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Finding Happiness With Better Sleep

Maintaining proper sleep health is vital to our well-being. Countless studies and years of research have determined that many health problems, both mental and physical, stem from poor sleeping habits. While the National Sleep Foundation recommends seven to nine hours of sleep per night, according to Gallup, almost half of Americans say they fall short of that goal. Gallup also found that people who did fall below the seven-hour threshold also reported significantly lower well-being. Sleep Friendly Seven to nine hours of a good slumber can benefit your physical health, improving your immune system, lowering your blood pressure and help you maintain a proper weight, but did you know it can also help your social life, too? Published in the journal Nature Communications, researchers from the University of California, Berkeley, found that people with poor sleeping habits were more likely to develop social anxiety, which can lead to social isolation. Because we are social animals, when feelings of loneliness set in, negative feelings compound and act as a “social repellant.” Getting adequate quality sleep can have the opposite effect, giving you the energy and confidence you need to be a friendlier person. What are the Odds? Getting the right kind of sleep may make you feel like a million bucks. A study from the University in Warwick reports that the quality of our sleep is just as important, if not more important than the amount of hours we log. Researchers found that the mental and physical boosts we get from better sleep are comparable to those same good feelings of someone who just on a financial jackpot. Over time, these sleep improvements led to an increase in well-being and a decrease in sleep medication. Head of the Class Sleep deficiencies aren’t just limited to adults. Poor sleeping habits and daytime drowsiness can lead to adverse health problems in children and adolescents as well. Conversely, children who practice good sleep habits and take 30 to 60 minute naps at least three times a week were found to be happier, more resilient and had fewer behavior and self-control issues, according to new research from the University of Pennsylvania. The study, published in the journal SLEEP, also shows that kids who took more naps also performed better academically by more than seven percent and had higher IQs than their sleepier counterparts. Bathtime Bliss If you spend most of your nights tossing and turning, then you may want to consider a warm bath before bed. Biomedical engineers at The University of Texas at Austin have found that bathing or showering in warm to hot water one to two hours before bed can result in better sleep quality. Their findings, published in the journal Sleep Medicine Reviews, suggest the water temperatures between 104 and 109 degrees Fahrenheit helps get the body’s circadian rhythm process in line by reducing our core heat so we can fall asleep faster and get a more restful slumber.
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4 Books to Help You Take Charge of Your Happiness

52 Small Changes for the Mind: Improve Memory. Minimize Stress. Increase Productivity. Boost Happiness. by Brett Blumenthal    By making one small change a week all year long, we can feel much less stressed and more fulfilled, writes author Brett Blumenthal. Read 20 minutes a day. Choose books and articles you actually want to (rather than should) read. When you read what you love, your interest in reading grows. Reading keeps your brain healthy and protects against memory loss. Go on a screen diet. How much of your day is spent in front of a screen? Brett reports that some Americans spend up to 10 hours a day online, on mobile devices and in front of the TV. Try to reduce digital time by an hour a day. Attend a lecture in person instead of online or go to a concert instead of watching YouTube videos. Too much screen time can result in stress and sleeping problems, research shows. Deal with demons. Holding on to regret for past mistakes can hurt your potential and your future. Ask yourself: What past mistakes still upset you? Acknowledge your regrets and ask yourself what lessons you have learned. Start viewing your mistakes as “invaluable blessings,” Brett says. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success by Emma Seppala, Ph.D. In her book, The Happiness Track, Emma Seppala, Ph.D., writes that working in a stressed-out overdrive mode isn’t the best or only pathway to success. With the latest findings in cognitive psychology and neuroscience, she shows us how happiness has a profound effect on our professional lives by increasing our productivity as well as our emotional and social intelligence. Tap into your natural resilience. Do something restorative to shore up your resilience like taking a hike in nature or getting a massage. Emma says that the best way to immediately gain resilience in a difficult situation is to focus on your breath, a “rapid and reliable pathway to your nervous system dedicated to helping you regain your optimal state.” Succeed through compassion. A compassionate culture at work results in improved employee productivity and well-being. Inspire each other at work, look out for one another, emphasize the meaningfulness of the work and treat each other with respect and gratitude. Manage your energy well. Letting your emotions rule you can be exhausting. Instead, cultivate calm.  “When you are calm, you are better able to manage your thoughts and feelings,” writes Emma. Being calm allows you to be more observant, listen better, communicate more skillfully and make better decisions. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage, writes author Brené Brown. When we try to prevent ourselves from feeling vulnerable, we also are shutting out experiences that can bring purpose and meaning to our lives. Let go of perfectionism. Perfectionism is the belief that if we do things perfectly we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. Perfectionism is other-focused: What will they think? Instead, she advises to move toward healthy striving, which is self-focused: How can I improve? Practice being seen. Share a product, article or piece of art you have created. To become more courageous, we have to risk being vulnerable. You can want people to like what you share without attaching your self-worth to how it is received. Without your self-worth on the line, you are more likely to risk sharing your raw talent and gifts. Connect. True belonging can only happen when we are self-accepting and present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world. Want to live a connected life? Spend less time and energy winning over people who don’t matter, and see the value of cultivating your true relationships. With vulnerability, you can welcome more love, belonging, joy, empathy, innovation and creativity into your life. The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work by Christine Carter, Ph.D. Do you ever feel like you are in a rut of busyness? With her expertise on happiness, productivity and elite performance, author Christine Carter shows you how to step off the merry-go-round of busy and find your sweet spot. Start a new happy habit. The brain starts to wire itself for greater automaticity the first time we repeat a behavior, so you can make huge strides in forming a new habit in just a day or so. Select a new habit that would make you happy if you did it every day—one that has the greatest built-in reward for you. It could be taking a walk at dusk or starting a gratitude journal. Show compassion for strangers. It’s easy to do nice things for people you love, but you can become an Olympic-level giver by giving your time, money or love to strangers. Acts of compassion can help you shift from self-preoccupation to true connection and community. Gain mastery. Mastery is the purest example of finding your sweet spot, where strength and ease intersect. When you master an activity, you have great power with little strain. Gaining mastery often means facing difficulty, persisting and practicing. Christine writes that we should stop trying so hard to do everything right and gain the freedom that comes from doing the right things instead.
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Howie’s family includes himself, his wife Leigh Boniello, and their sons James (age 10) and Holden (age 6).

Howie D is Who He is Meant to Be

Backstreet Boy Howie D has been connecting with people through music all over the world for more than two decades. In what he considers a gift, the ability to make people happy with his voice makes him happy. While raising his first child, James, he noticed he found it difficult to make that musical connection with his son. Like most challenges in his life, he wanted to figure out a solution. On July 12, Howie’s solo family-friendly album Who Am I? will be released. “There was not much out there that we could both relate to,” he says. “I created this album for parents to enjoy with their kids.” The subject matter on the album speaks to the different challenges Howie faced when he was a kid. Songs such as “The Me I'm Meant To Be” and “No Hablo Espanol,” speak to self-confidence and bullying issues kids deal with today as well as overcoming obstacles to help them find their true selves. Howie is planning on transforming the album into a live-action musical at the Rose Theater in Omaha, Nebraska by January 2020. Who has taught you the most about happiness? I would probably have to give my amazing wife, Leigh, the credit. When I met her, she helped me to focus on positive energy and putting positivity out in the universe. She helped me learn to not dwell on the past or worry about the future. Instead, just live in the moment. How to you like to make others happy? I’ve noticed, through music, we’ve been able to bring joy to many people’s lives. Being blessed with a voice to makes people happy is a gift from God. What do you do to pay it forward? I work 365 days a year. I am kind to everyone I meet. I always treat people with respect and believe in the motto, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What is the kindest act someone has ever done for you? My wife, Leigh, giving me the gift of my two amazing children. What are you passionate about? My music, my family and living in the moment. When is the last time you laughed outload? I am always laughing and having a good time. I always get a kick out of when my sons play practical jokes on each other. What is your “go to” book, movie or TV show to boost your mood? Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory or The Outsiders. Where is your happy place? At home with my kids and family … or on vacation!
