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Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Supporting Mental Health Through Music With Brandon Staglin [INTRO] [00:00:04] PF: What’s up, everybody? This is Paula Felps, and you are listening to On a Positive Note. We've talked about how music can boost our mood and even help our bodies heal. Today, we're looking at what it can do for our mental health. For this episode, I'm talking with Brandon Staglin, co-founder and president of One Mind, a mental health nonprofit organization committed to improving brain health by supporting research and providing resources. Central to their mission is music, which Brandon explains has been an incredible healing tool in his own struggle with mental illness. He's here to talk about the One Mind music festival for brain health, and how that has helped build awareness for their mental health mission, and how he uses it for healing and connection in his own life. Let's have a listen. [EPISODE]   [0:00:51] PF: Brandon, thank you for joining me on On a Positive Note. [0:00:54] BS: Thank you, Paula. So much happy to be On a Positive Note, and it's a great day to talk about music and mental health. [0:01:00] PF: And you're a fantastic person to talk to about this subject. I've been following One Mind for a while. The work that you do is absolutely amazing. For those who haven't been following you, let's start by talking about what one mind is and what it does. [0:01:15] BS: One Mind is an organization that started 30 years ago, and it was founded by my family. My family founded One Mind, thanks to our shared experience with my schizophrenia diagnosis and recovery. I was diagnosed when I was 18 years old, back in 1990. It was an incredibly scary and dark time in my life, and in that of my whole family. There was a stretch of about a year when we didn't really know whether there would be any positive future for me at all. I was terrified that at any moment, I might go straight to hell, like I had this delusion in my mind that demons were after my soul, and that if I made any slight moral mistake, they pounce on me, and drive me off to hell for all eternity. It's just a terrifying thing to think every moment of every day, if you can imagine that. That drove me to exhaustion, and despair. Even though I was getting treatment for my mental illness, it wasn't working very well for the first six months. There were moments when I was so depressed that I felt suicidal, and moments where I seriously considering ending my life. Fortunately, I'm very grateful to be alive today. What saw me through those really dark times were three main factors in the beginning. One of them was the unconditional love of my family. They made sure I knew how deeply they loved me by telling me so in ways that reached me. There was a moment when I was shuffling around the house, just so dark, just so down, and depressed. My dad saw me there in the kitchen. He said, "There's a lot of love coming from here, Brandon." Even though I had not, I couldn't feel the love back at that moment. I wanted to feel that love again. That drove me to want to recover again, to be able to feel that love again for my family back with them again. That was a major factor in driving me to continue to work for getting well again. Then, other factors included a sense of purpose through staying involved with community activities, and volunteering, and education while I was recovering. As well as, early science-based medical care. From those experiences, I've learned principles that love is an important factor for life. That curiosity is also an important driver of motivation for people, and can lead to discoveries that can help people out there in the community. And that having a sense of purpose is essential to drive people forward toward recovery and toward a good life. Based on all we've learned through my experience in schizophrenia, my parents decided to found One Mind in 1995. They started out with the realization, learning from me, and from other families around us who had experienced similar challenges with our young ones. That the science was not up to par in terms of its ability to enable people to access treatments that were helpful for them in a way that would help them to get all the way to recovery. I was taking medications at the time that were somewhat helpful. But as I mentioned, they had not the full effect that I wanted, had terrible side effects. My parents realized, and now it's an important part of One Mind that precision medicine be a part of mental health care. Meaning that, science must develop ways to develop treatments that can help people right from their diagnosis, right in the very beginning of their illness. And not have to go through months and years of trial and error, and agony for finding something that could help them recover again. That was how we started One Mind. The very first event we had ever in 1995 called the Music Festival for Brain Health, and that's how music comes into play here in the conversation. [0:05:00] PF: I'm really curious to know why they built it around music, because you and I know now that that's such a natural tool for healing and for bringing people together. Wat was their thinking behind using music as the central focus of that event? [0:05:15] BS: The music festival was launched in 1995, with the intent that music could bring people together, as you say, in a way that transcends inhibitions, that transcends fears, and then brings people to have a deeper pour for each other, and love for each other in the moment, celebrating together. We call the music festival a celebration of life. Ever since the beginning, it's been like that. I remember in 2001, when September 11th happened in the United States. There was a lot of trepidation about whether we could put on the music festival. It was just days after that took place. But we did, we were able to get conductor to come, and orchestra to come. They played Ode to Joy during the music concert of that event, people were in tears. The conductor was just so overwhelmed by the response that he just – we have a photograph that he gave my mom this enthusiastic hug, and just the embrace was just great to see. But that's an example of how music can bring people together, and transcend fears, and overcome barriers to connection. Then, we make that a hallmark at the festival today. Basically, I make sure that everyone understands when they come to the festival, that it's a safe place to open up to each other about the challenges that they're facing with their mental health, and their families, and open place to talk about and share those experiences with each other. [0:06:45] PF: What else goes on? You have a concert, but you have events leading up to the concert as well throughout the day. Can you talk about the other things that happen before the music? [0:06:54] BS: Absolutely. It's a really special event, the music festival for brain health. It starts today with a science and innovation symposium, where we have the scientists who we fund, and support give talks about the amazing discoveries they're making. Every year, they come out with something new that blows me away, and really thrills the audience to know that these nutrients are coming down the line to help them and their families. We added on a component in the last year, in 2023 of innovation as well. We have a program called the One Line Rising Star Awards, which enables young, promising mental health scientists to make these discoveries toward better treatments, by giving them funding, and by giving them leadership training, so that they can grow their careers as influencers for better mental health research. And improve the field in ways that reflect the interests of people like me, like people, so many people out community who live with mental illness, and work to improve their lives. The other program that we offer through a science and innovation division at One Mind is called The One Mind Accelerator. Through this program, we help entrepreneurs who are taking some of the discoveries, like those our scientists have made, and turning them into products, and services, that can then be commercialized and scale to reach people all throughout our society. This is a kind of an outgrowth, our focus on science toward innovation. So, it's been a very successful 30 years of doing these programs now together. We've made some great breakthroughs, including ways to treat mental illness with electricity that are safe and actually remedy the symptoms using brain stimulation, including microbiome-based treatments for mental illness. Like what happens in your gut, the bacteria in your gut to treat depression, for example, and including peer support models for young people facing suicidality. Happy to expand more if you're interested later on. The gist of it is that, the scientists and innovators speak during the symposium of the music festival. That gives the audience so much hope to know that these innovations are coming down the line to help them and their families. [0:09:13] PF: Who's likely to attend the festival? [0:09:15] BS: Well, because the festival includes not only the science innovation symposium, but also, the most amazing wine tasting anywhere. [0:09:24] PF: Yes, you got three different – I feel like you have three different audiences for this. [0:09:28] BS: Yes. The festival goes like this. It includes the science innovation symposium, the wine tasting reception, following symposium. Then, there's the concert, which is kind of the highlight of the day. Then, there's the exclusive dinner up at my parent's home, at the top of our vineyard property in Napa Valley, which is where it takes place. That combination of events is something that really revs people up to be excited about the future for mental health and their families. Because it's a fundraiser, it helps them want to donate to support cause. Those are the four parts of the event. The kind of people coming would mainly include people with lived experience in their families of mental illness. So, families that have got young people, or brothers, or sisters who live with schizophrenia, who live with bipolar disorder, who live with major depression, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder. We aim to help them have that sense of community at the festival, so they have that common bond, and reveling each other's company as well as in the events taking place. [0:10:35] PF: Let's talk about the music component of it and how that's really grown. When you first started, what kind of artists were you bringing in? Because you've got some – you have some very impressive lineups in the last few years. Talk about, when it first started, what was that like? [0:10:48] BS: Yes. We started out with orchestras playing, and we had celebrity conductors, conducting the orchestras. First year, we had Richard Williams, and another year, we had Ben Zander of the Boston Philharmonic, very charismatic conductor, who wrote a book called, The Art of Possibility. He's the one who conducted during the post September 11th festival that we had. Then, we evolved into jazz. We had Ramsay Lewis and his trio play. Then, we evolved into pop, and country, and R&B. Had artists like Gladys Knight, Brian Wilson performed, who was amazing. He totally brought it, he did it for no cost for us, because he believed in what we're doing. Then, we found artists like Jennifer Hudson, we had Tim McGraw, Sheryl Crow, and Lyle Lovett, and Jewel more recently. There's some really great stories about these artists and how they've been part of the festival. [0:11:42] PF: I know Jewel. I saw a lot of posts and things that she said about this, wrote about this. I would love to hear their experiences, because it's touching to me that there are so many artists are being so open about mental health, and how music has helped them. [0:11:57] BS: Yes. It's great to know that artists are being open about that, because it lets people know it's safe for them to talk about it too. These are role models for so many people, or at least people that feel close to through the music that they produce, and that they hear. So, yes, Jewel is actually a One Mind champion. She's an official ambassador for One Mind. We've worked with her for a few years now. She performed in 2022, as well as in 2014, so twice for us over the years.   [0:12:24] PF: Wow.   [0:12:24] BS: Yes. Had her back. She's just so great. She's been very open about her experiences, mental illness, and that's inspired a lot of people to know that recovery is possible for them to other artists who stood out, include Lyle Lovett, who lent me his guitar to play a song that I wrote about recovery from schizophrenia. That's a cause that is very dear to my heart to help people recovery is possible even from serious mental illness. There's still amazing things you can do left in life after recovery, during recovery. That song is called Horizons Left to Chase, and it's available on YouTube. When he lent me his guitar, like he was handing it to me like it's a baby or something. It was very gently, and making sure that I held it carefully. And I had it, and I say, "Okay. Well, here we go." I played it, and played my song. He listened very intently to the song like he was very interested. But people loved hearing the song too, which really gratified me. [0:13:19] PF: You have artists who perform who have talked openly about their struggles with mental health. Then, you have others who are just supportive of the mission. Is that correct? [0:13:28] BS: Yes. Yes, that's right. When Jennifer Hudson performed, she spoke a lot about her family's experiences with mental health. When Tim McGraw performed, he also supports brain injury, causes, and One Mind was involved in Brain Injury Research at that time. He was deeply involved in that. So many of the artists that I featured on brainwaves, that webcasts that I hosted for about 11 years were very open about their experiences with mental health, and mental illness. Artists deal with a lot of challenges with their mental health, and music is a way to kind of process those. I've personally discovered those experiences with music. [0:14:04] PF: That's what I'd really like to talk about, is how does music help people who are struggling with mental health. And if you have your own experiences that you can give us examples, that'd be fantastic. [0:14:14] BS: Yes, I'd love to do that. When I was about 35, it was about 17 years after I was initially diagnosed. I was into my recovery, but not fully well yet. I wasn't very socially adept, and so I didn't have a lot of friends or social connections that I could turn to for support, or just have fun with. So, I realized that if I learned to play guitar, I'd have a hobby that would be something that connect me to other people, as well as be something that I could really enjoy on my own. I took up guitar lessons that year, that was about quite a while ago, almost 20 years ago. I began to practice, and I found that playing guitar offers me amazing benefits. Not only is it a lot of fun, but it also helps me to focus, and to understand that I can feel real emotions. When people live with schizophrenia, we take medication so often, dampen our emotions due to the dopamine effects in the brain. The illness can have that effect to for people. Feeling the genuine emotions that the music brings out in me, is something that reconnects me to more parts of myself and makes me feel more whole as a human being, and a more spiritually full. Then, also the mastery aspect, like getting better at a practice is something that I love to engage in. It gives me a sense of humility to see how I'm not that adept yet at playing guitar, but I want to be better. So, it's a driving force for motivation in my life. [0:15:52] PF: Then, physically, it has so many great benefits too, because when you're playing and you sync with a rhythm, and you start, it has so many different physiological effects that you can benefit from as well. [0:16:05] BS: Yes. Just hearing the strings ring out when I'm tuning the guitar, focuses my mind, my attention, and it calms me down. I'm reading a book now called Your Brain on Art by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross. It was published last year, it's a New York Times bestseller, and it features my story in it, and how I've used music for my recovery. Susan Magsamen, who's the head of the International Arts and Minds Labs at Johns Hopkins University interviewed me year before and put my story in the book. But she talks about how music does affect the brain in the body, and how it can lower cortisol release, which is a stress hormone. It can put your body into a parasympathetic nervous system framework, so that you calm down and it aids your sleep. I experienced that too. I sleep so much better if I play guitar recently. It also brings in together so many different aspects of brain activity in sync with each other. That can kind of account for the experience I have of feeling more like a whole person after I play music, I think. [0:17:10] PF: Now, what about if you're just listening to music. Because I am a big proponent of playlists. I have a playlist for every mood, everything that can possibly happen in my life, I've got a playlist. I go to a playlist for it. How about that? Do you use recorded music as a way to manage emotions and regulate yourself? [0:17:28] BS: Yes, I do. I do. I really do. Like every morning when I'm driving to work or driving home from work, I put out some music to start the day well with things that are meaningful to me. Like songs that I really love, and bring me a sense of peace or inspiration. Many years ago, when I was first ill with schizophrenia, it was immensely beneficial to listen to my favorite songs that helped me to refocus on the moment and stopped associating into the psychosis that would be creeping up on me from time to time. Listening to music has been really something part of my life for like my entire life. It's a touchstone for me that helps me to cope and feel good. [0:18:08] PF: What are some of the things that musicians that you've talked with that perform at your festival? What are some of the ways that they say that it's helped their mental health? [0:18:17] BS: The musicians who perform the festivals, I haven't talked to them directly about how music benefits mental health, except for Jewel. She and I, during the dinner portion of the Music Festival event, in 2022, sat together at the dinner. So, I had a long conversation with her. For her, music has been a double-edged sword, it helps her to work through the challenges and experiences in her life, by articulating them, and kind of processing them through that lens of seeing them out there as a creation. But the thing that has come with her music is something that she wants to not have too much of, because fame can change people's perceptions of themselves, of the world around them, of reality. It can also impact your private life in so many ways. She has changed her genres many times throughout her