Gratitude What are you grateful rock

More Than a Feeling

Whether dealing with a major life-shattering event or a small bump in the road, gratitude can help boost our happiness and change our outlook. While it won’t change our circumstances, experts say it can change how we feel about them. “Gratitude is a core part of each of us,” explains Ryan Niemiec, Psy.D., education director for Cincinnati’s VIA Institute on Character. “Gratitude is easy to tap into, and when you tap into that strength, it’s truly energizing.” Research on gratitude during the past 15 years has shown that it has many benefits—physically, mentally and emotionally. It’s been found to improve job performance, strengthen marriages and friendships, and enhance overall wellbeing. It is linked to stronger immune systems, lowered blood pressure, greater compassion and lowered stress levels. Gratitude also provides us with greater optimism and can increase happiness by as much as 25 percent. The research pointing to gratitude’s benefits, as well as the increased attention it has been receiving, have encouraged many people to begin incorporating it into their daily lives, Ryan says. Part of its appeal is how simple it is to apply: “Just count your blessings. Write down things you’re thankful for. Say ‘thank you’ more. Write a gratitude letter to someone—all of these are things that are easy to identify with and easy to do.” Your Brain on Gratitude People’s definitions of gratitude vary—some call it an attitude, some call it an action, some call it an emotion. It’s one of VIA’s 24 character strengths and falls under the category of “transcendence,” which encompasses strengths that forge connections to the larger universe and provide our lives with meaning. What’s interesting about gratitude, says Christina Karns, Ph.D., a research associate at the University of Oregon, is that all those definitions are correct. “It really is more than one thing,” she says. “As an emotion, it is complex and is made up of other emotions. Gratitude feels good—it is rewarding—but it’s also humbling [when you] consider what others have done for us.” Studies are showing that people with higher gratitude levels experience more activity in the hypothalamus, which is the “control center” for everything from functions like eating, drinking and sleeping to metabolism and stress levels. Like other feel-good emotions such as love and compassion, gratitude releases a rush of dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain that makes us feel great both physically and emotionally. That’s why, scientists say, it improves sleep, lessens physical discomfort, and lowers stress and anxiety. It also helps create what they call a “virtuous cycle”—as you get the feel-good rush of gratitude, your brain starts looking for more things to be grateful for, hoping to get that next rush. The more we look for (and find) things we’re grateful for, the more we realize how blessed we are. After practicing gratitude for years and seeing how it improved her life and helped her through hard times, Christina began researching how it affects the way our brains are wired and how gratitude affects our reward systems. Her current research, which will be published in 2015, studies the key changes gratitude creates in the brain. She uses functional magnetic resonance imaging, or fMRI, to show which regions of the brain are affected by gratitude. Her research shows that gratitude relies on and triggers multiple brain systems, so she now is studying how gratitude-based exercises can change our behavior, brain responses and improve our connections with other people. “It’s fascinating how much [we] can change what our brain processes moment to moment, and how those changes can affect the wiring of the brain long term,” she says. While her studies have not yet identified how long an act of gratitude affects the brain, or if that effect can be prolonged, one thing has become clear: “Gratitude will make lasting changes in the brain—but only if you keep practicing!” Consistency is key, experts agree. Robert Emmons, Ph.D., of the University of California, Davis, has shown that people who keep a gratitude journal significantly increase their wellbeing over time, something he attributes to the way it makes us focus on the positives rather than the negatives. It