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10 Best Books to Help Achieve Your Goals

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things,” wrote Albert Einstein. Goals give us purpose when our feet hit the floor in the morning. When we set a goal to achieve something—especially something that is tied to our character strengths—we are practicing what some happiness researchers define as authentic happiness: The joy we feel when we are striving toward our full potential. We have hand-picked these 10 inspiring, action-oriented books to help you set goals, stick with them and finally, accomplish them. The bonus? You will feel happier, not only once you achieve your desired goal, but also in the pursuit of it: The journey of mastery and self-discovery is just as important as the destination. 1. Before Happiness: The 5 Hidden Keys to Achieving Success, Spreading Happiness, and Sustaining Positive Change By Shawn Achor Positive change is possible, writes Harvard-trained happiness researcher Shawn Achor, once you recognize that happiness comes before success. When we begin to see our world more positively and realize we can overcome challenges, we summon the drive to achieve personal and professional goals. 2. Nine Things Successful People Do Differently By Heidi Grant Halvorson Social psychologist and motivation expert Heidi Grant Halvorson focuses her research on why some people give up when things get challenging while others persevere. She believes anyone can reach their goals using scientifically-tested strategies to succeed. In this book, Heidi presents studies showing that people who anticipate obstacles and use positive thinking and a plan to persevere outperform those who just dream about a desired outcome. 3. Creating Your Best Life: The Ultimate Life List Guide By Caroline Miller Life coach and positive psychology expert Caroline Miller offers a research-based guide to setting and hitting your goals through interactive assessments and quizzes. Discover how to coach yourself to set goals and create physical and social environments that will foster success. When you hit one goal, Caroline explains, the happiness you feel has a “spillover effect” that will help you you achieve additional goals. 4. The Slight Edge: Turning Simple Disciplines into Massive Success & Happiness By Jeff Olson What you do today matters. What you do every day matters more. The key to successfully achieving your goals is to take small, simple actions and compound them over time, writes Jeff Olson (full disclosure, founder of Live Happy magazine). “Successful people just do the things that seem to make no difference in the act of doing them and they do them over and over and over until the compound effect kicks in,” he writes. For example, bringing your lunch from home instead of eating out for one day makes no difference; but do that every day and you’ll save hundreds of dollars per year. 5. The Power of Positive Thinking By Norman Vincent Peale The Power of Positive Thinkinghas helped millions of people achieve their goals since it was first published in 1952. “Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture... Do not build up obstacles in your imagination,” writes Norman, in the original self-help manual. These words still resonate with readers more than half a century later. 6. Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny By Tony Robbins Want to achieve self-mastery? Psychology-of-change expert Tony Robbins provides a plan based on the following four steps: 1) Get clear on what you are committed to achieving; 2) Be willing to take massive action; 3) Notice what is or is not working; 4) Continue to change your approach to achieve what you want. 7. The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing, and Take Command of Your Life By Bernard Roth In The Achievement Habit, author and Stanford engineering and design professor Bernard Roth shares tools and exercises to overcome obstacles and accomplish goals. Believe you are a doer and achiever in order to become one. Be open to learning from your own experience and from those around you. Ignore distractions that prevent you from achieving your goals. Part memoir and part personal development guide, this book offers a glimpse into a brilliant and creative mind, and many suggestions for ways to develop and test your own new ideas. 8. Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits—to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life By Gretchen Rubin Happiness expert Gretchen Rubin writes that our habits are the invisible architecture of our daily life. It takes some work to form a new positive habit, but once we do, we can harness the energy and regularity of habits to meet our goals. In Better Than Before, Gretchen offers 21 clever strategies to make habits stick and encourages readers to select the strategies that best suit their personalities. Master habits, the book advises, and you master your goals. 9. The Magic of Thinking Big: Acquire the Secrets of Success... Achieving Everything You've Always Wanted By David J. Schwartz, Ph.D. “You are what you think you are,” writes David J. Schwartz, Ph.D. in The Magic of Thinking Big. Exceeding your goals is possible when you believe in yourself. Get over the fear of failure and use the power of a positive attitude to achieve big things. “When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to solution.” 10. Goals! How to Get Everything You Want Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible By Brian Tracy Author of dozens of books on personal development, Brian Tracy explains the 12 steps necessary to set and accomplish goals both large and small. The author emphasizes self-discipline and persistence and two keys to achieving your goals. He also encourages readers to clearly establish their goals: Write them down and be specific. Make sure you can easily explain your goal to someone else, Brian says, and know exactly when you have achieved it. Sandra Bilbray is a contributing Editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.

