Woman hugging herself

Practicing Self-Forgiveness

Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn about a study on self-forgiveness as an intervention. LifeHack—How to practice self-forgiveness on a day to day basis. Practitioner’s Corner—Hear how Denise uses positive psychology as a career coach and speaker to help people uncover who they are and what they want to do with their lives. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center
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Ask Stacy: Holiday Bliss Is Easy to Miss

Happiness is something we all search for and that we each deserve in our lives. However, obstacles inevitably get in the way, whether that means negative people, current or past circumstances we can’t control, bad luck—even our own self-destructive patterns. I have developed this column to helpLive Happyreaders overcome these stumbling blocks. As the new year approaches, are you feeling stressed out? Send your happiness questions toaskstacy@livehappy.com. Dear Stacy, I am a hairdresser and I love my job, but I can’t stand listening to people who have no money talk about how they spend it all on holiday gifts. Yesterday, my client told me that she has been struggling, and yet she is buying the new $1,000 iPhone 10 for her husband. What can I do or say to these people who are making choices that are financially wrong? I hear stories like this every work day. —Bonnie Dear Bonnie, I have great admiration for your care and compassion for your clients and their financial well-being. Many people in the service industry do not invest as much in the people they work with. While I understand your concern about your client buying an expensive cellular device, it is not our place to tell other people how to spend their money. In addition, while she might share her financial woes with you, you have no way to be certain how she prioritizes her spending or whether this will, in fact, make a big impact on her financial situation. In my many years as a psychotherapist, I have encountered several clients who have expensive phones, cars, vacations, etc., and yet are willing to sacrifice in other areas of their lives, including a suitable place to live or a balanced and complete meal. While it is sometimes challenging to watch, it is important we know our role in a person’s life and to understand that, ultimately, they have control over their decisions. If you really feel compelled to have a conversation, the only thing I think would be appropriate is to let her know that you know that she’s making an expensive purchase and that you hope it does not negatively impact her finances. Dear Stacy, Whether at Thanksgiving, Easter or Christmas, our holiday dinner table is always filled with tense conversation. I am anticipating that the current national and political climate will make the next holidays even worse. At Easter last spring, the arguing grew so intense that I brought out an antique bell and started ringing it loudly, to little avail. I simply want some holiday peace. Would you come to our dinners, Stacy, to mediate, or do I need to hire a referee? Thank you in advance, and please do not use my real name because my sister reads Livehappy.com, too. Many thanks. —Frustrated Frances Dear Frances, Sadly, what you have described at your holiday dinner table is something that happens to many of us—particularly when there is turmoil within our families, our community and our country. I think ringing an antique bell was a brilliant idea! Particularly if it added some lightness and fun to the conversation. In times of stress, I always recommend people try to break the tension with a little humor. Being that your bell did not work the last time, I have a few other suggestions: Invite additional guests to dinner to serve as buffers. Often if guests are present who are not close family members, your relatives will be on better behavior. Additionally, extra people might open up more areas of conversation so the unpleasant topics can be avoided. Create ground rules before everyone arrives. Let guests know that they have political, environmental and situational differences and that topics that create conflict are not allowed at the dinner table. If these controversial topics are then brought up, remind them of the table rules and ask them to finish the conversations after the meal. Have a dinner activity prepared should the conversation get heated. Go around the table and have people say what they are thankful for, or their wishes for the coming year or have everyone share a funny story about a family member who is sitting at the table. Dear Stacy, My name is Donna and I am 58 years old. I have made family photo holiday cards since my children were born; they are now in their 20s. This year they will not have any part of it. I start planning in October for these cards because I like us to wear themed clothing and hire a photographer. This year they have all said they are done with my cards. I figured I would have at least until they had families of their own. I am devastated, Stacy. They each told me this in an email, and they have no idea that I started crying when I got this bad news. I have been doing these cards for more than 20 years! I don’t know if the problem can be resolved, but I saw your advice column and I thought maybe it was destiny since the refusals to domy card arrived this week. —Donna Dear Donna, I absolutely love that you have had a family tradition of making photo holiday cards since your children were born! I can see how much meaning these cards must have for you, and I understand why you were so upset when your children told you they were no longer interested. Perhaps you can convince your family to do one final card just for this year? It might be a good compromise that allows you one final hurrah and also addresses the fact that they feel they are ready to move on from this activity. If your kids are not willing to bend, or if you still feel sad about stopping the cards next year, I encourage you to create a new family holiday tradition that makes you and the rest of your family feel happy and fulfilled. Perhaps start a potluck dinner where everyone brings a favorite dish even if they all end up being desserts. Or take lots of family photos wearing silly or festive hats and glasses while at a holiday meal. Ask your family members what they would be willing to try that could be fun for both them and you. Maybe you will even come up with a few new holiday traditions that will be passed on for generations! Read more: Ask Stacy: Expert Tips for a Happy Life Stacy Kaiseris a Southern California-based licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is the author ofHow to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know,and editor at large forLive Happy. As a former weekly advice columnist forUSA Todaywith more than 100 appearances on major networks, including CNN, FOX and NBC, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insights to a wide range of topics.