helps us overcome what psychologists call our negativity bias, the natural tendency to remember negative experiences over positive ones. “When we become more grateful, it helps us focus on what is important to us,” explains Louis Alloro of the Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology program in Philadelphia. “We are conditioned to focus on what’s not working rather than looking at what is working. Gratitude changes what we look at and how we see it.” In fact, one Gallup study reports that more than 90 percent of American teens and adults said expressing gratitude made them “somewhat” or “extremely” happy. This same mindset is backed up by numerous studies showing the link between gratitude and an emotionally fulfilling life, personal growth, forgiveness, hope, optimism and even global positive effect. In Sickness and in Health Since much of the attention given to gratitude looks at emotional benefits and how it boosts an already healthy immune system, far less is known about the role of gratitude in people who are already sick. That led Fuschia Sirois, Ph.D., a professor in the department of psychology at Bishop’s University in Sherbrooke, Quebec, to research how gratitude affects people with chronic illness. Her co-author on the study, Alex Wood, Ph.D., director of the Behavioral Science Centre at the Stirling Management School at the University of Stirling in Scotland, studied gratitude as a tool for wellbeing in healthy individuals—then wondered if it would be similarly beneficial for those with ongoing health challenges. “Research tends to focus on the negative consequences of living with illness rather than how people can live well and flourish with chronic illness,” Fuschia says. What their studies found was that noticing “all the small but positive things in one’s life is key for enhancing happiness and wellbeing. When this becomes habitual, it can improve mood and adjustment.” Fuschia and Alex compared patients who practiced gratitude with those who practice “benefit finding,” which involves looking at what they have gained from their experience. The researchers found the gratitude group enjoyed significantly greater wellbeing and were less vulnerable to depression. “This is very important for individuals living with chronic illness, as [their] depression rates tend to be much higher compared to those without ongoing health issues,” she says. And, with further research, she said gratitude may be studied as an accompaniment to traditional medicine for overcoming health challenges in the future. In more than a dozen studies conducted since 2003, gratitude has consistently been shown to lower the incidence of eating disorders, anxiety, phobias, dependence on drugs, alcohol and nicotine—among other ailments. Additional studies indicate that practicing gratitude has even helped Vietnam War veterans overcome post-traumatic stress disorder. Outcomes have been so positive that Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., of George Mason University, believes further research is needed to see how gratitude could be used to help survivors of other types of trauma heal and thrive. The evidence for gratitude’s role in a happy life is substantial, but Louis teaches that it’s important to do more than just “be” grateful. He advises taking it a step further and “feeling” gratitude each time you express it. “It is key to feel it in your heart instead of keeping it in your mind,” he says. “When you say you’re grateful for something, it’s very often something that happened in the past—even if it was earlier that day. So I encourage people to not just say why they’re grateful, but to take a moment to remember how they felt when that was happening.” Taking time to feel that appreciation again gives that ever-important rush of dopamine, immediately increasing blood flow and activity. Basically, we emotionally re-enact the experience that made us feel grateful, and in doing so, we instantly generate healing, positive feelings. “It takes a little more time and more effort,” Louis says, “but you’ll see such a difference in the way it affects you." This article originally appeared in the December 2014 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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Someone giving a heart to someone else.

