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#HappyFacts: Smart Phone, Stupid People

Each week, Live Happy Radio presents #HappyFacts designed to enlighten, educate and entertain you. Here’s a look at what we’re talking about this week: The best part of waking up… Waking up and smelling the coffee apparently puts a little extra spring in your step—or at least adds some positivity to your social media. Researchers at Cornell University studied Twitter feeds and found that tweets made earlier in the morning reflected greater promise and optimism than those made later in the day. The research also found that moods dippedduring the day—presumably while the subjects were at work or school—but then became more positive late at night. Moods also appeared to be more positive on the weekends than on the weekdays, hinting at a possible link between our moods and the effects of work and commuting. Hmm, it may be time to find ways to spark more joy at work! Explore 7 science-backed tips for a happier morning. Ride your bike, change your life If you want to keep that positive morning momentum going, maybe riding a bike to work is the answer. Recent findings show that people who ride their bikes to work show lower levels of stress and improved work performance, paving the way for a great day. Cycling also requires you to stay in the moment by keeping you focused on what’s happening around you, instead of letting your mind wander to what needs to be done at work or the disagreement you’re having with your teenager or spouse. Plus, there’s the added benefit that being in nature—versus being in a car, bus or train—is a natural stress reliever. Still need a reason to switch to pedal power? You’ll cut the cost of your commute while cutting your risk of heart disease, cancer and early death. Find out how one nonprofit is biking for a change. Smartphone got your brain? If you’re having trouble thinking clearly, your smartphone might be to blame. At least that’s what researchers from the University of Texas at Austin found when they measured how well study participants completed tasks when their phones were nearby. What makes this most interesting is that just having the smartphones in the same room negatively affected the people’s ability to concentrate—even when the phones were turned off. The study concluded that even when we’re not able to use the phone, the mere fact that it’s in our line of sight gets our conscious mind thinking about not using it—which creates brain drain. Putting the phone in a drawer, bag or another room resulted in significant improvements in cognition and concentration. So, next time you want to get some work done, maybe you should give your smartphone the day off. Can't get away from your phone? Check out Amy Blankson'stech survival kit.

Reading

Let Me Out Helps Unlock Your Creativity

Author Peter Himmelman offers science-based techniques to unlock your creative potential in the book Let Me Out: Unlock Your Creative Mind and Bring Your Ideas to Life. In the book, the award-winning musician and founder of the website Big Muse explains how to use both left- and right-brained thinking to take action on your goals. Knowing who you are and what you stand for gives you strength of purpose, he writes. Take three minutes Set a timer for three minutes and ask: What is my purpose? Or if you prefer: What makes me get up in the morning? Your answer to these big life questions are what Peter calls your “Why you?” statement. Now you can reduce your fear of failure and take immediate action toward the fulfillment of your dreams. Write a let-go letter “Clear the logjam,” Peter writes. Give yourself 10 minutes to write a letter to yourself describing all the things you need to let go of that aren’t serving a positive purpose in your life. This practice can help you get out of a rut and make you feel more energized and inspired. Think like a kid “Young children don’t think about the consequences of playing, they just play,” Peter writes. Accessing this kid-thinking state of mind curbs the fear and judgment that get in your way. Give yourself permission to think like a kid and entertain wild ideas. This process can help you in numerous ways, like thinking of a name for a product or service or coming up with a new idea for your business. Find Let Me Out: Unlock Your Creative Mind and Bring Your Ideas to Life at Amazon and wherever books are sold. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor to Live Happy, and CEO and Founder of themediaconcierge.com.

work

Teach Your Kids to Be Better Co-Workers

As executive coaches, one of the most common things we hear is, “Wow, I have one colleague who is really difficult to work with.” We’re also both moms, so we thought, “What can parents do to instill in their children the attitudes and skills needed to become thoughtful and productive colleagues and leaders of the future?” LESSON 1: Teach kids to ask, “How can I solve this problem?” The first time one of us had a chance to coach her child was when Senia’s daughter didn’t like the sound of the windshield wipers one morning. Senia’s daughter said, “Mama, I don’t like that sound.” Senia replied, “OK, how can we solve that problem?” The 2-year-old replied, “We can’t solve that problem.” Senia countered, “OK, what sound can we make that is louder than the windshield wipers?” “I know!” her daughter said, “I can smoosh this bag in my hand and it makes this sound, and that’s louder.” That was the first time she solved a problem on her own. Senia found that the question, “How can we solve that problem?” has led to a more patient and thoughtful approach to complaints. The question itself, as David Cooperrider of Case Western Reserve University argues, holds the answer within it. If I’m asking myself how I can solve this problem, that implies the solution is findable and that I’m the one who can find it. Read more: How to Raise Empathetic Kids LESSON 2: Advise children to get back up after they fail. Margaret learned that her daughter did her best work at the last minute. In fifth grade, her daughter started an assignment after dinner that was due the next day and realized she had no poster board. Margaret, wanting her daughter to succeed, drove to the store (more than 30 minutes away) and was up late helping her daughter. At her next parent-teacher conference, Margaret told this story with frustration to her daughter’s teacher who simply replied, “What if you hadn’t purchased the poster board?” Margaret let her daughter handle the consequences the next time, and her daughter learned to plan ahead. LESSON 3: Empower kids to resolve their disputes. When kids get into disputes over the same toy, say: “Hey, I’d love to help you both out, but we won’t be able to do the next thing we have planned until you two resolve this.” That sentence puts the onus on them. They don’t need to rely on parents to tell them how to share the toy. Think of such a co-worker—one who looks forward to solving a problem, who jumps back in after failing and can resolve disputes. Is that a person you’d want to work with? Finally, how we talk to our children about work is important. Some teens don’t have part-time jobs because their parents told them, “You’ll be working the rest of your life. Enjoy being in school.” That message conveys that work is a dirty word, rather than something rewarding. Work teaches self-efficacy, responsibility, financial literacy and confidence. Start early for a lifetime of positive results. Read more: Let Happiness Impact Your Bottom Line MARGARET H. GREENBERG and SENIA MAYMIN, Ph.D., are sought-after executive coaches, speakers and positive psychology practitioners, and the authors of the book Profit From the Positive. Find more information about their coaching and certificate programs at ProfitFromthePositive.com.

