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12 Ways to Make a Comeback

Have you ever been given a last-minute project? Had your schedule changed in a way that is stressful on the rest of your life? Lost a job? Been given a pay cut? Felt like you had to regroup or literally reinvent yourself because a situation forced you to do so? Life can sometimes knock you into uncharted territory where resilience is required. Resilience, or the “ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change,” is a valuable life skill that gives us the ability to recover from a fall. It’s not magical, nor is it innate. The good news is that it is a skill we can learn through observation of others, research or personal experience. You can develop and improve these skills at any point in your life, and they can help you negotiate any challenge. Years ago my client Melinda had a great job working for a mom and pop company. The company was struggling due to the economy, and she was told that she had to take a large pay cut or leave the organization. She was the main breadwinner in the family, as her husband had an unpredictable sales job, so this was a huge financial and emotional blow. She was angry with everyone. All of this anger made her depressed and affected her ability to function at work and at home. She repeatedly told me that she was so upset that she did not even feel like going grocery shopping to feed her family. I was concerned but knew that if she worked on the steps toward resilience she would find her way. Being resilient does not mean that you cannot be sad, angry, scared, anxious or depressed. Because not everyone has the same reaction to a situation, not everyone needs the same set of skills. The list below offers a dozen ways to get you back on course: 1. Allow yourself to feel. If you are sad, grab a box of tissues and cry as long as you need to. If you are angry, vent to a friend, have a vigorous workout or beat up an old pillow. 2. Remind yourself that change is a normal part of everyday life. Everyone has challenging moments. 3. Remind yourself of your strengths. If you have good intuition, trust your gut. If you’re a problem solver, then put those skills to use. Stay positive. 4. Rally your support system. Turn to friends, relatives, co-workers or professional advisers to brainstorm solutions and get support. 5. Make a realistic plan. Set goals and map out ideas on how to adapt and move forward. 6. Think about the long term. While the stress may be intense in the moment, imagine how things can improve over time. 7. Learn from your experience. 8. Do not beat yourself up. Kicking yourself when you are down will only make it harder to get up. 9. Practice good self-care. In times of stress, we all have a tendency to slack off on taking care of ourselves. Make sure to eat, rest and nurture yourself. 10. Be as flexible and open as possible. Consider other options. Do not limit yourself. 11. Find your courage. Even if the next days, weeks, months or years will be scary, face the fear, do not run from it 12. Infuse happiness into other areas of your life. Eat food that you love, take a hot bubble bath, go on a bike ride or hike with your favorite person. The happy and positive moments will keep your energy and spirits up. So what did Melinda do? She had a good cry and vented her anger on paper until she realized that no one was at fault. She then took action, getting tips from finance-savvy friends to help her bosses save money so she could get some of her pay back. She brainstormed with her husband about how they could cut expenses and increase his commissions. And to improve her quality of life, she convinced her direct manager to let her leave at 3 p.m. every Wednesday so that she could pick up her kids from school and cook a special dinner, two things that she loved to do. Melinda not only used her resilience tools for herself, but she also used them to help her employer and family. Life can be challenging, and circumstances can change at any moment. We live our lives within different contexts—work, school, home and social. Resilience can help us successfully negotiate challenges in any situation. It is never too late to learn to be flexible, calm and to understand our own power to bounce back. This article originally appeared in the June 2015 edition of Live Happy magazine.