career, and I really respect that she does this as a means to [inaudible 0:19:13] to be creative and create the kind of music that she wants to, and that's innovative for her, and brings her a sense of fulfillment, but keeps her fans guessing and on their toes at the same time. I have followed her throughout her career ever since the early 2000s, and all of her albums, even though she's been very multifaceted and eclectic in the genres that she's used. [0:19:33] PF: Yes. I had read an interview with her, where she said that she had intentionally stepped away right after she hit big, and she knew that this could be – it would be phenomenal for her career, but it can be very damaging for her mental health. So, she took a step back. I thought that was so wise and insightful for her to recognize what that could do to her. An artist, you're there to get famous, you're there to have a living you, and to have that right in front of you, and to be able to say, "But my mental health is more important," it's just absolutely incredible. [0:20:05] BS: Yes. It's incredibly wise to do it, like you say, and she has a song called Goodbye Alice in Wonderland on her album of the same name. She talks about in the song, in the lyrics that there's a difference between dreaming and pretending. She's found in her life through the fame that she's found that she doesn't want to pretend anymore. She wants to live a genuine life, and that's why she's leaving Wonderland, so to speak in the song. [0:20:32] PF: That's fantastic. There's so much good that comes out of music. One mind is doing so much good to help bridge music and mental health. For the people who are listening to this, if they have a family member who has recently been diagnosed, and things are becoming clearer, or if they have been living with this for a while, what is the thing that you want them to know about the journey that they're on? [0:20:57] BS: Yes. They should know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that recovery is possible, even from the most serious of mental illnesses. That if you love somebody who's living with mental illness, you should also know that they're still them, even though they may not seem like them. Medication can change people's personalities, so can the illness. But deep inside, they're still who they who you've always known. And they can live a full and meaningful life again, if you continue to love and support them and access treatment that can help them. [0:21:29] PF: That's terrific, Brandon, we're going to tell everybody where they can find out more about the One Mind Music Festival. [0:21:35] BS: It's the One Mind Music Festival for Brain Health. This year, it's our 30th anniversary event. It's on September 7th 2024. We invite people to check out our website at music-festival.org to learn more about that wonderful event. [0:21:49] PF: All right, that is terrific. I appreciate you sitting down and talking with me today. It's been a pleasure to talk to you. Like I said, I've been following you for a while. It really is an honor to be able to chat with you about it. [0:21:59] BS: Thanks, Paula. It's great to talk to you too. I love your podcast and it's been great to be on. Thank you. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:22:07] PF: That was Brandon Staglin of One Mind, talking about music and mental health. If you'd like to learn more about One Mind, or the one Mind Music Festival for Brain Health, explore some of their resources, or follow them on social media, just visit livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. I hope you've enjoyed this episode of On a Positive Note and look forward to joining you again next time. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Discover Harmony and Healing Through Jin Shin Jyutsu With Adele Leas   [INTRO] [0:00:08] PF: Welcome to Happiness Unleashed with your host, Brittany Derrenbacher, presented by Live Happy. As companions for our animals, most of us like to take a hands-on approach. But today's guest shows us how we can use our hands to help our animals find better health and harmony. I'm Paula Felps, and I'm joining Brittany as she sits down with Adele Leas, internationally known teacher and originator of Jin Shin Jyutsu for animals. Although this practice was originally designed for humans, Adele discovered its amazing ability to balance the body, mind, and spirit in diverse species of animals to deepen the human animal connection and keep everyone happy and healthy. Let’s have a listen. [INTERIVEW] [0:00:50] BD: Hi, Adele. Welcome to the show. [0:00:52] AL: Hi there. Thrilled to be here. [0:00:55] BD: So, Jin Shin Jyutsu. Did I say that correctly? [0:01:02] AL: You're perfect. [0:01:03] BD: What does that mean? [0:01:05] AL: So, it translates from the Japanese as Jin is man or person of knowing, and compassion. Shin is the Creator. But this is not a religion. Jyutsu, the art of. So, you string it all together. You've got the art of the Creator, through compassionate person of knowing. Ain’t that pretty? [0:01:33] BD: Yes. That's beautiful. So, this is a healing modality that can be used on animals. It’s often associated with humans, but this is your life's work to use this modality with animals. [0:01:47] AL: Exactly. [0:01:48] BD: How would you describe to the listeners just a very easy way to describe what Jin Shin is, just for maybe someone that's listening that has never heard of it before? That has no idea what this modality is? What's the most accessible definition of what this modality is? [0:02:08] AL: I would say that it's the harmonizing art, based in the breath, using gentle, non-invasive touch that balances body, mind, and spirit. [0:02:20] BD: How did you get into this? How did this come about in your life? [0:02:26] AL: Totally by accident, but I think, I mean, in air quotes, I in 1988, I was in a drowning accident and I was with my fiancé. He died. They brought me back to life with the paddles. I lost a third of my left lung. So, I had a whole lot of grief. I couldn't breathe. Without breathing and grief, your immune system cycles down. Did the western route and I just wasn't getting better. Someone I worked with gave me a gift certificate for this thing that we've already shown. It’s hard to pronounce. At least until you know it. I went and got on our table and she very gently said, “How about if we take off the oxygen mask?” I was just terrified, and she said, “It'll be right here. You put up one finger or something and I'll put it back on.” That's where it started. [0:03:25] PF: So, what exactly is it? You and Brittany are obviously very familiar with it, and I only know it through Brittany and knowing that she has this worked on her animals. What exactly does it do? [0:03:37] AL: So, as I mentioned, its history is an ancient Japanese hands-on harmonizing art. Healing, being a byproduct of harmony. The woman who brought it to this country in the 1950s, Mary Burmeister says that, “When you are in harmony, there is no imbalance.” Another one of her quote is, “You're never in disharmony because of what you lack, but what you haven't let go of.” So, maybe that hit the nail on the head. The idea of the work is based in the breath. And while we have to inhale, the most important part of it is the exhale. The letting go. From that letting go, we can come back to the state of the energy of our blueprint. What we were intended to be. So, it balances spirit, mind, body. I work with people who have cluster migraines, and I work with dogs who have had a leg amputated. I work with cats who, his person has passed away, and they have been given to the refuge where I'm on staff, and they're untouchable. You can meet these beings where they're at. [0:05:11] BD: So, Jin Shin is understanding that animals have energy bodies, just like we do, and that if we are willing to first regulate our own nervous system, we can then be agents in working with the nervous systems of the animals in our lives. [0:05:34] AL: Absolutely. Oh, well said young lady. It's really, again, I quote Mary Burmeister a lot. But she has a quote that says, “It is complicatedly simple, not simply complicated.” You can learn a few basics, and then be with these animals, and they're going to guide you to a very large extent. They're going to show you – [0:06:08] BD: How can animals teach us harmonizing? Because I feel like that, what is harmonizing? And how can animals teach us that? [0:06:18] AL: I think, harmonizing, I think it's being in the present. I think they are champions of that. They don't have taxes that are due. They don't have social media praise them. They don't have term papers due or cars that need to get to the repair shop. They're where they are. And they don't hold on to things. So, for me, always my way to touch base, my way to come back, is to get with my animals. [0:06:54] BD: What is your hope with teaching Jin Shin as a healing modality for animal companions? [0:07:02] AL: You are an angel. Just yesterday, I was journaling on this and meditating on this. I would love this to become common knowledge, like they used to say, “Mom’s home remedies.” If people build this way of connecting to their animals into their way of living, we always said that Jin Shin Jyutsu works best when nothing happens. Because it goes on in harmony. There aren’t big crises as often. I'm not saying it can't happen. But it deepens the connections with your animals. For me, I don't believe you can do this very long, without becoming better and better at intuitive communication. Because they're telling us, and if we’re hands on, and we're focused on them, we're in the right space to hear. So, I would just love it to be kind of an everyday thing. Take the woo-woo and exotic out and make it a way to be with our animals. [0:08:15] PF: What are some other results that people will see if they're like, “Well, this sounds interesting, but I don't know. My pet has been sick for a while. My pet is emotionally distraught all the time.” What are some changes you'll see in animals as they are treated this way? [0:08:31] AL: It's a great question. So, it's a cumulative art. Mostly, you see – and that's why I love people to learn it to share at home, so you see little incremental changes. [0:08:45] BD: Adele, tell us about you have an upcoming workshop in Louisville, Kentucky at the end of May and tell the listeners what that's about. [0:08:53] AL: Yes. I'm really looking forward to it. It is a three-day workshop from May 31st through June 2nd, and it's a first. I am co-teaching with two of my faculty. Susan [Name inaudible 0:09:08] who I mentioned earlier, and Kelly Mount, both fabulous, longtime Jin Shin Jyutsu practitioners and longtime animal people. We are going to be at Windy Meadows equestrian farm, which has a combination of rescue horses and dogs and retired horses, I believe. It's going to be a lovely time to go in depth. We'll work on ourselves, we'll study, and then we'll work on the animals. You'll get different species. And I always want people to work on themselves first so they understand how that feels, what you're sharing with the animals. [0:09:54] BD: Adele, thank you so much for coming on the show and hopefully all the listeners feel just as harmonized as I do by listening to the sound of your voice, while we talked about this topic, but we really appreciate your time. [0:10:08] AL: Well, thank you. This is my idea of absolute fun. So, I appreciate it. Thanks for your interest. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:10:14] PF: That was Brittany Derrenbacher talking with Adele Leas about Jin Shin Jyutsu for animals. If you'd like to learn more about this art, you can check out Adele's book, Jin Shin Jyutsu For Your Animal Companion, watch a video to learn how to practice it yourself, or check out her three-day animal retreat in Kentucky later this month. You can find information for all of those when you visit our website at livehappy.com. Of course, Brittany will be back next month to talk about how pets bring us joy, help us heal, and can be some of our greatest teachers. So, until then, for everyone at Live Happy, this is Paula Felps reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Becoming a Mindful Mother With Jennifer Mulholland [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for Episode 465 of Live Happy Now. In just a few days, we're going to celebrate Mother's Day. But the fact is, all the moms out there need to take time to celebrate themselves every day. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and today, I'm sitting down with Jennifer Mulholland, a working mom, conscious leadership expert, and co-author of the book, Leading with Light: Choosing Conscious Leadership When You're Ready for More. Jennifer's work focuses on cultivating presence and rediscovering the light within, and she's here to talk about how we can bring that business principle into our lives as mothers and how it can change the world for us and around us. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:47] PF: Jennifer, thank you for joining me on Live Happy Now. [0:00:49] JM: Thank you. It's so wonderful to be here today, Paula. [0:00:53] PF: We have a big day coming up, and that's Mother's Day. So, that's the perfect time to talk about something that you call mindful mothering. I was really taken by that phrase. I may have heard it before. But it landed with me differently when I received that email about you talking about that. So, I wonder to start things, if you could explain what it means to be a mindful mother. [0:01:16] JM: Lovely. Yes, I think, well, first of all, being a mother is such a gift that we've been given for those of us that have children, or mothering our pets, or mothering our parents. It comes in many different forms. But I really feel like we've just been given such an incredible gift to be in that role. Being a mindful mother really means being more aware, aligned, and intentional, and how we nurture those we care for, and how we nurture and care for ourselves. It's all too easy to be the givers, and the doers, and the coordinators, and the schedulers, and the lovers, and the band-aid-ers, and all the roles that mothering comes. It's too easy to leave ourselves out of that equation. So, being a mindful mother is really slowing down to be present with your way and how you care for others and how you care for yourself. [0:02:23] PF: That sounds amazing. We know that would have incredible results. You can tell just from thinking about it and how it feels when you think about that, you know it's going to have an incredible effect. But what happens in real life, when you're burning the candle at both ends, and the kids are going crazy, and all kinds of chaos is happening around you. How do you maintain that mindful mother state when everything around you is chaos? [0:02:49] JM: Yes. It's such a practice and it's a giant experiment. So, what works for me, may not work for you and we're all trying to figure it out. I would say, the old adage that we can't give what we don't have, I feel like is the routing of where I'm coming from with this kind of idea, in the sense that, to be mindful is to really be aware of what works for you and what doesn't. To be aligned with that and then be more intentional in how you show up. One of the greatest ways we can practice is practicing presence. Literally, being present with the micro-moment that shows up. Oftentimes, we are so hijacked as mothers, where we're doing one thing, and then we get a call from our child, or depending upon the age of your children, like you have a tug on your leg, or the door opens and it's all of a sudden, you're constantly distracted and multitasked and taken away from being present. So, practicing being present, pulling yourself back with whatever is in front of us. Because if a child or if a loved one comes in, then how can you be attentive with them fully? One of our greatest gifts is our presence. It's not necessarily what we're saying all the time, or the decisions that we're making, or the advice we're giving. It's the energy, it's the essence at which we show up in that exchange. Oftentimes, it's not verbal. Oftentimes, it's just the way we are when somebody is needing something from us. That can be a choice of whether it's frenetic, and distracted, and frustrated, and irritated because we've been interrupted for the 10 millionth time. That's human and we all get that place. Or it can be practice in a way that we really slow down and look to the other person of what are they needing from me right now? Do they need a solution? Do they need to be told? Do they need advice? Or do they just need my love and care, and I need a hold space for them, so they feel heard and seen and supported? So, they can figure it out. Man, that's the art of parenting, of just, when do you know when to shut up? When you don't know just to let your child figure it out for themselves? But you are really with them in that discovery. I feel like one of the routing of a practice is making sure that we are present with whatever is showing up in our field. Because when we are we actually take in more information. That's the awareness. We're able to see and sense and feel a lot more information coming in, that helps us attune and align to what is needed in the moment for ourselves and for the other person that's showing up. [0:06:10] PF: That goes completely into what you talk about in the business realm with conscious leadership and being present. How, as parents, as mothers, as women, do we learn how to start doing that? Because again, you talked about. It is a practice. It's something you can get up in the morning and say, “I'm going to be present today and I'm going to do this.” Then the fires start and they plan to go out the window. So, what are some of the tools that you use and that you give to others to help them learn how to be present? [0:06:42] JM: Well, one of the things, mantras I say, as soon as my feet hit the ground, when I wake up in the morning is, “I am fully embodied.” What that means for me is like my presence is fully in this vehicle and vessel. Because if it's not, we often kind of live in the realm of our heads. A lot of thinking. So, we kick into automatic habit of doing, doing, doing, and coordinating, and scheduling, and showing up, and driving, and all of the things that we do. Oftentimes that's coming from our headspace. So, really try and bring my awareness into my heart space and into the full body vehicle just with that mantra. It helps me ground so that I can listen to my body's cues. That is probably the number one hack that I think we miss a lot and in how our body speaks to us, giving us cues throughout the day of when we are feeling alive and aligned to our light within and when we're not. When we want to leave the room, when we want to procrastinate, when we want to pull back. When we live in our head, we kind of check out of our body's innate wisdom that's constantly giving us the cues of what works for us and what doesn't. One of the practices of being present is just tuning into how does my body