Practicing Deep Kindness With Houston Kraft

There’s no question that our world needs more kindness right now, which is why this week, we are talking to Houston Kraft, author of the new book Deep Kindness: A Revolutionary Guide for the Way We Think, Talk, and Act in Kindness. He’s here to talk about the gap between our belief in kindness and our ability to practice it. He’ll also tell us what new skills we need to acquire to better practice kindness and what we can do to turn our intentions into actions. In this episode, you'll learn: What it means to practice “deep kindness”. 3 things that prevent us from practicing kindness. How to implement kindness as a daily practice. Links and Resources Facebook: @houstonkraft Instagram: @houstonkraft Twitter: @houstonkraft Click here for a FREE download of his 30 Day Kindness Journal. Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Young woman overlooking a waterfall.

Why Most Vacations Don’t Make You Happy and How to Fix That

Vacations are supposed to be good for the soul. But often the typical formula for “getting away from it all” doesn’t work. Most people were actually not happier after a vacation, researchers note in an Applied Research in Quality of Life journal article. The average vacation was not worth the trouble. But we got interested in whether it was the vacation or actions before and after that predicted the value of time away. We conducted our own research on the vacation ingredients that scientifically increase well-being. From that study we published in Harvard Business Review, we found that with the following four actions, you have a 97 percent chance of ensuring your vacations leave you with greater energy and happiness.  BEFORE: Get excited about wild turkeys. You don’t have to have a lot of money or time to get the most out of a planned vacation or staycation. Our brains have trouble telling the difference between visualization and actual experience. Thus, if you want to get the benefits from a vacation even months early, starting dreaming about specifics now. The key is in the specificity. For example, we can’t wait to see wild turkeys each summer. We think about it for months leading up to our yearly vacation. It’s become a yearly tradition to relax on the back porch of our small rental home in Martha’s Vineyard on the night we arrive to wait for a roving band of wild turkeys to come through our yard. We usually spot the mom or dad turkey first, and then five to eight babies emerge from the underbrush. It’s a signal that summer— and our vacation—is in full swing. Whether you’re returning to an old stomping ground, going somewhere new or staying close to home, find a handful of things to get excited about ahead of time and visualize them: going with your mom for a walk around a lake near your childhood home, sipping grappa in Italy, binge-watching all of The Good Wife, or renting a convertible car for your drive down the coast. This “anticipatory savoring” can significantly increase happiness. If you’re taking your kids, spend time helping them to visualize the trip as well. Find happiness in the details. In our study, 74 percent of respondents consider the most stressful aspect of travel to be figuring out the details: travel uncertainty, transportation and being unfamiliar with the location. To overcome these obstacles, come up with a game plan, including hotels, flights and potential activities more than one month in advance. (If you need help, ask friends who have been to your destination, travel agents or local tour companies.). One month appears to be the key time to ensure higher levels of happiness from the trip; 90 percent of our happiest respondents had planned the details at least 30 days before leaving on their vacations. DURING: Extend your vacation. Happiness is a choice. So is a vacation. Our research-based advice is to take all the time off you’ve been given. According to an Expedia survey, each year Americans leave more than half a billion vacation days on the table. That’s four days of vacation per person! If you’re one of them, this is when we give you a serious talking-to (’cause we love you of course!). Take your vacation days. Every. Last. One. If you’re citing the all-to-common excuse, “I have too much to do and can’t leave,” let’s remember what happened the last time you cleared your to-do list. It filled back up again in no time! There is an infinite amount of work and chores, but we have a finite number of days to enjoy a vacation. Additionally, taking a vacation is good for your career! According to our work with Project: Time Off, people taking all their vacation time have a 6.5 percent higher chance of getting a raise or a promotion than their colleagues who leave 11 or more days of paid time off on the table. That study reminds us that staying at work does not mean getting ahead.  AFTER: Celebrate and savor. As you remember your vacation, you can extend and renew the positive emotions from the trip by savoring your good memories. One of our favorite parts of our vacation often happens days or weeks after it is over. We organize our photos and gather our extended family around our living room to show them the highlights. For our vacation to Paris with little Leo last year, the slideshow ran a bit long because the trip was that good, but thankfully our family indulged us. (We fed them chocolate éclairs and wine to ease their pain!) Savoring, especially in a group setting with social support, is a way to maximize the benefits of positive experiences. Your brain gets a chance to relive them. Additionally, get-togethers like these promote social connection, which is the greatest predictor of long-term happiness. So round up a few friends, get together your best pictures and mementos and enjoy a night of wine, wild turkeys, grappa and scenic shots you took from the convertible! If you don’t have any vacations planned, take some time to remember a great trip from the past. Practice and acknowledge gratitude for your plans each day, starting a month before your time off. If you don’t pack your gratitude and positive mindset, no destination will make you happy. But if you look for the positives, you’ll find them everywhere you travel. This article originally appeared in the April 2016 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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A person meditating.

Mindful Living With Dr. Aria Campbell-Danesh and Dr. Seth Gillihan

Mindfulness is something that pretty much all of us have heard of and many of us want to practice it. But sometimes just the idea of learning how to be more mindful seems daunting. This episode’s guests are experts in mindfulness and they’re also good friends. That friendship and shared passion for mindfulness has resulted in the book, A Mindful Year: 365 Ways to Find Connection and the Sacred in Everyday Life. Join us as Dr. Aria Campbell-Danesh and Dr. Seth Gillihan tell how this book came about – and how you can use it daily to start or reinforce your mindfulness practice. In this episode, you'll learn: What practicing mindfulness can do for you. How to implement mindfulness every day. Why mindfulness is more important right now than ever. Links and Resources Instagram: @dr._aria Facebook: @dr.aria.fit Facebook: @sethgillihan Twitter: @sethgillihanphd Sign up to Dr. Aria’s newsletter at www.dr-aria.com to get updates on his upcoming free short course on sustainable weight loss. Get Dr. Seth Gillihan’s free e-guide “10 Ways to Manage Stress & Anxiety Every Day” when you sign up for his newsletter. Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Mountain View

