Transcript - Become a Connected Couple With Dr. Gloria Lee

Follow along with the transcript below for episode: Become a Connected Couple With Dr. Gloria Lee

[INTRODUCTION]

[0:00:03] PF: Thank you for joining us for episode 511 of Live Happy Now. Some of the most vital connections are those we make with our romantic partners. But as we all know, the road to romance is not always a smooth one. Today’s guest is here to give us a better roadmap.

I’m your host, Paula Felps. And today, I’m joined by relationship expert, Dr. Gloria Lee, a Professor of Counseling Psychology and Clinical Director at Brentwood Counselling Centre in Vancouver, Canada. Gloria, who is author of the best-selling book, The Connected Couple: 7 Secrets to Transforming Your Relationship, is here to talk about what it takes to truly connect as a couple, how to navigate conflict for greater connection, and she shares a gratitude practice that can change your entire relationship. Let’s have a listen.

[INTERVIEW]

[0:00:51] PF: Dr. Gloria, thank you for joining me on Live Happy Now.

[0:00:55] GL: Thank you for having me. Please, call me Gloria.

[0:00:57] PF: I shall do that going forward. Thank you. This is the month that at Live Happy, we’re talking about connections. That’s our theme for all of March. It was a great time to talk to you. Obviously, romantic connections are a big part of that. I want to start by asking, what it means to be a connected couple?

[0:01:15] GL: To be a connected couple means that you are emotionally and mentally connected. It will typically lead to a physical connection as well. We’re connected in different ways. Most people think, oh, we’re connected, because we’re physically one, but it’s more than that. It includes the mental, the emotional, the physical, and the spiritual, I would say.

[0:01:37] PF: A lot of times now, especially, I’m sure it’s always been the case, but especially in this age of dating apps and quick connections, we overlook some of that, like the communication that we need and some of the other components. What do you see us missing out on when we are jumping in too fast and making that a physical connection and not making all the other connections?

[0:01:57] GL: That’s a great question. I would say, many people today, because of media, TV, all of that, it presents more of the physical connection part, and that’s what we’re drawn to. That’s what makes money in dramas and things like that and romantic rom-coms. When we skip over the other parts, the emotional, the mental, and the spiritual connection, and we go straight to the physical connection, that becomes, hate to say, almost like a cheap substitute for intimacy, because we learn, when we are physically intimate with one another, we release oxytocin from the brain. Oxytocin is the love cuddle hormone. We feel like, we think we’re in love. But we’re not, because we don’t even know the person. We’ve just connected physically with them. My advice is always, take it slow on the physical part. It will naturally evolve to that if you connect emotionally, mentally, and spiritually together first. It’ll all funnel to the same place.

[0:02:54] PF: How do they put the brakes on that and find those other connections? We honestly aren’t very well-schooled in how to go about making those emotional connections, making that communication connection. How do we do that?

[0:03:10] GL: Yeah. That’s interesting that you say that, because you’re right, most people don’t know how. The physical is easy, because you just get together physically. It’s much harder, because in our family of origin, oftentimes we have not learned to emotionally connect with one another. We know how to do activities together, perhaps, but not necessarily connect in a deeper way. I would challenge couples to slow down in the physical part and really focus on getting to know my partner in a more mental and emotional way, where I get to know their likes and dislikes, their personality, how do they deal with conflicts, how they show up with other people, not just with myself, because that’s really important. How you show up in other areas tell you how you will show up in your relationship down the road when the honeymoon phase is over. Especially, how do they get along with their family of origin? That’s a huge one.

[0:04:08] PF: These are really new skills for a lot of people. Where do we start finding them and where do we start using those skills? Like, the communication. People don’t communicate very well as couples. We really don’t. Where do we start learning how to do that?

[0:04:26] GL: The great thing now is we have ChatGPT. I held couples, before you go on your first date, go to chat and ask it. What are 10 questions I can ask this potential new partner of mine to get to really know them in a deeper way? Just ask curious questions about who they are. Not just necessarily what they do, but who they are. As I said, what are their likes and dislikes? How do they handle conflict when they’re upset? How do they deal with it? These are the things that you probably – you could very easily Google search, or, as I said, use chat for.

[0:05:04] PF: I love that. You can use ChatGPT is a dating coach. That’s genius.

[0:05:09] GL: And it’s free.

