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The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness with Dr. Edward Hallowell

In this episode of Live Happy Now we talk with child and adult psychiatrist and New York Times bestselling author Dr. Edward Hallowell on the steps parents can take to help their children become happier as adults. Dr. Hallowell graduated from Harvard College and Tulane School of Medicine and was a faculty member at Harvard Medical School from 1983 to 2004. He has authored twenty books on various psychological topics including the power of the human connection, methods of forgiving others, dealing with worry, managing excessive busyness and the childhood roots of happiness. What you'll learn in this podcast: The five steps in childhood that lead to happiness in adulthood The common mistake adults make with finding happiness Strategies for creating and sustaining lifelong joy Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Free download: Five Steps to Help Create and Sustain Lifelong Joy Follow Dr. Hallowell on Facebook and Twitter Listen to Dr. Hallowell's podcast Distraction Purchase Driven to Distraction at Work Thank you to our partner—AARP Life Reimagined!
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How to Give Advice

How to Give Advice

I was recently at lunch with a group of friends when one of them mentioned that her struggle to balance work and family was leaving her unhappy and grumpy. Specifically, she realized she had started taking her frustration out on her husband and children. At this point in the conversation, it seemed clear that she needed some advice on how to better reduce stress and find balance. Because I’m a psychotherapist and relationship expert, I chimed in. As I began to make some suggestions, she brushed me off in an insulted tone and told me that the way she was handling the situation (being chronically grouchy to her family) was just fine. That moment was very awkward, as we all got quiet at the table. After lunch, a few of us exchanged a flurry of text messages, trying to figure out what had happened. Sometimes we want to give our friends good advice, but deciding whether or not to offer it and how far to push it is a challenge.We do not want to offend our friends by telling them what they are doing wrong in a situation, yet we do not want to sit by and watch them make a mistake that could be harmful to themselves or others. Advice etiquette How does one determine whether or not to offer advice? In my opinion, there are a few factors that need to be weighed: How close is your relationship with that person? How much damage will be done if you do not try to step in? How open is the person to receiving advice? It is also important to keep in mind that adults are entitled to make their own decisions and that sometimes we will not agree with those decisions. If you are in a sticky advice-giving situation, try following the plan suggested by a researcher named Bo Feng at UC Davis. Feng conducted a study in which he determined that Americans, as a culture, are in need of support and reassurance if they are to successfully receive advice. Specifically, he found that those of us who want to give advice need to 1) show emotional support to the recipient, and 2) provide justification for the advice. He found this to be particularly true if the advice was not asked for by the recipient. Rethinking the situation If I were to follow his method, here's how I would have handled the situation differently with my friend at lunch: I would make a plan to talk to her privately and let her know how much I care for her and her family, and that I realize how difficult it is to juggle work and home life (this is the emotional support part). I would then let her know that I had been thinking about our conversation at lunch and realized that, even though she felt like her husband and kids could handle her treating them in a less than kind way, it is not healthy for any of them. I would let her know that she would be better off relieving her stress by taking a walk, giving back to others, joining a gym or engaging in a favorite hobby. Her family would be more supportive and understanding of her if she did not take her problems out on them (this is the justification part). I would then hope that my advice would make a positive impact. If she were still not open to my suggestions, I would default to the following list of suggestions: 1. Offer support Let her know that, if at any time she wants my support, advice or help in anyway, I will be there. 2. Be empathetic Let her know that I understand how she is feeling and do my best to relate to her emotional experience. (Sometimes people will realize that they need to change how they are thinking if someone is there in a supportive way.) 3. Share Sometimes if you share a similar experience, that person is more likely to hear what she is doing incorrectly. 4. Try not to run an agenda Keep in mind that this is her life, not mine. What might be right for me may not be right for her. 5. Stay connected She is still my friend, and I will continue to be there for her. *** If none of these strategies work, there are times when you simply need to walk away. Not everyone is open to our advice, no matter how expert or helpful it may be. Stacy Kaiseris a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book,How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such asTodayandGood Morning America.
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Just 10 Minutes a Day

