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Tony Hale Fuels His Characters With Experience

Actor Tony Hale, with an amazing staff of writers and uber-talented co-stars, is tasked with the harder-than-it-looks job of making political mayhem hilarious in HBO’s hit show, Veep. Luckily for him, pressure and stress are just the tools he needs to play Gary Walsh, the sheepish and devoted assistant to Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ egocentric, scurrilous politician Selina Meyer. Gary is Selina’s personal assistant or “body man,” tasked with anticipating her every need. Carrying his signature satchel, he is ready for any demand at a moment’s notice, toting newspapers, her schedule, makeup, sweeteners and snacks. In the 2015 “Gary Antoinette” episode involving a cake scandal, Selina rips into him, saying, “You are not a big shot, Gary, you’re a middle-aged man who sanitizes my tweezers.” In a rare instance of self-defense, Gary responds, “You’re wrong. I’m your calendar, I’m your Google, I’m your Wilson the volleyball….I have let myself be laughed at, I have let myself be humiliated, and I’m happy to do it.” The scene highlighted an underlying understanding and depth beyond the characters’ lighter comedic interactions. “I enjoy sitting in the tension, with the audience knowing the crazy circumstances that are around me,” Tony says. “When you know there is a lot going on in that head, simply just sitting in that tension is kind of fun.” He says that growing up, he was inspired by comics of similarly uncomfortable demeanors such as Tim Conway and Bob Newhart. “They just kind of sat in that awkwardness, in that tension and didn’t feel the need to push the comedy because everybody knew the crazy circumstances.” In Laughter We Trust With Americans so politically focused as of late, Tony isn’t worried that Veep might need to become a more serious reflection of our government. In fact, he thinks quite the opposite. “Maybe people are having a hard time laughing at what’s going on right now, but hopefully they’ll feel the freedom to laugh at our show,” he says. “It’s kind of sad to laugh at some things, but go ahead and laugh at this.” Veep’s actors make it easy to delight in our own discomfort watching their awkward onscreen antics. Tony says his seamless on-camera rapport with Julia helped to inspire performances resulting in his 2013 and 2015 Emmy awards for the show. “It’s hard to underline how a chemistry like this resulted, but a lot of it is trust,” Tony says. He notes that everyone in the cast is comfortable speaking up if they believe that something is not working. “So you have that trust that’s like, ‘Oh man, yeah we’re on the same page,’ in terms of what the tone of the show is,” Tony says. “Julia and I definitely have that support,” he continues. “We’ll be doing something and say, ‘OK, something funny could happen here…this could be punched up.’ Then the writers create this beautiful, hilarious foundation for us to play off of. It’s so much fun coming into a room and being like, ‘All right, what sort of comedy can we do here?’” The trust between Tony and Julia runs so deep that she asked him to accompany her onstage at the 2013 Emmys to help her accept her own award—in character. “That moment was terrifying,” he says, laughing. “She pitched the idea. She came to me and was like, ‘Hey, I think it’d be funny if you carried my purse.’ And she’s so good at what she does. And in the back of my head I was thinking, ‘Oh crap, she’s going to probably win and then I’m literally going to have to do this.’ “There was a moment when they called her name and we’re walking toward the stage, and I’m thinking, ‘Oh gosh, this could bomb really bad.’ And you just kind of connect to it, and thankfully, I think it worked.” Living Life Through Art Nervousness, anxiety and self-consciousness are not typically thought to be the hallmarks of a natural-born entertainer, yet Tony wouldn’t have it any other way. “Part of that was at first I didn’t know if I could make a living acting,” Tony says. “But then another part of it was that I was just very nervous about it. So I studied journalism, and then after college, I dipped my toe back in by getting back on stage. It was very nerve-wracking, but the more I did it, the more comfortable I got with it.” He’s now been in the acting business more than 20 years. “You learn to surrender to the uncertainty,” Tony says. “Somehow, it works.” “Working,” as Tony puts it, might be the understatement of the year. After breaking onto the scene with parts on Sex and The City, The Sopranos and Dawson’s Creek (not to mention a memorable turn dancing to Styx’s “Mr. Roboto” on a popular Volkswagen commercial in 1999), he caught his stride in a big way in the movie Stranger Than Fiction and as Buster Bluth, the clueless black sheep of the Bluth family on the critical darling TV series Arrested Development. While the roles of Buster and Veep’s Gary are vastly different on the surface, they share aspects of the anxieties and phobias that Tony knows all too well. While taking on these characters may seem nightmarish to some, Tony believes that getting to relive these feelings is a blessing in disguise. “It’s a lot more fun to play it than feel it,” he says, laughing. “In reality, anxiety is very different than how it’s played out. In reality, sometimes a ton of stuff is going on in my head. I’m just trying to figure out, ‘Oh my gosh. What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?’” Read more: Find Your Funny Bone Power of Presence Tony’s success has allowed him to explore other interests. His first children’s book, Archibald’s Next Big Thing, was published in 2014. Beyond being a fun read for little ones, it also lovingly addresses many of the life lessons that Tony holds near and dear to his heart, like dealing with your fears and living in the moment. It’s promoted on adventuresofarchibald.com as “a story that reminds readers that, while looking for the next big thing isn’t a bad thing, big and beautiful things are all around us, right now.” “Little kids are very precious,” Tony says with pride. “My daughter (Loy, age 11) asks a lot of questions. ‘What’s for lunch? What’s for dinner?’ When I take her with me on a vacation, she’s like, ‘What are we doing tomorrow?’ She tends to always look ahead, and she gets annoyed by me because I’m always saying, ‘All right, I hear you, and we can talk about that, but let’s look at what’s around us right now.’ “So it’s not necessarily having a heavy discussion, but it’s just kind of fun to find a different way to look at life. I mean, yeah, we can talk about what’s for dinner, but are you enjoying your lunch now?” Tony’s mindset stems not just from his career successes, but also from a longtime commitment to prayer and meditation. His strong faith and spirituality even inspired him to co-found a sanctuary of sorts with a longtime friend, Kathy Karbowski. The Haven is a community of artistic-minded Christians who meet regularly to converse and support each other’s professional and religious endeavors. “We both met a lot of people in the arts whose faith was important to them, but it was hard for them to find a safe community,” Tony recounts. “We began to get these people together, and really just support each other by attending each other’s concerts, shows or galleries.” In the entertainment industry, Tony says, you spend a lot of time selling yourself, and having such support helps the group look outside of themselves to organize service work and be more a part of the community. “It’s very easy to get self-involved, myself included, and it’s because everyone wants to work….I’m very grateful toward those people in my life. “Another reason why I think we did it was the tremendous amount of rejection in this business. Even though people say, ‘Hey, blow it off,’ it’s very hard not to take it personally. It hurts, but when people in your community see you for who you are, it’s easier to walk away from rejection because they speak more truth into your life about who you really are. It is incredibly life-giving, I think.” While Tony’s cooperative spirit helps The Haven live up to its name for those who are a part of it, including his wife, Emmy Award-winning makeup artist Martel Thompson, his personal commitment to Christianity has been just as important to him over the years. “It’s not just a part of my life,” he says. “My relationship with God is the majority of it. Obviously, everyone has their own journey, but this life gets crazy, and this business can get you wrapped up in things that sometimes seem so major but really aren’t when compared to what’s going on in the rest of the world, which can seem overwhelming.” “By the way, I’m not great at this,” he added, meaning always living in the moment, prioritizing God and being of service to others. “But I am getting better.” Read more: Sam Worthington Bares His Soul Gerry Strauss is a frequent contributor to Live Happy magazine. His last feature article was Ming-Na Wen, Agent of Change.

