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Discover the Hidden Power of ‘Thank You’

From the time we learn how to talk, it seems that we are being told to remember to say “thank you.” Our parents weren’t just teaching us manners; they were providing us with a tool for lasting happiness. “We now know that having good social relationships is as good for you as things like smoking and obesity are bad for you,” says Sara Algoe, Ph.D., of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “It turns out that there’s an emotion that happens to be really amazing at helping us solve this essential human problem of survival. And that emotion is gratitude.” One of the most significant keys to longevity and well-being is being able to acquire and maintain high-quality relationships. Gratitude, Sara says, is the glue that can bring people together as well as creating happiness from the inside out. Putting the ‘You’ in ‘Thank You’ Research, including Sara’s, shows that experiencing gratitude has immediate benefits. Learning to harness this power and becoming more intentional about it can improve our relationships and bolster our own health and happiness. “When we feel gratitude toward someone, we spring into action and reach out,” she explains. “It’s that act of reaching out that can draw another person into a relationship.” And, Sara adds, it can improve existing relationships. When she conducted a study among couples in which one partner expressed gratitude to the other for a specific act, the rewards were exponential. “Let’s say [the wife] did something nice for [her husband], just because she wanted to,” Sara says. The wife feels good for having done something nice and the husband is a happy beneficiary. But when he expresses his gratitude for her act of kindness, he now has reinforced her positive feelings. “So two people win for one person’s gratitude.” And, when you make gratitude a practice, Sara says, it changes the way others perceive you—and can have a ripple effect in your social network. “People who express positivity in general are seen as friendlier, more competent and more likable,” Sara says. “Gratitude amplifies that. People see you as being more willing to help, but they also want to help you. They’re nice to you, they want to hang out with you—all of those are things that are good for your health.” Gratitude: It’s Good for You! Sara confirms what many studies have revealed: Practicing gratitude really could make you live longer—and better. While her work takes a closer look at the effect of gratitude on relationships, other studies have shown a direct link between good health and giving thanks. Researchers at the SWPS University of Social Sciences and Humanities in Poland recently looked at the effects of practicing gratitude on four groups: depressed men, depressed women, breast cancer patients and prostate cancer patients. After a 14-day training period in which they learned to reflect on what they were thankful for, all groups showed an increased sense of well-being and greater perception of social support. A similar study from the same university focused solely on gratitude interventions in treating depression and found that practices such as keeping a gratitude journal, writing a letter of gratitude, counting blessings and gratitude visits all had a powerful effect, with journals being the most effective. Subjects who participated in the interventions increased their subjective happiness, improved their relationships, slept better and had more perceived social support. “Gratitude is a psychological amplifier of the good in one’s life,” says Philip Watkins, Ph.D., of Eastern Washington University. Gratitude’s Secret Sauce Philip’s recent research looks at what activates gratitude and what ingredients are necessary to make it effective. The most critical component, he says, is appreciation. “Appreciation can best be understood as when something increases in perceived personal value,” he says. “Perceived value, and more importantly, increasing perceived value, is extremely important to gratitude.” Ironically, trauma may be one of the most effective means of triggering appreciation. In our daily lives, we may become accustomed to “the way things are,” and that can cause us to overlook the small things we appreciate. “When you experience a traumatic event…you begin to notice simple blessings that you had previously taken for granted,” Philip says. Exercises such as counting your blessings have also been shown to be effective in teaching appreciation. He says the more we learn about gratitude, the more we will learn how to cultivate it and use it as a tool for better health, happiness and longevity. “Gratitude has a variety of effects on us,” Sara says. “In the end, expressing gratitude builds a bridge to other people and invites them to cross it.” Four Ways to Boost Gratitude 1. Keep a gratitude journal. Make a practice of writing down three to five things you are grateful for—every day—and explain why each one makes you grateful. 2. Count your blessings. Before going to sleep each night, call to mind one or two things you are grateful for. 3. Write a gratitude letter. Write a letter to someone in your present or past to whom you’re grateful. 4. Pay a gratitude visit. If you’ve written a gratitude letter or note, pay a visit to the person it’s directed to and read it aloud. Read more: 4 Gratitude Rituals to Increase Kindness and Joy Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Illustration of animals with religious symbols on them

