Someone writing a thank you note

The Thank-You Project With Nancy Davis Kho

We’ve heard a lot about the power of saying thank you, but what happens when a simple thank you turns into a heartfelt letter? Nancy Davis Kho was at a reflective point in her life when she decided to write one thank-you letter every week for a whole year. In her new book, The Thank-You Project: Cultivating Happiness One Letter of Gratitude at a Time, she explains why she wanted to embark on this project and what kind of effect it had on her—and those she wrote to. We knew we had to talk about it on the show. And what better time to talk about it than right before Thanksgiving? Nancy is a freelance writer, podcast host and author of The Thank-You Project. She talked to me about how the project started, what it taught her and why each of us can benefit from writing thank you letters. In this episode, you'll learn: How you can benefit from your own letter-writing project. Why it’s so life-changing to write thank-you letters—even if you never mail them. Some of the surprising letters you’ll want to write—including your exes! Links and Resources Facebook: @MidlifeMixtape Twitter: @MidlifeMixtape Instagram: @MidlifeMixtape Spotify Playlists: @daviskho Website: MidlifeMixtape.com Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Kindness Counts When Sharing Happiness

Welcome, Happy Activists! A Happy Activist is someone who, through kind words and intentional positive actions, strives to make the world a better place. Live Happy invites you to join our #HappyActs movement! We encourage everyone to incorporate kindness into your daily lives by participating in each month’s planned activity. The more people who join the #HappyActs movement, the greater the positive impact we’ll all have on our homes, workplaces and communities. What you think and do matters! November’s Happy Act theme is kindness. People who practice kindness show more compassion and are more willing to help people in need. According to Character Strengths Interventions: A Field Guide for Practitioners by Ryan Niemiec, Psy.D., when we add more kindness into our lives, we help alleviate some of the negative effects of stress and anxiety. Kindness is also associated with other important character strengths, such as gratitude, leadership and love. November’s Happy Act is to make the world a kinder place through good deeds, favors and helping others. This month, think about how many ways you can do something nice for someone else, for example, raking leaves or shoveling snow for a neighbor, giving extra for holiday charity drives or just holding the door for some who has their hands full. If it helps, make a plan of action beforehand, so you’ll be prepared when a moment to practice kindness presents itself. Don’t forget to write down each time you do something kind for someone else and how it made you feel. At the end of the month, reflect on your kind acts and see if your attitude and mindset changed at all. Our November Happy Activist is Marilyn Boss, aka The Happy Lady. This Floridian retired from corporate life and now focuses on bringing happiness into the lives of others through acts of kindness and happiness workshops. “You never know whose life will change with one Happy Act of Kindness,” Marilyn says. “Happiness is a choice and we get to choose it every day.” Every year on the International Day of Happiness, Marilyn sponsors multiple Happiness Walls by sharing happiness and happy acts in classrooms, before and after school programs, summer camps, Job Corps of America and the homes of veterans. Her goal is to sponsor more than 100 walls in just three years. “I have such gratitude for how Happiness Walls have changed my life,” she says. “I learned along the way how to use the tools that I share to be truly happy and I want that for everyone.” For more on kindness, check out these articles: Happy World Kindness Day! Four Ways to Grow Kind Kids 'The Kind Mama' Builds Community Practice Random Acts of Kindness Every Day Time to up your #HappyActs game. Help us spread global happiness by becoming a Happy Activist and host your very own Happiness Wall. Learn how you can host a wall at your school, business or organization and find out how to create your own fantastic wall using one of our Happy Acts Wall Kits.
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Calm brunette female with closed eyes, keeps both palms on heart, feels gratitude, being touched by something, dressed in casual pink t shirt, isolated over white background.

