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Cohousing Communities Are Built for Connection

On a warm summer evening, some two dozen people are gathered for a potluck dinner in the garden of the two-block Los Angeles Eco-Village, which sits on the edge of the city’s Koreatown district. Enjoying salads, grilled veggies and pasta, along with wine and homemade fruit punch, they perch on folding chairs in a clearing between a fig bush and a magnolia tree, not far from the outdoor solar oven, chicken coop and trellises that are heavy with tomatoes. From the range of ages—3 to 79—and the ease of the chatter, this has the feeling of a family get-together. But the mix of ethnicities and accents make it clear that the ties that bind this eclectic group aren’t all familial. Instead, the members of this lively party all belong to a new kind of neighborhood. The Los Angeles Eco-Village is a cohousing community and home to 55 people. According to the Cohousing Association of the United States, it’s one of 162 so far with another 126 in the planning stages. A form of collaborative living, cohousing offers a nurturing alternative to suburban isolation or urban anonymity. The residents run the community collectively, sharing responsibilities and chores and making decisions by consensus. “The human species is tribal in nature, but through generations of culture change, we’ve lost that tribal instinct,” says Lois Arkin, who founded the neighborhood more than 20 years ago. “Cohousing communities restore the human connections that we all crave.” Community + privacy These custom neighborhoods are far from communes. Each household has its own private home, complete with kitchen. But residents also share a large common house, which is the heart of the community. It typically includes a big kitchen and dining room, guest rooms, a children’s playroom, and areas for workshops and meetings. Opportunities for engagement abound, from working in the garden to cooking community meals or taking part in resident-led workshops in sewing, woodworking, yoga or even how to home-brew small batches of craft beer. Most of all, there’s a feeling that your neighbors have your back and are there when you need them. Jessica Ruvalcaba, an early-education schoolteacher, lives here with her husband and their 5-month-old son, Eli. “When Eli was born, people brought me home-cooked meals for two weeks,” she says, “and my neighbor Carol did my laundry. I love that Eli has an extended community of siblings, and I have a group of parents I can lean on.” Cohousing communities can be urban, like the Los Angeles Eco-Village or Takoma Village Cohousing in Washington, D.C., where 90 people—from newborn to 90 years old—live in 43 townhouses and apartments that are clustered around a central piazza. Many are in suburbs or small towns, such as Delaware Street Commons in Lawrence, Kansas. Here 45 homes are linked by pedestrian walkways and each home has a front porch that faces the common area. A few cohousing communities are in rural areas. The 29-home community of Nubanusit Neighborhood & Farm in Peterborough, New Hampshire, sits on 113 acres of farmland, fields and woodlands with trails, a pond and nearly a mile of riverfront. Using less to live more Living sustainably is a core value of cohousing communities. They’re typically built with energy-efficient materials and devote much of their acreage to green space. Cars are banished to the periphery of the property and alternative forms of getting around—biking, walking or public transportation—are encouraged. Lowering reliance on cars is key to keeping the members of these micro-neighborhoods connected. Alice Alexander is the director of the nonprofit Cohousing Association of the United States. She and her husband are members of the Durham Central Park Cohousing Community, a four-story building in downtown Durham, North Carolina, where 39 residents live in 24 condominiums. “I spent most of my life living in Northern Virginia suburbs where I didn’t know my neighbors,” Alice says. “You drove into your carport, went into your house and you never saw anyone.” The hallways at Alice’s building are wide and airy, with benches and libraries tucked into nooks and crannies. It’s a design that encourages people to linger and chat. Planning for chance encounters Relationships aren’t forged only through chance encounters. Like other communities, Durham Central Park maintains a digital bulletin board where people can post anything from an invitation to take a stroll to the Saturday farmers market to a request for a heating pad after a bicycle spill or a lift to the airport. “I’m always amazed that when I have a 6 a.m. flight, there’s someone who wants to take me to the airport,” Alice says. “But this is a caring and sharing community. We can count on each other.” There are weekly movie nights and group dinners, and every evening at least a half-dozen residents gather for happy hour on the roof. Residents seem to flourish amid all this support and sociability. In a survey conducted by the Cohousing Research Network, 96 percent of 528 respondents across 80 cohousing communities said their lives had improved since becoming cohousing residents and three out of four felt their physical health was better than others their age. None of this would surprise community psychologist William Berkowitz, Ph.D., professor emeritus at the University of Massachusetts at Lowell, who believes that close-knit neighborhoods fulfill a vital human function. “The need for connection with other people and for community is wired into our biology,” he says. “We evolved from animals that lived and roamed in clans, sought food together and protected each other. There’s a lot of evidence to suggest that when people have strong social networks their sense of well-being and their physical health improves; cross-cultural research even shows that people live longer.” Cohousing's Danish roots In the early 1980s, Kathryn McCamant and Charles Durrett—Katie and Chuck to their friends—were young married architects beginning to think about starting a family. Already they found themselves coming home from busy workdays exhausted. Their relatives lived across the country and their friends across town. Just getting together with a friend for coffee was a challenge. How would they be able to raise kids? They remembered a type of development called a bofællesskab (living community) that they had visited when they were studying architecture in Copenhagen, Denmark. Since the 1960s, a mix of young families and empty nesters, singles and single parents had been forming these self-reliant neighborhoods that allowed people to support each other through the challenges of every stage of life, from childcare to eldercare. “What we saw in Denmark made so much sense,” Katie says. “These communities reminded me of the neighborhoods where I grew up in Denver, where kids were always outside playing, everybody knew each other and there was a real social life in the streets.” The first cohousing community in America Katie and Chuck returned to Copenhagen in 1984 and spent a year studying bofællesskab. In 1988, they published their first book, Cohousing: A Contemporary Approach to Housing Ourselves. While they were writing the volume, they were also designing Muir Commons in Davis, California. In 1991, it was the first built-from-the-ground-up cohousing community in the U.S. Muir Commons is still going strong today, with 45 adults and 35 children living