Just 10 Minutes a Day

When I read Gretchen Rubin’s book Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives, I started a love affair with habits. I’ve always loved setting goals, but I’d often end up frustrated with myself (or blame it on not enough hours in a day) if I didn’t get enough accomplished in a week. Then I read this snippet from Gretchen’s book: “With the right habits in place, you can effortlessly go through your day and do the things you want to do.” That’s when I decided to focus more on my habits than an endless list of to-dos. What did I discover? In just 10 minutes a day you can accomplish something that, over time, will move you toward the life you really want. 1. Read every day Before having twin toddlers, I was much better at reading every day. Pre-kiddos reading is much easier for all of us, but we can give ourselves the gift of reading with just 10 minutes before going to bed. And on nights when you have the energy or get absorbed in a really good part, you just may read on. 2. Help one person I write this on my to-do list each day. You can help someone by giving a compliment, writing a positive review, making a referral to give someone a business lead, cooking/baking and sharing, really listening, recommending a book, introducing new friends or forwarding an article. 3. Drink water We all know we are supposed to drink a ton of the stuff every day (8 glasses of 8 ounces) but who does it? Keep a reusable water bottle within arm’s reach all day (carry it with you everywhere) and you will easily get enough water. Your 10 minutes of sipping will be dispersed throughout the day. 4. Reach out My dad lives several states away, so I cut out articles I think he might like and send them to him snail mail. Or I send him a picture or two of his granddaughters because he doesn’t do Facebook. In just 10 minutes, you can write a short note, or send an email to someone you care about or love. 5. Generate ideas We are always busy doing. Or busy being busy. Take 10 minutes for creative brainstorm time. Blog ideas. Business ideas. Come up with new experiences to do with your family. Having something to look forward to makes us happier. 6. Keep your journal from collecting dust I would love to write pages of stream-of-consciousness thoughts for as long as I wanted. But since I don’t have that luxury, I take 10 minutes instead to write a short list about three things I am grateful for. Bonus: This practice makes you happier. 7. Take a short walk I am a wee bit competitive with myself and others. If I am down steps on my Fitbit and far from my daily goal, I can jog in place while I watch the nightly news. Too much sitting isn’t good for you anyway. Take the whole family for a 10-minute walk post-dinner…now that it’s lighter longer. 8. Learn something new I’d totally appreciate college more now than I did when I actually attended. If you like taking notes and learning new things, take 10 minutes a day and tune in to a podcast, watch a video, read an informative article or watch part of a webinar. Watch your knowledge grow by leaps and bounds. 9. Clean out one small thing It may be too daunting to tackle the piles that seem to have grown by themselves all over your house (or office) like stalagmites, but if you take 10 minutes to deal with one discrete pile or corner, you will gain a definite sense of accomplishment. 10. Make your own habits list My list might not be your list. What habits would shift your days into the direction you want to head? Gretchen writes: “There's a great satisfaction in knowing that we've made good use of our days, that we've lived up to our expectations of ourselves.”Now take 10 minutes and make your habits list. See if you can effortlessly plow through those habits tomorrow. Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO ofTheMediaConcierge.net.
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Floating Toward Happiness