science

Embracing Awe

Growing up in a small farming community in the foothills of Mount Rainier in Washington, Melanie Rudd couldn’t explain the sense of reverence she felt every time she gazed up at the imposing peaks. “I grew up hiking and camping, and when I was in the outdoors it changed the way I felt. But I didn’t really know what that was or have a good label for it,” Melanie says. She found a name for those powerful emotions when she began studying awe while pursuing her Ph.D. at Stanford University. Today, as assistant professor of marketing at Bauer College of Business at the University of Houston, her areas of research include time perception, emotions, mood and prosocial behavior—all of which are linked to feelings of awe. “There are several emotions we don’t see a lot of research about and don’t talk much about,” she says. “Awe has been one of those; it’s something that our culture has only [recently] decided is important to talk about.” Awe in action Historically, awe has been largely overlooked by science, even though it is something all of us experience (and benefit from) throughout our lives. It wasn’t until 2003, when Dacher Keltner, Ph.D., of the University of California, Berkeley and Jonathan Haidt, Ph.D., then at the University of Virginia, turned their attention to the study of awe that modern psychology began to see it as a viable emotion worth examining. Since then, it has gradually gained steam and research attention, with a growing body of evidence pointing to its physiological and emotional benefits. One of the researchers presently leading the conversation is Michelle “Lani” Shiota, Ph.D., who heads up the Shiota Psychophysiology Laboratory for Affective Testing (SPLAT Lab) at Arizona State University. As a psychology student with a performing arts background pursuing her graduate degree at University of California, Berkeley, she knew that awe “had been a profound and satisfying part of my life.” She was shocked to learn how little research had been done on it. “Outside the field of psychology, people think of awe as a luxury,” she says. “I call it the Gucci handbag of emotions—people think it’s great if you have one, but it’s not something you really need. The truth is that’s not how emotions work. We have those responses for a reason.” Lani’s mission has been to find out why we’re built to experience awe, what it does to our brains and how it affects us physiologically. While it is known to be an emotional response to stimuli, its benefits have been less simple to pin down. Dacher and Jonathan’s pivotal 2003 research on awe defines it as “the feeling of being in the presence of something vast and greater than the self, that exceeds current knowledge structures.” More simply put, awe is that feeling you get when you witness a stunning sunset, listen to a stirring piece of music or observe a powerful work of art. It can be triggered by a religious or spiritual experience, or caused by a powerful personal experience such as the birth of a child. That results in an intense emotional response that can overlap with such states as wonder, curiosity or even fear. “Awe occurs when you are presented with an experience that is so much bigger than your understanding of the world,” Lani says. “It’s different from other positive emotions, and it has a suite of effects on our physiology, behavior and cognition. It’s this massive intake of information that doesn’t fit with your current world.” That requires a process that Dacher and Jonathan referred to as “accommodating,” in which your thought process must expand in order to understand, or accommodate, what you’ve just experienced. Such a process is one more way that awe and its effects differ from other positive emotions, according to Lani. “Most positive emotions feel activating, they make you want to move,” she says. “Awe slows us down physiologically. It actually reduces our fight-or-flight response and is physically soothing. Awe makes you focus on one thing, in a broad way, and put your attention fully on the experience.” In that way, it is similar to mindfulness and shares some of the same emotional and physiological benefits. It can hit the pause button on our automatic behavior and thought processes and change our emotional states. It even has been found to help correct negative health behaviors such as smoking a cigarette or eating food that you know isn’t good for you. “We now have seen that even a brief dose of awe can help put a brake on us” and redirect our actions, according to Lani. Listen to our podcast with Lani Shiota: Expanding awe Tricia Schers spent much of her young adult life traveling; she has gone whale watching in Hawaii, seen the sea turtles nesting in Suriname and trekked through Thailand. But when she took a marketing job for Frontiers North, an adventure tourism company based in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada, she says her level of awe increased exponentially. “I was three days into the job when they sent me to Churchill to experience one of their tours,” she recalls. “I got to see beluga whales in the wild, nine polar bears—including a mother nursing a cub—and the northern lights. I was blown away.” Even today, she feels that same sense of humbled reverence every time she encounters the rugged, frozen paradise. “There’s a reason people use the word ‘majestic’ when they describe seeing polar bears in their natural environment,” Tricia says. “I can sit and watch the landscape and become completely mesmerized. Somehow you feel the interconnection of the ecosystems; the landscape is rugged, yet you can sense the fragility of it. “It is simply awe-inspiring.” While the use of the word “awe” may have worn down its true significance (just note the overuse of “awesome!” in daily conversation), the fact is that true awe is a deeply felt emotion with powerful implications. The feelings it generates tap into the sense of vastness that help de ne awe, and it’s connected to what researchers call “the overview effect.” The phrase was originally coined by space philosopher and writer Frank White, Ph.M., in 1987 to describe the cognitive shift that occurs in astronauts when they view Earth from space. Viewing Earth from such a perspective was shown to trigger a profound sense of awe and a sense of connectedness with their universe among space travelers. Frank found that many astronauts felt the experience so transformative that they returned to Earth with a renewed sense of purpose. The good news, for those of us who don’t have access to a spaceship, is that similar reactions can be derived from viewing images from space. Awe also can be cultivated, as Melanie and Tricia found, by experiencing nature. “A lot of it has to do with an increased sense of connectedness in the moment,” explains David Yaden, a research fellow at the University of Pennsylvania in the Positive Psychology Center and co-author of the paper, “The Overview Effect: Awe and Self-Transcendent Experience in Space Flight,” published last year in the journal Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice. His research looks at the overview effect as a way to better understand awe and self-transcendence, or the ability to lose ourselves and feel connected to “a bigger picture.” “Most of our worries and concerns are derived from a hyperfocus on our self,” he points out. “When that focus on our self is reduced, so, too, are many of our concerns. And when you feel you are less of a center for concern, you feel more connected to people.” Experiencing a sense of awe, he says, immediately removes the focus from self and resets our thinking to see our surroundings differently. “Evidence shows that awe might be an important part of the mental health diet,” he says. “It’s associated with well-being and with pro-social behavior. So if you care about increasing your overall well-being, awe is one way to do that. We still don’t know exactly how or why, but it’s safe to say that awe forms a pathway to well-being.” He says the last decade has seen interest in awe increase as more research has been released to show its causes as well as its effects. Each study adds to its credibility while at the same time raising new questions that can be explored, such as whether certain traits make us more open to experience awe and how long its impact lasts. David is currently working with Dacher to help build “a more robust scale” for measuring awe’s benefits. “Sometimes the value of these experiences is hard to pin down,” he says. “But if you ask someone about their most awe-inspiring moment, they will see it as something that was profoundly meaningful.” Slowing the clock As awe gains more traction as a research topic, more aspects and benefits are being examined. Among the more interesting outcomes, Melanie has found in her ongoing research at the University of Houston that awe can be useful in changing our perception of time. “This could be particularly useful because today people feel increasingly pressed for time,” she says. “When you look at what time pressure and time famine are doing to us, it’s not healthy.” When we’re pressed for time, we tend to eat on the run (and make poorer food choices), have lower levels of life satisfaction and will postpone self-care, such as doctor and dental appointments. We’re also more likely to over-purchase goods, even though we may not need them. While most of us feeling the crunch of the clock wish for just a few more hours in the day, perhaps what we really need is just a little more awe in our lives. “Rather than try to change the amount of time people have, we look at how to change their perception of that time,” Melanie says. Her studies reinforce Lani’s work showing that awe requires you to be in the moment. “When you are in the experience of awe, it really sucks you in,” she explains. “You can’t wander into the past or the future. You are in the present, and you’re taking in all the sights and sounds and smells of that moment.” As your brain works to process and encode these changes in the environment and your emotions, “time feels more expansive, more full and rich.” Because you crammed so much information into this time, the perception is that time slows down. And along with that sense of having extra time comes less irritability and a greater tendency to give others the gift of your time. “[In our studies] when people looked at the diary of what they had experienced, it really did look like they had more time,” Melanie says. “They were more inclined to volunteer, which had additional benefits by giving them that ‘helper’s high.’ No matter how much money you make, the common thread between us is that everyone is pressed for time. Maybe if we find ways to alleviate the time stress, we’ll start to make better decisions for our well-being.” Incorporating awe If awe is one pathway to well-being, it is a pathway with many entry points. Researchers often use pictures or virtual reality in the laboratory setting to create a sense of awe in their subjects. For those of us who aren’t being studied, it’s much easier. It doesn’t require a trip to the Grand Canyon or to see the northern lights; you can find awe in your own home, your backyard or with friends. “You have to know what has a better chance of eliciting an awe response for you, personally,” Melanie advises. “It can be nature or music or art or even other people’s accomplishments. Think about what inspires you.” She suggests seeking out new experiences. Whether that’s visiting a park you haven’t been to before, taking an exotic trip or just getting out and meeting new people, a new experience “increases the odds that you’ll find something awe-inspiring,” Melanie says. And, when you do find it, collect it. Save pictures or videos in a computer folder to look at when you’re feeling like you need a boost; you might be surprised how much good it does you. “By the time we hit adulthood, we’re on autopilot; we kind of have to be,” Lani adds. “We store knowledge and do the same thing day after day, and that’s good, because that’s what expertise is. But it doesn’t necessarily feel great. “Practicing awe breaks us out of autopilot. And it feels nice to break out and be aware of what’s around us in the world.” Read more: 5 Awe-Inspiring Destinations Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

