your primary caregivers. What you believe to be self-expression is often the expectations and inhibitions developed as a child when you made sense of your internal world through the messages you received. And when these messages are inconsistent, critical or unresponsive—as they often are—you can fail to connect to your emotional cues and to what makes you truly who you are. Instead, you reject parts of yourself you don’t like in order to find acceptance in the sticky tentacles of other people’s expectations. Instead of relying on your own judgment, and going after your deeply desired dreams, you become an eternal prisoner of the socialized mind. Your relationships with others A hollow relationship with yourself reflects in the relationships you form with others. Without a grounding belief in your own worth, you become dependent on approval and acceptance to prove your worth. Even narcissistic behaviors are often a kind of self-defense that masks a fragile sense of self-worth. Since healthy relationships are the marker of countless benefits—from physical health to finding meaning in life—you need to get back in touch with yourself. Here are three important ways to do so: 1. Listen to your body You are hardwired through millennia of evolutionary processes to avoid painful and uncomfortable feelings and emotions. But in doing so, you can become victim to those same emotions and impulses. The ability to face your fears and then rise above them comes not only from cognitive processes but also from deep within your body. The powerful vagus nerve meanders through your gut and heart and back to your brain, allowing you to have gut feeling and intuition. Body scan meditations are excellent ways to reconnect to parts of yourself you’ve dismissed—letting their wisdom find voice again. Create a regular practice that gets you back in touch with your breath and clears your mind and body. 2. Be aware of your mind The human brain is a storyteller. It is constantly looking for patterns and connecting the dots to make sense of the unpredictability and uncertainty of life. And here’s the strange part—the brain doesn’t really care if the story it crafts is painful or incorrect. All it looks for is a pattern, even if this pattern is the result of biased observations and interpretations. Which is why you need to listen to its story with non-judgment, and stay aware of where your mind may be fooling you. In this way, you can listen to the negative chatter in your mind and choose to dismiss it. You can watch your brain seek to connect dots and be aware of what it is doing but not become trapped in its game. 3. Find your North Star Your behaviors are the result of your thoughts, beliefs and emotions. When you do not step back to objectively listen to your internal chatter, you allow it to run your life. To have an alternate route in place, spend some time reflecting on how you want to show up in the world in line with your values and aspirations. Values are a guiding light during those difficult moments when you doubt yourself, feel ambivalent about decisions or worry about being unsupported and rejected and thus leave your dreams aside for one more day. Write down your most deeply held values and ask yourself if you are living according to them. If not, what can you change in your life? How might you do things differently? How can you live your life in accordance with your authentic self? Your relationship with yourself is undoubtedly the most important relationship in your life. To show up fully and shine your brightness in this world, disconnect from the constraints of approval of others and reconnect to the gifts of your inner core. For an authentic life is far above and beyond the limited life of a threatened ego. Homaira Kabir is a positive psychology coach and a cognitive behavioral therapist. She offers online courses and coaching programs to help women develop authentic beliefs in themselves, so they'reable to lead in relationships, at work and in life. Take her free quiz to find out your own level of self-worth.

Self-Care

How Positive Is Your Online Persona?

