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Use the Magic of Momentum to Achieve Success

Inside most of us lies an ambitious goal we’re eager to accomplish. Maybe it’s writing a book or landing a big-time promotion, or perhaps it’s running a marathon. Whatever our aspirations may be, momentum can serve as an underlying force helping to inch us closer to our desired results. Take Jennifer and John-Mark Valo from Sylvania, Ohio: On Oct. 1, 2015, the couple set a goal to pay off $50,792 in debt by Dec. 31, 2016. The couple’s combined annual salary: $75,000. “It was intimidating when we realized what we were about to tackle,” Jennifer says. “At the same time, we were so hopeful and excited to accomplish such a big goal together. We knew we had to take it one day at a time.” As a bakery owner, Jennifer says she racked up the majority of their debt when she opened the business in early 2014. “Before having the bakery, my only real debt was a very small credit card and a car loan.” On the heels of their August 2015 wedding, the pair grew serious about eliminating their debt after attending Financial Peace University, a nine-week video course created by personal finance coach and author Dave Ramsey that teaches participants how to gain control of their money. Lesson No. 1 for the newlyweds: Pay off their smallest balance first, or as Dave teaches, the debt snowball approach. This method requires people to pay off their balances from smallest to largest, regardless of interest rates. The reason? Quick wins build momentum, that unstoppable sensation we’ve likely all experienced as one success seems to trigger another. What we may not realize is that momentum doesn’t have on and off switches, according to Daniel Tomasulo, Ph.D., core faculty of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute at Teachers College, Columbia University, and assistant instructor for the Master of Applied Positive Psychology program at the University of Pennsylvania. “It’s not a start-and-stop kind of process,” he says. “It’s like a heartbeat. There will be times when you pulse toward your goal and times when you pull back a little bit. With momentum, you want to anticipate that there’s going to be this fluctuation.” Instead, Daniel thinks about momentum in terms of what provides sustainability and energy to move us forward in a positive way toward our goal. “It’s about the process of engagement along the way,” he says. Exhibit A: Jennifer and John-Mark paying off a $98 PayPal balance that Jennifer had avoided paying off due to its zero interest. After learning about the debt snowball approach, the duo paid the balance before even leaving the building where the class was held. “I got on my phone and paid it off right there,” Jennifer says. “As silly as it was because it was such a small amount, it was so satisfying to cross that off our list.” But that seemingly small action plays a bigger role than Jennifer implies. “Once people get those quick wins and begin to believe they can be debt-free, they become unstoppable,” Dave says. Margaret H. Greenberg, certified executive coach and co-author of Profit From the Positive, chimes in: “Time is finite,” she says. “But energy and momentum can expand and contract.” The process of momentum, Margaret says, is more about what you do to keep your energy up. And that process begins with your belief system. “There needs to be a spark, something that ignites us,” Daniel says. “It’s not like we’re trying something and hoping it works out and seeing what happens. We’re making that small change because it’s going to help transform us.” For Jennifer and John-Mark, the spark came as they imagined their lives after becoming debt-free. “If you’re just looking at what you’re doing, it can get kind of tiring,” Jennifer says. “If you’re looking forward to the reward—like being out of debt and able to give and save and spend money like you want—that’s very motivating.” And so they took drastic measures: Cable, eating out and trips to the driving range were just a few things cut from the budget. “We didn’t do a whole lot other than just pay rent and our expenses,” John-Mark says. “We tried to maximize what we could set aside for debt.” On Dec. 31, 2016, Jennifer and John-Mark made their final payment—and Jennifer got the first haircut she’d had in 15 months that same day. “It was a great feeling to know we were entering a new year without the burden of debt,” she says. Once you believe that what you’re setting out to do will be worth the effort, dedication and sacrifice that you’re about to put in, you’ve already taken the first step in creating momentum. Plan, Do, Repeat In the late ’90s, New York University psychology professor Peter Gollwitzer conducted a study that’s been replicated and referenced dozens of times over: Prior to the holiday break, he instructed his students to write a report on how they spent Christmas Eve—the due date: Dec. 26. He told half of the students to plan beforehand when and where they would complete the assignment, while the other half received no such instruction. Of the students who didn’t plan for the assignment, only 33 percent completed it, compared with 75 percent who completed it after prior planning. “We’ve come to believe that if we just do it, that’s our path to greater productivity,” Margaret says. “Research shows that often we should replace ‘just do it’ with ‘just plan it.’ Creating a brief plan before diving into your work can actually help you create momentum.” Take an aspiring author who decides to work on her novel every Thursday from 8 a.m. to noon in her home office. By planning in advance when and where her work will get done, Margaret says she’s creating triggers for herself. “You’re more likely to get going and keep going.” Not to mention the major benefit that often results from planning: the creation of habits, a key factor in maintaining momentum. “Habits are basically the way for the brain to function very efficiently using less energy,” says Delia McCabe, a former psychologist turned nutritional neuroscience researcher and author of Feed Your Brain. And since the process of momentum revolves around how to keep your energy up, it’s easy to see why habits play such a critical role. In his 2014 book The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg acknowledges that creating new habits, like exercising and eating healthier, can be difficult. He writes: “Once we develop a routine of sitting on the couch, rather than running, or snacking whenever we pass by a doughnut box, those patterns always remain inside our heads.” That doesn’t mean we’re helpless. “By the same rule, though, if we learn to create new neurological routines that overpower those behaviors—if we take control of the habit loop—we can force those bad tendencies to the background.” Once someone creates a new pattern, he writes, going for a jog or ignoring the doughnuts becomes as automatic as any other habit. For example, each time Jennifer and John-Mark discovered extra money in their budget, they automatically applied it toward their debt. By developing that habit, it became so routine that the pair didn’t even think about it, which allowed their debt-payoff snowball to keep rolling. “Your habits are rooted in choice, and you making the decision to do or not do certain things will be what propels you up the success curve or down the failure curve,” says Jeff Olson, author of The Slight Edge and founder of Live Happy. “Time is the force that magnifies all those seemingly insignificant things you do every day to highlight something titanic and unstoppable.” A Hairy Situation In 2003, a group of 30 Aussies embarked on a mission to bring back a long-lost fashion trend. In the process, they created what would become a worldwide phenomenon over the month of November. The annual Movember campaign challenges men around the world to grow a mustache to raise awareness for some of the biggest men’s health issues, including prostate and testicular cancers, mental health and suicide prevention. Men grow a healthy crop of hair for 30 days, seeking donations along the way, and the money goes toward organizations aimed at improving the lives of men who are facing these health issues. Starting out as simply a friendly bet to see if they could resurrect the forgotten ’stache, Movember took on a new form once the four co-founders witnessed the enthusiasm behind the effort. “We were at a stage in our lives when we just wanted to produce something good for the community,” says co-founder Adam Garone. In 2004, they formalized the concept and decided to get all participants growing for the organization’s original cause—prostate cancer. That year, 450 Movember participants raised $54,000, and it was donated to the Prostate Cancer Foundation. “We had no idea whether $54,000 was a big or small number,” Adam says. “We assumed it’d be a small number to the Prostate Cancer Foundation, but it was the biggest donation they’d ever received at the time.” That set things into motion for the big-hearted crew, just as paying off $98 in debt did for Jennifer and John-Mark. Scientific research reveals that achieving success, no matter how small, plays a key role in continued success and maintaining momentum. In a 2016 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, researchers explain that the perception that success is possible is the critical determinant and consequence of psychological momentum. As the authors point out, once people sense they can be successful, they expand their mental and physical effort, which leads to a positive-upward-feedback spiral of more psychological momentum and more success. “Positive emotions fuel our advancement and energize us and basically fund our momentum,” Daniel says. These days, Movember has official campaigns in 21 countries and has raised a total of $770 million to fund more than 1,200 men’s health programs—with no plans to slow down. Ready, Set, Go As you pursue your goals, there will be times when some extra inspiration is required to spur you into action. Maybe it’s at the beginning of your pursuit, or perhaps it comes as you face your first setback. Luckily, Margaret has a plan for that, and it comes in the form of three questions she refers to as “The Five, One and Smallest.” First, ask yourself what you would do if you only had five minutes. Sure, your undertaking undoubtedly needs more attention than five minutes, but Margaret says asking that simple question can trigger ideas on what your next step should be. The next question: What could you do to move your project along by just 1 percent? “We’re not talking about finishing it,” Margaret says. “We’re talking just 1 percent—what would you do?” Then, Margaret suggests asking yourself what the smallest step is you could take right now that would have the biggest, most positive impact. For example, an author might send an interview request to a sought-after expert in the hopes of gaining a valuable resource for his book. Whatever answers you discover after asking these questions will help spark your energy, ignite your momentum and remind you that you have the tools to achieve any goal. “You don’t need an Ivy League education and special skills to set about accomplishing any goal you set for yourself,” Jeff says. “You must, however, practice your craft hour after hour, day after day, and year after year—but you already know how to do everything it takes to make you an outrageous success.” Amanda Riderwrites regularly for Live Happy magazine.