Reading

Do You Have Enough Grit?

Caroline Adams Miller had to develop grit to keep herself alive. She had success and talent but was battling an eating disorder. Then one day a woman stood up in a 12-step recovery meeting and said she was recovering from bulimia one day at a time. Caroline was transformed the moment when she realized that she could enlist the support of others and take her own eating disorder out of the shadows. She went from hopeless to hopeful. It was her turning point. Today she calls grit her life’s work. In her new book, Getting Grit: The Evidence-Based Approach to Cultivating Passion, Perseverance, and Purpose, Caroline shows us—through meticulous research from positive psychology experts—how to develop the trait of authentic grit, one of the key determinants of life satisfaction and success. LIVE HAPPY: You define grit as perseverance and passion for long-term goals and note that as a culture, we need more of it. Where have we gone wrong? CAROLINE ADAMS MILLER: I do believe a lot of it started with the self-esteem parenting movement. The belief was if you praise children and tell them that they are special and winners they will believe that and work very hard and live up to that standard of being special. But now we know from the work of Carol Dweck, Ph.D., that it creates a “fixed mindset” that makes people afraid to take risks or not have that praise and it stops them from working hard. Rats that are given sugar water in mazes stop trying to solve the maze; they just sit down and get fat. This is what happened to an entire generation. We have everyone getting trophies and dumbed-down standards. We have playgrounds with woodchips so no one skins a knee. Or phonics made easy. We protect children from themselves to the point where they don’t have to learn any coping skills, or have to learn from failure. And it just keeps getting worse. Listen to our podcast with Caroline Miller: LH: You point out that people need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable to develop grit. What do you mean by that? CAM: I heard a great quote on Wharton Business Radio [Sirius XM channel] the other day. I think it’s the answer. “All learning takes place on the cusp of anxiety.” If you are always in the safe place, it’s the status quo. You aren’t learning. There isn’t that kind of edge of anxiety where you are being forced to pay attention and transgress boundaries of physical safety, emotional safety and intellectual safety—so you are never really changing. And stress is what causes people to become more resilient, not less resilient. People get stronger by doing hard things and braver by being courageous. Read more by Caroline Miller: The 6-Step Goal-Setting Challenge LH: What are some of the ways people can cultivate grit? CAM: People who have grit ask themselves, “Why not?” When faced with something bigger than themselves, they ask, “Why not me?” Change the channel in your brain. Go to another place in your brain. Have a slogan. One day at a time. Attitude of gratitude. Easy does it. Or use a symbol, think of a person, find a way to hijack your brain and go to the best channel for you. Create a team around you. Who can I positively connect with today? Givers end up at the top of the success ladder. They brainstorm. They find ways to comfort themselves. LH: If people could take just one thing away from your book, what would that be? CAM: Anyone can cultivate grit. It is not reserved for Olympic gold medalists. If I can do it and go from being successful, talented and looking good, to realizing I didn’t have it and failing in an epic way that almost cost me my life, and then rebuilding authentically from that, I really do believe everybody can strive for grit—because you are going for what matters in life. Getting Grit: The Evidence-Based Approach to Cultivating Passion, Perseverance, and Purpose is available at Amazon and wherever books are sold. Sandra Bilbray is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

Self-Care

Mud Runs and 6 Other Ways to Conquer Your Fears

When was the last time you felt that rush of euphoria that comes from facing a fear and crushing it? If you can’t remember, it might be time to step outside your comfort zone. We humans generally prefer to stay comfortable and safe. But there’s a trade-off to this easy life. When we avoid facing fears or taking risks, we miss out on opportunities to grow—emotionally, physically and even spiritually. We forgo the exhilaration and pure bliss you feel only when you are pushing past your limits. Dial up your bravery and face your fears with these seven tips. 1. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable Who likes to feel uncomfortable? No one. But at the end of life you may regret not having followed your dreams, instead taking the easy, predictable path. Pursuing dreams invariably means taking risks and facing fears. The goal of life shouldn’t be to feel comfortable all the time. Tell yourself it’s OK to feel uncomfortable. This mindset switch can help you face a fear and try something new, like talking in front of a group, asking for a promotion, attending a networking event, or writing your first book. Feeling uncomfortable, fearful or nervous is OK. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it. On the contrary, it means you are about to be daring. Follow Winston Churchill’s advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” The only way out is through, and you will feel glorious on the other side. 2. Sign up for a Mud Run or any obstacle race Want to tackle some challenges in your life? Try an athletic challenge first. When you take on a physical challenge, such as a mud run, you begin to see yourself as strong. You have a tangible example of your bravery. Plus, lots of obstacle races promote a communal vibe of mental and physical toughness, challenge and teamwork. Another benefit? Climbing over muddy obstacles and getting dirty will remind you of childhood—when you weren’t burdened by the fears you have now. Not into mud? Try another physical challenge like a ropes course with a zip line, scuba diving or anything that you’ve wanted to do but were afraid you couldn’t. Then take the insights you gained from the physical feat and try putting them to use in your everyday life. 3. Read confidence-boosting books We tell ourselves we will feel confident once we [fill in the blank]. The truth is, confidence comes when we do the thing we fear. Learn how fear is not your enemy and how you can use it as a “powerful source of energy that can be harnessed and used for your benefit,” as psychotherapist Russ Harris writes in his book, The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt. “The actions of confidence come first,” writes Russ, “the feelings of confidence come later.” Read more: 10 Best Books to Help Achieve Your Goals 4. Follow Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice Do one thing every day that scares you. If you are resistant to diving headfirst into a big fear, use each day to tackle a small one. Chip away at your fears by achieving small wins. Do one cold call. Pitch your idea. Speak up in a meeting. Build up your fear-conquering muscle little by little. 5. Immerse yourself in the thing you fear Psychotherapists have long used something called exposure therapy to rid patients of difficult phobias and anxieties. This involves continually exposing someone to the thing they fear in a controlled environment so that eventually whatever was once monstrous becomes banal. Television producer Shonda Rhimes had a fear of public speaking but conquered it by saying yes to every speaking request for an entire year. She recounts this excruciating yet exalting experiment in her book Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person. At the end of the year, she gained the sense of accomplishment and personal empowerment that comes from being scared and doing it anyway (whatever it is). 6. Get a pep talk from a friend Fear can feel isolating. We don’t like to acknowledge that we feel “less than” or weak. But when you talk with a friend about what you would like to achieve and the fears that are holding you back, you not only get support and encouragement but you will probably learn that your friend has fears as well—and may even know strategies for overcoming them. When you make yourself vulnerable and connect with another person in this way, you are fostering deep bonds and building up the network that will propel you forward. 7. Make your own Braveheart list There’s a good chance you already are quite brave but just don’t realize you are. Make your own Braveheart list by writing down all the times you’ve taken on a new challenge or surprised yourself by doing something you didn’t think you could do. Next time you read it, stand in a Wonder Woman pose. You’ve triumphed over fear in the past, and you will do it again. Read more: 11 Steps to a Braver You Read more: 33 Ideas for Living a More Courageous Life Sandra Bilbray is a contributing editor for Live Happy and the founder and CEO of themediaconcierge.net.