[0:05:11] PF: So, why not? You talk about conflict and let’s be honest, that’s a big part of a lot of relationships. I mean, not just our romantic ones. It’s any relationship we have, there’s going to be conflict and how we navigate that makes a huge difference in the outcome. You say in your book that arguing is not about being wrong, or right, but it’s about being heard and validated. I found that really interesting, because we don’t see it that way. Can you talk about that a little bit?

[0:05:40] GL: Yes. On the outer appearance, when couples fight, it often looks like they’re fighting about who’s wrong, who’s right. They’re detectives trying to get to the details of, “No, you did this on Saturday.” “No, it was Sunday.” Honestly, my answer to who’s right, or who’s wrong is, who cares? It’s not about the details, but we get so lost in the content of what we’re fighting about, we forget what we’re actually fighting about. I want you start focusing on the theme. Meaning, you’re not just thinking about who’s right or who’s wrong, but it’s really about the theme of, “I don’t feel heard when I try to tell you something. The first thing you do is you dismiss me, you get defensive, or you attack back.” That’s the theme that’s going on, that’s making the miscommunication there.

Instead of talking about, no, it’s Friday, no, it was Saturday, that’s the thing you’re fighting about. Think more about the theme, which is, “I feel dismissed when you tend to dismiss me, or you change the topic, or you attack me when I say something,” or something like that. We all want to feel validated and understood and listened to. That’s the bottom line. It just comes across as if we’re trying to be right, but that’s not what we’re really wanting. We just want to be heard. We’ll say a thousand different ways till our partner gets it. But they usually don’t, because they’re flooded and they’re trying to react and defend themselves as well, because they want to be listened to as well. What looks like we’re trying to be right is actually, we want to be validated and heard. That’s all it is.

[0:07:22] PF: This makes perfect sense when you and I are sitting here having a very calm conversation. But when you throw a motion in it and it’s actually in the heat of an argument and people, the two people are talking over each other, shouting over each other, how do you get then back to, okay, this isn’t about this topic, here’s the theme? How do you deescalate and get back to that point?

[0:07:48] GL: Yeah. I like to actually be even more proactive than that. When you start feeling triggered, and only you will know that you’re having a nice conversation with your partner and all of a sudden, you feel a little annoyed, a little irritated, that’s you being triggered. If you notice that, you have to self-regulate in that moment, because if we are mindless and we just keep going in the conversation, but we’re already feeling a little irritated or annoyed, guess what we’re going to do? We’re going to react to whatever our partner’s saying. We’re going to start reading into the situation and thinking, “Oh, they’re trying to attack me. They’re trying to say this.” We’ll react from this place. As we’re reacting, guess what our partner is doing, right? The same thing.

We start triggering each other without even knowing it. The first step is to be proactive to know that I’m feeling something inside. The best thing for me to do is actually calm myself down first to, if I feel this urgency to react, to say something right away, be silent. There’s no urgency, unless it’s life or death, which I’m pretty sure most of the time is not about. The best thing you could do is actually, just be quiet. Ground yourself and think, what’s going on? Why am I a little irritated right now? What did my partner just say to irritate me? Okay, that’s what it is.

From there, then you ask for what you need. You just tell them that, “Hey, you know what? Can you say that a different way, because that didn’t land right for me,” so we’re able to actually express how we feel and what we need and ask for it, instead of spiraling into this fight. Now, there’s a chance that we don’t monitor ourselves and we’re being mindless and then we’re reactive. Let’s say, we get to that place where we’re going back and forth and we start yelling at each other and we’re spiraling. At that point, whenever you realize that we’re out of control, you got to pause. You must take a time out, because neither of you are in the right state of mind to actually be having a civil conversation.

Most couple, that’s why they spiral, because it’s their emotions taking over. They say really mean and hurtful things. Then after when they’re calm again, they’re like, “Oh, I shouldn’t have said that.” Now, we’re feeling guilty and we’re feeling bad about ourselves. We’re also feeling shame that we don’t want to really approach our partner, because we’re also feeling hurt by them. We spiral into this unhealthy type of pattern. Whereas, if we’re able to monitor ourselves, slow it down, either be proactive. If we’re unable, then when we notice in the heat of the moment, remove ourselves. We must remove ourselves and take a time out. No urgency. When we’re calm, then we can come back and say, “Hey, that wasn’t really cool what I just said, or how I yelled. I’m sorry. Let’s do this again.” Then you can have, hopefully, a calm conversation.

[0:10:36] PF: How do you practice for that? Because it’s not something most of us are just going to say, “Hey, I’m going to start doing this.” Then we start feeling that irritation. We’re not immediately going to go to that space of like, “Oh, this is what Dr. Gloria said I need to do.”

