education | Live Happy

Live Happy Tips for a Low-Stress Start to the School Year

3 Tips for a Low-Stress Start to the School Year

The last weeks of summer—before the typical school-time scheduling overload begins—are a good time for families to evaluate what went right during the previous school year, and what could have gone more smoothly. Take a minute to think about those details in order to improve your planning for the year to come. For your first step, make a “Family Mission Statement.” Write down what you want to accomplish this school year, both for your family as a whole and for each person individually, and discuss your top goals. Do you want to spend more time eating dinner together? Does your son want to apply and get accepted to college this year? Would your daughter like to join the swim team? Or do the kids need less scheduling and more free time? These goals will help determine how you address some of the problems below. Problem 1: Chaotic first days of school The first few days are the hardest. Here are my tips for getting back on track after those lazy days of summer. Modify your kids’ schedule during the two weeks before school starts. This means an earlier bedtime as well as an earlier wake-up time. Review and revise your summer technology-use rules. Do they still apply now that school is starting? Create a “charging station” in an area away from the kids’ rooms. (Beginning at a designated time each night, kids bring their devices and plug them in at that area—and screen time is over. Plus, the devices are fully charged and ready for use the next day.) Problem 2: Homework I hear a lot from parents about how difficult it is to get their kids to sit down and finish their homework. Here are a few time-tested tips for getting back into the routine. Make sure others in the house know to be respectful and quiet when someone is doing homework. Create a designated home study area. Gather all materials necessary to complete any type of assignment, and keep those materials in the study area (this will keep a child from having to get up and search for something in the middle of working on an assignment, and since brain research tells us that it can take more than 20 minutes to get back on topic after a distraction, we want to avoid one at all costs). Find a container to hold all the supplies in case the study area is in a space commonly used for other things, such as a kitchen table or den. The container can then be quickly and easily moved when needed. Include a timer with the study materials to easily determine 20-minute study periods and five-minute break periods for getting a snack, using the restroom or quick mental or physical breaks. Problem 3: Extracurricular scheduling Ask yourself the following questions as you organize extracurricular activities for the coming year: Last year, did your kids did have ample time for homework, hanging out with family and friends and extracurricular activities? What were the logistical and financial implications for your family? Is the activity an outgrowth of your child’s passion and desire, or is this something you want for your child for other reasons? How many activities can you reasonably take on? What are the pros and cons of each one? I hope these suggestions will provide a framework for a more realistic and positive start to the school year! Take it one day at a time, and remember: even baby steps taken one after the other will result in a change of course. Good luck! Susie Wolbe, Ed.D., is an experienced educator who writes frequently about mindfulness and positive education. Her most recent book is The Empowered Teacher: Proven Tips for Classroom Success.

Education

Does Grit Outweigh Talent?

