Search Results for: mindset

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Living Better Longer With Caroline Paul [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for Episode 462 of Live Happy Now. We all have one thing in common, and that is that we are not getting any younger. But today's guest gives us a whole new way to approach the years ahead of us. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and today, I'm talking with New York Times bestselling author, Caroline Paul. Her new book, Tough Broad: From Boogie Boarding to Wing Walking―How Outdoor Adventure Improves Our Lives as We Age, turns some common myths about aging completely upside down. Combining stories of women who are embracing outdoor adventure in their later years with cultural and scientific research, Caroline gives us a roadmap for improving and enjoying the journey. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:46] PF: Caroline, thank you so much for joining us on Live Happy Now. [0:00:50] CP: I'm really happy to join you, Paula. It's going to be great. [0:00:53] PF: You have written an amazing book. First of all, the title describes you, tough broad. So, that had my attention immediately. But this book is so engaging and it's so inspiring, and in many ways, a call for us to up our game as we get older. So, I wanted to find out how this book came about, and really, who you are writing this for? [0:01:15] CP: Honestly, I was kind of writing for myself. I was 55 and looking around on my surfboard and seeing no women my age surfing. I'm not a really good surfer. So, I knew there was a lot of women who could be out there, but they just weren't out there. The same when I was on my electric skateboard. I saw no women my age, certainly no women older. And when I was flying my experimental planes, the same. But I saw men my age and men older. So, I started to think, “Well, I'm seeing 60 blank on the horizon. What is my future look like?” I decided to go and ask women who – because I wanted to keep outdoor adventure in my life, but maybe I wasn't supposed to. I kind of thought I was, but I wanted to go ask women who were there already. This is about those women. It's actually about fulfilling aging and those women explained it to me. [0:02:03] PF: Was it hard to find the people? Because you cover a lot of different types of activity and we'll get into that. But was it difficult to track these women down? [0:02:12] CP: It kind of was. I mean, first of all, women tend not to trumpet themselves on social media and stuff. So, you don't find them that way as much. Frankly, it felt like there weren't a lot of women out there doing these things. It turns out that they are out there. But what I did was I told everybody that I was working on this book and so people gave me names, and that started to snowball. Then, I did hire a researcher who found a lot of people. [0:02:38] PF: Okay. That makes sense, because one thing that we really work on here at Live Happy Now is to make sure that we back everything with science. And your book, the stories are so rich, but every one of them is backed by the science of what it's doing for us. How did that all – how did you marry all that? Did the story come first, and then you did research on what it was doing? Or how did those two components come together? [0:03:03] CP: Honestly, I was going to throw myself sort of like the paraglider that I was, off a cliff, and with an inflated, shoot and float around and talk to these women, and see how the book would come about. But I knew I didn't want it to be – it's not a book about profiles about women. This is a book about fulfilling aging in the outdoors. How the outdoors optimizes that. So, in a weird way, the pandemic was good for me, because it hit just as I was about to go interview people so nobody could talk to me. I had to sit down and do a lot of research about fulfilling aging. And I started to see what we needed to keep in our lives, and I was thinking about how outdoor adventure married perfectly with that. I went out and interviewed people doing specific adventures. I went and did the adventures with them. I usually had a specific idea of where that adventure would fit in to what I considered the five pillars of healthy aging. Usually, it came out completely surprised by something new. I was constantly schooled in this book, because again, it was a quest. [0:04:05] PF: Yes. Can we talk about those five pillars? [0:04:08] CP: Yes. The first four are pretty obvious. It’s we need, and we need as human beings, but they tend to fall away as we age. So, we have to be specifically cognizant that we need community. We need purpose. We need health. We need novelty. Those four things are really important as we age and they are harder to find. The last one, the one that intrigued me the most, the one that I actually started off with was we need a positive mindset about our own aging. The reason I say that is because I was interested in the messaging that we get as older women, because I had a feeling that was why these women weren't out there in the water with me are in the air with me. Because the messaging about women aging is really toxic and subliminal and insidious and we tend to believe it and the people around us believe it. It's basically that our future is one of declining cognitive health, frail bones, and increasing irrelevance. I mean, frankly, we're boring. You'll hear – I mean, I hear this from a lot of my peers who were disheartened about their own aging. We feel invisible. We feel invisible to the culture. So, I was interested in that messaging. Then, I found research that made it even more important to pay attention to because the research says that the way we look at our own aging predicts how well we age. That means negative view of aging, you actually have a significantly higher chance of a cardiac event earlier, cognitive decline earlier, and the opposite is true. If you look at your aging as a time of vitality and exploration, then you are going to be healthier, happier, and statistically, you live seven years longer. That seemed really important, and kind of mind-blowing. But the scientists had told us this, but they didn't say how to get that positive mindset. Of course, when something, how are we going to do that in the face of such difficult and disheartening messaging, and I had a feeling that the key was an outdoor adventure. [0:06:17] PF: It was, as we discover in your book. And I want to go back to what you were just talking about, and the research about how you aging affects how you age. Because it even changes your brain. Weren't you saying that in the book, it talks about the brain of a person who had negative perceptions is actually different after death than someone who had positive perceptions about aging. [0:06:39] CP: Yes, they had all those tangles and the neural ill health that signifies memory loss. I mean, they have actually shown that conversely, if you have a positive view on aging, you have a much higher chance of not turning on that AOPE4 gene that makes you more predisposed to Alzheimer's. That's pretty big. But we think it's inevitable when we see both our parents or our grandparents have Alzheimer's. We have that gene, but it's actually not. [0:07:10] PF: That is so interesting, because we just talked about the World Happiness Report last week, which came out, and one of the chapters was about well-being and dementia. It backs up everything that you talk about in your book where they had done all this research, and people who had a positive view of aging were less likely to develop dementia. At the same time, people with dementia who had a positive attitude, fared better with that dementia. It was really interesting to me to receive this report at the same time I'm reading your book because it was just like this companion research piece. I love how you bring in the adventurer. I wanted to know as I read this, it seems like you were probably always adventurous, and what about women who haven't been adventurous throughout their lives? How can they turn into someone who is a little bit more adventurous and try some of these things? [0:08:05] CP: Yes. After I did my research, I was clear that the outdoors is really good for us. So, just getting outside is super important. Because as the science shows, it's medicinal. From the tree chemicals that are emitted, to bird song, to even the architecture of like horizon lines that are soft and rounded, and the fractal nature of the outdoors is all really good for our well-being. On a biological level, it improves our immune system. It also makes it so our brain processes less noise, which makes it healthier and able to deal with what we really want to deal with. So, people who took walks outside, for instance, tested better on cognitive and memory tests afterwards. Your brain wasn't doing the busy work when it has to filter out noise, and just all this information that urban environments in the indoors, computers and stuff give you. So, I wanted them to get outside. I knew that adventure wasn't for everybody, at least my definition of adventure, which is fairly was fairly high octane. So, I wanted to talk to all different kinds of people who got outside. Among them, for instance, was I went birdwatching. Birdwatching, no one would think of as an adventurer, including me. In fact, I was kind of like, “Yes, I'm doing a book about outdoor adventure.” Then, in my head, I was like, “You're not an adventure but I'm going to include you because I wanted everybody out there.” But it turns out, and all the bird watchers already know this, that bird watching is an adventure. Because there was the quest of trying to see the bird. There was the exhilaration when you saw it. There was the physical vitality because we actually walked and I was with Virginia Rose who's actually in a wheelchair, and so she wheeled six miles. There was a physical vitality of an adventure. Basically, birdwatching had all the rhythms of an adventure and I had to – during the quest of that, was my book. One of the things that happened to me is I had to change, I'd expand my view of adventure and realize it's not about the actual action. It's about how you feel during it. So, if you're accessing your exploratory side, feeling exhilaration, pushing maybe a comfort zone, feeling physical, vital. That's an adventure. That was exciting to me. [0:10:21] PF: One thing that you talk about, and I love this, because we've talked about it on the show, is the importance of awe, and how changing that can be to even just take a walk and experience awe. Can you kind of talk about that a little bit? [0:10:35] CP: Yes. Well, it turns out another great reason why the outdoors is so healthy for us is that it's a surefire trigger for awe. Because all is that feeling that you get in the presence of something bigger. It's something that religion has used mostly, and we associated with religion. But in fact, we feel it when we look at the big sky. We look at the Grand Canyon. Of course, I felt it on some of my adventures. But it turns out, you don't have to go. I mean, it is in the presence of something bigger that you feel, but you can also access awe. You can cultivate awe. They did studies on this here in San Francisco, where the researchers asked people between the ages of 60 and 80 to go on walks, and simply look at things with childlike wonder, with fresh childlike eyes, I think is a quote. They were basically getting their participants to access awe. Then, they had a control group that just walked like we all walk, which is we ruminate and look at our phones. And they found after eight weeks that the people who were doing the awe walks had measurably different inflammatory markers. It went way down. Inflammation is a big sign of ill health. They reported feeling weightless, anxious, and depressed. And this was kind of crazy, they felt more compassion and gratitude, which makes sense, because awe is about seeing yourself in a larger picture. So, it made sense that they feel gratitude and compassion because you feel interconnected. The other thing is, is that we live in a world of anti-awe devices, especially inside. Our phone, our computer, it's all narrowing our focus, and making us seem like we have a lot of power and control. That's the opposite of awe. It's not that good for us. It gives us an inflated sense of ourselves and that's not healthy. So, awe is good for us. Getting outside is a really easy way to access awe. [0:12:25] PF: Yes, it is simple, and it's like, if you get out every day and you do it, it will absolutely change the way that you see the world. As you bring up so many times throughout the book, your mindset makes such a difference in how you age. So, as you look at how you're changing your mindset, what role does awe in developing positivity? [0:12:49] CP: Well, I mean, I think that, just because it does – one of the things they call awe is a reset button for the brain. What it does is that it changes your neural patterns. It kind of shakes them up. It kind of opens them up. You become more open to new ideas. They found more creative. And all that is really important for, well, anything in your life, but certainly for your just exploratory spirit, and your sense that there's more to do, more to access, just that openness. So, yes, awe is indispensable for our emotional well-being. [0:13:25] PF: You talked about how good it is to be out in nature. But in the book, you really drill down into the combination of nature and movement. [0:13:33] CP: Yes. Specifically, I was interested in ironically, not movement, but the brain. I wanted to know how a novelty was good for us, because I knew that one of the big things we worry about as we age is our memory. We need to keep challenging our brain. There is a sense that our brain is hardening, that we can't learn new things, and that it's probably withering away too. Well, it turns out, that's not true. The brain is highly plastic. It is laying down new neural pathways, growing new brain cells, well into older age. I don't even know if it ever stops. Even if you slow down some of the neural pathways for some reason, the brain then decides – they'll figure out how to lay different routes. It's almost like taking a different exit on the highway. I mean, the brain is amazing. So, you can continue to learn and you continue to explore. One of the things I did was I was interested in memory, because we're afraid of losing that. It turns out navigation and memory are in the same parts of our brain. So, I wanted to find someone who navigated in their outdoor sport. I found it orienteer. I went orienteering, which is basically when you race from a start line to a finish line, but you stop on checkpoints on the way that are on your map. Using your map, she called it running with a map and compass but she really call it running and thinking. [Inaudible 0:14:56]. What I found was that researched showed that if you actually are physically moving, you are more creative in your brain. Because our brain is not like a computer. A lot of great thinkers like Einstein would go on walks, and they would come up with great ideas during or after, because there is a way that they have shown that if you use your kinetic self, when you are thinking of an idea, you have a greater chance of solving it. So, an all waves movement, which is obviously important, physically is also good neurally. Also, then you feel better about yourself. [0:15:37] PF: I love that. We've become a society that's just sitting down and stuck in front of a screen and not trying to go outside and get creativity that way. We're trying to find it within. To change that – [0:15:50] CP: We’re on the Internet. [0:15:52] PF: Yes. I'll just Google that. I'll get my OpenAI and write that for me. But it is, like to be able to change that thinking, what have you seen it do either for yourself or someone else to start adopting that approach of saying, “I'm going to get up and move because I'm stuck on this problem.” [0:16:12] CP: Well, let me just say, I'll back up just a tiny bit and just say that. Back to that messaging about how we view ourselves, we have all these sort of subtle ideas about our own limitations as older women, especially because of the messaging that we get, and that's what's stopping us from going outside a lot. Because again, the messaging is about how frail and kind of incompetent we are, and boring, like I said. It's just a sense that our life is narrowing down. But what I found with the women I interviewed, especially the ones that had never gone outside before, that when they did – so, for instance, I went boogie boarding with a bunch of women in San Diego, and they were between the ages of 60 and in their 90s playing in the water. I talked to someone named Lorraine Voight. At 60, she saw these women when she was walking on the beach during the pandemic, and she thought, “Oh, they're having fun.” But she had no outdoor experience. She didn't even like the water. But it was that inflection point. It's the pandemic and she had had really tough 50s with deaths and just a lot of like reversals in her life. It was kind of a what the heck moment, probably, and she got in the water with them, and she was hooked. But not only did she love boogie boarding, she said to me, “Caroline, boogie boarding changed my life.” Now, boogie boarding is a very simple activity. That's something that kids do. I mean, you really are just – you’re just on a little floatation and just let the wave push you to shore. How could it change your life? I asked her, “How could it change your life?” She said, “Basically, look at the big cold Pacific Ocean. Look at the tumbling that happens. Look at the fun I'm having.” Basically, what she was telling me, she had up ended her own expectations of herself by simply taking those steps into the water. Because of that, it opened up all these other things about what she could do. [0:18:02] PF: I love that you bring up fun, because as adults, we tend to forget how important that is. Adventure is fun. It can be terrifying. But also, it's fun, and we need to be able to bring fun into our lives. [0:18:19] CP: Well, I looked into play, which is an actual science. I mean, people look into the benefits of play, and it's incredibly important. I mean, it's what we do to get to know ourselves better, and the people around us and community. I mean, that's what we did as kids. That's what dogs do in the dog park. You're right. It's actually a trust exercise. It's actually, obviously, you're getting physical vitality, but then there's lots of connection because there's a dance to it. Yes, play is important, and it's especially something that we lose not just as adults, but as women, because we're sort of expected to be such a certain way and trod such a particular path. Really, women are really watched a lot during their life in certain ways and judged. So, play is something that is scary for us because it's an abandon that – I say the word unruly in the book, and I think that's really apt. Unruly is an unusual way to describe women. We don't want to be described that way usually. But play is really good for us and it lets loose this sense of judgment. You don't care what other think and you're simply connecting with somebody else. [0:19:28] PF: So, as women are listening to this, and they're saying, “Oh, my God. I want to be her. I want to do that.” But there's something that holds us back. It's like, “Oh, my husband, my spouse, my kids, whatever. What will the neighbors think?” Kind of thing. How do we break out of that kind of thinking of like, “Yes, that's great. I wish I could, but I can't.” [0:19:51] CP: I've heard this a lot from people and it is hard to break out of our comfort zone. Especially, as women, we're not really taught to. I think men are often given training for very young age to kind of burst out and try new things and explore on your own and do it on your own. We are not. I did a lot of research on this for my book for girls. We are basically taught to be fearful about a lot of things at a very young age, which means we don't have that exploratory spirit, and we don't trust ourselves. Here's what I say, I say, I'm just trying to convince you how good it is for you to go outside and have an activity outside, and experience those aspects of adventure, like I said. So, if you believe me on that, you take pharmaceuticals, for whatever ails you, because you think it's going to make you feel better. There are always side effects. In fact, there's a very long list of side effects that are really unpleasant. They look like vomiting, diarrhea, don't drive ahead a vehicle. I could go on. I mean, you see them on the TV. If going outside your comfort zone or feeling a little fear, feels like something insurmountable, I urge you to think of it as just a little side effect of this incredibly health-giving pill that you're going to take. It is not only health-giving, but it's just going to open up your life in ways that I want you to tell me after you do it. Because again, as a rebuke to all the messaging you get, you find out things about yourself in the smoke without even trying. It's not like you're sitting down at a test and being like, “Now, I have to figure out about myself.” No, you're just going outside to birdwatch. That's what I just say. It's a side effect. I want you to take a small step. Do not fly a gyrocopter like I did for the book. [0:21:31] PF: But that was a great story. [0:21:33] CP: Do not BASE jump like somebody else I interviewed. Do not scuba dive like Louise Wholey who's 80. Don't do that. Take a walk with a friend. Do not learn to swim, maybe, like [inaudible 0:21:44] did. But go to the ocean and play in the side of the waves. Just push your comfort zone a tiny bit and I think it'll start to somersault as you find that – first of all, let me add one more thing, which is that every woman told me who was older than me that the 60s was their favorite decade. [0:22:02] PF: I love that. [0:22:04] CP: I know. It was unbelievable, because we're not told that. We're told that our best years are behind us. I remember my supposed best years and they were angst-filled and insecure. Now, I feel great. I enjoy everything, because I have that capacity to do it. So, we cannot let this slip by, by giving in to things like a little fear, like a little discomfort about our comfort zone. Because it's such an opportunity. It will be the best decade of your life or if you're past 60, the 70s, the 80s. [0:22:34] PF: I had an aunt who died at, she was either 96 or 97. I can't remember which. She had told me when I was younger, I was a lot like her. I tended to speak whatever was on my mind. She explained me like, “Yes, you will get in trouble. As a child, they're going to say you're insolent. As a young adult, they're going to say you're immature. As a middle-aged person, they're going to be like, we're not really sure about her.” She goes, “Once you hit 60, you can say anything you want, then now, you're the quirky fun person.” I was like, “Oh, man, so she really had me like looking forward to this.” [0:23:09] CP: We’re underestimated, and sometimes it's good to be underestimated and so – [0:23:13] PF: Exactly. [0:23:15] CP: You're invisible. Go do what you want. [0:23:17] PF: See if anyone finds out. You interviewed so many different women. You tell such great stories. One way I look at this book is as kind of like a catalogue of adventures that you could try. Like, “Oh, I never even thought about that.” I wondered if there was any single person or adventure that affected you most? [0:23:41] CP: All these women were amazing to me. I mean, I looked at women who were of different races, because I know that it's really hard for people of color to feel welcome outside. Of course, different abilities and different knowledge. Everybody amazed me. I feel like that since I mean really honestly, the chapter that was the most moving to me, of course, was writing about my own mother, who turns out was my subliminal messaging that made me blossom because I saw the way she opened up as she aged. That chapter was, of course, really important for me to write and difficult, and perhaps the most moving. [0:24:19] PF: Yes. Did you have any surprise learnings when you set out to write a book – [0:24:23] CP: Every single time. No, I came in with a swagger like, “This is an adventure.” Then, realized, when I went on a walk with a 93-year-old, just a mere walk was eye-opening and exhilarating because of the way she did it. She looked at everything. She quoted poetry while we did it. She looked at the sky, she looked at the birds. I mean, basically we went on an awe walk. I hadn't yet discovered awe, because awe discovered in this book. I did not understand that concept at all until I found it myself. But I had gone on an awe walk with dot. So, I guess I was just continually surprised. [0:25:04] PF: And as you look back on the experience of writing it, what was your biggest learning, would you say? [0:25:10] CP: Well, that, a small thing like an outdoor adventure will cover all the pillars of healthy aging. People say, but I can go to a book club, or I go to the gym, and all that is great. You got to do that too. But I'm just saying, it's to have the whole enchilada, basically, of community, purpose, novelty, vitality, and keep surprising and up ending expectations. Keep that positive mindset about your own aging. It's really an outdoor activity that will do it for you. Here's my final thing is that, with the climate chaos, we need to get out because it's disappearing. We only save what we love, as somebody said, someone very smart. So, if we begin to see just how vital the outdoors is, maybe we can save it before it's too late. [0:25:56] PF: I love that. I love that. Caroline, you have written a fantastic book. We are going to tell our listeners where they can find it. I strongly encourage them to pick it up during your 50s or up, or if you know someone, it is truly one of those books that gives so much inspiration, and even excitement about moving into the next 30 years. First of all, thank you for writing it, and then thank you for coming on the show and talking about it. [0:26:19] CP: Such an honor. Thank you, Paula. Thank you. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:26:25] PF: That was Caroline Paul, talking about how outdoor adventure improves our lives as we age. If you'd like to learn more about Caroline, follow her on social media, or buy a copy of her book, Tough Broad. Just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. While you're there, be sure to sign up for our weekly Live Happy newsletter. Every Tuesday, we'll drop a little bit of joy in your inbox with the latest stories, podcast info, and even a happy song of the week. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one.   [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: How Happiness is Changing in the U.S. With Dr. Lara Aknin [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 461 of Live Happy Now. Last week, the annual World Happiness Report was released. This week's guest is helping break down what it all means. I'm your host Paula Felps. Today, I'm talking with Dr. Lara Aknin, a distinguished professor of psychology at Simon Fraser University and one of the editors of the World Happiness Report. She's here to tell us why the US fell out of the top 20 happiest countries for the first time since the report has been published, which age group is thriving in the US, and talk about why our young people are struggling right now. She also shares some really encouraging findings about well-being and dementia, as well as how benevolence is changing worldwide. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:49] PF: Lara, thank you for joining me today on Live Happy Now. [00:00:53] LA: Thank you for having me. [00:00:54] PF: Every year, this is such a big time for us because the World Happiness Report comes out. We dig into it, and we try to cover it the best that we can. So I appreciate you sitting down and talking about it. How long have you been involved in working with the report? [00:01:08] LA: I have been involved for about five years now, back in 2019 I believe it was. My memory since COVID is a little fuzzy, but I believe it was 2019. My colleagues and I contributed a chapter to the World Happiness Report on some of the research we do regarding kindness and happiness. Then shortly after that, I was invited to join the editorial team. [00:01:28] PF: Nice, nice. Such an important report and we learn new things every year. For those who don't know, the report has certain themes it covers every year. Then it'll kind of branch out and do other subtopics every year. One thing they talked about this year was age and happiness. I wanted to know if you had any insight into why they decided to look at that topic. [00:01:53] LA: There are lots of reasons. One major one is that there's this burst of new research looking at some really interesting ideas and questions. So you'll see one of the chapters in this year's report written by Dr. Emily Willroth and her colleagues, I think, presents some of this really groundbreaking research, trying to understand not necessarily actually the predictors of happiness across the lifespan but the consequences of happiness for really important outcomes like dementia. Their chapters kind of split broadly into two parts, but one of the parts that I find so intriguing and then so excited about is how happiness or life satisfaction and well-being might be a protective factor against dementia. As a huge subset of the population is aging, all of us eventually, hopefully will. There's no known cure for dementia. This seems like one very important meaningful way in which we can intercept and perhaps improve the lives for many people. The new research is one key reason that it was – we chose to focus on this year's report on aging and happiness. But the other is the availability of data. One of the main sources, one of the incredible sources of information we draw upon for the World Happiness Report is the Gallup World Pole, which for those listeners who don't know is probably the most representative sample of planet Earth. So it's not just convenient samples drawn from wealthy nations, but it's individuals from rich and poor countries. They go out of their way to reach those who we might not be able to reach otherwise. Now, there are almost two decades worth, I believe, of data that allow us to look back and see these not only trends in happiness over time but allows us to try to tease apart some of the cohort effects from age effects, which is really exciting and promising for getting a closer look into what's going on in happiness across the lifespan. [00:03:38] PF: They touched on so many different things. As an editor, I wondered if there was anything that stood out to you about age and happiness on a global sense, as you were working on the project. [00:03:49] LA: Yes. There are a couple notable findings, and the report is so rich with so much information. I encourage your listeners to go have a look. There's so much to be seen. But two things that jump out at me that I think are kind of remarkable across the data sets and the information presented is, first and foremost, that around the world looking at global data, the happiness is highest among the young, so those under 30. Then begins to drop and remains relatively consistent over the rest of one's life. Now, that's looking at global data, which is really interesting. But get a little bit more interesting and sometimes unfortunate when you drill down into specific world regions. One that I think might be of particular interest to perhaps many listeners is that in North America, particularly in Canada and the United States, the young have started rating their life satisfaction quite a bit lower. In fact, it is one of the only world regions in the world where the young are less happy than the old. That is kind of an interesting point of complexity and intrigue and, for many, I imagine some concern. That is one fascinating finding. [00:04:54] PF: I was completely astonished to see that because in our case of people under the age of 30 in the US ranked 62nd. To put that in perspective, Russia is 68th. Young people in Russia are not that much more unhappy than young people in the US. Do we know what is driving that? [00:05:16] LA: That is a really important question. It’s a complex answer, as you might imagine. But, yes, if I can just pause and highlight what I think is so noteworthy here, which is that, yes, within the United States, older individuals, so those 16 above, are rating their lives much better. I believe there's over a 50 ranking gap between older adults in the United States compared to those under 30. There's something pretty unique going on here with the younger individuals. Why is this going on is a difficult thing to kind of parse, right? These data sets, the complexity and the size of them give us a huge snapshot of what is going on. But the challenge of that is that there are so many moving pieces. It's hard to pinpoint one exact explanatory feature. That being said, some of the authors of chapter two in the report, Dr. John Helliwell and Haifang Huang have done some deep dives to try to understand what's going on. There's a little bit of traction in understanding. In particular, what these two and their co-authors have found is that adults under 30, so Americans under 30, are reporting some interesting differences to compare to those who were 30 several decades ago, so those who were 30 in the early 2000s and up to 2010. In particular, those under 30 these days are reporting less support from their friends and family than did earlier cohorts. They're also reporting less freedom to make life choices, more stress and anxiety, but not more anger, less confidence in the government, greater perceptions of corruption. Another important one is feeling less satisfied with their living situation. I think although incomes are not necessarily especially low, I think they're stagnating relative to the cost of living. So that might be a point of frustration or stress and anxiety for some younger Americans under 30. It seems to be this cocktail of predictors that are associated with lower levels of well-being among those under 30 and different from those that were reported about a decade and a bit ago. [00:07:23] PF: At the same time, those young people are – the report shows that those young people are more benevolent. They're more altruistic, which is so interesting that they would be dissatisfied because one thing we talk about quite a bit on Live Happy Now is how – and you would know this about practicing kindness and acts of altruism. Those increase our satisfaction. That, to me, was just a striking disparity that we have this generation that's more giving, more altruistic, but they're also more dissatisfied. [00:07:56] LA: Exactly. That was going to be my other notable thing. It's always a silver lining for me. Or a really fascinating spotlight in the report is this increase, this upshoot in benevolence, especially since COVID, since pre-COVID years. You're right. Across all three metrics of benevolence that are captured in the Gallup World Poll data, which is helping a stranger, donating to charity, and volunteering. Each of these are relatively high across the board. They're higher post-COVID than they were before COVID. There don't seem to be whopping generational differences in this. If anything, we're seeing the young being equally, in most cases, benevolent across the board. They're more likely to help a stranger and less likely to donate. That might be partially because they just have lower levels of income. But you're right. Benevolence doesn't seem to be the explanatory factor. One might wonder if this is even buffering or supporting their well-being that these differences reported might be even more extreme if these weren't the actions people were taking. I just want to point out, though, that those benevolence ratings are global, and the findings that we're talking about here are within the United States. So I don't know exactly the benevolence levels within the United States, but that would be an interesting question to drill down upon. [00:09:07] PF: The report does an excellent job of parsing out this information, but what it doesn't do and intentionally is say, “Here's the cure.” We get a lot of information, and I think that's what a lot of us want to know is like, wow, if our young people are that unhappy, what is it that we can do about it? As you mentioned, there are several factors driving this, so it's not this small ship that we can just turn on a dime. As people who are not in our 30s and younger, what do we do? How do we start helping support young people and changing the way that they feel? [00:09:45] LA: That's a really important question. Like you say, I don't know if there's a perfect solitary answer to this. I think there's a lot to be considered in part because some of these may be societal changes, right? Concerns, for instance, about less freedom to make life choices and concerns about corruption and less trust in government would be hard for any caring friend or family member to interject upon and maybe change things. It's possible perhaps that there might be other pathways that are a little bit more tractable, so for instance, the support from friends and family. Interestingly, I believe some of the data suggest that these individuals are not necessarily receiving less contact, if you will, from friends and family but perhaps feel like they're not receiving enough. Or at least they're less satisfied with the support from friends and family. One perhaps avenue or strategy for support might be to have some very open conversations with the younger adults in your life and kind of see how they're doing. Perhaps find ways to offer additional support. There might be other factors. I mean, it's hard to support someone's satisfaction with their living conditions. I mean, that's not an easy way to just step in and change. Some of these may be more systematic or societal-level concerns. I’m not saying that this is out of our reach, but I think there's a lot of conversation to be had about which ways to kind of step in and support adults under 30. [00:11:09] PF: Do you think knowing this that now we are going to do that, now that we are aware of this situation is becoming more dire? Do you think there's a community starting with a scientific community that shares this information? Then are we going to start saying, okay, we need to enact some change, some real change in the world to make this better? [00:11:28] LA: I remain overoptimistic. I think one of the main thrusts and the rationales for the World Happiness Report is to present some of this leading evidence on the science of happiness to the public and also to policymakers and individuals who are concerned about the well-being of their constituents and their community members and their neighbors. The hope is that by bringing some hard science to this question to delineate and demonstrate the trends over time and shine a spotlight on those who perhaps are not thriving or doing as well as we would have hoped can direct attention to those areas. There's always a lot of discussion. There are many governments that are trying to pay attention to these well-being reports. I know many governments are starting to ask these questions regarding life satisfaction and well-being in their census data. I think that's a step in the right direction. But as you'll see in chapter I believe it's three of this year's report, which is focused on the youth, there is actually not as much data as we would like to grapple with some strong insights, especially in developing nations. A lot of the evidence is lacking, and so that raises some questions about how people who perhaps are really struggling are not even being assessed and observed. I think that we're certainly making strides, but I think we're far from perfect data and perfect insights on how to address this. [00:12:41] PF: I think that's one thing the World Happiness Report does is every year, we talk about it. Then it's in the spotlight. It's in the news. Then it kind of, uh, slips out. That’s why I love the fact that it comes out every year. It doesn't let us forget that, hey, we still have – this is an important thing. Happiness is an important indicator, and we need to be studying it, looking at it, and figuring out what's going on in our world. [00:13:05] LA: I think it's important because happiness isn't just the absence of negative emotions. It's more than that. I think there's – as chapter four in this year's report nicely illustrates, these protective factors matter a lot. It's not just this wishy-washy vague sense of well-being that we can hope for, but that it matters for some of these really consequential outcomes, even beyond the fact that we care about our own and our neighbor’s well-being. It predicts some really mean meaningful hard outcomes. I think it helps, like you say, shine a spotlight on some of these important pressing issues. [00:13:37] PF: We've talked about the not-so-great news with the young people but great news with the boomers. US is number 10 among the age group, the baby boomer age group for happiness. That's incredibly good news. That means we're doing great in terms of people, what is that, from 1964? [00:13:55] LA: Yes. I think it – yes. I think you're right. I think you're right. I think it's 1964. Yes. [00:14:01] PF: Why? Why? [00:14:03] LA: I think we know less about that. I mean, part of it is I think although objectively boomers have, I think, less in the way of social contact, I think that there is a greater satisfaction with it. That is one memory I have from reading this report multiple times. But I don't think we have never done a drill down among the older boomers in the United States or even the boomer generation just globally to figure out what is exactly the unique predictors there. What we do know is that countries that rank highly among the older boomer generation tend to be those that are ranked more highly overall but to be in the top 20 and certainly among the top 10 and 15. I think the United States is an interesting case where the happiness of the young, those under 30, is really [inaudible 00:14:48] the average ranking of the United States because these adults under 30 are reporting significantly lower levels of life satisfaction. Yes, for the first time in a number of years, the United States has dropped out of top 20. I think the boomers are what's elevating the ranking, but the young are what is dropping it down. [00:15:06] PF: That's interesting. When I first started covering this, we were at number 13. Then it was 50. It’s like – [00:15:13] LA: I mean, we don't have any measurement of this but some. It might have to do with political tensions or divisions in growing levels of income inequality but also well-being inequality that is mentioned a bit in chapter two of the report. But it is also, I think, those societal, political level factors in the United States might be contributing perhaps especially. Who knows? This remains to be tested. Perhaps might be shifting the well-being of the young or influencing the well-being of the young perhaps more so. [00:15:43] PF: Well, does what drives happiness in older populations differ from what drives happiness in younger age groups? Is that part of it at all? [00:15:52] LA: It certainly could be. I don't think chapter two includes any analyses that would answer that question specifically. I mean, many of the – because it's a global report with so much data, usually the focus is on looking for commonalities, not differences across the world but also across the ages. But I don't think there was any analysis that looked at whether, for instance, social relationships was a greater predictor of well-being amongst the old versus the young. That's a really intriguing question. There are some interesting psychological theories that might bring to bear on this question. I'm happy to mention them, but I don't know if it – they weren't tested directly in the report. So you can let me know if that's a – [00:16:31] PF: Yes, go ahead. I'd love to hear it. [00:16:33] LA: Sure. Laura Carstensen has this really fascinating theory arguing that when we're young, time seems expansive. Normally, people prioritize these kind of efforts to go out to search for unique new experiences. People prioritize having usually a diverse set of friends, a diverse set of experiences because it's all about learning and trying new things. It's like this very exploratory mindset. Then as people get older and people start to realize that time is not infinite, instead of taking this purely exploratory approach as they navigate the world, they prioritize things that are particularly meaningful and valuable and positive to them. How this matters, for instance, for predictors of happiness but also for relationships might be instead of trying to maintain dozens of different friend groups, people might prioritize these three, four individuals, these three or four networks in their lives that tend to bring them the most joy and meaning and whatever it is they prioritize. This theory suggests that the predictors of happiness may vary slightly as a function of age. Generally speaking, most people derive a lot of joy from helping others, from being with others. But who exactly are those others may differ, right? When you're 18 and starting college, that might be trying everything there is. When you're 75, that might be your closest friends. Social relationships might matter across the lifespan, but who are those contributing individuals might vary. [00:17:59] PF: That makes so much sense. To me, it was so interesting that this report really focuses a lot on age because when we look at how aging is portrayed like, “Oh, you're going to be lonely. You're going to be falling apart,” there are so many messages that's negative about aging. When you look at this report, it's really an inspirational read. It shows you that that's not what is going on. Has that actually changed, or has it just been always portrayed incorrectly? [00:18:32] LA: It's important to note it might be inspirational for folks living in North America and Australia, New Zealand, where this trend is happiness generally speaking across the lifespan is on an upward trajectory. But there certainly are world regions where the reverse is true. For instance, in Central and Eastern Europe, I believe that it's a downward trend across the lifespan. There are some notable differences across the globe. Different cultures hold aging in different regards, right? In many Eastern cultures, it's an honor. There's a lot of honor and respect for the elders, whereas that isn't necessarily true across all