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Community Gardens Grow Happiness

After a day full of sunshine, the deep scent of rich, moist earth gently rises over the coastal community garden of South Laguna, California. As far as the eye can see, every one of the 54 raised beds that surround Katie Babcock is overflowing with lush, green vegetables—beans, chard, arugula and beet greens. Tomato plants bolt up climbing towers toward the sun, potatoes send up sturdy green shoots to feed tubers underground, and there’s even a rumor that blueberries are setting tiny fruits that will one day—please God!—end up in a pie. Some days it’s glorious just to be alive, and moving through the raised beds perched high on a sandy bluff above the Pacific Ocean is rapidly becoming one of those days. Tucked among the village’s shops and homes, the garden is a gathering place in which Katie and about 100 local gardeners grow vegetables, herbs, flowers and fruits for their families—plus enough vegetables to help meet the needs of Friendship Shelter, a six-month residential program for the homeless. They also gather for community potlucks, gardening workshops and work parties. But whether they’re eating, weeding, watering or just burying their noses in gardener Silia Hatzi’s roses, it’s clear that the group members are united by their love of dirt, the bonds of friendship, the healthy promise of fresh vegetables, a commitment to care for those in need—and the clear sense that what they do here on the bluff infuses them with a deep sense of happiness. “Getting in the soil and making a bit of a mess and seeing a finished product is a joyful experience for me,” acknowledges Katie, an Australian production assistant who moved last year to South Laguna. “I grew up on a farm, and I really missed helping things grow. And not having a family here, well, I’d say the gardening community has become my family away from home.” She laughs just thinking about the cast of characters she’s found working in the South Laguna garden. “The people are so kind, so encouraging, so welcoming—it’s given me a sense of place and purpose in the community. The days when we all get together and work and have a laugh…that’s who I am,” she says. Sally Coffey, a retired college administrator who works with new gardeners, couldn’t agree more. When Sally decided to hang up her academic gloves, she realized that she’d been so busy for so many years that she didn’t even know her neighbors. “In this area, you either have to have a kid or a dog to get to know people,” she says. “I was concerned I wouldn’t have any friends to talk to once I left the college. Then one day I went to get breakfast at a coffee shop. I passed a bulletin board with a note on it that said some people were opening a community garden. They had one raised bed plot left. Well, I’d always loved the loamy smell of dirt—and when I was little, right after a rain, I’d go out and lick the sidewalk.” So Sally called the one name on the note that she recognized, then ran over to his office and signed up for the plot. But not only did she get the plot, she got an invitation to the guy’s Halloween party. “He’d invited everybody in the neighborhood, including all the gardeners,” Sally recalls. “I didn’t have a costume, so I just ran home, painted some whiskers on my face and went. I met a bunch of people from the garden. The next day I went down to the garden with them and built boxes for the raised beds. She smiles. “It was instant family.” The Love of Dirt Hanging out with a bunch of great people in the fresh, coastal air is enough to make anyone happy. But scientists have long suspected that we also have an innate attraction to nature that has evolved over the millennia—and that just walking into a garden or contemplating a flower has the ability to trigger a cascade of neurotransmitters that balance us and bless us with happiness, according to the 2013 article “Gardening as a Mental Health Intervention: A Review” in the Mental Health Review Journal. Some suspect that being in an environment with water, woods, plants and other natural materials that enhance our survival triggers this effect, while others wonder if being in a natural environment simply distracts us from the sometimes obsessive challenges of daily life, captivates our attention, shifts a bunch of neurotransmitters and allows us to relax. But distraction, at least the type that captivates our attention in a kind of total absorption that psychologists call “fascination,” isn’t the looking-at-your-watch kind of thing. It’s far more intense, and the effect is as well. “Watching a butterfly land on your hand or the wind moving through the trees—these are the kind of distractions that allow the brain to reboot itself,” explains Jean Larson, Ph.D., lead faculty for the University of Minnesota’s Center for Spirituality and Healing, and manager of the university’s nature-based therapy arboretum. Ancient and modern brain systems trigger electrical impulses. The neocortex—the part of the brain responsible for complex thinking and reasoning—becomes engaged, and the brain’s synapses start firing on all cylinders. It’s a kind of neurological rebalancing act that, as Jean says, “allows us to be in our happy place.” Whether the calm happiness you feel in nature is the result of simply being in a life-supporting