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Be More Generous To Boost Your Happiness

Handing money to someone in need may put a smile on both the recipient’s face and your own. A new study from the University of Zurich reports finding a link between the brain regions activated by generosity and those involved in happiness. Researchers gave participants a weekly allowance, with one group planning to keep the money for themselves and the other committing to spend it on others. Then, fMRI imaging was used to study both groups’ brain activities. Participants who had pledged to use the stipend in a philanthropic manner behaved more generously than those who didn't, confirming that the act of giving or even the intent to give activates the brain in a way that makes you feel happier. Randall Wright, a neurologist at Mischer Neuroscience Associates in Texas, is thrilled with the findings. “We know that altruistic behavior can simply make us feel better, but now we are seeing this at a neurobiological level,” he explains, noting that the study is the first to deduce a scientific correlation between generosity and happiness. Jessica L. Cundiff, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychological science at Missouri University of Science and Technology, adds that you don’t have to empty your wallet to experience a boost; any amount will do. “In a 2008 study, people were given either $5 or $20 bills. Regardless of the amount, those who spent the money on others reported feeling happier,” she says. While the study highlights the effects of financial giving, there are additional ways to feel the warm glow of generosity. Randall suggests using your talents in a charitable manner. “If you are a great chef, preparing meals for the homeless will surely be a big hit for you and the ones receiving your meal,” he explains. Read more: 17 Ways to Give Back According to Your Strengths Listen to our podcast: The Giving Way to Happiness, With Jenny Santi Nicole Pajer is a freelance writer and reporter based in Los Angeles.
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Building Self Regulation

Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn who is more likely to be addicted to social media. LifeHack—Discover how willpower and self-regulation can prevent addictive behaviors. Practitioner’s Corner—Sandy Brower shares how she introducespositive psychology to teenagers in schools. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center
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Jumping on the beach

‘The Empowered Mama’ Puts Women’s Wellness First

Author Lisa Druxman is the dynamic founder of FIT4MOM, a national fitness company that operates a range of classes to help women get back in shape after having a baby. After spending years interacting with busy moms, and raising her own kids while also running a growing business, Lisa has gathered her wisdom and experience in her new book, The Empowered Mama: How to Reclaim Your Time and Yourself While Raising a Happy, Healthy Family. We spoke with Lisa to learn more about how women can fit wellness and self-care into our hectic lives without giving up on fulfilling work, in or out of the home. Live Happy: Lisa, what made you want to write this book? Lisa Druxman: Everything we do at FIT4MOM is about helping women realize their strengths in motherhood. I get a chance to meet moms across the country, and they all say they are overwhelmed. I have learned a lot since founding the company (and growing it while raising my own family), and I wanted to shorten the learning curve for other women. The Empowered Mama is the culmination of the wisdom and experience I’ve acquired over all this time. Why is it important for moms in particular to engage in self-care? Moms are used to caring for their family—putting others first. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. As moms we set the tone, and we set the energy for the whole family, so it is crucial that we take time to take care of ourselves. What do you think are some of the biggest challenges for moms today? We are trying to be supermoms. We are living in the age of Pinterest when we think we have to have our houses look a certain way, and party decorations have to be a certain way... Seventy percent of moms are working full- or part-time, so with that, taking care of the kids, the house—they wish there were more hours of the day, but they would just fill it up with more errands. Instead, we need to be more purposeful about how we use time. We need to set priorities, say no to some things and let go of perfection. You are in the fitness business, yet you included many aspects of life in the book in addition to exercise and nutrition. How did you decide to do that? My master’s degree is in psychology, so I am fascinated by the mind and the power of the mind. I’ve been in the fitness industry for 25 years, and I’ve learned that you can’t become happy and healthy just by being fit. We have to change our mindset. To me that means thinking about things like purpose, values and goals, so I have included what I’ve learned over the years in this book, in a fun, interactive way. What is the most important thing you think moms can do to improve their well-being? You need to put your self-care in first. The thing moms want, but are never able to achieve, is balance. So if we know that, what happens if we take care of ourselves first? Ask yourself, what is the minimum effective dose for me to feel healthy and happy? For me, I need a certain amount of exercise. I know I need to eat certain kinds of foods… What is self-care for you? Whatever it is, you need to get those things in first and build your schedule around that. Do you think it is possible for moms to find work/life balance? If you schedule your self-care first, you will automatically feel more balanced. Instead of focusing on balance, focus on counterbalance. Sometimes you need to really focus on work. So maybe when that period is over, you can counterbalance with more family time. Other times your family is taking all your time; then you need to talk with your family and explain you will be working longer. How can dads and kids help mothers to have more time for self-care? Partners need to sit down and share what they want out of life. Moms should explain, ‘Here are my reasons why—here is what I need.’ Don’t assume your partner is a mind-reader. Tell him or her what you want: ‘It would be really helpful if you could pick up the clothes from the dry-cleaners or the kids from school.’ Make a workout schedule with your partner, so you are not competing for free time to go to the gym. Do you think there is a cult of busy-ness among women, and how can we get out of it? Being busy has become almost like a badge of honor for moms. I used to be the same way—this whole book is based on mistakes that I’ve made! It’s like we don’t ever want to come across as lazy, so we wind up as martyrs instead. We need to redefine what a happy and healthy life looks like. I want moms to schedule margins—spaces and air in-between activities—a feeling of peace and roominess so we no longer feel so rushed. Why is it important to meditate? I have been consistently meditating now for nearly 20 years. I have ADHD—my mind is always going. Meditation quiets those thoughts and decreases stress. It will increase your immune system and your brain size. It helps depression, too. I wish and hope that moms could do at least 10 minutes before the rest of the family wakes up to set the tone for the rest of the day. Set your intention for the day. You quote extensively from The Slight Edge, which was written by Jeff Olson, founder of Live Happy. I didn’t know that! But the book is so important to me—his philosophy of incremental change leading to big transformation really resonates. I’ve never done anything like this before, but I actually paid my kids $100 to read it! What do you hope readers will take away from the book? The book is written to be used as a yearlong interactive process, with a different focus each month. I believe moms—who are raising the next generation of leaders—are creating a positive ripple effect, and I want to help empower them to be change-agents in the community and in the world. 8 Empowering Takeaways for Moms Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. Exercise and good nutrition are necessities, not luxuries. Take little breaks: Have a bath, enjoy a nap, unplug from digital devices. Write down your core values, and make sure your behaviors are aligned with them. Learn to delegate and say “No.” Figure out in which areas of life you might be lacking or over-committing. Create a Personal Action Plan to achieve specific goals. Use The Slight Edge philosophy to make incremental positive changes in your life. Emily Wise Miller is the Web Editor for Live Happy.
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Understanding Other People’s Behavior

Take a glimpse into the world of positive psychology withThe Flourishing CenterPodcast. Each episode is divided into three sections giving you insights into living an authentic happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Explore the impact of technology on social well-being. LifeHack—Learn the simple strategy for brain matching. Practitioner’s Corner—Katrina Goff shares how transitioning from a dental clinic to a resilience coach and trainer changed her life. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Transcription provided by The Flourishing Center Emiliya: Hello everyone and welcome Katrina Goff to our positive psychology Practitioner Corner. Katrina is a Certified Resilience Trainer through The Flourishing Center. She helps people talk back to their thoughts, work with their emotions, and show up in the world the way they want to. She's joining us today from Ozark, Missouri. Something you might not know about Katrina is that she is a grandmother to 20 children. That's two-zero, 20 children. Her and her husband are blessed that between them they have eight children and 20 grandchildren. She is not only thriving in family but thriving in opportunities to share positive psychology with the world. We're so excited to have her here. Thank you Katrina. Katrina: Thank you Emiliya. It's a pleasure to be here today. Emiliya: Katrina, tell us what brought you to this work? Katrina: Oh my goodness. I was on a journey. I went back to school and I was working in a dental clinic. That's where most of my experience work wise has been. I was working with the military but also very passionate to me is helping people to have healthy, happy relationships. I thought that I was on a path to become a marriage and family therapist, but somewhere along the way all the work with the military and hearing my patients come in and share with me that they had PTSD. They would share their stories but I just always noticed their countenance dropped every time that they told me, "Ma'am, I might hit the floor if I hear a loud noise." When they just mentioned that they had PTSD, these very macho and brave men would look defeated. My first class with anything to do with positive psychology was a social psychology class. That was where I first learned about post traumatic growth. I was hooked. I had something that I could share with people that could give them hope rather than a diagnosis that didn't give them hope. I'll never forget the next patient that came in and shared with me that he had PTSD. I listened to his story as I always did and I sat there and then when the opportunity arose, I just asked the patient, "Have you ever heard of post traumatic growth?" He had not and he wanted to know more. I shared with him that it was growth that occurs after you've had a traumatic event and that you either experience a greater purpose and meaning in life, a connection to others, a greater appreciation for your own life, better relationships and connection to a cause. I'll never forget the look on that patient's face when he said, "Ma'am, I got that. I think I have that," and was able to share and pick out a story of how he had been in an improvised explosive device detonation, an IED. Through that, when he came back, he was a drill sergeant so he was able to share with his new recruits how to avoid IEDs because he had experienced it firsthand himself. His