different nationalities and ethnicities and religious affiliations. So perhaps in North America it's kind of seen like as you get older, you're out of touch. You're falling apart. It might be a lot of negative portrayals. But I don't think that's always the case worldwide. But I agree with you. I think certainly from a North American perspective, especially Canada and the United States, the older adults are reporting their lives as much more aligned with their ideal than are the young. That is perhaps inspirational for many people who are in that generation. [00:19:39] PF: Yes, because we're all headed in that direction. We want to know it's getting better, right? [00:19:44] LA: Hopefully, it's all getting better. Yes, for sure. [00:19:47] PF: Well, there's so much in this report. What is it that you would think that is a takeaway that you hope that everybody would get from sitting down and spending some time with this report? [00:19:59] LA: Well, I think broadly speaking, I think the report does what I think and perhaps I'm very biased here, but I think it does a really great job of showcasing what I think is some of the best science on the question of happiness around the globe and some of the most cutting-edge interesting findings. Details aside for a second, I think the report, hopefully, is a nice demonstration, is a convincing demonstration of where the science of well-being is at and convinces many people that this is not a floofy self-help grounded literature but rather a hard science where people are able to self-report how they feel about their lives and how scientists can try to understand what are these correlates, and how does it track over time, and how does it differ across age and region. Many important variables that help us give some traction on perhaps how to improve the lives of others. I hope, big picture, people walk away with an understanding that this is a hard science and one that we can really sink our teeth into and try to improve the lives of many people with. I think two highlights for me in this report are, one, the benevolence finding that we talked about already. I realized that there are some mixed pictures. There’s a lot of nuance in this report. Looking across the world is always difficult with hundreds of thousands of individuals offering their take on their lives. There's so much data to dig into. Normally, just looking around the globe is complex and nuanced enough. But now to split it by age group and cohort or generation is even more nuanced. But I think the benevolence finding is one of the clearest cut across the globe, which is that there's been this increase in benevolence that it's pretty consistent across the generations. I think while many things can sometimes look a mess in this world and in people's well-being, this is one very rosy optimistic picture showing that people are in perhaps better – higher than we would assume, looking out for one another and helping their neighbors, helping their communities. The other finding that I think is really important and worth showcasing is the findings from chapter four, which is on the dementia findings I mentioned earlier, which is just how all of us are, hopefully, getting older. Unfortunately, dementia is one thing that raises significant challenges for many people who are facing these cognitive impairments. But also for their friends and their family who are trying to help these individuals be well and enjoy their lives, even with this very difficult diagnosis. I think there are some really interesting and important information to bring to bear in this year's report about how well-being and life satisfaction can be a really important protective factor for that. I just think it raises the stakes for some of the – thinking about some of this research. It's not just about feeling good, which I think is motivation enough in itself to care about our own and other’s well-being. But I think it really raises concerns about what it is we want in our communities and our societies and how we take care of each other. [00:22:48] PF: I agree 100%. This was so interesting. Lara, I appreciate you sitting down and talking with me. You really distilled a lot of great information for it. We're going to tell our listeners how they can find the report, how they can digest it. We're going to run some things on our website about it. But thank you for making sense of it for us and taking this time with me today. [00:23:07] LA: My pleasure. Thank you for the invitation. [00:23:12] PF: That was Dr. Lara Aknin, talking about findings from the World Happiness Report. If you'd like to download a full copy of the report, read additional stories about the findings, or learn more about Lara, just visit us at livehappy.com. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Live Happy Now. If you aren't already receiving us every week, we invite you to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. While you're there, feel free to drop us a review and let us know what you think. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Meet Happy Activist Will Thomas and Celebrate the International Day of Happiness [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 460 of Live Happy Now. On March 20th, we celebrate the International Day of Happiness, and that makes this the perfect time to talk to a happy activist. I'm your host, Paula Felps. Today, I'm talking with Will Thomas, who founded Good News Magazine in the midst of the pandemic to give people a break from the steady stream of negative news. What was supposed to be a one-time publication has turned into a growing media brand, and he's here to tell us how that happened. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:36] PF: Will, thank you so much for joining me for Live Happy Now. [00:00:39] WT: Thank you. I'm excited to be able to talk to you about what we're doing. [00:00:42] PF: This is a big week for us at Live Happy because it's the week of International Day of Happiness that actually happens the day after this episode airs. We've been celebrating happiness all month with a campaign we called HappyActs, where we encourage people to go out and do things for other people and build happiness in their communities. From the moment I first heard your story, I knew that I had to get you on the air as a happy activist because you embody this. You saw a need. People complain about we need good news, and you actually went out and did something about it. Tell us your story. [00:01:17] WT: We were in the direct mail shop republication business until two years ago, 2022. It was a great business. We served small businesses in Southern Milling, Tennessee. It’s a family business. Then we loved helping all those companies and had customers for 40 years. It was rewarding. Then COVID happened for a lot of businesses. Our business was under pressure in some elements on the print side. COVID, I think, made those wounds and those risks, highlighted them more. While we were still performing in most of our markets, we knew it wasn't a business we're going to be doing for another 20 years. During COVID in 2021, we had sold ads for the Lincoln County Fair magazine here in Tennessee. The fair got canceled because of COVID, and so we were like, “What are we going to do?” I mean, I guess, selfishly, we didn't want to lose the revenue. It was like – because that was a tough time for revenue, and our team came up with the idea. Well, what if we did something positive? In general, media is pretty negative, [inaudible 00:02:23] news or the 24-hour news cycle. Then during COVID, it was even worse. Everybody seemed worried about things. It just felt all this negative pressure. So we came up with the idea in Lincoln County to feature 20 people in a magazine to tell their stories, how they're positively impacting the community. We did that, published that magazine that fall, and had great feedback from people about the quality of the content and the purpose of it. Six months later, we converted one of our direct mail shoppers to a monthly, and we call it Good News, Good News Magazine. Of course, we know Good News is a generic type term, and it's not – you can't trademark that name for a magazine or anything like that. But we went with that name because we felt like that 100% embodied what we wanted to do. From a reader perspective, I mean, the stories that our team has told and the feedback we've had has been great and definitely the fuel to keep us going. [00:03:21] PF: Because of that response, you ended up not just doing it in that single market. You have now expanded into other markets. I'm an old print person. I'm not that old, but I'm a print person. That's what my background was. We know that starting a print magazine right now, a lot of people would say, “What are you thinking?” But this is working for you. So can you talk about how it is now? It’s spilling over. You're doing other markets that you're entering into. [00:03:45] WT: Right. Yes. Early on when we first launched, so we have eight markets now. Five markets we had direct mail shoppers in, so we had some relationships to help in those markets. Then our three newest markets are Bowling Green, Kentucky; Lebanon, Tennessee, and then Lynch, Virginia. I'm excited about all three of those markets. They’re great communities. I'm proud of the content we put out, both editorial and photography. Then the layout is great. [00:04:10] PF: How do you go about finding the stories because it blows me away? Your magazines are how many pages? It's not like a little 32-page magazine, right? [00:04:18] WT: No, no, no. I think the minimum page count we're running right now would be 64. Around 60, 64 pages is the minimum. The stories, from day one, we've wanted them reader-generated. It's reader-generated, community-generated stories. We have publishing partners in all our markets who are the face of the magazine. It's really – they're in the community. It's their magazine for their community, and they look for stories. When they're talking to people in the community, they're always asking. We have this theme coming up. Do you know anybody that's really made a difference in the community we should tell a story on? Then each month, each magazine has six stories. Each year, we're telling 72 stories about people that have made a difference. It doesn't mean we can't tell a story about the flower shop across the street, but we wouldn't tell it about the business entity. We would tell it about the lady that works in the flower shop and the impact she's had on whatever her passion is to give back. It’s been real cool. We've created a pretty loyal readership audience of people that get the magazine because it is unique. Especially in the communities we're in, Bowling Green has a TV station. So they have a little bit bigger media presence in that market. But still, there's nobody in the market addressing the void that we're filling. Or there's very few people in any market doing it. I definitely don't think they're doing it at the quality we are because even – and you've seen the final piece. It's a magazine you put on your coffee table or nightstand, and you let it sit there. It's not something you're going to recycle as soon as you get done reading it. [00:05:50] PF: It's so interesting because you learn things about people in your community you didn't know they were doing. You learn things that are going on that – because in addition to the six profiles on people, you have other stories. Can you talk about your other sections that you have in there? You give other value to the readers as well. [00:06:10] WT: We have a theme each month. They change a little bit year after year, but it's one pretty straightforward to be like an education theme. We focus on educators or first responders. We have veterans. I think one of the ones that's been the most popular is in February, we have one about love. It’s about focus on couples and their life together. That's been cool. To your point, we're telling stories of people that they're the fabric of what makes the community great, but no one's ever told their stories. That's what's cool. I mean, it's a very micro thing, right? We're not – it's not macro and it's definitely hyper local type of content. But for the community, there is no better content because those people are the ones that have made the community great. [00:06:57] PF: Right. With newspapers these days, with them being so large, and they have a section that covers a certain area, a certain community. The way that community is going to get covered is usually not because something good happened. That's not where it comes out. So I would think it kind of changes how people see their community. If they can sit down every month and they're reading all these positive stories of great things people are doing, it takes away that sense of like, “Oh, my God. The world's going to hell in a handbasket.” [00:07:27] WT: Right, I agree. I think the whole newspaper mentality was if it bleeds, it relieves. It’s kind of – that might be back in the seventies and eighties. But that was kind of the mantra. That’s the opposite of what our mantra is. That kind of goes back to what you're saying about you hear these stories you never heard of before. It makes you feel good about the place because you didn't know Sally down the road was making that difference. Or I volunteered that long at the soup kitchen. And same for me, I grew up in the market I'm in today. God, I mean, most of the stories we tell, if I even kind of knew the person, I sure didn't know the story that we've told. [00:08:03] PF: How has it changed you as the publisher to be working in such a positive space? I know, for me, working with Live Happy, it has changed the lens through which I see the world. Now, you're getting to find. You are constantly discovering the good in people. What's that been like for you? [00:08:23] WT: I've always probably leaned toward being an optimist glass-half-full-type person. Before Good News, I guess it was more selfish. It was about our company and about my success and our company's success. What's cool about the Good News is, and you could call this selfish, but it's cool because now our success hinges on telling and making the community, telling positive stories and making the community better. It’s kind of cool that that's what we're putting our effort toward versus trying to make money. We love capitalism and business and trying to figure out how to make money, but the approach that we're able to do it now definitely makes it a little bit more peaceful, if you will, with the type of work we're doing. I mean, because it's gratitude. You're constantly looking at things that make you thankful, which is cool. [00:09:10] PF: It's more of a movement that you've created versus a machine that you're trying to feed. I think that really helps. I think people feel that, too. They receive that. When you look at your magazine, yes, we know it's a business venture but heartfelt. That's the only way I can describe the stories that are in it. They're very heartfelt. So kudos to your editorial team as well. They are very engaged in their storytelling. It feels like each one was written by somebody's son or daughter because it's like that's how much they care. That’s how much praise they have for that person that they're talking to. [00:09:42] WT: Right. One of our head photographers told a story at a company huddle a couple of months ago about one of the things we do in our company huddles is one teammate each month will tell what a typical day is like, just trying to help everybody in the company understand what that person does. She was just talking about the impact, and she didn't realize this when she first joined the team, the impact of the photography that she'd be doing and hearing these people's stories, how impactful it is on her and kind of emotional. Our writers are the same way. We've had a couple that have been with us from day one with the product, and they love what they do, which is great to lead that type of team that's so passionate. It makes my job a lot easier. I don't have to get them passionate. They're just passionate about the product. Yes. They've done a great job. You're right about the content side. I wish I could take more credit for that side, but I really have to give that all to the content team because they've really driven that. [00:10:33] PF: I remember years ago, a mentor told me a good story will always find its audience. That really seems to be what's happening with good news because I think it is. It's going to find its audience, and there is such a need. There's such a desire for positive news, to hear the good in the world. You're doing such a great job of just putting that right in their mailbox. [00:10:54] WT: Our magazines, all stories that are in there are about a person. I said that a little bit earlier, but it's not about a person that put on a gala and about all the people that attended that event. The stories about how people have made a difference and impact on some segment of their community, which is really completely different than anything even that newspapers used to have. The misnomer would be that we're telling good news, and maybe the city's putting in a new gym set for the community. Well, that story would not make it in good news. The story that would make it in good news would be the lady that has been trying to raise money for 20 years because when she grew up, this playground had an impact on her life. Now, she's trying to give back. That maybe would be a story we could tell. I do think we have a – or there is a niche there and definitely an itch we’re scratching in all communities that we're serving. [00:11:48] PF: I would say so. We are going to tell people how they can find you, how they can learn more about you. In the meantime, what do you really want people to take away from this? What do you want people to know about Good News? [00:11:59] WT: I think more for themselves is to find the good in their own communities. I think it's so easy to be negative and pessimistic. But when you live in this country, I think first that it gives you some appreciation when you see what goes on in other parts of the world. Then when you look locally, there's a lot of good and positive things. Just try to focus on the positive a little bit more versus the negative. [00:12:22] PF: That was Will Thomas talking about Good News Magazine. Now, we're bringing in Live Happy's own Laura Coppedge and Casey Johnson to talk about how you can celebrate the International Day of Happiness. Laura and Casey, thank you for joining me today. [00:12:37] LC: Thank you for having us, Paula. [00:12:39] CJ: Yes, thank you. [00:12:40] PF: Well, it's always a treat to get in the same room with you, even if we're not actually in the same room, but we're on the same screen. It's always fun to get together and talk about what we're doing. What we're doing right now is, of course, the International Day of Happiness tomorrow. I wanted to talk to you. Both of you are pros at this, your experience at celebrating. So I wanted to find out how each of you like to celebrate International Day of Happiness. Casey, we'll go alphabetically. We'll start with you. [00:13:08] CJ: All right, yes. Gosh, I can't believe we've been celebrating this for 10 years. That's amazing. I love it. Yes, I mean, the way that I celebrate, I mean, obviously, I have a happiness wall. I keep it simple over at my house. I just print the one that we have on our website. My partner and I will just fill it out. I also like to do just simple actions. I don't think it has to be like extravagant to make a difference. I'll start my day off just sitting outside, getting in the right mindset. Then I'll try to do something nice for someone else, whether it's a friend, family member, or stranger. [00:13:43] PF: I love that. How about you, Laura? [00:13:45] LC: We actually ended up kind of making it a tradition at our house. Just to give listeners a little background, Paula and I actually met on the International Day of Happiness the first time we did that at Live Happy 10 years ago. [00:13:56] PF: Ten years ago. It's our anniversary, Laura. [00:13:59] LC: It’s our friendiversary. [00:14:01] CJ: Now, that's a happy act. [00:14:02] PF: There it is. [00:14:03] LC: Which was an awesome thing. That is probably one of the best things that has come out of the International Day of Happiness for me is some of the friendships I formed, so love that. But I think it was the second year that we were at Live Happy, and we did an interaction at work where we made the happiness rocks, where we painted on the rocks, and we went and distributed them, which has positive messages on them. I don't think I did it that year with the kids. The third year with the kids, we did that at home and put them out in our neighborhood. The kids are teenagers now, but we've been doing that every year. It’s just always been – I think it probably means something a little different to them now. It was more like hide and seek when they were little kids. Now, they get that they're doing it kind of for younger kids or people. It was a really big thing for us, and it was fun to do right after the pandemic hit. It's a wonderful thing that we've kind of kept going. [00:15:07] PF: When I was still in Nashville, there was an organization that would do that. They'd collect rocks, and they'd paint them positive messages. Then you would just be – I'd be walking my dog and just find these rocks in various places around the neighborhood. I thought that's really cool. Love that. It just makes you smile. [00:15:22] LC: I think with HappyActs, it's just a positive thing. Not just a positive thing with an intention. It’s nice. [00:15:30] CJ: [inaudible 00:15:30] moments of joy. [00:15:32] PF: Exactly. It doesn't take much. [00:15:33] CJ: Little moments. [00:15:34] PF: It doesn't take a lot. Then it really changes the trajectory of somebody's day, including your own. [00:15:41] LC: It might change the trajectory of multiple people's days. [00:15:43] PF: That’s true. [00:15:44] LC: That whole like how it's supposed to expand and grow [inaudible 00:15:47]. [00:15:49] CJ: The ripple effect. [00:15:51] PF: 100%. We are rippling out with some new things going on this year. Laura, you mentioned the happiness walls that we've done for several years and have always had a great time with those, getting people to write on these walls how they're going to share happiness. This year, I know Deb touched on it when we had her on the show a couple weeks ago. But explain to us the digital wall and how people can jump on there and be part of this and use it as part of the celebration for the International Day of Happiness. [00:16:20] LC: I mean, first off, I know that sometimes I find that I go and I see news and I just realize that I'm getting down. I mean, the first thing that you can do is just if you need a pick me up, go and look at it. It's livehappy.com/wall. It's pulling in HappyActs from social media posts, not only things that we've posted about but things that are – anybody in the public that is aware of our thing can just hashtag HappyActs from their social media accounts, and that'll pull into the wall. Also, there's a QR code directly on the digital screen, where you can just scan the QR code and post right to the wall. What we're saying is it doesn't have to be something you've done because some people have a hard time being like, “I've