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Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Becoming a Happy Leader With Tia Graham  [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 389 of Live Happy Now. Not everyone feels that work and happiness go hand in hand. But today's guest believes that not only can you find happiness at work, but you must. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and this week I'm sitting down with Tia Graham, a certified chief happiness officer, Founder of the company Arrive at Happy, and author of the new book, Be a Happy Leader.   Tia has multiple certifications in neuroscience, positive psychology, and leadership coaching, and she works with executives and teams to help create happier workplaces. Today, she's here to teach us how we can find more happiness at work. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:45] PF: Tia, thank you so much for coming on Live Happy Now. [00:00:48] TG: Thank you for having me. [00:00:51] PF: Work has long been a challenge for people, and it's so important because it's something that we spend most of our time doing, and there's a lot of unhappiness in the workplace. I wondered, in your studies, in your research, what made you decide to focus on leaders in the workplace? [00:01:10] TG: Yes. So prior to starting my company, Arrive at Happy, I was a director of sales and marketing, a leader in the luxury hotel industry and different places in the United States and Europe. So I was a leader of teams for 14 years. Positive leadership was always very, very important to me. I took it as an honor, leading people. In my 14 years of leadership in the hotel industry, I had some incredible inspirational happy leaders, and I also had the complete opposite. I had some toxic, very negative leaders. One of my big missions is to have more happy leaders in the world of work. Then when I started researching the levels of disengagement with leaders, that was another big motivation. Also, the science of happiness isn't extremely well known within corporate America. So, yeah, lots of motivation to bring this into work. [00:02:12] PF: What is the difference between unhappiness at the leadership level and unhappiness at the employee level? Have you seen any differentiation? [00:02:21] TG: So it's actually quite similar, and this is all of the Gallup research. There's a little bit more disengagement at the employee level, but it's pretty close. In terms of people who are actively disengaged in both groups, it's around 13 to 15 percent, so really everyone's interconnected. [00:02:42] PF: Because you tend to think that leaders, at least from an employee standpoint, employees think, well, they should be happier. They're making more money. They get to take some time off for golf. Whatever it is, it seems like leaders should have it a little bit easier when it comes to happiness. They're in a little bit more comfortable position. [00:03:00] TG: Yeah. There is some correlation, like how you reference being able to play golf. There is some correlation between how much money you make and how happy you are and having less stress and anxiety about money. Really, some leaders have more time affluence, right? They have more time for friends and family, for hobbies, etc. Also, though, with leadership comes more stress, more anxiety, more pressure. So there's different challenges as well. [00:03:31] PF: The leaders that you have worked with that you've seen, is that happiness kind of an innate thing, that they are naturally happy people, and they bring it to the workplace? Or is it something that they've had to work at? [00:03:43] TG: So the research shows, and this aligns exactly with all of the companies that I've been working with over the past six years, is there's a group of people who are more genetically predisposed to be happier, and life circumstances do play a part. But there are some leaders who actively make choices that increase their wellbeing and create sustainable wellbeing. Then there are some leaders who do not, right? Who do not prioritize their own happiness and focus on whether it be their physical wellbeing, emotional wellbeing, mental health, psychological, investing in their relationships. As I said, little bit genetically predisposed. But then there are some people who truly make this a priority and focus on it and others who don't. [00:04:40] PF: What kind of outcomes do you see in the leaders, and what are the differences in the outcomes they see in their workplace? [00:04:47] TG: So a leader who is happy at work is more productive. So they work faster and they work smarter. They are more creative and innovative, as their brain broadens and builds with more positive emotions. They have higher rates of employee, team member loyalty, less unwanted turnover. Motivation within the team is higher. Sales are higher. There's a direct correlation between sales, and the customer service scores are higher as well. That all translates to the engagement scores, which most companies do engagement surveys once a year. [00:05:27] PF: There’s actually a cost to the company of unhappiness and stress in the workplace. [00:05:32] TG: Yes. Yes, absolutely. Whether it be the cost of recruiting, hiring, training, the cost of knowledge drain, when people leave, the cost of customer unhappiness or customers not being satisfied, and then putting that out on social media or choosing not to come back to that business as well. There's this huge phenomenon happening called quiet quitting, where people are doing the bare minimum, right? You think about the cost of productivity there, which directly relates to engagement. There is also the cost of potential revenue. The research shows that when sales or business development professionals are happy while they're working, they'll sell 37 to 45 percent more. So if you have a lot of your sales force that isn't feeling that great, they're not making as much money for the organization as well. [00:06:36] PF: So interesting because I think if more people equated the financial outcomes with happiness, they might kind of change the approach. So how do people start changing that mindset? Because, obviously, this has to start at the top for you to change the organization. So how do they start changing that? [00:06:57] TG: Yes. So the world of work is changing fast and for the better. I'm actually very optimistic about where it's going and how it's going to benefit humans globally. There are some organizations. Like Deloitte, for example, has achieved wellbeing officer at the very top, Jen Fisher. So leaders at the top, if you think about the CEO and the executive team, is first to understand about positive psychology, the science of happiness and the neuroscience behind happiness. Also understand and be motivated by the direct connection between happy employees and business outputs. To see the correlation, how it directly affects the bottom line, right, just what we were talking about earlier. Then be committed to creating a positive work culture and focusing on supporting the whole being all different aspects of people's lives. In addition to continuing to focus on productivity and output and driving results, focus equally as much on the relationships and how people feel, cultivating a sense of belonging, making sure that people have psychological safety, diversity, equity, and inclusion, and so on. Really investing in leadership training and development, as well as measurement to make sure that people are feeling happy, they're feeling engaged, and that the executive team can see, can be proactive, if there's an area of need, if there's a leader that's not creating this type of culture. [00:08:41] PF: So what do people do in situations, where maybe you have an organization, and the top leader or the CEO, owner, whatever it is, is not happy, is not going to be happy, is not going to buy into this? How then does a team underneath that start making it happen? Because that's something I have seen a lot of, where you have a leader who is a bully, really. It's a situation where they want things done a certain way, and they don't care about happiness. They don't care about wellbeing. They just want it done. So how does the rest of the team then create an environment that can kind of override that? [00:09:21] TG: Yes, such a great question. I was in that exact situation when I worked for five hotels in New York City, and the leader above me was just as you described, and then I had a team that worked for me that I truly wanted to create a bubble. So the first step is to know that even though everyone at the top might not be a happy positive leader, it doesn't mean that you can't create a positive culture within your team and to never underestimate the ripple effect that you have with your coworkers and with the people that you work with because emotions are contagious. Mirror neurons in our brain have us feel the way that other people are feeling around us, whether it be virtual or in person. So just to remember that you truly can have a positive effect on people, and to look at strategies and tools for you to contribute to make the team happy, as well as make yourself happy. There's a wonderful book by Dr. Annie McKee called How to Be Happy at Work. So for anyone listening, who's not necessarily a leader but really wants to increase their happiness at work, there's a lot of great actions in there, proven actions in there for how you can increase your wellbeing, even if maybe the CEO or executives aren't that happy. [00:10:49] PF: That's great, and that's great to know there's a resource out there for that because that is becoming more and more important for people and especially with Gen Z entering the workforce. I think that's really going to change the way that leaders have to create an environment because Gen Z places such an importance on mental health. You think that is going to help turn this tide too and help us realize like we really need to foster a culture of happiness and creativity? [00:11:19] TG: Yes, absolutely. I mean, the levels of anxiety and chronic stress, overwhelm, burnout with different generations, even including teenagers, that it's bringing to the forefront and need to focus on mental health. Of course, there's been so much focus on physical health over the years, and yet mental health now is really, really coming into the foreground. Leaders and people need to go farther than maybe suggesting meditation or saying, “Okay, here's a discount to a yoga class where you live,” or that sort of thing. But to really actually create safe spaces, where people can have vulnerable conversations. I can't help but think of the wonderful Brene Brown of talking about having hard conversations at work. Recently, I heard the CEO of Microsoft speak at this conference called The Future of Work, and he was talking about he shares with his team when he's not doing well mentally. I'm like, “Okay, if the CEO of Microsoft can talk about this when he's feeling extremely stressed or he's feeling very anxious, everyone should be able to.” So the old paradigm of it's sort of like game face for work, do not show emotions, be strong, have your work face is not working for people right now, right? I don't think that people need to be authentic. Of course, they’ll be professional, but to be authentic and to have vulnerable conversations about how people are really doing. [00:12:58] PF: Yeah. That is a big shift to turn around, but it is slowly listing toward that side. [00:13:04] TG: Yes. That will take time. [00:13:06] PF: It will. What about people who are workers, but they're working from home? So they have a different kind of struggle. How do they apply these things? [00:13:20] TG: Yeah. So for people who are working at home, there's benefits and, of course, there's challenges, right? So a lot of people are loving that they have more time back, don't necessarily have to commute. Maybe they can get a quick workout in at lunch. Maybe they can eat lunch outside, give their kid a kiss and a hug when they get home from school, etc. So first up I would say is savor and recognize and have gratitude for the blessings that are in your life with that working from home. Also, recognize that the challenges include feeling more disconnected and some people even feeling isolated, so being intentional about creating human connection moments. So human connection is the number one driver of happiness, right? Spending time with people you care about who care about you. So whether that be video calls, walking meetings, sending little video chats, having that human connection piece is really, really important. Another potential driver of unhappiness from working at home is sort of that work scope creep. It can creep into every part of your day. So having very clearly defined boundaries of when you’re work and when you're not working and making sure that the habits that help us stay healthy like good sleep, good food, meditating, exercise, time for hobbies, time for learning, spending time with friends and family, loved ones, etc., that you honor those. I recommend scheduling them. I joke of like I schedule everything. I schedule meditation. I schedule date nights with my husband. If not, it's very easy to just keep working. So, yeah, and I would say at home, as much as you can also incorporate if you can get a standing desk, if you can have a little more movement and keep your body healthy at home, to do that as well. But really focus on the human connection piece. [00:15:20] PF: Whether you're working at home or in an office, how do you then reach out to someone who is working remotely or another coworker to help them have that same experience? How do you help them along in their happiness journey? [00:15:33] TG: Yes. So I mean, one just resource that pops in my head is if you have someone on your team who or that you work with that you see is struggling or maybe could use some more happiness and wellbeing, I would highly recommend people take the free Yale Happiness Class by Dr. Laurie Santos. It's a great resource of sort of this introduction to positive psychology or the science of happiness. Another great resource is the book Happier by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, who I actually studied with for a year. He's a fantastic teacher. I speak on this multiple times a month, and most people aren't that familiar with the science of happiness, so really just starting to share those resources. A very simple question is when you're connecting with people to say, “How are you doing really,” and truly being present for someone that you know is not doing so well, and they're kind of like, “I'm fine,” is I would say open up and share maybe some challenges that you're going through right now. By being vulnerable, they might feel safe to do the same. But I think just checking in with people is really, really important. [00:16:47] PF: Yeah. It’s something we got away from during the pandemic, and it feels like a lot of people are having trouble going back to that, that check in. Would you say that's what you're seeing? [00:17:00] TG: Yes, yes. I mean, during the height of the pandemic, when everyone was so isolated, right? It was like this constant, “Is everyone okay? Is everyone okay?” Even though life is more open now, there are a lot more experiences that we can do, there's still a continuum of people feeling lonely and feeling isolated. So I would, yeah, say reach out as much as you can. [00:17:28] PF: Obviously, technology has made all this possible, our ability to work remotely and connect remotely. But how does technology also negatively affect our happiness and our stress levels? [00:17:41] TG: Yes. Thank you for bringing this up, such a great question. Yes. So the research shows that too much technology, and especially too much time on social media, increases human anxiety and increases levels of sadness and depression. So it's about being very intentional and cognizant about how and when you're using technology. So in my keynote talks, I talked about being very intentional about the content that you consume. Obviously, this podcast is a fantastic piece of content. This is a great type of content for people to consume. But if you are watching and checking the news throughout the day on your smartphone, it's going to make you less happy and more anxious. So maybe you have one or two times a day where you check. I tell people never watch the news on television because it makes you 31% more negative for the rest of the day. But stay informed. Read about the news. But it can consume you, and it can make you feel very negative and anxious. Also, in terms of email, right? Having – Setting boundaries for yourself that – For example, my two young daughters go to sleep around 8:30 PM. I try to have connected time with my husband and not sit and do email from 8:30 to 10:00 at night. I really try and have that as focus on our relationship time. Again, it's being very intentional and also noticing how you feel engaging with the different technology pieces. I tell people, if you get on Facebook and you're full of anger, maybe you need to unfollow a lot of accounts. Or maybe you just need to not get to be on Facebook. [00:19:39] PF: Go watch a cat video, right? [00:19:40] TG: Exactly. So, yeah, I say nourish your brain the way you nourish your body. [00:19:46] PF: It’s so important, especially the emails. I'm glad you brought that up because that gets overwhelming. Being able to put limits and boundaries on that in itself is just a huge thing to be able to do. As we let you go, where do people start? As they walk away from this, what is the one thing that they can do today to apply one of your principles in the workplace to start making it a happier place for them? [00:20:11] TG: Yes. So one place to start is to increase the amount of specific appreciation that you give to others. People, adults are not acknowledged enough in life or in work. When you give specific appreciation for something that they did for you, a way that they took care of a customer, whatever it is, they are going to be filled with happiness, and you're going to feel happier because you deliver that information, whether it be verbally or written, etc. I would say whatever team you're a part of is increase that type of communication, where people are appreciating each other more, and everyone's happiness will rise. [00:21:07] PF: That's terrific. Tia, your book gives us a lot to learn. I'm going to tell all our listeners how they can get it. We'll have something on the website about it. But thank you so much for sitting down and talking with us today. You're doing some really important work, and I'm glad you took 30 minutes out of your day to be able to spend this time with us. [00:21:25] TG: Oh, thank you. You can't see me right now, but I have a huge smile on my face. So thank you for having me. [00:21:30] PF: Thank you. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:21:36] PF: That was Tia Graham, author of Be a Happy Leader. If you'd like to learn more about Tia, follow her on social media, access some her great tools online, or buy her book, visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. As we begin November and enter the season of giving, Live Happy has a whole new way to share your happiness with others. Brand new in Live Happy Store is our giving plate, which you can use to pay it forward to others. Just fill it with your favorite treats and share it with a neighbor, your kid’s teacher, a coworker, or anyone else in your life you'd like to show appreciation to. The poem on our Live Happy giving plate encourages them to spread joy by doing the same for someone else. You can find it right now in the Live Happy Store at store.livehappy.com. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Make Space for Happiness With Tracy McCubbin  [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 387 of Live Happy Now. If you're like most people, you probably have a little bit of extra stuff laying around the house. But by the time you finish listening to this episode, you just might be ready to let it go. I'm your host, Paula Felps. And this week I am joined by decluttering expert, Tracy McCubbin, author of Make Space for Happiness: How to Stop Attracting Clutter and Start Magnetizing the Life You Want. Tracy has some surprising things to say about the relationship between clutter and happiness. And what straightening up the space in your house can do for this space in your head. Check it out. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:43] PF: Tracy, welcome to Live Happy Now. [00:00:45] TM: Paula, thank you for having me. I love the title of your show. I love it. [00:00:51] PF: Thank you so much. Yeah, it pretty much tells what we're about. [00:00:55] TM: You know, I think there's this – I see it. I'm a professional declutter. I own a decluttering company. And I see with so many of my clients that they are waiting for something to happen to get happy, “Oh, if I get that bigger house, then I can start being happy.” Or, “Oh, if I just get my kids out of middle school, then I can be happy.” And my feeling from my own life is that there's no waiting. It starts now. You're not guaranteed tomorrow. You're not – so much can happen. And so, sort of putting off finding the happiness, I think we waste a lot of time. [00:01:32] PF: We do. And so, that's why we're here. We're here to give the little shortcut. [00:01:36] TM: I love. Happiness hacks. [00:01:38] PF: That's right. That's right. Well, you have several. I've got to say, I spent time with your book over the weekend, and I love everything about it. Because you connect decluttering and happiness in a way that I just have not seen done. And it's so concise. And you simplify it. And I guess before we really dive in, can you tell me how you discovered that connection between clutter and mental health? [00:02:05] TM: Well, I kind of came to being a professional declutterer. I've had my company for 15 years. I have nine people who work for me. We are unbelievably busy. I'm so grateful for all of our clients. But over the years of doing this, I just started to see – I live in Los Angeles. I have a lot of very – like, celebrity clients, and wealthy clients, and all stratas. And I just started to see that there was no correlation between stuff and happiness. And actually, what I really saw is that the more stuff people had, the more burden they are. It wasn't storage units full of stuff, or big giant houses, that wasn't equating happiness. And another component is I'm a child of a hoarder. My dad is an extreme hoarder. Diagnosed. And we're dealing with that right now. I've also watched the extreme end of someone really being a prisoner to their stuff, and how it's affected every relationship in his life. Everything about it. For me, just working with people, and then starting to do my own research like you, like, “Well, how can we be a little happier? What can we do?” And sort of realizing that it comes back to the same principles. Get some exercise. You don't have to run a marathon. Just take a walk around the neighborhood. Move around. Just move your body. Be of service. Help somebody outside of yourself. Connect with your friends. And have a gratitude practice. And know where in that stuff is buy more things. Nowhere in that as shopping will make you happier. [00:03:48] PF: That's such a great point, because how big of a problem is clutter in our world? I mean, when you said you have 15 people working for you? [00:03:57] TM: Yeah, yeah. [00:03:58] PF: Started answering my question right there. [00:04:00] TM: Yeah. Yeah, we are in a clutter crisis. This country especially is in a clutter crisis. And it's a perfect storm of a lot of things. And one of the things that I talked about in the book, Make Space for Happiness, is that what we don't realize today, 2022, that we are being marketed to 24 hours a day. Back in the old days, when I was a kid, I'm 57, there were three TV channels. You knew the commercials came on at 18 minutes. And you kind of knew the drill. And now, we are – commercials marketing to 24/7. And it's also never been easier to shop. You don't even have to put pants on now to go shopping. We're just buying, buying, buying at this breathtaking, breathtaking speed, and we're not any happier. [00:04:56] PF: Yeah. One thing, as I was reading your book, it made me think about how – as a kid, you and I are about the same age. And as a kid growing up, you get the newspaper. And if there was like a sale going on, that was a big deal. Like, Sears has having a sale on something. And now it's like you get the paper every – Okay, what's on sale at Target this week? What's on sale here? There's just a constant barrage of print as well that's hitting you. [00:05:21] TM: Yeah. And we have a thing around our house. I was at the grocery store the other day, and it was like, literally, almost everything was on sale. Buy three, get – And I was like, “Wow! If everything's on sale, nothing's on sale.” That it's sort of this. And also, speaking to you went school clothes shopping. I wasn't getting a new outfit every weekend. You went school clothes shopping. And you got some stuff for holidays and your birthday. But this constant I need, I need, I need, I need something new, it's really flipped our priorities. And so, for me that was taking the jump of working with so many clients. Dealing with my dad. Just going like, “This isn't fixing things. This isn't fixing things.” And look, I say this, I'm not saying that you're never going to shop again. I'm not saying there are some amazing people have done in podcast about not spent money for a year. And I think those are fantastic. I'm not saying that. I'm saying I want us to have an awareness. What are we bringing into our homes? Are we being mindful about it? Are we just shopping and shopping and shopping and shopping? And thinking that it's going to give us happiness? There's a little bit of science – there's a lot of bit of science, around shopping. And what happens, especially if you online shop, is you get a hit of dopamine when you put the thing in your cart and you hit by now. You get a hit of dopamine when the package shows up on your doorstep. You get a hit of dopamine when you open it. You've kind of had these little events where you're like, “Oh, I'm a little happier. I'm a little happier. I'm a little happier.” But it's not sustainable. It doesn't stick around. So, then you're like, “Oh, well, I got to buy more to get that feeling back.” Not unlike that first cookie made me feel good. Maybe the fifth one will make me feel better. You know? And so, it's understanding the shopping, the acquisition cycle, and really seeing what it does to go like, “Oh, right. I'm actually not getting any happiness from that.” And getting a good feeling for a few minutes. One of the things that I want people to realize about clutter, especially about bringing it into your house, is that there are forces working against us. It's not necessarily that you're weak, or that we're lazy, or we're bad housekeepers. It's that we're being told to buy all the time. All the time. And I think when people kind of realize that, they can sort of see their part in it and also not beat themselves up so much. [00:08:05] PF: Mm-hmm. Well, it happens once they look around and they say, “Well, I have all this stuff.” Do they then want to stop? Or do they keep going? Typically, when you're working with people, what happens? [00:08:16] TM: I define clutter as the stuff that gets in the way of what you really want to do. If you want to, every morning, cook yourself a really healthy breakfast so you can start your day off right, but your kitchen counter is covered with appliances that you don't use, and mail, and all this stuff, and it's not set up to cook, then that becomes clutter. If your closet is so stuffed with clothes that getting dressed in the morning literally brings you to tears. I cannot tell you how many people are like, “I cry in the morning.” I'm like, “That's not a good way to start your day.” [00:08:49] PF: No, it's not. [00:08:50] TM: That's when your stuff becomes clutter. It's realizing when it's crossed over, when it's become clutter, and how that clutter is affecting you. Your home should be the place of respite. It should be the place of refilling your well. That you come home, and you sleep, and you nourish yourself, and you connect with your family, or your partner. Or if you're by yourself, you take some downtime. But if you're