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Discovering Fierce Self-Compassion With Dr. Kristin Neff

For almost 20 years, Dr. Kristin Neff has been teaching us about how to improve our well-being through self-compassion. Now, she’s teaching us how to get fierce. Kristin is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion and her newest book, Fierce Self-Compassion, looks at an often-overlooked aspect of self-compassion. But fierce self-compassion is just as important to our well-being as tender self-compassion, and she’s here to tell us why. In this episode, you'll learn: The difference between tender self-compassion and fierce self-compassion. Why it’s particularly important for women to learn how to practice fierce self-compassion. Simple ways to begin implementing fierce self-compassion. Links and Resources: Facebook: @selfcompassion Twitter: @self_compassion Instagram: @NeffSelfCompassion Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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6 Ways to Choose Happiness Today

Gratitude Why it works: Practicing gratitude has a profound effect both on the people who practice it and those who receive it. Gratitude can refocus your brain to start looking for what’s good in life, overcoming your natural negativity bias and making you feel more content about what’s going well in your life. How to practice it: Start keeping a gratitude journal; each day, write down three things you’re grateful for and soon your brain will find more to appreciate. Compassion Why it works: Compassion is the act of feeling the pain of others—which causes you to feel empathy—and then taking action to help. Practicing compassion takes you out of the space of focusing on your own needs. It slows breathing and releases the “bonding hormone” known as oxytocin and lights up areas of your brain related to pleasure. How to practice it: Perform acts of kindness for others and consciously notice—and try to help alleviate—their suffering. You both will benefit. Savoring Why it works: Noticing what is good and pleasurable around you allows you to be in the moment. Basking in the positive emotions you’re feeling, like awe, hope and love, increases your appreciation for the moment. How to practice it: When you’re experiencing something good, take a mental picture or “emotional snapshot.” This encourages you to explore more deeply what is happening so you can remember it later, which also heightens the appreciation you’re having at that moment. Optimism Why it works: Looking at the bright side has an upside: Optimists statistically not only live longer, but they live better, with a much lower risk of dying from diseases like cancer, heart disease and stroke. Being optimistic lowers your stress response, which leads to better health (and happiness) overall. How to practice it: Start each day by writing down what you’re most looking forward to that day; just as with gratitude, you’ll soon automatically start looking for things to be excited about. Mindfulness Why it works: Much of our anxiety comes from worrying about the future; often depression is linked to regrets about the past. Mindfulness reminds us to stay in the moment and focus on what is happening to us right now; the more we practice it, the more we learn to live in the moment. How to practice it: There are many ways to practice mindfulness, but it all comes back to being in the moment. Whether this means noticing your breath, walking with mindful intention or eating with awareness, it’s all about slowing down and embracing the present. Giving Back Why it works: Multiple studies show that giving back makes us happier. Whether that means giving money to a stranger in need, volunteering with a favorite charity or doing something for a friend or family member, it gives us what’s known as a “helper’s high”—and makes us want to do more good. How to practice it: There are countless opportunities to practice giving back every day. Give blood. Volunteer your time. Donate items you no longer use. Do something kind for an elderly neighbor. Look around, and you might be surprised to see how many ways there are to give back—and how much you have to give.
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3 Ways to Move Forward

