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Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn how social comparison impacts eating behaviors. LifeHack—Explore how to stop worrying what other people think of you. Practitioner’s Corner—Nancy Bonamy shares how her journey of spreading positive psychology is changing the lives of peope in need. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Transcription provided by The Flourishing Center Emiliya: Hello everyone and join me in welcoming Nancy Bonamy. She is an expert in transitions, resilience and well-being. She specializes in helping humanitarian aide workers and ex patriots by helping them boost positive changes in their life and their career. She's joining us from Washington, D.C. However, she has lived in many parts of the world, which she'll tell you about. Something you might not know about Nancy is that she loves chocolate and every day is marked with just a little bit of sweetness, preferably Swiss chocolate because she is Swiss. So Nancy, it is so great to have you. Thank you for being here with us. Nancy: Thank you very much Emily for welcoming me here today. Emiliya: Nancy, tell us how did you get started in the field of Positive Psychology? Nancy: To make a long story short, I think to explain that I need to just go back little bit about where I come from meaning like you just mentioned at the beginning, I'm a military expatriate, meaning I am expatriate more than 20 years and I lived a lot of transition in my life. I lived in 10 different countries, all over the world and I had as well four different careers. At one stage, all these changes were ... at the end I could change them into something positive, basically. But there were two careers, two transitions that were more difficult for me. The day when I became a mom because it was like a tsunami in my life. I had to find again what were my priorities, how to balance my working and personal life. That was a big change for me. And the day I came out from the humanitarian field because I worked for 10 years as a humanitarian delegate in war countries in armed conflict situations. The day I decided to quit this job was very difficult for me to find a new career that as meaningful as this one, that could combine all my past experiences. That's where little by little where I came to Positive Psychology, meaning that I started to read books about Positive Psychology to find out how I could maybe better transition during that time. Finally, during all this time, I decided to study again and to study coaching. So I did that in New York where I did your certification in personal and professional coaching. During this training I learned a lot about Positive Psychology but it was only on the surface. I decided then later to go more in depth into that and it's when I started to do certification with The Flourishing Center. Emiliya: Beautiful Nancy. Thank you. Tell us, what are some of the ways in which you're utilizing Positive Psychology professionally? Nancy: It changed a lot for me. I was using a few things here and there but thanks to the certification with The Flourishing Center I really now have a lot, a lot of different tools that are all science based to offer to my clients. What I use a lot with my specific niche of clients, meaning the expatriates community and the humanitarian workers, is how to transition better, how to with positive changes, how to have a vision about what you would like to do not only next year but in five or 10 years because from there on they can make better decision for today. Or how to increase your well-being. What happens often with humanitarians, for example, is they take care of others. But they forget to take care of themselves, or they think they don't have the time, or it's not a priority. What I learned through my personal experience, as a humanitarian, as a mother, and then thanks to the training is that to be able to take good care of others really need to take care of ourselves first. There are a lot of tools for that. One that was at least for me very important that I often give to my clients is how to deal better with your mind chatter. For example, how to deal better with your ... should it be your voice, should it be your relationship, to be first kind with yourself as well so that you flourish better. That's one thing, that mindfulness is very important. It is a very important component of my coaching as well. Then it's a lot about goal setting, goal meeting, how to reach our goals because often its easy, not always easy but if we set goals it doesn't mean that we will meet them. There are really great tools to help us meet our goals, how to make sure that we can do that. It's kind of tough called resilience, it's a huge part of what I speak about. Mind chatter is one component but it’s as well about emotional resilience, how to deal with your emotions and then even physical resilience, which was for me a big discovery during this certification. How important it is to move, exercising of course but to move. Simply to not be always on your chair and to move, to breath well, and all this stuff. Emiliya: Tell us more about your background. Where were you actually born and what are the places that you've been to? Nancy: Okay so I was born in Kinshasa in DRC in Africa. After that when I was only one I moved to Germany for four years. After that I moved to Switzerland, which is my country of origin, and I lived there until I was 20. All my life I said I would go back to Africa because I was born there, and I wanted to go back to Africa. At first what I did, I was a teacher for primary schools, so the first posting as a teacher was in Africa in Madagascar. I did three years there as a teacher. After that I went to France where I changed completely my career, I became a professional manager for professional musicians, so I had musicians to get into festivals and to have and all this stuff basically. After that I decided to really go into a humanitarian organization, so I started to work with International Committee of the Red Cross. There I worked first in Jerusalem. Then I went to Chechnya, then I went to Sudan, south Sudan in Darfur at that time. After that I worked in Iraq, and then a few years in Geneva as well, so I came back as well in my home country, which is why expatriates often always say it's more difficult to go back home than an expatriation as such. So it's an experience as well to go back home after a few years of expatriation. I was three or four years I Switzerland. Then it was countries with more diplomacy than really conflict situations, so we went to New York and now we're in Washington. Actually my husband is still working for the International Red Cross so that's why my life is still ... every three years we know that we move, so I had to find as well a job that is compatible with my husband moving all the time. My small children that are now seven and nine and the fact that I want to spend time with them but as well flourish professionally. That was the big transition for me. That's what I have now, by being self-employed, being a coach, and offering now workshops as well about Positive Psychology. Emiliya: So much richness to your life experience, and it's inspiring for me to hear you share also with our listeners this ease with which you just let yourself go where the universe is taking you. I think so often people feel a little stuck like how do I make a career transition. Well you've had four. You've had four and that's one of the beautiful things about our world today is that people can continue to learn and grow and follow their heart and just see where they're being guided. Nancy I know that there's so much resilience work that you must find within yourself as you said moving so often and also with your young children and how you helped them adapt to the changes. I'm curious what have you learned about helping your children to grow up to be more resilient, go through Positive Psychology and through your life experience. Nancy: Yeah it's really the big, because when I started the Positive Psychology certification I thought about it especially to use it professionally, but it was such a person transformation and now I brought a lot of it to my family and to my children. I love all the tools that we can apply to the kids. A few things ... first I explain to them how the brain works because that's a big finding for us. But a big training for them to understand there are times when suddenly ... when we're under emotions we have really the amygdala who is taking control, and it's not our thinking part who is taking control so just by breathing, just by taking some time to breathe they can come back to a place where they can think better about the situation, not react too fast. About growth mindset, a lot meaning that ... I really emphasize the importance ... of its important, the learning process is much more important than the result as such. Saying it's good if you have good grades. It's good if you are good at something but what is more important is the energy you put into it and if you are not good at something you can decide to be good in that. You just need to work on that. I think that for one for my son it was important messages to bring to him. As I explained once, I have as well done a lot with them about strengths. I love this topic, so I know from Positive Psychology now that we have 24 strengths in us. Some of are more developed or less but we have all of them in us. That is something that I wanted to discuss with my kids and bring this vocabulary to them to know that perseverance, kindness, all that are really strengths, creativity and so on. Discuss that and see what are their strengths and how they could use their strengths when they face a problem or when they want to do something and so on. That was real interesting. We did a tree, a family tree with the strengths of each of us so that we can see together where we are. We have common strengths and where one of us can really bring his own strength in the family and so on. Emiliya: I love that. Thank you so much for highlighting those three absolute powerful things to bring into the family dynamic. Teaching children about how their brain works that they have an emotional part of their brain and a rational part of their brain and what happens when the emotional brain gets a bit hijacked is so incredible. And to give them words at such a young age to capture that they have strengths within them and it’s not just what they do. They're different than their skills and their talents. Their strengths of how they'd be in the world and how they shine and that we can highlight and amplify these things. Nancy, I'm curious, what are some of the interventions that have helped your expatriates and your humanitarian workers through your work? What resonates the most with them? Nancy: I think there are two or three things. One is with all of them I ask them to pass a test to find their strengths actually. And for most of them it's