feel in this moment? Am I leaning into this conversation? Am I feeling engaged? Do I want to learn more? Stay here? Am I curious? Or am I wanting to get the hell out of here as fast as I can? Am I frustrated? Am I distracted? Am I bored? Our bodies tell us that information all the time. So, I think as moms, as we're spinning a lot of plates and trying to be more mindful in the automatic role of giving, giving, giving, we forget that actually, if we can tune the attention back to mothering ourselves first, what does my body need in this moment? What is it telling me? What does my spirit soul, light, whatever you name it to be need, to feel calm, to feel peaceful, to feel connected? Your body will tell you. A great practice is, I love journal journaling. My business partner and I journal all the time. One great exercise is to literally write a letter to your body, or write a letter to your soul, or spirit, or light, or essence. And ask it what it needs from you, as if it was your inner child. So, if I'm exhausted and I am so tired at the end of the day, and I don't have any energy, and I'm gaining weight, and I'm feeling down, and I can't figure that out, write a letter to your body and ask what it needs. Your body will tell you. Just write, write, write what it’s saying. Or if you're feeling like, “Wow, I am so scattered and depleted by giving to all my relationships, and my partner, and my family, and my parents, I am just feeling depleted.” Ask your spirit, your light, what it needs to feel more alive, more connected. You'd be so surprised of the wisdom that you already have, we just forget to ask it. [0:10:26] PF: I love that. We do forget that we can tap into ourselves. We're always looking for a cup of coffee, or something else that's going to do that for us. You really talk about – what you're talking about is extreme self-care. It's not just taking a bubble bath. It's really taking care of your soul. It's more like soul care. As moms, it's often difficult to put ourselves first, to say like, “I am going to shut everything out and take care of myself.” But why is it important that women do that and take that time for self-care? How does that make them better as mothers? [MESSAGE] [0:11:03] PF: We'll be right back with Jennifer's answer about how moms can practice self-care. But right now, I wanted to share one of my favorite new indulgences. Discovering the incredibly luxurious bedding from Cozy Earth has completely changed the way I sleep. If you want to get some of the best sleep you've ever had, you need to check it out. I never dreamed that bedsheets could change your life. But Cozy Earth made a believer out of me with these super soft bamboo sheets. They not only feel amazing, but they come in so many beautiful colors that you'll find at least one that fits your style. What's even better is Cozy Earth is as convinced as I am that you'll love these sheets. So, they're offering a 100-night sleep trial and a 10-year warranty on every purchase. What have you got to lose? Not sleep. To sweeten the deal, we're giving you a discount so you can enjoy the luxury you deserve with Cozy Earth. So, head over to cozyearth.com and use promo code Happy 35 for an exclusive 35% off. That's cozyearth.com and use the promo code Happy 35. Now, let's get back to my talk with Jennifer and find out how practicing self-care makes us better mothers. [INTERVIEW CONTINUES] [0:12:14] JM: The world needs more love and care and connection and community and peace. I really believe like the feminine principle, the Divine Mother is here to help cultivate that state of being for ourselves and for all. If we desire that out there in a world where we wish that there's no more war, and we wish for more peace, the only way we are going to get to that as a society is to have that individually in ourselves. There's no better person equipped for that than the mother. Learning what self-care looks like to you, is I just want to say, it’s a giant experiment. Because I have gotten so frustrated myself of like, “Well, I know I need to care for myself. I don't freaking know how to do it. I don't know what I need and it changes.” So, give yourself more grace in experimenting and checking in, like, “What do I need and want in this moment? What would feel good?” I think that question, what feels good to me now is so helpful, and following the feeling of feeling good, is likely to lead to peace, and love, and more care, and nurturing. So, that feels like the playground. If we could follow the feeling of feeling good, more for ourselves, whatever that is, and that can change 10 times throughout the day, then we can really bring that state of calmness, of more peace and groundedness and connection to anybody we connect with, especially our families and loved ones. [0:14:14] PF: Yes. As you were talking, I could see just like putting it across my computer, what would feel good right now? Just so you have that constant reminder until you get into that rhythm of looking for that and seeking that out. In your work, because you work with so many different people. What do you see as the biggest obstacle to finding what is good for them? Because I know it's probably an obstacle we're putting up ourselves. [0:14:39] JM: I see so a lot of caregivers, that they're so good at caring for others and they've lost themselves, that they haven't put themselves in that relationship. Over time, that depletes us all, right? I've been one of them too. Just going, going, going and not even catching myself that – because it felt selfish in a way. Self-care, caring for self is not selfish. I just want to rearchitect that unconscious belief system that somehow we have to be humble, and be the givers, and the Wonder Women, and have the red capes to be able to come in, and be strong, and resilient, and know the answers, and know where we're going. And it's just bullshit, we don't, right? So, experimenting and being more gentle. One of the greatest barriers is lack of self-worth. I don't feel enough. I feel like I have to lose weight to be better. I have to dye my hair to be better. I have to have the right job to be better. I can't just be a mom. I have to be a working mom and I have to have a business and I have to be on this ladder and this trajectory. There’s so many conditions, unconsciously, I think that we have kind of layered ourselves with, and it's tricky, because it's not obvious. I think what I would love to, for other people, to give themselves permission to be human, and hear, and know that you're enough right now. That you have everything that you need to not only nurture others, but to nurture yourself in a more mindful, intentional way. We get to choose if the monkey mind, if the inner critic is getting louder and louder, and my confidence, or your confidence is going lower and lower, we get to choose when we're going to say, “How is that working for me? Is it working for me? Is it giving me the results I want?” If it's not, we get to choose. That's free will. We have this incredible ability to choose to not feed that narrative anymore. That's what gets in the way. The self-worth and society is, especially, in the United States. We are just being bombarded with Instagram ads and like model-type bodies, and this is the house you need to have. It beats you down after a while. [0:17:31] PF: How does that affect people as mothers? Because, again, they're getting that message of you shouldn't be doing this, and you should be all these things. And the normal female is like, “I'm not and I can't.” What does that do to us emotionally and mentally, when we're getting all these messages, that we should, we should, we should, and we're like, “I can't?” [0:17:56] JM: Right. Well, what has happened is that it's kicked in a response to do more. The opposite is the antidote, honestly. The less we do, the more space we have, the more space we create, the more space we give ourselves to be ourselves fully. We kind of can then start to subtly unplug from those unconscious messages, and cultural conditionings, and programs that kick us into this idea that we need to have more, do more, to be more. Where I'm sitting in practice is, “Well, what if I just were to be me? What would that look like?” That takes a lot of practice, to bring more of my full self to my children, instead of having such a schedule, to have space where there's no schedule, and there's room in those spaces for new connection, new insight to come through. If we're so overscheduled and we're on the hamster wheel seeking to be more, to do more, to have more, which is the kind of cultural machine in the United States. We just start to deplete because we're not restoring, we're not remembering who we are, and that who we are is a being, it's a human being. It's not a human doing, as we've all been kind of tricked to believe. [0:19:36] PF: I'd love to talk about how if a mother can change and learn to be a mindful mother can become more present, what is that going to teach her children? Because one thing we've talked about, just last week's podcast, we talked about Gen Z and the horrible state of mental health among young people, and what the surveys are showing us. Obviously, so much of it is your product of the home in which you're raised as well. So, if you become a mindful mother, what kind of gift are you giving your children? And how are you changing their experience when they become parents of their own? [0:20:12] JM: I come back to presence, because I think that is really getting hijacked to use that term, again, in society and with the technology that our attention spans have become so short in what we're able to sit with and be with. A mother's presence, unspoken, it's like the healing ointment that is needed. That may look like a deep connection with your child in that moment. It may just be sitting with them, not saying anything. It may be really deeply listening, not to fix, not to solve, not to give advice, but to listen to where they're coming from, as they share it. That seems to be a real helpful tool that if we can practice being present and not meeting our children in the frenetic bounce of subject to subject, multitask, multimedia, kind of state of affairs. If we can ground in learning how to quiet our own minds, we become less reactive, and we become more intentional in how we respond and participate in the care that we're giving. Again, we can't give that care unless we are giving that care to ourselves. So, I think with the Gen Z, we’re kind of in the state with mental health, where we have really bought our thinking. We're buying our low-quality thoughts. And we – [0:22:08] PF: I love how you put that. I've never heard it put that way and I love that. [0:22:12] JM: We're not taught to question them. We're taught to identify that those things, thoughts are me. That's who I am. Versus I'm in a low mood, I woke up feeling shitty, or whatever, and I'm having low-quality thinking right now. So, I'm actually not going to take my thinking so seriously, because I can't really trust it, because it's not really helpful. We get to choose what we're buying, and we just haven't really been educated or taught that we have a say in which thoughts we're going to digest. We do it so unconsciously. And the moment, we pull a thought down and digest it, guess what it does? It creates a feeling. That feeling then emanates and then we attract people that match that feeling. So, we have a society right now, and especially with the Gen Z generation, I feel like that they're being bombarded with so much negativity, and we don't have tools to help them navigate which thinking, which thoughts they're choosing, and which thoughts they're not. Now granted, there are many people that are in different states of mental health, that I don't want to diminish the causality, and the conditions that are so many different flavors that people have. But I do believe when we are present, we get to then more consciously choose which thoughts we're buying, and we want to bring into our digestive system, and create the feelings we want to have throughout the day and which ones we don't. [0:23:46] PF: I love the way you present that. It paints such a wonderful picture, and really sums it up. So, what do you want moms to think about? If you're talking directly to all the moms out there, what is the one thing that they should keep in mind say, beginning with this Mother's Day and then hearing through, to become more mindful, and to enjoy this journey of motherhood and life more? [0:24:12] JM: What do you really need for yourself to feel mothered? If you were to mother yourself, or if you are your own best friend, and you could wrap yourself in the care and the love and the nurturing that you really need, what you need today, tomorrow, this week, to feel more cared for? To feel more supported? To feel more gotten? To feel more loved? Try those things. Just do something for yourself. I would so encourage you to create space for yourself with yourself, with no one else. That can look like meditation. It could look like going for a walk outside in nature. It could look like journaling for five minutes on what you have to be grateful for. It could look like taking a yummy bath and putting bubbles in it. But just really mothering yourself is a learned practice. I didn't learn how to mother myself from my mom. I learned how to be a great mom to my children from my mom. But now, I'm like having to learn how do I mother myself? Mothering the mother within, I do feel like is a game changer to unlock this next level of capacity for our divine feminine that is wired to nurture. It's wired to naturally love, and include, and care, and create peace and harmony. Don't we want that for our families and communities in the world? So, I would encourage you as we go up to Mother's Day, to put yourself at that center and say, “What do I need to feel mothered? To feel nurtured? To feel loved?” And try it. [0:26:14] PF: I love it. That is a perfect way to wrap this up. You have a lot to teach us. We're going to tell our listeners how they can find your book, how they can find you, and learn more. But thank you. This is incredible conversation and I appreciate you coming and hanging out with me. [0:26:27] JM: Oh, thank you so much. To all the mothers out there, you're doing a great job and you're worth every single penny, every single second, and we're so grateful. I'm so grateful to walk this path with you. Thanks, Paula. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:26:46] PF: That was Jennifer Mulholland, talking about mindful motherhood. If you'd like to learn more about Jennifer, discover her book, Leading with Light, or follow her on social media, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. While you're there, be sure to sign up for our weekly live happy newsletter. Every week, we'll drop a little bit of joy in your inbox with the latest stories, podcast info, and even a happy song of the week. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Reclaim Your Personal Power With Dr. Emma Seppälä [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for Episode 465 of Live Happy Now. We live in a world that is increasingly chaotic, and this week's guest has a better roadmap for navigating this uncertain territory. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and today I'm sitting down with Dr. Emma Seppälä, a Yale professor, bestselling author, and research scientist, whose new book is, Sovereign: Reclaim Your Freedom, Energy, and Power in a Time of Distraction, Uncertainty, and Chaos. Emma is here to talk about how embracing both our positive and negative experiences and becoming more compassionate with ourselves, can improve our relationships, cultivate greater personal freedom, and even improve our physical health. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:47] PF: Emma, welcome to Live Happy Now. [0:00:49] ES: Thank you, I'm so happy to be here. [0:00:51] PF: It's such an honor to have you on the show. You've done some amazing work already and you have a brand-new book coming out that we're going to talk about, but I really appreciate you taking the time to sit down and talk to us today. [0:01:02] ES: Absolutely. Yes. I'm delighted. [0:01:06] PF: So, your new book is called Sovereign and that's a word we don't hear a lot. It kind of stops you for a moment. So, it takes a little bit of an introduction to understand what is sovereignty and especially for you, you talk about personal sovereignty. Can you explain that to us? [0:01:23] ES: Absolutely. So, my first book was about science of happiness, and there's a lot to share there, as you know, from your podcast. But after – I used all those practices, and I use them still daily. But I realized there was another element that you can be doing all the self-care practices you want. But if you don't have sovereignty, and I'll explain what that is, then you can't get all the way there. What do I mean by that, you can meditate all day, but if you are highly self-critical, and buy into fears and beliefs about yourself, that are not serving you, and engage in behaviors and addictive habits that are destructive, then you're not going to be able to attain the level of fulfillment that you wish, nor are you going to be able to show up as your best self. So, I think it's helpful if I give an example. [0:02:12] PF: Please. Yes. [0:02:13] ES: Yes, I teach audiences. So, I teach executives at the Yale School of Management and I see these highly talented people coming through. When I ask audiences, “How many of you are self-critical”, 90% to 95% of people raise their hand. As you probably know, from psychology, self-criticism is a form of self-loathing. When you think about that for a second, you're like, “Wait a second, 90% to 95% of people are walking around with self-loathing. That's pretty intense.” When you look at the research, self-criticism, as you’re beating yourself up whenever you make mistakes, which most people do, is linked to anxiety, is linked to depression, it's linked to fear of failure, it's linked to less willingness to try again. All of the things that are the opposite of resilience are the opposite of wellbeing. And you've got to wonder, like, I mean, you can wonder where this all comes from. But that that actually doesn't really matter. I mean, it's social conditioning, programming, whatever you want to call it. But the idea is, once we can acknowledge that this is happening, that's when you can have that awareness and step out of it and reprogram yourself, and question the way you've been doing things because research shows when we have a more life supportive relationship with ourselves, that's when we're really going to thrive. So, I often ask people, what do you say to yourself when you make a big mistake? People usually say, “You're such an idiot. Blanc.” Those kinds of words. But then if you ask people, what would you say to your best friend who've made the same mistake? They'll say, “You're okay. Everyone makes mistakes. You're doing great. Don't worry.” Right? [0:03:40] PF: Right. [0:03:41] ES: So, the