in 26 homes that sit on just under three acres. The homes, with private kitchens and private yards, range in size from 808 to 1,381 square feet. That size is pretty typical of cohousing communities and goes against the trend of homes in the U.S. getting significantly larger each decade. According to Census Bureau figures, the average size of homes being built in America rose from 1,725 square feet in 1983 to 2,095 in 1993 and, a decade later, to 2,330 square feet. In 2013, the most recent year of data collection, homes averaged just under 2,600 square feet. House size isn’t linked to happiness, according to Elizabeth Dunn, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia and co-author of Happy Money: The Science of Happier Spending. What really matters, she says, is the extent to which our houses facilitate positive social interactions. Living in a place where you naturally bump into your neighbors provides a happiness boost. Also heightening well-being, as stacks of studies found, is exposure to nature. A recent large Canadian study, for example, showed that having 10 or more trees on a block confers a health boost that’s the equivalent of being seven years younger. And so the design of the typical cohousing community, where most of the acreage is devoted to shared green space while pathways and front porches encourage socializing, can be a blueprint for happiness. Katie and Chuck, who have a now 25-year-old daughter, live in Nevada City Cohousing, which is an hour north of California’s capital city of Sacramento. It’s one of more than 50 cohousing communities, or “intentional neighborhoods,” as Katie likes to say, that the couple have designed or consulted on. Nevada City has 34 townhouses on 10 acres, six of which are devoted to open space. There’s an organic veggie garden and chickens, a swimming pool and hot tub. Footpaths lead to the nearby historic town. Residents have community dinners six nights a week. People are free to join or to skip, but everybody has a responsibility to cook a meal once every five weeks. Katie and Chuck usually take part in these group dinners three or four times a week. “Cohousing is a really good life,” Katie says. “What it addresses is that while we’re living closer and closer together, we’ve become a very isolated society. There’s a sense of security and safety, emotionally and physically, that comes from being part of something larger than yourself. You’re surrounded by people you can call on in a time of need. And, there’s much more spontaneity in day-to-day life. You run into people and say, hey, do you want to go hiking on Sunday? It doesn’t take 10 emails and texts.” Living collaboratively in Boulder, Colorado In 2000, Bryan Bowen was part of a team of architects working to design Wild Sage, a cohousing community of 34 townhouses in Boulder, Colorado. Developing a cohousing community takes several years and requires active and collaborative decision-making among its members. “Everybody has a voice and feels heard,” Bryan says. “And, as they’re accomplishing something really cool, the group develops very strong decision-making and conflict-resolution skills that they can use in creating a community once they move in.” By the time Wild Sage was completed 12 years ago, Bryan and his wife, Dale Deegan, then pregnant with their first son, Eli, were among the residents moving in. Eli’s younger brother, Jesse, was actually born in the living room of their home, with the aid of a midwife who’s a member of the community and has helped deliver a half dozen other Wild Sage babies. “I can’t imagine leaving Wild Sage,” Bryan says. “I can’t imagine raising my kids any other way. It’s hard enough as it is. Having the support of an interdependent community makes parenthood so much more interesting and rich.” And it makes for a secure childhood, too. Bryan remembers renting a home in Florida for a family beach vacation when Eli was 3 years old. After they pulled up to the house and unloaded the car, Eli ran outside, saying he was going to explore. He made a loop around the big grassy front yard, then came back inside. “He looks totally confused,” Bryan recalls. “He says, ‘Daddy, where are all the friends?’ That was a moment of epiphany for me. I realized that my kids were growing up with the expectation that wherever you go, there should be a whole bunch of fun, interesting people right outside the door. That’s how the world is for them.” A vertical community in Seattle Grace Kim and her husband, Mike Mariano, are founders and architects of Capitol Hill Urban Cohousing. It’s a compact cohousing community in a dense Seattle neighborhood; there are nine homes and a 1,600-square foot rooftop farm in a newly built five-story building. Grace and Mike, along with their 8-year-old daughter Ella are among the 28 residents—17 adults and 11 kids—who moved in just a few months ago. Like Katie and Chuck, Grace and Mike spent time in Copenhagen studying cohousing communities, thanks to a fellowship Kim received in 2004 from the University of Washington. For Kim, who is Korean-American, the intergenerational bofællesskab was familiar and comforting. “In Korean culture,” she says, “it’s common to have grandparents living with you. They’re an important part of the family. That’s very different from Western culture, where kids don’t have a lot of elders in their lives.” In the cohousing communities that Grace and Mike visited in both Copenhagen and later in the United States, she saw a vibrant alternative. “A 5-year-old would be happy to crawl up into anyone’s lap, whatever their age,” she says. “And there were meaningful relationships among unrelated people across generations. Teenagers were often lingering after dinner, wanting to engage in conversation with us. That’s so unheard of in American society. It really struck me as a healthier way to live through all stages of life. From raising your kids to growing old, the community takes care of a lot of needs without having to turn to outside interventions.” Prolonged group therapy In these first months at Capitol Hill, there have been some conflicts, like the prolonged dispute over what should be served at the thrice-weekly community meals. Residents took positions from demanding meals be vegan to diehard carnivores who wanted to slaughter their own game. In the end, after many sessions that were guided by a consensus-building facilitator, Grace says, “we all recognize that the meals are a big part of building community and we are committed to making meals for each other that are nutritious and delicious.” In practical terms, that means meat can be offered as an additive to a meal but not as the main ingredient. A great deal of energy has been devoted to making these types of group decisions. “Someone once said that cohousing is the most expensive self-help workshop you’ll ever take,” Grace says with a laugh. Still, Capitol Hill’s mix of residents—physicists and computer scientists, a magazine executive, a librarian, husband-and-wife retired teachers who love going for long-distance rides on their tandem bicycle—“have all remarked how living here is better than we could have imagined,” Grace says. “The ease and joy with which gatherings take place is remarkable. I never want to live anywhere else.” Read more: Find Your Tribe Read more: 10 Ways to Build Community Read more: Living on Less to Give More Shelley Levitt, editor at large for Live Happy magazine, is a freelance writer living in Southern California.