very new and very strange at the beginning to speak about strengths and not only weaknesses. And to have this knowledge it really had them to then use their strengths or double up their strengths to transition better to create the change that they want. Or for some of them want to career to be able to speak about them in a different way with a new vocabulary. That's one thing. Another thing that's often very surprising for them is that some of them are spouses of expatriates, and they come ... they follow their husband, and they left their job, their life, their friends, their family home and they are now here, and they don't know what to do in their life here. They consider this time in expatriation as a parenthesis for them and what I tell them is to really look into what do they want in five years. What would be their best self in five or 10 years and for them it's strange at the beginning that I ask to project themselves so far because they think about just now, here as an expatriate. And that's wrong because if they want to take good decision here today or to make the most of the expatriation here today, they really need to have a vision about what they want to have in five or 10 years. That's one thing that we do through visualization. Yes of course I speak a lot more in my workshops of the importance of being in the present moment because again as an expatriate we tend to either ... some of them tend to either thing about the what they left and the reason, the reminding in the past in their home country, or the previous country because they loved it so much. Some are already, all the time, what will be next, what will be after this expatriation, they don't savor so much the present time. That's so important to be really in the moment and to savor it. Not to regret later on that we didn't savor and make the most of what we had right now. That we know now is Positive Psychology. That it's anyway one of the most important thing for your well-being is to be able to savor what you have and to be grateful for what you have, to find the positive in your situation today. There are a lots that I can now give to the expatriate that I am able to relate to Positive Psychology. Emiliya: Beautiful. Thank you Nancy. You mentioned that mind chatter is one of the skills that made the biggest impact on you. I'm curious, what are some of the other Positive Psychology interventions that nurture your self-care? Nancy: Again quite a few. I think I mentioned mindfulness again. That's really a huge one. Not only meditation but really mindfulness. I'm the type of person, I go a lot to buy foods. I love driving. But when I was going somewhere since ever, I'm running to that place, so I was only concerned about the destination and never enjoying the journey to the destination. When I go to pick up my kids, I was almost running to go to pick them up and with my thought or either it was what I still had to do or with what I will have to do. Now I learned to appreciate the journey to them, and I know that it's really helping myself because my mind is making a pause, and my mind is looking at the nature around because in Washington there are a lot of trees, so it's looking at what's going on around, it's smiling to the person I just see. It's really savoring the fact that I'm walking and not only thinking about the next step. That give me a lot more presence for my children. A lot of more presence for myself. That's one of the thing. I learned through the mind chapter what I learned is to be less perfectionist as well. Before I wanted to be everything perfect all the time. I think one thing I know now is to be more kind to myself. One big insight I had was to understand that we never talk to our friends as we talk to ourselves meaning that we are often so harsh for ourselves, we would never say that to our best friends. I try now to be as much as possible my own best friend, so to talk to myself with compassion, with understanding, saying, “it's okay, you are not perfect, but it's okay, you will learn out of that.” That's huge for me. That's really helping me a lot. I think I'm much more aware about my emotions as well, how they work, why they are there, that they are all useful. Recently, very recently I had very bad news about a very close friend. I was of course very sad. I think in the past I would have just thought I should not be sad and try to avoid that. There I allowed myself to be sad during two full days. It allows me today to be much better and to move forward because I know that each emotion is important. I think that's another thing that I learned. Emiliya: These are incredible. Thank you so much for sharing such specific tools and pathways that we can take on and as you know and our listeners might know we follow the mind, body, medicine affirmation that “self-care is healthcare.” I celebrate that you do the simple things that recognizing that if you walk a little bit more mindfully to pick your kids from school it will make all the difference in the way that you connect with one another. It's not about the big things that we do. It's the micro- moments of connection, micro-moments of tuning into oneself, micro-moments of caring for oneself that lead to the overall well-being. Thank you for sharing those with us. Nancy, I'm curious, how would you define flourishing? Nancy: That's a good question. For me flourishing and that's from CAPP, or from The Flourishing Center, is becoming the best version of ourself. It's just being us, but it being us as we would like to be and being us, the best of us, basically. That's what I love about it. It's not to change us. It's just to make sure that we work with our strengths, that we do things that help us being the way we want to be. Speaking about self-care, one thing I understood is how much sleep has an impact on myself. If I sleep well enough, then I will be well for myself first with my emotions and everything and for my children, for my family, and for my clients and for everything. I know that now very well. Now to flourish myself, I need to have my sleep. I cannot do that every day, but I will make sure if suddenly I am out of track with my sleep, the first thing I will do is to work on this one. For me flourishing is to be able to be the best of yourself. Emiliya: Beautiful Nancy. Thank you. I love that. Love that expression. In addition to all the wonderful work you're doing in the world in sharing Positive Psychology you're also multi-lingual, and I'm curious what ... firstly what languages are you bringing Positive Psychology into (which could be so helpful for our international audience to hear) and also what are some of the challenges that you've noticed in translating Positive Psychology both through vocabulary but also multi-culturally? Nancy: So I work in English with my little accent and then in French. So that's the two languages I work with. For me the challenge would be more in English actually because I want to make sure that the way I translate the things are well understood and that it makes fully sense to people. Thanks to the fact that I studied in English I think that I have the basic vocabulary. In French what is difficult is that we don't have the same kind of words. In English words are really well illustrating some concepts that in French we don't have so you have to make more sentences or more explanation about what we speak about too. It's more about that. Then culturally I don't find big challenges because all of my clients are expatriates, already people who used to being different culture. I would say the big difference between the Americans and the French-speaking population is how much we tend more in Europe to look at the negative side of the things. We all know know it's due to our brain and we all have that. I would say it a bit more strong even in Europe. Then the fact as well .... yeah that's the big thing maybe. Even to look at schools, the way education is in schools here in the US it's much more focusing on the positive. In France, in Switzerland it tends to first underline what's not going well before underlining what's going well. So that's a big thing. Emiliya: Very cool. Thank you so much Nancy. Tell us how can people learn more about you and what you're up to in the world and perhaps work with you if they're interested. Nancy: I have a website, which is like my name nancybonamy.com. Thanks to CAPP actually because it was a dream since a long time. I like to write, and I wanted to launch a blog. Thanks to CAPP, I found the courage to do it because I have so many things to say. In addition to coaching and workshops I really want to reach more people by explaining what all these Positive Psychology tools. I have a newsletter now, a blog actually. A blog that I write every two weeks in French and in English and so your people can subscribe to the newsletter if they want to know more. I started that in the beginning of August and it really is speaking about Positive Psychology tools. I have as well published three weeks ago, free ebook that gives you nine keys to boost positive changes in your life and best navigating your personal and professional transitions. It's in French and in English too, so you can download this ebook. That's a way to get to know me a little bit more. But on my website as well there's a video about me. Emiliya: Thank you so much Nancy. You're a prime example in our model of what it means to be an individualizer change agent. Meaning your primarily offering individualizing, and you're adding in and empowering yourself as an inventor to create learning experiences for people as a way of both getting your word out to a wider audience, but also to give you ways of bringing more people into your work for the individual work, which is really exciting. Nancy: Thank you so much Emiliya and all your team. I mean my life really changed and that's in my first blog. My life really changed thanks to this certification. It's not only that I was training Positive Psychology but it's really that I'm now part of your community and this big community of like-minded persons and you continue to give us a lot of information and possibilities of trainings and programs and so on. Thank you, Emiliya, for what you did for me and my fellow students. Emiliya: Thank you Nancy. Thank you. Thank you so much for being with us today. Thank you for doing the work that you're doing in the world and sharing Positive Psychology in this unique way with so many and we look forward to connecting with you soon. Thanks Nancy! We hope that today's episode has been helpful for you, giving you opportunities to look at things like judgment and social comparison through the lens of what is it trying to offer us and how can we think the way we want to think, feel the way we want to feel, and do the things in this world that we want to do? Thanks for listening and feel free to check out more information about Positive Psychology approaches to becoming happier and healthier at our website, theflourishingcenter.com.

Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn how performing acts of kindness can impact your genetic expression. LifeHack—Explore what kindness means and how to show it more to others. Practitioner’s Corner—Barbara Santen shares how parents of newborns can keep their sense of connection with each other and their family. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Transcription provided by The Flourishing Center Emiliya: Hello, everyone, and join me in welcoming Barbara Santen. She is a coach for women in relationships from Toronto, Ontario. We're so excited to have Barbara here with us to learn more about how positive psychology is being utilized in coaching and how she's helping people create thriving and flourishing relationships. Something that you might not know about Barbara is she is an avid acro yogi, and if you're not familiar with acro-yoga, it is this profoundly impactful way of doing yoga that combines doing work with partners or within a group setting and is all about cultivating communication and partnership using people's bodies. I'm huge fan of acro yoga. I think it's so cool that Barbara is a practitioner. Thank you so much for being here, Barbara, and tell us, how did you get started in positive psychology? Barbara: Well, it was kind of in a roundabout way. I had been searching for years and years, actually, to build from and upon the career that I had at that time, which was being a registered midwife in Ontario, and being a midwife is part of the health care system, so we're like physicians in that we have autonomy, we have no one above us telling us how to manage our care and all of that, and I still felt quite constricted in my profession. And my degree is in midwifery specifically. It's not as a nurse-first, and then a specialty. It's a direct-entry program, and so I felt a little stuck. I felt a little choked because I wanted to flourish and become greater than I was in that moment, and so I started searching for master's degrees in psychology because I always wanted to help people, and I'm always the one that people come to for advice and help in my family and in my friendships and in my professional life, and that's my passion. I started searching for master's degrees in psychology to become a counselor of some sort or a therapist, and I just realized that that's not what I wanted to do. I ... Just as midwifery is sort of a positive aspect of medicine—although it's very complex and there are complex parts to it and management and sometimes scary things that have to happen—it's mostly a positive and a growth experience. Mainstream psychology and psychotherapy was more like helping people get back up from something really terrible. I was like, "But what I can do? What can I do?" and I really hadn't understood much about coaching or anything like that, and so long story longer, I stumbled upon the University of Pennsylvania through my partner. Actually, I was there for a 20-year reunion. He graduated from that university in something else, and I met someone who had completed the Master's Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, and from there, I just started researching, and I was so hungry and devouring all of the positive psychology stuff that I stumbled upon. It just so happened that that very weekend that I was at UPenn, that very weekend, a certification program in applied positive psychology was started, was commencing. As I was not in Toronto, it was starting that weekend in Toronto with my now good friend Louisa Jewell who was presenting that course. I emailed you, Emiliya, right away, and I was like, "Oh ... " I was ready to make a compelling argument for allowing me to enter the course late, and I think we went back and forth a little bit, and you had said right away, "Yeah, totally. You're in. No worries whatsoever," and so I decided to go for it. That's how I completed my certification in positive psychology, and it's the best course that I've ever taken in my entire life. It completely changed the course of my life, and I'm on a hugely new trajectory now thanks to the world that that opened up for me. Emiliya: Thank you so much for sharing that story, Barbara, and we're so excited that you are offering yourself and all of your wisdom to others. Tell us more about your actual practice of what you offer as a result of having had done the positive psychology training. Barbara: As I said, I had always wanted to do more with my degree and my knowledge. In my practice as a midwife, I saw so many couples who were so happy and so excited to have this baby, then I would bring them through the birth, the labor and the birth, and then they would literally be sitting there with this baby, and life would take over taking care of this child. Our model of care is that we take care of the woman and the baby for six weeks after, and so for the six weeks after that, I would go into their homes and do home visits and help with breastfeeding and help with all the clinical stuff, and I would see them kind of looking at each other like, "Wow, I don't remember who you are." I would have to leave them at the six-week mark, and then they would go off and get a family doctor, and I wouldn't see them again. I always wondered, what happens to these relationships. I really felt deeply that I wanted to help them beyond that point. I thought, what better way to do that than go off and learn about coaching and how to even just do that because I'm from a medical field, so all I know is how to see something medical and fix it. I didn't really know at that point how to be a coach, so positive psychology helped me understand what coaching could look like, and it helped me understand the tools and techniques that we need to flourish. I started applying those tools and techniques to, slowly but surely to some clients that were my guinea pigs, I call them, to help them get through that initial period in their relationship that's really crazy with a new baby. When I saw some things didn't work, some things did work, somethings worked at the beginning that didn't work when the baby was older, some things worked only after about three months and didn't work in the beginning, I started dabbling in that and mindfulness, self-care, gratitude, expressing gratitude to your partner—never mind viewing gratitude and doing a practice of gratitude daily about what you have now. Slowly but surely, it has flourished into a thriving coaching business where people are knocking down my door and people are like, "Can't spread the word enough." I had no idea that this would happen but I'm glad it has because I feel, yeah, I feel like I'm actually contributing to their lives in a really positive way. Emiliya: That is just so incredible, Barbara, and I could just, I could feel the potency of you saying things like, "Here are two people that just birthed life into this world, and then after going through so much intensity together, this element of not even recognizing one another," such a powerful gift to give them that connection of them having a space to reconnect. I'm so passionate about what you're doing, particularly because there isn't much out there for couples by way of a professional environment where they can build their relationships. Couples go to couples therapy when something is wrong, but the things that end up going wrong are made up of these micro moments of disconnect, and the fact that you're giving them tools to learn those micro moments of connection and this idea that they can make little contributions every single day to filling their buckets rather than only having their buckets be tended to when they're empty is just such a huge gift to be giving people. Barbara: Definitely. Thank you, and that's exactly what my mission is, is to build upon what's working and to catch people before they go into that despair, broken place and then need fixing, to catch people when they've had the thought, "Wow, something's not working. It's not broken, it's just I would like more. I want to flourish instead of just function." It's exactly what I love to bring to my clients and couples, for sure. Emiliya: Thank you, Barbara. Barbara, I'm curious, what are some ways in which positive psychology has personally supported you in overcoming some of the challenges that day-to-day life brings? Barbara: As a whole, just the perspective that it takes. Like I said before, it's ... What I loved and what drew me and still draws me to positive psychology is the concept that we don't just need to be neutral and be okay. I want to flourish. I want to flourish in every area of my life. I want to flourish my relationship, my primary relationship. I want to flourish in my relationships with others, my children, my colleagues, my friends, the barista at Starbucks. Emiliya: On-site two! Barbara: Okay, there you go. That was just like, "What? Like actually?" We can change our emotions by just moving our body or by just focusing on what we want instead of what we don't want, and so those practices have built upon themselves within my, every single day from the moment that I learned about positive psychology, and there is such a wealth of knowledge out there. I think I will never learn everything as long as I search for more information, like there's just so much. That, in and of itself, is exciting because I'll never feel stagnant, which is death, right? Emiliya: Well, luckily, this field is ever-expanding as well, which is also what makes it so exciting is it's just constantly growing. Barbara: Right. Emiliya: Barbara, what are some tips or some strategies that couples can use when they are going through some difficult challenges, let's say, as you mentioned, when they have a newborn. That's just such a stressful time where they're sleep-deprived and there's so much depletion happening. What are some of the tips or tricks that couples can use to stay connected during such difficult times? Barbara: I actually work now, and before I worked with couples, and of course, I helped the couple by helping the woman, but now I solely work with women because my, I have to admit to myself that my passion is working with women and helping women. What I tell my women is to really get clear on what their needs are and really get clear on what they want and start focusing on the positive of what they want, not on the negative of what they don't want because whatever we focus on grows and flourishes because it's getting energy. That's one thing. Included in that is gratitude, and I know there's, in positive psychology, there's a huge study on gratitude and how that can transform people's lives, gratitude for anything and everything that's happening in her life in that moment to help pull her out of whatever state she's in because of lack of sleep, because of lack of nutrition, because of pain, because of a screaming baby. That can then trickle into self-care. When we're feeling grateful and we're in a more positive state, we're much better able to take care of ourselves. That is actually the number one key to getting through the first three months. I mean, there are different stages, but immediate newborn, the first two weeks is, you're in a fog and it's insane, like you don't even remember which way is up, but you can litigate that feeling of feeling out of control by really just focusing on everything that you need that you can do besides what your child is demanding of you, so your child is very demanding, and then don't also try to do all the laundry and all the cooking and have makeup on and high heels when your husband comes home, and then expect to not get postpartum depression. So really focusing on getting enough sleep, which there's a whole science behind that in neuropsychology and neurology around not getting enough sleep and the connection to depression and all kinds of ailments, literal, physical ailments, and enough nutrition, so all of those things. It's all so simplistic. Some of your listeners might be like, "Yeah, obviously," but you'd be surprised how quickly the demands of a newborn can make you just completely forget about what you need, and I teach the women to teach that to her partner in a way that's not bitchy, in a way that's not demanding, in a way that's not complaining. All of those life skills will set them up for success in their future relationship with this now child in the middle. Emiliya: Beautiful, Barbara. Thank you so much for those specific strategies, and what a gift it is to even give people the permission to self-care. How often that is lost in our culture, particularly around parenthood, letting other people's needs crush our own and so just to remind people that self-care is health care and that it can, giving them this permission to put the oxygen mask on themselves, which most people do know, but how few us actually do implement and actually get to do. Barbara: Exactly. Emiliya: One of the questions we've been asking our participants is what are some your rules to live by or guiding ethos that you've gathered that inform the way that you show up in the world? Barbara: The common sense approach versus going it through things practically in my head, like, "Oh, this is why I want to do this, this is why I don't want to do this," and writing it out versus just going with my gut. I remember there was a study that was presented to us that showed that more often than not, going with our gut is the better decision, and it just confirmed that that's how I need to live, and that's what I've lived by ever since. I've always been really, really intuitive, even as a child, and my mom would always tell me that I have something special with my intuition. It was nurtured, thankfully, because now as an adult, that part of me is very strong, but the world around me has always made me think that I should be less intuitive and less in that feeling place than I was. I started creating this part of myself that was artificial to me, and it would get me into trouble. I would make decisions based on what looked best on paper and what was a better financial decision and what was a better decision based on how many pros and cons there were. I started making some of those decisions and really being unhappy, so learning about the actual science of decision-making has confirmed in me that the right way for me, and other people might not have that, but the right thing for me is to always go with my gut, and that is something that I live by every moment of every day. Even if I'm standing at an ice cream shop, I go with the gut of which flavor I want. That's a simple thing, but that's what I teach my women is you start feeling unease when you're not living by what your gut is telling you you need. That's where resentment trickles into a relationship and, "You made me do this," and, "You caused this." Meanwhile, it was yourself not listening to your need, and so that is a principle that I've really nurtured and flourished in, and it's gotten me, in a year and a half of being exposed to positive psychology, it's gotten me farther than any other method or decision-making process ever has in my entire life. Emiliya: Thank you so much for sharing that with us, Barbara. It's such an inspiration to hear you say that, particularly because I think so many people want to follow their gut, they want to follow their intuition, but they're not really sure what that means. In what I heard you say, there's such an important part of learning to listen in our ability to hear our own intuition, listening to what does our body need, and it's so interesting particularly with something even as simple as making a decision on what type of ice cream to have. Most people go to their brain rather than to their gut. "What should I eat? What decision should I make?" This opportunity we have to go inward for those decisions for that guidance is such a understated, powerful resource that we all have. Barbara: Definitely. Emiliya: Thank you so much, Barbara. Tell us, how can people find out more information about their work, particularly if they're interested in bringing positive psychology into their relationships. Barbara: Thank you very much. I have a website. It's called barbarasanten.com, super easy, and then my Facebook page is, you'll also find it under my name barbarasanten/positivecoupling. I actually have free video that I just put together, and I'm really excited to share it. It's some tips, actually, about three or four tips on how to start improving your relationship right now no matter where you're at, whether or not you have kids, actually. The link will be below, and yeah, your listeners can access that for free. Emiliya: Awesome, Barbara, that is so cool. Thank you so much, Barbara, for taking the time to be here with us and giving us all of these ideas and strategies for how people might be able to infuse this unique area of their life with positive psychology. Thank you for being here with us. Barbara: Thank you so much, Emiliya. Emiliya: Thanks for tuning in to today's podcast learning about the science behind acts of kindness, how we can increase our sense of well-being in the world, and some simple ways that positive psychology is being put into practice. To learn more about positive psychology and how you, too, can become positive psychology practitioner, visit our website, www.theflourishingcenter.com. Thanks for listening, and may you have a flourishing rest of your day.

Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn how a simple question can help you identify how satisfied you are with your life. LifeHack—Learn how a simple, proven techniques can help you achieve your long-term goals. Practitioner’s Corner—Learn how Susan Chritton, the author of the book Personal Branding for Dummiesis using positive psychology to change peoples' lives. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Transcription provided by The Flourishing Center Emiliya: Hello everyone, and with me today, I have Susan Chritton, who is a positive-psychology-based executive career coach. She comes to us from California. She was actually part of our very first California-based CAPP program, our Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology Program. She's author of Personal Branding for Dummies, and she's doing some really unique work in the world. I'm so excited to share her with you, because she's helping utilize positive psychology, not just to increase others well- being, but also in how they think about who they are, and the impact that they make in the world. So, thank you so much, Susan for being here with us, and thanks for creating the time. Susan: Great Happy to be here. Emiliya: So Susan, tell us a little bit about your work in the world. Susan: So, I began as really a career counselor and found that I worked so much with people in career transition, which I still do, and I still love that, but I was always frustrated that we weren't doing more work with people in the workplace to help them be happier where they were, and flourishing really, using our terms here in positive psychology. About in the early 2000s, soon after it [positive psychology] started, I started taking classes and learning more about personal branding and have really incorporated that so much into my work and career. Then a few years ago, I think it was 2015 when I did that Positive Psychology Program, I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, this just gives me even more of what I was looking for to help people in their work, and to bring in the positive of how they are best working with themselves." Emiliya: Awesome, and really people on the line might not be familiar with what it means to work with a career coach, or work within personal brandings. So, would you give us a little bit more information about what does that look like, and what does all of that mean? Susan: As a career coach, there are many places that someone could come in and work with you. It could be early on in your career, even or, in a career transition or when you're really trying to figure out, who are you? What do you know how to do? What might be a good place for you in the world, with your set of skills? Over the years, I've worked with a lot of people, just helping them figure out how do they use who they are in the world in a really practical way. So, moving on kind of along the lines, it could be that people work with a career coach to build the tools they need to take that out there. I would say the work that I'm doing today, as I have evolved in my own career, is I work with a lot of pretty senior-level executives, who know who they are, but often need to be reminded. I would say, a lot of my clients are often in their kind of, I would say between late 40's and early 60's, and they're really now doing a big shift from just achievement, to taking their values into the workplace. Taking their values into the way they lead people. That's when I really bring in the piece around personal branding, is that we really look at who are they? How are they seen now? How do they want to be seen, and how do they live a more authentic life? And this is where I do bring in a lot of positive psychology in helping a person look at that, and then identifying how do they want to use that in the world, in a very practical way? Right? So, it's not just like, "Oh, you know, I want to do good in the world." That's great, but we also look at a very practical way about, what do you have to offer, and how do you do that? Emiliya: That is so cool, Susan. Thank you for sharing that. How are you integrating positive psychology research and skills, into that kind of work? Susan: I would say, the first answer that pops in my head, and the place I use it the most is around the strengths. So, in the engagement piece of our work in positive psychology, I use a lot of work around strengths, and I love the combination of using Strengths Finder, along with the VIA Strengths, the Values In Action Strengths, to look at both, what strength do you have that motivates you from within, and what strengths do you have that are talents, that show up out in the world, that are easy for you to do, that come really naturally? So, I would say, the first place I use that is there, and I'll give you a quick story, because I think that stories always illustrate things so much better. I have a client who is a transitioning-out CEO of an educational company. We did a Strengths Finder and he has like strategic and futuristic, and what struck him as odd was that when we did the VIA Strengths, leadership showed up in the bottom third of his strengths. He said, "This really bothers me. I'm a CEO of a company. Part of what I do is leadership." What he said after our discussion as to what motivated him was not to be a leader. What motivated him was being curious, was being creative, and he loved to lead to bring those things out in other people. Emiliya: So cool. What impact did your perspective make on him? Susan: It was really interesting because he had this sort of look of stun on his face, and he goes, "Oh, my gosh. That just changes the way I think about everything." And he said, "All this time, I've been framing that it's all about leadership, and I realized that leadership is just the avenue. What I'm motivated by really is the psyche of curiosity and creativity." And he said what it did, what shifted for him was he said, "I don't need to be a leader to do that." So, it broadened in one sense, the possibilities of what he would do next. He was thinking he needed to show back up as a CEO, but what he really came up with was, "I just need to do really cool, creative work in the world, and if it happens to be with people, I'm good." It was a big shift in that, and I would say, other pieces just kind of go back to your original question, which is how else do I use positive psychology? I look at it often with my clients, because I look at it as really a toolbox, and I listen carefully to what they're looking for, where they're at. What can I pull from my positive psychology toolbox to say, how can I better serve this client at this moment? A lot of times, it could be around the life satisfaction pie. It could be about the idea of optimism and pessimism. So, different things, and I really do look at it in a way. I do actually, I have another kind of funny story is. I have another pretty senior-level client who was being fairly stubborn in his things. I said, "Have you ever heard of that fixed versus growth mindset?" And he goes, "No." And I said, "Well, we need to have a chat about that." That was an interesting one, and that opened up a lot of doors for him to actually start to examine, where was he kind of set in his ways? Emiliya: Thank you, Susan. A number of our listeners may not be familiar with fixed and growth mindset, so will you give us a high-level overview of what you shared with him, and what impact that it made? Susan: What we were looking at is Carol Dweck's work, and so she's written a book called Mindset, where she looked at a fixed mindset, and that is where intelligence is static. It's where people see things in a certain way, and don't necessarily look to challenge themselves to have a growth mindset, which is about intelligence can be developed, and how do you persist when you have setbacks? And things like that. But it's more than that. It's also about challenging your assumptions. For him [my client], it was going from that judging place, which is more of a fixed mindset, to more of a learning mindset. Emiliya: That's exactly what the research, I find, to be the most compelling, is the difference between focusing on judging and proving, and moving it into learning and growing. Like the saying says, that a fixed mindset focuses on showing, whereas growth mindset focuses on learning. Susan: One of the things I really try and do too is, and I think that this is why I was drawn to be a career coach versus maybe other things, I'm very practical, and I always like to say, "Okay, how do I move this from theory to practice? How do I look at taking what I know how to do, and giving people really practical tips?" For example, like the idea of willpower is that you tend to have more willpower in the morning. So, a very practical tip is when you have big decisions to make, try and make them early in the day, before you get too stressed or tired, because you tend to not make as good as decisions then. Unless you have filled yourself up back at lunch with good food, and maybe a little walk around the block, or whatever it might be, but ideally it's that place of, try and make big decisions when you have more willpower to think them through. Emiliya: Awesome. I'm curious, what are some of the positive psychology practices that you utilize the most in your life, that nourish you? Susan: Well, lately this summer, I've been really focused on my health, and just really looking at, what do I need to do to replenish myself? I realized that I had been pushing myself actually for a number of years, and I would say, more than any other time in my life, I let myself have space to just kind of get my own balance back in play. There are many things that I do. Along with that, it's just sort of savoring the moment. That's a positive psychology piece that I do a lot, which is just try and enjoy things. Enjoy my food. Enjoy my walk. I don't even take, this is terrible, but I don't even take my dogs on a walk with me, because that is like, my time where I just look around at the trees, and I wave to the neighbors as I walk, and I listen to all the music I want to listen to. That kind of thing. Emiliya: I love how you are so aware of what you need, and are able to give yourself that sense of self-care. I think it's such an interesting place to even just be able to say, I don't take my dogs for walk because- Susan: I think one of the challenges that sometimes we face in choosing our own self-care is the sense of guilt. For the parents to take the time to practice self-care, if they're not utilizing that time with their children, or for me to take a walk and not bring my dog, because I feel like I would feel guilty that I should be, but instead to think about all the ways in which we need to nourish and feel ourselves first. Emiliya: I'm sure when you come back from that walk, you're much more present to your pet, than you would be otherwise? Susan: I probably am. I have two new kittens, and pay a lot of attention to where they're heading, like the potted plants. I think it's even just, like whereas before I would look at things like even having kittens, and the havoc that they cause. I'm just so enjoying watching them play. I think a big piece of having to working with positive psychology is, and I feel like I'm always been pretty present to what's around me, but I pay even more attention now. Even things like, if I have a down day, I'm just like, "Okay, this is really normal." If anything, and this sounds again, sort of bringing everything back to a singular place, but to me, this is all about permission to be human. Including when I'm not having a great day, and also really accepting who I am, which is I do look at things kind of academically. I was always kind of a different mother, than a lot of the women in my neighborhood, and I just really accept that, because that's really who I am, and it's OK. That's what I love about this whole thing is that who you are becomes OK. Emiliya: Thank you, Susan. I'm curious, in what ways has positive psychology supported you in overcoming any obstacles or challenges, that you've experienced in your life? Susan: Well, I would say even a bigger one I've been working on is, I tended to be more of a pleaser, right? Like I would do things to try to please people or maybe sometimes give up too much a piece of myself to kind of keep that place. Maybe this is not a good advertisement for it, but I have decided that I need to first