Bank of America embraces the social benefits of mentoring

Nurturing the Future

In 2011, Michelle Obama called on private-sector businesses to support mentoring programs as a way to help curb the nation’s dropout rate through the launch of the Corporate Mentoring Challenge. Bank of America (BofA) answered the first lady’s call, and three years later in January, the National Mentoring Conference recognized the company for having the highest volume of employees participating in some form of mentoring. In one year, BofA had more than 25,000 volunteers with 210,000 hours of service. To date, it has given more than $22 million in grants to mentoring and education programs and matched 100,000 young people with mentors. Partnering with other companies and foundations “[BofA’s] mentoring efforts are part of our broader work to connect young people to the skills needed for long-term success,” says Kerry Sullivan, president of the Bank of America Charitable Foundation. “We're preparing youth for 21st-century jobs, and sometimes these might be at our company, but not necessarily—it's about the bigger picture of investing in their employability.” Through partnerships with organizations like the YMCA; the Bridging the Gap program, which helps Hispanic part-time employees transition to full-time employment; and the Cherie Blair Foundation’s Mentoring Women in Business Programme, matching women in developing countries with mentors, the company has made it clear that it believes mentoring is important for business, as well as the communities it serves. The benefits run both ways Mentoring is a mutually beneficial relationship for both the mentor and mentee, offering mentees access to a trusted adviser and mentors experiences that can help them in their own careers. Businesses likes BofA see a return on their mentoring investment in the form of increased morale, productivity and employee retention. “When people commit to taking time to help pull someone else up the ladder, or reach their goals, or overcome an obstacle, they are developing their leadership, communication, teamwork and management skills,” Kerry says. “These skills can translate into enhanced skill sets in the workplace, and increasingly, we're seeing volunteer opportunities as important ways to build the skills of current and future employees.” Investing in the future The sense of accomplishment, the good feelings we receive from giving and developing meaningful relationships all contribute to our overall wellbeing. The promise of a great future is not always guaranteed, especially for young people who don’t have access to positive role models. But when we get to know each other, when we understand each other, when we are empathic and more willing to help people help themselves, we can create a ripple effect, helping make the world a happier place. “Mentoring is more than an investment in someone else's success—it's an opportunity to create connections, expand perspectives and find common ground, no matter how different the mentee and mentor are,” Kerry says. “It also strengthens relationships by breaking down barriers, encouraging mutually beneficial and productive conversations—sometimes tough conversations—and allows people to participate in their community, be it a workplace or the community at large.”
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6 Steps to Transitionn at Work

6 Steps to Transitioning at Work

Sometimes it’s clear that we need to change something at work, but we don’t know how to go about doing it.Other times, we get this nagging feeling that something is not quite right at work, but we can’t put our finger on it. Boredom or restlessness starts to seep in. Maybe we don’t have enough responsibility. Maybe we no longer find our work challenging. Or maybe we feel like we’ve stopped learning.If you’re saying to yourself, “Oh, wow, that sounds like me,” here are some practical steps you can take to successfully make your next transition—and even accelerate it.1. Get specific about the changeConsider John, who goes into his boss’s office and says, “I’m not as jazzed-up as I used to be in my work. I need a change. What advice do you have on what I could change?” Now consider Mike, who goes into his boss’s office and says, “I’ve been thinking that I need a new challenge. I’d like to reach out to Client X, I’d like to put some thought around our technology governance process and I’d like to create a more robust summary client report.”Mike, as compared to John, is giving his boss a lot more material to work with. In the case with John, his boss might think he is just complaining. However, Mike is looking for solutions. Mike lists three specific aspects of his work that he wants to change.2. Figure out your story, then stick to itEach of us has a transition story.Margaret’s story is that she worked in human resources for more than a decade, learned the ropes, and then transitioned to her own executive coaching and consulting business 17 years ago. Margaret’s clients especially appreciate her advice because she has worked in business, and she is constantly bringing the latest research and best practices to her work.Senia’s story is that she started from an analytical background, majoring in math and economics at Harvard University and working at Morgan Stanley as well as co-founding three startups, before transitioning to research in psychology and receiving a Ph.D. in organizational behavior. Senia’s clients especially appreciate that she has a math-based and analytical background, but can also speak to how people work and think in organizations.What is your story? How did you start and how does the transition you want to make now position you even better for the future? In one short paragraph, write about how your past experience combined with the current transition makes you a compelling and valuable asset. Call three friends and tell them your story. Ask them what they think. How clear is your case for making this transition? What could make your story even more compelling for your boss or clients? Ask your listeners for their help in clarifying the relationship of the current transition to the big picture you want to achieve.3. Determine what's in it for your boss (and the company)Let’s go back to our first example with Mike and John. Mike hasn’t made his business case for why he should take on these three additional responsibilities. In coaching hundreds of executives, we’ve found three main motivators that spur managers to help their team members take on new or different work. The first is that the manager truly cares about the employee’s development, and the change is a way for the employee to continually learn and be challenged. You may be lucky enough to be working for a manager like that. However, you may not be. In that case, consider the second motivator: The change is not only good for the employee, but it is also a win for the company. And last, the third: The change makes the manager’s life easier. Be sure to frame your business case to appeal to one or more of these motivators.Now let’s examine how Mike could use Motivator No. 2. Suppose he goes to his boss and says, “I’ve developed a strong relationship with many people at Company X, and I’ve been working closely on the product that they are primarily buying from us. I think it would benefit our company if we knew of their concerns earlier in the process. I would also be glad to reach out to Client X for further business development. Let’s discuss whether this is something that I could transition to.” Might this be more convincing than just saying that he wants to work on the Client X account?4. Become a dabblerProfessor Herminia Ibarra of INSEAD business school has found that people who attempt a cold-turkey change from one profession to another are often disappointed, don’t get very far and then return to the first profession.However, she finds that some of the most successful career changers are those who basically dabble. What does that look like? These are people who remain in their profession but who also engage in volunteer activities, educational events or small tasks at work to begin exploring the new profession they are interested in.How could you dabble as part of your transition? How could you start doing more of the work you want to transition to? Be a dabbler and raise your hand for assignments that are outside the scope of your current position, department or profession.5. Train your replacement or succesorOur client Marie had taken some of the steps previously outlined. She had made her change specific in three concrete bullet points, she had shared her story with some close friends and refined it, she had presented a convincing business case to her boss, and she had started to dabble in her new work. However, she hadn’t thought about how to hand off her current workload and was starting to burn out.One of the biggest obstacles to actually making a smooth transition is identifying your replacement or successor. Make this part of your transition plan. If the tasks that you are transitioning away from are great enough, then identify and train your replacement. This may even require creating a job description of all the things you do if you don’t currently have one.If you are handing off only a few small tasks, document your process or automate it so that you can focus on your new role. Remember, make the transition easy for your boss, too.6. Just do itIt’s easier to think about doing the steps we’ve outlined than actually do them. If you are considering making a change, you have likely already spent some time thinking about it. Now it’s time to go for it. Make it concrete. Put your thinking into action.We have one important caveat: All of us can fall into the perfectionist trap from time to time. “Oh, I won’t have the discussion with my boss until I have made my change concrete, and I need a few weeks to get that right.”We’re going to be blunt: No, you don’t need a couple of weeks to get that right. Your boss could say “No” tomorrow or your boss could say “No” in a few weeks. If this transition is important to you, then you’re better off hearing the “No” earlier. Why? So that you can take other steps.Perhaps you’ll begin looking for another job. Perhaps you’ll start doing the transition with a volunteer organization.It’s time to get going and enjoy the ride.
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Happy workers cheering in an office

