Practice

Gratitude Why it works: Practicing gratitude has a profound effect both on the people who practice it and those who receive it. Gratitude can refocus your brain to start looking for what’s good in life, overcoming your natural negativity bias and making you feel more content about what’s going well in your life. How to practice it: Start keeping a gratitude journal; each day, write down three things you’re grateful for and soon your brain will find more to appreciate. Compassion Why it works: Compassion is the act of feeling the pain of others—which causes you to feel empathy—and then taking action to help. Practicing compassion takes you out of the space of focusing on your own needs. It slows breathing and releases the “bonding hormone” known as oxytocin and lights up areas of your brain related to pleasure. How to practice it: Perform acts of kindness for others and consciously notice—and try to help alleviate—their suffering. You both will benefit. Savoring Why it works: Noticing what is good and pleasurable around you allows you to be in the moment. Basking in the positive emotions you’re feeling, like awe, hope and love, increases your appreciation for the moment. How to practice it: When you’re experiencing something good, take a mental picture or “emotional snapshot.” This encourages you to explore more deeply what is happening so you can remember it later, which also heightens the appreciation you’re having at that moment. Optimism Why it works: Looking at the bright side has an upside: Optimists statistically not only live longer, but they live better, with a much lower risk of dying from diseases like cancer, heart disease and stroke. Being optimistic lowers your stress response, which leads to better health (and happiness) overall. How to practice it: Start each day by writing down what you’re most looking forward to that day; just as with gratitude, you’ll soon automatically start looking for things to be excited about. Mindfulness Why it works: Much of our anxiety comes from worrying about the future; often depression is linked to regrets about the past. Mindfulness reminds us to stay in the moment and focus on what is happening to us right now; the more we practice it, the more we learn to live in the moment. How to practice it: There are many ways to practice mindfulness, but it all comes back to being in the moment. Whether this means noticing your breath, walking with mindful intention or eating with awareness, it’s all about slowing down and embracing the present. Giving Back Why it works: Multiple studies show that giving back makes us happier. Whether that means giving money to a stranger in need, volunteering with a favorite charity or doing something for a friend or family member, it gives us what’s known as a “helper’s high”—and makes us want to do more good. How to practice it: There are countless opportunities to practice giving back every day. Give blood. Volunteer your time. Donate items you no longer use. Do something kind for an elderly neighbor. Look around, and you might be surprised to see how many ways there are to give back—and how much you have to give.

According to the 2012 U.S. Census, people who consider themselves healthy are about 20 percent happier than the average Joe, while those who are unhealthy are about 8.25 percent less happy. So what can happiness do for your health? Here’s a look at five great health benefits of happiness: It boosts your immune system. Repeated studies on the immune system show that people with a high level of positive emotion who were exposed to viruses were better able to ward off illness. It strengthens your heart. Chronic anger and anxiety take a toll on your cardiovascular system; studies show that people with a high level of hope and optimism have a lower risk for coronary heart disease. It may help reduce pain. Many studies dealing with arthritis have shown happier people have less pain and stiffness; it also has been shown to reduce pain related to other conditions. It helps you sleep better. Sleep’s role in our overall health is becoming more widely recognized. We know now that when you sleep better, it improves your cognitive function, your ability to regulate your weight and boosts your immune system. (Not to mention making you way less grumpy!) Studies show a link between happiness and better sleep, contributing to that much-desired “upward spiral” of happiness. It lengthens your lifespan. There’s a strong link between positive well-being and longevity. Even with chronic conditions like heart disease, happier people tend to outlive their grumpy counterparts. Healthy Happiness Habits If you want to boost your happiness so you can increase your health, try some of these scientifically proven methods: Get outside. Being in nature is a natural mood-booster. Practice gratitude. Gratitude refocuses your attention and makes you appreciate the good things in your life. Develop a mindfulness or meditation practice. Slowing down and looking inward has medically proven benefits, and also helps you sleep better. Exercise. It’s good for your physical well-being but also plays a key role in boosting your mood. Eat a healthy diet. Healthy foods lead to a happy brain—and you’ll improve your health, too! This article originally appeared in the October 2018 edition of Live Happy magazine.

