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Be Happy to Live Longer

The search for the fabled Fountain of Youth is almost as old as civilization itself, but has largely been in vain. We have long dreamed of finding a way to avoid aging while at the same time (mostly) accepting its inevitability. However, that hasn’t kept science from looking for ways to slow down the aging process or make our later years more fulfilling. Today, there’s good news for anyone who wants to live a long, happy life. Science has found that happiness, not genetics, is one of the greatest predictors of longevity. Simple lifestyle changes can improve not only your mental health but can also change how your body ages. Just ask Cecile Williams, who didn’t even take her first fitness class until the age of 50. Today, at 77, she leads a busy life that includes trying new fitness classes, hitting Nashville’s famed honky-tonks to catch live music and attending fundraisers for social causes. Nothing about her, including her circle of friends, gives a hint of her age. “I always say I will not hang out with old people,” she says with an infectious smile. “They complain too much. It’s always about ‘my diabetes this’ or ‘I’m too old to do that.’ Too many people blame everything on being old.” Since retiring from a career with the Nashville Parks and Recreation Department more than a decade ago, Cecile’s life has blossomed into a rich adventure evidenced by her jam-packed calendar and strong social connections. Each day, she enjoys some form of exercise, whether it’s yoga, TRX, Pilates or POUND, a high-energy cardio workout that incorporates rock music and choreographed routines using weighted drumsticks. Despite coming late to the fitness habit, today she can’t imagine her life without it—and not just because it helps keep her body strong and staves off the effects of arthritis in her knees. “Being in fitness classes has opened me up to so many experiences I wouldn’t have had otherwise,” she says, crediting the circle of friends she’s made. “It’s made me more diversified, and I am open to doing all kinds of different things that I never thought I’d do. Once I started spending more time with other people, I got more outgoing.” Those friendships have deepened over the years and have led to greater involvement in her community. Her 54-year-old daughter shakes her head at her mother’s latest antics. “She thinks I hang out with wild women,” Cecile laughs. “But she’s proud of all the things I’m doing now. And I am perfectly happy.” Without knowing it, Cecile hasn’t merely been enjoying herself, she has been consistently refilling a prescription for a long, happy life. Body of Evidence New findings indicate that if we are searching for that elusive Fountain of Youth, we probably need to look inside ourselves. Science shows that our thoughts and behavior play a bigger role in aging than we previously realized—and that gives us more say in how well we age. Today, researchers are looking beyond family genetics to find the sources of longevity and well-being. While centenarians share certain genes that protect them from aging, only about 25 percent of our longevity is genetic. The other 75 percent, for better or worse, is a combination of lifestyle and environmental factors. “It is not particularly apparent to us in molecular biology why what the human genome is doing should be connected to everyday life circumstances,” says Steve Cole, Ph.D., a professor of medicine and psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at the UCLA School of Medicine. “And yet, that connection emerges time and time again. Our everyday life circumstances end up changing the way genomes function.” Genomes basically carry our genetic marching orders, and studying them helps identify the association between our daily habits and longevity. For example, Steve notes, one of the prominent findings is the effect of loneliness on our genes, which has a direct negative effect on our physical well-being. Loneliness, depression and stress are among the factors that create an uptick in inflammation and a downturn of antiviral activity in our bodies. Living with high levels of inflammation for too long will “statistically precipitate heart attacks, degenerative disease and strokes,” says Steve. “Those are three of the major killers of people in modern social settings.” Conventional wisdom has said that a healthy diet and exercise are crucial to improved physical well-being, and so is reducing stress (or at least minimizing our reaction to it). As it turns out, however, the missing piece of the puzzle may involve rethinking what it means to live well. Living Better, Thriving Longer Happy people, it turns out, have fewer symptoms of pain and illness and show slower declines in physical function. A positive mood is shown to reduce blood pressure during stressful times; positive people also miss less work due to illness and have fewer hospital visits over their lifetime. Adopting certain practices, such as gratitude, mindfulness and meditation, may help buffer against stress and lead to greater happiness in the moment as well as better health in the long run. In a study, Steve and happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., looked at how behaviors affect us biologically. They found that even when we are under stress, the way our body absorbs that stress can be very different—and it can be regulated by our own actions. Study participants who practiced acts of kindness for others showed a significant drop in the inflammation caused by white blood cells. Interestingly, study participants who did good deeds like writing a check to a charity or who practiced acts of self-care did not show the same positive effects. This led the researchers to conclude that simply performing small acts of kindness for others can have a big impact on gene regulation. “Prosocial behavior, in particular, has a very good effect on [our] biology,” Steve notes. “Focusing on the happiness of others, focusing on mankind, is both a recipe for happiness and, quite possibly, the recipe for good health.” Change Your Mood, Change Your Life In 1938, Harvard University embarked on a remarkable open-ended research project to look at what creates a long, healthy life. Today, the Harvard Study of Adult Development continues to provide insight into what affects health and longevity, now extending to the descendants of that original research project. What it tells us, says George Vaillant, psychiatrist and director emeritus of the study, is that how well we live is about much more than our genes, jobs, physical exercise or diet. “Genetics has much less effect on how long someone lives than their habits,” says George, who headed the study for 30 years. He cites alcoholism and smoking as the two deadliest practices, and says moderate exercise and a stable weight go hand-in-hand with longevity. Beyond that, he says, longevity depends upon our emotions and relationships. “People who live a long time have a lot of positive emotion,” he says. “And that means being part of a community. It’s hard to have positive emotion on a deserted island; you need other people.” Resilience, or our ability to bounce back from adversity, also affects longevity, but George says the No. 1 antidote to aging is healthy relationships. People who live a long time have a lot of positive emotion and that means being part of a community." –George Vaillant “Positive emotions, by themselves, are hard to measure, but what you can count are relationships. We know that positive emotions can stimulate the same part of the brain as narcotics, and giving to a charity lights up [those same parts of the brain],” he says. “It doesn’t sound very exciting, but it’s very healthy.” In fact, he says that tending relationships, be it with friends, family, a spouse or a support group, may be the most important thing you can do for your health. “Being nice and generous and funny and kind are more important to people’s health than they realize,” George says. “The earlier you start practicing these things, the better off you are. But it’s certainly never too late to start.” More Love, More Laughter, More Life Other research backs up findings from the Harvard study; Dan Buettner, whose groundbreaking work on longevity led to forming the Blue Zones organization to help Americans live healthier, longer lives, says that longevity walks the same path as happiness. “Health and happiness are inextricably linked,” Dan says. “You cannot pull them apart. Making sure that you have happy friends affects how long you live, because that’s contagious. And focusing on your immediate social network is more important than either diet or exercise programs when it comes to living a long, happy, healthy life.” He says having five positive-minded people who share interests in recreation—whether it’s golf, walking or gardening—and who truly care about you will have powerful incremental effects on your well-being. “That is almost the surest thing you can do in the long run for both making it to a healthy age 90 or 95 and enjoying the journey. [Happiness adds] about eight years to your life expectancy; it’s almost as good for you as quitting smoking.” Perhaps Dan’s greatest evidence of the link between happiness and longevity is much less scientific, though. “After interviewing about 100 centenarians, I can say that I didn’t find a single grump in the bunch,” he says. “That tells me that [happiness] is a really worthwhile pursuit.” Read more: What Can Telomeres Tell Us? Read more: Find Your Blue Zone for a Long and Happy Life Read more: Ikigai: The Secret to a Long, Happy Life Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Confident woman working with a table saw.