[0:10:51] GL: Yeah. You’re the only one who knows that you’re feeling triggered. Nobody else knows. You might look calm on the outside, but on the inside you’re like, “I’m pissed off at you right now.”

[0:11:00] PF: Yeah. You’re over there, loading your emotional cannon.

[0:11:04] GL: That’s a great way of putting it. Yes. When you find yourself feeling a certain way, you have to learn to slow it down. That’s the key to all of this, that if you’re able to focus on your breath, that’s one way to deescalate, because your brain cannot do two things at the same time. It cannot be thinking bad thoughts about your partner and deescalating at the same time. The easiest thing you can do is start focusing on your breath. If you focus on your breath, you’re bringing yourself back to the present moment and you’re grounding yourself, so that you’re deescalating, instead of focusing on how awful my partner is right now.

[0:11:44] PF: And what you’re going to do to them.

[0:11:46] GL: Exactly.

[0:11:48] PF: Yeah, because I did have to laugh when in your book, when you talked about how most people think that their partner is the problem. Because we have a friend who, he goes through marriages faster than people go through socks. It’s not him. It’s the ladies. That made me laugh. What is the problem if it’s not the other person?

[0:12:08] GL: Yeah. I like to say that we are all the problem. We don’t know that we’re the problem, but we often think our partner is, because we cannot see our own blind spots, because we’ve been living with them for our entire lives. Oftentimes, these blind spots come from our family of origin, how we did communication, conflict, repair, or the lack of in our own family. We’re repeating these things mindlessly, unconsciously, bringing these patterns into our relationship. Then when our partner is not giving us what we need, we think, what’s their problem? Why are they acting this way? For every action that we have, there’s a reaction. If I have a positive action, I will elicit a positive reaction from my partner. If I have something negative that I’m not even aware of, then it will elicit a negative reaction.

The most common action and reaction is one partner thinks that they’re asking for what they need, but what they’re really doing is complaining, or criticizing about what they don’t have. Then of course, then the receiving partner is like, well, they get all defensive and they start defending themselves and talking about why they did what they did. Then the first partner feels like, they weren’t heard, so they attack more and they say more and criticize more. Then this crazy spiral keeps going.

I will often hear from the first partner who’s saying, “I’m just giving them feedback and asking them for what I need.” They’re not realizing that, well, the way you’re doing it is quite critical. What do you expect from your partner when you’re saying, “You’re not doing this, or you’re so selfish”? That’s not giving feedback. That’s actually criticizing it and attacking their character.

[0:13:58] PF: Right. Yeah, absolutely. How do you navigate it? Because when you go into a relationship, you’re not only bringing your past bad behavior of your family, everything that you learned and all the fights that you’ve had in your previous relationships, but then the other person is bringing a completely different set of baggage to it. How do you get it? It’s just the two of you. It’s not all that past stuff. It’s not all your previous relationships. How do you make it just you two in this conflict, working it out together?

[0:14:30] GL: Yeah. Here’s what it is. We always marry our unfinished business. Hands down, all of us, okay. Where there’s no escaping it, because we subconsciously will find someone who is familiar, who we feel comfortable with. Oftentimes, who we feel comfortable with is what we’re used to. If I put a hundred people in a room and there’s two people who came from an alcoholic family, they’re bound to find each other, fall in love. They’ll tell me like, “I don’t know. It’s just something about this person that we really vibe together. I feel like they really understand me and I don’t need to tell them much, but they get me.” Well, of course, because they come from something similar. It does not necessarily mean it’s healthy or good. It just means you have probably the same baggage coming in, or blind spots.

Here we are subconsciously repeating our past in our current relationship. Then all of that drama starts coming out and we start pointing fingers. “Oh, it’s my partner that upsets me, because they do this and they do that.” In my 25 years of helping couples, not once did I ever hear anyone say, “You know what? It’s me. I got this thing and I’m the problem in our marriage.” Never. But I’ve always heard the opposite. It’s the other person. When we come to take a look at what is this other person does, it’s not necessarily what they do, but it’s how they trigger me because of my own stuff that I come into the relationship with that if I feel like, my parents never listened to me and then when my partner doesn’t listen now, I have the same reaction, that I become critical, and I start attacking my partner for not being there for me, for example, right?