In August 2016, Karlie Hay saw her dream of being named Miss Teen USA come true. But within hours, the 18-year-old landed in a much harsher spotlight when a series of tweets in which she used racial slurs surfaced. Karlie took responsibility for her actions and apologized, but the incident served as a reminder of something that often gets overlooked, particularly among younger users: While our digital lives may seem “virtual” and separate from our real lives, they're very much connected.And in today’s world, a casual text, Facebook comment or tweet can become a serious problem. Janell Burley Hofmann, a mother of five and author ofiRules: What Every Tech-Healthy Family Needs to Know About Selfies, Sexting, Gaming, and Growing Up became an unexpected expert in the topic three years ago when her oldest child turned 13. “He was pining for a smartphone,” says Janell, who was active in advocacy work and parenting programs at the time. “I was already seeing how technology was becoming central to a lot of conversations about family life, so I saw this as an opportunity to stop and think about what we want—not only from technology, but from life.” Before giving her son a smartphone, Janell created an 18-point contract that outlined the specifics for its use. Emphasizing such things as courtesy, respect and learning, the contract also reminded him to put down the phone and look at the real world. After writing a column about it for Huffington Post, the contract went viral. “I realized this was a global conversation,” she says, noting that the contract has since been translated into 12 languages. “All of us are part of this conversation.” Not just for kids Today, she has opened up that conversation to parents, schools, businesses and organizations. Central to Janell’s work is the idea of your “digital character,” or how you portray yourself online. It’s not just tweens and teens who are making missteps across the digital universe; adults are often just as culpable. Her message of building our digital character is designed for children and their parents alike. “Knowing how we want to appear online is a choice,” she says. “So much of the time we make comments or post things without thinking about it. But we can develop our digital character, and that can influence our relationships and who we want to be.” She suggests putting the same kind of thought into our digital well-being as we do into things like our health and nutrition. That begins with being more mindful of how (and how much) we use technology. “When we are aware of our digital habits, we can meet the needs of our real lives, whether that means learning to be fully present instead of watching our phone, or learning that we can finish a meal without answering our texts.” Digital mindfulness We also can become more aware of how the things we post or even “like” reflect who we are. Getting caught up in online rants or arguments serves no purpose and once said can live eternally in the digital space. They can cause rifts between family and friends or cause hurt feelings and anger on both sides. “It’s time to think about how we want to use our energy. And think about what it’s doing to you. If you find yourself clenching your jaw, or your heartbeat goes up and you’re getting mad, it’s probably not the best use of your energy.” Building digital character On the flipside, the digital space is also a great way to practice being your best self. Janell says looking for positive ways to interact online, such as using humor or reaching out to others with compassion, is a great way to use our time online. “It’s easy to forget sometimes that it’s not a private conversation. Think about the reach you have in your own set of [online] friends and then think about what happens if that gets shared,” she says. “Even if we put something in a private text, it can become public very quickly. Nothing is private anymore, even with privacy settings. We need to be willing to stand behind what we’re saying.” She advises using the “billboard test” before sending out a text, tweet or post: Imagine it being on a billboard outside your office, home or school. Would you still be as eager to send that thought out into the world? “You don’t need to be all sunshine and lollipops, but how we handle situations online can strengthen us in every way. If we strengthen our [character] online, we strengthen the quality of our character overall,” Janell says. Visit Janell Burley Hofmann's website to find out more about iRules and how you can promote good online character within your own family. Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