The mental health costs of COVID-19 and related crises have been staggering. According to the CDC, in the U.S. the number of adults with anxiety/depression has risen from 8% in September 2019 to 41.5% in February 2021. Neuroscience says there is every reason to be optimistic about turning this tide back and achieving resilience, or the ability to thrive amidst adversity. How we manage our expectations as we move forward is a critical component of restoring our emotional wellness and ability to thrive. The moment the pandemic became real for you, your amygdala took your entire body to a state of constant hyperarousal flooding your body with cortisol and other chemicals that exhausted your brain and body. This created an on-going experience of a toxic stew of emotions from sadness to anger to frustration to feeling isolated and on and on. Anything you experience for 60 – 70 days literally rewires the brain. Our amygdala’s have kept us hyper aroused for far more than 70 days, rewiring our brain to make disturbing emotions our automatic reaction to any perceived threat. Here are three ways to rewire your brain as we move forward. Practice them consistently to restore your sense of calm and confidence and ability to thrive. 1. Practice Acceptance Accept developing anxiety, depression and burnout as natural responses to this incredibly challenging environment. That’s why so many of us are experiencing anxiety and depression disorders. It’s very disturbing and it interferes with our ability to function well. It is not a sign that there is something inherently wrong with you or those around you. Accepting that your current mental state is a natural response means you cut off the negative self-talk: “What’s wrong with me?” “Why can’t I handle this?” You restore room for helpful, hopeful thoughts, creating space to see that you will gain the ability to thrive—not just survive. 2. Move Forward, Don’t Return COVID-19 has changed every aspect of everyone’s life around the globe. We can’t go back to the way things were. It’s just not possible. Talking about going back to normal, returning to school, going back to work is like giving a booster shot to your amygdala. You are giving it more power to continue the neurological hijacking of your emotions and thoughts. A quick example. A local school district just “reopened.” From the moment kids got on the bus wearing masks and sitting in every other row—there was nothing about it that was a “return” to normal. Sitting behind plexiglass, kids struggled to hear teachers and classmates. Hallways were disturbingly quiet as anxious kids tried to get to their next class. At the end of the first day, one 17-year-old senior said, “I don’t know what that was but it wasn’t school.” The talk of “returning” had set hopeful expectations for the enjoyment of some senior year rituals—like field trips to amusement parks, proms, and graduations filled with hugs. The actual experiences crushed those hopes. Talk about moving forward into new ways of working, learning, and living. Not “returning”—creating a new world. 3. Build Your Pragmatic Optimism Take control of your expectations by consistently answering the following three questions for yourself, family and friends, and co-workers. • Will this last forever? No. Every trusted expert agrees COVID-19 will be driven into submission. We will create new and better jobs. In fact, the rest of this decade has already been termed the “Soaring Twenties.” • Will we lose everything? We have all lost a lot. People were lost to COVID-19. Jobs and family businesses are gone. Yet we gained some important things to be mindful about: we are more empathetic with each other; some of us have become closer to family and friends; what’s really important in life is clearer. • How can I use my experience, talent and motivation to move forward? Each day find a way to make things a bit better. Some days it will be big things, like helping someone find a new job. Some days it will be small things, like helping your 80-year-old neighbor take her garbage out. Together, we move forward to thrive!
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Mental Health Hygiene for Men With Quentin Vennie

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and while there’s more resources for mental health than ever before, it’s still a topic that’s often overlooked when it comes to men. In this episode, host Paula Felps talks with motivational speaker and wellness expert Quentin Vennie about overcoming the stigma men face when it comes to caring for their mental health. His bestselling memoir, Strong in the Broken Places, detailed his journey from anxiety, depression and addiction to his discovery of wellness practices that he now teaches to others. In this episode, you'll learn: Why men need to put more focus on their mental health. How women can help on their mental health journey. What the Trinity of Wellness is and how to practice it. Links and Resources: Facebook: @quentinvennie Instagram: @quentinvennie Twitter: @quentinvennie Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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What Happiness Does for Your Health

According to the 2012 U.S. Census, people who consider themselves healthy are about 20 percent happier than the average Joe, while those who are unhealthy are about 8.25 percent less happy. So what can happiness do for your health? Here’s a look at five great health benefits of happiness: It boosts your immune system. Repeated studies on the immune system show that people with a high level of positive emotion who were exposed to viruses were better able to ward off illness. It strengthens your heart. Chronic anger and anxiety take a toll on your cardiovascular system; studies show that people with a high level of hope and optimism have a lower risk for coronary heart disease. It may help reduce pain. Many studies dealing with arthritis have shown happier people have less pain and stiffness; it also has been shown to reduce pain related to other conditions. It helps you sleep better. Sleep’s role in our overall health is becoming more widely recognized. We know now that when you sleep better, it improves your cognitive function, your ability to regulate your weight and boosts your immune system. (Not to mention making you way less grumpy!) Studies show a link between happiness and better sleep, contributing to that much-desired “upward spiral” of happiness. It lengthens your lifespan. There’s a strong link between positive well-being and longevity. Even with chronic conditions like heart disease, happier people tend to outlive their grumpy counterparts. Healthy Happiness Habits If you want to boost your happiness so you can increase your health, try some of these scientifically proven methods: Get outside. Being in nature is a natural mood-booster. Practice gratitude. Gratitude refocuses your attention and makes you appreciate the good things in your life. Develop a mindfulness or meditation practice. Slowing down and looking inward has medically proven benefits, and also helps you sleep better. Exercise. It’s good for your physical well-being but also plays a key role in boosting your mood. Eat a healthy diet. Healthy foods lead to a happy brain—and you’ll improve your health, too! This article originally appeared in the October 2018 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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Managing Back-to-Work Anxiety With Darlene Marshall