and foremost, be true to who I am and I've really let go of some of the people that it's not more of a reciprocal relationship, and that's been really healing for me too. I have found that again, and that permission to be who you are, it actually started quite, it was in some ways opening up a big Pandora's box to really look at everything, and saying, "What works for me? What doesn't work for me, and how do I be true to that, including being loving?" I feel like love is one of my top VIA strengths, and it's even in that way, what does that look like? Another piece I've been really playing with and actually thinking about using in my work. I've used this one in a huge way the idea of what the trust equation is. So, the idea of credibility, plus reliability, plus intimacy, over self orientation equals trustworthiness. I have been playing with that one. I don't know why that particular piece of learning really stuck with me, but I play a lot with that about the credibility, reliability, the intimacy. How much we share with each other, and then also, the self orientation, like how much of it's about me? How much of it is about them? How much of it becomes about us? Even looking at that from a, like even social media. I think that that's a huge place to look at. Where do we lose trust in social media, and things like that? Emiliya: I'm such a huge fan of that trust equation too, and for listeners on the line, I'll do it again first, just so that you could digest this. This is the research that comes out directly from the business world. Actually looking at, what does it take for people to feel that another person is trustworthy? And that it has these four components of intimacy. How much is the person lets themselves be seen? It's a credibility. How credible are you around what you're talking about? How credible are you in what you are trying to propose? How reliable are you in the way that you show up, and how much are you oriented around yourself versus others? This equation that has the numerator, being made up of credibility, plus reliability, plus intimacy, divided by self-orientation. The self orientation being on the denominator, and that yes, when we have people who focus so much just on themselves are broadcasting themselves, without a real connection to the people that they're trying to share their work with. We're going to lose our sense of trust. We might not necessarily know why that is, but we'll feel it and I'm right there with you, Susan. I love this research because it's one of those things that we usually feel when we really trust someone, or we feel that we are not really quite sure why I don't trust you as much, but then to have somebody laid out for us in a very specific way, is so helpful, because then it makes a lot of sense. Susan: I think the first place we go to often with trust is, do I feel like they're lying to me, or can I trust what they say? What I like about this equation is it really does break it down into these components of being able to start to understand yourself even, how trust shows up for you on a personal level with that. I think the other piece of my work as a career coach is, I do do a lot on meaning and purpose, and looking at, and of course that is a huge component of people wanting to find more meaning and purpose in their work. Emiliya: How do you support them in doing that? Susan: For starters, I really kind of dissect for them, what are they looking for? What I often see is that people are looking for some grandiose purpose of saving world peace, or that everyone has food on the table. A piece that we look at is, what's their role in that in breaking it down into really some bite-size pieces, that they feel purpose more on a daily basis than because they have an accomplished purpose, than if they're still having purpose. Like often people look and say, it's all about accomplishments or achievement with purpose, and actually that's not so. It's more around connection to your role in the world. That's a place I often play with. Emiliya: I love that. That purpose is something you do. It's not just something you have. It's a choice. It's not the goal that you've accomplished, as much as everyday I'm living my life with purpose in doing purposeful things. Susan: Right. Purpose could be opening the door for somebody that's struggling, and the fact that you're there to help. It doesn't have to be grandiose. Actually, you can find purpose in every single day, if you pay attention. Emiliya: My last question is, Susan, I'm curious if you find that you have any words to live by, or any grounding motto for yourself, that you love to live by? Susan: Well, my very favorite one was from a fortune cookie, probably about 20 years ago. It was, "Life is a precious gift. Do not vegetate." So for me, it is that life is a precious gift, and for me, being a person of action, it is about do not vegetate. It doesn't mean that I can't occasionally do that, but anyway, that's a little motto that I really do live by. For me, it is about taking who I am out into the world, and trying to live by those principles. Emiliya: Awesome, Susan. Susan, if people wanted to find out more about your work, your publications, where would they go to find you? Susan: I have a website. It's just my name so, it's susanchritton.com, and then also, just I'm on Amazon, and barnesandnoble.com for Personal Branding for Dummies. There's some information there as well. Emiliya: Thank you so much for being here with us, Susan. Susan: Great. Thank you, Emiliya. It's always a pleasure to talk to you. Emiliya: Thanks for listening to today's Science Says, Life Hack, and Practitioner Corner. For more information on positivepsychology, the science of happiness and well- being, visit our website, theflourishingcenter.com. Learn about how you too, can bring positive psychology into your home, your work, and your community at large.

Take a glimpse into the world of applied positive psychology with The Flourishing Center podcast. Each episode includes three sections giving you insights and hacks into living an authentically happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn about a intervention for building self-compassion, self-efficacy, and self-regulation. Life Hack—What does it mean to become more compassionate to oneself? Practitioner’s Corner—Learn about a movement that is helping people all over the world spread the word that other people matter. Learn more about The Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Emiliya:  Hello everyone, and join me in welcoming Cheryl Rice to today's Practitioner Corner. Cheryl Rice is a leadership coach, author, social entrepreneur, and a speaker. She is coming in to us from right outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and Cheryl is the proud parent of a dog named Gracie, a cat named Boa, and two beautiful stepchildren. She is doing some really, really remarkable work in the world that I'm so excited to share with you guys. A little known fact about Cheryl is that, while she's doing all sorts of work in the world and spreading positive psychology, she also looks to make an impact in the smallest of ways, including that she's a litter picker-upper. When she's walking down the street and she sees something that doesn't belong there, she's the type of person that will just go up and throw it away, which, someone who is a dog owner, who seems to think that cigarette butts look like the same shape as her dog treats, I very much appreciate that Cheryl. On behalf of other dog owners out there, we thank you for the litter picking-upping that you do in the cities. Cheryl, we're so excited to have you here. Cheryl:  Thank you Emiliya. It is a pleasure and a privilege to be here. Emiliya:  Cheryl, tell us a little bit about how you got started in positive psychology. Cheryl:  I actually got started in positive psychology years ago, when I was exposed to Martin Seligman's work. I actually followed him from the beginning, when he was positing the theory of learned helplessness, and then I just continued to follow his work in positive psychology and had the pleasure of actually auditing a class he did at Penn years ago. This was well before there was positive psychology programs and certificates. Then, after my youngest went back to college, or left for college, I decided it was time for me to really take a deeper dive into the area of positive psychology, not just as a layperson, but as a practitioner. That's when I signed up for The Flourishing Center's Positive Psychology Certificate program, and, boy, did it change my life. Emiliya:  Thank you, Cheryl. Tell us, what are some of the ways in which you've been applying positive psychology personally? Cheryl:  Hmm, well, personally I would say I used the techniques I learned in gratitude every single day. I am a gratitude journaler. I list three things at the end of every day that I'm grateful for, and I also add why I'm grateful and what my contribution may have been to elicit that experience that I'm grateful for. I found, actually, that doing that leads me in my days to be more mindful of, "Oh, that's something I want to include in my gratitude journal tonight." It's not just become a task, but really a way of being and enhancing my experience of life as it flows. Another aspect of positive psychology that's really permeated my day-to-day life is kind of ironic. I'm going to say sleep. Sleep hygiene has improved monumentally, and I just love the different behaviors that I can do, such as keeping a sleep and wake schedule that are consistent. For instance, I now sleep with darkening shades on my eyes. I look pretty hideous, but it does help me to get a good night's sleep. Having some sleep hygiene practices has been a big deal. I would say, sometimes I do suffer from anxiety moments of thinking what if. What if this presentation doesn't go well? What if this podcast doesn't go well, and I've found the technique of looking at best and worst thing that could happen, and then looking at what actually might be happening, helps me in the moment reframe and get with reality and perform at my best. Emiliya:  That is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that, Cheryl, and a reminder that positive psychology is about those moments, or the specific little contributions that we make little by little by little, to put the science into practice, and those are great practices. Thank you. I'm curious how positive psychology has set up your trajectory. You've created a marathon, a social movement. Tell us more about the You Matter Marathon, and what you're up to professionally. Cheryl:  Well, I'd be delighted to tell you about the You Matter Marathon, because it's astounded me, to be honest, and basically the best way I can tell you about it is with a story. About two years ago, now, a colleague gave me a business-sized card with only the words You Matter on it. I really felt, at the time she gave me the card, that I'd been hugged. I came back home, and I ordered my own cards off of Vistaprint, and I started giving them out, first just to family and friends, who were delighted when they received a card, and then I started sharing the cards in my community to people who make a difference, and I see regularly, but I may not always take the time to acknowledge, like the person who sells me my fruit at the farmer's market, or my dry cleaner. Then I started getting a little mischievous and leaving the cards in places where I wouldn't know who would find them, but frankly I took great delight in imagining the person, for instance, at the gas station, when I would put a card in the credit card holder at the gas station, just imagining the next person ... They fill up their tank of gas and get a You Matter card. I was enjoying that, when one day I was in my local grocery store, and I was standing in the checkout line, behind a woman, who looked to be in her mid 60s. It was clear the cashier knew her just a little bit. The cashier asked her how she was doing, and she said, "Not so good." She looked down. She said, "My husband just lost his job, and my son is up to his old tricks again. I just don't know how I'm going to get through the holidays." She went to pay with food stamps. At that moment, I didn't know what to do. My heart ached for her, and I wasn't sure. Was it appropriate to pay for her groceries, to ask for her husband's resume? I didn't do anything. She leaves the store, and I complete my