Veronika Scott of The Empowerment Project

Stitching Lives Back Together

It’s a wonder no one had thought of it before: Invent a coat that converts into a blanket or sleeping bag—and then give it to homeless people. That was Veronika Scott’s idea in 2011 for a design class at Detroit’s College for Creative Studies. It’s an idea that became real—The Empowerment Plan—and has morphed into a larger mission: to help the city’s homeless women reclaim their lives.Sewing with purposeVeronika says the mission serves a dual purpose. “We are not only equipping women with the skills that they need to become independent...but we are also creating a product that directly impacts the same population we are hiring from.” The Empowerment Plan offers a microloan for housing, transportation or education to each woman hired to sew coats. So far, 18 seamstresses have moved out of the homeless shelter within their first three to six months of employment, according to Veronika.Becoming empoweredIn 2013, her group distributed 3,500 coats and an estimated 5,000 in 2014. Angel Tyler, a mother of two, lost her job in 2013 and ended up in a Detroit shelter. Her new job as a seamstress at The Empowerment Plan gives her a life and a future.“I have received my self-worth, confidence and security back,” Angel says. “I am able to provide for my children and to use what I have been through in life to help uplift others. I can show my children that they can be more than where they have come from. The Empowerment Plan has given back to me what I felt was lost.”
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Shane Claiborne

A Twist of Faith

Conversations with Shane Claiborne begin and end with laughter. Laughter when he talks about the pranks he and his buddies pulled rappelling down the side of a college dorm. Laughter when he recalls splashing through fire hydrant waterfalls with neighborhood kids on a steamy summer afternoon. Laughter when he talks about the night he and a bunch of homeless moms and kids in Philadelphia outsmarted a fire chief who was caving to political pressure. Turns out, the chief was trying to evict the women and kids from an abandoned church in North Philadelphia’s “Badlands,” an area known for drugs, where they’d taken refuge from the cold autumn winds that swept off the Delaware River a few blocks away. The women had moved inside the church and were sleeping with their children on pews and on the floor in the unheated structure. Then the religious organization that owned the church wanted them out.Seeds of activismShane and his buddies from Eastern University had been at the church to pray with the families and offer support. However, unbeknownst to the group, the city’s fire chief had scheduled a surprise inspection for 7 a.m. The plan was to inspect the church, “discover” a bunch of fire code violations, boot everyone out and then the police would enforce the order.But not all of the rank-and-file firefighters were on board. Later that night, two firefighters arrived to tip off the families and help bring the church up to code. By dawn, with Shane, his friends, the firefighters and the mothers working all night, the church was in compliance with every requirement of the fire code. Fire extinguishers. Exit signs. Wiring. The whole enchilada.The chief arrived, stomped through the structure, then left. The moms and kids stayed, and Shane realized that he’d just stumbled into what he was supposed to do with his life.The Simple WayShane is a radical. Make no mistake about it. He emerged out of the Bible Belt of East Tennessee, spent some time in his youth as a self-professed Jesus freak, attended a prestigious Christian college, grew a wild mane of dreadlocks, interned at arguably the largest, most-affluent Protestant church in America, and did graduate work at Princeton Theological Seminary.But Shane doesn’t practice his faith in a traditional way. He does it by feeling his way along the path he senses God has laid out in front of him, one shaped by sleeping on the streets of Chicago with the homeless, working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta and breaking bread with the oppressed, the tortured and the abandoned. As he writes in his book, The Irresistible Revolution, “I learned more about God from the tears of homeless mothers than any systematic theology ever taught me.”Purpose into practicePursuing this path has been Shane’s single-minded purpose for two decades. It’s not that he’s left the traditional practices of religious life behind. Prayer, caring for others, scripture, contemplation and communion are the touchstones of his existence. No, it’s more that he’s returning to simpler, more spiritual roots.He’s ditched the big-mortgage church for a small community church in his neighborhood. He’s abandoned the pastoral manse for a fixer-upper row house in the Badlands that cost a few thousand dollars. And he’s helped create a small, intentional community of six to eight men and women who live and pray and work together every day of their lives.Finding "The Simple Way"That community, calling itself The Simple Way, is, as their website boldly declares, “a web of subversive friends conspiring to spread the vision of ‘Loving God, Loving People and Following Jesus’ in our neighborhoods and in our world.” It’s a noble purpose. And fueled by their passion, the community members began getting the hang of how to do it.“When we started 16 years ago, we were reacting to crises,” Shane says. “We were feeding 100 people a day and trying to help people with housing issues.” There are still crises, he says, but over the years, the neighborhood has stabilized. Even when people have housing issues, they’re likely to stay in the neighborhood. And now the community has aquaponic systems, gardens, rain barrels and the ability to grow its own food.A new kind of paradise“One friend says we’re trying to bring the Garden of Eden to North Philadelphia,” he says. But even the Garden of Eden had a touch of evil slithering around, and some days, Shane and his friends help their neighbors simply by accompanying them through the dark times. For example, a young man was shot dead on his block. (“Gun violence is a big focus here,” Shane says.)So the group supports its neighborhood by offering a loving presence and helping neighbors find ways to express their grief, their anger and their expectation of a better day. At one gathering, the neighborhood came together to follow the biblical injunction to “turn swords into plowshares.” “We [had the guns melted], did a kind of welding workshop, got a forge and heated the guns,” he says. “Then the mothers who had lost kids to gun violence beat the guns into trowels.”Expanding the movementUsing the trowels in the garden to grow food that would feed the next generation of kids was a powerful statement of the women’s determination that love would triumph over hate, forgiveness over anger, good over evil.Acts like these have only shined the light brighter on Shane and his personal brand of the Christian lifestyle—and are attracting attention from across the religious spectrum. Each year, he receives invitations to speak at more than a hundred events in a dozen or more countries and nearly every state. He has led seminars at Vanderbilt University, Duke, Pepperdine, Wheaton College, Princeton and Harvard.Shane may be on to something, with his simple, purposeful and passionate approach to faith, and maybe, just maybe, we could learn something from him.
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Jennifer States