In 2009, Gina Mulligan was diagnosed with breast cancer. As word spread to friends and family, dozens of handwritten letters and cards of encouragement began pouring in, many from people she’d never met. Before long, Gina looked forward to the mail’s arrival each day. The mailman typically delivered late in the afternoon, following her radiation therapy treatments, causing her to approach her sessions with a hint of excitement as she anticipated what might be coming that day. “I would read the letters and just relax after treatments that were so scary,” Gina says. “There was this warmth from being surrounded physically by these cards and letters.” Fast-forward two years: With active treatment behind her, Gina wanted to give back to other women who might not have the support she did. In August 2011, Gina founded Girls Love Mail, a nonprofit whose army of volunteers writes and sends handwritten letters to women who have been newly diagnosed with breast cancer. To date, the organization has distributed some 141,000 letters to women across the United States through its partnering cancer centers and programs. “I realized how powerful it is to get something handwritten,” Gina says. “Those letters were part of my healing.” Though she also received heartfelt emails and social media messages, those didn’t impact her in the same way. “I didn’t print the emails out,” Gina says. “A handwritten letter is more than just the words. It’s the stationery, the ink—all of those personal touches that really come through when it’s written by hand.” Mary Savig, curator of manuscripts at the Smithsonian Institution’s Archives of American Art—which contains hundreds of thousands of handwritten letters from artists and art-world figures—chimes in: “People have very physical responses to handwritten letters, whether you’re the writer or the receiver. You can really feel the presence of an author in a way that’s difficult to translate in a lot of other media.” But in this age of smartphones, tablets and laptops, it may seem like writing by hand is taking a backseat to these time-saving technologies. Take a 2012 survey of 2,000 British residents that found 1 in 3 respondents hadn’t written anything by hand in the previous six months, while on average respondents hadn’t put pen to paper in 41 days. “It’s novel these days to write by hand—to do something manually,” says Pablo Tinio, associate professor of education foundations at Montclair State University and co-editor of Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts. That makes you wonder: How can we benefit from setting our screens aside and jotting down our thoughts on paper? Handled With Care A 2003 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology suggests that an object’s quality is determined by the perceived amount of effort that went into its production. Researchers conducted three experiments in which undergraduate students were asked to judge the quality of a poem, paintings, and medieval arms and armor. In each experiment, researchers manipulated the perceived effort invested. For example, they told one group of participants that the poem took the writer four hours to compose, while informing a second group that it took 18 hours to complete. The results? Participants rated the objects that required more effort higher in quality each time. “There seems to be an intuitive sense, both from the maker and the receiver, that higher value is placed on something that takes more effort,” Pablo says. That helps explain why handwritten notes often resonate on a deeper level with recipients than those that are typed or emailed, just as they did for Gina. “It’s the difference between writing a condolence email versus a letter,” says Abby Smith Rumsey, historian and author of When We Are No More: How Digital Memory Is Shaping Our Future. “Writing signals a kind of intentionality that mechanical means don’t have. People who receive letters know that the person who sent it made lots of choices: the paper, ink, color of ink, the words. They know the person thought about what they were saying before they wrote it because there’s no autocorrect.” But it’s not just the recipient who benefits, as psychotherapist and corporate consultant Maud Purcell points out. “The act of writing clarifies your thoughts and feelings,” she says. When you write a note to a loved one, Maud says, you may be empathizing with them in your mind and heart if there’s something going on with them. “If in writing a letter you’re showing concern for them, if it gives you a sense of connectedness because you’re sharing your own experiences with them—all of these things are very healthy.” In Good Hands Undoubtedly, the ability to send emails or quickly type on our keyboards has positively impacted our lives—but the proven benefits that accompany handwriting can’t be overlooked. Exhibit A: journaling, a method of self-expression that Maud says can be any kind of writing—anytime, anywhere. The value comes as you’re able to get in touch with your thoughts and feelings. “The act of writing brings things that are just below the surface of consciousness to the fore,” Maud says. “If you sit down every morning and write your thoughts and feelings in a stream-of-consciousness way, you may end up inadvertently solving a problem you’ve been wrestling with.” The reason? Writing activates the left side of the brain, which is analytical and rational, Maud explains. While the left brain is engaged, the right side is free to intuit and feel. “Journaling allows the creative part of the brain to kick in so that when we’re not thinking, answers can come to the fore,” Maud says. “Not to say that there’s still not value in the keyboard, but the physical act of writing is more impactful and brings more to the surface. There’s a kind of catharsis that comes