transaction and check out. It just so happens, we're both in the parking lot, the only ones there returning our carts. I went up to her and I said, "You know, I couldn't help but overhear you're going through a really hard time right now. I'm so sorry. I just want you to have this," and I gave her a You Matter card. She started to cry, and she said, "You have no idea how much this means to me," and we hugged. Then I went back to my car, and I started to cry. It was at that moment ... I mean, I really can't convey the mix of feelings that I was experiencing in my tears. I just knew that this was profound and incredibly moving, and that we had had an interaction that wasn't about her, and it wasn't about me. It was something transcendent, to be quite honest with you, Emiliya. It was then I knew that I wanted other people. Other people needed to feel this. Then, I had the great, great gift. My positive psychology class, through The Flourishing Center ... We were called on to do a final project. I had, at that point, thought I was going to do something about incorporating positive psych in my work as a leadership coach, which is totally relevant, and I'm doing that. My classmates, who, of course, I had given You Matter cards to, really called me forth and said, "You know, Cheryl. There's something about you and these cards. Can you think of a way of connecting these cards with your final project?" It was that interaction in the grocery store--combined with my classmates really saying, "Go for it; follow your heart, not your head"--that led to the idea of a You Matter Marathon where'd I'd invite people to give out one card a day during November with the goal at that time, which seemed like an incredibly challenging goal, of giving out 10,000 cards in November 2016. Emiliya:  Wow, Cheryl, and to date, I know that you've been doing your best to track how many lives might have been touched or at least how many cards have been printed and possibly given out. Can you tell us more about the ways you've been trying to match and track this impact? Cheryl:  Yes, one of the things we did to invite and incent people to participate is I said, "I will give you ... I will mail you 30 cards for free, 30 You Matter cards for free, no matter where you are in the world, if you sign up." Little did I know how many people would take me up on that offer, but, gratefully, over 14,000 people participated last year, and we gave out almost half a million cards. People from all 50 states and 59 countries participated in the marathon. When I say participate, that means that we had almost half a million card shares, but every card share, again, is an interaction between two people. That number is conservative, Emiliya, because people still come up to me and they tell me, or they write to me and say, "I continued to order more cards on my own." That's a conservative number, and I'm really more than proud. I'm in awe of it and the amount of people who want to spread this vital, vital, vital message. That's what we know. This year, our goal is to share one million cards during November. We can talk a little bit later, if you'd like, about how people can get involved and be part of the magic. Emiliya:  Wow, Cheryl, incredible. Thank you so much. I know that you've also received some profound stories from those who have participated in the You Matter Marathon, about the impact that it's made to them to, on the one hand, do a very simple act, which is to hand out a card that says, You Matter. On the other hand, it's an act of vulnerability. You've heard some really profound stories. Can you share some of them with us? Cheryl:  Sure. One story that touched me greatly ... This really speaks to you just never know, Emiliya. We have a Facebook community for You Matter Marathon, and people would share their experiences, day in and day out, of giving out the cards, and for some people, it was a real challenge to give a card to a "stranger," and so they'd be encouraged by others to, well, start ... Just give it to a friend or family member. Interestingly, for other people, giving a You Matter card to a family member was even more of a challenge. One of the stories that touched me and, I know, our community members, greatly, was a woman, who was talking about her estrangement from her adult son, who had really had a difficult time grieving the loss of his father and got into some trouble that landed him in jail. He was estranged from his mom, and his mom was so afraid that their relationship was permanently severed. He comes out of jail, and he's living in a halfway house, and they had not been having good conversations. She, one day, risked giving him a You Matter card. He welled up with tears, and she said it was the first time she felt that they had connected in years, and that he actually asked for more cards, so he could give them to people in the halfway house. She said, now they're on a path to reestablish a relationship. That just blew me away, moving, moving, moving. Another story from a wonderful You Matter marathoner in New Zealand, who works with people whose spouses are dying and in hospice, and what she did was just so creative. She worked with her local pharmacy in New Zealand to have the pharmacist put You Matter cards in with the medicine, so when those caregivers came in to pick up their medicines for their loved one, who was dying, they also received You Matter cards, again. We have a picture of the pharmacist in New Zealand, with these You Matter cards. Finally, a story from a woman, who works in community service out in California, and she works in a center that works on suicide prevention and gang prevention out there. She told me that, when she gave these cards to these gang members, that they just opened up in a way that they hadn't. They felt seen and valued, and she said literally it had been the most successful program they've done in 40 years, was to share You Matter cards, which leads to the point. One point I want to make is people can sign up as individuals, Emiliya, and they can sign up as what we call ambassadors to groups, whether it be a church group, a school system, a company, or even a family. That's one way that the You Matter magic gets spread out even further. Those are just three stories, and I could go on and on and on. Emiliya:  Thank you. I'm curious. When you use the words "you matter," what does that mean to you? Cheryl:  That's a great question. I've thought about this a lot, especially because the first You Matter card that was given to me had a heart on it, which is beautiful, and, as I said, it moved me. The cards we use in our design are a white card with black letters that say, "You Matter," nothing else. That's part of the power and the elegance of these words to me, is they are a complete sentence. You matter. In this case, and I can't speak, Emiliya, to what's in the heart of everybody who gives a You Matter card. From my perspective, and the message that I'm wanting to share in the world, is that we are all essential. It's a way of saying, "I see you. I honor you. You are significant." It's not, "I love you," which his interesting, and sometimes we give it to people we love, but this message is independent of that. This message is saying, "I don't even need to know if I like you." It's just saying, "As a human being, you're a human being. What a miracle is that? That we happen to be human beings on the same planet at the same time, and we're seeing each other on the same train platform," or, "You give me my coffee every day, and it makes a difference to me." It's just honoring, honoring the inherent integrity of our humanity. That's what this is saying, from my perspective, Emiliya. Emiliya:  Wow, thank you, Cheryl. Cheryl, I know that, as you have been going through this marathon and sharing this work with the world, you've been identifying all the many elements of positive psychology that are showing up in the stories that you here and the impact that it's making. What are some of the positive psychology concepts that stand out the most for you? Cheryl:  Oh, there's so many. This is why it's such a big bang for the buck. If you're a positive psychology person, this delivers, because one of the things it does is help broaden and build positive emotions. I believe this is the work of Barbara Fredrickson, who gave us this concept of how emotions broaden and build our capacity for problem solving and more positivity. I would say that's one theory or model that this is speaking to. Another, again from Barbara Fredrickson, are micro-moments of positivity. Every interaction is a micro-moment of positivity. I believe the world is starving for micro-moments of positivity. We're all inundated with micro-moments and macro-moments today of negativity and helplessness and sorrow, and man, oh man, are we looking for ways that we can shift the energy. This is a big, again, incredible, powerful, potent ... It's medicine. It's absolutely medicine for the spirit and the soul, micro-moments of positivity. Another one, certainly, is gratitude. We do this in November, purposefully, because it does, at least in the States, tie in with the holiday of Thanksgiving, and a lot of educators and families are looking for ways, original ways, powerful ways, of extending gratitude. We find that this is a beautiful way of saying thank you, again, to people we know or know tangentially or people we just are grateful are in the world. Those are some that come to mind. I could think of more, and I certainly welcome your ideas, as well, as a scholar in this field. Emiliya:  Thanks, Cheryl. It's such a powerful example of the domino effect, the ripple effect of what happens within us, when we are slightly uplifted, but it's also what happens when other people witness an act of kindness. When we receive kindness, when we receive someone's act of gratitude, we are inspired and motivated to want to pay that forward. I can just see the ripples upon ripples that just such a simple act can make. Cheryl:  Yes, and also that just brings to mind something a friend of mine said. She said, "Cheryl, since I have the You Matter cards, I feel like I have a super power in my pocket." I think that builds to some of the, or eludes to some of the, positive psychology literature around self-efficacy and agency and how people are looking for ways to feel empowered, and that they have an ability to make a difference in this world. This gives people that sense of, "I can make a difference, and if I can do this--wow!--what other ways can I make a difference?" Interestingly, a lot of people who are attracted to the You Matter Marathon are people who, I believe, probably have a high strength of kindness and gratitude. Interestingly, they think they're signing up because they want to spread gratitude and kindness in the world. What they don't always recognize is what a powerful gift this is to themselves. Dr. Stephen Post talks and studies the area of altruism, and he's done amazing work in this area that really speaks to this, that when we reach out and do good for others, the health benefits, the psychic benefits of what it does for ourselves, people who participated, who would say, "Wow! This was the most positive personal growth experience I've ever had," or, "This was the best November of my life." Emiliya:  Thank you, Cheryl, and how can people get their own copy of the You Matter cards? How can they get involved, if they're inspired by the work that you're doing and that everyone is out doing today? Cheryl:  youmattermarathon.com. On that website, you can sign up, either as an individual, and we will mail you 30 You Matter cards for free, while supplies last. Cards are mailed out the middle of October, and we also tell you how you can get more than 30 cards if you want them. You can sign up, again, as an individual or as an ambassador for a group or a large organization. Emiliya:  Beautiful. Thank you so much, Cheryl. Cheryl, any closing words, anything that you want people to know? Cheryl:  You matter. Emiliya:  Thank you, Cheryl. Cheryl:  Thank you. Emiliya:  Thanks for catching our episode today. As you can see, kindness counts, whether it be a simple act of kindness for oneself or reminding other people that who they are matters. You can pass this kindness on in the world. Every time we do so, our mind expands, our heart expands, and we remember our sense of connection to others. Thanks for listening, and wishing you a flourishing day.

