Healthy Mind, Happy Mind

How to Tackle Stress for Good

If you’re feeling a bit more anxious—or depressed—these days, you aren’talone. Anxiety has become the most common mental disorder in the U.S., affecting roughly 40 million Americans over the age of 18. Depression affects an additional 20 million adults, and new research from the American Psychological Association (APA) shows that the nation’s mental health isdeclining. The APA’s annual Stress in America survey has tracked a gradual increase in stress and anxiety levels since it began gathering data in 2007. But for 2017, it found that while the national stress level is consistent with the previous year’s findings, many people are feeling the effects of that stress more than ever before. Nearly two-thirds of those answering the survey said they wereextremely stressed about the future of our nation in addition to other major stressors like money and work. And that is showing up with side effects such as lost sleep, irritability, anxiety, depression andfatigue. “The uncertainty and unpredictability tied to the futureof our nation is affecting the health and well-being of many Americans in a way that feels unique to this period in recent history,” says Arthur C. Evans Jr., Ph.D., and CEO of the APA. Yet the findings also reveal that we are learning better ways to handle the pressure. From the rising interest in mindfulness and meditation to a growing emphasis on how to find balance using nutrition and physical activity, there are plenty of ways to become better equipped to handle the side effects of stress. Learning how to eat more natural foods or just spending more time in nature doesn’t just feel good in the moment; it has lasting, measurable effects on both physical and mental well-being. Learning to Cope More than half of the people in the APA survey said they deal with stress through exercise or physical activity, and 12 percent use yoga or meditation as an outlet. Nearly half use music to de-stress, and 29 percent rely upon prayer. That’s important, experts note, because learning how to practice positive mental health in an increasingly negative environment can make a tremendous difference in our levels of anxiety and depression. “Negative events attract so much attention, and right now [the evening news] seems very disturbing,” says Tayyab Rashid, Ph.D., associate faculty at the University of Toronto Scarborough and a licensed clinical psychologist. “But at the same time, we have to remember that there are far more people doing acts of kindness that we’re not seeing. Every day, mothers are fixing meals for their children. Mechanics are fixing cars. People are opening doors and doing good things for one another every day. We aren’t seeing the wholepicture.” As humans, our innate negativity bias causes us to react more strongly to negative events and information than to positive. Since our survival as humans once depended on quickly locating the threats around us, that negativity bias isn’t all bad. However, in today’s world, it can create some mental health challenges when it comes to handling the onslaught of negativity doled out by social media and the nightly news, not to mention our day-to-day personal ups anddowns. “No mind is neutral,” Tayyab says. “But the good news for the human race is that the positives are more universal. Positive things have more leverage to bring us together than the negative things have to tear usapart.” Focusing on the Positive That’s where positive psychology enters the picture. Science shows a strong connection between positive psychology and good mental health; it has proven useful in the prevention and treatment of certain mental disorders and, at the very least, can help us navigate a bad day with a better sense of calm and resilience. While mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are better managed with a combination of care that includes therapy and medication, Tayyab says we have become too quick to medicate less serious psychological conditions rather than change the behaviors inflaming them. “By and large, we have become too dependent on drugs,” he says. “Life is about exploring the best that’s within you. Medications can give you the strength to walk and sit, but if you want to become truly agile—that comes from realgrowth.” Creating positive mental health is key to achieving personal well-being, and Tayyab says that requires committing to realchanges. “You cannot be happy on a long-term basis unless you make long-term changes,” he says. “Medications can make you feel less angry or anxious or paranoid, but they cannot provide you with hope and courage and resilience. There are no pills for gratitude.” Learning Happiness The connection between mental well-being and practices such as gratitude, mindfulness and hope go beyond just feeling good; positive practices change the way your brain works. Every thought you have releases chemicals to your brain, and those chemicals have either a positive or negative effect on both your physical and mental state. Learning optimism, gratitude and other practices for developing positive emotions won’t change the world around you, but it can change how you respond to it. When researchers at the University of Pennsylvania conducted a study on learned optimism, which uses positive affirmations to overcome negativity biases, the results were impressive. Of the two groups participating, 32 percent of those in the group that did not practice optimism were suffering from moderate or severe depression at the end of the 18-month study. By comparison, only 22 percent of those who were taught optimism developed depressive symptoms, and the results were similar for anxiety: The group that practiced optimism showed a 7percent rate of anxiety, while the other group had more than double thatrate ofanxiety. The Benefits of Well-Being Implementing practices to improve well-being, whether it’s meditation, mindfulness, gratitude or something else, can improve symptoms of anxiety and depression. But studies also show it isn’t just about feeling better; it’sabout doing better. People who train their brains to think more positively are not just happier, but have stronger immune systems, are more productive, live longer and, let’s face it, are just more fun to be around. Even better, once your brain is trained to think positively, it triggers what Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., identified as an upward spiral toward positive emotions. In other words, as you experience positive emotions, you release a cascade of additional positiveemotions. “Relaxing is better than stress, and hope is better than fear,” Tayyab says. “We all have grudges, but somewhere along the line we can open ourselves up to these sanctuaries of gratitude. And those are the things that bring you to the true essence of life.” Feeding Happiness There is, of course, more than one path to finding greater well-being and it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. However, experts agree that certain habits and practices complement the pursuit of positive emotion and may be instrumental in boosting the lasting effects ofour emotions. For starters, says psychiatrist and author Drew Ramsey,we can look at what we eat. “We don’t tend to associate mental health with food,” he says. “Food has a big impact on brain health because we eat every day, and diet is our largest modifiable risk for everything from depression to dementia.” As the founder of the Brain Food Clinic in New York City, Drew prioritizes food before medication; he also offers an online program, Eat to Beat Depression, that helps people learn about brain nutrition and how the foods they eat affect their mental state. He says that many of the mental health challenges we face today can be managed with dietary changes. “Certain nutrients help the brain stay resilient and be in ‘grow mode.’ Studies constantly show significant risk reduction for depression and dementia; anxiety is the most common diagnosable mental disorder, but there is very little research regardingnutrition.” Erin Tawlks of Nashville, Tennessee, has seen firsthand the role that food can play in battling depression. She began struggling with the winter blues while still in high school, but when her son was born five years ago, she fell into a full-blown depression. “I struggled to get out of bed, and I didn’t want to do anything. I just wantedto take a nap in the afternoons. The depression had really taken over.” Since she’s “never been big on taking medications,” Erin looked for other solutions to combat depression. She began using essential oils recommended for depression and found good results; that started her down a new path. “I could tell a difference in my mood, so I thought, ‘Well, that worked; what else will work?’ I just kept looking for more ways to make myself feelbetter.” Erin, who now coaches others on how to create and maintain a healthy lifestyle, says nutrition, along with exercise and a daily gratitude practice, has become the foundation of her good mentalhealth. “Switching to organic produce made a huge difference, and when I got rid of sugar and gluten, I noticed a big change. It’s not easy, but it can be done. Sugar has been linked to so many health issues,” she says. “If you start realizing that every time you put something in your mouth, you’re either fighting disease or feeding it, you’ll start looking at it differently.” Drew says that treating mental health issues with food carries much less stigma for patients than medication—without the risks or side effects. It also has the added benefit of reducing risk for physical illnesses like heart disease, diabetes and dementia. Eating for brain health is not complicated, he says, adding, “I wish people understood the risk we all face of clinical depression and other mental health issues.” Natural Solutions While changing your thought patterns and diet take more effort than taking a pill, there’s an even simpler path to helping ward off mental illness: nature. According to a medical science known as forest medicine, nature can help ease physical disease as well as mental problems including anxiety, depression and burnout. “Patients with anxiety and depression respond very well to the calming stimuli of nature,” says Clemens G. Arvay, a biologist and author of the books The Biophilia Effect and The Healing Code of Nature. “Anxiety, especially, is connected to the overactive sympathetic nervous system, which is the nerve of the fight or flight response. Many people who suffer from anxiety find release innature.” What’s perhaps more telling are the statistics surrounding the absence of nature; Clemens says that the likelihood of suffering from depression is 20 percent higher among people who live in a city, while the risk for anxiety is almost 40 percent higher. One British study shows that regular walks in a forest were effective for fighting major depression, with the combination of being around a lake and trees showed the most significant improvements. “We are natural beings,” he says. “It’s no wonder that the absences of nature in our lives makes us ill, while contact to nature has a strong health potential. I strongly suggest we rethink our relationship withnature.” Whether it’s a single practice or a combination of lifestyle changes, the best way to discover positive mental health is through a conscious, committed choice. “Today, one out of six people in the U.S. are on some form of antidepressant, and the side effects that can have are staggering,” Erin says. “True health is about mental clarity and cellular health—and that’s something you have to invest in. You have to choose it foryourself.”
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Illustration of a guy with a dog