Choose Your Change Wisely

For years, Tal Ben-Shahar tried to implement a meditation practice into his daily routine. “I followed all the prescriptions, but I always ended up giving up,” he says. “I couldn’t make it work.” Then, he discovered yoga and found that he was able to enjoy a meditative experience by getting into the flow of his practice. “For me, the movement is much more engaging than sitting still in a room trying to follow my breath,” he explains. “And for me, listening to music is a meditative experience, so I use that as a meditation as well.” As people struggle to create lasting change in their lives, Tal, co-founder of The Wholebeing Institute and HappierTV.com, says that many of us are trying to force ourselves into making the changes we feel we “should” make. However, those changes might not always line up with the experiences that we truly want out of life, and, as a result, we often fall short. “People tell themselves they need to exercise, so they sign up to start going to the gym—but it’s not something that they really want to do,” he says. “In order to create lasting change, you need to find something that you naturally gravitate toward. Maybe a gym membership isn’t for you; maybe you’d be happier dancing or swimming. You need to do something that is more suitable to something you really enjoy and want to do.” As a new year begins, it’s common practice for us to commit to new habits, make resolutions and try to “do better” at any number of things. While those commitments are often laudable goals, they can also be fraught with danger and set us up to fail. “We’re more likely to stick with commitments if we enjoy them,” Tal says. So before you set a goal, make sure it’s more than merely attainable; make sure you can also find a way to make it enjoyable. Getting There is Half the Fun We’ve all known (or perhaps have even been) that person who sets his or her sights on a goal—say, losing 20 pounds—and goes after it with single-minded determination. But once the goal is conquered, the achiever slowly returns to old habits. Lasting change requires more than seeing an “end result,” it involves looking at the journey as a whole. Shelley E. Taylor, Ph.D., distinguished professor of psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles has researched the role of visualization in achieving goals. She found that those who visualized the entire journey—not just the desired outcome—had greater success in reaching their goals. According to her research, those who mentally walked through the process of successfully reaching a goal were nearly two times more likely to succeed than those who simply looked at the end result. Tal suggests making that visualization the first step of any plan for change. “If you can visualize yourself not just being fit, but going to the gym and working out on specific equipment, it lets you visualize how that change will happen,” he says. That mindset is supported by the Hope Theory, which was introduced by Charles Richard “Rick” Snyder, the late Wright Distinguished Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Kansas. He maintained that hopeful thinking was made up of three components—setting goals, creating pathways to reach your goals, and believing you can achieve those goals. “He talked about the fact that it’s not just a matter of willpower, it’s way power,” Tal says. In other words, you can’t just make up your mind to accomplish something; you have to create a realistic plan for getting there. Planning for Success Tal says there are three components to creating a successful plan for lasting change: 1. It must involve precise behavior. Instead of saying, “I want to start meditating,” make it specific: “I am going to meditate every day for 10 minutes.” Or decide, “I am going to drink eight glasses of water every day” instead of saying, “I’m going to drink more water.” 