Take a glimpse into the world of applied positive psychology withThe Flourishing Centerpodcast. Each episode includes three sections giving you insights and hacks into living an authentically happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn about the relationship between genes and depression. LifeHack—Learn how to ruminate less and reappraise more. Practitioner’s Corner—Learn how one company uses positive psychology to take care of their employees' wellbeing. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Emiliya: Hello and welcome to the practitioner's corner. Today with us we have Jeff Thomson from Northbrook, Illinois. He is the lead performance coach for Energy for Life at Allstate Insurance Company. Fun little factoids about Jeff, he is one of 10 kids in his family. And, he has been to 69 Dave Matthews Band concerts. But who's counting, right Jeff? We're so happy to have you here with us. In our 5i Change Agent Model, you're an implementer. You're utilizing positive psychology within an organization, and we're so excited to learn more about what brought you to this work and how you are helping people bring positive psychology into their day-to-day life. Jeff: Thank, Emiliya. I'm so happy to be with you today. Emiliya: Jeff, tell us. What brought you to this work? Jeff: I think, first off, probably a lot of self-work and just life experiences that had me on a search for more happiness and fulfillment in my own life due to just life circumstances that had me in the dumps at different times. That pursuit I think, ultimately, just led me forward and learning more about the science of happiness. Emiliya: Tell us more about how you work at Allstate right now. Jeff: My job for the last six plus years at Allstate has been implementing Energy for Life. It actually comes from an organization called the Human Performance Institute, based in Orlando, Florida. That's part of Johnson and Johnson. They developed a program, a two and a half day workshop called The Corporate Athlete, that uses a four dimensional view of energy management. Looks at spiritual energy, emotional, mental, and physical energy. Allstate has been one of their chief champions of the work and has been licensing their content under the name of Energy for Life at Allstate now, in different variations for probably upwards of 10 plus years. Emiliya: It is so neat to see organizations be bringing these types of programs in for their employees and to be investing in human potential and human capital. What are some of the impacts that you've seen these programs make on the people that you work with? Jeff: There's so many amazing success stories or testimonials that we get from over the years of training, or delivering the content to our employees. We've now had ... Today over 22,000 employees have gone through the program. One of the things I always like to say about it first and foremost is it's a free opportunity. It's not a requirement for employees to go through, it's just a free gift that Allstate offers to its employees to really make an investment in them and their lives in a multidimensional kind of way. What I love is that the stories that come back are very multidimensional in in of themselves. You'll hear all sorts of success stories of people that have made some tangible changes around the physical dimension. They have started a new exercise regimen, or they've shifted their eating habits. The stories that always impact me the most, though, are the ones that are more relational in nature where, you just hear stories of a mother, a father, who reengages with their kids differently because they learned about the value and importance of full engagement, and bringing your fully energy to a singular task or person. Just a lot of success stories in that regard. People have shifted careers because they just really realized that their spiritual energy was out of alignment with something they valued and really wanted in their lives, so they make a career change. Yeah, the stories really are endless. Oftentimes, it's life transformational, what we hear from people. Emiliya: That is incredible. Even so cool to hear the word spiritual be referenced within an organizational setting. Jeff: Yeah. When we deliver the program, we even go the extra mile of really helping people because we know that that probably, for some people, could create discomfort, to your point that it's not something that would commonly be used. If it makes people feel more comfortable, we'll offer synonyms for it. This is what the ... What matters less is the word we use, and more is what's a part of this dimension of energy, which is really around your purpose and having a sense of purpose and clarity of what matters most to you in your life so that as you have that, working to align elements of your life with those things that matter most to you. What we commonly find is for many people, those things have just gotten out of order either accidentally or they haven't paused really in life to try and understand their north star, or taking participants through a series of reflective exercises to develop that. It's usually an intimidating exercise for someone to write that mission statement, but even the process of getting them to think about what do they want their legacy to be? Who are the people and what are the things that matter most to them in their lives? Are not common questions that people reflect on, particularly at work. Giving them that space to make that investment in themselves and make some deep connections in that regard and walk out of there with either a much clearer sense or a slightly clearer sense really helps people make some of the behavior changes that they made be looking to make in a more tactical, tangible level. Emiliya: So cool, Jeff. Thank. What are some of the ways that recently you've been integrating positive psychology? Jeff: I think what was really neat for me is that my story really was so much self-discovery and self-taught. I went out and I probably purchased over 100 books on happiness just because I really started it as a selfish mission for myself, of having been depression at different points in my life because of a difficult relationship breakup or something. I just was really in hot pursuit of how I could feel better. Then, from that, as I just saw my own application of that build my own muscles of resilience and how to live a happier life, it became more altruistic from there and just, "Okay. If these are skills that one can learn, how do we make that more known to others?" I became very purposeful from a career perspective to find work that would allow me to bring this to the world so I could serve as a catalyst to others, and saw a great opportunity at Allstate that was already investing in this program that seemed so deeply aligned with where I thought I could bring value. It was really from that that in my discontinued evolution of trying expand my thinking in the space and thought leadership that led me to so much of the science seems to point back to this field. At the time I knew very little about it, positive psychology, but now I feel much more connected to, largely through my experience being in the CAPP program. Emiliya: Thank you, Jeff. I'm curious, what stands out for you as some of the more poignant positive psychology concepts that you've learned? Jeff: A big one for me was around meaning. I joke, when I deliver the Energy for Life workshop, that I created a mission statement of my life probably 15 years ago that was two pages long, about eight paragraphs in length, and I was so proud of it after I had developed it. It was this mini manifesto for myself. What I came to realize in the years that followed was that I still made a lot of poor life choices or ones that didn't align fully with that, and I think it was because I wasn't so clear on it. I eventually whittled it down to a one word ultimate mission, which is happiness for me. But I think now, looking back to when I started in CAPP, my mission statement was short-sighted because I think I was really missing out on the meaning element of happiness. That's really one of the big concepts that really helped shift things for me, was learning more about meaning and meaning's role in creating a life. A flourishing life. How there's meaning available in every moment, should we choose to see it in so many small ways. I think ... I almost walked away from CAPP with that as a challenge to myself. Like, how can I seek more meaning in just day-to-day moments? A big part of that being ... Also connected to that was the storytelling component. I like to use the term storytelling because so much of our experiences based on the stories we create for ourselves about our life experiences. I try to be very intentional about both creating a story that can explain what's happened to me in a way that really serves my growth moving forward. Emiliya: Thank you, Jeff. Jeff, I'm curious, what are some of the obstacles you see for bring positive psychology into the workplace? Jeff: I think it's probably, on some level ... I think language is really important. Just how you had a reaction to the term spiritual, and you know that that's not such a commonly used word in corporate America, or corporations. I think that same could be true of using terms like positive psychology. People have a reaction to that. That's interesting now that I'm so deeply into it, like, I don't even think about it anymore, but I occasionally get that reaction where someone chuckles in response to me using those words. I think being really deliberate about the language we use to describe what it is in a way that's more accessible to people. In a way that sounds more naturally desiring and minimally causes curiosity versus judgment, hopefully. From that, I think, big thing that I try to focus on is how to hook into and talk about it in a way that will get a positive reaction from most. Talking about the demands that people face in their lives, that demands are increasing. People can relate to that. They just feel more naturally under pressure or stressed, or just needing some kind of lifeline to help make their days a little bit better. By connecting first to what the pain points are for someone, I think, is really useful to them saying, "Oh, you mean there's a toolkit? There's a toolbox of things that I could do and practice and be deliberate about? Really build some muscle around that helps make elements of my life even just a little bit easier or better than that? More fulfilling and meaningful?" I think that's a hook that's pretty attractive to many people. But if you can't first connect with them around where they're pain or disturbance is in their life, I think you could end up just missing each other. Emiliya: Absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing that perspective. I'm curious, what are some of the self-care practices that you personally utilize that sustain your wellbeing? Jeff: For me, there's so many and I feel like that's part of what's valuable, is I try to always remind myself and then also the team that I work with. We have to start with self. If we have to apply the very things we're teaching others, we have to be in active work doing the self-work. That's hard, right? But that's also where I think we show up as way more real to the people that we bring this to. I feel like I benefit from so many different strategies. An