work

5 Habits to Make You Happier on the Job

When it comes to our work, most of us long to be a little happier. But changing jobs, changing bosses, or simply finding more joy amid all the tasks on our to-do list often feels beyond our grasp. Many of us are so busy that we are just trying to keep our heads above water. We don’t have the time, let alone energy, to improve our current situation. I get it. Keeping up with life can be a full-time job. But what if there were a busy-proof way to start doing more of what you do best each day, regardless of what your job description or your boss might say? Use your strengths A growing body of research suggests that developing your strengths—the things you’re good at and enjoy doing—can leave you feeling more confident, energized and happy at work. The key I’ve found was to create an 11-minute daily strength development habit by harnessing my brain’s neurological habit loop of cue, routine and reward. And I’m not alone. With the help of Live Happy and the VIA Institute almost 4,000 people around the world have joined us for the free global Strengths Challenge with many reporting this small daily practice has left them feeling more energized and engaged, respected and valued and feeling like they were flourishing at work. All from just 11-minutes. But what are the strength development habits that might work best for you? Here are the five habits that have helped the most people create significant changes in both their performance and wellbeing at work: Creativity: When I wake up (cue), I will spend 10 minutes writing out any problems I’m facing as concisely as possible and then list as many possible creative solutions as I can before identifying one to try that day (routine). I will then place a sticker on my reward chart and when full treat myself to a massage (reward). Hope: Each morning when I go to get my morning coffee (cue), I’ll take 10 minutes to check in with one of my more hopeful colleagues and see what they’re excited about at the moment (routine). Then I’ll finish my coffee (reward). Diligence: When I get to work (cue), I’ll review my to-do list to ensure that I can still deliver on each of the tasks and if changes need to be made, I’ll update all concerned so people know they can trust my word and plan accordingly (routine). My reward will be my morning green tea (reward). Love of Learning: When I sit down in front of my computer in the morning (cue) I’ll watch a 10-minute video that teaches me something new (routine) and then post what I’ve learned on social media (reward). Social Intelligence: When it’s lunch time (cue) I will sit in the staff room and take the time to have a meaningful conversation with a colleague, by asking genuine questions about how it's going/what’s going well (routine). I’ll celebrate by eating my lunch (reward). Could a small daily strengths habit help improve your work? If you’d like some help developing a strengths habit for your work then join us for the next free global Strengths Challenge. Find out more at strengthschallenge.com, where you’ll be guided step-by-step through creating you own 11-minute habit and be given free resources and access to online strengths coaches to help you put your strengths to work. Or if you're interested in pursuing a new position or career path, visit Jooble. Michelle McQuaid is a best-selling author and coach with a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania.

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Reading

7 Best Books to Boost Your Brain Health

