Once the holiday season is upon us, we think of family reunions, gift-giving, kindness, and mirth. ‘Tis the season of gathering together and celebrating the gift of our lives together. But as we celebrate with the near and dear, we also know that many people are struggling for a meal. Life can be difficult, even very difficult. We all face a moral challenge: On the one hand, we absolutely must love and celebrate the nearest and dearest, for otherwise we neglect our special relationships and leave our families emotionally dry as we peer out into the distance through a telescope at those far away, even on the other side of the earth.
Yes, have a warm and happy holiday season, but at the same time, lean outwards toward a shared humanity and do some good things for the neediest and the vulnerable. Do not ignore the stranger and the neediest who we do not know. Try to involve your whole family in activities that bring comfort and hope to all people, especially those who are suffering.
Extending Kindness Beyond Your Table
After that meal and the opening of presents, sit down at the computer and Google something like Compassion International. You can send a small amount of money, say $25, to a child in an impoverished part of the world. That child will write a little thank-you note that will show up at your home address in a month or so. They will tell you how much that small bit of money did for them, and you can then respond and build a relationship that can sometimes unfold in almost miraculous ways. Everyone in your family can feel connected to the wider world and find meaning in a small action done with kindness.
Or take the family out to a local assisted living center and sing a few songs for an older person who is deeply forgetful, or just maybe lonely. I have done this for years because people with dementia can be reawakened into remembering who they are and whose they are. Be open to surprises. I wrote a book about these experiences of unexpected lucidity prompted by familiar music or by reciting a well-known poem, like The Road Less Traveled. If you have a family member with dementia, sing to them and with them. It works, and has even become a national movement, Music & Memory.
Let Love Be Louder Than Division
When you gather with your family and friends, try some tasteful and uplifting laughter, which we seem to have forgotten in this age of political division, polarization, and unhealthy hostility. Mirth is a big part of what it means to be human on the holidays, and on any day. Let the fireplace burn brightly, let the apple pie be a delight, and let us sing together. If you like, go to a worship service, whatever your tradition might be. Let us respect and celebrate one another even when we have differing opinions, which is inevitable in any family or friendship. My Irish Catholic mother, Molly Magee, and my more British dad never much agreed on political matters. Mom liked Kennedy (JFK) and Dad liked Nixon. They sometimes debated intensely at the table, but always with an underlying love. They never descended into the downward vortex of hatred and division. That was back in the 1960s when I was growing up. My parents had enough love and acceptance for one another, and enough forbearance, to enjoy life despite different opinions on the issues of the day. Nobody called anyone a fascist or Hitler. Love requires mutual patience and acceptance of one another. I embrace the spirituality not of sameness, but of difference. This is why at Stony Brook I like to ask students to take up positions in debates that they do not agree with, but still present those positions with respect and clarity.
Love as a Daily Commitment
This holiday season, do something to benefit those who are outside the everyday circles of people who you are close to. Of course, we never want to ignore or fail to care for the near and dear, because they are given to us by virtue of procreation and friendships as a part of the natural order of life. We always want to look after those who are close, and care for them in attentive ways. Who else will care better for a child than a wise, loving parent (although not all parental love is practiced wisely)? Who else will be attentive in the ways that such warmth requires? Yet we need to embrace the people we do not know, who we do not have much in common with, and the people who are finding life more difficult than we are.
So this year, practice pure unlimited love. What is love? When the security and well-being of another is as real or meaningful to you as your own, and sometimes more so, you love that person. And be open to an even higher love, pure unlimited love. What is that? It is what you might see or feel for the first time when you close your eyes for the last time, hopefully. This is the spiritual work of Christmas.
When the Celebration Ends, the Work of Love Begins
Once the sounds of celebration have stilled, once the good shepherds have headed home to tend to their flocks far off in the distance, then you can continue the work of the holidays. Find ways to tend to the brokenhearted, give meals to the hungry and homeless, go visit the lonely, and be especially kind to the down and out. Build inner peace through mindfulness and prayer, because inner peace is where outer peace begins. Make music for the stranger. Every sacred tradition of which I am aware asks us all to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, give the thirsty something to drink, give clothing to those in need, show compassion in the service of others. Our research shows that just a couple of hours of kind giving is great medicine for you and for those you touch, both. Do this as a family, and bring joy to the world over the whole course of the year.
Stephen G. Post, Ph.D., is the author of PURE UNLIMITED LOVE: Science and the Seven Paths to Inner Peace (Morehouse Publishing, November 2025). He is founder of the Institute for Research on Pure Unlimited Love with initial support from his mentor Sir John Templeton, and Director of the Center for Medical Humanities, Compassionate Care, and Bioethics at the Renaissance School of Medicine at Stony Brook University.