Practice

Combat Depression and Anxiety With These Tools

Depression can make you feel like you are stuck in a black hole while the rest of the world goes about its day in a spray of sunshine, as usual—joyfully alive. In your mind, you may want to be happy, but the weight of darkness can feel insurmountable. For others, anxiety puts up roadblocks in the way of happiness. It appears out of nowhere, jittery and malignant, darkening a perfectly ordinary situation with a veneer of fear and dread. The World Health Organization reports that as many as 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. Around 15 million Americans suffer from depression, and nearly half of those diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with anxiety, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Even those who have never struggled with clinical depression or anxiety will have the occasional emotional crisis, blue mood or situational depression. While negative emotions can be helpful—by letting you know something isn’t right in your life—finding happiness isn’t possible unless you are equipped with emotional tools to overcome the weight of dark days. We turned to the experts to find out what emotional power tools they recommend to chip away at depression, reduce anxiety and become more mentally resilient so you can welcome happiness back into your life. Challenge your thoughts Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., psychologist, author and daughter of cognitive therapy founder Dr. Aaron Beck, says, “When you have depression you tend to understand your experience through black glasses instead of clear lenses. With depression, it’s important to stay active and be skeptical of any negative thoughts you might have. “Just because you think something doesn’t necessarily mean it is true,” says Judith. She suggests doing things that make you feel productive and in control, even when your mood is low and you don’t feel like it. According to Dr. David Burns, Stanford psychiatrist and author of the best-selling book Feeling Good, “our thoughts create all of our moods. When you are depressed and anxious, you are giving yourself negative messages; you are blaming yourself and telling yourself terrible things are going to happen. Distorted thoughts cause human suffering.” “Cognitive distortions are things like all-or-nothing thinking,” says David. “For example, if your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total loser. Or fortune telling, where you anticipate things will turn out badly and you treat your prediction as fact. Another cognitive distortion is mental filter, where you hone in on one negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of reality becomes darkened. Or, disqualifying the positive by rejecting positive experiences—as if they don’t count for some reason.” Each of the 10 cognitive distortions that David has identified can be challenged with more positive and realistic thinking, talking back to your negative thoughts. David recommends what he calls a triple column technique to identify distortions in your thinking. Take a piece of paper and make three columns. In the first column, write down your negative thoughts. In the second column, identify the cognitive distortion, and in the third column challenge your negative thought. Examine the evidence and question whether your negative thought is really valid. When you change the way you think, you change the way you feel. Accept that you are imperfect The experts agree, perfectionism is a happiness killer. If you want to welcome a giant wave of calm into your life, accept that you don’t have to be perfect. There are so many stressful moments you could easily diffuse by whispering to yourself: “I don’t have to be perfect. I can just be me.” Self-acceptance is tied to mental resilience, says Judith. “Having unreasonable or rigid standards that continually outstrip reality is a recipe for a negative self-image and a lack of resilience.” Positive psychology expert Caroline Miller has drawn similar conclusions from her research. “People who are exposed to stories of other people’s hardships and how those people successfully overcame those hardships are more persevering and less likely to be self-critical,” Caroline says. “Carol Dweck’s (Stanford psychologist) work on fixed mindsets has also found that when you don’t see yourself as someone who is capable of change, you can’t deal with the prospect of failure, but people with a growth mindset are more forgiving of their mistakes because they see themselves as works of progress who are capable of making tremendous change.” “Aim for success and not perfection,” says David. “Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself to be human can make you a happier and more productive person.” Learn how to comfort yourself You probably know instinctively how to provide comfort to a child, a best friend or a beloved pet. But do you know how to comfort yourself? You can become better at self-compassion with practice. Judith suggests “being sensitive to the suffering of others as it will help you be compassionate toward yourself. Accept and acknowledge your own suffering. Work to relieve and prevent it by non-judgmentally caring for your own wellbeing.” Positive psychology expert and author Michelle McQuaid says, “Self-compassion is hugely important for mental resilience. Too often we turn to our inner critic as a means of motivating ourselves and fail to recognize that while this may get us moving in the short term, neurologically, over time, it actually undermines our motivation, confidence and willingness to pursue our goals.” Self-compassion, she says, allows us to recognize that like everybody else, we’re human and still learning. Say kind things to yourself in a compassionate way you talk to others. “When you show yourself self-compassion, it’s like having a good friend with you all the time,” writes Kristin Neff, Ph.D., in her book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. When you feel a dark mood approaching or are having trouble getting through a rough time, here are 20 more tested, effective tools to fill out the rest of your kit: Embrace anxiety Don’t try to fight or eliminate anxiety, suggests Judith Beck. “Instead, watch it from a distance, evaluate your anxious thinking and correct it if it’s distorted. If it’s not, go to problem-solving. Act in accordance with your values. Avoid action or inaction that’s tied to fear.” Read more: 6 Steps to Win the War Against Worry Connect with people According to Michelle McQuaid, reaching out for social support can boost resilience. By courageously reaching out, you no longer feel alone, your vulnerability connects you with others, and you often realize everyone shares similar struggles. Read more: 8 Tips to Find Your Own Tribe Sleep on it Some days may be dark if you didn’t sleep well, if there’s a hormonal shift, or you are simply just having a bad day. A good night’s sleep can sometimes be enough to turn your entire outlook from negative to positive. Sit in silence Sometimes out of fear of feeling depressed or anxious, we can fill up our lives with being busy or fill up the silence with TV, but getting quiet with your thoughts can be a remedy for depression and anxiety. Silence can foster a state of calm and often give you enough mental space to have insights about your own life. Disconnect from the external Realize you always have a choice when it comes to your thoughts and outlook. Don’t lock your mood into something you can’t control such as how your work day is going or how much you get accomplished in a day. Make a choice to stay positive despite what may be going on around you. Schedule a favorite activity into your calendar When you are busy, you might postpone favorite activities like taking walks outside, having lunch with a friend or even something easy like listening to beautiful music. Your favorite activity is more than a luxury, it’s a powerful way to recharge. Schedule your favorite activities into your calendar like weekly appointments. Read more: Put Happiness on the Calendar Set boundaries Boundaries are our protective borders of what’s acceptable to us and what isn’t. By setting boundaries you are declaring that you will not let people exploit you, and that you are in charge of your own emotions. A boundary can be as simple as saying “No.” Don’t take things personally It’s hard not to take things personally. But we have the capacity to take a step back and realize that what others do and say—even if it is negative and aimed at us—usually has more to do with their own situations than ours. Change the channel “Gritty people have the talent of ‘changing the channel’ in their heads when they are heading toward depression or a desire to quit,” says Caroline Miller. For a quick lift, try posting positive messages and meaningful images in your home or office that you can turn to anytime. Make a happy, uplifting playlist on your phone that you can access when your mood is dragging—or you are stuck in traffic! Choose whom you spend your time with regularly Your closest associations affect you more than you might realize, so choose to spend time with people who are kind and uplifting. Studies show that many of our emotions and character traits—positive and negative—are contagious. Those who have more grit are less likely to fall into a depression spiral, according to Caroline. “And you can increase your grit,” she says, “by being around those who model better ways of dealing with impatience, challenges and pessimistic thinking.” Rewrite the story of you In his best-selling book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., writes that we can change our relationships to our thoughts and feelings by paying attention to the dialogues that stream through our minds. “The stories we tell ourselves give us implicit limits and possibilities,” he says. If your story is holding you back, consider a rewrite with what’s possible. Be aware of your body Michelle McQuaid suggests being “more aware of what our bodies are telling us. And tuning in to the moments when we are feeling overwhelmed or stressed to recognize that our body is trying to tell us that something isn’t unfolding in the way we hoped. We need to understand what is causing our unease and make informed and conscious choices about how we can lean into the situation and learn what is happening.” Journal your thoughts Journaling can be a highly cathartic process as it heightens your awareness of both your thoughts and feelings. When you journal, you connect with yourself and express emotions—two emotionally healthy practices for getting you out of a dark or anxious place. Read more: Write Your Way to Insight Reach out Whether you reach out to a good friend, your network or a licensed psychologist, give yourself permission to seek help. It’s brave to face darkness head on and be self-aware enough to know when you need help. Take care of your own needs Many of us are great at meeting everyone’s needs except our own. Moms, for example, rule at this. The only problem is, if your needs are always coming last, they are probably not being met at all. No one can operate positively—including taking care of others—when his or her own physical and emotional needs are taking a backseat. Activate your own needs. For example, if you start taking time to exercise, you invest in your own physical and mental health and you increase your energy. Or, if you carve out space to read a good book or do an activity you love, your outlook is more positive because you are taking time to recharge with your own interests. Read more: Why Self-Care Isn't Selfish Recognize your strengths To build your resilience, recognize your strengths by making a list and give yourself credit for everything that you do, Judith Beck suggests. Consider making a list of wins. Don’t seek escape Many of us try to ignore negative feelings or distract ourselves with alcohol, food or other self-destructive tendencies. Instead, Michelle McQuaid recommends, lean into your unease. “This may mean gently challenging the stories you’re telling yourself about what is happening or what might happen … and choose the story that serves you best. Engage your strengths to take constructive action,” she says. Avoidance of pain or discomfort leaves no room for learning or growth. Shake up the status quo Take time to deeply reflect on your life. Sometimes a major life event can cause this kind of introspection, other times all it takes is a question. Increased self-awareness can lead to a happier and more fulfilling path. Use these questions to start. Exercise Hello, endorphins, there you are. Make sure your workout is sweat-inducing because that’s when you really experience the physiological and mental benefits. Read more: 8 Great Happiness Perks You Get From Exercise Make positive choices Every choice you make from dawn to dusk impacts how you feel about yourself. Even tiny decisions matter. Become conscious of how each decision you make has the ability to uplift or the ability to detract from how you feel. Catch yourself speaking nicely about someone when that person isn’t even in the room. Follow through on a commitment you made to someone. Smile at a stranger walking by. Share dessert. Stop comparing yourself to others Ah, the comparison game. Facebook and Instagram make the comparisons of life’s highlight reels easy to do. Instead of making yourself feel badly because you think others have it better than you, realize you are idealizing people. Everyone has something they are struggling with but the challenges and personal struggles often don’t often make it into your newsfeeds. Choose to be happy for people and their good news while keeping a foot in reality. Everyone has something they are shouldering. As Judith says, “Work to see the best in yourself, others and in your future.” Read more: Nothing Compares to You Give up the disease to please If you set your outlook or self-worth on whether others like you, your mood will go up and down like a rollercoaster ride. Instead, accept that not everyone is going to like you and it isn’t your job to see that they do. Listen to your gut and give your own opinions more value. Count blessings rather than dwell on the negative You always have a choice. The next time a negative thought tries to settle in, start listing all the things in your life you feel thankful for and happy about instead. The best way to feel mentally strong and ready to fight for your own happiness is to see yourself as a work in progress and build up your emotional toolkit with what you’ve learned from your experiences. David Burns says there’s only one person who can ever make you happy, and that person is you. Listen to our podcast with Dr. Joshua Smith on How Expressive Writing Can Improve Your Happiness Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