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Podcast

Regulating Emotions With Dr. Shauna Shapiro

If you’ve ever had a sudden feeling of distress that triggers your fight or flight response, then you know what it’s like to have your emotions hijacked. And if that’s something you’ve experienced recently, you’re not alone. This week, clinical psychologist and mindfulness expert Dr. Shauna Shapiro returns to talk about how current times might be affecting your emotions and what practices you can use — both individually and as a family — to regulate them. In this episode, you'll learn: What an “amygdala hijack” is and how to manage it. Why identifying your emotions can help bring calm to your life. Simple practices to help regulate your emotions. Links and Resources Facebook: @DrShaunaShapiro Listen to her TED Talk on the Power of Mindfulness Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:

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Practice

4 Stress-Busting Tips to Boost Your Happiness

Stress is and will always be part of our lives. But, as we enter another month of masks, stay-at-home orders, social unrest and uncertainty, our stress and anxiety levels being pushed to the max. According to the American Psychological Association’s (APA) Stress in America Report 2020, 46% of parents with children under age 18 report their stress levels related to the coronavirus pandemic are high and 83% of Americans believe the future of our nation is causing them a significant source of stress. Living this way is not only unsustainable, but it is also very bad for our mental and physical well-being. Research shows that when we properly manage our stress levels, we can prevent some really bad health issues, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke and depression. So, if you are going a little stir crazy, here are a few tips to help relieve some of this newfound stress and get some peace of mind. 1. Practice Mindfulness While you and your family are stuck at home crawling all over each other, it may feel as if you have suddenly been transported into that trash compacter scene from Star Wars. Just to reassure you, the walls are not actually moving in on you and those feelings of suffocation are in your head. Practicing mindfulness can help clear out some of those anxieties and other brain clutter that adds extra stress to your life. Experts believe that a good time to try a relaxation technique is right after lunch. This is our rest and digest mode and it is the opposite of fight or flight. If possible, let your co-workers and family members know that you need 10 to 15 minutes for quiet reflection. If you need help calming your system, try a simple exercise of closing your eyes and breathing in for four seconds, holding your breath for seven seconds and then exhaling for eight seconds. Repeat this five times in a row and you’ll start to notice a sense of calm blanketing you. If you need some guidance on how to practice mindfulness, a few apps to check out are Calm, Smiling Mind, Mind Free and Headspace. Plus, if you are unemployed because of the pandemic, you can sign up for a Headspace subscription free for one year. 2. Make More Connections Even before we had social distancing due to the global pandemic, social isolation and loneliness was becoming a national epidemic. According to a 2018 survey from AARP, one out of every three adults over the age of 45 is lonely. While the current situation of stay-at-home orders hasn’t exacerbated the loneliness problem yet, the ties between social relationships and happiness are inextricably linked, and maintaining positive connections with others is associated with positive health outcomes. No matter if your connections are personal, professional, or both, strong relationships keep us happy. While you can’t physically reach out and touch someone right now, you can stay connected through technology. Try using FaceTime or Skype to call a loved one, a coworker or an old friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Talking to someone you trust and love will calm your fears and increase your happiness. Research shows that tight connections to other people is also good for our physical health because it helps lower those cortisol levels that lead to stress while boosting the immune system. If you need someone or a group to reach out to for support, self-care social media app Lyf offers its platform as a place to connect and share thoughts and experiences with other users, access to licensed psychologists 24-hours a day to answer any questions you may have about how you are feeling, or to just to vent your frustrations. If you are a frontline worker, Lyf is offering free, 60-minute support sessions with mental health experts during the COVID-19 crisis to help deal with issues of anxiety, fear, helplessness and anger. 3. Keep Your Body Moving Exercise is vital for physical health, but it is also important for maintaining mental health. So, being physically active not only keeps you healthier but happier too. In a study recently published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, researchers found a correlation between the frequent physical activity and happiness in people who exercised at least 5 days a week between 30 and 75 minutes. According to the APA, regular exercise helps the brain deal with stress and can be a great mood-booster to fight off the effects of anxiety and depression. In fact, some studies claim that 20 minutes of exercise a day can improve your mood for up to 12 hours. Even though you can’t visit the gym or a yoga class right now, there are still plenty of ways to stay fit even if you are stuck in the home. Virtual classes are readily available online or on apps and treadmills are a great substitute for outdoor running. 4. Eat a Healthy Diet Stress can have a huge impact on your eating habits by throwing off your metabolism and making you more susceptible to emotional eating. Health officials from the Cleveland Clinic advise to keep plenty of healthy snacks around to prevent overeating foods that aren’t good for you and to give the body maintain proper nutrition to help fight off stress. Healthy foods, including plenty of fruits and vegetables, will also stabilize your blood sugar which will keep your emotions in check too. Healthy food and comfort food don’t have to be mutually exclusive, according to Chef Gerard Viverito, The Sustainable Chef. Instead of filling up your cart with junk food, he offers a few sustainable solutions that are pleasing to the palette. If meat prices are too high in your area, Gerard recommends eating more fish as well as becoming more familiar with how to prepare it. If you want to control snack attacks, try fiber-rich foods from the ground that fill you up faster. If you stuck at home and looking for family-fun activities, Gerard suggests making food fun by planting “a garden with kid-approved brain foods such as strawberries, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, spinach and broccoli.” Now, the Bright Side As we continue to navigate these troubled and stressful times, it’s important to keep a positive mindset as much as we can. Positivity will put is in a better position to fight off the negative effects of stress and anxiety. Being stuck inside and having limited connections with the outside world may not be all bad. Home services and products review site Reviews.org recently surveyed 500 Americans to determine the impact COVID-19 and social distancing has had on our personal lives and found a few positives side effects of social distancing. According to their findings, 54% of Americans say they feel closer to friends and family, 50% feel like they have more pride in their community and 47% say they have learned a new skill or hobby. It just goes to show that even in the darkest of times, people are hopeful, innovative and resilient.