Harnessing the Wind

Looking out from her office window in Port Angeles, Washington, toward the Strait of Juan de Fuca that separates Canada from the United States, Jennifer States talks quickly and with such excitement that one word tumbles over another and vibrates with energy.“I was always passionate about the environment,” Jennifer says. “I grew up in a farming community in Nebraska with wind turbines on every farm. I majored in politics and government in school, but when I got out, I did some work for the Sierra Club, then started my own consulting firm.” Clients were few, but one, the Union of Concerned Scientists, gave Jennifer the gravitas she needed to be invited as a speaker to a Kansas conference on small wind.Starting a "wind group"“I did the presentation and somebody in the audience from an urban renewal company in Germany actually asked me if I’d be interested in heading up a wind group in Kansas,” Jennifer says. She had no experience, but that wasn’t a deterrent. The company rep told her: “We’ve got the experience in Germany. We just need somebody who knows wind and politics in the Midwest.” Jennifer laughs. “And I’m all of 26 years old, right?”So she packed a bag, headed for Lawrence, Kansas, and became the managing director of JW Prairie Wind Power. “Getting wind to Kansas became a passion,” Jennifer says. She hit the ground running, working on legislation, dealing with state legislators and pulling together testimony for their committees.Going where the wind blows“I turned out to be a natural at talking with policymakers,” she says. “I’d hear them, hear their concerns, listen to others, hear their concerns, then figure out how one policy or another could be good for everyone.”Unfortunately, Kansas rejected wind. So, Jennifer started thinking about another job. But just as she was about to begin making calls, Pacific Northwest National Laboratory, a U.S. Department of Energy research lab based in Richland, Washington, recruited her as its program manager. She accepted, moved to Washington with her husband, and took on the responsibility of developing wind and water-power business.Moving into public policy“After a year on the job, I was asked to do an assignment in Washington, D.C.,” Jennifer says. The Obama administration had just come into office and they needed help. “I got a call from the Secretary of Energy’s office. We were in a recession and he wanted to know why renewable energy projects—wind, solar, hydro—weren’t being built.” Jennifer had 24 hours to find out, do some research, develop recommendations to rectify the situation and write them up.“A month later, I could see the language I came up with in the American Reinvestment and Recovery Act.” She smiles. “The president signed it on my birthday.”Rising starAs a result of her work, over 20,000 renewable energy projects were funded—and Jennifer received the Women of Wind Energy Rising Star Award. Several other assignments to governmental hot spots to solve energy problems kept Jennifer flying back and forth between the nation’s capital and her home with her husband in Washington state. Eventually, though, “I began to feel as though I were a bureaucrat pushing paper. I just wasn’t pursuing my passion anymore. And I missed my home.”Closer to homeToday, back at home in Washington and with her cross-country flights behind her, Jennifer is the director of business development for the Port of Port Angeles and about to create an infrastructure that will stimulate growth of the area’s airport, marina, boat haven and deep-water terminals. It will also bring in a complex network of businesses, technology and skilled workers, providing the infrastructure necessary to support a floating offshore wind platform that will generate a significant amount of electric power for the nation’s West Coast.Looking out over a waterway that leads to the Pacific Ocean, Jennifer can see the sun setting in the west and envision a floating platform of wind turbines that will power the United States—and her passion—into the future.
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Roots_MichaelWL.jpg