science

Have a Little Faith to Find Happiness

Dena Fields can’t remember a time when religious ceremonies weren’t part of her life. As the daughter of a Church of Christ pastor, she grew up in an environment where religious rituals were part of her daily routine. Prayers, bible study and singing hymns were ways of connecting with her faith, and even as she grew older and pushed back against many of her parents’ rules, she found that she still valued that foundation. “For me, being raised as a Christian really opened a door,” says Dena, a hairstylist who also teaches yoga. “What I grew up with was very, very structured, and I took components of that with me. I still practice some of those very same things,” even though her beliefs have deepened and evolved since childhood. She has explored a variety of religions and practices but always finds components of the faith of her childhood within them. “My daily prayer and meditation time is really important to me,” Dena says. “I spend about 10 minutes talking to God and praying, and then spend about 20 minutes listening and meditating. Then I finish with worship like singing and expressing gratitude.” She says her upbringing showed her the importance of devoting time to such practices and gave her the discipline to commit to that time even on days when she is busy or doesn’t feel like doing it. Along the way, she has incorporated elements of other faiths into her spiritual journey, as well as pursuing aspects of positive psychology practices. “Things like gratitude and joy and mindfulness—those all are things that I feel raise me to a higher level. I feel the world needs that, so practicing positive psychology helps me keep that front of mind. And when I am reminded to look for the good in people, it helps raise me up, too.” Gratitude, she believes, is among the most important practices. She keeps a journal and spends her 10-minute drive to work giving thanks for the day ahead of her. “Being grateful keeps me in a place of expecting good things to happen in my life and knowing that I am making a difference,” she says, adding that she doesn’t draw a line between the spiritual rituals and psychology practices. “For me, all of these different beliefs and practices work together.” Spiritual Melting Pots Dena’s multifaceted approach to spirituality isn’t entirely unique. In fact, the many parallels between positive psychology and religion have led researchers to compare the two and explore what each can learn from the other. Religious practice and positive psychology share many traits. For example, Christianity is among the many religions that emphasizes virtues such as gratitude, humility, hope and forgiveness, among others. Buddhism encourages meditation and the cultivation of wisdom and compassion. Judaism has a strong focus on community, giving back and finding meaning. Positive psychology encourages all those virtues and practices; you might say they follow the same path using different vehicles. “If you look at character strengths, a lot of those came from religion,” says Greg Evans, Ph.D., a faculty member of The Flourishing Center and current chair of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association. Developing our character strengths—24 positive attributes that fall under six virtue categories—promotes well-being. Among those strengths are forgiveness, humility, self-control, gratitude, hope and spirituality. “In general, positive psychology is just viewing it through a different lens,” Greg says. “I think it’s important for us to look at what religion is doing well, what positive psychology can learn from that, and what religion might be able to learn from positive psychology.” Many Blessings Science repeatedly supports the far-reaching benefits of faith and spirituality. Longevity researcher Dan Buettner says that people who attend church services four times a month add, on average, up to 14 years to their life expectancy, regardless of their denomination. Being part of a community of like-minded believers also adds tremendously to the support believers get from a strong faith foundation. Practicing faith fills us with a sense of purpose—which is important for satisfaction and overall well-being—and helps us navigate life’s ups and downs. “You have a weekly chance to downshift, you can relinquish some of the stress in your life and you have a built-in social network—all of those things favor a better health outcome,” Dan notes. “And, if you’re going to church, you’re less likely to be participating in risky behaviors.” In fact, Thomas G. Plante, editor of the book Religion, Spirituality, and Positive Psychology: Understanding the Psychological Fruits of Faith, reviewed more than 20 studies conducted between 1996 and 2012 and found that to be a consistent outcome. The studies showed that, overall, people who regularly engage in a spiritual or religious activity are less likely to participate in behaviors such as drug abuse, unprotected sex and smoking. They show fewer incidents of alcoholism, depression and anxiety and enjoy better physical health. “Even when people aren’t religious, but they participate in a regular religious practice, they do well,” Greg explains. “Religion supports feelings of social connection and, specifically, engages you in the feeling of doing something good for others.” Peace of Mind Rebecca Carpenter, a devout Christian who lives in Carrollton, Texas, has been involved in the church her entire life. Like Dena, she grew up as the daughter of a minister, and today she works as an administrator in the youth education department of her Methodist church. She is involved in mission work and ministries related to her church, including those for single women. “When you are raised in a home where you have a minister as a dad and they practice the faith, they teach you and that is all that you know,” she says. “It’s not until you get older that you make it your own. You have to learn that it is your own faith and no one else’s. That is the walk.” Rebecca values the connection that comes both from her volunteer work with the church and the fellowship she enjoys with other congregation members. “When you are together in a group, you share with each other what you have learned and it keeps your faith going,” she explains. “You can share bible scripture with each other or just pray together and just share. It’s a big part of your faith.” Beyond that social connection, the sense of transcendence, or being connected to something larger than ourselves, has a powerful effect on both our physical and mental well-being, Greg says. That connection to something that can outlast or outlive you creates a sense of deeper meaning. For Rebecca, that connection gives her greater peace of mind every day. Currently facing breast cancer for the second time, she is moved by the prayers, love and support of her fellow church members, but she also feels the transcendence of her personal relationship with God. “It keeps me balanced to know that I am connected with God,” she says. “Things will knock you down, but the good thing is that when you do give that burden up and pray and ask God to help you get through something, that’s when the peace comes. When I started praying through that, that’s where the peace came and the anxiety finally went away.” In Sickness and in Health Religious, spiritual and positive psychology practices share the benefit of providing a path toward greater personal happiness and positive emotion. Patty Van Cappellen, Ph.D., of Duke University, says studies have shown us specifically which religious practices cause a greater sense of well-being, creating a sort of guideline for people who are interested in enhancing positivity in their lives. “What it shows us is that there are ways to achieve that whether you’re religious or not. It gives us an idea of the ingredients that are most important, and how we can build those resources.” Getting people involved may be easier than keeping them engaged, however. While some people, like Dena and Rebecca, consider spiritual practices an essential part of their daily routine, others turn to it only on an as-needed basis. That’s one more shared trait of religion and positive psychology: It’s not unusual for individuals to become interested in it because they’re facing personal adversity. When their difficult time has passed, they may lose interest and discontinue their practice. Patty is studying how to keep people engaged in their practices even when life is going well. “Research shows that people tend to heavily invest in religion and spirituality during difficult times, but they may opt out when times are good,” she says. “The truth is, adversity is not the only path to discovering these things. When there is no adversity, then it opens the door for people to have meaningful, uplifting emotions like awe. If we can learn how to build these resources when we’re feeling good, we can prime ourselves for more of these transcendent moments.” Listen to our podcast: Religion and Positive Psychology With Patty Van Cappellen Read more: Faith and Positive Psychology Merge in The Happiness Prayer Read more: 10 Best Books About Faith Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Practice

How Zesty Are You?

As part of our special series onCharacter Strengths, we are posting articles that highlight the24 strengths(your best innermost qualities) outlined by theVIA Institute on Character, and discussing how to better apply them in your everyday life.To take thefree survey and find your own top strengths, click here. When you think of zest, you might imagine a co-worker who is always eager and wired, even first thing in the morning. Or, you might picture the Energizer Bunny pounding its drum or a person singing and dancing in the rain. These images are a bit extreme for the character strength of zest, which might explain why most people don’t especially relate to it. But, zest is important for all of us. It means to activate yourself, to live life fully. It is one of two character strengths (along with hope) that is most connected to happiness. Zest brings many benefits such as greater meaning, better physical health and a higher level of engagement in life. While we can’t all be zestful Energizer Bunnies, each of us can naturally come alive with energy. Consider this: What situations bring out your zest? Maybe it’s anytime you are around your children or grandchildren. Or maybe it’s when you get to spend time on a work project you love. Or perhaps practicing your favorite hobby. We all have moments in which a higher amount of energy is flowing within and from us. And, if you are mindful of these moments, you can create more. What does the research say about how to build zest? Here are three practical strategies: 1. Talk about the good: When something good happens to you, share it verbally with someone and not just through social media. Research shows that frequently sharing positive events boosts your energy and zest. 2. Find nature during the day: Take your work breaks outdoors, whenever possible. Research shows that going outside, especially in nature, boosts zest. If you aren’t working, be sure to arrange bits of your day that involve going outside. 3. Activate your behavior: Think of the exercise/activity that you find most pleasurable. Be sure to consider the many varieties of movement such as yoga, tai chi, walking, dancing, swimming, biking and sports. Structure your week so you can do this one specific activity a few times per week. Read more: 3 Ways toFind the Funny in Everyday Life Read more:Appreciate the Beauty All Around You RYAN M.NIEMIEC, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist, certified coach, author and Education Director of the VIA Institute on Character, in Cincinnati, Ohio. His latest book,Character Strengths Interventions: A Field-Guide for Practitioners, was released early this year. For more, visitviacharacter.org.