Phil and Joann Gulley have embraced a simpler life.

Giving

Living on Less to Give More

The SUV turning into Phil Gulley’s Danville, Indiana, driveway was huge. Bright, shiny and fresh off the assembly line in neighboring Oakville, the SUV—with Phil’s friend Jerry at the wheel—could haul an entire indoor under-10 girls soccer team to the school gym, seven guys to shoot hoops at the town hall, or Phil, his wife, and two sets of in-laws over the river and through the snow to a community Christmas gathering. What’s more, the SUV was safe as a tank and could haul both neighbors and bean dip to a church potluck anywhere in four counties—not an insignificant factor since Phil is a Quaker pastor. “We should get one,” he announced to his wife, Joann, after Jerry had left. “They’re only $40,000.” Joann’s reaction—“That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard!” as Phil recalls her saying—was direct and to the point. Their little Toyota had only 120,000 miles on it. And what about the commitment they’d made to one another to live on less so they’d have more to share with those who needed a helping hand? Years ago, Phil and Joann chose a lifestyle that would allow them to do it. And it wasn’t because, as a pastor, Phil had to walk the talk. It was because sharing what they had was who they were. It made them happy. Not that either one had recognized that right off. “When we first got married, we never had much extra,” Phil explains. But then he began to write books based on the small-town antics of a Quaker church’s members and the faithful pastor who tried to keep them all out of trouble, and things changed. Book reviewers raved about his work, the books became best-sellers, and Phil and Joann were stunned when the first royalty check arrived in the mail from his publisher. Unfortunately, neither Phil nor Joann were accustomed to handling much money. “When that first check came, we just kind of blew through it,” Phil admits ruefully. “Three months later, we looked at each other and were just sick about it. We felt like we’d eaten too much junk food.” They quickly realized that they’d stumbled onto the wrong path. So they took a step back, returned to a simpler lifestyle, vowed to one another that they’d stick to it, and were amazed to find that sharing the money from Phil’s royalties with others made them happier than spending it on a brand new computer that did everything but make coffee. “We found that generosity gives us joy,” Phil says. An emerging trend We Americans are a generous lot: Individuals gave more than $264 billion to charity last year alone. It’s a mind-boggling sum, particularly when you realize that it’s not easy for a lot of us to find even an extra $10 for those who need help. But as Phil points out, “Philanthropy and generosity are not the purview of the wealthy. Even the poorest among us are given opportunities to be generous.” How do we manage to give so much? At least part of the answer is that Phil and Joann are not the only two people on the planet who are driving secondhand cars so they can save a few extra dollars to share with others. In fact, they may actually be on the leading edge of an emerging trend, says Keith Curtis, who chairs Giving USA, the nonprofit research group that tracks charitable giving in the United States and gives donors, nonprofits and professional fundraisers the hard data they need to function. “There’s no data yet, but we see it every day,” Keith says. “Once they’ve taken care of their kids, people want to give back and make their community a better place. They know people have needs and they want to help. They want to make a difference.” Shawn Landres, Ph.D., co-founder of Jumpstart, a Los Angeles think tank known for its research into charitable giving, says that Keith’s comments resonate. “We don’t have the data,” agrees Shawn, “but we do know that there are people with resources who are now choosing to give to a charity rather than buy that extra boat or that $5,000 case of Champagne. “There’s also a generational style that has people choosing to live more intentionally,” he adds. “They’re no longer doing the pledged giving that our parents did.” Instead, Shawn says, they’re doing things like crowd-funding or forming a “giving circle,” in which one person will, instead of writing a single check for $100, bring together a group of friends, neighbors, co-workers and the like to collectively write a check for $1,000. Hardwired to give One of the things that encourages us to reach into our pockets to help others is that we are hardwired to give. Northwestern University professor Jordan Grafman, Ph.D., was one of the first researchers to investigate the relationship between the brain and giving. In a study that appeared in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in 2006, Jordan conducted brain imaging studies that demonstrated that giving activates parts of the brain rich with receptors for the feel-good neuropeptide oxytocin—the same chemical that’s associated with the warm glow of happiness we get from food and sex. But there is one caveat. “Context matters,” Jordan says. If you give simply to get something back—increase your social status, look good to your friends or impress your boss, for example—then imaging studies show that you’re just going to feel a flicker of that warm, happy glow rather than a full blast of over-the-top joy. Individuals make up the lion’s share of charitable contributions,” says Una Osili, Ph.D., director of research at the Indiana University Lilly Family School of Philanthropy in Indianapolis. “They account for 71 percent of all giving.” If giving causes you to have to sacrifice something, however, whether it’s the ability to buy a latte every morning on the way to work or the opportunity to see a new film with friends, then brain studies show that you’ll get the full blast. Now chief of neuroscience at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago, Jordan explains that, “When you give something at a cost to yourself, that’s when you really get a big effect.” A landmark study at the University of Oregon, published in 2007 in Science magazine, backs Jordan up. Researchers there gave 19 students $100 each and told them that any money left over at the end of the study was theirs to keep. The students were then wired up to an fMRI imaging machine as they watched a computer program. The program told them about a food bank that needed money, and then randomly did a number of things with the cash in the students’ online “accounts.” Some students watched as their money was given to the food bank. Others were given the opportunity to donate to the food bank—the choice was theirs. Still others saw extra money suddenly appear in their accounts. The brain scans’ results were astounding. The givers—whether or not they had donated their money voluntarily—were happier than those who received the gifts of cash. The “pleasure zones” in the charitable students’ brains “lit up,” as the Science article explained. But how much giving does it take to get that happy buzz? To find out, for a study published in a 2008 article in Science, researcher Lara Aknin, Ph.D., from the University of British Columbia (she is now at Simon Fraser University in British Columbia) cruised the city streets of Vancouver with a box of envelopes. She approached people at random and asked them to be part of an experiment. If they agreed, she asked them to rate their happiness that day, then got their phone numbers and gave them one of the envelopes. In the envelope was either a $5 or $20 bill, plus a note. For some of the study participants, the note said, “Please spend this [amount] today before 5 p.m. on a gift for yourself or for any of your expenses.” For others in the study, the note said: “Please spend this [amount] today before 5 p.m. on a gift for someone else or a donation to charity.” That evening Lara contacted each person who had accepted an envelope, asked them how happy they were and how they’d spent their money. The result? Not only did those who had spent their money on others feel far happier than those who had spent it on themselves, but it really didn’t matter whether someone had spent $5 or $20. Those who gave away $5 were just as happy as those who gave away $20. The benefits of a giving life Aside from the sheer joy of giving in the moment, making a commitment to living on less to give more as a daily practice in your life can extend that joy—and bring a few unexpected benefits. Steve Cleaver, a yoga instructor and the school coordinator at Richmond Friends School in Richmond, Indiana, knows this firsthand. Steve grew up as one of five kids on a farm, then went to college and grad school. But as he went from a house to school to an apartment, to another house, he began to feel as though his life was cluttered up by stuff. According to Giving USA's Annual Report on Philanthropy for 2015 (the most recent data available): $264.58 billion in charitable contributions comes from individuals, $58.46 billion from foundations, $31.76 billion from bequests and $18.45 billion from corporations.” So when he took a job at a yoga retreat center, he also took it as an opportunity to give things away that he didn’t use. And that was an eye-opener. “I began to look at what I had and what I bought in a new way,” he explains. “I’d grown up without a lot, and I struggled for a long time with the idea that having things was the way to go. I just felt I had to buy, buy, buy. “When I began to give it all away, however, I found that if I can live on less, I worry about less. I don’t have to worry about getting stuff, and I don’t have to worry about maintaining it. I also found that living on less gave me a sense of security,” he adds. “It’s like backpacking. You know you have everything you really need right on your back.” Now, instead of focusing on what he’s going to buy, Steve focuses on what he’s going to give—primarily to local artists, dancers, musicians, writers, filmmakers and designers through the online crowd-funding sites Kickstarter and Indiegogo. “I found that I’d rather invest in people than in things I don’t really need,” Steve explains. “That’s what makes me happy.” That kind of giving is something that resonates with Philadelphia conference planner Susan Lee Barton. Susan Lee has had a lifelong love of nonprofit organizations that actively lift people up and try to make the world a better place. Some of the groups she’s supported over the years share conflict management skills in Africa, develop reconciliation initiatives in Indonesia and offer workshops on alternatives to violence in Colombia. But finding the money to support these groups wasn’t always easy. “For a big part of my life I had been trying to increase what I gave to nonprofit organizations like these, but I was having trouble doing it,” Susan Lee says. Fortunately, while she was working at Right Sharing of World Resources, an organization that lends small amounts of money to women in Kenya, Sierra Leone and south India so they can launch small businesses that fit the markets available in their local economy, she had a conversation with co-worker Bob Barnes. “Bob challenged me to think about my possessions, how they affected me, and how they affected my relationship with God,” recalls Susan Lee, who takes her faith seriously. She did as Bob suggested, and was eventually led to make two serious changes in how she lived. The first was to give up her car, the cost of which had put her into debt. And the second was to move from an apartment into an interfaith community that shared a house in Philadelphia. Those two decisions single-handedly erased her debt and enabled her to increase her donations to the nonprofits whose work she so loves. But they also had a couple of unexpected benefits: All the walking she does without a car have made her a healthier woman, and living in community with others—a community in which people gather for morning worship, shared dinners, workshops, work parties and celebrations—has brought her unexpected joy. Joy, health, freedom, a simpler life, a sense of security and a loving community—living on less to give more to others may actually be the gift you give yourself.

Mayim Bialik peeking out behind her glasses.

