Practice | Live Happy

David A. Sadler with his free hugs campaign.

Free Hugs Campaign Spreads Trust and Affection

David A. Sadler, a small-business man from Montgomery, Alabama, may have found the most cost effective way to share happiness. He was fed up with negative news, violence in his community and violence involving police officers in cities across the nation. David wanted to make a statement but didn’t know how. He grabbed a friend with a video camera, went down to a baseball game and stood there blindfolded with his arms wide open. At first, people didn’t know what to think about this man with a T-shirt that asked #Doucount? just daring someone to make the first move. The first hug But then, eventually, someone did. The first hug was a full embrace followed by others from men, women and children, both black and white. David says he could feel the tension drop as they were hugging and thanking him. “How often do you get a hug? How often do you intimately hug someone?” David asks. “I am doing a lot better now that I am officially the hug guy, so I hug my wife every day. A hug is intimate….A lot of people don’t want to touch or even want to make eye contact. Or smile at each other. I am digging into people’s souls, with hope and humanity and saying everybody can use a hug.” That’s it. A simple act and it’s free. It just takes someone to take the first step and the rest can be viral. So viral, that his videos have been viewed more than 5 million times on social media. Blind trust David wears a blindfold to make himself vulnerable. People can see him, open and inviting. David has no choice but to embrace whomever approaches him, and that is the point he is trying to make. He can’t judge you or reject you or find a reason to not interact with you. All he can do is hug. “There is good in everyone and if you stay positive, people will meet you where are,” David says. “When confronted with a positive message, people will mimic you. It has changed my life tremendously.” Doing the right thing His belief and hope in humanity keeps him focused on doing the right thing and getting people to follow suit. He was one of six children raised by his grandmother in the Deep South. He has been profiled and judged by the color of his skin and it would be easy to be angry and frustrated. But he says he has nothing to complain about. He has a wife and three kids and runs a successful car service in Central Alabama and that’s what’s important to him. He has also taken his hug show on the road. He tried the blind trust experiment in New York and even Washington, D.C., during the inauguration of President Trump and found that people in those places want the same thing, too: to live a good life and make the world a better place. We all want the same things “We tend to put everyone in a box based off the decisions they make but if you peel back the onion and get to know someone, you realize we all want the same thing, and we are not as different as we think,” David says. The response to his hugs has been overwhelming at times, but he is not wasting this opportunity. He wants to help people and continue to spread positivity, especially to those among us who need it the most. He realizes he is only one man and can’t be everywhere, but if we follow his lead, he believes there can be great change. It’s ambitious, but David’s hope and self-worth have been restored because he took a leap of faith. What’s stopping you from getting out of your comfort zone and hugging someone you don’t know today? Want to read about more HappyActs? Start here: Inclined to Be Kind Happiness Rocks Start a Ripple of Kindness in Your Community Chris Libby is the Section Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Young Asian woman giving the peace sign.