Floating Toward Happiness

When Trey Hearn’s brother, Chris, told him about floating, it sounded like a great way to offset back pain. But the brothers, both Air Force veterans, soon discovered there were many other benefits. “I had never been in a place where I had no outside stimuli to distract me,” Trey says. “Floating isn’t just about what it does to your body, it’s what it does to your brain. “I walked out of there completely different than when I went in.” Using a darkened tank filled with skin-temperature water and hundreds of pounds of salt, floating creates a complete sensory deprivation environment—and it’s getting a fresh look from both brain researchers and the medical community these days. The salt creates buoyancy to simulate a zero-gravity environment, and free of light, sound and other distractions, supporters claim it provides physical, mental and emotional rejuvenation. Studies show it lowers cortisol levels, decreases blood pressure and is successful in treating chronic pain. “I call it the ultimate ‘reset’ button,” says Justin Feinstein, Ph.D., clinical neuropsychologist at the Laureate Institute for Brain Research in Tulsa, Oklahoma. “All the technology and this 24/7 connection we have today actually increases our levels of stress and anxiety. Floating is a great way to disconnect.” Justin, who specializes in treating anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder, has seen such positive results from floating that he spearheaded the creation of the Float Clinic and Research Center at the brain research institute. The float center, which opened last year, is the first in the world to use fMRI technology to study how the brain reacts to floating (an fMRI detects metabolic changes in the brain, whereas the MRI basically detects anatomical changes). Currently, Sweden leads the world in floating research, where it is studied not only for anxiety and addiction but for depression and long-term, stress-related pain. One recent Swedish research project showed that patients who floated enjoyed better sleep, felt more optimistic and showed increases in the hormone prolactin, which bolsters the immune system and helps regulate metabolism. Other studies show it can reduce phobias, and there are reams of both scientific and anecdotal evidence about its relaxation benefits. Right now, we’re seeing a resurgence in float centers, but I’m one of the only (U.S.) scientists actively researching it,” Justin says. “What we need is a lot more science to show what it’s doing for the brain, because the outcomes are there. I hope in five years it has its own medical journal.” A new look at old science The idea of floating actually goes back to the mid-1950s, when a neuroscientist and psychoanalyst named John C. Lilly created isolation tanks to study the effects of sensory deprivation. His experimentation often overlapped his personal drug use, which Justin says compromised his validity to the scientific community. Scientists picked up the research again in the 1970s, with Peter Suedfeld and Roderick Borrie of the University of British Columbia conducting experiments on the therapeutic benefits of flotation tanks. They introduced the term Restricted Environmental Stimulation Therapy or REST, and today Peter continues researching and speaking on the positive effects of REST. Around the same time, Thomas Fine of the department of psychiatry at the Medical College of Ohio (now University of Toledo) began his research into floating, and in 1978 he co-created a Floatation REST research program at the college. He has since published numerous research papers on the benefits of flotation therapy, focusing primarily on the psychophysiological and endocrine changes related to floating and its effects on stress-related disorders. Thanks to the influx of new research, floating enjoyed moderate popularity in the 1970s and ’80s, then faded. Justin says a changed public consciousness, backed by renewed scientific awareness, is responsible for the current resurgence. “It’s only been in the last couple of years that public interest came back,” he says. “If I had to speculate, I would say that is because we are in the midst of a mindful revolution. This is part of the wave of present moment awareness and the desire for mindfulness. This is an extreme form of mindfulness.” An end to anxiety? Floating sessions are typically 60 to 90 minutes long, and during that time, the lack of sound, light and even tactile sensations allows the brain to completely relax. In that relaxed state, it moves from the busy Beta state to Alpha and, finally, begins producing low-frequency Theta waves, which are the brainwaves produced during REM sleep. Typically, it takes years of meditation practice to reach this state while awake; in floating, it normally occurs after about 30 minutes. “There are interoceptive paths that give our brain a quick readout of the state of our body,” Justin explains, adding that individuals with PTSD or anxiety show disruptions in the normal pathways of the brain. Essentially the amygdala, that part of the brain responsible for the “fight or flight” response, makes a habit of remaining hypervigilant and producing feelings of fear and anxiety. To correct those disturbances, Justin found, “we had to remove the distractions of the external world.” For many years, Justin tried teaching meditation to PTSD patients as a way to calm the mind and begin correcting disrupted brain paths, but he found it unsuccessful because patients were easily distracted. When he discovered floating, he realized he had found the perfect environment. The dark, quiet tank allows patients to reach the deep state of meditation required to begin correcting disrupted brain processes. Floating’s calming effect substantially diminishes anxiety, and repeated studies have shown that the effect remains even after the session has ended. One recent study indicates that four months after concluding a series of 12 float sessions, patients maintained a significant reduction in stress and anxiety. “Anxiety is nearly twice as common as depression, and 40 million Americans suffer from some form of it,” Justin says. “This is an incredible way to bring the brain back to normal function.” Giving back to veterans Trey and Chris Hearn became such firm believers in the benefits of floating that they opened Float Brothers Float Spa in Florida in January. Two of the four float pods are geared specifically to military clients, and those who present a documented medical diagnosis of PTSD are allowed to float free of charge. “Being part of that community, and knowing so many people who are affected by PTSD, we wanted to see what we could do to give back to them,” Trey explains. “Our hope is that, considering all the research that’s being done on it, it will become a certified therapy that psychiatrists and doctors can write a prescription for. Based on the amount of medical research that is being done, I truly believe that’s where we’re headed.” Floating for wellness Not everyone who floats does it to treat anxiety or other disorders, of course. Floating is emerging as a spa experience that allows clients to disconnect, decompress and recharge, as well as a clinical experience for those who have specific physical or emotional challenges they want to address. It has gained favor with celebrities including Susan Sarandon and former Fear Factor host Joe Rogan, the latter of whom claims that floating has made him a “totally different human being” and now airs podcasts touting its benefits. The Australian Institute of Sport, a sports training institution for high performance athletes, uses a flotation tank to aid in recovery as well as promote relaxation and sleep for its clients. The Epsom salt alone has many medical benefits; the National Academy of Sciences reports that most of us are magnesium-deficient, and soaking in the salt lets your body absorb magnesium. Improved levels of magnesium boost the body’s ability to use insulin and regulate electrolytes—and also help relieve stress, improve circulation and ease muscle pain. Unleashing creativity Many centers around the globe now promote floating as part of corporate wellness programs, citing such benefits as greater relaxation, increased productivity and enhanced creativity. While it has proved helpful for the busy business mind, musicians, writers and artists also find that floating helps get their creative juices flowing. Many experience vivid imagery during their float sessions, and Eric Camper, a computer animator who opened Float Source in Cincinnati, Ohio, in 2014, compares it to “dreaming in high definition.” He is presently organizing a project with other animators to see how floating affects their work. Good Floatations, a float center in Boise, Idaho, even started the Floating Artist Project to study how floating affects artists’ creativity, not only in the tank but afterward. A study by the research team of Deborah Forgays and the late Donald G. Forgays of the University of Vermont used three different measurement tools to study the effect of floating on creativity. Their work showed a dramatic increase in creativity scores among a group that floated, while a control group of non-floaters who were left in a dark, quiet environment showed no change. The complete solitude of the tank, combined with the weightlessness created by the high salt content and the silent darkness, allows the brain to temporarily disengage from everyday thoughts and stimuli and deeply relax. With no signals from the brain to be active and “on call,” the body quickly follows suit. Referencing other studies that “provide positive evidence for the enhancement of the creativity process,” Deborah and Donald also observed that floating not only increased the subjects’ creativity scores, but lowered their levels of anxiety, tension, depression and fatigue—all of which are known creativity zappers. “It puts you in a brainwave state that enhances creativity,” explains Alex Ziegler, co-owner of the Northwest Float Center in Tacoma, Washington. “The great thing about floating is, across the board, it just has so many benefits. Once people try it, they tend to fall in love with it.” Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.
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10 Things Happy People Don’t Do

