Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Mastering Your Mindset in Challenging Times with Michael Pilarczyk
[INTRODUCTION]
[0:00:03] PF: Thank you for joining us for Episode 513 of Live Happy Now. In tumultuous times, mindset matters more than ever, and this week’s guest is going to talk about how to master it. I’m your host, Paula Felps, and today I’m joined by Michael Pilarczyk, best-selling author of the book, Master your Mindset, Live a Meaningful Life, and founder of the Meditation Moments app. Michael is here to talk about how we can create a happier life by changing our mindset and gives us tips on starting that process. Let’s have a listen.
[EPISODE]
[0:00:35] PF: Michael, thank you so much for joining me on Live Happy Now.
[0:00:40] MP: Yes, let’s live a happy life.
[0:00:42] PF: Yes, and you are. You are living a happy life and you are showing us how to do it, which is why I wanted to have you on the show.
[0:00:48] MP: I’m trying to live my best life. I know it sounds easier than it is for a lot of people. But I have had some struggles in my life as well. I’m 55 now. But when I was 29, 40, I had some serious drama going on in my life. But I survived. I’m still here. I really have to admit I’m happier than ever.
[0:01:15] PF: A lot of times people don’t realize how much maturity adds to your happiness, how you have a different perspective. We talk about the U-shaped curve and positive psychology, and how you do as you start getting a little bit more progressed. Past your 30s and early 40s, you do start gaining more happiness, and for you, your mindset has played such a huge role in it. So, I wanted to ask you, when you talk about mastering your mindset, can you explain to our listeners what that truly means?
[0:01:48] MP: To break it down, make it simple, either you have control over your thoughts, over your life, or your mindset, your thoughts control you. So, if you are able to control your mindset, which is actually the program that’s running you, that’s your operating system, if you will be able to keep control over that program, you will have more control over your life and it doesn’t mean that you will be always happy and that there won’t be problems in your life. We will have problems, but it means that you are the leader. So, you can make the decisions for yourself, for your own life, and you are not being lived by other people.
Because that is what I see happening very often, that people live the life of someone else. Other people around you, they want you to live this kind of life, your parents, friends, all the people in your inner circle. If you are not strong enough to stand for yourself, and you are, let’s say, a bit of a pleaser, and you adjust yourself, your behavior, your thoughts, your mindset, every time to other people, it means that you are becoming someone you are not, because you are pieces of everyone, but none of them is you.
[0:03:21] PF: Yes, because we do tend to crowdsource our opinions. We ask our parents, we ask our family, we ask our friends, and then we let that – obviously, it’s great to get input, but then we let that sometimes change what we think and maybe change what our own desires are because people say, “Oh, you can’t do that. That’s scary or that’s foolish or don’t take that chance.” So now, you and I talked a little bit before we started recording. We are living in such unusual times. So, how do we make sure that what we’re doing with our mindset is truly ours, and it’s not crowdsourced? It’s not what other people are telling us to think?
[0:04:00] MP: Well, it’s not easy because we live in complicated times. Nowadays, it’s very confusing. What you read in the newspapers, what you see on the Internet, on TV. So, if a lot of the input in your operating system is from the media and you live very much outside of your own being, your outer world, and you’re not connected anymore to your inner world, then it might happen that you lose yourself without noticing, because we are afraid of so many things.
In Europe, a lot of people are afraid of a next war. It’s close to us. If you read the news every day, if you watch the news every day, and I don’t say you shouldn’t, but if that’s your driving force, it’s pretty logical that you are living a life in fear. It’s fearful, and it keeps you awake at night. So, can we change all these problems in the world? No, I don’t think we can, because we have no control over what governments are doing, world leaders are doing. They’re doing it anyway.
We can be pro and con and have lots of discussions on social media, but why should we? Because in the end, I still believe that we all want to live in a peaceful world. Maybe not all of us, but most people, people like you and me. I think all the listeners to your show, we want to live peacefully with the people we love. We want to take care of other people. We want that other people take care of us. So, it’s more that we should live out of, as Wayne Dyer always said, try to live from loving awareness. Be aware of you, be aware of the world around you, and try to live from love, which still makes it that we can live in this reality, but we’re not so aggressive and we don’t have to respond to everything we hear and see.
Just go inward a few times a day. If you do that a few times a day, maybe you take a meditation moment, two, three minutes for yourself, just to relax, to hear that inner voice, to make that connection to your inner being will bring peace to you.