America’s Happiest Companies

Happiness at work may seem likea novel concept. Traditionally,companies have not always made office morale and employee wellbeing a high priority. But as recent studies have shown, keeping a happy workforce can have a positive impact on a company’soverall performance, and even increaserevenues. Since a majority of us spendmost of our week working, finding happiness at work can be essential tomaintaining a positive outlook in life. Recently,CareerBliss, an online resource devotedto helping you find happiness in yourcareer, released its annuallist of the 50 Happiest Companies inAmerica. The results are based on thousands of independent employee-submitted reviews, with factors ranging from work-life balance to compensation to work environment. Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has topped the list for two years running. And this year, two federally run institutions, NASA and the U.S. Department of Defense, came in second and third. See if your company made the cut.
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Girl Looking at book

Trick Yourself into Getting Started

It’s the new year. You may have recommitted yourself to your goals or set somenew ones. You may have vowed that you want to get more done without working more hours. You may want to feel like each day ends on a high note at work. You may want to feel energized, not drained. We’re going to let you in on somewhat of a productivity secret. It may seem counterintuitive at first, but it works. Before You Start: AssessYourself “Which goal has eluded me? Which goal have I not been able to achieve?” We don’t want you to start with something completely new like training for a marathon when you’ve never run a mile in your life. We want you to assess those things that bother you just enough that you want to change them. For example, you may exercise once a week, but perhaps haven’t been able to convert that into a daily habit yet. Or maybe you accomplish your day-to-day work but haven’t been able to devote enough time to more long-term, strategic projects. We want you to think about one of those goals, something that’s bothersome that you haven’t been able to achieve. Before we let you in on the secret, let’s takeyou to the car wash. Step 1) Start Earning Your “Free Car Wash” “How can I trick myself into believing I started yesterday?” Two researchers wanted to see which of two car wash loyalty cards would be more persuasive. At a professional car wash, the researchers gave out 300 loyalty cards. Half of the loyalty cards had eight spots that needed to be stamped in order to get the ninth free car wash. The other half of the loyalty cards had 10 spots that needed to be stamped to get the eleventh free car wash, but the first two spots on the card had already been stamped. Which loyalty card would get YOU to go to the car wash more often to eventually redeem the free wash? Think about it. Both require only eight visits. Would it make any difference to you? In the study, when customers had to get all eight spots stamped for a free car wash, only 19 percent followed through and redeemed the free car wash. When customers had to get 10 stamps but the first two had already been completed for them, 32 percent redeemed the free car wash. What was going on? When two stamps had already been placed on the 10-spot loyalty card, people felt that they were already in progress, that they had already started working on getting that free car wash. How can you do the same? How can you trick yourself into believing you’ve already started your project? One coaching client we know does just that.She creates her Tina’s Ta-Da! List, just like you probably do. The difference? The first two items on her list are things she has already completed, so she can feel the joy of immediately crossing them off. In fact, another client, Bob, always writes as the first item on his to-do list “make to-do list” and immediately crosses it off. Step 2) DON’T Finish Your Work at the End of the Day “How can I return to a project I’m energized about?” We told you there would be some counterintuitive advice. You might think that to increase your productivity, it would make sense to try to finish projects. Not so fast. There is some thorough research on the effect of interrupting yourself and leaving a project unfinished until you return to it. Consider our client Samantha. Samantha used to stay late at the office to finish her work. At the same time, she found that nearly every morning, she struggled with which project to work on first and was unmotivated and unfocused. Then we told her about research that demonstrates that people better remember those activities that they leave unfinished. Samantha started outlining the work she wanted to accomplish the next morning. What happened? Samantha found that when she returned to her desk the next day, she was full of energy for completing the previous day’s work. In some cases, she had even had a few additional thoughts about her work between going home and returning to the office in the morning. The best part for her though was that she felt more focused in the mornings, and had clear projects to jump back into. Step 3) Make a “Gladly Do” List “How can I make my steps so simple that I actually look forward to my to-do list?” One of our colleagues, Joanne, attempts as much as possible to be in control of her day. A lot of psychology research shows that some of the most engaged workers are those who feel in control of their own work. Joanne breaks down her tasks and projects into items so compact that she actually enjoys the specific actions. In fact, she calls her to-do list the “gladly do” list. How could you break out the steps of a project to the degree that each of those individual steps feels the opposite of overwhelming? How could you break out the steps of a project into “gladly do” actions? After: Reassess and Celebrate Your Progress “How have I been tricking myself into getting more done?” Finally, once you try to trick yourself into starting a project, once you curtail the urge to complete all of your work by the end of each day and once you convert your “to-do” list to a “gladly do” list, make sure to go back and reassess your progress. Sometimes, we make the mistake of assuming that a certain technique works for us. Check in with yourself, and reassess whether these trick-yourself steps have helped you get more done without working more hours. Finally, not all the car washes, finished presentations and to-do lists in the world are going to compensate for the calmness and pride of putting a dent into a project that had been unfinished. We wish you all the best with your project! Get Started Today: 1) TODAY Ask the three most important questions: What can I do if I only have five minutes? What can I do to move this project along by just 1 percent? What’s the smallest step I can take right now for the biggest, most positive impact? 2) EVERY DAY Keep a daily 10-minute appointment with yourself. The best way to break a work project into daily workable chunks: Schedule a 10-minute appointment with yourself on your calendar with a reminder alarm a few minutes beforehand. Use that 10 minutes daily to work on or plan out the project; it may feel unorganized and unclear at first, but keep at it – it takes a while to sort through the initial vagueness of organizing a project. Keep using those 10 minutes (you will get a lot of mileage from having that same appointment with yourself at the same time and in the same place each day); now use those 10 minutes to complete one or two small tasks related to the project each day. 3) EVERY WEEK Track weekly progress: If you are a visual person, hang a calendar in your office and mark off the days when you work on your project. If you love using apps for your lists and productivity, then create a simple way to track your consistency. One of us created a spreadsheet with weeks across the top: “Week of January 6,” “Week of January 13,” etc. Consistency can be as simple as a yes/no question: “Did I exercise today? Yes/no.” Margaret H. Greenberg and Senia Maymin, are organizational consultants and executive coaches. You can find more information at ProfitFromThePositive.com. Their new book is Profit from the Positive: Proven Leadership Strategies to Boost Productivity and Transform Your Business. “Trick Yourself into Getting Started” is one of more than 30 research based tools in their book.
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Happy Staff Illustration