You may remember this experience from your time at school: The principal stood in the auditorium and asked all the kids on the honor roll to stand up and come to the stage, while the rest of the students stayed seated and were instructed to clap. Awards ceremonies like these are intended not only to celebrate the successful students but also to inspire and motivate the other kids to strive for the honor next time around. But Angela Duckworth, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, believes that these well-intentioned scenes actually serve to cement kids’ place in school as either part of the “smart” or “not so smart” groups. “Kids really buy into the idea that they are innately capable or not,” she says. Yet Angela’s research has shown that academic achievement doesn’t come down to the IQ one is born with. What makes the difference is grit—hard work, practice and unyielding determination. In her new book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Angela presents her decade’s worth of research proving that grit trumps talent when it comes to success and satisfaction, whether you’re a freshman trying to make it through the grueling initiation at West Point, an athlete going for gold or a salesperson trying to make your numbers. Grit became an instant New York Times best-seller and sparked a “grit revolution” with readers professing to work toward their goals with renewed vigor and dedication. But the ultimate audience for Angela’s message, she hopes, is kids. As a former teacher, Angela’s personal mission and the ultimate goal of her lab work at the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center is to “use psychological science to help kids thrive.” Grit, Angela has found, is a key component in helping students reach their full potential. But how do you teach grit? After all, we all probably heard the platitudes “Practice makes perfect” and “Don’t give up!” thousands of times when we were growing up—not one of which made us study harder, sit at the piano longer or play baseball better. Angela spoke with Live Happy about meaningful ways to encourage children to work hard, love learning and flourish. Model possibilities “It’s not about the slogans you put on posters,” Angela says. And it’s not about drilling kids—Tiger-Parent–style—on their multiplication tables or periodic elements. “I’ve been in the position as a teacher where a kid keeps getting a problem wrong and it’s frustrating,” she says. “But when you let your exasperation show through your body language, facial expression and behavior, it sends a strong message that you’ve given up on the student. Kids pick up on that. Instead of thinking ‘This kid just can’t learn it’ when he or she struggles, we should ask ourselves, ‘What’s another way to teach this? What could I do differently?’ ” Adults should be as resilient in our teaching as we want our kids to be in their learning, she believes. “The best piece of advice I can give parents and teachers is to model a genuine sense of possibility for your kids.” Encourage self comparisons When you divide kids up in ways that make some feel like they are smart and others feel like they are not, Angela says, no one is motivated to do better. “I’d rather schools send the message to students that they are a team that is all learning things together, and that all kids learn at different rates. Students should only compare themselves to what they’ve done in the past. I think that’s the most meaningful way to learn and improve.” Angela’s suggestion for everyone, especially kids, is to compare yourself to your “yesterday self” and improve upon it. Is your kid reading more sophisticated books than she was two months ago? That is worthy of applause. Foster a passion Central to Angela’s conception of grit is following your passion. After all, it’s tough to stay motivated if you don’t ultimately love and enjoy what you’re doing. She’s a proponent of picking one or two top-level, passion-aligned goals and organizing the rest of your life around them. But with kids, the calculus is different. “Interests need to be discovered, and it’s a messy and inefficient and fun process. Kids need to be on the track team before they can realize they don’t like the track team,” she says. The hobbies don’t have to be formalized, either. Your child may enjoy being in a dance troupe, for example, but baking at home is just as much an “activity.” In later elementary and middle school, adolescents can begin to understand what it means to intensify an interest. “It’s such a wonderful and exciting thing when a kid gets into something.” So gently encourage your children or students to see what it would be like to delve deeper into things, Angela advises. “Novelty is so enticing, particularly for youth, so you have to find novelty within the same interest.” If your son loves cooking, spend lots of time whipping up omelets, of course, but sign him up for a nutrition class, too. If your daughter enjoys chess, introduce her to tournaments as well as other strategy games like backgammon or Dungeons & Dragons. Fall down, stand up Setbacks are a part of every learning curve, and your kids look to you to learn how to handle failure. So when you run more slowly than you had hoped in the 5K or when you don’t land the job or client you wanted, talk through the problem out loud. Explain what led to the disappointment—you didn’t get in enough practice runs, say, or you didn’t research the company deeply enough—and what you can do better next time. And don’t give up! Sign up for another race, and go after another client. By showing that losing can mean learning, your child won’t want to quit baseball the first time he strikes out. “A big part of grit is being optimistic and overcoming frustration,” Angela explains. Losing is a great opportunity to show the difference that practice can make, too. “Young kids shouldn’t spend all their time in serious- or goal-minded pursuits, but there can still be room for tiny amounts of practice in their days that continue to grow as they get older,” Angela says. Try it for two years By the time kids reach high school, Angela believes they should settle into a few favorite extracurricular activities. Not that they can’t or shouldn’t keep trying new things, but teenagers and beyond would do well to follow Angela’s two-year-rule: “Stick to one activity for at least two years. When you come back for another season of, say, field hockey or debate, you’ve grown. You learn different lessons from it and you bring different and valuable perspectives to it.” That doesn’t happen when you hop around from the Spanish Club one year to the cheerleading squad the next and guitar lessons another. Angela’s team has found that students who demonstrate progression—“they become a section editor and then editor-in-chief of the school paper over the course of high school,” Angela gives as an example—are more successful in college. And way, way beyond. The grit that builds confidence in kids and enables collegiate success can lead to a lifetime of joy. When any of us put time and effort toward pursuing a passion, we are richly rewarded with a strong sense of self-worth and a belief in ourselves and life’s possibilities…or in other words, happiness. What more could we want for our kids? Hear Angela speak about the importance of positive education in our podcast, here. To read more about Grit, see our book summary here. Patty Onderko is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in SUCCESS magazine and elsewhere.