Education

Happy Schools Make Happy Children

In January, the elementary students at North Fond du Lac Schools in Wisconsin took on their most ambitious art project to date. Each of the more than 400 children, from kindergarten through fifth grade, wrote one thing they were thankful for on a strip of construction paper. Then they made paper “rings” of those expressions of gratitude before weaving them together to create one giant “gratitude chain.” Their goal? To create a colorful paper chain that could wrap around the entire school, surrounding it (both literally and figuratively) with gratitude. The project, says art teacher Alice Tzakais, was the culmination of the school’s Happiness Week, which included a variety of activities centered on expressing gratitude and happiness. “Our theme is the power of happiness,” explains Alice, who is now in her 40th year as a teacher. The school has seen firsthand how powerful happiness can be in the lives of both students and teachers. Since Aaron Sadoff became superintendent eight years ago, following three years as principal, he has worked diligently to spread the message of positive psychology throughout the school. “He has a lot of energy and a lot of ideas,” Alice says. “He’s very positive and enthusiastic, and that’s what it takes to sustain a happier culture.” When his contract came up for renewal two years ago, Aaron negotiated to have the school board send him to California to complete The Orange Frog training program. That program, based on Shawn Achor’s best-selling book The Happiness Advantage, uses a parable about an orange frog named Spark to teach new ways of achieving positive results. “I came back and taught it to my teachers, custodians, secretaries—everyone in the district,” Aaron says. “How a teacher feels affects the students, so I knew that if we can change the way the teachers feel, we can affect the culture for the students.” His teaching staff, he says, has taken the ideas and run with them. Today, Alice says, teachers know their character strengths and choose which ones they’ll develop and use in the classroom. They have developed a program to send the comic book version of The Orange Frog home with every elementary school student, along with a reading guide, to stimulate conversation. “The idea is that this is something the family is supposed to do together,” Aaron says. “So while we’re improving literacy, it’s also teaching them the science of happiness.” Learned happiness The district of North Fond du Lac is part of a growing number of schools incorporating the principles of positive psychology into education. As happiness continues to become more relevant globally, more countries are looking at ways to measure and monitor the well-being of their populations. From specific education policies to grass-roots movements, the awareness of the role happiness plays in individual success is changing how teachers, schools and even countries are approaching education. “The coolest thing is, you don’t sit around and talk about happiness. You don’t say, ‘Oh, look at me, I’m so joyous.’ It’s not like that at all,” Aaron explains. “What we’re doing is about recognizing what you’re grateful for, making social connections and focusing on the things that make us better individuals. And now there’s research that backs it all up.” In the 2015 World Happiness Report, Richard Layard, director of the Wellbeing Programme at the Centre for Economic Performance at the London School of Economics, and Ann Hagell, Ph.D., studied the well-being and mental health of children around the world, and then introduced specific recommendations for improving those conditions. They noted the important role an educational environment plays in children’s happiness and recommended that meeting the needs of children meant establishing well-being as a major objective for schools. Their blueprint for action included: Creating a well-being code that all teachers, students and parents would be held to. Emphasizing praise rather than criticism. Introducing age-appropriate courses in positive life skills at all levels of education. Training teachers to identify and promote well-being and positive mental health in students. The authors were able to show a direct correlation between children’s happiness and their intellectual growth. In 2011, a review of school-based programs providing social and emotional learning skills found that children who participated in such programs improved both their academic achievement and emotional well-being by an average of 10 percent. The final conclusion drawn in the World Happiness Report was that if schools truly treasure the well-being of their students, they must measure more than just academic achievement; they must consider the children’s happiness as well. And measuring it, according to Aaron, is what will get the attention of policymakers. “Math and test scores are important, but there’s so much more to education,” he says. “You have to look at how kids interact and you have to look at things like sports, music, art and how it affects them. It’s a process that takes a while, but all cultural change does. “The bottom line is, we now can prove, scientifically, that happiness leads to success.” Hunting positivity At the Parkmore Primary School in Australia, school principal Saraid Doherty has noticed a culture shift over the past year. It’s most noticeable at lunchtime, she says, when students regularly report their fellow students’ actions to teachers on yard duty. But rather than tattling to get their classmates in trouble, they’re reporting on the good things they’ve seen other students doing. Parkmore is one of many schools in 13 countries that have implemented the Positive Detective program. Created by Lea Waters, Ph.D., professor and holder of the Gerry Higgins Chair in Positive Psychology at the University of Melbourne, and Lela McGregor, a graduate of the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology program, the Positive Detective program teaches students to look for the good in the world around them and share it with others. “Teaching students to notice and discern where they place their attention is a skill that is fundamental to learning and well-being,” Lea says. “Many students feel that attention is outside of their own control…and susceptible to external distractions. This has become more rampant with the greater role of technology in a young person’s life.” Teaching them to focus helps them academically as they absorb more from each class, and it also allows them to recognize negative thought patterns or emotions, which makes it easier to change those thoughts. Building on experiences such as gratitude, savoring and kindness fosters students’ self-awareness about their ability to seek out good in their lives. Then, they learn how sharing those stories can help boost their positive emotions. “The program also includes activities that students take home and share with their parents, such as [writing a] gratitude letter and a positive treasure hunt at home,” Lea says. “[Principals have] received lots of feedback from parents about how the conversation at the dinner table had become more positive as a result of the program.” That viral nature of positivity is part of what helps it work so well. Schools where social emotional learning or positive psychology principles are taught report that the children take those lessons home with them and share with the entire family. Steve Leventhal, executive director of the nonprofit organization CorStone, launched the Girls First program in Bihar, India, in 2011. The program teaches personal resilience to girls in an impoverished area and has changed the way the girls approach problems. But even more importantly, that change has rippled through their families. “When you educate a girl, she takes that home with her. It changes the trajectory of the whole family,” he says. And that appears to be true regardless of whether those families are in India or Indiana. Acting globally As happiness in schools moves from an idea to a global initiative, more systems are being put into place to create effective policies and practices. At the International Positive Education Network (IPEN) festival in Dallas last year, Martin Seligman, Ph.D., director of the Penn Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, noted that while parents claim the thing they want most for their children is for them to “be happy,” education as a whole has ignored well-being and is aimed instead at developing skills like math, literacy, achievement and success. Yet, research shows that happiness leads to success, not vice versa. In the Asia-Pacific regions, the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) is calling for a fundamental shift in education systems. The Happy Schools Project, conceived by Gwang-Jo Kim, director of UNESCO Bangkok, looks at the relationship between happiness and the quality of education. It calls for schools to look beyond the traditional domains of learning and begin embracing and implementing the other elements that contribute to the wellbeing and happiness of students. UNESCO’s 2016 report, Happy Schools: A Framework for Learner Well-being in the Asia-Pacific, identifies 22 criteria for creating what it considers “Happy Schools.” The criteria fall into three broad categories of People, Process and Place, and shines a light on what is important for creating happiness and well-being in each of those areas. The report calls for decision-makers to “create more time and space for a type of learning that can enhance learner happiness and well-being, in hope of inspiring happier learners who can contribute to happier societies, and ultimately, to a happier world.” The key, it appears, is getting decision makers, both at a governmental policy level and at a school level, to buy into it. In a time when teachers and administrators are under pressure to deliver proof of excellence through test scores, the promise of happier students coupled with improved academic performance is “an easy conversation to start,” says Jillian Darwish, president of the Mayerson Academy in Cincinnati, which provides the Thriving Learning Communities program. “There’s not an educator out there who doesn’t want to help others find their greatest potential,” she says. “That’s why they came to the field. They care about others. The notion of helping them do just that really speaks to educators.” Thriving Learning Communities uses three main components. The largest, social emotional learning, teaches students relationship skills and responsible decision-making. The second guides students on how to identify and work to their character strengths. The third, a digital game element provided by partner Happify, helps teach them about positivity in a hands-on way. “This is not a program we give to teachers to give to their students,” Jillian says. “It begins with the teachers. As an educator, I’m going to find out, what are my personal strengths? How can I use those strengths to develop great teams? Once I’ve experienced that on a personal level, then I can start sharing it with my students.” By teaching educators and then students to “focus on what’s strong, not what’s wrong,” the conversation shifts. “It creates an entirely different dynamic,” Jillian explains. “This, to me, is the antidote to many of the behavioral and social problems we see in schools. If we agree to look for the best in ourselves and in each other, it absolutely changes the way we interact with each other.” Feedback from students and educators alike reinforces what Jillian has observed, and shows that these new skills are helping students both personally and academically. One sixth-grader who participated in the Thriving Learning Communities program says that at first there wasn’t much he enjoyed about school. “But with this,” he says, “you have something to look forward to. I get up in the morning, get moving fast and I get it going so I can get to school.” Fifth- and sixth-graders from the Cincinnati Public Schools offer similar stories, noting that identifying their individual strengths has helped them approach their problems differently. “My strengths are love of learning and forgiveness,” reports one student, who added that learning her character strengths helped her understand herself better and helped her get to know other people. It also gave her an understanding of what strengths she’d like to work on developing—becoming more outgoing and brave—but also reinforced her self-confidence. That, in turn, has made her a better student. “I used to have a hard time focusing on math,” she says. “Now, I have the confidence to take a test and know I can do it.” Proof positive A study published in November in the Review of Educational Research, which looked at multiple research results from the past 15 years, confirmed that a positive school environment can offset many of the negative effects of poverty. In 2016, more schools began looking at the role of culture in academic outcomes, and the U.S. Department of Education even introduced an online toolbox to help administrators measure and understand their school climate. The "Every Student Succeeds" Act, signed into law at the end of 2015, requires U.S. schools to consider non-academic factors such as school culture when evaluating overall success. And the International Positive Education Network was created three years ago to help build a global network of educators, students and representatives from governments and companies who support the idea of reforming—and transforming—the current education model. “It’s a big ship to turn around,” says Positive Detective’s Lea Waters. “But shifting the rudder by even a few degrees changes the long-haul course of that ship. I feel hopeful that now, more than any other time in education, we are seeing that change.” Read more about positive education: Does Grit Outweigh Talent When it Comes to High Achievement? 4 Ideas Shaping the Future of Education Listen to our podcasts: The Importance of Positive Education, Part 1 and Part 2. Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Practice