Lifestyle

Mayim Bialik Is Geeking Out on Happiness

“There’s an unintended bit of art imitating life,” says The Big Bang Theory actress Mayim Bialik of her role on the CBS sitcom as socially anxious braniac Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, one of the most lovable and quirky, strong and intelligent female characters on television. “I based Amy on a combination of a few professors I know, but there are unintentional little bits of me in her, too. I’m pretty socially awkward and was a late bloomer,” Mayim says. “Even though I was pretty outgoing, I wasn’t a showbiz ham-it-up kid. I was raised in a very expressive and loud Eastern European household where I was taught to speak up for myself and debate at the kitchen table. But, like Amy, I don’t feel confident socially. I’d rather stay in my PJs and watch award shows from my sofa at home than be on the red carpet.” Brainy and bohemian The 40-year-old’s portrayal of the blunt-tongued, romantically challenged Ph.D. has earned Mayim the admiration of millions of fans of the show and several award nominations and wins, including the 2016 Critics’ Choice award for best supporting actress in a comedy series. Both Mayim and her alter ego hold neuroscience-related Ph.D.s. Mayim’s is in neuroscience; Amy Farrah Fowler’s is in neurobiology. “I studied how brains work and she slices them apart,” she jokes. “There’s perhaps a bit more crossover of my education and that of my character’s than there is for a lot of actors. But it’s a total coincidence that my two worlds collided,” she explains. “Actors are required to play all sorts of roles they have no experience with. The writers and cast of our show do an incredibly amazing job at scripting and portraying people in fields they don’t have formal training in.” Scientific role models Her affection for science was seeded on the set of Blossom and nurtured in her undergraduate years in college. Yet that real-life advanced degree might not hang on Mayim's wall if not for crossing paths with one college-age tutor when she was a teenager. “My life is perfectly imperfect. It’s messy and sometimes chaotic,” she adds. “I lose my keys when I’m already running late, my dryer eats one sock and I find myself needing to be two places at once. But those, and similar, everyday occurrences are part of a ‘real’ life.” As the star of the popular NBC sitcom Blossom, which aired for five seasons from 1990 to 1995, Mayim was tutored in her dressing room instead of attending a traditional school with spelling tests and recess. And schoolwork wasn’t necessarily her favorite part of the day. “I didn’t learn the way other kids did; science definitely didn’t come naturally to me,” she says. “But I had an amazing tutor, an undergraduate dental student at UCLA who’s now a dental surgeon. She was my first female role model geared toward science and made the topic accessible to me. She showed me that I had the ability to pursue science or anything I was interested in.” Mayim is proud of the examples set by the cast and crew on The Big Bang Theory. “It’s gratifying when people point out that we’re role models to young girls wanting to pursue scientific careers,” she says. “That’s the best way I can envision to give back to the woman who taught me that my scientific sky had no limit.” A not-so-ordinary life Mayim credits family role models for the work ethic that led to earning undergraduate degrees in neuroscience, Hebrew and Jewish studies in 2000. “I was raised in a very eclectic, Bohemian environment, but it was one that also featured a very strong educational ethic and the importance of earning a college degree,” Mayim explains. “My grandparents were immigrants and they impressed the importance of working hard and striving to find and reach my potential.” As a college student, Mayim quickly shed her Hollywood skin, immersing herself in campus life. Even after a grueling battle with an organic chemistry course, Mayim says college fed her voracious appetite for learning. “I was in awe of the neuron and absolutely fell in love with it. I loved how it was the smallest, most intimate level at which we could understand each experience and interaction we had as humans.” Completely enmeshed in what she calls an “ordinary life”—she gave birth to her first son, Miles, (with then husband, Michael), in 2005 while working on her Ph.D. After finishing school, her days were filled with making organic shampoo and baby food for Miles and then his brother, Frederick, born in 2008. “I’m a very crunchy granola kind of mom,” she says. Mayim credits her self-proclaimed “ordinary life” with helping her maintain her sense of grounding and balance. “I don’t have a housekeeper or a nanny to take my kids while I attend a Pilates class. I’d never pass judgment on those who do because that’s none of my business. Those things just aren’t right for me,” Mayim says. Hands on parenting Mayim’s strong connection to community and tradition contribute to her daily happiness. “I really love autumn and all the reasons to celebrate as a family. My sons’ birthdays are in early fall and we have the Jewish New Year in September.” Celebrating harvests and holidays within their four walls, as well as among family, neighbors and friends, have created some of her family’s favorite memories. “We love the rise of jack-o’-lanterns in LA, corn mazes and roasting pumpkin seeds. And my sons trick-or-treat annually with their father. Traditions and simple rituals contribute to helping maintain educational and emotional harmony for me and my children. It’s uplifting to rely on and take part in seasonal and religious celebrations.” “My life is perfectly imperfect. It’s messy and sometimes chaotic,” she adds. “I lose my keys when I’m already running late, my dryer eats one sock and I find myself needing to be two places at once. But those, and similar, everyday occurrences are part of a ‘real’ life. They’re what thousands of moms and dads experience every day and I think that commonality with peers is comforting to all parents.” However, Mayim admits she didn’t always embrace imperfection. “It’s something you have to come to terms with,” she says. “But accepting that you’re running late, forgot to wrap a birthday present or whatever imperfection that crosses your path means you’re living in the present. And that awareness allows you to soak up and enjoy all of life’s gifts granted every day.” This is an excerpt from a longer feature. To get the whole scoop on Mayim, download our digital edition or pick up a print copy at a news agent or supermarket near you. Want More? Listen to our podcast: The Perfect Parent With Stacy Kaiser Gina Roberts-Grey is an award-winning writer whose work has appeared in Family Circle, SELF and SUCCESS.