science

Be Happy to Live Longer

The search for the fabled Fountain of Youth is almost as old as civilization itself, but has largely been in vain. We have long dreamed of finding a way to avoid aging while at the same time (mostly) accepting its inevitability. However, that hasn’t kept science from looking for ways to slow down the aging process or make our later years more fulfilling. Today, there’s good news for anyone who wants to live a long, happy life. Science has found that happiness, not genetics, is one of the greatest predictors of longevity. Simple lifestyle changes can improve not only your mental health but can also change how your body ages. Just ask Cecile Williams, who didn’t even take her first fitness class until the age of 50. Today, at 77, she leads a busy life that includes trying new fitness classes, hitting Nashville’s famed honky-tonks to catch live music and attending fundraisers for social causes. Nothing about her, including her circle of friends, gives a hint of her age. “I always say I will not hang out with old people,” she says with an infectious smile. “They complain too much. It’s always about ‘my diabetes this’ or ‘I’m too old to do that.’ Too many people blame everything on being old.” Since retiring from a career with the Nashville Parks and Recreation Department more than a decade ago, Cecile’s life has blossomed into a rich adventure evidenced by her jam-packed calendar and strong social connections. Each day, she enjoys some form of exercise, whether it’s yoga, TRX, Pilates or POUND, a high-energy cardio workout that incorporates rock music and choreographed routines using weighted drumsticks. Despite coming late to the fitness habit, today she can’t imagine her life without it—and not just because it helps keep her body strong and staves off the effects of arthritis in her knees. “Being in fitness classes has opened me up to so many experiences I wouldn’t have had otherwise,” she says, crediting the circle of friends she’s made. “It’s made me more diversified, and I am open to doing all kinds of different things that I never thought I’d do. Once I started spending more time with other people, I got more outgoing.” Those friendships have deepened over the years and have led to greater involvement in her community. Her 54-year-old daughter shakes her head at her mother’s latest antics. “She thinks I hang out with wild women,” Cecile laughs. “But she’s proud of all the things I’m doing now. And I am perfectly happy.” Without knowing it, Cecile hasn’t merely been enjoying herself, she has been consistently refilling a prescription for a long, happy life. Body of Evidence New findings indicate that if we are searching for that elusive Fountain of Youth, we probably need to look inside ourselves. Science shows that our thoughts and behavior play a bigger role in aging than we previously realized—and that gives us more say in how well we age. Today, researchers are looking beyond family genetics to find the sources of longevity and well-being. While centenarians share certain genes that protect them from aging, only about 25 percent of our longevity is genetic. The other 75 percent, for better or worse, is a combination of lifestyle and environmental factors. “It is not particularly apparent to us in molecular biology why what the human genome is doing should be connected to everyday life circumstances,” says Steve Cole, Ph.D., a professor of medicine and psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at the UCLA School of Medicine. “And yet, that connection emerges time and time again. Our everyday life circumstances end up changing the way genomes function.” Genomes basically carry our genetic marching orders, and studying them helps identify the association between our daily habits and longevity. For example, Steve notes, one of the prominent findings is the effect of loneliness on our genes, which has a direct negative effect on our physical well-being. Loneliness, depression and stress are among the factors that create an uptick in inflammation and a downturn of antiviral activity in our bodies. Living with high levels of inflammation for too long will “statistically precipitate heart attacks, degenerative disease and strokes,” says Steve. “Those are three of the major killers of people in modern social settings.” Conventional wisdom has said that a healthy diet and exercise are crucial to improved physical well-being, and so is reducing stress (or at least minimizing our reaction to it). As it turns out, however, the missing piece of the puzzle may involve rethinking what it means to live well. Living Better, Thriving Longer Happy people, it turns out, have fewer symptoms of pain and illness and show slower declines in physical function. A positive mood is shown to reduce blood pressure during stressful times; positive people also miss less work due to illness and have fewer hospital visits over their lifetime. Adopting certain practices, such as gratitude, mindfulness and meditation, may help buffer against stress and lead to greater happiness in the moment as well as better health in the long run. In a study, Steve and happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., looked at how behaviors affect us biologically. They found that even when we are under stress, the way our body absorbs that stress can be very different—and it can be regulated by our own actions. Study participants who practiced acts of kindness for others showed a significant drop in the inflammation caused by white blood cells. Interestingly, study participants who did good deeds like writing a check to a charity or who practiced acts of self-care did not show the same positive effects. This led the researchers to conclude that simply performing small acts of kindness for others can have a big impact on gene regulation. “Prosocial behavior, in particular, has a very good effect on [our] biology,” Steve notes. “Focusing on the happiness of others, focusing on mankind, is both a recipe for happiness and, quite possibly, the recipe for good health.” Change Your Mood, Change Your Life In 1938, Harvard University embarked on a remarkable open-ended research project to look at what creates a long, healthy life. Today, the Harvard Study of Adult Development continues to provide insight into what affects health and longevity, now extending to the descendants of that original research project. What it tells us, says George Vaillant, psychiatrist and director emeritus of the study, is that how well we live is about much more than our genes, jobs, physical exercise or diet. “Genetics has much less effect on how long someone lives than their habits,” says George, who headed the study for 30 years. He cites alcoholism and smoking as the two deadliest practices, and says moderate exercise and a stable weight go hand-in-hand with longevity. Beyond that, he says, longevity depends upon our emotions and relationships. “People who live a long time have a lot of positive emotion,” he says. “And that means being part of a community. It’s hard to have positive emotion on a deserted island; you need other people.” Resilience, or our ability to bounce back from adversity, also affects longevity, but George says the No. 1 antidote to aging is healthy relationships. People who live a long time have a lot of positive emotion and that means being part of a community." –George Vaillant “Positive emotions, by themselves, are hard to measure, but what you can count are relationships. We know that positive emotions can stimulate the same part of the brain as narcotics, and giving to a charity lights up [those same parts of the brain],” he says. “It doesn’t sound very exciting, but it’s very healthy.” In fact, he says that tending relationships, be it with friends, family, a spouse or a support group, may be the most important thing you can do for your health. “Being nice and generous and funny and kind are more important to people’s health than they realize,” George says. “The earlier you start practicing these things, the better off you are. But it’s certainly never too late to start.” More Love, More Laughter, More Life Other research backs up findings from the Harvard study; Dan Buettner, whose groundbreaking work on longevity led to forming the Blue Zones organization to help Americans live healthier, longer lives, says that longevity walks the same path as happiness. “Health and happiness are inextricably linked,” Dan says. “You cannot pull them apart. Making sure that you have happy friends affects how long you live, because that’s contagious. And focusing on your immediate social network is more important than either diet or exercise programs when it comes to living a long, happy, healthy life.” He says having five positive-minded people who share interests in recreation—whether it’s golf, walking or gardening—and who truly care about you will have powerful incremental effects on your well-being. “That is almost the surest thing you can do in the long run for both making it to a healthy age 90 or 95 and enjoying the journey. [Happiness adds] about eight years to your life expectancy; it’s almost as good for you as quitting smoking.” Perhaps Dan’s greatest evidence of the link between happiness and longevity is much less scientific, though. “After interviewing about 100 centenarians, I can say that I didn’t find a single grump in the bunch,” he says. “That tells me that [happiness] is a really worthwhile pursuit.” Read more: What Can Telomeres Tell Us? Read more: Find Your Blue Zone for a Long and Happy Life Read more: Ikigai: The Secret to a Long, Happy Life Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Live Happy magazine February issue with Ming-Na Wen