question is, what's the difference between you and your best friend, there's no difference other than that you live inside different bodies. You got to wonder, so that's where I question some of these beliefs and I call that the bound state, because that binds us. It's like we have like an inner terrorist living inside of us and that is not allowing us to show up at our full potential. The majority of people on their deathbeds regret not living the life they wanted. Let's not be one of those people. [0:04:09] PF: Yes. I love this because I know people who don't understand why the practices aren't working for them. It's like, but I practice gratitude, and I practice, I want to forgive people and I try these different things, try to take these steps toward joy. I practice kindness and it's just not getting them quite there. This is kind of like tilling the soil, to make the – plant the seeds that will really be able to grow and make those practices bloom. [0:04:38] ES: Absolutely. So, one other example is I have a whole chapter on the mind, and so many of us don't realize that we are conditioning our minds all day long with the information we're taking, and we're taking in over 60,000 gigabytes of information across all our media channels every day, which is enough to crash a small computer in a week. I mean – [0:04:56] PF: Oh, my gosh. That’s overwhelming. [0:04:58] ES: It’s overwhelming. When you think about it, so what is it that we're taking in? And are we aware of what we're taking in, and the impact it's having on us? If you're constantly taking in, let's say, news, you're conditioning yourself for fear and anxiety. If you're constantly taking in, if you're just doom scrolling, and looking at accounts that are making you want to buy something, or making you feel like you're not attractive enough, or whatever the other things, many things that evoke desire are ways that we're conditioning our mind for anxiety, for depression. Many of us are not aware of everything we're taking in, and what the quality of our mind that ensues. So, you are what you eat is also true of your mind. One of the things I'm inviting people to do is okay, what are you conditioning your mind with? Of course, the mind is also conditioned by everything else, it's received, like, for example, that the self-loathing is something that is passed down in families and societies. Yes, I mean, there's so much more to say. I mean, trauma is obviously also something that everybody, most people have to deal with a certain level of it and that's a form of mind conditioning. There are ways that we can help ourselves to become aware of state of our mind and what we can do about it, to have a more sovereign mind. [0:06:11] PF: This is such a huge topic and I look at all the different silos that it affects when you talk about, we're being programmed, we have our own internal cues that we're giving ourselves. How did you even start mapping out what all needed to be included in this? What you needed to address, and then how did you research this? Because it is a massive, massive, and it's not something that I've seen touched on a lot. [0:06:37] ES: Thank you, Paula. This doesn't sound very scientific. But it does, in some sense that I feel like this book came to me. Actually, when we look at research on creativity, we get our ideas. Those aha moments often come in times when we're in meditation, or when we're in this alpha wave, brainwave state. I feel like this book came to me, and I had it all mapped out in my mind. Of course, also, was my own experience. I went through my own experience of feeling like, “Wow, I'm applying all the happiness principles, but I'm still in this bound state and I had like a major health issue.” I realized, “Well, there are certain beliefs, there are certain habits, and things that we engage in that can bind us, regardless.” Like I said earlier, of the practices we're doing. So, the book really mapped itself out in my own mind, and each chapter could be a book on its own. In fact, I've had early readers read it and be like, “Oh, well, I'm not going to write a book about this whole topic that you address in one chapter.” I have one chapter on intuition, which doesn't sound scientific, but there's research on it. Neuroscience research, the military is doing research on it and there's really interesting findings. One of my colleagues was like, “Well, my next book is about intuition, because I read your chapter.” So, you could go so deep and this is sort of an introduction to sovereignty, I think. And then readers can explore the topic further as it applies to them. [0:07:56] PF: How does it specifically fit in this time we live in? Fifteen years ago, it wouldn't land the way that it lands today. So, can you talk about this, why this is a book that is really a book of our times? [0:08:10] ES: We live in a time of hyper-distraction, and to the point where there's so much coming at us that sometimes it's hard to know what we think, who we are, and what we believe, because there is so much and it's a sailing on our senses. And it's a sailing on our mind, and we know that the quality of our life depends on the state of our mind, right? You could be in traffic and still be happy. Or you could be on a desert, on a beautiful – Hawaii or something and be unhappy. It's all about state of our mind. This is a time also where there's just chaos. There's chaos outside, there's chaos on the globe, there's distraction, like crazy through, all of our media channels, different messaging, who knows what to even – what to align with. In a sense, we can so easily lose our footing with regard to our state of mind or state of being and a lot of people are struggling. There are also countless forms of addictive distractions to help us feel better, right? Whether it's – anyway, I'm not just talking about the regular alcohol and drugs. There's – [0:09:12] PF: We’ve progressed past that. [0:09:14] ES: Yes. There's so much now. There's so much and so many people profiting from that and so many businesses run off of them many ways. Even some people it's like, “Well, they're overworking or over exercising or you whatever it is.” I think a lot of people feel lost. [0:09:31] PF: It's like we're bombarded with so much but our lives feel empty. There's such a dichotomy there. But it's like there's so much coming at us and coming at us and we don't really drink in the nutrients that we need for a healthy life, emotional, healthy life. [0:09:48] ES: I love how you just said that, Paula. That's exactly right. So, this book is an invitation to become aware of the many different ways in which we are being bombarded, in which we are standing in our own way without realizing, and waking up to the fact that we have a choice, and what are some things we can do to reclaim the life that we want to live, how we want to live it. Ideally, in the fullest expression of ourselves and to how to navigate these times. [0:10:15] PF: Can you talk about where someone starts? Does it start with identifying where we're at? And then deciding what you need? Or how do we start reclaiming that personal sovereignty? [0:10:25] ES: So, I do include a lot of tools in the book, because I remember this, there was so much talk about self-love at some point, and you kind of felt like, what the heck is that? How do you even do that? As a scientist, I like to keep things really pragmatic. My first chapter is actually about sovereign self. Sovereign self, sovereign emotion, sovereign mind, sovereign relationship, sovereign intuition, and so forth, sovereign body. But I start with sovereign self because of that, like I said earlier, that state of self-loathing that most people are in, and that we don't even realize. I think one of the first steps to sovereignty is becoming aware of how we treat ourselves, and also having – but in order to build that self-awareness, a practice I really encourages meditation, which is now no longer – which is now popular, thanks to research that my colleagues and I did, and we've done some of that research. But I think for a lot of people, meditation is still a strain. Because when there's anxiety and you sit to meditate, it's really hard. So, I think a lot of people have tried meditation and kind of feel like, “It doesn't work for me.” We actually conducted research on breathing. For veterans with trauma, those are my original studies that we ran, because there was such high levels of anxiety that sitting and meditating was not an option. I can relate to that, because I was in New York City during 9/11 and I tried eating after that, and it was just not going to work for me. What worked was a breathing practice called SKY Breath Meditation. Then 10 years later, and I’m working with veterans with trauma, and again, they were falling through the cracks with regards to therapy and pharmaceutical approaches. Then meditation, the mindfulness studies were not working out at the time in the VA that I was in because they were, again, when you have high anxiety, sitting and closing your eyes is just more anxiety provoking. So, we wanted to see, “Well, maybe this breathing practice that I learned all those years go through to that non-profit called Art of Living.” I thought maybe we can work with them, to see if we can work the veterans. We did, and it was really amazing to see how using your breath, you can really reprogram your nervous system. In a sense, and again, actually the nonprofit that we worked with is called Project Welcome Home Troops and they offer this breathing for veterans, military, active, and their families. But what's really interesting to me, as I call it, and Paula, tell me, if you agree on this, that psychology is such a top-down approach. It's like all about change your thoughts, change your life. Right? [0:12:50] PF: Right. We want that simple, like, “Okay, but where do I start? I'm anxious, I don't have time to sit down and read a book. Tell me what to do.” And we can take a breath. You can learn to take a breath. I know that breathing is just a lifesaver. I remember being told when I was going through a very difficult time in my 30s, and someone said, “Paula, just breathe.” I thought, “That's stupid.” Then I breathed, and it's like, okay, and that saying just sticks in my head forever. Like, “Paula, just breathe.” That's that trigger, when I get anxious is like, just breathe. And it does, it changes everything for people. [0:13:29] ES: Changes everything. And it was the most moving research study I've ever run, because the veterans were at risk for taking their own lives and they said, “Thanks for giving me my life back.” And I thought, “Wow, something so simple, and yet so powerful.” In fact, yes, this week, actually, just this very week, I'm actually teaching someone who grew up as an enslaved person in Nepal, working in the sweatshops. I just met her a couple of days ago. In fact, I talk about her in my book in the introduction. She said, “Can you teach me?” It's making a huge difference. It's like, wow, I wish all people and all children and like – imagine everyone learns at 18. There goes your childhood trauma. Move on, sovereign. [0:14:12] PF: There you go. We'll get right back to my conversation with Emma. [MESSAGE] [0:14:15] PF: But I wanted to take a moment to remind you that Mother's Day is just around the corner. If you're still trying to figure out the right gift for your mom, why not give her the very thing you took from her when you were born? Sleep. Sleep is so important to your physical and mental health and one way to get better sleep is with luxurious bedding from Cozy Earth. I recently discovered their incredible super soft bamboo sheets and I'm telling you, this is the easiest way to give your mom an incredible night's sleep. Their temperature-regulating bedding means it doesn't matter if she runs hot or cold. She's going to enjoy a fabulous night of sleep while enjoying the ultimate and comfort and indulgence. This is truly a gift that keeps on giving and even better, we're going to give you a discount so you give her the luxury she deserves with Cozy Earth. Head over to cozyearth.com and use the promo code happy 35 for an exclusive 35% off. That's cozyearth.com and use the promo code happy 35. Now, let's hear more from Dr. Emma Seppälä. [INTERVIEW CONTINUES] [0:15:19] ES: SKY Breath MEDITATION is a really powerful protocol. But what it showed us is that just as you can train your muscles to be strong for you to go out in the world, you can train your nervous system to be more resilient to stress by conditioning it and to be more in that parasympathetic mode. It's stress resiliency and that's what I love. [0:15:38] PF: Yes. That's such an important step. Then what about with all this self-loathing and self-criticism? What's so interesting, because it can be self-critical, but I've never thought of it as self-loathing. I just thought, I'm just mean to myself sometimes. So, when you frame it like that, that gives you a whole different perspective. So, how do people go about correcting that? Because that's a huge part of creating that better relationship with ourselves. [0:16:03] ES: Well, first, you have to want to. It's shocking how many people really relate to – well, I have to be critical of myself, because I'm so X, Y, Z. It's like, “Says who?” Right? So, I think one way that can shock you into paying attention to this is when I was postpartum with my second child, my first child was three, and he heard me saying something out loud, like, “I just can't do this.” Regarding parenting. Someone was screaming. I was like, “I just can't – I'm not good at this.” I said something like that. And then a few days later, when he messed up at something, I heard him say the same words. Sometimes you need a shock like that, like, “Oh, really? Are you going to pass this on? You're going to pass the self-loathing onto your child? Really? Is that what you want for your child?” Sometimes something like that. Because it most definitely has been passed on in our families, in our societies, in our culture. If you're a woman, even more so. What does it do? It disempowers you. It takes away your sovereignty, and you have to decide, “Wait a second, do I don't want this for me, let alone for my child? Or do I want to live the life that I want?” There's that. But that’s like, “Well, how do you do it?” I want to break this down in the most practical way possible. Is that throughout the day, just tuning in, and instead of asking, “Am I good enough?” Which so many people ask themselves. Am I good enough to be a spouse? Am I good enough to be doing the work I'm doing or whatever it is, right? Asking what's good for me right now? What do I need right now? Tuning in a couple times a day, especially when you're feeling stressed, or you're feeling tension. Just what do I need right now? I can tell you that right before this podcast. This morning, I had some different, like, other PR stuff that I'm doing to the book and I tuned in, after lunch, I tuned in like, wow, it's been a lot today. I have an inbox overflowing with people emailing me, again, because I haven't responded to their email and I should be doing that, but I didn't. I went on that couch and I meditated. That’s what I needed to do. What do I need right now? That allows me to then show up for you, Paula, but also, for me to show up for me, in a way that I have taken care of my nervous system. So, sometimes just training yourself to ask that. Sometimes you might need a nap. Sometimes you might need, if you don't have any time, you just have five minutes. But what are you doing in those five minutes? Are you doing scrolling? Or you can take five minutes to go outside and just breathe some fresh air, or pet your dog, or whatever it is. Just a few minutes. In those few minutes are you doing something nourishing for yourself and keeping it really practical? Are you getting enough sleep at night? Are you eating enough? Are you eating quality? Little things like that. But I often think like when you have a child, you're constantly aware, “Oh, wow, they haven't had any water in like four hours if you're aware.” Constantly, like, “Oh, my gosh. If they don't eat soon, they're going to have a meltdown. But we don't do that for ourselves. So, it's a little bit like training that, training that awareness inward. [0:19:03] PF: How do, especially women, get past the idea that self-care is selfish? Because even though we know it's not, we can tell each other it's not – there are still a lot of times that little bit of guilt like, “Man, I shouldn't be taking this time for myself when I still have laundry to do. I have this to do. I've got places I need to be.” So, how does someone get past that and recognize the importance of that self-care both physically and emotionally? I [0:19:30] ES: I mean, this is such a – I mean, scientifically speaking, I can definitely share with you that when you take care of yourself, you show up with more emotional intelligence. So, you're able to enact more successfully with others. You show up with a – so you're going to have better relationships, whether it's at work or at home. You're going to make better decisions. You're going to think more clearly. You're going to remember things better. You're going to be more efficient in what you're doing because you're going to be more present with what you're doing. So, in a sense, if you want to be successful, you doing self-care is going to help you. But it's also going to help others because we all know what it feels like to be around someone who's stressed and burned out. It makes us feel stressed and burned out. Someone who's stressed and burned out is also more likely to fly off the handle, and to be even hurtful ways. Oftentimes, our inability to take care of ourselves makes us hurt the people we love the most and want to hurt the least. So, it's not selfish. It's absolutely essential. If you want to – just for the people around you, if not for yourself. [0:20:37] PF: Yes. So, it's really an investment in not just yourself, but in your working relationships, in your personal relationships. It's improving that for everybody. [0:20:47] ES: Absolutely. Then, when you go to sleep at night, you don't regret something you did or said, right? When you have greater self-care, you're going to be more mindful. You're going to be more thoughtful. You're going to be more perceptive. You're actually going to see more things. Our research shows that when you're stressed, you’re tunnel-visioned. When you’re taking care of yourself and are in the sort of calmer space, you're able to perceive more things, which is when you think about it, whether you're a parent or leader, or whatever you're doing. Being able to perceive more things and think from a broader perspective, is going to make you a lot more successful at what you're doing. [0:21:23] PF: Yes. When you invest in that strong personal relationship with yourself, how have you seen it change people? You've done so much research on this. When they really do make a personal relationship their priority, what does that do for