whole face lit up. You just saw the positive change that happened. That was my first piece of positive psychology that I learned and I couldn't get enough from there. Emiliya: Wow. What an incredibly touching story, Katrina. Thank you. What are some of the ways in which you're implementing positive psychology today? Katrina: I have been blessed to be able to implement it in many different ways. For the last four years, I've taught at a career college so I knew that these skills and positive psychology were the missing piece of the curriculum, that we could teach people skills and we could teach them knowledge in their field. Positive psychology helps people be able to handle life. We can teach skills that help you show up in the world the way that you want to. I use character strengths with my students so they were able to be prepared for an interview knowing where they were strong. They didn't go into an interview and say, "I'm bubbly." They actually knew where their strengths lied and how they had used them to help them through challenges. That was very empowering. I participated in several years of “character day” at the school and that was really always very rewarding for me as well. I taught a lot of resilience skills as well to my students. I found that growth mindset and fixed mindset showed up so much in my students and how I could help them to see that and to ask questions that were going to leave them somewhere rather than questions that just cause them to judge themselves. Emiliya: For our listeners that are tuning in that might not be familiar with growth mindset and fixed mindset, can you tell us how to share this concept with others? Katrina: I definitely can. Growth mindset and fixed mindset comes from Carol Dweck. I have to admit that I had the book for a while without ever reading it. I knew it was a book I wanted to get to but once I dove into that book and I could see how much that all of us have these tendencies to not just be one way or the other, but both of them show up in our lives in certain ways. Growth mindset will lead people to embrace challenges and to see that we can learn from failure. Fixed mindset tends to show up where you see people who are afraid to make any mistake whatsoever. They don't want to do a procedure. They don't want to learn a new task because they're afraid that they won't be good enough, and why make a mistake? I saw that so often with my students so I was able to teach them that we learn through making mistakes. That was the perfect place to be learning and making mistakes was when we had plastic patients rather than real patients because those times you don't want to make a mistake. I was able to help them to see that and to hopefully recognize it in other areas of their lives so that they could persevere outside the classroom with those skills as well. Emiliya: Thank you for sharing that Katrina. I'm curious, what are some of the more poignant ways in which positive psychology has personally impacted you? Katrina: I think one of the key things again is the character strengths and how, when I was able to recognize my own character strengths and how they showed up my life, then I could really feel free to incorporate those. Even though I was already incorporating them, they're how we show up in the world, but it really gave me a better understanding of myself. Plus, it helps me to look at others and be able to see their strengths and how teams are formed and how we can—where I'm weak and I can use where someone else is strong to accomplish a goal better. Growth mindset and fixed mindset shows up in my world as well. There are still challenges for me. I'm probably in that big group of people that feel that sales is one of those things that I'm just not good at, yet I know through all of this education and this field that we can learn and develop if we put enough time, practice, and get the right resources, that we can be good at anything that we choose to do in life and that there's nothing that's outside of our reach. It may take me a little bit longer, that may not be an area that I'm super strong in, but I can develop those skills. Emiliya: Thank you Katrina. What are some of the most exciting things you're up to right now? Katrina: I have just accepted a position at a community dental clinic as a coordinator of six dental clinics. With this work, I will be able to use positive psychology in my training and hiring and evaluations and putting teams together. I'm really, really excited to find a position that allows me to use my skills and my work as well as my love and passion and knowledge in positive psychology. It's just a great fit. I have a lot of freedom to incorporate this as I see will benefit the teams and the clinics. I'm really excited about that. Emiliya: Thank you Katrina. In positive psychology, we frequently talk a lot about the importance of self-care. We say that self-care is healthcare. What are some of the self-care principles that guide you in your day to day life? Katrina: I'm so glad you brought that up because that is something that I really do incorporate into my life. Sometimes we get so busy that we actually forget even though we know this is so important to who we are. It's so important to take that time to replenish ourselves. One of the things that I do that my husband thinks is pretty funny is I refuse to choose where we eat. It’s something that depletes me to make that decision, so I don't really like that; I save my decisions for more important things in life, so I tell him I don't have to choose where we eat. I'll just pick what I want when we get there. I love being out in nature. I do love the beauty of the sunrise and the sunset and the stars and the ocean. Recently, my husband and I just got back from Florida. We were able to take some down time to just really invest in ourselves personally and in our relationship because both of us are in this helping field of coaching and speaking and training. We do tend to put so many other people before ourselves so we do have to recognize that self-care, whether that's a bubble bath, whether that's just quiet time, your favorite