Self-Care

13 Easy Ways to Boost Your Well-Being

It is always a good idea to give yourself a mental tuneup to help ward off any blue moods. In honor of Mental Health Month, here are a few ideas to help you keep your mind motoring toward happiness. 1. Attitude matters A bad attitude can have adverse effects on your physical health. According to the organization Mental Health of America, people with a positive attitude outlive their grumpy peers over a 30-year period. A few ways to stay optimistic: stop ruminating over the past, don’t worry so much about the future and express a lot of gratitude. 2. The less stress the better Too much stress hurts. And when you have too much for too long, it can even be deadly. Mithu Storoni, Ph.D., author of Stress-Proof: The Scientific Solution to Building a Resilient Brain and Life, writes that when the mind is in an “optimal state” it can fight off stress easier, bolstering the immune system and slowing the effects of disease. Breathing techniques and simple meditations can be quick antidotes to stress when you find yourself a little frayed. 3. Get out and move Sedentary lifestyles can have real consequences on physical and mental health, including increased risks of stroke, heart attacks, cognitive decline and depressed moods. According to the Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, more than 80 percent of U.S. adults and adolescents do not meet the guidelines for aerobic and muscle-strengthening activities. If you can’t seem to part with electronic devices that keep you in your chair, find an app to help you get moving. A recent study from Duke Health found that the mobile game Pokémon Go encouraged millions to get up and walk. Participants were twice as likely to reach their 10,000-step goal when playing the game. 4. Good food is brain food Eating healthier is a no-brainer when it comes to good physical health, but it is also great for your brain. According to a recent Gallup Poll, U.S. adults who reported eating healthy in the recent past are 34.1 percent less likely to have depression. Drew Ramsey, psychiatrist, farmer and author of Fifty Shades of Kale and The Happiness Diet says that eating the right foods, including nuts, beans and seafood, can actually boost your mood. 5. Forgive to flourish “It is very difficult to be happy when one is complaining about the past. It is very hard to be happy when we experience ourselves as helpless victims of fate or another person. Forgiveness provides us the evidence that we can cope with life’s difficulties so we don’t have to live afraid and constricted.” —Fred Luskin, Ph.D. 6. Sleep your worries away Improving sleep habits is a great way to care for your emotional and mental health. The National Sleep Foundation estimates that 35 percent of Americans aren’t getting quality sleep. Researchers from the University of Warwick in the U.K. say quality sleep is more important to improving health and happiness than the quantity of Z’s. They equate the feeling we get after a good night’s sleep to that of “winning the lottery.” 7. Laugh often “Laughter is the verbalization of happiness,” says comedian and happiness expert Yakov Smirnoff. “So if it’s a healthy laugh, not nervous laughter, but a healthy, mirthful laugh, it is triggered by humor.” For more, check out our podcast with Yakov. 8. Be excellent to each other Studies show that when people engage in acts of kindness, they experience positive emotions that lead to a release of oxytocin (the love hormone) in the body. Kindness has also been associated with a reduction in symptoms of depression and anxiety. 9. Don’t forget to love yourself “Our mind state is constantly affecting the mind state of others. If we are grumpy and irritable, the people around us are grumpy and irritable. We feed on each other’s emotions. So when you start practicing self-compassion, other people pick up on that and the more you are in this calm, kind, connected place, the more the people around you feel that way, too.” —Kristin Neff, Ph.D, author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. 10. Practice makes perfect “Whatever we water and cultivate conscientiously thrives and blooms in a regular garden….Bring to mind gratitude and other positive emotions often, and soon they will grow and take over the garden of your heart.”—Joseph Emet, author of Finding the Blue Sky: A Mindful Approach to Choosing Happiness Here and Now. 11. Stay away from all work and no play Danes take their free time very seriously. Malene Rydahl writes in Happy as a Dane: 10 Secrets of the Happiest People in the World, that the Danes dedicate nearly 70 percent of each day to personal activities and spending time with friends and family. It’s this kind of attitude that makes Denmark one of the happiest countries in the world, according to the World Happiness Reports. 12. Slow down “In today’s busy world, our mind is continuously active, jumping from one item to the next at a dizzying speed. Not only is this behavior exhausting, but it can impair how well we attend to any of the tasks at hand. Indeed, much of what crosses our paths does not require our attention or care, but it nonetheless consumes space in our consciousness. Over time, the background noise becomes a normal state, and we lose track of it—falling deeper into a state of mental fatigue, in turn limiting our ability to process important events and emotions. To counteract the deleterious effects of the noise, we need to refocus our attention on a smaller number of subjects. The practice of mindfulness does just that.” —Dr. Michael Finkelstein, internal medicine and holistic physician and author of Slow Medicine: Hope and Healing for Chronic Illness. 13. Savor the flavor “When we can fully engage with our lives, we are happier, less stressed and more grateful. In addition, we’re more likely to remember and recall the calm, peaceful and joyful times, which can help sustain us through the more difficult ones. We don’t have to wait for sunsets on the beach or fancy weddings; we can practice savoring the smaller moments that happen on a daily basis, such as drinking a hot cup of coffee, snuggling our children or eating dinner with a friend.” —Carla Naumburg, Ph.D., author of Ready, Set, Breathe: Practicing Mindfulness with Your Children for Fewer Meltdowns and a More Peaceful Family. Chris Libby is the Section Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Self-Care