The Good Guys Win

Having happy, healthy-minded employees really does matter to a company’s overall performance and profitability, according to research conducted by the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. More companies are turning to compassion as a way to improve the bottom line. In 2004, Prudential Financial paid $2.1 billion to acquire the full-service retirement operations of CIGNA, a global health services company based in Hartford, Conn. This acquisition, says Dr. Kim Cameron, a professor of management at the University of Michigan, “was like merging the Red Sox and the Yankees”—a severe mash-up of different cultures and different systems on a massive scale. The merger came with the usual announcement of job attrition, and Hartford expected to lose one-fourth of the jobs associated with CIGNA’s retirement business. John Y. Kim, a former CIGNA executive who was tapped to lead the merger for the newly formed Prudential Retirement, did his best to pacify concerns with improved workforce forecasts and civic pledges to the city of Hartford—charitable contributions, economic development promises and so on. Prudential also provided temporary retention bonuses for employees who stuck around. These are standard steps that companies take to stem the disgruntled tide, but John wanted to do something more. He had been down this road before, having managed a merger between the ING Group and Aetna Financial Services. He was acutely aware that combining companies involves not just the “hard facets” of work and product systems, but also the “soft facets” of company culture. When culture goes bad, he says, companies might get the hard facets right and still lose customers and create miserable employees. Can big, complex corporate mergers actually be good not just for business, but for people, too? That’s the question John faced as he took a trip to his alma mater, the University of Michigan, about a year into the merger. While there, he learned about the Ross School of Business’s new Center for Positive Organizational Scholarship (POS), which had been founded in 2002 as the home of a new field of study that analyzes how organizations foster and achieve positive outcomes. POS was the brainchild of Kim, Dr. Jane Dutton, and Dr. Robert Quinn, three scholars at Ross who decided to take seriously some questions that no organizational studies scholars had ever quite taken seriously before, such as what good human behavior and “positive deviance” (exceptional, aberrational successes) have to do with businesses that prosper. In other words, Jane explains, POS is “about trying to reinvent professional practice in a way that’s ‘life-giving’ for both employees and the companies they work for.” Ten minutes into learning about the group’s research, John “decided to inject it into his organization,” Kim says. With the help of Kim and Robert, John and his team began to introduce positive organizational principles into Prudential Retirement—including institutionalizing forgiveness, resilience, supportive communication and employee empowerment—with the goal of creating sustainable culture change and meeting business goals. “Over the next four to five years, they had a lot of sessions with the senior team and salespeople. A lot of interventions occurred in which John was the champion for implementing these principles,” explains Kim. Over a period of time, there was a systemic change at the firm—a culture change, built around positivity, which had a remarkable business impact. Prudential Retirement executives feared they could lose 50 percent of their customers during the transition, but they retained 95 percent. “Bottom-line revenues,” Kim says, “increased by 5 or 6 percent.” The Virtues of Victorious Companies Kim’s area of expertise is the importance of “virtuousness” in organizations, and what he’s found since the emergence of POS is that the good guys really do win. Companies have a role to play in employee wellbeing beyond “up with people” motivational slogans—and even beyond compensation. Companies can structure themselves around the promotion and practice of good habits that engender spirits of genuine goodwill, and when they do, they’re more likely to flourish alongside their employees. The term “virtuousness” is intentionally broad. It is inclusive of several individual virtues, including kindness, compassion, forgiveness, humility, generosity, empathy and patience. In other words, “the best of the human condition.” Kim has conducted studies that attempt to determine “if one particular virtue or cluster of virtues is especially accountable for good performance. As it turns out, none of these virtues operate independently of each other. It’s the aggregation of virtue that’s more important than any single thing.” Kim stresses that a virtuous organization is more than just a collection of virtuous people. Businesses and other kinds of collectives possess a particular character just as an individual possesses a particular character. “You can have a whole bunch of virtuous people, and they can get into an organization where the culture or practices or routines drive out any opportunity to display virtues. The dynamics of organizations often supersede any individual attributes.” Practicing virtues, Kim has found, can turn organizations around. “Virtuousness is its own reward,” he says. “Of course, CEOs say, ‘Show me how it will pay off.’ And unequivocally, after a dozen years of research, we can see that bottom-line performance is significantly affected by these sorts of things.”Compassionate Companies Like Kim and all POS scholars, Jane agrees that positivity-driven success emerges from a braid of several good behaviors, but she has made compassion in the workplace her specialty. “There is so much human suffering at work,” she says. Other scholarly fields have long studied compassion, but “up until 10 or 15 years ago, we weren’t even thinking it had a place at work. But because people are at work, and people inherently suffer, there is always a place for compassion.” Jane has come to see compassion as “essential for sustainable economic performance.” The reason is simple: People who are grieving from pain are not as productive or successful as people who are healthy and whole, people whose most urgent emotional needs are being met. One study estimates that gaps in performance caused by grief cost U.S. firms an average of $75 billion annually. Jeff Weiner, the CEO of LinkedIn, one of the major social networking success stories of the last decade, is an outspoken advocate of compassionate leadership. Jeff has said that the practice of compassion is the single most important management principle he has ever adopted. Jane says that while “you hear a lot of leaders spinning this stuff,” she’s also seen recent evidence that Jeff means it. Earlier this year, a graduate student in Jane’s program applied for a summer internship with LinkedIn. One of the application questions asked the prospective intern to imagine that she was a manager who received a phone call from an employee whose baby had been put into a special incubator that was an hour away from the office. What would you do? “Most MBA internship questions are not about what you should do in response to human suffering,” Jane says. “Weiner is screening people for their compassion values. In recruitment, he’s favoring people who are compassionate.” Alongside the POS field in general, Jane’s attention to compassion in the workplace was kick-started by the events of Sept. 11, 2001. She had already been studying compassion for a few years, having become interested in it during a time of personal trauma in her own life when two different organizations responded to her needs in different ways—one caring, one not. Earlier in 2001, Jane and some colleagues proposed an article to the Harvard Business Review on workplace compassion, and “they had just canned it” in the days before 9/11. “On Sept. 14, I called the editor and said, ‘We know from what we’re seeing all around us that there needs to be an article’ ” on compassionate leadership and managing people through trauma. The Harvard editor agreed, and the journal “produced the fastest article they had ever done.” Jane’s research has grown ever since, and she’s replete with examples of the power of compassion in the workplace. One favorite is the story of “Ari,” a low-level district sales manager for the multinational corporation Cisco Systems. Not long after a regional office hired him, Ari was involved in a serious bicycle accident. John Chambers, Cisco’s CEO, had been working to instill a culture of employee care, and from the top down, Ari and his family were cared for generously during his long recovery period. Employees contributed unused vacation time, which was converted to cash. Cisco matched all donated funds, but it didn’t stop there. Ari and his family were given cell phones so they could stay in touch. He received regular emails from management, both local and global. Cisco even changed the description of Ari’s job, which had required extensive travel, so that he could return to work when he was ready. Inshort, Cisco and its employees took care of Ari—in a variety of ways, and for an extended period of time. “Imagine a wound in a body,” Jane says. “You’ve got lots of different systems that are emerging and coordinating in response to the need. That’s what compassion is like.” “Compassion is not a separate thing,” Jane says. “It’s an indicator of a healthy community. If you have an organization that is learning to flourish that is deeply alive, the compassion is just part of the soil. It’s just part of the competence of the collective. They care for each other in a way that allows them to do extraordinary things.” A more humble but no less compassionately powerful place that Jane and her colleagues studied was a 30-employee billing department at Jackson Community Hospital in Jackson, Mich. A medical billing department might be the last place you’d expect to be thriving in goodwill. “They do tough work,” Jane says. “Their job is to call people and chew them out for not paying their bills.” Many of the women who work there have tough lives outside of work. “These are single parents, or people who have had significant trauma in their lives,” Jane says. “Some normal suffering, but also some people who were experiencing domestic violence.” But throughout Jackson’s health system, the billing department is hailed as a dynamic, delightful place to work. Jane and her colleagues discovered that the reason for the department’s reputation is that it is a place that excels at compassion. “These employees would say they loved going to work,” Jane says, “because at work they were learning to love.” While the medical billing industry averages a staff turnover rate of 25 percent, the Jackson unit’s turnover rate is just 2 percent. One staffer, Korinna, lost her mother unexpectedly soon after she was hired, and her new billing department colleagues supported her for weeks on end. Korinna eventually needed a leave of absence to deal with her grief. “I was never made to feel guilty,” she told Jane. I knew that I was in everyone’s prayers and I knew that when I did come back, that I would be in a condition that I could give back what I had received—the compassion and theprofessionalism.” Perhaps unsurprisingly, Jackson’s billing department wears its good mood on its sleeve. It is located in “this pretty vanilla office building,” says Jane. “Vanilla walls. Vanilla everything. But you get off on the next floor and walk into the billing department and it’s like walking into that one classroom when you were a kid—that classroom that everyone wanted to be in. It’s vibrant, colorful. Nothing that costs a lot of money, but the rooms have all these beautiful construction paper cutouts and creative expression on the walls. It’s like play—they play a lot together.” In this compassionate climate, Jackson’s accounts receivable achieved a formidable accounts receivable record. In one five-year stretch, the department reduced the average number of days to collect monies from 160 to 60. As of the last study in 2011, that number is closer to 50 days, which rivals the industry average. Jane’s files are becoming packed with these stories. “We started this work thinking that the major story was going to be the absence of compassion” in the workplace, Jane says. “And there are huge absences of compassion. But the big surprise is that compassion is everywhere.” Patton Dodd’s work has been featured in Newsweek, Slate and Christianity Today. He has authored two books, The Tebow Mystique and My Faith So Far.
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The Spitalnick Family at home.