music, exercise, whatever that works for you. For me, I enjoy quiet time and I do enjoy just the beauty of nature around me. Emiliya: Thank you for sharing that. One of the questions we've been asking our interviewees is: What is your definition of what it means to flourish? Katrina: That's a great question, Emiliya. I definitely love “to show up the world the way that you want to.” I think that we all have that ability when we are equipped with the skillset and mindset of resilience. It really does help us to push through life and to thrive. I feel like when we're using our gifts, our skills, and our passions and we're incorporating that as our purpose in life, how we show up in this world, that's when I feel like I'm thriving. That's where I feel like I am right now in my life because that I have been equipped with the knowledge from The Flourishing Center and through other sources as well and that I know what my gifts are, I know what my strengths are, and I know what I'm passionate about, and I know that I get to show up in the world and I get to use my purpose. I take my purpose with me everywhere that I am. I think so many people are so scared of the word purpose and they are thinking it's elusive in that they can't reach it when our purpose is what we're living daily. We can take that with us. Recently, I was struggling with a few things. We hear when your why is big enough, you don't have to worry about your how. I thought about that and it's so true but when your why is big enough, you don't have to worry about your how or your where. All you have to worry about is that you do because you take that calling and that purpose with you. When you do that, you are thriving. Emiliya: Wow. Such an inspiration with those words, Katrina. Yes, the words “showing up the world the way that you want to,” which refers it to me by Dr. Srikumar Rao, are ones that I both repeat often. It's a question I ask myself often, "Am I showing up in the world the way that I want to? How do I want to show up in the world around this situation?" It's a powerful question to ask. Katrina, what have you found have been some of the biggest obstacles you faced in trying to introduce positive psychology? Some would say, "Wow, in a dental office, how does that work?" I would imagine that not every single person is not as bright eyed and bushy tailed, or some people might think you've drank some Kool-Aid. I think one of the biggest challenges is just helping people to understand that positive psychology isn't “happyology.” It isn't about happy all the time. There is definitely times in our lives and situations where it's not appropriate to be happy but working with our emotions, not getting stuck in our emotions, is one of the things that I really want people to know. That is how I want to help them in this world, is learning when and how. It's learning character strengths, when you can overuse one or underuse one. There's just so much that we can use in positive psychology to touch every person. I believe it belongs in every company, every organization. I think just that it's still so new to a lot of people—they just aren't understanding what we have to offer in the world. I think reframing it in ways that really help people to realize the benefit is one of the ways that we can push past some of these challenges. Emiliya: Katrina, how can people learn more about you and follow up with you if they have any questions about your work? Katrina: Probably the best way is on my Facebook, PS3 Coaching. That's usually where you'll see my workshops that I have going on. You'll also see a link to the character strengths survey so that everyone can have access to that information. If they want more information on what to do from that, then they can reach me. I give a free consultation and help people to see if incorporating coaching can help them to reach those goals in their life that they would like to. I give a lot of workshops at the Bounce Back Better® system. Thank you, Emiliya, for creating that and sharing that with us so that we can share it in the world, one of the most incredible experiences that I ever had to go through the program as well as the CAPP Program. Both of those are so intense in my life and they have really equipped me with everything I need to help people to know more about this work. I teach pieces of positive psychology that I incorporate in with MLMs. I recently did a Growing Your Mindset, Growing Your Business. I just incorporated some pieces of the growth mindset from Carol Dweck and some other elements that I feel like are very important for people to grow their business and just understand those key elements of how our self-doubt shows up and what we can do with that. Emiliya: I know earlier we mentioned that you have such a robust family. I'm curious, how do you bring positive psychology to eight children and 20 grandchildren? Katrina: They get it whether they want it or not probably. It's who I am. It's how I show up in the world. I love that I have this knowledge base to share with my children and our grandchildren, teaching them how to look for what's strong in others, even growth mindset. I sat down with one of my granddaughters who has very high expectations for herself. She was reading and every time she came to a word that she didn't understand, if I had to help her with the word or if I chose to help her when she wasn't getting the word, then she would stop and she would go back to the page and start all over again. I thought, "Well, how can I incorporate growth mindset into this situation with my granddaughter to help her to understand?" I said, "Can I read the next poem in your book?" She said, "Yes, Nana, you can." I started to read and I got to a word and I pretended that I didn't understand the word or didn't know how to pronounce the word and I tried to pronounce it. Then, I said, "Can you help me with this? This is kind of a tough one." I said, "You know? It's okay that we don't know every word. It's all right that we're just learning. The next time we'll probably get it right after we learn it." We got through that and I did that exercise with her a few times. The next time