Forgiveness Means Freedom

Our families of origin, the families into which we are born, are the source not only of love, warmth, and special memories, but also of core wounds that can haunt us for a lifetime. On a spectrum of emotional injury, these wounds may fall anywhere from minor to devastating. In some families, these hurts were inflicted despite the best of intentions and greatest of efforts, while in others, the harm was more deliberate. In my medical practice, I frequently see patients who have low self-esteem or even feel self-hatred. On some level, as a result of the core wounding they experienced, they think they are unworthy of good health and nourishing relationships. While there are numerous causes of illness—viruses, bacterial infections, environmental toxins and more—the emotional fallout from core wounding may at best interfere with the body’s healing process and at worst have a more direct and adverse impact on physical health. In the interest of our own wellness, I maintain that it is essential for us to release ourselves from the consequences of harm from family members, whether that hurt was intentional or not, and whether it was severe or mild. I define this process as “forgiveness.” In a Slow Medicine context, forgiving means releasing ourselves from the shackles of resentment, hatred and other inflammatory emotions that, if left unchecked, can exacerbate the harm already done to us. Let me be perfectly clear: Forgiving does not mean forgetting or ignoring. It especially does not mean getting back into the ring with a manipulative, abusive or otherwise toxic individual. It does, however, require a deep reach into our own humanity. It asks that we recognize someone else’s limitations, accept the reality of their resulting behavior, and—most challenging of all—rise above it all. It asks that we ultimately make choices that support our health on every level. We can forgive family members and feel unconditional love for them, without ever seeing or speaking with them again. We even can forgive family members while taking them to court or otherwise holding them publicly accountable for their actions, as in the case of domestic violence. Forgiving simply means that we stop churning through the unproductive emotions that drag us down instead of lifting us up. In some situations, of course, we humbly may realize that our grievances and resentments are more of a matter of ego than anything else. In these cases, we may choose to overlook squabbles of the past and attempt to reconcile in the interest of restoring an important relationship. Indeed, once we grow from the experiences of the past, we might gain something very significant. When we reach out with an open heart and are met in kind, the depth of healing is profound. So perhaps the risk inherent in attempting to reconcile is worth the potential benefit. Whether and however we decide to interact with our families of origin, the bottom line is this: In the interest of our own wellness, we need to “forgive,” so as to free ourselves from the trap of recycling childhood wounds. To the best of our ability, we need to oust from our very cells the energy of the action that was taken against us so that we are no longer controlled or harmed by it. This release may happen through any number of means that help us cultivate peace and tranquility: writing a memoir, practicing meditation, white-water rafting, teaching self-defense, raising happy children, or doing whatever else helps us turn our anger, fear and hurt into something healthy and productive. We have very limited control over people and circumstances outside ourselves. We cannot make someone think, feel, or be what we want, and we cannot go back in time and undo the past. But we still have the power to make choices that contribute to a different kind of future, where we can walk side by side with people who feed our souls. Through “forgiving,” or releasing, family members who have harmed us, and through doing our best to live passionately and manifest our life’s purpose, we can experience deep healing in our bodies and our hearts. By turning the pain and indignities of the past into something positive for ourselves and others, we can transform, like a caterpillar, and emerge with wings to fly. For more on forgiveness, listen to Dr. Michael Finkestein on the Live Happy Now podcast.
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Get More for Your Money

When you think of financial well-being, perhaps you think about having enough money in the bank for retirement or a stable job that gives you a regular paycheck. Or maybe it’s just being able to cover your expenses and save a little each month. Each of those examples are ways of calibrating financial well-being. I would like to suggest a new way to define financial well-being that focuses on the psychology of happiness. Happiness comes from a variety of sources, including the ability to create and enjoy memories and experiences. I propose that as part of building financial well-being that we carve out some of our finances to fill our lives with more of those things we so enjoy. When it comes to money, most of us like to think about how we are going to spend it. When the paycheck arrives, we first think about what bills we need to pay, what we want to buy, and—hopefully—what we plan to save or donate to charity. One thing many of us do not think about is how we might use our money to create more happiness in our lives by investing in gratifying life experiences. Though these experiences are often intangible, they can be appreciated for a lifetime. In one study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, researchers from San Francisco State University found that before making a purchase, people stated that they knew that a life experience would bring them more happiness, but that they thought it would make more financial sense to buy the material item. However, the researchers also found that the same individuals’ opinions changed after they made the purchase. Most of the participants said that they realized the life experience would have made them happier and also had better financial value. It may not seem like it when you’re passing by the department store window, but when it comes to long-term happiness, life experiences instill the greatest memories and bring the greatest joy. Making memories with your family and friends is a great way to connect." Some of my favorite memories come from experiences such as the day at the theme park with my children and their look of pride when they finally went on the big roller coaster; or the time we went on a progressive dinner and ate an appetizer at one restaurant, a main course at another and dessert at a third! In my private practice, I have heard time and time again from clients how important and lasting life experiences have been to their happiness.I had a client, Sharon, who was experiencing some marital difficulties and considerable financial stress.Her husband had ruined their family financially, which left her in an extremely bad situation.She ultimately became a single mom and had to rebuild her life. She also needed to take care of herself on an emotional level.She found joy in baking and enjoyed spending that quality time with her children.She carved out money each month to shop for unique ingredients and decorations while her kids bragged that their family owned 52 kinds of sprinkles! Though the sprinkles may qualify as “things,” they were merely an add-on to the incredible shared experience and wonderful memories of baking that my client was giving to her daughters. The goal here is not to go out and buy the most sprinkles in the neighborhood or to spend money at a theme park. The goal is to put aside some money every month for the set purpose of creating memories that can move you and the people that you care about into an emotionally positive place—creating lasting memories along the way. This effort toward my version of financial well-being involves creating experiences that aren’t routine; they are about doing something special. Swim with the dolphins, travel, take up a new hobby, bake five different kinds of unusual cookies and share them with your favorite neighbors. Take tons of pictures and make memory books, absorb the sights, smells and tastes of something new. When I am doing these activities, I tell myself to take pictures with my eyes. What I mean by that is that I will take a moment to focus on what I am seeing or doing, and I try to take in what it looks like, feels like, smells like so that I can remember as much as I can when I recall the experience. Making memories with your family and friends is a great way to connect. You can continue that bond by talking about the shared experience far into the future. Another tip: Make sure to include all of the participants in the planning, because often the anticipation and organizing of the activity is part of the joy and fun. That said, making memories can be unplanned as well. Sometimes a spontaneous trip to the beach with a picnic lunch from your favorite sandwich place or a quick surprise night away can be perfect happy memory makers! So, the next time you get that paycheck, or some money lands in your lap, see if you can set aside a little spending money that will enhance your financial as well as emotional well-being, and go make some memories. This article originally appeared in the February 2016 issue of Live Happy magazine.
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The Importance of Self-Forgiveness With Stacy Kaiser