them? [0:21:37] ES: What happens is that they become more successful in everything that they're doing. In their relationships, in their marriage, in their –why is it that marriages are so strained when there's little kids, right? It's because both parents have a hard time doing the self-care. Really, the relationship could be just fine, if everyone had time to sleep, to eat, and a few minutes to just be by themselves, right? That applies for the rest of our lives. So many people might not have little kids, and yet, are straining themselves by overworking, not sleeping enough, not taking care of their mind or body, their sleep, et cetera. Then, they're suffering, and so are the people around them. [0:22:17] PF: So, if someone reads this, and they start making this change, and they make it not just for themselves, they pass that on with their family, and then their friends start making that change. How does this start reshaping the way that we move through the world? Because as you've mentioned, we're inundated with too much information, too much stress, too much negativity. How can we change that? [0:22:39] ES: Well, I think that once people start making more sovereign choices with regard to themselves, and how they live, it can change society, and it can change families and society, and help us to navigate this world in a way that we actually live the life we want to live in accordance with who we really are, and most importantly, we can live in a way that fully expresses the gifts that we have. [0:23:04] PF: That's fantastic. [0:23:05] ES: Yes. I mean, I'm just thinking now of a story that someone shared about his son, who has been so addicted to screens since he was about five years old. But he's now 18, and unable to really focus on anything and sits in his car, and drains his car battery, because he's scrolling through his phone for hours. When you think about that, and that boy who has undoubtedly his own very unique gifts, and how he has been completely bound up by what the technology has done to him. Now, other things may be going on there as well. But we all have our own beautiful, sovereign potential, and are we going to choose to live it? Are we going to choose to model it for others and for our children? That's for us to do and the potential is huge to make this world a better place. [0:23:50] PF: Yes. I think what's so wonderful with your book is it kind of gives us the path to get there, and the hope that we can get there, and through ways that might be more simple than we thought. Not easy, necessarily, but simple. Two of the things that you talked about that I really want you to touch on before I let you go is like elevation and forgiveness. So, can you tell us about what each of those means and why they're so important? [0:24:17] ES: Yes. Whenever you see someone helping another person, it can be very moving to see that, whether you're out in the street, seeing someone helping another person, it's very inspiring and moving. That's a state we call elevation. Psychologists call elevation. What's really interesting about that is that when you see someone helping someone else, you are then more likely to go and help someone else. What the research shows is that whenever one person acts with compassion or engages in acts of kindness, it actually ripples out to three degrees of separation away from them. So, when they do an act of kindness and the onlookers are impacted, and so are two degrees away. Let's say you do a kind act for a work colleague, and then someone else sees you. You're impacting that person's sister’s brother-in-law or whatever. That ripple effect is happening so often, especially in this world that's so chaotic and crazy right now. We think, “Oh, who am I? What difference do I make?” You don't even know the ripple effect that every micro-moment of kindness, the joke you share with the person at their cash register, the kind gesture you do for your neighbor, the kind words you share with your kid’s teacher or whatever. You don't know the ripple effect of goodness that happens. That, to me, gives a lot of hope. Because each one of us can make an enormous difference, without even knowing it, and everybody does. That's one thing. Then, with regard to forgiveness, it can sound so sappy. Yet when you look at the data, forgiveness has nothing much to do with the person you're forgiving. Everything to do with you. Because when you forgive research shows that it literally lightens your load. You literally can jump higher after you've forgiven someone. This research has been done. Just showing just how heavy a load it is to not forgive or to live in resentment. Living in resentment is kind of like punishing yourself for what someone else did. Living in anger, it's like, because you're the one reaping the health benefits, and we know for example, that anger has health impact on your heart health. So, people who tend to hold on to anger or resentment tend to have heart issues. When you're forgiving, you're not only unburdening the other person, possibly, if they know or they don't know. But your own blood pressure reduces, and you're able to move on with much better mental health and well-being. So, forgiveness is really for yourself. [0:26:41] PF: On that note too, self-forgiveness is super important. Because as you've noted, we're self-critical and we can also beat ourselves up for years about things that we did, that maybe nobody else even remembers. You're a wonderful researcher and scientists. How do you discover self-forgiveness? [0:27:01] ES: That's such a good question. Whenever I feel the guilt coming up, often it's around my children. It’s like, “I wish I did this.” I just breathe through it and I bring myself back to the present moment, and I'm like right here, right now. I can always – I'm doing my best right here right now and I did the best that I could then. I think that's one of the mantras, self-compassion mantras I used, I still use, doing the best that I can. [0:27:26] PF: That's wonderful. You have so many tools and guides within this book to help people understand and achieve that personal sovereignty. I'm really excited to see what happens as it reaches the world. You also have some wonderful bonus tools that you're offering people, and so we're going to give links to all of that on our landing page. But what is it, you've poured yourself into this book, you've poured your work into this book, what is it that you hope people take away from it? [0:27:54] ES: I hope people take away that they have a choice as to how they want to live, how they want to manage their minds and their relationships, and that they have the option to live a very fulfilled, happy life in which they can live in the fullest expression of themselves, that they have that for permission. Because sometimes I think we've forgotten that we can do that. If people remember that they have their own gifts to fully express and that they can and have permission to do that, it's going to make their life more fulfilled, but they're also going to become a gift for everyone who meets them. [0:28:29] PF: I love that. If you're not doing it for yourself, do it for those around you, right? [0:28:32] ES: Mm-hmm. [0:28:33] PF: Well, Emma, such a pleasure to talk to you, really excited to see this book come out, as I said, and we're going to tell our listeners where they can find it, where they can order it, how they can get those free bonuses. Thank you again. Thank you again for sitting down with me. [0:28:47] ES: Thank you, Paula. Lots of pleasure. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:28:53] PF: That was Dr. Emma Seppälä, talking about how sovereignty can help us improve our relationships with ourselves and those around us. If you'd like to learn more about Emma or her new book, Sovereign: Reclaim Your Freedom, Energy, and Power in a Time of Distraction, Uncertainty, and Chaos, or follow her on social media, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Live Happy Now, and if you aren't already receiving us every week, we invite you to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. While you're there, feel free to drop us a review and let us know what you think. That is all we have time for today. We’ll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Embrace Earth Day With Casey Johnson [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 464 of Live Happy Now. This week, we're celebrating Earth Day, and that makes it the perfect time to talk about what we can do for our planet. I'm your host, Paula Felps. Today, I'm sitting down with Live Happy Marketing Manager, Casey Johnson, who created this year's Earth Day #HappyActs campaign. As you're about to find out, that campaign grew out of her passion for the planet. So she sat down with me to talk about how we can all take small steps to create big changes. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:33] PF: Casey, thank you for joining me on the show today. [00:00:35] CJ: Thank you. It's great to be here. [00:00:38] PF: Well, Earth Day is coming up. [00:00:40] CJ: It is. [00:00:41] PF: There are so many ways to think about it, celebrate it, and talk about it. People probably don't know that that is one thing that you and I have in common. We like animals. We like the planet. We have a lot of things in common. I wanted to bring you on and talk about it because over the years that I've known you, I've just seen how intentional you are with your life and with taking care of the planet and taking care – [00:01:04] CJ: Thank you. [00:01:05] PF: Well, I wanted to talk. What do you do in your daily life? Let's forget about Earth Day for a second. What do you do for the planet just on a day-to-day basis? [00:01:14] CJ: This is one of my favorite topics, so happy to share. I'll start off with this. I mean, people might find this interesting, but I limit my plastic consumption, which is no shock. But I have not bought Ziploc bags in over five years. I will not buy them. [00:01:30] PF: Oh, my gosh. [00:01:31] CJ: I know. I haven't bought them in over five years. [00:01:34] PF: Yes, because I have wanted to cut out that kind of plastic consumption, and it is so hard. How did you do that, and what do you do instead because they're a staple? [00:01:44] CJ: I know. It was honestly really difficult at first. But I've replaced all of it with Stasher bags. That's the brand, Stasher. I mean, they're basically Ziploc bags. They're dishwasher-safe. You can even put them in your oven to a certain temperature, and they won't melt. They're safe. If they get warm, they won't get chemicals on your food or whatever. That’s what I do. [00:02:06] PF: You’re not going to have a BPA sandwich. [00:02:08] CJ: Exactly, yes. No chemicals. That's what I've used in replacement of Ziploc bags, and it's made it just so easy, and they sell them in different sizes. I feel like I should be sponsored right now. Sponsor me, Stasher. Please. But I have them in so many different sizes. I have really large ones to even super small ones where I can even hold ChapStick and small little makeup items. You can repurpose them. They're not just for food. You can use them however you'd like, but that's what's made the transition away from Ziploc bags work for me. [00:02:40] PF: How did you do that? This is incredible. [00:02:42] CJ: I know. People are so shocked when I tell them I don't buy Ziploc bags. [00:02:45] PF: I know. What made you decide like, “I'm not going to do that anymore.”? [00:02:49] CJ: Yes. I mean, I just see all of this pollution and plastic waste, single-use plastic. I just thought, one, and I won't request plastic ware when ordering takeout. That's another simple thing. But, two, Ziploc bags. I'd go to family gatherings, and they'd give me leftovers, and they would give me 10 different Ziploc bags. Then I would just throw it away. So if you add that up every day, it's hundreds of Ziploc bags per household each month. Just eliminating that alone I feel like makes a big difference. [00:03:20] PF: That's amazing. What are other areas where you've cut out? Because I cut out plastic but not as well as you have. I haven’t – [00:03:28] CJ: I know. [00:03:28] PF: Done the Ziploc thing. [00:03:29] CJ: I’m extreme about it. [00:03:30] PF: I love that. I love that. What are some of the other things that you've done? [00:03:34] CJ: Yes. I eat meatless meals. I was actually vegetarian for 10 years, but I had to incorporate meat back into my diet. I only eat meat like one to two times a week, and I feel like that is a significant way to reduce your carbon footprint. [00:03:51] PF: That's terrific. If you're already living like this and then you have Earth Day, do you do anything special? The things that you're doing are things that people would say like, “I'm going to try that for Earth Day,” and then the next day go back to their habits. Then how do you observe Earth Day? Do you do anything special? [00:04:07] CJ: Oh, man. I love Earth Day for so many reasons. I love spending time outdoors and connecting with nature. It just brings a lot of joy into my life. I mean, since I have these daily practices already in place, on Earth Day, I try to spend as much time as I can outside. We have a pond near our house. So maybe I'll go bring some grapes and seeds for the ducks. But, yes, I really just love to be outside. One thing we're doing this year in celebration of Earth Day is #HappyActs to celebrate Earth Day, so eco-friendly #HappyActs. I'll definitely be doing some of those as well. [00:04:44] PF: Yes. We're going to talk about some of those before we end this broadcast. [00:04:47] CJ: I know. I'm jumping ahead. [00:04:49] PF: No. No, you're not. But what I wanted to do – no, that's a teaser. It's like, “Everyone, stay tuned, and we're going to –” [00:04:54] CJ: Yes, the teasers. Stay tuned. [00:04:56] PF: Casey's tips for #HappyActs for Earth Day. What's interesting to me is that you and I are from different generations, not in spirit. [00:05:05] CJ: Hardly. [00:05:08] PF: That’s something I have really seen is people of my time don't have the same kind of compassion and passion about the Earth that my generation's children have and that Gen Z has. Can you talk about that? Did you grow up with the passion for the planet? Or how did this come about? What sparked all this, and what is happening with younger people in terms of how they view the planet? [00:05:37] CJ: Yes, that's a great question. No, I did not grow up with this instilled in my brain or in my lifestyle. It's just something that I've just developed over the years. I think the driver behind this younger generation is that we're extremely aware of the impact humans have on the environment. It's all we've known. We've grown up in a world of climate change, pollution, plastic waste, what we were talking about earlier. [00:06:03] PF: Or millennial. After you, you have Gen Z. [00:06:08] CJ: Gen Z. [00:06:08] PF: How do you think they are even more affected by this? [00:06:12] CJ: They're huge advocates because many schools, they teach kids about climate change and pollution. I think this education just leads to a greater understanding of the importance of sustainability and eco-friendly practices and just saving the planet. [00:06:30] PF: Right. I think that's very cool that they're being raised to think this way. [00:06:35] CJ: They're very vocal. [00:06:36] PF: Yes. We didn't even talk about it. Nobody thought. It's like our whole thing was like, “Don't litter.” That was it. That's as far as it went. [00:06:44] CJ: You got to start somewhere. [00:06:45] PF: Exactly. But what's very interesting to me is how I'm seeing different aspects of loving the Earth come up in my podcast interviews. Just a couple of weeks ago, I had Caroline Paul on, and she was talking about outdoor adventure and how it's so good for us as we – especially for women who aren't encouraged to be adventurous. As they age, it's really fantastic for them. But one thing that she brought up toward the end of the podcast, and she brings it up very well in her book, is that we need to get outside because the outside is going away. If you look at what is happening, we are losing our green space. We are losing our fresh air. So get out there and enjoy it. That has been interesting to me. Then another thing that's come up is just gardening, getting out and tending to the garden. How good it is for you to be in the soil, dig in it, breathe that air. It's amazing the health benefits that it has for you. [00:07:44] CJ: Yes. Grounding, too. [00:07:46] PF: Yes. I've started doing that. Since we moved from downtown Nashville to the rural area, I started earthing a lot. I walk around barefoot a lot, just to get that – [00:07:59] CJ: I love that. [00:07:59] PF: Connection with the Earth. It makes a huge difference to be able to get out and enjoy a green space and to really have that Earth connection. [00:08:07] CJ: Yes, I agree. I mean, I think everyone loves nature. There's just so much science behind it. It does so much for you. One thing I love about Gen Z is that they're demanding action to save our planet. They are demanding it. They're keeping businesses accountable for their environmental practices and demanding cruelty-free ingredients and clean ingredients and just keeping everyone responsible so that we can enjoy these green spaces. [00:08:37] PF: Yes, yes. They do go away, and I noticed quite a bit. I know Dallas is going through the same thing where it just keeps expanding and expanding. Nashville has – [00:08:45] CJ: It’s a concrete jungle. Yes. [00:08:47] PF: It is. It is. Nashville has experienced that. Now, even it's coming out by where we live. We talk about that. Where is the food going to be grown? Where are people going to get that green fix? Where do you get that? We have so many people. We live on a lake, and so we have people already booking for the summer, now booking for the summer 2024, where it's like, “Can we come out? We want to kayak. We want to do this.” All these things that you just can't have access to. I'm impressed, and just I'm surprised to see how much people feel like they need that. I think it's really indicative of how much our green spaces are going away. [00:09:28] CJ: Yes. I mean, gosh, you got me talking about the environment, so I'm going here. Going back to keeping businesses accountable, people want these beautiful spaces. People want to be in nature. Limiting our plastic consumption, we're not using plastic straws. But I think it all comes down to these businesses who are the huge drivers behind climate change and pollution. It infuriates me so much, and I just like hearing you talk about the lake and how people are seeking that out. From the city, they're coming out to basically the country to be in nature. It proves that people want more green spaces and less concrete and buildings. [00:10:14] PF: Yes. Because what's happening, too, in a lot of cities, obviously, it's great to take a walk. Get out in nature. If you're walking on a sidewalk, okay, at least you're getting – there's, hopefully, some trees around you, and you're getting some of that interaction