Balancing Acts

Here’s the funny thing about balance: Sometimes it’s not obvious until it goes missing. When life is clicking along smoothly, we tend to take it for granted, barely noticing the pleasant rhythm of our daily to-ing and fro-ing. But as soon as it grinds to a halt—well, that’s when the longing for harmony barges in and demands our attention.Discovering balance is a deeply personal process, all about prioritizing, persevering, dropping balls and picking them up again. There are no secrets or shortcuts; it’s as individual as a fingerprint (and sometimes, just as complex). Below, meet the members of three very different households, each of whom has achieved balance in a unique, yet equally satisfying, way.Denise and Aaron Spitalnick, AtlantaMarried; daughter Nina, 5, and son Reid, 1Key to balance: Scaling backLike any first-time parents, Denise and Aaron Spitalnick had to find their footing as they adjusted to life as a family of three. But by the time daughter Nina turned 5 months old, whatever balance they had begun to restore had vanished: She was diagnosed with glycogen storage disease type 1A, a rare metabolic disorder that, improperly managed, can be fatal. GSD patients require a severely restricted diet and frequent feedings to manage their blood sugar; a hiccup in the system, such as a stomach bug, can prompt a trip to the emergency room.As they grappled with learning to handle Nina’s needs, the couple faced an additional worry: child care. With two demanding jobs—Denise as an attorney, Aaron as IT director for a large accounting firm—they needed to be completely comfortable with Nina’s caregivers. “We were nervous about leaving her with just anyone, and not having peace of mind throughout the day,” Denise says.The Spitalnicks ultimately hired registered nurses to care for Nina at home, which eased some of their anxiety. They also began working with Dr. David Weinstein, director of the Glycogen Storage Disease Program at the University of Florida, to manage Nina’s health. With his attention and guidance, she began to thrive.Still, as their careers intensified, their lives wobbled farther and farther off-center. They were thrilled when son Reid arrived in 2012, but also felt stretched thin. “Spending time together was difficult,” says Denise, who by that point had become a partner in her firm. And there was another stressor: school for Nina. Bright and precocious, she would blossom in the right preschool, her parents knew—if they could find it. Public pre-K classrooms weren’t set up to accommodate her medical requirements, and she didn’t qualify for the special education program or for a state-funded aide.Then Aaron learned of an IT directorship at a local private school for children with speech and language difficulties that offered a program that would match up well with Nina’s needs. Given the chance to be near his daughter, the fulfilling nature of the work, and the much more relaxed pace—in contrast to Denise’s hectic courtroom and travel schedule—he jumped on the job. The one downside, a lower salary, has been well worth the tradeoff, Aaron says.“At first I struggled with it, but I now truly understand that money cannot buy quality of life,” he says. “The better hours, shorter commute, family environment and opportunity to watch my daughter excel have been absolutely amazing. I come home infinitely happier, and it helps our family stay happy, which is the most importantthing.”Jason Keehn, New York CitySingleKey to balance: Meaningful workJason Keehn realized early on that a single-career trajectory—climbing the ladder in one field, then descending into retirement—wasn’t for him. As he mulled over how he hoped to look back on his life in older age, “I wanted to feel that I’d had a ‘life buffet,’ Jason says. “I didn’t like the idea of choosing one thing, but rather many things that added a new flavor to different points in my life.”First on the plate: a career in advertising and marketing, which appealed to his mix of business savvy and creative drive. “It was sort of flashy and cool and [spoke] to a lot of parts of my self-esteem that I wanted to connect to, like being a part of the style world,” Jason says. Eventually, though, it began to feel hollow. “I needed to know that all of my blood, sweat and tears every day were going to something that had a bigger impact.”The first flicker of insight came when he resigned from full-time work and enrolled in a global bioethics graduate program at Columbia University. Although he was passionate about the subject matter and entertained the idea of an academic career, he found that path too structured and slow-paced for his liking.Then the light bulb flashed on.“I noticed a lot of ethical fashion brands popping up,” Jason says. “I was thinking about what I wanted as a consumer about shopping ethically, asking myself, ‘How come I don’t shop ethically right now?’ The reason, he decided, was twofold: Not only was it inconvenient, but the ethical clothing on the market sometimes lagged behind fashion trends.“I saw a need for one retail destination that curates, in a style-conscious way, all of the ethical fashion out there in one destination,” Jason says.Thus was born Accompany, a fledgling e-commerce site that offers stylish pieces from labels that work toward improving a community’s quality of life. “We’re specifically curating products from artisan and handmade cooperatives around the world; fair trade or fair trade-certified; or humanitarian brands,” Jason says. “Every day I feel committed to something that I’m excited to do, and that hits many of my desires.“The most compelling way to live, for me, is to live my many facets [simultaneously], letting them be in tension with each other—an academic ethicist and a style-conscious consumer; a businessman and an activist,” he continues. “It reminds of some exciting articles I’ve read about how today we live in a ‘trade-on’ world. It’s no longer about sacrificing one preference for another, but finding a way to haveboth.”Linda Bell Blue and Steve Blue, Los AngelesMarriedKey to balance: Time togetherNot many couples fly back from their honeymoon, then kiss each other goodbye and head home to different cities. But Linda Bell Blue and Steve Blue are anything but typical. Both busy executives in the TV industry, they’ve been committed since the start of their 28-year marriage to squeezing every ounce of joy and fulfillment from their limited time together.