Reading

7 Amazing Books That Will Unlock Your Creativity

One secret to unleashing your creativity and putting it to work is to first tell yourself that you are creative. Artists, writers, musicians and chefs are always thought of as creative types, but everyone—regardless of talent or profession—has the capacity for creativity. Start by believing in your own ability to create. To hone your creativity further, pick up one or more of these inspiring, motivating books and help tap into your muse. 1. The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity By Julia Cameron Journalist and poet Julia Cameron started by sharing ideas with other authors in her living room. Her book, The Artist’s Way, has become a road map for people looking to tap into their creativity. Learn concrete ways to become more productive and imaginative, as well as understand how creativity is linked to spirituality. One of her tips is to write “morning pages,” which are three sheets of longhand, stream-of-consciousness writing done at the start of the day. She suggests not overthinking the process and capturing what comes to you. 2. Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention By Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi What leads to your most creative moments? Drawing on 100 interviews with exceptional people, including biologists, politicians, business leaders and artists, as well as his many years of research, psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi explores why we need to cultivate creativity for the future of our country and world. He contends that creativity is so fascinating because when we are involved in it, we are living more fully than during the rest of life. 3. Let Me Out: Unlock Your Creative Mind and Bring Your Ideas to Life By Peter Himmelman Award-winning musician and founder of the website BigMuse.com explains how to use science-based left- and right-brained thinking to take action on your goals. Knowing who you are and what you stand for gives you strength of purpose, he writes. Think like a kid again; they don’t worry about fear and judgment. Entertain wild ideas with your childlike sense of wonder. 4. A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers Will Rule the World By Daniel Pink Learn how to grow your creative thinking with six fundamental abilities that are necessary for professional and personal success. Even if you are a logical and linear left-brain thinker, this book was written to help everyone tap into the potential of the right side of their brain. 5. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are By Brene Brown Do you know what kills creativity? Perfectionism. Author Brene Brown shows how to give up perfection to connect with your true self and take more risks. She writes, “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life…” 6. Start Where You Are: A Journal for Self-Exploration By Meera Lee Patel Blank journals can spark insights by connecting you to your inner voice, but Start Where You Are is an interactive journal that facilitates creativity, mindfulness and self-motivation. Take the time to slow down, notice the world around you and discover who you are. Use encouraging prompts such as “all the answers are already inside you” and “write down three thoughts that made you smile today” to help inspire your creativity. 7. Creative Confidence: Unleashing the Creative Potential Within Us All By Tom Kelley and David Kelley David Kelley, founder of the global design and innovation company, IDEO, and his brother Tom Kelley show you how to unleash your creativity. Drawing on stories from their work at IDEO with top companies, the authors impart principles and strategies on how to use your creative potential at work and in your personal life. Be innovative to solve problems, they write. And once you acknowledge that you are creative, you can use that confidence to go out and do great things. Read more: 10 Best Books to Boost Productivity Read More: 9 Best Books to Spark Spiritual Enlightenment Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy, and the CEO and owner of themediaconcierge.net.