A recent study showed that many Americans are feeling anxious about returning to their workplaces. To wrap up National Stress Awareness Month, host Paula Felps is talking with Darlene Marshall, who combines her master’s in applied positive psychology with fitness and personal training to create a well-rounded approach to well-being. She also hosts the Better Than Fine podcast, and she’s here to talk about how why going back to work is stressing us out … and what we can do about it. In this episode, you'll learn: What could be making you feel stressed out about returning to work — and how to manage it. How employers can help ease workers’ stress. A simple practice that helps relieve stress. Links and Resources Instagram: @darlene.coach LinkedIn: @coachdarlenemarshall Website: https://www.darlene.coach/ Sign up for the Come What May Challenge, a 31-day challenge Darlene is holding throughout the month of May designed to decrease depression, reduce anxiety and boost your mood through meditation, movement and gratitude. Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Happy for Life

A long, full and vibrant life has long been seen as an enviable stroke of good luck, the result of good genes or perhaps a gift from the gods. As technology continues to provide new medical breakthroughs that can expand our lifespans, the idea of a long life seems to be an attainable goal for most of us. But there’s a catch, says David Ekerdt, Ph.D., a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of Kansas. While David acknowledges that a longer life has become a valued public health objective, he observes that, “At the individual level, longer lives are a goal only if [the individual] remains healthy.” His study, “Is longevity a value for older adults?” was published in December in the Journal of Aging Studies. He looked at aging adults from China, Germany and the U.S. and found they all shared one common belief: A long life requires good health to make it worthwhile. Recent research shows the path to long-term health may not be as dependent on genes or good luck as we once thought; science shows that our thoughts and actions play a bigger role in overall health than we previously realized. Starting Younger, Living Better If it’s a long, happy life you’re after, the time to start is now—regardless of whether you’re 5 or 35. The foundation for a long life is established early on; the habits and mindset you pick up along the way will affect your health much more than your family traits and curses. George Vaillant, director emeritus of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, says how long and how well we live is about much more than our genes, jobs, physical exercise or diet. The Harvard study, launched in 1938, examines what creates a long, healthy life. Today, it extends to the descendants of that original research project and gives an unprecedented look into what allows us to live better. “Genetics has much less effect on how long someone lives than their habits,” says George, who headed the study for 30 years. He found alcoholism and smoking to be the two deadliest practices, while moderate exercise and a stable weight tend to equal a longer life. Beyond that, the research shows, longevity depends upon our emotions and relationships. “People who live a long time have a lot of positive emotion,” he says. “And that means being part of a community. It’s hard to have positive emotion on a deserted island; you need other people.” Finding Your Tribe Positive emotions and good relationships are not only bedrock principles of positive psychology; they have been found to be instrumental to good health. While unhappy marriages and stressful relationships have been proven deterrents to good health, individuals with healthy relationships have 35 percent fewer illnesses. “The key to healthy aging is relationships, relationships, relationships,” George says. Well-being researcher Dan Buettner agrees. The Blue Zones author has studied what leads to longer, more fulfilling lives and has found that not only are happiness and good health tightly intertwined, but that social interaction can help you live longer and better. “We are more likely to be happy if we get five to seven hours of meaningful social interaction a day,” he says. “Making sure that you have happy friends affects how long you live, because that’s contagious. And focusing on your immediate social network is more important than either diet or exercise programs when it comes to living a long, happy, healthy life.” He says having five positive-minded people who share interests in recreation—whether it’s golfing, walking or gardening—and who truly care about you will have powerful incremental effects on your well-being. “That is almost the surest thing you can do in the long run for both making it to a healthy age 90 or 95 and enjoying the journey. [Happiness adds] about eight years to your life expectancy; it’s almost as good for you as quitting smoking.” Tending to Your Telomeres If the notion that simply being happy and focusing on positive relationships can offset aging seems hard to believe, Elissa Epel, Ph.D., has the proof. Elissa co-authored the book, The Telomere Effect with 2009 Nobel Prize winner Elizabeth Blackburn, Ph.D., and their research shows that greater happiness equals longer lives. Telomeres—those caps at the end of each strand of DNA—protect our chromosomes and affect how quickly and how well our cells age. Telomeres shorten as we age, but practices like smoking, lack of exercise, a poor diet and stress also can shorten them. But now, Elissa says, there’s growing proof that just changing your mindset can change your telomeres, leading to a longer, happier life. Focusing on the positive and finding ways to be fully engaged with your life has a proven association with longer telomeres. Practices like meditation, tai chi and qigong can reduce stress and increase the production of telomerase, an enzyme that replenishes telomeres. Adopting happiness practices and learning to focus on the positives are scientifically proven to be some of the most beneficial practices for maintaining the length of telomeres. “Mindset and mental health are some of the most important parts of healthy aging,” Elissa says. “We can’t forget the daily work of good, healthy habits…but fewer people realize that where we put our attention is also critically important.” Don’t miss Paula’s interview on the Live Happy Now podcast with Dr. Joe Bates as he explains how to use brain exercises to keep your mind young and fit. This article originally appeared in the October 2018 edition of Live Happy magazine.
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Using Stress to Improve Your Life With Dr. Dravon James