Practice

Inclined to Be Kind

On a Saturday morning in February, more than 400 people gathered in Cincinnati’s Fountain Square for a peaceful march. But what made this event different from other recent marches around the country and the world is that this wasn’t a protest, most of the participants were children—and they had gathered to promote kindness. Bill Hammons, co-organizer of the Children’s Kindness March, says he came up with the idea when he saw how his 10- and 12-year-old sons were affected by recent political events. “The tone and tenor of national politics [this past election] has been mean and demeaning. Our kids feel this,” he says. “I thought how great it would be to have some positive messaging that could get our kids out and feel like they could participate and make a difference.” He reached out to his friend Sally O’Callaghan, and the idea for the Children’s Kindness March was born. Within hours they had announced it on Facebook and it immediately started to gain traction. “We wanted to focus on children for this march because we felt it was something they needed,” Bill explains. “Most kids naturally ‘get’ kindness. Hopefully, we can put some positivity into our community and get people to focus on what is important…which is kindness.” Lasting benefits The idea of spreading kindness is nothing new; we teach it to our children and we intrinsically know it’s important. But we may overlook how good it is for us both physically and emotionally. Whether we’re giving it or receiving it, kindness has powerful lasting effects. “One of the immediate side effects of kindness is that it makes us feel happier,” explains David R. Hamilton, Ph.D., author of The Five Side Effects of Kindness. “It brings a sense of connection, warmth, gratitude and happiness.” Some studies also have connected acts of kindness with reduced depression and anxiety, and in addition to positive emotional reactions, kindness has been linked with physical benefits. “Focusing on the feelings of compassion and kindness actually cause physical changes in the brain,” David says, adding that most of these changes are seen in the left prefrontal cortex—an area associated with positive emotions and self-control. Kindness also produces oxytocin, which is often called the “love hormone,” as well as elevating levels of dopamine and serotonin. In addition to making us feel happier, that has biological effects that can help lower blood pressure, regulate cholesterol and lower levels of inflammation in the body. Passing it on As if the individual benefits didn’t provide enough reason to rethink kindness, it also has a viral effect. Simply witnessing an act of kindness can make us feel more inclined to be kind, and David says that’s due to a one-two punch that begins with the inspiration we feel from watching that act of kindness. “A person feels uplifted by either receiving or witnessing kindness,” he explains. “That moves us to imitate what we witnessed or experienced.” That can trigger the “pay it forward” phenomenon, creating a domino effect among all those who participate. But for all its benefits, David has found there’s one caveat for reaping the rewards of kindness: you can’t fake it. “It’s nature’s catch-22; the side effects only occur when kindness is genuine,” he says. “The biological effects come through the felt connection and elevation that genuine kindness produces. You don’t get the positive side effects if you’re only looking to gain.” Read more: Start a Ripple of Kindness in Your Community Paula Felps is the Science Editor for Live Happy magazine.

Practice

Ismael Cala Brings Insights to WOHASU

Ismael Cala, president of Cala Enterprises and founder of the Ismael Cala Foundation, which works to develop leadership skills in disadvantaged youth, is one of more than 25 happiness experts scheduled to speak at the World Happiness Summit in Miami, March 17–19. The social entrepreneur and former host of his own show on CNN en Español will join Live Happy Co-Founder and CEO Deborah K. Heisz and Live Happy columnist and positive psychology expert Michelle Gielan for a special panel at the Summit on March 19. LIVE HAPPY: What is your definition of happiness? ISMAEL CALA: Happiness is created by each of us in our everyday work to achieve excellence. Of course it has nothing to do with having more things but in striving to achieve our desires. We can even be happy when we do not succeed because we have learned the lessons that will help us succeed on another occasion. Our well-being is in our capacity to love, to dream and to reach beyond our fears and comfort zones. LH: The World Happiness Summit has a special Latin American flair, with your Ismael Cala Foundation and CNN en Español as partners. What can the rest of the world learn about happiness from the Latino culture? IC: I read recently that many of the happiest countries are in Latin America. I’m not surprised. Latin America has faced great challenges for decades. These challenges require a kind of constructive leadership that can be found among Latinos. We are people who have managed to find light in dark situations. My education and childhood have taught me to find happiness in small things, in my family and in the achievements of everyday life. And to continue working every day for my dreams. I believe that a positive mindset is an intrinsic capacity in all of us that we must bring to its full potential. LH: Your organization and foundation help youth develop leadership skills to find and fulfill their true purpose. What do you mean when you advise others to “lead from the soul”? IC: True leadership emerges from the path to abundance, a mindset that is born within each one of us. Leading from the soul is conveying the values and pillars with which you build your life to guide others toward success. Such leaders embrace gratitude as their life philosophy and find abundance in everything around them. LH: What are three ways to bring out the best in others you live or work with? IC:1: Practice emotional intelligence. A leader needs to understand his colleagues’ emotions, strengths and values to be able to get the best from the team. With empathy, the leader puts himself in others’ shoes and understands their reactions. The empathic leader listens and responds. 2: Turn obstacles into opportunities. Failures and mistakes are often seen as obstacles, when in reality they are great teachers and can open doors to new opportunities. Keeping an open mind in challenging times can help you gain new experiences that bring you closer to your purpose. 3: Learn to collaborate. Leadership is contrary to individualism and ego. A diversity of opinions and knowledge enriches decisions. A strong leader looks at strategies and solutions from different perspectives and invites participation. The first step is to accept your limits and be aware that you do not have to know everything. LH: Why is a gathering like the World Happiness Summit important? IC: Happiness is the balance between personal satisfaction, calm and inner peace. This is what I feel when I do what I love, which is to advise others on following the path of well-being and excellence. Thanks to the Ismael Cala Foundation, I have been able to help young people who do not have access to education. A life of service brings me joy. In a society where people look more and more to their own interests, it is necessary to convey this message to a broad audience. LH: Tell us more about your foundation. How do you reach children who don’t have access to education? IC: Ismael Cala Foundation collaborates with other foundations and institutions to develop programs for vulnerable children and young people. Our goal is to develop their potential, to make them aware that their capacity has no limits. We teach them that with effort and the right tools, they can achieve their goals. Right now we promote programs of emotional leadership, vocational guidance and education in Latin America and the Caribbean. LH: What are you most looking forward to about the World Happiness Summit? IC: My main objective is to inspire people to live to their full potential. I hope to convey how each one of us can become a leader who inspires those around them to be happy, love themselves and seek continued growth in their lives. For more on the World Happiness Summit, go to Happinesssummit.world. Read more: The World Happiness Summit: What You Need to Know Donna Stokes is the Executive Editor of Live Happy magazine.