Africa Yoga Project Enriches Lives With Movement

Paige Elenson, originally from New York City, was “probably the person that my high school yearbook would have voted ‘least likely to move to Kenya to teach yoga,’” she says. “My life was consumed with the pursuit of success and, in turn, I had some reckless failures of that pursuit. I felt empty, lonely and unhealthy.” Today, seven years after founding the Africa Yoga Project (AYP) in Kenya, she’s come a long way. This month, Paige, AYP co-founder and executive director, along with instructor Patrick Kiragu, will kick off the final day of the World Happiness Summit (WOHASU) in Miami on the right foot, leading attendees in more than an hour of Baptiste Yoga Vinyasa Flow. “I realized through my training with teacher Baron Baptiste that anything is possible if you come from a place of being open to what’s next,” Paige says. “Baptiste Yoga transformed my life, and I was compelled to learn how to share that with others.” Path to discovery In 2006, a family safari vacation to Kenya and Tanzania turned Paige’s world upside down. While watching for wildlife in the African bush, she spotted Kenyan acrobats doing handstands. It was a can’t-miss opportunity for human connection and shared experience. “Although I was told to stay in the jeep, I couldn’t help myself,” she says. “I got out and showed them that I could stand on my hands, too.” Thoughts of Kenya and the acrobats stayed with her. “Finally, after lots of thought, I decided to go back. That trip is what changed it all for me.” She soon returned and found herself staying in the informal settlements of Nairobi, Kenya, where most people live on less than $1 a day. While teaching, Paige met five teenage girls: Catherine, Anita, Irene, Leah and Hadijah. They called themselves the “Ghetto Girls.” The girls, ranging in age from 13 to 19 years old, lived in a small room constructed from metal sheeting with one mattress. Every day they traveled more than two hours to attend yoga class. “They said it made them feel clean, strong and happy,” Paige says. “From there, a connection was born with Kenya, and with the amazing young people who were coming to class. After doing some research, I found out that one of the root challenges that causes such abject poverty is youth unemployment. Over 80 percent of youth in Kenya are unemployed.” Her path became clear. In 2007, Paige formed Africa Yoga Project with yoga teacher Baron Baptiste. “We now train girls and boys to teach yoga as an avenue to education, empowerment and employment. “Kenya chose me, and I said, ‘yes,’” she says. “It was one of the best decisions of my life.” Stretch goals Africa Yoga Project trains and develops local leaders in their communities who are excited about sharing yoga’s lessons of strength and well-being. Each teacher exemplifies AYP’s motto, “lead the change,” as they inspire positive transformation of their communities, Paige says. Today, more than 6,000 people participate in more than hundreds of community yoga classes in 13 African countries, according to africayogaproject.org. More than 200 young people, trained as teachers, earn a living wage by teaching yoga to people who otherwise would not have the opportunity to learn it. “I think what is most exciting about our free outreach classes is how open people’s hearts and minds are once they experience the powerful physical, emotion and community benefits of yoga and meditation,” Paige says. “People feel better and when they feel better, they are equipped to do better. In the words of AYP instructor Patrick [Kiragu], it gives them hope, and hope is one of the most powerful opportunities in the world.” Patrick, who has been practicing and teaching yoga for seven years, looks forward to sharing stories of Africa Yoga Project at WOHASU. “I love being of service; it is what I live for,” Patrick says. “Sharing my talent is a way to be of service. I’m looking forward to learning more about happiness in Miami, making new friends and expanding our community.” Partners in om AYP is a global partner of lululemon’s ‘Here to Be’ social impact program that makes the healing benefits of yoga and meditation accessible through nonprofit partnerships. Lululemon is also a presenting partner of the World Happiness Summit. Karen Guggenheim, WOHASU co-founder and COO, says starting each day of the summit with yoga makes sense because “many of us have experienced the transformative power of practicing yoga and have felt the benefits to overall well-being and mood. Given our partnership with lululemon, it gave us an amazing opportunity to share a practice led by top teachers with seasoned yogis as well as novices.” Practicing yoga for more than 15 years has helped Karen become more resilient, calm and healthy, she says—and she’s happier, too. “My goal, through WOHASU, is to offer people tools that they can implement in their lives in order to make them happy or happier; yoga is one of them.” “Happiness is a muscle that allows you to feel joy when something great happens and acceptance when all else occurs,” Paige says. “Happiness gets developed through challenge and yoga gives you an opportunity to strengthen your happiness muscle every day on your mat.” Find out more at africayogaproject.org or follow them on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter @africayoga. Read more: The World Happiness Summit: What You Need to Know Read more: Ismael Cala Brings Insights to the World Happiness Summit