This is our unfinished business. We have a choice in that moment. Do we react in the same way that we did growing up in our family? Or do we take this as a learning moment and it’s always in the heat of the moment, only in those key moments, it’s like a redo ton right there and then. We have a choice to slow it down and say, “Okay, I usually will attack back, because I feel so unloved right now and alone. How about I try to ask for what I need instead and tell my partner how I feel? It might be I’m feeling alone. What I need from you is just to give me some attention, or affirmation that you care about me and that I’m not alone.” That will go way better than, “You’re never there. You never talk to me. Why do you not open up?” You see, we think that’s communicating and giving feedback, when that’s not at all what we’re doing.

[0:17:06] PF: We’ll be right back with more of Live Happy Now.

[BREAK]

[0:17:17] PF: Now, let’s hear more from Dr. Gloria Lee.

[INTERVIEW CONTINUED]

[0:17:20] PF: That is super interesting, because it seems like this would be the key to transforming your relationships. How have you seen adopting these techniques change relationships that maybe from the outside looked like they couldn’t be saved?

[0:17:35] GL: Yes. Okay. I have this, I guess, reputation of being the last resort for a couple who have been to three or four different therapists and then they come see me and they’re like, “Okay, if it doesn’t work with you, then I guess, we’re doomed.”

[0:17:50] PF: Wow. No pressure, right?

[0:17:51] GL: No pressure. Actually, I don’t feel pressure, because they can either apply what we talk about. If they don’t, that’s their marriage, right? I get to go home happy with my partner and have a good life. Detachment from outcome. It’s up to them if they want to apply this or not. It’s really about getting both of them to see that it’s not about the partner, but it’s really about our own baggage and woundiness that we bring into the relationship, and how am I going to look at my stuff, how I contribute to this dance between the two of us. If I’m able to own my stuff and start working on my stuff, it only takes one partner to change the dance between two partners. I see that every single time.

[0:18:35] PF: I love that, because sometimes one partner won’t seek help. One partner is reluctant to. I think we can say, usually that’s going to be the male in the relationship. First, it’s a a two-part question. Can you talk about why men are more hesitant to seek help? Then, how does it work if just one partner is seeking therapy?

[0:18:58] GL: Yeah. What’s fascinating is around 90% of couples who seek therapy is initiated by the women. This pattern often relates to how we’re socialized and about our attachment histories as well. For example, women are generally encouraged to be emotional caretakers from a very early age, which makes them more attuned to relationship dynamics. Whereas, men often grow up with messages like, “Handle it yourself, or tough it out, or don’t be so weak.” This attachment style plays into this gender difference, where women tend to develop more of an anxious attachment pattern, which makes them more vigilant about relationship health and more likely to seek support when they sense problems. They’re often the emotional temperature taker of the relationship monitoring for signs of disconnection.

Whereas, on the flip side, men typically have more of an avoidant attachment pattern, where it manifests in resistance to therapy. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care about the relationship. It’s just that seeking help can trigger deep-seated fears that they’re too vulnerable, or that they’re inadequate. We see this really interesting dynamic, where women’s anxious attachment drives them towards therapy, whereas, men’s avoidant pattern creates barriers to seeking help.

[0:20:21] PF: Then, how does that work, if the woman wants to get help and the man doesn’t?

[0:20:25] GL: Yeah. Oftentimes, the way the woman approaches the situation is, “I’m going to leave you if we don’t go get counseling.” I mean, that’s not very inviting, I would have to say. It’s really about how you approach it to say that, “I care about our relationship. I know that we’ve been stuck for a long time. I don’t want it to end poorly. Can we give it a chance and seek professional help, because we’ve been stuck for a long time? It’s obvious to me that we don’t know how to repair and take care of our problems. Would you do this, because I know you care about the relationship, too. If it doesn’t work, then that’s okay. At least we could say we’ve tried, but would you do this as a favor to me?”

Now, when you say it that way, not only are you giving them a demand that we’re doing this, or else, but you’re inviting them that, “I care about us. We don’t know what to do. Can you do this for me as a favor?” That’s very different than, “I’m going to leave you if we don’t go.”

[0:21:31] PF: Right. That hostage crisis situation.

[0:21:33] GL: It is. it is. I would say, think about the way you’re inviting your partner to this process. The interesting thing is when men come to couples therapy, I would say, 80% or 90% of the time, they are the ones who enjoy it and appreciate it so much more than the woman, because what they were expecting, which is, “Oh, the therapist is going to tell me how bad I am and all the things I did wrong, just like how my wife tells me that all the time.” And that’s not what happens. I call out the wife just as much as the husband to tell them that, the way you approach him sounds a little critical, or condemning. She doesn’t like that, but he’s like, “Thank you. Finally.” They feel so validated.