Practice

Queen Bees and Wannabes with Rosalind Wiseman

Rosalind Wiseman has had only one job since graduating from college—to help communities shift the way we think about children and teens’ emotional and physical well-being. Rosalind is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World—the groundbreaking, best-selling book that was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. We sat down with Rosalind to dive into the life of teenagers on this episode of Live Happy Now. What you'll learn in this podcast: Concrete strategies to help you empower your daughter to be socially competent and treat herself with dignity How Girl World has fundamentally changed in recent years The roles of technology in your teen's life How to prevent the influence of cliques on your child'sdecision making Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Download afree sketch noteof this episode Purchase a copy of Queen Bees and Wannabes Visit CulturesOfDignity.com Follow Rosalind on Facebook and Twitter Related articles: Find Happiness In Your Headphones What is Your Healing Rhythm? Live Happy Summer Playlist

Practice

How to Create the Perfect Playlist with Paula Felps

We all have “that song,” the one that instantly makes us feel invincible, like Rocky Balboa running up the steps at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. But did you know that you can use that song to actually reset your brain? We sit down with Live Happy science editor Paula Felps to talk about how to create the perfect playlist. What you'll learn in this podcast: How the arrangement of a playlist affects you The power of musicto change your mood The 5 key components of creating the perfect playlist Different ways you can use playlists to improve your mood Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Download a free sketch note of this episode Listen to the entire playlist we created on the episode: Related articles: Find Happiness In Your Headphones What is Your Healing Rhythm? Live Happy Summer Playlist

science

Can You Spice Up a Meal by Changing the Music?

When Steve Keller hosted a dinner at the upscale Nashville restaurant Etch earlier this year, he received plenty of comments about his food choices. Some found the food he served almost too spicy. Others found it incredibly sweet. Some were underwhelmed by its flavoring and found it almost bland. But the meals Steve’s guests were served were identical—the only thing that differentiated the dining experiences was the music being piped through each person’s earbuds. It was all part of an experimental research project called Spicy Sounds: A Sensory Experience, designed to provide more clues into how sound affects taste. While we have long accepted the fact that sense of smell can affect the taste of our food, research in the emerging field of neurogastronomy shows the effect that other senses have on how we perceive taste. Neurogastronomy looks at how all of our senses work together to taste the food we eat, and some of the most compelling new research shows just how powerful sound is in shaping that perception. At Steve’s event, diners listened to a soundtrack of either music or white noise, while a control group received no sound at all. The music came in two styles—one designed to evoke mental images of spiciness, and the other, images of sweetness. Before eating, diners were asked to listen to the sounds while gauging how sweet or spicy they thought the food in front of them would be, and then were asked to rate the actual sweetness or spiciness of each dish while they ate it. Tasty beats “I knew that if you’re playing the wrong music it can totally ruin the dining experience, but it had never crossed my mind that music could affect the way your taste buds process food,” says Nashville musician and diner Tiffany Shea. “The idea that music could change your experience with the food so drastically brings a whole new depth to music that I didn’t even know existed. It blew my mind.” And for Steve, that is part of the joy of his research. “I think the big revelation is how music affects not just the taste of the food, but our perception of how it will taste,” says Steve, a Nashville music producer who founded iV, a branding agency that has worked with major companies including BMW, Kraft Foods and television networks to help them connect with customers through sound. “I hadn’t considered that sound would shape perception even before they tasted the food,” he says. “But the way we’re wired, sound reaches the brain 20 to 100 times faster than sight. So before we see something, the sound has already reached the brain, and all the information our senses collect after that is filtered through that sound.” Shanna Strassberg was part of the control group that didn’t listen to music or white noise while eating. Initially, she thought she had missed out on being part of the experience. “I was talking to someone afterwards and said something about how spicy one thing on the plate was, and they said, ‘No, that was sweet.’ That’s when I realized this really is a thing, and that people were having very different experiences with the same food.” Love Music? Listen to our podcast on How to Create the Perfect Happy Playlist The chocolate lab Charles Spence, Ph.D., professor of experimental psychology and head of the Crossmodal Research Laboratory in the department of experimental psychology at Oxford University, is one of the leading researchers on how our senses work together to change perception. His 2010 study published in the journal Attention, Perception & Psychophysics looked at the relationship between music pitch and the taste of food. In one experiment, Charles found that people eating chocolate reported it tasted bitter when listening to low-pitched music, but the same chocolate tasted sweeter to them when they listened to higher-pitched tunes. Steve says research has also shown that white noise can cut the perception of sweetness. Tiffany, who listened to white noise while eating, reinforces that finding, saying that she didn’t find the food sweet or spicy. “I really didn’t think it was on one end of the spectrum or the other, and then that made me wonder what the true taste of the food actually was.” It’s not just food that is affected by sound, of course. Charles and fellow Oxford University researcher Janice Wang have studied the effect that music has on wine and found that the right music can enhance the taste by as much as 15 percent. Flavor saver A study they published last year in the journal Perception showed that participants in a wine-tasting event held at Oxford rated wines as being more acidic when they listened to a high-pitched Debussy piano piece. However, when the music was changed to a melodious Rachmaninoff cello piece, participants thought that the wine tasted fruitier. The academic explanation? The study concluded that our brains work to match sounds with taste, and our ears unconsciously influence our taste buds. It also works before we’ve popped the cork. A study in the Journal of Applied Psychology showed music had a strong influence on the type of wine consumers bought; when French music was played, French wines consistently outsold German wines, but when German music was played, German wines were the top seller—even when customers believed the music had no effect on their choices. Of course, there are many marketing opportunities for such findings; restaurants can use music to sell certain types of food or to increase its appeal. Last year, British Airways introduced an audio menu that matches music to in-flight meals to offset the fact that our ability to taste is reduced by 30 percent when we’re in the air. Tracks are carefully selected to enhance the flavor of each item. But Steve is among those who see the link between music and taste as having positive outcomes for both our mental and physical well-being. “This is about more than how Dunkin’ Donuts can use music to sell more coffee,” he says. “We are starting to see ways that we can use music that haven’t been explored before.” Sonic care In healthcare environments, the connection between sound, taste, smell and appearance is beginning to attract attention. Taking the idea that food is medicine one step further, neurogastronomy researchers are looking at how the different senses can benefit patient care. “Think about someone going through chemotherapy, whose taste senses have been affected, or a diabetic who shouldn’t have sugar—what if we could use sound or aroma to bring back the taste of something that’s been lost? Our senses are important, and by tending to all of them, not just treating the disease, I think we could improve health outcomes as well as patient satisfaction.” Steve says that as research continues uncovering the ways our minds perceive and interpret sound, we’ll see greater use of music as part of a healthy, healing journey. “I get really excited thinking that the day is coming when a doctor will prescribe a playlist instead of just pharmaceuticals.” Read more: What's Your Healing Rhythm? Read more: Find Happiness in Your Headphones Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