A New Way to Connect Communities

At the edge of his white Victorian porch a few blocks from the shore of Lake Champlain, Vermont engineer and social entrepreneur Michael Wood-Lewis leans back in his chair, crosses one ankle over a khaki-covered knee, and looks down the shady street lined with oaks and older, well-loved homes. “Hey—” He nods to a young neighbor walking down the sidewalk. “How’s it going?” The young man, a violin case strapped to his back, pauses, and the two chat for a few minutes about music, music teachers, performers and what’s going on in the neighborhood. Neighbors who know each other It’s a simple moment, an instant of connection, and the kind of conversation Michael loves and initiates a half-dozen times a day with neighbors, young and old. It’s also the kind of connection that characterized the Ohio community in which he grew up—the kind in which people dropped by the house with casseroles when Michael’s mom was ill with cancer and where he’d delivered newspapers on routes inherited from his older brothers. “That kind of contact has always been important to me,” Michael says. It creates an awareness of the people around you, their needs, their strengths, what they have to offer. It’s what builds a group of people who will support one another, work together for common cause, or who will reach out to one another when help is needed. “It’s what builds a community.” Unfortunately, when Michael and his wife, Valerie, moved to the Victorian 14 years ago, a sense of community is not what they found. People pretty much kept to themselves, Michael says. “You know the Robert Putnam book Bowling Alone? It was just like that.” Everyone was busy with their own lives, trying to make a living, keep their kids healthy, pay the mortgage and put one foot in front of the other. The digital front porch So forging connections among his neighbors became Michael’s single-minded purpose. And, after several traditional approaches, he began thinking like the engineer he is: He started to build. In this case, it was a front porch on which people could gather. A digital one. If people had no time to sit around on their own front porches and chat with neighbors, he reasoned, then maybe they would at least cruise by a digital one while they were checking their emails. The idea was that people from the five streets in his neighborhood and ZIP code would have access to the porch. They could post about anything—lost dogs, school candy sales, a visiting skunk, political candidates on the loose, new bus routes for kindergarteners, property tax hikes, whatever—connect, get to know each other and then take those relationships to the street. Then the next time they saw each other at the market, they’d stop and chat. Maybe introduce their spouses. Or kids. Or other neighbors. Civility and passionate discussion would be appreciated; bigotry and hate mail would not. The idea was stunningly simple, and nearly everyone in Michael’s community joined the Front Porch Forum, as Michael finally called it. Today, eight years after its launch, the community-building service has helped spawn a number of other community building services and is connecting 85,000 residents in Vermont, New York and New Hampshire. Making positive connections But, more important to Michael and the communities the website serves, anywhere from 50 to 75 percent of residents in each area where it’s available regularly hang out on their neighborhoods’ Front Porches. “It’s gratifying to do work that’s clearly helping so many people in my broader community,” Michael says. “Especially as a parent of school-aged kids—it gives them an example of the kind of meaningful life I hope each of them will have.”
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Decorative love image