I challenge her that, what do you expect him to do? To agree with you when you’re attacking his character? I don’t think that’s very reasonable to expect that. Because the man feels so validated that they’re not being crucified, first of all, but secondly, that it makes sense, their behavior of detachment and avoidance. It’s actually, they appreciate it so much more.

[0:22:41] PF: I’m sure. If a couple is having a lot of conflict, a lot of times they just consider that, that’s the sign to throw in the towel. I’ve seen so many relationships, even in my own relationship, it’s a 21-year relationship, and there are times where you’re like, “Seriously? Am I going to go through this?” But you work through it and then you come out the other side and it’s actually better. What do you say to a couple that’s going through a time of a lot of conflict? How important is it for them to drill down, make that connection with each other and discover what’s going on, versus just walking away?

[0:23:18] GL: Hmm. Yeah, that’s a great question. I would say, the interesting thing is that the average time couples wait to seek help is about 10 years from the time the problems first started.

[0:23:29] PF: No.

[0:23:31] GL: Yes. Yeah. It’s a long time.

[0:23:34] PF: It’s a very long time.

[0:23:35] GL: It’s a very long time. I’ve seen this over as, gosh, maybe 36,000 hours of working with clients that this is the trend. Why is because couples often normalize their relationship struggles. They tell themselves that all couples fight, or this is just how relationships are and they default to that. Deep underneath that, there’s usually a bigger reason, and that is fear. The fear of being vulnerable, of talking about hard things together, the fear of being told potentially that doing something wrong, the fear of change, because change is hard, or sometimes the fear of discovering that the relationship truly isn’t working.

I’ve had a couple recently who waited 27 years before seeking help. The wife later told me that, “We were both terrified that therapy would confirm what we suspected, that we’re not compatible.”

[0:24:33] PF: Oh, my gosh.

[0:24:34] GL: For 27 years, they just lived in misery together. But in reality, what they discovered through our time together is just they just needed some tools to understand each other’s attachment styles and communication patterns. Now, they’re doing wonderfully. We had to work through layers of resentment that was created throughout the 27 years. Not only that, but I want you to think about when you wait so long, it doesn’t just harm you and your relationship, but it also harms all the people around you, including your children, who have to live through the parents’ conflicts and animosity towards each other. Please, do everybody a favor and seek help earlier and don’t wait around, because nothing’s going to change. You’re stuck and you don’t know what to do. You’re magically hoping things will just improve on its own. It’s not.

[0:25:26] PF: No, no. It’s like hoping that ding in your engine goes away, just if you drive it long enough. It’s not going to happen.

[0:25:33] GL: It’s magical thinking. That’s what it is.

[0:25:36] PF: What are some of those early warning signs that like, “Hey, we need to get some help, or we need to reassess the way we’re talking to each other”? What are things that couples can look for?

[0:25:46] GL: Yes, yes. The most concerning signs aren’t always the obvious ones, like fighting, or yelling at each other. But it’s the more subtle emotional disconnection markers. These things can include things like, when you stop sharing the small details of your day, when you feel relief instead of joy when your partner is away, when you start editing yourself to avoid conflict, when contempt creeps into your communication, like those subtle eye rolls, or dismissive tones, when you stop feeling respect or closeness to your partner, or when you start feeling like roommates, or worse, cell mates. Oftentimes, our body, they recognize these early warning signs before our mind does. You’ll notice that you have tension in your shoulders when your partner enters the room, or your breathing might become more shallow during simple conversations, because you’re gearing up for a fight. These physical responses are telling us something important about our emotional safety and the relationship. Those are the signs I would look for.

[0:26:53] PF: Then, what do we do? Where do we get back to, as we did in the beginning of this conversation, we talked about the importance of connecting. How do we then start working through those and start connecting with each other again?

[0:27:06] GL: I’ll give you two simple exercises you can do. One, I call the two-two-two connection practice. What this is, is I want you to spend two minutes each morning checking in emotionally, just how are you doing? How are you feeling today? Then two meaningful conversations each week, without distractions. Just about, where we’re at in our relationship and what do we look forward to? Then two hours each month for a deeper relationship review, like having a check-in meeting and you might have a list of things that you want to talk about, about your relationship, where day-to-day, you might not have the time to do so. But this is really a review that, how are we doing in this area? Have we grown in this area? Are we getting along? Do we like each other? What do you want to see more of from me that will help you feel safer, or closer to me? These reviews and questions, it gives you a structure to help you maintain emotional intimacy and be proactive, to catch issues early before it gets worse in the relationship.