Lifestyle

Take Charge Like Ming-Na Wen in Our New Issue

In our action-packed February issue, we catch up with not one but two on-screen action heroes, Ming-Na Wen of Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Theo Rossi, known for his breakaway roles in Luke Cage and Sons of Anarchy. In addition, we ask five experts for their tips on how to turn over a new leaf in 2017—in every realm from food to finance. And we explore the myriad benefits of exercise: We all know we should be hitting the gym (or the pavement) more often, but new research shows just how important that workout is for our mental and emotional state of mind. Agent of Positivity Actress Ming-Na Wen, star of ABC’s Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., has become a role model at age 53, with a new book in the works and a burgeoning brand, #Wenever. Learn how this age-defying, butt-kicking superhero manages it all. Move Like You Mean It The overindulgences of the holidays are over and New Year’s resolutions are being uttered and scribbled. The gym parking lots are full. But will you be one of the many who drop those resolutions as soon as February rolls around? Not if you discover the positive power of movement. In this issue, we bring you two back-to-back features on the mental, physical and emotional benefits of exercise, including stories of individuals who have changed their lives by putting their bodies in motion. Building Your Best Life Discover the latest theory in creative goal setting, called “design thinking.” Dave Evans and Bill Burnett, the authors of the best-selling Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived Joyful Life share the concepts and practices behind their popular Stanford class. By thinking like a designer, you can plan and implement your dream life—instead of just letting life happen to you. Theo Rossi Gives Back The Luke Cage and Sons of Anarchy star shows how he rolls when his community needs him: the actor and producer is also a major philanthropist, devoted to helping veterans and ordinary folks motivated to #GoGetItLife. PLUS —Don’t miss Michelle Gielan and Shawn Achor’s ingenious experiments in goal setting that show how individuals respond to different methods and motivations. —Columnist and licensed psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser presents four practices and traits to develop in your children to help them become high achievers. —And for an extreme example of how to accomplish what seems like the impossible, get to know what motivates superhuman ultramarathoner Dean Karnazes to triumph over mental and physical challenges. Listen to our Editorial Director, Deborah K. Heisz, talk about the virtues of our new issue on our podcast Live Happy Now.

Self-Care

5 Tips to Transform Your Life in the New Year

The holidays have left as quickly as the visit from St. Nick, and you may be feeling a little out of sorts. The New Year is perfect for fresh starts, but resolutions have a reputation of not lasting past the first quarter. We have assembled a few life tips from the pros to help you make real and positive changes that last. Finance Money can be a huge source of negativity. Many of us overspend in December and feel guilt and anxiety when the bills arrive in January. Leanne Jacobs, a holistic wealth expert and author of Beautiful Money: The 4-Week Total Wealth Makeover, says debt management takes strength and should be handled with confidence and a positive attitude: “Debt has an ability to consume your entire life as well as your state of mind and emotions. Often people will forget that although they carry debt, they aren’t themselves debt. There can be a lot of shame around being in debt, leaving one feeling inadequate.…Staying positive will help with goal setting, confidence, discipline and persistence—all requirements for getting out of debt in a timely way.” Leanne's Tips for Tackling Anxiety About Debt: Create a vision board that includes many images of what your life will look and feel like when you are debt-free. Designate someone you love and trust to hold you accountable. Keep tools in your back pocket to draw on when you are having moments of panic and fear. These might include yoga, meditation, exercise, nature hikes and journaling. Fitness Getting back into shape after your calorie-packed, end-of-year gatherings can be overwhelming. But, with the right mindset, says Steve Kamb, author of Level Up Your Life and creator of Nerdfitness.com, you can “focus on building a healthy habit daily, and your weight will start to take care of itself.” In his book, Steve writes that people often decide to get back in shape for extrinsic reasons and tend to focus on immediate results. “That small number on the digital scale starts to influence your self-worth. We feel amazing if it goes down half a pound, and downright miserable if it goes up a pound,” he says. “Instead of focusing on the scale or the end goal, focus on each day’s tiny goals and make the goal performance based.” Try to find a workout that is fun for you: Zumba, running, weightlifting, yoga or training to be the next American Ninja Warrior. “The goal is getting healthy and happy permanently, no more roller coaster diet boom and bust!” Steve's List for Your "Epic Quest of Awesome": Small, consistent victories. No more diets; no running yourself ragged on a treadmill for a few weeks to get in shape for the summer. Instead, start with small changes that you can live with permanently. Consistently push yourself just slightly outside of your normal behavior toward more healthy choices. Cultivate discipline. Get junk food out of your house. Program your workouts into your calendar. Recruit a friend to keep you accountable. Food We are going to have to find a way to get along with our food choices. Lynn Rossy, Ph.D., a health psychologist and the author of The Mindfulness-Based Eating Solution: Proven Strategies to End Overeating, Satisfy Your Hunger, and Savor Your Life, says we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves for eating more and moving less. “When you have a healthy relationship with food, you realize that food is mainly to take care of physical hunger....Your other hungers for connection, creativity, movement, fun, etc., are not met with food,” she says. “When you meet your other hungers with appropriate solutions, you will create a more meaningful and happy life.” Lynn's Tips for a Healthy Relationship With Food Don’t set unrealistic rules for yourself. In fact, don’t set any rules. You’ll only be setting yourself up to fail and be discouraged. When you eat to meet your taste needs, you realize that you don’t have to overeat because you can always have tasty food whenever you want it and you can eat it sensibly. Every day, decide to see the bright side. Ponder this miracle of life and ask yourself, “How can I respect this body I’ve been given for another day?” Meaning When life’s burdens seem too heavy, it helps to look at things through the right prism. Finding what’s most important to us and attaching ourselves to something larger in life means we are actively seeking out happiness. Heather Lende, obituary writer and author of Find the Good: Unexpected Life Lessons From a Small-Town Obituary Writer, has written more than 400 obituaries in her life, a good number of them for people she knew personally. Through her work, she’s learned that the people who are bold enough to fully live their lives are the happiest. “It’s the people who make and keep good relationships that are what I would call the most successful on the happiness scale. They are also the most generous and often praised for kindness and their ability to forgive. Those are the people I admire the most.” Heather's Hints for Finding More Meaning: Smile more and share kind words. Quit checking your phone. Leave it on the table and go for a walk. Connect with others. Get out of your comfort zone and volunteer at a community center or hospital, an animal shelter or local park. Work Shola Richards, a certified Emotional Intelligence practitioner, creator of the blog The Positivity Solution (thepositivitysolution.com) and author of Making Work Work: The Positivity Solution for Any Work Environment, points out that we spend more than 80,000 hours at work. “The thought of spending the majority of those hours locked in a miserable environment with people who we don’t like or respect is horrifying to me,” Shola says. “On a positive note though, enjoying our work has shown wide-ranging benefits from improved health to increased productivity. Everyone wins when we enjoy what we do for a living.” Shola's Advice for Getting the Most Out of Work: One the best ways to ease the transition from the lull of the holidays to the hustle of the New Year is having meaningful friendships in the workplace. The most common negative trap to avoid is the soul-destroying habit of chronic complaining. We should vent if we must, but we can never lose sight of the fact that positive outcomes at work will elude us if we focus energy on our problems instead of possible solutions. Reduce the amount of toxic influences in our lives. If being on social media is stressing you out or is making you feel bad about yourself, then stop. Chris Libby is the Section Editor at Live Happy magazine.