Train Yourself to Love in 4 Steps

One way to bring moments of healthy connection to your life is, surprisingly, to spend time alone. Experts say meditation and other forms of mindfulness train you to have better rapport with others. As we eliminate distractions in our lives and become more aware of ourselves and those around us, we begin to live in the moment and experience those moments more fully.A special kind of meditationOne popular practice is the loving-kindness meditation, which is shown to help us create a greater connection with other people. “Loving-kindness meditation is a way of training our attention to be more inclusive and open,” says Sharon Salzberg, a leading proponent of Buddhist meditation practices and author of several books, including Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation.Unlike other forms of meditation, loving-kindness involves wishing ourselves and others well. Loving-kindness encourages us to aim tender thoughts at others—both people we know and don’t know. “In thinking about others, instead of rigidly categorizing some as ‘unimportant’ or ‘not counting,’ we are more fully present, so we genuinely feel connected.”Scientifically studiedStudies show that meditation can help you feel and act with compassion. In a study at Northeastern University, people who had practiced loving-kindness or another type of mindfulness for eight weeks were much more likely than members of a control group to stand up and give their seats to someone on crutches. At Stanford University, after just a few minutes of loving-kindness meditation, participants in another study felt more connected to strangers pictured in photographs and had more positive feelings about them.Warning: Strong emotions may occurEager to give loving-kindness meditation a go? Start with professional guidance—a therapist or clinician trained in the method, advises neuroscientist Gaëlle Desbordes of Harvard Medical School, who collaborated on the Northeastern study. Individuals who are depressed or have other mental health issues might discover pre-existing trauma through meditation, but most healthy individuals will find it beneficial.Here, Sharon explains the basics of how to get started:1. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed—“It doesn’t have to be a formal meditation posture.”2. Choose simple phrases to repeat to yourself as you breathe deeply. Sharon suggests: “May I be safe;” “may I be happy;” “may I be healthy;” and/or “may I live with ease.” As the pronoun suggests, you first think these wishes for yourself, and picture yourself experiencing them. Gently repeat the phrases, each time directing your wishes at another person in your life. It could be someone you get along with; it could be someone with whom you’ve been experiencing friction.3. If your mind wanders, try to let go of whatever thought is distracting you and return to your phrases.4. If you feel like it, offer the wishes to “all beings everywhere—those whom you know, those whom you don’t know.” Start with just five minutes of meditation daily, and try building your practice to 20 minutes or more.Make it easy and informalIn addition to a more formal meditation practice, Sharon says that as you become more adept at loving kindness, you can do it “on the fly.” Practice it throughout the day, while walking, driving or even waiting in line. Sharon says she aims silent wishes at people she passes on the street (with her eyes open, of course).Who is this??Another way to prime yourself for loving connections? When your telephone rings, don’t pick it up right away. “Let it ring three times and breathe,” Sharon suggests. “It just gives you a few moments to break the momentum of the maybe crazy day you’re having.” That allows you to feel fully present, so you can connect better with the person who is calling.
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Person writing a letter