2. You should create specific times to honor your commitment. Set a timer to remind you to drink a glass of water at certain times, or commit to meditating each morning at 6:30 a.m. when you get out of bed. 3. It must be a deeply held value. You have to believe in the value of implementing that change and truly become committed to making it last. “We need all three of these components,” Tal explains. “For me, being physically healthy is really important. I go to the gym, I run, I swim, I do yoga. And I put it in my Outlook calendar so that time is actually blocked out of my day. The good news about making changes—even if we’ve attempted and fallen short in the past—is that it actually gets easier over time. That’s because each time we start a new habit, our brains form a neural pathway around that habit. The longer we practice that habit, the deeper and more ingrained that pathway becomes. Even if we abandon it, our brains will recall that habit when we attempt it again. “Whether it’s hitting a forehand [stroke] in tennis, playing a piece of music or going to the gym, once you create a habit, the neural pathway is there. There’s a saying that the neurons that fire together, wire together. When we do the same activities over and over, those neurons wire together and we create a habit.” Overcoming Inertia Of course, getting started is often the biggest obstacle to change, and that’s not our fault. Tal points out that our subconscious self isn’t a big advocate for change and would rather stick with what’s familiar. Because of that, the first few weeks are crucial to making lasting change. “We are creatures of habit,” he says. “Our subconscious rejects change. We all get excited about the idea of making a New Year’s resolution, but if you understand the nature of habit, you’ll see that there’s a reason those changes don’t usually last beyond a day, a week or a month.” When we’ve been doing—or not doing—something for a long period of time, we’re accustomed to our daily routine. Change requires effort, while inertia does not. Much like our immune system attacks a foreign element that enters our body in the form of disease, our subconscious may rush in to fight the idea of change. That’s when it truly becomes a matter of commitment and refusing to listen to the devil on your shoulder. “There are many different hypotheses about how long it takes to truly change a habit,” Tal says. In 1887, American philosopher and psychologist William James wrote that it took 21 days to make a habit stick, but more recently, Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, authors of The Power of Full Engagement, wrote that it takes about 30 to 60 days for a new habit to take root. Richard J. Davidson, Ph.D., founder of the Wisconsin-based Center for Investigating Healthy Minds, says changes in brain function are noticeable after just two weeks of changing a behavior or practice. The bottom line? Individual results may vary. “If we feel that something is embedded after doing it 20 times, maybe it has already become a habit for us. But maybe after 30 days, it still feels like a Herculean task to get up and go to the gym every day; it’s not a habit yet,” Tal says. “I think you have to look at each [response] individually. Don’t Try to Be Perfect One of the best things that we can do to boost our odds of successfully making change last, he says, is to let go of the idea of perfection. Use a little self-forgiveness and a lot of self-compassion if you fall short or miss a day. It’s not the end of the world, and there’s always tomorrow. “Perfection is the enemy of good,” Tal says. “If we’re more forgiving, it’s easier to bring about change in our lives. When we think we have to be perfect, a lot of times we end up doing nothing. It leads to inaction.” Instead, we should look at each day as a fresh opportunity to reinforce a new habit and make progress on our goal, even if we fell short the day before. “I’m sure that once in a while, all of us have fallen asleep without brushing our teeth,” he says. “That doesn’t mean we say we failed at it and we all quit brushing our teeth.” Perhaps the most important step in making change is simply to change the way we think about our need to reach a goal. “Making lasting change means giving yourself permission to be human. Just know that it may take a few times of trying before you succeed.” This article originally appeared in the February 2016 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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Stack of rocks