“Our careers are important, but the most important thing in the world is when we’re together,” says Linda, now in her 19th season as executive producer of Entertainment Tonight. “And it’s the most precious thing in the world, because the moments can be few.”During the first year they were married, Linda was based in Los Angeles, while Steve lived in New York. Flying back and forth on the weekends gave them a measure of the couple time they craved. “There were probably, at most, 10 weekends per year that we weren’t together,” Steve says. “We just made that a priority, period.”Despite their passion for their work, being apart week after week was tough. Finally, Steve quit his job in New York to move to L.A. “From that moment on, I never, ever, ever took for granted a moment with him,” Linda says.Although their schedules haven’t gotten any easier—“There’s no vacation I’ve gone on in 25 years that I’ve ever not been on the phone dealing with something very important,” Linda says—they’ve refined the art of carving out time for closeness. “We try not to make the career and personal time mutually exclusive,” Steve says.They attribute their bond in part to their strong family life growing up—she in Missouri, he in North Carolina. Both remain close to their families; in fact, Linda’s mother moved to L.A. “She’s 85 years old, and I can’t keep up with her,” Linda says. She drops by each afternoon to visit and to pick up the couple’s boxer, Duke, whom her mom keeps while they’re at work.Although Steve’s mother still lives in North Carolina, they take every chance they can to see her. “We try to plan things so that my mom can come meet us in places—we try to make it a special occasion for her,” Steve says. She’s made numerous trips to California for gala events (both moms have attended the Oscars, the Emmys and theGrammys).“Linda’s mom and dad very much made it clear to everyone that they were the most important thing to each other by far,” Steve says. “They…showed us a lot about what it means to make your partner your priority.”Clearly, the couple has taken that example to heart. “I’d rather spend time with [Linda] than anyone else I’ve ever met,” Steve says. “She’s the funniest person I’ve ever met, and she just makes me generally happy being around her.”
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On a chalkboard, sad face plus dollar sign equals happy face

Does Money Really Make People Happier?

"Money, money, money, Always sunny, In the rich man's world."Abba gets me, that's what you're thinking. We all have hopes of someday finding a money tree of sorts—a limitless source of income and cushioned financial security with Benjamins to spare. It's a common assumption that money will solve all your problems, that it'll buy you happiness. That assumption is only party true."We equate money with security and freedom, which inevitably leaves us feeling insecure and constricted," says David Geller, author ofWealth and Happiness.In his book, Gellershares a core message that money is not security or freedom. It's not going to turn an unhappy life into a happy one. But money is a tool, and you can use that tool to find happiness and better your life."The purpose of having wealth is to use it to create the life you desire, enhance the lives of the people you care about and leave a legacy that represents your passions and values," he says.That'shappy.Charles Richards, author ofThe Psychology of Wealth, agrees. "It's no coincidence that money is also called currency, taken from the wordcurrent—the flow of electric charge through a conductor," he writes. "Learning to manage money responsibly and serve others is like being able to use electric current in a productive manner. We can become powerful transformers for the currency of society. How we use that power is a great responsibility."Get this: After a modest level of income, there isn't really evidence to suggest that people's happiness increases with their wealth. Instead, whether you're loving life or hating it really depends on how you're using your money.But does that really matter? Yes, yes it does. There are steps to happiness, and the first one is to achieve a stable lifestyle—not to indulge in your next dose of pleasure. After the anxiety to provide life's basics, like food and a roof over your family's head, is diminished,thenyou can look to the pleasurable perks of financial success, like reservations to that fancy French restaurant around the corner or a drive in that shiny red sports car you've had your eye on for, like, forever. But that's not what the ultimate goal should be; luxury items won't make you happier—not in the long run."The purchase of those luxury goods or experiences does provide a short-term burst of pleasure, but it quickly fades,"Geller says. "Giving up happiness to purchase pleasure is a bad deal. It is almost always a good trade to give up some pleasure to buy additional happiness. We can use some of our freed up resources to help people we care about the most, and as we do that, we are likely to get a big boost of happiness."Geller says people should use their financial success to build better relationships, for more engaged experiences or to make a difference in the lives of the people who matter most. Wealth is about the resources we have to build a life we really, truly want."When we define wealth in purely financial terms, we underestimate the power of our other elements of wealth, and we often end up overlooking compelling solutions to our most powerful opportunities or challenges," he says. "The truth is, in many cases, our nonfinancial elements of wealth are considerably more powerful than our money."Happy might be hiding around the corner, so now you just have to go find it. But how?Geller suggests first reflecting on what you enjoy most about your life, what stresses you out the most and what parts of your life could use some positive transformation. Number two: Share your goals with friends and family—and stick with those who are supportive of your dreams and your plans to change certain aspects of your life. And then it's time for some action—make one incremental change, a change that will push your life toward a better, and happier, future."Success does not require a great deal of money," says Richards. "What it requires is a belief in one's inherent worth and a willingness to make a conscious investment in oneself.... A new state of mind must be put into practice in order to move forward in life and achieve something greater." Success—and happiness—comes from making the right choices and acting on your passions.Like Geller says, "Happiness takes work, and happiness takes time." So take a deep breath, and chase happy.
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Businessman standing looking upward