because trees are so good for you. Oh, my gosh. Just everything that they put off and they’re so, so healing. [00:10:31] CJ: Hug a tree on Earth Day. [00:10:33] PF: Exactly. If you can get off that sidewalk and actually find something green to walk on, it's incredible. This is what Caroline Paul talked about in one of her chapters. She was walking with this 93-year-old woman, I believe, and the woman refused to walk on the sidewalk. She was walking through a neighborhood, and the woman's walking in their yard. Caroline's waiting for them, somebody to come out and be like, “Get off my lawn.” The woman's like, “I'm not going to walk on a sidewalk. It's a completely different experience. I want to be in nature, and that's being on the grass.” That's the thing. We don't get that when we're just walking on a sidewalk, even, though, yes, it's good to be outside, breathing the fresh air. Then one thing I saw a lot of is, say, they'd open a new dog park, and they put AstroTurf in there. [00:11:17] CJ: Oh, you know. [00:11:18] PF: It's like, “How's my dog –” [00:11:19] CJ: Don't even get me started on AstroTurf. [00:11:23] PF: You know. So it is. We've gone to that, too, where we we're getting away from nature. In what you're seeing, I see so many ways where we're getting away from nature. How do you see us also getting back to nature? [00:11:37] CJ: Yes. That's a good question because I see little green patches in the middle of a city. Well, that's nice. It also kind of makes me sad in a way. We have this little sliver of green. But then surrounded, it's just the hustle and bustle of the city, although I do see some things on a more positive note. I see in other countries and, hopefully, the US can adopt this, but they're adding greenery to buildings, adding plants on the outside structures of buildings that you're getting that clean air, and just to kind of combat all of the emissions from cars and stuff. Plus it's pretty to look at. I feel like business or building structures now, they all kind of look the same. So I feel like adding the greenery just makes it even more beautiful, beautiful and functional. [00:12:24] PF: Yes. Vertical gardens. Yes, vertical garden. [00:12:27] CJ: Vertical gardens, yes. Yes, exactly. [00:12:28] PF: I love that. I love that idea. Just it's so functional. Like you said, it's beautiful to look at, and it just gives you a different feeling than staring at some concrete. As we move toward Earth Day, you've created some #HappyActs that we could talk about. How do you propose that people can get out there and help celebrate Earth Day? [00:12:52] CJ: Yes. I don't think we've ever done Earth Day #HappyActs before. [00:12:55] PF: We have not. We have done holiday #HappyActs. We have done Halloween #HappyActs. Now, we have Earth Day #HappyActs. [00:13:02] CJ: Yes. I think a lot of this stemmed from wrapping up our 10th year of our annual #HappyActs celebration last month in March. We didn't want to stop there. [00:13:15] PF: We didn't want to stop happy acting. [00:13:17] CJ: No. Happy acting all year round, but yes. Starting this week, we're going to start sharing some eco-friendly #HappyActs leading up to Earth Day, just to make the world a happier and healthier place. [00:13:30] PF: Pray tell, Casey. What would a Earth Day happy act look like? [00:13:34] CJ: Yes. One of them is starting a compost bin for organic waste in your home. They make a lot of – I know a lot of people are like, “Oh, that's going to be so smelly.” They make a lot of small compost bins for your kitchen that you can just put in the corner, and it's not smelly. They have some that actually look aesthetically pleasing, so it can match your kitchen décor. You can also repurpose that for garden. [00:13:59] PF: Can I tell you about our composter? [00:14:01] CJ: Please. [00:14:02] PF: You will just geek out over this. We've discovered something called Lomi, and it's – [00:14:08] CJ: What’s that? [00:14:08] PF: Electric. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous design. It's L-O-M-I. We can put all our food waste in there. Then we turn it on when it's full, and it takes 16 hours. At the end of that, you have this beautiful, dark compost that can go directly into the garden. It's amazing. [00:14:26] CJ: Oh, my gosh. [00:14:27] PF: The amount of food waste that we have eliminated between being able to do that, and then, obviously, there's still stuff that you can throw directly out. It's been amazing. It's been absolutely great for the garden, and it's so simple. You feel great doing it. [00:14:45] CJ: That's amazing. You're living my dream. I want to live out in the country and have a garden. I want to compost the way you guys are. You guys are doing it right. [00:14:54] PF: Come on out, Casey. [00:14:56] CJ: I will. Don't tempt me. A few other happy acts. I could talk about composting all day, but just a few other ones, I saw this on Instagram, actually. I thought this was a really cool idea. One, it eliminates food waste we were talking about. But you can also support your local wildlife by creating a bird feeder. You can cut an orange in half, and scoop out the part that you would eat, and then use the peel as a bird feeder. Just put seed in there and then you can hang it from a tree. [00:15:24] PF: How nice. [00:15:25] CJ: Yes. It’s also bee-friendly. We got to save the bees, too. [00:15:28] PF: Oh, that’s cool. [00:15:30] CJ: Yes. [00:15:30] PF: Oh, Yes. You got to take care of them. That’s cool. [00:15:32] CJ: I thought that was a cool way, yes, to just eliminate food waste and support the birds and pollinators. [00:15:39] PF: I like that. How many happy acts do you have in total you're going to share over the next week? [00:15:43] CJ: I think we have four, five. They’re super simple ways. The whole purpose of this was to make it simple and sustainable for everyone, not make it too complex, simple actions that you can apply in your day-to-day life. I don't expect people to ditch their Ziploc bags right away like I did. [00:16:01] PF: We got to ease into it. [00:16:02] CJ: Yes. You got to start somewhere. [00:16:04] PF: I like that. Where are they going to find the happy acts? Is it – are you sharing it on social? Is it – where's the best place to look for that? [00:16:11] CJ: Yes. We'll be posting that on social; Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Then I'm sure we'll also be sending out a newsletter just for easy access with all of them in one place. [00:16:22] PF: I love this. I love that you took the initiative to create this, and I'm really excited to see how it does. [00:16:28] CJ: Thank you. [00:16:28] PF: I just love how you're so diligent about – it's like Mother's Day for the Earth for you. [00:16:34] CJ: It is. Protect our mother. [00:16:36] PF: I love how you do that. [00:16:36] CJ: Our Mother Earth. [00:16:37] PF: Exactly. She's the only one we got, so – [00:16:41] CJ: That’s right. [00:16:41] PF: Let’s take care of her. I love it. Thank you so much for sitting down and talking about this. I know we can just geek out on this all day, but I really wanted to talk to you about it. [00:16:51] CJ: Of course. Thank you for having me. I love, love, love, love talking about the Earth and how we can make it a better, healthier place. [00:16:58] PF: Let’s do it. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:17:04] PF: That was Casey Johnson, talking about how we can all care for the planet this Earth Day and beyond. If you'd like to learn more about our Live Happy Earth Day #HappyActs or follow us on social media, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. While you're there, be sure to check out our article by Dr. Randall Hansen, who explains the history of victory gardens, the benefits of gardening, and explains why we should all be looking at how to start our own garden no matter how small it might be. You can also sign up for our Live Happy newsletter to make sure you're getting a little bit of joy in your inbox every week with the latest stories, podcast info, and even a happy song of the week. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Move From Surviving to Thriving With Brandi Sellerz-Jackson [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for Episode 459 of Live Happy Now. If you feel like you're merely surviving instead of thriving, this week's episode could be just what the doctor or the doula ordered. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and today I'm talking with Brandi Sellerz-Jackson, a life doula and author of the book, On Thriving: Harnessing Joy Through Life's Greatest Labors. Brandi learned to thrive despite her own traumatic past, and now she walks others down the path of healing and self-nurturing to help them find true joy in life. In this episode, Brandi sits down with me to explain why it's so important for us to learn to practice self-care, and she offers tips that will improve both our physical and our mental health. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:48] PF: Brandi, thank you for coming on Live Happy Now. [0:00:51] BSJ: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. [0:00:55] PF: You are, unlike any guests that we've had. You are a life doula now. So, to set this up, explain to us what that is. [0:01:03] BSJ: So, I started my work initially in birth and birth, in postpartum doula work, which means, I was there to support families as they give birth. But during 2020, something happened. It was this little small little global pandemic thing that happened. [0:01:19] PF: Yes. There was a hiccup that happened. [0:01:21] BSJ: Yes. It was a little small hiccup. No big deal. No big deal. That happened and shook our world of course. So, long story short, what ended up happening is, I had a conversation with a friend many years ago, a dear friend named Aishat HaSati who's a healer, who I talked about in the book. She was saying how, “Man wouldn't be great if we had some doula through life?” And we're like, “Yes, like a life doula.” We kind of just were joking. But basically, what happened is I ended up finding myself in that work, and I was like, “Oh, that's what a life doula is. It's someone who supports you through various transitions and various moments of rediscovery in your life. So, yes. [0:02:04] PF: With this book, first of all, I feel like you have a lot of books in you. I wondered why On Thriving was the one that you wanted to do first? [0:02:15] BSJ: Oh, my goodness. I wanted to write the book that I needed. [0:02:19] PF: I love that. [0:02:21] BSJ: Yes. I wanted to write the book that I needed. In the book, I share various experiences that I've had. Very hard, hard, hard, hard experiences that I've had. And I really wish there was something that I could tangibly go to, almost like a guide, and how to navigate those really hard moments. I didn't want to read something that just tells me to go take a bubble bath, or go drink some water, just go and like – [0:02:57] PF: Breathe. Just breathe, Brandi. [0:02:58] BSJ: Just breathe through it. It’s things that are very vague, or opaque, or very just okay. I wanted something that would hold the hand of the reader, so whatever part of their journey that they're in, they didn't feel alone in it. Because I feel like that's a huge part of the journey is that feeling of aloneness during – [0:03:21] PF: What you do remarkably well is you share your own experiences, very honestly, very heartfelt. But you don't overpower the reader with those experiences. You still manage to make it about the reader, which is really a gift with your writing. Because a lot of times, the things that you've shared would come off more just like a memoir, and you managed to sidestep that and turn it into just, really, a teaching guidebook and saying, “I've shared this with you. You can do this too.” It's really like sitting down with someone who's saying, “Come on, I'm going to give you a little bit. You give me a little bit. Let's go do this together.” I have to commend you for that. It's just remarkably well done. [0:04:05] BSJ: Thank you so much. I appreciate it. That was the goal. I really wanted that. I didn't want it to be a thing of people reading it and it feels like, I'm just unloading. Let me tell you about my life. [0:04:21] PF: Sometimes too, in a book like that, people can end up feeling, “Well, gosh, I haven't been through anything nearly as bad.” And you're very careful to avoid even – you have a lot of horrific experiences to drop on, but you never make the reader feel like you're playing on top of that. Whoa, it's beautiful. [0:04:39] BSJ: Because we all have our hard. We all have our version of it. [0:04:42] PF: Right. Now, in the book, you talk about the four labors of our lives. So, tell us what those four labors are. [0:04:52] BSJ: Yes. The first one is the labors of relationships. Our relationship with our self and others. I'll say this too, before I name them. I really tried to think of four things that we are all going to go through. I don't care how much money you have. I don't care your nationality, ethnicity, your color, your sexuality. Everyone's going to be touched by this. Everyone's going to be touched by these four laborers. So, the first one is relationship. Figuring out our relationship with ourselves and others and the humans within this world. Mental health, how do we hone in on our healing? Many of us have experienced a pretty traumatic past few years. And then you pair that with our own personal stuff. It's a lot. So, how do we cultivate our mental health and thrive during those hard moments? Grief. They say death is the great uniter. No one escapes it. None of us get out of it and none of us are not touched by it. I really wanted to share what that looks like, grief. Not even just grief, as in like the death of a person, like the physical death, but even just the death of a relationship. The death of a career, the end. More so, the end of things. How do we thrive when it is the end of things and begin to reframe our ideas from it being purely just the end, as opposed to also the beginning? Then lastly, thriving well-being othered. We all get a seat at the table. I don't care where you come from. We all get a seat where we look around, and we realize we are the only in that moment. How do we thrive and not shrink and feel like, “Oh, my gosh, I don't belong here.” How do we thrive in those moments? So, I really wanted to find four things where we, just being human, this is what's going to happen, it's going to happen. [0:06:46] PF: Yes. You do that really well. You walk us through that. That's another thing that's great about this book is someone can jump in. You don't have to sit down and I've got to start on page one and I've got to go through. You do build on stories from previous chapters, but you could jump in like say, it's grief. Say, grief is the thing that's frontmost. You can go and just start there and pick up and get that same help. [0:07:10] BSJ: Yes. I totally agree. I wanted that. I really wanted each section to offer the reach or something where it's like, “Oh, this part is for me. I need to start here.” [0:07:21] PF: Yes. You do acknowledge that all these labors just like birth, they have incredible pain, but they also have incredible reward. The key is staying present during this. Talk about how you teach us to stay present, during the pain, during this very difficult time, so that you can truly experience it and gain the best reward out of it. [0:07:46] BSJ: Yes. One of the things I say is, “Breathe.” I do connect it to our breath a lot of times, because it's the first thing that we hold when things are like – we hold our breath. But also, too, I try to walk the reader through practical steps. So, one, reminding you, yourself, of where you are, that although this may feel like it, whatever it is, is happening again, this is totally different and is more than likely is different. So, how do we stay present when we're triggered? How do we stay present when it's a hard moment? So, reminding ourselves of where we are. Another thing is reminding ourselves of our agency. That is the first thing that I write that goes when we have experienced trauma is our sense of agency. A lot of times when hard moments, difficult moments, stressful moments come up, it's the very thing that I feel like goes out the window again. It's like, “Freeze.” It's like that flight, fight, or freeze. You freeze because you're like, “Wait, I don't know what to do.” You go back to that seven-year-old, eight-year-old, nine-year-old child that's like frozen in that moment. So, reminding yourself that you have agency, you have a say. You may not like all the choices. You may not like all the options. But you do have a say in how you choose to move forward and grabbing back that sense of agency is, is one of the most powerful tools that we have. Another thing that's very practical. I say, hold your own hand. I do this exercise where I literally close my eyes and when I feel a little girl Brandi feeling triggered, feeling a lot, feeling the residue of what I've experienced, I hold my own hand, and I envision myself holding little girl Brandi’s hand and saying, “Okay, let's do this together. We're okay. Everything's okay. And if it's not, it's going to be okay.” So, those are things. I try to really be practical, because I really, really, really hate, I hate all the catchphrases that are out there nowadays with self-care, self-care, self-care, boundaries, blah, blah, blah, and none of us really know what that means when it comes into practice. So, I really wanted to write a book that showed us how to practice these things. [0:09:59] PF: You do that quite well. I think it's wonderful that someone can read this. They can take these tools and learn them when they don't need them. Because that's really when you want to refine this. Not when you’re in crisis and go, “Oh, crap. What did Brandi say I'm supposed to do?” [0:10:15] BSJ: “Well, I forgot.” [0:10:17] PF: “If I got to keep this up.” But yes, that's what's so wonderful, it really gives you tools and practices that you can just use daily and build on and make part of your being. So, when that crisis does hit, when that labor is there, you can walk through it. [0:10:32] BSJ: Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Listen, these are all things that I've had to learn and implement. I'm not exempt. There are moments where I am just like, I feel the most, and I'm like, “Okay, what did I say? What did I write?” Go back to that. [0:10:53] PF: Yes. It's a journey. We're all learning. Of course, you're talking about thriving, and that is a word we hear a lot, and I think it probably means different things to different people. So, explain where you're coming from? What does thriving look like, feel like to you? [0:11:12] BSJ: Yes. I agree. I think it looks different for everyone. One of the things I do say, I say define what thriving means to you, because what I think is thriving, could be totally different. It can be different on any given day too. For me, today, thriving looked like getting all three of my kids out the door, wrestling with a