done this thing.” It’s something that maybe had been done for you that day or a week before or maybe something that you've thought about for years and years, some of those little things that just changed your outlook or changed your day. [00:17:21] PF: I love this digital wall. It's so refreshing. You can just – every time you look at it, it's something new, and there's new acts on there and new things to do. Then, of course, if people run out of ideas, they can download our calendar. Casey, that's where you come in. You do such a fantastic job with this. Every year, you create our 31 Days of HappyActs and come up with some really innovative things that we can do to make our world a happier place. Talk to us about the downloadable calendar. [00:17:49] CJ: Well, first of all, thank you for that. It's definitely a team effort. Yes, this 31 Ideas for HappyActs, you can download it at livehappy.com/happyacts, first of all. It's free, and it's a great way to get inspired and follow along. We have a new happy act each day in March. It's just such a fun and easy way to focus on those positive acts and just get people engaged in an activity that is part of a global movement. [00:18:16] PF: You also have some cool stuff going on in the store. [00:18:19] CJ: Yes. All month long, people can save 20% off with code HappyActs 20 at checkout. We have the encouraging sticky notes, some Live Happy classic T-shirts. We have our Live Happy Now tie-dye T-shirt, which is one of my faves. Lots of fun stuff on the store right now. [00:18:38] PF: That's excellent. For both of you, what do you hope that people will do this International Day of Happiness? How do you hope it'll land with them, and what can they do to make it meaningful to them and to those around them? [00:18:53] LC: International Day of Happiness is just a really kind of cool thing. Not only do we look at what's going on in the world. But what's going on in our own little lives and the things that we can do to make the people that are closest to us just a little bit more positive throughout the day? If it's a hug, if it's a kind word, if it's holding the door, if it's a wave and a smile, I mean, it can change the way you feel day-to-day. [00:19:21] PF: Right, right. You never know what that person is going through, what it's going to do for somebody else, and how much they need that. I want to share a story real quick. A friend of mine, we've had him on the show. That's how he became a friend. His name is Greg Kettner. He has an initiative called WorkHappy. He's very good about posting on Facebook and Instagram just thoughtful messages like, “You matter to me.” Things like that. He's very intentional about it. He had shared with me that he had posted that exact sentiment. He had posted you matter to me. Someone reached out to him and said that they had actually been in the process of creating a plan to end their life because they thought nobody cared. They opened up their social media feed, and the first thing they saw was Greg's post, you matter to me. To Greg, it was just something that he does every day. I mean, he means it, but he had no idea what effect that was going to have. I love that story because we don't know. You don't know how your goodness is going to affect somebody and how it can change their day, their plan, their whole outlook on life. [00:20:28] LC: I love that. You're going to make me tear up. [00:20:30] CJ: Me, too. Where are the tissues? [00:20:33] PF: Casey, what about you? What do you hope that people take away from this? I think people need to know that both Laura and Casey are so invested in making this day happen and making this month really come to fruition and put a lot of effort into it. Casey, you especially really roll up your sleeves on this at this time of the year. What do you hope people get out of that? [00:20:53] CJ: My takeaway is bringing it back to the theme this year, bringing the world together. We see so much negativity, and I just hope that these simple actions, I mean, they really are so easy. I just hope that they can make a bigger impact, whether that's internal, external. I really think it all starts with making a difference in your community and your backyard. It’s that ripple effect. I think it just expands from there, so I just really hope that HappyActs can help bring the world together. We need it now more than ever it feels like. [00:21:26] PF: We do. Very well said. Again, we want everyone to check out the website, livehappy.com, because we have all kinds of resources there that they can download. They can learn about HappyActs. They can listen to other podcasts. There are so many things that they can do. We just look forward to seeing them online. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:21:47] PF: That was Laura Coppedge and Casey Johnson, talking about HappyActs and the International Day of Happiness. If you'd like to visit our digital wall or download your own HappyActs calendar, visit us at livehappy.com and click on HappyActs. If you want to learn more about Will Thomas and Good News Magazine, you can also find that at livehappy.com when you click on our podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Celebrate International Women’s Day With Amber Olson Rourke [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 458 of Live Happy Now. During March, we're not only celebrating our happiness month, but it's also Women's History Month, and March 8th is International Women's Day. That means it's a perfect time to talk about how women can help empower and support one another. I'm your host Paula Felps. Today, I'm talking with Amber Olson Rourke, an award-winning marketing executive, mom, and Co-Founder of the direct sales company, Neora. Amber, who is also co-host of the Built to Win Podcast, is passionate about empowering women to step into their full potential and reach for more than they think is possible. Today, she's here to talk about how we can look for opportunities to support one another and how that can change the world. Let’s have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:50] PF: Amber, welcome to Live Happy Now. I'm so happy that you're able to join us. [00:00:54] AOR: I am so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. [00:00:58] PF: Well, this is the perfect time to talk to you. It is Women's History Month. We've got International Women's Day in just a couple of days. What the listeners may not know is I do some work with you on your Built to Win Podcast. What shines through so much on that is your passion for supporting and empowering other women. This is the perfect time to get you on the show and talking about that. I wanted to find out, first of all, how you discovered that calling. [00:01:25] AOR: That's a great question. I think when you're trying to really fine-tune what it is that you feel called to do, I think that the experiences give you clues if you're really listening and paying attention to them. For me, it started all the way being on the receiving end of those situations. With growing up, my mom has always really liked going to women's workshops and whether they were women conferences or workshops. I would attend with her. Even though the majority of the people would be adults, I would be there kind of listening and in the experience. I just always felt very fulfilled. My cup was filled through those experiences. Then as I started getting older, I started being asked to be on the presenting side and helping teens with self-confidence, self-image issues, mentorship programs, even through Big Brothers Big Sisters. I did that right out of college and became a big to a little girl. At first, it wasn't really in my career. It was more just things in the community and things that I was doing. Then I just really found that when I was in a situation where I could be able to pour into another person, specifically another woman, I really felt so just full of excitement and light and that kind of those nudges led me to a path where that's a big part of my career now. [00:02:48] PF: It's interesting because you've been very successful in your business. You've built a business. A lot of times, when someone does that, you get away from your roots. You get away from being able to do that. Your time is so compressed. You're also a mother to three girls, and you got a lot going on. So what is it that's so important that makes you keep that as a pillar of what you do and who you are? [00:03:16] AOR: I think it's just, for me, it's where I feel like I can make the most impact and the thing that I am able to give as my gift. I really try to focus on delegating the other things that other people can help me do because you can't do it all. Everyone has a great support system around them, whether that's at home or at work or that you can build. People generally I found are always willing to help, but I think a lot of people kind of get in their own way of the pride of not asking for the help of like, “I can't be everywhere. I can't do everything.” I try and focus my time on where I'm going to make the most amount of impact. For me, this is a part of it is pouring into and developing other leaders, other women that can then go on and do bigger and better things. [00:04:06] PF: I love that because you found a way to work it into your business world and make it part of your business initiative. Can you kind of talk about that, like how that personal development is such a powerful component when you bring it into the workplace? [00:04:19] AOR: Yes. I think that for us, it has been one of our “secrets” to our success is really our investment in the people that we work with. That's our competitive advantage, both in our home office, which we have over 100 employees. Then we have over tens of thousands of independent contractors that are basically like micro entrepreneurs. Anytime you're doing something like entrepreneurial, something out on your own, you're going to go through an entire journey of ups and downs and self-discovery and everything in between. To be able to navigate that, you have to invest in yourself because that is going to be the common factor, right? That's going to be there in different economic times, all different kinds of things that are going to happen. The one thing that remains constant is that you are always going to be there. So if you don't develop yourself, it doesn't really matter what's happening externally. You can never really get past yourself. You're kind of your own limiting ceiling, if you will. We really believe if you can help people lift the lid of what they're capable of doing and what they believe they're capable of doing, you can get a lot accomplished. That's really why we make such an investment in our people in personal development and bringing that kind of information to everyone that we work with. [00:05:41] PF: How do you see women change when they're learning these principles and they are getting support? It’s not just that you support them. It's the other women on their teams, the other women around them. It becomes an entire culture of people supporting one another. How does that change their lives? [00:05:57] AOR: It's really powerful because I think women specifically, like I mentioned, I think have a harder time asking for help and working on those things that they might. They don't just know automatically. For people to be able to start gaining confidence in areas that they maybe have never tried learning that skill set and then seeing that they can do it and seeing that they can do much bigger things than they ever thought possible, it acts as kind of like – I think of it as like a candle. You light your flame, and then you're able to pass that candle on and light someone else's flame. For some people, I think women, especially, they can feel like selfish almost. I'm trying to become the best me, and that somehow feels selfish. If I become the best me, that doesn't mean I'm taking away from being a mother, being a wife, working. It actually makes me be able to show up more fully to all of those rules. It's not a selfish endeavor. I view it as completely the opposite. You're able to be more selfless. You're able to give more of yourself when you're pouring into yourself, right? We all heard that you can't pour from an empty cup, and I believe that's really true emotionally for women. When you see somebody put in the time, put in the effort, put in the work to light their own flame, so to speak, and now they're kind of burning brightly, it almost gives permission to everyone else around them that they can do the same. That it's okay to burn bright. That it's okay to take up space in the room. That it's okay to be incredibly gifted and proud of that. I think that that is something that women struggle with more is burning bright, taking up that space in the room, and being unapologetic about it. Not in an egotistical way but like I'm here to serve and give and help others do the same thing. Once you see that happen, you start seeing the ripple effect of the women around them start fully kind of taking their own light and making it brighter. [00:07:51] PF: You're correct that that is such a hard lesson for women to learn, whether it's the culture that has told us that, our parents that have told us that. There's just so many messages that I need to take care of everyone else first and not myself. How much work does it take within your company to really get people to understand and make that mind shift to embrace the idea of I'm going to support myself, I'm going to rise up, and I am going to burn brightly? [00:08:20] AOR: Personal development, personal growth, it's a never-ending journey. I don't think you arrive at this destination where you're like, “I –” [00:08:26] PF: It’s not like a board game where it’s like, “Yay.” [00:08:28] AOR: Yes. I've learned it all. I've won the game. I think it just evolves because what's interesting is that I see as you develop skill sets, it allows you to get to this next level where you're taking on bigger challenges. Then you get to this next level. That presents different challenges than the ones that you just solved for. As you rise up, you're just solving different more challenging problems, which is great because you can continue to learn. I think my experience, once people see the fruits of their labor, so to speak, in terms of they did the work, and they're showing up more confidently, and they see how that does positively impact their family and does positively impact the people around them, it starts gaining momentum into something that they don't want to stop. They're seeing how it can absolutely allow you to be a better friend, mother, employee, whatever it is that you want to become better at. [00:09:27]   FT: How do you think that helps when they're weathering things like the pandemic? We’ve got a lot of divisiveness going on in the world today. [00:09:34] AOR: A lot. [00:09:35] PF: A lot of turmoil. What difference do you see in how they handle that when there is this sense of unity and this sense of support? [00:09:44] AOR: That's a great question. I think when you come from a mindset that is based in the impact that you want to make, and it isn't fear-based because I believe that a lot of what we have lived through the last three years is all fear-based kind of environment of what possibly could go wrong and what – people get stuck in that, and then it becomes really hard to get unstuck out of that. When you can approach things not just with like a Pollyanna everything is fine outlook because there is and was significant challenges in today's environment, but you can view it from the lens of I see that, I understand those challenges, and what is the impact that I personally want to make, and what is one step that I can take towards that impact. I think people get overwhelmed by I personally can't solve all of these issues. Yes, no one can. But you can show up in a way where you're taking a step, and you're taking steps that are going to make a positive impact in the direction that you would want things to go. That's true in a microcosm of your marriage, your job. It's also true at a macrocosm of your city, your state, your country. It matters. It matters how we choose to show up and how we choose to view those situations. I do think being surrounded by like-minded people who see it that same way and are committed to making their positive contributions really helps you have a bigger kind of sense of hope and fortitude in humanity than you would see on the news. [00:11:23] PF: Absolutely. You talked, too, about having daughters. You got three little girls. What I love is they're being brought up believing this way. So many of us have a disadvantage because we become adults, and then we start figuring this out. When you're raising daughters to support one another, to believe in themselves, and to believe in their ability and the ability of the other women around them, how does that change what our future looks like if they can grow up believing that and knowing that? [00:11:56] AOR: I think it is so powerful, and I think everyone one has that ability to put their children in those circumstances. Or even if they're not physically there, there are so many powerful women today that are CEOs that are doing really important work in medical field and scientific field, all of these different things. You can just look up those stories and tell them to your kids because kids can only imagine to the degree of which what we show them. That doesn't necessarily have to be what you're specifically doing, but it's about creating that environment that teaches them that they can be anything that they want to be. I see it, for sure, in my girls. One of my repeating message to them is we can do hard things. When they tell me of a challenge, my response is to say, “I hear that. I appreciate that. That does sound hard.” But we can do hard things, and I want them to develop that resiliency. They see me speak from stages. They see me do a lot of things. Now, on their list of what they want to be, it's, “I want to be a CEO in charge. I want to do big things,” which I love. I love that that is in their mindset from a young age, that that's possible. Whether they end up wanting to do that or not doesn't really matter, but I want them to know it's possible for the taking. [00:13:16] PF: Absolutely. I love that. I love that. I do see that with a lot of young children that I know now that are in my circle that they're growing up, and they don't see the limitations because they're being raised by women like you who have already overcome the limitations. To the girls, those obstacles don't even really exist. [00:13:37] AOR: Right. [00:13:38] PF: I love that. [00:13:39] AOR: I think that's so important because I think if you operate as if the obstacles do exist, you can almost create them. You can almost walk into a room or walk into your first job thinking that there are doors that aren't open to you that maybe really are. But you've been taught that they aren't. Just assuming that they are is like half the battle, I believe. [00:14:03] PF: Yes. That's a fantastic way to look at it. One thing that reality TV would tell us, and I've had women tell me this, is women aren't there for each other. If you watch Real Housewives and whatever, you're going to believe that. What do you say about that? When you hear someone say like, “Women, you've got to watch their back because they're competing with you. They’re not your friend,” how do you manage that kind of a situation, and what do you say to that? [00:14:34] AOR: That has not been my experience in my career. Again, I would say that how is that belief serving you? That's always what I think about if it's a belief that I'm holding is like how does that help you to believe that. The irony is if you do believe that, in your gut, your soul, that's your belief, you will find that evidence, right? Kind of almost create that environment for yourself. I will say that in my journey, there's definitely been women who tried to tear me down. But there's been more men that have tried to tear me down. It's just people. There's just those types of people that exist in the world that don't support you. But you get to choose if you keep those people close to you. I assess really quickly if somebody is somebody that is going to not cheer. Cheers louder when you fail than when you succeed. Then they don't get my time and my energy. The community that I have around me now is just filled with women who cheer for each other and support each other and really rocks for each other to help each other grow and win together because there's plenty of light and space for every single one of us. It doesn't have to be a competition. [00:15:52] PF: Right. You've built that environment. For someone who's working in an environment that's not like that, how can they work through competitive environment and try to become more collaborative, try to get support going within their own little network? [00:16:09] AOR: It sounds cheesy, but I think that the change you want to see always starts with you. You can decide to be that kind of woman or supporter, and find somebody that you connect with in the office, and take them to lunch, and talk about how can I help be of support to you. How can I help you in your career goals and share where you're going with them? It can start just with that one relationship that develops, where you're both trying to help each other achieve and help each other grow. In my experience, it kind of grows organically from there. You'll find more of your own people, people that see things the same way as you. It's never going to be everybody because we're dealing with people. There's always going to be people who aren't that way, but you can definitely develop a large enough system of people to help you feel supported. [00:17:02] PF: Absolutely. What are some of the things we can do to support other women? [00:17:06] AOR: I would say verbalizing your support and your kudos. It's like if somebody at your church service stands up and does a great prayer, go and tell them. Speak that truth into them because I think women struggle a lot with confidence that whatever they just did isn't good enough. Just going and saying, “Thank you so much for sharing. You did a great job.” Or you see somebody give great service at a store. Telling them, “You were really made for this. You give such great service. You brought a smile to my face.” Offering that. I think sometimes people view like if they give out compliments, it somehow takes away from themselves. If you shine the light on someone else, it dims your light. I found the opposite. Give it out freely and your light shines even brighter. I think you can do that in just day-to-day interaction. Tell other women when you see them doing a great job. Also, you can do it online because I tell a story about where there was this amazing picture of Carrie Underwood on social media. I never stop and look at comments, but she look fabulous, perfect body, amazing talent. I went to check the comments, and most of them were negative and judgmental about her looks or her talent or what she should wear or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It goes on and on. It’s like I don't even know what these people do with their time, but it's like you can be the opposite voice. You can be like – to someone you just kind of barely even know that you're friends with on social media, and they