[0:06:39] PF: Can you give us some pointers on how we start doing that because we do live in a very cluttered, noisy world right now, and our social media is driving us crazy. News reports, everything. Our browsers are constantly pinging with breaking news and we’re like, “No, I don’t need any more broken news.” So, tell us how we start that process of mastering our mindset and going inside?
[0:07:06] MP: Well then, it might be good just to shut it off. And I know it’s hard, but you don’t have to grab your phone and – if you get up in the morning, if you wake up, what’s the first thing we do? Mostly, we grab the phone, we have a look on either the news, social media, stocks, Bitcoin, whatever. But you can also just take a moment for yourself, 5 minutes, maybe 10 minutes to start your day out of inner peace, but also with more focus and concentration. You can do that with a very brief meditation, five, seven minutes only.
I know it’s very hard because you have a job and you have the kids and the family. So, maybe we should take more time for ourselves. It’s good that you take care of your family, but also take care of yourself. It’s so important.
[0:07:59] PF: It is. We had a guest on the show a while back. Her name’s Rochelle Seltzer, and she teaches creativity. She gave me a tip that I’ve been using that has really changed the way I enter my mornings. She keeps a pad and paper beside her bed. When she wakes up, she writes down, how does she feel? Is she anxious? Is she angry? Is she happy? What is her feeling? And then she kind of chooses a word for that day. We choose a word for the year, like mindful or something. This is how I’m going to approach the year. But we don’t think about that on a daily basis. That’s what she does. We choose a word each day, like I’m going to approach this day with curiosity, or I’m going to approach with enthusiasm. Adopting that practice has really changed. It takes five minutes, and it has completely transformed the way I enter my mornings.
[0:08:45] MP: It’s a very good exercise. And as you say, it only takes a few minutes, but you have to do it.
[0:08:51] PF: That’s where we get caught up.
[0:08:54] MP: So, it’s a kind of self-discipline and just start. Maybe you can start with two or three minutes only and build it up every day. When I started meditating a while back, I was very uncomfortable with it, sit still. If you think of meditating, this is what I thought of. And then I thought, “Well, maybe I should just take a moment for myself.” I’m just walking in the garden. We have a lovely garden, just sitting in the garden. I’m just standing under the shower. When I’m having a shower, I have about five, six minutes that I can empty my mind. I clean my body, but I also cleanse my mind. And then I have to walk with the dogs and it’s very mindful.
So, mindfulness is a way of living. It’s not an exercise. It’s the way you practice your life. If you practice it day in, day out, after a while, you will feel that your life becomes more mindful and that you’re less distracted from all the world news and whatever is going on in the outside world. Not that you have to ignore what is happening, but try to stay in that connection with your inner awareness.
[0:10:06] PF: I love that you brought up those practices because we do tend to think, “Oh, if I’m going to meditate, I’ve got to go sit in a quiet dark room for 20 minutes and do that,” and the same with mindfulness. We think it has to be this practice that takes this time and focus, which it does take focus. But you have shown us yet time in the shower, time walking the dog, there are so many ways that we can just integrate that into our daily routine without saying, “Okay, I’m out of here for 20 minutes so I can go change my mindset.”
[0:10:39] MP: Mindset is all about focus. So, what do you focus on? You can focus on the negative. You can focus on the positive. You can focus on what you’re missing or what’s there.
I had a Buddhist teacher and he once asked me, do you think if what you have now does not make you happy, that what you don’t have yet will make you happy later. I was, “Hmm, that sounds wise.” It’s true. I think it’s true, but also, when you get older, you’re more grateful with less stuff. I think that’s honestly true.
[0:11:20] PF: Yes, you start seeing the value of human connection. You start seeing even just the value of your memories, of having that memory over having the tangible item that represents a memory.
[0:11:32] MP: The time is ticking. My mom passed away last month and it’s not that it changed my life completely, but it did something. Because it’s one of the events that don’t happen often in your life. So, she passed away and I was like, “Hmm, now she’s gone. Where is she? And what was her life like?” We always remember the day of birth and the day that someone passes away, but in between there was 79 years. What will we and I remember from those 79 years?
I started watching old photographs and watching stuff she wrote down over the time. I was like, “Wow, what stays is some mirror of the awareness that was once part of this life on this planet.” But the time is ticking and don’t waste your time on stupid stuff. Live from your heart. You don’t have to achieve everything you want in life. We don’t have to become millionaires. You don’t have to gain a lot of wealth. Money is very important in our life, absolutely, but try to become happy. Try to create happiness in your life by gratitude.