Podcast

Managing Loss During the Pandemic With Erin Wiley

All of us have lost something this year, and that’s affecting us whether we realize it or not. This week, we’re joined by Erin Wiley, a clinical psychotherapist and executive of The Willow Center, a counseling practice in Toledo, Ohio. She’s here to talk about the many ways our losses could be affecting us and our loved ones, and to give us tips on processing grief and coping with the changes brought by the pandemic. In this episode, you'll learn: Why it’s important to feel your grief as it arises. Tips for coping with grief and loss. How to discuss and manage loss as a family. Links and Resources Facebook: @erinwileytherapy Facebook: @ManageYourSHIfT Website: https://erin-wiley.com/ Join her daily Manage Your Shift complimentary morning motivational group sessions here. Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:

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Podcast

The Power of Kindness With Adrienne Bankert

As an Emmy-winning reporter for ABC News, Adrienne Bankert has covered some of life's most tragic moments, but it has never made her lose sight of her desire to find the best in people. Her experience interviewing inspiring people, from wounded warriors to high-profile celebrities, helped her want to understand more about one of her life’s guiding principles: kindness. This week, she talks about her new book, Your Hidden Superpower: The Kindness That Makes You Unbeatable at Work and Connects You with Anyone, and explains why practicing kindness is so good for us. In this episode, you'll learn: How kindness makes anyone unbeatable. The difference between being nice and being kind. Simple things you can do every day to practice kindness. Links and Resources Facebook: @AdrienneBankert Instagram: @abontv Twitter: @ABonTV Download the her FREE e-course on kindness, which includes kindness challenges, and a download of the first chapter here. Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:

look for joy, Jason Mraz lookng for the good.

Lifestyle

Jason Mraz Believes If You Look for Joy, You’ll Find It.