Flourishing Center

Increasing Kindness

Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn how performing acts of kindness can impact your genetic expression. LifeHack—Explore what kindness means and how to show it more to others. Practitioner’s Corner—Barbara Santen shares how parents of newborns can keep their sense of connection with each other and their family. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Transcription provided by The Flourishing Center Emiliya: Hello, everyone, and join me in welcoming Barbara Santen. She is a coach for women in relationships from Toronto, Ontario. We're so excited to have Barbara here with us to learn more about how positive psychology is being utilized in coaching and how she's helping people create thriving and flourishing relationships. Something that you might not know about Barbara is she is an avid acro yogi, and if you're not familiar with acro-yoga, it is this profoundly impactful way of doing yoga that combines doing work with partners or within a group setting and is all about cultivating communication and partnership using people's bodies. I'm huge fan of acro yoga. I think it's so cool that Barbara is a practitioner. Thank you so much for being here, Barbara, and tell us, how did you get started in positive psychology? Barbara: Well, it was kind of in a roundabout way. I had been searching for years and years, actually, to build from and upon the career that I had at that time, which was being a registered midwife in Ontario, and being a midwife is part of the health care system, so we're like physicians in that we have autonomy, we have no one above us telling us how to manage our care and all of that, and I still felt quite constricted in my profession. And my degree is in midwifery specifically. It's not as a nurse-first, and then a specialty. It's a direct-entry program, and so I felt a little stuck. I felt a little choked because I wanted to flourish and become greater than I was in that moment, and so I started searching for master's degrees in psychology because I always wanted to help people, and I'm always the one that people come to for advice and help in my family and in my friendships and in my professional life, and that's my passion. I started searching for master's degrees in psychology to become a counselor of some sort or a therapist, and I just realized that that's not what I wanted to do. I ... Just as midwifery is sort of a positive aspect of medicine—although it's very complex and there are complex parts to it and management and sometimes scary things that have to happen—it's mostly a positive and a growth experience. Mainstream psychology and psychotherapy was more like helping people get back up from something really terrible. I was like, "But what I can do? What can I do?" and I really hadn't understood much about coaching or anything like that, and so long story longer, I stumbled upon the University of Pennsylvania through my partner. Actually, I was there for a 20-year reunion. He graduated from that university in something else, and I met someone who had completed the Master's Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, and from there, I just started researching, and I was so hungry and devouring all of the positive psychology stuff that I stumbled upon. It just so happened that that very weekend that I was at UPenn, that very weekend, a certification program in applied positive psychology was started, was commencing. As I was not in Toronto, it was starting that weekend in Toronto with my now good friend Louisa Jewell who was presenting that course. I emailed you, Emiliya, right away, and I was like, "Oh ... " I was ready to make a compelling argument for allowing me to enter the course late, and I think we went back and forth a little bit, and you had said right away, "Yeah, totally. You're in. No worries whatsoever," and so I decided to go for it. That's how I completed my certification in positive psychology, and it's the best course that I've ever taken in my entire life. It completely changed the course of my life, and I'm on a hugely new trajectory now thanks to the world that that opened up for me. Emiliya: Thank you so much for sharing that story, Barbara, and we're so excited that you are offering yourself and all of your wisdom to others. Tell us more about your actual practice of what you offer as a result of having had done the positive psychology training. Barbara: As I said, I had always wanted to do more with my degree and my knowledge. In my practice as a midwife, I saw so many couples who were so happy and so excited to have this baby, then I would bring them through the birth, the labor and the birth, and then they would literally be sitting there with this baby, and life would take over taking care of this child. Our model of care is that we take care of the woman and the baby for six weeks after, and so for the six weeks after that, I would go into their homes and do home visits and help with breastfeeding and help with all the clinical stuff, and I would see them kind of looking at each other like, "Wow, I don't remember who you are." I would have to leave them at the six-week mark, and then they would go off and get a family doctor, and I wouldn't see them again. I always wondered, what happens to these relationships. I really felt deeply that I wanted to help them beyond that point. I thought, what better way to do that than go off and learn about coaching and how to even just do that because I'm from a medical field, so all I know is how to see something medical and fix it. I didn't really know at that point how to be a coach, so positive psychology helped me understand what coaching could look like, and it helped me understand the tools and techniques that we need to flourish. I started applying those tools and techniques to, slowly but surely to some clients that were my guinea pigs, I call them, to help them get through that initial period in their relationship that's really crazy with a new baby. When I saw some things didn't work, some things did work, somethings worked at the beginning that didn't work when the baby was older, some things worked only after about three months and didn't work in the beginning, I started dabbling in that and mindfulness, self-care, gratitude, expressing gratitude to your partner—never mind viewing gratitude and doing a practice of gratitude daily about what you have now. Slowly but surely, it has flourished into a thriving coaching business where people are knocking down my door and people are like, "Can't spread the word enough." I had no idea that this would happen but I'm glad it has because I feel, yeah, I feel like I'm actually contributing to their lives in a really positive way. Emiliya: That is just so incredible, Barbara, and I could just, I could feel the potency of you saying things like, "Here are two people that just birthed life into this world, and then after going through so much intensity together, this element of not even recognizing one another," such a powerful gift to give them that connection of them having a space to reconnect. I'm so passionate about what you're doing, particularly because there isn't much out there for couples by way of a professional environment where they can build their relationships. Couples go to couples therapy when something is wrong, but the things that end up going wrong are made up of these micro moments of disconnect, and the fact that you're giving them tools to learn those micro moments of connection and this idea that they can make little contributions every single day to filling their buckets rather than only having their buckets be tended to when they're empty is just such a huge gift to be giving people. Barbara: Definitely. Thank you, and that's exactly what my mission is, is to build upon what's working and to catch people before they go into that despair, broken place and then need fixing, to catch people when they've had the thought, "Wow, something's not working. It's not broken, it's just I would like more. I want to flourish instead of just function." It's exactly what I love to bring to my clients and couples, for sure. Emiliya: Thank you, Barbara. Barbara, I'm curious, what are some ways in which positive psychology has personally supported you in overcoming some of the challenges that day-to-day life brings? Barbara: As a whole, just the perspective that it takes. Like I said before, it's ... What I loved and what drew me and still draws me to positive psychology is the concept that we don't just need to be neutral and be okay. I want to flourish. I want to flourish in every area of my life. I want to flourish my relationship, my primary relationship. I want to flourish in my relationships with others, my children, my colleagues, my friends, the barista at Starbucks. Emiliya: On-site two! Barbara: Okay, there you go. That was just like, "What? Like actually?" We can change our emotions by just moving our body or by just focusing on what we want instead of what we don't want, and so those practices have built upon themselves within my, every single day from the moment that I learned about positive psychology, and there is such a wealth of knowledge out there. I think I will never learn everything as long as I search for more information, like there's just so much. That, in and of itself, is exciting because I'll never feel stagnant, which is death, right? Emiliya: Well, luckily, this field is ever-expanding as well, which is also what makes it so exciting is it's just constantly growing. Barbara: Right. Emiliya: Barbara, what are some tips or some strategies that couples can use when they are going through some difficult challenges, let's say, as you mentioned, when they have a newborn. That's just such a stressful time where they're sleep-deprived and there's so much depletion happening. What are some of the tips or tricks that couples can use to stay connected during such difficult times? Barbara: I actually work now, and before I worked with couples, and of course, I helped the couple by helping the woman, but now I solely work with women because my, I have to admit to myself that my passion is working with women and helping women. What I tell my women is to really get clear on what their needs are and really get clear on what they want and start focusing on the positive of what they want, not on the negative of what they don't want because whatever we focus on grows and flourishes because it's getting energy. That's one thing. Included in that is gratitude, and I know there's, in positive psychology, there's a huge study on gratitude and how that can transform people's lives, gratitude for anything and everything that's happening in her life in that moment to help pull her out of whatever state she's in because of lack of sleep, because of lack of nutrition, because of pain, because of a screaming baby. That can then trickle into self-care. When we're feeling grateful and we're in a more positive state, we're much better able to take care of ourselves. That is actually the number one key to getting through the first three months. I mean, there are different stages, but immediate newborn, the first two weeks is, you're in a fog and it's insane, like you don't even remember which way is up, but you can litigate that feeling of feeling out of control by really just focusing on everything that you need that you can do besides what your child is demanding of you, so your child is very demanding, and then don't also try to do all the laundry and all the cooking and have makeup on and high heels when your husband comes home, and then expect to not get postpartum depression. So really focusing on getting enough sleep, which there's a whole science behind that in neuropsychology and neurology around not getting enough sleep and the connection to depression and all kinds of ailments, literal, physical ailments, and enough nutrition, so all of those things. It's all so simplistic. Some of your listeners might be like, "Yeah, obviously," but you'd be surprised how quickly the demands of a newborn can make you just completely forget about what you need, and I teach the women to teach that to her partner in a way that's not bitchy, in a way that's not demanding, in a way that's not complaining. All of those life skills will set them up for success in their future relationship with this now child in the middle. Emiliya: Beautiful, Barbara. Thank you so much for those specific strategies, and what a gift it is to even give people the permission to self-care. How often that is lost in our culture, particularly around parenthood, letting other people's needs crush our own and so just to remind people that self-care is health care and that it can, giving them this permission to put the oxygen mask on themselves, which most people do know, but how few us actually do implement and actually get to do. Barbara: Exactly. Emiliya: One of the questions we've been asking our participants is what are some your rules to live by or guiding ethos that you've gathered that inform the way that you show up in the world? Barbara: The common sense approach versus going it through things practically in my head, like, "Oh, this is why I want to do this, this is why I don't want to do this," and writing it out versus just going with my gut. I remember there was a study that was presented to us that showed that more often than not, going with our gut is the better decision, and it just confirmed that that's how I need to live, and that's what I've lived by ever since. I've always been really, really intuitive, even as a child, and my mom would always tell me that I have something special with my intuition. It was nurtured, thankfully, because now as an adult, that part of me is very strong, but the world around me has always made me think that I should be less intuitive and less in that feeling place than I was. I started creating this part of myself that was artificial to me, and it would get me into trouble. I would make decisions based on what looked best on paper and what was a better financial decision and what was a better decision based on how many pros and cons there were. I started making some of those decisions and really being unhappy, so learning about the actual science of decision-making has confirmed in me that the right way for me, and other people might not have that, but the right thing for me is to always go with my gut, and that is something that I live by every moment of every day. Even if I'm standing at an ice cream shop, I go with the gut of which flavor I want. That's a simple thing, but that's what I teach my women is you start feeling unease when you're not living by what your gut is telling you you need. That's where resentment trickles into a relationship and, "You made me do this," and, "You caused this." Meanwhile, it was yourself not listening to your need, and so that is a principle that I've really nurtured and flourished in, and it's gotten me, in a year and a half of being exposed to positive psychology, it's gotten me farther than any other method or decision-making process ever has in my entire life. Emiliya: Thank you so much for sharing that with us, Barbara. It's such an inspiration to hear you say that, particularly because I think so many people want to follow their gut, they want to follow their intuition, but they're not really sure what that means. In what I heard you say, there's such an important part of learning to listen in our ability to hear our own intuition, listening to what does our body need, and it's so interesting particularly with something even as simple as making a decision on what type of ice cream to have. Most people go to their brain rather than to their gut. "What should I eat? What decision should I make?" This opportunity we have to go inward for those decisions for that guidance is such a understated, powerful resource that we all have. Barbara: Definitely. Emiliya: Thank you so much, Barbara. Tell us, how can people find out more information about their work, particularly if they're interested in bringing positive psychology into their relationships. Barbara: Thank you very much. I have a website. It's called barbarasanten.com, super easy, and then my Facebook page is, you'll also find it under my name barbarasanten/positivecoupling. I actually have free video that I just put together, and I'm really excited to share it. It's some tips, actually, about three or four tips on how to start improving your relationship right now no matter where you're at, whether or not you have kids, actually. The link will be below, and yeah, your listeners can access that for free. Emiliya: Awesome, Barbara, that is so cool. Thank you so much, Barbara, for taking the time to be here with us and giving us all of these ideas and strategies for how people might be able to infuse this unique area of their life with positive psychology. Thank you for being here with us. Barbara: Thank you so much, Emiliya. Emiliya: Thanks for tuning in to today's podcast learning about the science behind acts of kindness, how we can increase our sense of well-being in the world, and some simple ways that positive psychology is being put into practice. To learn more about positive psychology and how you, too, can become positive psychology practitioner, visit our website, www.theflourishingcenter.com. Thanks for listening, and may you have a flourishing rest of your day.