Olympic Kayaker Michal Smolen Goes With the Flow

Elite-level athletes have mastered the art of staying calm in high-stress moments, they’ve learned to find joy even in harshly competitive situations, and they realize they perform their best when they’re at ease and relaxed. Those are skills any of us can develop. Take Michal Smolen, the professional slalom kayaker making his first Olympic appearance in Rio. When Michal slides into the seat of his kayak, the rest of the world disappears. It’s just him and the water, flowing down-river in an endless stream. Maybe his comfort in his boat comes from the fact that he’s been kayaking competitively since he was a kid. Or maybe he’s just figured out how to quiet his mind, even when the pressure is on. “It’s a matter of not letting any expectations affect me,” Michal says. “I have to leave all that behind and just tell myself that I’m doing what makes me happy. If I’m flexible, relaxed and focused, I can cancel out anything that gets in my way.” Psychologists call this “flow state,” and it’s proven to boost performance and mental focus. “In a flow state, you are completely involved in the activity and time starts flying,” says Wendy Suzuki, Ph.D., professor of neural science and psychology at New York University and author of Healthy Brain, Happy Life. “In this state, worry and ego are not engaged, and you can focus totally on the task at hand. Part of being relaxed, at ease, and having fun is finding a way to enter the flow state where focus can be fully directed at the activity.” Michal, 22, lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, where the U.S. National Whitewater Center is located. He would have been a top contender on the U.S. Men’s Kayak Team at the 2012 Olympic Games in London if a citizenship snag hadn’t gotten in the way. Michal moved to America with his family from Poland when he was 10 years old. His father, Rafal Smolen, was a member of the Polish National Kayak Team and is now a coach for the U.S. Olympic team. A life of competition Michal got into kayaking early but soon discovered he had a fear of water, and at 13, he was diagnosed with epilepsy. He put kayaking on hold, sorted out the proper medication to minimize his seizures, and he joined the swim team, hoping to conquer his water anxiety. It worked. “I wanted to be like Michael Phelps—I was very ambitious as a kid,” he says. “I started doing really well at swimming, but it wasn’t bringing me the same enjoyment as kayaking. So I switched back.” By high school, Michal was one of America’s best young slalom kayak racers, getting fourth place at the Junior World Championships at age 16. By 2012, he placed second at the Olympic trials, but he learned too late that his U.S. citizenship papers would take longer than he thought. He was devastated to sit out his first opportunity to compete at the Olympics. Finally, in February 2013, Michal officially became an American citizen. Since then, he’s been focused on this summer’s Olympic Games. In 2014, he won the Under 23 World Championships, the biggest victory of his career. Last year he became the U.S. National Champion and won a bronze medal at the World Championships and gold at the Pan-American Games, setting him up to be a favorite in Rio. Going for the joy He has no idea what to expect from his first Olympic appearance, but he says he plans on keeping a level head and not letting anything get to him. “When I’m racing that most important race of my life, I want to make sure I’m not shaking and sweating and doing all these crazy things before I’m about to go. I want to tell myself, ‘I did everything I could. I’m ready for this. I’m going to enjoy it,’” he says. “That’s what I do this for: I do it for myself and for the joy of it.” Michal has figured out something that scientists and doctors have been studying for years. Studies have shown that athletes with positive psychological states—those who are relaxed, at ease, having fun—physically perform better in competitive settings than those with negative emotions. “If an athlete’s overall sense of wellbeing and happiness is within a suitable range, they tend to perform better based on the fact that their perceived level of stress is reduced and their subjective belief is ‘I’m doing well,’” says Jason Richardson, a former World Champion and Pan-Am Games gold medalist in BMX racing, who is now a psychologist working with Olympic athletes. “Those beliefs become the driving force, as they precede the feelings and actions that ultimately bring results.” You don’t have to be an Olympian to gain something from this lesson: Enjoy yourself and you’ll do better at whatever it is you set out to do.