How to Win Like an Underdog

Until June 30, 2016, Coastal Carolina University had never won a national championship in any sport. That all changed in Game 3 of the College World Series at Omaha’s TD Ameritrade Park. In the bottom of the ninth inning, pitcher Alex Cunningham struck out Arizona’s Ryan Haug—securing the title win for the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers and giving the first-time College World Series participants the chance to raise the coveted trophy. “I completely blacked out for a solid two-and-a-half minutes,” Alex says. “I saw myself on the interview, and I don’t even remember taking that interview.” His excitement is understandable, especially when you consider that no College World Series team had won the title in its first appearance in the finals in 60 years. “From the day we walked in there, we were kinda playing with house money,” says Gary Gilmore, Chanticleers head coach. “There weren’t a whole lot of expectations by all of the prognosticators—we were big-time underdogs in that whole deal.” Yet Gary and his coaching staff focused on factors outside of others’ expectations. “There are so many things that we can’t control,” Gary says. “The things we can, we want to be in complete control of: things like our preparation, how we do things to get ready for the game—things as simple as what time we go to bed at night. We don’t let the situation become bigger than life to us.” Take the pressure off One way the team maintained focus was simply by relaxing. “I don’t think anyone on our team felt pressure,” Gary says. A big reason for that: Gary discovered a newfound calmness in his coaching career last year, a trait he says came over him once he started reading the Bible every day. “I think the calmer I was, the calmer the team was,” Gary says. “There were several times in the playoffs when we did dumb things, and maybe five or 10 years ago, I would have come in the dugout and slung a helmet, let out some profanity and blown off steam. This time, I’d say, ‘Hey guys, not a problem. We’ll get them the next inning.’ ” After a hard loss in Game 1, Gary remembers praying for the right words to say to his crew. He walked into the locker room and started clapping in front of his bewildered team. “I told them that I was in the locker room of a national champion, and here’s what we’re going to do for the next two days.” Gary relayed who would pitch, who would relieve and what kind of success they were going to have. “I knew I had to make them believe that we could do it. We had lost, but we weren’t out.” And believing, it turns out, made all the difference. “Talent is on a piece of paper,” Gary explains. “We weren’t the most talented team there, but we played the best. I’ve coached one or two other teams that on paper had significantly more talent. And yet this team found a way to make it work.” Root, root, root for the underdog It’s no secret that most people love to pull for the underdog. Countless studies have backed up this phenomenon, including one published in 2007 in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. When 71 participants were asked which imaginary team—one ranked higher than the other—they hoped would prevail in an Olympic swimming event, 75 percent said they preferred to see the lower-ranked team win. “People love to be awed and inspired,” says Caroline Miller, a certified professional coach and author of Creating Your Best Life and Getting Grit. “It’s built into our DNA.” She says the inspiration we feel when we see people outperform themselves causes us to release oxytocin, frequently referred to as the “love hormone”—which makes it easy to see why we get so attached to underdogs. This affinity for the “little guy” extends beyond sports. Southwest Airlines, Apple and even political candidates have gained notoriety and loyal followings due to underdog status. That makes you wonder: What if we could tap into the mindset of underdogs? What enables them to overcome the odds, and how can it be developed? In his 2013 book David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, Malcolm Gladwell explains how we often overlook the advantages that go along with being an underdog. He writes: “It can open doors and create opportunities and educate and enlighten and make possible what might otherwise have seemed unthinkable.” How sweet it is It turns out, we can learn a lot from all types of underdogs—whether we’re talking about a College World Series team or two self-described “hippiedippy” 20-somethings with a love of ice cream and breaking the rules. Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield met while running track in seventh grade gym class, the two slowest of the pack—quite fitting for the duo, as their underdog status would follow them into adulthood and eventually be their claim to fame. By the mid-1970s, Jerry had tried unsuccessfully to get into medical school, while Ben had dropped out of college and attempted to become a potter—only no one wanted to buy his pottery. The solution: They liked hanging out, and they liked eating, so they decided to go into the food business together. Their two favorite foods were ice cream and bagels, and since the machinery required for bagel-making came with a much heftier price tag than that of ice cream, the decision was simple. At war with a behemoth In 1978, Ben & Jerry’s first scoop shop opened in Burlington, Vermont, and beloved flavors like Chunky Monkey were born. As their local popularity began to grow, the pair began to package their ice cream into pint containers and sell it to restaurants and mom-and-pop shops. By the early 1980s, they had set their sights on their first major market: Boston. As they approached store owners there, they learned that business representatives from Haagen-Dazs—which sold to the same supermarkets—had issued an ultimatum to store owners: If they agreed to sell Ben and Jerry’s product, then they would not sell them Haagen-Dazs, a major moneymaker for the distributors. Ben and Jerry filed a class action lawsuit against Pillsbury, Haagen-Dazs’ parent company, but drawn-out legal battles weren’t a viable option for the small company. They knew they would run out of financial resources before the more established business. So what’s an underdog to do? “Ben and I learned to use every tool possible as underdogs, and the biggest resource we had was people,” Jerry says. “We didn’t have money. We didn’t have size to leverage. We had the opportunity to use our people to make a difference.” And so they got creative. The company launched the storied “What’s the Doughboy Afraid of?” campaign, taking out signs on buses, designing T-shirts and including an 800-number on the product packaging. Customers who called were treated to an answering machine message of the co-founders explaining the situation. If they left their address, a campaign bumper sticker was mailed to them. Taking their underdog cause to the streets ignited a passionate following, and Pillsbury soon backed down due to public pressure. These days, Ben & Jerry’s, which became a Unilever subsidiary in 2000, operates some 600 scoop shops in 35 countries. The company maintains an independent board of directors to “ensure we’re making the best ice cream possible in the best way possible,” as stated on benjerry.com. “There’s a curiosity that helps when we’re in that underdog mindset,” explains Michelle McQuaid, best-selling author and workplace well-being teacher. “It goes hand-in-hand with the strength of creativity and being willing to try new ways of doing things, rather than accepting that there’s only one path to success.” Also key to an underdog’s success is maintaining that mindset even after finding success. “In terms of what we spend on marketing and sales, there hasn’t been a significant change from when we were a small underdog business,” says Sean Greenwood, the “grand poobah” of public relations for Ben & Jerry’s and a nearly 30-year employee. “That forces us to be creative and keeps pushing us to use that underdog mindset in the marketplace.” Ben and Jerry didn’t fit the mold of your typical businessmen when they launched their ice cream business nearly 40 years ago—and it has made all the difference. “Embrace who you are and make that your strength,” Jerry says. “We wanted to be ice cream ‘for the people,’ and not an elegant treat just for some. Hold on to your beliefs. If you don’t like the way the model is, then think about changing the model to fit who you are.” A growth mindset Everyone has had moments of success—those times when we’ve pulled something off that we’ve been working really hard toward. Our brain is flooded with happy endorphins, and we never want the feeling to end. What we probably don’t realize, though, is that the high we gain from continued wins can be incredibly addictive. An interesting thing happens when we become accustomed to success. “Neurologically, it changes some things in our brain,” Michelle says. “We start to attach our success to our sense of identity. Then we can begin to fear if we’re not the winner, who does that mean we are?” That’s where underdogs have the upper hand, since they’re not burdened with that addiction to success. “The underdog mindset takes the pressure down,” Michelle says. “It changes the way our brains are working chemically, and it opens us up for learning and growth.” Taking the focus off winning and instead turning our attention toward learning and development is what psychologists call having a growth mindset—a key ingredient to an underdog’s success. Underdogs try harder Louisa Jewell, a well-being teacher and founder of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association, says this kind of thinking actually feeds winning behavior. “When you’re an underdog with a growth mindset, you think ‘I don’t have it yet. If I work harder, if I practice more, if I persevere in the face of obstacles, I can get better.’ ” A fixed mindset, on the other hand, leads people to believe they either have it or they don’t—not leaving much room for improvement. “When we have a fixed mindset around our talents, then it doesn’t really propel us into action,” Louisa says. “It doesn’t really motivate us toward behaviors that allow us to work harder and believe that we could one day be the winner.” Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, Ph.D., is a leading researcher on growth mindset. In her research, she discovered that high achievers without a growth mindset eventually plateau and achieve less than they’re capable of because the anxiety tied to their previous successes becomes overwhelming, leading them to stop taking risks. Those with a growth mindset, however, go on to achieve high levels of success in all areas of their lives since they understand that it’s best to keep learning and growing. “It’s not that we don’t love a good outcome when we’re in a growth mindset,” Michelle explains. “We just prioritize the learning over the outcome. The funny thing is, the less we attach to the outcome, the more likely we usually are to get the desired outcome.” According to Caroline, people are often further motivated when they don’t quite get to the finish line the first time around—a concept researchers refer to as the psychology of the near miss, which is a type of failure that comes close to being a success. Take Alex, who before throwing the winning pitch in the 2016 College World Series had lost his high school state championship game three years in a row. “That definitely lit a fire in me that hadn’t gone away until that final pitch of the World Series,” Alex says. Like Alex, those who have authentic grit—another ingredient to an underdog’s success—will be inspired to come back and work harder. Caroline describes authentic grit as the passionate pursuit of hard goals that allows us to take responsible risks and promotes flourishing. “There’s a modicum of failure in everything that we try to achieve,” Gary says. “If you stay with it, every time you get knocked down gives you that much more resilience to come back and fight twice as hard.” Underdogs—and anyone striving for their goals—must also have a strong support system, Gary says. “All of us fail at really anything we try to do in life the majority of the time. We’ve got to have help from above, great friends and great family there to support us.” Don't worry, be happy Studies show us that for athletes to perform at their best, it helps for them to have fun and play in a carefree way. “Carefree doesn’t mean careless or caring less,” says Mike Margolies, chief operating officer of Mental Training Inc. and author of The Athlete Within You. “It means you’re focused on being present.” Think about it this way: Top dogs are usually in a no-win situation. If they win, that was expected. If they don’t, it’s a huge upset. Those in the favored position are under more pressure so they don’t always perform at their best—an advantage to the underdog. “An underdog’s confidence will start to rise because their expectations are pretty low,” Mike explains. “That means they’re going to play at a higher level because they can play carefree.” Winning for the underdog is a bonus, since they don’t face the same scrutiny as the top dog. “It was easy for us to play with confidence because we didn’t have that bar already set for us,” Alex says. “We were just having the time of our lives. There were no expectations to live up to.” Don't forget your 'why' The benefits of having fun aren’t limited to sports. In 1979, one year after being in business, Ben & Jerry’s developed two company philosophies: one focused on giving back to the community, and the second being, “If it’s not fun, why do it?” This importance on having fun is still a huge part of the company’s DNA, but the philosophy was phrased as a question on purpose. The co-founders say there were times with their startup business when 80-hour workweeks were the norm and fun wasn’t always on the agenda. The key is to know why you’re doing it. “You have to have a sense of passion,” Michelle says. “It’s really hard to persist as an underdog if what we’re chasing isn’t meaningful to us, because otherwise falling down just gets too painful for most of us.” Whether it’s launching a business, winning a sports title or achieving the countless other goals that lie within us, we’ve all probably felt at one point like insurmountable odds might get in the way. Luckily, lessons learned from successful underdogs can help guide us on our own paths to success. “If you’re going to be elite, every now and then you’re going to have to be an underdog,” Caroline says. “If you’re an underdog, it means you’re definitely not guaranteed a win—you’re shooting for the moon. Everyone should learn how to do that.” Amanda Gleason writes regularly for Live Happy magazine. Check out her other stories The Birthday Party Project Gives Homeless Kids a Day to Sparkle and Make-a-Wish: Where Science and Hope Meet.