Reading

Find Your Blue Zone for a Long and Happy Life

Dan Buettner’s groundbreaking research on longevity has changed our understanding of what leads to a long, happy life. Starting with his 2005 National Geographic cover story, “The Secrets of Long Life,” Dan has allowed us to accompany him on a journey of discovery into the Blue Zones where the world’s happiest and oldest populations thrive.With his new book, The Blue Zones of Happiness: Lessons from the World’s Happiest People, Dan explains how to implement the Blues Zones mindset into your everyday world. LIVE HAPPY:What new insight will we gain from The Blue Zones of Happiness? DAN BUETTNER: That the organizing principle of longevity has less to do with modifying your behavior than with modifying your environment. None of these spry centenarians living in the Blue Zones said, “I’m going to diet and exercise and take supplements so I can live a long life.” But what they did was live in an environment that nudged them to movement and social connections. No matter where you are in the world, that is the underpinning of longevity. And the same is true of happiness. LH: What does the Blue Zones mindset teach us about happiness? DB: There’s a lot of information out there about changing habits to become happier, but the problem is those strategies tend not to work in the long term—and most people want to be happy for a long time! We found the statistically happiest places on the planet and then dissected the anatomy of those places that are not only producing the happiest people, but also the longest-living. Once you can identify all those facets, then you can see how to set up your life to be happy. LH: If you are unhappy with your current situation, what is the most important thing you can do? DB: Pack up and move! It sounds simplistic, but it’s been demonstrated statistically and in real life. There are things you can do—like picking a neighborhood where you can have friendships and walk to the grocery store and create an environment where you run into people enough that friendships combust out of those spontaneous interactions. You are more likely to be happy in a place where you have social connectivity; about the only thing that works for everyone is social connections. So, there are things you can do to stack the deck in favor of happiness. LH: Your book offers ways to bring a Blue Zones environment into all facets of our lives, from the workplace to our finances. What changes will we see when we start implementing some of these practices? DB: It’s subtle. In the financial realm, for example, as we realize that financial security is more powerful than consumption, we gradually shift how we spend our money. It shifts from buying “things” to paying down debt or buying insurance, and as a result, you sleep better, so you feel better. You stop worrying about what happens if something goes wrong, because you feel more secure. LH: What’s the No. 1 thing you want readers to take away from your book? DB: That the path to a happier life is via an environmental change rather than simply a behavioral one. There’s a lot of emerging literature showing that environmental changes are what will make you happier in the long run. And now we have valid science that shows us what we can do to shape our environment for happiness. Listen to our podcast with Dan Buettner: Read more: Ikigai: The Secret to a Long and Happy Life Read more: Fort Worth Kicks Off Blue Zone Initiative Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Flourishing Center