Lifestyle

Theo Rossi Has a Lot on His Plate

Actor and producer Theo Rossi has turned altruism into an art form. Here’s a guy best known for his rich, haunting portrayal of Juan Carlos “Juice” Ortiz on the long-running FX series Sons of Anarchy (SOA)—an envelope-pusher to be sure—but strip away a few layers of the man and you find a bona fide catalyst of change. That’s because at his core, Theo is both a loyal family man and a philanthropic renegade backing a throng of humanitarian causes. It’s hard not to be inspired by his ties to health organizations, military causes or his Staten Island, New York, roots. “New York City is an incredible place to grow up,” Theo says. “You see a lot of everything. At a very young age, my family taught me to give of myself. If somebody needed something, I was always the first one there.” Raised predominantly by strong women—his mother, grandmother and older sister—he says his Uncle Kenny became a significant influence during his teen years in lieu of his distant father. “It wasn’t a big family,” Theo adds, however, “every one of them had one thing in common, which was: ‘Be the best you can to people and do as much as you can.’ And it was never about us. It was always about other people. “My family always reminded me of how short life is. That’s why I think I am trying to do so many things. Because it was always a constant reminder that we’re not here that long at all.” Philanthropist rising Clearly, Theo’s upbringing fueled some of his charitable passions, and his acting career led to even more. SOA debuted in 2008 and ran for seven seasons until 2014. “We premiered the same night that John McCain announced that Sarah Palin was going to be his running mate,” Theo muses. “Nobody watched the show. I thought, ‘OK, this will be on for one season.’ ” But it was during the show’s sophomore season when things shifted dramatically. Poet-activist and former SOA co-star Henry Rollins encouraged Theo to consider doing a USO tour. His initial response: “Wow!” And then…“What?” Theo is a big fan of the men and women of the U.S. armed forces, but he pointed out to Henry that “nobody knows about this show.” Henry just laughed and informed Theo that SOA was actually the No. 1 show in the military. “The next thing I know, me and three other cast members were on a plane heading to Iraq,” Theo says about that USO tour. Like a kid relaying escapades of a whirlwind adventure, he gushes that hanging out with the troops was completely life-changing. “They may have thought it was for them, but I got so hooked. From that moment on, I thought, no matter what, I am going to do whatever I can to support the military.” And that’s when Boot Campaign came knocking. Sole to soul The Texas-based charitable organization began as a photo project launched by four women and quickly grew into a more proactive way to show and promote patriotism. It funnels the retail sales of combat boots, merchandise, sponsored events, public donations and corporate sponsorships to support, among others, three key programs: Awareness, patriotism and assistance. The awareness program recruits ambassadors—like Theo—to educate the public about service members’ issues and triumphs. The patriotism program encourages people to wear combat boots—both as a fashion statement and symbol of support for the military and their families. And the assistance arm includes the ReBOOT campaign, where donations directly connect veterans with the help they need in dealing with PTSD, depression and other transitional issues they face after combat. “Boot Campaign wanted to shoot the entire cast in combat boots, and sometime afterward, we started forming all these ideas,” Theo says. “One of them was a Boot Ride every year with the guys from the show.” That outing offered fans a chance to spend a day riding motorcycles with SOA cast members, raising money for service members in the process. “We wanted to raise a ton of money and give it back to the men and women in the military because when they come home from their tours, that’s really when a whole other ‘fight’ begins,” Theo explains. “You have to get acclimated to your spouse again, and get jobs, and then there’s therapy involved. The suicide rate of our veterans is staggering. And what these people are doing—their families are moving constantly; these guys are going to Iraq and Afghanistan, not asking any questions. They’re just going and sacrificing themselves, leaving their families, their kids.” Since Theo’s initial involvement with Boot Campaign, he has visited most major military bases in the country. But that was just the beginning of his philanthropic leanings. Go get it life It never fails—you can always find a silver lining (or two) around every dark cloud. After Hurricane Sandy hit the East Coast in October of 2012 and practically leveled Staten Island—the stomping grounds of Theo’s youth—he was on hand, “pulling water out of basements and bringing people clothes.” What he really wanted to do was form a nonprofit to raise funds for hurricane victims, but that simply would take too long. Instead, he collaborated with Boot Campaign and, together, they launched Staten Strong. The enterprise galvanized a team of community first responders to deliver emergency care and financial resources to local residents. Through his efforts, Theo received an unexpected gift. At a Boot Campaign/Staten Strong event, he was reacquainted with Boot Campaign liaison Meghan McDermott. They had met before, but this time something clicked. The two began dating shortly thereafter. They were married in 2014 and now have an 18-month-old son, Kane Alexander. “It was one of those things where you are at the right place at the right time,” Theo says. With everything else going on—philanthropic outings and his acting work—he kept himself motivated by listening to the speeches of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Tony Robbins. “I always need to listen to these great motivational speakers who put me in a better place,” he notes. “Because sometimes I find that social media is polluted with negativity. That’s why I started using the hashtag, #GoGetItLife.” It was simple enough. On his social media pages, he would write things like, “Just get up, run, go five miles! #GoGetItLife.” Theo thought he was doing it for himself, but after receiving so many responses to his #GoGetItLife tweets, he jumped at yet another opportunity to spread positivity. Wanting to do more, he rallied his creative team. The posse birthed a web platform, gogetitlife.com, which invites contributors to share personal life stories. It grew from there, and now includes a 5K race on Staten Island—Theo is an avid marathon runner—as well as an offshoot campaign series dubbed #RightToBeMe. The latter is geared to people born with intellectual or developmental disabilities having the same life experiences as those without the same medical conditions. “Everybody’s been through something,” Theo points out. “When people share their stories, they never know who it’s going to affect. The site has really morphed into a motivational hub where people can interact, and it houses different charities I’m trying to help out. “It just shows that, for minimal effort, you can put something together that can affect a lot of people.” He continues to create things to help encourage health and happiness. Early last year, he surprised even himself by establishing a bottled water company. Ounce Water was an idea that arose from Theo’s healthy habit of consuming enough water daily. He wanted others to have a healthy daily intake as well, so he met with doctors and advisers and managed to obtain water from, as he tells it, “an incredible aquifer in upstate New York, untouched by man—a 600-million-year-old spring. When they told me that, I thought they were lying. It just shows I should have paid more attention in school. I thought, ‘that’s old.’ I didn’t even know the Earth was around that long.” Lessons learned Theo studied acting at New York’s iconic Lee Strasberg Theatre and Film Institute and went on to make a memorable impression with stints on TV shows like Hawaii Five-O and Grey’s Anatomy before leaping off of SOA and into the Netflix hit show Luke Cage, where he’s generating buzz as villain Hernan “Shades” Alvarez. In 2016, his big-screen outings included When the Bough Breaks and Lowriders. Now 41, he says it’s his acting career that truly gives him the leverage to do everything else. Theo formed his production company, Dos Dudes Pictures, after he felt there was something missing on the cinematic landscape (read: depth). The first endeavor, Bad Hurt, was released in 2015, with Theo co-starring in the gripping family drama alongside Karen Allen and Michael Harney. Other projects are in the works. Now, having created such a vivid, creative kaleidoscope, one has to ask: What has he learned? Theo laughs. “You know, Paul Newman was a person I always tried to emulate a lot in my behavior when I was first starting out. Paul said, ‘I don’t find anything special or extraordinary about being philanthropic…it’s the other attitude that confuses me.’ “I’m like that,” he goes on. “I don’t think it’s that incredibly special that people give or do things for charity or nonprofit, and go out of their way to help people. I think that should be the norm. “But one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that it is not about you. It is about everyone else. I’ve always known that, but I have struggled with patience in my life. I had to learn. To me, life is a marathon, not a sprint. But you gotta be running. Run at a steady pace. Don’t gas out early. “Patience has made me better for the marathon of life.” Greg Archer is a multifaceted journalist and author whose work has appeared in The Huffington Post and O, The Oprah Magazine.