moving your stuff back and forth laterally to make room for yourself, that is adding stress to you. It's understanding the effect that the clutter has on you. And in this book, it's really about understanding why you're bringing the clutter in. What do you think that's missing? What's the hole inside of yourself that you're trying to magnetize something to fill it? [00:09:38] PF: And one thing in your book, and you identify seven clutter blocks that keep us from getting rid of things that we don't need, we don't want, we don't use. I loved the way that you break those down. Can you talk about those a little bit? [00:09:53] TM: Absolutely. The clutter blocks are the emotional stories we tell ourselves about why we can't let go stuff that we don't want need or use. It's a complicated story. And the funny thing is we all tell ourselves the same story. This ranges from everything from clutter block number one, which is my stuff keeps me stuck in the past. This is maybe you have grown kids, and you still have their rooms exactly the way they were. This may be clothes that you don't fit into anymore. And let's acknowledge, let's acknowledge that there is gravity, and your body is going to change over time. It's going to change over time. Things that you wore 20 years ago, you may not be able to wear anymore. And I see so many people hanging on to that stuff, especially those clothes, “Well, I used to be that size.” And I remember – what that stuff does is tells you that your best days are behind you. [00:10:52] PF: Oh my. Wow! What a powerful way to look at it. [00:10:57] TM: Yeah, that you're not moving forward. Another clutter block is clutter block number three, the stuff I'm avoiding, which is, full disclosure, that is my clutter block. That is I hate to open mail. I hate emails. Everything about being a grown up is really stressful for me. And so, I avoid it. But it doesn't get better. That letter from the IRS, ignoring it is not going to make it better. [00:11:26] PF: I got to confess, that's my thing, too. [00:11:29] TM: Yeah, it's funny. Oftentimes, very productive, successful people fall into this, because they kind of are doing so much other stuff that they don't deal with being a grown up. We got to be a grown up. Another great clutter block, this is one of my favorites, and this came up so much during the pandemic, I'm not worth my good stuff. This is my people who have beautiful things, but don't use them. They don't burn the fancy candle. They don't wear the nice sweater. They're saving for a special occasion. It's always this time down in the future. And what I like to say is use the nice stuff. You're worth it. Even if you're just heating a piece of pizza, put it on the piece of China. Burn the nice candle. Why have all these beautiful things if you don't use them? What are you saving them for? Big part of my company, dClutterfly, our business is that we help families after someone has passed away. We'll help empty out the house. And I cannot tell you how many times I've been in homes where, literally, their wedding presents from 40 years ago that were never opened, that were never used. That they're sort of waiting for that special occasion. And then life comes and goes and they never used it. I'm like use it today. Today is the special day. Today is the special day. Another great one, and I really see this. This is clutter block number six. And I really see this with people, especially women kind of between 40 and 60. We're really starting to kind of get the impact of being the sandwich generation. Still have kids. And your parents are aging. And clutter box number six is trapped with other people's stuff. And this is really about inheriting. Someone has passed away. Someone has gifted you things that you're sort of got all this stuff from someone else and you feel guilty letting go of it. But you have no use for it. I work with people all the time who have rented a storage unit to pay to store the furniture that they don't want from their parents or grandparents, but they can't imagine getting rid of it. They're really trapped in this cycle of holding on to things that they don't – will never use, but can't let go of them. [00:13:53] PF: In that case, you're really dealing with a lot of guilt, aren't you? [00:13:58] TM: Yeah, so much guilt. So much guilt. And what I really say, this one, is start to have the conversations now. Everyone is so nervous, or they think it's morbid, or it's too emotional to talk about what happens when someone passes. But I am very big on getting your house in order, getting your stuff in order. Telling people what really is valuable. Not what's imagined valuable. Who you want to have stuff? I have a lot of my – I call them my little old lady clients. They're sort of 85 and above. And they're at their last chapter. And they're enjoying it. And they have started – I see more and more. They're starting to give their jewelry away now before they pass with the idea being – And one of my first clients said it to me. She was like, “I'm never going to wear this ring again. I can't get it on my fingers. But I want to see my granddaughter wear it.” I don't want to wait until I'm gone. I'm going to go to lunch with her and see it on her finger and know that she's enjoying it. And so, I think that we, when this generation starts to do that, accept it. Understand. Don't shy away from it. Really know, “Oh, they're celebrating. And this is something that we can share together.” [00:15:16] PF: I love that. And you don't have to wait until you're 85 to do that, right? [00:15:19] TM: Nope. No, no, no. My niece just went up to visit my mom. And she's like, “Nana was giving me all this stuff. What does that mean?” And I was like, “Because Nana doesn't need it anymore. Nana's retired. Take the cute clothes. She wants to enjoy it with you.” I think that if you're out there, and you're listening, and you're trapped with other people's stuff, remember this. You don't really want this stuff. You want the connection to the person who's passed. And so, we think by keeping all the stuff, we're going to keep the connection. And what I say is, if you're keeping more stuff than you're comfortable with, if you're keeping stuff and it's a financial burden, if your garage is full of stuff, you start to actually lessen the connection because you start to get resentful. And so, what I'm saying is maybe you just keep a small amount so that you can truly be happy. And when you look at it, you remember that person enjoying. Not like, “Ugh! I have a $400 a month storage in it full of my grandma's furniture. You know? That really honor that connection. I think that people are so – they think they have to keep everything. And it really becomes a burden. I mean, it's called trapped with other people's stuff for a reason. That people are really stuck. And I do gently joke with my clients, because they're like, “I don't know how I'm going to get rid of this. My mom would be so mad.” And I was like, “I've been doing this for a long time. No one has ever come back from the great beyond to be mad at you about –” And I feel like if people – Honestly, if people – If you were able to, let's say, have an hour with someone who passed away just by magic, they would want you to be happy. They wouldn't want you to be burden. They wouldn't – I really know this with all my heart, because they’re at the end with so many people. And so, if you're in this, if you're trapped with this, just change your lens on it. Just look at it a little bit of a different way. Would that person really want you to be beholden to their stuff? [00:17:28] PF: Yeah. Yeah, because you tell a really compelling story in the book about the woman had a whole storage unit full of precious moments, figurines, and it was costing money, and it was creating problems in her marriage. [00:17:40] TM: Yeah, exactly, exactly. That she was paying to store these things that were her mother's. And she had a very fraught relationship with her mother. And she was like, “Well, this was so important to her.” But it was really financially a big burden to them. And so, here she was financially putting her and her husband. And they were trying to start a family. They were trying to do all these things. And they have this giant storage bill for stuff that she didn't even want. And so, it's like she had to get real with what she was doing and the choices that she was making. And that those precious memories weren't her precious memories. [00:18:15] PF: Right. And so, how big a shift is it? Because it's not as simple as you sitting down with someone and saying, “Okay, here's what you're going to do.” And then they say, “Oh, that works.” And now everything's fine. How big a shift is it to turn around? Because we didn't get into this spot overnight. [00:18:33] TM: Well, I’ll use my favorite expression. Rome was not cluttered in a day. I think that it's a shift. It's a mindset shift for sure. And I think to start – before you even start decluttering, before you even get into it, the most important thing is to figure out why. Why do you want to make this change? Because the change will never stick if you don't have a compelling why. Do you want to declutter and have less stuff because you want to have friends over for dinner and feel comfortable at that? Do you want to be able to shut the door and go on vacation and not worry about it? Do you want to downsize to a smaller house? What is your why? And notice, in all of those whys that I list, it's never about, “Well, I want to just be a good housekeeper.” It’s not what it's about, right? It's just not there. And it's not about the shame. It's about what's the positive actionable thing that you hope to do by having less stuff? One of my favorite phone calls I ever got from a client, she had a cute little apartment, but the stuff had taken over. She had two bedrooms in it that she couldn't use. She hadn't had friends over in I think she said like 10 years. And so, we decluttered. And she did great. And a couple of weeks after we worked together, she called me and she said, “A friend of mine called me and said, “Hey, I'm just down the street. Do you want to meet for coffee?” And she said in the first time in 10 years, “I could have them come over to my house and have coffee.” And she said, “The joy that that brought me, that I wasn't like rushing to meet them at a coffee shop, or embarrassed about my house.” She said it changed everything. [00:20:25] PF: That’s amazing. [00:20:26] TM: Yeah. That for me is what's your why? Why do you want to go on this journey? And you know, Paula, it can also simply be as simple as like I just want a little empty space. I just want a little corner to breathe. I just want some peace. Right? It can be that. And so, it's definitely click into your why. Go easy on yourself. Start small. Be aware of why you've held on to the clutter. Why you're bringing the clutter in. Just start to make some changes. And don't be a weekend warrior. Don't think you're going to get it done in one weekend. It’s just not. You're just not. I think we got to go a little easier on ourselves. [00:21:14] PF: And then how do we remind ourselves about our goals and our purpose in this journey? Because just like a diet, or an exercise program, you can get gung ho at the beginning, and then get off track. [00:21:27] TM: You know, sometimes it's as simple as writing it out on a piece of paper and sticking at your desk where you see it every day. It's some visual reminder. It's also when you do declutter, like, let's say you do a shelf in your linen closet, or you do the junk drawer in your kitchen, take a moment to see how good that feels. When that the next time you've got to go find a rubber band, you know exactly where they are and they're not old, broken ones. Go like, “Oh, right. That's why I wanted to get decluttered, because it works. This just made my life easier.” If you celebrate those wins, if you celebrate how it feels and the change that came out of it, then the behavioral change starts to stick. [00:22:09] PF: That's terrific. And what about, at the top of the show, we talked about the constant marketing? The emails? The text alerts? All these things? How do we kind of put a bubble around ourselves to minimize or eliminate as many of those as we can? [00:22:27] TM: I think it's understanding, especially around social media. Look, I love social media, I have a big Instagram and TikTok presence. I love connecting with people. I do these five things you can declutter in under five-minute challenges. It's great. But also, having literacy, media literacy and understanding it's still a sales platform. People are still selling to you. Somebody went said to me about television years ago. They said, “Oh, the shows, we're just the filler between the commercials.” You know? And so, I think it's having literacy and understanding, “Oh, right, that influencer is not my friend. I may like them, but they're not.” Even though it looks like it's my girlfriend saying to me, “Oh, try this thing. That's not the case.” And so, understanding the reality of it, right? Understanding the cycle of acquisition. When you order something online, “Bing!” You get a dopamine hit when you buy it. The next day, “Bing!” When it shows up on your doorstep, you get a dopamine hit, “Bing!” It’s this. And that dopamine hit doesn't last. So, you're like, “Oh, I got to buy more to get it again.” Just really understanding what – just educating yourself. Like, everything, right? Educating yourself. How can you – when you understand, “Oh, these things can hack my happiness.” One of the most fascinating things, they did a study, and I think at Yale. And they found out, if you write a handwritten thank you note, you raise your serotonin for 30 days. [00:24:14] PF: Oh, my gosh! [00:24:16] TM: One handwritten note, you raise your serotonin for 30 days. That's amazing. Like, amazing, amazing, amazing. [00:24:26] PF: That’s a heck of a payoff for one night. [00:24:27] TM: It’s a heck of a payoff. And if you think about that, happiness hack, that not only are you raising your own serotonin, but you're also doing it for someone who gets the note, right? You're being of service. You're having a gratitude practice. It’s those little things that makes such a big difference. [00:24:48] PF: Yeah. And let's talk, because I know I have to let you go, but I don't want to. Talk about the payoff in this of reducing clutter and what it does for our happiness? Because you spelled it out so beautifully in your book. Can you tell us that? [00:25:03] TM: Absolutely. First of all, on the kind of simplest scientific clutter equals stress. They’ve proven it. They've done millions of studies. Visual clutter, it raises our cortisol levels. And women especially, and especially women who are perimenopause and menopausal, it is – You know, it's a real thing, this cortisol. It's kind of where the tummy comes from. And more clutter raises your stress. The other important piece of information is that every piece of clutter in your house is a decision you have to make. Do I want this? Where does it live? Will I ever use it? Do I spend too much money for it? And all of those constant decisions put you in decision fatigue, which is basically your brain is just tired of making decisions. So, what will default to making bad decisions. If you think about the science of this clutter, it's definitely working against you. This isn't – I really want people to take this in. This isn't about being a perfect housekeeper. This isn't about looking like a page from Pinterest. This is about creating a home that supports you. A home that makes you happy. [00:26:22] PF: And everybody has a different level of what they consider cluttered. And I have a friend who is very proud of being a maximalist. And I'm very much of a minimalist. And for her, it's not stressful. It stresses me out to go to her house, but she's great with it. Different people do have kind of like this different barometer of what they consider clutter, right? [00:26:45] TM: Of course. Yeah. And like in our house, my partner, his kids are older. I don't have kids. We're two people. But if I go into a house where there's a family of five, it's a very different amount of stuff. That's why there's no recipe for, “Oh, you should only have 30 books. And oh, you should only –” No. What works for you. But the caveat to that is, is it really working for you? [00:27:09] PF: Right? [00:27:10] TM: Is it really working for you? If you walk in your closet in the morning to get dressed, and you burst into tears, I'm going to tell you, it's not working for you. And that's another thing on the decluttering journey that I tell people, is just spend a day or two going through your house, living your life, and seeing where the log jam happens. Where are you not cooking a healthy meal because the kitchen is too cluttered? Is your bathroom full of expired makeup? And all that kind of stuff. Where's the log jam? And start there. [00:27:47] PF: That's terrific. Tracy, you have so much we can learn from you. I really am excited to tell our listeners about your book. We're going to tell them how to get your book. How to follow you on social media, because they can get all kinds of tips and great advice that way. And thank you so much for coming on the show. Because like I said, you've just got a lot that we can learn from you. [00:28:07] TM: Thank you. I love it. I love connecting with people. And I really love connecting with people who are on a happiness journey, and realizing that so much of it is in our own hands. And there are things – Look, life is hard. We just got through – I don't know if it'll ever be replicated in my lifetime what we just went through, you know? And so, the things that we can do within our power to bring ourselves and our community a little more happiness, I think we got to be both feet in. I think we got to – how can I make my world a little bit better? [00:28:45] PF: Yeah. And this is such a great way. It's simple. Not necessarily easy, but it can be done. [00:28:52] TM: Exactly. [00:28:55] PF: That was Tracy McCubbin, author of Make Space for Happiness: How to Stop Attracting Clutter and Start Magnetizing the Life You Want. If you'd like to learn more about Tracy, follow her on social media, or download a free chapter from her book, visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all new episode. And until then, this is Paula Phelps reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Discover Live Happy’s Halloween Happy Acts  [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for Episode 385 of Live Happy Now. Now that it’s October, it’s time to start looking at how to make this a truly happy Halloween. I’m your host, Paula Felps, and this week, I’m joined by Deborah Heisz, CEO, and co-founder of Live Happy, and Casey Johnson, our ecommerce marketing manager to talk about our all-new Halloween Happy Acts Campaign. If you’ve been with us for a while, you already know that every March, we encourage wellbeing with a month of intentional activities that we call happy acts. This year, we’re combining happy acts with our favorite holiday to create an entire month of happiness while celebrating the spirit of Halloween. Let’s hear what it’s all about. [INTERVIEW]   [00:00:45] PF: Deb and Casey, welcome back to Live Happy Now. [00:00:48] DH: It’s such a pleasure to be here. As usual, always excited to get on a podcast, Paula. I know we have a lot of fun stuff going on. [00:00:55] PF: This one, I’m particularly excited about because Halloween is my favorite time of year. I absolutely love Halloween. When Casey told me about the Halloween happy acts, I got super-duper excited about it. I guess the first thing we need to do is talk about what happy acts are. Since Deb, you’re pretty much the originator of the happy act, why don’t you tell us what happy act is and where those came from? [00:01:19] DH: I’d love to. But also, everybody, say hi to Casey. Casey, say hi.   [00:01:23] CJ: Hi, guys. [00:01:25] DH: She has come up with some great ideas for Halloween happy acts.   [00:01:28] PF: Oh my gosh! Yes.   [00:01:28] DH: I am excited to have extended it out of the month of March, which is when we typically do happy acts. Because they really should be an all-year thing. They shouldn’t be confined to March where the International Day of Happiness is, but of course, putting some attention on it and doing it at that time of year, we get a lot more coverage, we get a lot more people participating. Because it’s something you can hang your hat on and say okay, “In March, I’m going to make sure I’ll up my happy acts game. But doing it in Halloween is great because like you, it’s one of my favorite times of the year, one of the happiest things for me at Halloween is Halloween specials for whatever reason. All the shows that just run specials that are Halloween themed, I think back to Roseanne when it was on in my childhood and how the family got dressed up in elaborate costumes every year. It was just a lot of fun. One of my happiest times a year and I’m an October baby.   [00:02:20] PF: Oh, you really.   [00:02:21] DH: Yes, and my mother’s an October baby, and my older daughter and I actually share a birthday in October. So October is like my month, it’s great. [00:02:28] PF: That is the month. It’s like the whole month off to celebrate. [00:02:33] DH: I think it really works that way, but you asked me what happy acts are. Happy acts are little things that you can do or big things. But things you can do intentionally with intention to make the world a happier place. It’s as simple as, you always hear about the pay it forward, buy somebody a cup of coffee when you’re in the Starbucks line or something like that. But it’s also donating a book to a library, reading to your kids’ class, it’s checking on a neighbor, it’s making a phone call to someone you haven’t talked to in a long time, it’s sending a thank you note because you know how big I am on gratitude. [00:03:10] PF: It comes up once or twice. [00:03:11] DH: It has a few times, but it’s sending a thank you note to someone for making a difference in your life. It’s something that you’re doing actively and intentionally to help make the world a happier place. It doesn’t have to be for a person either. It could be picking up litter, it could be donating time at a pet shelter. It doesn’t have to be anything massive or significant. In fact, we do the happy acts walls in March. That’s where we put up walls, challenging people to commit to doing a happy act. We do a lot of them in schools, because kids come up with things like, “I’m going to smile more. I’m going to eat my vegetables my mom tells me to.” Whatever it is, but it can be something simple. But the point here is that, you’re doing with intention, you know that you’re doing it. It’s not just, “Oh, I held the door open for somebody and I didn’t give it a thought because I always hold the door open for somebody.” Doing something with intention to make the world a happier place, because we know the science says that whoever you’re doing whatever it is for is likely to feel happy. It’s likely – we always say happy, but what we mean is likely to feel grateful or have an elevated sense of well-being. But the reality is that you are going to have a greater sense of well-being by doing happy acts, doing things with intention, with positive intention really does affect your overall mood, you overall – how you perceive the world. All of those things are improved when you do happy acts. That’s what happy acts are. [00:04:38] PF: And they’re a wonderful thing. Then when Casey said, “Hey, we’re going to do Halloween happy acts.” I remember that call because I was like, “I love this idea.” Casey, I mean, that was such a great idea. What made you want to tailor these happy acts tradition to our Halloween? [00:04:38] CJ: Yeah. So kind of like what Deb was saying earlier. Happy acts aren’t just for March and International Day of Happiness on March 20. We encourage people to practice happy acts all year round. Halloween and Christmas, I read this earlier, I heard it somewhere, someone defined them as like gimme holidays. Getting rather than giving. I just thought it would be a good chance to kind of practice maybe some like reverse trick or treating and tie in some happy acts to that month. [00:05:27] PF: I love I, because, as I said, you’ve done such a great job of coming up with happy acts. There are times when you’ll send out, “Hey, these are happy acts. This is what we’re going to do.” I’m like, “Wow, how do we –” like the fact that you can come up with so many new things each time, that always impresses and amazes me. How did you come up with, here’s how we can celebrate it for Halloween? [00:05:47] CJ: Well, thank you. First of all, it’s definitely a team effort. It’s not just all me. But yeah, you know, just Halloween happy acts, there’s so much you can do to spread kindness in October and still kind of celebrate that spooky holiday. Though, I guess I’ll just kind of jump into some of our Halloween happy acts. [00:06:02] PF: Yeah. Tell us what we’re going to do.   [00:06:04] CJ: So we’re kind of thinking of making it a competition, right? We want to spread the love. The plan is to highlight a different happy act every week. If people want to participate, they can tag us in a post, a reel, a story, as long as they tag us of them performing a Halloween happy act of the week, or they can get creative, and it’s not our Halloween happy act of the week, and they’re still out there spreading kindness that works as well. But so, I’ll just kick it off. So week one, we encourage people to donate blood. Deb and I actually went and donated blood together, which was amazing. Week two, trick or treat with UNICEF. Every year, UNICEF, they encourage people to kind of do that reverse trick or treating, donate candy to people in need, who don’t have the luxury of being able to go trick or treating. Week three, paint a pumpkin, we always encourage people in March to paint positivity on rocks. In October, we’re encouraging people to paint pumpkins. On week four, we’re encouraging people to wrap someone in love. So basically, give someone a big old bear hug. Or if you’re someone who doesn’t like hugs or like to be touched, you can – [00:07:15] PF: Are you talking about me now?   [00:07:17] CJ: Of course not. [00:07:18] DH: She might be, Paula. She might be.   [00:07:20] CJ: I might be. Wink wink.   [00:07:22] DH: No, I’m just kidding.   [00:07:24] CJ: But yeah, so I mean, not everyone likes to be touched and that’s okay. You can wrap yourself in like a warm blanket, or we’ve also got some awesome Live Happy hoodies on the Live Happy store, and they’ll make you feel nice and cozy. [00:07:37] DH: Shameless plug there, but they do. They’re awesome. [00:07:41] CJ: I’ve got like two Live Happy hoodies. They’re my favorite. Then week five, so that’s the actual week of Halloween, so we’re kind of going big that week. We’re going to have two Halloween happy acts. The first one is to bake a healthy treat for your class or office. I’m kind of thinking of baking like some pumpkin muffins, or some zucchini bread for our office.   [00:08:02] DH: Let me know what day. I’ll make sure I’m there. [00:08:02] PF: I can fly in. [00:08:07] CJ: I’ll make sure you guys are in the office. Paula, I’ll send you some zucchini bread or pumpkin muffins.   [00:08:11] PF: All right. Okay. That’s a good deal.   [00:08:14] CJ: Then on Halloween, we encourage people to create a Halloween card for your neighbor. So like maybe like –   [00:08:21] PF: I like that.   [00:08:22] CJ: – picture of a Halloween pan or just something, spread the love. [00:08:25] PF: Yeah, I like that a lot. Because especially making a card, or doing something, or even painting a pumpkin, and giving it to them, giving it to a neighbor. I think that’s so important right now, because I feel like we’re still a little bit disconnected from each other. We talked about getting back to normal, but it still feels disconnected in so many ways. I think these are great ways. Go ahead. [00:08:46] DH: No, you know, you’re talking about that getting back to normal. But if you think back, before what we’re all talking about how we didn’t know our neighbors, maybe we are back to normal, and we just realized that we didn’t know them anyway. I bring that up, because it’s not just getting back to normal, it is a proactive activity or asking somebody to do. It’s not just being in your comfort zone, it’s reaching out just a little bit to somebody that you wouldn’t ordinarily be having contact with, and helping them have a happier day or a happier Halloween. I love the idea of the reverse trick or treating with UNICEF. These are all things that are super easy to do. I love them. Thank you, Casey.   [00:09:25] CJ: Of course. [00:09:26] PF: Yeah, they’re fun. Then, how are we going to turn this into a challenge? [00:09:31] CJ: So, it’s kind of like our gratitude challenge if any of our listeners remember when we did that a few years ago. Say week one, you donate blood, post a picture, video, whatever on your story, tag us and also, tag a friend and encourage them to keep the momentum going. [00:09:49] PF: I like that a lot. Because really, that’s the way we’ve seen that with other challenges, where that’s really what makes it take off. People were like, “Hey, I just didn’t think about doing that.” I think that’s what’s so wonderful about the happy acts. It’s not that we don’t want to do them, we just didn’t think about it until someone says, “Hey, this is a great idea” and then they start – next thing you know, you’ve got a movement. [00:10:09] CJ: Exactly, or a new Halloween tradition. [00:10:11] DH: Yeah. Well, and the guinea holidays are something I’d never heard of before. I’m glad that you brought that up, but you’re right. I think that’s especially true of kids. They really look forward to Halloween, and they look forward to Christmas, based on the gimme, right? And you can even throw Valentine’s Day in there. I think it’s important to involve your kids in something like this. I mean, certainly, if I painted a pumpkin, it might look like my 10-year-old did it. But I could actually –   [00:10:35] CJ: No one has to know that.   [00:10:37] DH: I could actually –actually, in this particular case, but my next to her, she’s quite artistic. You’d probably think I painted hers and vice versa. But I mean, involve your children, and teach them as well. But giving back to others, or doing things for others, or taking the time to do something to make the world a happier place is worthwhile and not just a march. [00:10:57] PF: Yeah. How does this kind of set us up for the holiday season? Because I do like the fact that so oftentimes, we kind of rush through October. Well, not this group, because we love October. But many people kind of rush through October so they can get to the start of the holiday season, which starts now apparently. the day after Halloween. But how can we kind of shift our thinking, because of the way we’re approaching October, and maybe even approach the holidays differently? [00:11:25] CJ: I just think a bit more of as – so Halloween, Christmas, it’s all about kind of like what we touched on earlier, it’s about getting, so it’s – this shifts your mindset into – okay, rather than getting, I’m going to give back. [00:11:40] DH: Well, we spend a lot of Thanksgiving. Thank giving, right? It’s the, you should be thankful this day, whether you are or not holiday. [00:11:51] PF: Sorry, if you’re having a bad year, find something to be thankful for. [00:11:54] DH: There is always something to be thankful for. We talked about that a lot. But you know, you go into Thanksgiving with the, “I’m going to be around some of my relatives, I don’t want to be thankful for them.” But others I’m wonderfully thankful for. I just think that setting up the concept that life isn’t about getting something, and your happiness isn’t about getting something. Very rarely will a gift truly change your life. You can ask my kids what they got last year for Christmas, I guarantee you, they probably don’t remember. Every now and then, you’ll get that life changing, “You know, I got my first 10-speed bicycle on my 12th birthday kind of gifts.” But it’s not, it’s not usually about getting, but giving and creating positive relationships, and being a larger part of the community, and doing things that are within your control to make the world a happier place, and frankly give you greater positive well-being is something kicking out off in October is great. Because as we all know, and we all read every year, the holidays are some of the most times a year when people are most depressed. I think starting that in October, and leading into it and remembering to be thankful for Thanksgiving, and for the month of November, and right into the holidays. You might see some marketing from Live Happy during that timeframe about being thankful and giving.   [00:13:09] PF: It’s possible.   [00:13:11] DH: Because it’s thanks giving. It’s not thanks taking, right?   [00:13:17] PF: I like that.   [00:13:16] DH: I should do some stuff on that. But I think it sets us up in the right mindset and the right frame of mind for the rest of the year, where we’re doing something positive every month. We don’t have to wait all year for that. [00:13:28] PF: Oh, there we go. We can start doing happy acts every month. [00:13:30] DH: Well, you know, you can. In fact, I want you to do them every day. But as marketing campaigns go for those of us who’ve got degrees in marketing, it’s better if you coalesce everything around a particular time of year. But it doesn’t mean we don’t want people doing happy acts every day, it doesn’t mean we don’t do happy acts every day. It simply means that we just run a really large advertising campaign to get people involved in March. So now we’re doing the same in October, but it’s something you do every day. I think it’s a good reminder, particularly this time of year where the weather starts changing and people start feeling more isolated, to just get out in front of that and start a little bit early this year. [00:14:10] PF: I like that. Casey, how are they going to know about the campaign, and how are they going to know what to do, and how to keep up with what’s going on? [00:14:17] CJ: So we will be sharing each happy act on our social channels. So if you’re not following us, make sure to hit that follow button. We’ll also be sending out an email that highlights each of the happy acts and how you can participate and join in on the challenge. Excellent. [00:14:37] PF: What do both of you, each of you want to see out of this? What would make you just go, “Wow! I’m so glad we did it because –”? [00:14:43] DH: I’d love to see a lot of social engagement. I want to see a lot of people flagging Live Happy, and discovering the content that’s on there, and hash tagging, and liking us, and sharing what they’re doing. But you know, it really is about – I want to see people actively doing something. I want to see hundreds of pumpkin pictures, painted pumpkin pictures. Because the reality is, it doesn’t matter how many people you involve, how many people you touch, just knowing that some people are making a difference, and it’s making a difference in some people’s lives is really the most rewarding thing for me. Running into somebody and having them share some of their experience, which does happen is just a phenomenal, humbling experience for me. I think everybody who works at Live Happy know that while we’re talking into a computer screen, what we’re saying, or putting on a computer screen eventually has a positive impact in the world. So for me, I just want to see activity, I wanted people out there doing stuff.   [00:15:42] PF: I like it.   [00:15:43] DH: Tag us, tag me. By the way, I’m the only Deborah Heisz on Facebook or probably in the universe. You can find me; I promise on Facebook or Instagram. Tag me. I’d love to see it.   [00:15:58] PF: That’s cool. That’s cool. How about you, Casey? What do you really hope for this because you’ve kind of masterminded this campaign? [00:16:04] CJ: My hope, and Deb and I, we were kind of talking about this a few weeks ago. I just want to see people being assets to their community, whether it’s donating blood, painting a pumpkin, donating their candy to a food shelter, or like a senior living home, no happy act, big or small. It makes a huge difference. [00:16:25] PF: Yeah. What if people come up with their own happy acts. Can they call it a happy act? The #halloweenhappyacts? [00:16:32] CJ: Absolutely. Yes. So I mean, we’re only highlighting about five or six happy acts that we can do in October. But there are so many that people can go out and do their own. So like donating candy to a food shelter. I don’t think we have that on our list. Donating Halloween costumes. There are kids out there who can’t afford Halloween costumes. So donating materials or just old costumes, that makes a huge difference in kids’ lives. [00:16:57] PF: That’s great. I saw one thing where there’s a group, and they do this anyway, they paint rocks, and it’s like abandoned rocks, they call it. They paint them, and then they go around, and they put them in neighborhoods, and they have positive messages on them. I saw that they were doing that for Halloween. They’re painting a bunch of stones, like orange, and black, like pumpkins, and then putting a positive message on the back, and sharing them. I thought that would be cool. But again, I fear that I paint even not as well as Deb, so I shouldn’t be doing that. Well, thank you guys both so much for coming on and talking about this. I’m really excited to see this happen. I know it’ll get bigger each year and we’ll keep it going. But thanks again for making it happen and then come in and telling me about it. [00:17:41] DH: Well, thanks for being the hostess with the mostest, as usual. [00:17:46] PF: Thank you. [00:17:49] CJ: Thank you, Paula. Happy Halloween everyone. [00:17:51] PF: Oh yeah, Happy Halloween. [00:17:53] DH: Happy Halloween. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:17:57] PF: That was Live Happy’s own Deborah Heisz and Casey Johnson, talking about our all-new Halloween Happy Acts Campaign. If you’d like to learn more, you can follow Live Happy on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube, or visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. While you’re on the website, why not pop into the Live Happy store and checkout are brand spanking new, Choose Happy tote bag. This cool and useful bag is great for work and play. Oh, what the heck, it can even double as a trick or treat bag. Check it out in the new merch section at store.livehappy.com That is all we have time for today. We’ll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Managing End of Summer Anxiety With Eli Weinstein  [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 381 of Live Happy Now. We've hit the end of summer. For many people, that means dealing with end of summer anxiety, and it's not just for kids anymore. I'm your host, Paula Felps. And this week, I'm talking with Eli Weinstein, a social work therapist and host of The Dude Therapist Podcast, who is here to talk about how we all can handle that end of summer anxiety and head into fall with a brand new game plan. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:30] PF: Eli, welcome to Live Happy Now. [00:00:32] EW: Thank you for having me. Super excited to be here. [00:00:34] PF: This is a great topic for us to talk about because it's the end of summer, and that means end of summer anxiety. So we are already living in a time when anxiety is really high. So what is it about the end of summer that then increases that a little bit? [00:00:53] EW: I think when we have the summer mentality, we kind of take a step back, relax a little bit, take our foot off the gas a lot, and relax. I remember when I was in grad school or even in college, and I actually had summers off. Going back into the “real world” was so scary because you haven't had to do it for about two and a half months. So for a lot of people, getting back into the swing of things or even if they haven't been off, but their kids have been off, getting back into that routine again, it is something that scares a lot of people, myself included. [00:01:30] PF: Yeah, because it does disrupt the parent. As parents, we've gotten used to a slower pace. You don't have to get the kids up, get them out the door, get them to school unnecessarily. Now, that's all getting back into this more serious mindset. So what are some of the ways that parents respond to that? What kind of anxiety are they feeling? [00:01:49] EW: Well, overwhelmed, right? It's the overwhelming feeling of, “Oh, my goodness. I have to go back, and shop, and go to the stores, and get them new clothes, and stock up the fridge and the cabinets with all the different odds and ends that your kids might need. Then it means less free time to you, less relaxed time for you because now you got to be on. From the second that clock turns a certain time in the morning, it is just go, go, go all day, and it's not as relaxed. So the hardest part for a parent is that morning get out and that nighttime put down to bed, right? When you don't have to do it for a couple of months, you kind of get used to that, and you forget the stress that comes with it. Then all of a sudden, it comes creeping in like a little spider, right into your mind about the idea of like, “Oh, here we go again. It's about to go down.” That's where everything starts to bubble, the what ifs, the who knows, the how's it going to go, and what's this year going to bring. How are my kids going to function this year versus last year can be very, very anxiety-inducing. [00:02:53] PF: That's such a great point, like last year compared to this year. Your kids are changing. The world is changing. So what was anxiety-producing for them one year might be completely different the next year. [00:03:05] EW: Yeah. The past couple of years, when they might not have had to go to school because of the pandemic, that was a different stressor and how maybe schools are open. I think a lot of the schools are open now or having hybrids or whatever situation is in your area. Getting used to that, having a couple of years off from that as well, is even more pressure because you haven't really had to do it for a couple of years, maybe at least one or one and a half years. Now, you have to really relearn what works for you in that morning routine and that night routine to get things kind of the ball rolling when it comes to the stress level. [00:03:42] PF: So let's unpack this because we've got this big old ball of stress that's going on, and the whole family is wrapped up in it. So where do you start? Do you start taking care of yourself? Or do you start with your kids? Or how do you start untangling that? [00:03:56] EW: Yeah. So for me, one of the biggest things I would suggest is if you do have a partner in crime in your life, I would sit down and talk to them to try to talk them and say, “Okay, here's what I'm feeling. Here's what's going on. How can we make this work?” Because whether it's the mom, the dad, two moms, two dads, whatever the structure of the family unit is, stress is across all human beings and, of course, parents and their children. So create a team. Create a unit. Don't just leave it all to yourself. Especially if your kids are old enough, figure out how to include them in it. So let's say, for example, a big stressor is packing lunches or breakfast in the morning, where it's just like, “Go, go.” Things are flying. It's overwhelming. You're getting dressed. They're getting dressed. You haven't had your coffee yet. It's just nutso. [00:04:42] PF: Chaos. [00:04:43] EW: And chaos, right? So make a team effort, right? What can you do the night before that relieves the stress? What can your partner do as well as you, so it's not just on you because that's unfair and unrealistic? Because your life matters as much as everyone else, no matter what your responsibilities are outside of the home. So make a game plan. Every single sports team in the history of the world, before a game, make a game plan before the game. So they don't get to it and go, “Well, we weren't prepared for this. I don't know how to deal with this.” [00:05:16] PF: We didn't know that we’re going to have – [00:05:18] EW: “We didn’t know they had that,” right? No, no, no. You should have prepared, and we should be prepared as parents. So it means sitting down, making a game plan, maybe a schedule, maybe a rotation. Maybe it means sitting with your kids, if you have kids in high school, who are older, who don't need as much micromanaging and on top of them to get them out of the door. I have a three-year-old daughter. I can't let her get her breakfast herself. That's just not going to happen. We're going to have Fruit by the Foot every single morning, and she can reach it, and we haven't moved it yet. So not ideal, right? So you maybe include the older kids to watch the younger kids or have the older kids make their own breakfast, so you don't have to. Maybe it means setting up the clothes the night before. Who knows? There are many ways that have to work for you and your family. Then once you get the game plan down, try your best to trial and error. If it doesn't work, don't be stuck on it. Switch it up. Be flexible. Try a different formula. Make it work for you and your family, and make sure that it doesn't all fall on you. [00:06:17] PF: That can be tough because even though you set up this game plan as like, “This is how we're going to do it,” we have old patterns, and it gets really easy to fall back into those and all these great intentions of we're going to distribute the responsibility. It just kind of goes out the window, and one person is back to doing the whole thing. So how do you keep them with a sports team? How do you do these little huddles to like keep everybody in the game all the time? [00:06:42] EW: That's the struggle of communication and relationships and family, right? It means constantly checking in. When I grew up, my family always had dinner together, which I found out wasn't a regular thing. But that means if things feel out of whack, if you are really uncertain or overwhelmed, it doesn't mean that others aren't doing anything. It just means that you need to talk to them to see what has to be rebalanced, an equilibrium amongst everyone. So it's checking and say, “Hey. I've been feeling like I've been falling back or I just feel like things are kind of out of whack a lot recently. Is it just me or –” “Oh, yeah, yeah. I haven't really been pulling. I’ve been busy.” Communicate. Talk it out. Sometimes, the biggest key, like you said before, is starting with yourself to become aware of your old patterns so that you can have checks and balances with your partner to say, “Hey, can you keep a lookout to see if I'm going to be doing X, Y, and Z that I always do that ends up making me overwhelmed and makes me stressed? And then I put so much pressure on myself. And then I yell and I scream,” and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So just start by becoming aware in the ideas that are running your life. Then, oh, my goodness, when you start becoming aware and self-reflective, the patterns that you can recreate and become aware of the old patterns to kind of stop them in their tracks can be something that de stresses and creates a better functioning you. That's really, really fun to see. [00:08:04] PF: Just that idea of creating a routine eliminates so much anxiety. Why is that? Tell us how that works. [00:08:12] EW: Sure. Because our brains are made to function on consistency and routine when things are the unknown, right? What's going to happen next? It’s not what we need for survival. Our brains are bred and are coded for survival, and survival equals I know what's going to happen, so I know how to deal with it. If I don't know how to deal with it, I'm going to freak out. My brain is going to go in survival mode and start to panic. It is the natural tendency that we do and go to when things are uncomfortable, overwhelming, and unknown. But when we can create a somewhat because we can't make everything perfect, and nothing's ever perfect, but a somewhat assumed or knowledge of what can be every day, then we know what to expect. We know how to attack it. We know how to defend it. We know how to figure out, and we even navigate what's going to come. That's why it's super important to know your own schedule, your kid’s schedule, and everyone's on the same wavelength and the same game plan. So you know how to weave and dodge and move from any potential stressors because you know what's going to come. [00:09:27] PF: As we hit that end of summer, is it good to do it like this fast pivot? Or how can we ease into it? So it's not such an abrupt, “Oh, hey. It's summertime. We're having a great time,” and all of a sudden, well, it's gone. Now, you're not going to have fun. [00:09:41] EW: Yeah. I think Labor Day is like that. [00:09:44] PF: Turning point. [00:09:45] EW: The turning point. So it really depends on the person. Some people are good on the fly, right? Some people are good with, “We got this. Next day, we're done. We're ready. We're good. We're golden.” Some people need two weeks or three weeks to prepare. It really depends on the person. The fun thing about anxiety is that even if you prepare, it still might come up because life can be stressful and uncertain. So it also means having compassion with yourself that even if you either do it last minute, or you do it in the right time for you, it doesn't mean that you're going to all of a sudden erase any anxieties that might come up. It just means that you're better equipped to handle it. It also means that if it does come up, that you need to give yourself a lot of compassion, that you're just doing your best. I think we forget that sometimes as parents. We forget that it is so hard to run our own lives, and now we're responsible for little humans and their lives, that we have to just do our best. As long as they are healthy, alive, and out the door in school, if their socks aren't matching, it's not the end of the world. If they don't have the most nutritious snacks, but they are happy with their snacks, not the end of the world. If they get to school, and they're doing well in school, that is the key, if they're making friends and socializing. But all the little things that we overwhelm ourselves with and stress about usually aren't the biggest deal. But we make them a big deal because our brain is so easily focused on those small things as “failures or mistakes or issues” that we hyper focus on them and make ourselves eat ourselves alive by them. So give yourself some grace and compassion to let go sometimes and realize that your kids are doing the best they can. You're doing the best that you can. As long as they're going out the door and healthy, you are a successful parent. [00:11:27] PF: Well, let's talk about social anxiety for kids because that's a huge problem right now. If a child has that, then going back to school can be really traumatizing for them. So what are some ways? One, how does a parent differentiate between a child just being anxious about,  a little nervous about going back to school and having an actual social anxiety situation that needs a little bit more attention? [00:11:55] EW: Yeah. I think the first thing is sitting down with your kids’ open-ended questions about their new school year, right? Asking them not just yes or no questions, but leading questions to understand and learn about them. Your goal as a parent is to help your kids grow and to understand them and be there with them through that journey. Every kid's got the jitters before school. I know I did first day of work, first day of school. All that first can be very – Because you don't know what to expect. You don't know what's going to bring into this year, into this semester, into the new teachers, the new classmates potentially, or even the new you that you've figured out over the summer. So sit down and say, “Hey, what are you looking forward to this year?” “Nothing.” “No, no, no. We don't take single-word answers. We got to have real conversations.” I mean, sitting there and saying, “Hey, I got your back. I'm going to be there to support you. I want to make sure you're okay.” Being a little nervous about school in general is really healthy. Even having some social anxiety can be a survival tool, if you feel in danger or unsafe. So if they come out to say that, find out why. Is there a bully in class? Is there a teacher that they really don't like or a class that they're really nervous about failing? If it really is that serious, I beg of you to get help earlier than later. Because the later you do it, they are building habits and patterns in their life, in their brain to avoid the situations more than confronting and dealing with them in a healthier way to navigate and cope with it. But social anxiety makes sense, right? We've been hiding for how many years. I mean, all of a sudden – [00:13:27] PF: It’s been a couple. [00:13:28] EW: A couple, right? Now, we have to go into the real world. But also, you have to learn about your kid. Each kid is their own unique universe. So don't be frantic and get scared right away when they're a little anxious about social world. Maybe they're growing. Maybe they got a crush at school. Maybe they're going through puberty and uncertain about their bodies or themselves. It has nothing to do with anxiety, anxiety, but more about uncertainty of self-confidence and self-esteem. So really, just start learning, watching, paying attention to your kids, being in the moment, being present, putting your stuff down and focus on your kids, and really kind of being aware. When you start becoming aware of your kids and asking the right questions, you can really learn how to help them. [00:14:10] PF: Yeah. Are there any things that can be done in the morning, like practices you can do in the morning? As we've said already, it's just chaos, trying to get out the door. Everybody, make sure you have your lunch. Make sure you've got this, and we're going to get everywhere on time. That in itself can spike your anxiety. So what are some things maybe that can be done realistically because we know there's a lot to get done in the morning? What are some practices that can be implemented with children to kind of make that easier? [00:14:39] EW: Yeah, for sure. I feel like we can get a lot of hate from parents right now. But maybe it means waking up a little bit early yourself, right? Because I think a lot of times, what happens to parents is that they're so frazzled with the morning routine. That because they're frazzled and kind of on edge, they're kind of embracing that feeling a little bit and maybe projecting it or expressing it some way or another on their kids, which then rubs off on them. Then it's just chaos ensues. So waking up 15, 20 minutes earlier than what your kids and when your kids are supposed to wake up or their alarms can be the difference maker of you having your morning coffee alone, quiet and calm. So I would, one, start there as a parent. The other thing you can do prior to the day, even starting the night before, prep a little bit. 30 minutes of prep the night before can be the biggest difference of any insanity that can be created the next day. I know we have long days, myself included. My wife and I do our best to try to prepare as much as we think we can or we have the energy to. If we don't have the energy to, that's okay. But if we do have the energy, go for it. [00:15:45] PF: So let's talk about like at the end of the day, when you kind of – Everybody's in the house. Are there any practices that families can use to kind of stay in touch with where everyone's anxiety levels are, kind of check in, and then also just create more calm that sets it up for the next day? [00:16:03] EW: I'm a big fan, and I always said this earlier of like eating together as much as possible, even if it's once or twice a week. But if you can, try to have one or two dinners a night where actually everyone puts their phones down, and you just talk. No pressure. Just to hear what your kids – Not how was your day. What was the favorite part of your day, right? Open-ended questions, right? How was your day? Fine. Right, one-ended, so that one word. What was your favorite part of the day? Oh, when I went with recess with my best friend, Joe, and we really had a great time playing kickball. Or what was the hardest part of your day, right? Just to learn and hear about what they have to say, creating a conversation with the family. I'm a big fan of game nights or movie night. Something that is family-oriented. Also, just be conscious of how long your kids. Give it a couple of weeks. Don't force it because the beginning is a lot for their brains. So don't be offended if they're just tired and overwhelmed. Give it time. Don't push it. It's about the relationship and about the connection long term and not about forcing a scenario right now. [00:17:04] PF: For all of our best efforts, sometimes it doesn't go like we would want it to. When does a parent know that they need to get help as a family or that a child might need – Their anxiety might need outside help? [00:17:18] EW: If it's out of your purview, if you realize that you are just out of your depth, and the school can't deal with it anymore, or the school keeps talking to you about how, “Hey, your kids are just not themselves,” you know your kid better than anyone else. You're there with them every day. You've been with them every day of their lives. Open your eyes, open your heart, and open your mind to see them for who they are right now. If you see that they are not themselves, it doesn't hurt to just call someone to talk to them. After one or two assessments or sessions, the therapist says, “Your kid’s great. They're just [inaudible 00:17:51].” Now, you know. If they say, “Hey, maybe they need a little extra talking to,” you did your due diligence. It never hurts. I want to make this very, very adamantly clear. Your kid is never broken, that needs to be fixed. Your kid might need some space that is not you that can help them. It doesn't mean that they're broken. No one can fix them because they're not a problem that it means put back together. It’s not on a puzzle that broke. So be aware, be conscious, and open your minds, hearts, and eyes to your kids. If you see they're not themselves, talk to somebody. If you can't help yourself, find someone who can. [00:18:27] PF: So as we go into the school year and the summer, get it all cranked up. What is the one thing that you really hope parents take away from this? What is the thing that you want them to keep first and foremost in their mind? [00:18:39] EW: Take a breath. Make a plan. Do your best. That's it. Just take a breath, make a plan, and do your best. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:18:52] PF: That was therapist, Eli Weinstein, talking about how to curb end of summer anxiety. If you'd like to learn more about Eli, listen to his Dude Therapist Podcast, or follow him on social media, visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. If you haven't visited our Live Happy Store in a while, this is your friendly reminder that we have several cool new items to help you celebrate your positivity, including our fabulous new Live Happy Now Podcast t-shirts and some brand new journals. Check them out when you visit our store at livehappy.com. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. And until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Your Happiest Summer Yet With Maureen Healy  [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 372 of Live Happy Now. Summer should be all about fun and happiness. So this week, we're looking at how to make this your family's happiest summer yet. I'm your host, Paula Felps, this week I'm talking with educator and children's emotional health expert, Maureen Healey. Her new book, The Happiness Workbook for Kids, looks at how to navigate the difficult times we're in and create fun, positive experiences for children. She's here today to talk about some of the things we all can do to make this summer happier and healthier for the whole family. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:39] PF: Maureen, welcome to Live Happy Now. [00:00:41] MH: Thanks for having me. [00:00:43] PF: Well, we want to have you on the show because we're kicking off a month-long summer of fun here at Live Happy. You're all about fun and happiness, so perfect fit. I wanted to talk to you because summer is, obviously, all about fun. That's why we're doing this celebration. But the past couple of years have been so tough on everyone. Why does that make it even more important for us to get really intentional about having fun, not just for our children, but for ourselves this summer? [00:01:12] MH: Well, I think you we're all in the process to differing degrees and for different reasons for bouncing back and becoming resilient. I think that that resilience is sort of the foundation for emotional health and a happier life. We all want to become happier. It's just a natural inborn urge. The more we do that, it seems like every other piece of our life goes well. [00:01:33] PF: That's very true. But it can be difficult sometimes because there are people who still feel hesitant or feel like they're just not in a space where fun is really on the books right now. What would you say to them? [00:01:46] MH: Well, I mean, I think they are correct. Life has cycles. Sometimes, we want to learn how to expand the cycles that are really joyful and fun. If we're in a challenging cycle, I mean, we don't necessarily just put a motor on it and fly through it. But we want to move through challenges as rapidly and properly as quick and easily as we can. Knowing that, whoever's listening, you have power over your thoughts, right? You have power over when you think of that. You have a feeling, and that feeling could be, “I'm learning from this. I'm moving in a better direction today.” [00:02:17] PF: Yeah, absolutely. One of the things that you talk about is positive emotional health and how that's a route of becoming happier. I love that because that's exactly what we talked about here. So can you talk about that for children? Where can parents start, and what does it mean for children to have positive emotional health? [00:02:36] MH: It's a great question. We could spend hours on that. Let's see. What can I say? Well, I wrote a book The Emotionally Healthy Child for parents. Then my recent book, The Happiness Workbook for Kids, is really for children, so they can have their own emotional ahas. Because we really want to help them early on understand their emotions and how they work and discover what they can do to express them constructively versus destructively screaming and slamming doors. We've all done it, but having to make smart choices and then like helping them figure out what direction happier is in, right? So you really can't become happier until you, on a consistent basis, know how your emotions work and what you can do with them. You have the appropriate relationship to your emotions, knowing that you're bigger than your feelings. When I work with little kids, and they say, “Oh, I’m so angry,” I say, “Did the anger feel bigger than you?” They're like, “Absolutely.” So helping them understand they're bigger than their emotions, that gives them the power of choice and what does emotional health look like. I mean, it can look different. But I guess a good way to think of it is emotional health is a skill of balance, and it's learning how to get back to your center and get back on balance. It has to do with flexibility versus rigidity. You want to be able to have that flexible thinking. Things happen in our life that are challenging. How do we get back to center and make a good choice in the next moment? So emotional health is being able to find your balance once again and having that emotional toolbox and the thoughts and the people around you that can support you and help move you in the right direction. [00:04:07] PF: I know some parents are like, “Well, how can I help my child do that? Because I'm a mess right now.” A lot of people are very off balance right now. They're still trying to deal with what's happened and the uncertainty of what's going on right now and the greater uncertainty of the future. So how can parents who don't feel like they're in a good space help their children discover that positive emotional health? [00:04:29] MH: Yeah. It's great. I mean, that's why I wrote the book The Emotionally Healthy Child or the latest one, The Happiness Workbook for Kids. The biggest feedback I get from parents is like, “Forget my kids. These are good for me,” because it's true. Emotional Health is a lifelong endeavor, right? It's not a box we check. One week we're learning forgiveness. The next week we're learning like anger management. The next week we're learning tolerance. It’s learning together as a family or as friends. That is really helpful and that it's true. Everything does begin in the family and the more that parents can learn alongside their kids. That's why I really love giving kids like an activity from my workbook and saying, “Why don't you teach that to me,” and having them be the boss. Because all of a sudden, they don't even realize that they're learning, and it puts them in a position of power, so they feel all jazzed up. So there's creative ways to work with kids so that you can learn as well. [00:05:22] PF: Oh, I really like that. Because I think everybody wants a really good summer this year. Everybody feels like we've earned it. We've put in some really rough times. We want this to be something that feels better again. For you, what's a great starting point for such a summer? [00:05:39] MH: Well, I think it's like anything in the world. Like if you're flying a plane from New York to LA, you need to know where you're going. So it's kind of like envisioning in your mind. You’re creating some sort of like playful map or something. I would say to a child, “Like what would be the most fun summer? Like what would we be doing?” Maybe you can't do everything like Disneyland in Paris, but maybe you can put some things on the list that you can do and have things to look forward to. What's exciting to me may not be exciting to you. But having things that you do together that create positive memories, that you can take photographs and put around the house, and also things that just sort of are joyful, I think, fill your happiness bucket. [00:06:21] PF: I love that because the art of planning gives you that anticipatory savoring as you have things to look forward to, and that just elevates you way before the event ever happens, no matter how big or small that event is. [00:06:36] MH: Then if you take pictures of that event, maybe go to the zoo or Safari or something local. Afterwards, you can see. You remind yourself of that event and how much fun you had. That immediately boosts your happiness mood too. [00:06:48] PF: Yeah. I've seen a lot of articles, a lot of information about people. Just leaving pictures from your vacation in your cubicle at work can improve your work day because you think you'd be like, “Oh, I wish I was there.” Which you are but you also have that instant like, oh, those great emotions that are associated with it. [00:07:06] MH: Absolutely. [00:07:07] PF: So how can parents still help children bounce back from the challenges of the past couple years because they have been under stress, and we do want to move forward? But there's a lot of processing that needs to be done, and we've had some horrible events happen in the last couple of weeks as well. So what are some tips that parents can use as they move into a lighter mood? But how can they help children process some of the grief, some of the anxiety they might be going through? [00:07:34] MH: Yeah. I don't think it's a magic wand, but I do think there are a few key ideas. One of them is if – Depending on the age of your child. But oftentimes, if it's a scary topic, whether it's a school shooting or something else that's worrying your child, talking about it relieves that stress. So talking about scary things helps lower the stress, and you're going to want to do things, like you mentioned, that lower the stress, lower the anxiety, lower the worry, lower any of the challenging emotions so that they can come back to center and feel calm and make good choices. Part of that is not putting additional stress. Not that parents are, but some parents are like, “Oh, we're going to set you up with Kumon.” Not that Kumon’s bad, but you don't want to over schedule the summer either. Do you know what I'm saying? [00:08:17] PF: Right. Yeah. [00:08:18] MH: You want to actually just play and have fun and learn new things. Maybe we garden. Maybe we learn how to cook a new meal. We do something that's more organic and joyful, and helps us remember that we actually liked each other, and this can be fun. [00:08:34] PF: Kids are different. So how do you discover what is going to make each child happier at different stages in life? Because I know, as a child, what worked for me one summer certainly didn't work the next summer, and I was very different from my sister. So how do you kind of break that down? [00:08:50] MH: It's such a great question. It’s funny because as I look at my own life and look at the kids in my life, we're always given clues, right? Like we're always saying – Allowing kids to wear many different hats. Like you said, maybe one summer it's Girl Scout camp. Maybe the next summer it’s zoo camp. Maybe the next summer it's no camp but allowing us to try different things and to also explore. I oftentimes will ask someone, “Hey, make a list of all the different things you want to do this summer,” and get their own input. Have them decide what it is that's going to “ring your bell.” Like what is that going to be really cool this summer? Is it doing Lego camp? Or is it robotics or a Maker Camp? Or is it no camp, and you want to learn how to write a book or you want to learn how to design a website or you really just want to sit in the hammock in the backyard? I mean, giving them options. But I do think certain things, exercise, being in nature, having a creative outlet, something they really love, allowing them to have that free time to do something they love is really important. [00:09:52] PF: How important is it for us to get them outside this year? Because we've been kind of cooped up for a while, but I see now, what I'm hearing from parents is the kids don't necessarily want to leave indoors now. They've got games. They've got a lot of social online things that they're addicted to and don't necessarily want to explore the outdoors. So how do we get over that? [00:10:13] MH: I think there's a two-part answer to that question. [00:10:16] PF: Multiple. [00:10:18] MH: I think one part is we have to be really careful as adults because oftentimes children and kids mimic us. I'm saying that because I'm at fault too sometimes. I want to do work or I want to watch a movie or I want to – But when I get myself out hiking, oh, I love life. I feel free. There's an ease. So really making an effort and intention, and I don't think it's about forcing kids per se. But I think it is – I'm a big person, and I believe in family meetings. Everyone should have a voice. Maybe one child just doesn't like to be outside. They like to go to the mall or like to be on the computer. But for the sake of the family, everyone gets a day, and they pick something, and we all take turns. It's important to be cooperative, and it's important to step away from the computer, especially if you have a child that has a hard time or you have a hard time unplugging. I know that our nervous system really gets amped up when we're hooked into whether it's media or online or screens. So getting away, whether it's forest bathing or whatever we want to call it and just relaxing our nervous system really does so much good for us for our physical, mental, emotional health. [00:11:28] PF: Yeah. So oftentimes when – It was funny. I was interviewing some parents yesterday, and they talk about how they have four children and say three of them will be in agreement on, “Yeah, let's go do this.” Then one is like, “No, I don't want to do it.” She said, “So they'll just go ahead and start it. Pretty soon, that fourth child comes around because he sees they're having fun. Now, all of a sudden, that FOMO kicks in. It's like, “Well, wait a minute. Maybe what I'm doing isn't as great as I thought. Let's get out there and do it.” [00:11:54] MH: That's great. [00:11:55] PF: But let's talk about some of your strategies because, obviously, you have a whole workbook full of ideas. One thing I really wanted to jump on is your creativity. You say creativity is a great way to increase happiness, and I was so glad to see that. I've got a very good friend in Cincinnati who teaches creativity for kids’ classes. One thing she said is that she sees kids coming out of the pandemic with a lower creativity level. They've been sitting in front of screens, they haven't been interacting, and she's really having to do a lot more work. So kind of a two-part question is, one, how do we get children’s creative juices flowing again? Then why is it so important to practice creativity? [00:12:40] MH: So I'm a believer that creativity – We have to be courageous to be creative because you have to be okay with failing. Because when you're creative, there are things that work out and things that don't work out, and that's okay. But you really have to be okay with not always getting it right. So that's important to nurture that not only growth mindset but that mindset of progress, not perfection. Then the idea of why is creativity important, it's important because it gives us an outlet to express our emotions. That's one. But in another sense, creativity is important because on the very mundane level, like people think they're in competition, right? But when you get to the creative level, it's like there's more than enough space for everyone. Everyone's different. Everyone's unique. Everyone has unique talents. It allows for that joyful expression of who we are. So that's important. Also, creativity, if you can trust your instincts, you can trust your creative instincts. You can become a little more intuitive. You can get good instincts. You can be in the right place at the right time. Although it's not directly scientifically tied to happiness, most people who are uber successful have learned how to have. They trust their instincts, and I think that makes them happier. [00:13:52] PF: So what are some of the things that parents can do to help nurture that creativity and bring it out in their children? [00:13:57] MH: It depends on the child. I think you can be creative in any field. So you can be creative designing your website. You can be creative in the kitchen, cooking. You can be creative sewing. You can be creative outside. Like right now, I'm doing some landscaping. I had some friends and some other kids come by, and I said, “Well, how would you design this? Like let's map it out?” So there’s – [00:14:18] PF: Oh, I like that. [00:14:19] MH: Yeah. So I'm a big believer. Like ask kids what they want to do and nurture their interests and allow them to be creative. I think sometimes, as adults, we get used to this thing should be done this way. Or this is the only way. But look at the world. Adults have gotten us into a few little hiccups here. [00:14:38] PF: Track records are not great lately. [00:14:40] MH: Right. So we really need the creative, innovative solutions from this younger generation. Not that they're going to solve all these big problems of adults right now, but they are able to come up with creative solutions if we ask them and if we give them freedom, if we allow them to – Sometimes, they'll fail. Sometimes, they'll succeed. But give them the freedom to come up with new ideas on how to do something. Even if you help them and say, “All right, let's decide. You're going to have I don't want to say a vacation day or a fun day off. We're all going to go somewhere.” Think of different options and present it to the family. Like allow them to really get excited about things they think is important. [00:15:17] PF: Yeah. I love that idea because it feels like there just hasn't been enough to get excited about lately. I think having even small things that they can really, really get excited about is going to be huge. I think what a great emotional boost that's going to be for them. [00:15:32] MH: Yeah. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture. I just saw someone. They have a butterfly exhibit. Well, that's fantastic. It can be something local. It doesn't have to be enormous. [00:15:41] PF: Right. It can be a little day at the theme park or whatever you need. Another thing that you talk about is helping others as a way to boost happiness. One, this is such a great lesson to teach children. Just everything about this aspect is fantastic. So can we talk about that? Like why is it so important to teach our children the happiness quotient of helping others? [00:16:05] MH: Yeah. It's a good question. Well, first of all, I think we're all interconnected, right? We're ultimately – If the pandemic has shown us anything, it's shown us that we're in it together. But I would say that the me, me, me self-centeredness experience that we all sort of start out with as a young person, that just brings us unhappy feelings. But when we begin to extend ourselves, helping your friend with the homework, walking the dog for mom or dad, or doing little things to bigger things, we naturally feel helpful. We feel happier. It just gives you that boost. So recognizing the we, we, we idea of like we’re in it together is really something that can help boost mood. As soon as you help someone else, you forget about your own problems. Like you forget what you were worried about, what you were anxious about. So it takes you out of that thing that's been troubling you. It can even be something small like, “Mom or dad, what can I do around the house?” It can even be – Some kids are motivated by money. I remember when I was little. This is a silly story, but my parents knew that I always needed a project. I had a lot of energy. I did. I had a lot of energy. They're like, “We’ll give you a penny for every weed you pick in the backyard.” I'm like, “All right, I'll take them all.” So you can harness what motivates someone, and they can be helpful, and they can learn, “Oh, I actually enjoyed doing that.” [00:17:26] PF: Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a great way to do it. Then what kind of skills are you setting them up for the rest of their life? Like when they discover, “Wow, if I'm doing something that's helping others, and it makes me happier,” I think how is that going to change the trajectory of their life? [00:17:42] MH: It also allows them to realize like, “I can choose a career later in life, or I can choose something to do with my life that feels more fun, more playful, and I can actually get paid for it.” I like that idea because we do need more people who are excited and interested about their work. [00:17:58] PF: At Live Happy, we talk a lot about gratitude. So you also talk about gratitude. I was so interested that you talk about starting a child on a gratitude journal because we've only ever discussed it in terms of adulthood, and I think maybe teens. But, wow, how do you start with a child, start doing a gratitude journal, and start them thinking about gratitude from their perspective? [00:18:23] MH: Yeah. It's a great idea. I mean, we can certainly harness technology as well. Sometimes, they want to take pictures of things they're grateful for. But, I mean, I really love Martin Seligman’s three good things every night, where every night before you go to bed, you think of three good things from the day. Oftentimes, we'll get up to 10, 15, 20, and it's really awesome and really feel those. But other days, it's like, I'm like, “Okay, I got one,” and I'm like waiting and waiting. I’m like, “All right, two. I'm alive. Three, I'm healthy.” So I think it's the practice. It's those little habits that help plant the seeds, moving your mind in a more optimistic positive direction and also the idea of being grateful. It’s really feeling the feelings of gratitude, really feeling thankful, and then taking it to appreciation, which is demonstrating that gratitude. But I think with kids, it's really not just writing thank you notes and not thinking about it but feeling the feeling and saying, “Mom, I'm really thankful for this.” Or saying to your friend, “Thank you for your help, for lending me your pencil,” like really meaning it. I think those are important lessons because they are lifelong seeds that get planted. Like you said, the more grateful you are, the happier you are. It’s not about – I guess what I'm trying to say also is like kids really mimic us. So for us to do the best we can to develop a gratitude practice. It could be a journal, but it can also be something out loud, driving to school, driving and go get a cup of tea together in the car. You can say, “All right, what are we grateful for today?” “Oh, I don't want to do this.” “All right. Well, do it for me. Help me.” You know what I mean? Do it. Make it fun. [00:19:54] PF: Yeah. I was going to ask. So what if you have a child who's too young to write and that's a great age still to instill this practice in them? How would you go about that with younger kids? [00:20:05] MH: Well, I would make it really playful. Like what are the five things we can be grateful for that are purple? We can come up with – [00:20:11] PF: Oh, I love that. [00:20:12] MH: Do you know what I mean? With something that's just they can hold on to that's just silly. But they're beginning that practice. [00:20:20] PF: Then you just through the years move them into a bona fide gratitude practice. [00:20:24] MH: Yeah, and to the best of their ability. I mean, I'm not a fan of forcing things. But I do believe that when kids like start to do something, something even simple like three good things, eventually they feel like – Or even I've had parents do it like around the kitchen table. Everyone pick one nice thing or good thing they can say from the day. It starts to open up the dialog. Oh, you did that today? Oh, I did this today. Oh, you did that today. It starts to feel good. Like you have a voice in the family, and that's special too. [00:20:50 PF: Yeah. I have one friend who he and his wife started this, and now they have two young children. It's called what went well. So every night at dinner, that's what they would do, instead of – Because that dinner is a place where you sit down. It's like, “Oh, my god. You wouldn't believe what happened today.” Instead, it's like they sit down and go, “What went well today?” Each person tells what went well. He says after doing that, suddenly whatever didn't go well, unless it was really big, you kind of feel silly bringing it up. [00:21:20] MH: That's beautiful. Because I think that those are the small little low-hanging fruit practices that make a mighty difference for a child and actually for an adult too because I think if you don't have, I would say, control. But if you can't focus your mind where you want it to go, our minds are – They’re like little monkeys. They'll go anywhere. They'll go to, “What went wrong today, and this went wrong, and that went wrong, and I'm afraid of that. What if this happens?” It's like, “No, no, no, no. Let's focus on what went well.” Then your mood boosts up, and then you had the courage to handle the challenges. [00:21:50] PF: Yeah. Then also, you spend your whole day thinking about, “Okay, what am I going to say tonight?” So you are going through the day kind of looking for what is going well. [00:21:59] MH: Absolutely. [00:22:01] PF: You give so many great tips and practices in your book, and it all speaks to your point that becoming happier as a skill. Can you talk about that? How do we start looking at happiness as a skill and taking it on just as if we were going to improve any other skill in our life? [00:22:17] MH: Yeah. I guess I would say an important point that happiness isn't static. It's dynamic, right? We have days that are lemons, and we can make lemonade some days, and other days they’re just lemons. The idea of becoming happier, which would be better than before and improving our mood is a skill. So it's just like we said, with your friend who did the what went well. It’s like we can intentionally and consciously make choices on what to think, and even when things are really stinky. You can say, “Oh, well. I won't do that again.” We can learn. I remember years, decades ago. I showed up somewhere, and I had one shoe was brown, and one shoe was blue. I was like, “Oh, my goodness.” So, I mean, we all do silly things. Just focusing our mind that happier is a skill. It's a practice. Learning how to do the things that if you think of your emotional toolbox that you put in your toolbox, when you need to feel calm, you do X. You have a whole bunch of tools there to get calm. When you're feeling angry, this is what lowers your anger. When you're feeling sad, maybe you write in your journal or talk to a friend or just take a nap and wake up and feel better. You know what I mean? You do things that allow emotions to go through you and that there are no bad emotions. It's just really what you do with them. They're sort of all signposts to what's going on inside. Beginning to understand how those emotions work is really why I wrote The Happiness Workbook for Kids because it is a skill. It is. I know from my own life, you do certain practices, think certain thoughts. Allow yourself to realize that you do have the power to become happier, and then you become happier. [00:23:51] PF: That's fantastic. Can you tell us a little bit about the workbook? Because we are doing a giveaway. People can – After the interview, I'll tell them how they can go sign up to be part of the giveaway, and we'll also put it on our website. But tell us about the workbook and what it's like and what parents can expect from it. [00:24:06] MH: Great question. So I divided the workbook into three sections. The first is understanding your emotions. The second is expressing your emotions, meaning like expressing them constructively, making smart choices with them, even the tricky ones. Then the third section is becoming happier. So really, like we talked about gratitude. Lots of different practices that help you become happier. The Happiness Work for Kids is interesting because it helps children go through it and have their emotional ahas. But it's also something that parents can go through and get some ideas. The other thing that I was so excited and interested is a lot of teachers have been using it in the classroom. [00:24:45] PF: Oh, that makes sense. [00:24:46] MH: So that I love because there are certain activities, whether it's a smart choice, which I explained is it's good for you and good for others. For example, a choice for you to get your anger out is screaming, but it's not good for the whole class. So it's learning how to make smart choices. Oftentimes, parents had to help the younger kids. Like what are some smart choices at school if you feel big emotions? Or what are some foreign choices at home? Because I do believe that if you can pre-pave the path and help children identify the choices they have, they can make better choices. But sometimes, they're not thinking and they're reacting so quickly that it's just knee-jerk reactions. So it's helpful to go through the activities. The book that works with this book, I wrote before this book, was The Emotionally Healthy Child, and that's for adults. This is really the translation of that book for children. It's really how to give kids the ideas directly that can help them have those emotional ahas and realize that they're powerful co-creators. They can choose to become happier if they want, and it may take some practice like teachers and books and assistants. But I'm a big believer that nearly anyone can do it. [00:25:55] PF: It's so encouraging. I love hearing that. This is a skill that we just do not talk about enough. I love that teachers are picking this up. But I think what a great way to change the world is by teaching the children this skill of how to become happier. So thank you so much for the work you're doing, for creating this book and this path. I think a lot of us adults are going to take it because we need the ideas, and we'll use them for ourselves. But, again, thank you for coming on the show and talking about it. [00:26:24] MH: Thank you for having me. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:26:30] PF: That was Maureen Healy, talking about how to make this summer happier for your entire family. If you'd like to follow Maureen on social media or learn more about her books, visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. Throughout July, we're celebrating Live Happy’s summer of fun month. As part of that, we're giving away some prize packs that include great Live Happy merchandise, Maureen’s new book, The Happiness Workbook for Kids, and some other very cool family-friendly gifts. Visit our website or follow us on social media to learn more and find out how to enter. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Singing Through the Pandemic With The Marsh Family  [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:04] PF: Thank you for joining us for On a Positive Note. I'm your host, Paula Felps. Each month, I'm sitting down with a songwriter, recording artist, or music insider to learn how music can lift our spirits and heal our hearts. Music is a great tool for bringing people together. During the days of the lockdown, the Marsh family from Kent, England began sharing song parodies to express what they were going through. As it turns out, they were exactly what we needed. Their viral videos now have received more than 30 million views. They were dubbed the Von Trapp Family by the New York Times. Today, I'm sitting down with parents Ben and Danielle Marsh to talk about how their family's humorous approach to the pandemic helped them keep their own sanity, while turning their family into a global sensation. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:52] PF: Danielle and Ben, welcome to On a Positive Note. [00:00:56] DM: Hi. [00:00:57] BM: Thank you. [00:00:57] DM: Nice to speak to you. [00:00:58] PF: Oh, I'm so excited to have you here. I've been watching you on YouTube all through the pandemic. You really changed the pandemic experience for so many people. The world has fallen in love with your family. I want to know, to start it out, was your family already singing together before the lockdown? [00:01:17] DM: Yes. Not to the same degree and not with a camera normally. It was just something that we did from when the kids were really little, actually. Yeah, I think I've said it before, but it was always a very cheap Christmas present for grandparents. We rally them to do some such as, there’s so many musicals, wasn't it, that we got them to do in the days gone by, when they were little. It's lovely to look back at, because none of them could say any of the words. It was just for us. It was our family album. [00:01:44] BM: Yeah. It started off with playing songs with the kids, singing along, like lots of people do bad guitar playing and that sort of thing. Then it grew into something that we'd occasionally share with family on Facebook. Then we made one of them public, I think, on Facebook, because some of our family were saying, “This is really good. You should make it available.” That was when everything really kicked off at the start of the pandemic. [00:02:06] DM: Yeah. I think, we were just right at that moment when there was nothing to fill the airwaves, and everyone was really scared and at home and not knowing what to do. The week before everybody lockdown in England, we pulled our kids from school and said, “Right. Okay, what are we going to do?” There was nothing. Yeah, we just got the instruments out and had a bit of a go at a song, and then it seemed like a nice thing to do for my mum's birthday, which we realized we weren't going to save for. Then, yeah, that was it, really. We went to bed one night and you were supposed to be in the States at a conference, and a friend that you had been planning to meet said, “Oh, that song that you put up, it’s brilliant. Can I share it?” We went, “Yeah, okay.” Went to bed, woke up the next morning and there were millions of views. It was totally bizarre. [00:02:50] PF: You truly were an overnight sensation. Talk about that song. It's that One Day More from Les Miserables. Tell us a little bit about crafting that song and what you did with it. [00:03:02] BM: Oh, well. I mean, it's such a rousing song from such an iconic, amazing musical for us. It was always listening to Les Mis was great, because that ate about 5 hours of cardio around the UK. You have to put it on. We always had to explain it to the kids when they're a bit young, because obviously, there’s some sensitive material in there to do with prostitutes, all sorts of stuff. We'd make up these stories around it. There was always a bit of humor in that, and people would take in turns to sing songs, like All Females, I think. I Dreamed a Dream and there's so many. We take in turns in the car. We always loved One Day More, because it's such a brilliant chorus piece that brings all of the genes together, brings all the characters together. It’s been on our radar as one that we'd always sing along to anyway. Then when we thought we could give, you know what? This is exactly what we're all living through, this idea of one day more. Suddenly, our world had been completely and utterly destabilized, because we didn't know where the shopping was coming from. In the UK, we had all the panic buying of toilet rolls. Nobody knew what – [00:04:03] PF: We had that here, too. [00:04:05] BM: All the advice was frantically being cobbled together, because no one quite understood what was happening. In a sense, we were all glued to our televisions in quite a traumatic way. Glued to the news. We just needed to restore something at home and have something to do. Yeah, the song became a way of putting that experience into one piece that we needed a laugh. You were ready to be shocked that everything that was arriving, trying to figure it out. It was part of our parenting, really, which is just to try and make something fun and less frightening. [00:04:37] DM: Also, relatable, because there's big, massive things going on in the world. Here, I couldn't get a delivery slot for some food to be – You can't panic about everything out there. You bring it back to what's happening with your lives. Ben disappeared off for a bath and came back and said, “I've written some words.” We sat round the table and I vividly remember singing it through the first time. As we reached the end of it, we all went, “Well, that was good, fun.” We said, “Well, let's have a go.” I think, we came back from the double – the kids, it's always, the half the videos that we've put up on YouTube, there's been various states of pajamas and things, because it was always after bath time, or after tea time, we'd say, “Well, let's give it a go and see if we can manage it.” Yeah. We just sang it through. It wasn't perfect. There's an argument in the middle, the beginning, I think of Thomas and various people. Yeah, we just did it because it made us feel better. I think, fundamentally, that's why we've always done it. It gives you a reason to all get in a room together and talk about something other than what was on the news, or what you’ve done today. Yeah. It was really good fun. Then very quickly, we realized, it was quite important to other people and that seemed quite startling that you could be locked in your own living room and other people were feeling the same as you across the world and appreciating the stuff that you were doing. Yeah, it made the world smaller at a time when everything felt partly big and scary. [00:05:58] PF: Talk about, Ben, the lyrics for it. Talk about the premise of the song for those who haven't heard. [00:06:04] BM: Well, say that in the original, Valjean is the character that ties all of the plots of Les Mis together, and in our house, it’s mommy is the heart, the beating heart of what goes on. If something's wrong, you hear her from whatever room you're in. If everything's fine, you hear her laughing in whatever room you're in. It made perfect sense for her to be. In terms of vocal range, it went really well as well. She opens up the song and talks about the prospect of the next day. She's been shopping for online delivery, but we don't know when it's going to happen. We’re not allowed to go to supermarkets. Is the material going to arrive? Are we going to be able to eat? Are we going to get what we ordered? All that sort of stuff. Then one by one, the other characters come in. In this case, in our pandemic version, the characters are arriving with our own individual problems. Because Thomas is really grumpy, for instance, youngest son. We've got two boys, two girls. He's the second and he loves football. He's really into football. We're all Watford fans in this house. I should say soccer for an American. [00:07:07] PF: Thanks for the translation. [00:07:10] BM: Yeah, he was gutted, because all the matches got canceled. He couldn't play with his friends. He was stuck indoors. He plays Marius and start singing about problems with football. Then piece by piece, each of us come in and add a different dynamic for where we're suffering. Elle is missing her friends and she's trying to find them on the phone. We've got problems with Internet signals and how much – [00:07:32] DM: Grandparents who can't use Skype. [00:07:34] BM: Yeah, trying to reach out to grandparents who we're not going to see for a while, who is struggling. Then I come in already with a bottle of beer open, I think, just with the nightmare, which we all faced. Anyone with kids. In fact, grandparents as well face it like, how do you entertain children? Then try and pretend that you're schooling them as well. It was that realization at the start of pandemic that all these people that our society generally just gets on with their jobs and rather overlooked, like binmen and teachers and nurses, suddenly, were absolutely at the center of what's important in society. That's something is depressing that we've moved so quickly away from all that, because there was a moment where we realized how interconnected we all were. I think, that's a little bit what we wanted to channel during the pandemic. [00:08:21] DM: Yeah. Then it ends with as all such as waiting to see what tomorrow brings, I suppose, but hopefully, in a slightly rousing way. It certainly wasn't the best. There were a few duff notes and there were bits and pieces that we could have done again, but it captured that moment. We did it. We walked away and we thought, “Oh, well. Grandparents will like it.” Off we went. [00:08:40] PF: Oh, my gosh. Because you did. You captured what everybody was feeling. There's each character, or a person in that song, there is someone who feels that way in your house. Sometimes you felt multiple things of those. [00:08:54] DM: I think, what was quite surprising and I think this is what really cut through right in those early days is that there were six of us in this house and there were a lot of people sat at home by themselves, or with a couple of people, people who loved to sing, people who ordinarily would have turned to groups, like choirs and things. You just couldn't make that volume of noise. We were thinking, where am I going to get some quiet and some peace? Because everybody's in the same room. You realized other people are watching, going, “I wish I had that. I wish I had that volume and that capacity and those people around me, because I'm alone.” It was nice to recognize that the things that make you tear your hair out when you're thinking, “How am I going to feed you? Can't want to eat again.” Surely, it’s just being lunch time. [00:09:33] PF: I fed you yesterday. [00:09:34] DM: Exactly. There are other people watching from Australia and New Zealand in America saying, “That reminds me of what my house used to be like, or that reminds me when my kids were young, or when I lived back at home with my brother and sister.” It was completely overwhelming and delightful and terrifying, all in one go. Yeah, and we started very quickly getting lovely messages from people saying, “I work on an intensive care unit. I came home this morning and this made me smile for the first time.” Those messages really cut through. You think, yeah, maybe I'm just sitting in my living room and that's the best I can do to not be out and about and not put pressure on health services and everything else. If we can add something extra, if we can add a bit of a smile and then that quite quickly became a bit of a focus of ours, I suppose. It was nice for the kids to feel like we were making a difference for some people even if we weren’t going anywhere. [00:10:26] PF: I mean, you were really putting into words what a lot of people felt, and you were doing it with humor and levity and beautiful music. I mean, those things combined in one package, you could not find it anywhere else. How quickly after that first hit, after that first viral video, how quickly did you start doing more? Did you take a breath, or did you say, let's jump on this? [00:10:49] BM: Well, it was a bit. I mean, it was a bit overwhelming, to be honest, to begin with. Because suddenly, we had all of these – We were trying to do our jobs remotely as well and homeschool the kids. Then suddenly, we had all these messages from international media, wondering if we could perform this, or could we go on this show. We didn't want to say no to anything, because we didn't think that we can make any difference to how anyone was feeling. We thought the best thing we could do is just get out of the way and let the people deal with the pandemic you were in the best place to. Yeah, for a week or two, it was – we had headaches through the whole thing. It sounds really weird to complain about. [00:11:23] DM: I know. I've never been that exhausted. I've had four children and I was more exhausted in those two weeks. [00:11:29] PF: Really. [00:11:29] DM: We felt a real weight of responsibility and we were scared. The British press are renowned for putting somebody up on a pedestal and then deciding that they don't want them there anymore. We were very aware that we didn't want to do – we didn't want to say yes to some people and no to others, and we didn't want to look like we were – we didn't want it to look like we were profiting out of anything that had happened. We didn't want to look like we were – Yeah, the pandemic has been brilliant for us. We were really minded that all we wanted to do was talk to people that wanted to talk to us. We actually said, we'll do two weeks and then we'll go away, because we want to say no when people felt that we mattered and we've made a difference to them, but we really didn't want to be there going, watch us again. We did that. We drew a line. I think, it was about the Thursday of the second week and a couple – lots of other messages would come inside, but we'd moved from being a news story to, I suppose, being would you like to come on this show and chat about something different? We just felt that wasn't our place and we didn't feel comfortable and we were exhausted and we just said, “Thank you very much.” We turned the last things down and we said, that will be us. Then, because of these messages that we've had, the few people that cuts you, many of whom are still messaging now, we didn't want to completely shut off. Because I got one message from someone who'd been at their father's funeral that day. He said not, “I came home when I watched this.” It felt like, if we could keep a window open, I suppose and at that point, we just set up this YouTube channel. We didn't tell anybody about it. We just put it up, and we put the One Day More song on it. And a couple of other songs that we've done previously. We did one right at the beginning of the pandemic, a version of the Rapunzel song, Tangled song, and a couple that we'd done before any of this happened. We just left it at that. What was nice was because there weren't many people, subscribers, I don't think we've ever said like and subscribe, but we had very few people apart from those small number who found us, we could then just keep going in a quite quiet and down play way. We just kept using it as our therapy. Each time we put out a little song, maybe a few more people watched it, or shared it and it built quite slowly from there. Over the first summer, we did a few more songs. As with most of the things we do, they weren't necessarily – we weren't thinking, what other thing can we say about the pandemic? We were talking about a lot of things that were going on in our lives, and that we were talking about with the kids. I think we did some, yeah, Black Lives Matter was a big thing at that point in time. Then we did one about going back to school or not going back to school. It just built very slowly, until we got to, I don’t know, the Christmas of the first year and the Hallelujah song happened, and I have the new job happened. Yeah, basically after that, it increased incrementally, I suppose, but it was not something that we were seeking. [00:14:18] PF: Right. You were providing a service, an emotional service for so many people. The first time I heard Totally Fixed Where We Are, I lost my mind. I'm like, that is the most brilliant parody. I'm such a huge fan of parody. I was like, “Oh, my gosh. That just killed it.” I probably listened to it five times back-to-back that first time, and it was just amazing to me. That one really went viral. That one, I saw everywhere. Did that kick things back up for you? [00:14:51] BM: Yeah, it picked up again, I think in January 2021 with have the new job. But with a song which is about vaccination, a real urgency in the UK and lots of concern, like there has been all over the world. Obviously, vaccines are a complicated subject matter. People have very strong feelings one way or the other. This was at the point of a big second wave in the UK and really, the only outlet for us is sadly, the death toll was really driving up. Once again, we were back in full lockdown with these new vaccines. We chose to present a pro-vaccination song that hopefully, had some humor in it, but it was part of this bigger idea that has grown with us, I think, over the course of the pandemic, which is that we are connected to people that we didn't realize. People in America who aren't just early American – my early American historian, peeps and friends on my network, but people in New Zealand and people in Finland and reaching out. Suddenly, there was there was an odd sense that actually, we were going through the same thing because of the pandemic and we were in touch with them. Yeah, we tried to build, I think, on that sensibility and then totally fixed. I mean, we've always loved parodies. We've listened to, besides musicals, which we've talked about, and the other stuff that we've always laughed along with the kids, too. People like Weird Al Yankovic. There's that side of songs and humor. Really what happened with totally fix where we are is these two things came together and it's a power ballad that is so – I mean, it's so weird in the first place. It didn’t time alike. I think the original was 12 minutes long or something, the full version. We'd always loved this ridiculous video that was created at some point in the 80s, in a Gothic house. [00:16:33] PF: Yeah, the little shining eyes and otter flying around. [00:16:37] DM: Children of the Damned. As well as being an iconic song that everyone knew, it already felt one that you could take the mickey out of with it. Because it's so long and because the way the lyrics sit with it, I think it just offered itself up to a whole set of reflections about what it's been like to be stuck again in this second big lockdown. [00:16:57] DM: I think, the second time around, the first time, obviously, there's a rising panic. This has never happened before. What are we going to do? The second time around, there was a grim familiarity. We knew what this was going to be like. I mean, this time is winter and it's cold and there's nothing. It just felt a bit bleak, especially by the end of that January. When we did the song and we did record, I mean, I vividly remember saying, “Look, if we're going to do it, we'll have to do it now, because I've moved the sofa.” We just stood there. I think we knew. We did about two runs through. We did the second one and we knew it had gone – You can tell when they've worked, because we all feel a bit like, “Yeah, that was a good one.” We all look at each other, as if to say, “Did you make it?” “No, I didn't.” I think I made it. I think we're all alright. Then we walked away again and Ben did his magic by putting the video together. Again, and the thing about viral videos is that you lose control of them. They're not yours to just give out to whoever chooses to see them. Yeah, that one was a perfect example of that, because we were both working. I was working. It was a Thursday afternoon or something. I kept getting messages from people I haven’t spend with for a long time saying, “It's brilliant.” I was thinking, well, I can see on YouTube that it's had a lot of likes, but not that many. Obviously, somebody had taken it and it had gone wild, but it ended up in a format and a way that we couldn't keep hold of. It was a shock again, because people were saying, “It's been sent to me by someone from Australia.” We were thinking, what are you talking about? Then very shortly after that, we got a message from a Richard Curtis's team who organizes big charity over here, a Comic Relief, and they asked us if we would perform it on their show. Yeah, it went from being we're stuck in our house, what are we going to do to, oh, my goodness, we might actually have to do something outside of our house. [00:18:38] PF: You wore your pajamas for it. [00:18:40] DM: Oh, yeah. [00:18:41] PF: That was amazing. [00:18:43] DM: Yeah, they supplied the pajamas. Yes, that was slightly ironic. Yes. We finally get out and I'm still in slippers. I think, whenever the kids are asked now, because of course from Tess's point of view, so much of her life is being now taken up with all of the pandemic and everything else. If you ask them what their most amazing highpoints were, going on Comic Relief and doing that song was definitely up there. [00:19:04] PF: Once you did that, you did that performance with Comic Relief and you've done some other things that have changed the direction. You really used it to send some positive message you did something about prostate cancer. You were going to talk about your new song here in a minute. How did that change to like, we want to get these causes out there and we want to make people aware? [00:19:25] DM: I think, with all the stuff we've done, we've come at it from our own personal point of view. We had some lovely messages quite early on with people saying, “Would you write a song about?” We've generally shied away from that, because we didn't want to parachute in on somebody else's issue, or something else and start telling people how to deal with it, or talk about it. What we realized when we did have the new job song is that what we were able to do that a lot of people couldn't, was we were able to start conversations that people would sit around a table and say, “Have you ever had your prostate checked out? Or, why don't you want to have a vaccine? What do you think about it?” We cut through in a way that I suppose, when we're becoming more and more entrenched in our opinions and more and more polarized in our world, we could cut through in a way that a lot of other people couldn't. They might be incredibly angry and disagree entirely with what we were saying, but they would still say, “But the girls sang beautifully.” Or, “I really liked how you did that, but I don't agree.” I suppose, it challenged people in a slightly different way. Rather than being entirely defensive with a lot of their opinions. They might listen, maybe ask a question that they wouldn't have asked and certainly, the have the new job made us realize that obviously, you set yourself up for a lot more vitriol. People will also say, actually, I did ask that question, because I wasn't sure about that. When Prostate Cancer UK came to us, we’d spoken to them way early on, because we'd written a song where my dad got the all clear for prostate cancer, which we'd done well before the whole pandemic singing thing happened. We put that on the YouTube channel and they'd come to us, because they've seen it, prostatectomy song that we did for my dad's Christmas present, the year that he had a big operation. They said, “Would you would you do something for us?” Again, it was a personal thing for us. [00:21:08] BM: I think, it’s one of those where music consists of softened things and satire and parody can often sharpen things, and you get into a really interesting terrain, especially with science messaging, or science communication and health issues and health communication, because it's quite a different place to be thinking about the subject matter, or sharing the subject matter, or whether sharing personal experiences, or talking about much bigger issues. I felt, it's quite a rich area as well to stray into. As usual, with us, it's partly also just about teaching the kids