[0:28:15] PF: That is fantastic.

[0:28:17] GL: Yup. That’s the two-two-two connection practice, okay? Two minutes in the morning, two meaningful conversations each week and two hours a month for the deeper check ins. Now, another powerful practice I want to recommend is what I call the gratitude circle. At the end of each day, both partners take turns sharing three specific things they admire, or feel grateful for about the other partner. The key is to be as detailed and present focus as possible. Instead of general statements like, “Oh, you’re so kind,” share something like, I noticed how patiently you handle our child’s frustration during homework time. Or, I appreciated how you took the initiative to help me prepare dinner yesterday. Because this practice, it does two things. The first thing is it trains your brain to notice the positive aspects of your relationship regularly. The second thing it does, it helps your partner to feel truly seen and valued. Over time, these gratitude circles create a reservoir of goodwill that helps couples to navigate challenges more successfully when they come.

[0:29:30] PF: I love that. We practice gratitude a lot here at Live Happy Now. That’s one of my favorite practices. Yeah, I’m definitely going to incorporate that and do it from the relationship aspect. That is an incredible tool.

[0:29:44] GL: Yes, yes. Because, do you know that research finds that our brain gravitates towards the negative? It’s called the negativity bias. We all do that, because our brain is wired to look for danger in our environment to keep us safe. But we don’t need that anymore in today’s time and age, but we still have that tendency to gravitate towards the negative. When we gravitate towards that, we’ll always find it. We’ll always find it. It’s actually trying to rewire your brain to focus on the positive, because that’s actually not natural for us. Research also finds that we need to have five positive interactions to every one, negative one to keep them relationship positive and healthy, but we typically have the opposite.

[0:30:27] PF: Oh, wow.

[0:30:29] GL: I know.

[0:30:31] PF: You have so much to share with us. I know your book is full of information. We’re also going to offer our listeners a free download of The Connected Couples Secret to Greater Closeness and Connection in 10 minutes so they can get started. As we let you go, what do you really hope that listeners take away from this conversation today?

[0:30:52] GL: I hope that if something resonated in you as we’re talking about this, that’s your early warning sign that we need to get help if we feel stuck. Know that it’s not hopeless that, as I said, I see the people who think, “We’re going to throw in the towel, because we don’t know what to do.” Often, it’s just a very easy fix. It’s a very simple fix. You just have to be open-minded and be willing to do something different than the same old, same old, because the same old, same old is not going to work. It hasn’t so far. Isn’t that the definition of insanity, doing the same things?

[0:31:26] PF: Exactly.

[0:31:27] GL: Different want and different results, right?

[0:31:30] PF: Yeah. Gloria, thank you so much. I appreciate your time today. I appreciate your wisdom, and really look forward to sharing this with our listeners today.

[0:31:38] GL: You’re very welcome, and thank you so much for having me today. Really appreciate being here.

[END OF INTERVIEW]

[0:31:45] PF: That was Dr. Gloria Lee, talking about how to become a connected couple. If you’d like to learn more about Gloria, follow her on social media, check out her book, The Connected Couple, or download the free guide, The Connected Couples Secret to Greater Closeness and Connection in 10 minutes. Just visit us at livehappy.com and click on this podcast episode.

While you’re there, be sure to sign up for our all-new Live Happy newsletter. We’ve expanded to include more of the latest research on happiness, uplifting stories, our Look for the Good Word search puzzle, expert book recommendations, and of course, our Happy Song of the Week. That’s all we have time for today. We’ll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. Until then, this is Paula Felps, reminding you to make every day a happy one.

[END]

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why we need to learn our triggers and conflict habits.
Tips for de-escalating conflict.
Why women are more comfortable seeking therapy — and what men are often surprised to discover.

Visit Dr. Gloria’s website.

Discover Gloria’s book, The Connected Couple: 7 Secrets to Transform Your Relationship.

Download your FREE copy of The Connected Couple’s Secret to Greater Closeness & Connection in 10 Minutes.

Follow Gloria on Social Media:

Facebook: @dr.gloria.lee
Instagram: @drglorialee
YouTube: @dr.glorialee
Pinterest: @drglorialee
LinkedIn: @drglorialee

Don’t Miss a Minute of Happiness!

If you’re not subscribed to the weekly Live Happy newsletter, you’re missing out! Sign up to discover new articles and research on happiness, the latest podcast, special offers from sponsors, and even a happy song of the week. Subscribe for free today!

Interested in advertising or partnering with us? Complete this quick form.