share something that you think probably might have been scary for them to share. They share a new business venture. They share that they're going to do something out of their comfort zone. Be in their corner. Just verbalizing your support goes way, way further than you would probably think. You might think they don't care what you have to say. Your support, no matter how well you know them or not, absolutely bolsters their confidence. [00:19:07] PF: That is such a fantastic point to bring up because it's something we don't do enough and when you see how people respond to it. For me, that kind of is a dopamine hit, just to see people react. I think people aren't used to getting complimented that much. When you do, even as you said, it can be something small and the way that they light up. It’s like I just handed them money. It’s such a boost. You think about how good you feel when someone notices something you did. It's like, yes, we should all be walking around doing that all day every day. [00:19:42] AOR: Right, yes. Scanning for people that you can encourage just with your words, it's so easy. It's free. It's simple. [00:19:50] PF: Exactly. It changes because you change that person's day, how that's going to change their next interaction. [00:19:56] AOR: Right. The ripple effect is huge. It really is. [00:19:58] PF: Exactly. Exactly. That’s one great way to support. Another thing and I know you are big on this, I don't want to let you go without talking about that, and that's mentorship. Can you really dig into why it's so important for someone who has achieved things, who understands personal development? Why is it so important and almost a responsibility to become then a mentor to others? [00:20:24] AOR: Yes. I think that kind of twofold. I think there's a couple reasons why people – everybody needs a mentor, right? Some of it is just that you can't see the full picture yourself. No human can see kind of 360 degrees. We all have blind spots. We all have things that we bring our own kind of past experiences to. To be able to have someone who can see whatever you're walking through, whatever you're trying to grow through from a third-party lens is really powerful. I've had some of my biggest breakthroughs of what was actually holding me back that I would never have been able to got to by myself because I was kind of already so stuck in whatever I was on, the hamster will in your mind about. Having that mentor relationship, somebody that you trust enables you to get much further than you would go by yourself and remove roadblocks that you might not even know that were there, didn't know how to remove. I think it's also somebody that can help you think bigger and challenge you to think bigger. For those reasons, you kind of turn it back around of why it's so important. It’s that being a mentor to somebody. I think the word maybe sounds a little intimidating like, “I'm not a mentor. I'm not qualified to do that.” But it really just means that you're going to show up for that person, and be in their corner, and support them, and challenge them to think bigger, and to give them kind of the truth and love when you see that of what might be holding them back, and make connections for them, and make introductions for them, and be the first to comment on their posts about their business or whatever it is. You don't have to necessarily be uniquely qualified to do that. Anybody can do that. It's like somebody that's gone the way already that can turn around and help somebody else go that same way. It is really meaningful because when you're trying to do something big, you will get knocked down. I think one of the biggest predictors of if you get back up is if there's somebody there putting their hand out to say, “Come on. Let's go. You got this.” People need that. I think if you're to the point where you're on the right track or on the journey of success that it's a responsibility to turn around and help others do that same thing and help them get back up when they need you. [00:22:50] PF: It also provides you with reinforcement. It reminds you. Doesn't it also – it's like, “Oh, my gosh. I remember being in that state.” It gives you such a state of gratitude of like, “Oh, I remember overcoming that obstacle. I remember what that was like.” I think it does kind of serve just such a great teaching reminder for us when we're doing that, too. [00:23:10] AOR: Absolutely, absolutely. [00:23:12] PF: As we head into International Women's Day, what do you want women to know? How do you want them to approach this and maybe use this as a day to actually observe it and start taking on some sort of a practice to support someone else? [00:23:26] AOR: That’s a great question. I would say, kind of going back to what you're talking about, maybe think of some women in your life that deserve some kudos and some recognition. Give them a shout-out. Send them a message about how they are inspiring you and how they show up in their life. Or give their business a shout-out on your social media about how that they've inspired you with what they're accomplishing and what they're putting out into the world. I think that there's – it's a great day to kind of have that reflection point of the people that you can show up for in that moment and support. Then thinking about are there women that you work with or that are in your community or are in your clubs, churches, whatever that might be? Is there someone that just connects with you that you think about when you think of that that you could reach out to and lend a supporting hand to? Maybe that just drops into your mind a name of like, “Oh. When we were talking through this, that person's name –” I would say that's never an accident when those names pop into our head, that there's a reason that they did. Thinking of even just one person that you could reach out to and say, “I love what you're doing. How can I support you?” At the end of the day, we all rise together. I think it's a great kind of month and day to think of how you can be a part of helping other people rise. [00:24:55] PF: I love it. Amber, thank you so much for coming on the show. We're going to tell everybody how they can check out your podcast, how they can follow you on social media, how they can learn more about you. I really appreciate you sitting down and sharing your insight with us. [00:25:09] AOR: Well, thank you so much for having me on. It's been super fun. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:25:16] PF: That was Amber Olson Rourke, talking about how women can better support one another. If you'd like to learn more about Amber, follow her on social media, or listen to the Built to Win Podcast, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. While you're there, be sure to sign up for our weekly Live Happy newsletter. Every Tuesday, we'll drop a little bit of joy in your inbox with the latest stories, podcast info, and even a happy song of the week. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Take an Inner Field Trip With Leesa Renee Hall [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:01] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 449 of Live Happy Now. If you're looking for an adventure to start the new year, why not take an Inner Field Trip? I'm your host, Paula Felps, and today I'm sitting down with Leesa Renee Hall, a mental health wellness advocate and author of the Inner Field Trip Workbook, which helps us explore what drives us, what oppresses us, and to recognize our personal biases. Armed with that information, Leesa says, we can change the way we move through the world and transform our relationships, which seems like a great way to start the year. Let's find out more. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:38] PF: Leesa, Happy New Year. [0:00:40] LRH: Happy New Year, Paula. Thank you. [0:00:43] PF: It is. It's a shiny, brand-new year. We're all excited about that. We wanted to kick it off with you, because you've got this terrific workbook that really helps us explore a lot of things inside. This is a time when people are looking at new beginnings, and your workbook fits so well into that. To get started, tell us what an Inner Field trip is. [0:01:06] LRH: The Inner Field Trip, it's a way to go internal within, and ask yourself those deed questions about the internalized messaging that you have, that you hold, that you've been socialized to believe that hinders your personal growth. The way I conceptualize the Inner Field Trip, I'm a hiker, I hike all the time. The way I conceptualize the Inner Field Trip is like a hike. We go, we hit the trail, and we go along a rugged, rocky terrain, get to the lookout, and then circle back to the trailhead. The Inner Field Trip is similar to that, but instead of going and driving to a trail and trudging along the rugged terrain, instead we go inner, internal, and we traverse our internal rugged terrain, and see what sights and sounds are along the way. [0:02:03] PF: What's so interesting is a lot of times, even if we think we know ourselves, we might be surprised at some of the pitfalls, some of the uneven terrain that we encounter when we go inside. [0:02:15] LRH: That's one of the reasons why doing the Inner Field Trip, or any introspective work, is so difficult for people, because it's Amanda Palmer, the musician said in an interview once that, it's like you go in to confront your inner part of yourself, and they're in the dark basement lifting weights. You confront them, and they're like these big, muscly things, and it's like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. So, it can be scary to go within and ask yourself those hard questions. [0:02:51] PF: Well, tell me how you came up with this idea, because it's very – I've seen a lot of work books I've seen – there's so many ways that you can approach self-discovery and awakening and change, and yours is truly unique. So, tell me how you came up with this. [0:03:04] LRH: I always held a diary, but I hadn't written in one for a long time. I had one when I was young. The typical pink with a nice fuzzy exterior and a lock on there, when I was a teenager. I wrote in them a lot. You fast forward decades later, and I had a few personal setbacks, and I started journaling. I found that it was very therapeutic. At the time I didn't even know it was a thing. I didn't know that one can journal to improve their mindset, to improve their thought process, to improve their health. There's a lot of study around it. It's called expressive writing. There's a doctor or psychologist who's done almost 25 years' work of research into this. So, the time I'm journaling, and I'm just working through these personal setbacks. I was sharing my journey, or my log book, my dispatches, on Facebook at the time when I was using it quite regularly. People were asking me, “Oh, wow. I love what you're discovering. Can you help me out, too? Could you take me on this journey as well?” I started a group on Facebook in 2015, and I offered some writing prompts that came out of my own experience, and people started doing the same thing, journaling. A couple of years later, I wrote a blog post with some writing prompts. I had a very problematic interaction with a person who holds skin color, and gender privilege, and wealth privilege as well. So, I said to him, I said, “You seem so angry. Why are you so angry? Maybe take these writing prompts and sit for 15 minutes and journal.” He told me all sorts of terrible things about who I am. [0:04:54] PF: Oh, wow. [0:04:55] LRH: Yeah. It was terrible. It was awful. I threw the writing prompts in a blog post, and in the first three weeks, it was shared 10,000 times. [0:05:03] PF: Oh, my gosh. That says a lot. [0:05:05] LRH: That says a lot. Then people were sending me small gifts, financial gifts, $5 here, $50 here, through PayPal, saying, “This is such a gift. Thank you so much.” That's when I started a paid community to offer more writing prompts to those who like the process of journaling and being introspective. Then that's how Inner Field Trip was birth. [0:05:32] PF: I love that it was so organic. How it started as your own journey, and then just became you, wanting to share it with others. Then others really clamoring for it. I mean, I love when it evolves like that. [0:05:42] LRH: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then it was during the pandemic when I started adding art exercises, because many in my community were sharing with me that their inner oppressor, and the inner oppressor is who we meet on the Inner Field Trip. This is a part of ourselves that bullies us and pressures us into aligning with the status quo. So, what we do is we use the writing prompts to meet our inner oppressor, as we go on our Inner Field Trip, and we capture the ramblings of our inner oppressor through the journaling. Many during the pandemic said to me, many of my members in my community said, “My inner oppressor has become raging, angry, or nonverbal.” That they would sit down to journal to meet their inner oppressor, and nothing would come out. That's when I started adding expressive arts. There's a lot of research around the power of expressive arts and helping us to heal. Helping us to give language to what we don't have words for. Now, the Inner Field Trip combines the power of self-reflective journaling, along with expressive arts or expressive doodling to help us to have a holistic encounter when we go on our Inner Field Trip to meet our inner oppressor. [0:07:00] PF: Yeah. That was something I wanted to ask you about, because you do use so many different approaches, like you have the journaling, there's drawing, there's music, there's movement. Why are those different creative approaches so effective in that self-exploration? [0:07:15] LRH: A lot of what we tackle through the Inner Field Trip is, as I said, internalized messaging, but also internalized biases. So, growing up in a culture that tells us that we need to be self-reliant and pull up your bootstraps, and all these messages of individualism. It can be quite harmful to some people who don't have sheer – where sheer willpower is not enough for them to be able to create and maintain habits. There are environmental factors that prevent them from doing so. There are systemic barriers that they face. Some people are experiencing generational poverty. When you don't have enough time or money to create a space to create new habits, that's going to affect whether or not you can go and do these things, whether you can go on an inner field trip. The power of using all these different modalities is to meet people where they are. If you're experiencing generational poverty, well, maybe you can pick up a marker and sketchbook or even a piece of paper and just do it all for five minutes, and see what happens. There's people in my community who have been diagnosed with different mental health disorders as they've gotten older. I have a lot of my community that got a late-stage ADHD diagnosis or autism. If that is the case in how they learn and interact with content is going to be different. So, being able to do the dancing, or listening to music, or doing the doodling or journaling, helps again to meet people where they are. [0:09:01] PF: I think the book is so well laid out as well, because you build in these what you call active rest stops. I love that. Going back to the hiking thing. They put little things in the trail where you can sit and drink your water and catch your breath. You do that same thing. Talk about an active rest stop and what that is. Because to me, as I was going through your workbook, I felt like, boy, this is something you could do, even if you're not doing the workbook. You could build in like an active rest stop day where I do this. Tell us what it is. [0:09:30] LRH: When I hike, I usually go out. I usually do day hiking. I'll be out on the trail for two, three hours. As I'm marching along and hiking along, I will take a rest here and there. It's a long enough rest, so that I can grab a snack, and check the maps to make sure I'm going the right way. [0:09:52] PF: Important. [0:09:53] LRH: Right. So very important. What I'm not doing is I'm not going to pitch a tent and throw up in a sleeping bag and set up overnight. So, the active rest stop is the same idea within the Inner Field Trip. When it comes to creating and maintaining habits, we often try to do too much too soon. Then we end up burning out along the way. In fact, there is a study or something or stat that says, that most people will abandon their New Year's resolutions by February 12th. I believe that's the date. Then you start a cycle again in the next New Year, where you say, “I'm going to do this on January 1st.” Then by February 12th. It's done. It's abandoned and you spend the next 10 months not making the change. What's important to add to this pathway of trying to create new habits is to incorporate rest and pleasure and play. I recently held a gathering with workbook participants, people who bought the workbook, and we're doing what I'm calling a three-day jumpstart to help them get motivated to do the 30-day challenge in the book. One person said that as they've gotten to know themselves through the Inner Field Trip, they understand that they have this fun, dorky side. Then they said, “I'm a dork.” Then others agreed with them. Having the active rest stop means that we can slow down, rest, have some play, incorporate pleasure, so that we are nourished, nourished enough, so that we go ahead and we meet our inner oppressor again. It can't be all work, because rest is not a reward for the work. It's part of the work. [0:11:46] PF: I love that. That is something that is so often overlooked. I love that you've integrated that, and made it such a central part of this whole journey. That is so well done. Now was there a reason you chose 30 days? [0:12:00] LRH: It takes 66 days to form a new habit. 66. At least the inner field trip will get you half way. [0:12:09] PF: What do you do? You bring up a great point. We need this to be a habit. We need to change our way of thinking, but we get half way there. Do you go on the field trip again, or what do you do for that next 36 days? [0:12:23] LRH: Yes, yes, yes. So, yes, going on a field trip again is a great idea. Some people will repeat the book and keep repeating it over and over and over. Another thing to do is to get into community with others, where there's a chapter in the workbook that gives you some tips on how to form a book club, if that stuff interests you. You could do the first 30 days by yourself, do the next 30 days in community with others, and then that will get you closer to that 60 days. You see, the problem, one of the problems with habits and the forming of habits is that it teaches us – most of the advice out there says that if you don't have the willpower to stick to this habit, then you just need to change your mindset. Here's some mindset work for you to do. As I had shared before that people are experiencing systemic issues, which are preventing them from using sheer willpower alone in maintaining habits. A de-colonized approach to habit forming is to get into communion and/or community with others. Because it's when we are with others that we are more accountable, we're more likely to stick with the habit and we're with individuals who are also working towards the same goal. Doing this alone is not fun. [0:13:48] PF: Right. There's also a lot of research that shows just how good community is for our mental health. Just being with others and sharing that. That in itself, do you see changes in people when they're able to, instead of writing – I love journaling, it's such a valuable tool, but if instead of journaling, they're able to sit in a group and say, “This is how I felt and this is what I said.” Then someone else is saying, “Oh, my gosh. I didn't know someone else felt that way. I have the same thing.” What does that do for them? [0:14:18] LRH: Exactly. When I do the inner field trip, either in my community, virtually or in person in a workshop room, not only are we meeting our inner oppressor through the journaling, not only are we meeting the inner oppressor through the arts and the expressive doodling, but we also dance. After we journal and everyone's in their emotions, I throw on Madonna's Material Girl and we prance around the room until that song ends. [0:14:47] PF: I love it. [0:14:48] LRH: It's interesting, Paula, because some people, there's tears dripping down their face, because of the journaling has brought up things, and then you'll see them with their shoulder slump down, their hands hanging at their side, like spaghetti noodles, but yet, and they're still weeping, but they're prancing about the room with everyone else. It is so funny to witness. We do this, we do the music after such an intense journaling, because not only are we doing it in community with each other, but it helps us to discharge some of that energy that might be trapped within. So, that when we sit back down in community, we now feel more freedom in sharing what has come up in the journaling and the expressive arts. [0:15:34] PF: That's terrific. Can we talk a little bit about the effects that you've seen for people going on this journey? What happens when people start looking at their unconscious biases and really drawing those out? [0:15:46] LRH: Yeah. Oh, my goodness. It's so magical, Paula. It's so magical. I love it. I love it. I love it. The inner field trip itself was developed in community. People will pick up the workbook, do it on their own and they're great. Some people are like that. I'm a solo hiker. I prefer to go hiking by myself than in a group. Sometimes I want the group, because it's all about the socialization and all that. Some of the things that I've seen happen with people who've gone through the inner field trip is that people's relationships improve, so you can call me a relationship fixer. [0:16:21] PF: Now, there you go. [0:16:24] LRH: But also, for some people their relationships don't improve. I know that sounds weird, right? [0:16:32] PF: Is that because they recognize that they've been putting up with things that – [0:16:37] LRH: Ah, yes. [0:16:38] PF: - they shouldn't? [0:16:39] LRH: Yes. That's what happens, right? There's an awakening that they have that, wow, look at all this toxicity I put up within this relationship. Whether that relationship is personal, or whether that relationship is professional, like in a workplace or so on. Others have, for example, I've seen a few people in my community who have boldly come out and said, “The gender, or the sex assigned at birth is no longer the gender I identify with.” I've watched over several months, or years how they've transitioned and have become more confident and more assured of themselves. Perhaps, that's not going to be your story. Maybe your story is that you found your voice. I have a lot of people pleasers that come through my community. Weak boundaries, porous boundaries. Then they go through the inner field trip and they're able to have much stronger boundaries. Not rigid barriers, but stronger boundaries. [0:17:39] PF: Is that because they have a stronger sense of self? [0:17:41] LRH: Yes. They have a stronger sense of self and they're able to – they're able to find their voice and use it in a much more effective way. Again, it's not about creating rigid barriers. It's not like, they come out with a much