when she went to read again, every time she came to a word that she would try and did not know how to pronounce, she would look at me, I would help her and then she would say it and she would continue on. She didn't have the need to go back to the beginning of the story again because she didn't want to be wrong. I thought, "Wow, I teach this but this is real time." We can see how beneficial this is in real time to teach our children and our grandchildren that it's our right to make a mistake. We don't have to be perfect and we learn from our mistakes. Emiliya: I love that. Thank you for sharing such a specific and impactful way to bring growth mindset into the life of a child. Again, just want to highlight how it's the micro moments, those tiny little moments that add up to the bigger changes that we can make over time. Katrina, thank you so much for being here with us. It's been an honor to learn more about you and how you're implementing this work in the world. Thank you so much for sharing everything that you have with us. Katrina: Thank you Emiliya. I really appreciated the opportunity. As I said before, I can't thank you enough for creating the CAPP Program, the Certification in Applied Positive Psychology, and I followed that program for a while before I was able to step out and take it. It was one of the most impactful things in my entire life. Then with the Bounce Back Better® Program as well. Everyone needs this information. Every company, every organization, every school needs it. I'm just so proud to be able to pin it into my piece of the world and help people to have the skills to face adversity and just keep going. Emiliya: Thank you so much Katrina. It's an honor to be able to just create the container and share these tools. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Have a question about the science of happiness and wellbeing? Or, have an issue that you'd love a life hack around? Send us a message to info@theflourishingcenter.com and we'd love to offer you some positive psychology based skills to address your questions. Thanks for listening and we look forward to connecting with you soon.
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Discover the Hidden Power of ‘Thank You’

From the time we learn how to talk, it seems that we are being told to remember to say “thank you.” Our parents weren’t just teaching us manners; they were providing us with a tool for lasting happiness. “We now know that having good social relationships is as good for you as things like smoking and obesity are bad for you,” says Sara Algoe, Ph.D., of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “It turns out that there’s an emotion that happens to be really amazing at helping us solve this essential human problem of survival. And that emotion is gratitude.” One of the most significant keys to longevity and well-being is being able to acquire and maintain high-quality relationships. Gratitude, Sara says, is the glue that can bring people together as well as creating happiness from the inside out. Putting the ‘You’ in ‘Thank You’ Research, including Sara’s, shows that experiencing gratitude has immediate benefits. Learning to harness this power and becoming more intentional about it can improve our relationships and bolster our own health and happiness. “When we feel gratitude toward someone, we spring into action and reach out,” she explains. “It’s that act of reaching out that can draw another person into a relationship.” And, Sara adds, it can improve existing relationships. When she conducted a study among couples in which one partner expressed gratitude to the other for a specific act, the rewards were exponential. “Let’s say [the wife] did something nice for [her husband], just because she wanted to,” Sara says. The wife feels good for having done something nice and the husband is a happy beneficiary. But when he expresses his gratitude for her act of kindness, he now has reinforced her positive feelings. “So two people win for one person’s gratitude.” And, when you make gratitude a practice, Sara says, it changes the way others perceive you—and can have a ripple effect in your social network. “People who express positivity in general are seen as friendlier, more competent and more likable,” Sara says. “Gratitude amplifies that. People see you as being more willing to help, but they also want to help you. They’re nice to you, they want to hang out with you—all of those are things that are good for your health.” Gratitude: It’s Good for You! Sara confirms what many studies have revealed: Practicing gratitude really could make you live longer—and better. While her work takes a closer look at the effect of gratitude on relationships, other studies have shown a direct link between good health and giving thanks. Researchers at the SWPS University of Social Sciences and Humanities in Poland recently looked at the effects of practicing gratitude on four groups: depressed men, depressed women, breast cancer patients and prostate cancer patients. After a 14-day training period in which they learned to reflect on what they were thankful for, all groups showed an increased sense of well-being and greater perception of social support. A similar study from the same university focused solely on gratitude interventions in treating depression and found that practices such as keeping a gratitude journal, writing a letter of gratitude, counting blessings and gratitude visits all had a powerful effect, with journals being the most effective. Subjects who participated in the interventions increased their subjective happiness, improved their relationships, slept better and had more perceived social support. “Gratitude is a psychological amplifier of the good in one’s life,” says Philip Watkins, Ph.D., of Eastern Washington University. Gratitude’s Secret Sauce Philip’s recent research looks at what activates gratitude and what ingredients are necessary to make it effective. The most critical component, he says, is appreciation. “Appreciation can best be understood as when something increases in perceived personal value,” he says. “Perceived value, and more importantly, increasing