April is National Stress Awareness Month, and as you might be aware … we’re a little more stressed out than we used to be! In this episode, host Paula Felps talks with Dr. Dravon James — an author, host of Everyday Peace on Unity Radio and an inspirational speaker who has made it her life purpose to help others to tap into their natural ability to transform their lives. She tells us how we can change our lives for the better by changing our approach to stress. In this episode, you'll learn: The surprising hidden benefits of stress. Why some stress-relieving practices may actually lead to more stress. How gratitude helps relieve stress. Links and Resources Instagram: @everydaypeace Facebook: @everydaypeacewithdrdravonjames Twitter: @drdravonjames Live Happy Now Destress Playlist Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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The Power of the Pen

In 2009, Gina Mulligan was diagnosed with breast cancer. As word spread to friends and family, dozens of handwritten letters and cards of encouragement began pouring in, many from people she’d never met. Before long, Gina looked forward to the mail’s arrival each day. The mailman typically delivered late in the afternoon, following her radiation therapy treatments, causing her to approach her sessions with a hint of excitement as she anticipated what might be coming that day. “I would read the letters and just relax after treatments that were so scary,” Gina says. “There was this warmth from being surrounded physically by these cards and letters.” Fast-forward two years: With active treatment behind her, Gina wanted to give back to other women who might not have the support she did. In August 2011, Gina founded Girls Love Mail, a nonprofit whose army of volunteers writes and sends handwritten letters to women who have been newly diagnosed with breast cancer. To date, the organization has distributed some 141,000 letters to women across the United States through its partnering cancer centers and programs. “I realized how powerful it is to get something handwritten,” Gina says. “Those letters were part of my healing.” Though she also received heartfelt emails and social media messages, those didn’t impact her in the same way. “I didn’t print the emails out,” Gina says. “A handwritten letter is more than just the words. It’s the stationery, the ink—all of those personal touches that really come through when it’s written by hand.” Mary Savig, curator of manuscripts at the Smithsonian Institution’s Archives of American Art—which contains hundreds of thousands of handwritten letters from artists and art-world figures—chimes in: “People have very physical responses to handwritten letters, whether you’re the writer or the receiver. You can really feel the presence of an author in a way that’s difficult to translate in a lot of other media.” But in this age of smartphones, tablets and laptops, it may seem like writing by hand is taking a backseat to these time-saving technologies. Take a 2012 survey of 2,000 British residents that found 1 in 3 respondents hadn’t written anything by hand in the previous six months, while on average respondents hadn’t put pen to paper in 41 days. “It’s novel these days to write by hand—to do something manually,” says Pablo Tinio, associate professor of education foundations at Montclair State University and co-editor of Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts. That makes you wonder: How can we benefit from setting our screens aside and jotting down our thoughts on paper? Handled With Care A 2003 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology suggests that an object’s quality is determined by the perceived amount of effort that went into its production. Researchers conducted three experiments in which undergraduate students were asked to judge the quality of a poem, paintings, and medieval arms and armor. In each experiment, researchers manipulated the perceived effort invested. For example, they told one group of participants that the poem took the writer four hours to compose, while informing a second group that it took 18 hours to complete. The results? Participants rated the objects that required more effort higher in quality each time. “There seems to be an intuitive sense, both from the maker and the receiver, that higher value is placed on something that takes more effort,” Pablo says. That helps explain why handwritten notes often resonate on a deeper level with recipients than those that are typed or emailed, just as they did for Gina. “It’s the difference between writing a condolence email versus a letter,” says Abby Smith Rumsey, historian and author of When We Are No More: How Digital Memory Is Shaping Our Future. “Writing signals a kind of intentionality that mechanical means don’t have. People who receive letters know that the person who sent it made lots of choices: the paper, ink, color of ink, the words. They know the person thought about what they were saying before they wrote it because there’s no autocorrect.” But it’s not just the recipient who benefits, as psychotherapist