Education

How the Liberal Arts Lost Its Happiness Groove

“The liberal arts are a luxury we just can’t afford.” You’ve probably heard some variation of that line before. I hear it all the time—from politicians, pundits, business leaders, the parents of my students, and (occasionally) from students themselves. With belt tightening and concerns about resources and employability in the new global economy, the sentiment is certainly understandable. But it leaves out something central about the liberal arts. At their core, they are about living the good life—a flourishing and happy life in the fullest sense of the words. Liberal arts are about what it means to be a human Let me explain. What we call the “liberal arts”—broadly speaking, subjects such as history, literature, foreign languages, philosophy, natural philosophy (science), and mathematics—derive from the classical artes liberales, those subjects that the Greeks and Romans believed were essential to making human beings fit for dignity and freedom (the Latin word liber means free). They frequently overlapped with the studia humanitates—what we call the “humanities”—essentially the study of what it means to be a human being. Great thinkers pondered happiness throughout history This was the foundational question of philosophy, whose central aim from Socrates forward was the investigation of happiness or human flourishing. It remained the question of philosophy for many centuries to come. Aristotle asked it. So did the Stoics and the Epicureans. In late Antiquity and the Middle Ages, St. Augustine, Boethius, and St. Thomas Aquinas wrestled with the question, as did Erasmus and Thomas Moore, among many others, in the Renaissance. In the 18th century, the great philosophers of the Enlightenment tended to agree with Voltaire, who declared that the “the great and only concern is to be happy.” And leading lights such John Stuart Mill continued to grapple with that concern well into the 19th century. The 20th Century decides: Happiness isn't cool But then something happened. In the 20th century, philosophers for the most part turned their back on the good life. They analyzed language; they thought about nothingness; they worried about alienation and nihilism. And centuries of thought about living well were largely dismissed, forgotten or ignored. A similar forgetting occurred in the study of literature, which had existed since its inception to provide pleasure to readers and enhance life with insights about the human condition. But in the 20th century, in the shadow of the Holocaust and two world wars, the study of literature was transformed into a negative affair. In such a climate, the positive seemed glib. Convinced that pain alone was profound and positive emotion somehow superficial and trite, academics across the world took the joy out of the novel, play, and poem, forgetting in the process to stress the themes that were always there between the pages: optimism and resilience, hope and forgiveness, gratitude and altruism, kindness, laughter, wonder and just plain fun. The dismal science It would be easy to trace this negative turn in other disciplines in the liberal arts and the humanities. Economics, which emerged in the 18th century to maximize the greatest happiness for the greatest number, became in the hands of its descendants the “dismal science,” devoted to maximizing profits. Politics, too, got caught up in the pursuit of power at the expense of the pursuit of happiness. Even the venerable discipline of history, whose very first document—The History of Herodotus—begins with an inquiry about the happiest man in the world, was transformed into a long chronicle of cruelty, oppression, injustice and not much else. “There is no document of civilization that is not at the same time a document of barbarism,” the influential critic Walter Benjamin declared. Not much room for happiness in that. A new look at the positive humanities Fortunately, with the dawn of the 21st century, things have begun to change, with students of the liberal arts and humanities today actively reclaiming their historic mission to examine and cultivate the good life. Similar to the shift in psychology in recent years toward a positive psychology that seeks to understand well-being and not simply disease, humanists are moving toward a “positive humanities,” which would draw out and focus on those aspects of the liberal arts that are of benefit to human flourishing and provide insight and guidance about how to live. Philosophers have begun to re-engage with the question of happiness and well-being. Students of literature are studying the great novels and poems of the world through the lens of happiness, drawing out themes that reckon not only with tragedy but with triumph and joy. For some time now, leading scholars in economics and politics have been pursuing gross national happiness in their works. And even historians have begun to write histories of happiness and positive emotion, making clear that the record of human achievement can inspire more than just despair. Optimism, hope and imagination The aim of this collective work is not to ignore suffering, as if life were just one big bowl of cherries, but rather to balance out the negative by drawing attention to the positive. The liberal arts provide a vast repository of wisdom about human well-being, and the positive humanities aim to bring its treasures back into view. Thus a recent anthology On Human Flourishing gathers classics of the world’s poetic heritage around themes such as insight, pride, self-love and resilience, ecstasy, elevation and rapture, consciousness expansion and growth, inspiration and imagination, optimism, idealism, and hope, wonder and awe, vitality and mindfulness, compassion, serenity, justice, and self-determination. The poets of the world have had deep and inspiring things to say about all these matters, and much besides. It is hardly barbaric to read their work with wonder and a smile. If the liberal arts can continue to return to its core mission of helping human beings to live well, then surely the richest civilization in the history of humanity can afford them. Happiness may be a luxury, but it is one that we all deserve. Darrin M. McMahon is a historian, author, and public speaker, who lives in Somerville, Massachusetts and is a Professor of History at Dartmouth College. He is the author of Happiness: A History, which has been translated into 12 languages and was awarded Best Books of the Year honors for 2006 by the New York Times, The Washington Post, the Library Journal, and Slate Magazine.