Use Lifelogging to Maximize Your Potential

For many of us, the intrusion of “Big Data” into our lives is truly frightening. It means someone (some company) is out there tracking information about us and using it for their own purposes. They know our likes and dislikes, our temptations and our strengths, and our decision-making behaviors. While debates about the pros and cons of Big Data rage on, the truth is, it’s not going away anytime soon. I think a more interesting question is: If companies are willing to spend millions of dollars to understand our behavior, why aren’t we using this personal data to understand ourselves better? In an online movement dubbed the Quantified Self, individuals from over 30 countries have joined together to “lifelog” (track) and share personal data in attempts to better understand human nature. Lifelogging is the process of digitally tracking your personal data. While it may seem like an odd endeavor, it’s likely you’ve done it without even realizing it. If you’ve used a fitness tracker, pedometer, sports watch or even an iPhone (which automatically tracks your steps), you’ve lifelogged. Nearly 69 percent of Americans are already tracking at least one health metric, whether it’s in the form of calories burned, quality of sleep or heart rate. Aside from a desire to lose weight or improve fitness, you may be wondering why individuals involved in the Quantified Self would bother to track and share their personal data. The answer simply comes down to curiosity and a desire to improve oneself. It’s the ultimate expression of growth mindset in the Digital Age. Lifeloggers have been able to identify illnesses, control levels of anxiety or depression, increase productivity, and improve their overall lifestyles. In one case, lifelogging has even helped to save a life. Steven Keating discovered a life-threatening tumor that would have remained hidden were it not for a combination of lifelogging and the fact that he had volunteered to participate in a university research study. The study included an MRI scan, which revealed Steven had a slight abnormality. Three years after the initial scan, he underwent another MRI, which showed the abnormality had remained the same (good news). Four years later, however, Steven noticed that he smelled vinegar for about 30 seconds every day. For most, smelling vinegar for less than a minute a day would go unnoticed. But Steven’s lifelogging had focused his awareness, which prompted him to get a third MRI. That MRI revealed that his abnormality had grown into a baseball-size tumor. Fortunately, he had the mass surgically removed and has been able to carry on with his life. The process of lifelogging via wearables or apps taps into our innate curiosity and desire to problem-solve. While not all of us are savvy enough to read an MRI, we do have numerous tools at our fingertips that give us greater insight into our own minds and bodies. From fitness trackers to time trackers, productivity measures to sleep measures, a plethora of options capture and analyze data easily using our smartphones. Here are a few of my favorites: Addapp can pull data from multiple apps on your phone to make suggestions for diet and exercise based on past behavior. The app might recognize that your sleep quality has declined along with activity level. However, if you were able to take just 2,000 more steps each day, you could significantly increase your chances of getting better sleep in the coming week. RealizD tracks how you spend your time on your phone. By capturing data about how many times you unlock your phone, how long you spend on it, and what you are doing when online, RealizD provides insight into your behavior, and accountability for decreasing your digital addictions. LifeCycle works in the background of your phone to track time spent at work, home, shopping, enjoying entertainment and more. The goal is to help you raise your awareness of how you spend your time so you can align your goals and intentions with your actions. Journalyfor the Mac and iPhone helps you privately journal about your life. You can manually operate it or auto-journal, by allowing your phone to track destinations, weather, fitness, travel and sleep. Instant tracks your entire life automatically and puts it on your dashboard. Lifelog your phone usage time, places you go, fitness, sleep and travel. In many ways, these apps simply provide a starting place for gathering information and insight into your behaviors. With the exception of Addapp, all require you to draw your own conclusions; however, it’s not hard to imagine that in the near future these apps will become increasingly smart and more predictive. Imagine if you could ask your phone to distract you when you approach a temptation while trying to kick a bad habit. What gets me excited about lifelogging is the prospect of being able to create a renaissance in my own life, using the small insights to create positive change. As you begin to experiment with behavior and mindset changes over the next few weeks, here are five guiding questions that can help you develop a practice of continual learning. How does the data that you gather compare/contrast to the past? How does this data compare/contrast to that of the people around me? What information looks false or might be missing? What factors shaped these outliers or unusual data points? And most important, given this information, how do I need to tweak my behavior for the future? As you embark on this new adventure, I would love to hear how your lifelogging is going. Share your story or ideas with me at amyblankson.com/story and together we will continue to pursue a future of happiness. Listen to our podcast with Amy: The Future of Happiness Read more from Amy: The Internet of Things Brings the Future Home Amy Blankson, aka the ‘Happy Tech Girl,’ is on a quest to help individuals balance productivity and well-being in the digital era. Amy, with her brother Shawn Achor, co-founded GoodThink, which brings the principles of positive psychology to lifeand works with organizations such as Google, NASA and the U.S. Army. Her new book is called The Future of Happiness: 5 Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-being in the Digital Era.

Self-Care

KIND Snacks Declares 9-Year-Old CFO for the Day

At 9 years old, Alex Múnoz of Weston, Massachusetts, has already set his sights on investing in his first IPO. He wanted to put his money in the KIND Snacks company. Not only does he love their peanut butter dark chocolate bar, but Alex also saw a promising future for KIND because of its focus on healthy ingredients. Plus, the company culture promotes being kind to others—a quality Alex admires. But unlike many kids his age, Alex took action on his wish and wrote a letter to KIND Founder and CEO Daniel Lubetzky, asking when he was planning to take his company public (and smartly making a social and business connection, too). “I’ve been researching your company and want to invest,” wrote Alex. “I will be getting all my money at my bar mitzvah. Do you know when you will go public? I think you will do well. I like your idea of public action and supporting charities.” Daniel loved Alex’s letter and invited him to visit the KIND corporate offices on 37thStreet and Broadway in New York City on Monday, June 19. Live Happy was on hand to cover Alex’s big day. Big Day in the Big Apple Alex, accompanied by his mother and sister, arrived wearing a sports jacket and tie. First, he was promptly asked to taste-test KIND products with the guidance of John-Claude Lacroix, the company’s new product development coordinator. Between sips of water to cleanse his palate, Alex tasted a variety of classic and new flavors, declaring the majority of them “Alex-approved.” Next, Alex met CEO Daniel, who lives by the ideals of Live Happy. Not only does he spearhead the healthy snack company, Daniel is also thefounder of The KIND Foundation, which has inspired more than 1 million acts of kindness since 2004, as well as PeaceWorks, an organization that fosters cooperative ventures among neighbors in the Middle East. Daniel greeted Alex warmly and presented him with the honorary title of “CFO for the Day,” along with 10 shares of company stock. Earlier, Alex had said he was only expecting a coupon or something small in response to his letter. Although KIND currently has no plans to go public, Daniel considered Alex’s reasoning to do so very thoughtfully. “We decided we wanted to stay private because we want to think long-term,” Daniel told Alex. “However, we are facing many challenges and were really motivated by your passion for KIND. So we had to come up with some sort of solution. We are so energized by your visit all the way from Massachusetts, so we wanted to give you some surprises [such as being CFO for the Day].” “In the car, my mom and I talk sometimes about investing and stocks,” Alex told Daniel. “I thought of KIND because I saw you were a fast-growing company, so I wrote the letter. I wanted you to go public because you can make more money and spend it on expanding and make more commercials and more bars.” Daniel left Alex with this advice: “Along the journey, I made so many mistakes. And I learned and got better. I hope you always have the courage to take risks.” Alex was beaming throughout the meeting. After all, he had just become the world's youngest CFO. Read more: Cool to be KIND Read more: Community Heroes Awarded 1.1 Million for Kindness, Compassion