Driving Long Term Goals

Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn how a simple question can help you identify how satisfied you are with your life. LifeHack—Learn how a simple, proven techniques can help you achieve your long-term goals. Practitioner’s Corner—Learn how Susan Chritton, the author of the book Personal Branding for Dummiesis using positive psychology to change peoples' lives. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Transcription provided by The Flourishing Center Emiliya: Hello everyone, and with me today, I have Susan Chritton, who is a positive-psychology-based executive career coach. She comes to us from California. She was actually part of our very first California-based CAPP program, our Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology Program. She's author of Personal Branding for Dummies, and she's doing some really unique work in the world. I'm so excited to share her with you, because she's helping utilize positive psychology, not just to increase others well- being, but also in how they think about who they are, and the impact that they make in the world. So, thank you so much, Susan for being here with us, and thanks for creating the time. Susan: Great Happy to be here. Emiliya: So Susan, tell us a little bit about your work in the world. Susan: So, I began as really a career counselor and found that I worked so much with people in career transition, which I still do, and I still love that, but I was always frustrated that we weren't doing more work with people in the workplace to help them be happier where they were, and flourishing really, using our terms here in positive psychology. About in the early 2000s, soon after it [positive psychology] started, I started taking classes and learning more about personal branding and have really incorporated that so much into my work and career. Then a few years ago, I think it was 2015 when I did that Positive Psychology Program, I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, this just gives me even more of what I was looking for to help people in their work, and to bring in the positive of how they are best working with themselves." Emiliya: Awesome, and really people on the line might not be familiar with what it means to work with a career coach, or work within personal brandings. So, would you give us a little bit more information about what does that look like, and what does all of that mean? Susan: As a career coach, there are many places that someone could come in and work with you. It could be early on in your career, even or, in a career transition or when you're really trying to figure out, who are you? What do you know how to do? What might be a good place for you in the world, with your set of skills? Over the years, I've worked with a lot of people, just helping them figure out how do they use who they are in the world in a really practical way. So, moving on kind of along the lines, it could be that people work with a career coach to build the tools they need to take that out there. I would say the work that I'm doing today, as I have evolved in my own career, is I work with a lot of pretty senior-level executives, who know who they are, but often need to be reminded. I would say, a lot of my clients are often in their kind of, I would say between late 40's and early 60's, and they're really now doing a big shift from just achievement, to taking their values into the workplace. Taking their values into the way they lead people. That's when I really bring in the piece around personal branding, is that we really look at who are they? How are they seen now? How do they want to be seen, and how do they live a more authentic life? And this is where I do bring in a lot of positive psychology in helping a person look at that, and then identifying how do they want to use that in the world, in a very practical way? Right? So, it's not just like, "Oh, you know, I want to do good in the world." That's great, but we also look at a very practical way about, what do you have to offer, and how do you do that? Emiliya: That is so cool, Susan. Thank you for sharing that. How are you integrating positive psychology research and skills, into that kind of work? Susan: I would say, the first answer that pops in my head, and the place I use it the most is around the strengths. So, in the engagement piece of our work in positive psychology, I use a lot of work around strengths, and I love the combination of using Strengths Finder, along with the VIA Strengths, the Values In Action Strengths, to look at both, what strength do you have that motivates you from within, and what strengths do you have that are talents, that show up out in the world, that are easy for you to do, that come really naturally? So, I would say, the first place I use that is there, and I'll give you a quick story, because I think that stories always illustrate things so much better. I have a client who is a transitioning-out CEO of an educational company. We did a Strengths Finder and he has like strategic and futuristic, and what struck him as odd was that when we did the VIA Strengths, leadership showed up in the bottom third of his strengths. He said, "This really bothers me. I'm a CEO of a company. Part of what I do is leadership." What he said after our discussion as to what motivated him was not to be a leader. What motivated him was being curious, was being creative, and he loved to lead to bring those things out in other people. Emiliya: So cool. What impact did your perspective make on him? Susan: It was really interesting because he had this sort of look of stun on his face, and he goes, "Oh, my gosh. That just changes the way I think about everything." And he said, "All this time, I've been framing that it's all about leadership, and I realized that leadership is just the avenue. What I'm motivated by really is the psyche of curiosity and creativity." And he said what it did, what shifted for him was he said, "I don't need to be a leader to do that." So, it broadened in one sense, the possibilities of what he would do next. He was thinking he needed to show back up as a CEO, but what he really came up with was, "I just need to do really cool, creative work in the world, and if it happens to be with people, I'm good." It was a big shift in that, and I would say, other pieces just kind of go back to your original question, which is how else do I use positive psychology? I look at it often with my clients, because I look at it as really a toolbox, and I listen carefully to what they're looking for, where they're at. What can I pull from my positive psychology toolbox to say, how can I better serve this client at this moment? A lot of times, it could be around the life satisfaction pie. It could be about the idea of optimism and pessimism. So, different things, and I really do look at it in a way. I do actually, I have another kind of funny story is. I have another pretty senior-level client who was being fairly stubborn in his things. I said, "Have you ever heard of that fixed versus growth mindset?" And he goes, "No." And I said, "Well, we need to have a chat about that." That was an interesting one, and that opened up a lot of doors for him to actually start to examine, where was he kind of set in his ways? Emiliya: Thank you, Susan. A number of our listeners may not be familiar with fixed and growth mindset, so will you give us a high-level overview of what you shared with him, and what impact that it made? Susan: What we were looking at is Carol Dweck's work, and so she's written a book called Mindset, where she looked at a fixed mindset, and that is where intelligence is static. It's where people see things in a certain way, and don't necessarily look to challenge themselves to have a growth mindset, which is about intelligence can be developed, and how do you persist when you have setbacks? And things like that. But it's more than that. It's also about challenging your assumptions. For him [my client], it was going from that judging place, which is more of a fixed mindset, to more of a learning mindset. Emiliya: That's exactly what the research, I find, to be the most compelling, is the difference between focusing on judging and proving, and moving it into learning and growing. Like the saying says, that a fixed mindset focuses on showing, whereas growth mindset focuses on learning. Susan: One of the things I really try and do too is, and I think that this is why I was drawn to be a career coach versus maybe other things, I'm very practical, and I always like to say, "Okay, how do I move this from theory to practice? How do I look at taking what I know how to do, and giving people really practical tips?" For example, like the idea of willpower is that you tend to have more willpower in the morning. So, a very practical tip is when you have big decisions to make, try and make them early in the day, before you get too stressed or tired, because you tend to not make as good as decisions then. Unless you have filled yourself up back at lunch with good food, and maybe a little walk around the block, or whatever it might be, but ideally it's that place of, try and make big decisions when