Practice

Welcome Back to HappyActs!

Live Happy is thrilled to announce our fourth annual #HappyActs campaign! During the entire month of March, in honor of the United Nations’ International Day of Happiness, we will be sharing #HappyActs—small, simple actions you can perform to spread kindness, fun and joy in your community. First, come visit Happyacts.org. Each day in March has been given a theme such as “Love” or “Curiosity” to get your wheels turning. We offer daily actionable ideas for how you can share #HappyActs, such as, “Leave an anonymous letter for a co-worker” or “Share your happy song.” Sign up for daily emails (in the month of March) that will provide you with each day’s suggested act of kindness and information on why it’s important. You can also text HAPPYACTS to 82257 for your morning reminder and inspiration. When you go out and do your #HappyActs with friends and family, make sure to take a picture and post on your social media accounts using #HappyActs. Your posts will automatically go up on our awesome tagboard. Come back often to see how others are spreading happiness. A global celebration of happiness! The Happiest Act of all comes on the weekend of March 18, when we begin our celebration of the International Day of Happiness with hundreds of Happiness Walls across the country—and even around the world. The walls create their own kind of joyful atmosphere, with music and dancing and the chance to post how you share happiness. Visit happyacts.org/participate to find out when and where a wall is near you! Learn how you can host a wall at your school, business or organization and find out how to create your own fantastic wall using one of our Happy Acts Wall Kits. These kits provide everything you need to make your own wall of happiness, including stickers, bracelets, bumper stickers and cards where you and friends can draw and write how you like to share happiness. Get your kids in on the act as well by ordering a HappyActs T-shirt with a smiley face design created by a 6-year-old girl! Help us make March the happiest month of the year!

Practice

Happiness Rocks

We are a Brazilian family living in California. We left our country eight years ago and lived in Canada (Toronto) for almost four years. We then moved to San Diego. My family includes Paulo, my husband; Antonio, our son; and our amazing Boston Terriers, Sgt. Pepper and Hey Jude. In our first year in the United States, I was going through a hard time. One day I went to the beach and picked up a few rocks as I walked. I believed that if I wrote positive words on them and scattered them throughout the house, it would make me feel better. When my son got home from school (he was 10 years old at that time) and saw the rocks, he said: “This is so cool! Let’s paint a lot of them and spread them all over the city to make more people happy.” We have continued to spread joy this way for the last four years. The rocks are left randomly for people to find. We have shared them all over the world, thanks to so many adorable volunteers who help us to spread the love. We just want to put more love into the world so full of selfies and people becoming more and more self-involved. Our Word Rocks Project taught me something very important in these last four years: The world is full—very full—of people in need of love. Or affection. In need of attention and comfort. And this has been a great and deep lesson in my life. Positive feedback People who have found the rocks tell us, “I found the perfect word at the perfect moment.” They often credit the discovery to some kind of magic, or a sign—a message from the angels. Then there was the girl who found a “Be happy” rock in the morning that her brother would be turning 27. He had been murdered a few months before. For her, the rock was a message from him, saying, “Life goes on. Be happy, my sister.” It brings me satisfaction to design the rocks with my family and find creative ways to share them. We are endlessly surprised and pleased at the way our project invites new, meaningful conversations with people around the world we would never have known otherwise. It means a lot to me that I am bringing a positive feeling to the person who finds the rock. It really fills my heart that I can bring hope or a smile through an anonymous gesture. When you open your heart to a greater love, everything makes sense, and life becomes more beautiful. Love shared is love multiplied. Read more: Choose a Word of the Year to Create Lasting Change For more on Carol’s Word Rocks Project, follow her at on Instagram, her Etsy store or her website wordrocks.me.