A Positive Approach to Problems

When facing an obstacle in your work or personal life, you likely start by looking for what’s not working. That’s a problem-solving skill that comes so naturally it’s nearly instinctive. You identify the problem, find root causes, brainstorm solutions, choose the best solution and implement it.But what if you focused on what’s going right and then replicated those best practices in other areas? What if there were a different approach that would complement and add to your instinct to fix what’s broken? Well, there is. We call it the strengths-based approach.Imagine that you’re an architect who designs bridges. How would you learn about the best bridges to build? Would you study all the bridges that have collapsed or all the bridges that have withstood the test of time? You probably would study both. However, too often we focus only on the bridges that havecollapsed.In contrast, strengths-based leaders focus more of their attention on what’s going right and then replicate those best practices in other areas. They don’t ignore problems; rather, they recognize that solving problems and shoring up weaknesses are only part of the resultsequation.Let’s look at a consultant who specializes in project management—we’ll call her Elizabeth. When Elizabeth first approaches a client, she asks: “What’s the problem?” She finds out what hasn’t been working so that she can propose various solutions and help the client implement the most promising one.There is nothing wrong with this approach. People like Elizabeth traditionally improve results by removing one problem after another. This is crucial for companies todo—and do well.Now imagine another version of Elizabeth. The client starts telling her about the product problems. She then asks: “Where in the company is this not a problem? In what department is it working extremely well?” Elizabeth is focused on what is already going right, and she is looking for ways to replicatesuccesses.We don’t apply the same rigor to studying and capitalizing on what’s going right. We don’t often study the exceptional results to see what we can learn and apply them elsewhere in our business. And even if we do, when we try to implement these best practices, we are often met with resistance or what we call the “that won’t work here” syndrome.We are certain there are some areas of your life that are going really well. Study those and see whether you can repeat it in other parts of your life. You may be extremely proactive about setting up meetings, but you may be not so good at organizing projects.Consider why you do well at being proactive about meetings. You may say that you like to set up a meeting as soon as you believe it is needed, without hesitation. What if you applied that same attitude toward organizing your projects? As soon as you decide that you need to organize some projects, what if you jump right in with a small organizational step? What makes us successful in one arena can be studied and incorporated into another arena.Becoming a strengths-based leader isn’t about implementing some program du jour. It’s a way of being—a way of leading. Leaders must first acknowledge and model their own strengths. Only then can a leader truly appreciate and leverage the strengths of others.Margaret H. GreenbergandSeniaMaymin, Ph.D.​are organizational consultants and executive coaches. You can find more information atwww.ProfitFromThePositive.com.Their new book isProfit from the Positive: Proven Leadership Strategies to Boost Productivity and Transform Your Business(McGraw-Hill Professional, 2013).
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Business team looks at a computer

8 Ways to Be Happier at Work

Let’s get the obvious out of the way first: If you love your job, it’s easier to smile as you trot off to work each day. On the flip side, if you describe your job with words like despise, you may want to look for more enjoyable work—something closer to your purpose or passion. No matter where you rank on the work-happiness scale, there are things you can do to be happier at work. Wake up earlier. You are thinking, “Are you kidding me?” Nope. Getting up earlier will allow you some you-time before you herd the kiddos, pack lunches and fight commuter traffic. Take time when the house is quiet. It may require practice to get up earlier, but you will give your mind some breathing space to enjoy the sun coming up, an early walk, a cup of coffee, a good book, or a conversation with your spouse before the day gets going. Do what you dread most, first. Get the dread off your plate by conquering it first. Just knowing there’s a project or task you don’t want to do can bring you down. Go after it first thing, so you no longer have to think about it. Plus, it can fuel your momentum for the day. Don’t dwell on the negative. According to happiness expert, Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want unhappy people are more likely than happy people to dwell on negative events. Dwelling or rumination can drain your mental resources and reinforce unhappiness. Avoid negative people, gossip and drama. Don’t replay negative experiences. Dwell on aspects of work you like. Take charge of your own growth. You are responsible for your professional development. You have lots to gain from expanding your skill set and plenty to lose if you remain stagnant. Invest in yourself. Keep your commitments. Not doing or delivering what you said you were going to do is a huge happiness drain. Whether it’s a tiny promise or a looming work deadline, deliver on your commitments—every single time. Make a work-specific gratitude list. What do you like about your job? Everyone can find something to love. Maybe it’s your short commute, your cubicle-mate, or your benefits package. Look for and capture all the things you love about your job—the act alone of writing a gratitude work list will switch your brain to the positive. Use your strengths. Even if you aren’t living your passion for your paycheck, you can find ways to use your strengths at work. What are your skills and interests? How can you more effectively use them at work? When you use your strengths, you create what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls “flow”—being fully immersed in your work and focused. Time goes by faster and you feel happier. Go outside at least once a day and if possible, take a walk, says Gretchen Rubin, best-selling author of The Happiness Project. “The sunlight and activity is good for your focus, mood, and retention of information.” Remember, there are about 260 workdays in a year. That’s a lot of days to be dragging your feet to work. Choose to make your work time happier instead.
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Author and life coach Martha Beck