relationships

The Friendship Prescription

When Liz Hilcken went through a bad spate of depression in her 20s and early 30s, she didn’t turn to her three older sisters, though the four siblings are extremely close, texting, calling and visiting weekly if not daily. Liz didn’t tap the support of her husband either, nor her colleagues at the hospital where she worked as a nurse in the pediatric intensive care unit. Instead, she turned to her best friend, Elis, a woman she describes as her polar opposite. “I’d seen all the horrible things that could happen to kids because of my job, so I was the classic helicopter mom,” says Liz, 51, who has two daughters and lives in Seaford, New York. “Elis is from Ireland and grew up running around in pastures until dark; she doesn’t have rules.” The two met as young mothers nearly 25 years ago, through their then 3-year-old girls. “I was in a blur of depression,” says Liz, “I’d recently lost both my parents and I was struggling as a young wife and mother,” she says. “My sisters are the best, but when you’re the youngest, you have to behave a certain way and follow the rules you were raised with.” For Liz, that meant trying to be the perfect sister, spouse, nurse and mother. No judgments In other words, it meant not always showing her authentic self, something it can be easier to do with friends than family. “I would go to work or visit my sisters and smile; I’d pretend I was OK. I even pretended with my husband because I didn’t want him to worry,” Liz says. She didn’t pretend with Elis. “When I was with her, I wasn’t expected to be happy all the time,” Liz says. “She was very accepting. I could just go to her house and sit there quietly at her kitchen counter, whatever my mood, with no judgments.” There’s a certain kind of joy that comes from truly being known and understood, the way Liz felt known and understood by Elis, the way we feel with our closest friends. “My therapy was talking to Elis, being with her, and being myself with her,” Liz recalls. “That saved my life.” It has been well-documented by psychologists that social connections like family or a spiritual community are crucial to health and happiness. Indeed, a 2010 landmark study at Brigham Young University found that people with strong social ties have a 50 percent lower risk of dying than more solitary sorts, even if the socializers smoke or drink excessively. Certainly, a loving family has a huge influence on our well-being. But when it comes to day-to-day joy and ultimate life satisfaction, our friends play a crucial role. Read more: Friends With Benefits Friends and family: What’s the difference? There’s something unique about friendship, something that sets it apart from the far more widely studied bonds of family and romance. “There’s plenty of vibrant research on marriage and parent-child relationships, but friendship doesn’t get the focus it deserves,” says Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., a visiting professor and researcher at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and author of How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century. In fact, we rely on friends to maintain our happiness—one reason being that there is not the same fear of judgments we may get from parents or a partner. “It can be easier to seek help from friends, to talk honestly about our health and behaviors without fear of worrying or angering them,” says psychologist Terri Apter, Ph.D., author of Best Friends: The Pleasure and Perils of Girls’ and Women’s Friendships. “It can also be easier to vent or moan to a friend and get uncomplicated positive feedback in return.” With family, it's complicated... Uncomplicated positive feedback is not necessarily something that most relatives are known for, however beloved they may be. “In friendships, there tend to be fewer hierarchies,” says Ruth Nemzoff, resident scholar at the Women’s Study Research Center at Brandeis University. But “in families, parents tend to have power over children, and older siblings may have power over the younger,” Ruth says. Marriage, too, comes with a wealth of complications that generally don’t arise with pals. “Unlike with a romantic partner, with friends, you don’t have the tension that comes with thinking about the future, or the complications that can arise with sex,” says Rebecca Graber, Ph.D., a lecturer in psychology at the University of Brighton in England. A matter of choice—and mutuality We also don’t get to choose our parents and siblings the way we do our friends. That simple act of choosing, say researchers, can bring a wealth of happiness benefits that may extend from childhood on. “We tend to expect help from our family, so we take it more for granted. But friendships are voluntary, so we often feel deeply grateful when our friends help us out,” Ruth says. And gratitude, as a raft of positive psychology studies have shown, is intimately linked with greater happiness. Ricki Frankel, 53, felt deeply thankful for the unconditional love and support she got from her former sorority sisters during and after her divorce. “We’d do group emails regularly and they were completely there for me,” says Ricki, an instructor at Stanford Business School. “It was comforting to have this group firmly and unequivocally with me during that difficult time.” With a little help from my friends That solid connection and support may foster the kind of pick-yourself-up attitude that helped Ricki get through her divorce and love again, and that nudged Liz through the darkest days of her depression. In an as-yet unpublished study of an international group of women ages 35 to 56 done at the University of Leeds in England, Rebecca found that women with these kinds of high-quality friendships were more resilient and had better life coping skills. “The same is true in children,” she says. In the May 2016 British Journal of Psychology, a study by Rebecca and colleagues reported that children in low-income neighborhoods with just one close friendship were more resilient than those without a good friend. “For both boys and girls, those with better friendships were likelier to get through difficult times without doing things like using drugs or disengaging,” Rebecca says. More evidence that the benefits of friendship start early: A 30-year Swedish study of 996 adults published in 2013 found that eighth-grade children who felt happy with their friends were more satisfied with life and friendships when they were in their 40s, compared with kids who felt rejected in eighth grade. Keeping it casual Of course, not every friend has to be a best friend, or even someone with whom we share our most intimate thoughts. One of the unique benefits of the friendship bond, both Ruth and Rebecca have found, is that most of us have different friends for different parts of life. “You can have your shopping friends, your book club friends and your running friends,” Ruth says. “Even if these friendships are casual, the more cohorts you have, the more parts of yourself get valued.” Surprisingly, the fragmentation that can characterize friendship is also beneficial to happiness: Because you don’t necessarily give your friends all of yourself, friendships can feel less complicated and, often, more fun than the bonds of family or marriage. “With all my sisters in my life, I never thought I’d need anyone to just play with,” says Liz. “But with my girlfriends, I don’t have that stifling history. I can just enjoy myself.” Another reason less-intimate friendships confer happiness benefits is because we have to do some work to keep them going, according to Rebecca. All that texting and calling to make a date (something we don’t do with a spouse), may make us value our friends more—which contributes to the pleasure we take from them. Think about it: You may not get the same jolt of delight when your spouse comes home (since he or she comes home every day) as you do when you finally manage to connect with a pal after umpteen emails and calendar reconfigurations. You don’t even have to see your friends in person to reap the benefits. A now-famous 2008 report in the British Medical Journal found that when our friends are happy, we may get happy, too—even if we don’t see or speak to them. The findings suggest that happiness can spread to up to three friends within a given social network, albeit within a fairly close geographical distance. Researchers found that if a happy chum lives within a mile, your chances of becoming happy increase 25 percent. In contrast, a happy sibling living within a mile increases happiness by only 14 percent; a cohabitating spouse by only 8 percent and happy co-workers not at all. Read more: Redefining Love Quality or quantity? Ultimately, though, researchers agree that having at least one close, intimate friendship trumps a large network of casual pals every time. “There is no ideal number of friends you must have to get the benefits,” Rebecca says. “If you have one or two people you can call true friends, who aren’t your partner or your family, you’re in a good place.” Indeed, a 2015 survey of 25,000 people done by researchers at Chapman University in Orange, California, found that the two biggest predictors of life satisfaction were quality of friendships and job engagement. “Quality beats out quantity across all dimensions, ages and genders,” says Brian Gillespie, co-author of the Chapman study. The question is, what counts as a quality friendship? Brian and his colleagues teased out three aspects they believe bump a bond from eh to essential: companionship (a person you can count on to show up at a big birthday or other milestone event) expressive support (a friend with whom you can talk about anything, including sex) and instrumental support (a friend who will do things with you or for you—like pick up when you call at midnight to cry about a breakup). Read more: Life Is More Fun When Shared With a Friend They'll be there for you Friendships with these components—quality friendships—play an important role outside the marital relationship, according to Brian. “They can relieve stress in the marriage because they serve as a sounding board, especially important if you are having problems with your spouse,” he says. “Friendships that have all of these qualities are also the most satisfying kind. And the more satisfied you are with your friendships, the more satisfied you are with your life. Having quality friendships, as opposed to a larger groupof casuals, may be especially important in middle age, when people are juggling kids and ailing parents, and may not have time for girls’/boys’ night out. “Once people reach their 30s, 40s and beyond, they tend to prune away the acquaintances and shift into higher-quality, more substantial friendships,” Brian says. Those are the kind of friendships that sustain us for the long haul. As Liz copes with the kinds of dramas that typically come with middle age, she remains glad that there’s one constant in her life: her unwavering, deeply comfortable bond with her best friend. “Whatever is going on, we can still laugh together, relax together, tell stories from all our years of friendship,” says Liz. “If someone asked me, ‘Who is your person in life?’ well, Elis is my person.” Listen to our Podcast with Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., on Relationships and Love Paula Derrow is an experienced writer, editor and content strategist. Learn more at PaulaDerrow.com.