with it.” Not to mention the role handwriting plays in learning: Studies have revealed that writing notes by hand helps students better retain information, and some experts believe cursive writing can help kids with dyslexia learn to read more easily. Virginia Berninger, professor emerita of educational psychology at the University of Washington, researched the effect handwriting has on the brain. In a five-year study of children in first through seventh grades, she found that printing, cursive writing, and using a keyboard each make unique contributions to the literary process. “When you write by hand, you have to form the letter stroke by stroke,” Virginia says. “It’s that production that helps our perception of letters in reading.” The idea that production improves perception can help explain the results of a 2008 study in the Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience. Researchers found that adults had an easier time recognizing new characters—like Chinese and math symbols—after writing them with pen and paper than they did after producing the characters on a keyboard. “The bottom line is we need to develop kids that are hybrid writers who can print, do cursive, and type,” Virginia says, “because each one of these has its benefits.” Make Your Mark The tension between handwriting and technology isn’t new: Other forms of technology, including the typewriter and telephone, were also once poised to destroy handwriting. The good news? There’s a place for both, as the invention of digital pens—which allow users to scrawl handwritten notes on digital devices—shows us. “While writing letters will probably never be our primary means of communication again, that doesn’t mean we can’t ask handwriting to do different things for us,” Mary says. “I remain optimistic about handwriting—it’s probably not going anywhere.” It seems handwriting has a sort of gritty staying power, and whether we’re scribbling a thank-you letter, penning a journal entry, or learning a new language, we can continue to reap the benefits of this ancient practice that has the ability to reveal our personality, connect with others, calm our minds, and learn easier all at the same time. Take it from Gina, who recalls the power one simple letter can hold: “I received a short note from a woman who told me that I was amazing just the way I was,” Gina says. “Her words were comforting and gave me strength—it was very healing to be told it was fine to just be myself.” This article originally appeared in the October 2018 edition in Live Happy magazine.

Over the last two years, I spent a lot of time helping my colleague Sandy Lewis launch her business. I live in Washington state and traveled to her community in Texas to help. Through many texts and phone calls, I provided advice and served as a mentor. She told me she would never have achieved the success she did without my help. She is always grateful and appreciative. It should be no surprise that we have become close friends, almost like sisters. I value how ourrelationship has matured, that we can be honest with each other with no concern about feeling weak or wrong. Knowing that I am always just a phone call away, she forges ahead and has achieved notable success while growing through the inevitable ups and downs.All this time, her husband, John, had been quietly observing all the positive changes and growth in his wife, knowing that it was through our relationship that she was becoming a strong businesswoman. While I was visiting Texas last year, John told me he was so appreciative of my efforts to help his wife that he wanted to reciprocate.Despite my concerns about the distance, and time and money investments it would take for him to visit me in Washington, he continued to insist. Knowing that my home desperately needed numerous repair and improvement jobs,John asked me to make a list. Although retired from his career in sales,he is an accomplished carpenter and “fix-it” handyman who thoroughly enjoys this hobby. So, despite my concerns, John packed up his four-door Honda sedan with every hand and power tool imaginable, plus a ladder, table saw, chain saw, nails, etc. He then drove 2,200 miles in three days from Kerrville, Texas, to Lacey, Washington. He set to work immediately, rebuilding a fence and new gate.As if that was not enough, he tore out a rotten porch, built a replacement, installed new siding on the house, cut down trees and installed a new screen door and a smoke detector.Here for two weeks, he also fixed my broken toilet, got the automatic garage door to work and repaired a portion of my roof, among other things. He made numerous trips to local lumberyards and home improvement stores.(My responsibility was to supply the investment for all materials).Getting an early start each day, he was like the Tasmanian devil of solving problems and making a difference. Two weeks later to the day, we packed up his car for the return trip, and he drove back to Texas. Who does this?! You can only imagine my delight as I watched the transformation of my home. It was one of the most memorable and heartfelt experiences of my life.My neighbors were astounded, having never imagined such a selfless act of giving that John demonstrated. It has taken me many years to develop an “ask for help” attitude. What I have learned is that most people want to help—some even are desperate to help—and that they have talents and experiences that are hugely valuable.Accepting help can feel daunting or even threatening, but most of the time it is the best path to success.It also fosters relationships that mature over time.And it lends both parties an opportunity to reciprocate—which can lead, as in this case, to a most generous and unexpected surprise. This article originally appear in the December 2015 issue of Live Happy magazine.