Woman buying tomatoes at Eastern Market.

relationships

Mixing It Up at Detroit’s Eastern Market

It's 5 a.m. and a cool breeze chills the air. Lights burst on in market sheds and trucks rumble in as farmers from Michigan, Ohio and just across the river in Canada hurry to unload their produce and other goods before the crowds begin to arrive at 6 a.m. Soon, colorful mounds of tomatoes, corn and spices are piled high, heaps of flowers spill over the pavement, and fresh eggs, meat, cheese and handmade baked goods tempt shoppers to fill their tote bags. Today, like every Saturday, as many as 45,000 visitors will come together in Detroit’s famous Eastern Market. They arrive from the inner city and from the suburbs and hail from different countries, races, religions, ages and income brackets. The smooth tones of a tenor sax accompany the cacophony of laughter, conversation in several languages and vendors shouting out the prices of their goods. The entire market vibrates with vitality and a strong sense of community—embodying history, altruism, civility, tolerance and work ethic—which contributes to a life well lived for its players. Detroit probably isn’t the first place that comes to mind when you think of such bounty and harmony. Yet, here in the country’s largest open-air public market, people as diverse as the produce have converged for 125 years. Meet me at the market “There are very few places now where a variety of people come together naturally,” says Heather Dillaway, Ph.D., associate professor of sociology at Wayne State University in Detroit. “Eastern Market is the exception.” Heather, who is an Eastern Market shopper, says, “When people have a common reason to be in a space together, they can create conversation and talk across boundaries. While they’re there, they realize they have more commonalities that bridge differences.” In the case of the Eastern Market, “You've got hipsters buying okra, broccolini and handmade sausage, but others are there for affordable food, loading up provisions for their restaurant or they’re there to support food justice [idea that access to healthy food is a basic human right] and to shop in ways to reduce their carbon footprint. There’s a common purpose. “This is how things have happened through history,” Heather says. “People have come together over a common issue such as public health or the right to vote, for example.” Suddenly, disparate groups discover they have something in common and start talking to each other. “Food is one of those needs that puts people on equal footing.” Detroit chef and budding restaurateur Jon Kung’s experiences with his business Kung Food back that up. “Having a personal relationship with your merchant is amazing,” Jon says. “It is truly a gift to have people there to guide me through product changes or conditions. It can even be something as simple as ‘we had a lot of rain yesterday so these tomatoes are pretty much ready to burst, be extra careful bringing them home.’ Sometimes I even tell farmers what ingredients I’ll be looking for and they may take it upon themselves to grow it.” And for the merchants, such exchanges help them establish loyal customers. “Life is what you make of it, and that includes how much you truly want to interact with someone,” Jon says. “The market is a place where you can do that. We’re aware of each other constantly, and we understand the community we’re in. The market is a food-based microcosm of all that’s good in the city.” Strong roots Detroit has had its challenges, among them urban blight and right, job losses and government corruption. But Motown is getting its groove back with enough construction projects, business startups, new residents and sports facilities in the works to make many cities envious. Guess what destination made Travel and Leisure’s list of “places to go in 2016.” Yep, Detroit. While the newcomers generate excitement, Eastern Market bears the special patina of time. It has bloomed here despite Detroit’s ups and downs and proudly remains one place where native Detroiters can say, “We’re still here. We've been here all along.” In fact, the market in some form has been entwined with this city’s history practically since the first settlers pulled their canoes up on the banks of the Detroit River. It moved to its current location in 1891 and German, Italian and Polish neighborhoods grew up around it. To this day, Eastern Market revolves around a core of five massive sheds where hundreds of wholesale and retail vendors sell fresh produce, meat and much more daily. Family roots This is no simple farmers market; it’s a working food district, with acres of shops and housing that have sprouted up around the central sheds over the decades. Some families have earned a living at Eastern Market for generations. Larry Konowalski’s family has sold eggs here for more than 100 years and, at age 75, he continues the tradition, arriving at the market with eggs and honey from his farm in nearby Adrian, Michigan. “I simply enjoy being at the market,” Larry says. “I’ve been going all my life and now I have customers whose grandparents dealt with my grandparents, who came by horse and wagon on Friday nights to be ready when the market opened early the next morning.” Such continuity is remarkable. So are the personal relationships people used to develop more readily in their communities, partly through their interaction with those who supplied their food. That’s a relationship both Larry and his customers value today. He says he knows more people at the market than he does in Adrian. Markets like Detroit’s once thrived in cities throughout America. After World War II, though, city dwellers moved to the suburbs and bought groceries in big new supermarkets. It’s no small irony that the auto industry that made Detroit famous built the cars that drove people out of the city. And they took many of the jobs with them. The Motor City, once so admired as the “arsenal of democracy,” the nation's fourth largest city, and a prime place to attain the American Dream eventually became scorned for its poverty and its eerie landscape of empty lots and burned-out houses. Still, Eastern Market endured, partly because, unlike other cities where developers snapped up market property to build high-priced condos and galleries, plenty of land remained affordable in Detroit. But according to Karen Brown, who has operated her French-inspired home, clothing and lifestyle shop, Savvy Chic, in the market district for 18 years, other factors help explain Eastern Market’s survival. She says one of the key reasons for its continued popularity is that it has consistently encouraged local vendors and local food producers, not the “big box” or big name stores. That helped the district retain both its authenticity and kept native Detroiters in the mix as the market has prospered. “Eastern Market never lost its status as a beloved family tradition. Even people who left the city came back to the Eastern Market,” Karen says. Her business has benefited from the market’s sense of tradition; she recently added a little coffee shop where Savvy Chic shoppers can relax and mingle. New shoots Today, as they did 125 years ago, new folks are moving into the district to work and live. Liz Blondy was one of the kids who grew up going to the market from the suburbs when little else brought people downtown. Now, she’s an eager participant in Detroit’s revitalization and a former member of the market’s board of directors. She and her husband bought a building in the market district, rehabilitated it and took up residence, lured by its authenticity and gritty, laid-back appeal. “Eastern Market is truly accessible,” Liz says. “It’s all things to all people, from the fancy foodie to the regular lady with five kids looking for affordable fresh produce to the young couple on a date or visitors from out of town.” Detroit’s new urban farmers are setting up shop in the market alongside veterans like Larry. Carolyn Leadley and her husband, Jack Van Dyke, operate Rising Pheasant Farms on nearly an acre of formerly empty lots on the city’s east side where houses once stood. They grow vegetables year-round for restaurants and farmers markets and deliver them by bicycle. “We now have a passive solar hoop house, which allows us to produce field crops nearly year-round,” she says. They named their business after the wild pheasants that roam their neighborhood. I farm in Detroit because it is an inspiring place filled with resilient people who motivate me to be a better farmer and a better community member.” It’s a great place to raise our kids, who get to benefit from being raised on a farm and knowing the earth at the same time that they are a part of a racially and economically diverse community.” Without Eastern Market, Carolyn believes she wouldn’t have much of a business model. “We’re successful because we are able to reduce many costs by being close to our markets,” she says. But it’s also more personal than that. “Folks want to support us because we have quality naturally grown produce but they also want to support our family and have enjoyed seeing our kids grow up at the market.” Jon of Kung Food happily supplies his growing catering and event business with the fresh food from growers like Rising Pheasant Farms. “The quality of the food is just so much better when you know where it comes from—the farm, the farmer and the quality of their practices.” He enjoys conversing directly with the farmer or the butcher; “It's how my grandmother used to shop in Hong Kong.” He recently bought a vacant building in the market district, a former pasta factory where he plans to open a noodle shop. Why Eastern Market? He says, “People are happy when they’re here. You feel a positive energy. This market is unique and organic, no pun intended.” How will the garden grow? Eastern Market’s shoppers, vendors, residents and businesses are aware that the market’s success is a garden they must tend very carefully, because too much gentrification could erase the community characteristics that have made Eastern Market so appealing to so many. Keeping the market gritty, authentic, local and a place where everyone is part of Detroit’s renaissance are among the goals of Eastern Market Corporation (EMC), says Dan Carmody, the organization’s president. EMC, a public-private partnership, took over market management from the city in 2006 and today sponsors a multitude of initiatives to foster its vision “to shepherd Eastern Market’s rich history to nourish a healthier, wealthier and happier Detroit.” Projects promoting food justice and equal access to fresh food throughout the city fit the “nourish” category. For example, because many residents don’t have transportation, the market created pop-up mobile markets in 20 locations around metro Detroit. It offers nutrition education in cooperation with businesses and hospitals to teach their employees about healthy food options. Eastern Market also welcomes shoppers with SNAP and other food assistance programs, making fresh produce more available. Partners in food justice One man-about-the-market, chef Phil Jones, tackles a number of projects to foster food justice and healthy eating. He hosts demonstrations and teaches basic cooking skills that he says have been lost to fast-food dining and lack of access to fresh ingredients. He also manages and operates Red Truck Fresh Produce, a partnership between Eastern Market Corporation and Community Growth Partners. Red Truck sells fresh fruits and vegetables at the district’s Gratiot Central Market, a place previously known strictly as a source for all things meat. Working with Goodwill Industries, Red Truck is staffed by U.S. military veterans as part of a job-training program. Other market programs encourage food entrepreneurs and the jobs they create. Through Detroit Kitchen Connect, for example, Eastern Market provides people striving to establish new food businesses with low-cost licensed commercial kitchen space in a newly remodeled market shed. EMC also partners with FoodLab Detroit, which helps individual food businesses start and grow. Much of that happens behind the scenes, unnoticed by the throngs of shoppers in the market sheds who are simply there to enjoy the festive atmosphere and take in this Midwestern bazaar of fresh food, crafts, street art and camaraderie. “You may find yourself shopping next to a grandma with a bunch of little kids, a new resident or someone visiting from the burbs,” Liz says. “You wind up chatting about the quality of the food, where to get the best tomatoes, where to find the best price on steak.” It’s a simple interaction that creates connection, but one that’s rare in many communities. Says Liz, “What is great about Eastern Market is that it is a place where all Detroiters come and all feel welcome on any given day.” If you go: Here are a few tips to make your visit to Eastern Market great: SET YOUR GPS for the market’s welcome center at 1445 Adelaide on Detroit’s east side. FIND PRODUCE, MEAT AND BAKED GOODS at the Saturday market, which takes place year-round, 6 a.m. to 4 p.m., and at the smaller scale Tuesday market, June through October. EASTERN MARKET’S HOLIDAY MARKETS take place in November and December. Shop to the tunes of carolers and the ho-ho-ho of Kris Kringle. You’ll find everything from Thanksgiving trimmings and pumpkins to locally grown Christmas trees and wreaths, homemade holiday treats and beverages. EASTERN MARKET BECOMES THE LARGEST OPEN-AIR FLOWER MARKET in the U.S. on Flower Day, held annually on the Sunday after Mother’s Day. BE SURE TO EXPLORE BEYOND THE MARKET SHEDS to discover food shops such as DeVries & Co. 1887 and Gratiot Central Market, the art gallery Wasserman Projects, the funky shop The Detroit Mercantile Company, among many others. Sample some of the city’s oldest and newest establishments including Roma Cafe and Detroit City Distillery. JOIN FOOTBALL FANS AS THEY TAILGATE AT EASTERN MARKET before every Detroit Lions home football game, then walk to nearby Ford Field or take a shuttle. Tailgating proceeds support the market’s work to provide access to good food and grow local food businesses and jobs. Terri Peterson Smith is a Minneapolis freelance writer who covers travel and the environment. She is the author of the book Off the Beaten Page.