If you’ve ever struggled with forgiving someone, or forgiving yourself, you don’t want to miss what this week’s guest has to say abut it. Stacy Kaiser, a licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert, author and frequent Live Happy Now guest, has great insight on how forgiveness and self-forgiveness affect our overall well-being. But she doesn’t just tell us how much we need it in our lives; she gives us actionable advice for forgiving others, forgiving ourselves and discovering greater happiness. In this episode, you'll learn: Why forgiveness is essential to your overall well-being. What forgiveness really means. Steps you can take to forgive others as well as yourself. Links and Resources Facebook: @stacykaiser Twitter: @thestacykaiser Instagram: @thestacykaiser Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Young woman covering her ears.

10 Ways to Overcome Your Inner Bully

We all have an inner bully, but the fight to overcome our critical voice can help us remove the obstacles that may be getting in the way of personal happiness. In her new book, Live Your Gift: Discovering Your Authentic Life Through Life Mapping, author Dana Adams gives people strategies to overcome their inner bully to discover their unique purpose and gifts. Here’s 10 things she says you can do to silence your inner bully: Recognize that you get to choose. You have an inner bully and an inner cheerleader. Which one will you listen to? That internal bullying voice that so many of us have may even be more powerful than the helping voice—the one that’s wise and trying to guide us to do our best work and be the best we can be. The good news is we can practice silencing the critic and listening to our wise cheerleader instead. Break up with your inner bully. Pinpoint where the inner critic is coming from so you can detach from it. Did it start from a specific event? Was it a time when you felt like you didn’t fit in or were criticized? When you can identify where it came from and realize it’s not about you and you can let go of it. The negative voice is something that we create; it's a story we tell ourselves. Practice detaching from the inner bully. Be careful what information you believe. It’s important for all of us to realize that when someone is giving you advice, critiquing you or telling you something about how you're acting, they’re viewing your behavior from their experience and their world. What others say doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you. Too often, we take what’s said at face value—putting great stock in it—when it’s not even true. Words from others can strike a nerve or hit a trigger point where we might already be insecure, pounding that unhealthy message in even deeper. This impact can hold you back and cause you not to play to your full potential. Lean toward your wise inner voice more than outside influences. Yes, that bully voice can come from many external sources. It’s common to feel the weight of outside influence from their friends and family who are really important for a sense of acceptance. The critical voice also can come from teachers, coaches, and even us, as parents. Work to see the long-term ramifications of your choices—even when you may only be focusing on what’s right in front of you. (As parents, we can help by walking our kids through potential ramifications of their choices, so they consider the impact on their future on a much bigger scale.) Don’t live for the approval of others. One of the biggest ways the inner bully can hold you back is when you become more concerned about how you’re showing up, and what you look like—not only in your appearance, but in the way you act. When your start filtering everything through whether people are going to approve or disapprove of something you might try—even if it’s something you love—you might suddenly change your mind and not do anything at all. When we aren’t willing to express ourselves in ways we are meant to, these roadblocks can show up suddenly. This can result in not getting the approval we want, and suddenly we change our mind about doing something. Protect yourself from your insecurities. The inner critic starts its chatter on your insecurities. So, where you don't feel as confident, you are more likely to hear the chatter of: Are you really sure you want to try that? What if you look dumb? What if people make fun of you? What if you fail? You don’t have any experience in this yet. This is when you have the choice to recognize that this is just the critic speaking and you don’t have to listen to the critic. Be aware that the inner bully can go straight for your insecurities, so that’s when you have to fight back the hardest to not listen and choose your positive voice and path instead. Realize life is learning. Insecure chatter is unfortunate because it can stop people. Instead, we need to realize that this is how we learn, by trying and experimenting. This is how we begin to understand what we do well, or what excites us. When we allow ourselves to discover our interests, we can choose to spend more time enjoying them. If we don't even try because the voice inside is stopping us, then it really becomes a problem—it’s a dream crusher. The critic doesn’t speak the truth. The reality is that so much of that critic lives up in our head. It’s not the truth. Replace that inner bully voice with the wise words. How would the older, wiser you guide your younger self? Realize setbacks give you valuable information to get you ahead. Our insecurities and inner critic are all wrapped up with our fears. When you fail or things don’t work out as you hoped, ask yourself: What did I learn? This information becomes powerful moving forward. When we don’t get the result we want, we can realize that the experience still moved us ahead because of what we learned. Then we can ask: What can I do differently in the future? And, we also can say: You know what? Good job for trying in the first place. Inspire others to defeat their inner bully. Another powerful impact of courageously trying something new is it gives other people around us the permission to do the same. When we are more confident in our own choices, we can calm that bully voice and say: You know, that’s not real. That’s a fear-based voice. And instead say: I am capable. I can do this. I am ready. It’s a much more empowering place to be, and you just might inspire others along with you.
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A child listening to music