Practice

Poetry in a Box

The little box on the little pole fooled me at first. It looked like the ones real estate agents plant in front yards. But then I realized this pole said “Poetry” on it, and behind the box’s clear plastic door stood copies of “Blessings,” a poem by Ronald Wallace. “Please take one,” said writing on the door. I did. The poem was upbeat and funny and just what I needed. I smiled at the yellow ranch house behind the box and silently thanked the person who lived there for making my day. Serendipity by the side of the road Such moments, I soon learned, have been happening all over the country. Poetry boxes—also known as poetry poles or posts—first popped up in yards, parks and other spots about 20 years ago. Now there are at least 500 of them nationwide, according to David Cooke, a landscaper who has a poetry box outside his home in Portland, Oregon, and also builds them as a side business. The boxes cluster in such places as Portland and St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana, and range from prefab plastic to hand-hewn mahogany. “It’s kind of like an un-virtual Facebook page,” David says. Like other owners, he finds that poetry boxes boost a sense of community. “They’re a really good focal point, a conversation starter.” “To me it’s like putting out a bird feeder,” says author Maxine Hong Kingston. Through her windows in Oakland, California, she watches passers-by read poems from the box that’s screwed onto her purple rain birch tree. “That makes me really happy. Sometimes there are several people and one will read aloud to another one.” What attracts such readers? “The poems I put out there are about enjoying the world and loving life, so to me that kind of inspiration is food.” A little lift when you need it Indeed, Maxine’s neighbor Alice Friedemann finds visiting Oakland’s poetry boxes “a treat to look forward to, like a candy bar.” And as a science writer who blogs about dwindling natural resources and other woes, she often needs that treat. Take a foggy morning last fall. Alice, in a grim mood, stopped by a poetry box containing “This Splendid Speck” by Paul Boswell. There are no peacocks on Venus, the poem begins. No oak trees or water lilies on Jupiter.…Instantly, she felt better. “It reminded me of what a miracle this planet really is and how lucky we are to live here,” she says. Now she keeps that poem on her desk to nosh on whenever she gets gloomy. Poetry boxes are “a way to inject joy into somebody’s life,” she says. Kathie Smith-Hetterich, a retired school psychologist, feels equally sustained by a neighbor’s box in Rochester, New York. “It’s a way to touch something spiritual as opposed to all the day-to-day stuff,” she says. As it happens, the box Kathie visits is the one I stumbled upon during a walk. Its owner, I learned months later when I found her mowing her lawn, is an English professor named Cathy Smith. One recent evening she invited me inside the yellow ranch house. A shared neighborhood asset Her poetry box is a great way to connect with neighbors, she said as we chatted at her kitchen table. Like many owners, she discovers gifts tucked inside her box: poems, book reviews and once even a $20 bill. People eagerly remind her when it’s time to put in a new poem, and the little girl next door loves telling her what color paper to use. I left Cathy’s home that night with her words etched in my memory: “Poetry connects us to ourselves and to each other. It awakens what we don’t take time to nourish because we’re so busy.” Visitors to poetry boxes often pay the joy forward with boxes of their own or other things. Artist and teacher Martha Schermerhorn, for instance, says Cathy’s box inspired her to launch a local “round robin” writing club: one person starts a short story, emails it to another who adds to it, and so on: “The point is just to be creative, expressive. The neighbors just embraced it.” And now it’s my turn. The other day, Cathy emailed to say that her sister no longer has a spot for her own poetry box. Would I like it? Would I ever. Read more: Does Reading Fiction Make Us Nicer? Read more: 10 Ways to Build Community Melissa Balmain is a humorist, journalist and teacher. She is also the author of Walking in on People, a full-length collection of poetry.

Younger woman holding older woman's hands.