Self-Care

Use These 4 Powerful Tools to Overcome Shame

When I got divorced, I felt like I had a flashing scarlet “D” on my forehead. My father mourned, asking, “What am I supposed to tell my friends?” When I went for an appointment at a new doctor’s office, they actually checked “D” on my paperwork. And dating? Forget it. I was now damaged goods. It seemed I couldn’t escape the stigma of failure tethered to my ankle. D for defective. D for defeated. D for desperate dud, doomed to damnation. I was only 26 years old, and yet I felt certain that this veil of shame would haunt me for the rest of my life. (D for dramatic?) That’s the thing about shame: It crawls through your veins, constricts your heart and leaves you curled up in a ball afraid to face the world. Unworthy of connection According to researcher Brené Brown, Ph.D., shame is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” Sadly, we all experience shame, and it’s killing our happiness. Maybe you think of yourself as a lousy mother because you can’t bake, the laundry isn’t done, and you rarely make it on your kids’ field trips. Maybe you label yourself a fat, ugly loser because you haven’t lost those last 20 pounds, and now you’re avoiding the pool. Maybe you’re berating yourself for speaking up at last week’s staff meeting and now you’re dreading seeing your boss. Or maybe shame tells you that you deserve to be alone. Shame says, “I suck,” “I’m a loser,” or in the case of my divorce, “I’m a failure.” As mean as shame is, it does have a purpose. New research shows that our early ancestors adapted shame as an evolutionary advantage. Because we desperately want to belong, shame alerts us to stop a behavior that society devalues. We are social creatures, and we adopt shame as a way of keeping ourselves lovable, and part of the group. According to Dr. June Tangney, author of Shame in the Therapy Hour, shame is a “self-conscious emotion.” It forces us to self-reflect and self-evaluate. For example, growing up in the Midwest with parents who have been happily married for 50 years and grandparents who had been happily married for 68 years, I understood that divorce was for “losers.” The shame triggered by my divorce was an evolutionary response, in a sense, in order to stay safe and accepted within my family. Reaching out During my divorce, the more I called myself a failure, the more I withdrew, and the more I withdrew, the worse I felt. Finally I became desperate to find others who would understand what I was going through. I found an online message board for divorced women under 30 and began reading their stories. Eventually, I posted mine, and though I was terrified, it felt so good to connect with other women going through the same thing that I started responding to every post and eventually, I became the message board leader. I became so strong that I called my dad to heal our relationship and let him talk about his pain around the divorce. Our relationship improved. I began writing a book about young divorce and realized my marriage and divorce was a gift because it showed me that I have the courage to follow my heart, and it allowed me to understand so many women’s struggles. So here is the way to address shame: You’re not a “fat loser” and I'm not a failure. You gained weight. My marriage failed. And this distinction is important for healing, self-worth, connection and happiness. If you see yourself as the issue, you can become anxious, depressed and desolate. But when you separate yourself from a behavior or event, you isolate it as something you want to evaluate and change. The key is to turn shame on its head and use the experience for strength and courage. Allow it to be a trigger for empowerment, self-love and change. Here’s how: 1. Identify shame and diffuse it Shame likes to hide in dark, isolated corners. However, we all feel shame, we all struggle and many of us have experienced common struggles. So the key is to find someone and with whom you can speak safely about your shame with self-compassion and kindness—whether that is a friend, a therapist or an online community. Identify where you feel shame in your body. Your face may heat up, your chest may get tight or your belly may rumble. Feel the sensation of wanting to hide, but instead of doing so, lean into yourself with kindness and self-compassion. Bringing shame out of the dark diffuses it with love. 2. Learn how to cope with characteristics, behaviors and events that you find undesirable Once you know how to work with shame, you also can begin to work with your shame triggers. Get curious about your shame. What sets it off? Which (if any) of your inherent character traits cause you to feel self-loathing? Which of your life events do you keep hidden? Then ask yourself what fear is underneath the shame? What are you really afraid of? And how could you view these behaviors and events differently? With my divorce, I was afraid of being an outcast, and I had to face my inherent need for approval and perfection. So I began to work on my fear of imperfection and accept that not everyone will like or approve of me. By working to accept the triggers of shame, I became more accepting and loving with myself, keeping shame at bay. 3. Accept all of you You have shame because you are deeply embarrassed by some aspect of yourself, your situation or your behaviors. When you learn how to love your whole self—good and bad—you are able to drop judgment and shame. Each of us has parts of ourselves that we love and parts of ourselves that we dislike. A major key to happiness is to accept and love all of you. Each aspect of you has purpose—even the shadows. For example, I am more judgmental than I would like to be. While I used to be ashamed of this (and am still afraid to admit it here), it is true. My shame is that I want to be open and loving toward everyone, and instead I judge, which is a behavior I developed as a reaction against the world—in order to keep myself safe. So I can love the judgmental side of me knowing that it is trying to help. Your turn: On a piece of paper, write your favorite traits on the left side and least-favorite (shadows) on the right. Then write how each of your traits has helped you in some way. (The late Debbie Ford shares more on how to do this in her brilliant book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers.) 4. Get support Finally, as June says, shame is underlying nearly all of our struggles. If you feel alone, are afraid, fear rejection, have trouble communicating with your spouse, feel stuck in your career, are lost or are afraid of following your dreams, you may well be harboring shame. Diffusing shame can be hard to do on your own and you may need some help in getting to the root of it—and more so, flipping it into empowering action going forward. Get support in working through your shame so that you can have the happy, thriving life you desire and deserve. Listen to our podcast: 5 Steps to a More Confident You With Carin Rockind. Read more by Carin Rockind: Nothing Compares to You and Face Failure Head On With These Essential Tools. Carin Rockind is a speaker, author and coach with a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) from the University of Pennsylvania.

Well-Being

Pound it Out

Five years ago, when a car rammed into the vehicle that Sarah Knobloch was riding in, it dramatically changed—nearly ended—the then-15-year-old’s life. “She was in a coma, and the doctors told us to start thinking about organ donation,” recalls her mother, Caroline Knobloch. “We weren’t ready for that.” Doctors weren’t sure how long she would survive or, if she did, how well she would recover. The accident left her with severe brain and spinal cord injuries, and the coma lasted 20 days. In addition to Sarah’s unwavering positive attitude, her mother credits her recovery to two things: music and movement. “Early on, the doctors said we could bring music into her hospital room,” Caroline says. “One of my friends is a music teacher who downloaded a bunch of classical music for us to play in her room. We always had music playing.” As Sarah remained hospitalized and slowly began to recover, music and exercise were mainstays of her daily program. “I like rap and hip-hop, so that’s what works best for me,” says Sarah, who, despite spending seven months in the Atlanta hospital, completed high school on time and is now studying to be an occupational therapy assistant. “The music helps me remember good times, and for someone with memory loss, that’s been really important.” Read more: Find Happiness in Your Headphones Researchers have found that music is effective for both physical and emotional healing because it engages all three areas of the brain: reptilian (body functions), limbic (memories and emotions) and the neocortex (language and consciousness). They’ve also learned that outcomes are better when hospitals use “patient preferred” music—even rap and metal can promote healing if it resonates with the patient. “I like listening to all styles of music,” Sarah says, “but listening to what I used to listen to has helped me the most.” Healing with a beat Earlier this year, Sarah learned about Pound, a program that uses specially weighted drumsticks to create a choreographed cardio workout. She implemented the workout into her regimen and says it has helped her retrain her brain for better balance and body movements. For Pound co-founder Kirsten Potenza, that’s pretty much the point. Although many seek it out for its fat-blasting, high-energy routines, Kirsten says a lot of science went into creating the drum-centric workout. Sure, it’s stress relieving to be able to beat bright green drumsticks on a yoga mat while listening to upbeat music, but the idea behind Pound goes beyond that. “There are a lot of studies showing the brain-boosting effects of drumming,” she says. “It improves focus, boosts the immune system, lowers chronic pain and improves decision-making skills. And, when you do it in a group, it’s even more powerful.” Pound has been called the new SoulCycle by many, and Kirsten says the thing the two workouts have in common is the way the music speaks to the heart and soul while moving and improving the body. “A lot of this is about the power of the music,” she says. “There’s something so powerful about being able to become part of the music. This isn’t about how your body looks or how you look doing it; this is about how it makes you feel. This is about making people happy.” Read more: What's Your Healing Rhythm? Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.