Write a Hope Letter

If you are in the 45 percent of Americans who typically make New Year’s resolutions, consider that you have just an 8 percent chance of being successful in achieving these goals, according to the University of Scranton’s 2014 Journal of Clinical Psychology study.If you’re thinking that there must be a better way to make positive, substantive changes to our life, you’re right! We call this simple yet powerful exercise the “hope letter.”The hope scaleTwo decades ago, C. R. Snyder, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Kansas, developed something called hope theory. Hope theory states that achievement comes by focusing on three factors: having a goal, having pathways and methods of achieving that goal, and believing in one’s ability to reach that goal. Snyder also created a hope scale questionnaire. Researchers learned that people who have high hopes tend to cope better with physical pain and be happier and more satisfied.Snyder’s ideas contradicted the words of many philosophers, including Plato’s admonition that hope was a “foolish counselor.” Snyder was building on the work of mental health professionals from the 1950s who had started to view hope as a key ingredient in achieving one’s goals.The hope letterSnyder's ideas inspired us to imagine the hope letter, which is described below in a step-by-step fashion. When we write down how we will achieve our hopes and dreams, we are more successful in making them come true. As executive coaches, we have given this assignment to countless clients. The really cool thing about it is that you can write your hope letter any time of year. Just follow these three steps:1. Write it downAddress your hope letter to yourself and date it exactly one year in the future.2. Don't limit yourselfTake the time to imagine how it would be if you accomplished all of your goals. Consider your career, health, finances, romance, family, friends, community, fun and personal growth. If you need a writing prompt, try this: What do I hope to have accomplished a year from now?3. Be accountableGive your hope letter to your partner, spouse, dear friend, colleague or coach. Ask the recipient to mail it back to you one year from the date you wrote it.We think you will be surprised by just how many things on your list you achieved. Why? Because when you set an intention, your actions follow. Does everything come true? Not usually. Celebrate what you do achieve, learn from what you don’t, and then write your hope letter for the year ahead.Create a club by encouraging your family, friends and colleagues to write their own hope letters and mail them to you! Quit simply wishing for what you want and write a hope letter instead.Margaret H. Greenberg and Senia Maymin, Ph.D., are organizational consultants and executive coaches whose popular talks and workshops inspire business leaders around the world. Their best-selling book, Profit from the Positive has been translated into Chinese, Japanese and Korean. Connect with Margaret and Senia on their website or Facebook.
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Thriving woman

33 Ideas to Help You Thrive!

1. “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” – Maya Angelou2. Read Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Arianna Huffington.3. Listen to “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” by Kelly Clarkson.4. Watch Selma.5. Follow your dreams.6. Download the iThrive app.7. “When I sit down to write a song, I really want the message of healing to thrive and transcend all ages.” – Jason Mraz8. Read Think Forward to Thrive: How to Use the Mind's Power of Anticipation to Transcend Your Past and Transform Your Life by Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D.9. Listen to “Learn to Fly” by the Foo Fighters.10. Watch Unbroken.11. Get your yearly checkup!12. Download the Lumosity app.13. “I decided to fly through the air and live in the sunlight and enjoy life as much as I could.” – Evel Knievel14. Read The Power of One: A Novel by Bryce Courtenay.15. Listen to “Birds Fly (Whisper to a Scream)” by The Icicle Works.16. Watch Woman in Gold.17. Go for a hike with your family or pet.18. Download the Breathe meditation app.19. “A garden requires patient labor and attention. Plants do not grow merely to satisfy ambitions or to fulfill good intentions. They thrive because someone expended effort on them.” – Liberty Hyde Bailey20. Read The Virgin Way: Everything I Know About Leadership by Richard Branson.21. Listen to “Wavin’ Flag” by K’naan.22. Watch McFarland, USA.23. Sing in the car—or the shower.24. “If human beings are perceived as potentials rather than problems, as possessing strengths instead of weaknesses, as unlimited rather than dull and unresponsive, then they thrive and grow to their capabilities.” – Barbara Bush25. Read The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer.26. Listen to “Yellow” by Coldplay.27. Watch Little Miss Sunshine.28. Bounce back.29. “If you go around being afraid, you're never going to enjoy life. You have only one chance, so you've got to have fun.” – Lindsey Vonn30. Read The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living by Amit Sood.31. Listen to “Firework” by Katy Perry.32. Locate the nearest roller coaster and go ride it.33. Read My Beloved World by Sonia Sotomayor.
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Really happy girls