Go Straight for the Joy and Follow Your Purpose

In 2004 I was enjoying the highest-paying, most respectable job I had ever worked. Everything from the title on my business card to the location of the building fed my notion of success. Then a Cadillac Escalade sideswiped me on my way home one evening. After an ambulance ride and an MRI, I was told there was a problem with my spine. Over the course of the next few months, I waited to find out if I needed surgery. And everything changed. “If you had asked me a week before that accident if I was happy, I would’ve said yes,” I told life coach Martha Beck over the phone. “I had this dream job, a nice car, and everybody thought I was hot stuff. But a week after the accident, I found myself saying, ‘Oh my gosh, I’m scared to death. I don’t belong at that job. I don’t think I like myself anymore. I’m not following my purpose, and I feel like I’m suffocating something inside of me.’ ” Beck laughed. Not a malicious laugh, but a knowing one. She told me the car accident tore my blinders off so I could see the unhappiness I had been denying in favor of a shiny, socially acceptable image of a successful life. Since then I’ve followed my purpose in a much more meaningful way, writing to help others while pursuing my dream of becoming a (one-day) published novelist. But I asked her, “What about people like me who are still living in a state of denial, who are doing everything right on the outside, but somewhere, deep down, aren’t really happy? People can’t just wait to have a car wreck.” “Oh, sure they can,” Beck said, laughing again. “That’s the thing about planet Earth. It’s just full of car wrecks.” Beyond Mental Models Martha Beck was once called “the best-known life coach in the country,” byUSA Today. She didn’t start with that moniker in mind, but there was a part of her that always knew she was supposed to help others find their purpose. In her bookSteering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny, she recalls writing a mission statement for a scholarship application when she was 16 years old. It read: “My mission in life is to help people bridge the gaps that separate them from their true selves, from one another, and from their destiny.” She took a few detours after earning her sociology doctorate from Harvard, but over the last 25 years, as a columnist forO, The Oprah Magazine, an advocate for indigenous communities in Africa,and author of theNew York Timesbest-sellersFinding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live,Steering by StarlightandFinding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want, she has followed that mission. She says that people come to her all the time after experiencing their own version of a car wreck. “There are three ways to be jolted or moved out of the life that’s not working for you,” Beck says. “One is shock, which would be your car accident or losing your job or whatever it is. The next one is opportunity. Say, you fall in love and you get a chance to marry your soul mate, but it means changing everything. “And the third is growth; you simply wake up one morning and what satisfied you yesterday is starting to feel empty. And as you grow more and more as a being, you fit less and less into a life that isn’t right for you. You’ll outgrow it like your baby clothes, and then you have a choice to either try to contort yourself back into it or to leave.” Beck says this kind of growth spurt happens to a lot of people at midlife. Prior to the growth—or the car accident or the life-changing relationship—we become fixated on what she calls “mental models” of what we’re supposed to be. We get these mental models from our families, friends, institutions like universities, and society. “The nice thing about this point in history,” she says, “is that it really has boiled down to compass versus culture. Your inner compass is now more important than ever because the culture that tells us what we’re supposed to be is fragmenting.” Beck believes the jobs that once gave us prestige and opportunities to rise through a hierarchy are much rarer, thanks to a culture that is placing increasing value on flexibility and self-expression. “It gives you an opportunity to stop following the culture and start following your inner compass,” she says. “The car crash did that to you, but for a lot of people it’s just a dissolution of other things in the social universe. Industry, jobs, even families are less cohesive than they used to be. And all those are sort of little car wrecks for the mind.”Following Your Feelings Whether the life around us begins to fit too snugly or we have a sudden moment of clarity, the question becomes: How do we listen to our inner compass? “The mechanism by which you find your purpose is born into you, and it expresses itself through emotion,” Beck says. “So what brings you positive, joyful and liberating sensations emotionally—and physically, actually—that’s going to be closer to your purpose. And anything that makes you feel shut down, constricted, weighed down, physically weak—that’s going to be a step away from your purpose. And life is just a game of, you’re getting warmer, you’re getting colder. If you take a step with every decision toward what makes you feel most free, you’ll end up at your purpose very quickly.” Unfortunately, that sounds simple, but it isn’t always easy. To start, Beck suggests we spend more time in silence, which allows us “to find a sense of peace and equilibrium within” and results in a keener awareness of our inner compass. Fifteen minutes in the morning and at night—whether meditating or walking quietly—is sufficient. The goal is to get in touch with whatever is making our current situation feel too constricting or just plain wrong. Because, she says, the incentive to move and make real change has to come from within. The more attention we pay to our inner compass, the more dramatic the directives will become. Or as Beck says, “The truth of your purpose will start to spin itself out inside you.” Beating the Bear Sometimes, even taking the time to look within can be scary. And ultimately, doing something, as she says, “that feels really delicious,” and making a decision to change our life in a way that fulfills our purpose, arouses a good deal of fear. “Fear actually is not an emotion to which you should pay a lot of attention,” Beck says. “Fear is an automatic response of a very basic part of the brain, and in most people it’s highly active, even when we’re sitting in a completely peaceful spot. We scare ourselves with stories like, ‘I’ll never be able to make it in this rarefied field.’ ‘I can’t quit a steady job; it’s irresponsible for me to give up this paycheck and healthbenefits.’ ” Then Beck quotes Buddha: “Just as we can know the ocean because it always tastes of salt, we can recognize enlightenment because it always tastes of freedom.” She relates this idea to the effort we make at discovering our purpose and then finding the courage to see it through. “The question is not, ‘Am I afraid to do this?’ ” she says. “The question is, ‘Does the thought of doing this bring me more freedom?’ Freedom is often frightening. But it’s not suffocating and soul-killing.” The good news, she says, is that neuroscientists now know that it’s the edge between what is possible and what is almost too difficult to master where we actually create the most dopamine, a brain chemical responsible for a feeling of pleasure, bliss and what psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow. Csikszentmihalyi spent decades researching the positive aspects of human experience and summarizes what he found in his bookFlow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. He says people are happiest when they are in a state of flow, which entails concentration to the point of complete absorption in an activity. This only happens when we’re doing something that is almost too hard for us, like rock climbing or mastering a run on the piano. The accompanying feelings, such as fulfillment, engagement and motivation, supersede our usual concerns like hunger, worry and regret. “We call it joy when we come out of it,” Beck says of the flow phenomenon. She uses the example of playing golf: “As strange as it seems, the brain has to be so quiet to do a perfect golf swing, to get everything connected the right way. It’s right at the edge of too hard.” And ask any golfer—it’s addictive. If we’re happiest and most satisfied when we’re pushing ourselves, and then we have to ignore the fear that tells us if we go beyond our comfort zone, disaster will strike. If we’re to succeed in taking a risk and pursuing our purpose, we have to realize that fear is not a red light, but rather a consistent companion we must learn to manage. “If there is a bear in the room, fear is useful,” Beck says. “If all that’s in the room scaring you is the thought,There’s no way I could make money by becoming a musician, that’s not a useful fear. It creates a sense of entrapment rather than freedom. So you measure things not by whether they’re scary or not, but by whether they’re liberating or not.” Creating New Models OK, but what about a