Getting Zen With Your Dog With John Miller

John Miller has built a career out of training the dogs that others have given up on. From shelters and rescue groups to working with families, John has saved many dogs from being destroyed through his unique approach that uses practices that turn out to be good for humans, too. Whether you have a troubled pet or just want to be a better leader for the dog in your home, John provides insight into how we all can have a happier relationship with our four-legged friends. What you'll learn in this episode: The one thing most dog owners do wrong when they leave the house How to make the most out of coming home to your dog — even after a bad day What we can learn from our dogs about being in the moment Links and resources mentioned in this episode: John is offering 10% off all private sessions for podcast listeners! Check out John's website, Texas K9 Rehab, to learn more about his business. Follow John on Facebook.
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Boulder, Colorado

The Happiest City in America

Ask some of the happiest people in Boulder, Colorado, why the city is so full of joy and their answers might surprise you. For one thing, despite the idyllic postcards, the city isn’t picture perfect. Boulder residents acknowledge its challenges, from a lack of diversity to high housing prices. But each of them has found the path to personal contentment, and it seems their closest friends and neighbors have, too. “It’s a good place to get happy,” says Ralph Noistering, a property owner and manager. “There are optimistic people to bearound.” Experts agree. National Geographic, Gallup and author Dan Buettner recently named Boulder the happiest city in America, citing its natural beauty, adventurous spirit and friendly people. Here’s what the locals have to say on why Boulder is bursting with bliss: Free to be you and me—together A sense of belonging is the single most important factor to contentment, according to Isabella Arendt, analyst at Denmark’s The Happiness Research Institute. “What makes us happy is our friends and family and loved ones,” Isabella says. “It doesn’t matter what you gather around, as long as yougather.” The social networking site Meetup has hundreds of Boulder-area groups, for everything from knitting to stand-up comedy. Boulder’s Craigslist is also full of options for connecting withpeople. And nothing is too out there. In part because of its hippie roots, Boulder has a reputation for attracting the offbeat. Chances are, whatever you’re into, someone has been into something even morebizarre. “You don’t have to feel uncomfortable here,” says Alexander Halpern, an attorney and president of the city’s Buddhist credit union. “We like weird.” Healing waters Perhaps because of the city’s large constituency of Buddhists—including Buddhist university Naropa—Boulder has become a haven of healing. Therapists, yoga teachers and reiki practitioners are plentiful; concepts like self-care are well trodden in casual conversation. There are a lot of people in Boulder working to exorcise their demons, said Kim Thomas, a local therapist at the Boulder Psychotherapy Institute. While that might negatively affect their present mood—“It’s hard and it’s painful work,” she said—the end result is a more peaceful existence. Body movin’ Boulderites are as good at caring for their bodies as they are their minds. The high altitude and challenging terrain draw athletes of all stripes, and physical activity is practiced as both a daily ritual and a leisure activity. Three hundred days of sunshine a year doesn’t hurteither. “It’s so easy to go climbing or trail running,” says Laura Hockenbury, a sales associate at Boulder REI who gave a TED talk about the benefits of being kind to retail workers. Her customers and co-workers frequently ask her how she can be so happy. “Five minutes and you’re in the mountains.” Trickle-down happiness What begs mention in the same breath as Boulder’s natural landscapes are the efforts to preserve access to them. Trails for biking and hiking are plentiful; there are green spaces around nearly every corner. They exist in no small part because of the citizens’ strong will to fund projects for the public good. Though not everybody enjoys Boulder’s $70,000 median income, anyone can enjoy a stroll by Boulder Creek or an exhibit at the Dairy Arts Center, which taxpayers have helped fund for many years. People are willing to put in their time, too: Residents of Boulder are twice as likely to volunteer than the average American, according to the Boulder County Trends report. “If you have a culture of generosity—whether it’s through the state or through private philanthropists—it has a positive effect on everybody’s happiness,” Isabella says. “Generosity is something that makes usevenhappier.” Five ways you can bring a bit of Boulder into your life Be polite. Boulderites love to chat up their cashiers, and traffic is notably mellow. Take time to say “hi” or let a fellow motorist cut in. Exercise. “Move a little every day,” says The Happiness Research Institute’s Isabella Arendt. Bonus points for replacing your car commute with walking or biking, which is proven to boost joy. Strolling to lunch, coffee or for a business meeting works, too. Establish a routine. Alex Halpern, a Tibetan Buddhist, shares a common mantra: The product of discipline is joy. Local property manager Ralph Noistering applies this to his social life as well. He has standing weekly dates with his best friend and his daughter, making those relationships a priority. Give back. Donating time or money creates double happiness, Isabella says: Once for the person giving, and once for thepeople on the receiving end. Do what you love. Even if it’s only one thing, find a way. Kim Thomas never misses a season of adaptive skiing, something she looks forward to allyear.
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Live Happy May issue

Celebrate March With Live Happy’s Special Issue

Live Happy is wild about Harry Connick Jr.—our May issue cover story celeb—and here’s why: He’s handsome and amazingly talented, yet also passionate about music, family, giving back and creating a culture of kindness in the world. Harry, who was encouraged by his parents to help others, now does the same for his three teenage daughters. “We were in Starbucks the other day and there was a woman who had a tray of drinks,” Harry says in his Live Happy cover story, out on newsstands today. “I told Charlotte [his daughter] to get up and go walk that woman to her car. And she came back five minutes later and said, ‘Oh, that woman was so nice, we were talking about all kinds of things.’ You have to be taught that things like that are socially appropriate.” Harry also shares with readers his tips for happiness, including building good habits and hitting the right notes consistently every day. Deborah K. Heisz, Live Happy’s CEO, co-founder and editorial director, says, “If you’re inspired by Harry Connick Jr.’s uplifting and soulful music or enjoy the positive values and community spirit of his TV show, Harry, then you’ll connect with him even more in this issue that reminds us all to be a little nicer to everyone—including ourselves!” Also in the May issue: —“Healthy Mind, Happy Mind,” by Science Editor Paula Felps, shows how focusing on the positives in your life can help relieve stress and work to build positive mental health. The connection between mental well-being and practices such as gratitude, mindfulness and hope goes beyond just feeling good, it also helps change the way your brain works. —Build a Happy Acts Wall: March is our favorite month of the year—orange Happiness Walls pop up along with spring flowers—inspiring all to focus on happiness and share acts of kindness. Help us reach our biggest goal, yet, 500 walls to celebrate the International Day of Happiness on March 20! Have fun by getting crafty with borders and colors, we show you our favorite designs and ideas. —33 Happy Acts to Change the World: How do you like to share kindness with others? Giving back to a favorite charity, paying it forward, spending quality time playing games with family and friends, making someone laugh? Read our ideas and share your own on social media by tagging #livehappy. —10 Simple Ways to Spread Civility: Is common courtesy a thing of the past? Stress and technology are driving us to the brink, but compassion can turn the tide. —Raise Happier, Braver Kids: Learn about positive childhood anxiety busters, warning signs of stress overload and when not to worry about worry. Live Happyis available on newsstands at major retailers throughout the U.S., including Barnes & Noble, Whole Foods and Hudson News. It can also be found at Presse Commerce newsstands in Canada, among others.Live Happy’s award-winning digital edition is available to purchase from the App Store and on Google Play. Current subscribers receive complimentary access on their tablet devices and smartphones. Go to livehappy.com for more information.
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#HappyActs