10 Things Happy People Don’t Do

Happiness is something we all strive to attain, and yet it can be a struggle to get there. Circumstances—not to mention genes—can have a major impact on our moods. But research shows that much of our happiness depends on small choices we make on a day-to-day basis. Here on livehappy.com, we have chronicled many of the practices that happy people do on a regular basis. But what about the potentially disastrous, joy-killing choices that some of us fall into without even realizing it? We thought it would be just as important to learn the top behaviors that the happiest people don’t do. 1. Happy people don’t worry too much about what others think Happy people are still human, and everyone cares a little about what others think. But the difference is that happy people don’t ruminate or obsess about others’ opinions of them. They value other people’s perspectives and are open to advice and guidance, but happy people ultimately stay true to their core beliefs and don’t waver from them—even if that means not fitting in with everyone else. 2. Happy people don’t waste time doing things they dislike While there are always going to be things we don’t like doing (laundry, taxes, etc.), happy people don’t waste time on activities that they don’t have to do and don’t enjoy. Happy people don’t spend time watching TV shows they don’t love; they don’t attend events that make them feel anxious; they don’t stay in careers that don’t fill them with joy. One of the greatest secrets of happy people is that they know what they don’t enjoy, and they don’t waste time on it out of a sense of fear, inertia or obligation. 3. Happy people don’t try to manipulate or change other people Happy people know that change is an inside job, and the only way people change is if they want to. This knowledge is essential to happy living because it means not wasting time trying to manipulate others. Most happy people aren’t shy about sharing their opinions or thoughts, but they’re aware that they cannot force transformation in others (and that trying to do so will only be a waste of time). Instead they focus on what they can do to take themselves out of a negative situation. 4. Happy people don’t allow themselves to stay stuck in the past Focusing too much on the past is one of the quickest ways to become unhappy, and this is something that happy people inherently know to be true. While happy people do pay attention to—and strive to learn from—things that have happened in the past, they’re careful not to spend too much time ruminating on what was. Happy people know that the present is much more valuable than the past, and they focus most of their attention on the now. 5. Happy people don’t obsess over what might happen in the future It’s important to plan for the future, but it’s detrimental to obsess and worry over what might happen. Happy people know that there are a great many things they cannot control, and the future is one of them. Rather than worrying about what could go wrong, happy people strive to prepare as best they can and then direct their attention back to the present moment. 6. Happy people don’t strive to achieve absolute perfection Perfectionism is the enemy of happiness, and happy people are well aware of this. Though they strive to do their best and aim high with their goals, they aren’t caught up in having “perfect” lives or being the “perfect” spouse, worker or parent. They don’t try to compare their real lives to those “highlight reel” images on Instagram and Facebook. Sometimes good enough is good enough. 7. Happy people don’t forget to be thankful for what they have One of the quickest ways to access lasting happiness is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Happy people spend more time thinking about what they’re lucky to have and very little time wishing for things they don’t have. They look for and find the silver lining in a bad situation, and are able to remind themselves of just how fortunate they are. 8. Happy people don’t value material possessions over experiences Scientific research has shown that people who use their money to buy experiences such as travel, sporting activities and outings to the theater enjoy a greater, more prolonged sense of happiness than those who spend money on objects. The happiest people seem to have figured this out; they value activities such as spending time with friends and family, traveling to new places and stepping outside of their comfort zones. 9. Happy people don’t seek fulfillment in the wrong places For happy people, fulfillment doesn’t come from the size of their bank accounts, the amount of likes on social media or the type of car they drive. Happy people see fulfillment in meaningful things—connections with others, spirituality and meaning, and rewarding career paths. They know that status symbols are not as valuable in the long run as a sense of belonging and giving back to the community and the world at large. 10. Happy people don’t stay in negative situations for long Perhaps most important of all, happy people don’t stay in negative situations or tolerate negative people in their lives. Happy people find a way to leave situations, careers and relationships that cause excessive amounts of stress. They avoid spending time with people who dwell on the negative. And under no circumstances do they tolerate emotional or physical abuse. While some people have, by default, happier temperaments than others, happiness is something that requires dedication and hard work. If you’re looking for more happiness in your life, don’t just think about the practices such as meditation, exercise and good sleep habits, but also consider this list of don’ts, so you won’t get stuck in a negativity trap. Dani DiPirro is an author, blogger and designer living in a suburb of Washington, D.C. In 2009, she launched the websitePositivelyPresent.comwith the intention of sharing her insights about living a positive and present life. Dani is the author ofStay Positive,The Positively Present Guide to Life and a variety ofe-books. She is also the founder of Twenty3, a design studio focused on promoting positive, modern graphic design and illustration.
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Making Motivation Work

Making Motivation Work

Every year we resolve (yet again!) to exercise, lose weight, or find a new, more lucrative or satisfying job. This time we are sure to succeed, we tell ourselves. Despite good intentions, however, we often lose motivation and end up right where we started—or perhaps even further behind, as we have disappointed ourselves by dropping our goals. We wonder what went wrong. Barry Schwartz, professor of psychology at Swarthmore College and a leading researcher in the science of human behavior and decision-making, suggests that rather than a lack of motivation, it may be flawed thinking that is getting in the way of our success. The paralysis of choice In his latest book, Why We Work, the best-selling author dispels common behavioral myths and once again emphasizes that often “less is more.” The more choices we are confronted with in life the less effective we are at making them, Barry says. We often become stressed and suffer subsequent “paralysis from analysis.” In one of Barry’s studies, customers who were offered a choice of six varieties of jam purchased a jar more often than those offered a choice of 24 types, leading him to determine that, when it comes to choice, the less we have, the more motivated we are to take action. We also feel better about our decision because we don’t feel like we are missing out on the thing we didn’t choose, Barry says. Less is more Less is more when it comes to our motives, as well. Contrary to popular belief, having two reasons or motives for doing something isn’t necessarily better than one. In fact, Barry says, “two reasons may be worse than one” and can kill the natural joy we feel in doing a certain activity and decrease our chances for success. This finding was a revelation to me. As a child, I had a strong affinity for gymnastics. I performed cartwheels and back handsprings non-stop because it brought me sheer joy! However, that changed after I joined a competitive team. My focus turned to potential medals. Practice suddenly seemed arduous and I lost interest in my beloved hobby. Where’s the joy? What happened? According to Barry, the competitive goal of winning a medal turned my hobby into a chore. Having the additional motive (medals) canceled out my internal motivation, which was joy. “Paying people or giving them awards for activities they would do on their own weakens these internal motives, and the pay doesn’t compensate,” says Barry. He explains that “little kids who get awards for drawing become less interested in drawing, and draw worse pictures, than kids who don’t.” So how can we apply these findings to our own goals? Focus on one thing at a time. Forgo trying to tackle a huge list of goals or changes. Instead, focus on just one (or two) and give it your full attention. You’ll feel better knowing you succeeded with your chosen goal(s), rather than dwelling on those you didn’t accomplish. Find your motive. Ask yourself what is your main motive for a resolution and keep that in mind. For example, perhaps you enjoy your regular exercise routine. Focus on how that makes you feel rather than finding another reason to exercise. However, if your exercise already feels like a chore, adding a goal can help. Set many short-term goals along the way to your final goal. Break up big projects into smaller, more manageable steps you can take each day. It will prevent you from procrastinating and feeling overwhelmed. Having a sense of daily accomplishment, regardless of how small, will likely keep you motivated, increasing your chances for success. Equipped with the right tools, you’re more likely to succeed! Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and her husband James Pawelski will be presenting at the Embodied Positive Psychology Summit (April 26-29th) at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health in Stockbridge, Massachusetts.
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Happiness Around the Clock