perceived value, is extremely important to gratitude.” Ironically, trauma may be one of the most effective means of triggering appreciation. In our daily lives, we may become accustomed to “the way things are,” and that can cause us to overlook the small things we appreciate. “When you experience a traumatic event…you begin to notice simple blessings that you had previously taken for granted,” Philip says. Exercises such as counting your blessings have also been shown to be effective in teaching appreciation. He says the more we learn about gratitude, the more we will learn how to cultivate it and use it as a tool for better health, happiness and longevity. “Gratitude has a variety of effects on us,” Sara says. “In the end, expressing gratitude builds a bridge to other people and invites them to cross it.” Four Ways to Boost Gratitude 1. Keep a gratitude journal. Make a practice of writing down three to five things you are grateful for—every day—and explain why each one makes you grateful. 2. Count your blessings. Before going to sleep each night, call to mind one or two things you are grateful for. 3. Write a gratitude letter. Write a letter to someone in your present or past to whom you’re grateful. 4. Pay a gratitude visit. If you’ve written a gratitude letter or note, pay a visit to the person it’s directed to and read it aloud. Read more: 4 Gratitude Rituals to Increase Kindness and Joy Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy.
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Leeza Gibbons with her father

Leeza Gibbons’ 6 Tips for Family Caregivers

Caregiving is a role that takes many people by surprise. The financial and emotional toll of assisting a sick or aging loved one seems to rise every year, according to several studies. Now, an estimated 90 million Americans provide unpaid caregiving that covers a variety of ailments from cancer and Alzheimer’s to stroke, and much more. Author and talk show host Leeza Gibbons has firsthand experience with taking care of a loved one. She has been a family caregiver for more than a decade. Through her work with Leeza’s Care Connection, she’s both served and learned from thousands of caregivers from around the country. November is National Family Caregivers Month, which gives us the opportunity to recognize and honor the important role family members, friends and neighbors play in caring for loved ones. This year’s theme is “Caregiving Around the Clock,” and we had the chance to ask Leeza to share wisdom for caregivers juggling the tasks of caring for their loved ones as well as for themselves. Here are her six most important pieces of advice for caregivers, whether they are just starting out or already in the thick of it. 1. Prepare for your role as caregiver, and own it. “The first thing to recognize is, odds are, you will be caring for someone, or someone will be caring for you at some point. Now is the time to begin having conversations with your loved ones. Caregiving is not anyone’s definition of happily ever after. But when it happens, the sooner you can claim it and name it, the better you’re going to be able to navigate this path.” 2. Bolster your support network then divide and conquer. “You’re going to need people. This is not a path you can walk alone. My siblings and I had a caregiving plan for my mom, with Alzheimer’s, and again with my dad when he had bypass surgery after his heart attack. We looked at what we each could contribute: Who is the best organizer? Who can contribute the most financially? Who can physically be there to communicate with the doctors? We all took our roles and stayed in our lanes.” 3. Leverage technology. “These days, technology offers a big advantage, especially for new caregivers. There are many free apps to help manage your time, start family calendars, and help you meditate, breathe and protect your mental health. Medical alert services are great at helping seniors embrace their independence and giving caregivers peace of mind, knowing that help is always available. I feel much more comfortable knowing my Dad has one, which I talked him into getting after learning he had a cardiac risk. He was wearing it two years later when he had a heart attack, and it saved his life.” 4. Connect with other caregivers, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. “Leeza’s Care Connection links people to other caregivers who have walked the path before. With strategies, tools and tips, our goal is to help caregivers be more confident and competent and to realize they don’t have to let go of themselves to care for someone they love. Better care for caregivers means better outcomes for care receivers. Our focus is to care for the caregivers.” 5. Locate your resilience and strive for optimism. “One thing I’ve noticed about those who handle their caregiving role well is how quickly they let go of failures. People who are optimistic about caregiving aren’t in denial. They can rebound and recover better. Those who are tied to their resilience are the ones who get through the challenges more affectively. There many ways for us to reclaim ourselves on the caregiving journey — and it’s different for every person — whether it’s taking a yoga class, exploring mindfulness, making art, or participating in dance or humor therapy. We have lots of programs on our website that help people connect with their resilience. The ability to focus on what’s left, instead of what’s lost is a key component to being successful.” 6. Find the joy. “I’ve seen many families learn they have great capacity to accept tremendous change and still come out on the other side with happiness, joy and a new definition of what it means to be a family. The people who survive hard times and thrive through their caregiving experience become proud, as I have been and as my family has become. We learned so much about ourselves and were able to face a lot of uncertainty with hope and grace.” Brooke Edwards is a writer in Little Rock, Arkansas. She and her husband raise two daughters and have twice as many pets. They spend a lot of time sweeping. Brooke enjoys Harry Potter and camping and is fresh on the Minecraft scene.