33 Ideas for #HappyActs

1. Choreograph a new happy dance! 2. Thank someone you encounter often for what they add to your life. 3. Treat yourself to a massage, a long run or a favorite meal. 4. Create a happiness board for your long-term dreams and goals. 5.Spend time with friends and let them know you appreciate them. 6. Brighten a co-worker’s day with a word or a note of praise. 7. Be generous! Bring breakfast to work or start a cleanup campaign in your community. 8. Broaden your mind with lifelong learning. 9. Put down thephone and go fora walk. 10. Try something new that challenges you, like an adventure Meetup. 11. Start a game of dominoes or cards with friends and family. 12. Volunteer for a cause you believe in. 13. Host a happiness dinner or give a home-cooked meal to someone. 14. Spend time outside and do something positive for the environment. 15. Pick up trash in your community. 16. Give the person you’re with your full attention. 17. Rock out to your favorite playlist. 18. Get out of your comfort zone and let your curiosity run wild. 19. Make someone laugh. 20. Celebrate the International Day of Happiness on March 20! 21. Give yourself the power to forgive. 22. Call a family member just to catch up. 23. Spend quality time with a pet. 24. Invest in your community—shop local. 25. Tell someone, “I love you.” 26. Tag your happiness heroes on social media and describe why you admire them. 27. Show affection with a warm hug. 28. Paint your positivity on a rock and leave it for others to find. 29. Life is short; be kind. 30. Let someone go in front of you in line. 31. Write a hope letter about what you wish to achieve in the next year. 32. Pass along magazines you’re finished reading. 33. Leave a generous tip for excellent service.
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Visit Miami for World Happiness Summit

University of Miami to Host World Happiness Summit

If you’d love to reduce stress, increase your productivity, maximize your potential and learn the tools for a happier life, the World Happiness Summit (WOHASU) at the University of Miami (UM) March 16–18 is the event for you. Marking the second year of this global summit, happiness and well-being experts will unite in a three-day experiential forum to advance human happiness through science-based tools and daily practices. Expert speakers include U.N. advisers, business and civic leaders, and positive psychology researchers, professors and coaches. Featured speaker Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., created two of the largest classes in Harvard University’s history, Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership. Explore the full list of speakers. Creating a Culture of Belonging According to UM professor and Vice Provost for Institutional Culture Isaac Prilleltensky, Ph.D., the university is a natural fit for the summit. “It is very important to us to create a culture of belonging where everyone feels valued and has the opportunity to add value—to themselves and others,” he says. “We are always looking for opportunity to learn about well-being and create a culture where everyone matters,” Isaac says. “It is not enough to make a declaration of intent; we have to pursue the skills and training that are aligned with our purpose at the University of Miami. We transform lives through education, research and service. Bringing a happiness forum to the campus helps transform lives.” UM interviewed 7,000 students as part of its cultural transformation project to define values and behaviors to promote inclusivity and belonging. “Now we have an Office of Institutional Culture that I lead,” Isaac says. “We have intergroup dialogue classes—where students learn how to communicate with each other in respectful ways. The university also measures how well its culture is doing—both with Gallup’s workplace tools and its own culture of well-being index.” These strategic initiatives “catapulted the University of Miami,” Isaac says. “We showed up as one of the best places to work in Forbes, best in our industry.” The university is now in talks to create an institute to focus on and promote meaning, well-being and quality of life. Another piece to the natural fit for the summit is that CEO Karen Guggenheim is a UM graduate, and her son attends the university as well, says Isaac, a speaker and contributor to the academic portion of the summit. Walking the Walk Isaac—whose The Laughing Guide series of books, including The Laughing Guide to Well-Being, combine science and humor to help people live healthier and happier lives—is planning to give out dozens of free passes for students to attend the summit. As part of the partnership, UM has made its app funforwellness.com, an online intervention tool using humor and science to improve quality of life, available to the public. Each day of the summit begins with yoga and meditation, and each night concludes with live music and dancing. The summit includes workshops, group work, meditation, films, yoga classes and music programming. For more information, visit the summit website. For a 20 percent discount on passes, enter code LIVEHAPPY2018. Daniel M Ernst/Shutterstock
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Let's Be Civil