Since his first hit single “The Remedy (I Won’t Worry)” in 2002, Jason Mraz has built his musical career by crafting positive, upbeat music. This week sees the release of his new album, Look For The Good, a collection of songs that encourages us to find hope, optimism and gratitude despite the turmoil the world is experiencing right now. The two-time Grammy winner talked with Live Happy to explain how this collection of songs came about, what he learned in the process of writing and recording this album, and what he hopes every listener takes away from it. This is an exciting album to talk about because it's so timely. Can you tell us how this whole project came about? I knew it was going to be an election year, and election years usually bring out the debates and they’re very just heated, which is good. It’s a good thing because I think it helps us know ourselves and it helps us hear ourselves for what we are craving, what's working, what's not working. On a debate year, I wanted to make sure we release some music that wouldn’t necessarily influence debates, but just would remind us to be kind; remind us to be human and treat the others on the other side of the aisle with dignity and respect, regardless of our beliefs. At the end of the day, we’re all still these very fragile human bodies made up of microorganisms and bacterias and viruses and things. Regardless of our political beliefs and geographical borders, let’s remember that we’re human. That’s kind of what the songs are about. Let’s just remember that we’re human and we’re fragile and that there should be love for each other. I love the reggae influence on this album, and I always feel like reggae is such a great carrier for positivity anyway. Can you talk about why you wanted it on this particular set of songs? It really began as an experiment. It was something I wanted to make because as a live performer, whenever I would play a reggae song or I would say convert an older song of mine to a reggae style or fashion, I would get a different sensation from it. Then I would notice the audience would also connect to it in a different way. So, I thought there’s something magical about reggae that causes people to dance and connect. As a performer, you pair that with some positive layers, like you pair that dance with and it feels like church in a way. I'm able to sing a positive message but I'm also able to dance on the fringe of ideas that are not as easily sung in traditional pop. The reggae genre allows me to breathe life not only into love and positivity but into transformational messaging or the kind of message that breathes life into an ever-changing world. I've not been able to do that necessarily in the pop category as easily. Your music has always been so positive and uplifting. In that sense, you’ve always kind of swam upstream from the rest of the industry because positivity isn't necessarily what we get out of what’s playing on the radio. Why has that always been important to you? It starts with the love of performing and love of songwriting. I love singing, and so I became a songwriter because I love to sing. If I sit down with an instrument to sing, I just feel joy. So, it seems like what should be coming out of my mouth is something joyous, not something sad and depressing. Then if I have the luxury of someone's ear and if they're giving me their time and listening, I want to share with them my joy, not my sadness. I always found myself wanting to share joy. Usually, I sit down at a piano to celebrate joy because life has gotten dark and out of balance. I say, “Okay, I’ve got to get to my instruments because that's where joy lives. That's where a bigger spirit in me dwells.” For some reason, joy songs just work better for me. They keep me going. Does your positivity come to you naturally? Some people really have to work to think positive, and it seems like maybe you lean that way anyway. Well, I do but I have to work at it because I get it through my music practice. Trust me, I get long periods of just melancholy and sadness, so I will shift to music and I will work on music or crafting something creative until that melancholy blows over, rather than just sit with the melancholy and start adding extra weight to it. I work at it, I shift, I go to music, I go to crafting and I write. I go to journaling. I go to poetry until I feel that transformation and that transformation goes, “Aha, I am a powerful creator. I am worthy. I am new. I am renewed.” All of that comes through the creative process. "Look for the Good" is the lead single, and it’s also the name of the album. Where did that come from? That was actually a title that Michael Goldwasser submitted. Michael was the producer of this album, and he had heard his rabbi sermonize, “Look for the good and you will see the good.” So, if you go out in the world looking for it, you’ll find it. Same as bad news, look for the bad and you'll find the bad. It’s easy to find. Look for the good and you'll find the good. That was a title he submitted to this project. When he sent me an instrumental, a musical idea to work on, that was the title. All I had to do was sit down and expound upon that idea, which is what I love to do. It's just another version of gratitude. When you're asked to look for the good or when you're asked to say thank you like, “Hey, what are you thankful for?” the first thing we do is we start scanning either our memories or our environment for something good because we want to say thank you for that thing or that person or that experience in our life. That’s excellent and it’s a great leadoff. It’s a great way to introduce yourself to this whole collection. Another song that I wanted to talk to you about is “You Do You” which features Tiffany Haddish. I love how it celebrates individuality. When people listen to that, what do you hope that they hear? First, joy. Always joy. Freedom and joy. Those are my two favorite things, freedom and joy. They’re a favorite because I've been given those things in life through my parents, through the resources, through my public school. Just the system was designed for a kid like me to have freedom and joy, and so it's been my work in my adult life to make sure others and every other human being also gets to experience freedom and joy. “You Do You” is a song that says let us all be free to be ourselves and let us be joyous and let us celebrate each other for each other's freedoms. We’re all going to have a different version of what that feels like, and we’re all going to have different versions of joy. There’s a lot of different ice cream flavors in that frozen food section. Everybody wants something different. Freedom and joy, that’s what I hope people get out of “You Do You.” That’s certainly what I get out of it. Before we let you go, your wish to make the world a better place certainly doesn't end with your music, so can you tell us a little bit about your foundation? Yes, the Jason Mraz Foundation. It’s something I started back in 2011. Three years ago, we refocused it to focus specifically on inclusive arts education and the advancement of equality, and that is similar to programs that I came up through as a kid. Arts education is just such a great medium for collaboration. When you add inclusivity to that arts education, you’re not only getting a great arts training but you're getting compassion and empathy and acceptance. You’re learning how to…you’re basically learning how to sit on that subway or train car and see the good in everybody. Basically, it’s what inclusive arts education does for the purpose of the advancement of quality. Because as I said earlier, I came up through great public school that made it easy for me to experience freedom and joy, so the Jason Mraz Foundation is helping to breathe life into programs that exist, as well as create new programs that can hopefully also create experiences of freedom and joy for young people who are pursuing the arts. Everything from dancers to visual artists, to poets, to songwriters, singers, you name it, we’re out there trying to help them get a hand up in the world to experience their freedom and joy.