Happiness Around the Clock

There are 1,440 minutes in a day, and while we can’t expect every moment to be blissful, we each have the means to increase our sense of joy, connection and well-being in our daily lives. Two main strategies will help you achieve this. One, through simple actions you can train your brain to “tilt toward positivity,” says neuroscientist Alex Korb, Ph.D., author of The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time. Two, you can live more harmoniously with your body’s natural rhythms by aligning activities like eating, sleeping and when you turn on and off the lights to your circadian clock. Throughout the day this built-in internal timer regulates everything from body temperature to the release of hunger hormones. Follow these cues and you’ll flourish, disrupt them and you’ll experience an avalanche of disturbances, from insomnia and weight gain to foggy thinking and depression. “Circadian rhythm hygiene is every bit as important to good health as washing your hands,” says Christopher Colwell, Ph.D., director of the Laboratory of Circadian and Sleep Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles. With expert advice, we’ve put together a template of what these two strategies would look like in an average day. Consider it a tick-tock of contentment. Adjust the timing to your needs but try to follow the general principles for a week or two. You’ll likely find you experience more happy moments each and every day. 6:30 a.m.: Wake up to an alarm clock that mimics the rising sun. A study published in the European Journal of Applied Physiology shows that gradual light exposure during the last 30 minutes of sleep can increase alertness, enhance both mental and physical performance, and improve mood. The Soleil Sleep Spa and the Philips Wake-Up Light both combine dawn simulation with nature sounds like morning birds or ocean waves. 6:45 a.m.: Devote a few minutes before you get out of bed to a mindful check-in. Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., author of MBSR Every Day: Daily Practices from the Heart of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, suggests asking yourself questions like, “How am I starting this day? How is my body feeling? How am I feeling emotionally?” If you notice you’re tense, Elisha suggests widening your arms to expand your chest, opening your mouth a few times to stretch out the jaw muscles and dropping your shoulders. “You want to begin your day from a place of ease,” Elisha says. 6:50 a.m.: Make Your bed. This simple act creates a small sense of satisfaction and pride that sets a positive tone for the rest of your day. Charles Duhigg, author of the best-selling book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, notes that a daily tidying of the sheets correlates to better productivity and a greater sense of well-being. 7 a.m.: Shower with intention and attention. “Mindful showers have transformed my life,” Elisha says. “I always thought of the morning shower as one of those daily tasks you have to do.” That changed when he bought a bar of rose-scented soap. The fragrance evoked sensory memories of the summers he spent at his grandmother’s house in Burlington, Vermont, and summoned feelings of love, warmth and comfort. Now, Elisha begins his showers by holding the bar of soap, inhaling its scent for a few deep breaths and paying attention to the feeling of the warm water against his skin. “The small splurge on a special soap is a way of taking care of yourself, and that can boost your feelings of self-worth,” he says. 7:30 a.m.: Eat breakfast within the first two hours of waking up. “Delaying any longer than that and you’re skipping a meal, and that depletes your physical and mental energy,” says Lisa Dierks, a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist with the Mayo Clinic Healthy Living Program. The ideal breakfast will include a protein, a grain and a fruit or vegetable. For example, plain Greek yogurt topped with berries and low-sugar granola. 8 a.m.: Take your first 10-minute dose of daily exercise. Don’t have time for a lengthy workout every day? No sweat! Shorter bouts of exercise can boost your well-being just as effectively as a single sustained session. Maybe even more. One recent study at the Healthy Lifestyles Research Center at Arizona State University showed that walking briskly for 10 minutes, three times a day, was significantly more effective in lowering blood pressure than a single half-hour session. 8:30 a.m.: Find ease during your morning commute. Whether we battle bumper-to-bumper traffic or crowded subway cars, the commute to work can be stressful. The road to relaxation? Cultivating a sense of community with your fellow commuters. When Elisha finds himself getting tense on the drive to Los Angeles’ Center for Mindful Living, which he co-founded and where he practices as a clinical psychologist, he turns inward rather than venting at the drivers around him. “I ask myself, ‘What am I really needing right now? What are the other drivers around me needing?’ ” The answer often leads him to silently recite, “May we all have more ease and patience in this traffic.” This creates a shift, Elisha says, “that completely transforms my experience. I go from disconnection to connection and the whole frustrated mind seems to dissipate.” 9 a.m.: Center yourself before you transition to a new activity. We often carry around the equivalent of an emotional doggy bag as we move through our day, bringing the stress of a harried morning to an important meeting or the fatigue of a three-hour business meeting to giving our kids a bath. “A lot of time our focus gets stolen,” says Sam Chase, author of Yoga & the Pursuit of Happiness and co-owner of New York’s Yoga to the People studio. To begin a new activity fully present, he suggests slowing down for a moment of transition. “When I’m about to go into a new situation, I’ll pause and take three breaths right at the doorway,” he says. “That helps me let go of what I was doing and open myself up to whatever I’m entering without distraction.” 