Ultimate Happiness Hot List

According to Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, 50 percent of your happiness set point is genetically determined. The other half of your happiness is in your hands. Use your actions and behavior to make your life happier with this roundup of happiness tips, quotes, insights, resources and gifts. 1. Wake Up Happy. “The main key to being happy is self-acceptance. It puts a smile on your face.” – Stacy Kaiser 2. Scale down and simplify. Downsizing can be liberating. Go through your possessions and make sure everything you keep has purpose or gives you joy. 3. Let go of perfection. Do you beat yourself up? Practice self-kindness especially when things don’t go the way you hoped. 4. Let your emotions happen. Allow yourself to experience a full-range of emotions, and don’t label happiness as good and sadness as bad. In the long run, you will be happier. 4. Forgive for you. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person who hurt you, or condoning of his or her action. What you’re looking for is a sense of peace and closure. 5. Invest in your health. Make vegetables the center of your meal. 6. “A key to happiness is strong, intimate bonds with other people.” – Gretchen Rubin 7. Take the couple’s quiz. Being happy in a relationship is crucial to your wellbeing. 8. Get adequate sleep. A lack of sleep can result in foggy thinking and can contribute to obesity, heart disease and a host of other health ailments. 9. Create Monday momentum. It’s the blank slate of your week. Set the tone right on Monday by accomplishing something big and enjoy a happier week. 10. Connect face-to-face. Research shows that positive social interaction makes a huge difference in our wellbeing. Swap out Facebook for a real conversation in person with someone you care about. 11. Get grit to succeed at work. Have a growth-mindset and believe that things can improve, failure is not permanent and there is reason to persist. 12. Hug and hold hands. The power of touch can lower stress-induced spikes in blood pressure and raise levels of oxytocin, the famous “love” hormone. 13. “When we broadcast a happier and positive mindset, it unlocks the brain’s higher potential.” – Michelle Gielan 14. Hone your skill. Take charge of your professional development at work and invest in yourself with a book, webinar or class. 15. Surround yourself with love. Who you are around impacts your mood and outlook. Choose people who give freely with their compliments. 16. Color yourself happy. Think about the hues that give you a good feeling and use them in your wardrobe, home and workspace. 17. Model positive education. Show your children how to master challenges and overcome frustrations with an optimistic and not a defeatist approach. 18. “An act of kindness is the fastest way out of a negative spiral.” – Dan Tomasulo 19. Take a walk outdoors. This simple activity can lift your mood and you can spread your positive mood with others. 20. Plan vacations carefully. Poorly planned vacations can result in stress and defeat the purpose of your getaway. 21. Make your life extraordinary. Movie director Ron Howard says, “Happiness is about love—loving what you do and loving who you do it with.” 22. “Journal about your intention for the day.” – Michelle McQuaid 23. Go for contentment. The good is better than the perfect. Strive for a state of inner calm. 24. Discover if your job is “the one.” If it doesn’t feel like work, you might be on to something. 25. Brighten your mood. Gratitude is fuel for the soul, and it’s the ultimate emotional tonic for sustained wellbeing. Make a list of your blessings. 