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relationships

5 Tips to Keep Your Relationships Happy, Healthy and Strong

Like never before, many couples are finding they are spending more time together than ever. Rather than simply surviving this crisis, couples can use this as an opportunity to grow a deeper connection with each other. People who are intentional to use this time wisely are shutting off their television at night and working to create greater intimacy with their partner. Meaningful conversation, working together on projects around the house, making meals together, playing games and having intimate romantic connections are all ways to use this time to benefit your relationship. Marriage is hard and takes lots of work. No one inherently knows how to be a great spouse/significant other; it takes years to become proficient at being in a successful relationship. You can’t know if you can flourish as a couple until you learn the tools to create a happy relationship. Here are five tips to strengthen your relationship with your significant other: Learn to process your feelings. Couples should spend time talking about their feelings during this difficult time. Just as important, if not more so, is validating each other’s experiences and feelings. People tend to want to rescue others from difficult feelings, but sometimes people just need space to process their emotions before they can fully move through them to the other side. Have meaningful conversations. Couples should try and find time to have meaningful conversations—even if it’s just 10 minutes a day. Talking about more than the everyday tasks that must be accomplished. Ask each other questions about your childhood, your current goals, and future hopes and dreams. Many couples find even after decades together that there are still things to discover that will deepen your knowledge of each other. Find time to exercise. Exercise, whether together or alone, is extremely helpful for increasing positive brain chemistry, and working out stress. Taking the time to go on a walk outside the house when possible gives couples a much-needed change of scenery. Even if it’s just pushing a stroller or bringing the dogs along, walking is a simple activity that gives couples the chance to move together and reconnect through uninterrupted conversation. Take a break from electronics. Constantly having a screen in front of your face doesn’t allow for quality interpersonal communication. Setting aside a couple of hours a night or a day a week to go tech-free really forces couples to prioritize each other, and practice more face to face interaction. It gives the mind a break and challenges us to find ways to reconnect intentionally with our significant other. Be a helper to your partner. Asking on a daily basis, “What can I do to help you today?” is a simple way to make sure you are actively working to meet your partner’s needs. Whether it’s a long hug, help with laundry, a listening ear or assistance with the kids, checking in to see what your partner’s immediate needs are is a way of putting a “deposit” in your love bank. Having a full account means that, when times get tough, you will have a cushion to fall back on for a withdrawal. Many couples counselors have noticed a dramatic uptick in the number of couples seeking therapy and relationship coaching right now. If you are struggling, you should reach out to a competent, qualified professional with training and credentials. I would highly suggest scheduling a telehealth therapy appointment with someone who can show you how to repair your relationship before ending it. This is good advice for couples who are not in crisis too. Take the time to reach out to someone who can help equip you with the lessons you need to make your romantic life happier and more fulfilling.