you have more willpower to think them through. Emiliya: Awesome. I'm curious, what are some of the positive psychology practices that you utilize the most in your life, that nourish you? Susan: Well, lately this summer, I've been really focused on my health, and just really looking at, what do I need to do to replenish myself? I realized that I had been pushing myself actually for a number of years, and I would say, more than any other time in my life, I let myself have space to just kind of get my own balance back in play. There are many things that I do. Along with that, it's just sort of savoring the moment. That's a positive psychology piece that I do a lot, which is just try and enjoy things. Enjoy my food. Enjoy my walk. I don't even take, this is terrible, but I don't even take my dogs on a walk with me, because that is like, my time where I just look around at the trees, and I wave to the neighbors as I walk, and I listen to all the music I want to listen to. That kind of thing. Emiliya: I love how you are so aware of what you need, and are able to give yourself that sense of self-care. I think it's such an interesting place to even just be able to say, I don't take my dogs for walk because- Susan: I think one of the challenges that sometimes we face in choosing our own self-care is the sense of guilt. For the parents to take the time to practice self-care, if they're not utilizing that time with their children, or for me to take a walk and not bring my dog, because I feel like I would feel guilty that I should be, but instead to think about all the ways in which we need to nourish and feel ourselves first. Emiliya: I'm sure when you come back from that walk, you're much more present to your pet, than you would be otherwise? Susan: I probably am. I have two new kittens, and pay a lot of attention to where they're heading, like the potted plants. I think it's even just, like whereas before I would look at things like even having kittens, and the havoc that they cause. I'm just so enjoying watching them play. I think a big piece of having to working with positive psychology is, and I feel like I'm always been pretty present to what's around me, but I pay even more attention now. Even things like, if I have a down day, I'm just like, "Okay, this is really normal." If anything, and this sounds again, sort of bringing everything back to a singular place, but to me, this is all about permission to be human. Including when I'm not having a great day, and also really accepting who I am, which is I do look at things kind of academically. I was always kind of a different mother, than a lot of the women in my neighborhood, and I just really accept that, because that's really who I am, and it's OK. That's what I love about this whole thing is that who you are becomes OK. Emiliya: Thank you, Susan. I'm curious, in what ways has positive psychology supported you in overcoming any obstacles or challenges, that you've experienced in your life? Susan: Well, I would say even a bigger one I've been working on is, I tended to be more of a pleaser, right? Like I would do things to try to please people or maybe sometimes give up too much a piece of myself to kind of keep that place. Maybe this is not a good advertisement for it, but I have decided that I need to first and foremost, be true to who I am and I've really let go of some of the people that it's not more of a reciprocal relationship, and that's been really healing for me too. I have found that again, and that permission to be who you are, it actually started quite, it was in some ways opening up a big Pandora's box to really look at everything, and saying, "What works for me? What doesn't work for me, and how do I be true to that, including being loving?" I feel like love is one of my top VIA strengths, and it's even in that way, what does that look like? Another piece I've been really playing with and actually thinking about using in my work. I've used this one in a huge way the idea of what the trust equation is. So, the idea of credibility, plus reliability, plus intimacy, over self orientation equals trustworthiness. I have been playing with that one. I don't know why that particular piece of learning really stuck with me, but I play a lot with that about the credibility, reliability, the intimacy. How much we share with each other, and then also, the self orientation, like how much of it's about me? How much of it is about them? How much of it becomes about us? Even looking at that from a, like even social media. I think that that's a huge place to look at. Where do we lose trust in social media, and things like that? Emiliya: I'm such a huge fan of that trust equation too, and for listeners on the line, I'll do it again first, just so that you could digest this. This is the research that comes out directly from the business world. Actually looking at, what does it take for people to feel that another person is trustworthy? And that it has these four components of intimacy. How much is the person lets themselves be seen? It's a credibility. How credible are you around what you're talking about? How credible are you in what you are trying to propose? How reliable are you in the way that you show up, and how much are you oriented around yourself versus others? This equation that has the numerator, being made up of credibility, plus reliability, plus intimacy, divided by self-orientation. The self orientation being on the denominator, and that yes, when we have people who focus so much just on themselves are broadcasting themselves, without a real connection to the people that they're trying to share their work with. We're going to lose our sense of trust. We might not necessarily know why that is, but we'll feel it and I'm right there with you, Susan. I love this research because it's one of those things that we usually feel when we really trust someone, or we feel that we are not really quite sure why I don't trust you as much, but then to have somebody laid out for us in a very specific way, is so helpful, because then it makes a lot of sense. Susan: I think the first place we go to often with trust is, do I feel like they're lying to me, or can I trust what they say? What I like about this equation is it really does break it down into these components of being able to start to understand yourself even, how trust shows up for you on a personal level with that. I think the other piece of my work as a career coach is, I do do a lot on meaning and purpose, and looking at, and of course that is a huge component of people wanting to find more meaning and purpose in their work. Emiliya: How do you support them in doing that? Susan: For starters, I really kind of dissect for them, what are they looking for? What I often see is that people are looking for some grandiose purpose of saving world peace, or that everyone has food on the table. A piece that we look at is, what's their role in that in breaking it down into really some bite-size pieces, that they feel purpose more on a daily basis than because they have an accomplished purpose, than if they're still having purpose. Like often people look and say, it's all about accomplishments or achievement with purpose, and actually that's not so. It's more around connection to your role in the world. That's a place I often play with. Emiliya: I love that. That purpose is something you do. It's not just something you have. It's a choice. It's not the goal that you've accomplished, as much as everyday I'm living my life with purpose in doing purposeful things. Susan: Right. Purpose could be opening the door for somebody that's struggling, and the fact that you're there to help. It doesn't have to be grandiose. Actually, you can find purpose in every single day, if you pay attention. Emiliya: My last question is, Susan, I'm curious if you find that you have any words to live by, or any grounding motto for yourself, that you love to live by? Susan: Well, my very favorite one was from a fortune cookie, probably about 20 years ago. It was, "Life is a precious gift. Do not vegetate." So for me, it is that life is a precious gift, and for me, being a person of action, it is about do not vegetate. It doesn't mean that I can't occasionally do that, but anyway, that's a little motto that I really do live by. For me, it is about taking who I am out into the world, and trying to live by those principles. Emiliya: Awesome, Susan. Susan, if people wanted to find out more about your work, your publications, where would they go to find you? Susan: I have a website. It's just my name so, it's susanchritton.com, and then also, just I'm on Amazon, and barnesandnoble.com for Personal Branding for Dummies. There's some information there as well. Emiliya: Thank you so much for being here with us, Susan. Susan: Great. Thank you, Emiliya. It's always a pleasure to talk to you. Emiliya: Thanks for listening to today's Science Says, Life Hack, and Practitioner Corner. For more information on positivepsychology, the science of happiness and well- being, visit our website, theflourishingcenter.com. Learn about how you too, can bring positive psychology into your home, your work, and your community at large.