more angry, stern voice, but now they're able to advocate for themselves. Ultimately, when we do this work with the inner field trip, it's about holding compassion for ourselves. It's about recognizing our own humanity, that we are messy, that we will stumble along figuratively on this path, and then when we can see how messy our own humanity is, then we can look at someone else's humanity and treat it with grace and love and compassion. [0:18:30] PF: What are some of the stories? Is there any one that stands out of this incredible transformation that you never would have anticipated would happen by someone going on this field trip? [0:18:43] LRH: Yeah, there's several. There's someone who used to be in my community, and unfortunately, she passed on. Just a wonderful advocate for the inner field trip. Her first name was Rachel. When she first came across the inner field trip, she was very timid, very timid, and broken as well. As I got to know her, she shared more about her experience, her life. Over and over, just many people taking advantage of her kind spirit. Once she went through the inner field trip, and she'd been in part of the community for many, many months, and she, in one of our gatherings, in one of our circles, she shared that she was able, finally able to communicate with her ex-husband, what her needs were around the co-parenting. She broke down in tears with us, because she said she had never before stood up to him that way. She thought he was going to rage, or get upset. But instead, he accepted her boundaries. She said, “Wow, who knows how different our relationship would have been,” had she known how easy it would have been to express her boundaries around co-parenting. [0:19:58] PF: That's amazing. [0:19:59] LRH: We cried, yeah. [0:20:01] PF: It sounds like, going through the field trip doesn't just change internally. It really changes the way these people are moving through the world. Then they are having an effect on the people that they come in contact with, because they're interacting with them differently. [0:20:19] LRH: Exactly. When people go through the inner field trip, one of the things that comes out is that they recognize that how they take direct action, whatever that looks like, that they feel more confident doing so in a way that aligns with their personality and their uniqueness. There are a lot of causes that we care about. Whether it's about saving the trees, or saving the pets, or maybe there's a conflict happening around the world where you really care about the plight of those who are suffering. Whatever that cause is, we each have something that we care deeply about. The way that people believe direct action should take place is you've got to go up there and march. You have to hit the – bodies on the line, boots on the ground is what I often hear. For some of us, that's not a form of direct action that we can take. Either, maybe you have a disability and you're not able to put those boots on the ground. Perhaps, you're not able, maybe you're time deficient or under-resourced in terms of time and you can't get to these marches and sit-ins, and so forth. When you can understand yourself better and you're able to work through your internalized issues, that confidence builds because now you know that, hey, my form of activism is writing letters, or my form of activism is holding space in a therapy room, in a session with someone who's gone through some trauma. If, as a therapist, you can sit there and provide compassion and help that person heal, that's your form of activism. Activism, taken direct action, doesn't have to look like this. There are so many different ways that we can show up in the world to help those who are suffering. [0:22:11] PF: I love that. I love that. Again, your workbook really lets people discover what's right for them. They're going to run into some uncomfortable characters on rough terrain inside that field trip. Again, what's so wonderful is there is a community that you've built, that they can reach out to and they can become part of and they can help process it with someone else. [0:22:34] LRH: Yes, absolutely, absolutely. [0:22:37] PF: As we start this new year, what is your wish for the people who are listening to this? What do you hope that they can do and accomplish by going inside themselves? [0:22:49] LRH: What I wish is that we stop trying to become allies. Instead, we look at becoming better ancestors. My wish is that we stop passing on pain and we start to pass on healing. That even if you don't have biological children, or you're estranged from your biological children, we each have something that we can pass on to the next generation. That's what I would like to see us do, that we look ahead and we take on the Iroquois Nation thinking, which is all about looking seven generations ahead and asking ourselves, “What decision am I making now in terms of the habits I'm going to form that I can pass on healing that will resonate seven generations from now?” I wonder how much different we would all be if seven generations ago our ancestors did that. They looked ahead and said, “Okay. I don't know what their faces will be. I don't know what their names will be, but I want to make sure I make a decision now in terms of the habits I develop, so that seven generations from now, my descendants look back and say, “Well done. Well done.”” I think a lot of the things we focus on and the things that are grabbing our attention is a distraction. A distraction away from the work that we need to do, so that we become better and we pass on better things to our descendants. [0:24:23] PF: That is so well said. We are very fortunate to have you in this tumultuous time on our planet – [0:24:29] LRH: So tumultuous. [0:24:31] PF: Yeah. To be able to guide us through this. I mean, this is – your timing on this and obviously, you were put here at this time for a reason and this workbook is such a wonderful way to help us navigate it. I thank you for doing that and I thank you for joining me here today. [0:24:48] LRH: Thank you, Paula. [END OF INTERVIEW] [0:24:53] PF: That was author and mental wellness advocate, Leesa Renee Hall, talking about her Inner Field Trip Workbook. If you'd like to learn more about Leesa, follow her on social media, or learn more about the Inner Field Trip Workbook, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Practicing Forgiveness for the Holiday Season With Barbara J. Hunt [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 445 of Live Happy Now. Studies show that our world is becoming less optimistic, but this week's guest believes we can change that. I'm your host Paula Felps. Today, I'm talking with Dr. Emily Bashah, a psychologist whose private practice specializes in mental illness, collective trauma, grief, and relationship dynamics. She's also co-host of the Optimistic American Podcast, where she and co-host, Paul Johnson, strive to create space for a positive and hopeful view of America and help us feel more optimistic about the future. Emily's here with me today to talk about why we're feeling less optimistic these days, what we can do about it, and importantly, how we can make it through the holiday season with our optimism intact. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:53] PF: Emily, thank you for joining me here today. [00:00:55] EB: Thank you so much, Paula. I'm really excited about your mission, and learning more about you, and what you're contributing to positivity and optimism through your podcast. So thank you. [00:01:07] PF: Well, I'm excited about everything that you have going on, and we're going to talk about the Optimistic American movement and also how this relates to the holidays. But I wanted to know, in your private practice with everything that's going on in the world today, how do you see that affecting, say, your client's optimism? [00:01:26] EB: I see people going in one of two directions. Either they're totally closing themself off from the world and shutting people out and really focusing on living a day-to-day existence with what am I trying to accomplish today and really in a survival mode. Then to the other extreme, absorbing everything, impacted by everything, very distressed, highly anxious, more and more paranoid and concerned about what is happening in the world today, feeling more despair, a sense of hopelessness. Helplessness is quite big and grief-stricken, honestly. [00:02:10] PF: So is it more than you had seen in the past? [00:02:14] EB: I think it's kind of this continuation that we've seen from COVID and rising impacts of extremism that is happening nationally, ever-changing polarization in politics that's happening in our nation. That's creating more of a rise of tension and hate and a divide and trying to classify people into these groups of are you my friend or my foe because you can't – you have to be an either one of those two categories. There isn't any – [00:02:49] PF: There's no in-between anymore. [00:02:51] EB: There's no in-between anymore, and it's wild to me just to see that people are even allowing themselves to force people into those categories, where really they know nothing about different issues, aren't educated about the different issues, don't really care to be more educated about the different issues, and yet are willing to go that extra mile in forcing people into these real black and white categorizations and allowing themselves to be skewed and misinformed by propaganda. That really is concerning for me, especially for young people today. I think that a lot of it adds to this rise of despair and a sense of victimhood or fear and wanting to make sense of things that just seem so senseless. [00:03:50] PF: What you have described is such a true depiction of what our society looks like today, and that's it's bleak. When you lay it out like that, that just feels really, really bleak. I know your Optimistic American movement is meant to counter that. So before we kind of dig into how it's doing that, tell us what it is, and please tell me how it started. [00:04:13] EB: Yes. So my partner, Paul Johnson, was the former Mayor of Phoenix. Him and I co-authored the book called Addictive Ideologies: Finding Meaning and Agency When Politics Fail You. We were really inspired by this book and wanted to really help people focus on how can they preserve their own agency and power and a sense of control in their life in taking responsibility and accountability for what is within their own power. There's so much more there than I think people in general are willing to see and practice. So we used a lot of psychological theory and things that I've learned throughout my private practice in clinical and forensic work that I've done, how people facing death penalties or facing life sentences have found ways to completely transform their lives, knowing that there's no hope in getting out of prison. But yet we compelled by finding meaning, purpose, and value in the life that they had, despite facing a life of incarceration. We looked at my parents’ story surviving persecution out of Iraq as Jews. We studied genocides across the world and really searching for answers and trying to understand what are the main tenets behind extremism and terrorism. So the latter half of our book, we really highlight these seven ideals and finding meaning, not necessarily happiness. Looking for the we, not necessarily the me. We co-host these podcasts where we've branched out some of these different teachings and looked at different social issues and dissected them and talking about how people can remain optimistic, hopeful, and practicing agency in their lives today. [00:06:19] PF: So why is optimism important. Like from a mental health perspective, what does it do, and why do we need to really focus on regaining that optimism? Because I know a lot of people who are really not optimistic right now. [00:06:33] EB: The doom and the gloom and the terror and the grief can be so overcoming. I think you don't have to look too far on social media or the news to feel really overcome by despair. So we have to really work even harder at protecting optimism. Of course, there's so much research there on stress and how that affects one's mental health, especially if it's chronic and prolonged. If people are feeling helpless and there's no way out. Or they have a sense of a victimhood. That has detrimental effects on cardiovascular disease, on the way that your brain operates, and how neurons are firing, and also chronic fatigue, and how you're sleeping and whether or not you're self-medicating with substances or other cognitive distortions that are impacting you from really being able to think clearly and reason, think sensibly. There's something called the amygdala hijack. I think it's really important to know if you're allowing yourself to be viewing or seeing a lot of imagery, and you're – that's making you go into this fight, flight, freeze response. It's activating your limbic system in the brain. It's a very primitive part of our brain. It's necessary for survival. But if you're operating on that or allowing yourself to be manipulated by social media and things that you're watching, that you can't really utilize your frontal lobe to the best capacity at that point because your reasoning is being overrided essentially. You can't think clearly about consequences of your decisions. You can't make good, rational, sound judgment. You're going to be more impulsive. That can be okay in the short term, especially when you have this heightened sense of threat that you need to protect yourself. But when that is chronic and it's prolonged and it's chronically activated, that's going to lead to all kinds of physiological, mental, and emotional dysfunction and have some really serious long-term consequences. [00:08:51] PF: The holidays are coming. So we know that adds more stress, a little bit more anxiety. A lot of that anxiety that I'm hearing about now is because people are going to be dealing with family members who are also divided. So as we enter this holiday time, first of all, how do we just remain optimistic for ourselves? Before we even get to the dinners that we have to sit down and survive, how do we do that? How do we have an optimism practice, if you will? [00:09:22] EB: Yes. I would say be courageous and have faith and belief in yourself that you're going to be able to get through it. Rather than looking for the doom and gloom, look for things that inspire you. Look for the opportunity to learn something new from someone else that you disagree with, while still remaining open to them. That can be challenging, but you're also going to be building your struggle muscles and being able to tolerate the discomfort as you're hearing a different opinion or something that you disagree with, and that's okay. What it's doing and saying is you're strong enough to have some difficult conversations and in a respectful way and still preserving the peace and joy and prosperity and gratitude, which is what the holidays are about. I would say think really intentionally about what you are, one, really grateful for. Really practice and embody that in your life, and commit to doing something that is uncomfortable, whether it's opening yourself up to learning more about a family member that you just have a difficult time accepting or you have a different point of view. I mean, if it's really bad and you think, “Okay, this – we shouldn't be having these conversations at the dinner table because this is just going to get into a full-blown extremist ideological rant,” and that can happen. I would say equip yourself with some knowledge or maybe go-tos. If a person is really radical in their beliefs, know what is off-topic or try to put those topics off the dinner table. You could say, “Hey, I really respect and appreciate your opinion on this. Can we get together maybe for coffee and talk about it more?” Or just shift the subject to something that you know is going to bring you and that person more together like their children or their new job or their pet or a hobby or interest that you share. Something else that you know is going to get them off that topic. So you might have to be really strategic here. Know who you're speaking to and going into those events, knowing what you're wanting to get out of. If it's peace, love, harmony, connection, gratitude, open to learning something new, open to doing something difficult, open to leaning in and assisting and helping when possible. You're probably going to be the better person and get something so much more wonderful out of the holidays that you didn't really anticipate. I know a lot of people struggle with control, or they see themselves as like, “Oh, if I give in and I don't argue my point, then I'm not standing up for myself, and that makes me a weaker person.’ I say you might want to re-evaluate what you're telling yourself about that. How is that even helping you? [00:12:37] PF: Yes. I was – I did. I wanted to ask you about that because one of the worst things in my opinion that you can do is engage someone who has a very different belief because you're not going to change their mind. All you're going to do is upset yourself and the people around you. So getting involved in a debate, discussion, whatever you'd like to call it, it's not beneficial for anyone, truly. [00:13:00] EB: Yes. If you're getting in it, and you see it as like a win-lose, and you just want to have the last say and prove your point and where you see that person has that kind of rhetoric or radicalization, then, yes, absolutely. You're not going to change an extremist at a dinner conversation. You're not going to change their ideology. In fact, they're quite immune at that point to any kind of facts. Challenging on them directly on the ideology is just going to further push them away. Now, if you are talking to somebody who has agency which is ideal, that is aspirational, that is what we all should want to strive for, I hope, then that's going to be more of a fun conversation. You don’t – you're not going to feel like you have to self-monitor as much. You've already got the trust and respect and the rapport established with that person. You can try and really push that intellectual edge without feeling like this is a moral superiority challenge, where somebody's going to end up being inferior, and somebody's going to be superior, and I don't want the inferiority one to be me. So how do I just dominate this person because, yes, that's just not going to be helpful. I would just say it's a trap. I would just say avoid it. Now, someone in-between, we call them tribalists. So these are people who maybe identify with a particular group. They're not totally bought into to the extremist, and you can still have conversations with them. They still might move and be open and quite flexible and adaptive to having a different flow and be challenged. I'd say just be conscientious because cognitive dissonance tend to be at play for people who are more tribalist. Meaning, they're going to be more prone to defend their group if they feel like their group is being threatened or challenged. Then they'll go to the point of absolving their group of any wrongdoing because they want to defend their group at all costs. So that's when you start – they start to get pushed in that us versus them or the victim versus the oppressor mentality. Then it gets hard to really have some of those more open conversations and dialogues. So just be aware of those three different kinds of ideologies; the person with agency, the tribalist, or the extremist. Then gauge your conversation based on that. [00:15:35] PF: How important is it to as you go into the holiday, like beforehand? Say you're hosting. Or say a parent is hosting, and you say, “Hey, Mom. Let's make sure that everyone knows we're not going to – these topics are off the table. We're not going to discuss these things, and here's what we want to focus on.” What about that? How does that work in terms of keeping it peaceful and making it more enjoyable for everyone? [00:16:01] EB: Yes. I think it's great to have allies that are also proponents in preserving the peace and the harmony during the holidays and maybe some other family members that might say, “Hey, come for a walk with me. Let's walk the dogs. Or let's take a stroll after the meal,” because that can be helpful to have some people that are just observant and mindful and conscientious of where things are going to maintain the peace and calm and not spiking the anxiety and that tension. I think that can be really helpful. Again, the best way to go in is really thinking about how do I want to feel about myself leaving. You can't control everyone. You can't control outcomes. But I think if you're flexible and, in general, people want to experience some peace and joy and happiness and celebration and but also adaptive if things don't entirely go their way that that's also okay. They don't have to control everything or everyone at all times. Really, the most important thing is being in control of yourself. [00:17:15] PF: Yes. So what are some ways like not just for the holiday season but going on? We know we're born with a negativity bias, so optimism can be difficult, and it's – we have different levels of that, depending on our personal makeup. So how do we fight our negativity bias or overcome it and become more optimistic? [00:17:34] EB: Yes. I think one of the things that I personally practice, and this even extends to some of the forensic or clinical work that I do, is I don't take things personally. Somebody can say something directly to me, and it could be a direct threat. I think it says more about them than it does about me. I don't need to defend myself to them. I mean, I'm not talking about anything physical, like if it's a physical threat, obviously. But if it's not physical and there isn't a risk of violence, I just see that as me practicing self-protectiveness and resilience. If I'm not amplifying the threat in my mind, I don't need to be reactive to that person, which is probably what they're wanting you to do anyway. Sometimes, the best response is no response or just say, “Huh, okay. I'll think about that.” [00:18:35] PF: But that's a gift. That's a mindset that takes a while to cultivate because people's words hurt, and we do take things personally. It's hard to learn not to. [00:18:45] EB: Yes. Especially if it's somebody whose opinion of you matters. That's when probably it can hurt more. Like this is a person who should love you, who should be there for you, who should defend you, who should protect you, who should die for you. Sometimes, we find out that it's not necessarily the case. It’s okay that people think differently than you, and it doesn't mean that they necessarily reject you as a person. That could be your own interpretation of it, even though it feels so personal. But there could be more opportunity there to really build some resilience and courage and leaning in. [00:19:28] PF: As we go into the holiday season, what's the number one thing that you want everybody to keep in mind about optimism? [00:19:35] EB: I think there's a lot of like frantic energy that's out there. Everybody feels rushed to like do everything and get everything done. It can feel like a lot, and I think it's okay that some things fall off your plate. I would say know what balls are made of glass and which balls are made of rubber, so you know which ones to allow to drop. Obviously, the relationships are the ones that are most fragile and most important. Really thinking about that we, not me. What do what do I have that I can contribute that can be helpful to my community, helpful to my family, make me a better partner, make me a better parent? What are those things that I want to commit and set my intention on that take me out of myself into a sense of belonging and a commitment to something bigger than myself in this shared humanity and this experience that we have all together in the small world that we live in? [00:20:47] PF: That's great. That is a great way to approach it. I thank you for spending time with me today. I’m going to tell our listeners how they can find you, how they can find your book, how they can learn more about the Optimistic American movement. I hope you'll sit down with me again, and we'll talk some more. [00:21:01] EB: Absolutely. Thank you, Paula. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:21:08] PF: That was Dr. Emily Bashah, talking about optimism. If you'd like to learn more about Emily, check out her book, Addictive Ideologies: Finding Meaning and Agency When Politics Fail You, follow her on social media, listen to her podcast, or download free worksheets for self-improvement, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Rethinking Gratitude With Casey Johnson [INTRODUCTION]   [00:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 443 of Live Happy Now. November is National Gratitude Month. This week, we're rethinking everything we know about how to practice gratitude. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and every year around this time, we at Live Happy like to celebrate gratitude. But this time, we took a slightly different approach. So I'm sitting down with Live Happy’s Social Media Marketing Manager, Casey Johnson, who joined me on a quest to find unconventional ways to create or add to your gratitude practice. As you're about to hear, we found some great new ways to build gratitude, and we're even going to tell you how to get the whole family involved. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [00:00:45] PF: Hey, Casey. How's it going today? [00:00:47] CJ: Good. How about yourself? [00:00:49] PF: I'm doing great. It's gratitude month. [00:00:52] CJ: Yes, our favorite time of the year. [00:00:55] PF: It is. That's like such a big deal for us. I mean, I know people think we're like these gratitude geeks, which I guess we are but – [00:01:02] CJ: We definitely are. Yes. [00:01:04] PF: But it's fun, and what I'm excited about this year is we do talk about gratitude so much. So we wanted to find a way to approach it a little bit differently. You and I had conversations around that. I think because of that, I'm going to let you explain what we decided to do. [00:01:20] CJ: Yes, absolutely. This year, we wanted to look for, like you said, some new ways to practice gratitude that maybe we haven't thought about in the past. For example, when most people think of gratitude, they think about like jotting down a few things in your journal that you're grateful for, which is a great practice. I mean, I do this often. But sometimes, you can feel burnt out from doing the same gratitude practice over and over. Sometimes, you might just stop practicing gratitude because you feel burnt out doing the same practice. So with that being said, it turns out that there's a lot of cool things that we hadn't thought of, and I'm excited to jump in. [00:02:00] PF: Well, I know, and it was kind of fun. We were like gratitude detectives. [00:02:04] CJ: We were with our magnifying glass. [00:02:07] PF: Yes, we were a little bloodhound there. Yes. We were looking for it. It's like, “Okay, what can we do differently?” Like you said, there's a lot of different ways. What I love about this is we do kind of get caught up in like, okay, this is how we practice gratitude, and we don't really think outside the box. There was even a study that showed in one of the Asian countries that the young people who were asked to practice gratitude by keeping a gratitude journal started becoming depressed because they felt like they didn't have any new things. So it became counterproductive to just keep a gratitude journal. I think that kind of speaks to what you were saying. You can start feeling burnt out on it, and you want something new. [00:02:47] CJ: Exactly. [00:02:48] PF: One thing that I learned this year, and this was really life-changing for me, I interviewed Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar earlier this year, and he talked about his gratitude practice. This is something he has done every day since September of 1999, and he can tell you the exact day. But he said he uses Barbara Frederickson's theory of heartfelt positivity. So what he does is when he writes down something he's grateful for, he doesn't just stop there. So he's not like, “I'm grateful for –” Like in my case, my dog, Josie. What I would do is like I'm going to write down Josie's name, and then I'm going to shut my eyes, and I'm going to think about a time that I spent with her and how it made me smile, how it made me feel. Really take myself back in that time and feel not just the gratitude I have for her being in my life but feel that positive emotion that she brings to me. I thought, wow, that is such a powerful way to harness gratitude, and it's super effective. [00:03:48] CJ: I absolutely agree, and that reminds me of something I saw today actually on Instagram. I learned about this term called glimmer. Have you heard of glimmers? [00:03:59] PF: I've been hearing about that. Yes. Tell us about that. [00:04:01] CJ: So it's basically like the opposite of a trigger. So like glimmers are those micro-moments in your day that make you feel joy, happiness, or gratitude. So for myself and even for our listeners, like once you train your brain to be on the lookout for glimmers and even just gratitude, the more these tiny moments will begin to appear. When you were talking about Josie, it kind of reminded me of glimmers. [00:04:29] PF: That's very cool. Yes. That's exactly what it is. Like it's bringing that to mind, and it brings back those feelings. So you had one that I liked that you were talking about called a portrait in gratitude, which is it all ties into this. So you want to tell us what that's about? [00:04:45] CJ: Yes. So I recently read about this insomnia hack. So here's what it said. If you can't sleep at night, you have trouble sleeping, I have trouble falling asleep sometimes myself, they said to think of something or someone you appreciate and all of the reasons or memories surrounding that person or thing. So it's like a super simple practice that you can do just laying in bed, and it'll naturally relax your mind and body, which in return will help you fall asleep. Hopefully, you'll be falling asleep with a heart full of gratitude. [00:05:21] PF: That's nice and that changes how you wake up, too. [00:05:24] CJ: It does. Yes. It really does. When I go to bed at night, like my evening routine, I try to make sure like it's full of positivity and things like that. I try not to watch like True Crime before I go to bed. Otherwise, like – [00:05:38] PF: Or the news. [00:05:39] CJ: Or the news. Yes, seriously. But, yes, no, you're totally right. [00:05:43] PF: You could also use that when you're waking up, I would think, because I don't have trouble falling asleep. I'm like I see the bed, I hit the bed, I am the bed. [00:05:53] CJ: I’m so jealous of people like you. [00:05:56] PF: But on the other hand, like waking up I need to do slowly. I feel like, for me, that's one that I would use as I'm waking up and trying to enter my day. [00:06:06] CJ: Yes. [00:06:07] PF: Yes. That is very cool. One of the things that I found talked about the five senses of gratitude. We know that sound and smell are really, really powerful. What the five senses of gratitude is about is just closing your eyes. We close our eyes a lot in this practice, I guess. Don't do this while you're driving. So when you're – like whatever moment that you're in and to find that gratitude for that moment just kind of close your eyes and take in the sounds, the smells. Like feel what's around you, the texture of what's around you, and even the taste. Then, yes, look around and look at what you appreciate and what you see. Just kind of take time to drop into that and really spend time in that moment, feeling each sense, and identifying it. [00:07:03] CJ: I really like that. It kind of reminds me of like a gratitude meditation almost. [00:07:09] PF: Yes, yes. Because it's hard to be stressed out if you are completely absorbed in your surroundings, unless you're in really stressful surroundings. But, yes, you're going to relax and you're really going to get rid of whatever is hanging around you that day, whatever might be going on in your life, and just be in that moment with all five of your senses. [00:07:32] CJ: Yes. I love that. [00:07:34] PF: You had another one because I know – [00:07:35] CJ: Yes, I did. So we talk a lot about being grateful for what we have. But one way to experience more gratitude can be to imagine our lives without something. So, for example, sometimes when I feel stressed, I'll close my eyes, not behind the wheel. I'll close my eyes and imagine that – this kind of ties into what you're talking about, but anyway. So I'll close my eyes and imagine the space around me. I'll try to see how many things I can picture in my mind that I'm grateful for. So this could be anything like Wi-Fi, my phone, my couch. Really makes me sound like a millennial but these things are truly difficult to live without in our modern world. Maybe not the couch. That's just kind of a nice thing to have. But like Wi-Fi and phone, like it's so important to be connected. That's how we do our work, stay connected with loved ones. Anyway, after you imagine those things, then open your eyes and just like take a moment and just take it all in and appreciate everything as it is. It's just a way of – it's different from gratitude journaling because you're really just like leaning into like the simplicity of these objects that we don't realize how much we rely on daily. [00:09:00] PF: Yes. When I find that really useful, too, is when I'm having a bad technology day, and you're at that point where you just really want to throw the computer out the window. Instead, if you can do that, if you can be like, “All right. Well, what would I do without this computer?” I just try to look at it differently and try to find this gratitude or appreciation. Like, yes, even though this technology is wreaking havoc on my mental health at this very moment, it allows me to work. It allows me to work with Live Happy. It allows me to talk to people around the country for the podcast. There's so much that it allows me to do. Another way that that's useful, and this is something I learned from Stacy Kaiser, the therapist, and she had been on our show a few times. She did a post one time, talking about when you are frustrated with your partner, your spouse, any close loved one, imagine your life without them, and it will give you a different perspective. It does. I've used that many, many times ever since I read that from her, and it's kind of that same thing. It gives you gratitude when you think about the fact that they may not always be in your life. That is a cool way to do gratitude is to like look at it. Like reverse it, instead of looking at it as what you have being grateful for. When you think of yourself without it, you’re grateful for it. That was another thing that I found that was called a reverse bucket list. It kind of goes along that same vein, where instead of thinking about all the things that we still want to do because that can create a sense of FOMO in itself. Like, “Oh, man. I still want to go,” whatever. Climb Mount Kilimanjaro. I don't want to do that, by the way. Just saying that. [00:10:47] CJ: Just for an example. [00:10:49] PF: Yes, yes. But instead, thinking about the things that you have done that were just amazing that you've already checked off that so-called bucket list. I think that – Cindy, my partner, is a photographer, and that's been really helpful because we've had amazing trips. All of the art in our home are photos that she's taken, and they all have a – [00:11:10] CJ: Oh, amazing. [00:11:12] PF: Yes. They all have a special meaning because it was somewhere fantastic that we went, and I love that about it. This reverse bucket list allows you to go back and look at the things that you've done and the gratitude that you have for having been able to do that. [00:11:30] CJ: I love that, and I just love that all of your art is her photography. That is goals. [00:11:37] PF: Yes, it is. It's fun. It's fun. [00:11:39] CJ: Yes. You know, speaking of like gratitude turnarounds, this made me think of another thing that I recently read. For me, I've started doing this. When my negative thoughts start to spiral, it's helpful for me to go back to the basics, and grab a pen and paper. So what to do with the pen and paper, you draw a line down the middle of the page. On one side, create a list of all the things that are upsetting you in that moment, that are triggering those negative thoughts. Then on the other side of the page, turn each scenario and see if you can see each complaint in a more positive life. So it ties into what you're saying, like that reverse gratitude. Again, the example of like loved ones. So here's an example. It's somewhat true. My sister and I are really close, and she hasn't returned my calls in a few days. She's got two kids. I'm like not holding it against her, but we're close. We talk a lot. [00:12:38] PF: You were there before the kids. Come on. [00:12:40] CJ: I know. So instead of being upset about it, I shift my mindset into I'm grateful to be so close to my sister. Or like I'm grateful that my sister is in my life and healthy and happy and has these beautiful children, that I allow her not to call me back. [00:12:58 PF: Yes. See. I like doing that because it takes the focus off of you. Instead of it being you haven't called me back, then it's on we have this incredible relationship. I think that can really help a relationship blossom because sometimes, especially in instances like that, and it can happen with friends, like friends who live far away, and you go a long time without talking to each other, and you start feeling like, “Well, I was the last one that called them, and they haven't called me.” Instead of getting caught up in that little vortex, yes, you can actually enrich that relationship by cultivating your sense of gratitude. Like why are they such a great friend? Why have you had them in your life for so long? What is it you appreciate about them? I think that's amazing. The next time you do talk to them, you're going to have a richer experience. So now, one reason that we want to talk about gratitude is because we have Thanksgiving coming up, and that's always the whole thank you thing. What I think is really cool is if you can get the whole family working together on gratitude and not just going around everybody names one thing that they're thankful for, which is, I mean, that's nice. It's a nice thing to do. But I think, okay, people can step it up just a little bit and one – [00:14:21] CJ: It's kind of like getting burnt out from the gratitude journaling. [00:14:26] PF: Yes. Because you know people are thinking like three days in advance. It's like, “Okay. Well, Bob's going to say this, and so I'm going to say this.” You kind of are like already planning. So one of the things that I saw, and this was so cool, it's called the gratitude game. So the first person has to say something that they're grateful for. For example, if I say Casey, so the next person now has to say something they're grateful for, but it's got to start with a Y because that's what Casey ends with. [00:15:02] CJ: Oh, wow. [00:15:03] PF: Yes. So then you go around, and then nothing can be repeated. Then you have to go around, and everybody has to come up with something they appreciate based on the last letter of what the person before them said. [00:15:18] CJ: That is so fun. I am implementing that in my family's Thanksgiving this year. [00:15:23] PF: Do it. I think that sounds like a lot of fun. [00:15:24] CJ: That is such a great idea. [00:15:26] PF: Yes. It just kind of shakes up the whole what I'm grateful for, and it makes you work harder. We know that when your brain starts looking for gratitude, it rewires. So that's – so you're actually doing your family a favor, even if they're like, “Casey, no. We're not going to do that.” [00:15:44] CJ: Yes. I'm sure they'll be like, “Of course, you recommended this.” But then once they start playing it, I mean, they'll have fun with it. Like just hearing you explain the rules, like that sounds so fun. That's very on-brand for me and definitely making my family do that this year. [00:15:59] PF: Yes. I like the idea of shaking it up a little bit and making people – [00:16:02] CJ: Yes. Keep things fresh. [00:16:03] PF: Yes, yes. You probably get some funny answers, too, that people would not have come up with before then. Then there was one other that we talked about, and I think this sounds like such a cool thing to do. That is the gratitude board. Do you want to talk about that a little bit? [00:16:22] CJ: Yes, definitely. So I saw this recently, and it's not – it's kind of like a vision board, but it's all centered around gratitude, right? So it's pictures of people, places, things, experiences that create happiness in your life. [00:16:41] PF: Vision boards. I mean, people have a lot of fun doing vision boards. So I think the idea of doing a gratitude board and just being able to put on their photos or cut out from magazines or just words of things you're grateful for, what a great activity. That is way better than like passing out from turkey tryptophan coma after dinner. I think that would be a really fun thing to do like after Thanksgiving dinner. [00:17:07] CJ: I agree. Again, I saw this on Instagram. I saw this couple. They took this not like parchment paper, but it's just this long sheet of paper, and they stuck it on their pantry. It was just like a large – so we do our Happy Acts walls, right? It was kind of like a Happy Acts wall, but it was a gratitude wall. So anytime you walk past the door, you jot something down that you're grateful for, and they keep it up all month. [00:17:31] PF: I love that. [00:17:33] CJ: Yes. [00:17:33] PF: Oh, that's fun. You know what? You could even do that like if you're having people over to your house or whoever's house you're going to for Thanksgiving, and talk to them, and have them put something like that up, and have everybody who comes in like write something they're grateful for. That would be so cool. [00:17:48] CJ: Exactly. [00:17:49] PF: I like that. These are some really cool ideas. I think there's a lot of great ways to approach gratitude. I for one am excited to try some new things and new ways to do it, and look at new ways to bump up my own gratitude practice, and maybe help share that with others around me. Speaking of sharing it, we have the Live Happy Gratitude Challenge coming up. [00:18:11] CJ: We sure do. It's – [00:18:13] PF: You are the Gratitude Queen, so you got to tell us about it. [00:18:16] CJ: Gratitude Queen, I love that. Yes. It’s our third year doing the gratitude challenge, so we're going to – it's, obviously, all month, whenever you want to do it. But it's kind of fun like doing it the week before, like leading up to Thanksgiving. Anyway, so the gratitude challenge, it's seven days, very doable. We're not asking you to do a whole month of gratitude, although you should. [00:18:39] PF: You could. [00:18:40] CJ: You could and you should. [00:18:42] PF: We will not judge if you do a whole month. [00:18:44] CJ: That's right. So the first day, day one of the gratitude challenge is think of two challenges you're grateful for and what positive things you learned. I just want to share a quick story real quick because it ties into this practice, and I love that we're kicking it off with this one. I think it's important we reflect on our growth and overcoming adversity. So an example of mine, I used to play D1 tennis in college, and I tore ligaments in both of my wrists at the same time. I was around like 18 or 19 when this happened. I had to have back-to-back wrist surgeries and would be out for almost two years. So 18, 19-year-old me thought it was the end of the world. [00:19:31] PF: Oh, yes. [00:19:33] CJ: You know. So I like had this vision of like my path, and that was no longer my path. I had to take a turn. So it took time to adjust in that chapter. Now, 15 years later, I'm grateful for those injuries because I wouldn't have ended up where I am today, and I wouldn't have had the opportunity to learn new things and probably wouldn't have met the amazing people I did along the way. So that's just one example of how to think of those challenges. [00:20:03] PF: Yes. I love that. I love that because that kind of perspective. I love it when you can look back and say that is not at all what I would have chosen, and I'm so grateful for the way it went. [00:20:13] CJ: Exactly. So that is day one. Day two is what skills are you grateful to have. Think about it and thank it. One skill I'm thankful for is my organizational skills. I'm going to put you on the spot, Paula. What skill are you grateful to have, aside from being an amazing podcast host, of course? [00:20:33] PF: I am super grateful that I was born a writer. I've been able to meet people, go places, do things. It’s like been this most incredible gift that God gave me, and I just – I love it. I love that I get to get up every day and do something that I love. I’m so fortunate. [00:20:53] CJ: Yes. You are a master of words, I will say. [00:20:55] PF: Oh, I thank you. [00:20:57] CJ: So that's day two. Day three, if you've had a positive experience at a business, write a kind review. [00:21:04] PF: That's a great thing to do. [00:21:05] CJ: Yes. [00:21:05] PF: Love that. [00:21:05] CJ: It’s super simple, especially if it's a small business. We love to support our small businesses. Leave them a nice review. You just have no idea how much it means to small business owners. Day four is think about what foods you're grateful for and give thanks to the nourishment your body receives from those foods. [00:21:25] PF: I like that. [00:21:26] CJ: Yes. If you can – [00:21:26] PF: I’m [inaudible 00:21:26]. [00:21:28] CJ: Yes. I love that. I really do think that food is medicine, and we need to be – just think more grateful of the easy access we have to those fresh fruits and vegetables, just clean ingredients. If you can, donate whatever that food is to a food bank or make a donation to their website. [00:21:46] PF: Yes. That's great. [00:21:47] CJ: Day five, think of three memories you're most thankful for. Bonus, if it involves someone, send them the memory via text or Snapchat or whatever channel makes sense for you. [00:22:01] PF: I love that. You know what? People love it when you do that because I've had several incidents throughout my life. I'll think about it, and I've just started making a practice of like, “You know, today, I thought about the time that you were in England, and you did this.” Blah, blah. They’re shocked that you remember. They're touched that you remember. It gives them a warm feeling, too, because it takes them back as well. [00:22:24] CJ: Exactly. I love that. I use Snapchat. I mean, I don't use Snapchat like most people do. I take videos or photos, and then I save it to my memories because I love when those memories pop up at the end of the month. So like I had some memories pop up from 2021, and these were, I guess, glimmers that I forgot about. So I just love seeing that, whether it's my own personal memory or something I've shared with someone else. [00:22:56] PF: That's very cool. [00:22:57] CJ: Yes. Day five, think of those memories. Okay. Day six, what exercise are you most thankful you're able to do, and do it. Do that exercise. [00:23:09] PF: I like it. [00:23:10] CJ: Okay. Day seven, last but not least. Make a list of all the material comforts you're thankful for. So currently, I'm thankful for my record player, fuzzy blankets, and candles without toxic ingredients, of course. [00:23:24] PF: There you go. I like it. I like it. [00:23:26] CJ: Yes. So that is the seven-day gratitude challenge. I hope everyone participates when you can. It's gratitude month. Let’s lean into the joy. [00:23:36] PF: I love it. I love it. Then are you going to give them more joy by giving them a discount in the store? [00:23:41] CJ: You know it. We – [00:23:42] PF: I thought you might. [00:23:44] CJ: You know it. So we're offering 30% off storewide, November 20th through 27th. So you've got seven days at store.livehappy.com. All you have to do is use the code GRATEFUL 30 at checkout. [00:23:59] PF: Awesome, awesome. Well, this will be fun. It's a lovely, lovely Thanksgiving season, a lot to be grateful for this year. I'm grateful that you sat down and talked to me about this today. [00:24:12] CJ: Oh. Well, thank you. I am grateful to talk about all of this stuff with you as well. [00:24:18] PF: Casey, thank you for joining me on this gratitude adventure, finding new ways to celebrate it. We’ll keep looking. We'll keep looking for more ways to express our gratitude. [00:24:30] CJ: Always. Thank you for having me. [END OF INTERVIEW] [00:23:47] PF: That was Live Happy's own, Casey Johnson, talking with me about new ways to practice gratitude. Be sure to check out the Live Happy store to get 30% off everything in the store, just by using the code GRATITUDE 30. You can do that when you visit us at livehappy.com. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day happy one. [END]