and corporate consultant Maud Purcell points out. “The act of writing clarifies your thoughts and feelings,” she says. When you write a note to a loved one, Maud says, you may be empathizing with them in your mind and heart if there’s something going on with them. “If in writing a letter you’re showing concern for them, if it gives you a sense of connectedness because you’re sharing your own experiences with them—all of these things are very healthy.” In Good Hands Undoubtedly, the ability to send emails or quickly type on our keyboards has positively impacted our lives—but the proven benefits that accompany handwriting can’t be overlooked. Exhibit A: journaling, a method of self-expression that Maud says can be any kind of writing—anytime, anywhere. The value comes as you’re able to get in touch with your thoughts and feelings. “The act of writing brings things that are just below the surface of consciousness to the fore,” Maud says. “If you sit down every morning and write your thoughts and feelings in a stream-of-consciousness way, you may end up inadvertently solving a problem you’ve been wrestling with.” The reason? Writing activates the left side of the brain, which is analytical and rational, Maud explains. While the left brain is engaged, the right side is free to intuit and feel. “Journaling allows the creative part of the brain to kick in so that when we’re not thinking, answers can come to the fore,” Maud says. “Not to say that there’s still not value in the keyboard, but the physical act of writing is more impactful and brings more to the surface. There’s a kind of catharsis that comes with it.” Not to mention the role handwriting plays in learning: Studies have revealed that writing notes by hand helps students better retain information, and some experts believe cursive writing can help kids with dyslexia learn to read more easily. Virginia Berninger, professor emerita of educational psychology at the University of Washington, researched the effect handwriting has on the brain. In a five-year study of children in first through seventh grades, she found that printing, cursive writing, and using a keyboard each make unique contributions to the literary process. “When you write by hand, you have to form the letter stroke by stroke,” Virginia says. “It’s that production that helps our perception of letters in reading.” The idea that production improves perception can help explain the results of a 2008 study in the Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience. Researchers found that adults had an easier time recognizing new characters—like Chinese and math symbols—after writing them with pen and paper than they did after producing the characters on a keyboard. “The bottom line is we need to develop kids that are hybrid writers who can print, do cursive, and type,” Virginia says, “because each one of these has its benefits.” Make Your Mark The tension between handwriting and technology isn’t new: Other forms of technology, including the typewriter and telephone, were also once poised to destroy handwriting. The good news? There’s a place for both, as the invention of digital pens—which allow users to scrawl handwritten notes on digital devices—shows us. “While writing letters will probably never be our primary means of communication again, that doesn’t mean we can’t ask handwriting to do different things for us,” Mary says. “I remain optimistic about handwriting—it’s probably not going anywhere.” It seems handwriting has a sort of gritty staying power, and whether we’re scribbling a thank-you letter, penning a journal entry, or learning a new language, we can continue to reap the benefits of this ancient practice that has the ability to reveal our personality, connect with others, calm our minds, and learn easier all at the same time. Take it from Gina, who recalls the power one simple letter can hold: “I received a short note from a woman who told me that I was amazing just the way I was,” Gina says. “Her words were comforting and gave me strength—it was very healing to be told it was fine to just be myself.” This article originally appeared in the October 2018 edition in Live Happy magazine.
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The Power of Rituals with Jan Stanley

Whether we realize it or not, all of us have certain rituals that help us feel grounded and connected. But did you know you can use those rituals to improve your well-being? This week’s guest, Jan Stanley, specializes in helping others live happier lives through the creation of habits, practices and rituals. She’s here to talk about how adopting an intentional ritual can help reduce anxiety and can even help manage the grief and disruption created by the pandemic. In this episode, you'll learn: Why rituals are so important. How to create an effective personal ritual. Using rituals to manage grief, anxiety and other negative emotions. Links and Resources Instagram: @Janstanley Instagram: @Mapstone.rituals Twitter: @Janstanley Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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