Practice

Ismael Cala Brings Insights to WOHASU

Ismael Cala, president of Cala Enterprises and founder of the Ismael Cala Foundation, which works to develop leadership skills in disadvantaged youth, is one of more than 25 happiness experts scheduled to speak at the World Happiness Summit in Miami, March 17–19. The social entrepreneur and former host of his own show on CNN en Español will join Live Happy Co-Founder and CEO Deborah K. Heisz and Live Happy columnist and positive psychology expert Michelle Gielan for a special panel at the Summit on March 19. LIVE HAPPY: What is your definition of happiness? ISMAEL CALA: Happiness is created by each of us in our everyday work to achieve excellence. Of course it has nothing to do with having more things but in striving to achieve our desires. We can even be happy when we do not succeed because we have learned the lessons that will help us succeed on another occasion. Our well-being is in our capacity to love, to dream and to reach beyond our fears and comfort zones. LH: The World Happiness Summit has a special Latin American flair, with your Ismael Cala Foundation and CNN en Español as partners. What can the rest of the world learn about happiness from the Latino culture? IC: I read recently that many of the happiest countries are in Latin America. I’m not surprised. Latin America has faced great challenges for decades. These challenges require a kind of constructive leadership that can be found among Latinos. We are people who have managed to find light in dark situations. My education and childhood have taught me to find happiness in small things, in my family and in the achievements of everyday life. And to continue working every day for my dreams. I believe that a positive mindset is an intrinsic capacity in all of us that we must bring to its full potential. LH: Your organization and foundation help youth develop leadership skills to find and fulfill their true purpose. What do you mean when you advise others to “lead from the soul”? IC: True leadership emerges from the path to abundance, a mindset that is born within each one of us. Leading from the soul is conveying the values and pillars with which you build your life to guide others toward success. Such leaders embrace gratitude as their life philosophy and find abundance in everything around them. LH: What are three ways to bring out the best in others you live or work with? IC:1: Practice emotional intelligence. A leader needs to understand his colleagues’ emotions, strengths and values to be able to get the best from the team. With empathy, the leader puts himself in others’ shoes and understands their reactions. The empathic leader listens and responds. 2: Turn obstacles into opportunities. Failures and mistakes are often seen as obstacles, when in reality they are great teachers and can open doors to new opportunities. Keeping an open mind in challenging times can help you gain new experiences that bring you closer to your purpose. 3: Learn to collaborate. Leadership is contrary to individualism and ego. A diversity of opinions and knowledge enriches decisions. A strong leader looks at strategies and solutions from different perspectives and invites participation. The first step is to accept your limits and be aware that you do not have to know everything. LH: Why is a gathering like the World Happiness Summit important? IC: Happiness is the balance between personal satisfaction, calm and inner peace. This is what I feel when I do what I love, which is to advise others on following the path of well-being and excellence. Thanks to the Ismael Cala Foundation, I have been able to help young people who do not have access to education. A life of service brings me joy. In a society where people look more and more to their own interests, it is necessary to convey this message to a broad audience. LH: Tell us more about your foundation. How do you reach children who don’t have access to education? IC: Ismael Cala Foundation collaborates with other foundations and institutions to develop programs for vulnerable children and young people. Our goal is to develop their potential, to make them aware that their capacity has no limits. We teach them that with effort and the right tools, they can achieve their goals. Right now we promote programs of emotional leadership, vocational guidance and education in Latin America and the Caribbean. LH: What are you most looking forward to about the World Happiness Summit? IC: My main objective is to inspire people to live to their full potential. I hope to convey how each one of us can become a leader who inspires those around them to be happy, love themselves and seek continued growth in their lives. For more on the World Happiness Summit, go to Happinesssummit.world. Read more: The World Happiness Summit: What You Need to Know Donna Stokes is the Executive Editor of Live Happy magazine.

Practice

Poetry in a Box

The little box on the little pole fooled me at first. It looked like the ones real estate agents plant in front yards. But then I realized this pole said “Poetry” on it, and behind the box’s clear plastic door stood copies of “Blessings,” a poem by Ronald Wallace. “Please take one,” said writing on the door. I did. The poem was upbeat and funny and just what I needed. I smiled at the yellow ranch house behind the box and silently thanked the person who lived there for making my day. Serendipity by the side of the road Such moments, I soon learned, have been happening all over the country. Poetry boxes—also known as poetry poles or posts—first popped up in yards, parks and other spots about 20 years ago. Now there are at least 500 of them nationwide, according to David Cooke, a landscaper who has a poetry box outside his home in Portland, Oregon, and also builds them as a side business. The boxes cluster in such places as Portland and St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana, and range from prefab plastic to hand-hewn mahogany. “It’s kind of like an un-virtual Facebook page,” David says. Like other owners, he finds that poetry boxes boost a sense of community. “They’re a really good focal point, a conversation starter.” “To me it’s like putting out a bird feeder,” says author Maxine Hong Kingston. Through her windows in Oakland, California, she watches passers-by read poems from the box that’s screwed onto her purple rain birch tree. “That makes me really happy. Sometimes there are several people and one will read aloud to another one.” What attracts such readers? “The poems I put out there are about enjoying the world and loving life, so to me that kind of inspiration is food.” A little lift when you need it Indeed, Maxine’s neighbor Alice Friedemann finds visiting Oakland’s poetry boxes “a treat to look forward to, like a candy bar.” And as a science writer who blogs about dwindling natural resources and other woes, she often needs that treat. Take a foggy morning last fall. Alice, in a grim mood, stopped by a poetry box containing “This Splendid Speck” by Paul Boswell. There are no peacocks on Venus, the poem begins. No oak trees or water lilies on Jupiter.…Instantly, she felt better. “It reminded me of what a miracle this planet really is and how lucky we are to live here,” she says. Now she keeps that poem on her desk to nosh on whenever she gets gloomy. Poetry boxes are “a way to inject joy into somebody’s life,” she says. Kathie Smith-Hetterich, a retired school psychologist, feels equally sustained by a neighbor’s box in Rochester, New York. “It’s a way to touch something spiritual as opposed to all the day-to-day stuff,” she says. As it happens, the box Kathie visits is the one I stumbled upon during a walk. Its owner, I learned months later when I found her mowing her lawn, is an English professor named Cathy Smith. One recent evening she invited me inside the yellow ranch house. A shared neighborhood asset Her poetry box is a great way to connect with neighbors, she said as we chatted at her kitchen table. Like many owners, she discovers gifts tucked inside her box: poems, book reviews and once even a $20 bill. People eagerly remind her when it’s time to put in a new poem, and the little girl next door loves telling her what color paper to use. I left Cathy’s home that night with her words etched in my memory: “Poetry connects us to ourselves and to each other. It awakens what we don’t take time to nourish because we’re so busy.” Visitors to poetry boxes often pay the joy forward with boxes of their own or other things. Artist and teacher Martha Schermerhorn, for instance, says Cathy’s box inspired her to launch a local “round robin” writing club: one person starts a short story, emails it to another who adds to it, and so on: “The point is just to be creative, expressive. The neighbors just embraced it.” And now it’s my turn. The other day, Cathy emailed to say that her sister no longer has a spot for her own poetry box. Would I like it? Would I ever. Read more: Does Reading Fiction Make Us Nicer? Read more: 10 Ways to Build Community Melissa Balmain is a humorist, journalist and teacher. She is also the author of Walking in on People, a full-length collection of poetry.