In the past few decades there has been an explosion of interest in physical fitness. We know that cardio workouts lift our moods and weight-training fends off bone loss. We’ve tried yoga and dedicated ourselves to the elliptical machine. But what about mental fitness? Now that Americans are living longer than ever, researchers, psychiatrists and other doctors are turning their attention to how we can maintain sharp and lucid minds, and also optimize happiness and creativity. Not surprisingly, many of the same practices used for physical fitness are also good for your brain. Each book below provides a slew of science-based tips to keep your brain sharp and your body healthier as you grow older. 1. Hardwiring Happiness By Rick Hanson, Ph.D. Want to have a happier, more peaceful brain? Rick Hanson says we first have to overcome our negativity bias, or how our brains learn more easily from negative experiences than from positive ones. His book explores his “HEAL” method: Have a positive experience, Enrich it, Absorb it, Link it to negative thoughts and feelings to soothe and eventually replace them (OK, that’s a long L). Practice daily and you can change your brain to a more nurturing and happy place, according to the book. 2. Change Your Brain, Change Your Life By Dr. Daniel G. Amen Neuropsychiatrist Daniel Amen offers scientific evidence on how to optimize brain function. The case studies he presents indicate that anxiety, depression, anger and obsessive-compulsive behavior are related to how structures in your brain work, and that you can in fact change how these structures work. His “brain prescriptions” to make those changes include breathing techniques, improvements in diet, meditation, self-hypnosis and writing exercises. 3. Your Creative Brain By Shelley Carson, Ph.D. Harvard psychology professor Shelley Carson, Ph.D., shows how brain-activation states (“brainsets”) influence the way we think, approach problems and perceive the world. Her “CREATES” model comprises seven brain-activation states that she says can enhance your creative brain and mental functioning: Connect, Reason, Envision, Absorb, Transform, Evaluate and Stream. She encourages the reader to use specially designed quizzes, problem-solving techniques and self-tests to tap into what she calls our most important asset, creativity. 4. Boost Your Brain: The New Art and Science Behind Enhanced Brain Performance By Dr. Majid Fotuhi and Christina Breda Antoniades Boost Your Brain offers actionable advice on how to get a “bigger and better brain,” based on more than 25 years of neuroscience research. Find out what foods help build new synapses and what key behaviors you should avoid. Dr. Majid Fotuhi explains that the size of our brains can be increased (due to neuroplasticity) in just a matter of weeks, resulting in improved focus, memory and creativity. To get a bigger brain, he recommends fitness training, stress reduction, meditation, cognitive skills training and improved nutrition. 5. The Brain Warrior’s Way: Ignite Your Energy and Focus, Attack Illness and Aging, Transform Pain into Purpose By Dr. Daniel G. Amen and Tana Amen, RN “The key to victory rests between your ears,” writes psychiatrist and best-selling author Daniel Amen. Fight against the constant bombardment of technology, negative news and a typical American diet that isn’t healthy, he says. While poor choices can lead eventually to disease, the book advises, thoughtful and goal-directed decisions can slow aging, help prevent dementia and improve your health, focus, energy and moods. 6. Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain By Dr. John J. Ratey Exercise is a master key to brain functioning, says Dr. John Matey. Discover the role exercise plays in our mental processes and why it’s the best defense against numerous health conditions and diseases, including depression, addiction and Alzheimer’s disease. Matey’s research includes numerous case studies about how important exercise is to your overall well-being. 7. Eat Complete: The 21 Nutrients that Fuel Brainpower, Boost Weight Loss, and Transform By Dr. Drew Ramsey What you eat is directly connected to the health of your brain, says Drew Ramsey, a psychiatrist. Your brain impacts your mood, health, focus, memory and appetite. By fueling it nutritiously, your brain and body can operate optimally. With 100 recipes, Eat Complete shows readers how to avoid nutritional deficiencies and stimulate growth of new brain cells. Start your day with a cup of Tumeric Cinnamon Hot Chocolate if you want to slow your brain’s aging process, Drew advises. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