12:30 p.m.: Choose a true happy meal for lunch. Skip the fast food and opt for a mix of protein, veggies, whole grains and healthy plant-based fats like those found in avocados or olive oil. “I think of food as edible happiness,” says chef and nutritionist Karen Wang Diggs, author of Happy Foods: Over 100 Mood-Boosting Recipes. “On the most fundamental level, food, beyond just sustaining us, has the capacity to nourish us on a deeper level.” When we eat heavily processed meals that are heavy in refined carbs, like white rice or pasta, and sugar, we set in motion a series of physiological responses that lead to the release of stress hormones, mood swings, fatigue, and, as a recent study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition showed, a higher risk of depression. 1 p.m.: Take your second dose of daily exercise. Want to get even more benefit from your brisk walk? Seek out some greenery—a tree-lined street, a local park, an urban garden amid city skyscrapers. Studies show that a walk in nature reduces activity in the part of the brain associated with rumination, that endless loop of doomsday thinking and self-reproach. Another way to put more bounce in your step is to share your walk with a co-worker or two. Strong relationships with co-workers are one of the most important factors in workplace satisfaction. 3 p.m.: Beat the mid-late afternoon slump with a healthy alternative to a sugary snack. Karen suggests half an avocado with a sprinkling of sea salt and a dash of lemon juice; a slice of turkey or ham wrapped in a romaine lettuce leaf or ½ cup full-fat yogurt with a tablespoon of sunflower seeds. Instead of a cup of coffee—caffeine after 2 p.m. can interfere with sleep—try this energizing alternative: Keep a bottle of an essential oil, like rosemary or peppermint, in your desk drawer or purse. Place three drops in the palm of your hands, rub them together, hold your palms up to your face and inhale deeply for three breaths. 4:30 p.m.: Pause for a moment to consider your personal values. Make a habit of taking a break from meetings and emails for a moment of self-reflection and inspiration. Erica Brown, a Jewish scholar and educator, suggests thinking about a different aspiration or emotion each day. In her new book Take Your Soul to Work: 365 Meditations on Every Day Leadership, she suggests pondering questions like, “What does your authentic self look like when no one is looking?” “When is the last time you shared something of beauty with those who work with you?” and “Name something you love so much that it can never fail you.”6 p.m.: Build a better to-do list. Before you leave your workplace for the day, create a to-do list for tomorrow. Along with jotting down the tasks you need to complete, make sure you’re carving out time in your day for things you love to do. Researcher Lahnna Catalino, Ph.D., of the University of California, San Francisco, School of Medicine, calls this “prioritizing positivity.” Her research shows that it’s a far more effective tactic for achieving happiness than striving to feel joy, contentment, gratitude or peace every second of the day. Prioritizing positivity means different things to different people, Lahnna says. Two activities that elicit positive emotions in most people are connecting with a loved one and doing something physically active. 7 p.m.: Enjoy dinner with family or friends. Close relationships with other people are a keystone to happiness, and the dinner table is a natural place for connecting. A new study of more than 11,000 adults shows that face-to-face interactions with friends and family members offer powerful protection against depression; contact by phone, text or emails don’t have the same power. Plus, a slew of studies have shown family meals lead to a wide range of benefits, including better grades and fewer incidences of behavior like smoking and drinking in teens. 7:30 p.m.: Close down your kitchen. Scientists are discovering that when you eat is nearly as important as what you eat. “Our bodies are designed to take in calories over 12 hours and fast for 12, says Christopher, the neuroscientist. Research at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in San Diego has shown that disrupting this natural order by, say, snacking at midnight or 2 a.m. leads not only to poor sleep and weight gain but also to the kind of metabolic disorders seen in people with diabetes. Now, a study just completed at Christopher’s lab suggests that mistimed eating can also impair memory and learning. 8 p.m.: Take your final dose of exercise. Go for a post-dinner stroll but avoid intense aerobic exercise. We fall asleep when our core body temperature drops, says Christopher, and when you do a heavy workout you raise the body temperature, thwarting slumber. 9 p.m.: Eliminate sources of blue light two hours before you hit the hay. “Light is a huge anchor for sleep,” says Colleen Ehrnstrom, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with the Department of Veterans Affairs in Denver, and co-author of the upcoming book End the Insomnia Struggle (coming October 2016). Just as the light of dawn awakens us, the dimming of light cues our body to produce melatonin, a hormone that quiets alertness and preps us for slumber. The kind of blue light that’s emitted by our electronics devices is especially disruptive. You can filter out some of the blue light by lowering the brightness of your screen, donning glasses with orange lenses or covering your screens with an orange filter. (You can find a range of products at lowbluelights.com.) 10:30 p.m.: Transition to bedtime with a nightly ritual. “We often think that going to sleep is like shutting off a computer,” Alex says. “You just hit the power button and you shut your brain down. But, in fact, your brain requires a little more time to relax and unwind.” Along with brushing your teeth and cleansing your skin, prime yourself for sleep with simple yoga stretches, prayer or meditation. 11 p.m.: Lights out. Spend your last few minutes of wakefulness noting a few things that you’re grateful for. These can be both big—the good health of your family—and small—the lemons ripening on your windowsill. Keeping a gratitude list will make you more optimistic, healthier and alert. You’ll also be more likely to make progress toward an important personal goal and more likely to help others. Shelley Levitt is an editor at large for Live Happy magazine.
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5 Steps to Spring Cleaning Your Emotional Closet