Reading

12 Best Books for Your Positive Psychology Reading List

Martin Seligman, Ph.D., defines the positive psychology movement he founded as “the scientific study of the strengths that enable individuals and communities to thrive.” The movement helps people cultivate the best in themselves so they can live more meaningful lives. We have gathered together seminal books by many of the founding thinkers of the happiness movement, with subjects ranging from flourishing to flow; from resilience to why we love. Whether you've taken an online course in positive psychology or just want to be happier in your everyday life, reading the titles listed here will give you a running head start on your journey. 1. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's research of optimal experience revealed that what makes an experience genuinely satisfying is a state of consciousness called flow. Learn how to tap into your flow—where you find the right mix between challenge and skill and lose track of time. “A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe.” ―Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi 2. The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D. Psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky’s guidebook and workbook include strategies, exercises and quizzes based on years of extensive research for understanding how to experience and sustain joy. “Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it’s not out there is that it’s inside us.” ―Sonja Lyubomirsky 3. Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. Forget about fixing your weaknesses. If you want to be happier, identify and focus on your personal strengths. By using your strengths more, you can experience the positive state of “flow” where you feel energized, engaged and in the zone. With self-assessment quizzes and tips, Martin Seligman shows you how to use your strengths to improve daily interactions with people and each aspect of your life. “Authentic happiness derives from raising the bar for yourself, not rating yourself against others.” ―Martin E.P. Seligman 4. Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. Happiness on its own, doesn’t give life meaning. Martin Seligman shows how the five pillars of positive psychology work together to build a life of meaning and fulfillment. He calls it PERMA or positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishment. “Happiness, flow, meaning, love, gratitude, accomplishment, growth, better relationships—constitutes human flourishing.” —Martin E.P. Seligman 5. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth, Ph.D. Psychologist Angela Duckworth studied peak performance to discover how grit—a blend of passion and perseverance—is instrumental to achievement. What you say to yourself after a setback or failure can make all the difference. “Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” ―Angela Duckworth 6. Love 2.0: Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection by Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D. Love can help us live longer and with more meaning, writes Barbara L. Fredrickson, a social psychology scholar and director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory. With her decades of research funded by the National Institutes of Health, she shows us how to look for “micro-moments” when we truly connect with others to foster more love in our lives. “Love is that micro-moment of warmth and connection that you share with another living being.” ―Barbara L. Fredrickson 7. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener, Ph.Ds. Genetics contributes greatly to happiness while income makes little difference. Read the discoveries of three decades of research on happiness. What matters most, according to the authors? Relationships to friends and family. “Psychological wealth includes life satisfaction, the feeling that life is full of meaning, a sense of engagement in interesting activities, the pursuit of important goals, the experience of positive emotional feelings and a sense of spirituality that connects people to things larger than themselves.” ―Ed Diener 8. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D. Carol S. Dweck, a Stanford University psychology professor, learned through her research that people with a growth mindset believe they can develop their brains, abilities and talents through hard work, while those with a fixed mindset believe their abilities are fixed and cannot be developed. Find out why it’s not just our abilities and talent that bring us success–but whether we approach them with a fixed or growth mindset. “Becoming is better than being.” ―Carol S. Dweck 9. Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D. You may not know what makes you happy after all, according to Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert. This best-selling book explains how the limitations of our imaginations can get in our way of our ability to know what happiness is. “Our inability to recall how we really felt is why our wealth of experiences turns out to be poverty of riches.” ―Daniel Gilbert 10. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work by Shawn Achor Positive psychology research indicates happiness fuels success, not the other way around. Try these tactics to be happier at work: Train your brain to see patterns of possibility and opportunity; conquer small goals to gradually conquer bigger goals; invest in your social network. “The person we have the greatest power to change is ourself.” ―Shawn Achor 11. Being Happy: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. With an intense fear of failure, you could fall short of your potential. Welcome failure as a part of life that allows you to grow and enhances your well-being. “The all-or-nothing mindset leads perfectionists to transform every setback they encounter into a catastrophe, an assault on their very worth as human beings. Their sense of self-inevitably suffers as their faultfinding turns inward.” ―Tal Ben-Shahar 12. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. Our culture tells us that we have to feel special or above average to feel good about ourselves. Put down the constant comparisons to others and pick up self-compassion. Find out how to treat yourself as you would a best friend and lead a healthier and more productive life as a result. Let go of self-doubt to feel happier. “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” ―Kristin Neff Read more: 12 Top Positive Psychology Courses You Can Take Online Sandra Bienkowski is a contributing editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

relationships

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Although the movies would have us believe otherwise, a long, happy marriage isn’t a matter of simply finding the right person. Lasting love requires commitment and developing healthy habits that can sustain through both good and bad times. It’s not just about romance; as it turns out, there’s actually a science to making love last. James O. Pawelski, Ph.D., and Suzann Pileggi Pawelski are more than just positive psychology experts; they are a married couple who looks at relationships through the lens of positive psychology. Their new book, Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts, shares their insight along with innovative strategies for building stronger, healthier unions. LIVE HAPPY: Many books explain how to achieve greater happiness; what made you want to write about the topic of happiness specifically as it relates to couples? JAMES & SUZANN: Although there were many excellent research studies demonstrating the potential to help couples, no one had put them together into an easily accessible format or book. There was a lot of interest on the topic, but not much out there in the popular media. We saw writing the book together as a shared project we could undertake to help develop and strengthen our own marriage while simultaneously providing a resource that could help other couples, as well. LH: What’s the biggest misconception people have about happiness and relationships? J&S: That “happily ever after” just happens. That’s not the case, except in fairy tales and films. LH: How does your book help change that perception? J&S: It demonstrates, through scientific research and real-life examples, that healthy habits are what build happiness over the long haul. Becoming happy together is an ongoing process comprised of sustained effort and conscious cultivation of healthy habits. LH: Were there any new things that you learned about your relationship through the process of writing this book together? J&S: That our unique strengths that initially attracted us to one another and helped build our bond are also the strengths that, when not understood and respected in one another, can cause pain and misunderstanding. LH: Aspects of each of you shine through in this book—and really serve as a great illustration of how you apply the give and take in a relationship. How did you work through any challenges that arose from developing/writing this book? J&S: We practiced mindfulness meditation. At times when we needed a breather, that’s what we literally did. We took a break and some deep breaths. We were then able to return to the task at hand and work together better. LH: Although it’s about happiness as a couple, this book also is a great introduction to positive psychology for those who haven’t yet experienced it. How do you think people can use these relationship lessons in other areas of their lives? J&S: We feel that the interaction model of strengths that we developed—an approach that focuses on not just how we express love, gratitude and kindness, for example, but also how we respond to them—are important for all relationships. This approach can be used and practiced in our daily interactions, not just with our spouses and romantic partners but also with family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. LH: What’s the No. 1 thing you hope readers take away from your book? J&S: Building love that lasts takes effort. It doesn’t just happen. And that effort needs to be well directed. A good way to direct that effort is to find and feed the good in yourself and your partner, rather than focusing on problems and what’s wrong in the relationship. And scientific research in positive psychology gives specific, effective ways of finding and feeding the good. Read more: Love and Happiness and The Power of Passion Listen to our podcast: How to Build Love That Lasts With Suzann Pawelski and James Pawelski Paula Felpsis the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Cute couple with hearts over their eyes.