relationships

Born to Love

Humans are social creatures. Sure, some of us like a little solitude now and then, but even introverts need to feel connected, cared for and understood. Our DNA compels us to seek relationships that satisfy those needs. From the most basic viewpoint, the biological need for connection may stem from the survival instinct; propagation and protection of the human species depend on the bonds of our relationships. But love and connection provide much deeper benefits than a simple response to the instinct to survive. Positive relationships contribute to better physical and mental health, longevity and, yes, happiness. Although your closest relationships, those with your partner, children and inner circle of friends, are most essential to your well-being and life fulfillment, feeling connected at work or in your community also contributes to happiness. You may not define your work or social connections as love, but when nurtured, they can stimulate a physical and emotional response that mirrors the benefits of close personal relationships. In his book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, UCLA neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman presents evidence that social connection is as important to our survival as food and shelter. In fact, positive relationships are one of the strongest predictors of life satisfaction. In a Harvard study of nearly 300 men over the course of 75 years, having meaningful relationships is identified as the only thing that truly matters in life. George Vaillant, one of the principal researchers, noted in his book Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study that even when the men had money, health and good careers, they weren’t happy unless they had strong, positive relationships. And it isn’t just emotional wellness that love and connection confer. In a recent meta-analysis of 148 smaller studies, researchers at Brigham Young University showed that loneliness and social isolation are just as deadly as obesity, smoking and other extremely negative factors. John Cacioppo, Ph.D., is the director of the University of Chicago’s Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience and has studied the causes and effects of loneliness for many years; he is also the author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. When a person feels socially isolated, John has found, his or her body produces more of the stress hormone cortisol. As time goes on, too much cortisol in the system leads to organ wear and tear, which in turn can lead to a variety of maladies from depression to high blood pressure to major strokes. But if loneliness hurts, love and companionship heal, boosting both our health and our happiness. The biology of love “Just as your body was designed to extract oxygen from the Earth’s atmosphere and nutrients from the foods you ingest, your body was designed to love,” says Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D., director of the Positive Emotions & Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, a leading researcher on the benefits of connection and the author of Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection. “Love—like taking a deep breath, or eating an orange when you’re depleted and thirsty—not only feels great but is also life-giving, an indispensable source of energy, sustenance and health,” Barbara says. When you feel loving, kind and trusting toward someone, Barbara says, your brain releases oxytocin into your body. Oxytocin is the calming and connecting hormone. What’s more, when your body releases oxytocin, it can stimulate a release of oxytocin in the other person, Barbara says. That’s why a crying child can often be calmed by a loving parent’s touch. It’s also how mutual trust is fostered in relationships. Besides producing oxytocin when we have warm and trusting feelings for another person, our bodies quell production of the stress hormone cortisol. This tandem event—a boost in oxytocin and a tamping down of cortisol—allows us to handle stressful situations, such as a conflict with a spouse or business person, more easily. Just as important as oxytocin’s role in our ability to connect with others is that of our vagus nerve, which links our brains to our hearts and other organs. The vagus nerve regulates the heartbeat and, working with oxytocin, stimulates the “calm and connect” response, Barbara says. “It stimulates tiny facial muscles that better enable you to make eye contact and synchronize your facial expressions with another person,” she says, adding that it even allows our ears to better distinguish another person’s voice against background noise. Finally, we are built not just to connect and love, but also to share those loving, good vibes. A 20-year study of 4,739 people known as the Framingham Heart Study concluded that happiness is contagious, spreading from person to person. Love is all you need Relationships compose one of the largest pillars upon which our happiness is built. So take time out for the people who matter to you. Deepen your existing relationships and be open to forming new connections. The three stories shared here show how, by nurturing the positive in a variety of relationships—with a spouse, family or one’s co-workers—life becomes rich in the truest sense of the word. Because when considering the famous question, “What’s love got to do with it?” the answer, as far as your happiness is concerned, is everything. Shawn Achor and Michell Gielan: When happiness experts fall in love A former TV reporter and anchor Michelle Gielan had shifted her career path to pursue a master’s in positive psychology. As part of her coursework, Michelle had read—and loved—Shawn Achor’s book The Happiness Advantage. So when she needed a mentor in her new field, she e-mailed the Harvard-trained happiness expert and asked to set up a meeting. It wasn’t the only reason she was looking forward to meeting him. “I had definitely looked at the back flap of the book and seen his picture,” Michelle laughs. A few short months after that first meeting, the two began dating and today they are married and have a toddler son, Leo. Shawn and Michelle knew that having healthy relationships is one of the greatest predictors of long-term happiness. In their own relationship, they’ve learned first-hand that by being intentional every day about the way they interact with each other, they can strengthen their marriage and add to each other’s happiness. “When we see each other for the first time after we’ve been away on a trip or for just a few hours, we always make sure to start our interaction by sharing something positive that’s happening,” Michelle says. Making the initial encounter a positive one sets the tone for the rest of the day. They also help each other recognize less-than-positive attitudes and behaviors so they can be stopped or adjusted. “We call each other out when one of us is going down an unproductive thought path,” Shawn says, “and suddenly you realize that the negativity isn’t going anywhere—it’s just spinning you around on an emotional cycle.” By the same token, when either party is stressed by work, travel or parenthood, the other asks for three good things that are happening at that instant. “So if she asks me to do that, suddenly I’ll realize, yeah, I’m traveling to give a talk on happiness that will help people,” Shawn says. “Or we’re on our way to the airport for a great, fun vacation. Or I’m with the people I love.” During disagreements, Michelle explains that the first thing to consider is that the other person is coming from a place of love. “I know that he’s got my back. So when we have a disagreement, we’re disagreeing about the thing, the event, not the other person fundamentally. And we’re also very big on communicating along the way, talking issues through as they pop up, so that they stay small things and don’t become big things.” Gary and Vicki Flenniken: More to love For 14 years, Gary and Vicki Flenniken lived full, mostly happy lives as a DINK couple (double income, no kids). But they felt that something was missing. They tried for years to have children and finally went through fertility testing. But just three days after Vicki began treatments, Gary’s old friend called in the midst of a family crisis. She told Gary that Child Protective Services (CPS) had removed her sister’s two children—one of whom was an infant—from her home and they were now in the friend’s care. The friend was panicked: She already had four children and felt overwhelmed. Gary and Vicki immediately offered to care for the baby. Suddenly, they were parents. “We brought her into our home with zero preparation. We didn’t have bottles, a bedroom for a baby, diapers; we didn’t have anything,” Gary says. Anything, that is, except love to share in abundance. During the next two years, the Flennikens waded through the long process of adoption and continued to love the little girl, whom they knew could be taken away from them at any moment. “It was an incredibly stressful time that taught us how to pray. We understand lamentations,” he says. “The joy, the relief that finally came when the judge said she was legally ours was overwhelming.” Ten years after welcoming their daughter, Sydney, into their lives, a phone call expanded their family once again. “We got a call from a friend who said her daughter was pregnant and in jail. She asked if we could be of any help finding a place for the baby,” Gary says. After hanging up, he turned to his wife and asked, “Are you ready for a baby?” Months later, Gary and Vicki watched their new adoptive son come into the world. The hospital even prepared a room for them and had Vicki snuggle the newborn on her bare chest to encourage bonding. Concerned that the baby may have been exposed to harmful drugs while still in the womb, doctors kept the baby, Zach, in the hospital for five days to watch for withdrawal symptoms. Because of that concern, hospital staff also contacted CPS to check on the woman’s other three children. A few months later, a caseworker told the Flennikens they needed a home for Zach’s two older brothers, ages 2 and 3. And a few short months after that, their older sister, Kylah, who had been living with her grandmother, joined the family. In less than a year, their family grew from three to seven members. “I wouldn’t trade any of it,” Gary says. For the first time in our life, we’re looking for places where kids eat free on Tuesday nights.” They laugh a lot, but sometimes there are tears, too. “The 2-year-old had been burned in hot water and was just traumatized when we put him in the bathtub the first time,” Vicki recalls. While his older brother splashed and played in the water, the little one screamed, “Hot, hot! Burn, burn!” “For 14 days, he just screamed at bath time, and it broke my heart. The first time he took a bath and didn’t cry, it was amazing,” Vicki says. “It took 14 days for him to trust me. God makes these little people so trusting. We need to learn from that. You can start over, and life can be good again. Now when we say, ‘Hey, it’s bath time,’ he’s the first one running up the stairs.” Gary and Vicki expect there to be ups and downs as the children grow and bond with them, but, says Gary, “We are blessed beyond belief, and we want people to know that adopting is a way to bring joy not just to the child, but to the entire family. We couldn’t be happier.” Jenn Lim and Ton Hsieh: Happy at work A 2013 Gallup report, State of the American Workplace, shows that happy workers are good for business: They’re more productive, more loyal and make the office a more enjoyable place to work. Jenn Lim, chief happiness officer of the Zappos spinoff consulting group Delivering Happiness, can attest to that: She was instrumental in helping Zappos founder Tony Hsieh create an environment where employees feel respected, cared for and connected. In 2003, the company was growing and its customer service was unparalleled, but the culture needed some work. Tony suggested that Zappos should hire people whom existing employees might “also enjoy hanging out with after work,” he recalls in his book Delivering Happiness. A movement was born, starting with the development of 10 core values based on input from everyone in the company. Two of those values include “Build open and honest relationships with communication” and “Build a positive team and family spirit.” Living up to these core values is part of an employee’s job description. One of the most enduring aspects of Zappos’ culture—one that has defined it from the start—is its sense of connectedness. “We are more than just a team—we are a family,” Tony explains in Delivering Happiness, where he tells how this quality is driven home by Robin P., an employee who lost her husband very suddenly. Robin’s first phone call conveying the news was not to a relative, but to her employer, Zappos. “That one action made me realize the strong connection I felt with my co-workers and the Zappos culture. It was essentially my home away from home.” Zappos gave her the time she needed, volunteered to cater the funeral service, offered her a shoulder to cry on and was her “refuge” and “healing place.” “We watch out for each other,” Tony says in Delivering Happiness, “care for each other, and go above and beyond for each other, because we believe in each other and we trust each other. We work together, but we also play together. Our bonds go far beyond the typical co-worker relationships found at most companies.” Jenn echoes this sentiment. “A sense of connectedness, that is, meaningful relationships, is one of the most sustainable forms of happiness. Relationships matter because people don’t show up to work because they have to—but because they want to be with their friends, their tribe. And they matter because people tend to go above and beyond when they share mutual respect and trust.” This excerpt is from the book Live Happy: 10 Practices for Choosing Joy, available online and at bookstores near you. Deborah K. Heisz is the CEO and Editorial Director of Live Happy.