five-year-old, who was determined on probably not wearing shoes. Then, I finally talked him into wearing shoes, because it's rainy here. That's thriving. It worked. Whatever happened, it worked. Every day is different. So, thriving, though, I think in a nutshell, I would say, it's showing up as is, being open to unlearning and learning, and not being this destination. This sad destination, but more so this ongoing work that you're doing. It's ongoing. It's ongoing. And being very keen to what it is that you need. So, what is it that I need in this moment to thrive? Not just survive. It's a response. I think of thriving as a response, as opposed to a reaction. It's a pause. It's an exhale. It's a deep breath. That's what it is, as opposed to this clenching. [MESSAGE] [0:12:39] PF: Today, we're talking about how to thrive and it's no secret that pausing to take a breath can change your state. But if you're spending a lot of time indoors, chances are you're breathing in things like allergens, pollen, pet dander, and more. In fact, you might be surprised to learn that indoor air is up to five times more polluted than outdoor air. That's why I'm obsessed with my new air purifier from AirDoctor. It filters out 99.99% of harmful contaminants, so your lungs don't have to. Talk about a breath of fresh air. No matter the size of your space, AirDoctor has a purifier that's right for you, and you can breathe easy with its 30-day money-back guarantee. So, if you want to clear the air in your home or office space, check out AirDoctor at airdoctorpro.com. If you use the promo code, Live Happy, you'll get up to $300 off and get a free three-year warranty. That's airdoctorpro.com and use the promo code Live Happy. Now, let's hear more about what Brandi Sellerz-Jackson has to say about thriving. [INTERVIEW CONTINUES] [0:13:45] PF: You work with a lot of different people and have talked with a lot of different people. So, you've seen their struggles in their obstacles. Are there some common obstacles that you see to thriving? Are there things that we're just putting in our own path, or just can't get past that you see over and over with people? [0:14:04] BSJ: Yeah, I would say I don't think a lot of people believe that we're worthy of thriving. I think when you've been in a rut of survival, that's what you're used to. So, I think the first step is knowing that you're worthy of thriving. I opened in the book about taking psychedelics and doing psychedelic therapy, and I did it because I want it to live my life. I want it to cease looking at it as if I am this house sitter, just collecting packages for the actual person that lives here. Right? I wanted to actually live my life like I actually live here, like it's mine. So, I think a lot of people, when you've experienced trauma, after trauma, after trauma or just even small traumas, small t, big T trauma, whatever. I think that knowing that you are worthy of thriving is the very first step. It’s the first thing that you have to really just grab a hold of. [0:15:12] PF: If you're in survival mode, you're not even thinking thriving. So, how do you get someone, first of all, to recognize that they are in survival mode? And then to realize that there's a something called thriving? And then to get them to take that step out of survival into thriving? Because it's a short journey in some ways, but it's a huge step. [0:15:35] BSJ: It is a huge step. I think the way to get them to do that, I don't think anyone can do it for you. That's the hard part. There's no switch, I think, again, it's daily. Daily telling yourself, “I'm worthy of this life. I'm worthy of thriving.” If you're in a hard moment, this too shall pass. It's going to pass. I'm worthy of thriving.” It is that knowing. Now, I'm going to be honest, I don't think it's one of those things that you know immediately. I don't think it’s just like, “Oh, yes, I'm worthy of thought.” It's not, “Looks like, and go.” It takes time. If you've had years of trauma, it takes time. I mean, and that's just not like a sweet thing to say, because it's nice. But really, our brains, trauma changes the brain. [0:16:32] PF: Exactly. [0:16:34] BSJ: So, to work with that neuroplasticity of it, and to get into habits of changing it, and unlearning, it's going to take time. So, I think the biggest thing would be, give yourself grace, give yourself time. This is not an overnight work. This is a daily work. [0:16:58] PF: As you said before, it's a journey. It’s not a destination. You're not going to get to this ticket station. You get your passport stamped and – [0:17:05] BSJ: No. I wish it were that way. That would be great. [0:17:07] PF: Wouldn't it? [0:17:08] BSJ: It’d be so wonderful if we just decided something and it's like, “And boom.” That's not the way it works. It's not the way life works, unfortunately. [0:17:17] PF: It's not. What if we know someone who is stuck in survival mode, and they're doing the best they can, and they can't see their way out of that, and they can't see into how they could ever thrive. How do we gently nudge them? Because as you said, they have to do it. But what are some of the prompts that we can offer as friends, as family, to help them realize you don't have to stay here? [0:17:42] BSJ: Yes. I would really validate their worthiness. Every time I get a chance, you're worthy of it, you're worthy of thriving. I would also too – I mean, I love therapy. I think therapy is great. If they're into therapy, if you're someone that they trust, I think that's something good to kind of recommend, and not like a thing of, “You need a therapist.” But more so like, “Hey, if they see you even doing that work, I think that's another thing.” I think, example, example, thriving by example, I think that is the biggest thing you can show for friends and family. Because I think people remember what they see, and the work that we're doing versus of what we're saying. [0:18:32] PF: Absolutely. [0:18:34] BSJ: Right. If they see you, because I have friends that have seen me in hard moments, and they've seen me in moments where I was like, “Oh, I don’t know.” They see me doing this work. They've seen me do this work consistently, and I think my example of doing the work, doing the hard things is bigger than anything I can ever say out of my mouth. Actually, even anything I could write out in a book, because they're seeing me in real life. [0:19:05] PF: Absolutely. [0:19:07] BSJ: So, I think that would be the biggest thing is, think about your life. If you see a friend that's struggling, think about your life and how you're showing up for your life and what you're modeling to. Because people are watching. And if you really want them to get the support they need, then make sure you got the support you need. Because they'll notice it, they'll see it. [0:19:28] PF: Yes. That is tremendous advice. I love that. One approach that I really like is where you talk about taking care of yourself like a house plant. I have to admit, I once killed an air fern. So, I'm not sure if that is going to apply directly to me. But I love this. Explain what you mean by that and how we take care of ourselves like a house plant, because this is so relatable. I absolutely love this. [0:19:53] BSJ: Yes. I mean, well, it's the same thing. We're not that much different than plants. We have more complicated feelings. That's basically it. But water, they need water, they need nurturing, they even did a study where if you talk to your plants and watch how they grow, I don't think we're any different. We're not different. So, I think of it, for me, the biggest lesson was how I was pruning my plants and all this stuff started growing. Watering plants, things start growing. Paying attention to them, giving them the right soil, fertilizer, all that. It's the same thing with us. We're not this thing where it's like, “We don't need anything.” Every living thing needs something. We need things to keep us living and thriving. [0:20:39] PF: You explained it really well, in the book, too. I really enjoyed that part of it. You probably don't know that one of the things we talked about all the time, here at Live Happy Now, is gratitude. You talk a lot about how gratitude has a role in our happiness. But also, kindness can have the same effect. So, for everyone who's tired of hearing me talk about gratitude, let's switch it over to kindness. Talk about what that does for our physical and mental well-being when we start practicing kindness and live with kindness. [0:21:09] BSJ: It's everything. I mean, there are studies that show that people who practice kindness, it affects our health in positive ways. It affects the way we live, in some studies, how long we live. I mean, it's literally everything. I write about how even just going kindness watching. You've heard of people watching, but kindness watching. It will inspire you in so many ways and inspire your own demonstration of kindness. [0:21:36] PF: Tell us more about that. Tell us about kindness watching. That's so cool. [0:21:38] BSJ: Yes. I write how, one time I saw this farmer at the farmer’s market, he just gave these boys some honey sticks, and it just made me feel all the things. I was just was like, “How lucky am I that I got to witness this moment of kindness?” Everything that's happening in the world in this moment, and in the past, and everything that will happen in the future. I get to witness this one moment of kindness. It made me emotional and it made me grateful for my life. So, it's basically where you just you actively seek out moments where you are arrested by kindness, and you watch it and you witness it. You're like, now think about how that feels for you. Because it will inspire you. I mean, it did for me. It just made me be – it made my day. I mean, it’s sticks. You would have thought that this man gave them a million dollars. It was like, “No, it was just some honey sticks”, that probably had a plethora of. But it was like, “Oh, my gosh. That's so kind.” [0:22:41] PF: That's very cool. Did you have to originally remind yourself to do this and then it becomes a practice? Or how do you start doing this kindness watching? [0:22:51] BSJ: In that moment, it just hit me. The weight, the endorphins that it gave me. I was like, “Oh, this feeling is just” – it's like, looking at a cute baby. It’s watching Elf for the 20th time during the holidays. It's one of those feelings. It's grandma's favorite soup. It's all of those things that make you feel so warm. So, for me, I try my best to actually do it and just be aware of it. When I see it, I hold on to it, I don't let it go, and I just let it does wash over me and feel all the good things about it. [0:23:31] PF: That's terrific. So, I know we have to let you go. But before we do, you have three tips for cultivating joy that I wish you would share with our audience. [0:23:44] BSJ: Oh, my goodness. I'm trying to remember, but I feel like, well, one I would say, definitely go kindness watching. That's the first thing. That, right there, will just feel your joy cup in so many ways and it will make you feel so happy. You'll feel so happy. Another thing is make sure that you're watering yourself. Put the water in, make sure you're watering yourself, and yes, drink water. Sure. Yes. You should drink water. But make sure you're watering yourself, the people that are around you that they water you and they don't deplete you. They water you. Make sure that you are watering you. So, that means if you need to take a nap, go take a nap, please go take a nap. No one has gotten anything by working themselves to the bone that more tired. I would say lastly, know that you're worthy of joy. I say, know that you're worthy of thriving, but know that you're worthy of joy. I know that when it's hard moment some of us can feel like it's sacrilegious to feel joy in those hard moments, but that's the thing that is the wind in your sails. That's the thing that carry you and keep you breathing, is enjoying those joyful moments in the hard moments. [0:25:02] PF: I love it. Thank you so much. Brandi, thank you for coming on the show. We're going to tell the listeners where they can find you, where they can find your book, where they can discover more about you. You give us so much to think about and I appreciate you sharing it with us today. [0:25:15] BSJ: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:25:22] PF: That was Brandi Sellerz-Jackson talking about how to move from surviving to thriving. If you'd like to learn more about Brandi, read her book, follow her on social media, or read her blog. Visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. While you're there, be sure to sign up for our weekly Live Happy newsletter. Every Tuesday, we'll drop a little bit of joy in your inbox with the latest stories, podcast info, and even a happy song of the week. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Celebrate International Women’s Day With Amber Olson Rourke [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 458 of Live Happy Now. During March, we're not only celebrating our happiness month, but it's also Women's History Month, and March 8th is International Women's Day. That means it's a perfect time to talk about how women can help empower and support one another. I'm your host Paula Felps. Today, I'm talking with Amber Olson Rourke, an award-winning marketing executive, mom, and Co-Founder of the direct sales company, Neora. Amber, who is also co-host of the Built to Win Podcast, is passionate about empowering women to step into their full potential and reach for more than they think is possible. Today, she's here to talk about how we can look for opportunities to support one another and how that can change the world. Let’s have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:50] PF: Amber, welcome to Live Happy Now. I'm so happy that you're able to join us. [00:00:54] AOR: I am so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. [00:00:58] PF: Well, this is the perfect time to talk to you. It is Women's History Month. We've got International Women's Day in just a couple of days. What the listeners may not know is I do some work with you on your Built to Win Podcast. What shines through so much on that is your passion for supporting and empowering other women. This is the perfect time to get you on the show and talking about that. I wanted to find out, first of all, how you discovered that calling. [00:01:25] AOR: That's a great question. I think when you're trying to really fine-tune what it is that you feel called to do, I think that the experiences give you clues if you're really listening and paying attention to them. For me, it started all the way being on the receiving end of those situations. With growing up, my mom has always really liked going to women's workshops and whether they were women conferences or workshops. I would attend with her. Even though the majority of the people would be adults, I would be there kind of listening and in the experience. I just always felt very fulfilled. My cup was filled through those experiences. Then as I started getting older, I started being asked to be on the presenting side and helping teens with self-confidence, self-image issues, mentorship programs, even through Big Brothers Big Sisters. I did that right out of college and became a big to a little girl. At first, it wasn't really in my career. It was more just things in the community and things that I was doing. Then I just really found that when I was in a situation where I could be able to pour into another person, specifically another woman, I really felt so just full of excitement and light and that kind of those nudges led me to a path where that's a big part of my career now. [00:02:48] PF: It's interesting because you've been very successful in your business. You've built a business. A lot of times, when someone does that, you get away from your roots. You get away from being able to do that. Your time is so compressed. You're also a mother to three girls, and you got a lot going on. So what is it that's so important that makes you keep that as a pillar of what you do and who you are? [00:03:16] AOR: I think it's just, for me, it's where I feel like I can make the most impact and the thing that I am able to give as my gift. I really try to focus on delegating the other things that other people can help me do because you can't do it all. Everyone has a great support system around them, whether that's at home or at work or that you can build. People generally I found are always willing to help, but I think a lot of people kind of get in their own way of the pride of not asking for the help of like, “I can't be everywhere. I can't do everything.” I try and focus my time on where I'm going to make the most amount of impact. For me, this is a part of it is pouring into and developing other leaders, other women that can then go on and do bigger and better things. [00:04:06] PF: I love that because you found a way to work it into your business world and make it part of your business initiative. Can you kind of talk about that, like how that personal development is such a powerful component when you bring it into the workplace? [00:04:19] AOR: Yes. I think that for us, it has been one of our “secrets” to our success is really our investment in the people that we work with. That's our competitive advantage, both in our home office, which we have over 100 employees. Then we have over tens of thousands of independent contractors that are basically like micro entrepreneurs. Anytime you're doing something like entrepreneurial, something out on your own, you're going to go through an entire journey of ups and downs and self-discovery and everything in between. To be able to navigate that, you have to invest in yourself because that is going to be the common factor, right? That's going to be there in different economic times, all different kinds of things that are going to happen. The one thing that remains constant is that you are always going to be there. So if you don't develop yourself, it doesn't really matter what's happening externally. You can never really get past yourself. You're kind of your own limiting ceiling, if you will. We really believe if you can help people lift the lid of what they're capable of doing and what they believe they're capable of doing, you can get a lot accomplished. That's really why we make such an investment in our people in personal development and bringing that kind of information to everyone that we work with. [00:05:41] PF: How do you see women change when they're learning these principles and they are getting support? It’s not just that you support them. It's the other women on their teams, the other women around them. It becomes an entire culture of people supporting one another. How does that change their lives? [00:05:57] AOR: It's really powerful because I think women specifically, like I mentioned, I think have a harder time asking for help and working on those things that they might. They don't just know automatically. For people to be able to start gaining