relationships

6 Relationship Resolutions for Valentines Day

After New Year's and all through January we get that itch to practice better self-care, become healthier and focus on positive changes we can make in the year ahead. By February most of us have lost our New Year’s mojo. But wait! Here comes Valentine's Day, filling every grocery store with red hearts and symbols of love. Why not use this loving reminder to trigger actions that fall under the category of “relationship care?” Many of us get so wrapped up in the details and stresses of our daily lives that we do not take time out to truly focus our time and energy on our intimate relationships. It does not matter if you believe in the calendar holiday of Valentine's Day, or if you and your partner even trade gifts or cards. The important thing is to take time out to put some emotional and romantic focus on your relationship by stopping to create some relationship resolutions. 1. Have fun together Do you ever find yourself wrapped up in the logistics and monotony of life to the point that you are too busy to have fun? Are fun experiences few and far between in your relationship these days? It doesn’t matter if it’s just the two of you, the entire family or a large group, finding time to laugh and be joyful together is important in every intimate relationship. Take time out to explore ideas that will infuse some happiness into your relationship. Start up a new hobby or activity together, or go back to doing something fun that the two of you have not done together in years. If you don’t have the time or money for a vacation, have a snowball fight, tickle each other until you laugh so hard it hurts or take part in a new adventure. Try that new Moroccan restaurant where you sit on the floor. Go bowling! Read more: 4 Ways to Reignite the Spark and Reconnect With Your Partner 2. Use technology to connect instead of disconnect We are all distracted by and sometimes addicted to our phones, computers and social media. We get so drawn into technology that it pulls us out of the present, where we could be interacting with the people we love. Instead of using your devices to disconnect, use them to connect. Do you find yourself on your phone when you are at dinner with your mate or next to one another in bed? Are you more likely to read a story on Facebook than to tell your partner something that happened that day? Are there moments when you are both sitting on the couch staring at your devices instead of looking into each other’s eyes? Instead, pick up your phone and send your partner a romantic text message. Text him or her a photo from the past of the two of you enjoying yourselves. Post a gushing shout-out on Facebook for the world to see how much you appreciate the amazing dinner he or she cooked, or for the fact that your lawn is always mowed or that you are married to someone who's a terrific parent. 3. Put quality time on the schedule It is very easy for us to get caught up in your jobs, household chores, children, etc. Often it’s your primary relationship that takes the hit in all this overwhelm. Do you ever find yourself so busy after dinner that you fall into bed without even having a conversation? Have you realized that the two of you have not talked about how much you love or adore one another in a long time? While these things can be common in relationships, they do not allow for the type of quality time that couples need to feel truly connected. Plan a weekly or monthly date night for the two of you. Schedule an annual or biannual getaway or stay-cation (where the kids leave and you stay home) so you can have an extended period of time together - alone. 4. Evaluate, adjust and improve When you build a business, you stop frequently to evaluate progress and makes changes accordingly. Relationships work in very much the same way. It is important to take stock of how your relationship is doing. Are you happy with the level of intimacy and time spent together? Do you feel like you handle conflict efficiently? Are you managing your finances as a couple in a way that is working for you? Make a resolution to assess these things and more, make adjustments and improvements as needed. Learn from your past, so you can make your future better. Read more: 10 Ways to Turn Around an Argument So Both Sides Win 5. Resolve to watch your tone and language We should be making the greatest effort to be kind and loving to our intimate partners, and yet for a variety of reasons, they often get the business end of our abuse, contempt or anger. Do you find yourself asking your partner to help you with something without saying please or thank you? Do you have a tendency to raise your voice when a kinder, softer tone could be better? Do you verbally express how much you love and appreciate your partner more often than not? Make a commitment to yourself and your partner to be mindful of how you speak and what you say, and make a greater effort to have the majority of what comes out of your mouth be kinder and more loving. Spend more time saying things like “I am so lucky to have you” and “You are the best!” instead of things like “It’s so annoying when you leave your towel on the bathroom floor” or “Move over, you are hogging the bed.” Walk in with a smile, or laugh off what might be a slightly irritating situation instead of rolling your eyes or mumbling under your breath. 6. Make an effort to focus on the little things While everyone loves a grand gesture of love and adoration, most couples I talk to are grateful if some of the little things are attended to in the relationship. Does your partner like a back rub? Wish you would wash the dishes as soon as you use them? Want you to send a text message to check in at some point in the day? Ask yourself if you have taken the time out to truly listen to some of the smaller things that your partner desires. While big issues can create conflict and distance in relationships, often a big list of little problems can do just as much damage. Show your partner that he or she is important by making an effort to listen and respond to some of the smaller things that may take less time and energy but will send a big message of love. We all know that most New Year’s resolutions fizzle out because people overreach. They want to lose 30 pounds or overhaul their career all at once. Relationship resolutions are not all-or-nothing propositions. Pick the ones you think you can achieve; have fun with them; resolve to try harder, do better and be closer. Invest time and energy into your partnership and you will be rewarded 10-fold. Read more: 8 Ways to Make Every Day Valentine's Day Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