Lifestyle

Are You a Phone Snubber?

It’s annoying, and we’re both guilty of it. It’s one of the prime ways we—as married happiness researchers—make each other supremely unhappy. See if you can guess what’s going on here: One of us: “Honey, I was thinking tonight maybe we take Leo to dinner at that sushi restaurant. What do you think?” The other: “Huh?” (Silence). (More silence). “You done?” “Yes.” “Honey, I was thinking tonight maybe we take Leo to dinner at that sushi restaurant. What do you think?” “Sounds great.” If you haven’t already guessed, the conversation stopper was a smartphone. While it makes coordinating child care and running our research projects together easier, at times it has also made us feel incredibly disconnected from one another. Checking it when we should be checking in with each other can send signals to our partner whom we love dearly that they are not a priority. Whether it’s looking at the latest scores for fantasy football (Shawn) or lurking the halls of Facebook to get glimpses of friends’ baby pics (Michelle)—those moments when our partner feels we’ve chosen our smartphone over them can damage our relationship. Phone + snubbing = phubbing Researchers have recently given this bad behavior a name: Phubbing (phone + snubbing). Phubbing happens when one person checks a phone, in essence snubbing their partner, when they are supposed to be hanging out together. A study by Brandon McDaniel and Sarah Coyne published in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture found that of the women surveyed who were in a romantic relationship, 62 percent of them said phubbing happened to them daily. As many as 1 in 3 said their partner pulled out the phone during meals together, and 25 percent said their loved one sent text messages or emails to other people while they were having a face-to-face conversation. Phubbing is a natural consequence of an addictive national pastime that has only become more prevalent. The Mobile Mindset Study conducted by mobile security company Lookout found that three out of five smartphone users in the U.S. don’t go more than an hour without checking their phones. Another study found that the average American checks his or her phone every six to seven minutes. I guess we’ve just replaced the famous seven-minute conversation lull with a quick scan of social media to fill the void. Break the phone addiction The fallout of these tiny choices in our relationships is real—often leaving the other person feeling insecure that they are boring or frustrated that they are not getting the attention they want. In the study published in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 70 percent of participants said that phubbing harmed their ability to interact with their romantic partners. Marriage and relationship researcher John Gottman, Ph.D., has found that couples with flourishing relationships have a positivity ratio of 5:1, and that a negative event (like being phubbed by your partner, for instance) necessitates five positive interactions to balance it out. Better not to phub in the first place! We decided to turn to our resident expert on technology and happiness, our colleague and Shawn’s sister Amy Blankson, author of the brilliant new book The Future of Happiness, in which she looks at how to leverage technology to be happier in life. She put away her phone, looked us in the eyes, and gave us her advice on concrete action steps to have a positive relationship with our phones and each other. Here is what we learned: 1. Establish tech-free times Pick the times of day when everyone has the highest chances of connecting in person, like car rides or dinner times, and make sure the phones are stashed. For us, the most fun time of the day with our 3-year-old son, Leo, is the morning. Therefore, we’ve made it a rule that he can’t watch any videos before naptime, and we put our phones away, too. This simple shift has significantly increased the number of meaningful moments between the three of us. 2. Ring in the good times Give the babysitter a special ringtone so you don’t have to check every call. Create a sacred space for date nights by getting the phones off the table. A study from the University of Essex found that having a smartphone on the table during a face-to-face conversation reduces feelings of closeness, trust and relationship quality. Use your phone’s ringtones and notifications to your advantage. 3. Tuck it in Don’t bring your phone to bed with you. Tuck it into its own recharging station away from the bedroom. At the launch of our partner Arianna Huffington’s new well-being company Thrive Global, she unveiled the Phone Bed Charging Station, which is a mini bed, complete with satin sheets and a built-in charger. It’s the perfect size for your smartphone. Arianna suggests putting it in the kitchen or living room and buying an old-fashioned alarm clock for the bedroom. For us, being more conscious of our often unconscious behavior of checking our phones is still a work in progress—but paying attention to it has made all the difference. That and the fact that football is not in full swing this time of year! For more on Amy’s new book, see her interview on page 94 in Live Happy magazine. And, for a great way to use technology to start your day right, join us for our (free) Wake Up & Inspire Happiness Video Workshop at broadcastinghappiness.com/happiness. Read more: Let Technology Lift Your Life Listen to our podcast on tech and well-being: The Future of Happiness With Amy Blankson SHAWN ACHOR is best-selling author of the The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness. Shawn’s TED Talk is one of the most popular ever, with more than 5 million views, and his PBS program has been seen by millions. Learn more about Shawn at Goodthinkinc.com. MICHELLE GIELAN is an expert on the science of positive communication and the author of the book Broadcasting Happiness. Formerly a national anchor for CBS News, Michelle holds a masters of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Learn more at Goodthinkinc.com.