science

Rock ’n’ Roll Preschool

Every week for a year, Tal-Chen Rabinowitch, Ph.D., brought children together to play and make music. This was more than your average scheduled playtime, however; the researcher was adding to a growing body of evidence that making music together can have a lasting effect on the way children interact. “I’m a musician and have always worked with kids and music,” says Tal-Chen, who conducted the study from 2009 until 2010 with 8- to 11-year-old children while at the University of Cambridge’s Centre for Music and Science. “It’s so easy to see how music bonds people together because of its communicative nature.” Tal-Chen, now a postdoctoral fellow in the Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences at the University of Washington, wanted to see if that bonding continued after the music ends. “Developing empathy is something that I am interested in,” she says, adding that creating music teaches skills that are learned more easily with another person. This includes such things as working to understand what the other person wants to accomplish, which researchers refer to as “shared intentionality.” “Making music can give you some cognitive advantages, but also it teaches social skills,” Tal-Chen says. “If you practice communication skills in music, that will carry into other areas of your life.” In sync In adults, research has found that singing together can help increase feelings of connectedness, social flow and release the neuropeptide oxytocin, which also is called the “love hormone.” Making music together affects us on multiple levels; we connect through the rhythm as we move to the same beat and we are engaged as we watch one another’s expressions and movements. But what researchers find most significant is how music involves synchrony. Synchrony plays an important role in part because it causes us to bond together through imitating or mirroring one another. That is important for children, according to Tal-Chen, because “these are the same mechanisms used to empathize. When children are practicing music together, and it’s fun and engaging and inviting, they are developing a set of skills they’ll use naturally in other areas of their lives.” That means that while they are honing musical skills, they also are learning to “read” and pick up other information from people, which is crucial in empathy. Tal-Chen says that playing and making music together could help reconnect children who are becoming increasingly disconnected in today’s digital world. “The reason [children] have less social skills today is because we don’t experience each other in a live context,” she says, noting the prevalence of texting and social media as preferred forms of communication, which eliminates the ability to take cues from someone’s expressions or vocal tones. Elements at play A 2010 study led by Sebastian Kirschner of the Department of Developmental and Comparative Psychology at Germany’s Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology found that making music together “increases subsequent spontaneous cooperative and helpful behavior” among preschool children. Inspired by that study, Sara Beck, a Ph.D. student in psychology and human development at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee, is studying how music making can shape prosocial behavior among 4- and 5-year-olds. “I was doing work on kids’ singing in general, and I wanted to look at what mechanisms might be in play when children begin making music together,” Sara says. “Research has found that with children as young as 4 and 5—and in some cases just 14 months to 24 months—that engaging in the kind of synchronized movement that happens when you make music together can increase feelings of cooperation and cooperative behavior. I wanted to look at what drives that.” The 5 factors Sara says five factors influence children: rhythm, synchronization, engagement, shared goals and lyrics. Rhythm encourages them to move together, and engagement occurs because they watch each other’s faces and expressions when singing together. Making music together creates a sense that “we’re in it together,” while lyrics can help present positive messages. Sara’s research implemented traditional childhood development assessments into a musical setting to measure how they responded to helping and sharing after singing together. She found greater cooperation between children after singing, but says this is just the beginning of what we can learn about how music affects children and the way they interact. “One thing that we know happens is collective effervescence, and that results in an increase in positive feelings,” she says. Collective effervescence occurs when a group communicates the same thought or participates in the same activity. “We do know that when kids believe they are doing something together, they are more likely to help the children with whom they’ve been working. We want to find out, ‘If we have a shared goal, to what extent can music activate that feeling of helping each other?’ There are a lot of things we don’t know yet.” Listen to our podcast, Inspiring Children Through Music With Laurie Berkner Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Lifestyle