environment or rebooting your brain, the effect is powerful. Studies reveal that those who spend time in nature are less likely to be stressed or depressed, and that a few minutes working in a garden—even simply walking through one—can reduce severe depression and increase the ability to think, remember, plan and function. In a Norwegian study, for example, those with clinical depression who participated in a horticulture program cut their depression by 30 percent and increased their ability to think and function effectively by 14 percent. Given those kinds of numbers, it’s heartbreaking to realize that most of us spend around 95 percent of our time indoors. Jean shakes her head. “We’re so disconnected from nature,” she says. “Yet researchers in Scotland have shown that it only takes 30 minutes of being in nature each day to have an effect on how we think and feel.” The Children’s Sharing Garden Carly Sciacca, a full-time mom who grew up in Laguna Beach as the daughter, granddaughter and great-granddaughter of serious gardeners, is well aware of the spiritual and emotional effects of gardening. “The garden is so joyful,” she says, “and gardening is so therapeutic, particularly when you go through hard times.” That’s one of the reasons Carly brought her daughter, 7-year-old Alani, to plant, water, weed and harvest in the South Laguna community garden. Carly wanted Alani to know that when she hurts, she can drop her problems at the garden gate and get comfort from digging her hands in the soil. She can meditate on a ladybug, sit in the sun and breathe with the rhythm of the earth. But Carly also wanted Alani to discover something else in the garden—the joy of helping others. According to the United States Department of Agriculture, more than 49 million Americans are not sure where their next meal is coming from, while nearly 7 million are already hungry. A natural organizer, Carly established a raised bed plot called “The Children’s Sharing Garden,” and invited parents in the community garden to bring their children to the plot every Sunday morning. Fifteen families responded, and Sunday mornings in the South Laguna garden have become a busy time. The children do most of the work—planting, weeding and meditating on the texture, smell and shape of everything that grows. It not only gives them an opportunity to immerse themselves in nature, but to also experience the joy of growing food for their families and others as well. It took the parents a while to sort out a delivery system, but now every Thursday, Carly, Alani and a group of volunteers gather fresh vegetables from the children’s garden and from a community plot dedicated to raising food for the hungry. They place their bounty on a large table, bag their offering, then take it to the Friendship Shelter for distribution. Some of the vegetables go straight to the shelter’s kitchen where guest chefs prepare them for those enrolled in the shelter’s residential program for the homeless, while other vegetables are transported to area food shelves. The Giving Garden Kids are a big part of The Giving Garden in Carrollton, Texas, as well. Daisy Girl Scouts, Eagle Scouts, National Honor Society students and children from the Aldersgate United Methodist Church all take a turn at cleaning up garden beds, composting, planting, mulching, harvesting and performing the 101 chores a garden demands. “We work these kids hard,” says Terri Barrett, a member of the garden’s board and director of missions at Aldersgate, “but they sign up and come back again and again.” What seems to draw the Carrollton children is the same thing that draws their elders—a strong sense of service to others. Every week—and pretty much year-round because of the moderate Texas climate—both kids and adults can be found bent over an acre of raised beds behind Aldersgate. Fifty percent of everything grown in the garden is given to local food shelves or needy seniors. Since the garden was founded five years ago, its volunteers have contributed 6,000 pounds of fresh produce to feed the hungry. “A few years ago a pastor here at the church realized that the back acreage of the church’s property was just sitting there not doing a thing,” Terri explains. “So he suggested it be used for people who don’t have enough to eat. People at the church thought it was a great idea, so we figured out how we could use the land, drew up a plan, and joined with Keep Carrollton Beautiful, which is the garden club for the community. “Keep Carrollton Beautiful became our umbrella organization so we could have nonprofit status,” Terri adds, then both the organization and the Aldersgate church donated funds. A number of individuals also contributed to the garden, and local businesses were generous. It was a true community effort. “Finally, in 2010, about 100 people—gardeners, architects and people like me who didn’t have a clue about building a garden—we all got together and built the first beds. “Now, the garden is where I find serenity and peace,” says Terri as she looks out over beds overflowing with lush, green vegetables. “It offers us the sense of community that we’ve lost in the electronic age. People meet and talk, we make friends with people of all ages and ethnicities we otherwise wouldn’t know, and we feed those who are hungry.” She smiles. “It’s such a healing place.”