26. Don’t take your sense of touch for granted. When we use our hands, we activate large parts of our brains. Cook or bake something and dive in fingertips first. 27. Share your goals to be accountable. Have a support system to cheer you on or lift you up as you work toward positive change. 28. “You ensure your happiness when you give to others.” – Bubba Paris 29. Let your child make mistakes. Learn to love the words “trial” and “error.” 30. Use money as a happiness tool. After a modest level of income is reached, more money doesn’t necessarily equate to more happiness. Use money to create a life you desire. 31. Find your purpose. Your purpose is the intersection between what you are good at and care about with value and need in the marketplace. 32. Spread your happiness. Get some Live Happy notes to leave around town. 33. Skip the brooding. Excessive thinking about what you should have done differently can negatively impact the present moment. Tell yourself: I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. 34. “Happiness is the belief that we can change.” – Shawn Achor 35. Fill your mind with happy. Follow Live Happy on Pinterest. 36. Replicate your success. Study the areas of your life that are going well, and see if you can recreate that success in other areas of your life. 37. Join a community group. Belonging to something bigger than yourself can boost your happiness. 38. Plan a friendship date. Have a Friends marathon, walk and talk, or have a game night. 39. “Let go of junk from your past. If you don’t forgive, it gets in the way of your happiness.” – Dr. Fred Luskin 40. Appreciate random acts of kindness. Share the love by creating a happy moment for someone else. 41. Reflect on happy memories. Any time we like, we can boost our mood by focusing on a happy memory. Make it better by engaging more of your senses. 42. Become a dynamic communicator. Care more about the long-term outcome than the immediate gratification of being heard, being louder, winning, getting that last word, or being right. 43. Be lighthearted. It could protect your health and prevent a heart attack. 44. Find your passion. Look at your actions. Where your flow goes, so goes your energy. If time flies by while you are doing it, you are in true flow and you will create magic. 45. Send an appreciative email. When you open your inbox each day, take two minutes to send an appreciative email to someone in your social support network (family member, friend, teacher, coach, or coworker) thanking that person. 46. “Get out of your head and into your life.” – Todd Kashdan 47. Get involved. People who join a spiritual or religious community and people who volunteer regularly are shown to live longer than those who don’t. 48. Try this To-Do List trick. Break overwhelming projects into smaller tasks until your list becomes a “gladly do” list. 49. Take your kids downtown. If you live in the suburbs, drive or take public transit downtown to the nearest big city to check out the amenities and culture. 50. Take a nap. A well-timed nap can boost productivity. Aim for 20 to 30 minutes max. 51. Live in the moment. And this is just one lesson your dog can teach you about joy. 52. Don’t surrender to adversity. Figure out what you have control over and what you don’t and come up with a plan. 53. Model optimism. Create a positive environment for your kids and shape their reality. 54. Give a happy gift. Find a great gift for a coworker, friend or love. Sandra Bienkowski worked as the national columns editor for SUCCESS magazine for three years, and is widely published in print and on the web. See more about Sandra at The Media Concierge.
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Man trying to be happy

