You finally made it through bedtime, complete with multiple stories, glasses of water, and a meltdown. Right as you sit on the couch to relax, the baby starts crying. Parenting young children fills the day with a rollercoaster of highs and lows. It begs the question: Does having a child make you happier?
WHY PARENTING FEELS BOTH JOYFUL AND EXHAUSTING
Research shows the answer to this question is complicated. Often referred to as the “parenting paradox,” parents report greater life satisfaction than adults without children, while also reporting higher levels of stress and depression in their daily lives. How does this add up?
Anthony Vaccaro, a research assistant professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, reports that a study conducted by the University of Southern California following new fathers revealed that whether parenthood makes you happier isn’t really about the children themselves; it has much more to do with feeling purpose in life.
In the study, brain scans were conducted before and after the birth of their child. The brains of fathers who reported a sense of increased meaning in life after their child’s birth showed increased activity in the areas responsible for linking a person’s emotions with their sense of identity.
“A father might feel overwhelmed by sleepless nights yet still contextualize this experience as part of a meaningful existence,” Anthony observes. “In other words, the challenging emotions people deal with in the short term can become independent from a long-term sense of satisfaction, potentially because separate brain processes underlie the two feelings.”
New research says awe may be the cheat code to help find greater meaning in parenting.
HOW AWE HELPS PARENTS FIND DEEPER MEANING
Awe is the feeling you experience during a moment of overwhelming greatness or wonder. An important element of awe is its ability to take you out of yourself and connect you to something larger. It’s often encountered during life’s big moments, like witnessing the birth of a child. But awe can be experienced and cultivated in the little moments of daily life as well.
A new study from the University of Rochester, led by Princeton Chee, found that experiencing awe in relation to children not only enhanced the parent-child bond but also improved overall well-being by enhancing life’s meaning.
“We find that awe can actually strengthen parental well-being more broadly and holistically,” Princeton notes, additionally highlighting that “these positive emotional experiences don’t diminish the challenges of parenthood. Rather, the finding suggests that cultivating and savoring moments of awe can help parents find greater joy, meaning, and richness in the parenting experience.”
During moments of awe, time feels like it slows down, helping parents feel immersed in the moment. While it’s easy to experience awe in big, milestone moments, like a baby’s first steps or the first day of school, you can also create moments of awe by slowing down and tuning in. Research suggests that experiencing awe in everyday life can be just as meaningful as the milestones.
HOW TO FIND AWE IN THE ORDINARY
Cultivating awe doesn’t mean pretending that parenthood is easy or without stress. It’s about taking a moment to notice the small ways that life is extraordinary. Parenting is an awe-generation machine — if you know how to look for it.
Simple ways to cultivate awe:
Take an “awe walk”
Instead of taking a walk and using it as an opportunity to catch up on a podcast, try using the time to notice your surroundings. Listen to the birds or the rhythm of your child’s steps beside your own, point out a flower or tree you haven’t paid attention to before, and encourage your child to participate with you.
Create small moments or rituals
Awe doesn’t need to be spontaneous; you can invite it in! Bring your child outside in the evening to listen to the frogs, look at the moon together, or witness the first snowfall of the season. These simple experiences can become lasting emotional memories.
Use technology for good
Not all screen time is created equal. Doomscrolling might feel satisfying for a moment, but technology can be used as a method of inspiring awe or facilitating connection with the right intention. A song, video, or photo that sparks curiosity or happiness can interrupt stress and lift your mood. Pay attention to how you feel afterwards, and focus on connection — like sharing a song with a friend or texting a grandparent about a funny moment with your child.
Experience awe through your child’s eyes
Children are naturally wired to experience awe. A child seeing a giraffe, a shooting star, or a bubble pop for the first time can reconnect you with a sense of wonder and serve as a reminder that life is extraordinary. Take a deep breath, get on their level, and witness a moment from their perspective.
Parenting will never be exclusively joyful — stress, exhaustion, and frustration are a part of the package. Awe gives parents a tool to hold both of these truths — reminding you of the beauty that exists alongside the chaos, and of how meaningful the experience of parenting can be.