Being grateful. By being grateful, you will feel happiness arriving, I could say, in your body. You really feel it. You feel happy and you don’t know why. You just feel that feeling of happiness. I think that’s what life is about and that’s important.
[0:13:15] PF: We’ll be right back with more of Live Happy Now.
[BREAK]
[0:13:23] PF: Now, let’s hear more from Michael Pilarczyk. We can adopt these practices, but your book talks about mastering our mindset. So, how do we take it to that next level, where we have truly mastered our mindset? Because that’s where we find that true happiness and that true freedom from the anxiety and the thoughts that flag us?
[0:13:46] MP: Well, one part is mastering your mindset, the other part is about happiness, my philosophy of happiness. And then the last part is the practical part, because it doesn’t come just by accident. You have to do something. So, I have a 12-step strategy, it’s not rocket science, but you have to first master your mindset, you have to work on yourself. I call it personal mastery, your communication. How you communicate with other people is very important, but also self-discipline. There’s a long list how to become a better version of you, which is absolutely important in life. Then you have to set a list of goals. There can be small goals or big goals. It doesn’t matter what your goal is, but we have goals every day, every month, every year.
What is your dream? If you have a dream, I think you have always something to live for. And then you need to visualize. You have to make a strategic plan. Then you have to find a dream team. You cannot do it all by yourself in this life. So, we need other people to help us. Then step by step, I know for sure because I did it so many times already in the last 12 years. I think over 100,000 people in the Netherlands and in Europe also followed my steps, they created their best life. One guy became a very famous gardener. Another is a football player, very, very famous football player, but also, a grandma who was really worrying about her life. Her husband died, and she was really worrying about her life, her grandchildren. And she’s so happy now with, you could say nothing, because nothing much changed, but her view on herself and the world really changed completely.
So, her life changed, and now she just told me, “I’m so happy. I’m not the same person I used to be a few years ago.” That’s what I think is growing our personal consciousness. We have to grow our consciousness, and if we grow our consciousness together, the collective consciousness with all people around us. I think we can elevate the vibration and we can radiate better frequencies because everything is energy and step by step we will be able to create a better world. I truly believe that.
[0:16:08] PF: One, that’s super encouraging to hear because that is what we need and what so many people are concerned about right now. It really does take that conscious commitment to say I am going to go out and create a better life by creating a better mindset. I know a lot of people who just kind of drift, they’re like, “Okay, where I end up I’ll end up.” They might have business goals, but they don’t create personal goals. So, if someone hasn’t really taken this approach before, how do they start like really sitting down and saying, “What do I want? Who do I want to be?” How do they start that self-examination process?
[0:16:44] MP: Read my book.
[0:16:46] PF: Well, there you go.
[0:16:46] MP: There are many others, but read my book. I read many books of Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Alan Watts, Tony Robbins. I attend many events of Tony Robbins. So, I’ve been working on myself for over 30 years. I’m a completely different person who I was 20, 30 years ago. Life is tough. Life isn’t easy. No one really teaches you how to live your life.
One example, when I had a complicated marriage, really completely had over heels in love with her. She was completely in love with me, but it just didn’t work out. We tried, didn’t work out. So, then you get a moment that you’re fighting each other because you’re still in love, but you cannot live together anymore. And then after a few years I decided I’m not going to fight anymore. It’s a decision. I don’t have to be right, I just want to have a normal relationship with my former wife. That was hard, because also, the other person needs to go with you. In the beginning, she was still fighting, but in the end, she was like, “Can I trust you, really? You seem to be a different guy now.” I told her, “Well, yes, I changed. I did a lot of spiritual stuff, started meditating. I changed my life. I changed my consciousness.”
Now, just recently, I bought her a new house. I take care of her. I see her every month. We’re really good friends. So, maybe it’s an exception. But I know it can be done. This is just one example. But also, during my last event, there was a lady, she haven’t been in contact with her parents for over 10 years. Ten years, that’s a long time, not communicating with your parents. and we solved that in one day. What was the problem? It wasn’t that big, but it’s over time, you don’t see what the problem is. So, you create barriers and obstacles, and you forget what it’s really about.
So, very good to remember. If there’s one thing to remember from this podcast, ask yourself very clear questions. What is really happening? What is really happening? Why am I feeling this? What can I do to change this? What is really the problem? Because most of the time I discovered people have no clue what the real problem is. They think they have a problem, but then underneath, if you go two, three layers deeper, there’s a complete different problem. If you solve that deeper problem which mostly is a life theme or trauma or something, you will solve many more problems in your life, but you have to go inward and you need to stop fighting. Because if you stop fighting, the enemy in yourself and actually, we only have one enemy in life, that’s within us. If you stop fighting that enemy, I promise you, your life will change, but you will be happy. It’s a guarantee.