Teaching Kids Positive Messages With Again Again

Giving our kids positive messages is important, but sometimes it’s difficult to do in a tumultuous world. The guests on this episode are not only giving kids a new way to look at the world, but putting it to a great beat that parents love, too. After becoming parents themselves, long-time friends Anne Montone and Jennifer Cook used music as a way to teach and explain things to their children. The two musically inclined friends then created the singing duo Again Again, and their debut full-length album, “Listen. Love. Repeat.” is filled with positive, family-friendly messages for our time. In this episode, you'll learn: Why music is so effective as a way to learn. How music can be used to let kids know they matter. How they created music that parents and kids can enjoy together. Links and Resources Facebook: @againagainmusic Instagram: @againagainmusic Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/againagainmusic Website: againagainmusic.bandcamp.com Don't miss an episode! Live Happy Now is available at the following places:           
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Resilience Clears the Path to a Meaningful Life.

Welcome, Happy Activists! A Happy Activist is someone who, through kind words and intentional positive actions, strives to make the world a better place. Live Happy invites you to join our #HappyActs movement! On the 20th of each month, we encourage everyone to incorporate kindness into your daily lives by participating in each month’s planned activity. The more people who join the #HappyActs movement, the greater the positive impact we’ll all have on our homes, workplaces and communities. What you think and do matters! September’s Happy Act theme is resilience. The ability to persevere and reach your goals no matter what obstacles stand in your way is attributed to your resilience. Like many strengths, resilience builds like a muscle for the times when you need it the most. People who are resilient tend to find more positive outcomes in life, see hope in dire situations, view adversities as challenges to overcome and are more likely to help others achieve their goals. September’s Happy Act is to strengthen your resilience by being supportive. If you are a resilient person, then odds are that you have overcome adversity in your life and have developed the coping skills to get you through those hard times. According Dr. Morley Glicken’s book Learning From Resilient People, using your skills to help other people through their time of need not only eases their stress, but strengthens your social bonds with the people you are helping. This adds meaning to your life and increases your happiness. Think about someone in your life that can use your support and write out an action plan with steps on how to accomplish that goal. Leave some room to write down how you feel after completing this task. Our September Happy Activist is champion boxer and mental health advocate Mia St. John. Mia has endured serious tragedies in her life. In 2014, her son Julian, a long-time sufferer of mental illness, fell victim to suicide. Earlier this year, her ex-husband and father to Julian, Kristoff St. John passed away. Soon after, she lost 30 years of sobriety. “There was a point where I thought that I would not recover and I was at my lowest low,” she explains. “There was nowhere to go, I felt, but up. That's my personality.” She says when she finds herself having to make the choice of hope over despair, she has no choice but to keep up the good fight. “I never stop fighting my way through the storm.” Now, Mia is making it her mission to help parents, educators, friends and spouses identify the signs of mental illness so loved ones can get the help they need. She created the Mia St. John Foundation to help empower people suffering from mental illness, addiction, poverty and homelessness. Because of her advocacy and dedication, she is giving people an opportunity to overcome adversity and restore self-worth. “All of us have suffered in our lives," Mia says. "Change comes always and nothing stays the same—not the good or the bad. By overcoming our obstacles, we evolve as humans.” For more information on resilience, check out the links below: When Resilience Meets Agility The Bounce-Back Effect Building Resilience and Well-Being With Karen Reivich 5 Essential Factors for Raising Resilient Kids Time to up your #HappyActs game. Help us spread global happiness by becoming a Happy Activist and host your very own Happiness Wall. Learn how you can host a wall at your school, business or organization and find out how to create your own fantastic wall using one of our Happy Acts Wall Kits.
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Nurse helping a female patient in an emergency room.