While forgiveness has been cherished and heralded across cultures for centuries, it’s not as common as you might expect. In the United States, for example, its average rank is 19th out of 24 character strengths. The practice of forgiveness is complex, but the research is clear on one thing: It is a process. It’s not something that you do one time and receive dramatic results, especially if you’ve been deeply hurt. Forgiveness involves many character strengths: Bravery—the courage to be vulnerable. Wisdom—seeing the bigger picture. Self-regulation—not ranting, exploding or expressing grudges. Humility—placing attention on the other person. Learning to forgive has great benefits, both physical and psychological. Science shows us this is largely because when we forgive others, we let go of our own suffering.

If you have ever wondered if you were truly satisfied with your life but couldn’t tell for sure, science has a way to give you the answers. The Satisfaction with Life Scale (SWLS), developed by Gallup senior scientist Ed Diener, is structured to assess the broad scope of satisfaction within your life, meaning your life as a whole. The scale consists of five statements, the first three dealing with the present and the last two dealing with the past, for you to strongly agree or strongly disagree with: In most ways, my life is close to my ideal. The conditions of my life are excellent. I am completely satisfied with my life. So far, I have gotten the most important things I want in life. If I could live my life over, I would change nothing. Depending how you answer, the results should give you a good sense of how things are going in your life in general. There are many factors that go into how we view satisfaction. People who score high on the scale generally have positive social relationships with family and friends, meaningful accomplishments and strong personal growth. People who score lower on the scale may not be happy with how things are currently going. They may have an unfulfilling career path or haven’t surrounded themselves with enough people who care about them. Temporary dissatisfaction, as Ed points out, is common and in some cases, even motivating. It may be time to reflect and make the necessary changes to improve your life if the dissatisfaction persists. The SWLS has been translated into many different languages and has been used in hundreds of studies to give researchers a global understanding of life satisfaction. It, among other similar questionnaires, can be found at UPenn’s Authentic Happiness site. Participating only takes a few minutes of your time and your answers can be part of the research.

Driving home from a family gathering or a dinner with friends, you might conjure up a being who looks like you but behaves differently. He or she was more gregarious at the party, slower to anger at a sister-in-law’s snarky comments and assertive when a colleague offhandedly dismissed a solid proposal. Pretty much all of us, psychologists say, harbor visions of a new and improved version of ourselves. “A vast majority of people want to change at least some aspect of their personality,” says Nathan Hudson, Ph.D., a researcher at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. A study he co-authored found that when it came to tweaking personality traits, 87 percent of participants wanted to become more extroverted while 97 percent said they’d like to increase their conscientiousness. Not very long ago, experts would have said that those hopes were nearly as futile as the wish to be two inches taller. A concept of personality called the “Big Five” emerged in the 1970s, developed by researchers at the National Institutes of Health, the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor and the University of Oregon. According to this model, an individual’s personality is a blend of five core dimensions. These include the two traits that Nathan mentions above: extroversion (outgoing, talkative, sociable) and conscientiousness (organized, disciplined, trustworthy). The other three dimensions are agreeableness (compassionate, kind and friendly), openness to experience (creative, curious) and neuroticism (people low in this trait are calm and confident while those on the other end of the scale are prone to anxiety, anger and depression). A growing body of research is leading experts to revise the view that these core traits are rooted in genetics and mostly fixed in adulthood. The longest-running personality study ever undertaken, for example, shows that our personality changes dramatically over our lifetime. In 1950, researchers at the University of Edinburgh rated some 1,200 14-year-olds in Scotland on six personality traits, from self-confidence to perseverance. Six decades later, the researchers tracked down and reassessed nearly 200 of those original participants. Their findings: Thanks to small incremental changes over the decades, there was no significant correlation between the traits people