Let’s Be Civil

The bride and groom look lovingly at each other, savoring their special moment. Guests listen with quiet attention as the priest begins to read the wedding vows. And…is that the theme from Super Mario Bros. or just one of Samsung’s standard ringtones? Not only did a guest’s cellphone ring in the middle of wedding vows, according to a post on the Facebook page of The New York Times weekly etiquette column “Social Q’s,” but the guilty party went ahead and answered it. This anecdote prompted a series of tut-tuts, jokes and OMGs from the page’s followers, including a comment from one woman who sheepishly admitted that her own phone had recently gone off, to her mortification, at a memorial service. We can laugh, shake our heads and discreetly check to make sure our own phones are on vibrate—but the fact is, lack of civility has become a staple of modern life. In Civility in America VII: The State of Civility, an annual survey by the PR firm Weber Shandwick and Powell Tate with KRC Research, 75 percent of respondents agree that incivility has reached crisis levels in America. Whether at work, waiting in an airport security line, on social media or when dealing with neighbors, rudeness, bullying and obnoxious behavior are ever-present. And if you are an immigrant, woman or person of color, according to the report, you’ll probably get more than your share. We can do something to turn the tide, however. With our discourse and behavior as a model, we can create ripples of kindness, compassion and civility that radiate outward to family, co-workers and the community to counteract the stress hormones from negative interactions that wreak havoc on happiness and health. When we interact with others, we make a choice about how to comport ourselves. Will it be a neutral exchange, a microaggression of incivility or what psychology professor Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., calls “positivity resonance,” a positive moment shared between two people. In her book Love 2.0, Barbara, one of the pioneers of positive psychology, explains that these moments of positivity resonance can release the hormone oxytocin in the brain, and have the potential over time to change your life. “They forge new coalitions with strangers, advance your acquaintanceships into friendships and cultivate even deeper intimacy in your most cherished intimate relationships,” she writes. Alternatively, if you approach these small moments with incivility or lack of empathy, you unleash anger, contempt and the hormone cortisol, which can lead to stress, social isolation and a greater risk of heart disease and stroke. Looked at through this lens, civility is essential to our health. The word civility comes from the Latin word civitas, or “good citizenship”—the set of rules and mores that binds together a community. According to Daniel Buccino, director of the Johns Hopkins Civility Initiative, “much of our quality of life depends on the quality of our relationships at home and at work. Civility gives us the skills to be a good person, a good employee, a good family member. When civil discourse starts to break down, the sense of community can erode; people get more disconnected.” This kind of disconnect can happen anywhere, whether you are traveling, at home in your neighborhood or interacting online or at the workplace. Sideline Work Stress Christine Porath, an associate professor of management at Georgetown University and author of the book Mastering Civility, researches incivility at work and its costs in productivity and profitability. Uncivil behavior at work has become more pervasive in recent years, Christine says, due in part to the rise of digital technology. “Email is a huge issue. There are a lot of misunderstandings that can happen because you don’t have tone of voice or eye contact,” she says. On top of that, “people feeling like they are not being listened to because bosses and co-workers are looking at cellphones instead.” But the main driver of rude behavior, says Christine, is not technology, it is stress. “When I ask people why they do it [behave in an uncivil manner], more than 60 percent say they are stressed or overwhelmed. When you are feeling that way, you are not going to be as mindful.” Many employees, says Christine, “feel belittled, undermined or disrespected by their bosses.” This in turn has a negative impact on productivity. In a 2016 paper in the Journal of Applied Psychology, Michigan State University professor Russell Johnson, Ph.D., and colleagues found that those who experienced rude behavior at work felt depleted, and “this mental fatigue, in turn, led them to act uncivil to others.” In other words, incivility is contagious and costly. The same study found workplace incivility has doubled over the past two decades and cost companies “an average of $14,000 per employee due to loss of production and work time.” Companies lose out when workers expend an inordinate amount of time and energy processing and responding to these incivilities, while teamwork and collaboration suffer and turnover increases, Christine says. Travel Troubles While one-third of people surveyed in the Civility in America study say they have experienced uncivil behavior at work, 56 percent say they have experienced incivility on the road. “Road rage is the classic example of how stress and anonymity are two of the main drivers of incivility,” says Daniel. “Everyone is locked in their own little car, everyone is stuck in traffic and can’t get anywhere.” And it’s not just rush-hour traffic that brings out the worst in us. Airplane behavior has become so bad that it is now fodder for viral videos and late-night punchlines. Long security lines, delays, overbookings and anxiety about flying contribute to an overwhelming amount of stress, which then erupts into a shock of uncivil behavior. On one flight from Dallas to Montreal, according to a Live Happy business traveler, a man who needed overhead compartment