confidence in areas that they maybe have never tried learning that skill set and then seeing that they can do it and seeing that they can do much bigger things than they ever thought possible, it acts as kind of like – I think of it as like a candle. You light your flame, and then you're able to pass that candle on and light someone else's flame. For some people, I think women, especially, they can feel like selfish almost. I'm trying to become the best me, and that somehow feels selfish. If I become the best me, that doesn't mean I'm taking away from being a mother, being a wife, working. It actually makes me be able to show up more fully to all of those rules. It's not a selfish endeavor. I view it as completely the opposite. You're able to be more selfless. You're able to give more of yourself when you're pouring into yourself, right? We all heard that you can't pour from an empty cup, and I believe that's really true emotionally for women. When you see somebody put in the time, put in the effort, put in the work to light their own flame, so to speak, and now they're kind of burning brightly, it almost gives permission to everyone else around them that they can do the same. That it's okay to burn bright. That it's okay to take up space in the room. That it's okay to be incredibly gifted and proud of that. I think that that is something that women struggle with more is burning bright, taking up that space in the room, and being unapologetic about it. Not in an egotistical way but like I'm here to serve and give and help others do the same thing. Once you see that happen, you start seeing the ripple effect of the women around them start fully kind of taking their own light and making it brighter. [00:07:51] PF: You're correct that that is such a hard lesson for women to learn, whether it's the culture that has told us that, our parents that have told us that. There's just so many messages that I need to take care of everyone else first and not myself. How much work does it take within your company to really get people to understand and make that mind shift to embrace the idea of I'm going to support myself, I'm going to rise up, and I am going to burn brightly? [00:08:20] AOR: Personal development, personal growth, it's a never-ending journey. I don't think you arrive at this destination where you're like, “I –” [00:08:26] PF: It’s not like a board game where it’s like, “Yay.” [00:08:28] AOR: Yes. I've learned it all. I've won the game. I think it just evolves because what's interesting is that I see as you develop skill sets, it allows you to get to this next level where you're taking on bigger challenges. Then you get to this next level. That presents different challenges than the ones that you just solved for. As you rise up, you're just solving different more challenging problems, which is great because you can continue to learn. I think my experience, once people see the fruits of their labor, so to speak, in terms of they did the work, and they're showing up more confidently, and they see how that does positively impact their family and does positively impact the people around them, it starts gaining momentum into something that they don't want to stop. They're seeing how it can absolutely allow you to be a better friend, mother, employee, whatever it is that you want to become better at. [00:09:27]   FT: How do you think that helps when they're weathering things like the pandemic? We’ve got a lot of divisiveness going on in the world today. [00:09:34] AOR: A lot. [00:09:35] PF: A lot of turmoil. What difference do you see in how they handle that when there is this sense of unity and this sense of support? [00:09:44] AOR: That's a great question. I think when you come from a mindset that is based in the impact that you want to make, and it isn't fear-based because I believe that a lot of what we have lived through the last three years is all fear-based kind of environment of what possibly could go wrong and what – people get stuck in that, and then it becomes really hard to get unstuck out of that. When you can approach things not just with like a Pollyanna everything is fine outlook because there is and was significant challenges in today's environment, but you can view it from the lens of I see that, I understand those challenges, and what is the impact that I personally want to make, and what is one step that I can take towards that impact. I think people get overwhelmed by I personally can't solve all of these issues. Yes, no one can. But you can show up in a way where you're taking a step, and you're taking steps that are going to make a positive impact in the direction that you would want things to go. That's true in a microcosm of your marriage, your job. It's also true at a macrocosm of your city, your state, your country. It matters. It matters how we choose to show up and how we choose to view those situations. I do think being surrounded by like-minded people who see it that same way and are committed to making their positive contributions really helps you have a bigger kind of sense of hope and fortitude in humanity than you would see on the news. [00:11:23] PF: Absolutely. You talked, too, about having daughters. You got three little girls. What I love is they're being brought up believing this way. So many of us have a disadvantage because we become adults, and then we start figuring this out. When you're raising daughters to support one another, to believe in themselves, and to believe in their ability and the ability of the other women around them, how does that change what our future looks like if they can grow up believing that and knowing that? [00:11:56] AOR: I think it is so powerful, and I think everyone one has that ability to put their children in those circumstances. Or even if they're not physically there, there are so many powerful women today that are CEOs that are doing really important work in medical field and scientific field, all of these different things. You can just look up those stories and tell them to your kids because kids can only imagine to the degree of which what we show them. That doesn't necessarily have to be what you're specifically doing, but it's about creating that environment that teaches them that they can be anything that they want to be. I see it, for sure, in my girls. One of my repeating message to them is we can do hard things. When they tell me of a challenge, my response is to say, “I hear that. I appreciate that. That does sound hard.” But we can do hard things, and I want them to develop that resiliency. They see me speak from stages. They see me do a lot of things. Now, on their list of what they want to be, it's, “I want to be a CEO in charge. I want to do big things,” which I love. I love that that is in their mindset from a young age, that that's possible. Whether they end up wanting to do that or not doesn't really matter, but I want them to know it's possible for the taking. [00:13:16] PF: Absolutely. I love that. I love that. I do see that with a lot of young children that I know now that are in my circle that they're growing up, and they don't see the limitations because they're being raised by women like you who have already overcome the limitations. To the girls, those obstacles don't even really exist. [00:13:37] AOR: Right. [00:13:38] PF: I love that. [00:13:39] AOR: I think that's so important because I think if you operate as if the obstacles do exist, you can almost create them. You can almost walk into a room or walk into your first job thinking that there are doors that aren't open to you that maybe really are. But you've been taught that they aren't. Just assuming that they are is like half the battle, I believe. [00:14:03] PF: Yes. That's a fantastic way to look at it. One thing that reality TV would tell us, and I've had women tell me this, is women aren't there for each other. If you watch Real Housewives and whatever, you're going to believe that. What do you say about that? When you hear someone say like, “Women, you've got to watch their back because they're competing with you. They’re not your friend,” how do you manage that kind of a situation, and what do you say to that? [00:14:34] AOR: That has not been my experience in my career. Again, I would say that how is that belief serving you? That's always what I think about if it's a belief that I'm holding is like how does that help you to believe that. The irony is if you do believe that, in your gut, your soul, that's your belief, you will find that evidence, right? Kind of almost create that environment for yourself. I will say that in my journey, there's definitely been women who tried to tear me down. But there's been more men that have tried to tear me down. It's just people. There's just those types of people that exist in the world that don't support you. But you get to choose if you keep those people close to you. I assess really quickly if somebody is somebody that is going to not cheer. Cheers louder when you fail than when you succeed. Then they don't get my time and my energy. The community that I have around me now is just filled with women who cheer for each other and support each other and really rocks for each other to help each other grow and win together because there's plenty of light and space for every single one of us. It doesn't have to be a competition. [00:15:52] PF: Right. You've built that environment. For someone who's working in an environment that's not like that, how can they work through competitive environment and try to become more collaborative, try to get support going within their own little network? [00:16:09] AOR: It sounds cheesy, but I think that the change you want to see always starts with you. You can decide to be that kind of woman or supporter, and find somebody that you connect with in the office, and take them to lunch, and talk about how can I help be of support to you. How can I help you in your career goals and share where you're going with them? It can start just with that one relationship that develops, where you're both trying to help each other achieve and help each other grow. In my experience, it kind of grows organically from there. You'll find more of your own people, people that see things the same way as you. It's never going to be everybody because we're dealing with people. There's always going to be people who aren't that way, but you can definitely develop a large enough system of people to help you feel supported. [00:17:02] PF: Absolutely. What are some of the things we can do to support other women? [00:17:06] AOR: I would say verbalizing your support and your kudos. It's like if somebody at your church service stands up and does a great prayer, go and tell them. Speak that truth into them because I think women struggle a lot with confidence that whatever they just did isn't good enough. Just going and saying, “Thank you so much for sharing. You did a great job.” Or you see somebody give great service at a store. Telling them, “You were really made for this. You give such great service. You brought a smile to my face.” Offering that. I think sometimes people view like if they give out compliments, it somehow takes away from themselves. If you shine the light on someone else, it dims your light. I found the opposite. Give it out freely and your light shines even brighter. I think you can do that in just day-to-day interaction. Tell other women when you see them doing a great job. Also, you can do it online because I tell a story about where there was this amazing picture of Carrie Underwood on social media. I never stop and look at comments, but she look fabulous, perfect body, amazing talent. I went to check the comments, and most of them were negative and judgmental about her looks or her talent or what she should wear or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It goes on and on. It’s like I don't even know what these people do with their time, but it's like you can be the opposite voice. You can be like – to someone you just kind of barely even know that you're friends with on social media, and they share something that you think probably might have been scary for them to share. They share a new business venture. They share that they're going to do something out of their comfort zone. Be in their corner. Just verbalizing your support goes way, way further than you would probably think. You might think they don't care what you have to say. Your support, no matter how well you know them or not, absolutely bolsters their confidence. [00:19:07] PF: That is such a fantastic point to bring up because it's something we don't do enough and when you see how people respond to it. For me, that kind of is a dopamine hit, just to see people react. I think people aren't used to getting complimented that much. When you do, even as you said, it can be something small and the way that they light up. It’s like I just handed them money. It’s such a boost. You think about how good you feel when someone notices something you did. It's like, yes, we should all be walking around doing that all day every day. [00:19:42] AOR: Right, yes. Scanning for people that you can encourage just with your words, it's so easy. It's free. It's simple. [00:19:50] PF: Exactly. It changes because you change that person's day, how that's going to change their next interaction. [00:19:56] AOR: Right. The ripple effect is huge. It really is. [00:19:58] PF: Exactly. Exactly. That’s one great way to support. Another thing and I know you are big on this, I don't want to let you go without talking about that, and that's mentorship. Can you really dig into why it's so important for someone who has achieved things, who understands personal development? Why is it so important and almost a responsibility to become then a mentor to others? [00:20:24] AOR: Yes. I think that kind of twofold. I think there's a couple reasons why people – everybody needs a mentor, right? Some of it is just that you can't see the full picture yourself. No human can see kind of 360 degrees. We all have blind spots. We all have things that we bring our own kind of past experiences to. To be able to have someone who can see whatever you're walking through, whatever you're trying to grow through from a third-party lens is really powerful. I've had some of my biggest breakthroughs of what was actually holding me back that I would never have been able to got to by myself because I was kind of already so stuck in whatever I was on, the hamster will in your mind about. Having that mentor relationship, somebody that you trust enables you to get much further than you would go by yourself and remove roadblocks that you might not even know that were there, didn't know how to remove. I think it's also somebody that can help you think bigger and challenge you to think bigger. For those reasons, you kind of turn it back around of why it's so important. It’s that being a mentor to somebody. I think the word maybe sounds a little intimidating like, “I'm not a mentor. I'm not qualified to do that.” But it really just means that you're going to show up for that person, and be in their corner, and support them, and challenge them to think bigger, and to give them kind of the truth and love when you see that of what might be holding them back, and make connections for them, and make introductions for them, and be the first to comment on their posts about their business or whatever it is. You don't have to necessarily be uniquely qualified to do that. Anybody can do that. It's like somebody that's gone the way already that can turn around and help somebody else go that same way. It is really meaningful because when you're trying to do something big, you will get knocked down. I think one of the biggest predictors of if you get back up is if there's somebody there putting their hand out to say, “Come on. Let's go. You got this.” People need that. I think if you're to the point where you're on the right track or on the journey of success that it's a responsibility to turn around and help others do that same thing and help them get back up when they need you. [00:22:50] PF: It also provides you with reinforcement. It reminds you. Doesn't it also – it's like, “Oh, my gosh. I remember being in that state.” It gives you such a state of gratitude of like, “Oh, I remember overcoming that obstacle. I remember what that was like.” I think it does kind of serve just such a great teaching reminder for us when we're doing that, too. [00:23:10] AOR: Absolutely, absolutely. [00:23:12] PF: As we head into International Women's Day, what do you want women to know? How do you want them to approach this and maybe use this as a day to actually observe it and start taking on some sort of a practice to support someone else? [00:23:26] AOR: That’s a great question. I would say, kind of going back to what you're talking about, maybe think of some women in your life that deserve some kudos and some recognition. Give them a shout-out. Send them a message about how they are inspiring you and how they show up in their life. Or give their business a shout-out on your social media about how that they've inspired you with what they're accomplishing and what they're putting out into the world. I think that there's – it's a great day to kind of have that reflection point of the people that you can show up for in that moment and support. Then thinking about are there women that you work with or that are in your community or are in your clubs, churches, whatever that might be? Is there someone that just connects with you that you think about when you think of that that you could reach out to and lend a supporting hand to? Maybe that just drops into your mind a name of like, “Oh. When we were talking through this, that person's name –” I would say that's never an accident when those names pop into our head, that there's a reason that they did. Thinking of even just one person that you could reach out to and say, “I love what you're doing. How can I support you?” At the end of the day, we all rise together. I think it's a great kind of month and day to think of how you can be a part of helping other people rise. [00:24:55] PF: I love it. Amber, thank you so much for coming on the show. We're going to tell everybody how they can check out your podcast, how they can follow you on social media, how they can learn more about you. I really appreciate you sitting down and sharing your insight with us. [00:25:09] AOR: Well, thank you so much for having me on. It's been super fun. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:25:16] PF: That was Amber Olson Rourke, talking about how women can better support one another. If you'd like to learn more about Amber, follow her on social media, or listen to the Built to Win Podcast, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. While you're there, be sure to sign up for our weekly Live Happy newsletter. Every Tuesday, we'll drop a little bit of joy in your inbox with the latest stories, podcast info, and even a happy song of the week. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day happy one. [END]