Lifestyle

Find Your Funny Bone

What do you get when you put an introverted mechanical engineering student on a stage telling jokes in front of 150 people for 10 minutes? For Nick Seymour, a senior at Iowa State University, it was sheer perspiration-infused terror. “Being on stage was one of my biggest fears,” says Nick, whose worst subject in high school was speech class. “I am this boring guy who sits in the corner and works on math.” So how did that guy find himself here, microphone in hand, sweating it out in front of a huge crowd? Nick’s performance was the final in his honors Comedy College course taught by professional comedian and instructor Gavin Jerome along with ISU economics professor Peter Orazem. Nick signed up for the class to work on his interpersonal skills. Throughout the semester, Nick and other fellow future engineers, mathematicians, psychologists and business leaders learned how to craft and write jokes, bounce ideas off each other, work the crowd and, at the end of the course, showcased their efforts in front of a live audience. The goal of the class is not to learn how to be a professional comedian, although Peter and Gavin agree that a few students have been good enough to make a living doing it, but rather an opportunity to use comedy and humor to learn life lessons such as how to overcome fears of public speaking, build confidence and improve communication. Not everyone is a natural comedian. In fact, most of us aren’t. But, just like any skill, the use of humor and other techniques used in performing comedy or having a comedic mindset can be strengthened with practice and are useful in almost any social situation. “If you want to work in a team environment and get along with your co-workers, then a sense of humor and comedy training make you more likable and able to create rapport, reduce tension, facilitate communication and increase cooperation,” Gavin says. The World Is a Stage If we are shy turtles, humor can coax us out of our shells. If we are trying to break the ice with others, making people laugh can relieve stress and make awkward situations less so. Laughter and humor are ways to strengthen our bonds socially, improve relationships, lower stress and let down our negativity guards to say, “OK, this is a safe space.” Psychologist Brian King, Ph.D., author of the book The Laughing Cure: Emotional and Physical Healing—A Comedian Reveals Why Laughter Is the Best Medicine, says when someone is laughing with you, your brain signals that this person is most likely not out to harm you. “So many people fear public speaking more than anything else,” he says. And when we have success and the audience is engaging, we are overcoming a tremendous amount of anxiety and that can be thrilling. Brian should know, because although he has been a professor and is no stranger to public speaking, he is also a working comedian who still gets nervous when performing. He knows just what kind of pressure Nick is dealing with up on that stage. “The anxiety that is produced is almost relieved immediately by the response of laughter,” he says. “The audience is putting you at ease and saying, ‘Look, we are not going to hurt you and you are OK.’ But until you get that first laugh, it can be nerve-wracking.” It was toward the end of his final set when Nick realized for the first time that he was killing it. “For the fist seven minutes I was terrified. I really didn’t want to be up there. It is way out of my comfort zone,” he says. “The last three minutes, I hit on a joke that was pretty funny and from there I ran with it.” Reviewing his performance video, he can see the moment when he connects with the audience. There’s a shift in his facial expressions from fear to commanding control of the crowd. “I get really animated and I just go crazy on stage. That was the point when I realized that I have to keep doing this. I have to keep doing comedy, and I have to keep working on stage, working on my public speaking skills. It has been spectacular for me.” Brian feels that same passion. Learning stand-up comedy “has made me a much more effective and comfortable public speaker,” he says. “There are skills that you learn on a comedy stage that really can’t even be articulated, like how to handle yourself emotionally to ways to think about what you are saying and at the same moment pick up on cues being fed to you from the audience.” When the performer is in sync with the audience, everyone benefits. “There is traditional wisdom with public speaking to open with a joke,” Brian says. “It doesn’t matter what you are talking about, it is such a good rule of thumb.” Communicating Through Comedy Peter, who helped facilitate the Comedy College course at ISU, was also once a student of Gavin’s. He now finds joy in performing comedy as a hobby, but also credits it for improving his speaking and writing skills. “There is nothing more scary than taking something you have written that you think might be funny but you are not sure, and getting up in front of people and having to deliver,” Peter says. “Or knowing that if you have something that bombs, you have to get to the next joke to make up for it. It’s a scary thing, but if you are comfortable with that, then there is not a whole lot that you can’t do.” Peter says great communicators work backward from the message, and in comedy the punchline is the message. When we develop what we want to say, we want to deliver the message as efficiently as possible, whether it is in a boardroom, speaking in public or at a business meeting. “You want to get to the conclusion as quickly and as efficiently as possible, and it has to be understandable to as many people as possible so they are not scratching their heads as to what is the relationship between the setup and the payoff.” Before the course, Nick felt he was lacking in communication skills and certain social protocols in his engineering courses. “They teach you how to do the calculations but they don’t teach you the person-to-person interaction,” Nick says. “I saw so much improvement in my personal skills (after the class); interviews have gone tremendously better. I’ve gotten a ton more interviews because of this. It is easier to talk to people; it’s a lot easier to do presentations.” Read more: Yacov Smirnoff Is Bringing Laughter Back Wacky at Work Iowa State isn’t the only U.S. college to use unconventional practices of comedy when preparing students for life. The Neeley School of Business at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, Texas, recently named a local improv comedy troupe, Four Day Weekend, as its Entrepreneur-in-Residence. Through workshops and lectures, Four Day Weekend is now teaching its “Yes, and…” philosophy to business students, a first for a comedy troupe in the school’s history. The “Yes, and…” approach is standard practice in improvisational comedy and theater. The idea is to completely listen to your partner onstage and not judge or react until they are done. Not knowing what they are going to say, you have to agree to build upon that idea. If everyone agrees to the rules, then the activity is free to go anywhere while creativity and hilarity ensues. Homer Erekson, Ph.D., dean and professor of managerial economics and strategy at TCU, says the philosophy is a good fit for the Neeley School of Business because of the messages of innovation, inclusion and hope. “Part of any community is learning to laugh with each other and learning to celebrate each other as people, and humor is one of those vehicles that does that,” Homer says. “It is a community builder. The best communities are the ones that not only do great work but learn to laugh together.” David Wilk, co-founder of Four Day Weekend, has gone from a struggling comedian to, decades later, performing for U.S. Congress and meeting two presidents just by saying “yes.” “We started out bitter stand-up comics who weren’t that successful, and we switched to improvisation and ‘Yes, and…’ and started building everyone up around us instead of tearing everything down,” David says. “And our business, our careers, our lives, everything around us just flourished.” Gordon Bermant, a lecturer at the University of Pennsylvania’s psychology department, concludes in his opinion piece in the 2013 journal Frontiers in Psychology that the most important component to improv is the “Yes, and…” philosophy because of its “unambiguous and complete support of performing partners for each other.” Because of the use of spontaneity, players can also get lost in a flow state where creativity explodes in the present moment and real bonds of trust can be formed. He equates these actions to the concept of unconditional positive regard (UPR), developed by psychologist Carl Rogers, in which acceptance of a person’s behavior is wholly supported without judgment. “Your idea becomes our idea and we both have buy in,” David says. “If we all do our jobs, we all look good. And what we have found is that we are far more productive and creative collectively than we are individually.” Four Day Weekend performs for businesses and corporations across the country, delivering their message of “no idea is a bad idea.” “Yes, and…” is a philosophy, David says. “It is a retooling of the brain to be more cognizant and accepting of others’ ideas and living in this state of adaptability.” That’s not to say it works for every situation. “I’m a father of two boys,” he says. “If they came to me and asked to play in the street, I wouldn’t say, ‘Yes, and…wear camouflage.’ ” Funny Is As Funny Does In the January 2011 journal Communication Education, a four-decade study on the use of humor in the classroom found that comedy can create a positive environment for learning, “soften” critiques and even help with social cohesiveness. Even bad news may not be so bad when told with a joke. Before taking his comedy class, Nick attended a career fair and did not receive a single offer. After completing the course, he got six internship offers. He also now views life differently. He approaches every day with humor and remembers to not take things too seriously. “Life is fun and games if you let it be.” Nick and a few of his Comedy College classmates have started their own comedy club, performing in local venues in Ames, Iowa, and nearby Des Moines. He has been pushed fully outside his comfort zone and is loving every minute of it. “The best advice I can give to anyone looking at a program like this, is just do it. There is nothing bad that will come out it. What else would you rather spend your time on? Is watching Netflix going to make you a better person? This certainly will.” Brian concurs. He says, “Every time I get off a stage, I feel an ecstatic sense of well-being and it’s great. There are few things better than making a room full of people laugh.” Listen to our podcast Bringing Laughter Back With Yakov Smirnoff Read More: This is Your Brain on Humor Chris Libby is section editor for Live Happy magazine. Chris is also the author of Still Laughing and Why March Madness Makes Us So Happy.