had as teens and the ones they displayed as seniors. In other words, they were dramatically different individuals at 77 than they had been at 14. Those findings don’t surprise psychologist and adult development pioneer Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. In a landmark study, she followed a single group of women and men from their years as undergraduates well into middle age. As she notes in her book, The Search for Fulfillment: Revolutionary New Research That Reveals the Secret to Long-Term Happiness, our robust ability for change doesn’t carry a “best by” date. “At any age, anyone can feel fulfilled, can create a sense of meaning, and, essentially can find happiness—no matter what their level of satisfaction was in their youth.” In a personal example, she recently left the rambling home she lived in for 33 years in Amherst, Massachusetts, and moved across the state to Boston to join the faculty at the University of Massachusetts Boston. “I wanted something new,” she says. “Moving out of my house was agonizing, but also very liberating.” Susan adds, “The great thing is that when you start to tinker with the behaviors that bother you, you’ll start to change the way you think about yourself. Your narrative goes from ‘I’ve always been a worrywart,’ which is high on neuroticism, to ‘I can feel relaxed if I want to.’ Seeing yourself in charge of your personality rather than being run by it may be the key to having your personality suit instead of define you.” One of the clear findings in Nathan’s recent research at the University of Illinois with fellow researcher Christopher Fraley is that small changes can have big payoffs. Yet, “It’s not sufficient to merely make an intention to change a personality trait. People have to actually change their behaviors, week by week, with small, realistic and attainable goals.” Try these six expert tips to begin making real and lasting personality adjustments. How to Get Started 1. Look forward to looking back. “Live your life when you’re young as if you’re looking back on it when you’re old,” Susan advises her students. The same thing holds at any point in your life. Five years from now, you’ll be glad you decided to put more effort into your marriage, signed up for that watercolor class or gave online dating a chance, whatever the outcome. “People think the only way to change is to go completely all off the rails,” Susan says. “But ‘change’ with a lowercase c can be easier to wrap your head around and surprise you in how much it impacts your happiness.” 2. Find your motivation. “You can’t prioritize everything,” says Alice Boyes, Ph.D., author of The Healthy Mind Toolkit: Simple Strategies to Get Out of Your Own Way and Enjoy Your Life. “It takes cognitive effort and discipline to make a change from whatever comes most naturally to you, so find the bigger reason for making a change, like stronger relationships or a more satisfying work life.” “People devalue incremental improvements,” Alice says. “But what I call micro-steps might completely solve a problem and have a big impact on your happiness.” Feeling distant from your spouse? If you spend 180 minutes a day together, make a commitment to devote just 10 percent of those moments—18 minutes in all—to being more emotionally connected. Turn off the TV, put away your smartphones and engage in a conversation about something other than politics or household chores. “Over time,” she says, “that can really lead to a relationship that feels closer.” 3. Get real with yourself about what you’re willing to do. Consider obstacles when you’re forming a plan for, say, losing weight or eating healthier, Alice says. Saying you’re going to eliminate all white foods from your diet is unrealistic when your favorite dish at the corner bistro is linguini with clam sauce. You might, however, be willing to replace white bread with whole wheat and experiment with different types of pasta, like brown rice or quinoa, when you’re cooking at home. 4. Respect your temperament. “Acting out of character can have a depleting effect on us,” says Cambridge University psychologist Brian Little, Ph.D. That’s true whether you’re a natural-born introvert trying to behave more gregariously or you’re attempting to temper a combative personality. Brian’s advice is to seek out what he calls “restorative niches,” where you can allow your inborn temperament to roam free. A self-described “lifelong introvert,” Brian sometimes gives daylong presentations. By the end of the morning sessions, he’s feeling depleted and over-aroused. To recharge for the afternoon sessions, he declines invitations to lunch with colleagues and instead spends the hour taking a recuperative, solitary walk. 5. Accept that you’ll experience a mix of positive and negative emotions. Stepping out of your comfort zone is, by definition, uncomfortable. But, says Alice, there’s power in learning to tolerate emotions like anxiety, frustration, doubt or envy. “[It] opens up a world of possibility for what you can accomplish,” she says. “Choosing the most meaningful path over the most comfortable one will help you reach your potential.” 