The Courage to Care

What does it take to be a hero? Do you have to be faster than a speeding bullet or more powerful than a locomotive? While having uncanny physical powers doesn’t hurt, according to Carol Pearson, Ph.D., author of The Hero Within and Awakening the Heroes Within, all you need to be a hero is the ability to believe in yourself and the courage to do the right thing at the right time. In fact, not jumping on those opportunities in life, such as applying for the job that you’ve always wanted or asking out that person you have admired, can leave you with regret, self-doubt and quite possibly depression. “The heroic life is really based on the idea that you are here for a purpose and the purpose just isn’t for you, and you are going to be happier if you focus on that,” Carol says. “It doesn’t mean that you can’t thrive personally. In fact, very often when people are doing the thing that is most right for them, cosmically right for them, they thrive and do well. The artists paint great pictures that others relate to because they are coming from a place that is connected to the larger world.” While first responders practice their courage daily, and soldiers perform great acts of valor out of circumstance and duty, everyday heroism is something we can all engage in to make the world a better place. “Having courage is fundamental to living a happy life, because if you wimp out, life is going to get you,” Carol says. “It takes courage to be fully intimate with somebody. And to be seen fully and to fully commit to what you love.” The word “hero” inspires visions of the Homeric champion who fights an epic battle or the daring adventurer who returns to change the world with what she has learned. But everyone has the power to live boldly. Carol points out that doctors save lives every day, and parents make great sacrifices to pave the way for their children. “We need to stop just thinking ‘What can I get?’ and not see it as in conflict with one’s own good,” she says. “Very often we are most successful when we are doing not only the right thing for us, but what is good for others as well.” You don’t have to have a Bruce Wayne-esque tragedy in your life to turn you into a caped crusader warding off evildoers at night. More often than not, having a healthy and safe upbringing will give you the confidence and trust in yourself to save someone who has fallen into a river or, at the very least, to rescue a neighbor’s kitten from a tree. While it is not always the case, working on strengths like altruism and bravery will give you the mettle to act when the moment is right. Even if you didn’t know you could, your dormant hero will rise to the occasion. The Everyday Hero Ronnie McCarroll has been a firefighter for more than two decades. Although he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do after high school, he was clear on what he didn’t want to do, and that was follow the family legacy into construction. With limited resources for college, he had to weigh his options closer to home. One of his high school football coaches happened to be a volunteer firefighter and often compared the firefighter atmosphere to that of a football team. Ronnie liked what he heard. He soon put himself through firefighter and emergency medical technician school and started testing for the fire department. “I had to sit back and think about what I really wanted to do, and maybe something that coach said made me think ‘This is it,’” Ronnie says. “Now, looking back, I think it is the best choice I could have ever made. I love the job, and it’s amazing and rewarding. I didn’t think about firefighters giving back, having a sense of duty to help. I never thought about those things until I got into the job.” Now Ronnie is a fire captain at the Flower Mound Fire Department in Flower Mound, Texas, with 24 years on the job. He mentors young firefighters on how to handle dangerous situations. He instructs all of his firefighters to be compassionate and treat all people they encounter on calls as if they were family members. When someone calls 911, more likely than not, it is probably the worst day of his or her life. “I don’t think you can be a good firefighter without [compassion,]” Ronnie says. “You have to constantly fight the urge to not become bitter and calloused. We get a lot of overdose calls where people aren’t happy with their lives. It is easy to sit back and say ‘I would do it this way,’ or ‘I wouldn’t live in this situation.’ For me, I think my compassion is too much sometimes, but I also believe that is what has helped me have a very positive career so far.” Ronnie is passionate about his duty to his community. He is well aware of the risk involved in his line of work, though he never knows what will happen next. “I have been in a couple situations where the thought crossed my mind that I might not get out of this, and I don’t think any of us truly know how we are going to act until we are in that situation,” he says. “But that is the commitment I have made to the people of Flower Mound where I serve. I think there have to be people like that in the world, there have to be people willing to sacrifice.” It hasn’t always been an easy road, he says, and firefighters see things people shouldn’t see. He once had a call to a residence where a baby had died from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. There was nothing anyone could do. After that, he volunteered for a critical stress-management class and learned that he had to start dealing with it. “The good things that we do far outweigh the bad experiences,” Ronnie says. “To me that’s rewarding enough to keep plugging away.”                The Sacrifice in Saving Dr. Johnathon Berry grew up reading his dad’s Soldier of Fortune magazines and watching John Wayne in The Green Berets. His father served two tours in Vietnam and recounted stories about the Green Berets training and fighting alongside the Montagnards, the indigenous mountain people of that region. When the time came for John to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, the military was willing to pay for school, and he liked the idea of becoming the Special Forces soldier he so admired as a kid. Through his training, he discovered a knack for medicine. Special Forces Green Beret medics are the go-to physicians for everything from stabilizing battle wounds to dentistry and even veterinary medicine. After three deployments to Afghanistan, he was all too familiar with providing life-saving care on the battlefield. When his 20-year retirement mark in the military was approaching, he opted for medical school over the CIA, FBI or DEA, and eventually became an emergency room doctor. He now splits his time practicing at hospitals in Colorado and Texas. “Carrying a gun was something that I was good at at the time, but I didn’t want to make a career out of it,” John says. “As a father of two girls, it didn’t seem like a good option.” His decision didn’t come without personal sacrifice. When he left Afghanistan in 2002 to take his medical school entrance exams, his friend and fellow Green Beret, Chris Speer, replaced him. Three weeks after the replacement, Chris died of a