Podcast

Happiness in the Brain with Deborah Heisz

In this episode of the Live Happy Now podcast we geek out over the new issue of Live Happy magazine with Live Happy CEO and Editorial Director Deborah Heisz. Listen in as we preview four of the articles in this issue and explore the topic of happiness in the brain. What you'll hear in this podcast: How Mayim Bialik stays balanced with a busy schedule The importance of your vagus nerve to your happiness The value of friendship and healthy relationships How a community in Detroit has brought joy to the Eastern Market Links and resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase a subscription to Live Happy magazine Download Live Happy magazine on iTunes or Google Play

Lifestyle

Mayim Bialik Comes Clean in Latest Issue of Live Happy Magazine

Live Happy’s holiday December issue—its largest, most joy-filled and possibly the nerdiest to date—offers dozens of merry-making and entertainment suggestions as the winter party season approaches. It also reveals the captivating research behind what your brain looks like on happiness, sharing tips for readers to explore how meditation, sleep, food, smell and even language affect well-being. The issue also offers insight into the meaningful social connections in our lives and how giving according to our values brings joy and satisfaction. What’s buzzing around in Mayim’s brain? Actress Mayim Bialik not only plays a neurobiologist on the hit TV series, The Big Bang Theory—she actually earned a doctorate in neuroscience in real life. Mayim credits a talented tutor on the set of Blossom for inspiring her passion for science, and talks to Live Happy about her pride at hearing that young girls view her and her colleagues as positive role models for pursuing scientific careers. She also describes her “perfectly imperfect” life where doing laundry, washing dishes and home-schooling the kids brings daily joy and satisfaction. Is your dog happier than you? Dog whisperer and canine philosopher king Cesar Millan fills us in on how he maintains a happily balanced life (hint: being surrounded by dogs is a big part of it). What happens in vagus… If you think happiness is all in your mind, you’re on the right track. Live Happy takes the secrecy out of what goes on upstairs through the brain’s “love” or vagus nerve. We demonstrate happiness hacks from scientists and authors in each of five areas: meditation, sleep, food, language and even scents. Listen to Live Happy CEO and Editorial Director Deborah K. Heisz discuss the happiness and brain science in our latest Live Happy Now podcast! A new kind of community A new kind of communal living is popping up around the country. Not the hippie yurt camps of the 1970s, but a new take on the concept of a community that shares and looks out for one another yet still maintains a modern semblance of privacy and propriety. Writer Shelley Levitt gets an insider’s look at this relatively new phenomenon. Friendship: It's just what the doctor ordered In good times and bad times, friendships play a key part in our well-being. Find out about the latest research as well as moving stories that illuminate the central role that close bonds and social relationships play in our lives. From BFFs to workplace acquaintances, people need other people. Detroit’s thriving Eastern Market Our big cities sometimes get a bad rap. Find out about a thriving farmers market in the center of Detroit where everyone comes together to shop, eat local and share in good company. Plus you'll find four expert-tested gratitude rituals to amp up your well-being, and 33 can’t miss ideas for blowout fall and winter fun. Happy reading! Live Happy is available on newsstands at major retailers throughout the U.S., including Barnes & Noble, Whole Foods and Hudson News, and in Canada at Presse Commerce newsstands, among others. Live Happy’s award-winning digital edition is available from the App Store and on Google Play, and current subscribers receive complimentary access on their tablet devices and smartphones. Separate digital subscriptions are available for $9.99. To find out where you can find the print edition in a store or newsstand near you, go to magfinder.magnetdata.net.

Diverse group of people holding a globe.

Positive Psychology

World Happiness Summit: What You Need to Know

The inaugural World Happiness Summit (WoHaSu) is on its way to Miami, March 17–19, just in time to celebrate the International Day of Happiness. Miami, named by Forbes magazine as “the happiest city to work in the United States,” will welcome thousands to its international gathering with the promise of Latin flair and fun that will include a main summit as well as government, corporate and academic tracks. Live Happy recently had the opportunity to talk with WoHaSu founder Luis Gallardo to find out more. Live Happy: What inspired you to create the World Happiness Summit (WoHaSu) and what is the focus of the summit? Luis Gallardo: The inspiration came from the realization that we are living in a moment when more and more people care about the well-being of others and are focusing on being, rather than doing. Being is related to the self and living our purpose, doing is related to what we do regardless of our purpose. This is the right time to build an event that focuses on something that is fundamental to everyone: developing, innovating and making society more sustainable and friendly—with the ultimate focus on being happy. If you look at nutrition, preventive medicine, corporate well-being, spirituality, financial well-being, positive psychology—there are so many people in the world doing an amazing job of provoking change. We want to bring them together but with a focus: discussing how we can be happier. It is important to understand that happiness is reached through a holistic combination of abstract elements, like mindfulness and virtue, and material elements like work, personal liberties, good governance and social bonds. We are creating a movement dedicated to increasing awareness on happiness as a life choice; WoHaSu is a new forum focused on how to improve GNH (Gross National and Personal Happiness) instead of GNP (Gross National Product). The same way the World Economic Forum was born 45 years ago to focus on the economy and corporations, we want to start a new movement to focus on happiness and people. New lenses are needed for a world in transformation. LH: Why do you think people today are increasingly interested in the pursuit of happiness? LG: The science of happiness is somewhat new, but the data is very definitive. Leading experts and thought leaders in the different disciplines that compose happiness agree that being wealthier, having more or achieving a task alone doesn’t seem to be fulfilling people or making them more productive and healthier, but happiness will help individuals achieve purpose and be more successful with a stronger sense of well-being. Richard Layard, the British economist, states it wisely: “The time is ready for radical cultural change, away from a culture of selfishness and materialism, which fails to satisfy, towards one where we care more for each other's happiness—and make that the guiding raison d'être for our lives.”' LH: Who should consider attending and what can they expect to experience? LG: Whether you’re an employer who understands the relationships between well-being and workforce performance, a nonprofit or international organization focused on positive outcomes in your development work, a government that wants to improve the economic health of a population, or simply an individual who wants to live better, the World Happiness Summit shines a spotlight on what matters most in people’s daily lives as a critical step toward personal fulfillment. It is an extraordinary occasion and platform to explore best practices, policies, challenges and partnerships around increasing happiness in our families, communities, cities and around the world. LH: Tell us more about the program for the main summit. LG: Feel, Understand and Act is the flow of the summit. We are creating an experience that touches all five senses and features the expertise and inspiration of speakers such as Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, Shawn Achor, Sonja Lyubomirsky and Ismael Cala. We are also partnering with technology companies such as Plasticity Labs to expand the World Happiness Summit experience to an online year-round community and beloved brands such as Lululemon, a yoga-inspired athletic apparel company that plans to draw thousands of yoga practitioners to the event. LH: What are your goals for the event? LG: WoHaSuis more than a conference but the start of a global movementto increase awareness of the elements of happiness—and how to achieve them. Our goal is to educate and activate for happiness as a life choice and practice. The summit brings together scientists, psychologists, philosophers, spiritual leaders and cultural icons in a three-day conferencethat’s the first of its kind. LH: We heard a rumor that there will be yoga, Zumba and nightly dance parties with international music artists. Can you fill us in on some of the exciting details? LG: We will hold one of the biggest yoga activations on the beaches of Miami Beach and Zumba enthusiasts from around the world will participate in a huge dance party. Latin Grammy-award-winning composer and producer Kike Santander will curate nightly concerts that will enhance the party atmosphere. There will be time for introspection and time for expression. Happiness has to be shared and enjoyed. LH: How can Live Happy readers learn more? LG: Come to our website at HappinessSummit.world or happytimes.world to find out more. We are also active on social media; tweet us @WOHASU/#WOHASU. We hope you will join us in Miami! Donna Stokes is the Executive Editor of Live Happy magazine.