How to manage anxiety when the world is in chaos

Practice

5 Tools to Beat Anxiety During Tumultuous Times

If you’ve seen the news lately, it certainly seems like prejudice, murder, terrorism and disasters—both natural and political—are getting the upper hand. Maintaining your peace of mind and an optimistic outlook can be a daunting challenge when the news presents one negative image after another, accompanied by the commentary of an ever-changing roster of very angry people. As a clinician and researcher who specializes in anxiety, I can tell you there is hope—even in these difficult times. You do not have to allow terrible world events to produce chronic worry if you follow these science-based tips. 1. Adopt an optimistic attitude Research has shown that attitude is much more important than circumstance. The important thing is to look for joy in life, even during difficult or uncertain times. Optimism is the attitude that says “good things are going to happen,” and “my efforts mean something.” It is also the belief that good triumphs over evil and that loves prevails. These may sound like sugary truisms, but research shows that people who are slightly overly optimistic have the mental health advantage. Every situation has both a negative and a positive spin. I challenge you to try taking the positive spin and look for the silver lining next time you read or hear bad news instead of imagining the worst-case scenario. 2. Act on that optimism Go further by imagining what you can do to make a situation better and then take action to address that problem. You alone are not going to end terrorism or world hunger, but you can donate to a charity that addresses national or world issues, vote in an election, host a block party for your neighborhood to increase a sense of community and solidarity or volunteer your time to a cause that works to alleviate suffering or create societal change. Taking action reminds you that you are not a powerless victim in a tragic world, but instead that you are an agent of change and someone who lives to create a better future. Gandhi said it well: “Be the change you wish to see.” 3. Look for hope Humans are hard-wired to process fear-related information first (and blow it out of proportion as well). This is what makes it easy for mass media and social media to sell news that focuses on tragedy, disaster and human frailty. You can counter this tendency by seeking out news that reminds you of people’s capacity for greatness and compassion. Don’t just go on a media fast. Seek out news and stories that celebrate or promote compassion, gratitude and good humor. Subscribe to news feeds and blogs that focus on good things that happen in the world and share them with others. Elicit optimism and good humor from others by asking questions such as “What is the funniest thing that happened to you this week?” or “What is the best thing that happened to you today?” Take the time each day to write down at least three things that you are grateful for that happened during the preceding 24 hours. This practice has been proven to help alleviate depression if you do it regularly. Taking the time to be grateful is especially effective when you encounter tragic news because it reminds you of what is good and precious about your life. Get active in your religious or spiritual community. Research shows that when you regularly participate in a religious community, you have the advantage of receiving spiritual comfort and community support. In addition, spiritual practices enhance your ability to find meaning in tragedy and upheaval and feel connected to mankind, which makes us more resilient in the face of hardship. 4. Cultivate compassion Compassion allows you to reverse the angst caused by negative world events, increase positive emotions, increase positive perceptions of others and improve your ability to manage stress. Compassion is so powerful; don’t let it go to waste. Learn to be kind toward yourself and others—even those you might strongly disagree with. The best way to learn to be compassionate is to mindfully meditate upon wholeheartedly loving everyone and to engage in acts of compassion in which you strive to live the golden rule: “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” Compassion also means being kind even when the other person is annoying, fails to treat you well or misunderstands your good intentions. Compassion helps you view the world as your opportunity to express love rather than the place that is likely to harm you and destroy those you love. 5. Embrace uncertainty by living in the present The only moment you really have to live is the present. Worry will misdirect you into feeling as though you are headed for a frightening future. If you want to avoid worry by embracing uncertainty, then you need to learn to slow down, take a breath and take in the full experience of the present moment without judgment. For example, you hear a podcast about a terrorist attack while driving in your car and then you mentally slow down to notice the warmth of the sun on your face, the sound of the traffic outside your car, the solid feel of the steering wheel, the smell of your latte and the tightness in your chest from listening to the news. This simple act allows you to return from the netherworld of your worry into the reality of the present. It allows you to live more fully and consciously instead of becoming preoccupied with worry. You can train yourself to notice that even though the news is bad, there are many good and beautiful things happening in your immediate presence just waiting for you to notice and savor them. Mindful awareness allows you to cultivate a calm curiosity about the full experience of the moment instead of being overwhelmed by the scary information you hear and reacting with alarm. Lastly, remind yourself of the truth: Our planet has survived terrible disasters of both the natural and manmade kind before. The beauty of being human is the ability to forgive, love and carry on despite disaster. Resilient and joyful people are those who embrace uncertainty by choosing to live in the present with hope and compassion for everyone. Listen to our podcast with Dr. Karen Cassiday: Managing Negative Thinking Read more by Dr. Karen Cassiday: 6 Steps to Win the War Against Worry Karen Cassiday, Ph.D., is president of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America and a leading expert on the treatment of anxiety. Find out more about Karen here.