space simply tossed other passengers’ luggage to the floor and dared anyone to defy him. On a flight from Philadelphia to San Francisco, Heather Puerzer’s tearful 5-year-old daughter had to sit by herself when a woman refused to switch one window seat for another so her mother could sit next to her. The layer of anonymity—knowing that we will not see these people again, or be held responsible for our actions—lends itself to a level of incivility you would not see in other situations. Be a Good Neighbor When it comes to your neighbors, you will have to see them again. And yet there seems to be a disintegration of discourse in our own communities, as well. According to the Civility in America survey, 25 percent of respondents have personally experienced incivility in their own neighborhoods. “It’s worth reaching out and getting to know the neighbors,” Daniel says. Yes, we are busy, we are working and don’t have time to hang out chatting on the front stoop. “But people are still making the effort to have a sense of community,” he says, “because at the end of the day, people feel a need to belong.” One way neighbors can easily do that is through social media platforms like Nextdoor.com and private Facebook pages. But according to Amy Blankson, author of The Future of Happiness: 5 Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-Being in the Digital Era, these platforms can be spaces not only for connection and sharing but also of dissent and bullying. A neighborhood social media page, like a neighborhood itself, is a place where a disparate group of people are thrown together, linked by nothing more than geography—not kinship, not political allegiance, not musical taste. “People are finding lost dogs or making friends [on these pages], and that is beautiful,” says Amy. “I would never want to give that up.” But things can go sour, online and off. Most of us have experienced incivility close to home. According to Margaret Pearson, when one of her neighbors in suburban Boston grew tired of his other neighbor’s dog doing his business on his lawn, instead of speaking to the neighbor, he scooped up the poop and put it in her mailbox. “I believe it’s very important to stay civil, even in the face of other people’s incivility,” says Daniel, who calls this “living one step beyond the Golden Rule—thinking about others first.” What does this mean in practice, when it comes to our neighbors’ barking dogs, our street’s limited parking spots, the tree hanging into our yard? “Think of it this way,” explains Daniel, “even if I would not mind someone practicing drums at 10 p.m., my neighbor might, so maybe I should restrain myself.” Try approaching your neighbor with compassion and the benefit of the doubt. “We want to aspire to not give our power away to someone else and not get pulled down to someone else’s level.” Keep Calm Online How can we pull ourselves out of this spiral of incivility? Some things, such as the stress of work, a mobile society and new technology are here to stay. But the way we respond and engage with them is up to us. On social media, Daniel says, “Don’t participate, don’t instigate, don’t inflame. When tempted to write that angry email, try to not say anything you wouldn’t say to someone’s face.” In real-life discussion, if things get heated, “you should back away,” Daniel advises. “If someone says something offensive, you can say ‘Ouch. That hurts me.’ Or ‘I didn’t appreciate that comment about me, or my co-worker.’ You don’t have to let it slide by unnoted.” But don’t escalate it into a fight. One thing you can do right away to increase civility: unless you are waiting for a kidney, put away the phone. “In the workplace, just having your phone in your field of vision decreases your focus, productivity and connectedness,” says Amy, citing a study from the McCombs School of Business at The University of Texas at Austin. In fact, we often relate to our phones instead of each other. A 2013 survey of cellphone users found that 72 percent of respondents were never more than 5 feet from their phones, and 33 percent thought it was OK to use on a dinner date. We use it in the shower (12 percent), and even during sex (9 percent). Suddenly the phone ringing at the wedding doesn’t seem so crazy. “We need to put these devices down to get that face-to-face contact,” Amy says. “It’s a new challenge.” Putting down the phone is the first step toward being present with each other. What Barbara found (and documented in Love 2.0) is that practicing loving-kindness meditation (LKM) regularly also greatly increases the chances of having a deeply positive interaction with strangers and loved ones alike. When you are at work and get a terse email, get cut off in traffic…stop and take a deep breath. “Just because someone else is rude and disrespectful doesn’t mean we should be,” Daniel says. “It’s difficult not to…but because we respect ourselves and others and are trying to teach our children a virtuous way in the world, we want them to see us choosing civility.” Think the situation through: Is it really that important? What if you let the other driver go ahead of you? If you don’t respond to the email? “We stay civil, not because others always are, but because we are,” Daniel says. People always say incivility is worse than ever, he says, but don’t necessarily think of ways they could help the situation. Instead, we could focus on being part of the solution. Simple Ways to Spread Civility 1. Smile and greet people warmly. 2. Listen and be present. 3. Say “I’m sorry.” 4. Don’t blame others. 5. Find possibilities, not problems. 6. Respect others’ opinions. 7. Be willing to explain your point of view. 8. Express thanks. 9. Say “You’re welcome” and not “It was nothing” or “No problem” when someone thanks you. 10. Exercise empathy. Source: Johns Hopkins Civility Initiative Emily Wise Miller is the Web Editor for Live Happy.
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Living Dangerously