about discussions about vaccination, or about cancer, or hormones, or whatever it may be. It's a great place to channel some of that thinking that's not confrontational. It feels at the moment, especially when you look at social media or something that everyone is drawing their little Venn diagrams of their people that they don't like taking a step beyond that. This is a way of ourselves doing it. Yeah, it felt like it's something that maybe other people don't do, because if you're a professional artist, if you make your living from entertainment, or whatever, then it suddenly becomes a lot more complicated what you're able to say and what you're not able to say. Because we're not, it's something that we can, yeah, we can do as long as we don't end up sounding massively preachy, or – [00:22:27] PF: Right. Yeah, because I had a great writing mentor who taught me that humor can open someone's heart, and then that gives you the doorway to put your messaging in. That's really what you guys did. You make us laugh and you also make us think. We're more welcoming of a different mindset, because of the humor. [00:22:47] DM: I think, we weren't trying to give a message and tell people that we knew best. We were simply saying, especially with this prostate cancer one, these are the people who you should talk to. If you haven't, if you're not sure, if you're worried, if you've put things off, if you haven't asked the question, then go here and get yourself checked. Ask the question, because you're important. It doesn't matter that everything else going on in the world, because this is something that you need to make a priority. I think, if we were trying to do it and tell people something because we want them to know it, because we have the answers, that would be, I suspect, a lot awful and a lot more preachy. Whereas, this was simply us saying, ask the questions, go look out for yourself. Yeah, coming at it, you found out an awful lot more about the prostate than you had ever known yourself. We are now of the age that those things are definitely things that you expect someone's going to tell you and then you realize, no one's actually going to come up and give you that lesson. Yeah, it was came from out in that instance being asked to do it. Then our experiences and everything else and being able to talk about my dad and he’s a medic and he was still nearly too late. He put things aside and didn't ask the questions when he should've done. Yeah, there's a lot of things we've done that have been lovely, because people have felt they were important to them. This felt like it was important and that was a definite incentive to do it. [00:24:13] PF: That's fantastic. You have a new song, which hits very close to home for me, I must say. Tell us about that. [00:24:22] DM: Yeah. Just before the first lockdown, I was diagnosed with a form of rheumatoid arthritis, which I had known it was coming, because my dad had it. They put me on a form of medication that can be used in higher doses as a chemo drug. I was put on this new drug in January 2020. Immediately, it transpired, was then pushed into menopause, but didn't really know that was what was happening. Then the lockdown happened. All the way through that first two-week chaos and everything, I was thinking, I can feel right if there's something going on, this is all very peculiar. Yeah, as an undercurrent, everything else has gone in the past two years. I was told, “Yes, you are definitely menopausal. Yes, you've got this and you've got that and you're going to need start this and that.” We thought, yeah, you either just get on and pretend it's not happening. You say to the kids, “Look, I'm not going to cope as well with life today, as I might have done previously. This is why.” It felt like we don't do that enough. I suppose, having done that, the prostate cancer thing, we were talking at Christmas, you and the boys had come up with a great riff that you'd been playing through, just having to go out and you said, “Look at this song. What's going on in our world?” [00:25:31] BM: Yeah. This was one with the music, because this is one we write ourselves, the music and it came together separately from the concept and the lyrics. Then, once we felt that it fitted, actually a song about the menopause, you imagine, needs to be a certain way. Actually, there are lots of great parodies about menopause. There’s a musical about menopause. It's usually, there's a certain style. In our case, we wanted to have something that was able to be uplifting and actually, that you could dance to, because it felt counterintuitive that this is not something you're supposed to – this is supposed to be a tragic, traumatic moment, the change, where all the great things about youth and sexuality and stuff is being transformed. We didn't want to cast it in that light and just poke fun at it. It was a really interesting one to write, because striking the balance, I mean, usually I come up with some lyrics typically in the bath, and I put them in front of the family and people go, “I don't want to sing that. I'm not going to sing that. That should be theirs.” In this case, because the subject matter, obviously, Danielle had complete veto over what she wanted, what could go in and what couldn’t go in. When we first talked about it, I'd never heard of this word perimenopause. I've written a book on gender history, and it was not on my radar at all that there was a thing called perimenopause. It was part of my education and our education and the kids. We thought, well, why not turn that into an uplifting song, a song that you can dance to? [00:26:56] DM: Yeah. I think even though a lot of my friends are a little bit older than me, none of us really knew very much about what was going on. It was just, I think we all assumed that at some point, you would just wake up and go, “Oh, now I need to go.” Someone will inform. No, it’s all this – I mean, I almost feel grateful that might happened so swiftly that I wasn't in that – Is it? Am I not? Am I going slightly? Is it, am I down? There was no question about me. The number of my friends who’ve come to me and gone, “So you did what? You're taking what? How does that work? How do you feel?” You realize that, again, there is no fount of knowledge that you suddenly get introduced to when you hit 49, or 50, or 50. Everybody thinks it's older than they are. Everyone's surprised, I think, when it happens to them. Yeah, why should it be taboo? Why shouldn't we talk about it? Why should we just say under our breath, “Mommy's a little bit delicate,” and just expect wake up when we're through this messy stage and be okay again. It was like, no, actually, it's not all negative. There are moments where I'm not going to like things that are happening, but I don't want my daughters who aren't quite in the first phase of this to look and say, “Oh, remember that time when mommy just lost it?” Everything dreadful happens when you hit your 40s. I wanted them to see it is a powerful move. It's not the end. It's just a new phase. Even if I'm not entirely convinced but myself, we can pretend until we actually believe it. [00:28:20] BM: Fake it till you make it. [00:28:20] DM: Absolutely. [00:28:21] PF: I think too, it's good for men to hear this. It's an excellent song, because I think as much as we as females don't know what is going on with us, oh, my God, I think about the men. They're like “Where's my wife? Where did she go? Because this is a different person.” [00:28:38] DM: Somebody said that. Somebody said, “Oh, I don't think this is appropriate for boys and men to hear.” I was like, “Well, they've all got mothers. They've all got wives.” Maybe not this particular individual who said it. But actually, this is what demystifies a topic. This is what makes everybody feel comfortable to ask questions, because it is different for everybody. There isn't a set start and a set end and a one size fits all type of medication. Some people don't need anything. Some people need lots of different types that they have to try out. The whole point is that we should – it happens to the half the population, so why are we not able to talk about it? Yeah. Why should the kids not know about it now? Why do we take them aside at some point in a hushed voice, say something is going to happen one day and you'll know when it does. No. [00:29:22] PF: You won't understand it. [00:29:23] DM: You won't understand it, and you'll think it's only you and you'll keep leaving rooms and overheating and feeling like you need to apologize for yourself. No, we should be much more comfortable in talking about it before it happens and after it happens and during it. Yeah, the song – [00:29:37] BM: It’s a weird one for us, because we're at the point – because the ages of the kids as well. There's a lot of hormones just flying around the house. I generally have a morning, or have an afternoon. It's made it possible for them, I think, and for us in a way to see this journey that each of us is on. They're hitting spots and puberty at the moment. Then, we're in different phases where things are going wrong and going gray and moving to new terrains. It humanizes everything. I think, we need that in a much bigger way across our societies to do with the workplace and women in their 40s and early 50s. You look at questions of retention, promotion, the glass ceiling and all sorts of other ways, people leaving remunerative work, or switching career tracks. There's a lot for us to get our heads around in a much bigger way about this, but it has to start with, yeah, with those smaller looks and conversations and sometimes escaping the room when it's the right moment for everyone to say through. [00:30:36] DM: Yeah, absolutely. [00:30:37] PF: What are you going to do next? Do you have more parity planned? Are you going to do some more things, like you've done with the biological clock song, or what's your future landscape looking like? [00:30:45] BM: What we'd love to do is be able to grow slightly what we're doing and do some more original songs potentially. Luckily, we've got an incredible support base through a cycle patron of people that can support us each month. We're learning and developing ourselves for now. If in three or four years’ time, there's something that we're doing that's still of interest to lots of people and the kids are old enough to think of it as something that they really want to do as a career, not just something that they're doing on top of other stuff, then we can be in a position to grab those opportunities. In the meantime, we're happy carrying on doing what we're doing. [00:31:19] DM: Yeah, we'll keep going as we are for a while and see where we end up, I suppose. [00:31:22] PF: That is terrific. You have certainly kept us entertained and we so look forward to what's coming. Thank you for sitting down and talking with me today. I've thoroughly enjoyed this conversation and I know that our listeners will too. [00:31:35] DM: Oh, you're very welcome. Lovely to chat with you. [00:31:36] BM: Lovely to speak. Yeah. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:31:38] PF: That was Ben and Danielle Marsh, talking about how their family is using music and humor to bring people together. If you'd like to learn more about the Marsh family, subscribe to their YouTube channel, or follow them on social media. Just visit livehappy.com and click on the podcast link. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of On a Positive Note and look forward to joining you again next month. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Mental Health Awareness with the Live Happy Crew  [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to Episode 363 of Live Happy Now. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Here at Live Happy, we realize that happiness and good mental health go hand in hand. So we've brought the whole crew together to talk about it. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and throughout the month of May, we're going to focus on tools for better mental health. But to kick it off, our team sat down for a conversation about how the past couple of years have affected each of us and some of the ways that we've coped. Joining me for this special episode, our Live Happy CEO and Co-Founder Deborah Heisz, E-commerce Marketing Manager, Casey Johnson, Web Editor, Chris Libby, Senior Marketing Manager, Britney Chan, and Senior Marketing Specialist, Shane Lee. I hope you enjoy this candid conversation, and be sure to stay tuned until the end of this podcast when we'll tell you about a special deal in a Live Happy store exclusively for listeners. [EPISODE] [00:01:01] PF: You guys, thank you everyone for coming and joining us for this special episode of Live Happy Now. [00:01:08] BC: Thank you for having us. [00:01:10] PF: It's always fun to talk with everybody, the whole gang. We don't get to get together in person, but sometimes we can Zoom it. I know you guys see each other a lot more than I get to see you. But this was a really special talk that we wanted to have because Deb felt really strongly about Mental Health Awareness Month and us doing something on it. So that's how I'd love to start. Deb, why was it so important for you to make sure that we covered this because we're doing – Our entire month is dedicated to mental health awareness. [00:01:38] DH: Well, I mean, obviously, mental health ties into happiness. I mean, if you're not healthy, either physically or mentally, it's really going to impede and impact your happiness. As you know, for us, happiness isn't really about the emotion happiness. It's about, living a positive life, having a positive assessment of how you're doing in life. Really, it is different than the podcast name. Live Happy doesn't just mean, “Hey, let's go out and  have ice cream and ride roller coasters and  run free through fields of green and meadows.” It's not really what we're about. We really are about that positive emotion part of positive well-being. It really is – Happiness is a high perceived sense of wellbeing. What we know is the pandemic has impacted people's perception of their well-being in significant ways. In fact, Jason Dorsey, who does a lot of research on the difference between generations – I forget what the name of this company is, but he’s a phenomenal speaker. He does just a great job of identifying how boomers are different from Gen Xers and Xers are different from millennials. The millennials are different from Generation Z, but they did some research projects on Generation Z that shows that that group that is at most 25.6, 27, and at least 10, 11, or 12, that group has more mental health issues than any other group, any other generation has. A lot of it has to do with what they've missed out because of the pandemic. They've missed graduation. They've missed prom. They've missed going to college. They've missed being in class with their peers. They've missed all of those social things that we depend on. We talked so much on this podcast about how relationships are essential to your mental health and to your happiness. All of that got taken away from a lot of people over the last two years. So I think it's really important that we spend a little time talking about it at Live Happy and on the podcast. [00:03:32] PF: Yeah, for children too below. Let’s think younger than those teenagers and young adults. I had read something about how the level of anxiety in children and also the fact that they've been wearing masks. They didn't get a lot of that interaction. We gain so much interaction from our smiles and our emotions that we convey in our face, and those have been hidden. So there was something I just read yesterday that was talking about the need for that for us to really address it with our children and start looking for the good in the world because the last two years have been really traumatizing for them. [00:04:06] DH: Well, I mean, there's a lot of social anxiety. I mean, I read an article. There's a lot of social anxiety in the under-five set. Typically, my three children, it was always play dates, getting together with kids, going to daycare, whatever you could do to get them entertained. But, no, kidding. But a lot of it was also learning how to socialize with other children and other adults, and a lot of kids just haven't even been exposed to that. I mean, they've truly been with their own families on a daily basis. Or even you get into first, second, and third grade. Can you imagine going into kindergarten on Zoom and having that be your first experience? Or not getting to graduate? The other extent of that, not getting to graduate or start college in person. I mean, there's so much social development that goes on, and it's really impacted mental health from Generation Z. I'm sure Jason hasn't studied the generation after that, whatever they're going to be called. But I'm positive it's had just as much impact there, and that's not even talking about those of us who are used to getting our socialization from our workplace or getting our away time by going to the movies or going out to eat at restaurants. Just how much it's substantially changed who we are and how we live. Even though many of us, particularly in Texas, were back to relative normal, but the relative normal is key. But that still doesn't mean those two years didn't impact our mental health in ways that we may not quite know or know yet. It certainly impacted the health of our children. One of the interesting facts that Jason was saying was Generation Xers – I’m a Gen X. I'm old, yeah. Our big social defining impact is like the challenger explosion, right? Millennials, for the most part, it's 9/11. Those things are ancient history to Gen Z. Their definition, their defining point of their childhood, bring them together as a generation, is COVID. [00:05:58] PF: Wow. Yeah. To your point, we're still dealing with the fallout from it. It’s not completely gone, and it gets frightening for people when the media starts talking about, “Better expect another surge. We better –” They’re kind of like preparing us for that, and I hear those conversations. I hear people already being anxious for what's to come, instead of being able to just be like, “Okay, let's kind of take a breath and be in this moment.” It's like we're not being given that chance. [00:06:25] DH: The media is certainly very good at understanding that what scares us is something we'll watch or pay to read, so they invest a lot of time and energy in that. We've talked about this before, but a big part of mental health is what you allow to have mind space. What do you put in your brain? So if you're reading those negative news reports, I'm not saying we don't need to know about what's going on in Ukraine. I'm not saying we don't need to be informed about what's going on in the pandemic. But it can be overwhelming with a 24-hour news cycle, and you get 18 different emails with different headline news's. Or you click on the app on your phone, or you turn on the television, or you turn on the radio. If you allow that to be the only thing that's entering your brain, it's going to be very hard to keep a positive mental outlook on the world. [00:07:14] PF: Absolutely. That brings me to a question. I'd love to hear what everyone on the team kind of what has been their go to to manage the stress that we've all felt in the last couple of years and how you keep your mental health balanced. I guess the easiest way to do it is alphabetically because that way we're not showing favorites. So I'm going to ask Britney, Britney Chan. What was your kind of go-to solution? [00:07:37] BC: My go-to solution during the pandemic was, obviously, to just try my best to stay as connected as possible, even being at home. So I practice a lot of video chatting, FaceTiming, Zooming with my friends and family. It really almost became like a daily activity for me and something I really look forward to. I know there's always this talk about tech and digital, and it's all over the place, and it's taking over our lives. But in this instance, it really did the opposite. It made me feel more connected, and I was able to see my sister and watch my niece and nephew play. I mean, there would be times where we would just stay on the phone. We wouldn't even talk to each other. We would just be there and be able to see what's going on. So, yeah, video chatting had a really positive effect on my mood during that time. Also, Deb, you just touched on it just a second ago about choosing to put what's in your mind. Like for me, I really made a conscious decision to not overwhelm myself with information about the pandemic or just the news in general because there's not a lot of good news out there. It seems to be very negative lately. So I read enough to stay informed. I read enough to make sure I'm following protocol and doing the right things and all that stuff. But other than that, I stayed away from the information overload when it came to the news or even social media about the pandemic. I would kind of just like scroll past it. So those are the things I really did to help my mental health during that time. [00:09:20] PF: That's really smart, and it's difficult for a lot of people because we know social media is designed to be addictive. So you end up doing that zombie scroll, and it's like, “Oh, my god.” First of all, you're having a panic attack by the time that you're done. It just – You feel horrible. That's a terrific way to do it to kind of curate what you're going to let – [00:09:39] BC: Yeah. That's a good word for it. I was self-curating what I was putting into my mind. [00:09:44] PF: That's very cool. Casey, how about you? Because I feel like of anyone, you and I probably talked the most about all of this and what was going on. We talk about podcast episodes, things like that. So what were some of the things that you were doing? Because you always maintained such a great upbeat attitude throughout the whole whatever we were dealing with. [00:10:07] CJ: Well, thank you for saying that. I certainly didn't feel that way on the inside, sometimes. But, yeah, I mean, just to kind of echo Britney, I'm kind of in the same situation as she is. My sister has two kids. They're young. So I was very grateful that we were able to video chat, and I was able to see them that way. I did find myself being glued to the news and zombie scrolling, like we were talking about. So I kind of had to check myself. I would limit my screen time. I stopped checking my phone first thing in the morning. I even started sleeping with it in the other room, which helped me sleep better. I brought my screen time down, which helped with my anxiety. I even started – I found this like YouTube video. It was like a 10-minute like yoga meditation and it's really hard for me to like sit still for long periods of time. So meditation has always been kind of a challenge for me. But just starting my day off like that, me not looking at my phone. Getting in touch with like my mind and body really just helped me maintain my sanity throughout that whole thing we experienced – [00:11:03] PF: Whatever it was. We don't even know what to call it. [00:11:06] CS: Yeah. I’m like blocking out but yeah. [00:11:08] PF: Thing. That’s really good, and it worked. Because, again, you were always like you've always been very positive and able to like see the good in whatever we had going on. So that's been super cool and super fun to work with on you. I'm really interested to hear Chris and then Deb because they have a slightly different perspective because not only were they dealing with their own situation, but they're both parents. That just adds another layer of complexity. So, Chris, what about you? You've got two little girls. How were you working this in your house? [00:11:39] CL: Yes, I do. That easily takes up a lot of time to where you don't have a lot of time to really think about it. But I will say, continuing what Deb was saying earlier, that the pandemic came out, and it changed all of our social behaviors. It created – There were some unintended consequences, although we were able to still keep things moving, working at home, and stuff like that. The unintended consequence was loneliness just skyrocketed. Even if you have a family, you can still find yourself in those times of loneliness. When the kids and everybody else went back, and I was still at home, then everything got quiet. Then you're just working all day. Then that's when it really sets in. You're not talking to anybody. You're not talking to your friends as much, just because of what we've been through the past couple of years. So, of course, pets always are a great option. If you're a pet owner, that's going to reduce your stress. It takes your mind off of things. It keeps you physically active. There's a new report that came out from Penn State actually on this loneliness kind of epidemic that we're in and what you can do to combat that, even if you are at home alone. That is choosing activities that get you into a flow state. Now, we at Live Happy are familiar with what the flow state is. One of the pioneers of positive psychology, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, I think I said that right, he kind of introduced that theory. But it's basically when you're engaged in these tasks that kind of where time just kind of goes away, they're meaningful, challenging activities during your free time that it can reduce your loneliness and increase just momentary moments of happiness, but at least it's still happiness. Those are just any activity that you have a reasonably good skill, and it's not too complicated because then you'll lose interest. You just kind of submerge yourself in these activities like playing music, listening to music, even playing video games, different types of sports, writing, reading, painting. Just those kinds of leisurely activities that really take your mind out of it. I live next to a park. I'm fortunate enough to I'm able to go outside and kind of take walks in the park and kind of lose myself in that way or shoot baskets, which is a really enjoyable activity for me. Because you kind of immerse yourself and just play scenarios in your head and think that you are the greatest basketball player ever. [00:14:03] PF: Are you saying you're not? [00:14:04] CL: No, not really. Far from it. But when I'm out there, I am. So that's the good thing. Those are the kinds of things that can alleviate those feelings of loneliness and those feelings of anxiety and even depression. [00:14:18] PF: Yeah. Reframing that's really important. We have a podcast episode coming up, I believe, in June with Eric Barker. He had done some research found that loneliness – Like people who are lonely actually spent the same amount of time with other people, as people who are not lonely. But it's really your mental state. So that's really interesting. The things that you're talking about are great, like being able to employ some of those techniques, so you do feel less lonely. I think that's a great way to handle it. Deb, you were running a company remotely, a couple of companies. You also then have three active children. So how are you keeping all that balanced? Because, obviously, your kids were at home. You were at home. Everything changed for you. How did you keep that going? [00:15:05] DH: Well, first of all, I have to talk about the fact that there were some positive aspects of the pandemic for me, which sounds horrible and people – The pandemic wasn't positive. But because I couldn't travel, and I've been traveling a tremendous amount for the past, I don't know, 25 years of my life, to suddenly be in the same time zone for a long period of time, I got rest for the first time in what I think is forever. So for me, I think it's not just what changed that was difficult. It's also what changed that’s positive. I don't ever want to go back to living the way I lived before, where I was basically  in four time zones, and I'm talking about hours away time zones in a month, and it makes it a bit crazy. You don't realize what you're missing out on. It's like I'd spend time with the kids. I've always been very engaged when I'm with them. But hitting that, I feel more awake than I felt for 20 years before that. I didn't realize it. So there was a positive aspect for me. Of course, there also is that tiny aspect which changed for me. It used to be because I made specific time to be with my children, being engaged with them while they were there was something that was easy to