Practice

Start a Ripple of Kindness in Your Community

This past week, I was checking out at the grocery store with my three daughters. I was in “go mode,” as in let’s-check-out-as-fast-as-possible-and-go because my 4-year-old was starting to lose it. While I was juggling the cart, shopping bags and my wallet, my 7-year-old tugged my sleeve and pointed to a basket full of golden Cadbury Eggs (strategically placed at child height). “Look mommy, the sign says they are free!” A quick glance assured me that they were most definitely not free. “No, sweetie,” I replied hastily, “The sign says buy one, get one free.” She paused and then reasoned, “So, that means you can get two!” I am well practiced at turning down my kids’ entreaties for candy, so I off-handedly quipped that “maybe the Easter bunny would bring them a Cadbury Egg.” I should have known that that would only lead to more questions about how much longer it was until Easter…and then of course, more tears. Candy from a stranger As we zoomed out of the grocery store, I heard a woman’s voice calling from behind me. “Ma’am!” I turned around and saw the woman and her daughter who had been standing behind us in line rushing toward us. “For your girls,” the mother said breathlessly, extending out to me a giant chocolate bar. And just as quickly as they appeared, they were gone. Shocked, I paused for a moment in the parking lot, contemplating what had just happened. Someone had gone out of her way to bring my children an unexpected sliver of happiness! Humbled and overwhelmed, I got into my car and shared the story with my kids, whose faces of course broke into huge smiles when they saw the chocolate bar. Immediately, they began asking if we could buy chocolate bars for other people, too. This woman’s random act of kindness probably cost one dollar and took less than one minute to complete, but her actions left a deep impression on my family. Kindness begets more kindness I often talk about the science behind conscious acts of kindness through my work at GoodThink (a positive psychology consulting firm), but I found it was a powerful experience to be on the receiving end of kindness and in the position to carry that ripple effect forward. Over the past year, I spent quite a bit of time reading source material for my upcoming book,The Future of Happiness, and I became fascinated with the mechanism behind what makes an individual take action on an idea. It turns out that in almost every case, a person or a specific event functions as a catalyst for decision making, which means that if we see our actions as catalytic events for the positive, we can harness incredible energy and power to impact the world for the better. In fact, simply observing an act of kindness can set a cascade of generosity into motion and make others significantly more willing to try acts of kindness themselves. In a famous experiment from 1966, researchers studied whether or not other drivers would stop to lend a hand to a “lady in distress” with a flat tire. Half of the drivers passing by had seen a staged setting with a young male helping a girl just beforehand, while the other half of the drivers had not. The study found that the presence of a positive model significantly increased the altruistic behaviors of other drivers, creating a catalytic event that rippled positivity beyond the bounds of the experiment and unconsciously shaped behavior in a powerful way. A daisy chain of giving When a customer at the drive-through window of a Tim Hortons coffee shop decided to pick up the tab for the stranger in the car behind her, the customer, surprised and delighted, decided to pay for the following customer as well, resulting in a 226-customer streak of generosity over the next three hours. This phenomenon was repeated in 2014 when a Starbucks customer’s act of kindness resulted in a 378-customer streak over 11 hours. In each of these cases, a single act of altruism created a powerful ripple effect that extended far beyond the people in line—these stories became an internet sensation and a catalyst for other random acts of kindness in communities across the globe. What kind of ripple effect can you start in your community? Next month, you can help Live Happy celebrate the fourth annual International Day of Happiness by participating in #HappyActs, and doing various kindnesses for friends and strangers during the month of March. Go to HappyActs.org to sign up for daily texts, podcasts, videos and articles to prompt your altruism. Maybe you can organize a neighborhood cleanup effort, deliver flowers to a neighbor, or just hold the door for a stranger. The beauty of #HappyActs is that you do not have to have a lot of time or money or status or even connections—you just have to have a willingness to make someone’s day just a bit brighter and the follow-through to accomplish it. If you need more stories or ideas to help get your creative juices flowing, check out the Nobly app (available for iPhone and Android). Or if you are looking for a daily inspiration, check out Deedtags, an app that challenges users to complete simple daily missions. Tweet your #HappyActs @LiveHappy and they will appear on our tagboard! Amy Blankson, aka the ‘Happy Tech Girl,’ is on a quest to find strategies to help individuals balance productivity and well-being in the digital era. Amy, with her brother Shawn Achor, co-founded GoodThink, which brings the principles of positive psychology to lifeand works with organizations such as Google, NASA and the US Army. Her upcoming book is called The Future of Happiness: 5 Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-being in the Digital Era (April 2017).