Practice

Ismael Cala Brings Insights to WOHASU

Ismael Cala, president of Cala Enterprises and founder of the Ismael Cala Foundation, which works to develop leadership skills in disadvantaged youth, is one of more than 25 happiness experts scheduled to speak at the World Happiness Summit in Miami, March 17–19. The social entrepreneur and former host of his own show on CNN en Español will join Live Happy Co-Founder and CEO Deborah K. Heisz and Live Happy columnist and positive psychology expert Michelle Gielan for a special panel at the Summit on March 19. LIVE HAPPY: What is your definition of happiness? ISMAEL CALA: Happiness is created by each of us in our everyday work to achieve excellence. Of course it has nothing to do with having more things but in striving to achieve our desires. We can even be happy when we do not succeed because we have learned the lessons that will help us succeed on another occasion. Our well-being is in our capacity to love, to dream and to reach beyond our fears and comfort zones. LH: The World Happiness Summit has a special Latin American flair, with your Ismael Cala Foundation and CNN en Español as partners. What can the rest of the world learn about happiness from the Latino culture? IC: I read recently that many of the happiest countries are in Latin America. I’m not surprised. Latin America has faced great challenges for decades. These challenges require a kind of constructive leadership that can be found among Latinos. We are people who have managed to find light in dark situations. My education and childhood have taught me to find happiness in small things, in my family and in the achievements of everyday life. And to continue working every day for my dreams. I believe that a positive mindset is an intrinsic capacity in all of us that we must bring to its full potential. LH: Your organization and foundation help youth develop leadership skills to find and fulfill their true purpose. What do you mean when you advise others to “lead from the soul”? IC: True leadership emerges from the path to abundance, a mindset that is born within each one of us. Leading from the soul is conveying the values and pillars with which you build your life to guide others toward success. Such leaders embrace gratitude as their life philosophy and find abundance in everything around them. LH: What are three ways to bring out the best in others you live or work with? IC:1: Practice emotional intelligence. A leader needs to understand his colleagues’ emotions, strengths and values to be able to get the best from the team. With empathy, the leader puts himself in others’ shoes and understands their reactions. The empathic leader listens and responds. 2: Turn obstacles into opportunities. Failures and mistakes are often seen as obstacles, when in reality they are great teachers and can open doors to new opportunities. Keeping an open mind in challenging times can help you gain new experiences that bring you closer to your purpose. 3: Learn to collaborate. Leadership is contrary to individualism and ego. A diversity of opinions and knowledge enriches decisions. A strong leader looks at strategies and solutions from different perspectives and invites participation. The first step is to accept your limits and be aware that you do not have to know everything. LH: Why is a gathering like the World Happiness Summit important? IC: Happiness is the balance between personal satisfaction, calm and inner peace. This is what I feel when I do what I love, which is to advise others on following the path of well-being and excellence. Thanks to the Ismael Cala Foundation, I have been able to help young people who do not have access to education. A life of service brings me joy. In a society where people look more and more to their own interests, it is necessary to convey this message to a broad audience. LH: Tell us more about your foundation. How do you reach children who don’t have access to education? IC: Ismael Cala Foundation collaborates with other foundations and institutions to develop programs for vulnerable children and young people. Our goal is to develop their potential, to make them aware that their capacity has no limits. We teach them that with effort and the right tools, they can achieve their goals. Right now we promote programs of emotional leadership, vocational guidance and education in Latin America and the Caribbean. LH: What are you most looking forward to about the World Happiness Summit? IC: My main objective is to inspire people to live to their full potential. I hope to convey how each one of us can become a leader who inspires those around them to be happy, love themselves and seek continued growth in their lives. For more on the World Happiness Summit, go to Happinesssummit.world. Read more: The World Happiness Summit: What You Need to Know Donna Stokes is the Executive Editor of Live Happy magazine.

Lifestyle

Ming-Na Wen, Agent of Change

Juggling the demands of life can be an uphill battle. Enter Ming-Na Wen: mother of two to daughter Michaela, 16, and son Cooper, 11, wife to husband and fellow actor Eric Michael Zee, actress, action hero and the voice of Mulan, one of the most beloved animated Disney characters. At 53 years old, she may be among the busiest women out there, and she just might also be among the happiest. Her secret? Don’t fear life’s challenges...appreciate them. “No matter how stressful a situation can be, look at it as a privilege that you can do all of these things,” Ming-Na explains. “That’s one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself. I know a lot of people look at life like, ‘Oh my goodness, I have to drop the kids off. I have to clean the house’...just be happy that you have a house to clean. “If there are certain aspects of your life that you’re not happy with, find ways to change it so you can get to that happy place,” she says. “At the same time, remind yourself that you’re not that person in Bangladesh sitting in a hot factory making garments for three dollars a day.” Mom knows best Ming-Na’s positive outlook has paved the way for an amazing career. From her breakout turn in The Joy Luck Club to her landmark role as the voice of Mulan, she’s been a constant on our screens, both big and small, for more than two decades. However, that success pales in comparison to the achievements of her own personal hero: her mom.“Here’s a woman who survived communism,” Ming-Na says. “Her mom passed away when she was young and her family lost everything early on. She had a tough life, holding down three or four jobs in Hong Kong while raising us, and then she single-handedly brought us to America as a single mom...but she never complained. Even though she had a lot of dreams that she never fulfilled for herself, she doesn’t focus on any of the regrets or negative things in her life. She’s pretty amazing.” The unrelenting optimism Ming-Na learned from her mother would prove crucial in her life and career. By focusing on her own abilities, opportunities and God-given gifts instead of her perceived shortcomings, she paved the way for her own amazing success story. “When I was attending Carnegie Mellon and pursuing drama as my major, if I had said to myself ‘I’m Chinese, so there’s no way I’m going to make it in this business,’ I don’t think I’d have succeeded,” she says. “I think a lot of people fall into that trap, whether they are trying to become a doctor, an artist or even trying to start a family. Success or failure always starts in your own brain. “If you tell yourself enough times that you can achieve something, you can. If you get knocked down, that’s OK. It’s a new step in life, and you’re going to have doors shut in your face. If you allow those rejections to make you believe that you can’t do it anymore, then you’ve allowed yourself to fail for real.” Age is just a number Defying society’s limitations isn’t just Ming-Na’s M.O. these days...it’s her weekly gig. As the one-woman “cavalry” on Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., now in its fourth season on ABC, Ming-Na’s role of Agent Melinda May is a lifelong dream come true. “I started off in life as this geek who grew up in my family’s restaurant,” she says, laughing. “Science fiction, comic books…all of this stuff was my escape, my enjoyment in life. To have S.H.I.E.L.D. in my life at this age when I’m required to be so physical and stay very, very healthy is an impetus. I feel like a kid again because I’m living out my childhood fantasy!” From the very first episode of S.H.I.E.L.D., Ming-Na realized that there would be no kid gloves associated with her new role. An action-adventure show at heart, most episodes include fight scenes that would intimidate most. “I think a lot of people put up their own blockades of inaction, like ‘I’m this age now, I shouldn’t be doing that.’ Who makes up these rules? Instead, I’m thinking, ‘What vitamins do I need to take? What exercise program do I need to get on?’ At my age, most people are thinking about retirement...but what are you retiring from? You’re still alive!” Instead of easing up with age, Ming- Na’s physical role on the show has actually increased over the last few seasons…a challenge that she welcomes. “Just last week, I filmed this incredibly long fight scene with 30 or 40 moves in it,” she boasts. “When the choreographer showed me the breakdown, I was like, ‘You’re kidding, right?’ He said, ‘No, this is stuff that I choreographed for you because I know that you can do it.’ When you are surrounded by people who have such faith in you, it makes it much more possible to gure out how to raise the bar and get it done.” Many of Ming-Na’s “friends” (she affectionately refers to them as her “Minga-lings”) all over the world are anxious to learn more about the “Marvel”-ous star’s real-life superpower: her ever-youthful appearance. According to Ming-Na, the answer lies in her mindset. “When you’re positive and have a healthy outlook on life, your brain releases hormones like dopamine,” she says. “That’s been the fountain of youth for me. Not allowing stress to cause a lot of hormone imbalances that lead to overeating, depression and other harmful behaviors is the first step to healthy living and staying young.” No better time than now Both a student and fan of great thinkers and artists from all walks of life, Ming-Na continues to find motivation in everything (and everyone) that she enjoys. “I went to Adele’s show the other night, and she was talking onstage about how she came to America three or four times before anyone cared…she’d find herself singing to a room of 50 people,” she says. “She never stopped because she loved to sing, and it’s all she wanted to do. I love to act and I think it’s very important to find the passion in your life that you want to pursue again and again.” “I’m already thinking about taking voice lessons again,” she adds, only half-jokingly. “I want to be on a stage and sing like that someday. Why can’t I? The only reason would be if I don’t even give it a try.” Ming-Na’s enthusiastic positivity has trickled more into her interviews and social media posts, finally snowballing into her own brand: #Wenever. According to her, it was only within the last few years that she realized the true power of her public voice. “I was constantly getting bombarded by fans asking me what my secrets were for staying young and maintaining my positivity,” she recalls. “When I turned the big 5-0, that became an even bigger issue. I realized that I’ve lived enough years on this earth to offer something, and I really wanted to help people find better answers to their very busy lives. Embrace new challenges “I was really only planning to offer some beauty and fitness tips,” she says, chuckling. “Then I talked to my manager about it and he said ‘Well, why don’t you write a book?’ So now I’m writing a book, and I’m really excited about this new journey of mine.” Despite the attention given to anti-aging, Ming-Na is hopeful that #Wenever will reach both men and women of all age groups and life situations. “Take young women who don’t have children and are focused on starting their careers,” she says. “A lot of them are struggling with the same issues: trying to make ends meet, trying to figure out what they want in life. No matter who you are, we all have challenges, but they don’t have to be stressful. Embrace them…you’re living your life!” While launching a new career as an author usually goes hand-in-hand with dreams of huge sales and lucrative profits, Ming-Na’s motives are more humble: she simply wants to help people. “I’ve been inspired by so many people, and I want to offer the same for my fans,” she says. “I feel like I could be a mom to a lot of people out there. I don’t want to say that I’m a guru since I’m not at that level, but really just someone who could be their friend.” With a heart as illuminating as her amazing career, Ming-Na’s passion continues to be her work, her fans and—most of all—her loved ones. “I’ve always told my husband that if we lose everything but still have our health and each other, everything’s going to be OK,” she says, beaming. “My mom and her family lost everything, but all that mattered to her was moving forward and loving her family. No matter what happens, if you create that positive energy and feed off of it, you’ll feel young and, even more importantly, happy.” Gerry Strauss is a journalist specializing in pop culture and entertainment.