Sleep-Away Camps for Adults Offer Play, Transformation

“I used to be a nihilistic atheist. I was miserable. I attracted sad, miserable people. I would post angry diatribes on Facebook,” says Eric Garside, a 31-year-old software developer from New York City. “Now I only want to post inspiring things to make people think that a better life is achievable. I am a fundamentally different person now than I was before.” This is how Eric describes the metamorphosis he experienced at Soul Camp, one of several sleep-away camps for adults that have been popping up like freckles on a redhead’s nose from Big Sur, California, to the Adirondack Mountains in New York. Less than a decade ago, the concept of camps for adults was unheard of; after all, why would anyone pay money to sleep in a bunk bed and get bug bites? Yet now, with nearly a dozen camps opening in just the past five years, the trend has clearly caught on. Whether people are seeking a community based on genuine acceptance, a chance to chill out and have fun in nature, or a truly transformative experience, camps for grown-ups are springing up because they offer all this and more. The camps usually last three to four nights and vary in style and theme, from the classic summer camps you might remember as a kid—with color wars, kick the can and eating in a mess hall (albeit with better food)—to a full-on wellness retreat, complete with expert workshops and classes. A study of more than 5,000 families done by the American Camp Association between 2001 and 2004 found that kids who go to camp experience a boost in self-esteem, social skills, adventurousness, spiritual growth and other markers of well-being—and judging from what adult campers say, grown-ups come away with remarkably similar benefits. Clearly, the alchemical mixture of joining a tribe of fellow campers, being out in nature and having opportunities for growth and introspection is producing much more than a pleasant vacation among the trees. In fact, it’s sending people back home with a newfound confidence and optimism as well as a bevy of new best friends. A welcoming community “American adults are lonely. We spend a staggering amount of time alone in front of screens. There is a yearning for community that camps offer,” says Michael G. Thompson, Ph.D., author of Homesick and Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow. Camp Throwback, one of the original grown-up camps, was started in the woodlands of southwestern Ohio by body acceptance guru Brittany Gibbons—known for her TED Talk, popular blog Brittany, Herself and 2015 book, Fat Girl Walking: Sex, Food, Love, and Being Comfortable in Your Skin…Every Inch of It. According to Brittany, the camp started almost by accident: “I just wanted a cool place for my readers to get together,” she says. “I had worked at a huge Meatballs-style summer camp after college, so that gave me the idea.” The site where Brittany holds camp can accommodate 120 campers; the first time she put tickets up for sale in 2014, they sold out in less than two days. “I really didn’t think a bunch of adults would pay money to come to a summer camp,” she says, laughing. “I was surprised to see how many other weirdos were out there.” At the beginning, most of those who signed up were Brittany’s fans, and so were already familiar with the themes of self-love and body acceptance she champions. But even newer campers unfamiliar with her work get Camp Throwback’s ethos of total acceptance pretty much the minute they arrive (Brittany describes it as “You’re OK, I’m OK”). Angela Morales, a 31-year-old customer service representative from Los Angeles, found Camp Throwback through a friend. “It’s hard to make friends as an adult,” says Angela. “I definitely became more confident in myself at camp because I didn’t know most of the people there, but right away, you’re all just friends. And you remember, ‘Oh yeah, I can do this.’ Age doesn’t matter. How many times you’ve been [to Camp Throwback] doesn’t matter.” At the end of the long weekend, Angela says, “There is a good 15-minute cry session when you leave camp. You realize that one of your good friends now lives in Wisconsin, [one] in Pennsylvania....We send each other texts like, ‘Only 72 days left until camp!’” See our list of the 20 Best Sleep-Away Camps for Adults The leveling effect Dawn Carlstrom, 52, feels the same way. When the wife and mother from Corcoran, Minnesota, first went to Campowerment, an all-women’s sleep-away camp in the hills above Malibu, California, she had never flown on an airplane by herself. Now she can’t wait to return for her fourth visit. “There is a whole community of women now who have my back,” she says. Tammi Leader Fuller is the founder of Campowerment, which operates in Pennsylvania’s Poconos Mountains as well as the Malibu location. The former Hollywood producer grew up on the East Coast going to camp for two months out of every summer, and she spent the rest of the year looking forward to those eight weeks. “Camp was my happy place. It’s where you could be who you wanted to be and not who your parents wanted you to be,” says Tammi. Now she works hard to create a safe place where women can open up to each other on the deepest level, whether participating in a journaling circle or pushing themselves past previous limits with a physically challenging ropes course. At Campowerment, the energizing workshops go from sunrise yoga through the evening’s epic lip-sync battle of the bunks. You can attend Decluttering Your Soul, Noticing Your Bliss, Jumping Fitness With Jakub or Energy Healing With Peggy. All the workshops are held outside, and the experts also participate, giving a sense of full openness and vulnerability to the proceedings. On the first day there, you are not allowed to say what you do for a living. That, along with the genuine, accepting atmosphere creates a leveling effect at the camp, according to Dawn, so it doesn’t matter whether you are an actress, a homemaker or an architect. “You’re in sweats all weekend,” says Dawn, and you soon “realize that everybody is dealing with their own crap.” On Dawn’s first trip, she bunked with a group of extraordinary women, aged 21 to 65, who dubbed themselves the “Bug Juice Bitchezzz.” Five of the women have since become so close that they travel and meet up all over the country. They recently joined Dawn in Minnesota and did a “polar plunge.” When one of the group’s original