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(It’s Great to) Suck at Something With Karen Rinaldi

Most of us focus on pursuing things we’re good at, but what if you like doing something … and discover you’re really bad at it? Karen Rinaldi, publisher at Harper Wave—a book imprint she founded in 2012—finds happiness in being able to surf, even though she does it poorly. Learning to accept her “suckitude” on the surfboard, she says, has helped her be more forgiving of herself in other areas of her life. In her new book, (It’s Great to) Suck at Something, she looks at the gifts she’s gained from embracing imperfection and letting go of the need to succeed at everything. She talks to us about how this has helped her find joy in the pursuit of something rather than in reaching an end goal—and how you can, too. In this episode, you'll learn: Why it’s beneficial to try something you might not be good at. How not being good at something can invite kindness from those around you. How sucking at something can help build resilience. Links and Resources Facebook: @karenrinaldiwriter Instagram: @rinaldiwave Facebook: @suckatsomething Instagram: @suckatsomething Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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4 Ways to Build Your Social Intelligence

“Humans are my favorite animal.” This quote came from a graduate student during one of my recent workshops at the University of Pennsylvania. It captures the priorities of a person high in social intelligence. These individuals want to be around other people, interacting and connecting. They may not always agree with each person but they can appear to be just as comfortable with a CEO, a teacher, a young child or a homeless person. They’re quick to see the common humanity that is part of all of us. How about you? Do you have a sense of what makes other people tick? Do you feel you can easily fit into most social situations? Are you closely attuned to your own feelings as well as to the emotions of others? One of the quickest ways to begin expressing your social intelligence is to practice seeing and naming the strengths in people around you. You can use the “learning to SEA” method of strengths-spotting: Spot a character strength: “I see kindness in you…” Explain what you saw: “…because you were giving extra time helping that student after the meeting.” Appreciate and validate the person for the strength: “I appreciated seeing your kindness in action. It was inspiring for how I will try to interact with my employees.” This SEA method is your social intelligence-in-action because you’re observing others, understanding a core part of them and using your social savvy to communicate this with the person. Consider the impact of bringing your social intelligence and strengths-spotting to people in your life. Use it with those you love the most and with those whom you have differences in opinions and beliefs. Social intelligence means to look deeper. Taking time to understand and empathize can have a significant impact. Here are three additional ways you can build your social intelligence in different situations: In one of your relationships, when you find yourself in a relational argument you have been in before, attempt to find at least one positive element in the other person’s comments and opinions. Find a way to bring this into the conversation. At work, make a point to empathize with one of your co-workers who seems to be upset, stressed, or having difficulty with something in their life. Gently ask some questions and check in to see whether they are comfortable sharing with you. Be sure to spend more time listening than speaking and, if appropriate, offer emotional support. At a community outing or just walking around a local park, take notice of someone who seems alone, unhappy, excluded, or cast aside. Use your social intelligence to approach them and start a conversation.