6.  Expand how you define yourself. A rigid self-identity can cause you to underestimate the available opportunities and choices, Alice says. If you define yourself as polite and easygoing, you may not be able to imagine yourself being assertive in asking for what you want. With flexibility, you can give expression to less dominant parts of yourself—the hidden extrovert, the sometime adventurer. “Every new situation provides us with an opportunity to bring any sides of ourselves that we want to that situation,” Alice says. Brian, in his influential book, Me, Myself, and Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being, says there has been a “sea change” in how psychologists view the link between personality and a motivation to change. “Under this new perspective, genes influence us as do our circumstances, but we are not hostage to them,” he writes. The “personal commitments and core projects that we pursue in our daily lives” allow us to rise above what are our natural inclinations. And, he notes, the new science of personality overlaps with positive psychology. Instead of only emphasizing pathology or shortcomings, it’s just as concerned “with positive attributes like creativity, resiliency and human flourishing.” “Change is what our lives are about,” Susan concludes in The Search for Fulfillment.  “No matter how you started out or where you are now, it is possible for you to get back on track with your original goals and dreams, or to find and define new ones. Your life’s script is one that you can write any way you want to, starting right now.” This article was originally published in the October 2018 edition of Live Happy magazine.

In order to stay emotionally healthy during the final stage of the election cycle, it’s essential to remain emotionally elevated above the chaos. Recognize that an election cycle that has been this long, this negative and this intense, is bound to have an emotional impact because this event has created a frenzied frequency that people are feeling stuck in. In reality, this election has made the emotional environment that we all inhabit together the most reactive environment in American history. This is especially difficult for those who are more emotionally sensitive and are constantly absorbing the chaos in the environment and becoming more distressed with each day. With years of reactivity from the top-down infiltrating our society, this last stage of the election cycle is like a fever pitch of activity. It’s no wonder so many people feel more reactive and more emotionally exhausted than ever. For this reason, it’s critical that we shift all the emotional reactivity that has trickled down and spread rapidly across social media into intentionality that allows us to stay connected to ourselves and an empowered vision for our future. For the most emotionally sensitive people, this election driven reactivity can create a complete shutdown from overstimulation and isn’t sustainable. At times like this, it’s never been more important to turn our emotional reactivity into epic emotional strength. We can do this by shifting our reactivity to the election into a state of connectedness to the intentions we have for ourselves and our country. Turning emotional reactivity into epic emotional strength comes from following a set of strength training techniques called The Method. The Method works like this: 1. Stay connected to your Self to know if you are in a reaction or in an intention. Check in with yourself as often as you check your phone, so you keep building a connection to your Self instead of continually disconnecting from your Self due to stress. 2. Be intentional with your communications with your Self and others so you're communicating with intention instead of communicating to your Self or anyone else in reaction to something. It’s easy to be in a reactive state and have all of your internal and external communication come from a reactive place rather than an intentional one, so make sure you're communicating intentionally. 3. If you find that you’re in a reactionary state, make a shift by choosing an intention and harnessing all your emotions into an outcome that you want to create. Focus on your outcomes over your reactions. Shift what would otherwise be a chain of reactions you might get stuck in, into a chain of intentions you’ll feel great about, and you’ll feel immediately more elevated and above all of the reactive ruckus around the election. 4. Say and do only what will create your outcomes in order to be productive instead of reactive. No matter how tempting it may be to speak and behave out of reaction, take action that is intentional and designed to create a desired outcome. This will shift all of the distress into success and in doing so you can rise above the reactivity of the election and declare yourself victorious.