head injury from a grenade explosion. John was given the honor of escorting Chris’ body back to the United States. John says he can’t help but bear certain responsibility, and it is something he will never forget. “I like to think that God had a different purpose and plan for me.” While his mission has changed and he is no longer risking his life to help others, he continues to save as many lives as he can. He attributes his character to his faith and a solid foundation. His grandparents raised him, instilling a strong sense of family and the responsibility to always look out for and care for others. “I’ve always had a lot of empathy for people,” he says. “So being a natural caregiver, I always have the compassion to want to help people and to be able to feel and understand what my patients are going through.” The Lady With a Lamp Renee Thompson, DNP, RN, the author of Celebrate Nursing: Human by Birth, Hero by Choice, has been a nurse for 25 years. There isn’t much she hasn’t witnessed, felt or heard when it comes to healing the sick. She has done everything from bedside care to taking on executive leadership roles. She knows how important it is for nurses to embrace their heroism. “[Nurses] have to be resilient,” Renee says. “I actually refer to it as hardiness. You have to go into to a workplace with the unpredictability that comes with health care, because you never know what you are going to get. And even when bad things happen, you have to be able to get back up the next day and go back in again.” Now a CEO of her company, RT Connections in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Renee speaks publicly about and provides education on nursing culture. She feels that being heroic in her field is essential because it’s not only good for the patients but for fellow nurses and hospital staff as well. “There is no way anyone in health care can take care of a person independently,” she explains. “If a person embraces their heroism and recognizes that everyone has value, then they are ready to deliver good, compassionate, effective health care. Everything that we do impacts the care that we can deliver to that patient.” With the long hours, sore feet and bereavement that often accompanies nursing, Renee says all of that negativity can be remedied by being positive and compassionate, a beacon of light for someone who is in the darkest of hours. “We have the opportunity to make a serious difference in the lives of other people, especially when they are at their worst,” she says. “There is no greater joy for a nurse than to hold a patient’s hand when they are going through something horrific and that patient comes back to you and says, ‘I wouldn’t have gotten through this without you.’ ” Every nurse has a story like that. For Renee, hers involved a woman with head trauma from a motorcycle accident. The patient could not communicate, and her situation was bleak. Aside from her normal duties, Renee also painted the patient’s nails, shaved her legs and gave her pedicures. Eventually the patient stabilized and was moved to another wing of the hospital.  A few months later, a woman who looked vaguely familiar was waiting for Renee at the nurse’s station. “This woman said to me clearly and articulately, ‘I just wanted to thank you; my daughter told me how you took care of me, and there is no way I can repay you for that,’” Renee recalls. “She gave me the biggest hug, and I cried. It’s just the miracle of life. This was a woman who couldn’t even respond and now she can tell me ‘thank you’ in her own words. That’s what keeps you going. You live for those moments.” How To Be a Hero You don’t have to run into burning buildings, dodge enemy bullets or bring someone back to life to be more heroic. Researchers like Phil Zimbardo, Ph.D., renowned psychologist and founder of the Heroic Imagination Project in San Francisco, and fellow researcher Zeno Franco, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the Medical College of Wisconsin, have been working on the topic for years. Their goal is to give families the tools to recognize and help turn around negative situations, making real positive change. To act heroically, it’s critical to increase the sphere of what you are paying attention to in your life, Zeno says. If you see someone being treated unfairly, and you truly believe it’s wrong and something you can speak up about, you will learn to step forward to help instead of saying “It’s not my problem,” he says. “Most of us in any given week have a chance to be a small hero, and over the course of our lives, we’ll have the chance to be pretty significant to somebody else several times,” he says. “Often we miss it and end up being a bystander unintentionally because we are not paying attention.” Failure to act can cause guilt, especially when someone is hurt physically or socially. Zeno says this can lead to self-doubt and negative feelings about your own character. “I think that everyone encounters risks for speaking out about what’s right,” he says. It’s important for people to realize they are still capable of taking action when required, even when it’s not comfortable, he says. For children, sharing stories where the good guys win helps them activate “their heroic imagination,” Zeno says. It can help them learn to not shy away from taking stands when they grow up. Happy Heroes Can being a hero make you happy? Zeno says yes and no. There may be positive satisfaction from saving someone from serious injury or death, but after the heroics are over you may feel as if you didn’t do enough, or you might go through withdrawal once the spotlight is off. Carol says that failing to trust in yourself or consistently act on your beliefs can make you unhappy. “People are happier when they have courage and confidence because they do act on what they want,” she says. Ronnie, as humble and grateful as he is about his job as a firefighter, says he is happier when he’s helping. “Sometimes I feel guilty for taking the accolades for the job that we do,” Ronnie says. “Why wouldn’t someone want to do this? It’s rewarding in itself.” John, the Green Beret medic, says accepting the risk comes with the territory. “When I loaded up on that helicopter or a truck to go on to a target, or when I stood up on that ramp at 25,000 feet at 3 a.m. getting ready to jump out of a transport plane, I was always at peace. I never once worried about my own death.” That risk can also give us perspective, reminding us to live our lives in the present and be grateful for the people we have around us. “When I see that 18-year-old who was in a drunken driving accident and his mom is standing there holding his hand because he has a brain injury that he will never recover from, I think to myself, ‘I’m going to go home and love my daughter, and I’m going to appreciate every single moment with my child,’” Renee says. “Because what makes me any different from this mom and this child? … It can be taken away in a moment. It’s a gift to be able to go home and really be mindful and in the moment with our family and friends."
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Young adult cancer fighters and survivors jumping on a beach