Illustration of boy flying out of a cage.

Education

Changing Lives

When President Obama visited ChristianChampagne’s Chicago high school, the18-year-old said it was one of the greatestdays of his life. That day, however, wastopped a year later when he was asked to introduce the president at a White Houseevent. With a boyish, yet confident, grin, Christian revealed that he refereesbasketball games, has a passion forbaseball and loves the White Sox. Butwhen the subject changed to the dangershe faces in his daily life, his grin fadedthough his fortitude remained.“My neighborhood is tough. It isn’talways safe,” Christian said at the event.“Just recently, I was robbed walking home from school, but those challenges havenot stopped me from wanting to have a better and safer place to live and work.” For millions of at-risk young peoplelike Christian, it’s easier to find troublethan it is to have a sturdy mentor in theirlives giving them the determination andwillpower to avoid the trappings of drugsand violence. Role-model mentoring Becoming a Man (BAM), created by theChicago nonprofit Youth Guidance, ismaking a difference with young malesconsidered most at-risk. The counseling,mentoring and violence-preventionprogram was designed to teach studentsin grades seven through six core values not taught within the walls of atraditional classroom. At the event, Christian repeated the character strengths mantra that BAMprides itself on: integrity, accountability,self-determination, positive angerexpression, visionary goal-setting andrespect for womanhood. It’s hard not toroot for a young kid with these goals,especially when they are tougher for him to achieve than someone his age who hasalways had a positive male influence in his life. Getting on the right track Statistically, the odds are stackedagainst Christian. But now, after being inthe program for two years, they’ve shiftedin his favor. He is less likely to engage in criminal behavior and more likelygraduate from high school. And assuming he stays on track, he will bemore inclined to return the favor andserve as a mentor for other youth. Jean Rhodes, Ph.D., a psychologyprofessor at the University ofMassachusetts Boston and the research director for the Center for Evidence-Based Mentoring, says the research isclear regarding youth who have a caringadult in their lives: They tend to do better,academically and behaviorally, and gofurther in life. For 25 years, Jean has been studyingand researching the topic of mentoring.Her interest in the subject was piquedwhile living in Chicago during the late’80s, when the crack epidemic had astranglehold on the nation. Sheinterviewed high-school students, tryingto understand why some resisted getting involved with drugs and taking part inbad behavior. What she found was that the students who didn’t succumb totemptation more often than not had astrong adult influence in their lives.Whether it was a neighbor or grandparentor teacher, someone held them to ahigher standard and thought they coulddo well in the world. A major responsibility For some of thosestudents, that relationship meant thedifference between life and death.“You have to take the role [of mentor]seriously,” Jean says. “You can’t just do ithalfheartedly. You have to do it entirely;you have to be a caring, empathic,trusting, attuned, open person and bethere for the long term.” The BAM students work in a groupsetting, developing their impulse-controlskills and learning how to manage their anger in an open and safe environmentalongside their peers, who are in similarsituations. The program’s counselors,who are all male and full-time socialworkers, are placed in schools and madeavailable for one-one-one counselingthroughout the day, ensuring the studenthas someone to turn to who canreinforce those skills taught in the groupand navigate them through any day-todayissues that may arise. This buildsconsistency and trust, crucial for amentoring relationship. “When we begin, it might be a littledifficult for a young man to open upand express himself,” says RichardDickinson, a BAM counselor. “Butthrough our curriculum and through the rapport built with the facilitator over ashort time, these young people can lookinside each other’s eyes and see that theyare not alone….A lot of the issues theyare going through are relatable toother people in the group, or that the facilitator himself has experiencedbefore. The building of trust forms acontainer that is safe enough to holdall of the issues that people are trying to address.” Gaining ground The program’s success has garnerednational attention, which has led toincreased funding and more kids included as mentees. Last year, ChicagoMayor Rahm Emanuel visited a groupat Harper High School in Chicago. Impressed, he pledged $2 million toBAM, expanding the program from600 boys to 2,000. This is good news for Richard, whosays he’s extremely proud that peoplewith the power to make a difference havefaith in these kinds of programs. Havingaccess to mentors can change trajectoriesand bridge income gaps by providingopportunities for their mentees toachieve and master their goals andinterests. And for the mentors, havingthat sense of accomplishment andgratitude gives meaning to their livesand increases their wellbeing, helpingthem flourish as people. The benefits of being a mentor “It’s probably the most rewardingwork you can do, knowing that you areactually impacting somebody’s life in apositive way,” Richard says. “To knowthat I am giving them something that isbeneficial, it’s a gift to me. We areworking with these young people toassist them with making their livesbetter, and in return, it’s making usbetter. It is a very interesting dynamic.”