Self-Care

4 Tips to Raise High-Achieving Kids

When I was a new mom, I met a couple I’ll call the Jacksons whose primary goal was to raise their children to become achievement-oriented adults. While this is a common wish for parents, the Jacksons had a fairly extreme way of going about it. When their son was less than a year old, the Jacksons initiated a family policy that no one was to give him anything; if he wanted something, he had to learn to get it for himself. The Jacksons truly believed that if their child had just the bare minimum (of food, clothing, etc.) and was always in need, he would be motivated to find a way to get whatever he wanted on his own—setting him on the path to eventual success. In contrast, many “helicopter parents” harbor the same dreams for their children and yet lean toward the opposite extreme by hovering—offering too much guidance and praise. My experience has been that both of these parenting styles ultimately may do a disservice to children and impede their confidence and success. As a therapist, I suggest a middle-ground approach to parenting that yields the best outcomes for children in terms of success, psychological well-being and self-confidence. Albert Bandura, a psychologist and expert in cognitive development, developed the concept of “self-efficacy”—the way people view themselves as capable and productive makes a tremendous difference in their success. The best way for parents to help children accomplish this is by providing appropriate guidance, support and praise, while allowing for experimentation and even failure. The following key elements are essential for raising children to become motivated, successful and goal-oriented adults. Read more: Which Kind of Goal-Setter Are You? 1. Help kids build confidence in themselves Believing in yourself builds confidence, improves self-esteem and makes both children and adults take more risks, feel more motivated and work harder. If you want to teach your children to feel confident in who they are and their achievements, help them learn their strengths, tell them you believe in their abilities and point out both past and present successes. It may sound simple, but past achievements DO build future successes. Example: Your child is starting a new class, activity or sport. Let her know that it is normal to be worried about something new, but also that she has certain skills that she can use to apply to this new situation. Be specific about what those skills are and give examples of when she has used those skills successfully. 2. Help them understand the "Why" I have heard so many parents utter the following overused phrases: “because I said so,” “you have to do that because it’s your homework assignment” or “the coach/teacher/tutor/school said so.” While each of these statements may be true, they do not explain the reasons or benefits of doing that task. Homework builds skills, allows for practice and teaches concepts outside of the classroom. Our children need to understand these reasons, not simply that they have a duty. Example: Your child says, “I don’t like to read. I think it is boring and I am not good at it.” You respond that it’s OK, not everyone likes reading, but reading is important. You make it clear that as he grows older there will be lots of things he will need to read and understand, and the only way to do that is to practice. Read more: Making Motivation Work 3. Teach kids to look inward for competition and achievement Goal-oriented children learn that trying to do better than they did yesterday and the day before is much more important than trying to be equal to or greater than someone else. Each of us has a unique set of skills and abilities, and we need to focus on honing them so that we can maximize our own growth. During the recent Olympics in Rio, it was clear that swimmer Michael Phelps’ disappointment in his London performance in 2012 was a stronger motivation to excel than any rivalry. Example: Your child says, “Johnny is better than I am at math” or “Alexandra runs so much faster than I do.” The response should be something like the following: “Johnny and Alexandra will be better at some things than you are, and you will be better at other things than they are; we do not need to compare. Instead, let’s talk about how much faster you are than you were in second grade and figure out how we can help you get faster before next year.” 4. Help kids set reasonable goals and make plans to accomplish them Goal setting starts at an early age. It begins when kids learn to do homework before watching TV, or how to clean their rooms and make their beds in an efficient and effective way. As parents, we need to teach our kids what types of goals are reasonable and then help them strategize a way to get them accomplished. Example: Your child has a big project due in two weeks. You sit down with her to discuss how long it will take, what days she will work on it and the best way to get it done well. Then follow up with her to make sure she is keeping on schedule. If we as parents can provide support and guidance while giving kids the stepping stones to develop their own confidence and self-esteem—and let them learn their own lessons through experience—they will be well on their way to success. Read more: Are You Making This Common Parenting Mistake? Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.