Reading

12 Best Books for Your Positive Psychology Reading List

Martin Seligman, Ph.D., defines the positive psychology movement he founded as “the scientific study of the strengths that enable individuals and communities to thrive.” The movement helps people cultivate the best in themselves so they can live more meaningful lives. We have gathered together seminal books by many of the founding thinkers of the happiness movement, with subjects ranging from flourishing to flow; from resilience to why we love. Whether you've taken an online course in positive psychology or just want to be happier in your everyday life, reading the titles listed here will give you a running head start on your journey. 1. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's research of optimal experience revealed that what makes an experience genuinely satisfying is a state of consciousness called flow. Learn how to tap into your flow—where you find the right mix between challenge and skill and lose track of time. “A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe.” ―Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi 2. The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D. Psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky’s guidebook and workbook include strategies, exercises and quizzes based on years of extensive research for understanding how to experience and sustain joy. “Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it’s not out there is that it’s inside us.” ―Sonja Lyubomirsky 3. Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. Forget about fixing your weaknesses. If you want to be happier, identify and focus on your personal strengths. By using your strengths more, you can experience the positive state of “flow” where you feel energized, engaged and in the zone. With self-assessment quizzes and tips, Martin Seligman shows you how to use your strengths to improve daily interactions with people and each aspect of your life. “Authentic happiness derives from raising the bar for yourself, not rating yourself against others.” ―Martin E.P. Seligman 4. Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. Happiness on its own, doesn’t give life meaning. Martin Seligman shows how the five pillars of positive psychology work together to build a life of meaning and fulfillment. He calls it PERMA or positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishment. “Happiness, flow, meaning, love, gratitude, accomplishment, growth, better relationships—constitutes human flourishing.” —Martin E.P. Seligman 5. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth, Ph.D. Psychologist Angela Duckworth studied peak performance to discover how grit—a blend of passion and perseverance—is instrumental to achievement. What you say to yourself after a setback or failure can make all the difference. “Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” ―Angela Duckworth 6. Love 2.0: Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection by Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D. Love can help us live longer and with more meaning, writes Barbara L. Fredrickson, a social psychology scholar and director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory. With her decades of research funded by the National Institutes of Health, she shows us how to look for “micro-moments” when we truly connect with others to foster more love in our lives. “Love is that micro-moment of warmth and connection that you share with another living being.” ―Barbara L. Fredrickson 7. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener, Ph.Ds. Genetics contributes greatly to happiness while income makes little difference. Read the discoveries of three decades of research on happiness. What matters most, according to the authors? Relationships to friends and family. “Psychological wealth includes life satisfaction, the feeling that life is full of meaning, a sense of engagement in interesting activities, the pursuit of important goals, the experience of positive emotional feelings and a sense of spirituality that connects people to things larger than themselves.” ―Ed Diener 8. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D. Carol S. Dweck, a Stanford University psychology professor, learned through her research that people with a growth mindset believe they can develop their brains, abilities and talents through hard work, while those with a fixed mindset believe their abilities are fixed and cannot be developed. Find out why it’s not just our abilities and talent that bring us success–but whether we approach them with a fixed or growth mindset. “Becoming is better than being.” ―Carol S. Dweck 9. Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D. You may not know what makes you happy after all, according to Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert. This best-selling book explains how the limitations of our imaginations can get in our way of our ability to know what happiness is. “Our inability to recall how we really felt is why our wealth of experiences turns out to be poverty of riches.” ―Daniel Gilbert 10. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work by Shawn Achor Positive psychology research indicates happiness fuels success, not the other way around. Try these tactics to be happier at work: Train your brain to see patterns of possibility and opportunity; conquer small goals to gradually conquer bigger goals; invest in your social network. “The person we have the greatest power to change is ourself.” ―Shawn Achor 11. Being Happy: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. With an intense fear of failure, you could fall short of your potential. Welcome failure as a part of life that allows you to grow and enhances your well-being. “The all-or-nothing mindset leads perfectionists to transform every setback they encounter into a catastrophe, an assault on their very worth as human beings. Their sense of self-inevitably suffers as their faultfinding turns inward.” ―Tal Ben-Shahar 12. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. Our culture tells us that we have to feel special or above average to feel good about ourselves. Put down the constant comparisons to others and pick up self-compassion. Find out how to treat yourself as you would a best friend and lead a healthier and more productive life as a result. Let go of self-doubt to feel happier. “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” ―Kristin Neff Read more: 12 Top Positive Psychology Courses You Can Take Online Sandra Bienkowski is a contributing editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

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