paycheck? Most of us balk at the idea of chucking it all in favor of a life pursuing our purpose if we may or may not be able to pay the bills, especially if we have a spouse or a family who needs things like Internet access and running water. In fact, some of us may have known for a long time—years—what our purpose truly is. But we haven’t been able to fit it into those traditional mental models we inherited. Think of those voices that say, “Being an actor isn’t a real job.” Or “Running a nonprofit won’t pay the bills.” Besides, some of us may discover that our dissatisfaction lies with our relationships or our creative expression outside of a career path. Again, here’s the good news. First of all, remember that you may not need to quit your job to follow your purpose. For example, starting a nonprofit may not be the best choice for someone with no business experience. Instead, maybe you’ll find fulfillment in volunteering and becoming an integral part of someone else’s organization. And if your dissatisfaction lies in unsupportive relationships—family or friends who discourage you from spending the time you need on a particular pursuit—you have some choice in that as well. After all, you set your own boundaries and expectations for how others treat you. Work at compromise with others but don’t compromise your soul’s desire. To those of us who need to make a profound career shift, Beck says, “This is the best time ever to strike out on your own and create income in new ways. There are ways that creativity is wanted now that couldn’t possibly have generated income in the past.” She points to Daniel Pink’s bookA Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future. In it, Pink writes: “The last few decades have belonged to a certain kind of person with a certain kind of mind—computer programmers who could crank code, lawyers who could craft contracts, MBAs who could crunch numbers. But the keys to the kingdom are changing hands. The future belongs to a very different kind of person with a very different kind of mind—creators and empathizers, pattern recognizers, and meaning makers. These people—artists, inventors, designers, storytellers, caregivers, consolers, big-picture thinkers—will now reap society’s richest rewards and share its greatest joys.” Beck says the whole concept of a job in the 20th century was based on factory labor, where you show up and put in a certain number of hours in the same place with other workers. Today she believes technology is making that largely unnecessary, so those types of jobs are disappearing. “And these weird opportunities to make money doing creative things are starting to open up,” she says, and then corrects herself. “They’re not starting to open up—they’re avalanching.” For example, when Beck’s daughter graduated from college and was going to move on to graduate school, she asked her daughter how she felt about the decision. Her daughter replied, “Well, the only frustrating thing is that it’s so hard to find time to draw, and actually that’s how I’ve been making money recently.” Turns out, Beck’s daughter had been illustrating a very successful webcomic. From that project, she got referrals and commissions to the extent that she was making so much money at it, she wondered why she was going to graduate school at all. Selling illustrations from a webcomic may not sound like a career when we compare it with our current mental models, but it is, in fact, a viable way to make a living doing what you love. “Who cares if it doesn’t exist as an official career?” Beck asks. “Let’s make new models.” While that may seem well and good for a young woman fresh out of college, it can be tougher for people who are more established in life to follow that deep calling and make drastic changes that alter our career paths. Beck says Seth Godin “does a brilliant job of figuring out how to monetize creative endeavors and how to use the new technologies to set you free to do what you love and still make a good living.” InLinchpin: Are You Indispensable?, Godin writes, “The problem is that our culture has engaged in a Faustian bargain, in which we trade our genius and artistry for apparent stability.” And while he agrees you don’t have to necessarily quit your job to do it, he suggests that, “It’s time to stop complying with the system and draw your own map.”Going for the Joy Beck was 25 years old when she had her own version of a car wreck and was forced to draw a new map. Over the phone, she relives her moment of clarity with me, recalling the incident that inspired her 1999 book,Expecting Adam. “I was almost six months pregnant,” she says. “All my adult life I had been at Harvard and really thought that the purpose of my life was to climb this hierarchy created by my culture, which in my case was education. But, you know, I hoped it would lead to moneymaking and power, wealth and status. “My child was already very real to me, very bonded. I’d been feeling him kick for months. It was not early in the pregnancy. Then he was diagnosed with Down syndrome.” The people who had been her mentors, her teachers and leaders, told her she shouldn’t have the baby. “I was told that his life was worthless and meaningless and really shouldn’t happen. And the people who told me that meant well, but suddenly I began to wonder,What is the purpose of a human life? What makes it OK to bring a human life into the world?And I realized that a lot of the people who were telling me that this baby could never be happy, were not happy. “I didn’t know anyone with Down syndrome, but I had heard they could be happy people. And well, in that case, what is the justification for being? I decided the experience of joy is its own excuse for being. And that if I could have none of that in my life, it wouldn’t be worth living. And that if my son could have a tremendous amount of joy in his life, then it was worth living even if he never went to Harvard. So I did not terminate the pregnancy, and I have had this little Zen master ever since. “Go straight for the joy,” she says. Beck says what we really want isn’t stuff. It’s the emotion we associate with the stuff. This was revolutionary to me—the idea that when we want a nice car, what we are really after is the exhilaration we feel when driving a powerful engine at high speeds or the pleasure we get from fine craftsmanship or the improved self-image from being seen in a nice car. Unfortunately, the possessions, jobs and relationships we go after don’t always give us the emotions we think they will yield. “So go straight for the joy,” she says. “Eliminate themiddleman.” Beck changed her path once Adam was born. She started studying how other people were creating fulfillment in their lives. Today, as a mother of three, she suggests that finding joy involves mindfulness, which is similar to Csikszentmihalyi’s notion of flow. Harvard psychology professor Ellen Langer defines mindfulness as the process of actively noticing new things, letting go of preconceived ideas and acting on our new observations. Mindlessly pursuing the safe things in life—the routine, the expected career path—may seem like a sure way to security and happiness.But when we live mindfully, noticing and following our good feelings, we discover what makes us truly happy. We discover our purpose. While that may temporarily translate into difficulty and fear, we have the choice to approach these not as obstacles, but as the paths that lead to joy. We have a choice to either try to contort ourselves back into a life that no longer fits us or to get quiet, listen and act on what we hear. Finding our purpose is about finding the willingness to listen to our truest selves and then ignoring the fear. Unless, of course, there’s a bear in the room. Minding Your Purpose Martha Beck recommends employing mindfulness to discover what you truly feel about various aspects of your life and, hopefully, to point you in the direction of your purpose. Remember a time you had to do something that was not joyful for you. It could be related to work, school, relationships, whatever, just something you didn’t like. Now recall the memory of it and notice how your body feels. Then go to a memory of something that made you deeply contented. Remember that vividly. Notice how your body feels. One sensation in your body points toward your purpose—the good feeling. And the other points toward what you’re meant toavoid. Now write a list of things you have to do this week. Go down the list and imagine doing each thing. Notice how your bodyresponds. Score each item on your list. The most negative physical response gets a -10. The most positive gets a +10. Score it as zero if it’s neutral. For example, something slightly negative, like doing the laundry, might be -2. Survey your scores. Are you feeding the good feelings or focusing on thenegative? If you really want to up the ante, Beck suggests cutting out one thing you were going to do that gives you a negative reading and adding one that gives you a higher reading. She says if you keep making that replacement over time, you will create the optimal life.
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