Reading

12 Best Books for Your Positive Psychology Reading List

Martin Seligman, Ph.D., defines the positive psychology movement he founded as “the scientific study of the strengths that enable individuals and communities to thrive.” The movement helps people cultivate the best in themselves so they can live more meaningful lives. We have gathered together seminal books by many of the founding thinkers of the happiness movement, with subjects ranging from flourishing to flow; from resilience to why we love. Whether you've taken an online course in positive psychology or just want to be happier in your everyday life, reading the titles listed here will give you a running head start on your journey. 1. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's research of optimal experience revealed that what makes an experience genuinely satisfying is a state of consciousness called flow. Learn how to tap into your flow—where you find the right mix between challenge and skill and lose track of time. “A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe.” ―Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi 2. The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D. Psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky’s guidebook and workbook include strategies, exercises and quizzes based on years of extensive research for understanding how to experience and sustain joy. “Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it’s not out there is that it’s inside us.” ―Sonja Lyubomirsky 3. Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. Forget about fixing your weaknesses. If you want to be happier, identify and focus on your personal strengths. By using your strengths more, you can experience the positive state of “flow” where you feel energized, engaged and in the zone. With self-assessment quizzes and tips, Martin Seligman shows you how to use your strengths to improve daily interactions with people and each aspect of your life. “Authentic happiness derives from raising the bar for yourself, not rating yourself against others.” ―Martin E.P. Seligman 4. Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. Happiness on its own, doesn’t give life meaning. Martin Seligman shows how the five pillars of positive psychology work together to build a life of meaning and fulfillment. He calls it PERMA or positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishment. “Happiness, flow, meaning, love, gratitude, accomplishment, growth, better relationships—constitutes human flourishing.” —Martin E.P. Seligman 5. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth, Ph.D. Psychologist Angela Duckworth studied peak performance to discover how grit—a blend of passion and perseverance—is instrumental to achievement. What you say to yourself after a setback or failure can make all the difference. “Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” ―Angela Duckworth 6. Love 2.0: Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection by Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D. Love can help us live longer and with more meaning, writes Barbara L. Fredrickson, a social psychology scholar and director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory. With her decades of research funded by the National Institutes of Health, she shows us how to look for “micro-moments” when we truly connect with others to foster more love in our lives. “Love is that micro-moment of warmth and connection that you share with another living being.” ―Barbara L. Fredrickson 7. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener, Ph.Ds. Genetics contributes greatly to happiness while income makes little difference. Read the discoveries of three decades of research on happiness. What matters most, according to the authors? Relationships to friends and family. “Psychological wealth includes life satisfaction, the feeling that life is full of meaning, a sense of engagement in interesting activities, the pursuit of important goals, the experience of positive emotional feelings and a sense of spirituality that connects people to things larger than themselves.” ―Ed Diener 8. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D. Carol S. Dweck, a Stanford University psychology professor, learned through her research that people with a growth mindset believe they can develop their brains, abilities and talents through hard work, while those with a fixed mindset believe their abilities are fixed and cannot be developed. Find out why it’s not just our abilities and talent that bring us success–but whether we approach them with a fixed or growth mindset. “Becoming is better than being.” ―Carol S. Dweck 9. Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D. You may not know what makes you happy after all, according to Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert. This best-selling book explains how the limitations of our imaginations can get in our way of our ability to know what happiness is. “Our inability to recall how we really felt is why our wealth of experiences turns out to be poverty of riches.” ―Daniel Gilbert 10. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work by Shawn Achor Positive psychology research indicates happiness fuels success, not the other way around. Try these tactics to be happier at work: Train your brain to see patterns of possibility and opportunity; conquer small goals to gradually conquer bigger goals; invest in your social network. “The person we have the greatest power to change is ourself.” ―Shawn Achor 11. Being Happy: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. With an intense fear of failure, you could fall short of your potential. Welcome failure as a part of life that allows you to grow and enhances your well-being. “The all-or-nothing mindset leads perfectionists to transform every setback they encounter into a catastrophe, an assault on their very worth as human beings. Their sense of self-inevitably suffers as their faultfinding turns inward.” ―Tal Ben-Shahar 12. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. Our culture tells us that we have to feel special or above average to feel good about ourselves. Put down the constant comparisons to others and pick up self-compassion. Find out how to treat yourself as you would a best friend and lead a healthier and more productive life as a result. Let go of self-doubt to feel happier. “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” ―Kristin Neff Read more: 12 Top Positive Psychology Courses You Can Take Online Sandra Bienkowski is a contributing editor to Live Happy and the founder and CEO of TheMediaConcierge.net.