Self-Care

At Rio Olympics, Athletes Go Beyond the Gold

Whether you’re in training to become the next Michael Phelps or Gabby Douglas or gearing up for a work presentation or weekend 10K, there’s much to learn from the way Olympic athletes prepare for the biggest competition in their lives—and we’re not talking about endless laps in the pool or drills on the balance beam. Turns out, Olympians have a lot to teach the rest of us about happiness. Elite-level athletes have mastered the art of staying calm in high-stress moments, they’ve learned to find joy even in harshly competitive situations, and they realize they perform their best when they’re at ease and relaxed. Those are skills any of us can develop. Going with the flow Take Michal Smolen, a professional slalom kayaker en route to his first Olympic appearance this August, when the Olympic Games come to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. When Michal slides into the seat of his kayak, the rest of the world disappears. It’s just him and the water, flowing down-river in an endless stream. Maybe his comfort in his boat comes from the fact that he’s been kayaking competitively since he was a kid. Or maybe he’s just figured out how to quiet his mind, even when the pressure is on. “It’s a matter of not letting any expectations affect me,” Michal says. “I have to leave all that behind and just tell myself that I’m doing what makes me happy. If I’m flexible, relaxed and focused, I can cancel out anything that gets in my way.” Psychologists call this “flow state,” and it’s proven to boost performance and mental focus. “In a flow state, you are completely involved in the activity and time starts flying,” says Wendy Suzuki, Ph.D., professor of neural science and psychology at New York University and author of Healthy Brain, Happy Life. “In this state, worry and ego are not engaged, and you can focus totally on the task at hand. Part of being relaxed, at ease, and having fun is finding a way to enter the flow state where focus can be fully directed at the activity.” Michal, 22, lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, where the U.S. National Whitewater Center is located. He would have been a top contender on the U.S. Men’s Kayak Team at the 2012 Olympic Games in London if a citizenship snag hadn’t gotten in the way. Michal moved to America with his family from Poland when he was 10 years old. His father, Rafal Smolen, was a member of the Polish National Kayak Team and is now a coach for the U.S. Olympic team. A life of competition Michal got into kayaking early but soon discovered he had a fear of water, and at 13, he was diagnosed with epilepsy. He put kayaking on hold, sorted out the proper medication to minimize his seizures, and he joined the swim team, hoping to conquer his water anxiety. It worked. “I wanted to be like Michael Phelps—I was very ambitious as a kid,” he says. “I started doing really well at swimming, but it wasn’t bringing me the same enjoyment as kayaking. So I switched back.” By high school, Michal was one of America’s best young slalom kayak racers, getting fourth place at the Junior World Championships at age 16. By 2012, he placed second at the Olympic trials, but he learned too late that his U.S. citizenship papers would take longer than he thought. He was devastated to sit out his first opportunity to compete at the Olympics. Finally, in February 2013, Michal officially became an American citizen. Since then, he’s been focused on this summer’s Olympic Games. In 2014, he won the Under 23 World Championships, the biggest victory of his career. Last year he became the U.S. National Champion and won a bronze medal at the World Championships and gold at the Pan-American Games, setting him up to be a favorite in Rio. Going for the joy He has no idea what to expect from his first Olympic appearance, but he says he plans on keeping a level head and not letting anything get to him. “When I’m racing that most important race of my life, I want to make sure I’m not shaking and sweating and doing all these crazy things before I’m about to go. I want to tell myself, ‘I did everything I could. I’m ready for this. I’m going to enjoy it,’” he says. “That’s what I do this for: I do it for myself and for the joy of it.” Michal has figured out something that scientists and doctors have been studying for years. Studies have shown that athletes with positive psychological states—those who are relaxed, at ease, having fun—physically perform better in competitive settings than those with negative emotions. “If an athlete’s overall sense of wellbeing and happiness is within a suitable range, they tend to perform better based on the fact that their perceived level of stress is reduced and their subjective belief is ‘I’m doing well,’” says Jason Richardson, a former World Champion and Pan-Am Games gold medalist in BMX racing, who is now a psychologist working with Olympic athletes. “Those beliefs become the driving force, as they precede the feelings and actions that ultimately bring results.” You don’t have to be an Olympian to gain something from this lesson: Enjoy yourself and you’ll do better at whatever it is you set out to do. Less stress, more success Miles Chamley-Watson, 26, just missed the podium at the London Olympic Games. A fencer, he was ranked No. 2 in the world entering the 2012 Olympics, and he was aiming for gold. But he was defeated in the second round and wound up in fourth place in men’s foil. “I wanted to come away with hardware, so I wasn’t happy,” says Miles, who was born in London but moved to New York when he was 9 and will be a top fencing competitor this summer in Rio. “It was incredibly frustrating. It was my first time at the Olympics and everything felt magnetized and blown out of proportion.” In a study that looked at the emotional reactions of Olympic medalists at the 1992 Games in Barcelona, Spain, researchers found that silver medalists were reportedly less happy than those who took bronze. Why? “The silver medalists feel like they are so close to winning, but just missed the mark, whereas the bronze medalists are just happy to get a medal,” says Caroline Miller, an expert on positive psychology and the author of seven books on the subject, including her upcoming book, Getting Grit. “There are people who win and they feel empty afterward. They think it will bring them happiness but the Olympics don’t buy you happiness.” Just as Miles has found through the extensive mental training he’s done to prepare for this summer’s Olympics, the more stressed he is in the midst of a competition, the less likely he will perform at his best. Whereas the more joyful and relaxed, the better he’ll do. In other words, happiness begets success, not the other way around. Put happiness first “It used to be thought people became happy by having success. But pinning your happiness on winning a gold medal isn’t how it works,” Caroline says. “People succeed by being happy first. Their bodies are relaxed and in a different state of consciousness. They’ve done all the preparation they need to do and they’re utterly confident and relaxed about it. They’re not constricted or anxious.” We can’t all be Olympic fencers, but we can learn from Miles. “Do whatever makes you happy. Don’t let anyone tell you no. Above all, take risks,” Miles says. “I’ve taken so many risks in my life and that’s what’s gotten me where I’m at now.” Caroline says it’s those risks that bring such a high level of joy. “The reason why the highs are so high and the lows are so low is that these athletes take risks and because of the intensity of passion that they bring to their lives and their sport,” she says. “They’ve invested so much and they’ve given up so much in order to pursue their craft.” Sure, getting fourth