Giving

9 Gift Books to Spark Joy This Holiday Season

A book can be a magical gift. The right book can show someone how well you know them. Share a smile, a laugh or some inspiration this holiday season by gifting a book from our eclectic list of books to suit every taste, from the family foodie to the photography lover. Make your gift book even more personal by including a handwritten notecard or inscription inside. 1. Alton Brown: EveryDayCook by Alton Brown Beloved TV host Alton Brown (best known for his 14 seasons of Good Eats and his role on Iron Chef America) has written a new cookbook that puts easy weeknight meals front and center. Bits of science and food lore—along with photos that he took on his iPhone—accompany the 101 recipes. Look for Alton’s take on American comfort food and plenty of his signature humor threaded throughout. It’s the perfect gift for the family foodie. 2. Cats in Paris: A Magical Coloring Book by Won-Sun Jang This charmant coloring book of intricate pen-and-ink drawings is perfect for the friend or family member who loves to relax with a box of colored pencils but is tired of mesmerizing mandalas. Of course, it will also please the crazed cat lovers in your life. Take a trip through Paris with a gaggle of finely drawn felines—allergenic fur not included. 3. Little Humans by Brandon Stanton A celebration of little humans everywhere. Brandon Stanton, creator of the popular blog, Humans of New York, which has spawned a series of equally popular coffee-table books. Here Brandon has compiled 40 of his favorite photos of kids expressing their individuality. These fun, beautiful and moving images of kids from his website are intended to inspire a sense of community and imbue the reader with the free spirit of childhood. The book makes a perfect gift for a child, parent or child at heart who appreciates the way that children just radiate joy. 4. My Favorite Things by Maira Kalman How do the objects in our lives tell a story? Bestselling author and illustrator Maira Kalman captures the human experience by exploring the significance of the physical things we have in our lives. With artifacts, recollections and selections from the collections of the Cooper-Hewitt, Smithsonian Design Museum and her own personal collections, My Favorite Things features more than 50 special objects to view and ponder. See the pocket watch Abraham Lincoln was carrying when he was shot, original editions of Winnie-the-Pooh and Alice in Wonderland as well as photographs taken by Maira. An ideal gift for the art or design enthusiast. 5. National Parks of America: Experience America's 59 National Parks by Lonely Planet Ideal for the nature lover or travel enthusiast, this book celebrates America’s 59 awe-inspiring national parks. The year 2016 was a big one for the parks; the 100th anniversary of their founding meant renewed interest and a slew of new documentaries and books for all ages. This book highlights the best activities and trails of each park, proposes ideal itineraries, explains how to get there, and even gives advice on where to stay. What’s more, the stunning color photographs will inspire wanderlust and a burning desire to hop in the car and see the magnificent views—of the world’s tallest trees, towering cliffs and snow-covered mountains—for yourself. 6. Queen of Your Own Life by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff Actress Kathy Kinney and comedian Cindy Ratzlaff have created a successful series of fun, fabulous books that feature vintage images and wry, inspiring quotes. The quotes are “queenisms,” and each book invites women to recognize and celebrate themselves as the queens they are. Their latest venture, Queen of Your Own Life, reminds women to take control of their relationships, happiness and destiny. A great gift for any woman who loves the vintage aesthetic and could use a couple positive affirmations once in a while. 7. The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu The title and author byline pretty much say it all: Two of the world's greatest spiritual leaders—both winners of the Nobel Peace Prize—have come together to collaborate on a book about joy. Written with compassion and humor, The Book of Joy includes personal anecdotes from the two men, teachings about happiness, as well as some of the science behind it. They also offer suggestions of daily practices to increase your own happiness, turning it from a fleeting emotion into an authentic way of living your life. 8. Think Happy: Instant Peptalks to Boost Positivity by Karen Salmansohn Happiness guru and author Karen Salmansohn has collected 50 inner “peptalks” for readers to employ in different situations, as needed, punctuated with adorable color illustrations and watercolors. The situations vary from “trying something new” to more serious perils such as “facing failure.” You can think of this book as a charming and quirky form of cognitive behavioral therapy. The perfect gift for anyone you know who needs to occasionally quiet their inner critic. 9. Zen Dogs by Alexandra Cearns Who can resist this photo collection that captures some very cool canines—just chilling. Award-winning animal photographer Alexandra Cearns celebrates the serenity of dogs by finding them in joyful moments of relaxation. See 80 beautiful color photographs of a variety of breeds from the beloved golden retriever to the unique French bulldog. To emphasize the mindful, Zen feel, the book includes inspirational words of wisdom from the Buddha, Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hanh and others. A perfect gift for the mellow dog lover in your life. Read more: 10 Life-Changing Books That Will Stay With You Forever Read more: 7 Best Books to Boost Your Brain Health Read more: 10 Must-Read Books for Happy, Healthy Eating Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

Confident woman working with a table saw.