Around this time of year, you’re bound to see loads of articles about spring cleaning. And with the rise of Marie Kondo’s bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, decluttering has taken on a near-spiritual status. Spring is a time of rebirth, and just as we like to open the windows and give the house new light and new life, it is also the perfect time to break out the vacuum cleaner and clean out our emotional closets, where the dust-bunnies of fear and mildew of stagnation take hold. Cleaning out a closet has its challenges: Do you keep the much-loved sweater that is stained? Should you hang on to the jeans you swear you’ll fit into again someday? So it comes as no surprise that facing what’s in your emotional closet will take a little courage, patience and dedication. But if you follow these steps, you’ll kick off spring with a well-organized and freshly polished state of mind. Step 1: Take inventory The first step for cleaning out anything—emotional or otherwise—is to take a look at everything and see what you have. When it comes to emotional housekeeping, this means making time to write down what’s going on in the main areas of your life: work, home, relationships and love. What’s working well in these areas? What would you like to change? You may want to think about the fundamental building blocks of well-being according to positive psychology (PERMA), and see how you stack up there. Do you feel you have enough meaning in your life? Do you lack a sense of achievement at work, and are you engaged with the world around you? Step 2: Let go of what’s not working Just as you’d throw away worn-out T-shirts if you were cleaning out your closet, now is the time to identify and remove (or try to minimize) whatever no longer works for you emotionally. This could be a grudge you’ve been holding on to for years, a job you dread going to every day, or even a friend who no longer shares your values. This step is hard. When it comes to at-home organization, this is usually where people give up and just shove everything back into the closet. Doing the emotional work of letting go of things you’ve held on to but that no longer serve you can be painful, but the more negativity you remove, the more space you’ll have for positivity. Step 3: Give back what you can When it comes to actual closet cleaning, you would donate what you no longer need to friends or a charity. While you probably can’t do this with emotional cleaning (you can’t recycle a job, can you?), this is a good time to think about what you can give back to the world. Do you have special talents or skills? Are you a good friend, parent or co-worker? Are you able to donate time, money or efforts to a good cause? We all possess certain emotional skills that others can benefit from, and giving back to others can positively impact your emotional well-being. Step 4: Decide what you need more of After you identify what you no longer want and can give to others, it’s time to assess what you need more of in your life. Refer back to what you wrote in Step 1. What steps can you take right now to get more of what you need? For example, if you wrote that you’d like more affection from your partner, now’s the time to ask for it. Or, if you realized you need more alone time, tell your family you’ll be taking an hour to relax solo. Take steps to improve your well-being by actively creating the life you want. Step 5: Keep working at it Organized people keep their closets (and the rest of their rooms) arranged neatly by doing little bits of tidying every day. Keep your emotional closet clean by doing frequent check-ins. One of the best ways to do this is by keeping a journal. Checking in daily with the notes you made in Step 1 is the equivalent of putting things away as soon as you get home every night. For some, daily check-ins might be a bit much, but resolve to keep tabs on your emotional state at least once a week. Doing so will help you stay on track—and will prevent having to do a deep-down clean-out in the future. Dani DiPirro is an author, blogger and designer living in a suburb of Washington, D.C. In 2009, she launched the website PositivelyPresent.com with the intention of sharing her insights about living a positive and present life. Dani is the author of Stay Positive, The Positively Present Guide to Life and a variety of e-books. She is also the founder of Twenty3, a design studio focused on promoting positive, modern graphic design and illustration.
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What’s Your Next Happy Act?

Mark Twain once wrote, “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up,” and now science proves his sentiment to be true. Research shows us that lasting happiness comes from helping, appreciating and caring for others. When we share small acts of kindness (Happy Acts) to boost someone's happiness with a simple smile or compliment, our own happiness soars. Soon, joy becomes contagious. And that’s what the International Day of Happiness on March 20 is all about—spreading happiness. Four years ago, the United Nations established March 20 as the International Day of Happiness after passing a resolution that “happiness is a fundamental human goal.” The initiative to declare the special day came from Bhutan—a country whose citizens are considered to be some of the most joyful in the world. “Happiness for the entire human family is one of the main goals of the United Nations,” says U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon. Each year Live Happy celebrates International Day of Happiness with its #HappyActs campaign to drive positive change and spread serious cheer around the globe. Orange Happiness Walls are put up across the United States and Canada as gathering places for people to pledge how they will share Happy Acts and inspire others to live purpose-driven, meaningful lives. Host your own wall! For those who can't make it out to one of the walls, we also encourage you to host your own happiness wall at your school, business or community organization. It's a great way to inspire and unify employees and coworkers, neighbors and students around a positive theme! For instructions on creating your own wall, check here for more information. March to happiness This year, Live Happy’s theme for International Day of Happiness is “March to Happiness.” On each day of March, Live Happy will share on its social media pages a simple Happy Act that you can do, or you can keep up by checking our calendar. Each science-backed tip will include exactly how it boosts well-being. Nanette Pelletier’s happy act has gone big. She wanted to share some warm meals with the homeless on Christmas. She started a program called Feed Hawaii’s Homeless with her husband and daughter three years ago and shared 18 warm meals. Nanette’s program quickly inspired others to donate food items, time and money to her cause. On Christmas Day 2015, they prepared and shared 1,000 meals and gifts for the homeless. “It was so amazing to see it come together and be successful, I cried the entire day as we pulled the pictures and video together,” she said. Each warm meal was wrapped with a Live Happy notecard bearing a positive message like, “Someone in the world is thinking of you right now.” Nanette said some people sobbed as they read the uplifting messages. Lots of celebrations are planned around the world, including happiness flash mobs (people who gather with delightfully original signs created to spread cheer to strangers—last year’s messages included “Hey, you got this!” and “Hey gorgeous—yes, you!—smile!”) and community potlucks designed to turn strangers into friends. Michele McKeag Larsen of The Joy Team will be putting up happiness billboards starting March 14 with positive messages like “You make a difference.” Or, “Make some magic. Fairy dust optional.” Your own Happy Acts can just be small, positive moments. Hold the door open for someone, buy coffee for the stranger behind you in line or give a compliment. Small acts can leave a big impact. When you are happy, it changes how you think and behave, opening you up to opportunities, and making life more positive and fun. Together we can turn the world into a more connected place and make happiness contagious. What #HappyActs will you do? Start planning now!
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Birth of a Book