example of one that I've experimented with based on the referral from someone else in the CAPP program is I started 2017 by downloading this five minute journal app, which allowed me to take my gratitude practice really to a whole other level, by starting my day and being deliberate about three things I'm grateful for. Three things I want to achieve or how I want to operate in the day, work that around my intentions, and then doing that same practice for a couple minutes at the end of the day to think about what were the best parts of my day, and then what would I have done different. Just those triggers to really cause me to pause and reflect and appreciate. Gratitude is a significant one for me. The physical dimension that came more naturally to me from being involved in athletics. I oftentimes underestimate it, but if I pull myself away, I realize that it's really at the core of what helps me to have physical energy throughout my days. Getting my exercise in, being conscious of what foods I eat and what I'm putting in my body and knowing that that has so many effects, positively or negatively, how I show up over the course of the day. Just, again, the practice of full engagement. That is daily work. I've got two young daughters at home, and it's easy for me to come home at the end of a difficult day, same with my wife, and just not be fully attentive to a conversation that's unfolding in front of me and end up showing up as half that husband or half the dad that I want to be in those moments. Really being deliberate, like, if I'm cooking dinner, try to stop cooking dinner. Turn the burners off if I need to, to just really engage in the conversation and be fully present. Anytime I can just practice full presence in a moment, that is one of the most valuable self-care strategies that I've ever learned. Because the beauty of it is it's both self-fulfilling ... It's so appreciated by those that you're with too. They see that you just show up. I can tell how I'm just in this moments, when I'm really there with my daughters or my wife. It's a great validation of why I need to keep practicing that. Another self-care strategy that's been really valuable for me is the importance of taking breaks throughout my day. One of the things I've learned from HBI was the recommendation around every 60 to 90 minutes that we oscillate our energy in some kind of way, whether that's mentally, emotionally, physically, to just take some kind of break. To push away from whatever it is that you're working on. I've found so much value of just one, getting up and physically moving around my office space. Walking, getting my water bottle refilled, that's a nice way of doing multiple good things for yourself at the same time. But I also love ... I follow inspiring thought leaders on Facebook and sometimes if I have two stolen minutes between conference meetings or something, I'll just stop and read an inspiring article on Facebook. It just adds great fuel to my day, to the next thing that I'm going to walk into. Just being really deliberate about taking time for yourself throughout your day I think helps you to have more energy at the end of your days. Emiliya: That is so true, and I think of the times when I'm speaking about mindfulness within an organizational setting. I'll sometimes say to a group of people, "If I'm thinking about something else or I'm not present, you guys can't tell, right?" I'll demonstrate it where I just stand there and I look like I'm smiling at them, but I demonstrate that I might be thinking many thoughts in my head that they might not know about. Most people nod their head that yeah, you can't tell if someone's mind has wandered because technically you can't read what they're thinking. You can't see what they're thinking. But then I ask them to pause and I say, "But, do you really know when someone is present with you?" Then after a moment people go, "Yeah, yeah you do." Because you can tell the energetic shift and especially with children. It's such a gift to give them to know that what they say matters to the adults that they care about, that cares about them. To give them the gift of your presence. Jeff: It reminds me of a story when both my daughters were younger. This was probably five plus years ago, but when I'd come home at the end of the day, there was a time when my younger one would run up to me and would want to tell me about her day, and because my wife works as well, I'm the first one home, I'd commonly pick her up and I'd set her on the counter while I start putting dinner together. I would say, "Annabelle, tell me about your day." All of a sudden, time would pass and I'd realize that I had heard nothing of what she just said to me. I'd be like, Okay, bad dad Jeff. Ask her again. "Annabelle, how was your day?" This would happen multiple times and I was just realizing that I wasn't really hearing her. Then, over time I saw that she stopped coming up to me when I'd come home at the end of the day. This really causes some level of heartbreak for me. Like, "Wow, my youngest daughter doesn't get excited when Dad comes home anymore. What have I done to contribute to this?" I started being deliberate about when I would come home of sitting her on the couch next to me, or taking a knee and really connecting with her eye to eye. What I saw ... These weren't long conversations. Usually they were just a couple minutes of really just practicing connection, and I remember that after doing that enough times, it change again. All of a sudden, Annabelle was running to greet me at the back door. I was like, "Thank you for getting it right and paying attention enough, Jeff, to realize that you were contributing both to the problem, and now you're contributing to a much more meaningful solution now. Where, she's excited to have dad come home at the end of the day." Emiliya: So beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for sharing that. Jeff, I'm curious, how would you define what it means to flourish? Jeff: Great question. I think, to me, it's all about being able to reflect on your days and believe that you matter to other people. That you were present enough with them to have an impact. Small, medium, large, however it may show up. But to me, that's the more my journey has continued, the more I realize that it's not so much about myself as it started with, about me finding happiness, but that that comes more naturally as a result of me really making investments in others. That, to me, is flourishing but again, there is this self piece, to your question that I love, around self-care that I have to be selfish enough to make sure that I'm taking care of my own wellbeing so that I can be the best I want to be and aspire to be to the people that come across my path and my life. When I know I'm doing that, the right balance of taking care of me so that I'm showing up to others the way I want to, that to me feels like those are my flourishing days. Emiliya: Any tips or recommendations you would make for people who are interested in positive organizational cultures, or how corporations could begin to learn from what you are all doing at Allstate to bring positive psychology into their workplaces? Jeff: I think, certainly, reaching out to organizations, like a human performance institute, or The Energy Project is another one, doing very similar work. Just understanding what they offer. You can try and build this yourself in an organization, and that's probably the cheaper way to go, but there's probably all sorts of potholes and roadblocks with that plan, versus going out and talking to organizations that already have really constructed a multidimensional framework, and have really made organizations a primary target audience that they work with. Just something I've really appreciated, knowing that they existed. From there, there's a lot to learn then from other organizations. I love opportunities to talk to peers that work in other industries that use HPI. It's a great opportunity to learn how they've done their rollout, where they have challenges, it's all the same kind of ... Any change initiative, it goes back to the common things around having senior leader sponsorship, change champions in an organization making this into different parts of the organization so it's more than just a workshop. There's all these sustainability challenges that any organization would face, even after you've trained 22,000 people, leaning on other organizations that are already trying to solve for many of the same challenges, I think has been a ... One, it's just a great support system, but two, so many valuable insights that you can go back and then try experimenting with and applying in your own organization is really helpful. Emiliya: Earlier, we said that you serve as a coach within your organization, the lead performance coach. What does that role entail? Do you do a lot of the training, or do you actually do one-on-one work with individuals to help them implement their work? Jeff: Yeah, it's almost misleading in that regard in terms of how we traditionally think of a coach, which is more of that one-on-one relationships. At Allstate, while that's the title of the role, it largely shows up in terms of the delivering workshops to, on average, probably somewhere 20, 25 participants, employees in the organization. The coaching that I think I do has less to do with that formal role, and probably a lot more to do with the role I play to the other performance coaches on my team, or just other people, stakeholders that I get to know through the organization. But yeah, that's more the informal part of the one-on-one coaching versus a formal capacity that I serve in. Emiliya: Got it. Yeah. One of the challenges I think the coaching industry faces is the use of the word coach, and how we keep coaching as coaching. Jeff, if people want to follow up to learn about you and your work, any way that they can be in contact with you? Jeff: Yeah, absolutely. I would relish the opportunity to meet more people and expand my network in any way possible. The best ways to reach me would probably be via email, jeff.thomson@allstate.com. Or, by phone. 847-840-8385. I welcome the additional connections and opportunities to share what I've learned and learn from others as well. Emiliya: Thank you, Jeff. Thanks for being with us today. Jeff: Thank you so much, Emiliya. I really appreciate the opportunity to share some of my story. Emiliya: Thanks for listening to today's episode. We hope that you'll take away a renewed energy around reappraising your thoughts, and that when stressful events happen, the mediator between being at risk for winding up feeling stuck and depressed, is not just having a genetic predisposition but it's the ability to work with our thoughts, to do less rumination and thought suppression, and to spend more time reframing our thoughts. If you're someone who finds that it's a harder thing for you to do, know that these are all skills that we can build. I hope that you've taken some inspiration from learning about Jeff and seeing that there are organizations throughout the world that are doing their best to invest in their employees' wellbeing, and that there are strategies and skills that we can take on to self-care so that everyone thrives together. Thanks for listening. We hope that you'll share this podcast with others that you think will benefit from it.