Calm the Chaos With Nicola Ries Taggart

A lot of us would like to learn how to calm the chaos around us right now, and it just so happens that this week’s guest literally wrote the book on that. Nicola Ries Taggart is a life strategist, author and speaker who helps people discover a more centered, conscious approach to everyday life. Two years ago, she wrote the book Calm the Chaos, a journal designed to help users align their outer presence with inner peace. She talks about how you can learn to calm the chaos … even in these rather chaotic times. In this episode, you'll learn: What practices you can use to calm the chaos. How she discovered these practices and why they have been so important in the past year. Why journaling every day — even for just a few minutes — can change your life. Links and Resources Facebook: @nicolariestaggart Instagram: @nicolariestaggart LinkedIn: @nicolariestaggary Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Young father playing with daughter in the sitting room

Want to Be Happy? Find More Time to Play!

Being married to a happiness researcher has costs and benefits. Costs come from knowing the research and being fully aware when one or both of us is not living it. For instance, it’s hard to get away with luxuriating in cataloging all the reasons why you can’t be happy when we both know it’s a choice. Finding fault and deficit thinking in arguments are off-limits because both of us realize those behaviors are not helpful. Positive psychologists know all the tricks! And when we are at dinner parties meeting new people, they inevitably assume that two happiness researchers living under the same roof and raising a child together will result in the happiest kid on the planet. Therefore if Leo happens to be crying, they must think those researchers don’t know what they are talking about. (No pressure there!) But the benefits way outweigh the costs. We are intentional about crafting an environment at home that promotes well-being and joy. When people hold us up to a higher standard, they actually encourage us to act on our best intentions. And most importantly, since we go through experiences together, we are often more likely to see patterns that can help us create more happiness. That is exactly what happened when we went through our own happiness course this past fall. It might seem odd, but in October of 2014, we decided to be students in our own class. The previous summer we had teamed up with the Oprah Winfrey Network to develop an online course on happiness. When the course launched, we decided to enroll along with thousands of other students. We did the same positive, habit-building exercises and homework assignments as everyone else, including fostering gratitude by writing down three new and unique things we are grateful for each day for 21 days. About 14 days into the course, we noticed a new pattern. Almost all of our moments of gratitude revolved around imagination or play: Playing Play-Doh with Leo at home. Hide and go seek at the park and jumping out from behind trees. Building ramps for toy cars to jump over Duke the stuffed dog. Pretending to be a penguin at the aquarium. You get the picture. When we started to look at the kinds of things we were grateful for, they were often the same: We love to play! It’s something neither of us had fully realized in the midst of our fast-paced lives. The practice of gratitude acted like a roadmap for us, helping us see ways to consciously add more moments of play (with and withoutour son) to our day. The day after we realized how important play was to our lives, instead of grabbing lunch together to talk about our latest research study, we went to shoot hoops at the gym, which we normally never do. We had such a great time! We acted like kids playing during recess. (Important note from Michelle: I crushed Shawn at HORSE. Important note from Shawn: I crushed Michelle at HORSE.) One additional benefit to this new round of gratitudes is that our list became a “heads-up” of the type of moments to be more conscious of and savor as they are happening. If you know a certain experience is likely to be the high point of your day, you can make sure to be more present and aware of the joy you feel as it is happening. Once we noticed the pattern, we observed there were criteria for play: It did not fit our normal pattern of what we considered “productive,” we didn’t get paid for it, and it was novel. We love reading nonfiction, but we are so immersed in it at work, that for our downtime, we both turn toward the opposite: fun fiction. (Important note from Shawn: Team Jacob. Important note from Michelle: Team Edward.) Just like with work, we are trying to carve out time for play: a twice-a-week Latin fusion hip-hop dance class (Michelle), a new Batman video game (Shawn), and lots of park time and exploration for Leo. Time is a precious resource. Moments to recharge don’t take long, but they do take intention and a better understanding of what makes us happy as individuals. Happiness is a practice, not a destination, and if we take it too seriously, we miss it. And that makes us excited for an entire lifetime of exploration into the best ways to fuel long-term happiness. If you want happiness, get some play into your life. This article originally appeared in the February 2016 issue of Live Happy magazine.
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A woman feeling content.

Becoming Heart-Minded With Sarah Blondin

Are you living in your heart, or living in your head? If you’re spending more time in your head than in your heart, this week’s episode is perfect for you. Sarah Blondin is an author and podcast host whose work has been translated into several languages and is in use in prison, recovery, and wellness programs. Her new book, HEART MINDED: How to Hold Yourself and Others in Love, tells us how we can get out of our heads and into our hearts to find our true selves and learn how to discover – and attain — what we truly need. In this episode, you'll learn: What it means to become heart-minded. How practicing “soul-itude” can help you find your heart center. Why solitude can be challenging and how to practice it anyway. Links and Resources Instagram: @sarahfinds Website: https://www.sarahblondin.com/ Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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A woman meditating.