As those of us here on the Live Happy staff know very well, there are loads of books about happiness on the shelves. So what makes Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy, special? We sat with our own editorial director, Deborah K. Heisz, to find out what sets this new book apart and what makes it a compelling read. LIVE HAPPY: Deborah, what made you decide we needed to create this book? DEBORAH K. HEISZ: As you said, bookshelves are full of books about happiness, and since I read them all—or try to, anyway—I noticed they fell into three distinct camps. One kind of happiness book is written by positive psychologists and is often targeted to the scientific community. Another kind of book is someone’s personal reflections on happiness, and the third type is written for businesspeople. We realized there was a huge gap that needed to be filled. There was no book that distilled the science on happiness—the results coming from the research of positive psychologists—for the average consumer and provide examples of people putting them into action. Doing that is the mission of this magazine and it was also the driving mission behind the book. LH: What do you think is the most common misperception people have about happiness? DH: Most people have the basic recipe for happiness exactly backward. They think that if only they had the right relationship, the right job, the right amount of money in the bank, then they would be happy. Yet happier people are more likely to attain success of all kinds. Happy people are the ones who have good relationships. Happy people get better jobs and make more money than unhappy people do. So you don't have to wait to be happy. My hope is that this book provides you with the tools to create happiness now. LH: The book’s subtitle says there are 10 practices for choosing joy. What are those practices? And why do you say that joy is something we can choose, since life can throw us all curveballs? DH: Happiness is a choice and something we can work on and increase all our lives. The wonderful thing is that so many aspects of our lives can bring us happiness. We just have to take the steps. We have to commit to the journey. The 10 practices that science shows us can lead to a happier life are these: a positive attitude, deep connections with other people, a sense our lives have meaning, creativity, gratitude, mindfulness, health, resilience, spirituality and giving back. Realizing that there are 10 things that contribute to joy means we all have an opportunity to become happier. Maybe you already take good care of your health and have a wonderfully positive attitude, but you realize you could develop your spirituality and resilience more. Or maybe you get stuck thinking about the past too much and you realize that becoming more mindful could hugely increase your well-being. And today there are so many people who have all the trappings of success, but they feel hollow inside—and they need to find a life of meaning that’s congruent with who they are. Identifying the practices we can work on is how we choose joy. LH: You also included 40 stories about people who used these practices to increase happiness. Why? DH: It’s one thing to learn the scientific facts about happiness, and another thing altogether to see how those facts play out in real people’s lives. Yes, we can conduct scientific research on happiness, but the insights take on much more power and are more memorable when we see how they truly impact people. LH: Were there particular stories that stood out for you? DH: There are so many stories in the book I will never forget. Some of them taught me practices that have made my life better…exercises in positive thinking and gratitude, for example. Some of them totally made my day, like the story of the Flennikens, who adopted a daughter and, 10 years later, a baby boy. Then just a few months later, they learned their son Zach’s two older brothers, ages 2 and 3, needed a home. Not only did the Flennikens take in both boys, months later they opened their hearts and home to his older sister. Within a year, their family went from three to seven! And, the dad told us, “We feel blessed beyond belief.” Then there were the stories that made me cry, stories of people who have been through the most awful tragedies I could ever imagine who somehow found their way back to happiness. I’m thinking in particular about Celeste Peterson, whose only child, Erin, was killed in the Virginia Tech massacre in 2007. Her daughter was her greatest joy, her greatest accomplishment as an at-home mom. Yet she found a way to make something good out of what happened by creating a nonprofit and using her motherly love to make a real difference in the lives of at-risk boys, including one her daughter had befriended. Those stories awe me. They show me how strong the human spirit is. They have changed me in a profound way. LH: Some of the stories are from celebrities. Why did you decide to include their stories in the book? DH: Just 10 of the 40 stories are from celebrities; the others are from regular people. The really interesting thing is, the celebrity stories aren’t any different from the others. We all have our struggles in life. We all need the same things to be happy—love, a sense our lives have meaning, the resilience to bounce back from setbacks. The journey to happiness seems to be a great equalizer. LH: What was the most important thing you learned from the book? DH: Anyone, regardless of what has happened to him or her, can find deep and lasting happiness. The science tells our brains that it’s true. But the stories go straight to our hearts. They are what really convince us that happiness is possible, no matter what. Order your copy of Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy now to get a special package of happiness gifts.
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