bunkmates, Rocky, was sick and dying from breast cancer, the women rallied to her bedside, with camp photos in hand, and were there when she took her last breath. Later the friends returned to camp and founded a scholarship in Rocky’s name so that less fortunate women could attend. “I just wish every woman could have this experience,” Dawn says. Back to nature “Everything is more intense at camp,” says Eric, of Soul Camp, which hosts camps in California, Illinois and New York. “The night is more like night. The day is more like day. The stars, the splendor of nature [are all] around you.” This magic even has a scientic name: biophilia, or love of nature. According to John Zelenski, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, and author of several studies on the connection between nature and happiness, “Immersing someone in nature—even [for just] a 15-minute walk—increases people’s positive emotions. It makes them feel more alive, but also more relaxed.” John’s research also shows that being in nature—or even just looking at it—can make people more pro-social and cooperative with others. Perhaps it is no coincidence, then, that all this bonding and boundary-breaking is happening out in the wilderness, and not at a wellness retreat at the Hyatt. “People report a sense of fascination, of awe when they are in nature,” John says. “They’re seeing things in a new way and being curious, more open.” According to Michael, camps were started as a philanthropic venture to get poor city kids out into the country in the summertime. “For city kids [camp] was life-changing. You got to be in the woods,” he says. “Adults need this, too. Suburban life is even less natural sometimes than city life: Drive. Mall. House. Work.” When Angela was at Camp Throwback, she laughed after seeing a toad. “When was the last time I saw a toad in Los Angeles? That doesn’t happen. I saw lightning bugs—all these things, I forgot they all existed. It’s important to make them a part of your life.” Read more: Naturally Happy The power of play At Camp Grounded in Northern California, the programming is primarily play-related, and almost everything takes place outdoors. Unlike many other camps, there is no access to technology whatsoever. No phones. No Wi-Fi. Only you, your tribe and Mother Nature. Those factors have made it extremely popular with the young go-go-go executives of Silicon Valley, as well as more bohemian types. “These are people who work in front of a screen all day,” says Christine Carter, Ph.D., a sociologist, executive coach and author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work. “They can’t take a ‘real’ vacation because technology follows them everywhere. If they are in Hawaii and it’s possible to be connected, they feel guilty if they’re not on call.” You get the sense that some of these executives would pay money to go to jail if it meant they could hand over their phones. Camp Grounded’s absolute lockdown on tech makes that prospect a lot more appealing, with a full roster of activities from stilt walking to synchronized swimming—all out among the redwoods and under the sun. Soul Camp offers a mind- (and body-) bending array of wellness sessions, such as meditation, yoga or sound therapy with Tibetan singing bowls in addition to classic camp activities like canoeing and arts and crafts. But the effect on your well-being may be equally positive whether you are learning to meditate or play kick the can. That’s because while mindfulness is important, so is pure play. Read more: 33 Ideas on Play Stuart Brown, a psychiatrist, the founder of the National Institute for Play and the author of Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, has been advocating for the importance of play in both children and adults for decades. He says that meaningful connections can quickly be forged between a group of strangers through the power of play. “Playful communications and interactions, when nourished, produce a climate for easy connection and deepening, more rewarding relationship—true intimacy,” Stuart writes. “It’s that play aspect that I see as being a backlash against the achievement culture so many young adults have grown up in,” Christine says. “It’s a chance to not perform, not to perform. And what an incredible relief to not have to put up that façade” for a few days, when we spend so much of our adult lives doing just that. At Soul Camp, as at Campowerment, “Nobody talks about what they do. We share an experience. We get to know each other authentically on a human level,” Eric says. As Angela remembers from Camp Throwback, “We got out a Slip ’N Slide, and it wasn’t just a normal Slip ’N Slide, it was an industrial Slip ’N Slide. And it started raining while we were pulling it out and everyone was just having a field day like—you were sliding down this huge tarp and it’s that sense of just flying. It’s slightly reckless, and there is no one to tell you can’t do it, except maybe yourself.” The real you Sleep-away camp has always offered kids a chance to develop independence and an individual identity, separate from home and school. At first glance, adults going off to these same camps might seem just like weekend partiers or New Agers. But something wonderful is taking place at these establishments, and it’s turning curious first-time campers into die-hard acolytes who can’t wait to return. Camp Grounded takes the idea that camp is a world apart a step further so that once there, campers do not even use their real names. “There is a whole ceremony around choosing your ‘camp name,’” explains Christine. Your camp name is one you choose to represent who you really are, not what you do or how people see you. Yes, capture the flag is fun, but because of the welcoming atmosphere created at the camps, the free play, communal bonding and general sense of well-being bestowed by nature itself, campers are bringing home much more than a suntan and a henna tattoo. These getaways seem to give busy adults a much-needed timeout, a chance to look at their lives and assess them from a peaceful distance. “Going to Soul Camp and leaving the judgment behind made me realize I didn’t like the place where I was,” Eric says. “It gave me the space to jump off the ship of misery and have a party on a beach. I found that at camp, and that is the life I live now.” Read more: 8 Ways to Find Your Own Tribe Emily Wise Miller is the web editor at Live Happy.