place may not feel great, but Miles, who, in 2013, the first American fencer to win an individual World Championship title, also knows what victory feels like. “There’s no feeling like when you work really hard for something and the training actually pays off,” he says. “You win a competition and there’s no other feeling like it in the world.” A 2009 report in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that those who attempt to master a new skill may be frustrated or stressed throughout the process, but they have greater happiness long term. “Very few of us can be Olympians. But we can all learn from what these men and women bring to their sport—they live with joy, they live with a sense of satisfaction,” Caroline says. “At the end of every day, we scan our days for what we did that was hard. We’re only proud of ourselves when we did something out of our comfort zone. We all need to have something we’re passionate about, something that lights us up, something that makes us work for it.” Happiness in sync Leading up to the Games in Brazil, synchronized swimming duet partners Anita Alvarez and Mariya Koroleva often spent 24 hours a day together. They’re in the pool training for long hours, they sleep in the same hotel room, and they have meals side by side. “We start to understand each other and we learn everything about each other,” says Anita, who at age 19 will be making her Olympic debut. “It’s important to have that bond and connection not just in the pool but also outside the pool. I can’t imagine going into this intense competition without her there.” “It’s nice to have someone going through the exact same thing as you, especially in the hard times, after a long training day,” adds Mariya, 26, who competed at the 2012 Olympics with a different duet partner and placed 11th. “After you compete together and you have a good score, it’s even more exciting to be able to share it with someone. It’s not just your success.” Studies have shown that athletes who train in groups are more motivated and experience less pain than those who train alone. Plus, they’re happier. “People are happier when they’re training and celebrating their victories with other people. They need a team around them,” Caroline says. “It’s not just about getting what you want, it’s about getting what you want and celebrating with someone else.” Mariya, who was born in Russia but moved to the U.S. as a child, underwent back surgery just six months before her last Olympic appearance. She was forced to rush her recovery process in order to compete at the last Olympics and during the Games, she loaded up on pain medication to ease the throbbing in her back. But still, she says, it was worth it for that feeling of walking in the opening ceremony and knowing she had made it. “It’s important to remember nothing that you accomplish that’s great is going to be easy,” Mariya says. “If you’re having a hard time, remember that it’s supposed to be hard. You have to keep pushing through and fighting for what you want. The harder it is, the happier you’re going to be.” Jason says there’s science behind this, too. “When an athlete suffers injury or great loss and finds victory again, it’s more meaningful,” he says, “because the true win is not just in their sport, but also the internal struggle within themselves.” The meaningful life Mountain biker Lea Davison competed at her first Olympic Games in 2012 in London, and she’s on track to race again this summer in Rio. In London, she was just happy to make the team after rebounding from a serious hip injury that benched her for an entire season. “Just making it to the Olympics was a dream come true. Everyone says that, but it’s true,” says Lea, who’s 33 and from Jericho, Vermont. “To say I’m an Olympian has been my goal since I was a kid.” She, too, knew that if she was going to perform her best at the Olympics, she had to forget about all the hype—the pressure from the crowds, the media, her sponsors. “I was nervous for months beforehand, but you have to get that out of the way. On the morning of the race, I was able to be calm,” Lea says. “You try to treat it like any other race. Sure, there’s a lot of hoopla surrounding it—it’s the Olympics. But I just kept reminding myself, ‘This is just another bike race. You know how to do this.’” She ended up 11th place in women’s mountain biking and says walking into the closing ceremony alongside her American teammates was her proudest moment. “To hear the roar of the crowd was very powerful,” she says. “Seeing your country behind you and all of that support, it was just quite a moment.” Finding authentic happiness When Lea was a college student at a liberal arts school in Vermont, she took a positive psychology course. In the class, Lea, who grew up ski racing and started mountain biking competitively in high school, read Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. She learned about the three dimensions of happiness, as described in the book. First is the simplest form, which Martin calls the pleasant life—Lea describes this as “eating a Girl Scout cookie and being happy for the next 10 minutes.” The second state, called the good life, is about finding your own strengths and using them to improve your life. Lea says she found this easily when she discovered mountain biking. “You have to be present and in the moment when you’re navigating these trails and courses,” she says. The third and deepest level of happiness Martin calls the meaningful life, which is when we use our powers for the greater good. That, Lea says, took longer for her to find. Lea graduated college in 2005 and dedicated herself to a career as a professional mountain biker. In 2008, she and her sister, Sabra, decided to start a nonprofit organization called Little Bellas, which aimed to get young girls in their home state of Vermont into mountain biking. The program took off and they now have chapters nationwide to introduce girls ages 7 to 13 to the sport they love. Little Bellas is what helped Lea find her most meaningful life. “It’s worthy to go after your goals and see how far you can push yourself, but it’s essentially a very selfish pursuit. It’s all about how fast I can turn the pedals over,” she says. “But helping these young girls become themselves and figure out what they can do, that is what brings me true happiness.” “As an athlete matures, he or she begins to recognize a world that is bigger than just them,” Jason adds. “Even the best do not find as much meaning in just performing well in the arena when they become older and wiser. This is not to say that they are no longer competitive. It is to say that winning doesn’t have the same meaning as it did when they were a rookie.” Gaining perspective Cycling, Lea says, has provided her with many life lessons. “I could get wrapped up in all the details and be very narrow focused,” she says. “But sometimes, you have to just step back and look up from the trail and realize how beautiful this place is. You have to take in the bigger picture because there’s always something to be grateful for.” So we can’t all be Olympians, but we can watch them from afar, cheer for them as they take on the hurdles of their competition. We can take a piece of their experience and let it inspire us to live more meaningful lives. “We all should tune into the Olympics because those are the people who are taking risks and putting it all on the line,” Caroline says. “When you see people giving it their best, you become awed and inspired. And when you’re awed, people tend to look up, figuratively and emotionally. It causes people to want to be better than they are already.” Megan Michelson is a freelance writer and a freelance editor for ESPN.com. She has also worked as an editor for Skiing and Outside magazines.