Practice

Combat Depression and Anxiety With These Tools

Depression can make you feel like you are stuck in a black hole while the rest of the world goes about its day in a spray of sunshine, as usual—joyfully alive. In your mind, you may want to be happy, but the weight of darkness can feel insurmountable. For others, anxiety puts up roadblocks in the way of happiness. It appears out of nowhere, jittery and malignant, darkening a perfectly ordinary situation with a veneer of fear and dread. The World Health Organization reports that as many as 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. Around 15 million Americans suffer from depression, and nearly half of those diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with anxiety, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Even those who have never struggled with clinical depression or anxiety will have the occasional emotional crisis, blue mood or situational depression. While negative emotions can be helpful—by letting you know something isn’t right in your life—finding happiness isn’t possible unless you are equipped with emotional tools to overcome the weight of dark days. We turned to the experts to find out what emotional power tools they recommend to chip away at depression, reduce anxiety and become more mentally resilient so you can welcome happiness back into your life. Challenge your thoughts Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., psychologist, author and daughter of cognitive therapy founder Dr. Aaron Beck, says, “When you have depression you tend to understand your experience through black glasses instead of clear lenses. With depression, it’s important to stay active and be skeptical of any negative thoughts you might have. “Just because you think something doesn’t necessarily mean it is true,” says Judith. She suggests doing things that make you feel productive and in control, even when your mood is low and you don’t feel like it. According to Dr. David Burns, Stanford psychiatrist and author of the best-selling book Feeling Good, “our thoughts create all of our moods. When you are depressed and anxious, you are giving yourself negative messages; you are blaming yourself and telling yourself terrible things are going to happen. Distorted thoughts cause human suffering.” “Cognitive distortions are things like all-or-nothing thinking,” says David. “For example, if your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total loser. Or fortune telling, where you anticipate things will turn out badly and you treat your prediction as fact. Another cognitive distortion is mental filter, where you hone in on one negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of reality becomes darkened. Or, disqualifying the positive by rejecting positive experiences—as if they don’t count for some reason.” Each of the 10 cognitive distortions that David has identified can be challenged with more positive and realistic thinking, talking back to your negative thoughts. David recommends what he calls a triple column technique to identify distortions in your thinking. Take a piece of paper and make three columns. In the first column, write down your negative thoughts. In the second column, identify the cognitive distortion, and in the third column challenge your negative thought. Examine the evidence and question whether your negative thought is really valid. When you change the way you think, you change the way you feel. Accept that you are imperfect The experts agree, perfectionism is a happiness killer. If you want to welcome a giant wave of calm into your life, accept that you don’t have to be perfect. There are so many stressful moments you could easily diffuse by whispering to yourself: “I don’t have to be perfect. I can just be me.” Self-acceptance is tied to mental resilience, says Judith. “Having unreasonable or rigid standards that continually outstrip reality is a recipe for a negative self-image and a lack of resilience.” Positive psychology expert Caroline Miller has drawn similar conclusions from her research. “People who are exposed to stories of other people’s hardships and how those people successfully overcame those hardships are more persevering and less likely to be self-critical,” Caroline says. “Carol Dweck’s (Stanford psychologist) work on fixed mindsets has also found that when you don’t see yourself as someone who is capable of change, you can’t deal with the prospect of failure, but people with a growth mindset are more forgiving of their mistakes because they see themselves as works of progress who are capable of making tremendous change.” “Aim for success and not perfection,” says David. “Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself to be human can make you a happier and more productive person.” Learn how to comfort yourself You probably know instinctively how to provide comfort to a child, a best friend or a beloved pet. But do you know how to comfort yourself? You can become better at self-compassion with practice. Judith suggests “being sensitive to the suffering of others as it will help you be compassionate toward yourself. Accept and acknowledge your own suffering. Work to relieve and prevent it by non-judgmentally caring for your own wellbeing.” Positive psychology expert and author Michelle McQuaid says, “Self-compassion is hugely important for mental resilience. Too often we turn to our inner critic as a means of motivating ourselves and fail to recognize that while this may get us moving in the short term, neurologically, over time, it actually undermines our motivation, confidence and willingness to pursue our goals.” Self-compassion, she says, allows us to recognize that like everybody else, we’re human and still learning. Say kind things to yourself in a compassionate way you talk to others. “When you show yourself self-compassion, it’s like having a good friend with you all the time,” writes Kristin Neff, Ph.D., in her book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. When you feel a dark mood approaching or are having trouble getting through a rough time, here are 20 more tested, effective tools to fill out the rest of your kit: Embrace anxiety Don’t try to fight or eliminate anxiety, suggests Judith Beck. “Instead, watch it from a distance, evaluate your anxious thinking and correct it if it’s distorted. If it’s not, go to problem-solving. Act in accordance with your values. Avoid action or inaction that’s tied to fear.” Read more: 6 Steps to Win the War Against Worry Connect with people According to Michelle McQuaid, reaching out for social support can boost resilience. By courageously reaching out, you no longer feel alone, your vulnerability connects you with others, and you often realize everyone shares similar struggles. Read more: 8 Tips to Find Your Own Tribe Sleep on it Some days may be dark if you didn’t sleep well, if there’s a hormonal shift, or you are simply just having a bad day. A good night’s sleep can sometimes be enough to turn your entire outlook from negative to positive. Sit in silence Sometimes out of fear of feeling depressed or anxious, we can fill up our lives with being busy or fill up the silence with TV, but getting quiet with your thoughts can be a remedy for depression and anxiety. Silence can foster a state of calm and often give you enough mental space to have insights about your own life. Disconnect from the external Realize you always have a choice when it comes to your thoughts and outlook. Don’t lock your mood into something you can’t control such as how your work day is going or how much you get accomplished in a day. Make a choice to stay positive despite what may be going on around you. Schedule a favorite activity into your calendar When you are busy, you might postpone favorite activities like taking walks outside, having lunch with a friend or even something easy like listening to beautiful music. Your favorite activity is more than a luxury, it’s a powerful way to recharge. Schedule your favorite activities into your calendar like weekly appointments. Read more: Put Happiness on the Calendar Set boundaries Boundaries are our protective borders of what’s acceptable to us and what isn’t. By setting boundaries you are declaring that you will not let people exploit you, and that you are in charge of your own emotions. A boundary can be as simple as saying “No.” Don’t take things personally It’s hard not to take things personally. But we have the capacity to take a step back and realize that what others do and say—even if it is negative and aimed at us—usually has more to do with their own situations than ours. Change the channel “Gritty people have the talent of ‘changing the channel’ in their heads when they are heading toward depression or a desire to quit,” says Caroline Miller. For a quick lift, try posting positive messages and meaningful images in your home or office that you can turn to anytime. Make a happy, uplifting playlist on your phone that you can access when your mood is dragging—or you are stuck in traffic! Choose whom you spend your time with regularly Your closest associations affect you more than you might realize, so choose to spend time with people who are kind and uplifting. Studies show that many of our emotions and character traits—positive and negative—are contagious. Those who have more grit are less likely to fall into a depression spiral, according to Caroline. “And you can increase your grit,” she says, “by being around those who model better ways of dealing with impatience, challenges and pessimistic thinking.” Rewrite the story of you In his best-selling book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., writes that we can change our relationships to our thoughts and feelings by paying attention to the dialogues that stream through our minds. “The stories we tell ourselves give us implicit limits and possibilities,” he says. If your story is holding you back, consider a rewrite with what’s possible. Be aware of your body Michelle McQuaid suggests being “more aware of what our bodies are telling us. And tuning in to the moments when we are feeling overwhelmed or stressed to recognize that our body is trying to tell us that something isn’t unfolding in the way we hoped. We need to understand what is causing our unease and make informed and conscious choices about how we can lean into the situation and learn what is happening.” Journal your thoughts Journaling can be a highly cathartic process as it heightens your awareness of both your thoughts and feelings. When you journal, you connect with yourself and express emotions—two emotionally healthy practices for getting you out of a dark or anxious place. Read more: Write Your Way to Insight Reach out Whether you reach out to a good friend, your network or a licensed psychologist, give yourself permission to seek help. It’s brave to face darkness head on and be self-aware enough to know when you need help. Take care of your own needs Many of us are great at meeting everyone’s needs except our own. Moms, for example, rule at this. The only problem is, if your needs are always coming last, they are probably not being met at all. No one can operate positively—including taking care of others—when his or her own physical and emotional needs are taking a backseat. Activate your own needs. For example, if you start taking time to exercise, you invest in your own physical and mental health and you increase your energy. Or, if you carve out space to read a good book or do an activity you love, your outlook is more positive because you are taking time to recharge with your own interests. Read more: Why Self-Care Isn't Selfish Recognize your strengths To build your resilience, recognize your strengths by making a list and give yourself credit for everything that you do, Judith Beck suggests. Consider making a list of wins. Don’t seek escape Many of us try to ignore negative feelings or distract ourselves with alcohol, food or other self-destructive tendencies. Instead, Michelle McQuaid recommends, lean into your unease. “This may mean gently challenging the stories you’re telling yourself about what is happening or what might happen … and choose the story that serves you best. Engage your strengths to take constructive action,” she says. Avoidance of pain or discomfort leaves no room for learning or growth. Shake up the status quo Take time to deeply reflect on your life. Sometimes a major life event can cause this kind of introspection, other times all it takes is a question. Increased self-awareness can lead to a happier and more fulfilling path. Use these questions to start. Exercise Hello, endorphins, there you are. Make sure your workout is sweat-inducing because that’s when you really experience the physiological and mental benefits. Read more: 8 Great Happiness Perks You Get From Exercise Make positive choices Every choice you make from dawn to dusk impacts how you feel about yourself. Even tiny decisions matter. Become conscious of how each decision you make has the ability to uplift or the ability to detract from how you feel. Catch yourself speaking nicely about someone when that person isn’t even in the room. Follow through on a commitment you made to someone. Smile at a stranger walking by. Share dessert. Stop comparing yourself to others Ah, the comparison game. Facebook and Instagram make the comparisons of life’s highlight reels easy to do. Instead of making yourself feel badly because you think others have it better than you, realize you are idealizing people. Everyone has something they are struggling with but the challenges and personal struggles often don’t often make it into your newsfeeds. Choose to be happy for people and their good news while keeping a foot in reality. Everyone has something they are shouldering. As Judith says, “Work to see the best in yourself, others and in your future.” Read more: Nothing Compares to You Give up the disease to please If you set your outlook or self-worth on whether others like you, your mood will go up and down like a rollercoaster ride. Instead, accept that not everyone is going to like you and it isn’t your job to see that they do. Listen to your gut and give your own opinions more value. Count blessings rather than dwell on the negative You always have a choice. The next time a negative thought tries to settle in, start listing all the things in your life you feel thankful for and happy about instead. The best way to feel mentally strong and ready to fight for your own happiness is to see yourself as a work in progress and build up your emotional toolkit with what you’ve learned from your experiences. David Burns says there’s only one person who can ever make you happy, and that person is you. Listen to our podcast with Dr. Joshua Smith on How Expressive Writing Can Improve Your Happiness Sandra Bienkowski is a regular contributor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