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Great Holiday Gifts

15 Fabulous Holiday Gifts That Give Back

1. Made With Love Zazzle Heart Leather Tote from UBUNTU Made ($149.00, zazzle.com). Each piece from the Adventure Collection, a collaboration with UBUNTU and Zazzle, is handmade by artisans in Kenya. The proceeds from the sale of each tote bag directly benefit the health and well-being of the Maai Mahiu village. 2. Good Stewards Blabla (blablakids.com) was founded on the principles of fair trade and sustainability. The company’s handcrafted dolls are made responsibly, and 5 percent of the profits support environmental organizations including “Beauregard the Wolf,” $46 (edf.org), and “River the Elephant,” $58 (charitywater.org). “Now that our environment feels more threatened, we want to make a difference. We hope this new initiative will inspire others to make a difference, too!” —Blabla founder Susan Pritchett 3. Save the Turtles Support the Nature Conservancy by purchasing a Sea Turtle Nest gift set, which includes a bookmark, certificate and plush toy (minimum donation $25, gifts.nature.org). 4. Glimmer of Hope Light up your life with the Luci Color Essence Mini Trio of solar-powered lights in colors like violet, sky, coral and mint ($44.95, mpowerd.com). With each purchase, a community somewhere around the world will have access to a Luci light. 5. Stampede of Cuteness These Baby Stuffed Elephants are made by artisans in Laos using natural dyes ($24–$40, stfrank.com); Peace Coasters are created in the same traditional weaving technique of the Agaseke and handmade by women of Rwanda, providing them with socioeconomic opportunity to rebuild their communities and support their families. 6. Giving Grins Humble Brush is an earth-friendly toothbrush made from biodegradable bamboo. Each purchase helps support oral health education around the world ($4.99, humblesmile.org). 7. Baked Goods Satisfy that sweet tooth and help raise funds for childhood cancer with this Commemorative Cookie Gift Box in oatmeal chocolate chip, citrus shortbread and snickerdoodle. ($29.99, cookiesforkidscancer.org). 8. Sparkle & Shine Each bottle of bubbly California Brut Sparkling Wine Rainbow Glitter Edition supports The Trevor Project’s suicide prevention helpline, while each purchase of the California Brut Sparkling Wine Gold Glitter Edition provides 15 meals to a child in need ($59, onehopewine.com). 9. Spat and Happy Make holiday baking extra fun with these wildly eclectic spatulas designed by celebrities like Bobby Flay and Faith Hill—exclusive to Williams Sonoma ($12.95, williamsonoma.com) and 30 percent of the proceeds will benefit nokidhungry.org. The winner or best-selling design will have $5,000 donated on their behalf. 10. Scarves That Save Wrap up in style with these colorful Handcrafted Raw Silk Scarves. The women who make them are from the Community Trade Link in Kathmandu, Nepal. Through fair trade, they support themselves and their families and ultimately improve their lives ($50 each, sushannatural.com). 11. Good Food Two socially conscious businesses, FEED and Mouth, have partnered to curate a fabulous foodie FEED + Mouth Gift Bag, including sweet and savory treats and a wine tote. Each set provides five meals to hungry children around the world ($48, mouth.com and feedprojects.com). 12. Deck the Halls Hand-embroidered by artisan women in Kyrgyzstan through fair trade, the festive Holiday Brights Red Garland is made from responsibly sourced wool ($52, craftspring.com). 13. Close-Knit Beanies Both Camp Pom and Colorblock Beanie help support the United By Blue Cleanup initiative aimed to clean up trash from the world’s waterways ($38, unitedbyblue.com). 14. Bracelet Beauties Spanish jewelry brand UNOde50 has designed a special Rett Awareness Bracelet, which supports research and treatments for Rett syndrome, a neurological developmental disorder discovered in girls within the first two years of life ($45, unode50.com). 15. Share Your Happy Shop T-shirts from our Live Happy store ($19.95; store.livehappy.com)
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