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Self-Care

4 Ideas for Unlocking the Pure Gratitude of Being

Pure gratitude opens us to experiencing grace—that is, the awe-inspiring awareness of the gift of being alive. Through the eyes of pure gratitude, everything looks more beautiful. We are touched with awe. I came to experience the pure gratitude of simply being after living through immense tragedy and loss: In 2008, a California wildfire took my home, a lifetime of memorabilia and the space where countless wonderful memories had taken place. Then, a year later—in the span of eight weeks—I lost my husband, my father and my youngest son. I’ve written about all of this in my memoir Six Funerals and a Wedding. Here is what I learned for unlocking and experiencing the pure and simple gratitude of being which people may find especially helpful in these times: Look at life through the lens of love and what is real. If the old saying “It’s all in how you look at it” is really true, we can decide how we want to see our situation. Practice this feeling and nurture the awareness it creates. You can even have fun with it by asking yourself questions such as: Does a new car inspire you differently than the smile of an elderly neighbor you have called on to just see how she has been doing? You can ask yourself the same question as applied to other situations, too, and make a list of the things that inspire you most. Chances are, they are not material, but instead, have to do with human connections and moments spent together with others. Appreciating the profound joy in these moments will bring immense gratitude is one key to experiencing pure gratitude. Celebrate goodness. Look around you: there is goodness everywhere, even in the most surprising places. But we tend to forget that. As a reminder, try acknowledging and celebrating this goodness wherever it is. One way to do this is to thank everybody present before a meal and acknowledge any special events that may have occurred since you were last together: birthdays, new jobs, new children or grandchildren. Lately, during the COVID-19 crisis, I have been finding myself more aware of the importance of acknowledging events that are happening around me. The recent celebration of Cinco de Mayo, for example. With restaurants being closed to diners, many friends were doing delivery or making their own dishes. A family member suggested we make margaritas to celebrate the occasion. And I thought, why not? Why not do something special to join in the fun. We don’t make margaritas all that often but ended up having a great time together. My point is this—don’t miss your opportunity to do your version of a holiday or celebration. It puts you in the spirit of things and keeps you connected to friends and loved ones. Surround yourself with grateful people. There’s a saying: “We are who we spend time with.” We can influence others by being our best selves, and can become better, more grateful people by surrounding ourselves by others who do the same. I think it’s okay to do inventories of your friendships from time to time. We are at our best and feel most grateful when we have more to give to the world. But if we find that the people we’re spending time with are making us feel drained or don’t live in a place of gratitude themselves, gratitude can be hard to experience. Allow yourself to decide how much time you’ll spend with people who have that effect on you, and to limit it as needed. On the flip side, indulge in spending time abundantly with people who you feel grateful simply to be with. Let go of material things that burden you. If you find yourself spending time or energy worrying about your things—how to care for them, the expenditures they require, where to store them—they are getting in the way of your experience of the gratitude of being. Letting go of them will free you to connect with gratitude more profoundly. It also brings an opportunity to remember the joy each thing once brought you, to be grateful for the memories of those times and to imagine the joy these things might bring to a new owner. I tend to get easily overwhelmed with stuff. Something as simple as buying a new kitchen rug can feel good for a moment until I realize that I didn’t really need it. It is important to notice when enough is enough. You have everything you need. If you like to buy pretty things, maybe look into providing them for someone else. Contact a shelter or senior center and see what they may need. That can be a very joyful experience. Anyone of these four steps has the potential to unlock a new level of gratitude. Taken together, they can unlock a beautiful way to simply be.