Woman volunteering in a garden with a group of people.

Giving

17 Ways to Give Back According to Your Strengths

Use your gifts. You’ve probably heard this advice before. Identifying your unique skills, character traits and innate talents can help guide you to a career you love, where you get to use those strengths every day. Your strengths also can be guideposts for how to give back and make the world a better place. Using your strengths—those things you are good at and enjoy—gives you energy and boosts your sense of well-being. And you can get the same benefits from helping others. According to Harvard Health Publications, people who volunteer their time and talents feel more socially connected (which can ward off loneliness and depression) and may experience better physical health, including lower blood pressure and a longer lifespan. When you combine your skills with giving back, you’ve got a powerful combination to make a difference to the community at large. This year, on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, we celebrate "Giving Tuesday," a global movement and day that celebrates and encourages giving back. Unlike Black Friday and Cyber Monday, which emphasize material gifts or discount purchases, Giving Tuesday celebrates philanthropy and kicks off the charitable season. Giving Tuesday is a great reminder to write a check to your favorite nonprofit organization. But beyond money, when it comes to planning where and how you will spend your time and energy, let your strengths guide you to the most impactful ways you can help the people and community around you. And keep in mind that giving to a friend, neighbor or family member can be just as significant as giving to an organization; you are still making a difference in someone’s life. Discover your strengths The first step is to identify your strengths. “Don’t go looking for them,” says Michael Mantell, Ph.D., a transformational behavior coach. “Your strengths are within you, not to be looked for or searched for, rather, to be revealed.” If you aren’t clear on what those strengths are, tune in to the compliments people give you. “Sometimes, it’s someone else who sees something inside of us that reveals our strength,” Michael says. If you are still unsure, look for what you are doing when you don’t notice time passing. Or, pick up clues by remembering what you loved to do as a child. Or you can take VIA’s free 10-minute survey to reveal your character strengths. Writing a check or volunteering your time with your favorite nonprofit organization is always a great idea. But we’ve pulled together a list of 18 creative ways for you to put your strengths to work when giving back this year. Ways to give back Are you a savvy businessperson or entrepreneur? Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, came up with a twist on tithing: Instead of giving away 10 percent of your money, he suggests giving 10 percent of your fantastic business ideas to nonprofits. Are you an animal whisperer? Consider fostering some furry friends from your local animal shelter. Expert swimmer? Volunteer to teach children how to swim at your local gym or YMCA. If you are an Eagle Scout, volunteer to work with Boy Scouts or a similar organization. You can work with kids or help the organization with its fundraising efforts. If you’re an avid reader, pass on a bookthat could change someone’s life. The right book could help someone start a business, improve a relationship or provide a confidence boost. Love fitness? Sign up for a charitable walk or run and give to a cause you care about. Or, ask someone to work out with you and be a fitness mentor. Is your thumb green? Lead a community garden project or teach kids how to care for flowers and plants. Are you a talented teacher or an expert in a specific subject such as writing or math? Talk to a local school about volunteering to be a tutor. If you have skills as an event planner, you can donate your time and talents to a fundraising event for a worthy organization. Well connected? How could you use your network to help someone else? The right introduction could lead to a job prospect, an increase in revenue or a new friendship. Are you great with children? Volunteer to watch your friend’s kids for an evening or host a slumber party for your kids and their friends. If you are highly empathetic? Use this powerful emotional tool to lend an ear to someone in need. Look into organizations that work with at-risk youth or with teens who have gone through the juvenile detention system. Have a little extra cash in your wallet? Think about buying something for a stranger. Pick up the tab for the person behind you at the coffee shop or at the tollbooth on the bridge. Do you have a knack for photography? Offer to photograph a friend’s wedding, a home someone is putting up for sale or the birthday party of one of your friend’s kids. Are you a good mentor? If you’re in the position to do so, hire an intern who is interested in doing what you do and show him or her the ropes. Do you have the eagle eye of a copy editor? Volunteer to review and polish a resume for someone in need—or better yet, volunteer your services to a deserving nonprofit. Love to cook or bake? Volunteer your talents at a local soup kitchen. Stay true to yourself by giving in the realms that make you the happiest. When you give back with your own talents, it doesn’t feel like work—it feels like an expression of who you are.

Practice

33 Ideas for Holiday Fun

From Donner and Blitzen to visions of dancing sugarplum fairies, we love spinning tales of the merry and miraculous. The holidays are always filled with happy memories from the past and the hope of good things to come. As you gather with family and friends this year, remember to be grateful for all that you have and share good tidings and cheer. 1. “Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.” —Edith Sitwell 2. Donate to Toys for Tots. 3. Write a holiday haiku. 4. Listen to “Christmas in Hollis” by Run-DMC. 5. Read The Artful Year: Celebrating the Seasons and Holidays with Crafts and Recipes by Jean Van’t Hul. 6. Watch A Christmas Story on TBS (over and over and over again). 7. “Human beings are social animals by nature and thus community is the basis of a happy life.” —His Holiness the Dalai Lama 8. Run a Turkey Trot. 9. Brew a winter ale. 10. Listen to “Snow Snow Snow” by Band of Merrymakers. 11. Watch It’s a Wonderful Life. 12. Read How the Grinch Stole Christmas! by Dr. Seuss. 13. “The need to belong, to feel cared for, and to depend on other individuals and groups to thrive and survive is an essential part of our human nature.” —Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D. 14. Create new traditions. 15. Donate a turkey to a women’s shelter. 16. Listen to “8 Days (of Hanukkah)” by Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings. 17. Watch Gremlins. 18. Read Gratitude by Oliver Sacks. 19. “It really boils down to this: that all life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied into a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one destiny, affects all indirectly.” ―Martin Luther King Jr. 20. Go sledding. 21. Attend a Festival of Lights. 22. Listen to “Old City Bar” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra. 23. Watch Trolls. 24. Read 365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life by John Kralik. 25. “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” —Buddy the Elf 26. Make mulled wine just to make the house smell good. 27. Show your kids how to make snow angels. 28. Listen to “The Man With All the Toys” by Brian Wilson. 29. Watch Pursuing Happiness. 30. Collect real pine cones and holly berries. 31. Express your gratitude often. 32. Read The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen. 33. Invite a friend or co-worker over for a family dinner.

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