Education

Does Grit Outweigh Talent?

You may remember this experience from your time at school: The principal stood in the auditorium and asked all the kids on the honor roll to stand up and come to the stage, while the rest of the students stayed seated and were instructed to clap. Awards ceremonies like these are intended not only to celebrate the successful students but also to inspire and motivate the other kids to strive for the honor next time around. But Angela Duckworth, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, believes that these well-intentioned scenes actually serve to cement kids’ place in school as either part of the “smart” or “not so smart” groups. “Kids really buy into the idea that they are innately capable or not,” she says. Yet Angela’s research has shown that academic achievement doesn’t come down to the IQ one is born with. What makes the difference is grit—hard work, practice and unyielding determination. In her new book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Angela presents her decade’s worth of research proving that grit trumps talent when it comes to success and satisfaction, whether you’re a freshman trying to make it through the grueling initiation at West Point, an athlete going for gold or a salesperson trying to make your numbers. Grit became an instant New York Times best-seller and sparked a “grit revolution” with readers professing to work toward their goals with renewed vigor and dedication. But the ultimate audience for Angela’s message, she hopes, is kids. As a former teacher, Angela’s personal mission and the ultimate goal of her lab work at the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center is to “use psychological science to help kids thrive.” Grit, Angela has found, is a key component in helping students reach their full potential. But how do you teach grit? After all, we all probably heard the platitudes “Practice makes perfect” and “Don’t give up!” thousands of times when we were growing up—not one of which made us study harder, sit at the piano longer or play baseball better. Angela spoke with Live Happy about meaningful ways to encourage children to work hard, love learning and flourish. Model possibilities “It’s not about the slogans you put on posters,” Angela says. And it’s not about drilling kids—Tiger-Parent–style—on their multiplication tables or periodic elements. “I’ve been in the position as a teacher where a kid keeps getting a problem wrong and it’s frustrating,” she says. “But when you let your exasperation show through your body language, facial expression and behavior, it sends a strong message that you’ve given up on the student. Kids pick up on that. Instead of thinking ‘This kid just can’t learn it’ when he or she struggles, we should ask ourselves, ‘What’s another way to teach this? What could I do differently?’ ” Adults should be as resilient in our teaching as we want our kids to be in their learning, she believes. “The best piece of advice I can give parents and teachers is to model a genuine sense of possibility for your kids.” Encourage self comparisons When you divide kids up in ways that make some feel like they are smart and others feel like they are not, Angela says, no one is motivated to do better. “I’d rather schools send the message to students that they are a team that is all learning things together, and that all kids learn at different rates. Students should only compare themselves to what they’ve done in the past. I think that’s the most meaningful way to learn and improve.” Angela’s suggestion for everyone, especially kids, is to compare yourself to your “yesterday self” and improve upon it. Is your kid reading more sophisticated books than she was two months ago? That is worthy of applause. Foster a passion Central to Angela’s conception of grit is following your passion. After all, it’s tough to stay motivated if you don’t ultimately love and enjoy what you’re doing. She’s a proponent of picking one or two top-level, passion-aligned goals and organizing the rest of your life around them. But with kids, the calculus is different. “Interests need to be discovered, and it’s a messy and inefficient and fun process. Kids need to be on the track team before they can realize they don’t like the track team,” she says. The hobbies don’t have to be formalized, either. Your child may enjoy being in a dance troupe, for example, but baking at home is just as much an “activity.” In later elementary and middle school, adolescents can begin to understand what it means to intensify an interest. “It’s such a wonderful and exciting thing when a kid gets into something.” So gently encourage your children or students to see what it would be like to delve deeper into things, Angela advises. “Novelty is so enticing, particularly for youth, so you have to find novelty within the same interest.” If your son loves cooking, spend lots of time whipping up omelets, of course, but sign him up for a nutrition class, too. If your daughter enjoys chess, introduce her to tournaments as well as other strategy games like backgammon or Dungeons & Dragons. Fall down, stand up Setbacks are a part of every learning curve, and your kids look to you to learn how to handle failure. So when you run more slowly than you had hoped in the 5K or when you don’t land the job or client you wanted, talk through the problem out loud. Explain what led to the disappointment—you didn’t get in enough practice runs, say, or you didn’t research the company deeply enough—and what you can do better next time. And don’t give up! Sign up for another race, and go after another client. By showing that losing can mean learning, your child won’t want to quit baseball the first time he strikes out. “A big part of grit is being optimistic and overcoming frustration,” Angela explains. Losing is a great opportunity to show the difference that practice can make, too. “Young kids shouldn’t spend all their time in serious- or goal-minded pursuits, but there can still be room for tiny amounts of practice in their days that continue to grow as they get older,” Angela says. Try it for two years By the time kids reach high school, Angela believes they should settle into a few favorite extracurricular activities. Not that they can’t or shouldn’t keep trying new things, but teenagers and beyond would do well to follow Angela’s two-year-rule: “Stick to one activity for at least two years. When you come back for another season of, say, field hockey or debate, you’ve grown. You learn different lessons from it and you bring different and valuable perspectives to it.” That doesn’t happen when you hop around from the Spanish Club one year to the cheerleading squad the next and guitar lessons another. Angela’s team has found that students who demonstrate progression—“they become a section editor and then editor-in-chief of the school paper over the course of high school,” Angela gives as an example—are more successful in college. And way, way beyond. The grit that builds confidence in kids and enables collegiate success can lead to a lifetime of joy. When any of us put time and effort toward pursuing a passion, we are richly rewarded with a strong sense of self-worth and a belief in ourselves and life’s possibilities…or in other words, happiness. What more could we want for our kids? Hear Angela speak about the importance of positive education in our podcast, here. To read more about Grit, see our book summary here. Patty Onderko is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in SUCCESS magazine and elsewhere.