Living on the Edge

It was 5 a.m. on a dark, bitterly cold morning in Gorham, New Hampshire, when Cecilia Elwert rolled out of bed and groped for her clothes. Methodically, the woman who has hiked close to 400 mountains—from the rugged Adirondacks in New York state to the legendary summit of Kilimanjaro in Tanzania—began pulling on one layer of clothes after another. Liner socks first. Wool socks second. Long-sleeved wool long johns and a hooded wool shirt next. A down vest, outer jacket, wool hoodie—and her favorite Green Mountain hiking club hat. She didn’t have much time. There were already several feet of snow on the ground, and more predicted. But Cecilia, who is known as “Spunk” on mountain trails throughout the eastern U.S., is a passionate winter hiker. So, unless there were wild winds or a blizzard headed her way, Cecilia would head out with a hiking buddy in an hour to climb Old Speck, a challenging 4,170-foot mountain in Maine. Sliding her feet into a pair of lightweight winter hiking boots, Cecilia grabbed her backpack and began stuffing it. She’d need about 22 pounds of supplies to make sure she could survive the winter cold in the high winds above Old Speck’s tree line. Extra gloves. Crampons in case of ice. An extra down jacket. Extra pants. Dried fruit and nuts. First-aid gear and a space blanket made of Mylar to help ward off hypothermia in case of an accident. Tightening the straps on her pack, Cecilia made herself a quick breakfast that would keep her moving on the 11.6 mile hike up the mountain. With a last check of her gear, she was out the door, headed for the mountain’s trailhead. Make the Leap! Winter hiking isn’t for everyone. But studies have shown that for those willing to embrace something new—particularly if it has an edge of adventure—the results can be huge. Laboratory research shows that when you have a new experience, your brain fires a series of neurotransmitters that have specific effects on thinking, mood and memory, says Charan Ranganath, Ph.D., a psychology professor and the director of the Dynamic Memory Lab at the University of California at Davis’ Center for Neuroscience. But in that split second when your brain detects a new experience, it doesn’t quite know how to direct your response. So, says Charan, it ignites your curiosity, then gives you a shot of the joy-inducing chemical dopamine to make you feel great and get moving. Individual genetics influence the process, says Frank Farley, Ph.D., past president of the American Psychological Association and a Temple University professor who has laid the foundation for much of the research on risk. “We’re not sure how much [genes] are involved,” he adds, “but we are sure that taking a risk and encountering something new encourages personal growth—and adds a sense of excitement and discovery to our lives.” The Sound of Adventure Fortunately, since most of us might be a tad hesitant to hike a 4,000- or 5,000-foot mountain in winter, there are a lot of other things with a dash of adventure that can energize our lives, make us feel great and even allow us to explore strengths we may not know we have. For Los Angeles businesswoman Valerie Rodriguez, the adventure was launching a singing career as she heads into midlife. The hotshot financial recruiter is a nationally recognized wunderkind in her industry. But unbeknownst to her clients, singing is in her blood. A graceful woman with tousled brown hair, a husky voice and a slow, engaging smile, Valerie grew up with music—listening to her dad play piano as her mother sang at parties, and hearing her grandmother humming as she puttered around the kitchen listening to classical music. In high school, Valerie sang and acted in plays, and in college, when she and her friends weren’t belting out songs in stairwells all over campus, she was singing in Vassar College’s Women’s Chorus and touring with its mixed choir. “Blending with beautiful voices was a deeply spiritual experience,” Valerie remembers. “I felt I would be in music forever!” After college, she sang in a few smoky bars in Philadelphia, a couple of commercials, a semiprofessional chorus and with several bands at big parties and events. But singing didn’t pay the bills, and after marriage, two children and a move to Los Angeles, making a living took priority. Now the kids are grown, finances are comfortable and Valerie is reclaiming her love of music. A couple of years back, she met two guys who were singing at a friend’s wedding. She joined in and something clicked. But with a successful career in the financial world, did she want to risk taking her eye off the ball to sing? Did she really want to put herself out there in front of an audience to see if she could use her voice to weave some magic? Though it might have sounded a bit scary, the answer was a wholehearted “Yes!” And today, she and the guys are rehearsing, making contacts, getting a few gigs—and having an absolute blast. Music,” says Valerie, “is something I could never live without.” Out ofThat Rut! It’s discoveries like these that encourage us to move out of our well-worn ruts and take a risk, says Florida psychologist Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D., author of Create a Life That Tickles Your Soul. “It happens at different stages,” Suzanne says, “but particularly at midlife because, by the time we get there, we may have ignored a whole chunk of who we are. We may have been absorbed in making a living, building a career, nurturing children, caring for aging parents or a bunch of other things that took priority.” The cause really doesn’t matter, she adds. What does is that we haven’t had a chance to stretch ourselves and, as a result, there’s a question—“I wonder if there’s something else I can do?”