Lifestyle

Brittany Lang Is Grateful for Every Shot

When Brittany Lang won the 2016 U.S. Women’s Open, she didn’t attribute it to her golf swing, her concentration or her tireless hours of practice. While all of those elements play a role in every game she plays, the 31-year-old LPGA pro golfer from McKinney, Texas, says her secret weapon is her attitude. “A positive attitude is everything,” Brittany says. “Whether you just made a mistake or just played a great hole, you have to move on. Your attitude is the difference between having your best day and having your worst day.” Now in her 12th year on the LPGA Tour, Brittany is definitely having plenty of good days. She says they’re made better by the fact that her career has become a family affair. Her husband, Kevin Spann, handles her scheduling while her brother, Luke, is her caddy. Her parents attend as many of her tournaments as they can, and they all spend time together as a family when she isn’t on the road. That really makes it easy on me—having my family around me, supporting me and watching me play. It makes it feel like home, no matter where I am. Brittany's parents have always been supportive of her goals and instilled her with gratitude and positivity. That, she says, helped her grow into a happy, well-rounded woman who is grateful for every opportunity she has been given. “It’s easy for professional athletes to get caught up in the pressure and everything around them, but I remind myself that it’s a beautiful day and I get to play golf for a living. That puts it all in perspective.” LIVE HAPPY: When did you last laugh out loud? BRITTANY LANG: Every second of every day that I’m with my brother. He’s my caddy, and he’s hilarious—so he’s great to have on the bag. He’s very positive, and I can’t tell you what a difference that makes when you’re out there playing. LH: What is the kindest thing someone has done for you? BL: I would say it’s the way my parents have given of their time. They have always been there for my brother and me. I think of how unselfish they are, and I know the reason we have such a close relationship with them is because they were always there for us, no matter what. LH: How do you pay it forward? BL: I am involved with a few charities, and wish I had time to do more. One of them is the Children’s Advocacy Center of Collin County, which provides support for kids who have been dealt a really bad hand. The people who help those kids are angels, and we are involved with them in a few different ways to do what we can. LH: Where is your happy place? BL: Definitely at home, surrounded by my entire family, cooking out and watching a game on TV. That is my No. 1 favorite place to be. You just can’t beat it. Paula Felps is the science editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