do. Well, suddenly, they're there all the time. I'm there all the time. I have other things I need to do. Setting boundaries became an exercise. I don't want to say in futility, but it was certainly an exercise that took some time to get established. When I truly am on the phone, I truly am working. I cannot open up your Gatorade for you right now. Things that just changed. For the kids, it was far more difficult than it was for me. Initially, those first couple months, we did a lot of puzzles. We took a lot of walks. We have dogs. Our golf course never completely shut down, so we go hit a few balls. I mean, they were closed, but they let you play. It was a weird situation. So we always had things to do, but it was very different for the kids. The kids, when school started in the fall, it certainly was very frustrating for them. We had in-person school starting in the fall of 2021, so our kids have never been not allowed to go to school. But to suddenly have masks, that social distancing, and all of that stuff, it was remarkable to me how quickly they adapted. [00:17:17] PF: Can I ask you, how did you talk with your children about this too? Because you, of all people then in the positive psychology space, doing what you do, you're aware of what fear does, what mental impact this would have on them. So how did you talk with your children about what was going on to keep them from – I mean, I know kids that are just terrified. They're terrified of breathing other people's air. They've been very indoctrinated with fear. So how did you explain this to your kids? [00:17:45] DH: Well, first of all, I think it helps that we're not by nature a fearful family. We are well traveled and somewhat adventurous from whitewater rafting, to hiking off the grid. We're not – My children have a certain element of self-sufficiency and self-reliance already built in, just from who we are as people to begin with. So I think that helped. But the second thing was you can't overemphasize enough that the likelihood of something bad happening is very small, and you can't dwell on something that might happen. We did talk a little bit about driving a car. You have likelihoods of car wrecks. There's fuel. You fly in a plane. But these things don't happen commonly. So we all get sick. We've all been sick. We've all had the flu. We've all had corona virus. We've all had – It’s possible we may get this. But for the most part, we need to make sure that we're doing the hygiene things we need to do and try not to get it because nobody wants to be sick. Or if somebody does get sick, no, it's going to happen. It's okay. You have to tell people it’s okay. We don't know if it's going to be okay. But they’re kids, right? You don’t want to say, “Be careful not hug grandma. She's going to die.” I mean, don’t you think that’s too much? We have to be really careful and put things in perspective. [00:19:01] PF: I'd like to learn what Shane did when he was during – Shane is our quiet one, always. So I'm really interested to hear from him and find out what were you doing with the pandemic? [00:19:12] SL: Yeah. It was an interesting time. I will say all of the things that y'all spoke of I employed in my life. Like Deb was mentioning, just a feeling of being alone like the first year of this. I was essentially living in a one-bedroom apartment by myself. My family, they don't live in Dallas. They live at least four hours away. So really, I just had myself and just people I had I could connect with to my phone. But still, I was pretty lonely. Even though my living situation has shifted since then, it's still a lot of notes of loneliness. But it's okay because through that I've strengthened that feeling of being able to do things for myself. Chris mentioned this earlier but going through these first days. There’s a hobby I started doing, skateboarding, and I've been doing that for about a year now. It's like a big part of my identity, but there's always a new goal with that. I've learned with perseverance and patience. So that's a fun activity I love to do, and I’m excited to do it right after this call. In addition to that, I also just love just going on walks outside, just feeling the warmth to sunlight on your skin. Photosynthesis is really hype. Plants, they really get it. But I would say another thing is just I've really adopted this mindset of just living more in the present, less worrying about the past, or not anticipating the future, but really just valuing the time I spend with the people I talk with in this moment. So for example, time spent with y'all today is always time well spent. So I'm happy to just be talking with you all. On top of all of that, I try to unplug as much as possible. If I didn't have to use it for work, I probably wouldn't be on social media. But I don't feel a need to like post my life on social media because I’m a firm believer in the right people know what I'm doing. Like Casey said too, I've also employed some time limits on my social apps. So really, I don't spend that much time on social media or my phone in general. Yeah. [00:21:23] PF: That's excellent. Yeah. I think we all – [00:21:25] BC: We’re comparing our screen times last week. [00:21:29] PF: How did that go? [00:21:31] SL: I did poorly. I lost. [00:21:34] BC: I worked really hard to get my screen time down to where it is. [00:21:37] SL: Yeah. Not all weeks are winners, but at least I'm mindful of it, at least. [00:21:42] BC: Yeah. [00:21:44] PF: I think we all had such a great advantage because of what we do and where we're working because we have all these tools. Like every week, we're talking to someone who is giving us a new tool, and we have this whole background. We've all been at the company for a while, so we have this pretty good backlog of mental resources of how we can handle some of these things. Like we didn't know we were preparing for what we've had, but I think it was really helpful. One thing that I did was when the pandemic hit, I was living in an apartment downtown Nashville. I loved it, going to concerts all the time. Then it was like, “Wow, I'm stuck in a box,” and I moved out into the country, a huge difference in a lot of ways. But being in nature every day has just been absolutely life-changing. Again, that's something we really learned from Live Happy and the stories that we've written about how much it affects us. I see it. I see it with my animals. I see it with myself. So I do feel like Live Happy has been such a gift for us. I hope other people have gotten as much from it as we have because I think it really helped us have the tools to get through the pandemic more easily. It's been so great to talk to you guys. I love when we get together and do this. We'll do it again soon. One of the things that we know is really good for your mental health is laughter. So that's why I'm sure Chris Libby has a fantastic dad joke locked and loaded. [00:23:03] CJ: I’ve been waiting for this moment. [00:23:04] PF: Ready to roll. [00:23:05] BC: I know. I’m ready. [00:23:08] CL: I don’t know. Did you guys happen to hear that in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month that the United Kingdom is going to officially change their name? [00:23:17] PF: To? [00:23:17] BC: To what? [00:23:19] SL: It’s no longer going to be referred to as the UK. Now, it will be referred to as You Okay. [00:23:26] DH: All right. [00:23:27] PF: That’s why we asked you to join us. [00:23:29] BC: Round of applause. Way to go. [00:23:32] SL: Listeners, the scenario was, that was a solid joke. I just want you all to know. My eyes rolled so hard. [00:23:40] PF: Perfect. Well, thank you all. I appreciate you guys giving me your time today and sharing with our listeners everything that – Not everything you've learned but so much that you've learned and how we can get through this together. [00:23:52] DH: Thanks, Paula. It was awesome as you were. [00:23:53] BC: Thank you for having us. [00:23:55] CJ: Thank you. [00:23:55] CL: Thank you. [END OF EPISODE] [00:24:02] PF: That was the Live Happy crew, talking about mental health. If you'd like to learn more, visit our website at livehappy.com. Click on the podcast tab for some great stories and resources. While you're on our site, you can get 20% off anything and everything in the Live Happy store just by using the code SELF-LOVE 20. That's SELF-LOVE 20. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: How You and Your Kids Can Save the Planet With Dr. Dana Ellis Hunnes  [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to Episode 361 of Live Happy Now. This week, we're celebrating Earth Day. So today, we're going to ask not what our planet can do for us but what we can do for our planet. I'm your host, Paula Felps. This week, I'm joined by Dana Ellis Hunnes, an assistant professor at the UCLA Fielding School of Public Health and author of Recipe for Survival: What You Can Do to Live a Healthier and More Environmentally Friendly Life. As you'll soon hear, Dana is both passionate and knowledgeable about issues such as food security, climate change, and the health of both humans and animals. She's here to talk about how we can create a healthier, happier, and more environmentally friendly life, and even get our kids involved. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:49] PF: Dana, thank you so much for coming on Live Happy Now. [00:00:52] DEH: Thanks for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. [00:00:55] PF: It’s perfect timing because we have Earth Day coming up. So we wanted to talk to you. You've written such a thoughtful and well-researched book. To kick things off, I wanted personally to find out what made you want to write this book. [00:01:10] DEH: Yeah. There were a few things that really compelled me to write this book. One of them was definitely the research I did for my dissertation in Ethiopia, learning all about climate change, food security, and the issues that people are living with in a country that really depends on the rain for their agriculture. Then the second thing that really compelled me was giving birth to my son, who was so tiny, not even six pounds at birth, and looking down at him and realizing that we only have this one planet. The planet that he's growing up in, it has some things that are endangering it. So really, I think the combination of those two things, just it was my way of dealing with all my concerns, to research and to write everything I put down in this book. [00:02:01] PF: We get insulated because – Especially if you live in a city where your food is brought to you, you we're almost like children being catered to by a very kind nanny. Everything is just brought to us. We can get everything that we need, and we tend to forget that the world doesn't operate like that. [00:02:19] DEH: Yeah. No, that's absolutely true. I mean, in many countries around the world that are not nearly as developed as ours is, people live off the land, and they really do depend on the rain for being able to grow their food if they don't have the agricultural inputs like irrigation and wells and things like that. So it really does put it into perspective. I'll tell you, we have our own little community garden plot up on campus, and it kind of does make you appreciate just what goes into growing food. [00:02:52] PF: Right. That's a little tougher than walking over to the bin and picking the most attractive one. [00:02:58] DEH: Correct, yes. [00:02:59] PF: Well, and in your book, it's really eye-opening and, frankly, a little overwhelming at times to see what we have created. I've had conversations with people who feel like we're too far around the bend. So it's like what's the point of even trying right now? What is your take on people who have that mindset? [00:03:16] DEH: I mean, I guess I would say that makes me a little sad to kind of just throw in the towel. Because I think if each and every one of us does try to do our part and make the planet a little bit safer or a little bit healthier for both ourselves and our children, I think if a lot of us take these little actions that I talked about in my book, I think really we actually can make a difference. I mean, it is an overwhelming topic. I do admit that. I will also admit, the first few chapters of my book are a little depressing when you read them. But with that said, I mean, the second half of the book really is 21 things that we can all do right now to make a difference and to not feel so hopeless. So that's what I want really people to take away is, yes, I understand. I get it. I've been there. It feels depressing. But if you do something, I tell you, you feel empowered. You feel like you're making a difference, and it can make all the difference in the world. [00:04:19] PF: Yeah. Even that process of starting to educate yourself about what's going on a little bit more, like beyond just our little pocket of the world to start learning about it, that's a huge step toward making change, isn't it? [00:04:33] DEH: It absolutely is. That’s one thing I've been very fortunate to be able to do is in my research and just in my own life, I've been able to see other places around the world and learn how are people living and what are they doing to make a difference or what are they doing that's more environmentally friendly. So I do think if we get into our own little silos and just kind of put our blinders on, that can make things definitely tougher than if we try to look at a wider perspective on things. [00:05:04] PF: So where do people start? Because I know there are people who are interested in preserving the planet. We got to take care of this. But then it's like, “I don't even know where to start.” There are so many changes they feel like they have to make. So what's your advice on those baby steps? [00:05:20] DEH: Yeah. I absolutely say if you had to just choose one thing because life is overwhelming right now, and there's a lot we all have to take care of, whether that's children or parents, if we're in that sandwich generation. If there's only one thing you can do, the most impactful thing you can do is look at your meals. Truly, there's three, sometimes four or five, depending on how many meals you eat in a day, times a day that you can have an environmental impact and also a health impact. We all want to live more healthfully, too. So, absolutely, if you only have the bandwidth to try one thing, it’s really start looking at your plate and see where we can make practical adjustments. I do talk about that as well in the book. [00:06:04] PF: Yeah. Can we dig into that a little bit more? Because a lot of times, when people are talking about changing their meals, it's for diet reasons like, “I want to lose weight,” or, “I want to be healthier.” But you say it really makes a difference in the earth if we start in our own homes, and now you're breaking it down even further like, “Start on our plate.” So what does that mean? What's that going to look like for us? [00:06:25] DEH: Right. Well, the nice thing about that, looking at your plate, is not only is it beneficial for the environment, and it absolutely can be, but it's also incredibly beneficial for our health. So the lovely thing about it is we're really packing a one-two punch. We're doing two things simultaneously, and I absolutely agree. A lot of people do look at their food on their plate as, “I want to be healthier. I want to maybe lose a few pounds.” Then the great thing about what I'm talking about, this plant-forward, plant-based diet, is that it really can reverse certain diseases like heart disease, diabetes, even obesity, and/or prevent a lot of these diseases, while at the same time being more environmentally friendly. You're not producing as many emissions. You're using less water. You're using less land. You're preserving habitat around the world. That's the beautiful thing. When I say a plant-forward or plant-based diet, what I mean is pack your plate full of vegetables, full of whole grains, full of fruits, nuts, and seeds. Then you won't even notice you're missing the standard American fare of meat or chicken or things like that. [00:07:37] PF: What is the difference environmentally with plant-based and meat? [00:07:40] DEH: Well, I'll put it into perspective this way. On one acre of land, you can grow about 10,000 times more calories of plants than you can if you were growing a cow or beef on that land. I mean, that's a humongous difference. In terms of emissions, you're saving about 90% of the emissions if you're plant-based versus if you're eating like a standard American diet full of meat and dairy products. In fact, if everyone on the planet went primarily plant-based, we would only need about one-quarter of the land that we do right now to feed everybody. So that would mean we could feed millions, billions more people on the planet. Not that I'm saying we should. I'm just saying we can. [00:08:29] PF: When we're talking about being able to use this land, how can that change our ability to feed ourselves and our communities? [00:08:36] DEH: Right. Well, I mean, if you're taking kind of like a world view, when we're talking about how are we going to feed the growing world population, because right now we're nearly eight billion people on this planet. By the end of the century, we're expected to be close to 11 billion people. If everybody on the planet eats like we do here in the United States and other Western countries, no, I don't think the land, as it stands, will sustain us because people will want to eat more meat in these other developing countries. The way we grow food today, I don't believe that is sustainable. So that's why it really is critical and so important that those of us who eat far too much meat do really pare back so that we can grow enough food to feed everybody because when you feed an animal, it's a middleman. You're feeding an animal thousands of calories, and you're only getting a few hundred calories out. So it's completely inefficient, and it wastes so many resources that could go to feeding humans. [00:09:40] PF: But it's kind of a hard sell for – I lived in Texas for many years. Before that, I grew up in Nebraska, and both of those are very fond of their beef. So it's a pretty tough sell to tell people this is the way we're going to be healthier and improve the planet. How do you kind of present that? What's your best marketing pitch, basically, for helping us give up some of this beloved beef and switching instead to more plants in our lives? [00:10:07] DEH: I mean, that's a really a great question, and I try to frame things to people as I don't want you to think about what you're giving up. I want you to think about what you're adding to your life. So for a lot of people, I know it's kind of hard to have a long-term approach to things. But if we really do cut back on our consumption of meat and dairy and add lots of fruits and vegetables and all of these whole grains and legumes that I was talking about earlier and maybe some of these plant-based meats that are out there, if we're really craving that flavor or texture, we're adding things rather than necessarily thinking about what we've taken away. For people who think I'm telling them, “You have to be vegan,” that's not what I'm saying. I'm not telling people you have to be vegan. But I am telling people, look, if we want to have a habitable, sustainable planet that will feed our children and their children, that's not a hothouse Earth that maybe we can't grow enough food. I think we all need to be more thoughtful and considerate about what we are putting on our plates. [00:11:17] PF: That’s well-said. As we become more mindful of that, what kind of changes would we see in the environment, and how is that going to start helping the Earth? [00:11:28] DEH: Right. Well, I mean, immediately, we would see that we require less water to grow feed for animals. That water instead could be used to replenish the aquifers and the water table that has been depleted. So I think, hopefully, we would see that the Earth would be a little bit moister. There'd be fewer wildfires. Of course, this would take time. It’s not like it would happen overnight, but it would be a slow progression. Same thing with the Amazon, we would see they would not need to cut down so much of the Amazon rainforest. So it could regenerate, and the water cycles could regenerate. That beautiful, lush forest that provides us with so much oxygen and water vapor and helps kind of control the climate in a way would regenerate. Because when you leave nature alone, it has this amazing capacity to kind of come back to its natural state. [00:12:28] PF: Yeah, that's interesting. I had the good fortune of being able to go to Antarctica on a ship, and one of the people on there was Dr. Steve Running, who won the Nobel Peace Prize for An Inconvenient Truth research. He talked about that. I said, “Well, talk about what's going on with our planet.” He said, “The Earth will find a way to survive. She may need to get rid of us first.” That I think was a really strong statement but a big wake up call for me. Like if we don't take care of our planet, she will find a way to survive, but we might not like what it means for us. [00:13:01] DEH: No, and I completely agree with that statement. Absolutely. I mean, the planet will survive beyond us. My biggest fear is, yes, how will we go down and how many other species will we take with us. [00:13:14] PF: Yeah, yeah. So changing mindset is so huge because we have these grassroots people that are doing it. There's people like yourselves. There's a lot of people who are working toward this, but it's not the majority. How do you get it to a tipping point where more people are saying, “All right, yeah. We want to work on this. We do want to save our planet. We want to live healthier, longer lives.”? [00:13:35] DEH: Yeah. No, I mean, that's a really great question. My argument would be I disagree that it's not the majority because if you look at some research out of Yale, two-thirds of Americans do actually believe in climate change. Maybe not two-thirds believe it's urgent, but two-thirds do believe in climate change in that it's a problem. So I think if we depend on the government to solve this for us or world organizations like we saw at COP26 in Glasgow, and we wait for these big groups to take this on, I agree. I think it's not necessarily going to happen. That's why at this grassroots level, individuals really do need to do something, in my opinion, whether it's eat more plant-based or buy clothing that's made out of natural materials like cotton or hemp or things of that nature, just because every little bit counts. Every little bit counts when you're talking about the planet and the environment. [00:14:38] PF: That's great because I think so many of us think we have to take extreme steps. We have – It needs to be extreme measures because we are in kind of hitting a dire situation. So I love the fact that you say like every little bit helps because we don't always feel like it does. [00:14:53] DEH: No, and it's true. That's another thing I do talk about a little bit in the book is I say, look, try one thing today. If you're be successful at it, which I think you will be and can be, maybe try something else tomorrow or next week, and build on what you're doing. It doesn't have to be one and done, and it doesn't have to be none and done. It can be one today, “Oh, my gosh. I saw – I was very successful of that. Let's see what I can add on tomorrow.” Yeah, baby steps can really empower you and help you realize that you are making a difference. Then educating others, which I talk about a lot as well. If people don't know, it's hard to care, and it's hard to make a difference, and it's hard to take action on something you may not really understand or be aware of. [00:15:37] PF: Yeah. So educating our children too is a huge part of this, raising them up with that mindset. How do parents start doing that? [00:15:45] DEH: I think, in our house, it's just part of the natural lexicon. We just talk about it kind of all the time. I mean, really, we get our son involved. We were up at the community garden this morning, and we were out there picking arugula from our garden, and he was down fetching water because apparently the irrigation was turned off. So we did. We had to go fetch water and take it back up to the plot. So I think if you get your children involved from an early age and don't make it feel onerous, make it into a fun family activity, it does come more naturally, and they will kind of almost autonomously and automatically become little environmentalists themselves. [00:16:31] PF: We love that. I also love that you brought up the community gardens because you talk about CSAs and community gardens and the role that they play in improving the environment. So talk about what they do because I think community gardens are just the coolest thing. I hadn't really thought about how beneficial they were. [00:16:48] DEH: Right. Well, so we belong to both. We joined a CSA, which stands for Community Supported Agriculture. So every week, we get this giant box, I kid you not, of vegetables and herbs and other greens from a local farm that's maybe 20, 30 miles away here in Los Angeles. It’s just – I mean, you'd be spending three times as much in a grocery store to buy this amount of greens. It's just beautiful. So not only are you supporting your local farmers and contributing to the local economy. You're also getting really super healthy farm fresh produce delivered right to your door without the use of plastic. Then as far as community gardens are concerned, a lot more urban areas are having them now. So you can join, and you basically are putting in what's called sweat equity, which means you work on the garden. But in return, you get to choose what goes in it. You also get to reap the rewards of what you have sown literally. You get to eat what you've grown. [00:17:53] PF: In addition to getting all this fresh food and being able to be with your neighbors, you say there's a lot of other benefits to having community gardens or growing our own food. So can you talk about what some of those benefits are? [00:18:05] DEH: I think some of those benefits are really both. Spending time in nature has proven psychological benefits on well-being. Working with others on a common goal also has really wonderful benefits for your emotions and just for connections, connecting with other people. Then, of course, being physically active while working on the garden has many health benefits, cardiovascular, fresh air. Other benefits of community gardens include just understanding and being one with nature, and understanding how food is grown, and realizing that, yes, it shows up at the grocery store. But when there are supply chain issues, that can be a major problem. So if you have the ability to grow some of your own, then that kind of gives you a little buffer. Then in areas that are food deserts or food-insecure, if you have the ability to grow some of your own produce, then that can be a little bit of an economic buffer for you. [00:19:06] PF: You can even do it indoors. Like if you're even in an apartment, you can have your tiny little inside garden. You don't have to have live on acreage to be able to have your own garden. [00:19:17] DEH: No. That's very true. In fact, we live in a condo, and we don't have land. So on our balcony, we have like three four large pots that we've grown basil in, and we've grown tomatoes, and we've grown other herbs, and we've made meals out of it. We've made our own pesto without the cheese because we don't eat cheese in our house, but it's delicious. When you get it literally that moment from your own little garden, I mean, it can make a meal. [00:19:48] PF: Yeah. I think a lot of people during the pandemic, and it has continued. I don't know if we're done with it yet or not anyway. Because we use the term post-pandemic but are we? I don't know. But people suddenly became aware in a very uncomfortable way how much we depend on the grocery store having what we need, and it didn't always happen that way. So did you see an increased interest in, say, growing your own food because of that? [00:20:16] DEH: I definitely saw an increased interest in making your own food. I know a lot of people went on the make your own sourdough bandwagon, including my own husband. Yeah. I know other people who were more interested in the community gardens because not only did it get them out into nature when, otherwise, perhaps they had to be in lockdown. But also, just I think people are kind of craving that oneness with each other or with nature. Just something they can interact with. [00:20:51] PF: The gardens certainly do both of those things. Yeah. Like you mentioned earlier, I know we're getting close on time, but you had mentioned earlier, and this really is a striking book because it is two parts. The first part is a horror story. It's like, “Here's where we're at, and here's what we've done, and here's what's going to happen if we continue down this path.” But then the second part is like, “Tada, happy.” It's very optimistic, and it gives actionable advice. What is it that gives you the most hope and optimism about the future of our planet? [00:21:26] DEH: Yeah. I think what gives me the most hope about the future of our planet is that people are more aware now than they were. I mean, it's taken time, but there is so much activism now about the environment and climate change. It’s constantly being discussed. Maybe not perhaps in the way I talk about it in the book and particularly not with some of the actions I recommend for what we can do because a lot of the talk is still about, oh, reducing your use of oil or reducing the amount of electricity you use. I mean, those are worthy causes, too. But I think what people need to realize is there are actually more impactful things that we can do, even beyond that, which does in some ways require government action, versus what we can do as individuals. So I think that's what gives me the most hope is that there is an interest for what can I do and what can I do now to make a difference. [00:22:28] PF: What is it that you hope that people most get from reading your book? [00:22:32] DEH: Right. If I had to choose what I would want people most to take away from this book is that, really, you can make a difference, and you don't need to feel despondent. You don't need to feel overwhelmed on what feels like an overwhelming topic because it really can feel overwhelming. I've been there. I know what it feels like. In a way, this is a memoir to me because it's, well, all the things that I have done to make a difference, and it's all the things that I encourage others to do to make a difference. But it's a recipe. It's step one. It’s step two. It’s step three. It’s step four. You don't have to feel alone in this. There are plenty of other people interested, wanting to do good. So I think that's what I want people to take away. [00:23:19] PF: That's terrific. Dana, I appreciate you taking time to sit down with me today, talk about this. Like I said, we're going to tell people how they can find you and how they can learn more because this is an important conversation and, obviously, one that we need to keep having for years to come. [00:23:33] DEH: Well, thank you so much. I'm grateful for your very thoughtful questions and appreciate your time as well. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:23:45] PF: That was Dana Ellis Hunnes, author of Recipe For Survival: What You Can Do to Live a Healthier and More Environmentally Friendly Life. If you'd like to learn more about her book, follow her on social media. Find out how you can get a free copy of her book. Visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day how happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Celebrating Your Pets With Brittany Derrenbacher    [INTRODUCTION] [00:00:02] PF: Welcome to Episode 352 of Live Happy Now. There's a big holiday in February that's all about love, and it isn't Valentine's Day. This week, we're talking about National Love Your Pet Day. I'm your host, Paula Felps. And this week, I'm sitting down with Brittany Derrenbacher, a clinical mental health counseling intern and founder of Luna Bell's Moonbows, a special needs animal rescue. In celebration of National Love Your Pet Day on February 20th, Brittany is joining me to talk not only about what our pets do for us, but to look at how we can learn to celebrate them every day, and enrich our lives in the process. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:42] PF: Brittany, welcome back to Live Happy Now. [00:00:45] BD: Yeah, thanks so much for having me. I'm really happy to be back. [00:00:49] PF: Well, we have National Love Your Pet Day coming up. And of course, we thought of you, because you know pets, and you know how they work. And so I really wanted to talk to you about this, because we're all crazy about our pets. But they do so much for us that we don't even think about. So I wondered if you could talk, first of all, about some of the gifts that our pets are giving us that we're not even realizing. [00:01:11] BD: Yeah. I mean, I feel like this episode should really be called like the power of pets. [00:01:17] PF: Ooh, I like that. [00:01:18] BD: Yeah. Because I feel like the gifts that they give us are endless. I mean, really, we could sit here and talk about this for hours, because I think even if we were able to brainstorm through just an exhaustive list, I think there's still something that could be added to it daily, right? And I think it's most important first to talk about the joy that they give us. I think that is the most important gift that is so unique to animals, because it's that no strings attached kind of joy. And I think that there's like nothing that compares to that, right? I mean, the joy of coming home to our animals. And for those of us who work from home, I mean, I know for myself and probably for you, we’re super lucky that we get to spend time 24/7 with our pets and really soak up all the benefits. [00:02:09] PF: Yeah. [00:02:10] BD: But I think they also help us gain a sense of responsibility. So they're showing us this like unconditional love. And they're always there when we need them. So those are like kind of like the main things that you might think of when you think about, “Okay, well, what do pets give me on a daily basis?” Those are kind of the main things. But the unconditional love of a pet can do more than just keep us company, right? [00:02:35] PF: Yeah, it's a constant return on our investment, because it's giving us something emotionally. [00:02:41] BD: Right. Yeah. And that's really like where we get into – I kind of call it like the four benefits of pets in our lives. And it crosses a couple of different boundaries, but we have mental health, and mood boosting, grounding. And that is like connected to like outdoors. Physical health, which, of course is connected to exercise. And then socialization. So those are like the four main benefits I think that animals uniquely give us. [00:03:09] PF: That's cool. Can we dig into each of those just a little bit? [00:03:11] BD: Absolutely. Yeah. [00:03:13] PF: Because I noticed mental health is first. Because, as a therapist, I guess that is always going to be forefront for you. But I thought that's really cool, because we don't think about the mental health improvements we get from pets. [00:03:23] BD: Oh, yeah. I mean, it's estimated that 68% of US households have a pet. And I think that that number is growing, especially given the circumstances that we're in with COVID. I think a lot more people are bringing animals into their home that weren't able to do so before. So I love that you're having this conversation about the relationships that we have with our pets. And I think what better way to really honor the love for your pet than to have a day where we literally are talking about and spreading the message that owning a pet will change your life in more ways than just joy and love. And I really believe that the better we understand that human animal bond, the more we can use it to improve people's lives. So thinking of mental health, just off the top of my head, like interacting with animals has been shown to decrease levels of cortisol. So we're going to get kind of scientific here. [00:04:21] PF: We thought so. [00:04:21] BD: I know it’s your jam. You love that. But cortisol is the body's natural stress hormone. So just by virtue of interacting with our pets on a daily basis, we're decreasing that, which is awesome. But it's also really cool to know that if you sit there and pet your dog, your cat, whatever your pet is, for 15 minutes, that you're literally releasing all of the feel good hormones into your body. So you're sitting there. You're petting Morocco. You're petting Josie. 15 minutes. You're releasing oxytocin, prolactin and serotonin all into your body just by petting your, dog which I feel like is so cool. [00:05:02] PF: Yeah, that's amazing. Because there's not other ways to get it that easily, I don't think. [00:05:09] BD: No, I don't think so either. And I think like just thinking about being able to pet your dog and really hokes your body into that relaxed state. This is also super helpful in lowering your blood pressure. So it’s cool to think of like our dogs and our cats can lower our blood pressure. And I also realized, too, that you asked about mental health, and I kind of tiptoed into physical health. But even if we're just thinking about stress, like stress is mental health, right? And so these animals that we used to associate in the past with keeping outdoors, right? Animals weren't really considered in the past to be in home companions to humans. And now we have this understanding that animals in our pets can provide so much more to us than just having this fun dog to run around within the yard. They live in our homes, and they literally are bringing so much into our lives and nurturing our mental health, our physical health, just our overall well-being on a daily basis. And so not only do pets have the potential to decrease our stress, but they can help improve, like we were just talking about, our heart health. Like that's incredible. [00:06:25] PF: Yeah. And I think about how many times a day I laugh because of my dogs. And we know that laughter is so important and so cathartic. We simply don't do it enough. And even on days when it doesn't feel like there's a lot of things in the outside world to laugh at, they're going to make me laugh. They are going to deliver joy no matter what else is going on. [00:06:46] BD: Yeah. And like that deep belly laugh too, right? [00:06:50] PF: Yeah. [00:06:50] BD: But that goes back to those feel good hormones. And that's something that we're experiencing on a daily basis with our pets that I think it's very easy to take for granted or just not even realize. [00:07:01] PF: Yeah. Yeah, that's true. And so what about grounding? Because grounding is something I love. It's so important, and we don't get enough of this. And can you talk a little bit about what it is and why it's so important for our physical and emotional well-being? [00:07:17] BD: Yeah. Well, I also love to talk about grounding, because I think mindfulness is kind of inherent in the work that I do. And it's what I always try to help my clients with. But I really love to talk about how pets are our teachers. I think about most of the life lessons that I've learned in my life, especially from just the animals in our rescue, they've all come from dogs. They've all come from the animals that I've met in my life. And especially in the compassion fatigue for animal care professionals work that I do, I really stressed the importance of what our animals can teach us. And I think that they model resiliency to us, to humans, in a way that no one else can. I mean, even if you just think of like Josie and Morocco's story. [00:08:02] PF: Right, right. [00:08:04] BD: Like the resilience behind your dogs, and just where they've come from, and who they are now, and how interesting, and amazing, and loving they are. So there's the resiliency in that. And I also think that they have this beautiful way of teaching as mindfulness that no book can really do or no like Buru can. But they teach us like the cheesy saying, like, “Every day is a gift,” right? That is like the ethos, especially for dogs. And I'm not minimizing cats, birds and all the other pets out there that people have. But like – [00:08:36] PF: Have the hate mail, please. [00:08:38] BD: Yeah, no hate mail. No. Cats are hilarious, because I think that they just have this way of like just navigating life. Doing exactly what they want to do with no shame. [00:08:49] PF: Right. They’ll just give you that look that's like, “You're not going to do anything about it.” [00:08:53] BD: Yeah. But, yeah, our pets teach us that living each day is a gift, and living our lives with loving presence. And I love thinking about that phrase, loving presence. Because I think animals know that the ultimate point of life is to enjoy it, right? Like that is why we're here. And I think playing with our pets can take our mind away from problems, take our mind away from daily stressors, and really place this in the here and now. And that is literally like mindfulness 101, the here and now, and embracing the sacred pause. Tara Brach talks a lot about the sacred pause. And I think just that idea that truly living in the moment is such a huge gift that they give us. [00:09:40] PF: Yeah. And sometimes we might get in the mindset of feeling like it's frivolous to go play. But there is something very essential about that kind of frivolity and that kind of bonding that's taking place when you are playing, and the kind of joy that it's bringing to you. [00:09:55] BD: Yeah. And even just thinking about that, like physical nature of that, too. Physically, our animals encourage us to move. They are often why we have a connection with the outdoors, which I do think connects to that idea of grounding too, being outside, having our feet on the earth and experiencing life outside of our home. And even on days that we don't want to move, right? Like we don't want to get out of bed. Life is too much. And I the past two years with COVID, it has been this way for a lot of people, just the idea of like waking up and having to face another day in the middle of a pandemic. But especially dogs, they make us move. [00:10:41] PF: Yeah. [inaudible 00:10:41]. [00:10:42] BD: Yeah, yeah. I have to get out of bed every morning. I have to take my dogs for a walk. They need that. They need that to live and to enjoy life. And they really motivate us to play and seek adventure. So going back to that cultivation of joy that you were talking about and playing. [00:11:02] PF: And then like you said, it forces us to be in nature. And even if your nature is in the city, and all you're seeing is a tree at some point. But that is so healthy. And that's so good for our mental health and our physical well-being to just get outside and be present in nature for even 10 or 15 minutes. [00:11:20] BD: Yeah. Stopping. Smelling the roses. [00:11:24] PF: Yeah. Picking up the poop. [00:11:25] BD: Yeah. Stopping, taking a pause with the fire hydrant, whatever you need to do to be connected to the outside world. But even just like hiking, going to the park, walking or running through the neighborhood. For me, specifically, I love to do dog agility, and maybe even traveling. Going somewhere long distance. Packing up your animals and getting out of town. And that is something that I think is an amazing, unique thing to be able to do. And, I think, also in thinking about this, this really promotes human socialization. I think – Yeah, like, we often talk about animal socialization, right? But animals equally give us that gift as well. And being able to go out and do things with your pets and meet other humans. I think, you, I love hearing you talk about all of the people that you've met through walking your dogs. [00:12:24] PF: Right, right. That's the thing. We've told people who had like, say, they moved to Nashville, and they have trouble meeting people. We’re like, “Get a dog.” You will meet everybody. You will meet more people than you actually want to meet, because it's such a draw. And I did. I've met so many people and made lasting friendships with them because I was out there walking Archie. And it's pretty incredible. [00:12:46] BD: Yeah, I love that story. And like, for me, for agility. I've met so many people. And I see it's predominantly women that are doing agility. And I think it creates this community. They all do competitions together. They will travel together doing things with their dogs, and they're just active, and happy, and laughing, and enjoying life vicariously through and with their animals. [00:13:13] PF: Yeah. I’d say what a tremendous way to walk through life is to – When you really recognize the value of that animal companion and can really cherish it and enjoy it. I'm going to be right back with more of my conversation with Brittany. But I wanted to talk for just a moment about how to make your world a safer place. The online world can be an unpredictable one. And while we'd like to think that we're always safe, that isn't necessarily the case. As we spend more of our lives online, we increasingly find ourselves thinking twice before clicking on a link or opening an email. Or we might be worried about getting scammed hacked, or even falling prey to malware or identity theft. The good news is, there's great real time protection available for you and your family. When you use the browser extension, Guardio, you can do your thing online with complete confidence that every click is safe. You can run a free security scan right now to see what threats are on your browser. And then if you're interested in their protection, it 20% off your plan when you sign up at guard.io/livehappynow. That's guard.io/livehappynow. And now, let's get back to my conversation with Brittany Derrenbacher and learn more about the many gifts our pets give to us. One thing that you do that I find so important is the work that you're doing with – You have an emotional support dog, and you're helping others deal with trauma with a pet. Can you talk about how that works and kind of some of the work that you're doing? [00:14:49] BD: Yeah. This is probably, like you said, my favorite topic to discuss, because I really get to see firsthand how much animals can help humans in a handful of supportive ways regarding mental health. I love to use animals in therapy. We have a lot of special needs dogs that I think uniquely are able to teach other people lessons and teach them like really cool things about being imperfectly perfect, right? [00:15:17] PF: Right. [00:15:19] BD: And there are therapy animals, emotional support dogs, service dogs, psychiatric service dogs, seeing eye dogs. Like I feel like I could go on and on. Like physical rehabilitation. Animals that visit hospitals to visit children that are recovering and going through chemo treatments for cancer. There are therapy dogs as crisis intervention after traumatic events. This is something that I'm really specifically interested in, because I think it's an incredible service that is available that most people don't know about. And that's that trained dog handler teams are called to sites of crisis and provide comfort, and provide stress relief, and emotional support for those that have been affected by natural disasters or mass shootings. For example, there's the Tree of Life synagogue shooting. They brought in a team of handlers and their dogs to provide support. This happened at Sandy Hook as well, and Virginia Tech massacre. But there's really some wonderful research surrounding this topic. And I think that a section of human animal interaction of the American Psychological Association is really doing an amazing job of presenting on these topics and bringing awareness of understanding about the human animal interaction. And I think, for us specifically, in the work that I do, going back to Violet, she is a 40-pound bulldog with hydrocephalus. [00:16:52] PF: Okay, tell us real quick what hydrocephalus is for people who don't know. [00:16:55] BD: Yeah. So hydrocephalus is literally water on the brain. And it is an accumulation of that fluid that has nowhere to go. And so you'll kind of see like a dome-shaped skull on the animal's head. And this is a condition that our rescue is very passionate about. It happens to humans as well. And a lot of times, dogs can have mild symptoms and live really long, beautiful lives. And sometimes it is a hospice situation where we give them the best life that they can for as long as possible. Violet has very mild hydrocephalus. So she is doing beautifully. She's not on any medication, and she is just absolutely wonderful. And again, like has that resiliency and is able to share such a beautiful story. But yeah, she visits nursing homes, senior memory care facilities, college campuses in the therapy room with me. And one of her favorite people to visit is a 101-year-old Holocaust survivor. [00:17:56] PF: Oh, that's so cool. [00:17:56] BD: Yeah, that is incredible. He loves it. I think he's able to really like tap into this childlike joy that he hasn't been able to experience in a long time. And one of the first stories that he told my husband, when Violet went to visit, was that it reminded him so much of his childhood dog. And so now, when Violet goes to visit, like it is expected, like, “Where's violet? When will she be here?” So yeah. [00:18:22] PF: That's fantastic. So we know that pets give us so much. Like they just give and give. And even when we don't treat them well, and we don't treat them as well as we should, they are still loving and they give to us. So when we're looking at Love Your Pet Day, what can we do to be better pet parents? How can we better return that kind of affection and meet the needs of our pets? [00:18:47] BD: I love that you asked this, because I think that we really owe it to our pets to give back to them as they give to us. That has really been like my goal in life, especially with rescue work, is to try to give back as much as possible to these animals. But I think it's also important to even just raise that as a question, right? Like we shouldn't just be asking what animals can do for us. We should also be asking what we can do in return for them. And I really do believe that the most important thing that we can do is constantly provide that love and stability. Patience. Patience is really key, right? [00:19:24] PF: Yeah. And not always easy. [00:19:25] BD: Yeah, exactly. And positive reinforcement. I also like to tell people, like give them their time. Stop rushing them on the walks. [00:19:35] PF: Yeah, this is a great topic. And that's something that you and I have talked about. And I want to dig into that a little bit more, because that is so important, and it's easy for us to forget. So like can you talk about that just a little bit? Like how can we learn to be more mindful of giving them their time and making those walks their time? [00:19:55] BD: Yeah. And I think that's where we can really embrace the tools that they teach us of mindfulness and being present, like taking that deep breath and saying, “Okay, I'm going to leave the house and really be in the here and now with my dog because this is their jam. This is literally what dogs are on this earth for, is to roam, and sniff, and explore, and enjoy their life.” And how many times do you – And I'm guilty of this. But how many times are you out and you see people really pulling their dogs along and they're trying to sniff the fire hydrant? They're trying to sniff the grass? And they're like, “Come on, come on, come on, let's go.” Imagine being in HomeGoods and you are in the pillow aisle, right? You're looking at those soft throws, and then someone's behind you like nudging you on like, “Come on, come on. Let's go, let's go. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up.” Why would we want to do that and deprive our animals of that joy, and being able to do something that they're just like so excited and pumped to do? I mean, that is literally [inaudible 00:20:58]. [00:21:00] PF: Yeah, yeah, because I've tried to get really thoughtful in terms of when I don't take my phone with me when we go on walks anymore. And that makes a big difference. And when we were in Nashville, and we would see – At the dog park, like see people. And their dogs out there running around, and they're just on their phone. And it’s like, “Oh, my gosh, you're missing out on this whole opportunity to play and interact before you go lock your dog up in an apartment again.” So that's one thing. I've ditched the phone on the walks. And I really tried to take it. Like when they stop and are sniffing, it's like really use it a time to take a breath and really like start looking at my surroundings. Like let me be as inquisitive as they are about what does the air smell like today? And what is the sky doing? And it really makes a huge difference in resetting your day when you go back to your office. [00:21:50] BD: Oh, yeah. I mean, it's like literally doing a body scan in nature with your dog, right? And I love that you mentioned putting the phone away and just, again, incorporating that loving presence that we talked about earlier. I think, for me, uniquely, I'm often having the conversation on the other side with people because I specialize in pet loss grief. And I often am having conversations with people about what they wish they had done, and that they would do anything to be back in those moments with their animals. And so I think that's something that's important to keep in mind, too, is like really allowing ourselves to enjoy these moments when they're given to us and be present, and just connect with our animals, and just embrace the beauty of life, and not be stuck in a situation in the future where we are analyzing this should have, would have, could haves. [00:22:46] PF: Right. Yeah. Because I know some times we're given notice that we're losing a pet. And sometimes it happens very quickly. And I've had it go both ways. And I had one that I lost very quickly, and it was like, “Oh, my gosh, if I had known that was my last walk with her, I would have walked for an hour.” I just would not have stopped. [00:23:06] BD: Endlessly. Yeah. [00:23:07] PF: Yeah. And so I think that's a great mindset to have. Not that, “Oh, my pet is going to die.” But like I have to look at every moment I have, every chance I have to interact with them as a valuable one. [00:23:18] BD: Yeah. And I think like now there's science behind it, right? There're so many studies that have been done showing what animals can do for us, just reducing the loneliness and increasing the social support, boosting our moods. Literally saving lives in regards to depression and grief. And we are given an opportunity every day to embrace all of those unique gifts and qualities that animals can give us. And like why would we not embrace that and soak it up every chance? [00:23:50] PF: That's right. That's terrific. So yeah, so we have this one day where we'll talk about Love Your Pet Day. But I think it's a great practice to be able to enter every day as Love Your Pet Day. So what would be like your advice? How do we keep that top of mind so that we really do change that relationship with our pet? [00:24:12] BD: Yeah. I really think just embracing that animals don't ask for much in life, and are the gifts that keep on giving. And they also teach us to be better humans, right? They teach us to navigate life in a smarter, more beautiful way. And so just continuing to talk about how awesome life is with animals and how amazing the human animal bond is. That's what I love to talk about, is the bond that we have with our animals. It's just so incredible. And it's unlike anything in life. And even just having conversations like this where maybe someone will listen to this podcast and say, “You know what? I'm going to go to my nearest shelter, and I'm going to adopt a dog today, because I want to like live life with this kind of joy.” Like that is a unique gift. And that is a message worth spreading. [00:25:08] PF: That's excellent. Brittany, you always have so much to say about pets, and you're doing such incredible work with humans and animals. So we're going to, of course, have our landing page and let them learn more about you and where they can find out about some of the work that you're doing. But thank you. Thank you for coming back and talking pets with us. [00:25:25] BD: Yeah, thank you. [OUTRO] [00:25:30] PF: That was Britney Derrenbacher, talking about how pets benefit us and what we can do to enrich their lives. If you'd like to learn more about Brittany and the work that she's doing, just visit our website at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all new episode. And until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]