Positive Psychology

Face Down Any Challenge With This Advice

On one of our first dates, we sat across the table from each other at a sushi restaurant in Chicago and shared stories of growing up in the midst of financial challenges. Shawn’s parents were educators in Waco, Texas, who struggled with credit card debts and as a result did not have enough money to pay for him to go to college. Michelle’s parents made it big with a computer consulting practice in Washington, D.C., before the recession caused them to lose their home. We are taught not to talk about such things. But if we don’t discuss our challenges, when we find ourselves in troubling times, we feel lost and lonely and cut off from help. These moments could be a source of bonding, healing and learning instead. Those childhood financial difficulties are the very reason we taught ourselves to be fiscally responsible and to save even when things are going well. We are grateful for those tough times as they made us who we are today. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Sometimes the stressful events that we run from are the same ones that cause us to develop the best and strongest parts of ourselves. In a study we conducted at five companies, including UBS, we found that approximately 90 percent of events that had the biggest positive impacts on people were also high-stress situations. In this study, research participants were asked to list five pivot points in their lives that changed them and made them who they are today. On average, 80 percent of those points were seemingly negative, including losing a job, failing on a project at work or getting dumped by an ex. This reminds us that not only can stressful events be beneficial, but also that we should rethink our knee-jerk responses of trying to avoid them in the first place. We need to stop running from discomfort. Too often we are afraid of what can happen if we take a leap or get out of our comfort zones. We stay stuck in dead-end jobs and toxic relationships. We figure the familiar everyday unhappiness is better than the possible calamitous result if we were to make a change. We run from the risk of unhappiness, and as a result we stay in a less desirable present. Face your challenges We have a Marine friend who takes pride in the fact that Marines run toward conflict while others flee. What we flee from we begin to fear more. Facing our own challenges and developing an empowered mindset can help us weather the storm better than a fear-based one. Just like a workout can be uncomfortable or even painful, the mental and physical benefits often make it worth it. If we don’t show up to the gym in the first place because we fear those negative feelings, we will never know what we are capable of. If we show up ready to tackle the workout, that makes it all go more smoothly. What are you fleeing from? If you’re facing something that is either making you unhappy now or threatening to do so, we encourage you to think through the following takeaways based on our research on people who run toward unhappiness and prevail. 1. Be conscious of the narrative: Your brain quickly constructs a story around events, and some of those narratives are helpful while others are not. Ask yourself what narrative you’ve derived from this unhappy experience. (Ideally you are looking for something that will serve you in the retelling and make you a better person.) Helpful stories include facts about what you’ve learned from the experience and how you’ve grown as a result. Identifying ways in which you actually benefited from the experience can help you move forward. 2. Identify with strength: You are probably a strong person or you would not have made it this far. At this point life has probably dealt you a handful of hard circumstances. List them and reflect on the strength you accessed (which you might not have been aware of at the time) to overcome them. By reminding your brain how strong you are, you bolster that positive resource, which you can then tap into to help you in the face of your current challenge. 3. Find support: We say this nearly every day: Social support is the greatest predictor of long-term happiness. To overcome stressful events, a few supportive people in your life can make all the difference. Even though your first instinct might be to hole up and go it alone, resist that urge. Reach out to trusted friends or family, or find a community of supportive people like a church group or AA. Since we all have our pivotal stories to share, knowing that you’re not alone as you go through a difficult time can make all the difference. For us, just learning that we both experienced financial troubles in childhood was incredibly bonding. That became yet one more benefit to having gone through those experiences in the first place—and the start of a beautiful relationship! SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with over 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. Learn more about Shawn at Goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and how to use it to fuel success and the author of Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national news anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at Goodthinkinc.com.