The Art of Acceptance With Scott Haas

Accepting the difficult events in our lives is a key part of our well-being. Acceptance allows us to cultivate a sense of calm that allows us to better deal with stress. As we deal with an increasingly uncertain world, how can learning more about acceptance help increase our happiness? This week, psychologist Scott Hass, author of Why Be Happy? The Japanese Way of Acceptance talks about how ukeireru, the Japanese principle of acceptance, can help each of us during troubled times. In this episode, you'll learn: How learning acceptance changes your response to situations. Ways to increase your practice of acceptance. How to practice acceptance as a family. Links and Resources Facebook: @ScottHaasWritesBooks Instagram: @scotthaaswritesbooks Twitter: @scotthaas27 Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Female Patient And Doctor Have Consultation In Hospital Room

A Case for the Power of Positivity

As a plastic surgeon, I share the healing journey of my patients on many different levels. It is something that often begins even before the surgery itself takes place. While most of us see the recovery process as something that takes place in the body, I’ve learned that one of the most important factors in my patients’ ability to heal has less to do with their physical health and more to do with their positive mental outlook. Attitude is crucial in everything we do in life; it can turn a seemingly bad day into a good one and give us a fresh perspective when a situation seems hopeless. But when it comes to the healing process, a positive attitude is the best medicine that money can’t buy. Research shows a positive attitude increases our life span, provides a better ability to cope with challenges and even improves our immune system. Being able to look at a challenging situation with a positive outlook doesn’t mean you ignore tough situations or deny the emotional impact they have on you; it simply means that you approach that situation in a more productive way. You start looking for the best thing that can happen in the situation instead of dwelling on the worst. When you do that, you’ll discover that amazing things happen. You’ll be reminded that you can make it through whatever challenges you’re dealing with. I’ve seen this happen time and time again in my practice, and it inspires me every time. It’s a tremendous reminder that you can’t choose everything that happens to you, but what matters is how you choose to react to it. Transforming From the Inside Out I first met Virginia when she was a guest on our television show, The Doctors, and discussed what it was like to live with Parry-Romberg Syndrome. Parry-Romberg is a fairly rare autoimmune disorder that causes the tissues underneath the skin to shrink and degenerate. It literally looks like part of the person’s face is melting away. Imagine watching each day as the face in the mirror changes and becomes a stranger to you but not knowing how to stop it. At 44, Virginia had lived with this condition for more than 30 years, and it caused her a tremendous amount of both physical and emotional trauma. She had been to many doctors who were unable to help her, which only added to her frustration. And, she denied herself the privilege of becoming a mother because she was afraid of passing this disorder on to her child. Unless you’ve been born with some sort of physical deformity, I don’t think it’s possible to understand the kind of emotional agony Virginia suffered. Yet she was brave enough to come on the show and share her compelling story with our audience. Her story not only moved our viewers, it affected me, too. I joined with my colleague, Dr. Ritu Chopra, to surgically rebuild what this disorder had taken from Virginia. But it wasn’t just her physical appearance we restored; the procedure also brought back her bubbly, enthusiastic personality. She became more social and interactive with others; her new physical appearance restored her enthusiasm and confidence. Being part of that transformation was a powerful experience for me. I learn so much from the patients I see who refuse to give up, and when we can help change their lives, it changes our lives as well. There’s something to be said for giving back, because when we do that, we find gifts that we never imagined. For me, that gift has been learning just how powerful positivity can be. Beneath the Surface In my 30 years of work as a plastic surgeon, working with patients like Virginia has been key to my growth not only as a doctor, but also as a person. Like many doctors, I have participated in charities abroad, performing procedures that wouldn’t otherwise be available to them. Over time, however, I realized that so many people here in the U.S. needed reconstructive surgery as well. That’s why we started the Surgical Friends Foundation, which works with burn victims and those who have been scarred or disfigured by domestic violence. What I’ve gained through this experience has been so important, not only because it allows me to use my skills as a surgeon in such a beneficial and life-changing way, but because of what it’s taught me about the human spirit. I regularly see people who are very positive and optimistic despite facing incredibly difficult challenges. Seeing that reminds me that there are many people in this world with problems greater than mine. And it lets me know that I can get through whatever it is I’m going through. They’re an inspiration to me. And it encourages me to keep doing what I’m doing. (This article originally appeared in the June 2015 edition of Live Happy magazine.)
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