relationships

Find Your Tribe

Mika Banks felt at home the first time she walked into the San Francisco Mission District dance studio of Rhythm & Motion. The room was filled with “so much joy,” says the 33-year-old dancer, alive with “people moving together—just completely letting go, like a party where everyone is doing the same dance.” “I went to class and I was hooked,” says Bay Area therapist Heather Bornfeld. “It’s a follow-along format so you have to give yourself permission to be lost, and then you’ll eventually find yourself and that is such a rush. I couldn’t wait for my next class—I planned my life around it.” What Mika and Heather responded to so strongly, aside from a fantastic dance workout to booty-shaking music, is something professor Charles Walker from St. Bonaventure University in New York calls “social flow”—a heightened state of well-being that is even more powerful when experienced in a group. The heightened feeling of 'flow' In his seminal positive psychology book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., writes that we reach “optimal states of consciousness” at times when our “attention is completely absorbed by the activity” in which we are involved. He gives examples of a dancer and a rock climber who “stop being aware of themselves as separate from the activity.” This doesn’t apply to just physical activities such as dance and running, but also to musicians playing jazz or a family playing a board game. In 2010, Charles published the paper “Experiencing Flow: Is Doing It Together Better Than Doing It Alone?” in The Journal of Positive Psychology, noting that although we get a sense of joy from a solo flow state, well-being is magnifed when it’s done with other people. According to Charles, collectivity and connectivity are built into our DNA. “Human beings are incredibly social animals and to surrender yourself to others in a worthwhile cause is a special pleasure,” he says. “When we do so we become graceful, supreme social beings.” “We are in a Western culture, and the individual is stressed an awful lot,” Charles says. “To surrender to a group [like they do at Rhythm & Motion] where there is beauty, grace and acceptance and find yourself bonding with diverse people is just amazing and thrilling and energizing.” Rediscover joy in dance Mika had grown up and danced professionally in Chicago before moving to Quito, Ecuador. But living at a high altitude for several years took a toll on her body, and she was unable to dance or exercise for three years. “I decided to make a big change, and I was seeking a dance community—hoping to make dance a part of my life again—but not in the way I had done before,” she says. Within a month of moving to San Francisco, Mika volunteered at Rhythm & Motion. Shortly after, she auditioned and became an instructor. She had hoped to dance professionally again, but she soon realized that part of her life was over. “I wasn’t finding joy in it anymore. Here [at R&M] are classes of 60 people having the time of their lives, calling it ‘church.’ It is the purest form of joy, of connection to movement and to other people.” Joy is contagious R&M students include many teachers, artists, healthcare professionals and—both Mika and Heather concur—psychotherapists. Heather says that as a therapist she does “so much talking and listening all day and I am so in my head, that to be able to feel in this completely physical way, and be completely free and present in my body, is like medicine. It is so important.” Movement and exertion elicit endorphins and other feel-good hormones. You also get a sense of community from sweating alongside other people whom you get to know well over the course of months and years of coming to classes. All of this creates a welcome environment for social flow. In addition, research from the decades-long Framingham Heart Study has shown that happiness is literally contagious—not just in the sense that we smile when others smile, but that when one person secretes oxytocin (the feel-good hormone), others around them will do the same. It’s no wonder the students at R&M, cycling fanatics braving city roads in groups and even bold roller-derby babes skating around a track in unison find these activities highly addictive. From flow to flourishing Social flow takes well-being to the next level—flourishing. When you think of some of the happiest people you know, who comes to mind? Is it the uncle who goes into battle with other fanatics on weekends to act out scenes from the Civil War? The sister who belongs to multiple book clubs or the grandma who loves meeting with her quilting group once a month? People thrive on coming together over a shared passion. In research at the University of Arizona from 2001, sociology professors Miller McPherson, Lynn Smith-Lovin and James M. Cook used the term homophily to describe the fact that “similarity breeds connection” and that everything from marriage to friendship is a result of people’s drive to network with like-minded individuals. However, while “Birds of a Feather” (the name of their paper) may often flock together, sometimes a surprisingly diverse group will gel and it can be magic. HOW HARRY GOT HIS GROOVE BACK Harry Baulisch recently rode his first century ride with his friends from the Omaha Bicycle Company; 26 riders started and seven finished all 100 miles—he was among the finishers. It took them 12 hours. He recalls his first group ride about a year ago: “I was gasping for air, my legs were burning. I remember thinking, ‘I can’t do this, it’s so embarrassing.’ ” But the other cyclists waited for him at the top of the hill and gave him words of encouragement. “It was a situation that I wasn’t familiar with,” Harry says. “Being with people who show that kind of respect, concern and care for this guy that they had just met—and all we had in common was riding bicycles.” When Harry first walked into the Omaha Bicycle Company in Benson, just outside Omaha, Nebraska, he was only visiting. But this community of young bike enthusiasts, coffee junkies and alternative transportation advocates became a siren call for Harry, a retired Navy lieutenant in his early 60s who had been living in a small town in Minnesota. But like Mika at R&M, he felt immediately at home. Bicycles, coffee & community “I had my dog, Sally, with me,” recalls Harry, “and I asked if I could bring her in. I looked around and there were bicycles and a coffee bar, a couch and tables, and I thought—this is heaven!” Harry would come to the shop every time he visited family in Omaha, hang out and chat with the owner, Sarah Johnson. “One time I said to her, ‘This place is so cool; I would really like to be able to spend more time here.’ She said, ‘Why don’t you just move down here?’” “I started meeting people,” Harry says. “And they would say ‘Oh, it’s the guy from Minnesota!’ You get that little bit of gratification when you walk into the biggest city in the state and people remember you!” He could sense that this was not just your usual bike shop. He wanted to be a part of this community, and he was willing to pick up and move in order to change his life. A different kind of bike shop Sarah wanted to help Omaha develop a more robust bike culture. Friends raised $15,000 through a Kickstarter campaign to open the shop in 2012. “I was incredibly moved by the generosity: not just friends but also strangers contributed,” Sarah says. “I wanted to make a different kind of shop. I love customers who know nothing about bikes. I don’t want them to feel intimidated.” Harry was pulling himself together physically from previous health setbacks,including a heart attack, colon cancer and a serious car accident, when he first moved back to Omaha. Despite the challenges of his first uphill group ride, Harry kept at it. “As I continued on these Thursday night rides, the route changed and it got easier. Through these rides, I was meeting all kinds of people. We would ride for 20 miles to one of the breweries and have dinner, so the ride became a social thing” as well as a physical challenge. Recently the bike mechanic at the shop challenged Harry to ride 30 miles a day for 30 days, and he did it. “I had to make changes if I wanted to have a long life and quality of life,” Harry says. “I want to be doing something every day that excites me. As we get older we need to take a few chances, take some risks and re-enjoy things that we did in the past. It can be as simple and silly as riding fast down a big hill—just flying down a hill.” Take a risk to find a new place in the world According to Dan Tomasulo, Ph.D., who developed the positive psychology curriculum at Columbia University Teacher’s College, Harry realized he was not feeling completely happy in one place. He became aware that if he did not “do something about it he would have to settle, and choice is at the center of transformation.” At the end of the day, according to Dan, “Novelty challenges you to make a deeper commitment to how are you going to fit in. You get to re-create yourself—you may unlock a new aspect of your identity, a hidden talent.” Harry found something else that gives him a leg up on happiness: a crucial sense of belonging. “Harry is an amazing, joyous bright soul and he is super-fun to be around,” Sarah says. “He is a mainstay of the community. Now, if we don’t see him here every other day, we get worried about him.” Luckily they don’t have to worry long; Harry comes into the bike shop nearly every day, usually biking the 13 or so miles from his house. “I get my large coffee and a pastry from the local bakery,” he says. “But this is where the big change comes in: instead of going to the couch like I used to, I take a chair and go to the mechanics area or Sarah’s desk and chitchat. I am a fixture here now, and it’s like a safe haven for me.” A CELEBRATION OF FEMALE EMPOWERMENT “We were trying to create a safe environment for women to play a full-contact sport together,” explains Amy “Electra Blu” Sherman, a founder of the Austin-based Texas Rollergirls league. “We didn’t have any grand aspirations.” The Texas Rollergirls is “like an empowering, fun, athletic sorority and there’s nothing else like it,” Amy says. Derby offers different levels of intensity. If you just want to skate in the recreational leagues, it can be a place to skate and have fun with friends. Some more serious skaters are in it for the athleticism and competition. A new community, a alternate identity Erika Johnson was a mom of two who had just moved to Austin from California when she saw a group of women practicing in a park. “I got a friend to go with me to a primer class and I thought, ‘I could do this,’ ” Erika says. Soon she joined the team The Hustlers, adopted the alter-ego “Bad Influence,” and started wearing a silver-and-purple get-up complete with fishnets and face paint that made her look like a Day-Glo superhero on skates. “At first I thought, ‘I’m 41 years old. Why would they want me?’ The first year was frustrating—I didn’t play as much as I thought I would,” Erika recalls. “But there was always someone there to lift your spirits and make you feel better.” The support she got from her new teammates, and even skaters from other teams, surprised her. “I could ask anyone, ‘How can I get better at this?’ And they would help me. We would have a league-wide practice all together, and we were all supportive of each other.” A league of their own For many women involved in Texas Rollergirls, and in derby in general, the league is their world. People become lifelong friends. When someone gets hurt, Erika explains, the whole league is there to support them with food, help getting to a doctor—taking care of each other. Part of the camaraderie comes from the fact that Texas Rollergirls is a completely do-it-yourself and volunteer run—from cleaning bathrooms to promoting and marketing events. When Amy started skating, roller derby was considered a fringe activity. Now, some schools in Austin and other cities offer roller derby as an afterschool program. “We’ve become part of the culture, and we’ve created this worldwide community,” Amy says. “I can show up in London or Dublin or Japan and and find a like-minded group of women.” What Amy and the Texas Rollergirls started in Austin in the early 2000s—a new kind of at-track derby that is skater-owned and operated—has spread all over the country and the world. You’ll now find teams as far-flung as Tokyo and Toronto, but it all started back in Texas. Leave it all on the track “When you put on the face paint and enter the arena, you can feel the excitement. All eyes are on you. You can get out all your aggressions—leave it all out on the track. The best part is, you can come out and be this different person for an hour, and then go back to being Amy Sherman,” Amy says. And when all is gelling with the other players, there is a synchrony and the team moves like one smooth entity. But, in fact, there is a lot of practice and sweat that goes into that effort. In the words of Mihaly from Flow, “Although the flow experience appears to be effortless…it often requires strenuous physical exertion.” Communal or solitary, “it does not happen without the application of skilled performance.” Don’t underestimate the boost that belonging to a group can bring to your health and well-being: the bowling team, the weekly soccer game, the poker game, the book club. It’s a challenge to schedule fun and joy into our busy calendars. But if that pleasurable social interaction—the one outside work, home and church that stimulates your mind and body—becomes a regular part of your life—you will stick with it. If you’re lucky you may even lose your self-consciousness and achieve a heightened state of communal social flow. So go ahead and join the club! See what kind of joy and flourishing it may bring. Read More: 8 Tips to Find Your Own Tribe and Thrive Emily Wise Miller is the web editor at Live Happy.

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