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Let Perseverance Guide Your Happiness

Welcome, Happy Activists! What is a Happy Activist? A Happy Activist is someone who, through kind words and intentional positive actions, strives to make the world a better place. Live Happy invites you to join our #HappyActs movement! On the 20th of each month, we encourage everyone to incorporate kindness into your daily lives by participating in each month’s planned activity. The more who join the #HappyActs movement, the more positive impact we’ll all have on our homes, workplaces and communities. What you think and do matters! June's happiness theme is perseverance. In Ryan Niemiec’s book Character Strengths Interventions, perseverance is defined as the ability to take pleasure in getting things done. Studies have repeatedly shown that perseverance has been tied to academic, personal and professional success. When we engage in perseverance, we are actively engaged in our lives, which can often lead to a state of flow. During this experience, all of your stressors melt away as you focus on the task at hand. All it takes is time and effort. June’s Happy Act is optimism. A key factor in perseverance is maintaining optimism. If you feel good about yourself and your abilities to complete your goals, then you are more than likely going to cross the finish line. Small defeats are just bumps in the road on your journey to success. Plus, the more optimistic you are, the greater chance that the people around will be too. Happiness attracts happiness. The next time you experience any setbacks, think about the positive angle to having these adversities: What have you learned from the adversity? How can you grow from your setback? How will this new knowledge help you in the future? Spend 15 to 20 minutes pondering these questions, then write down how you may benefit from it. Ryan calls this exercise benefit-finding. Research has shown that people who practice benefit-finding often become more forgiving, which is another character strength that can make you happier. Our May Happy Activist is Paula Francis. She is the co-founder and president of Gross National Happiness USA (GNHUSA), as well as a Chief Happiness Walker. A little over a decade ago, she became one of the original founders of GNHUSA, an organization that champions and encourages the use of Gross National Happiness to measure human progress and flourishing. She then traveled to Bhutan, a country that adopted GNH in 1972, to see how it all works. Since then, she has dedicated her life to promoting happiness for all people. In 2014, she committed to The Happiness Walk, a 10,000-mile trek across the country, interviewing people and to bring awareness to human happiness and what matters most in life. She is scheduled to complete her journey this fall in New England, where her happiness journey began. “It has been an incredibly rich journey for me personally. I have learned many things along the way,” she says. “One of them is to not hold on to fear and to allow things to happen. And when they happen at their own time it’s usually in the best possible way.” She says she has also learned that people are kind, generous and want to connect with one another. “That’s a very positive message for me. And what this brings to people that I meet, I hope, is the opportunity to reflect on the things that are truly important in life.” For more information on how perseverance can help you thrive, read the articles listed below. 3 Strategies to Build More Perseverance Do You Have Enough Grit The Power of Grit Time to up your #HappyActs game. Help us spread global happiness by becoming a Happy Activist and host your very own Happiness Wall. Learn how you can host a wall at your school, business or organization and find out how to create your own fantastic wall using one of our Happy Acts Wall Kits.