—that begins to nibble at the edges of our consciousness. Yet, even though that restlessness and self-questioning can propel us to search for an answer, says Suzanne, it usually takes a specific event that pushes us to take the first step. In Valerie’s case, it was simple: a chance meeting with a couple of guys who could sing. For Cecilia, it was a bit more complicated. Her passion for hiking began as a young girl in Vermont as she hiked the state’s mountains with her mom. It grew after college when she became a volunteer in VISTA (Volunteers in Service to America) in North Carolina and then worked for the Green Mountain Club, an organization that tends Vermont’s Long Trail—the oldest long-distance hiking trail in the U.S. Yet hiking had to take a backseat after Cecilia married. She and her husband raised a child together while working from dawn to well past dusk building a farm-to-table business growing vegetables in the rich bottomland of a Vermont creek. The business—a smashing success—had local chefs standing in line for their vegetables. But it left Cecilia exhausted. “I’d get up, check the phone for orders and messages, work the farm stand until 6 p.m., scrounge around in the kitchen and make dinner, then spend the evening pulling orders for the next day,” Cecilia recalls. She had little time left for anything else, particularly after her mom developed Alzheimer’s disease and Cecilia became her caretaker. As anyone who’s been around someone with Alzheimer’s disease knows, it is hard. But once her mom died, Cecilia hit the reset button. Her marriage had fallen apart, so she left the farm and said to herself, “OK—now it’s time to take care of me.” A New Adventure Building on a degree in social work and her enjoyment of older folks like her mom, Cecilia took a job working with Elderly Services, a day-care facility for seniors in Middlebury, Vermont. There she has the opportunity to do a little of everything. She works on care plans, develops programs, tells stories in front of the fireplace and even drives the Elderly Services van on occasion to pick up and deliver those who need a ride. “That’s my favorite thing to do,” says Cecilia. “I crank up the music with Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton blasting out of the speakers and everyone starts singing at the top of their lungs.” She chuckles. “You haven’t lived until you’ve heard some of these women belting out country music!” But her job also comes with a fringe benefit that made it a done deal from day one: As long as she puts in 35 hours a week, Cecilia can arrange her schedule as she likes. And that leaves time for three-day hiking adventures every week. Now, nine years after leaving the farm and heading back to the mountains, Cecilia will soon join a small but elite group of North American hikers who have hiked all 115 mountains over 4,000 feet in the northeast U.S. Hiking where there are more hawks than people, watching the sun rise over trees glittering with ice and snow, and breathing in the sweet fragrance of one forest after another, Cecilia is alive, focused and one with the woods. “Hiking is my passion,” she says simply. “I like to step onto the trail into the woods and let everything else melt away, so I can pay attention to the stream that I’m crossing, the rock underfoot and the different ways that ice is formed.” The Road Not Traveled Most of us don’t have to climb mountains to launch a new adventure that will ramp up the joy in our lives. In fact, for some, it’s as simple as stepping out the front door and helping others, says Frank. Approaching a homeless person sitting on a subway street grate to give him protein bars and juice boxes, fostering frightened dogs for a rescue organization, helping hurricane victims repair their homes—the list of people who need help is endless. And, since you don’t know how those you help will react, says Frank, every encounter is an adventure that can kick you out of even a well-worn rut and encourage you to take a risk. How Can You Get Started on Your Adventure? Here's what Frank suggests: Start small. “Test the waters,” he says. “Think of trying out a new adventure the way you’d try out a new food. Get out of your comfort zone, but know your limits.” Make new friends. “Get involved in groups like Meetup,” says Frank. “A lot are adventure-oriented. They go out camping under the stars and often have an adventurous focus. Sharing your risk-taking is a very good thing when you’re just starting out.” Go to meetup.com, click on “adventure” under “topics,” and you’ll have the opportunity to meet any one of over 12 million men and women worldwide interested in getting together for an adventure—hiking in the San Francisco Bay Area, walking through the U.K., enjoying a night out in Austin, backpacking in Utah, even taking a walk to the highest point in Ireland. Involve your family. “If you have kids, get them involved,” says Frank. “When it’s time for summer vacation, don’t go to the same old place. Instead, go out backpacking somewhere.” After all, as Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Ellen Michaudis a contributing editor forLive Happy magazine. Her last article was 15 Ways to Stay Grounded.
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Mindful Running