Learning to Thrive With Post-Traumatic Growth

I remember the day well. I was a teenager. Everyone was asleep in our house, and I thought, “Growing up like this has damaged me. I don’t know all the ways yet, but I need help so it will not impact me for the rest of my life.” In that moment, I made a promise to myself to live differently from the way my parents raised my sister and me. The cycle of verbal and psychological abuse that my parents put us through—because of their own painful childhoods—would end with me. I didn’t know at the time that I was strong. I felt bottomless and lost. I didn’t have a positive foundation to start my life. And I used other people’s perceptions of me to determine how I felt about myself. A Chaotic Childhood Always a person who likes to understand things, I couldn’t grasp why my parents were abusive when they went to all the trouble to adopt my sister and me at six weeks old, only to treat us like they did. Our childhood was unpredictable and scary. My mom’s alcohol abuse changed her into someone who despised me and she let me know it. She regularly told me I was “stupid.” She’d rant and rave to my sister and me—slurring her words and stumbling. When my dad got home from work, she’d put on makeup and pretend to my dad that she was fine. Soon, they would be fighting. Worse, my dad pretended none of it was happening, and he never helped us. My sister and I never knew what to expect when we got off the bus and walked to our front door. Sometimes, mom would lock us out. Life-Changing Insight I must have been a pretty self-aware teenager because at some point I told my parents I needed to see a psychologist. They blamed bad genetics for my problemsbut agreed to let me go to therapy. My first psychologist helped me see that I wasn't the problem in this situation. When I finally left home for college, I felt liberated and safe, though still emotionally fractured. I focused on getting attention from men as a way to feel powerful and to escape my pain. I was impulsive and wild—unwittingly re-creating the adrenaline rush of my tumultuous childhood. I was 24 and living in Ohio when I found psychologist Gary Sarver, Ph.D., who changed my life. Of course, he would say, “You changed your life.” With talk therapy, he helped me understand and process everything I had experienced. Going through talk therapy with Dr. Sarver once a week on Wednesday evenings re-parented me. I attribute the process with turning my traumatic childhood into rocket fuel for inner strength, a strong sense of self and a resolve that would propel me forward to create a fulfilling and happy life. His wisdom stays with me today, at age 47, now that I am a happily married mother to two beautiful twin girls. Post-Traumatic Growth Recently, I learned there is a name for what I experienced at age 24: Post-traumatic growth, or PTG. In the wake of suffering or trauma, researchers have found that many people bounce back with even more determination to create a meaningful life. The term post-traumatic growth was first coined by Richard Tedeschi, Ph.D., and Lawrence Calhoun, Ph.D., psychologists at the University of North Carolina, Charlotte, while they were working with a group of bereaved parents. They found that people who had suffered tremendous loss seemed to bounce back with a renewed sense of “activism, insight and altruism.” “Out of loss there is often gain, and in ways that can be deeply profound.” Lawrence Calhoun explains in the article "The Science of Post-Traumatic Growth" inLive Happy.“A staggering crisis can often change people for the better.” My belief is that talk therapy can facilitate post-traumatic growth. Whether you’ve experienced an abusive childhood or a tragedy, talk therapy, when done well, can take pain and transform it into strength to thrive. Here are six of the most important lessons I learned in therapy that have fostered my own post-traumatic growth. 1. Try anything. This sounds simple, but at the time, I was stuck. I had a college degree and wanted to be a writer or journalist, but I worked as an administrative assistant and a waitress. I worried I really was stupid and would fail. My self-image was in the dumpster. Trying things or taking risks is necessary to get to the good life. All the good stuff is on the other side of that thing you dread doing. You have to take the risks to get there. 2. You are your own harshest critic. I took over for my critical parents and verbally assaulted myself in my head. It wasn’t a healthy, “Oh, I failed at that.” It was an unhealthy “I’m a total failure.” Dr. Sarver introduced me to self-compassion, something I had never heard of. When you start to treat yourself like a best friend, life transforms. 3. Stop trying to make everyone like you. I was such a people pleaser that I became fake—pretending I was okay when I wasn’t, and not authentically expressing my emotions. Growing up attempting to keep the peace was a coping strategy, but as an adult, it resulted in my being a doormat. I sat on my emotions and my anger. I had to learn how to authentically express myself and, as he said, “be okay being uncomfortable with people angry at you.” 4. You have as many answers as anyone else. I had a tendency to see everyone around me as a successful adult and myself as a fumbling child. I’d idealize others and think they had all the answers. I’d date men who replicated my childhood instead of dealing with being alone. Talk therapy taught me to believe in myself and value my own company. 5. Good and bad things will happen to you; these are the normal waves of life. Fear of the next bad thing around the corner—that you are living under a “black cloud”—can immobilize you, but no one can live a meaningful life in hiding. Understand that you are not cursed, and choose the scary step over inaction. 6. In the end, you have to rescue yourself. This was my hardest lesson to learn. Somehow I thought my parents would see the light, apologize to me and we could all live happily ever after as a family. Dr. Sarver said, “It’s not going to happen.” Sometimes people aren’t capable of being who we need them to be. Acceptance and forgiveness were the hardest parts of talk therapy, but the most empowering. I realized we can give ourselves everything we need emotionally. We can let go of seeking it from people who hurt us. This realization was emotionally liberating. I feel a daily sense of peace and happiness knowing my childhood is in the distant past. Living through a painful childhood has made me appreciate every minute of my life as an adult. I love knowing I get to create my environment and choose the people in it. I derive an incredible sense of joy from finally believing I am strong. What makes me the happiest is knowing I did the work to end the cycle of abuse and create a happy home for my family. Read more by Sandra Bilbray: 7 Steps Back from Depression and Healthy From the Inside Out: 5 Tips to Get Fit For more resources about post-traumatic growth, go to UNC Charlotte's Posttraumatic Growth Research Center website. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy, and the CEO and owner of themediaconcierge.net.

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