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Oh, The Things Dads Say

Whether it’s that reminder that he isn’t a chauffeur or that we can have an opinion when we start paying bills, dads sure have a funny way of handing out advice. Even though he may chuckle if we stumble, he’s always there to lift us back up. In honor of Father’s Day, our readers share their dads’ wacky and wise bon mots. Don't Worry... “Is it going to matter in five years?” —Jennie B. “Don’t work late. It will be there tomorrow for you.” —Kathleen H. Before he passed away, my dad always taught my siblings and me to “believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.” We were too young to understand, but one day it dawned on me exactly what he meant.—Bernadette B. Stay out of trouble... His way of telling us to make good choices was “always keep your nose clean.”—Charmayne S. Anytime I went out with friends, my dad would tell me, “Be good! And if you can’t be good, be safe!”—Missy L. “Keep your powder dry.” Because of his love for old cannons and guns, back when gunpowder was used, it was his way of saying, be safe, be prepared and take care.—Cindy H. Be happy... “Be the mailman, deliver!” Every morning as our boys walked out the door to school, my husband would say that. Our older son used it as his senior quote in the yearbook. —Terri T. “Never be afraid of change. If you don’t change, you don’t grow.”—Veronica H. At the end of all our conversations, my dad would say, “Remember, be true to yourself.” He passed away after Father’s Day in 2016.—Debbie W. My dad would always tell me how proud he was of me and that I was brave for the choices I made, yet I always stayed sweet and kind.—Christina A. And keep laughing! Growing up, my dad always said, “If your nose runs and your feet smell, you must be built upside down!”—Sarah C. “Never pass up a chance to pee.”—Missy M. My dad had a ton of sayings, but one of the most important is this, “You have to keep your humor. You have to be able to laugh at yourself often.”—Priscilla H. Happy lessons learned from fatherhood. Matteo Bussola is the author of the book Sleepless Nights and Kisses for Breakfast: Reflections on Fatherhood. This architect-turned-cartoonist lives in Verona, Italy, with his wife, Paola, and their three young daughters, Virginia, Ginevra and Melania. He writes about his family's adventures, as they serve as moving reminders to people all around the world to embrace the present and value every moment they share with their loved ones. Below he shares with us the valuable lessons he has learned from being a father. Dads are known for silly sayings or non-sequiturs. What funny sayings do you say to your children that make them happy? It’s not so much a silly saying, but an entire made-up language that I use. My three little girls have an “alternative language” made up of invented and seemingly meaningless words that we use within the family, as we are the only ones who understand them. But I will never confess what the words are—I still have a reputation to maintain after all! I think it’s through their children that dads discover the joy of play and tenderness again. Both things are banned from our adult world, especially the male one. I don’t understand why. What is the greatest part of being a father? The greatest part of being a father is listening to your children’s questions and becoming aware that each question holds a hidden opportunity for you. You simply have to refrain from giving them a ready-made adult answer and, instead, take the opportunity to see the world through their eyes. We need to understand that being a father isn’t just about educating your children; rather, they also educate you. While you try to give them rules to live in the world, children can teach you to look at the world with new eyes, without prejudice. Being a father teaches you a special kind of attention that you learn the moment you realize adults focus too heavily on the future, while children are always very present. Kids are different from us because they live in the moment. For them, what exists is now. That’s why the word that a child hates most is later. Being around kids reminds us that it’s very important to give value to every single moment, to be present, for them and for ourselves. The greatest realization you have as a father is that your child will only be 8 once and only 4 once and only 2 once, and every day, every hour, every minute, you find yourself watching a series of shows with no repeat performances. You can either be there and watch it while it happens and live it with your children or lose these experiences forever. What is the best parenting advice your dad ever gave you? And do you pass it down to your children? My father never believed in rules; he had much more confidence in improvisation and instinct. Sometimes he was right, sometimes he was wrong. He didn’t necessarily tell me exactly what to do, but taught by example—sometimes with his mistakes, even the ones he made when he thought he was doing the right thing. For example, he discouraged me from becoming an artist because he was convinced that it wasn’t the right path for me and didn’t offer any financial stability. This didn’t discourage me—rather, it pushed me to understand how much I loved drawing and made me persevere even more, until I achieved my dream of becoming a comic book artist. So one of the most important lessons I learned from my father, the one I’m trying to pass to my daughters, is that obstacles don’t come into our lives to stop us from doing things, but to show us who we are. Where is your happy place? It’s the one I choose every day. Here. With them.