Boy with glasses holding up note and drawing.

Practice

Drawing Happiness

“Would you like to share a beautiful moment of your last week?” Janne Willems of the Netherlands has opened with this line to thousands of strangers in front of coffee shops, on commuter trains, at schools, parks, hotels and along the streets of more than 30 countries since 2010. She carries a stack of large index cards, colorful markers and a request that at first puzzles passers-by. “Just draw a picture of what has made you happy in the last few days. Try it! It’s fun, I promise,” she says. Her earnest enthusiasm bubbles up from experience—she knows this simple task brings people joy. The exercise began as a personal one in college to remind her of the precious moments in life that flew by, often too fast to notice. Her happy habit turned into a lifeline when her mother became severely ill and died. “The day she was cremated was the day I wrote down the most amount of beautiful moments in a day ever,” Janne says. “I thought, ‘if this works for me, it probably also works for others.’ So I decided to get into a train and ask people to share.” A few of the most popular themes are nature, friendship, love, animals and home, she says. She saves each card, scans it for a digital copy and keeps the most powerful stories tucked away in her heart. “There was a man in Nepal who couldn’t read or write and drew a butterfly coming out of its cocoon. It took him a long time, as you can imagine he was not used to using a pen, so it was difficult for him to learn to hold it and start to draw.” Janne adds that, “When people start to share what matters to them, they begin to light up and everyone becomes happier. “That’s really cool to be a part of.” Follow Janne's travels and take her e-course at seizeyourmoments.com. Donna Stokes is the Executive Editor of Live Happy magazine.

Practice

33 Ways to Say I Love You

Love is a mighty force that can make us bashful or bold. But most of all, love comes from those special people in our lives that make our worlds go 'round. Whether your Valentine is a new romantic partner, your 6-year-old grandchild—or even loyal pooch, make sure to spend some quality time together and let them know how much they mean to you! 1. Turn off the phone, tablet and TV and LISTEN to those you love. 2. Watch When Harry Met Sally. 3. Read Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton. 4. Listen to "Lovesong" by The Cure. Je t'aime!" 6. Watch The Princess Bride. 7. Bake cupcakes from scratch on a cloudy Sunday afternoon. 8. Buy your pet a special treat or toy. 9. "The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind I was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along." —Rumi 10. Watch Shakespeare in Love. 11. Read Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want by Alexandra H. Solomon, Ph.D. 12. Scrape the ice off your spouse's windshield before you leave for work. Te amo!" 14. Listen to "Smooth Sailin'" by Leon Bridges. Minä rakastan sinua!" 16. Read anything by Nicholas Sparks. 17. Buy and wrap a present for a loved one for no reason. 18. "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."—Albert Einstein 19. "A loving heart is the truest wisdom." —Charles Dickens 20. Listen to "(Girl We Got a) Good Thing" by Weezer. Aloha wau ia 'oe!" 22. Read Love 2.0 by Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D. 23. Send a Thank You note—not for a physical gift but for a cherished friendship. 24. Listen to "Candy" by Iggy Pop and Kate Pierson. 25. Listen to "Just the Way You Are" by Billy Joel. Σε αγαπώ! 27. "Can miles truly separate you from your friends...if you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?"—Richard Bach 28. Read Rumi's Little Book of Love and Laughter by Coleman Barks. 29. Watch Say Anything. 30. Listen to anything by Luther Vandross. 31. "But we loved with a love that was more than love."—Edgar Allan Poe Jeg elsker dig!" 33. Say I love You!! Check out our Valentines Day Ultimate Gift Guide, here. Read more: 6 Relationship Resolutions for Valentines Day

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