Self-Care

How to Build Your Best Life

In 2007, a group of students at Stanford University’s design institute took on a daunting challenge: Design a low-cost incubator to save the lives of premature infants who were dying from hypothermia in poor countries like Nepal. While still on the Palo Alto, California, campus, the students began considering ways they could lower the cost of incubators by reducing the number of parts or using cheaper materials. But when they got to Nepal, they observed that many of the donated $20,000 incubators in large urban hospitals weren’t being used. And, as they traveled around the country, they noticed that the premature infants who needed those incubators were being born in remote areas. Saving their lives wasn’t a matter of retooling incubators but addressing a different problem: How could preemies in Nepal be kept warm enough in their towns and villages during their critical first days of life to survive? The students went on to create a miniature sleeping bag with a removable pouch that contained a waxlike material. When the pouch is heated in boiling water, the wax becomes a liquid, providing hours of insulated warmth without electricity. The device, called Embrace, costs just over 1 percent of what an incubator costs. It has since been used in 11 countries and has saved the lives of tens of thousands of low-weight babies. Exploring new pursuits A few years ago, Claudia Brown, a high-tech sales executive, was shifting into life as an empty nester. Open to exploring new pursuits, she began asking lots of people about the kinds of things they found interesting. On a visit to a state park near her home in Santa Cruz, California, she chatted with the guide who was leading a talk about elephant seals. Claudia had never heard of elephant seals before, but she loved animals and she loved the outdoors. What do you like about being an elephant seal docent, she asked? How much training does it take? If I wanted to become a docent what would be the first step? It turned out that there were five small steps before committing to the 25-hour training class. Claudia took those steps, one by one, and today she’s an elephant-seal expert and a docent at Año Nuevo State Park, home to one of the largest breeding colonies in the world for the pinniped. Saving lives with a tiny sleeping bag and finding meaning through work as a wildlife docent were the answers to problems from vastly different arenas. But those two solutions were arrived at through the same process: design thinking. It’s a human-centered approach to product design and problem solving that’s based on practices like understanding a problem through rigorous observation, generating tons of ideas with uncensored brainstorming and going out in the real world to explore and test possible solutions. Design thinking is the linchpin of Stanford’s design program. Formally named the Hasso Plattner Institute of Design, it’s widely dubbed simply “the d.school.” The strategy has helped countless engineers and entrepreneurs develop innovative products and launch startups. It has also helped students flourish through classes that teach them how to design a creative, healthy and happy life the same way product designers would take on developing, say, the next-generation smartphone. Change your mindset The mindset of design thinking “aligns beautifully” with the principles of positive psychology, says Dave Evans, co-author with Bill Burnett of the new best-seller Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life. Bill and Dave based their book on their hugely popular Stanford class “Designing Your Life.” Both the class and book rely on positive psychology tenets like finding flow and silencing your inner critic to take a playful, improvisational approach to creative problem solving. “We have drawn many of our ideas and exercises from the work of the positive psychology movement, and especially from the work of [premier positive psychologist] Martin Seligman,” Bill and Dave write in their book’s “Notes” section about elements from a key chapter. Bernard Roth, Ph.D., one of the founders of the d.school, its academic director and the author of The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing, and Take Command of Your Life ,believes that positive psychology and design thinking share a bedrock optimism. “In design thinking, we see our lives as something we can study and change,” he says. “You’re never stuck. It’s a can-do approach, a maker mentality, that you can apply to all domains of your life to become happier.” Reframing questions and faulty beliefs Design thinking puts as much emphasis on problem finding as it does on problem solving. If you’re losing sleep over a problem you can’t seem to solve, you’re likely working on the wrong problem. That happens, Bernard says, “when we think we’re dealing with a question when, in fact, we’re dealing with an answer that turns out not to be a good fit to our actual problem.” The question of “how to build a cheaper incubator,” for example, was an answer that didn’t address the problem of helping preemie infants in Nepal survive in their remote villages. One way to uncover the real dilemma is to ask, “What would it do for me if I solved this problem?” Say, for example, you’re grappling with the question, “How can I find a romantic partner?” If you ask yourself what finding a partner or spouse would do for you, one answer might be that a partner would make you less lonely. Next, you reframe your original question to, “How might I feel less lonely?” That dramatically expands the number of possible solutions. You could, say, take classes, join a club, get a dog, volunteer and check out some meet-up groups tailored to your interests. Another way we get tripped up, Bill and Dave point out, is by becoming mired in what they call “gravity problems.” A gravity problem is a fact of life, like the force that makes it difficult to ride your bike up steep hills. Or, say, you want to be promoted to CEO but the family-owned company where you work hasn’t named an outsider to its executive ranks in the five generations it’s been in existence. In life design, if something isn’t actionable, it’s not a problem. When you accept that, you’re free to work around the circumstance and find something that is actionable. A huffing-and-puffing cyclist might invest in a lighter bicycle or work on improving her stamina. The family-firm outsider could look for a job with a larger company or celebrate the freedom that comes with not taking on additional responsibilities and find an outside activity—taking a board position with a local charity—that provides the leadership role he’s seeking. While asking the wrong question leads us to dead ends, dysfunctional beliefs keep us stuck in place. These are the myths we tell ourselves that are both false and nongenerative. Reframing them is a key step in designing your life. Some examples that Dave and Bill offer: DYSFUNCTIONAL BELIEF: If you are successful, you will be happy. REFRAME: True happiness comes from designing a life that works for you. DYSFUNCTIONAL BELIEF: It’s too late. REFRAME: It’s never too late to design a life you love. DYSFUNCTIONAL BELIEF: I have to find the one right idea. REFRAME: I need a lot of ideas so that I can explore any number of possibilities for my future. DYSFUNCTIONAL BELIEF: I need to figure out my best possible life, make a plan and then execute it. REFRAME: There are multiple great lives (and plans) within me, and I get to choose which one to build my way toward. DYSFUNCTIONAL BELIEF: I finished designing my life; the hard work is done and everything will be great. REFRAME: You never finish designing your life—life is a joyous and never-ending design project. The art of ideating “You’ll choose better,” Bill and Dave say, “when you have a lot of good ideas to choose from.” That’s why a key element of design thinking is “ideation,” which simply means coming up with a whole slew of ideas. That includes wild and crazy notions, which might not be the fix you’re looking for, but will open you to inventive possibilities. “Mind mapping” is a visual aid to free associating that can help you tap into your idea-generating genius. David Kelley and Tom Kelley, brothers and co-authors of Creative Confidence: Unleashing the Creative Potential Within Us All, say they use mind mapping all the time to encourage innovative thinking in both work and home life. (David was one of the creators of the d.school as well as the founder of IDEO, an award-winning global design firm. Tom is a partner at IDEO and an executive fellow at the University of California, Berkeley, Haas School of Business.) “From coming up with ideas for a family vacation to identifying home projects to tackle over the weekend,” they write, “mind maps can be used for all sorts of problem solving.” To create a mind map, all you need is a large piece of paper, a pen and as little as 10 minutes (set a time limit for yourself; doing the exercise quickly is important). For example, David followed the four steps of mind mapping when he was planning a dinner party. 1. Write your central topic or challenge in the middle of the page and circle it. David wrote, “A great dinner party with friends.” 2. Jot down five or six things—the first things you think of—that are related to the central theme. David’s mind map included “everyone in the kitchen,” “make your own sundaes,” “teach something” and “get them out of their comfort zone.” 3. Generate new words and thoughts from the first words that came to mind. Keep going until you have at least three or four layers of word associations. Your time limit will force you to “bypass your inner censor,” as Bill and Dave say, and write whatever comes to your mind first. 4. After your time limit is up, look at your mind map and highlight some words or concepts that jump out at you. You’ll likely find that the outer perimeter of the mind map holds the most innovative ideas, since it’s a few steps away from your automatic thinking. For David, the outer layer included such unlikely ideas as “indoor picnic,” “henna tattoos for all,” “everyone must make a hat on arrival” and “each person assigned to introduce another to the group.” What the mind map made clear was that David wanted lots of interaction at his dinner party, even among people who hadn’t previously met. He ended up throwing a party in which guests changed tables after each course, so everyone in the room got a chance to talk to each other. Moving from ideas to action Design thinking might better be called design doing. That’s because it has a strong bias to action. “When you’re designing your life, you can’t think your way there,” says Dave, “you can only live your way there.” The way you do this is through a process called “prototyping.” In design thinking, prototyping doesn’t mean creating mock-ups or dollhouse-sized models. Rather, it’s getting off your sofa to engage with the real world and have prototype conversations or prototype experiences. “Prototypes are little time machines,” Dave says. “They allow us to sneak up on the future.” When Claudia was chatting with the docent she met at the state park, she was prototyping. The bar is set low for prototypes. “You don’t have to know what you want to do with the rest of your life,” Dave says.“You don’t have to know who you are, what your purpose in life is or what your passion is. All you need is one question about which you’re a little bit curious and then you go out into the world and have some small interactions to explore where that question might take you.” Let’s imagine the question you’re pondering is pretty significant: how to make a midlife transition into a new career after 20 years in finance. You create a mind map and pick out some key words from the edges of the map. Say, “petits fours,” “Paris” and “apron.” Those words suggest some curiosity about studying pastry making at a culinary school in Paris. OK, you’re not ready to leave your family and spend a year at Le Cordon Bleu. But you could have a conversation with the woman who sells those beautiful French macarons at the farmers market. Maybe she teaches macaron-making every other Saturday. Or, perhaps, you could spend a day shadowing the owner of Le Croissant, the bakery where you’ve been stopping every morning for years on the way to your finance job. If you enjoy the experience at Le Croissant, you might sign up for a class in startups at the new culinary incubator in the next town. Or, your curiosity might be piqued by the conversation you have with the event planner who stops to pick up a cake for a gala. Her nonprofit builds shelters for women fleeing domestic abuse. Maybe you could join the planning committee for the new shelter; with your finance background, you could certainly help with fundraising. Or, perhaps you could help teach a baking class to the shelter residents. The world suddenly seems a much larger, more diverse and welcoming place. Designers imagine things that don’t yet exist, Dave and Bill say. Then they build them and the world changes. With life design, you can do this in your own life. “You can imagine a career and a life that doesn’t exist; you can build that future, and as a result your life will change,” they write. “If your life is pretty perfect as is, life design will still help you make it an even better version of the life you currently love living.” Shelley Levitt is a freelance journalist living in Southern California, and an editor at large for Live Happy.

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