Waves That Save

In a little town north of Boston, Britte Roossien, a young mother of two, was running a day care program out of her house. In September 2010, however, her life changed when a routine visit to the doctor went horribly wrong. Britte’s doctor told her she had stage 2 Hodgkin’s lymphoma, cancer of the lymph nodes. She’d barely even had the flu before, and now cancer had stricken her like a runaway truck. Immediate surgery on her neck to remove her lymph nodes was followed by eight cycles of chemotherapy, then a month of radiation. A few months later, still suffering from severe fatigue, full-body aches and dramatic weight loss, Britte returned to the doctor for more tests. The results showed a large tumor had developed in her chest and that it, too, was cancerous. She had to give up her day care business and Britte’s husband, Tony, took over as the main caregiver of their children, son Jace, 4, and daughter Wylie, 2, as Britte underwent another round of treatment. When Jace had a bad dream during the night, Britte would hear his little footsteps as he walked to Tom’s side of the bed, not her own. It broke her heart not to be there for her children. “My life as I knew it came to a complete standstill,” Britte says. “Physically, I was wrecked. Chemo was very difficult for me, and radiation ended up being even worse. I would try to get a walk in daily to keep up my strength, but basically, I spent the majority of my time in bed or on the couch. I was crushed to not have the energy or strength to be the mom or wife that I once was.” Even after her treatment was over and doctors told her she was clear of cancer, Britte suffered from depression and anxiety, often turning to anti-anxiety pills and too many glasses of chardonnay to ease her fears. “Thoughts about the future would freeze me,” she says. “Could this come back? Could it happen to my kids? What the hell caused this in the first place? These are the thoughts that spiraled, causing anxiety, sadness and fear.” Sensing her mental anguish, one of her doctors suggested she check out First Descents, an organization offering cancer patients and survivors free-of-charge outdoor adventures like surfing, climbing and kayaking as a way for them to reclaim their lives.  Months later, still reeling from cancer-induced anxiety, Britte got the call: There was an opening on a First Descents surf trip in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Did she want to go? She had never even contemplated surfing before, but she figured she had nothing to lose. Surfing with a Purpose Ryan Pittsinger, Ph.D., Director of Counseling and Sport Psychology at Texas A&M University, grew up surfing in Manhattan Beach, California and is a self-described surf addict who says at a young age he spent at least three days a week in the ocean. He says even then he understood that surfing was an outlet for him. “If I was having a tough time or something was going on in my life, I could jump in the water and have the opportunity to not think about anything else but the waves,” he says. “Something about being immersed in the ocean—it’s so much more powerful than yourself. It has a mystique and a healing power to it.” As he grew older, Ryan became more and more interested in the idea of surfing’s influence on a person’s mental state and mood, an area that had seen little to no scientific research. After his undergraduate studies, he pursued a master’s degree in psychology at California State University, Long Beach. As part of his master’s thesis, Ryan conducted a study that analyzed 107 individuals—men and women of a range of ages and abilities—before and after a 30-minute surf session. The results, he says, didn’t surprise him that much; after all, it’s what he’d been experiencing in the water his entire life. “The results showed a significant increase in positive mood and tranquility after surfing for 30 minutes, and a decrease in negative feelings and fatigue,” he says. “In other words, participants reported feeling happier and more energized after surfing.” His study, published in the 2014 issue of Psychology of Men & Masculinity, surveys 12 male surfers to see how men use the sport of surfing to cope with life’s stressors, ranging from work tension, difficulty in a relationship or loss of a loved one. Whereas men especially can fall into the traps of using strategies like avoidance, anger or substance abuse to fix problems, Ryan wanted to find out if surfing could solve issues in a healthier, more positive way. He conducted his study literally while surfing. Using an underwater camera and laminated sheets of paper, he asked the men 22 questions about how they use surfing and what surfing provides for them. Often, the survey would be interrupted when the participant would catch a wave. One of the questions on the survey was, “What were you thinking about when you just caught that wave?” The answer, Ryan says, was usually something along the lines of, “When I’m surfing, I’m not thinking about anything except what is directly related to the act of surfing—and nothing related to my troubles.” “It’s pretty unique to have even a few seconds of complete freedom like that,” Ryan says. “Surfing is one way that people can find a real escape from their stresses.” Ryan is among a handful of researchers studying surfing’s impact on human psychology, but they are not entirely alone in their belief in the ocean’s healing powers. When Carly Rogers was 18, her mother passed away suddenly. She dealt with her grief by letting the ocean’s waves wash it away, getting a job as a lifeguard and taking up surfing. Since then, two decades later, she’s been a Los Angeles County lifeguard and an avid surfer. She’s also turned ocean therapy into her career. Carly is the director of programs at the Southern California-based Jimmy Miller Memorial Foundation, a nonprofit established in 2005 in memory of its namesake, a lifelong surfer who took his own life after a battle with mental illness. Carly, who was friends with Jimmy, runs the organization’s ocean therapy program, which offers surf lessons to U.S. veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other injuries, as well as teens living in shelters and foster care programs in inner-city Los Angeles. While getting her doctoral degree in occupational therapy at the University of Southern California, Carly conducted a study looking at the impact five surf sessions can have on Iraq war veterans diagnosed with PTSD and depression. “These veterans were all very strong, athletic, no-fear individuals. But put them in the water and they can’t resist it—they were all laughing and smiling,” Carly says. “They were saying things like, ‘This is the best day of my life. I feel alive.’ Surfing provides a positive, natural environment; a chance to build self-confidence; and a catalyst for change.” Her study, much like Ryan’s, reached the same conclusion: Surfing makes you happier. Healing Waves Avid surfers say they are not surprised by findings like Ryan’s and Carly’s—they, too, have experienced the raw power of the ocean. Among those is world-renowned big-wave surfer Laird Hamilton, who says surfing offers him a chance to relax amid the chaos. “The ocean has been one of the biggest teachers in my life,” Laird says. “Whether it’s the humility or discipline you learn or the confidence and joy you gain from riding a wave, all of those lessons from the sea are applicable on land.” Years ago, Laird was struggling in his relationship with his wife, pro volleyball player Gabrielle Reece—things just weren’t going smoothly. He flew to Tahiti to surf Teahupoo, known to have the toughest and biggest breaks in the world. As he was getting ready to depart the island, a massive swell began to head his way. Laird was ready when a rogue wave with a 30-foot face—which he named the “Millennium Wave”—came toward him. He says riding the giant wave put everything into perspective. “That wave changed my priorities and had a sort of spiritual effect on me,” he says. “We worked the things out in our relationship, and things have never been better.” You don’t have to be a professional surfer to feel the benefits of the ocean, Laird assures. First-time surfers may even notice the impact more. “Your first day surfing, that first ride on a wave, you’re never going to be more present than in that moment. You’re going to appreciate the difficulty of doing it and that leads to your feelings of accomplishment,” Laird says. “Plus, the sensation of riding the energy of a wave has an uplifting effect on your spirit; not only is it fun and makes you happy, it feels like soaring—your spirit takes flight.” Discovering Resilience In Nags Head, N.C., a little blue beachside building called Farmdog’s Surf School rents boards, offers lessons, and serves up post-surf açai bowls. The place is run by a charismatic guy named Robert “Farmdog” Farmer. On a warm day in June 2013, Britte showed up at Farmdog’s in remission from cancer and suited up for her first-ever surf lesson. Within five minutes of arriving, her camp leaders, Wreck and Pedro, granted her a First Descents nickname: “Big Red,” thanks to her recently regrown ginger-colored hair. In the days that followed, Britte got to know fellow cancer fighters as they all attempted the humbling act of standing up on a surfboard. Surfing, it turns out, isn’t exactly easy to learn. But something about it clicked for Britte. “I would try to stand up on my board, and I’d take huge wipeouts, but I’d bounce back up, usually laughing and coughing up some sand,” she says. “I was learning that I wasn’t going to break, that I was much stronger than I ever realized.” Robert says he sees this type of shift in people all the time at the surf school he’s owned since 2007. Over the years, he has witnessed people overcome phobias, ease anxiety, alter their body images and return a year or two later to tell him that his surf lessons changed their lives. “I’m merely a surf instructor, but people do share a lot when they’re in the water with you,” he says. “It’s both physical and mental therapy when we’re out there in the water.” Even when they’re getting pummeled in salt water—getting tossed off their boards by unwieldy waves—Robert says the ocean has a way of healing. “The ocean can have its way with you; it has no empathy,” he says. “But even when you’re out there struggling and the ocean is giving you a beating, it’s still rewarding, still cleansing.” By the time Britte was packing her bags to return to her family in Massachusetts, she was on her way to becoming a different person. “Surfing taught me that cancer was just a small part of my history and the woman that I actually was, right here, surfing, laughing out loud, in the moment and full of love for the people around me. I finally felt separate from cancer.” Since then, that experience has been a springboard for change. Five months later, Britte ran her first marathon, and last winter, she tried ice climbing for the first time. She’s continued to surf as well: This summer, she went on another surf trip with First Descents to Mexico, and she’s taken her family, including her kids, now 8 and 6, surfing, too. “Living life is no longer a scary undertaking. I’ve never felt stronger, less fatigued or more confident in my life,” she says. She no longer relies on anti-anxiety medication or wine to calm her nerves, and when her doctors asked her how she managed the transition, she told them simply, “I started by going surfing.” Want to try surfing? Here’s where to sign up from coast to coast. Campsurf: Los Angeles Take a private lesson or a group class at Manhattan Beach with California’s Campsurf, one of Los Angeles’ most respected surf schools. Bonus: Many of the instructors double as professional competitive surfers. (From $60; Campsurf.com) Farmdog’s Surf School: Nags Head, North Carolina. On the Outer Banks, Farmdog’s Surf School offers private, group and standup-paddleboarding surf lessons for all ages and abilities. Really want to dive in? Sign up for their new adult three-day surf camp held from June through August. (From $65; FarmdogSurfSchool.com) Paskowitz Surf Camp: Mexico and San Diego, California The San Diego-based Paskowitz Surf Camp runs a weeklong camp geared toward beginners in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, each spring, and camps in San Diego year-round. The camp was founded by legendary surfer Dorian “Doc” Paskowitz and is now run by his son, Izzy. (From $1,250 for weeklong camp; Paskowitz.com) Hans Hedemann Surf School: Honolulu, Hawaii Former Association of Surfing Professionals World Tour surfer Hans Hedemann opened Hans Hedemann Surf School in 1995. With three locations around Waikiki and one on Oahu’s North Shore, it’s the perfect place to learn while you’re vacationing in Hawaii. (From $75; HHSurf.com) CoreysWave: Montauk, New York Owned by Southern California transplant Corey Senese, CoreysWave offers private and semi-private adult lessons on Montauk’s Ditch Plains break. Sign up for a lesson between June and August for the warmest water and the most beginner-friendly conditions. (From $125; CoreysWave.com)
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