Flourishing Center

Live Happy’s December Issue Your Go-To Guide to Gifts, Giving Back and Gratitude This Holiday Season

Dallas, Texas – October 23, 2017 – The December issue of Live Happy, available on newsstands on October 24th, is dedicated to the healing power of gratitude and giving back during the holiday season. Readers can also gain inspiration with Live Happy’s gift guide that supports causes around the world, DIY crafts, and recipes. “With this issue we invite readers to clear a quiet, thoughtful space for creating new traditions and finding meaningful moments amid the endless distraction we all wrestle with daily,” says Deborah K. Heisz, Live Happy’s CEO, co-founder and editorial director. The award-winning magazine recently garnered a Folio Eddie Award for Editorial Excellence and two Ozzie Awards for Design Excellence at the 2017 awards luncheon in New York. In this issue, the magazine profiles Grammy Award-winning artist Reba McEntire. She speaks about her new Christmas album, My Kind of Christmas, as well as faith, family, friends, and how she remains positive. “If you think of yourself as ugly, you are going to see yourself ugly. If you think it’s going to be a rotten day, it’s going to be rotten….I know it’s going to be a great day because of that positive influence that I’ve already put out into the atmosphere,” McEntire says. Live Happy also profiles Craig Melvin, co-anchor of NBC News’ Weekend Today, who speaks about staying positive in a negative news world. “I start the day with mindfulness, and to get that rolling along, I use the app Headspace. That helps me sit quietly and reflect on all the good in my life, which puts me in a happy place early in the day.” In addition to the profiles featured in the December issue, readers will find the following stories: The Power of Thank You — Could practicing gratitude help us live longer and better? Sara Algoe, Ph.D., of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill speaks about the benefits of saying thank you. 33 Ideas of Giving Back — Finding ways to do kind things is a powerful and effective practice for boosting your own well-being. Giving can add meaning to your life, build strong bonds with others and is the reason for the season. Have a Little Faith— Research shows that spirituality is one of the character strengths most associated with a meaningful life. It is linked to greater compassion, altruism, volunteerism and philanthropy, all of which help make the world a better place. Ask Stacy – In this month’s Ask Stacy column, licensed psychotherapist, Stacy Kaiser, who also serves as the magazine’s Editor at Large, answers questions about how to overcome feelings of dissatisfaction, suggestions on trusting yourself in love and tips for calming the mind for better sleep Live Happy also goes beyond the pages with Live Happy Now, an inspiring free weekly audio podcast on iTunes that offers interviews with top researchers and experts in the fields of positive psychology and well-being. Readers can also visit LiveHappy.com and espanol.LiveHappy.com for even more information on finding and sharing happiness. Live Happy is available on newsstands at major retailers throughout the U.S., including Barnes & Noble, Whole Foods and Hudson News. It can also be found at Presse Commerce newsstands in Canada, among others. Live Happy’s award-winning digital edition is available to purchase from the App Store and on Google Play. Current subscribers receive complimentary access on their tablet devices and smartphones. Separate digital subscriptions are available for $9.99 at livehappy.com. # # # About Live Happy Live Happy LLC, owned by veteran entrepreneur Jeff Olson, is a company dedicated to promoting and sharing authentic happiness through education, integrity, gratitude and community awareness. Headquartered in Dallas, Texas, its mission is to impact the world by bringing the happiness movement to a personal level and inspiring people to engage in purpose-driven, healthy, meaningful lives. Media Inquiries: Nadine Hachicho nhachicho@kruppnyc.com 212-886-6718 Jill Claybrook Jclaybrook@kruppnyc.com 212-886-6705 Dina White dwhite@kruppnyc.com 646-797-2030

Podcast

How to Live a Long and Happy Life with Dan Buettner

Dan Buettner is a National Geographic Fellow and the founder of Blue Zones, an organization that helps Americans live longer, healthier lives. His groundbreaking work on longevity led to his 2005 National Geographic cover story "Secrets of Living Longer" and three national best-sellers, The Blue Zones, Thrive, and The Blue Zones Solution. His forthcoming book, The Blue Zones of Happiness, will be published by National Geographic in October 2017. What you'll learn in this episode: The things extraordinary, content people have in common. Ways to recognize our lives to promote happiness. The newest research in the evolving field of happiness. Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Follow Dan Buettner on his twitter. Read our interview with Dan about his book The Blue Zones of Happiness here. Purchase his book The Blue Zones of Happiness on amazon.

Practice

How to Increase Empathy in the Digital Era

In the last five years, cyber-bullying has seen a drastic increase, leaving parents, teachers and communities concerned. Online communication has created a space for people to openly speak their minds, which means they can vent anonymously with little fear of repercussion. Without having to see another human’s emotional feedback loop, some individuals feel emboldened to speak hatefully, create fear and spread mistrust. More than ever, we need to cultivate empathy as a society. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It goes beyond simply feeling bad for someone’s misfortune. Instead, it entails mentally climbing into that person’s shoes to share in the pain and seek solutions together. Empathy helps us to become less judgmental, less frustrated, less angry and less disappointed. It teaches us patience and helps us gain a broader perspective of the world. When we empathize, we realize there are elements of connection with others—that we are not that different after all. And of course, when we empathize with others, they are more likely to empathize with us in return. If we want empathy to stem the tide of online negativity, we need to fight fire with fire, by using online social influence to overpower the loud, squeaky wheels on message boards. Leveraging social influence is about increasing the strength and number of sources for a particular idea, like creating empathy. For instance, by simply watching and positively rating good content on the web, you send a powerful message to content creators and increase its visibility for others. To that end, here are some of my favorite online outlets for increasing empathy: For all ages: Humans of New York: This app showcases a catalogue of photos along with the stories behind New York City inhabitants with the intent of raising a greater sense of empathy. Soul Pancake: Watch inspiring, hilarious videos where people talk about stuff that really matters, such as spirituality, religion, death, love, life’s purpose and creativity. Seize Your Moments: Peruse 10,000 beautiful “moments” collected from strangers by Dutch activist and world traveler Janne Willems, who uses art to inspire a global movement of trust, kindness and happiness. The Good Cards: This real-life game combined with an app was created to inspire people to spread happiness, one act of kindness at a time. For kids: BrainPop: Explore a suite of videos, lessons and games—all focused on teaching digital etiquette online. Random App of Kindness (RAKi): This app was designed to increase empathy in teens using scientifically backed, interactive games. Common Sense Media: Browse an entire search engine of curated apps and games designed to teach empathy, divided into age-specific categories. Apps and websites such as these remind us that technology can be a magnifier, a force for positive change—but only if we choose to make that happen. The same technology that is used for bullying can now be used to lend a helping hand or a listening ear. For all the distractions, dangers and frustrations that current technologies bring into our lives, they can also be used for our highest purposes. This is the future of happiness, and it’s up to us to create it. Listen to our podcast: The Future of Happiness with Amy Blankson Amy Blankson, aka the ‘Happy Tech Girl,’ is on a quest to help individuals balance productivity and well-being in the digital era. Amy, with her brother Shawn Achor, co-founded GoodThink, which brings the principles of positive psychology to lifeand works with organizations such as Google, NASA and the U.S. Army. Her latest book is called The Future of Happiness: 5 Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-being in the Digital Era.

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