[0:20:07] PF: That is good, because we don’t get many guarantees in life, so that is a good one.
[0:20:12] MP: But you have to do it.
[0:20:14] PF: You do, and then you talk about this is so important to master your mindset to build a meaningful life, and what’s meaningful for one person might not fit another. Can you talk about how you really need to also define what a meaningful life looks like for you? Because again, it’s not something we’re taught. It’s not something – my parents never asked me, what would create meaning for you? We just don’t do it.
[0:20:37] MP: No. Same here.
[0:20:38] PF: We hang on people like you saying, “Hey, look, this is what I discovered.” So, how do we know what a meaningful life looks like?
[0:20:46] MP: It’s completely up to you. It’s absolutely up to you. So, what makes you happy? What gives meaning to your life? And it changes over time. In your 20s and in your 40s and in your 60s, you have other definitions of meaning. For me now, meaning is taking care of my elderly father. I took care of my mother for a long time before she passed away. That really gives meaning to my life. I know I have a to-do list that is endless, but this is meaningful to me. It’s more important than work, more important than making money, more important than business. I want to be with my parents as much as I can.
So, the same with my wife. I want to take care of my family. Very important. But 20 years ago, all my focus was on business, growing my business, making more money, being more successful. That was a period in my life and now it changed to trying to give value to other people. I really like what I’m doing, writing books, doing these events, seminars, helping other people, helping young kids at the start of their life to give them direction, to guide them a little bit. That’s what gives meaning to my life now. But when I started, I just wanted to be a radio host and a TV presenter. I thought that would give my life meaning. So, it changes.
[0:22:19] PF: How do we then keep track of that needle as it moves and to know this is what I’m striving for? Because you really want to know where you’re headed so you know which direction to go?
[0:22:28] MP: Again, take time for yourself. Might it be 10 minutes a day, one hour a week, take time to be with yourself and ask yourself questions, because you need clarity. Clarity in your mind. Am I happy? You could do a list every week. How was my week? Have I been happy this week? What happened? What could I have done differently? Is there something I want to change the coming week? Ask yourself questions. It’s not easy. You need to take time to get answers to those questions, but it will give you clarity, and you need that clarity. Because then you will feel it gives you more peace of mind and it will give you direction on what steps to take, where to spend your time at. That takes away a lot of stress.
[0:23:20] PF: Yes, it really does. Then, what difference do you see between people who have identified that and know what a meaningful life looks like for them? Versus those who are like, “Yes, I’ll play it by ear and see how it goes.”
[0:23:33] MP: Well, I have a few friends. They’re still in business and doing interesting stuff. And when I tell them, “Well, you have a lot of shit going on in your marriage and you have a lot of problems going on with your children, you have a lot of problems going on in your business, at your office, maybe you should do this. Read my book, take some time for yourself. We have a Meditation Moments app.” I give the app to the guys. Just play it every day. Take some time for yourself. They don’t – why not? “That’s not for me. I’m a strong man. I don’t need that.” I think that that’s one of the main problems we have, that you have to be very masculine.
A little bit is okay, but you still can meditate. A lot of athletes, football players, even boxers, they take time for themselves to meditate, to make that inner connection, because it makes you stronger. But a lot of people, especially men.
[END OF EPISODE]
[0:24:36] PF: That was best-selling author and international speaker, Michael Pilarczyk, talking about how to master our mindset. If you’d like to learn more about Michael, download his Meditation Moments app, or learn more about his book, Master Your Mindset, just visit us at livehappy.com and click on this podcast episode. And while you’re there, be sure to sign up for the weekly Live Happy newsletter. We’ve expanded to include more of the latest research on happiness, uplifting stories, our look for the good word search puzzle, expert book recommendations, and of course, our happy song of the week.
That is all we have time for today. We’ll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one.
[END]
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to let go of negative thinking patterns.
- Why meditation can be done anywhere — and doesn’t have to take a lot of time.
- Simple ways to start mastering your mindset.
Download the Meditation Moments app.
Discover Michael’s book, Master Your Mindset: Live a Meaningful Life.
Visit Michael’s website.
Follow along with the transcript.
Follow Michael on Social Media:
- Instagram: @michaelgeorgepilarczyk
- YouTube: @michaelgeorgepilarczyk
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