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African American Father And son

The Mom-and-Dad Guide to Leadership

People of all ages respond well to the right kind of feedback. As parents and executive coaches, we’ve noticed that certain key concepts of positive psychology are effective in both parenting and work settings. 1. Shine a light on what’s going right. As Margaret and her colleague Dana Arakawa found in their research, thanking people and recognizing their work is directly tied to better productivity. Managers who gave the most positive feedback also ran teams that were 42 percent more productive compared with the managers who gave the least positive feedback. And of course children respond well to your gratitude when they help with chores without being asked. We’ll fill you in on a little productivity secret: It’s more motivating to your team—and to your kids—to be recognized for things that they’re doing well. 2. Give process praise, not person praise. If Margaret could change one aspect of her parenting, it would be how she praised her daughters. She praised their good deeds by saying, “You’re so smart” or “You’re such a good girl,” thinking she was encouraging more of the same behavior. But research by Carol Dweck, Ph.D., of Stanford University, and others, shows that such praise (called person praise) can demotivate people in the long term. Why? Because people may stop working on projects in which they can’t immediately see the payoff of being smart or fast or talented. What’s the solution? Process praise. With our kids, that means giving them specific praise about what they’ve done—something like: “Recording your favorite TV shows the last two nights so you could make flashcards for your test showed dedication, Joey! That extra time and effort really made a difference!” The same detailed feedback works in the office. We’re setting people up for future success by emphasizing that more effort pays off. 3. Change it into a habit. Wendy Wood, Ph.D., of the University of Southern California, is the foremost expert on habits. She finds two major benefits of habits: Emotionally, they remove stress from a task, and mentally, they free our minds to think about other things. The next time you’re looking to change behavior at work or at home, think of habits. When a client wanted to contribute more in group settings, we encouraged her to ask a question or say something within the first 15 minutes of a meeting.In each of our homes, to avoid distractions and foster deeper conversations, we created a family habit: The dinner table is a phone-free zone. We hope you, too, can practice crossover skills that help at home and at work!
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Mental Health Care is Self-Care

Mental Health Care is Self-Care

Welcome, Happy Activists! A Happy Activist is someone who, through kind words and intentional positive actions, strives to make the world a better place. Live Happy invites you to join our #HappyActs movement! Each month, we encourage everyone to incorporate kindness into your daily lives by participating in each month’s planned activity. The more who join the #HappyActs movement, the more positive impact we’ll all have on our homes, workplaces and communities. What you think and do matters! May's happiness theme is mental health awareness. According to a recent survey from Harris Polls on behalf of the American Psychological Association, Americans are more open to talking about mental health, believing that people suffering from mental health disorders can get better and should not be ashamed of their situation. Through awareness we can continue take away the social stigma surrounding these issues and realize that mental health is a part of our overall health. When we address our problems head on, we can illuminate the path to healthier, happier lives. Mental health disorders can be common and we may not even realize we are suffering from one. Symptoms such as excessive worrying, lack of energy and social avoidance may be warning signs that something is not quite right. It’s always good to check with your physician or mental health provider to find out if you need a simple mental health screening or any mental health treatment. May’s Happy Act is reaching out to a friend in need. Too often we let technology isolate us from the rest of the world. Studies show that this type of behavior is antisocial and could lead to loneliness and depression, which is bad for your mental health. We encourage you to reach out to a friend or family member that you may not have talked to in a while and reconnect. You’ll both be glad that you did. Our May Happy Activist is Priscilla Herd from Pennsylvania. Priscilla is a counselor at a substance abuse and mental health treatment center where she spends her days giving to others by conducting individual and group therapy for intensive outpatients as well as various levels of care. According to her, “the population we serve is in need of changing their mindset, their environments, their friends and need to engage with happy, positive people, thoughts and things in life. It’s a very real and difficult challenge.” She helps her patients change their addictive thought process into a more positive and other-centered process, while simultaneously teaching the importance of self-care as well, which helps the most in recovery. “Many people may have never known anything positive before entering treatment and recovery,” she says. For more information on mental health, read the articles listed below: How to Go From Recovering to Really Thriving 5 Tools for a Healthy and Happy Mind Finding Mental Wellness with Tipper Gore Mental Health Mission What Do You Live About Yourself? Time to up your #HappyActs game. Help us spread global happiness by becoming a Happy Activist and host your very own Happiness Wall. Learn how you can host a wall at your school, business or organization and find out how to create your own fantastic wall using one of our Happy Acts Wall Kits.
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