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Discovering the Happiness Essentials With Maria Baltazzi [INTRODUCTION] [0:00:02] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 441 of Live Happy Now. When you're going on a trip, it's important to make sure you pack all the essentials. And when you're starting a journey to well-being, you need to pack the happiness essentials. I'm your host, Paula Felps. And this week, I'm talking with Emmy award-winning television producer, well-being teacher and author, Maria Baltazzi, about her new book Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want. A world traveler who has developed and produced TV shows around the globe, including the hit reality show Survivor, Maria has truly used the planet as an extraordinary classroom. That led her to earning her PhD in Conscious Centered Living. And her book explores the eight happiness essentials she's discovered and teaches us how we can use them to improve our well-being in our daily lives. Let's have a listen. [INTERVIEW] [0:00:59] PF: Maria, thank you for joining me today. [0:01:02] MB: Oh, I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me as a guest. [0:01:05] PF: You are the first guest that we've had who is a happiness explorer. Tell everybody what a happiness explorer is and does. [0:01:13] MB: It's someone who travels, who goes through the world and takes that perspective of seeing what is good, what is right, what is positive and embracing that. [0:01:30] PF: Is that a natural talent that you have? Has that always been your mindset? Or is it something that you've cultivated over the years? Because we talk on Live Happy about the negativity bias that we have and the happiness set points. What about you? Are you naturally happy? Or did you cultivate this over time? [0:01:48] MB: I promise you, I cultivated it. [0:01:51] PF: Everyone's like, "Okay." [0:01:53] MB: Yes. I 100% cultivated, which is why I wrote my book, Take a Shot at Happiness, because it came from a place and a point in my life where I was not happy and I wanted to do something about it. And so, when you start doing those intentional activities that boost your happiness level, when you go out into the world, you notice things differently. And I travel for a living. By virtue of that, started to notice the world differently. [0:02:27] PF: And so, you said it takes a minute. Over what period of time did you start noticing this evolution of your happiness? [0:02:36] MB: March 21st, 2015. [0:02:43] PF: That is specific. What happened then? [0:02:45] MB: I just was sitting in my office in Los Angeles. I come from a television background, which is also why my book title is called Take a Shot at Happiness. Because I draw from my life in television. And as I was sitting in my office, I was at a place where I was not enjoying my career. I was not enjoying my personal life. I felt that I had hit my lowest point personally and professionally and I just felt I did not want to stay in that place nor did I want to be defined by it. That's what started reading my next book. Going to courses, and then certification and then degrees. It just kept unfolding. [0:03:33] PF: And I really commend that. Because, so often times, when we hit that point, we feel so despondent that we don't even have the energy to reach out and pick up that book or even to know that's what we need to do. What was it that was within you that drove you to say, "I've got to get out of this? And this is how I'm going to do it." [0:03:53] MB: It was the feeling of despondency. I didn't want to keep feeling that. And the only way that made sense to me to do something about it was to take action, which started with just reading. Starting with some affirmations and making that a conscious practice every day. And as I started to feel better, I wanted to learn more. It just kept expanding because I was feeling good and I kept wanting to feel better. [0:04:27] PF: I love that. [0:04:28] MB: Yeah. I think that that's the beauty of this work once you understand it. Once you get into it, it seems that it takes a lot of effort and time. However, when you start to see the benefits that you are experiencing, you are feeling better inside your skin. You are having better relationships. You are being more conscious of the choices that you are making, the boundaries that you're drawing. How you're sleeping and eating and all of those things. When you notice how it's impacting you in a positive way, it motivates you to want to keep doing more. [0:05:09] PF: That makes absolute sense. And you are so interesting because you have a master's in film and a PhD in Conscious Centered Living. And that's a very unique combination. How did you combine that adventurous spirit that you have with your quest for this conscious centered living? How did those two things work together? [0:05:29] MB: I first got the master's degree in film. I've been a storyteller. I've Loved story all my life. It was the storytelling part that I did first. And then in my business making television, whether it's a very small production or a very large production. When I say small, it's myself, a cameraman, a sound guy and maybe some kind of an assistant. And when I say big production, I could have a team of 120 people. And the shows that I did, did and do, are in remote locations. They're shot on location. I'm already out into the world. And what I was noticing is that just the demands of production. The demands of being responsible for so many people or even a few people in environments that don't always have the creature comforts, or the necessities, or medical help or whatever it is being in these remote locations. After a while, the demands of television production and trying to please the network, trying to please the production company, trying to please the talent, yeah, it just got to me. And I was noticing that other people's stuff was becoming my stuff in a very unhealthy, unsustainable way. And that's when I was sitting in my office in Los Angeles saying, "This is not working. We have to do something different." It was an act of self-preservation. [0:07:12] PF: That makes complete sense. And let's talk about that past of yours a little bit. Because, fun fact, you were one of the original supervising producers of the TV show Survivor. I find that so fascinating. Because that changed everything for people. What an incredible show to be part of. First of all, can you talk about how that became part of you and you became part of that? And then how that opened up your mind to more exploration? [0:07:41] MB: When I came to Survivor, I was already traveling and doing shows. What was unique about that particular show is there had never been a competition show set on a remote island. That's what made it different. And I always did the very last episode. I was with the Survivor contestants all the way through. And the thing that always struck me is you would get towards the end of the game. And time and again, I would sit in interview with the contestants and they would be saying, "You know, this isn't really me. This is just me playing a game." And I kept thinking, "But it is you. Because your actions and behavior." And what I came to realize, and I think about this all the time still, is that we don't know what we are capable of doing until we are in that situation. That shade of your personality hasn't been put into an environment for itself to express. And that's what I thought was so interesting. Because I just saw it time and again. [0:08:56] PF: And how did it affect you to be in that environment? Because you weren't having a cushy life either. It's not like you're going back to a five-star hotel at the end of the day. You were toughing it out as well. We would follow their stories and see how they evolved and changed. What was going on behind the scenes with you? [0:09:14] MB: Interesting, oddly enough, I liked it. I like being out there. I like being in the environments where you didn't have everything with you. And it taught me to not need so much. And that started me to understand the beauty and blessing of detachment. That you didn't need to have just 500 pairs of shoes and a hundred dresses. You didn't need all of that stuff. In many respects, I arrived in that environment. I liked it. [0:09:55] PF: And that's interesting. Because LA is such a glitz and glam town. And so, to go, to have that juxtaposition between those two worlds, what was that like? Were you like getting back to LA, "I'm glad to be back home? But I want to get back to the island." [0:10:10] MB: I have said for a very long time that I have my bush world to appreciate my urban world and my urban world to appreciate my bush world. Each one has its specialness. And I would not want to exist in either world exclusively. [0:10:32] PF: That makes perfect sense. Because you get lessons from both of them. [0:10:36] MB: Absolutely. [0:10:38] PF: what would you say are like the greatest happiness lessons that you learned from Survivor? You talked about the detachment and not needing stuff. What are some of the other things that you feel it taught you being out there? [0:10:50] MB: I would say the majority of my happiness lessons came after I left the show. That show taught me what I was mentioning before. It taught me you that your personality has different shades to it and has to be in the right environment for it to express. And it also taught me not to judge a book by its cover. Because you have people in every size, shape, ethnicity, the diversity that is on the show. Not to judge a book by its cover. Because we could be interviewing somebody in a hotel room and they are physically fit. They are articulate. And you think, "Ah, they're going to be great." And then they get out onto an island, into an environment that they've never been in before and they just collapse. They can't handle it out there. And what I saw through that is that there is different kinds of fitness. There can be a gym in urban fitness and then there can be an outdoor being in the elements fitness. Those were the two big lessons that I took away leaving that show. The real happiness journey happened after the show at that moment on March 21st when I was realizing, "This isn't happening. And I got to change things." [0:12:21] PF: As you change things, you've done a lot of amazing things. You have done charity walks and treks on all seven continents. Talk about how that came about and what that means to you. Why you do that? [0:12:32] MB: I have this misi-like ability to walk distances. I don't have to think much about going and walking three, four, five, 10 miles. It doesn't faze me. I can just go do it. And I wanted to do something useful with a natural ability. And it came by way of Ethan Zohn who was the Survivor Africa Season 3 Winner. He came down with cancer. And my mother had cancer. And my sister passed away from cancer. And so, I wanted to do something that was supportive of Ethan. And he was that year's LIVESTRONG Ambassador for the New York Marathon. And I just asked him, I said, "Well, I've never done a marathon, but can you hook me up and let me support you?" Next thing I knew, I was doing the New York Marathon and walking it. And after I did the New York Marathon, I thought, "Well, I'll do Los Angeles." I did Los Angeles. And then I found out that there was the 2500th Anniversary of the original marathon in Greece. [0:13:49] PF: Oh, my God. [0:13:50] MB: Having a Greek background, I now had to go do that. And there, I found that you could do a marathon on every continent. And I'm like, "That's fantastic." Because I've always admired the seven summiteers. The ones who climb the tallest peaks on every continent. As soon as you put on crampons, I am over it. [0:14:11] PF: Not going there. [0:14:13] MB: No. I'm not going there. But walking on every continent, now that was a great goal. And so, I set out to do it. And it was always for charity and primarily for cancer awareness. [0:14:25] PF: That is so terrific. And so, it's interesting how you've really created this mission, this happiness explorer mission that you're on. And how did all of this journey lead to you writing your book? [0:14:39] MB: As I was feeling better and better about my life and seeing what intentional activities can do. And this is something that Sonja Lyubomirsky talks about in her how – [0:14:54] PF: We love Sonja. [0:14:54] MB: Yeah, she's fantastic. As soon as I was seeing that I could do specific activities to make me feel better, I thought, "I have to share this with other people," and especially other creatives and other creatives in the entertainment industry. Because the business that I come from, it's very demanding. There's a lot of ups and downs. It's a tough business emotionally, physically. And I wanted to help other creatives, which is also why I take a creative approach in how I share what I consider the happiness essentials, which there's eight of them in my book that I talk about. [0:15:40] PF: Yeah. Can you share your favorite three? Are they like children where you say, "Oh, I don't have a favorite." But you do. Or is it, "Ah, these are my favorite three." [0:15:47] MB: I have a favorite foundational three. [0:15:50] PF: All right. Let's talk about those. [0:15:52] MB: In my mind, everything starts with faith, however you define that. I'm not pushing any sort of religion or spiritual doctrine. And I think that faith can be defined in so many ways. But for me, faith is believing in something greater than yourself. Something that's going to support you. Something that's going to give you hope and solace. That is my first foundation. The second is love. How many things in the world can be solved if we were just more loving? [0:16:31] PF: That is huge. And I think that's often overlooked when we're talking about happiness. I think about that and that doesn't really come up. We talk about kindness. We talk about gratitude. But we don't talk about love. I'm so glad you brought that up. [0:16:45] MB: And then the third one is health, three dimensionally; mind, body and spirit. You have to have it all. That's where I begin. And I keep adding on to that. [0:16:56] PF: I love that. Because with a good foundation, you can really build as high as you want and as wide as you want. And that's obviously what you're doing. And with this book, explain to our listeners a little bit about what this book will do and kind of take them through what they can expect from it. [0:17:12] MB: The book goes through eight happiness essentials. And they are virtues, and qualities and habits that I qualify for myself and then went out to find the research to back it up. And that became my book. [0:17:31] PF: Love it. [0:17:32] MB: And what I do is eight is very significant. Because you see it throughout my book. There's eight happiness essentials. There are eight bullet points. And eight is important to me. When you take the number eight and you put it on its side, it's the sign of infinity. [0:17:53] PF: Yes, it is. [0:17:54] MB: And we're always continually ebb and flow, growing, expanding. That's one of the reasons that 8 is so significant to me. And then coming from a creative background and a television background, a visual background, I use a lot of terms as a fun way to frame the book. Each chapter begins with my viewfinder. It's my macro idea of how I think about faith. And then I go through eight different points. And then at the end, I have a big picture, which is a summation of everything that I've just talked about. And then with each, what I call snapshots, talk about faith. There are eight snapshots. There is then a photo op and an action opportunity. And the photo op and the action opportunity is a way to help anchor, help the reader absorb what they were just reading about and learning. Because I think when you can engage creatively, you just take in the information in a more heart-centered way. And the reason I chose writing, journaling if you will, and asking specific questions that relate to faith, or love, or health, whatever that snapshot is, is that, when you are writing, especially when you were in a state of upset, it takes that blob of stuff that's going on in your head. And you start to be able to organize it and get clarity through it. And that becomes its own catharsis for you. And then the photo assignments, one of the things that I notice is – and you don't have to be a photographer to do my book. But one of the things that I noticed when I was taking photos with my camera is how calm I would become. [0:19:56] PF: Oh, interesting. [0:19:56] MB: I would find something that would literally stop me in my tracks. The way the sun is hitting a rose in the morning and there's still dew on it. I'll stop and I'll focus just on that rose. Only look for the picture information that I want to represent that rose. And in that moment, everything else falls away from me. I'm not thinking about what I'm going to eat. I'm not thinking about how I'm annoyed at somebody. It all goes away. Because I am focused. I am present on that one thing that I'm photographing. And it becomes its own kind of meditation. I learned early on as a child reading books and then noticing my thoughts is I think in pictures. And I think most people think in pictures. And we have this constant film, this constant stream of images that run through our head usually unconscious about it. And training yourself to see exactly what you want helps you to become aware of your thoughts. And when you become aware of your thoughts, and especially the negative ones, you can then reframe them, pun intended, to be something that's more productive. I don't even talk about – well, sort of do. Positive thinking. I think the better term is productive or constructive thinking. And that's what you want to be doing with your thoughts. And doing the photo assignments, we don't think about it. Often, we get these books. And, yeah, sure. Write this. And, yes, I have the journaling. But what are you doing to actually learn how you see the images in your head? [0:21:50] PF: What I love about that too is there was a study that came out a couple of months ago and it was talking about how taking fewer photos will actually make you happier. Because people have gotten so into like – they're taking photos of everything and missing the moment. What you're doing is honing in and making them appreciate that moment. And it's like this is why we're supposed to have cameras, is to capture that moment and appreciate it. I love that you take that and you make a practice out of it. [0:22:18] MB: One of my favorite teachings comes from Dr. Rick Hanson, which is about savoring the good. And taking a photograph in such a mindful way, such a present way helps you with savoring in the good. Because Dr. Hanson talks about you know really staying with a pleasant experience for 20 to 30 seconds and doing that time and time again. So, you start to create a positive neural pathway. I think that taking the photos, as I have in my book, helps you learn that lesson, learn that habit. [0:23:01] PF: That's excellent. There's a lot we can learn from this book. And it is – as you said, it's presented great for creatives. And I love that because people – to your point, we learn differently and different things appeal to us. And I think this makes happiness practices so accessible to people. And what is it that you most hope to accomplish with this book? [0:23:22] MB: That people can understand that happiness is a choice and that's where it begins really. You have to want to do it. And then you have to back it up. If you say, "Oh, I want to be happy." Great. If you don't do anything about it, you're dreaming. [0:23:42] PF: Right. Right. [0:23:43] MB: I want people to understand that happiness is a choice. It's well within their control. And there are things that they can actually learn and that they will become better, more aware, more present, more resilient. I think happiness is another word. It's a pretty word for resilience. [0:24:07] PF: I would agree with that. [0:24:08] MB: Yeah. [0:24:08] PF: Maria, thank you so much. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for writing this book. We are going to tell our listeners how they can find you. How they can find your book? How they can follow you? You're going to have stalkers now. No. But I really appreciate this. I think this is so important. I love this mission. And I appreciate your time today. [0:24:25] MB: Thank you. Thank you so much. I really feel honored to be here. [OUTRO] [0:24:33] PF: That was Maria Baltazzi talking about the happiness essentials and how you can discover them. If you'd like to learn more about Maria, check out her new book, Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want. Or follow her on social media. Just visit us at livehappy.com and click on the podcast tab. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. And until then, this is Paula Felps reminding you to make every day a happy one. [END]