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relationships

4 Ways to Parent Mindfully During Challenging Times

My yoga teacher Tiffany Wood loves to say, “you may not be in control of every situation, but you can always take charge.” It took time for this teaching to sink in, and becoming a mother gave me a whole new perspective on being out of control. Parents are handed a tiny human with their own agenda and pretty strong opinions out of the gate. It’s physically and emotionally exhausting and it only gets harder when your child is old enough to look you in the eye and shout, “No!” Add challenging situations like massive winter storms, losing a job, family health issues or coronavirus, which can all leave you feeling vulnerable and unprepared. The good news is when you apply a mindfulness lens you can learn to take charge of what’s meaningful and necessary without needing to control things that are not in your grasp. Here are four simple tips to mindfully take charge when life seems out of control: 1. Dedicated time for connection vs. independence. When I first got the news that my kids’ school would be canceled for three weeks straight, I panicked. The first few days I scheduled our time too rigidly and I always seemed to be “on,” as if I was running a three-ring circus. I learned after some trial and error that our daily cadence went much smoother when I create times for us to come together and times for us to play apart. So now we typically eat a meal together and follow it with 20-40 minutes of focused instructional or learning activity time that fosters connection with my kiddos. Then I say, “Okay, now it’s choice time! Would you rather play Magna-Tiles or go outside while I do my work for half an hour?” In an hour or so I help them clean up and transition back together for a snack and meaningful learning time before giving them an entirely different choice, “Play with your dolls or make a sticker scene?” 2. “Notice” when your kids are independent, responsible and cooperative. Many unwanted toddler behaviors come in response to a child’s deep desire to have more control, and you can help them be in charge where it’s possible. While it may feel strange at first to talk to a child like an adult, I encourage you to try it and see what you discover. Independence: “You are learning to do so many things all by yourself, aren’t you? I see you climbing up into your seat and getting yourself dressed. You’re working hard!” Responsibility: “Did you put your muddy pants in the laundry hamper? Thank you! That’s so responsible, you know just where they go, don’t you?” Cooperative: “Wow, I love how cooperative you are these days. I know it’s not always fun to brush your teeth or put away your toys, and your help is much appreciated.” 3. Learn together, naturally. Don’t pressure yourself into thinking you need to teach your child like their classroom teacher would. I’m a high school educator by trade, and I spent a few hours going down the homeschool rabbit hole trying to prepare myself to teach my Kindergartner and Preschooler while they were home from school. In just a few hours we churned through the resources I had prepped the night before, so I sent them out to “recess” feeling defeated. Instead, I started noticing small opportunities for learning unfold naturally around us. At meals, we played alphabet or rhyming games. The girls asked if they could make their own snacks, so I moved a selection of food to lower cupboards and shelves and discussed food groups so they could make a “balanced meal.” We “played math” using playing cards for a game of Go-Fish and Memory. Yesterday my girls, ages three and six collected various pine cones for a fairy garden, and I quickly found a chart online to help us identify the different trees. My favorite natural learning opportunity was when they counted, sorted, compared, created patterns and traded their mini-M&M’s, while I did the dishes! 4. Reassure them. Often times, parents see a rise in tantrums, bedtime call-backs, mealtime meltdowns and other unwanted behaviors during a time of instability or transition. The good news is that a little reassurance goes a long way. Let your child know that they are a priority in your life by carving out “Special Kiddo Time.” Put down your agenda, set a 10-minute timer and let them pick an activity to do together. Additionally, you’ll want to remind your children that life may look, sound and feel different than it used to, but you love them just the same. The great news is that there are tools to help parents take charge of big emotions and connect more deeply with their kiddos. Using mindful parenting practices helps us to solve problems more efficiently and experience fewer breakdowns in general.