Education

Positive Education: The School of Wellbeing

Imagine sending your kids off to school and them learning reading, writing, arithmetic and flourishing. That’s the concept of positive education, a trend that’s popular in Australia and England, and gaining traction in the United States. Positive education is about merging flourishing—positive emotion, engagement, positive relationships, meaning and accomplishment—with traditional education. While many schools focus primarily on academic performance, positive education is about developing your child’s sense of well-being and social responsibility. While the idea of helping students build on their strengths and nurturing their resilience and well-being has been at the heart of Montessori and Steiner approaches for some time, Dr. Martin Seligman is leading the effort to bring positive psychology into more schools. Martin believes the need for positive education is growing with the worldwide prevalence of depression among young people. So he works with staff, parents and students to teach his PERMA model—the five elements of well-being—with the ultimate goal of helping students flourish. (P) Positive Emotions—Feeling positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, interest, hope (E) Engagement—Being fully absorbed in activities that use your skills yet challenge you (R) Relationships—Having positive relationships (M) Meaning—Belonging to and serving something you believe is bigger than yourself (A) Accomplishment—Pursuing success, winning achievement and mastery Some examples of positive education in schools include positive behavior initiatives (teaching empathy and compassion), curriculum designed to increase confidence, and strength projects for children. Michelle McQuaid, a teacher of positive education in Australian schools (and Live Happy blogger), believes “success is achieved when a school leadership team collectively supports the idea of making the well-being of students as important as their academic achievements and inviting, connecting and empowering the whole school community around this idea,” including administrators, teachers, parents and students. “My vision is for children to receive an education that teaches them how to flourish intellectually, emotionally, socially and physically. For this to happen, they need to be a part of an education system that is flourishing—where leadership teams feel challenged and supported, where teachers feel engaged and appreciated, and parents feel confident and empowered,” McQuaid says. What Parents Can Do Praise children for effort rather than intelligence. When you tell a child “You are so smart,” they don’t understand what they have done and how to repeat it, so they fear making mistakes or view failures as being dumb. When you praise effort, children understand they can influence the result, and learn to view failures as learning opportunities. Provide a consistent family routine. Take an interest in what your children are learning. Encourage special interests. Turn off the TV and encourage children to have free playtime where they use their imagination and creativity. Give kids achievable jobs at home to develop a sense of responsibility and self-mastery. Celebrate who your children are, not just what they achieve. Help your children discover their strengths, including character strengths like kindness. Show your children how to master challenges and overcome frustrations with an optimistic and not pessimistic approach. Teach and show your kids how to go on the hunt for gratitude. Share things that are going well. Keep lobbying your children and educators to create a learning environment that allows your child to flourish. What Schools Can Do Assess what you are doing well already. Adopt the PERMA model. Embed positive education into your school strategy so it becomes your school culture. Evaluate your results to assess your effectiveness. Connect with other educators and schools to share your positive education journey and benefit from their knowledge, resources and experiences Sandra Bienkowski, owner of The Media Concierge, LLC, is a national writer of wellness and personal development content and a social media expert.

3 Tips for a Low-Stress Start to the School Year

Does Grit Outweigh Talent?

How the Liberal Arts Lost Its Happiness Groove

Changing Lives

Positive Education: The School of Wellbeing

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