Education

Who Has the Happiest College Students on Campus?

Rice University has the happiest students in the country, according to The Princeton Review’s recently released guide, The Best 381 Colleges, 2017 Edition. What exactly makes those students so happy? At Rice, the responses from students vary: Some love the diverse and “quirky” population, while others appreciate the small class sizes and wide range of activities available on campus. Other notable schools rounding out the top five for happiest students include Vanderbilt University, University of Dayton, Auburn University and the University of Iowa. Students at Vanderbilt boast a healthy mix of academics and extracurriculars, while at the University of Iowa, students feel they are provided a “great education at a reasonable price.” Kimberly Mendoza, a graduate student in the department of chemistry at Rice, isn’t shocked that her school of choice earned the top spot in happiness. She says there is a lot of student engagement on campus and everyone is “free to pursue their own interests at their own time and pace and make new friends along the way.” Her experience has largely been positive and she says even her friends and family have noticed the happiness and joy that Rice brings to her life. “There are a variety of diverse organizations I participate in and I have made friends not only in my own department but across campus,” she says. “I am a member of the Rice Owls Dance team, mentor undergraduates, complete my own research and even teach. I feel that the university is very supportive and I could not be happier.” The criteria for happiness For its annual college rankings lists as well as The Best 381 Colleges, more than 143,000 students were surveyed on a wide range of topics, from which schools have the best professors, to which ones serve the best dorm food. “We are pleased that our students are happy, not because we set out to make them happy, but because we set out to create a great community and a great learning environment,” says John Hutchinson, Rice's dean of undergraduate students. Houston-based Rice also ranked No. 1 in interaction among students of “different racial, ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds” and ranked in the top 10 for overall student quality of life. Rice President David Leebron released a statement saying these recognitions represent the university’s “more important commitments: the general welfare and positive engagement of our students and building a diverse and inclusive community.” Smaller schools, big happiness Robert Franek, lead author and senior vice president of The Princeton Review, says it doesn’t surprise him that smaller schools like Rice are able to consistently rank high on the happy list. “[These schools] don’t stop at providing just an academic experience for students,” Robert says. “I think Rice and the other 19 schools on the happiest students list are making a real commitment to those students by saying ‘we want to make sure that we are nourishing your mind, body and spirit.’ I think they are taking those responsibilities very seriously for the students that are enrolled.” Happy students are more engaged Martin Seligman, director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania and the best-selling author of Flourish, has written that greater well-being enhances learning and positive moods “produce broader attention, more creative thinking and more holistic thinking.” At the International Positive Education Network’s Festival of Positive Education held this summer in Dallas, Martin spoke to the benefits of having happier institutions. “Happy kids do better academically,” Martin said. “That tells us this is worth doing and not a zero sum game.” According to data culled by The Princeton Review, Rice has a graduation rate of 80 percent after four years and 91 percent after six for its 3,900 students. Montana Tech of the University of Montana, a school that tops the list for having the least happy students, has only a 17 percent graduation rate after four years and 43 percent within six. Chris Libby is the section editor at Live Happy.

Practice

10 Reasons to Tell Your Story in Public

When I gave my first TEDx talk about the power of happiness, it was life-changing. Being able to express myself to a receptive, completely engaged audience gave me a new sense of freedom and creativity. I wanted others to find the same experience. Several years earlier, I created Stand Up for Passion, an alternative to TEDx, as a way for ordinary people to express their struggles and achievements in a public forum without fear. It’s a seven-minute talk, just you and the mic. I work with each speaker over the course of a few weeks to create a cohesive story around the theme of identifying and then following a life's passion. Since starting Stand Up for Passion, we’ve heard tales of spontaneous acts of kindness, survival, bravery, cowardice, kismet, lost loves and fresh starts. What I’ve learned from telling my personal story—honestly and openly—and helping others craft theirs, is that a kind of alchemy takes place. Certainly part of the point is to entertain the audience with a compelling narrative taken from a pivotal moment in your life, but in doing so you also form a closer bond with the audience than you would have ever expectedand experience newfound growth and catharsis at the same time. Here are the most important reasons why you should take the plunge and share your story with the world (or at least a small, receptive audience). You will definitely be happier for it. 1. To heal Everyone has a story to tell. If you feel something heavy is sitting at your core and you need to get it out, talking about it is the way to heal yourself. When you tell your story, you make yourself vulnerable. You embrace your shadow and surrender the weight you’ve been carrying. This is an incredibly powerful process for healing. 2. To gain confidence Speaking in public is one of our greatest fears. Another is exposing our inner selves. Why not tackle both at the same time? If you want to work on self-confidence, go on stage and tell your story. Make yourself vulnerable in front of strangers. Express yourself deeply and honestly. The more personal you are, the more you will touch people. Test your limits. 3. To find your voice We all have different ways of expressing ourselves. The goal is to find your voice: the character, the poetry in you that you may not know exists. You will find your own unique way of speaking when you are at your most personal, but you can apply it in any context. 4. To make use of your biggest asset Your life, your experience, your story is your biggest asset. Our stories are deep, raw and real. People succeed not because they find what works, but often by doing everything that does not work first. Thinking back through your life at the ways you have survived and thrived will remind you of what a strong person you really are. Then when you craft the contours of that life into a narrative worth repeating to others, you will discover qualities you did not realize you had. 5. To express emotions Most people bury or deny their emotions. But once we have exhausted every technology, what will be left? Emotions, not emoticons, connect us as humans. When you tell your story with honesty and an open heart you make a direct and powerful connection with your audience and open yourself up in new and unexpected ways. 6. To become more comfortable in your body When you speak in public, you use not just your voice, but your whole physicality. In order to give meaning to your story, to make a connection with your audience and to express a range of emotions, you will need to truly be present in your whole body, aware and conscious of your movements, yet unselfconscious, almost like a dancer. 7. To become aligned Once your story is out, and you have fully connected with an audience that sees the real you, you are aligned. In other words, you are no longer hiding anything—no longer holding anything back. Your shadow has been exposed to the light and your mind-body-soul are in alignment. Happiness follows alignment. 8. To make negativity disappear Once you let out your story, you can use this event to “anchor” you in life. After telling your story and finding clarity and alignment, it will be easy for you to allow the negative energy or people around you to go away. 9. To create community Happiness comes from a group that forms around you, and with whom you share the same values. This community of like-minded people will come to you naturally once you share your story because they have seen the values that you both share. In addition, by crafting and telling your story, you have clarified your own values and vision for yourself. This allows you to go out and find the kind of community that will be right for you. 10. To become a storyteller Once you have crafted your first story, you will start to notice threads of narrative that run through other aspects of your life, such as your work and your family. Seeing the world through a storyteller’s lens is an enriching way to look at life. It is one way to bring a sense of meaning to an otherwise chaotic world. Arnaud Collery is an award-winning comedian, filmmaker and founder of StandupforPassion.com with events in Tokyo, London and New York. He is also aTEDx speaker on happiness and TEDx coach. Find more at arnaudcollery.com.