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Self-Care

3 Bad Habits That Lead to Emotional Eating

Eating is probably one of the most natural things in the world. We need to eat to live, and to live well, enjoying food is a big part of it. Unfortunately, our motivation for eating is often unclear due to a variety of factors. Socioeconomic demographics, generational values and our caregivers' relationship to food can be huge influences in the way we relate to food as adults. It's important to note that eating as an adult is very different than eating as a young child. As a child, food is very structured. We have three meals and three snacks per day. This is mainly to provide structure and ensure the energy of the child is balanced. Additionally, children don’t have much control or choice around food. So, it is important to notice that children don't have the choice to decide WHEN or WHAT to eat, nor are they mature enough to understand the WHY behind their food choices. Why is this important? Because so often in my coaching practice, I see full-grown adults struggling with their relationship to food and they don't know why. Their lives have been hijacked by anxiety, fear, shame and guilt. I am here to crack that code for you! 1. Attachment to Labels Organizing an eating schedule around breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks like we did as kids creates a rigidity that as adults we cannot often abide by. Spontaneous work and family obligations, travel and other joyful life things that as adults we have the privilege of enjoying cannot coexist with a rigid food schedule. We must grow the inner child to trust in the fluidity of being an adult. We do this by learning to eat more intuitively. This means being in touch with hunger cues and being prepared when the time arrives. It also means understanding what your body needs for you. It’s taking back the When and What. This is the agency adults have. 2. Scarcity Complex This is another belief we picked up as children. Remember when your caregiver told you to finish everything on your plate because food is expensive and there won’t be anything else to eat if you don’t? This belief is one of the root causes of compulsive eating and directly disconnects us from the part of ourselves that has trust in the goodness of the world. Preserving this innocence is so key in the development of well-adjusted adults. It is this lack of trust that is one of the main contributors to emotional eating. That deep-rooted fear that if we don't finish everything on our plate or eat the free food from work even if we aren’t hungry or that isn’t what we want, we are inherently bad people. We are selfish, wasteful and ungrateful. However, as adults we have choice. Choice is available at any time and has no judgments. It is up to us to learn the tools to slow down enough to understand what motivates our choices and then develop the skills to relate to those choices with compassion. Once we install these tools and skills, we can begin to truly build trust in the abundance that is available for us. It is from this core belief that we can begin to heal our emotional relationship with food. 3. Soothing Mechanism From a young age, we were conditioned that food helps to soothe discomfort. If we cried as babies, we got fed. If we were celebrating a win or a birthday there was food involved. We are trained that food immediately makes everything better and happy. Now, don’t get me wrong—food as joy can be wonderful if internally regulated, and there is an understanding of the WHY behind the eating. But so often, as adults, we forget to ask the why before diving headfirst into last night’s leftover dessert after a long day where we felt inadequate or insecure. One of my biggest tools for helping clients overcome emotional eating is to offer them this tool. Be willing to feel into the sensations of your body as you are about to reach for that trigger food. Ask yourself if you are physically or emotionally hungry. Physical hunger will feel like pangs and dizziness. Emotional hunger will feel like heart racing, chaos and urgency. If you do not feel physical sensations or you know you cannot be physically hungry because you just finished a meal, then ask yourself what emotion is trying to speak to me. Until you get an answer pause. Develop substitutes for eating like drawing, painting, taking a walk outside, calling a trusted friend. Over time, you will recondition yourself with new soothing mechanisms and shift your relationship to food. Remembering that eating was one of the first ways we connected to others as children is essential in creating a healthy relationship with food as an adult. Once we can uproot and compassionately reintegrate the ways in which childlike conditioned beliefs are quietly running the show, we will be free to explore, experiment and appreciate the joy of eating as an adult does offer.

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