Are You Trying Too Hard to Be Happy?

Are you trying too hard to be happy? It’s possible, says Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., professor of psychology and senior scientist at the Center for the Advancement of Well-Being at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia. And when it becomes our sole objective, he cautions, we can lose sight of the bigger picture.Are you trying too hard?Shannon Bradley-Colleary, a Los Angeles-based writer and mother of two, says the constant messaging to be happy sometimes makes her feel like she can’t measure up. And even though she experiences moments of gratitude daily, she says there is still an underlying pressure to be happier.“It seems like some of us are just born happy, and others of us struggle to achieve it, perhaps being happy and not even knowing it,” she says. “I think I live between happy and striving.”The evidence is out thereResearch has shown us that happy people sleep better, live longer, have larger (and more active) social networks, make better bosses, make better decisions and even make more money. Yet experts say trying to master happiness is stressing us out.“About 90 percent of the people I talk to say their objective is to live a happier life,” Todd says. “People want a life of vitality with meaning, where the essence of who they are can come out through the work they do.”But there is a limitIn his new book, The Upside of Your Dark Side, co-authored with Robert Biswas-Diener, Ph.D., Todd looks at how emotions like anger, guilt, anxiety and sadness can be beneficial—and ultimately even boost our long-term happiness. Instead of trying to be happy every waking moment, we should aim for balance—finding pleasure in the things we enjoy and learning from the obstacles we overcome.“Happiness is not about people wrapping themselves in bubble wrap and avoiding anything that doesn’t fit with that [outlook],” Todd says. “It’s about working on what you can control. It is scientifically honest and freeing to let go of the burden and pressure to be happy all the time.”Working hard to be happyFocusing on just one thing—whether it’s money, fitness or happiness—often makes us feel like we don’t measure up, says Jamie Gruman, Ph.D., founding member and current chair of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association and associate professor in the department of business at the University of Guelph.“People today compare themselves to others more than ever before,” he says, pointing to social media and pop culture as constant reminders. Although the current emphasis on happiness has given us a larger toolkit for cultivating joy, it may also cause us to focus on an end goal of happiness instead of enjoying life as it happens, however it happens.“All of our emotions serve a purpose, and that means we’re going to have days where we’re sad,” Jamie says. “It’s that fluctuation in our emotions that helps us evolve and lets us enjoy our happiness more.”When happiness backfiresAt the Canadian Conference on Positive Psychology last July, Jamie presented results of his study on the correlation between depression and the need for happiness. He found that subjects who spent a great deal of time thinking about happiness experienced less overall satisfaction with their lives and more depression, but those who participated in activities that made them happy had the opposite response.How much is enough?One of the challenges many people have with happiness is that there’s no set way to measure it.“It’s not as though we can tell people ‘When you’re this happy, that’s good,’ ” says Christine Frank, a Carleton University Ph.D. student whose current research focuses on the benefit of anticipating both positive and negative outcomes to situations. She says that, like so many things, when people hear they can be happier, it can lead them to question if they are doing as much as they should.“I think the idea of being happier is always desirable—similar to being science richer or healthier—even if you consider yourself a happy person,” Christine says. However, our happiness levels fluctuate from one day (or hour) to the next and are influenced by things we can’t control, like traffic, weather or how much sleep we got the night before. When we set our happiness standards high, and then fall short of them, negativity sets in.Allow yourself the full range of emotions“One study found that the more people strived to obtain optimal levels of happiness, the more disappointed they felt about their achievements,” Christine says. “In another study, when people were instructed to feel as happy as possible while listening to a piece of music, they reported feeling less happy.”“It’s kind of like being in love—you have to let it happen,” Jamie says. “You can’t make yourself feel something, and those feelings aren’t going to be the same every day. The objective should be to have a good life.”Doing things you enjoy will do the most good, he advises. Whether that means climbing mountains or sewing quilts or spending time with family or pets, people who actively pursue things they enjoy will fare better than those whose main focus is on learning how to be happier.“When people allow themselves to experience their full range of emotions, in the long run, they end up being much happier.”
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The word Foregiveness spelled out

9 Steps to Forgiveness

These nine steps are the result of extensive observation and research at the Stanford University Forgiveness Project. You, too, can learn to let go of a grudge or grievance and move on by using these proven tools—and find increased health and hopefulness in the process. 1. First, be aware of your feelings Know exactly how you feel about what happened; be able to articulate what, in particular, was not OK about the situation in which you feel you were wronged. Tell a few trusted people about your experience. 2. Know that forgiveness is for your own sake Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you, not for anyone else. 3. Do not expect reconciliation Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person who hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you’re looking for is a sense of peace and closure. 4. Recognize how the event is affecting you in the present Recognize that your primary distress is coming from hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended or deeply hurt you two minutes—or 10 years—ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings. 5. Learn to activate the relaxation response At the moment you feel upset, practice a simplestress managementtechnique of deep breathing to soothe your body’s flight or fight response. Focus on your breathing and try to bring your mind back to a peaceful state. 6. Concentrate on what you can control Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Remember that you can only control your own thoughts and actions, not anyone else’s. 7. Move on Instead of mentally replaying your hurt over and over, stop ruminating and seek out new friends and new situations that can give you positive situations instead. 8. Be the agent of change in your life Remember that a life well lived is the best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving power to the person who hurt you, learn to look for the love,beautyand kindness around you. 9. Change the story Amend your grievance story with a new ending: Your heroic choice to forgive. Fred Luskin, Ph.D., serves as the director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project and is the author of the best-selling book Forgive for Good.
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