Get Into Mindful Running

Dynamic Running Therapy (DRT), a program developed by psychotherapist and author William Pullen, combines exercise, talk therapy and mindfulness. In his new book, Running With Mindfulness, William lays out a step-by-step process for you to work through low moods or magnify the highs. “Often people talk about running as a creative pursuit or something that can give you answers, and it definitely does that for me,” William says. “It makes sense of things and puts things in their rightful place.” Either solo or with a partner, DRT gets you moving and connected when you are feeling stuck. It is easy to try, anyone can do it and there is no wrong way to practice. If you do choose to run with a partner, make sure it is someone with whom you are comfortable sharing the details of your life. William suggests choosing a topic or question of concern such as working through anxiety or anger or managing the relationships in your life. Ground yourself. William’s first step, the grounding process, is a call to mindfulness that includes four stages: scans of body, environment and emotions as well as priming, which is what you want to get out of the session. Move with intention. William stresses that DRT is not an exercise routine, although the exercise is a bonus. DRT does not require you to be in great shape, but it is critical to start outside to connect with nature. “Don’t worry about the weather, you run through that,” he says. “Don’t worry if you don’t finish a session, just get out there with a good intention and see what happens. Do the best you can and try to push yourself a little bit.” Time for reflection. Next, in William’s book or your own journal, write about your experience. Notice any progress and try to express how you feel about it. He describes progress during a run as “fantastic and profound moments” of clarity that will soon make you more comfortable with your feelings and help you to better understand yourself. The reward is gradual and part of the journey of discovery. Chris Libby is the Section Editor for Live Happy magazine.
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7 Ways to Find Happiness in 2018

7 Ways to Find Happiness in 2018

The new year is an opportunity for a fresh start andan opportunity for reflection on what we can do to make 2018 a truly great year. Regardless of our life circumstance, what we all really want for ourselves and our families is to be happy. Weoften think external conditions like making more money,losing weight or finding the “right” mate will lead us to happiness. But researchers in the field of positive psychology have shown that happiness is an internal choice built on practice. In other words, sustainable happiness is achievable by practicing data-based tools that change our mindset and, over time, develop new neural pathways. We have control over what we choose to do and think. According to top positive psychologist and researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky and others, approximately 50 percent of variance in happiness is determined by genes and 10 percent is determined by circumstances;automatically, we have the power to influence 40 percent. Most significantly, happiness presupposes success, not the other way around. According toKaren Guggenheim, CEO of WOHASU, producer of the World Happiness Summit,“This new mindset can have positive consequences in every facet of our lives. Science tells us that we become more capable to problem solve in a state of happiness than under stress, and that we also elevate our levels of resiliency when things don’t happen as we expected and we then need to enlist our coping skills.Being happier even makes our work product better.” For a better 2018, WOHASU suggests these seven keys to happinessto improve your new year. 1. Gratitude Take some time out of your day to notice the world around you and appreciate the people you’re grateful for. Send your parents a text or write a list of all the good things in your life. 2. Ambition Set challenging—but still achievable—goals to work toward and be open to learning new things. Try volunteering your time, energy and skills to contribute to something bigger. 3. Resilience Find the strength to bounce back and push through the obstacles that life throws your way and keep a positive mindset. For Karen Guggenheim, the loss of her husband and the father of her children turned her world upside down. However, she found a way to push through: “Once I realized that I had to live, I made the very conscious choice that I was going to live happy. Be an active participant in your life, and whenever possible choose to disrupt in a positive way.” 4.Physical well-being Make sure you take care of your body; practice healthy eating habits, exercise and incorporate physical activities regularly to boost your physical and mental health. Keep moving! 5. Acceptance Be comfortable with who you are and accepting of other people and ideas around you. According toMegan McDonough, CEO of Wholebeing Institute,“We can only make a choice when we see more than one option. Practice perspective.” 6. Mindfulness Practicing mindfulness daily allows you to focus on the present and what’s happening in the moment. “Increased focus on present moment prevents us from spending all our time in the past, ruminating and regretting, or in the future, inventing hypothetical anxiety-provoking scenarios,” according to an article inTheBerkeley Science Review. 7. Giving Whether it’s a stranger or a longtime friend, never hesitate to do something kind for someone else. Caring and doing for others helps strengthen relationships and build stronger connections with those around us. World-renowned researchers and experts on the science of happiness, United Nations Advisors, life coaches, business and civic leaders, and many more will share actionable tools on increasing happiness atthe experiential2018 World Happiness Summit, from March 16–18in Miami. Visit the websiteto learn more about WOHASU’s proven platform to help people learn how to create happier lives. Learn about speakers, live events and how happiness can impact your life. The World Happiness Summit is the first large-scale global event uniting individuals and leading happiness and well-being experts in athree-day experiential forum about advancing human happiness through science-based tools and daily practices.
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